The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Eddie Pepitone - HoneyPepitone

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Eddie Pepitone! (Apocalypse Soon, For the Masses) Eddie Highlights the Lowlights of growing up with a bipolar mother, suffering panic attacks, and a relationship with a much older woman. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Prize Picks -Enter promo code HONEYDEW at sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100 dollars! Raycon -Get 15% off your Raycon order at https://www.BuyRaycon.com/HONEYDEW  Babbel -Save up to 55% off your subscription when you go to https://www.Babbel.com/HONEYDEW 

Austin, thank you so much for an incredible weekend. I love your comedy scene down there. Vancouver, you are up next September 15th through the 17th. Edmonton, you're right after that, September 29th through October 1st. Tickets to those shows and all shows are available on my website at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler

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You guys know what we do over here. We're highlighting the lowlights. I always say to you, we're looking for a light in the darkness. These are the stories behind the storytellers. And ladies and gentlemen, I am very excited to have this storyteller here today with us for the first time here on The Dew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Eddie Pepito. Welcome to the honeydew, Eddie.

Thank you, everybody. It feels really good to be here. I'm a storyteller. Buddy, it feels really good to be here. I'm a storyteller. You know, they say that storytellers aren't happening anymore. Like we used to as a culture when we first started, right? And I'm talking about before the Greeks, you know, we would just tell stories around a fire. And now people text.

They text each other. And you really can't tell good stories, man. People need to get together more. Please get together more and tell each other stories. Well, let's tell some today. But before we do, I don't want to get too far into it. Please promote, plug, everything you would like. You know, folks, already you can tell i'm funny

eddiepepitone.com is the mothership eddiepepitone.com all my dates i am going to be uh in chicago on the 15th at the lincoln lodge i'm going to be at good nights in raleigh on the 18th at the Lincoln Lodge, I'm going to be at Good Nights in Raleigh on the 16th. I am going to be in Richmond, Virginia on the 17th. By the way, I only go one night. Okay, I'm in and out. I have the law on me. I have to keep moving. And I go by an alias, which is Eddie Pepitone.

My real name is Melvin Schmudnick. I'll be at the Idiot Box the 19th. I'll be at Idiot Box the 20th. I'll be at Macon, Georgia, August 25th, Atlanta, Georgia, the 26th, and on and on. So eddiepeppetone.com, and you can see me there in my social media, Instagram, at Eddie Pep, Twitter, at Eddie Peppetone, and that's it. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Melvin. Don't mention that name. All right.

You're an interesting person. You're an interesting character. You're always the guy that you can count on to break the fucking tension in the room, to drop the jokes, to make people laugh. Never take it too seriously. I love that about you. But I do want to get to make people laugh. Never take it too seriously. I love that about you. But I do want to get to know you better. So how old are you now, Eddie?

63. All right, you're 63. You know, I lie. I lie because of Hollywood. I'm really 79. By the way, you know, in Hollywood, you're supposed to, you know, lie. Like if you're 63, you're supposed to say, I'm 56, right? I could maybe get away.

Maybe. But I lie up. Like when I meet with people and I pitch things, I go, I'm 79. They're like, wow. You look good. That's how you have to play this town. I feel so old, though. You look good. That's how you have to play this town. I feel so old, though. 63.

Yeah. Where are you originally from? Where are you born and raised? I was born in Brooklyn, in a little town called Brooklyn. And I was there for nine years. And my dad finally bought us a house when I was nine years old and we moved to the quote-unquote country, Staten Island. Oh, yeah.

All the way out there. Okay. Which, you know, when I was a little kid, it did seem like the country because Brooklyn was so congested and everybody's on top of each other, you know. And in Staten Island, there were woods around me. We were one of the only houses on the block. Right now, my dad's house, he still lives in the same house, is just inundated with assholes. My dad is 90.

Wow. All right. He won't die, which sucks because I get the house when he dies. Dad, if you're listening, please die. I don't want to go. You heard those dates. Who wants to go to Greensboro? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? And Ryan and your audience, it's like he's not even having fun anymore. You know what I mean? When you hit 90, you're basically being dragged around by helpers. Like, here, let's go here. And it's like, what kind of fun is that? And your mom's gone. My mom did die, yeah.

She died during one of my sets. Yeah, she died during one of my sets. It wasn't going well, and she couldn't take it. You know, I was getting heckled by my father. No. Yeah, my mom did pass away. I think it was something like 15 years ago. And it was fucked up because she died alone, and I wanted to be with her, but I was watching the Giants, and they were driving.

They were driving. It was a playoff game. It was Green Bay, and I couldn't. They said, you got to get to the hospital right away. And I was like, the Giants are on the eight-yard line. The Giants are on the eight-yard line. All right, let's go back. You think I've alienated a lot of people already? I'm so dark about my family because it was painful.

Well, that's what this show's all about. That's exactly what it's about. So dad moves you guys out to Staten Island. Who's you guys? Are mom and dad still together at that time? Yes. And you have siblings? Mom and dad and my sweet sister, Susan.

Okay, just the two of you guys. Just the two of us. All right. You know? And who's older? I am three years older than my sister. All right. So at age, what'd you say, by eight, nine, you guys moved to Staten Island?

Nine. I was nine. Yeah. Yeah. And that was, what grade? I always go by grades. That was like fourth. I was going to say fourth grade.

Fourth grade. Okay. So what's life like there? You say it was painful. What starts to happen? Well, this is going to get a little heavy, but my mom was bipolar. And this is before medication stuff. She had electroshock. She was in and out of hospital, so it was dark. My dad was, you know, he was kind of a rage-holic, you know, and my mom was going in and out. So you can imagine, I just escaped into, man, I just escaped into two things. Weed when I was 14 and just playing tons of sports. One thing Staten Island was good for.

Not good for many things. If you're a reader, don't go to Staten Island. People don't read books. They communicate by hitting each other with baseball bats. But I would – I love hockey. And there was the woods and ponds and I would play hockey. You know? And it was amazing.

And my dad would play too. He was a good hockey player growing up. He played roller hockey in Brooklyn on the streets. Damn. But he was a good skater too, but he tore his ligaments, I remember, knee ligaments while we were playing, and he was down for a long time, I remember. Yeah.

I was like, get up. It's 2-2. You got to play defense, motherfucker. It's 2-2. We're not stopping. Ligaments can be just ice it. No. So, yeah. Okay.

So, back then, you say your mom's bipolar. Was it diagnosed back then as bipolar and they just don't know what to do with it? So, they're treating her with different methods, medications, that sort of thing. You said shock therapy was one of the things? She had some electroshock, which I believe they still do. You know, I do it every time I try to plug in my toaster. I have a fucked up toaster. We're never going to get through.

I have a fucked up toaster. Folks, if you have a fucked up toaster, you may be able to heal yourself through electroshock. No. But, yeah, and medications. But I don't think they were as good as the medications today. Today. What sort of relationship? Like gummy bears are terrific.

What sort of relationship did you have with her? Were you able to have one? Not really. have with her were you able to have one not real you know i loved her of course but it was it was not great because my mom would go really bipolar like like hallucinations on the on the um mannequins you know they called it manic depression back then okay and then on the depressed man she would she would be bedridden for a long time. And I'd be pissed. I'd be like, I wanted fucking attention, which is now why I seek.

You're getting a little sense of why I'm a comedian because I didn't get that mom love. So I'm all about like, I want to be loved, you know? And that's why I drive a Honda Element. It's a, it's a, it's a tooth. That's why I drive a Honda Element. By the way, shouldn't commercials be like that? Like you give a story about your mother having an electric shock and it ends that's why i drive a honda element because there's room to weep in that car it's boxy it's good oh my god what's your relationship like with your dad do you stay away from him you say he's a rage a holic are you scared of him my dad i i you know also i mean how do you not love your

fucking family right but it's fraught with shit and he is he is a fucking pill you know what i mean he's 90 and you're supposed to mellow at 90 but he really he really hasn't we still have things you know he's become a lot more supportive of me when i first told my dad that i was going into comedy he wanted me to be a doctor you know and i was like i remember walking into the bedroom and say to him dad and i'll never forget um i'm gonna study acting i'm dropping out of i was going to fordham university i was trying to please him to be a dentist. Great school. Be a dentist.

And my teeth, I should have been. Just to get my own teeth worked on. I probably would have dentist friends. I don't know if dentists can work on them. So imagine me working on myself. And I'm talking to myself going, now now eddie you raise your hand when it hurts but um so you go to tell him huh i told him that i'm i'm gonna go into acting because i and and acting you know i love doing acting in manhattan and but every fucking scene that i did people

would laugh like i'd be doing death of Sailor Man and people would be laughing. So I knew comedy was my landing place, you know. And comedy was a way that I fucking got out my shit, you know. Like I would make my friends laugh insanely and I was hooked from about – I think I started making my friends laugh like when I was, when I moved to Staten Island, you know, because it was nothing really to do on Staten Island. You know, there still isn't, but I would, you know, we'd be standing around smoking pot and I would just go into characters and they'd be like, oh, he's funny. You know, I love that.

So what point then do you head to the city to pursue this? Okay. And can I ask one more question? Sure. Fordham is a good school. It's not cheap. Is dad paying for this? Yes.

Extra disappointed? Yes. All right. Yes. He didn't want to pay for it, you know. He was all about me getting grants. And I'm like, look, I don't know how to get a grant. No, they're not easy.

No, they're not. They had a little more money, I think, for students back then. But anyway, I defaulted on my student loan year. They don't even go after me anymore because I just – when I get letters from banks, I just threaten them. Like I just say, I will drive around your bank until you fucking let that loan go, you know, because I'm good with Molotov. Well, anyway, Molotov cocktails. Anyway, you go to my website. I show you how to make them. It's all on Eddie Pepitone.com.

The mothership. the mothership the mothership i like that uh but yeah so what was the question the question is you moving to new york after you've told your dad is that the next step you leaving fordham and going to manhattan to pursue comedy and yes yes uh i went to school I always was still a city kid, thank God, because Staten Island was seriously like deliverance back then. It's more hip now, I think. But back then, man, it was like, you know what I mean? It was very rural kind of. And so I went to Brooklyn Tech High School.

And so I would travel. I was traveling like a coal miner when I was 14. I lived right next door to a high school, Tottenville. But instead, my father wanted me to go to Brooklyn Tech. First of all, I'm not a tech person. In chemistry lab, I would just fuck up experiments. Like I was terrible, but I traveled. I would get up.

It would be dark. I'd be going to Brooklyn Tech. But that kept me in the city because I was going through Manhattan to get to Brooklyn, and I always hung out there. And a lot of times I would just hang in the village. Washington Square Park became my favorite place. I would smoke weed and listen to music. And there was a comic. I don't know if you remember this guy.

Black comic named Charlie Barnett, who used to perform in Washington Square. And he was good, man. That name does sound familiar. I can't say. Yeah. He actually was on SNL for a heartbeat. And I forget what happened. But Charlie was great and died of AIDS back then. But, you know, so I was a Manhattan guy, Brooklyn guy, even though I lived in Staten Island.

And then I started studying acting, yeah, in Manhattan. And one of my first apartments was near the ferry. Like I moved out in steps and it was my first apartment. And this is one of the stories I want to tell you. So my first apartment, the only thing I can afford, you know, was a room with a shared bathroom. The Jack and Jill bathroom. Is that what they call it? Yeah, I learned on this show because I had one too in a place.

You did? And I didn't know what it was called, yeah. I don't even like that. Never even saw the dude on the other side. Okay. So this place, yeah, I had a room and there was upstairs and there was a room up there. And the guy who lived upstairs, I never saw him, but I heard him.

He was like the fucking Joker. He was, I come to realize, a meth addict. Back then, you know, that was like 1976, something like that, the fucking guy would, he would just be upset. I would hear him running, giggling, and I'd be in my little room. I had a hot plate, you know, I had a hot plate, and I would be like making just the worst kind of fucking food and I'd be getting high and I'd hear this lunatic. And I remember I had a this was wild. I had this girlfriend who was who was actually my friend had just broke up with this girl and he was furious at me that I was dating her, but I, I didn't care. She was very pretty. And, um, you know, she would be, she was in my room one time

and we're getting it on. And I hear this guy up, he must hear it. The walls were not good. And he would, he heard us getting it on. he was like, the fucking – like it was insane. And to my girlfriend's credit at the time, she was – she kept going – she was like hearing this lunatic. I mean he was a lunatic. But not only that, but her boyfriend was stalking me for a bit and he knew I was with her at that time. And he was knocking. I got the guy upstairs screaming hilariously. And this guy, his name was Spencer. I don't remember his last name. Spencer, if you're listening, nothing ever happened.

His name was Spencer. I don't remember his last name. Spencer, if you're listening, nothing ever happened. Yes, we had oral sex, Spencer. But how great is – how – you know, anyway, it was never intercourse. But he was knocking at the window. The window. My window, my front window. He was knocking at it, and she knew it was him.

And she was like, she just froze up, and I froze up too. I didn't want to deal with this fucking guy. He scared me. He was older, you know. And I got this lunatic upstairs and him knocking on the window. And he finally went away, and we did that thing where we just played dead for a long time. You know? But that apartment was so fucking nuts.

I remember when I had to leave, I had mice in that apartment. Mice. And I'll never forget. And of course, I was always stoned back then. I'll never forget and of course i was always i was always stoned back then i'll never forget um one point i was at the i was just sitting on my bed and i looked down and me and this mouse made eye contact at a moment with the mouse i had a moment with the mouse and the mouse i guess saw me you know when the mouse saw, it jumped straight in the air to eye level.

And I said, I have to get out of this place. The meth addict getting stalked. This little mouse coming up. And I got an apartment in Queens, finally. So we talked before the show about you said you suffer. Do you still suffer? But you did panic attacks. I'm on medication that really helps it.

Zoloft is designed to hit anxiety. So go back to when this first started. Oh, man, dude. And how did you even know what it was? I didn't know what the fuck. Are you freaking out like, oh, my God, I have my mom shit? Yes. You know?

Yes. Yes, that was definitely it. I was like, holy shit. So what age does this sort of hit you? About 59. No. About 59. No. No.

This shit was so fucking scary. I would say I was in my 20s about – I can't – are you good with dates? Like when this happened and this happened? You know what's funny? My past, yes. Last few years, especially, no, no. Well, the weed has gotten better. Yeah, it has. So I would say in my 20s and it it was like it first started manifesting. Like I would just be like this. I'd be like, oh, boy.

It would come over me, man. Like so scary. It would feel like a shroud or another being kind of taking over your body, and it would be in my chest. It really was kind of a monster. Now I'm able to visualize it back then. I just felt it in my throat, in my chest, and what would happen is that I'd be, you know, in particular places it would manifest and I realized it was some kind of claustrophobia at first, like I'd be on a subway, a New York City subway, scary enough, right? But then I'd be on the subway and all of a sudden I'd be like, I'd start to get nervous and that nervousness went to a level where I was just like, oh, my God, I can't breathe.

And I would do shit like I would turn to the person next to me. On the subway. Check this out. I would go, can you talk to me for a second? I'm having trouble. And that person, whether a man or a woman, would just get up and leave. They wouldn't even say a fucking word. And I even did it on the street to somebody.

I was having a panic attack on a street. And I remember that one was brought on. It'd be sometimes it'd be brought on by partying too much. Like I'd just be shaky from a night out. And I remember I was walking on the streets of Manhattan and I turned to a woman and I go, can you just talk to me for like a minute I'm having? And I'll remember just the way she backed away. I was like, wow, people get scared when you say stuff like that like out of the box like can you just talk to me i need help that's kind of yeah that's kind of a that's kind

of a horror movie thing can you just talk or really say i mean if it's sad and quiet too if you it's quiet yeah if it's set in a diner it's it's sad if it's set in the subway i'll never forget i'll never forget too how the panic attacks would manifest i remember one time i was bike messengering in Manhattan. I want to hear about this. Well, that was a crazy period for me too, because just picture bike messengering like down fifth fucking Avenue, seventh Avenue, just so crowded, so insane. And back then there were tons of bike messengers on the streets.

There were no bike lanes. I don't think, yet. Or maybe there were. And the whole, was it Quicksilver with Kevin Bacon? I think it was. They had a whole movie about it. And me and Bacon were very, I was up for, you know, because I was hot back then. I was exercising like crazy.

You know, I had a lot of work done back then. It is falling now. And the dermatologist told me this will last you, you know, up until you're 61. No, but I remember one time delivering, I would go, it was hilarious because I was the worst bike messenger in the world. Meaning I would do a couple of runs. You were supposed to work like they would want to get you to work from like 9 to like 6 at night. And if they sent me into the village, I would just end the day. I'd be like, that's it for me. And I just wind up in Washington Square Park hanging out with musicians or whatever.

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one time I started getting a panicky thinking, I went into their bathroom, I said, can I use your bathroom? They gave me their key and, you know, there's a couple of execs in there. And I started getting hives. That's another way panic or anxiety can manifest. I had these huge, and I'm like, I get paranoid if I see anything on my body. You know, whether I see a little black mark, you know, on my body. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Or if I just see, you know, someone who works in sales on my body. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Or if I just see, you know, someone who works in sales on my body, whoever.

But these were huge welts, hives. I don't know if you've ever had them. Not from anxiety though. Oh, like getting bit by something? Yeah, a bite, a rash, something like that. Right. I used to have a friend of mine that would throw up all the time before games, and he would break out.

It would look almost like freckles across his face. The hives would come out across his face, and he'd have to go to the sideline for a minute, and then he'd come back out every game. Oh, my God. Yeah. I learned that the way to get rid of it were antihistamines. Oh, yeah? It would fucking get rid of it were antihistamines. Oh, yeah?

It would fucking get rid of it like that, the hives. And I had to go, because that's when AIDS was just first happening. And one of the symptoms of AIDS was hives. So I remember I had to go to the doctor. Now, I had never had sex with a man. I was always rebuffed. So, you know, I would plead, you know know i couldn't even get a glory hole thing you know what i mean the glory hole they were like no thank you like they would just yell

through the plywood or the plexiglass they would be no thank you and i'd be like, please, somebody touch me. Anyway. Just hug my dick. Just hug it, guys. Hug my dick. So anyway, I was scared. My doctor was like, oh, this is a symptom of AIDS. And he worked in Chelsea where he was dealing with a lot of AIDS. And so I didn't have it, obviously. But it was scary.

I just went through this whole period. I would say it lasted. And you never knew. I never knew when they would come on. It doesn't say they were unpredictable. You're more like, oh, this is going to happen now. I didn't get on a subway for a while or an elevator. All of a sudden, I couldn't take elevators.

And to me, that meant claustrophobia. Like, elevator, can't get out, subway. You know when I would start to panic on a subway? When the subways would stop in between stations and say, there's another train ahead of us. There's a little delay. And I would be like, okay. You know, and it would slowly come on. Will you – is there anybody to talk with?

You'd have the whole car to yourself. Hey, what about – and I'd start conversational. What about the weather, huh? This system doesn't seem like it's going to move. This system. How were you on flights? That's even smaller than a subway. Yeah, I don't think I flew that much back then.

I would be driving, you know, like I would just drive. But you can open a window in a car. You could feel better, shit like that. You had control. I think it was. But you can open a window in a car. You could feel better, shit like that. You had control. I think it was the lack of control. I feel that. And the trapped element. Like, oh, it was scary, man.

So how did you start to work on it and beat it? Well, I was in therapy, and I wasn't on any medication. Okay. And finally, my shrink was like, you know what, Eddie? You have suffered enough with this. Because I didn't want to go on medication because my mom was always on medications. And back then, I was like, nah, medications are going to numb you. You know, I won't be as funny, blah, blah, blah.

I was the same. Worried. Same worry. Yeah. I might lose myself myself is this going to change who i am god forbid i'm such i'm so well funnier i'm so well put together if i'm not on a train or an elevator uh so she put me with a psychiatrist who referred me with a psychiatrist. She referred me to a psychiatrist, the dispenser of the meds, and they put me on a combination. Back then it was Prozac and Klonopin.

And I'll tell you, the Klonopin really knocked out that anxiety. Did it? Oh, yeah. And not only that, but it's very addictive, you know. And I got off Klonopin because I was always like doing this shit. Like I wasn't anxious, but the Klonopin was such a nice, mellow feeling that I would go, I think I am a little anxious. I wouldn't be, but I'd be convincing myself, you know, I probably could use a half. And so that was a slippery slope, you know, I probably could use a half. And so that was a slippery slope.

You know what I mean? But you're able to beat, you fly now, you're good on all this stuff. Do you ever have panic attacks anymore? You know what? They are rare. Good. They are very rare. And I realize when I'm susceptible to them.

And that is when I'm extremely tired. When I am tired and haven't slept, stressed about work, like getting to gigs, you know, an early, early flight, I have to be careful. Because an early flight, like if I have to go to LAX, and every plane out of LAX feels like the last plane out of Saigon to me, which is why I like the Burbank airport. I don't know if you know the Burbank airport. It is so sweet. It's like going to Andy Griffith's Mayberry town. Hi there, Bob. But actually, TSA Pre helps so much all over. Pre and Clear. I'm on both of those. You are, yeah. I zip through that shit. If they have it, yeah. Yeah, I never did the clear thing. But the TSA pre is amazing.

And I usually don't tell anybody about it because it's fucking great. And I don't want anybody else getting it. Anyway, yeah, so I'm okay now, but I have to be careful, man, if I haven't slept, you know. But, you know, I realized, too, that all of this anxiety that I was experiencing then was this accumulation. Yeah, tell me about it. of, I don't know, self-loathing, like unexpressed feelings, you know, like, you know, being

traumatized by my dad's rage, by, you know, my mom's depression, that kind of thing. And I never really got it out. And I think what happened is that it turned on me, like all of this stuff turned on me. And I think when I really started doing my comedy and committing, I started living my own life. Like I was kind of living for my dad and what he, and I still have this problem of trying to please every fucking body around people pleaser yeah yeah i think a lot of comics have that um and now i kind of go the other way where i just insult audiences but it's done in a fucking funny you know hopefully a funny way

where i'm where i say I don't respect you people. I just did 30 minutes and it was easy. I thought there would be pushback in Lincoln, Nebraska. You're soft. So I think it really had a lot to do with me living an inauthentic life, like trying to please fucking everybody. I had no idea who I was. And one of the ways this fucking anxiety manifested, I would check this out. This was scary.

I would look in a mirror and I would not, and I'm being serious, recognize who I was looking at. And I'd have to run out of the fucking mirror, run away from the mirror because I didn't know who I was. It was like a literal, you know, I didn't know who I was. And now I can't get enough of myself in a mirror. You ever look into your eyes and want to fuck yourself? And I have beautiful eyes. I have beautiful eyes. I have blue eyes. And I lose myself with my eyes now in a mirror, and I just jerk off.

I jerk off, and the fantasy is me taking me out to dinner. Fucking me in the bathroom. I would imagine also, beyond fucking me in the bathroom, that now, too, if these panic attacks do come on, you know what's going on. It's not a foreign feeling to you. Like that very first few times, like, what the fuck is this? Now you've got education, medication. That's still scary, though. I'm saying at least the unknown is not there about it anymore.

Right. You're like, is this a heart attack? What am I – You know what, though, about that? Because What am I – You know what though about that? Because I'd always thought I would die. From the feeling of that? Yes. Like it would kill you?

Yes. Yes. And the doctors talk about this shit. It mirrors heart attacks, but it's not. And a lot of people go to emergency rooms, which I did a couple of times, just wander into an emergency room in Manhattan, you know. And, you know, $600 later being told, yeah, you're fine. They would give me an anti-anxiety thing.

And now I carry around instead of Klonopin, it's called Ativan, which is, I tell you, as far as a drug that mellows you, it's not like Klonopin, which was a beautiful, nice – this is more like, yeah, the anxiety is gone, but I don't feel like doing anything with it. With Klonopin, you would? Yeah. Yeah, Klonopin, I would be like – You know, I'd be like – I'd be like sort of like, I'm glad I had a panic attack. It would be wild with Klonopin, you know, because you would go from this intense panic to this incredible relaxation. And you almost look back at the panic attack and go, what the fuck happened there? You know?

Like, why? You know, because it's two such disparate frames of mind. It's like so different, you know? And it's amazing. It just makes me think how we are brain chemistry. I mean, it's amazing how pills just change you. Well, I'm sitting here thinking about it because i was so against pills for so long to medication medication i'm already on cholesterol blood

you know yeah yeah i go to the doctor every six months i get my i do i get a full lipid panel urine all that shit done you don't have to brag about urine make sure it's not fucking with my kidneys you know because they found a lot of roundup in my urine i just saw that i just saw that today i'm like motherfuckers roundup goddamn piss so i'm gonna just hire myself out as a crop duster piss from a plane underneath a plane and drink a water. Pissed off. Beer and water. That would be a hell of a job.

But I did. I started taking it. It was during the pandemic when they told us we had to homeschool my kid. My kid wasn't a teenager. My daughter, my stepson was. He's fine. My daughter's five. She's just learned

how to read so i'm sitting there with her and we're doing these lessons together and i'm i can't what are you talking about i'm stuck in this box now and and my job my creative outlet the only thing that has saved me from all this bullshit over these years now we can't even do stand-ups gone yeah so it was fuck zoom stand-up yeah that was a drag i never did it and it was lean into this and i got on some medication i started taking because christina p she's told me 10 milligrams alexapro and it worked for her i'm not a drinker so i don't have to worry about mixing it with alcohol or anything like that good um because i know there's problems with that kind of stuff. Right.

It helped. So 10 milligrams and you're good? Yeah, it's helped. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what 20 would do. You know what I mean? I've only tried 10. But I was very, you know, that machismo way of a lot of guys. I don't need therapy.

Totally. I was all about therapy and all about mental health. But it was something about the pill. I the pill that felt like I was cheating. I'm not a man. I need this crutch. I'm not a complete person. And then I started taking that pill. I was like, fuck that dumb way of thinking.

I don't have anxiety about that anymore. That's right. And you realize it doesn't take away your creativity at all. And I'm so glad you said that because that's the first thing I thought. Is this going to change my fiber? Is this going to change who I am? And it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It just kind of takes the edge off. Yeah. It just kind of levels you to a point. And I'm not saying take Lexapapro i mean every every person's chemical makeup everyone's chemical makeup is different it was zoloft work for you it might be the worst thing

for me oh yeah consult your goddamn now i can get you zoloft you meet me at a 7-Eleven in the Valley. All right? No. I wanted to say about the milligrams. My doctor started me on 50 milligrams of Zoloft. I'm on 200 now. All right.

And that's the level that works for me. And I remember what I do is I have a joke where I go, I'm on 200 – to the crowd, I go, I'm on 200 milligrams of Zoloft, and it does nothing for me. I just like the taste. I crush it in a mortar and pestle, I pour it on cereal and I watch porn muted. I don't even masturbate. I just eat my Zoloft. Actually, one of the shows I did, there was a nurse in the audience and I said, I'm on 200 milligrams of Zoloft. And she went, Jesus. And I said, what?

And I found out she's a nurse. I go, really? Is that high? She goes, yes. And I go, well, that's what my shrink wants me on. I got mad at her. All right. I want to shift gears to this other story because you have a very interesting story about a relationship.

You may have talked about this way back when on your Crab Feast episode. I don't know. I don't – maybe. But I want to hear this. So at the age of 20, you dated a woman who was – Yeah, 40. 40. 20 years your senior.

Now, she seduced me. I mean, I was a nervous kid. Had you lost your virginity, or is this your virginity to this woman? Shit. I had lost it, but then I found it. Found it again for another five years, so I lost it again. Actually, I think she was the first person. Really?

That I actually had intercourse with. Now, real quick, you're 20. How old was your mom at the time? You're 20? My mom was 18. I was 20. It was the weirdest fucking. She had the aging disease where she was going backwards.

My mom. How old was your mom when she had you? Yeah, that's a good fucking question. I think she was like 21. So this woman's about the age of your mom. So you figure it out anyway. Here we go. But I was very attracted to her.

She was a history teacher. And where? At college? Yes. High school? College. At Fordham? No, it was, I had dropped out of Fordham

and went to the College of Staten Island, which actually had great professors from Manhattan. She was great, totally intellectual. And I was always into leftist politics. I loved Karl Marx, Das Kapital, all this shit. And she was an activist and attractive. And I'd just be in the class like, oh my God. And I would go up to her after class and say things like, you know,

I'm having trouble understanding the feudal system, you know? And one time I asked her a question like that after class. And she said, well, because I didn't know she was into me either. She goes, well, why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll go over it. And I'm so naive that I thought this is very nice of her. Really? You were really thinking that? You weren't thinking I'm going to get laid? No.

Okay. So I go to her apartment in Greenwich Village. And to me, it was the coolest fucking thing in the world. You know? And we're sitting. We're laying on her rug reading Das Kapital. What's she wearing? She was just dressed.

Normal? Yeah, there wasn't anything. So when you got there, there still wasn't an indication for you? Right, she was being cool. Okay. But she turns to me as we're reading this and she goes, do you smoke pot? And I'm like, yes.

And as soon as I got high, we just started kissing. And so it was on from there. It was on from there. But what was really hard for me, like I was ecstatic because I was like, I can't believe that this woman likes me, was that she spoke six languages, was so experienced in different affairs around the world. I was so in love with her that I was like the little girl in the relationship. Yeah, you got the cheek. I'd be like, what do you mean we can't hold hands on campus? Like she was like, don't hold, don't fucking do that on campus, you know? And I'd be like, why? I was, you know, I was just like clingy.

And not only that, but then we would hang out with some of her friends who were, these people all had PhDs, all spoke different languages, and they would be talking about shit so far over my head. You know, the revolution in Yugoslavia, you know, this artist, that artist. And they turned to me, Eddie, what do you think? And I'd be like, well, the Yankees are having a good year. Yeah, I got nothing, guys.

Oh, dude, it made me, I was always into reading books and shit. I was always kind of geared toward being an intellectual sort of, and it made me like read all the – I got exposed to a lot of good shit. But it was so painful not being able to socialize with these people. And I felt like I was a object in a museum to them. They'd be like, hmm, I think he'll be an – They'd be like, hmm, I think he'll be an artist. I remember one of them said, I think he'll be an artist. And I'm just going.

Just this piece of clay sitting over there. Yeah. Waiting to be molded. Yeah. But, yeah, I was with her on and off. I was going to ask how long. Six years. Wow.

On and off, man. Yeah, for six years. It was fraught. It was my first. And I mean, you can imagine coming from my background, I was just like jealous. She had an ex who was kind of in the picture. And she also had a little daughter who was so fucking sweet. And I would tell her story.

I don't know if you do this with your daughter. But I would make up stories. I would go, okay, her name is Sasha. Her name is Sasha. And I would go, okay. So there was this girl. Her name was Sasha. And she would just light up, right?

I forget how old she was then, three, four. And I would tell this story about her. And then at the end of the story, she would go, do it again. Yeah. Yeah, and then I'm like, fuck. I can't remember what I said. I just told you a made-up five-minute story, yeah. Yeah, do it again.

And I would just tell another story, you had yeah do it again and i would just tell another story you know and by the third story i'd be like look i have shit to do you get your ass to bed what a sweet kid though but i fought with manuela a lot her name is manuela uh she died recently. She really did? Yeah. Oh, man, what happened? She had like a terrible gastro something or other. I didn't really, I hadn't been in contact with her a lot. We did see each other. Now,

she's 20 years older, right? We saw each other a few years back, and then I was looking at her going, she doesn't look that great at 77 because I was thinking of hitting it again. And I was like, no, no. You know, I'm not doing it because we were hiking. She was a big hiker, you know.

And I was thinking of driving her into the bushes. But, you know. Breaking her fucking hips. What do you take from that relationship? It's a woman who's 20 years older than you. Have you ever dated an age gap like that again? No. No?

No, no. You're married, right? I am married, yeah. How long have you been married? I've been married 10 years. And before that, we dated seven. So it's a long time. It's a long time.

Yeah. My wife is like 10 years younger than me, you know, which in Hollywood isn't cool. You should be dating someone 30 years younger. And I'm available. No. But I never did, you know. It would be funny if I still had the older lady thing and, like, I'm 63 and I would just cruise nursing homes, like, looking for an 83-year-old. They would love some Eddie Pepitone, bro.

How you doing? Did you watch my special like I told you? Did you like I told you? I don't understand your anger. Come on. Society's falling apart. Do you have any kids? No. No, I knew not to have children why because i was first of all and and i

really kind of applaud the comics and there's a lot of them who bring up kids and to me that's a uh, stress, you know, because what we do, I think is very fucking, uh, it's not that reliable. It's scary. It's fucking Hollywood and, uh, performing, you know, the income, I didn't really start making money in this business until I was like 40 something. You know what I mean? That's when you start to see it changes in your 40s. It really is.

Yeah. It's great. It's a long fucking time to be. Most people give it up by then. Or die. Or die. Or die. They usually blow their brains out in a hotel in Greensboro.

When are you there again? What are the ticket sales? You're fucking kidding me. they've sold eight tickets but um yeah so so it was a conscious decision versus not uh being able to well you know it was it was conscious and also my background i i I just had so much anxiety. I'm sure everybody has this about bringing the kid up wrong. And especially now with what's going on now in our world and especially in this country with guns. I mean, you tell me, I mean, I wouldn't be, I would be so overprotective. I'm so, like, codependent that if I had a little kid, a girl. You have a girl? Yeah, a little girl.

Now, what do you – you must work. Or you can't. I do. Yeah. You can't. I mean, a good parent will forever. You know, your job as a parent doesn't stop. Yours did.

But your job – mine did too. But your job as a parent shouldn't stop. Let me say that. That doesn't. Shouldn't stop. I brought your job mine did too but yours your job as a parent shouldn't stop that doesn't shouldn't stop i brought up my parents yeah so uh yeah and then and then the anxiety changes to all right now they're driving all right well now they live on their own all right now they're married all right now they have you know what know what I mean? Like it's a never-ending cycle of introducing new stress and anxiety. So that's what Lexapro 10 might be getting up there. You may have to jack that up a little. Do you have nieces, nephews? Do you have any you do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nephews, nieces. that's cousins right yeah yeah yeah you know we were kind of a tight knit group when we were living in brooklyn you know and i used to hang out with with um you know my cousins all the time, and we would hang and stuff. But then we all moved. They moved to Long Island, which my father would say, fucking Amby has to move to Long Island. It's an hour and a half to get there. He hated it.

My Uncle Amby moved to Shoreham, Long Island, which is where they built a nuclear power plant. He lives next to a nuclear power. They shut it down, but not a good move. But yeah, yeah. But I don't see them much anymore. But it's funny because they see me doing the comedy thing. Yeah.

See me doing the comedy thing. Yeah, so you go – for people who don't know you, I mean, just throw out some of your roles from old school. I mean, you've been in so many films. Well, that was a great one. Well, the first thing that really kind of got me – I didn't have – got me work a bunch was Conan. I knew one – and this is how I've gotten most of my work, by the way. I know the writers on these fucking shows, and they're like, oh, Pepitone would be good,

because auditioning for things is not easy, and most fucking directors or shows have people in mind. They know who they fucking want, and it ain't you. You know what I mean? So, but I was, I waited a lot of tables in New York and I was the world's worst waiter. You know, I just, they, I, and I had friends who would get me jobs and in high end restaurants and my shirt always had little chocolate spots on it from the desserts I would eat in the stairwell. I used to eat something called profiteroles, which are puff pastries with ice cream and chocolate syrup in this French. That sounds good.

It's fucking delicious. And so I would, you know, I'd be eating that shit in the stairwell, chocolate, and have to go to a table. I remember my manager, she was a woman, and she just looked at me when I was on the, you know, waiting on a table with chocolate. And she couldn't help herself. In front of customers, she's just looking at my shirt that was still freshly dripping because I had run out. And she goes, really? Really? And she goes, really? Really?

And she fired me that day, you know. And I became a barber for a while. No, I was never a barber. How funny would that be? But, yeah, my first big thing. I got a call. I mean, I had been working here and there, but I got a call to be on Conan, and it was a monologue that they wanted me to do about being the guy who got passed over as the life serial kid. Okay.

Because that was Mikey. Mikey elated, and this bit was, and I had to do this to the camera. I was grounded when the life people were coming around. And I did it like that, you know. I was grounded. This kid, Mikey, he sucked. I should have been the life kid. And it was a rant.

And I ended it by throwing the box of life on the ground and stomping on it. And it was a huge moment for me because I was in front of a live audience in Rock Center, you know, where Conan, when he was in New York, used to tape. And he just kept using me. You know, I became – I don't know if you ever saw this, but I – for years on Conan, I would be the heckler who would heckle him and it was a great bit like i was really featured you know and then you hit films after that i had some film work it moved old school the movie with will farrell vince vaughn luke wilson who i became little buddies with at that point um they they you know i came to la to film it I had never been and they is that right yeah just coming out to do old schools the first time you'd even been to California never done comedy here before

no oh wow no no no no hell yeah no no and uh they put me up in an apartment in Venice by the ocean. And I was like, this is fucking great. And I had a manager who was based in LA and she was like, look, you should come here. There's more work here. Like she was like, you know, making the case for LA. And I said, you don't have to tell me twice because it just seems so nice. And I was in Venice and I was living with a model. She had a parakeet, beautiful situation. It just seemed so nice. And I was in Venice and I was living with a model. She had a parakeet.

Beautiful situation. And you did old school. Yeah. And then I did old school in it. And it was funny because we, the part I had, I was somebody they kidnapped. Will Ferrell jumped out of a van. It's the Metallica scene. Is it? when they're playing master puppets is that you they grab the van yeah yes and um uh so we were called the pledges and

the other pledges were simon elberg who became a big star with big bang and he does movies. Rob Cordroy, who became a fucking, you know, he does tons of movies. And he was on, what was that show with Jon Stewart? Fuck. It's still going. Daily Show? Daily Show. Rob became a correspondent and got big and then movies. Me, Cordrey, Simon Helberg, this guy Rick Gonzalez, who does a lot of shit.

Really good dude. And anyway, it was really cool. They cut a bunch of our stuff out, so we were kind of glorified extras. But it was a great experience. I got to see – because we were in so many scenes, I was filming a lot. And just watching Will Ferrell work, you know, doing his comedy. You paid to watch will farrell work yeah i mean i was right there you know and i got to see him like do his thing up close it was amazing yeah it's an i mean it's an iconic fucking comedy film i still get good residual i wanted to ask you without without

without let me tell you something because it's it's picked up everywhere it's on everywhere it's now it's playing a lot yeah and people are emailing me going i didn't know you were in this movie and you still get good residuals that you know good because it was how many years ago yeah fucking movie it was like 20 early 2000s. Yeah, it was a while ago. And the first residual check I got, they're big when they start, and then they peter out, right? The first residual I got was a check for 17 grand. God. And I was like, I thought I was rich.

Hell yeah, yeah. I was like, baby, we have no worries. Of course, it was gone pretty quickly. But I was like, it's over, baby. It's over. The struggle is over. All right. We got to get you out of here. I got to get out of here.

But I have a question to ask you. Your first time here, I gave you a heads up before. Now, after what we've talked about, your growing up, your parents, your anxieties, panic attacks, what advice would you give to 16-year-old Eddie Pepitone? Oh, okay. Okay, my advice to the 16-year-old me would be don't put so much pressure on yourself and live your life. Like, don't try to live your father's life because he's fucking nuts. And he's trying to live through you because he doesn't have a life. You have to do your own thing. And basically, I would say to the 16-year-old, you're going to be all right. Because I never thought I would be all right because I was always so fucking anxious, you know.

It's like you're going to be all right. Just do your own thing. You know, follow your own fucking path instead of trying to live someone else's path. Because if you follow your own path and you follow your passion, you know, what you want to do, it will work out. It will. Now, in today's America, that's no longer true. Because it's a fucking shit show.

It's a shit show. That's great. That's great. Thank you so much for coming on. Again, please plug and promote everything. The thing I forgot to plug up top is my podcast, Apocalypse Soon.

Apocalypse Soon. Which is, again, about the deterioration of everything in America and the world, but Apocalypse Soon. It's on All Things Comedy. It's where you get all your podcasts. I also put it up on YouTube.

So please check that out. All right, man. Thank you so much, Eddie Pepitone. Thank you. And as always, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We will talk to you you next time.