The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Doug Benson

Episode Date: May 6, 2019

My #HoneyDew this week is Doug Benson! Of course we talk about weed but we also talk about the time Doug’s cousin’s dog attacked him! It’s Doug vs Dog on this ep of The Dew! Video goes up on #toozdees! Subscribe, download & review! https://TheHoneyDewPodcast.com

You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here at Studio Jeans, doing it up at your mom's house. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. I'm going to hit you with a few dates real quick. Edmonton, May 16th through the 18th.

And I got a handful of June dates with Tom Segura, Richmond, Maryland, Atlantic city, Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas city. I will be at the house of comedy in Minnesota in August.

And there's a Baltimore date in September. I'm letting you know about now. So go to my website. You can get the calendar right there get all the tickets and I want to always say thank you for the positive feedback please subscribe download and review the show go over to the your mom's house YouTube page we're bringing you video for this show every Tuesday the website is the honeydewpodcast.com you can get all social media links there the merch is there you can email me at honeydewpodcast at gmail this episode of the honeydew is brought to you by postmates when you need red wine at 4 p.m sushi at 9 p.m a breakfast burrito at 8 a.m and ibuprofen at 10 a.m post made it postmates is your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever kind of delivery service all year round.

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$100 in free delivery for your first week. Okay? To start your free deliveries, here's what you got to do. You got to download the app and use code HONEYDew. H-O-N-E-y-d-e-w that's code honeydew for a hundred dollars a free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the postmates app anything you need anytime you need it post made it download postmates and save with code honeydew and if you're new to the show what we're doing here is highlighting the lowlights. It's triumph through tragedy.

And these are the stories behind the storytellers. And today I'm excited to introduce to you a guest who I wanted to get on the crab feast for a long time. We never made it happen, but he's here on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Doug Benson. Hey, is the crab feast like a done thing? It is a done thing. You know, we've talked about jay and i've talked about doing like maybe an anniversary or if you do a special i would love to participate

because that is weird that i never did that it is but i'm glad you're here i was always aware of it and doing it and jay came on my show and so yeah sorry yeah. Sorry about that. That's all right. We'll get you on one of the special one-offs. I, you know, as much as I love podcasting, I kind of get my fill of it through all of my many podcasts. So I'm guesting on others' podcasts. I have been over the last few years doing that less, and I've just started picking it up a little bit now and going out and doing other people's shows

because, for one thing, it's fun, but it's also everybody does my shows, so I should also do theirs. You can't always have the party at your house. You know what I mean? That was us growing up. You can't at your mom's house. Now you're at our mom's house.

Will you promote, please? Yes. Plug whatever you want. you said you have a lot of podcasts please tell everybody everything you want movies if you're into movies and movie trivia i got uh getting dug with high if you're into marijuana and marijuana news and i've got um oh i know i got a third one you're dining dining with with Doug and Karen, or now it's called Dining with D&K. We streamlined it. That's a food podcast.

And those are all available on iTunes, but also Getting Doug with High is also on video that you can watch on my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash Doug Benson. And all my road dates are at douglovesmovies.com slash Doug Benson. And all my road dates are at Douglovesmovies.com. I'd say the biggest one coming up is every year on Mother's Day, I go to the Comedy Works in downtown Denver and do Douglovesmovies at 420. And we pack it out every year. And you know how Mother's Day is for comedians out on the road it sucks yeah nobody goes out but i figured out that in denver most people that live there

especially fans of mine their moms aren't in the same town they moved to denver right and now their mom somewhere to get high i bet you do i bet you get moms that come out and come up to you and be like i came with my son or whatever sure yeah that absolutely happens but you know it's a uh for some reason the it's an orphan's audience tends to be kind of young at my uh my shows that's great i love that yeah i'm i'm cool with it but it is it is uh i i will get weirded out if there's if somebody old somebody that to me is old, you know, cause I'm old. So like, so if I think somebody is old, that's like, you know, they're like, uh, really, uh, what are they even doing out of the house?

You know? So, um, so I don't encounter too much of that, that but it's it is fun when it does happen i do the 311 cruises you know the band 311 yeah i i've seen i didn't know about all these cruises i just started learning like impractical jokers have a cruise i think john mayer does a cruise uh so i keep hearing about these cruises what's that cruise like rock and comedy cruises are uh you know one of the best things that ever happened to me because you know you get to go on a cruise to some awesome place and the weather's usually awesome but then on these rock and comedy cruises there's full the

boats are full of entertainment that's that's good you know like great comedians and in the case of the uh rock uh ships you know like the 311 cruises they have lots of great bands uh that are also playing on the ship so it's like a music festival just all in one ship but it's just exciting to all be uh together uh um you know comes on every cruise and he even wears a shirt that says i'm peanuts dad and he uh and he um you know and everybody everybody on the cruise loves him and he's just out partying with everybody all the time and he comes to the comedy shows and at this last one i made fun of the fact that you know i said uh you know uh because the shirt is looking pretty pretty nasty because he said the same shirt that he wears every time for like uh it's been six

cruises and they do them every other year so he's probably had this shirt for like a decade yeah yeah and uh so i made fun of his shirt like said somebody get him a new one and then i ran into him the next day on the boat and he was at you know he was at the comedy show and uh he said uh you know he ran right up to me because he has several shirts that say i'm peanuts dan because uh different people have made them for him over the years. Okay, yeah. Yeah. So he doesn't have to wear the same shirt, gross shirt all the time. 12 years, that's longer than any relationship I've ever fucking had.

But T-shirts will go for forever. If you get a good one. How old is this one you're wearing? Well, it looks older than it is. It looks aged. It's probably four years old. Yeah, I bought it like that. No, it's a little late. It's probably four years old yeah i bought it like that no it's a little way yeah

probably four or five yeah but i have some t-shirts i probably have worn for over a decade yeah they can be pretty amazing t-shirts so i um for t-shirts let's hear for fucking t-shirts i had hit you i hit everybody up when they come on and i tell them about what the show is about and and it's an opportunity to talk about whatever you'd like to talk about and i love when people bring in heavy stuff and i love when people come in with uh stuff that uh is on the lighter side and i'm not sure where this actually falls in but you said you had a story you wanted to talk about and it involves a dog and uh i want to hear yours because i have one that happened to my brother okay well you know i was thinking about trauma traumatic incidents you know and um

i've had plenty of them in my life but one that was upsetting not just the initial event but then uh two subsequent things that happened were also unsettling and frustrating. So it starts like this. I have a cousin. She's got a husband. They have a house out in Scottsdale, Arizona. I'm working at the Tempe Improv. I get into town a night early so i could do media the next day

and uh so how old are you is this like 10 years ago this is uh four or five years ago okay not that long so uh maybe maybe longer i'm terrible with the years but it's you know it's fairly recent and uh so I go out, the idea is I'm going to go out and see the house and have dinner with her. And they also have a, a, a family friend who's a young man who really likes comedy. So he's going to come and have dinner too.

And, you know, probably chew my ear about standup comedy and how it works and how to become one, all that stuff. And, you you know a perfectly pleasant experience is ahead but you know i had to have a rental car and i had to drive like phoenix and scottsdale touch each other but i was just there yeah but yeah but from one end of one

to one end of the other it can be an hour drive so uh um so i go out there and i'm in the house and it's you know it's in this beautiful community out in the desert with lots of cactuses and stuff and um they have a family dog that i have not met a cute little white dog that now i can't even tell you what kind of dog it is. Cause I've never even really. The lap dog though, like small dog. Small, between lap and,

and what would you say? Regular size, but just really white. And also what, what dog is known for going batshit insane and mean when it gets older, but it still looks adorable. Yeah. Like a cocker spaniel or something yeah it's like white and fluffy and just adorable so so i'm standing in the you know

they have these tall windows uh leading out to the uh backyard area and i'm standing at one of them and this dog is diving at the window with all fours and barking and bearing its teeth. And it's just clearly wants to eat me alive, but I'm on the other side of this window. Like those zoo windows. Yeah. This dog is just going at this window and I'm just like laughing and like,

I, you know, I feel bad because like, wow, this dog is really, you know, really thinks I'm an intruder, even though I'm hanging out with the family. Yeah. Nothing's, you know, nothing's crazy going on, you know, really thinks I'm an intruder, even though I'm hanging out with the family.

Yeah. Nothing's, you know, nothing's crazy going on, you know, cause like when I was a teenager, I always thought it was funny if I like raise my hand, like I was going to hit my mother. Our, our family dog loved my mom the most of all of us. So anything bad happened near her would piss off that dog so much. So sometimes I, you know, it was really fucked up. I just be like, I just be like, yeah yeah it's messed up to pretend to hit your mother but i think she got the spirit of it i think she knew that i was just trying to make the dog get mad at me so uh so the dog's just

coming at this window and uh my cousin she even says uh yeah she's terrible with this dog's terrible with strangers and uh you just can't go near it i'm like okay great this doesn't make me uncomfortable at all then now we're gonna sit down have a whole meal with this dog wanting to get in here and kill me so it's just bouncing outside the window oh my god it was you know but the second I turn my back her husband who when they're just when it's just them at home that dog is inside the house

so he just without thinking about it opens up a door and lets the dog into the house oh shit but do you know that as soon as it's as soon as it's, as soon as its teeth are in my skin, that's when I get the news.

Oh, you let the dog in. Oh, you decided to let it in and attack me. I'm so glad I'm standing in the position I was because it could have just as easily been my junk that the dog just tore into. So it beelined in and went right for you. Right into my leg. Not barking, no warning.

Threw the jeans into my skin. Bleeding. You know, they pulled them off. They pulled the dog off of me right away. They pulled them off. Yeah. You said it was a small dog. You couldn't get it off?

Are you shaking? What are you doing? They grabbed its collar or whatever you know but it wasn't uh he was in there it wasn't that small holy shit medium size so you know then that's an awkward rest of the night she like got some you know rubbing alcohol or something and whatever you put on whatever you put on fresh wounds. And we looked at it and made sure it wasn't deep enough that I would have to check and see if it got infected or anything. And it healed fine.

And it wasn't, strangely, wasn't that painful. But she gave me like a bag of some sort of, you know, she threw a bunch of pills into a plastic bag and gave it to me and said, these, you know, this, I don't know what it was,

but you know, something that she got after a surgery or something. So it was probably something pretty strong. Some hand-me-down drug. But I didn't try, you know, but I never took them cause I never, you know,

I just don't, I don't, I don't take anything for anything other than I just smoke weed and drink alcohol and wait for the pain to go away yeah you know i mean like if i have a headache or something on the same way sometimes a good night's sleep will just get rid of that headache you know so let's get drunk and high go to sleep um so uh but here's the messed up thing is that, um, like I said, we have the rest of the meal and there's a lot of, you know, we're sorry. And a lot of me saying, well, you know, you didn't do it on purpose.

What are you, what are you going to do? You know, I can't really be mad at anybody. I can't even mad at that dog. That dog's clearly insane. And, uh, you got a crazy ass dog here. And, uh, so then like a few days later i get a voice message on my phone which first of all i'm already irritated because i don't do that anymore it's all texts and emails right yeah i'm learning as soon as i get a voicemail i'm like oh great a

voicemail what's this going to be about and it's my cousin saying can you please call me there's something i need to tell you and i'm like what could she possibly need to tell me she couldn't have just said in that message so i call her back and she tells me oh we you know i forget the dog's name even now but she goes we put it down today we you know we put it to sleep because of course you know if it's going to attack me like that in the home hanging out with them what if there's like a kid comes toddler yeah so it's just like that dog was too crazy to live but but why i i didn't was it a rescue dog she didn't need to call me to tell me you know what i mean like and i didn't have to have a conversation with her about it yeah

our dog is the last you're the last person our dog will ever bite. Yeah. That's on your conscience. Yeah. You know, don't feel bad. You're the straw that broke the camel. Yeah. Don't feel bad that you're the one.

You're the reason why we had to kill our family pet, our beloved pet. So I didn't love that part of the process. That was terrible. And then I did that was terrible and then i did a rock and then i did a rock cruise and forgot that those pills were in my bag and when i got off the cruise in miami i got the full thrown in a room look through all my shit oh shit okay i said they tested it they did because they were just white pills and they go what are these and i go i don't know my cousin gave them to me when a dog bit me you might have rabies take him to court

so they took forever and they finally come back are you sitting there and just waiting or do you see this they finally come back uh i don't see them testing it but i do And they finally come back. Are you sitting there and just waiting? Or do you see this shit? They finally come back. I don't see them testing it. But I do see them. They're not looking at you? Yeah. No, but I do. There's definitely a lot of cops around.

And one of them was really nice to me. Kept kind of being like, don't worry about it. This is going to be fine. Did any of them know you? Yeah, the one that knew me was nice. I love that book. Yeah, yeah. No, this guy, don't worry about it.

Because the guy was pulling shit out of my bag that they could have also gotten me for like vape pens and stuff but the guy the other cop ago that's no big don't worry about that it was those pills that the other guy couldn't go don't worry about it because nobody could identify what they were yeah right i like your show but i like my job my life better yeah So they went and tested the pill and came back, and the guy that went and tested the pill was clearly crestfallen. He was sad that it was just something. Just aspirin. It was just something.

It was just aspirin. It was over the counter enough that they couldn't. It's white ibuprofen. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I had a small enough batch. Maybe I had an amount you can have of whatever that was but they but they let me go fuck that that's scary and that was a dog

there too that was the one that got me uh in trouble and it was such a cute you have a happy looking dog what happened you're just walking off and you just get boom tossed because what what did the dog do they all grabbed me and like I had a backpack on with my computer in it. And they started taking that off. And I got a little defensive because my computer was in it. I just didn't want to, you know. Yeah. Let that go.

And they just were like, you know, put your arms down. They made it very clear they were going to take the backpack off of me. And everyone's seeing this as you're going off the boat? People that are also getting off, maybe a handful maybe saw it. I didn't hear a lot from people about it. Like, oh shit, what happened? Yeah, but the funniest thing with security in a cruise ship is the very first 311 cruise I did,

the layout where people were waiting to go through security was such that you could see the people when they get through security. And so when I got through the metal detector and the bag search or whatever, when I got through that, all the other people waiting, they all applauded. They're like, thanks, guys. Like, that's not going to make this security people yeah right like you made it it's not tsa but the cruise ships it's like old school tsa you know where you just go through the metal detector it's there's no x-ray right and your bag goes through the uh the belt even a big bag even like a full-size bag they have a big enough

belt that you just go through that way with it or i should say i did that because as a as an artist on the ship you can do that but the regular passengers have to check their bags outside and then they put your bags you know next to your door inside and they can you know look at them look in them in the meantime but for anybody who's concerned about it the tsa does not care about your marijuana i just talked to him about it because i've been reading about on the internet and i went through like this just when i was going to phoenix go i just walk up this guy go let me ask you a question you guys really will let us take we he's like well hold on a second he's like we don't let you but if it's not gratuitous if it's a personal amount we're not going to stop you and bother

you with it if you're trying to roll three pounds in a bag over here then yeah we're going to fucking bust you but if it's a personal amount we let you go and they said but you're at your own risk if you're going to dallas and dallas doesn't fuck with Dallas and Dallas doesn't fuck with that, they don't care at all. It's take it. Right. That's it. But still, we are walking off a plane, so there's no search at that point. Right.

So as long as you don't light it on fire on the spot. We came back from Jamaica. Well, I'm not talking about foreign travel. I'm just talking about domestic. Yeah, you're right. There's no one there. There's no one going to check and see what you just brought off the plane. Yeah, there's barely people checking the bags.

Every once in a while, somebody will be like, do you have that ticket or whatever? But yeah, you're right. They're barely looking at that. So you can cruise out of there just fine. It's funny that they say that because you don't really have to worry. I'm like, are you going to call ahead? drop a dime have you ever uh we can't bust you but i've got friends in other cities i'm gonna call nashville right now let them know you're coming yeah have you

do you all have you always travel with it uh not always no it was definitely once things started me too before 9-11 i would fly with it i just put it in my pants in a baggie and i'd walk yeah yeah shoving it and as long as it was in plastic you walk through that old school metal detector same one that they have for this cruise ship so that's what i'm telling you if you're going on a cruise ship is that you know just don't have, you know, don't put your weed in a baggie that's also got a handful of change in it. Make sure there's no metal in your marijuana. That's what I used to do.

And there was one time where I just didn't bag it up really great and um i used to take my hoodie and ball it up and use it as a pillow and i take the window seat and i just didn't like i said it wasn't it wasn't sealed all the way and i just moved and i just smelt it like and this lady sitting next to me just looked over and gave me one of those i just went to sleep she didn't say anything yeah my bag uh a lot of times my carry-on when i unzip it to get something out you know you're in such close quarters there like in coach that like i know people are smelling smelling my stinky stuff but the tsa has been hilarious lately because for some reason my bag that i have weed

in is getting pulled aside a lot for other things because i just have a lot of random junk in there like one time they pull it aside because of a garage door opener and this how did that get in there i always have it because it's a garage door opener to my building and i just take it with me when I travel because then when I get home, I can definitely get it to my garage. But, you know, I'm paranoid about leaving it in a car. So that, you know, but it's true. The TSA guys were passing it around and laughing.

They were handing it off? Like, why would he be traveling with this? Because at first they were like what is this yeah you know because i guess you could think it's like a remote to set off a bomb yeah sure but why doesn't it but why did this one group pick it out and it never every other time it goes straight through and this last time that they were looking through my bag the guy just looked through a bunch of stuff. Like, it's like literally taking pipes and little canisters of weed, like a clear one, even literally taking them, holding them, setting them down, just going through, checking everything. And then he finally just goes to me. Do you got like a torch in here?

A torch. And I go, no, there's a few lighters but no torch and he goes all right and then just puts the stuff back in like gives up what took your word for it i'm tired of just looking through these because i got so many stupid little random items you know like i've got a pile up there like we got uh somebody uh doing a barbecue back in 21 c with a torch right now. Not sure if we want to get a TSA heads up about the checks. Over. A torch. Yeah, do you have a torch in here?

No, no. But nothing about the weed. Just right back in the bag. Just a Morty doll. I had the guy hold up a Morty doll and look at it. You have the weirdest shit when you fly. I've got, on the cruise ship, I got these pair of these gold sunglasses that have sideburns on them so you're like instant elvis if you put them on and like they're just looking through shit like

that that i just that i just don't i don't take out of my bag so i don't need it for anything at home so you just leave it in there you know i leave all my disguises it's just such weird it's a garage remote elvis glasses a torch yeah it does sound and then just lots of lots of weed products and like a hat and uh you know and my headphones and like just as much as you travel like a random bunch of random it's my you know it's my random bag like the one thing that if i have that at least i've got you know a few things that I need. Do you pre-check? TSA pre-check? I haven't signed up for the program because for a long time, United is like my frequent flyer airline,

and for a long time they would just give it to me themselves. Oh, I see. But then recently TSA made it much more restricted. They don't just let the airlines just pick whoever they want randomly uh to be tsa pre so i i only get it like once in a while but i've also just gotten very good at getting through uh security there's one at lax if you just hang a hard left after they check your id and just kind of go past a few lines, there's a line all the way on the end.

This is in the United Terminal. There's a line all the way on the end where they don't have the x-ray machine. They only have the old-fashioned one. So, you know, you could still have some stuff in your pockets and walk through and not set it off. So that's what I want to go back to. So I do that. I haven't yet flown with weed. Well well since they've said it's all right but they just put it right back in the bag they don't fuck with it at all and that's because they were they were secondary

checking my bag a lot of times it just goes through the guy with the x-ray looks at it and it goes through fine just for every once in a while you either get pulled aside uh they do random bag checks where the machine will just throw a bag to the side and say check this one and then they also do uh you know if there is something that they're wondering about what it is that was another one that they pulled out of my bag one time was i had a big rubber bong that like in the bag must have looked more like a dildo but uh but it and it felt like one too is like that kind of rubber it's a really uh interesting uh bong that um they just pulled it out one of them said what's this and another one said that's a pipe and the first one said oh and

put it back in my bag that's what I'm saying I'm blown away by that they do they just put the weed and everything back in it's not like cops will with just cause they don't use like oh he's got a bong we should search everything to find the weed they just want to know what's this thing that's a bong

have a good day once they find what they're looking for they don't keep going. Yeah. But my heart doesn't even race anymore when they do it. That's how sure I am that they're not going to care about the weed. It's gotten that casual, especially at LAX. But I find that to be the case everywhere.

I still don't go crazy with it. I'll still play a fun game with myself where I have to try to smoke all the weed that people give me before before leaving town dude how you have to get a lot of fucking oh yeah yeah and i'd get more if i encouraged it i don't really you know go out of my way to say hey give me weed i just it just happens and uh i love it it's very cool It's very cool. It's very cool. But I'm also glad that's the other thing about being able to fly with it. Now is that, you know, you bring it home,

you find that random joint in a pocket that you forgot about and you traveled with it anyway. And you were real cocky cause you didn't know it was there. I'm still nervous. I'm still, I just feel I'm even nervous out on the streets when you know i remember being in denver a few years ago and i was doing comedy works downtown and after the show i was outside with a few of the people working there we were smoking a joint these two cops came down the alley and right away i was you know i try to hide and they were like no and they just

walk right the fuck by and i couldn't get over that feeling. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that feeling. My girlfriend and I saw a good one in Austin, Texas, during this last South by Southwest. We were walking down an alley after just having smoked in one end of the alley, and we were walking end of the alley and we were like walking out of the alley and it's a very busy alley during south by because it's just right behind sixth street where all the activity is so the alley is very busy and we're walking along and

we see a group of like 10 people in a circle uh all smoking and then we also see headed like right towards them uh three cops with two guys in cuffs that they're arresting but like the you know the not regular cop outfits like almost like swat team outfits way over the top like really yeah really aggressive like and these they've got this guy they've got these guys i I mean, there's cops everywhere, so it's funny that they're smoking it all. They're being that blatant about it. Me and my girlfriend were just kind of like passing it back and forth quickly in an alley. These guys are just chilling in the alley

and one of the three cops carrying the two guys down the street just screams at them, pay attention! That's why they got... They got arrested for being stupid. No, because he was busy, so he couldn't arrest them. But he's just like, you guys,

you know, like, at least play the game a little bit of pretending to worry about whether we would care or not. Help us help you get high. So you, here's what I want to ask you, because you and I had crossed paths a while ago and not in comedy in the promo world, but what was your first job? What was the first job you had growing up? Oh, it's funny you should ask, because I've been thinking about that because of the, you know, everybody's tweeting. Oh, yeah, five jobs.

Five jobs I've had. So I broke it down into five jobs, my first five jobs, and then I also did the five jobs that I did when I moved to Los Angeles to be in show business. And that was just sort of bragging because I was cocky enough to think I could just do jobs that have something to do with show business. And I bent the rules. I don't know necessarily how much recruiting people to go to market research screenings counts as show business, but I'm still trying to get people to go see Cocoon. You know, I still might add the screening, you know, when I'm counting the ballots, I might, you know, the comment cards, I might see Ron Howard, you know, or, you know, the filmmakers might be there, you know, so that sort of counts.

But stuff like that was how I, you know, started. And I managed, I got lucky to never have to have a real job that was, you know, outside of, you know, show business. a real job that was you know outside of you know show business the writing promos for a tv network that was like that became sort of a a real job and that's why eventually i stopped doing it still for show business though at least it was yes and i also worked myself into the pro you know i paid my i got paid to write and produce the promos then i got paid to be a voice in the promo you did all right you did voiceover too yeah oh you were you know that's a nice parlay yeah there was you know because it was the wb network and the premise was you know there's this you know lot in the valley of los

angeles where they make all these all these great shows and michigan j frog is like the mascot of the lot. And we came up with this idea to have like on mash, the loudspeaker or wet hot American summer or meatballs, a just loudspeaker announcements about things that are happening on, on the WB. And then, uh, you know, one of the people in charge is like,

Doug, do you just want to, do you just want to do the voice? And so I did it, you know, as an example or whatever. And they were like, that's good. That'll work. And then for like, I don't know how long it lasted, a couple of years, I was just getting these amazing voiceover checks. Like my salary there, like tripled just because I was doing, and you know, and I just be like, I think we need to go to the, because i was doing and you know and i'd just be like i

think we need to go to the uh and it was just uh you know it's just a shot of a loudspeaker uh you know up over the uh yeah that old the back lot uh at the wb so um yeah so that was a that was a sweet ride for a while but then i realized oh oh, I'm just standing still pretty much as a performer. I'm not doing that much stand-up, just locally and maybe a little bit of road stuff. And I wanted to do more acting roles and maybe... I mean, all the stuff I've ended up doing since I left that job. And actually, they let me go before I left it. I mean, it wasn't my idea to leave.

They were like, well, we don't really see this position as being necessary anymore. And then the WB fell apart not too long, a year or two after that. But when they let me go, I wasn't, uh, I wasn't like, well now this is what I do. You know, I wasn't like, I got to go get another promo job. But during that time you were telling me,

we were talking about before the show, that's when you got to run a role on friends. Yeah. I had to actually kind of like play hooky from my job. Like the lot I worked on is called the ranch. The ranch. Cause it used to be like, it used to shoot a

lot of stuff out there the friend's fountain is on that damn right yeah well that that is still there that's one of the things that's still there and some of that neighborhood right there were like uh beauty i think pleasantville and uh peewee's big adventure yeah and lots of stuff small soldiers was like also that was the fun thing about working on that lot is that, you know, I could just wander out of my office and go and stand and watch them, you know, shoot something interesting. And you had that golf cart you were allowed to tool around a lot. Yeah, you could tool around in golf carts.

But the Friends Fountain, I didn't, you know, I wasn't, I don't think I was working there yet when they shot that sequence or whatever, but that fountain is still there. What was the point of this story? You getting on Friends. Oh, yeah. So I got the Friends fountain right outside my office at a job where I have to not tell them I'm going to audition for a part on Friends.

And then I didn't really think it through because it was one of those things where they just brought in three people to audition. They were just like, let's just bring in three people that the casting director likes and we'll just go with one of them because it's only a couple of lines. And so it was me and two other dudes. And they're like like we're going to tell you on the spot if you got it or not and once we tell you you've got it then you've got to go to rehearsal rehearsal's gonna happen right away damn yeah so within 15 minutes of being told i got the part i'm standing there saying those lines with jennifer and her, she is there. Yeah, because they just took me right over to the set. And they're just like, okay, let's do the scene.

And we just did it like a couple of times. And then that was on a Wednesday. And I didn't have to come back till Friday, but I had to be there for like 12 hours. So I gave him some excuse for it, but I wouldn't be at work on that friday and then i don't know when maybe a few months years decade later i told those guys yeah i ditched work to go get a part of friends we just watched thanks for not noticing that's a guy's

that's a good thing well that's the thing is they gave me that one line, my mom calls it bloomies, that for whatever reason, when I say it, it makes people laugh. Yeah. Like I don't even, you know, I mean, I say it very enthusiastically, but I didn't really think of it as a punchline. But when we taped that scene, you know, first of all, they do the whole show in order and they shoot every scene multiple times and they take breaks to discuss the punching up jokes and stuff.

So it's like the taping goes into the night. If people leave, they have people waiting outside to take their seats. They have a warmup person that just is constantly giving away shit because they just, you know, want to keep them there the whole time and keep them up. So my scene doesn't start shooting until 11 30 p.m at a

taping that started like seven and uh and i say my line and the audience laughs so hard and for so long that jennifer aniston just has to stand there and wait for the laughter to go away it's just it's just not doesn't make sense you know like you can't put that on tv some guy wandering in and saying one thing and everybody falls out and then you know so they go let's do that again and we do it the second time and they don't laugh as hard and that's the one that you know that they used yeah but um uh honey do take what the fuck they used right yeah exactly so it was uh yeah it was all of it was very nerve-wracking to uh because i was you know very excited about the show friends and about like jennifer anson was probably my number one crush at the time and so now i'm in this scene with her where i'm acting like an idiot and she like blows me off and uh i mean i blow her off at the end of the scene but it

you know it looks like it's because he thinks she's you know blowing him or you know she's being mean to him or rude to him i don't know what i don't know what's going through that character's head i would have stayed in the game it was jennifer aniston looking like really like she was really dressed up like she had a nice fur coat on. Yeah. Probably faux fur. Courtney Cox standing right behind. It was one of her better hairstyles because, you know, after the Rachel, she had real issues

with making sure that she could come up with another thing that was as good. But yeah, I probably overdid it on the goodbye hug at the end of the at the end of the night no rap party you didn't get to go i mean she partied in the arms of brad pitt i'm sure oh is that because they were together at the time like when she wasn't in a scene she'd just be in her dressing room with brad and he was in there playing video games and whenever Matt LeBlanc or Matthew Perry wasn't in a scene they'd be in there playing video games with

Brad Pitt. Where else would you be? Ross was not invited. I wonder why. I like that you call him Ross. Yeah I didn't need to be Schmiltz Schwimmer. No he was the nicest of the boys. He's the only boy that really talked directly to me while I was there. Because you're not there for very long.

I mean, you're not really with them. But here was the craziest part. I'm a big fan of the show. Imagine you're a big fan of a show. And it's at its height. Yeah, and it's huge. And you're a big fan of a show. And it's at its height. Yeah, and it's huge. And you're there for the tape day, and you've done the scene maybe three or four times at most.

And the entire cast, which is just the six friends and whoever the guest stars are, so in this case it was probably like 10 or 12 people, they all just go into the makeup room while the ladies are getting their final touch-ups and they just run, you know, without looking at a script, all the lines of the episode.

So I got to just be in a room where the friends and everybody else just acted out an episode of Friends right before we were going to go do it in front of an audience. Acting is so weird. Could you imagine if I was getting my makeup done and you were like, Ryan, I'm just going to run my hour set real quick for you and you just started doing your fucking set

while I was getting makeup done. That would be so weird. Yeah, and I'm waiting for my scene is at the end of the episode. So I'm waiting through the whole thing. If I fuck up my lines in front of these people, I've got two lines. Did you drop yours during your part? Did you pipe up during your part when it came in the run-through? What do you mean, pipe up?

Like, when you had your... Get louder? No, when they were doing the run-through in the makeup room, were you in there, and did you include your line with her? Did you do it there, too? That's what I'm saying. We're all there to do our lines. You all had to do it.

We're all acting out the show. Oh, my God. Not just the main characters in their scenes the whole show the whole thing that is so weird yeah and but it's like i'm a huge fan of the show but i'm also like i'm alone there because i don't i kind of know a couple of the other actors but i don't really you know there's no one to turn and be like can you believe this right yeah can you believe this shit's happening and uh yeah and so then um you know they also make little comments as it goes along like uh creative criticism yeah kind of oh

yeah and you know i i gathered from being there that Lisa Kudrow and Matthew Perry were the most hands-on about their lines and stuff. But at one point, Jennifer, Ross is saying something. And Jennifer Aniston goes, Jennifer Aniston goes, I would never be in any kind of relationship with that person. Like, she just straight up just says that she would hate ross and not want to have anything to do with him i would have shattered everything if he were and then uh and then in my scene with jennifer i say uh she says something weird that i don't understand so then i go

i'm gonna go talk to a friend and then I walk away. And when I said that in the run through line reading run through, uh, uh, and it's all just so that they can know their lines, you know, make sure they know their lines. But so then it's not like everybody's really acting it out. But I said,'m gonna i'm gonna go talk to a friend or whatever i say and then uh matthew perry looks at lethargica and goes he's gonna go talk to a friend great line i'm like dude i didn't write it i just said it oh but it's also like now i gotta go out and sell it for the audience so i got so i made sure that i gotta laugh when i'm gonna go tell you matthew perry

but he was on a bunch of shit at that time i think i think it might have been one of his more druggier times i knew i didn't think you were talking about different shows yeah and then um but then many years later i ran into him and interacted with him a little bit and he was super nice but also super sober so i could i could feel him judging me a little bit for yeah for being a pothead you dropped that fucking you know you know i didn't fucking write that line right bro your writers wrote that shit i let that go because i got i i didn't necessarily disagree with him about the quality of that line but you didn't write it yeah so here's what i want to ask you how old were you i want to go back to weed how old were you the first time you got high who or what introduced you to it? The first time I really

got into it, like got serious about it. No, smoked. The first time you tried, let me say that because it was a month before I got high. I got the giggles, I got the munchies, smoking it just on the weekends for the first month. And then

one time we... You're in Cottonmouth just hearing this. And then one time we got some weed from portland as i'm from maryland originally and man that got it all the way from oregon yeah and that got me high like high to the point i thought it was laced i was asking people if they could hear my heart beating you know what i mean i was like why are you guys not taking me to the hospital right now i'm fuck i'm over here dead and you haven't done anything about it and like go downstairs and fucking chill and relax for a little bit um so how how what's the first thing you got you in it when how were you when you tried it when i tried it was just in a circle with the hippie kids that live next door that i was just enjoying hanging out with with you know just wanted to fit in

and didn't you know probably didn't really even take a hit you know just sort of or maybe I just coughed and I don't remember being laughed at because a lot of times the person that's new to it and is coughing gets people laugh but it all seemed pretty chill and I

how old were you? it didn't make a strong impression on me one way or the other. I was probably about 17. Okay. But that's the weird thing is that as a teenager, I loved stand-up comedy and stand-up comedy albums. And I would listen. I had most of Cheech and Chong's stuff memorized. And then when this big moment comes up Like here's your chance to try Marijuana that your heroes

Do I just You know Tried it I was always so grossed out by Cigarettes and my parents Smoked cigarettes constantly Like they'd smoke with the windows rolled up In the car and the air Conditioning on like long

Trips like drive to arizona in a car full of fucking cigarette smoke so it was disgusting and so i just never i never got into cigarettes and then so for whatever reason also going to being like in the journalism and drama programs at a community college in san diego you'd think that'd be like everyone would be getting stoned everywhere but it just didn't wasn't part of my world i just went through the typical college drinking stuff just a lot of parties where there was you know too much drinking and then i moved to los angeles and still was more just into drinking and didn't really my friends that lived in la at the time that that were all trying to get into show business

and all encouraged me to make the move, none of them were potheads. So it took stand-up comedy for me to finally really be around people that had it and smoked it regularly. And the two people that really get all the responsibility for it were Brian Posehn and Greg Proops. Oh, great. people that uh really get all the responsibility for it or uh brian posain and greg proops oh great because the three of us were all on a bill together at the uh no longer there punch line in walnut creek california uh north of san francisco and uh yeah they just were smoking after the show every night.

And I started doing it with them. And then it became like, you know, kind of probably San Francisco's biggest pot mooch. Like every time I was in San Francisco, I'd just look up my friends there and smoke their weed, you know, and just a mooch in general. Like I didn't, you know, didn't really start buying my own for a while and uh you know regret that a little bit but you know i passed on it the first couple times i was 20 just started doing stand-up and there was an older dude that uh i went to his place just to

you know he'd been doing it a while we were going to write a little bit stuff and he was smoking he's like you want something i was like no and again same thing like loved all the fucking cheech and chong shit but said no and then another time says because i didn't start smoking till i was 21 i tried like you said a circle i got an ashy hit when i was 18 and i was like oh this is what weed is because i felt the same way about cigarettes and then i was a cal state northridge and this dude just walks in my room we'd hung out a couple times like i got the stickiest shit right now and i was like that's all right i don't and this shit well to this day two regrets i well maybe not i was in amsterdam at 16 i didn't need to smoke weed at 16

but i regret that one at northridge because it was a nug like this and it was purple and i and he fucking took he took it with a piece of paper and stuck it to the fucking fridge and i and i've never forgot that i have never fucking forgot that and i was like god i wish i took a hit of that fucking weed that should have been my that should have been my first one you know but maryland we called it practice weed that's all we ever had was practice weed until the good shit started coming from the west coast and we're like here we go that's the other thing it's like i just really came up in a time when you know there really was bad weed everywhere like it was really a thing yeah it was really like uh and um you know now of course it's starting to change quite a bit but even as few as a few years

ago when i was traveling people would just be like you know uh geographically like oh the weed's no good there they're you know or we're we're currently as having a weed drought or whatever you know yeah and it was always uh yeah it was uh it was much uh much trickier now it's just like i i can't think of the last time somebody gave me something to smoke and i smoked and went oh what was that that didn't do anything that wasn't that's a good point that was you know i mean yeah i say all the time scientists are growing these damn things now you know farmers i always watch murder mountain have you seen murder mountain i have not it scares me it's scary it is fucking scary yeah people are always come to humble it's great up here it's i just did

heaven on earth yeah murder mountain it's beautiful up there it's gorgeous i have been and i love it i have been once before but i just had no idea it was so scary but some fans said don't go to murder mountain i was like huh and then i googled i was like jesus christ as we're driving through the redwoods i'm reading this and like oh my god how many people are missing yeah and they murder you where right when you drive in right when you drive in oh i owe you fifty thousand dollars i'm just gonna fucking kill you like oh okay yeah i'm scared of that i don't because i do want to go back to humboldt and i feel like if i watch that it would it would uh color my uh yeah you might wait till

you come back from home yeah that'll be a fun thing to watch soon as i get back soon as you get back yeah i'm coming humboldt don't you worry about it do you still drink yeah oh yeah you do yeah i've gotten pretty good though though. I think I've gone... I should get myself a chip for this, but I think I've gone like 90 days without a hangover. Oh, wait. Most people tell you how long they've been without a drink. That's what I mean. I'm saying that there should be a new version where it's like, hey, I'm not an alcoholic.

I've gone 90 days without a hangover. Because, I mean, if you're a real alcoholic, you're going to, you know, you're going to have hangovers all the time. Yeah. And that's, but that's my new, you know, and I may drop it back from there. But at least right now I'm at the not drink, you know, I'm still drinking, but not enough to have a hangover. Or like, you know, of course, now tonight I'll drink a ton and have a hangover tomorrow. But for the time being, I feel like I'm good at it. You're like the cow ripkin of no fucking hangovers, bro.

Yeah. Because the drink I drink is Tito's and soda. And so if I just go give me a soda water on ice with a straw and drink it. It feels like the same thing. Yeah. So the trick is to just be so high all the time that I don't know whether I'm drinking or not. Be like, honey, order me a drink and then wink. And I don't know.

I don't know if she's getting me a cup of soda or and if mixed if it's mixed right i won't know the difference oh god yeah you know like bartenders that think they're doing me a favor and pour extra titos i don't you know i don't like it as much i don't want to taste it i mean i want to taste it in you know, I get a buzz going and it's, you know, there with the soda. You want to experience it. You want to taste it. Yeah. Feel it. Yeah.

I want to be aware of it. Right. But I don't need to be all about it. These are all, like, just phrases you can just supply to anything. You should make a line of bumper stickers for all this shit dude for sure what's the um what's the worst most drunk you've ever been that's a hard one to put my finger you said you've never been arrested so you seem like a responsible uh yeah i mean you know when i was in junior college i would drive there

was like a denny's near the college and you know and i lived at home in uh like i had my kind of like my own room downstairs in a two two-story house and um the downstairs was just the garages the bathroom and and two bedrooms and so i had had all that to myself. So that's what encouraged me to not move out until I was like 22, is when I finally moved out of the house. And what was the question? Oh, yeah. You got it? Yeah.

This is my favorite game to play, the way what were we just talking about so you know so i'd like go have some drinks after a night class at a denny's near the college and but then there's still like you know a five or ten minute drive to to get home that involves some, some tricky, you know, maneuvers and stuff. Um, so I do remember on more than one occasion being like, Oh, I am too drunk to be driving right now. I'm one of those people that should have got a DUI at least a dozen times in my life, maybe more. Um, and just always, I just was lucky that I didn't hurt anyone or myself or, or get a DUI. But, um, but that was, you know, that was also college years or, or I should say my

last college year. Cause I was like 21 in my third year at community college. But also there's been so much talk lately, you know, somebody wrote an op ed about how, you know, if they, if these progressive Democrats, if they eliminate everybody's student debt, that's a slap in the face to everybody that's paid off their student debt. And it's just like, well, yeah, but that's, you know, progress in life is a slap in the face to everyone. Everyone.

I mean, my parents had to use a remote control. I mean, had to get up and change the channel. You're flying with them now. Yeah. I'm flying with remote controls. My parents are like, now we got to get up and change the channel. Still, to this day. I get frustrated when, like, you know, hotel TVs and stuff, if the remote isn't working, you can't just go change the channel on the TV.

No, you can't anymore. That's right. You can't do it. You just gotta not have TV. But what was the point we were making? Oh, that when playing that five things that I did for a live, know five jobs game on Twitter I wanted to say I wanted it to be clear that I just you know some more supported myself through junior college and then you know college college wasn't it wasn't really an option and now I don't have a crippling student debt ever I mean I never had it because I went to community college, and they got me as far as I needed to go,

which I think that everyone needs two or three years to figure their shit out. A hundred percent agree. It just doesn't necessarily have to be at an expensive college. Right. It shouldn't cost you 50 grand a year. It should only be an expensive college if you want to go into law or a doctor. I mean, I bounced around in community college for, well, I went two years,

but bounced from like psychology to physical therapy to I don't even remember what the fuck my last, oh, I can't remember what my last one was. And then when I got to college, I was like mass comp. I like entertainment. What the fuck am I doing? You know, and, but you're right. That's an expensive, you know,

if you're going to switch majors and shit, I agree completely a a couple years. You should get a city college. And plus, if you transfer out, that's very affordable. You live here in California, it's really affordable. And then you're only paying a two-year tuition on something that's ridiculous instead of doubling that for yourself.

So I agree with you on that. I'm glad. I'm glad we're with you on that. I'm glad. I'm glad we're not fighting. No, I'm tired of fighting. But that's, you know, that's something I've brought up. I think anyone that wants to go into any of the, you know, the arts, you know, anything where, you know, having the degree really isn't going to get you the job.

It's the skill that you have is what's really going to get you anything like acting or singing or the arts, basically. I just want people out there to know that just jumping right into it is maybe not such a bad thing. Most of the greatest comics of all time started when they were in their teens. You know, I feel shitty for starting at 22. I did my first few open mics, not even open mics. I worked at a club in Baltimore when I was 20. I did about four shows, five shows, and I didn't do stand-up again until I was 27. Wow.

Yeah, late. What age were you when you started smoking weed? 28. It was 28. Okay, that is late. I was 21, and I thought I was late. It was about the time I was really starting to get work. I was probably opening a lot of places,

but I was featuring that week. Brian Poussain was the headliner. He had a truck at the time, so he'd pick up me and greg in the city and we'd drive out to the gig uh every night and then uh yeah after every show we'd smoke and i think they were both post-show smokers at that point i think but we've all grown to become and have periods of just being high on stage as well you know smoking all the time what was that like the first time you were high on stage did you enjoy it or did it not go well

or i think initially it was a little like whoa this is like this is fun but also it's giving me extra levels of uh you know worry and fear that wouldn't necessarily be here if i wasn't know worry and fear that wouldn't necessarily be here if i wasn't uh high but then like the thing that really got me used to it was we did uh yeah i play uh off broadway called the marijuana logs me and two other comics and um the to me the most genius aspect of that was that it was a parody uh mostly just in form rather than content of the vagina monologues you know with the title marijuana logs but then also it's three people sitting on stage taking turns telling stories about marijuana instead of about vaginas but we did it the same format as them where they since it had kind of a rotating cast of vagina monologues, nobody would ever memorize it.

They just have it written in front of them. And, you know, of course, after several performances, I'm sure some of those actresses would, you know, do it, you know, from their mind. But the great part, and I do that too, is I eventually memorize all the pieces. But the great part is knowing what's next all the time. Never having to think about, you know, what's going to come next. You just turn the page and there it is.

Oh yes, this. Okay, here we go. And you can look ahead while the other guys are talking and stuff. Yeah. And so that got me really used to being high on stage because we would just get, you know,

we were in a backstage with no back door. And once the house opened, we couldn't, we just had to sit backstage for a half hour before every show so so we're just back there smoking pot that's all there was to do let's just get high and you know we had alcohol and and we just sit back there and get fucked up and then you know then it would be time to start the show and we'd walk out and um yeah so uh it just got me really used to being high on stage and not having it bother me.

What's the percentage of times now that you're not on stage or in front of a mic? Let's just put it that way. I know we all do so many things. I'd say 1%, 2% maybe. Really? Is it just because you forget it? Wait,

you thought that one to 2% was a high, it was a high number. Yeah, no long flights. But even then, you know, if you, you know,

you time some edibles correctly, you're good now. Um, yeah, I mean, uh, sleep sleeping, but I only, I sleep for like five or six hours whenever I go to sleep. No matter what time of day or night, I can sleep for five or six hours,

then wake up and start going again. So that would probably be the longest I go without it, because I usually start in the morning. That might also change a little bit. I'm just trying to figure out what's best for me in terms of just feeling good. And so this no hangover thing is also making me need to wake and bake less because I'm not waking up with a headache.

When I wake up with a headache, I definitely want to smoke some weed because that will make it, if not better, it'll just make me happier about being in so much pain um so yeah so it's just a matter of you know finding the uh the balance but you know with the traveling i'm doing that's like that's the longest i go without smoking flour is being in the airport and being in the next airport. Now that you can travel with it,

I always have it when I get to a new town. That's so nice. I'm going to take your word for it. If I get arrested, I'm fucking hitting you up. But also just bring what you'd want to have for the time period between when you arrive there and when you're going to run into somebody who can give you more. Exactly. So maybe a couple of nugs, maybe a couple of grams or

something. And don't carry them in a thing that's clearly labeled that it's marijuana. Go ahead and be a little paranoid about it. Put it in a unlabeled thing. Or even if it's a couple of nugs, I'll just put them inside some rolled up socks put them in my check bag if you're checking a bag i've you know only anecdotally it's never happened to me but the worst i've heard that happens to check bags if they find a little weed in there that they might keep it yeah yeah you know so i hear my my cousin's a retired crime and he said they they would keep all the good weed. And a lot of times, after they got tested, if it wasn't a random, they'd all smoke it. Cops. Yeah.

Of course. Everybody. Well, brother, I know you got to get out of here. Oh, shit. You do. So thank you so much for coming on here. Well, you want more time. Whatever you want.

Social media, shows, whatever you'd like to promote, please. DouglasMovies.com that's where you go for most things me and i can't wait to be on the crab feast i love you that's all I have to say well thank you so much for coming on I am Ryan Sickler on all social media RyanSickler.com we'll talk to you all next week Take care.