The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Dr. Drew - The Dew with Drew

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Dr. Drew! Dr. Drew and I Highlight Lowlights about unsuccessful relationships (that’s my specialty), not being ready to accept love (me again), and being healthy enough for a healthy relationship (Drew’s department). You’re never too old to get better! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: UPSTART Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to UPSTART.COM/HONEYDEW RAYCON Raycon’s offering 15% off all their products for my listeners and here’s what you’ve gotta do to get it: Go to BUYRAYCON.COM/HONEYDEW. That’s it. You’ll get 15% off your entire Raycon order. MEUNDIES MeUndies has a great offer for my listeners: for any first time purchasers, you get 15% off and Free Shipping! your first order and free shipping go to MeUndies.com/HONEYDEW If you’re not satisfied with any product for any reason, they’ll refund or exchange it. No caveats. No questions. SKILLSHARE Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com/HONEYDEW and get a free trial of premium membership. That’s Skillshare.com/HONEYDEW.

Hey guys, I want to remind you about the show I'm doing Saturday, April 10th. It's at 6.30 p.m. specific time. I'm doing a live Dumb People Town with Dan Van Kirk and the Sklar Brothers. It's the Honey Dumb. There is a limited edition poster available with proceeds going to the charity I work with, Outreach Through the Arts, with At-Risk Youth and the Santa Monica Police Department. All four of us are going to sign it. We're going to be highlighting some dumbass lowlights.

OK, tickets and posters are available at DanielVanKirk.com or you can search Dumb People Town on Eventbrite. This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Upstart, Raycon, MeUndies and Skillshare. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media.

Uh, thank you for your support. The YouTube community continues to grow. Please subscribe. You're getting audio on Monday video on Tuesday. And if you'd like another episode a week, my Patreon is the honey do with y'all where I'm highlighting the lowlights with y'all and y'all have some fucking stories. I tell, I,

I, I'm speechless for once. The stories I am hearing and getting back, I knew we would get wild stuff, but there's just no way to predict what you guys are bringing. So look, it's five bucks a month. I know that's a lot of money for people right now, but if you're in for the long haul, you can sign up for a year. You'll get over a month

of free episodes. Alright? Santa Monica Music Center where I record here, I want to tell you about the program we're doing, Outreach Through the Arts with the At-Risk Youth in the Santa Monica Police Department. I'm just very excited about it. We're teaching kids about podcasting, cameras,

everything that goes into a free podcast that isn't free to bring out there for you guys to shit all over every week in the comments section. So very excited to work with these kids. You'll be hearing me talk more about that. I want to promote it. And if you or someone you know is looking to take music lessons, SantaMonicaMusic.com, you use the code HONEYDOO,

they'll give you a free lesson when you sign up for a package. All right? That's it. That's the biz. We're over here highlighting the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers, as I always say. Today's guest is back. I'm very excited to have the one and only Dr. Drew, y'all.

Welcome back to the honeydew. Speaking of lowlights, here I am. Look. And I love that they shit all over you, too. All over. I did one episode, which we're not going to talk about COVID today. We did one episode when I actually had it. Did one episode with Giannis Papas

about his experience and mine and the tale of two Coronas about how he almost died. Yeah. And we were, I still don't have my smell or anything.

What are they going to shit on? What's the problem? They're sick of hearing about it. And I was like, this is just our story. This is what happened. I had it too. So now you and I get into it.

Right. Let's share our stories together. You kindly came on After Dark, my show, and talked about this stuff. Listen, man, I've looked up to you for so long. It's a pleasure to sit across from you at any point. You lose weight?

Yeah, I'm eating better right now. I'm trying to do better by myself. I have a five-phase plan when I became a single dad, and unfortunately health should have been at the top, but mental health was more than physical. I'd rather – at this point in my life, Dr. Drew, I'm not trying to work on my abs or anything. I'm trying to work on me.

Good. You know what I'm saying? Well, you started therapy after the first time I'm – yeah. You got me on to the – I had this – real quick, promote everything you'd like first, please. Go to Dr. Drew. It's all at DrDrew.com. Just go to DrDrew. good dr it's all at dr.com just go to dr.com it's all there so my daughter almost got hit by a car and it unleashed this anxiety that apparently had just

been lying dormant for decades that i didn't even know was in their building or you know working its way up and that made me just just, in a sense, lose it. And two things that stood out were I became incredibly scared of heights. And I mean realistically. In a plane, that looks cartoonish to me. But three, four stories up looking over, like, whoa. Anxiety can generalize. It can start to move into other areas and sort of amplify other phobias and things.

It was that and it was flying. It wasn't even a landing. It was the takeoff. Once we were up, we're good. Yeah. And it got to me. And you said that when you had reconnected with your father, some things like that had started to shift for you is what you had told me. In my therapy, yes.

Yes. Yes, in therapy. But I had fear of flying before. I had horrible anxiety disorder for a long, long time. I mean, you fly nonstop. How did you get over it? For a while there, it was bad. And it just – it's one of these things – I'll tell you what happened.

The way fear of flying goes, it's usually somebody who doesn't have it and then it kind of comes on and then it goes away very suddenly. OK, good. You're ready for it? I'm ready to turn the goal away. And I had to fly – this was – we did some crazy promotion back when Ricky Rackman was my co-host on Love Line Years Ago. Ricky Rackman, yeah. And he was going to get married in Las Vegas. He was my partner on the show at the time.

And Julio Iglesias was going to be the officiator. And so he sent his plane. Actually, to go home, we got on his plane. And it was like flying on a magic car. It was unbelievable. And it was so comfortable and I could talk to the pilot. I could see – You see what's going on out there.

I was able to fly without anxiety. And so my head just went, oh, you can do this and don't have to be in a state. It's possible. It just like – it was almost like a learning. Like the anxiety just shut off. And that was it. I got over it. Tom Segura took me. So what was bad? What would it be?

What would happen? Taking off and landing were terrible. It got generated. I didn't want to talk about it because it's going to make you worse. But people dropped a few things here and there. I remember in college, a friend of mine was going, do you ever look out the plane window and see how those wings look so flimsy? That kind of thinking. Or I was sitting next to a pilot once, getting this all in college,

and the guy goes, yeah, once you get up, you're fine. But getting 40 tons off the ground, that's dangerous. And I'm like, oh, great. I used to love the feeling of shooting down that runway and taking off. It felt like a rock star. I do now and uh when when segura took me on we were on this private say i'm already like we were on this private jet that was coming back from nebraska in a snowstorm like here we go fucking richie

valens here it comes he's like well we have to upgrade to a a bigger jet that can handle this i'm like oh you know i don't like can we just so we get on the thing and we take off and you're right. It felt like, it felt like this just magic carpet lift up and go. And then I said, why I'm talking to the pilot. So I'm like, where's the turf?

Why is this so smooth? And they said, we fly up, we fly above the turbulence. I'm like, huh? They're like, we fly 10,000 feet above commercial airlines.

I'm like, there's nothing up here. Like nothing. And that did it. I was like, this is, Oh, we zoomed. And I was like, there's nothing up here? Like, nothing. And that did it. And it's faster. I was like, this is, oh, we Zoomed? And I was like, okay. Yeah, it's like you can do it.

It's like you manage your anxiety and it goes away. It dissipates. It sort of extinguishes. But what I was talking about, my anxiety was, it was not connecting with my father, which is an interesting thing you said there. I thought it was. It was connecting.

Well, listen, you'll like this, Dr. Freud. It was connecting with my feelings. And I'm wondering if your thing is maybe more connecting with father, which is kind of interesting. My mom is what it was with me, yes, for sure. And so I was distanced from my feelings, and all I could feel was anxiety. And I got connected up and that was with my work man it bull you changed me because you sent me to a therapist you said have you ever

done emdr and i said you said you would know and i said no i haven't done that i've turned you've met lana yeah she goes all to the same person um several people i know do as a matter of fact same therapist yeah yeah and and that she is great and And I never – I'm blown away by the amount of people who have messaged me and said I've started therapy because your show – I've had a couple professors say that this is required listening now. And I'm like, whoa. I am beyond flattered and just I love it. It makes me feel so good.

Part of it is that if you can do it – I mean this in the most positive way possible. If you can do it, anybody can do it. Believe me, you're right. But not in the sense that it's hard to do, but in the sense that you're the guy that everyone expects just to sort of muscle through and not get into this stuff. And here, look at all the benefits you've derived from it. I can't get over it. I never set out to do – I didn't even know there were people that outside of my family and close friends that would laugh at their trauma and take real deep, dark shots at it. I say all the time, one day a friend of mine just out of nowhere was like, hey, Ryan, your dad's still dead, right?

And it fucking still makes me – like everything that's going on in that makes me laugh so hard. Still dead. so hard still dead so one thing i have not been able to do though in my life and i know why well i shouldn't say i know why but i know where it originates is to have a successful relationship so not only do you have a successful marriage you guys are banging it out like what three four nights a week or i mean it's it's crazy and you've been together for how long? Married for 30. Together, more like 38. It's insane. Because I tell this story about this older black guy named John Lewis that I worked with at UPS. Shout out to UPS Baltimore Hub Primary on Joe Avenue.

And he took me under his wing and trained me a little bit. And he was Reggie Lewis's uncle from the Celtics who had passed away. And I'm enamored by this guy because he's just an older black guy. And any time an older black man would talk to me, I'm listening to everything they have to fucking say. I didn't grow up with a dad after 16. I'm looking for knowledge in any nook and cranny I can get it. And this guy is training me on the job.

And we're talking one night, and he tells me he's married, like you, 30 years or whatever, and it's Friday night, 4 in the morning. He's going to go home. And he's like, I'm going to fuck my wife. And he said it with i was like god with energy a lot of purpose and i'm like what's the secret and he said ryan you got to make that pussy pop and he screamed and i was like oh the secret to a longevity is pussy popping so are you what's your version of pussy popping dr drew what is your secret of pussy popping, Dr. Drew? What is your secret?

You've got to want to pop the pussy. That's my secret. There you go. You understand? Yes, I do. And he did. He was excited. If you really, really, really, really wanted to at the beginning, if that's something in you, then it's probably going to stay there.

It's probably going to stay with you. So you feel that if that passion is there at the beginning, you can sustain that. Yeah. It really has got to be there, though. I think it's very important. I'm not saying that all relationships have to have that, but it's a very steady glue that if you've got, really helps. Okay.

But you're talking about both partners. It can't be one person wants one and one's like, I'll just do it. But there's many, many versions of that, right? It can't be one person wants one and one's like, I'll just do it. But there's many, many versions of that, right? The receptive partner might like the passion coming from another person and feel gratified by it and her passion may respond to it. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to come equally in the same way from both people, but it does have to fit together with the same intensity, if that makes sense. It does.

Absolutely. Yeah. So, I mean, look, my parents had a failed marriage and I'm sort of was in the same pattern. My dad and mom split. They got back together and tried it again. So did I. Well, for the longest time, it's always been in any relationship I've been in. It's like, oh, we're not a good fit together. But I never I shouldn't say I never I got there quicker than most people. I was like, man, you're the common denominator in all your bullshit. I realized that I'm the common denominator in all my relationships. And I realized

I haven't had success in any long-term relationship, not one. And sometimes I'm certainly at fault for doing dumb shit. I've cheated before or I've just neglected or whatever it's been. But I wanted to learn what I'm bringing to the table, and I'm learning what I'm bringing to the table. And now I practice so much more gratitude and being present. And I learned that from being a parent too. Like, hey, man, you got to do that over here too. Yeah, it makes a big difference.

Yeah, it's a huge difference. And also just helping out with these kids, like all these things, ways I can help other people is beneficial. I see some of them in me. I'm like, man, I wish I would have had like Alana in my life when I was 16 or 17. I feel like – I do feel like I've been stunted in a way. I say this. My father died at 16 my mom's gone i feel like it's stunned to me 10 years in certain aspects mom split the family early on she did you go back

and talk to her since i mean when i turned 40 41 yeah but um not since 18 you know but where was i saying well all the shit you brought? Yeah. Everything I've brought to it comes from these things. And I, you know, it goes all the way back to the beginning and I feel these traumas. And I learned that like the end of a breakup is you're feeling something you've been conditioned. I'm feeling these feelings of funerals and all these other things again are coming back. And it's just so overwhelming.

And then having a daughter definitely calmed me down. Oh, calmed you down? Yeah. I knew it would. I hoped I had a daughter because I grew up with brothers. Everyone's aggressive. It's all testosterone. Give me something a little different.

And she does. She makes me look at things in such a different way. So you're saying men and women are different? How dare you? Cancel this guy. Can makes me look at things in such a different way. So you're saying men and women are different? How dare you? Cancel this guy. Cancel. Cancel. Thank you for my daughter.

But I've never – I feel like I'm good at a lot of things. I feel like – I don't know if parenting is a long-term game. I'm good. I say it all the time. Right now. I'm doing a good job now. I know in two years I can fuck up and do something else. Well, it also changes too at each developmental stage it's a whole different task so right now

it's good i'm a good i feel just learned to bite a hole in your goddamn lip yeah that's it and that's the real thing i say all the time i'm a i'm a smart ass by nature and then a professional comedian on top of it to shut my fucking mouth is so hard and i'm i'm it's important skill it is it's it's and i've learned to listen and not be so reactive i learned the more you shut up and let someone talk the more they'll fucking say and give to you yeah i was so quick to want to have everything right away and get resolved and now i realized that most of the time if you sit they'll tell you everything and then the shit will take care of itself it's taking me a long time i was saying it stunted me by 10 years that's what i was saying yeah emotionally financial i didn't know anything about money i just knew save it spend it i didn't know how to make my money work for me and

i'll hell i didn't even have it to give to make it work for me you know and but as far as street smarts and hustle and grind i feel feel like I'm fine on that. I'm here on that. But learning about relationships, money, how to do this, how to do that, I'm behind. Yeah, the more subtle stuff. Yeah. Well, almost nothing is more complicated than human relationships, which is why when people start talking about polyamory and that stuff, I just keep saying, look, there are armies of people out there to try to help two people have a good relationship.

You bring another one, my head comes off. I can't keep it all straight. It's too much. It is too much. This circle of people I've been putting around me professionally and personally has been nothing but positive. around me professionally and personally has been nothing but positive. It's taken a while to get that, to cut those, you know, anchors off the ship and let that shit go.

But I see the more and more I surround myself with good people, more and more good things are happening. Well, of course, right? Right. That's another good axiom. Just anybody that's listening, take that one home. Put that one in the bank. That's a good one. It's taken me a me a while you know this person i feel sorry for we're still talking to this guy about he's still in the same place since high school like you gotta go bro you're not even

working on yourself if you don't work on yourself you don't bring anything to the table i can't fuck with it it is really it's frustrating and sad to have i'm almost like that that makes me crazy right yeah i hate that let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, Upstart. If you have multiple credit cards, you know that tracking multiple balances, due dates, and website logins can be stressful. Upstart makes things simple with one monthly payment in one place. Upstart is the fast and easy way to get a personal loan to pay off your debt all online. Whether it's paying off credit cards, whether you're consolidating higher interest debt or you're funding personal expenses. Over a half a million people have used Upstart to get a simple fixed monthly payment. I know a lot of you out there have. That's why they keep coming back,

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slash honeydew. Our next sponsor is Raycon. Now, I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm always looking at a screen now more than ever, especially. And whether you're an avid news watcher or if you're in serious need of a distraction, unplugging yourself is easier said than done. One of my favorite ways to rest my eyes and still get the content I'm itching for is by putting in my Raycon wireless earbuds and listening to something great like the honeydew. earbuds and listening to something great like the honeydew. Whether you're catching up on your favorite news podcast, bringing an audio book, or powering through your workout with a pumped-up playlist, a pair of Raycons in your ears can make all the difference. You know, look, they've been sponsoring us for a while. And again, thank you guys for supporting Raycons. They're great. A bunch of you hit me up about them. I'm telling you, they're affordable. They sound amazing. I

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And the best part, Raycon makes great sound accessible to everyone with wireless earbuds starting at half the price of other premium audio brands. Raycon is offering 15% off all their products for my listeners. And here's what you got to do to get it. Go to buyraycon.com slash honeydew. That's it. You'll get 15% off your entire Raycon order. So feel free to grab a pair and a spare. That's 15% off at buyraycon.com slash honeydew. Buyraycon.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. So what do you attribute? Talk to me about some things. Did your parents, I can't remember, were they together? Yeah, and so was my wife.

Were they in love or did they stay together? They stayed together. Well, I couldn't tell. They were so emotionally sort of not there for me that I don't know what to call it. They certainly – they probably wanted to be together, I think. But I wouldn't say that – it was a bad enough relationship that I used to think to myself – I used to fear marriage because I was just like, well, when it comes to – you have your fun, you work, you get married, then you die. That was sort of how I saw it. There was no enjoyment coming after marriage.

And I was shocked to find it otherwise. Really surprised. But yeah, they did not have what I would call a healthy relationship. But they stayed together. And so did my wife and her parents. And I think that script of the parents staying together did have an influence on us. It makes you not consider divorce when trouble hits. It's not on the table.

You just, all right, how are we going to get through this? How are we going to deal with this? What's going on? What's the problem? And you don't think – I mean, if it's something catastrophic, you may say it or talk about it, but it's not really on the table. It would take a lot to put that on the table. So did that inspire you to want to have a healthy relationship where you want to stay together? I mean, is that something you openly discuss or is it just something that's inherent in your relationship?

What we discuss is more about the importance of building family and being a family and having that – well, there's two things that young people don't think about when you get married. You're not just building a relationship. You're building a life together. It's a life. And if you have children, you're building a foundation for your children's lives as well as the sort of the central point of this thing we call family. And people don't like do a lot of family building these days. You know what I mean? Yes, I do.

And that's sort of weird. That's what humans are sort of designed for is to have these extended family systems that support each other. Yeah, I just had a conversation with my brother about that. Like, yo, you remember what we come from. You remember how we grew up. Let's make sure everybody's talking and checking in because if something happens to us, our kids are going to need to be, they're stuck here. Let them know each other. So, all right, you're the most busiest person on the damn planet. You have three kids. Where do you guys find time? How do you carve it out throughout your relationship?

Let's talk about early years. Where are you finding it? For the relationship? Yeah. Where are you finding time to have sex and one-on-one time with each other? We did not have a lot. Not just sex. But at the beginning, I was working 20 hours a day, seven days a week.

I don't know how my wife put up with it, frankly. She was a very independent person, and she was very quickly consumed with babies. We had triplets, and so her thing was 20 hours a day too. So we went into survival mode for about 10 years. Ten. Maybe eight, eight years. Okay, that's good to hear, though. Well, five for sure.

It's a full survival mode. And eight to ten. And I started therapy in there when the kids were about one, two. Why? Why did you start it? Well, we had a child that needed a brain surgery. We had a very traumatic experience. He's now in law school and killing it and stuff. So it all turned out fine, but it was very scary when that went down. And my anxiety disorder became insane. I guess I was nuts to deal with. And I remember Susan called me at work one day. I was at the psychiatric hospital and she goes, hey, hey, you need to see a therapist. And she called to tell me that. And I thought,

well, that's kind of interesting. And I was busy as F. And I would run around and go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know. I really, it would help me with my work. I'm going to do that one. And she goes, hey, you need to do it. And it literally set a chill down my spine. I got the message. She's like, do it or else because this is not working for me. This sort of was in the message. Like, you're losing it.

It's hard to be around. I mean, it was so much packed into that. Call somebody. And I put the phone down and called somebody immediately. And best thing I ever did. And what – so three kids, nonstop hours. How do you do it now then? Where are you making time?

Now it's great. Now we work together. We travel together. She's producing all of my digital stuff. And she has really great – she's really good at it. And she has purpose and feels good about it. So it hasn't always been this way. We're together all the time now.

Now you are. Almost to the point where she's like, I feel too much. Don't you want to go have dinner with Ryan tonight with Corolla or something? But it's been great I think. And so I feel like we're in a weird way maybe closer than ever we're in a weird way really? yeah after 30 years it's weird

it doesn't feel like that it's all compressed in our heads and both of us we do talk about this we're kind of experiencing time in the same way we both feel like we're 24 same as when we were 26 28 whatever this. We're kind of experiencing time in the same way. We both feel like we're 24. We're just

same as when we were 26, 28, whatever. Same, same, which is weird and good, lovely to have that renewing. What would you, if you're being honest about yourself, what would you say your weaknesses my weaknesses, I got lots of them. The anxiety stuff is always bad. I have a, I'm, although I've compensated for this, you'll hear this from other people who you don't want to,

it doesn't seem like this is true. I am very shy. I'm super shy. If I don't have a purpose in what I'm doing, I just completely withdraw. I get that. Okay, good. I'm not a chatty what I'm doing, I just completely withdraw. I get that. Okay, good. I'm not a chatty Cathy.

I've never been there. It's worse than that. I can't walk in a room and feel comfortable unless I have something to do when I walk in. At one point, I feel like I have to work at rigorous honesty. I mean I am rigorously honest. I had a tendency to exaggerate and my wife used to call me out on it. And now I just – I always try to live by – and I didn't always do this. I want to live by Kant's moral imperative,

act as though all of your actions are a moral principle. In other words, whether somebody sees you or not, act as though somebody is looking at you and judging you no matter what. I mean these days everyone has got you on camera. Just do it. But it's the right thing. It's being a good person. I read that – what's the quote I read the other day in somebody's toilet?

Character is doing something for someone when no one is watching. Exactly. I rigorously live by that. OK. And honesty is part of that too. And I do – and over time it has become – it becomes very easy, very fast interestingly. Once you adopt that as your just ironclad strategy, it becomes habit. I do a lot of – listen to a lot of podcasts on virtue philosophy and stuff.

And they always talk about, you know, what do you do if you find a wallet full of money? I go, I don't care. I would find the guy. I would give it back. I don't care. I don't care. What if it's a million dollars? I'd find the money.

I'd give it back. It's like, I'd do it. I would do it. It's like, I do it. I would do it. It's like – but those are the kinds of thought experiments you got to do with yourself. So when these things happen, you've got to be – and stoic philosophy has helped me with that too. Do you ever talk to Ryan Holiday? No. Good guy.

He might come in. That's going to be coming. All right. Okay. Other weaknesses I've got. I am actually not sturdy physically and probably not emotionally either. What do you mean? Like COVID destroyed me. I was destroyed.

I'm still – walking up these stairs is still tiring. Yeah. I'm still – I'm still – walking up these stairs is still tiring. Yeah, yeah. I'm not sturdy. I wish I could be a Navy SEAL, but I would have been out quick because I just am not that – genetically, I'm not sturdy. And so I have to work at pushing myself, which I find, again, also becomes really easy after you've done it for a while. But I can get sick really easily and I get tired really easily and shit that I wish I didn't. I have to push weights all the time and work out or I just completely regress in a day or two

because I'm just not sturdy. And that's frustrating. Other weaknesses, I think I can be irritable. Particularly after COVID, I had some personality changes where I was be irritable like particularly after COVID I had some personality changes where I was more irritable and

I don't dig that yeah and what would you say are your wife's strengths she is sturdy the exact and that's why I sort of know I'm not as sturdy as she is

she's like superhuman and that way like just doesn't get sick as she is. She's like superhuman and that way just doesn't get sick. She's like the flux capacitor. You're just going to push it. Put whatever the fuck you want in it. It's still going to work fine.

It all works beautifully. And so Oh, that's great. And I think when you look at how our attractions work in our body as males, one of the things you're not aware of, you just like something. You just, do I want that? But I think one of my motivators around attraction was that kind of genetic superiority because I was really – I was crazy attracted to it. I couldn of genetic superiority. Because I was really – I was crazy attracted to her. Like couldn't stand it.

Didn't know that she was this specimen genetically. She has extraordinarily good – this is going to seem like a very specific thing, but capacity for sequences. Explain that. Like she can figure out or follow directions on a very complicated production panel and sound. And that's all about sequences. And then remembering the

sequences and being able to adjust where you need to adjust within those sequences. I see. And absorbs and solves those kinds of problems really easily. Because I've got a math brain. A math brain. And absorbs and solves those kinds of problems really easily because I got a math brain, a math brain. And her brother was a mathematician and one of our sons is a mathematician. So that kind of came through.

She's way more beautiful than I am. She's too good for me. I don't know. I hear all the girls call you zaddy all the time. They throw that Z on the front of that, Dr. Drew. They me am i a zim that made me a zim too maybe that's zay no the ladies love you you know it you know the ladies love you dr drew so yeah all right here's another question i want to ask as a doctor who people look to for advice, opinions, and all that stuff. How do you learn from your mistakes?

Oh, constantly. This is what people don't understand. I look forward to mistakes. I look forward to being wrong. That's how my mind grows. That's how I learn things. The one thing, though, when I was, you know, I taught medicine for a lot of years. And the one thing I would tell them, I go, okay,

we're sitting in an ICU and I go, what are you going to do? Because I try not to bias their decision. I go, show me the literature. Give me an example. Someone's in septic shock and you want to use a certain antibiotic or you want to go after the cytokine activation that you just learned about because of COVID. Show me the literature. Give me the literature upon which you're based in that judgment. I'll look at the literature and I said, fine. And you make your decision. If the literature is flawed and you didn't see it, you're going to hear from me. But I'll look at your literature and see what you're making your decision on. Good, good. And then give me your logic and what you expect and what do you think is going to happen here.

Now, this is where I got harsh. What if you're wrong? Or what if it doesn't work for whatever reason? What are you going to do? And if they would just look at me blank or I don't know, I would lose it. I said, I want your backup plan. No problem making a mistake.

No problem. What's your backup plan? That backup plan, you maybe need two or three. You better think that through and have that. When I ask you what you're going to do, you better be able to tell me and then tell me why. So I always kind of think that way. So I do have backup plans. I always – and I don't mind making errors.

I'm not going to be perfect. I'm not. There's no way. Well, I watched everything with COVID and then you own it right away and people are still going to say that shit. Let me ask you this. As frenetic as I see you,

do you work better under stress or do you work better calm? Or both? Because I'm feeling like everything... If I'm in ICU, I'm feeling like, okay, you're assessing like this. And then I feel like after that it's a slower process. I actually think I get a little high off spinning.

Lots and lots and lots of stuff going on. But I hate the crunch of time. So I hate the idea that I'm spinning and going and going and, oh, shit, there's 10 more things coming down the pike and I have 20 minutes to do all of it. I hate that. If everything would fall into line with the schedule, the busier the better in the given unit of time that I have to do it. It's the stuff that comes pouring in. Like you just saw my phone going off. That drives me crazy.

That drives me crazy. I don't want to be bothered by other things when I've allotted some time to do something else. The fact that I have time set aside to do three things at once later, fine. That's then. I just don't want it coming in now. It bothers me when stuff bleeds in. It's tough. That's why it's tough to see outpatients in medicine because you've got another one sitting outside every 15 minutes.

I really don't like that. I like spending whatever time I need and then move on to the next thing. What's been your favorite part of medicine? Or the medical field. I really was good in the ICU. I like that stuff. Like blood doesn't gross you out? No.

What's the craziest thing you've seen in an ICU? It's like impossible to come up with an ICU. Did you ever save a motorcycle accident? Save? Yeah, yeah. You mean like out in the field? Anywhere. Usually those guys are gone.

Many, many. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we get them back. Yeah. But I don't deal with the trauma. I deal with exotic medical illnesses and infections and crazy stuff. And it's kind of why I got into addiction medicine because – what's that?

Exotic illness. That's what – You went on exotic illness? Yeah. I mean are we talking about the ebolas and things? Yeah, radio ass and everything. Interesting strokes, syndromes and stuff. But it's kind of why I got into addiction medicine was I was moonlighting a psychiatric hospital and I saw these – I started working on some of the cases and I saw these young people go from dying to like amazing.

They were like, what? What happened to them? In medicine generally, you go from like critically ill to chronically ill. You know what I mean? You're not better than you ever knew you could be. And so that's what got me fascinated by addiction in the first place. Like, wow, these people are dying and they can be beyond, not just better, but better than ever. How incredible.

The human body amazes me. I have friends who, especially the opiates that were in comedy, and these guys are telling me they're popping 25 a day. And I'm like, how? I feel like if I took 25 Advil, my body halfway through would be like, fuck, and throw it up. You're talking about Vicodin and Norco. So the average Vicodin and Norco is 30 to 60 a day. That's the range they usually get into. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

I've seen a guy do 100 a day. 100 a day. Don't they not poop? Some of them get into that problem, but they'll compensate with all kinds of laxatives and stuff. But he went deaf. He got what Rush Limbaugh got. He took his hearing? Yeah, he went completely deaf, like bone deaf.

So am I allergic to those? My reactions are I literally will sweat. I will throw up. I will get hives. I will get the itches. Here's the great news. You don't have to worry about opiate addiction. I hate it. That's right.

I don't like it either. My doctor's got it on file. He wants to give them to me. I'm like, no, I'm not. I will sign a document refusing to take their opiates. But I actually, I'm so aversive to them that I'm a little jealous of my patients. They love them so much. They must be experiencing something very nice.

So is that a – Genetic. Is that genetic reaction? It's not – I mean, the itching and the formication. Well, that's the heroin and shit in there. Yeah, it's sort of an allergy. It's just an intolerance that people get from it. It's called formication, like ants crawling in your skin.

God, I fucking hate it. Yeah, I'm always the same way. But everyone's different with their stuff. What – all right, as a father, okay, I'm now, my daughter's six years old. Okay. All right. We're going through,

we're getting ready to go back to school one day a week, hopefully two at some point. God bless. I think, look, I'd rather my daughter be a good friend than a good student.

I would. I don't want her to be Fs. And I don't think she will because the other day she looked at me and she said, Dad, I want to be the best student. I was like, that's what I'm talking about. Let's work on that. We got to work on that. It doesn't just come to you. So this homeschooling, I'm not qualified to homeschool. I should not be teaching children. Well, these kids I can. I can't teach her what's going on there. Yeah. But I feel like kids are missing out on

the hugs. Oh, this is a mess. The seeing someone get in trouble. You understand that no other country on Earth did this except America. I didn't know that. Is that right? The most stringent lockdowns I could find anywhere closed schools for two weeks. Two months, I'm sorry. And that's it? That's it. It's the longest

lockdown I could find in any country. In the world. That I could find. Now, maybe somebody can check me on that, but that's all I could find. And because they consider it an essential service, that you can't do that. Yeah. It's education. Education.

It's the trajectory of the rest of their lives. We are seeing social phobias. Think about this. You're supposed to develop the skill of social interaction at school. You're not going to get that opportunity. And then we're going to tell you stay away from everybody, six feet away from everybody. And if you go near, it's going to kill your grandmother. It's like you're nervous around everybody.

Social phobia is awful. I talked to a psychiatric colleague of mine who is a child psychiatrist. And so she's seeing a lot of 8 to 15- ago what do you see and she goes anxiety depression anxiety depression anxiety depression anxiety depression gets it's out of hand it's unbelievable yeah we have we have destroyed a generation well done well done we will look at the school closure as the greatest misadventure maybe the century but certainly of this particular pandemic. Yeah. Huge misadventure. Terrible. Man. It's disgusting what they've done.

It is terrible. I can't sit there. You know, when I watched a kid get in trouble at school, I was like, man, I don't want to feel like that fucking kid. I don't want that to happen. It would put me in check. There's a lot of – there's going to be these COVID kids that are going to be running around. They're going to be just probably pulling their dicks out and doing everything else. Well, that's already happening.

Listen, that's happening, and it's happening on the damn screens that they sent home with them. Is it really on the screen? Up 150 percent. What is? The sexting and stuff with like eight-year-olds and nine-year-olds using the very screens they sent home. Can you imagine this? No. I mean I can't can't i'm worried about it i'm worried about everything i've got a 17 year old i know you got anxiety it's good we got anxiety i i talked to him like you know for us sexually it was if you got if you touched a girl over her sweater if you touched a boo-boo. You were – man, I'm the king of the world. To get under a sweater, over a bra.

Now it's fucking fisting.com and everything else right off the bat. And I'm trying to teach them like we have a bigger issue because consent is everything. But we have to teach our kids that consent is everything. However, you got to ask if you can fist you've got to ask if you can fist. You've got to ask if you can shoot. I'm writing a book on consent with my daughter. You've got to ask if you can spit this girl's mouth. I'm writing a book on consent with my daughter.

It's coming out in September. Are you really? Tell me about it. I'm not allowed. It's sort of embargoed and stuff. But we sort of condensed – not condensed. We expanded the notion of consent to a lot of areas and relationships. And it's really kind of interesting when you

start thinking about it and really thinking through what's necessary for healthy boundaries and appropriate kinds of consent requests. Kids are confused. And my kids, you know, my kids are late 20, they're scared. They're scared. They, you know, college was, their college years was me too and they were like i

don't i don't want to be seen as that i don't so so they're afraid to ask they're afraid to afraid to certainly afraid to drink around a woman you know and then interact like you could be it's very very crazy let's take a quick break and tell you about our sponsor me undies me undies believes that comfort is about more than what's just touching your skin it's all about feeling comfortable in your skin. You're a total badass, and what you wear should only accentuate that fact. That's why MeUndies not only uses a sustainable, breathable, soft-as-heck fabric, but they also give you endless styles to choose from.

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Now, let's get back to the do. So what do you think? Give some advice to these kids out there now, or excuse me, parents of these teenagers right now. Like what do you think – how do you talk to a kid, especially a boy, because they're just such fucking horn dogs. I mean the girls these days, though, are like the new dudes. Good for you all, ladies. Yeah, but the boys still have –

The boys are just ridiculous. It's ridiculous. So how do we – you already know. I don't know what God was thinking the boys still have... The boys are just ridiculous. It's ridiculous. So how do we... I don't know what God was thinking when he gave that to 15-year-olds. You already know your hormones when we were at 16. Although they are a little... For some reason,

it's a little toned down a little bit. It's still all there, the same motivational... But I'm saying, how do you stop that locomotive when they can just go right to the internet and see porn the way it is now? Oh, that's what they do. How do you – Well, you be realistic about what they're getting access to and try to limit the screens.

That's really all you can do. That's it. That's all you can do. And then talk to them about it because we don't even know the impact. Forget on their sense of what is healthy sexuality and what a woman is. We don't know what it does to their brain. They're looking at this stuff at 9, 10, 11. I mean, if this were some random primate that we were exposing extraordinarily

stimulating material to, would we be surprised if it would affect their brain development? We don't know the full impact of all this yet. Yeah, it's a lot coming. It's a lot coming. It's a lot coming. Yeah, and I don't know. I'm very concerned about the mental health in this country.

I'm with you. I'm worried about the kids. Also, I couldn't imagine if we had lost a summer of our lives, a year of our lives, in the prime of your life. It would be one thing over in the 80s. I don't need 88. Fuck 88. But 9, 10, man. How would you come back to Little League?

How would you even do that? And you'd have a whole new set. Everyone's at different stages of development now. You didn't get the opportunity. Maybe your dad took you out and threw the ball around a couple times. You didn't play any games. How would you? Just that.

Just that simple thing. So you – I talked to a lot of people from this podcast who suffer depression as well, and you said suicide is up. Up, up, up. Really? What age range? Are we talking about everybody? Everybody, but it's up in young teens and teens and particularly young females.

But that's been coming for a while. It's just accelerated. I think the group that got most affected by this is 8 to 15-year-olds. I think that's the group that is really going to be in trouble from this. And we have to – it's not just about getting their cognitive development back on – and their social development back on track. It is their mental health has got to be dealt with. And, you know, that's not a parenting issue.

That's a medical issue. Parents can be helpful in stable environments, attunement, you know, just be there, presence. They don't need a lot. They just need you present fully emotionally, eye contact, you know. And here's some advice. You know, with the females, they're more conversant around 10 o'clock at night, 9 o'clock at night because of the way their hormone cycling go. So if you have questions, open-ended questions,

how'd your day go? Sit down on the bed, 9 o'clock at night. Males, better, particularly if you're a male, side-by-side. Let's go shoot some baskets and then start talking. Driving a car, we're both looking forward. Two males are very uncomfortable, eyeball to eyeball. And you're good, though. Two males are very uncomfortable eyeball to eyeball.

And you're good, though. We're good right now. I'm good. I took my stepson out on a – he was like, will you take me out to drive? And I was like, yeah, but I'm putting GoPros in the car. And we're about to release it here in a little bit. It's called Learner's Permit. And it's him learning about driving but learning about me, me learning about him, him learning about what it was like when I drove.

Perfect environment for that. When he's telling me – yeah, and we're just looking straight ahead. And when he's telling me about smoking, I'm like, smoking what? And he's like, vapes. And I'm like, what a different fucking world we're in. You know, vapes. Is he talking about weed or tobacco? He says he's tried.

He's tried the weed, but he doesn't like it. He doesn't smoke. He's not really drinking. He's a pretty straightforward kid, but these guys that don't drink, don't smoke, don't want to. Fuck a lot of people. So, you know, it's somewhere. There's something out there for everyone,

so we've got to keep an eye on it. If you're not drinking or smoking or doing something, you might be fucking. It's coming out somewhere. It's coming out somewhere. I just always think to myself what was god thinking doing that to a 14 year old what was he thinking oh and when you know my one of some of my favorite patients are my my transgender female to males who get exposed to

high-dose testosterone for the first time usually one of their first sort of reactions is to apologize like i'm sorry i didn't know i i wow yeah i realize how powerful that what the influence is you've been under all this time and it's like yeah and usually what i say is yeah started when we were 13 yeah how do you how do you think that felt when you're just a walking you have no idea what to do or what's going on no it's just i mean i'll be straight honest i let's see i was in fifth but it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade when I discovered masturbating. I was on the top bunk. My brother – my little brother at the time, my mom thought it would be a good idea to put me and my younger brother in a room and my twin brother in his own room and quickly realized I should keep the two that are going through the same shit in the same room.

But I didn't even know what masturbation was. I was just laying in bed. Listen, I remember in the sex education courses in the 70s, I couldn't understand the difference between menstruation and masturbation. There were two M words. That's all I could figure out. But I laid on my back, and I just was touching it, flicking it, and all of a sudden this thing happened. And I was like, oh, my God.

I broke it. No, I was scared scared but it was amazing yeah and then it was every fucking night till i was 48 years old um until every night until the tuesdays friday and i mean to this day it is a foolproof sleep aid for me if i can't get to sleep i'm knocking one out and i'm i'm done i go back to the spank bank or whatever boom i've been fortunate enough to have some good memories um so i i but i it dawned on me i was in seventh grade i'm i tell you between fifth and six i i do it and i'm just doing this thing where i'm just just sort of laying down and cat pawing the fucking thing i don't know any i don – I'm not talking to anyone about it.

You don't know what you're doing. I'm not telling anyone. Yeah, yeah. I'm just playing with my own body. Yeah. And I know that like after an hour, something happens. That's it, yes. And I fucking love it.

And then one day, I will never forget this. I'm not even part of the conversation. I'm standing in line waiting to get into like math class. It's seventh grade. And I see these two guys that i knew talking to one another and one of them says something the other one goes oh and he does this and i not even in the conversation from the back of the line i see the grip on my dick. It's a mask.

I remember it so vividly. It's all going to be like, why am I not grabbing it like that? Oh, my God. But again, embarrassed to ask anyone. Of course, of course. Talked it. And there was no jerk-off.com I could go look at. Now you can get a tutorial on how to make a woman squirt, how to get blowjobs, all of it. Anything.

Their average age of exposure is like age 10, 11. It's crazy. 10 or 11. Yeah. It's so easy to get. Well, if your kid's on screen, assume they're getting exposed to it. It's just – Well, my daughter was playing this damn garfield game on and i watch

and they do these told me about this yeah they do these ads in between and it's a fucking a girl that walks in there's a her friend and her boyfriend are in a shower silhouette and it's like what would you do i'm like what the fuck what is it i'll pay the dollar to get rid of these ads god damn i think that's in there so they set it up how do you like when you grew when you grew up who did you talk to about sex nobody oh your parents never sat you down no who uh was it taboo or was it just no i figured out on your own figured out on your own i didn't feel there was no i didn't feel any pressure or energy negatively. Oh, I had a babysitter actually and I think about it. She was like a 25-year-old teacher or something.

I was like, you're going to explain things to me. She's like, no, no, no, no. That's for your parents. I go, uh-uh, explain. How old were you at the time? Teens? Early teens. Yeah.

12, 14. Did she tell you? Yeah, she was pretty good about it. It was a very matter of fact and whatever. And it was like I'd forgotten about this. You put her on the spot. I didn't put her on the spot. I drilled.

I was like we are not going to – I'm going to say you raped me. No. No. But it was good. That was at least where I got some information. But it's kind of why one of the things that motivated me to do Loveland, that there was no sort of place for people to go. And at that point, it was urgent because we had HIV going around.

Right. And I was listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci at the time, who was encouraging us young guys to go out there and educate. And I admired him a lot in 1984. Fauci's been around a long time, huh? Yeah. He was a big deal during the AIDS epidemic. Yeah.

And so, yeah, so I started just answering questions. I also had a really terrible experience in college when I started getting depression and anxiety in terms of how I was managed and treated and stuff. It was really bad. And there was no adolescent health at that time, and there was weird stigma around mental health, and I just thought, treated and stuff. It was really bad. And there was no adolescent health at that time and there was weird stigma around mental health. And I just thought that's insane. And it's pretty easy to understand these things.

And infectious disease, sexually transmitted diseases were shrouded in Latin and they're called venereal diseases. And yeast infections were called maniliasis. And it was just unnecessary. And I just thought these are easy concepts. Anybody can understand it. I'm going to answer these kids' questions and that's it. Yeah, because it was just like, it's not necessary. And I just thought, these are easy concepts. Anybody can understand it. I'm going to answer these kids' questions, and that's it. Yeah, because it is. It's frightening as fuck.

To see if you see something on your body that's not usually there, you get scared. Everything's scared, scared, scared. Sure, sure. And you may not know what it is because you have no clinical experience with it, but once you get a diagnosis to explain to somebody, here's what that is, is here's how to avoid it here's what you need to do with it it makes it all very simple and now there's google and they you know they don't need me so much that i mean i say it all the time you don't need parents you have the internet you can go out there and ask

anything but i do wish i had the internet when i was a kid. I would have absolutely known more than I – again, the internet put us all back 10 years. Yeah. You realize the information age hits and you're like, God. Yeah. And so there are, I think, advantages. You're right. And there would have been definitely distinct positive things that could have come of it and will come of it. But we – it has all sorts of liabilities that we're trying to manage and understand now still.

So good times, my friend. Dr. Drew, give me a time that – I mean how old were you when you got – when you were finally exclusive? What age? Exclusive. With your wife because you said you knew each other for a while. Oh, we dated for like eight years before we – we were exclusive for periods of time up to a year or two within that eight years. And then we'd sort of break up. Oh, I see.

OK. Yeah, yeah. And at the end, it was like, OK, this is like – there's something here. This is like ridiculous. I can't shake this. But it took eight years. You couldn't shake it. Well, the eight years was not about her.

I knew that there was something there with her. The eight years was me being just – men have this thing where when they're not ready to get married, they are not ready. And she was ready and sort of forcing the issue and that's what would break us up oftentimes. What shifted for you? I got old enough. I finished my training. I was sort of out in the world. I just wanted to know who I was in the world before I could make a big decision like marriage.

And I was ready. I was just ready. It was just different. And had we done it earlier, it would have been fatal. It would have been absolutely – asking what makes a woman – you got to be ready. It's not just about the person. It's about being ready where you are in your life. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's very important. Well, look,'s about being ready where you are in your life. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, that's very important. Well, look, I know we got to get you out of here. You got to get all the way over to Pasadena. I wish – I'm sorry I scheduled this. I've been doing this local news broadcast on Fox, Fox 11, which is not Fox News. It's the Simpsons family guy, that Fox. And it's right over here on Bundy.

And I thought, oh, it's perfect. I'll see Ryan. Yeah, 1999 South Bundy. I know exactly. I used to work in that building. It's where I met my daughter's mother, in that building. Wow, that's crazy. How about that?

Across from Lamps Unlimited or whatever. That's it. That's where we met. That's the building, right? On Armacost or whatever it is. Yeah, that's exactly where we met. What's that? I can't remember the name of the street.

But I thought, I'll head right up there after Sickler. And then it's like, oh, no, no. Because I got back from New York a week and a half ago or a week ago, they're making me not come back to the building for 10 days. Not sure. It's silly. I'm immune. I'm immune.

I've had COVID. But I get it. It's the policy. So here we are. Well, thank you for being on. Again, website, drop it, all that. Yeah, drdrew.com. If you sign up at drdrew.tv, we'll give you a blast out when I do streaming

shows, which I do on most days. And After Dark, which you've kindly been on and will be on again, no doubt. It's a lot of fun working with those guys. I know, they're the best. Well, thank you, man. As always, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media.

We'll talk to you all next week. you