The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Dave Anthony

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

It’s mundee! My #HoneyDew this week is co-host of the Dollop, Dave Anthony! Getting punched in the face by your dad doesn’t feel good but neither does being neglected, embarrassed and humiliated by him. Dave shares stories of growing up, growing older, growing wiser and ultimately growing tired of it. Video goes up on toozdee! Subscribe, download & review! TheHoneyDewPodcast.com

You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. I'm Ryan Sickler. We're over here at Studio Jeans doing it at your mom's house. I am Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryan sickler.com uh please go out get the album get a hold of yourself it's available everywhere you get music albums podcast all that shit uh it's still new you think you're allowed to don't put it on him yet i don't want people to know who it is but i'm gonna look over here if it's less than six months am i still allowed

to call it a new album no what's the time limit on new couple three months maybe three months so my old album get a hold of yourself still available out there y'all uh also some dates i am going to be in vegas uh coming up here this weekend, April 26th and 27th, or this month here, April 26th and 27th. Edmonton, May 16th through the 18th. I'll be doing some dates with Tom Segura, June 13th through the 15th, in Richmond, Maryland, and Atlantic City. And then the 27th and 30th of June with Tommy Bunz in Tulsa, Wichita,

and Kansas City. And then August 1st through the 3rd, I'll be at the House of Comedy in Minnesota. And as always, I'd like to say thank you for all the support. I know this is a new podcast. Some of you just joined in. We have a lot of fun here. There is merch available. Just go over to

thehoneydopodcast.com. Get your shirts, get your stickers, whatever. Email me, honeydopodcast at gmail.com. Yeah yeah i still have to read this shit because i don't know all of it i couldn't make it all fucking cohesive facebook the honeydew podcast twitter at honeydew pod and again for all you old crap feast fans uh you're gonna have to resubscribe episodes are going up it's all gonna be worked out don't worry they'll be free they'll be there you'll be able to get them on whatever platform you're on and if you can't get it on that platform get a new goddamn

platform uh over here having some fun with the not so fun times uh and i'm very excited to introduce this guest that was already interrupting my new album speech uh because he is perfect for the honeydew crab feast favorite ladies and favorite. Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Anthony. Hello. Thank you. Thank you, bud. Just call it a fucking album. Why do you got to call it new or old? I like adjectives.

What am I just going like? Hey, man, I got an album out. If you guys haven't heard it, because you're past the new stage, right? What's new? You said three months. I think three months. I'm past new. Yeah, you're serious.

Six months? It was beginning of December, basically. Yeah. Yeah. No, just say if you haven't heard my album yet, buy that. All right. say if you haven't heard my album yet, buy that. If you haven't heard my album yet, buy it. You can say funny. See, that's where I don't like.

I'd rather go new and old. What? Do you have anything you would like to promote, new or old? I mean, nothing comedy-wise. I'm on the Dollop, my podcast. But I started an environmental group because everyone's freaking out about the climate. Have you heard of climate change? It's a thing.

Yeah, it's a thing. Our climate's changing. Yeah, yeah. So they did this, a lot of psychological studies. And when people hear about it, they just shut down. They don't do anything. Like they internally just freeze? Yeah.

People get so freaked out by it that they don't do anything so they internally just freeze yeah they like people get so freaked out by it that they don't know what to do and then they just freeze up and they don't they and do anything they don't do anything so the idea that we came up with is to get people together in groups where they can talk about it in their you know towns or whatever and uh and then from that actually implement yeah and some then you figure out what to do in your town or you, or you, you know, whatever you'd call Paul to whatever the fuck it is.

But it's a place where, cause a lot of people, I say, I don't, you know, I can't bring this up at work or I can't cause people stare at me like I'm crazy. So it's like a place where,

like if you're the one person that's recycling cans or totally over there, that's exactly right. So, uh, it's called planet change 10 P L a N I T change 10. Uh, the website will be up next month. That's exactly right. So it's called PlanetChange10, P-L-A-N-I-T, Change 10. The website will be up next month. Well done on that. Yeah, right?

That was Gareth. That was Gareth. Oh, was it? Yeah. And then we're on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. So before the website goes up, you can jump on there so you know when the website goes up. And once the website kicks in,

it will group you by where you are. Is this U.S. only us only right now no it's going to be everywhere in the world we have a lot of people in australia that are doing it too and aren't you guys big over in like iceland and shit i wish we i mean we we did a tour of iceland but it was more of me calling on my agent and saying hey i want to take a vacation to iceland how can i write off some of that you You took a tour of Iceland or you did a tour through Iceland? No, I was like, hey man, I want to I just, no, I wanted to take a vacation with my family.

And I was like, I want to take a vacation to Iceland. Is there a way we could do a show there? And my agent, who's an amazing agent, was like, yeah. And then we were booked in the biggest theater in Iceland. It was fucking hilarious. I got a 900 seat in the back. Okay, alright, we can do that.

You sold 30 tickets. I've done it for less. We actually got like 400 people, but I would say two-thirds had no idea what it was, and they just came down because they're like, show. No one does shows here. It was funny. They don't have

stand-up there. It blows me away that all these countries that don't. Shit, even some of our states don't have it. I've been hit up by people in Montana. They're like, look, we have money, jobs. We like to laugh. We don't have fucking comedy. You just come to a bar, 800 people show up.

Yeah, I know. It's crazy. But I think Montana doesn't deserve comedy. Deserve it. Wyoming. I don't think Oklahoma deserves it. I know they have some clubs there, and I've done them. I don't think they deserve it.

Those are the three. Just those three states? Yeah, the rest of them can have comedy. All right. I want more comedy in Alaska because I want to go up there and I've been there. There's some gigs up in Alaska. Yeah, but have you heard about the glory hole guy? No.

What? Educate me right now. I mean, listen, I've heard about Glory Hole guys. I've never heard about the Glory Hole guys. This is like the king of Glory Holes. So Will Anderson goes up there, and he's doing whatever that tour is where you go to crazy towns. Of course it's Will Anderson goes up there and he's doing whatever that tour is where you go to crazy towns. Of course it's Will Anderson. Yeah, and someone's like, hey, there's this famous glory hole.

And he's like, what? And he goes, there's a website. So he goes to the website. And I remember I found it after he told me the story. And it's a dude and he's got a house. And you go to his house. His house. And he gives you a phone number and you text him before you come.

So when you're like five minutes out, you text him so he can get in position. And then you go through his front door and cruise and he's built a little room. Love what you're doing with the power, man. I can see businesses booming, man. Are these real hummels? Hey, honey, could you take off? I got a guy coming over. I got a 930.

Just take the kids and get out for like 10. It's just the time. I got a 1215 today. So then you just go there. So I'm approaching and texting like I am on my way and then there's a glory hole and you put your you put it in there and there's a tv that he set up that you can watch while you're getting while he sucks you're watching him no it's just a t you can watch you can just put whatever you want like hey

passwords for netflix glory hole capital g capital h oh okay all right yeah i wonder oh Passwords for Netflix, Gloryhole, capital G, capital H. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, I wonder. Oh, there it is. There it is. I wanted to. Oh, yeah.

So that's the thing in Alaska. Well, I was about to ask, how do you know what you're getting? But I guess you'll feel what you're getting. Is it always a blowjob, or is it house's choice? I think it's always a blowjob. I think it's a classic glory hole situation at his house yeah that is it's at his fucking house that's fucking freelancing at its finest right there but it's also like entrepreneur yeah well here's a guy who's out in alaska and

he's like what do i like doing i like sucking dick i also like living out in the middle of nowhere so how can i make this work and he fucking put it together he's like thank god for the internet and he probably used to put ads in the back of comic books and shit and now now he's got the internet and he's got a website and you know thank god for squarespace here's the thing that i find so bizarre about that i don't think he's the crazy one no oh fuck no anyone that would go to that house and do that is absolutely fucking insane. Like, I know that he's letting strangers in, and yeah, they could cut his throat, but you've got to get through that fucking sheetrock.

He's safe on the other side. He's probably got an armed fortress over there where you're not going to get him. 100%. And you fuck with him, he's probably got spikes that are going to pop off. I can just picture a little guillotine behind the wall to chop your dick off exactly yeah but also that's just like hey where are you going i'm gonna go get murdered right now yeah cool because you're never gonna tell anybody you're going to the glory hole i'm going to this guy's house to put my dick in a hole in his wall so he can suck it it's the perfect

setup for i'll be back in 15 It is the perfect setup for a murder. It would be weird driving out of there. They're just like, what did I just do, man? I mean, I feel good. I feel relaxed. But what did I do? Right? Think about it.

I should leave Alaska. Let me go back and see if I... Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I didn't. Yeah. So that's... Yeah. I can't... I mean, you know what I was about to say. I can't believe that's a real thing. But I 100% can believe that's so that's yeah i that's i can't i mean you know what i was about to say i

can't believe that's a real thing but i 100 can believe that's a real thing you get out there in the middle of nowhere and you know there's i think there's one woman for every 10 dudes in alaska and so you just want your dick sucked that guy's putting her out of business i'll show this bitch i'll show this bitch okay there's no woman out there that's gonna be doing that yeah come in my home and no just put it in this hole here no yeah jesus christ any that's anyway that's when i bottomed out that's my story on the drive on the drive away you buy what am i doing all right you're like i don't have anything to promote i've got this environment group but you know about the glory hole guy

that's what you just took time to promote that guy's traffic he's gonna be god i'm sucking a lot of dicks this week i wonder what the fuck's going on man sponsored by burt's beesax. His website's just getting a spike. He's like, oh, my God. I'm going to be so busy. I can't believe my lips are chapped right now. I also think he might subcontract, too. You'll never know if it's him back there.

That's right. You don't know if it's him. You go in there to get your dick sucked. You get one day, you're like, hey, what the fuck's going on back there? This isn't the usual. Carl's at you. Doesn't feel like it, man. Doesn't feel like it.

Carl's on vacation. My name's Lenny. Well, hurry the fuck up, Lenny. I don't appreciate any of this, but hurry the fuck up. All right. So, I had reached out to you about this show because, and I was telling you before we started, that I just always had fun having you on the feast. And one of the stories you told that stuck with me was about a time your dad tackled you and you said it was the closest to a hug.

Yeah, pretty much. That you had gotten from him. And I was like, Dave Anthony would be fucking perfect for this. Yeah. I mean, I've had a lot of shit happen. Yeah, it has been a great ride. I mean, good now but i had a fucking terrible the whole thing from beginning beginning till i was about 36 god it fucking sucks yeah so everyone's telling me in their 30s 40 for me it was even i mean it got there but like really clear not till my 40s yeah yeah i think that's a

i mean comedians obviously we come from fucked up places that's why we do what we do i mean there's no darker people in comedians that i've ever met but those darker people the other dark ones don't sit and laugh at it that's right they make glory holes and yeah they make alaska this is how i'm gonna work it out yeah and every once in a while he stops sucking he goes i just wish the open mic had gone better yeah so I like that's what I I know I was 36 because uh I that's when I fucking just bottomed out. What is bottomed out?

Okay, so I was living. I moved out here with this woman I'm engaged to. And when you're fucked up, you attract fucked up people. That's basically how it works. So I didn't know what the deal was with her. I was like, there's just some weird shit going on. She didn't understand money at all. And I said, like, one day I got a Lexus commercial.

It was my first commercial ever. I'm like, I got a Lexus commercial. And then she comes home from work, and she goes, I quit my job. You got a Lexus commercial. I'm like, that's not. It's going to run for three weeks. What the fuck are you doing? It's regional, God damn it.

Oh, I took a shit on the boss's desk. I think I might be looking for a new job. Yeah, so she didn't know how to drive and she refused to learn how to drive. So I had to drive her everywhere. And she would just, we literally had like 40 bottles of shampoo like she would just walk by stuff and buy i thought you're gonna say champagne i swear you got you got really far into that word before he took a left turn on me champagne would make a lot more we're just we were just ready to celebrate man we were gonna do it whenever it happened i'm sorry i went

overboard with this lexus commercial There's a zebra being delivered tomorrow. So she was always out of money, and I was paying for everything. And my career wasn't doing that hot. And then one day we got a call. I don't know if I told you this during the crab feast, but I get up in the morning, and she's crying. She's just losing it. And I'm like, what's going on? She goes, I can just losing it. And I'm like, what's going on?

She goes, I can't tell you. And I'm like, at this point we're engaged. Because why wouldn't I marry this woman? It was all so great. Sounds perfect. And she's bawling and freaking out. I'm like, look, we're getting married. You can't not tell me.

You've got to tell me everything. So the mob had called. The mob. The mob. The mob. Yeah. Yep, right? Yeah. I had a cousin.

We had the mob. The Duke called. The Duke. Actually, someone called on the Duke's behalf and said, tell him the Duke called. Yeah, so someone else called. This is fucking awesome. Yeah. So this guy, so it turns out what had happened was after her after we got engaged her dad

borrowed five thousand dollars from the mob and took it to the track because he he couldn't afford a wedding for us so his idea and you can see how the oh i'm feeling this strategy you see how this works long shot yeah that's right you know and and just all five on one i don't know how much you did i gotta scatter it up a little i never i never went into like so which horses did you bet on or um so he lost it all in a day and so now he was paying weekly payments and now he couldn't pay them anymore. Like, he had no more. Because five grand is probably what with them with juice and everything. It's like he'd already paid them, like, ten grand, and he still owed five grand.

Like, you just keep paying, and they're like, yeah, that doesn't take anything off the top. Yeah, this is all interest. Interest. Interest. so uh so he uh so he he sold all of his tons of his possessions and he's like i i i don't know what to do and the mob calls him up and says well so this is john gaudy jr's crew so it's kind of a sad crew and they're out in long Island, and he's in Brooklyn. And so they. John Gotti family.

That was Dave Anthony's thoughts alone. I thought he was pretty solid. Yeah. I think you're kind of weak. I don't like the clothing. It's all very stupid. So they call him up, and they say, buy a ticket, get on the train, and come out to Long Island. We're going to break your legs.

Pay for yourself to come to your own leg break party. This is the most fucked up. Or we'll come and kill you. So, yeah. So he has to go but he so he's he's like um you know i don't want to do that that sounds like a bad deal for me uh and then uh somehow one of the mob guys figured out my fiance's phone number somehow or he was like you know instead of getting my legs broke let me give you my dog fiance's name's dave probably not home spends a lot of time in alaska

if he's not working in alaska but that guy loves to work up there i'll tell you man is he a lumberjack i don't know what he does um so so she gets his call and they tell her and they want five thousand dollars and so she's freaking out and i'm just like okay i have to pay this like what else am i gonna do right and then i so this all happens in one day. I call back the gangster, and I'm like, hey, I'm Dave. I'm Jenny's fiance. And he's like, he's very businesslike. We heard about you. Her dad told us.

Yeah. Congratulations. I hear your hair's really clean. You got a lot of shampoo. Looks like you're all going to get married at the courthouse now. But congrats, man. Looks like y'all are going to get married at the courthouse now, but congrats, man.

So he says, hey, do you want to pay this off? And I was like, yeah, I'll take care of it. I have that in my, thank God that's all my savings. And so he goes, so he goes so you're gonna you're gonna pay this debt i go yeah he goes i want you to say these words this debt is not mine and i'm like i'll pay the debt he goes say the words and i'm like jesus christ you guys are so fucking ridiculous like I'm gonna pay you the fucking money he goes you're taking over the debt and I'm like fuck where's this gonna go but if I pay you $5,000

yeah it's gone and I'm like I'm like if I'm taking over the debt why do I have to say this if I'm paying you he goes it's how it works I'm like okay the code of fucking idiots and then you guys are all gonna squeal on each other even though oh yeah there's a zillion code. It's all that shit.

So I say that. I'm like, I am taking over the debt. It is now my debt. And he goes, okay, now I'm going to give you a bank account number. He gives me his wife's bank account number, and I go to the bank, and I have the money wired to her.

And then I go home, call him again. And he's like, the debt is now paid. It's over. And he goes, you should get him some help. I'm like, yeah, thank you. I have some other shit to deal with also i said i got i'm booking an alaskan cruise i got a lot of shit going on man uh and then my and then my fiance breaks down and tells me that he was a degenerate gambler

growing up that's when no one in his family had anything to do with him he her mother would make money and they'd hide it in the with him he her mother would make money and they'd hide it in the sock drawer and the dad would come home and rifle through all the clothes and like it was just they lived a nightmare and i was like oh that's why we're together because you also had a fucked up background so at that point i was literally just done like it was just like the switch turned off and i was like whoop we're fucking over. It's all over. So now I'm living alone. I'm super depressed. I'm a guy with two cats, which is pretty hot to most women.

Women, if you were in L.A. and you're like, I have two cats, they're like, take your clothes off. We're going to fuck. Take your clothes off right now. If you have two cats and pickles, you're getting out. We're going to fuck. Right now. If you have two cats and pickles, you're getting out. So I start going to this thing called Al-Anon,

which is Children of Alcoholic Kids. It's like a 12-step program, but it's for not people who are addicted to stuff. You're basically addicted to crazy people and crazy shit. So I meet a woman in there. We start dating. She breaks up with me and i remember the night is that forbidden or any of that shit or is that you're not supposed to but i waited i wait you're supposed to like wait a year before you start dating and i did i waited a year and then so then you're supposed to then it's fine it's supposed to be um so uh so i i'm with her for a while i'm super into her she breaks up with me and i remember the night she broke up there's not john kerry got the democratic nomination

because i was sitting there watching and she came over and i was like sit down and she's like i'm just gonna hang i'm gonna sit on the other chair and i was like okay and i had i was eating like a burrito and asparagus and she and she sits there and i'm like is there something you want to is there something going on and she goes no just go ahead and finish your burrito and your asparagus and so i sit there and she's not saying anything and i'm quietly eating my burrito and asparagus watching the john carrey do you think it's coming do you know i had no fucking clue and then i finish and she's like i i why we need to you know end this It's just not working out for me. And I'm just totally blindsided. So I lose my fucking shit.

And when I had my first breakup, when I was young, so my first girlfriend was Karen Kilgariff, who was on your last episode. Oh, yes. Or a few episodes ago, whatever. Whenever this airs. That was your first girlfriend?

That was my first girlfriend. How old were you? My first real girlfriend. 22 or 23. You waited a little while to get the girlfriend yeah i you know i'd never because i was a fucked up dude so girls would be like oh you're attractive in a way that i want to have sex with you and then never see you again because you might kill me no it's cool you have kill i kill me there was a girl that i slept with once and she goes well no it's like you have um i call them bomber eyes and i was like what did she goes you have that crazy bomber eyes i'm super attracted to that but i also don't want to be in a relationship with it

i was like oh cool that's real healthy i just i was just talking to uh josh about that like i can't remember who said it to me, but a friend of mine was like, as a woman, every guy that passes me on the sidewalk, I worry. Is this guy going to fucking attack me, mug me, punch me, rape me, whatever? And I was like, you're right. I don't ever have that fear walking down the sidewalk. At night in Baltimore,imore oh yeah a little different i'm left and right over my there's definitely some neighborhoods i've been in my

been like but that's what they're like all the time yes i passed a girl i was driving past a girl on the street and she was walking in the studio city i just saw how she was walking i was like she's fucking scared right now she's walking alone and scared i mean imagine whatever neighborhood you'd be terrified to walk through in whatever conditions night fog whatever that's what they feel like walking down the fucking street right degree sunny yeah yeah because guys are cool yeah because you bomber eyes you should wear sunglasses i'll do these ladies a fucking favor bro we can date but i'm wearing sunglasses all the time that's my thing uh so uh she breaks up you go you go she breaks yeah she breaks up me and i lose my fucking shit um and i'm also at this point where a stand-up like everything's just not working i got no commercials i i've died like i can't i can't get myself into a commercial which is how

i know that's right yeah that's long so that so i'm not booking anything i'm not making any money i'm just going for it because i'm just living on credit cards um which is a thing stand-ups do when they're starting out yeah and i've got like i want to say like also that, that $5,000 kept spiraling because that was, I was paying because at that point I felt like I was getting, I was, I had a little bit of debt, but I was getting ahead of it. And that took me from like $7,000 in debt to like 12.

And then I couldn't, that's right. And then I couldn't get ahead of it. And then it was, it was monthly 20, 20 fucking whatever percent. It's just killing me. so it just keeps spiraling and spiraling and uh and i hit this i hit this point where i'm forty thousand dollars in debt and i just stopped like i stopped taking care of myself and my friends are like what's going on because no one i just

disappear and everyone's like what the fuck people are calling calling up like, Hey man, how you doing? Like I'm getting those calls, just people checking in and not answering anything. And I'm like, I'm going to just fucking off myself. You got there. Yeah. Well,

I got there. Um, yeah, I was totally, I was like, how am I going to do it? And, uh,

I came up with a plan. Uh, I was going to drive up into the Hills, into the Los Angeles forest, tape, duct tape, a hose to my car tailpipe and then put it through the window and take a sleeping pill

I went and bought the hose, I bought the duct tape are you serious? I was fully like okay let's do this so you were going to take the sleeping pill so that it just killed you while you were sleeping and choked to death that was the idea but I don't think that works I think it's still a pretty painful i was from what i from what i've heard is that when you do that then you wake up and you're like everything's bad

i'm pretty sure carbon monoxide will override your fucking sleep pill yeah yeah my wife but my current wife is a psychologist so she's like oh no what pills are like super gnarly because what what often happens in situations is you live and then you've got organs that are shut down. And so you're just like a fucking mess after that. It happens a lot. I see. So anyway, so I had a plan. I basically just hated myself.

I just I just never. Let me just say this. I saw you pull in an electric car today. So, hey, you're safe from that bullshit. You got to come up with a plan B now, bro. Your environment group ain't going to appreciate that. No way. Oh, my God.

I remember a friend of mine called me up, and he was like, how you doing? And I was like, you doing and I was like you know I'm not great and he's just like are you thinking about doing anything bad to yourself because everyone's pretty worried about you and I'm like I mean honestly yeah it's a thought

because we heard you went over the glory hole and you could not get hard he said you were just like flopping that thing through the hole like you are clearly upset on it like a cat well i want to ask you are you during this time are you drinking are using drugs are you clean like are you is this just depression i don't know i don't want to diminish it no totally but is there other substance abuse no i'm not doing anything i mean

i'm maybe drinking a little bit here and there but i'm not going out anymore so if i'm not going out i've never like i've never been a guy who drinks at home so i'm not going out so yeah i'm not really doing anything and what's going through your mind when you're making the fucking purchase of this duct tape and this tube i'm just gonna end it and it's gonna finally be over like i'm just i just hate myself like i literally hated myself i was like i'm just a piece of shit like that's all so uh so i was what what kind of card you have i had a what did i have that was gonna take you out um i had a nissan ultima i'm so glad you didn't like you said a chevelle or something just me gunning it

it also had a fucking they put a pinstripe on it that i never wanted it's a fucking pinstripe on a fucking Ultima. Every time I go to it, I'd be like, fuck, why did they do that? It's a fucking Ultima. I remember I showed up and the guy was rushing. He's like, you like, you like, right? We do it. We do it for free.

I'm like, this is shit, man. Oh, my God. So your friend. So my friend calls me up and he's like you know are you gonna do it because and i was like um you know i won't i won't trust me and but i've already bought the shit and uh and he and he goes you don't have a plan or anything do you because apparently that's a that's like a thing like if you've actually made a plan then that's like a that's like a serious step and i was like no and i literally have duct tape and a hose over.

While you're ripping it with your teeth. Phones on your lip. Nah. Nah, nah, nah. So I remember this because I had, this is how bad off I was financially. I had three pairs of pants left. Damn. So I'm just like.

Jeans? No, I didn't wear jeans. Or like one night pair but one night pants one jeans one sweat i kind of always just wear the same thing they're not sweat pants but they're just like uh almost like gap uh uh what do you call it khaki-ish kind of things yeah chino chino pants and i remember i go to my couch to sit down and I sit and a pair and the pair of pants I'm wearing just fucking rips from from all the way at the top of the ass all the way down through the crotch and I'm just sitting there and I'm just like fuck I can't even have pants and thank god I have duct tape. And a hose. This all works.

I can duct tape and have the hose. Just sit here and shit. And then I started fucking laughing. I just started fucking laughing. I'm like, I can't even have fucking pants. And then that literally was the moment that just fucking turned it all around. It did. It was purely that comedic sense in me.

That's like, this is so fucking insane. And, and just have, and because it's that classic comedy thing, are your pants just fucking splitting? And it was a big, loud,

it wasn't fucking subtle. It was like, you're a loser. Like it was just, and I was just like, Oh oh my god this is fucking insane and i literally so in al-anon you have a like a sponsor guy who's like an older guy who's been around and i just called him up and i was like dude this is what it is and i just fucking laid it all out and he was like let's go let's go get a cup of coffee and at that point, you do 90-90. It's just getting out to meetings and talking and talking and talking

and other people being like, yep, I get it. I get it. Never reached out to a therapist or went to see anyone during that time. This is the funny thing of why I brought up Karen earlier. When Karen broke up with me, we were together around a year. I was just fucking devastated. Karen broke up with me. We were together around a year.

I was just fucking devastated. And I had Kaiser. And I went to Kaiser to see the psychologist there. And I sit down and I talk to him for like 10 minutes. And then he goes, here, you should read this. And it's a book called Child of Alcoholics. And then it was another book, another Al-Anon book. And I was just like, what the fuck is this? My fucking my fucking girlfriend broke up with me like what the fuck does that do what are you even fucking listening to me and i just got super furious and left but that guy was spot

fucking on yeah but this is like years later like 15 years later and that guy was right and now i was in that place getting that help from those people right um i did go to a therapist uh she was super helpful did you so it do you if you if you and i don't know the answer is but if you tell a therapist you're suicidal do they have to report that do they have to have someone come get you to protect you from yourself? I don't know what the law is or what you're allowed to do in that situation. No, so they have really specific training on that. What are the signs? Because there's a lot of people that...

Listen, here's how you do it. You want to duct tape it up high. Get it up near the muffler. Don't get an electric car. Don't get a fucking electric car. And you want to take it all the way up to the fucking catalytic converter okay that's where you want to duct tape it tight up there okay so uh yeah so they now i learned this from my wife like there are suicidal patients that you're

like come back next week and then there were pseudo suicidal patients you're like hey so we need to get in a car and go to a hospital so they can like gauge because they also like they get sued if their patient kills themselves and their family's like what the fuck so they're they're like a whole obviously they don't want the person to die but then their whole career is on the line so they're they're pretty i mean unless they're a bad therapist they're pretty on top of that shit and they stay on top of those people they're like you know text me make sure you're okay you know so if my wife is a suicidal person she doesn't want to put in a hospital because that fucks up your life too in a way you know once you have that on your record it's a weird thing in our in our american system of health care like good thing. Yeah, that kind of thing is not a good thing.

If we didn't have the healthcare we have, it would be fine. Right. So, yeah, she'll be like, yeah, I'm getting a text at this time. And so the person's just going to be like, yeah, I'm okay, I'm going to bed, I'm fine, I'm here.

So they do that kind of stuff. But I don't think I told her. I think when I got to the therapist, I was like, I'm past wanting to kill myself at this point. Who did you tell that to? How many people did you actually tell you were going to do to commit suicide? Hardly any. Just that one guy?

I would say it in meetings. I would say I was really suicidal. At the Al-Anon meetings? Yeah, but I think almost everybody in there here you go it was are you good here he goes again oh you do yeah we know doug taber does maybe a pill you don't know so how did you get there what, how did you grow up? What was your life like that led to that?

Is there a history of this in your family? No, there's no history of that. There's a history of drinking. Definitely alcoholism. My dad, the older I get, the more I'm like, oh, he's more fucked up than I thought. Like just constantly every year. Especially your dad. How old's your son? He's nine nine he doesn't

get to see my kid he's out oh really it's not allowed he's done we're done uh yeah because i was we were having a family reunion and i have a niece and nephew and my nephew was like 14 maybe and uh he's a spindly dude and like uh uh you know glasses and the the nerdish looking type and and he's walking through the he's walking my dad is my everyone's outside barbecue and having a good time my dad's sitting on the couch watching a game and my nephew walks through and my dad looks at him and goes geek and i'm I'm just like, what the fuck just happened? That's your fucking grandson, you stupid asshole. Like, what the fuck was that?

And he's like, ah, he can handle it. I'm like, who gives a shit if he can handle it? He probably gets enough of that at school. Out of nowhere. Exactly. That's his friend. Thanks, I love you too, Grandpa. All right, you fucking loser.

Go give me a hot all right you fucking loser the fucking go give me a hot dog you fucking loser so my nephew goes i go i go i go see you do that a lot and he goes yeah i mean yeah i go okay so call him a lush and he goes what i go i go next time he says something to you look at him and go you're a fucking liar how about a half hour later he comes out it's only 30 minutes I love that he's been yelling at he's like fuck them wait give me a half hour fucking pussies 30 minutes later at the same party not

next Christmas same party he comes out he goes he was really surprised. I'm like, fuck yeah he was. Because that's the shit I never did. But now I'll teach you. And my sister's like, what did you do?

I go, I told him to call the dad a lush. And she goes, oh, that's fine. But that's the kind of shit I grew up with, right? He used to call me, I'd be like 14. He'd be like, you little teetotaler because I wouldn't drink. What's... I don't even... Is that a term? What's a teetotaler? Teetotaler, I think, is a term from

the 50s that's like, you're a guy who doesn't drink. So you're a fucking pussy, basically. So I would get that all the time because he belonged to this thing called Native Sons of the Golden West, which is just a drinking club like just full like they do they do charity i'm a native son

i'm from california unlike you oregon fucking piece of shit. So he tried to get me into those things when I was a teenager. What, like a club? Because you would officially be able to join it when you were 18. I found this out because he had me join. But yeah, he would bring me to. You were officially a member of the Native Sons of the Golden West? I don't pay my dues, but yeah.

Oh, you paid your motherfucking dues. You got a lifetime motherfucking membership, David. The dues never stop. Yeah, so when I was young, he would bring me to barbecues and stuff and try to get me to drink even though i was a teenager and i'd be like dude i don't turn it loose with you i turn loose my friends i'm not interested um so when i turned 18 i got a card in the mail and it was that he started paying dues for me and then and then he was like hey uh can you come over on this day um like at six and i was like yeah okay and he goes we're going to go somewhere and he drives me up to this thing and it's a ceremony

and I yeah he didn't tell me it's my initiation ceremony it's dudes with swords up and you walk through the fucking thing and you get a I don't know because that's California Sir Dave Anthony of the sons of Because that's California. United?

Sir Dave Anthony of the Sons of the Golden West. Swords. Yeah, so I got initiated. The password. What do you do? The password's truckie. If you ever want to get into any. Truckie, is it? Yeah, they were like, the password's truckie.

I'm like, for what? And they're like. If the mafia ever calls, Truckee. You should have said that when the mob called you. All right, all right. I'm not going to say that, but Truckee. Oh, all right. He's sons of the golden whip.

So what's the ceremony? It's when you're handcuffed out in the forest and they're about to shoot you. Truckee, man. Truckee. So stand down. He's one of us stand down put your swords away boys swords sheath your sword now he's one of us they had a meeting where like what like, what can we do?

Like, you want to get muskets? Nah. You guys, I have a cannon. Nah, that's way too much attention. I got swords. Yeah, let's get swords. It's California, right? We're sword guys.

And is it only you that day, or is this like a graduation? There were other dudes. Several others as well. There were a lot of kids that were like 18 they were like i don't want to do this and they're and they're all dad you're like you're joining the crew and all the 18 year olds are like we'll look at each other like how do we get out of here man uh so yeah so truckie man i could go to any uh any of their... What are they called? I don't even know what they're...

Like the Legion. They're clubhouses or fucking whatever. And you could knock on the door and be like, hey, man, Truckie. He won't ever get in here. He was native born. Native. But it was just a drinking club.

They just went there to get fucking shit-faced. It was a Thursday night. All guys. All dudes. All dudes. They do have the native daughters of the Golden West, but it's separate. They're not in the same clubhouse.

I would love it if they were like 10 times rowdy or just tearing the place up. They don't have swords. It's like fucking machine guns and shit. You gotta run a gauntlet. Fucking two by fours. With nails.

What are you getting initiated? I'm just trying to get a beer this is what the fuck happens around this problem so uh so there's a lot of drinking there uh i don't know what what did we what started the fucking we started with you talking about your dad drinking and getting you into oh yeah the teetotal or so you were you were drinking early when you tried it though right so yeah i mean i started i mean personally i started doing drugs and drinking when i was like 13 14 yeah that is young uh yeah super young like cocaine at 14 really yeah yeah how'd you get into that dude we grew up the the place I grew up, Marin County, was we were rich. I was poor, but it was a rich place. It was always the rich kids who had the drugs. Oh, 100%.

Always. Rich kids always had the drugs. Always had the cocaine. Always. Where I grew up, rich kids had cocaine. Always. I mean, people would, like one guy I knew would just, we'd go over to his uncle's house, and he'd go, and his uncle had a jar or like a canister

and he would sneak in at night and just take a couple scoops out. Jesus Christ. Because it was just a canister of cocaine. So one night we were doing, we were all doing mushrooms. We took mushrooms during the day and then for some reason someone turned on the TV and a promo for the news came on.

It was Dan Rather and he was like, and later we'll go to the teenage drug capital of the world, Marin County. And we're all like, yeah, man! We're the mind of mushrooms! Like, just... So, yeah, I started super young. That was one thing.

So I didn't want to drink with him. I was going to say. That's what it was. It wasn't that I didn't drink. It was that I never wanted, starting at a very young age, ever to show him any fucking joy. I never wanted to show him me ever having fun. And he just wanted to drink with you. That's what he wanted to do.

His bonding was like, we're going to drink together. Yeah. Yeah. And my thing was, I'm going to shut you out of everything in my fucking life. So I emotionally was already fucking done with this guy. I mean, he, cause he was a drunk and he was abusive and he didn't fucking care. And he got remarried to a woman who was just a drunk and would just call me a piece of shit. And like, she would, she would, she would, this is what she would do.

In the middle of the day, she would put on negligee, like a see-through fucking like negligee thing she would walk through the house she would then run the bath she would get in the bath and then scream about how awful i was and he and this was my sunday with my dad and then i would be sitting on the couch he's just yelling from the back yeah like i she's literally just right down the hall and and i'd be sitting on the couch and we'd be watching whatever sports and she'd be like what a fucking piece of shit that fucking kid is and he never left or something and she's just telling i can't stand him i really can't oh he's still here yeah yes also i did not step on the fucking blow why am i getting shit for that uh so he would just sit there and never say a word and this

one wouldn't say anything to you ever like or her he never it's like he never said to her don't do that at all which i would just fucking sit there and be like wow this is this is a shitty sunday that was every fucking sunday so i fucking hated the dude like i just fucking hated him when i graduated from uh high school we had to write a letter to our parents. And I was like, okay. And I just wrote, you have never, I remember the first line, you have never been there for me. And then I just went off. Damn.

And my English teacher read it and he was like, this is what you want to give your dad? And I was like, yeah. He goes, okay. He goes, i get it because he knew what he he that the my English teacher was super great guy and he knew what the deal was uh so he's like okay so at graduation i hand it to him we're supposed to all hand it to our parents and then we go back and get in line and afterwards he comes up to me and he goes, I got what you were saying. It was a great joke. And I was just like, holy fuck, dude.

That was the most of the hard thing I've ever done. How infuriating. He's over there laughing at it. Look at that. You call me a piece of shit right here in the third paragraph. Oh, my God, man. This is great. You're like like you motherfucker and then it says you're a cunt at the end that's so great you're such a good kid uh so yeah i just and it was so i wasn't hiding how much i disliked him and it just went on like

that but the weird thing is he's your dad so like but where are you getting the he's your dad is that the innate stuff or is that your mom saying like look he is your father like no my mom didn't like him either like dude he he was starting when i was a baby he like wouldn't come home all the time he would be out fucking other women like literally would be gone for two days and then come rolling in one time she she tried to block the door with a chair and he broke the door to try to get in that like just fucking crazy shit yeah um used to beat me with a leather strap uh i paid him for that wait i'd give him like 20 bucks i would come like a fucking racist i think you might have to build a wing up on that alaska spot and get your own thing going up there man you want to go up to the bad boy uh bad boy level it's pretty weird up there. Yeah, so he had a leather

strap. So instead of a spanking, it was literally a specific to beat your kid's leather strap from back in the day. I think that it was handed down to the family. It's our thing. It's our thing. Some people don't ever throw this strap away.

This is what we hit our children with. We did have a Van Gogh. I'm not sure what that is. But here, take this. Keep this. So, yeah, I got a lot of that. So my mom was more just not there. Like, she just checked out.

But are they still living together or are they split? Up until I was six, they lived together. And then they bailed. When they got divorced, I was just like, cool and you're living with mom living with mom living my sister um yeah just have to go over to his house on sundays he would just like i mean back then there were no atms so he would pick us up drive to a bar go i'm gonna go cash a check you guys go next door to taco bell and eat and then he'd be in the bar for two hours and we'd just be fucking hanging in a car like okay this is

sunday yeah every fucking sunday sometimes you go home and get yelled at by the girl yeah yeah basically that was it awesome right that's a great sunday um well you're a dad i mean yeah this is kind of shit we do right oh yeah yeah i leave my daughter in a call all the time like listen i'm going to cvs and then i don't even go to cvs i go to the bar for three hours and i just leave her sitting there i'm like you got fucking cheese it's facetiming you need some yeah daddy got his medicine you want to go to uh drive through the mountains now it is unbelievable i started reading this parenting book that someone gave me in the first couple pages just i was like wow oh it's a recommendation

i read it and i was like it says of course children are misbehaving more these days because we don't discipline like we did back then if you popped off at your parents terrified boom yeah you get hit you get hit yeah You get hit. Yeah. And you shut the fuck up. Yeah. And you learn not to do that. Yeah. But today, you can't discipline like that.

So it makes sense to all these professionals that, yeah, no wonder everyone's fucking talking back and popping off. Yeah. And you're seeing more of this outrage and people are like, well, the parents, the parents are like, yeah, well, the parents also are limited in a little bit of things. I'm not saying you should ever hit your kids, but it's also they don't want you yelling at them in public they don't want you embarrassing them in public or you know they don't want you know some a lot of parents don't even like the teachers doing it they'll go against the teacher for that shit you know so

that's it's all like this this weird fucking you know shift in parenting that well it's a reaction to getting slapped and hit and everything. Now it's an overreaction the other way. That's right. It's an overcorrection. You can yell at your, I fucking, I've yelled at my kid in public.

If he does something bad, I don't give a shit. Being embarrassed in public did more for psychologically to me than my dad ever disciplining me. I'll be like, Oh, I don't want to feel like this shit again. Like I didn't give a fuck what anybody in the house thought. No,

I'm telling him right there with you. Also, punching him in the nose, just enough so it bleeds. You punched your dad in the nose? No, my son. Not break it, but bleed. But yeah, just get that cartilage. Solid. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because the look of shock on their face, and he's like, that's because I asked for a candy bar that's right man right motherfucker that's your blood you taste it taste it taste it a candy bar got out easy after that anyway you can you ever get out the candy bar you ever get into a physical altercation with your dad yeah so there's the the one time that i so so we talk about this because there's always even if you have a good parent there's in in, there does come a point where you just feel like you're the cock of the walk. You can take them.

I think I was 14 for me, and my dad very quickly put me on the ground so fast and gave me that. I was like, I am not ready for this. Yeah, we were. I was 14. I wanted to go to a Rolling Stones concert. My dad came over to pick me up. My mom was like, let's talk about this,

because I don't want him to go, because the guy he wants to go with clearly smokes pot. He's older. He did smoke pot. So I'm in the living room in there, and at this point, I'm completely out of control. Like, I'm just a fucking maniac. And they're like, no, you're not going to the concert.

I'm like, why? What? And they're like, because we know he smokes pot and he's a bad influence. And I wanted to be like, I smoke pot. Dad smokes pot. Everybody here smokes pot. And my mom said something. I was like, shut up, slut.

Whoa. Yeah. And then I looked at my dad i have never i have never gotten a high five like only time you saw your dad cry i just remember looking at my dad and the fucking anger that was coming off him i was like oh this is about to go down so i ran where i ran out of the house out of the house down the stairs down the street and then next to our next to our house is just a giant open field and there's a there's a like a walking path that people would go to cut through so i'm running up that and i get just about 20 feet up and i am just fucking full body tackled your dad yeah damn yeah yeah it was surprising i was super surprised 14 i thought i was just like i'm gone baby i was not gone uh i just get taken down and then uh we come up and i'm like let's fucking do this and

just crack um yeah we're not doing this. Yeah. He put me down. Where did he get you? In the face? In the stomach. And then once. Yeah, once in the face and once in the stomach. Two. He took two shots.

Yeah, one stomach first. This one's for your mom. This one's for me. You want to drink with me? And then his girlfriend's coming up. They'll hold him down. Hold him down. Hold him down! In a negligee seat.

I want him to see my pussy while I tell him he's a dick! I want him to see my pussy while I tell him he's a dick! oh god so that was our main altercation i don't know even i don't think i could fight my son like that like i could not fight my son like that i know i can't two punches i would feel so guilty after the first one i don't even have a son, but I'm saying if I did. What about your daughters? I could definitely hit my daughter. I've never fist-fighted my daughter. She's four, so right now it's prime time for me.

I would probably just take their jersey and pull it over their head like a hockey player and just shove them down or something like that. But I couldn't go. No, I couldn't. He fucking hit you and brought you down. He went one-two on you yeah uh man so yeah it wasn't fucking but was your relationship with your mom i know everybody has their teenage outbursts was was was that a solid relationship was that no relationship no not even remotely she was just totally fucking checked out like she was just it was like having a like a like a, like, that was there that would help you out.

Like, here's your food. Here's your, you know, you need clothes. Here's clothes. Like, there was just. A caregiver. Yeah. There was no, like, person there. So, it was just like, I always say I was raised by wolves.

Like, it was just like I was fucking on my own trying to figure shit out. Didn't work. I don't know. I think you don't breathe in. I killed a lot of people. Oh my God. But then all my and then I started

I was never not an alcoholic or a drug addict but I was drinking all the time and tons of drugs and you know all the way up until mid-tws, basically. And then I stopped that. Are you clean, sober? No, I still drink, but it's not like I have a couple I don't like to. No jar of cocaine just sitting around the house for the kids?

Oh, yeah, I got blow. Yeah. That's not drugs. No. That's daddy's medicine. Daddy wants to stay up tonight. Can you imagine having just coke out like that with the kids around

it's fucking crazy it's really crazy the shit that used to be we used to have my grandmother drove a Buick and smoked in the car with us in it and shit smoked in the house do you remember you would come in your house and there would be just a layer of smoke in the house

people have no idea a layer of smoke just the house? People have no idea. A layer of smoke just fucking floating in the air. Like right where you breathe. Yeah, right where you breathe. Yeah, everything smells like cigarette. It was just the way it was. My dad never smoked, but my mom was a huge smoker. My dad was the...

One time he drove me to a baseball game. That's what I want to ask you about, sports. Did he ever show up at your sporting events? Did he ever coach any of that stuff? He coached all my teams, which is fucking... That blows me away. It's just a fucking nightmare. That blows me away.

He coached every team. He coached all my fucking teams, which I hated. I hated that he was fucking coaching my teams. And then I was a pitcher and my friends were like, the only reason you're pitching is because your dad's the coach. Like, you just get that kind of shit. So.

But your dad can yell at you more when you're on the mound. That's right. He can't yell at you at second base all game. That's right. So, yeah,

I never thought about that. That's totally true. Every pitch. What the fuck are you doing? I said, nibble the corners. God damn it. Every pitch,

he could yell at you back then the coaches were getting fights all the time so he was the guy that would be screaming at the Empire and like yelling it and pushing the other coaches pushing each other it was just all the fucking time he got kicked out of

a game and went and sat instead of leaving like you're a fucking coach you got kicked out go get your car have some respect he goes and sits in the outfield above the fucking fence so i'm just like there's my asshole dad that just got kicked out of the fucking game um yeah so he was he was all about sports but we still bonded like niners giants like you know the san francisco teams um that was the only connection we had basically but then one time like he would get shit-faced at games and drive me home yeah and i remember one time we're driving over

to the games no we didn't have that he would just get he's not butter maker out there just giving the kids beer and shit. That would have been amazing. No, he would just get shit-faced at a Giants game or sometimes an A's game. I remember driving over the Richmond Bridge, and it's 5 after a game's over, and he keeps nodding off, and I'm hitting him. I'm like 14, 15. I'm hitting him to wake him up because he's passing out because he's so hammered.

Jesus Christ. As he's driving over a fucking bridge. Holy shit. I mean, I'm saying my dad knew how to party. Holy shit, dude. And I remember one time he eventually got a dui when he was older but it was because what age no he was like 50 60 wow that is that's a long time to get one but back then i remember you would get pulled over by the cops and be like come on frank you're

going and they just take you home i don't know how many times that happened to him but i bet it was a few because he he knew everybody in the town if a cop pulled him over he was a lawyer he knew all the cop like i just don't think i think he for sure probably got driven home a few times um but yeah he got it but then now years later he's 60 everything's changed it's not cool to drink and drive and uh he got into some altercation with a cab got out of his car kicked the cab dented the cab a vehicle that he should have been in to go home he's getting out of his car

to kick a cab kicks the cab the cab is terrified the guy speeds off my dad chases him and then the cops nab him it's a high speed chase through the suburbs through the suburbs fucking bullet up there in san francisco the cops are like what are you doing he's like i'm in pursuit i'm a native son

no they get your fucking ass in the squad car uh so he would always say after that there's no I can drive drunk they would have never got me if I hadn't kicked that cab it was the kicking of the cab not the high speed chase scot free man so what age do you then finally get away from all of this and It was the kicking of the cat, not the high-speed chase. Scott Free, man. So what age do you then finally get away from all of this and get out and start figuring shit out?

Yeah, so I'm 37, 38. Are you in college? Did you stay home for college? I leave home at 17. Okay, 17. I go to a junior college, but one that I have to travel. So I literally, instead of going to a junior college but one that i have to travel so i i literally instead of going to the junior college in your town like everybody else does i'm like i'm gonna go to one in another fucking town so i move from northern california to central california and go to a junior college

so you actually it's like going to college yeah except i didn't have the grades to get into a real college so i'm just like i'll go to a fucking anything to get it. So I left home at 17. And then was pretty much on my own. He'd give me like 200 bucks a month or something, but I had to take care of all my shit. So after that, yeah, I pretty much handled all my own business. But I was a fucking mess until I was 38.

And that's when you start figuring it out yeah and what do you what happens like when figuring it out yeah like what was the light bulb you go into therapy and it all starts the girlfriend thing and then you know psychologist your wife she wasn't then she was uh so we ended up getting back together the girl that broke up with me with the burrito and the thing so she went through her she went through her own shit uh separately and then like a year later we're like well we're both kind of different people now i don't want to kill myself anymore like you know um so we ended up getting back together and now we're married and have a kid oh she's the girl yeah oh wow all right that's your wife yeah okay uh so i just basically fucking worked on my shit i went to therapy i did the alan on stuff

i just climbed out of the hole using the the mental health stuff that's available to you you know if you if you can't afford it there's there's places like alan on there's places out there that you can for sure yeah do you find yourself the husband of a psychologist do you feel like you're in a fishbowl do you feel like you're in a fishbowl do you feel like you're being studied when you're now in moments where you're whether it's disciplining your son or whatever it is no she doesn't really do that it's like she turns it off kind of but she also knows everything about me that i mean she's like you're it's amazing you're not in prison or like like she literally is like she's like she goes of all

the clients i have you're still the guy that i'm like how the fuck did he get out of there like because most i mean if i had a gun i'm in prison thank god you had an ultima and if you had a gun, you're probably dead. Maybe not prison. You might have done that instead. Yeah, I might have definitely, but I would have definitely pulled out a gun and shot at people.

Dude, I did a high-speed chase through Los Angeles. You were chasing someone? Yeah. I don't remember what the guy did, but I'm driving drunk drunk and it's 2000 and the guy cuts me off or something and then flips me off and it's uh it's not my hood it's we're going into we're going into like fucking crunch on shit i'm doing 90 on the freeway to chase this guy on the on the street city streets jesus christ and this guy clearly thinks there is a fucking lunatic after me

because there was a fucking lunatic after him like it's like probably 2 a.m 3 a.m., 3 a.m. Oh, man, you're fucking crazy. You're fucking crazy. You're going into the fucking. He's just probably calling everybody. He's coming, guys. Oh, my God, is that. He's right behind. And it went on for 15 minutes, maybe. I it started near it started near the stable center

damn you chased them all the way dude i'm there were times i turned off my lights so he wouldn't see me coming Oh, fuck. Poor guy. That's right. Fucking recon, bitch. Oh, I can only imagine what that guy was thinking. Oh, he was probably shitting himself. 2000 probably didn't have a cell phone or anything. But you're right. I definitely think he was heading to his neighborhood. I definitely think he was taking me to his fucking place. Yeah.

I was in places I'd never been. And, dude, I was fucking, like, car-getting. I have no fucking idea what I would have done. What would you have done if he stopped and got out and been like, what's up? I would have been like, no. Oh, I thought it was somebody else. Your license plate frame's loose. Your license plate frame's tilted, so it's coming off.

Anyway, get some duct tape. I have some in the trunk. I want to tell you about this glory hole in Alaska. I'm the glory hole guy. Oh, my God. I just remember. You had rage. Were you a rager?

Oh, yeah. That was full on rage, dude. I mean, that was the only way i could work it out i this i tell people this until i went to al-anon i did not have feelings and people trip out on that but people in al-anon a lot of people were like yeah so you shut down all your feelings it's the only way to survive the fucking chaos and madness and growing up in that shit so you literally just turn everything off that's why i fully get like i get terrorists

because that's what they are they have no feelings they're just anger so they don't have that they don't like feel sad or happy it's just different levels of anger furious and then and then you go to therapy and you fucking talk about shit you don't hate yourself anymore and then you're like oh i got feelings and everyone a lot of people are fucked up well everyone's a lot of people everyone's got their own fucked up thing everybody does yeah yeah dude and now you're a dad how old your son uh yeah i'm a good dad by the way i was gonna say i'll watch out your videos out there with baseball you don't know he's he's a really oh dude he's a fucking machine uh yeah he's a really good kid i mean i i'm just like total opposite yeah just go total opposite but where's your where's your dad alive still your

dad yeah i don't i haven't talked to him in years he's still in california yeah he's still in california he doesn't try to reach out yeah he does but he. But I'm done. When my kid was like three, my kid had a Save the Earth shirt on. And my dad's like, what is that shit? You fucking raised him to be an environmentalist. And I'm just like, yeah, that's what I said in college, asshole. You're just cluing into this shit. I don't know nothing about it. You said this little fucker. I threw him in the pool.

He just started sinking, little fucking pussy. He's two, Dad. He's two. So we got into an argument. And this had happened. This has happened many times in my life. I remember one time he brought us someone's house for Christmas. Like my uncle, not my uncle's, but in my uncle's town, we went over to my uncle's house.

And then he's like, hey, we're all going over to a friend's for Christmas dinner. And so we go and there's like 15, 20 people there. And it was during the Iraq war. And I'm against the Iraq war. And we start arguing about it at the table and then we're screaming at each other and then about an hour later i'm like there's no one at the table like i'm so enraged that i can't even see people getting up and leaving oh you didn't see it i didn't see any of that and so this is the same situation so now it's years later i have a kid and he fucking triggers that thing in me,

and we're going at it, and I look around, and I'm like, my nephew's gone, my niece is gone, my sister's gone, my brother-in-law's gone, my wife's gone, it's just me and him. And I'm like, fuck, I can't ever do this. So that was it. I was like, I'm done. He's out.

It's also like, you know, climate change is a fucking real deal, and if you're going to sit there and tell me you don't fucking care when you have a three-year-old grandson, then you don't care about that kid. Right. You don't. Because you're old. It doesn't matter anymore to you. Your time to make choices about the future is fucking over.

Check out. Do what the young people want to do. So for those two reasons i was like no moss and it eats him alive because the kid's a fucking amazing baseball player does he follow you on social media and get the scene i blocked him on a lot of social media but i'm sure he still does uh but he'll send messages to my wife who's also now completely over him uh she would she's a therapist so she's always like i mean i see right right what the deal is uh always give a longer leash yeah but then therapist that's right and but at some

point she's like i cannot fucking all right this one can go fuck himself uh so yeah so he doesn't get to see the kid, and he's just out. And he's not in good health. He's not in a living situation. He's a fucking nut. Will you go to his funeral? No. No.

No. What if your sister says she'd like you to go to the funeral? She won't. Because she's not going either? I don't know if there will be a funeral because I don't know who will throw it. Throw it. That's very Freudian right there. Can't wait to throw your funeral.

Can't wait to throw your funeral, motherfucker. I can't wait. It's going to be a piñata. I already have it built. I already have the piñata. It's going to be a coffin piñ. I already have a bill. I already have the piñata. It's going to be a coffin piñata filled with fucking all the candy you hated, motherfucker. Oh, my God. I don't know if my sister will actually have a funeral for him.

If he dies and his girlfriend is still alive, she would. But I don't know. Show up in her negligee and shit. I don't want him to see my pussy when he's dead uh yeah i wouldn't go i don't know my sister would probably go she feels obligated keep in touch with him at all she does but it's not she's just she her her from her standpoint it's like it's easier to just let him come over on the once a month that he wants to have some drinks and leave than it is to be like get out of here because she lives near him so i can cut him out easily he's never gonna fucking show up in front of your place blowing the horn

and shit which is what i think he would do if he lived near me so i don't have to right yeah well i'm proud of you dude that's you come from a hell of a background and you're kicking ass these days for sure you've been for a while you do a lot yeah it's uh you're a good dad you are a good dad and i really didn't start turning my career around and stuff until he came along and i was like i mean i worked out a lot of other stuff and then i was like oh i don't want him to look at me and go what happened did you not do anything right like that's when i made my first album and i started like putting shit together, yeah. Can you imagine just being, like, when he's 18,

signing him up for, like, an American Legion so he could drink a little shit? Like, you'd look back at that and be like, that is not what I want to do with my life. No, it's fucking crazy. Just like, hey, you know what we need? Me and you as a drinking club. We could do that right here in the house for free.

Hey, son, you want to drink with a bunch of six year old dudes it's fucking awesome all Californians none of them believe in climate change well dude thank you so much for coming on here I really appreciate you opening up and bearing your soul

again promote whatever you'd like, please. Planet Change 10. P-L-A-N-I-T. Change 10. It's on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I left Twitter. You did? Yeah, I'm done.

I was just talking to people about what a dumpster fire Twitter is. It really is. And I was talking to Al Magical and he was just was just like dude i'm talking to people that are not on twitter and they're getting so much done and he goes it's just not worth it i started getting attacked by these guys and i was just like i can't i can't i'm just not interested in the fucking bullshit yeah i just use it to promote that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna all i do i want to find an app that i will send it to twitter it's so i don't ever have to open up a Twitter app and it just pops up and I never have to go there.

So I'm personally off Twitter but the dollop's on there. And then my podcast The Dollop, man. It's a history podcast. I read a story to Gareth Reynolds he's never heard and he reacts and people seem to like it. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, it's great. It's fucking awesome. It's the most fun I've ever had.

Good for you. Yeah, thanks. Well well thank you again i am ryan sickler on all social media including twitter ryan sickler.com talk to y'all next monday see y'all he has an album out i got a new album out guys get a hold of yourself go get that i'll talk to y'all next Monday. See y'all next Tuesday.