The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Enny

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is YMH producer, Enny! Enny is mixed and was raised by his white mom. He grew up extremely sheltered but his dad would take him now and then to the night club he owned, the legendary Dublins, where Enny would buy drinks for the ladies and rub elbows with the stars - when he was 8! It was two totally different worlds. Enny’s dad gave him some parting advice and has never spoken to him again. Enny also shares a story about getting catfished by a girl he lost his virginity to and the trauma that came along with it. This was such a great episode! Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube & be ready to watch The Dew there beginning June 1!

You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. Over here at Studio Gene's, doing it at your mom's house. I'm Ryan Sickler. Look, I know this hair is fucking ridiculous all right it's my quarantine coif right here all right we have been deemed essential so i'm going to continue to podcast but i am following the rules by not getting this motherfucking haircut all right and i don't know where it's going to go i've done so many different things with it people always say why don't you

grow out your hair ryan this is fucking why right here this is why i don't grow my hair out it's going to go back to short as soon as i can cut this shit but in the meantime you got to deal with it i got to deal with it all right um if you haven't been listening in the last couple weeks i know a lot's going on out there first of all i hope you're all safe i hope you're healthy i'm right in the middle of this thing with you all all of us are we're keeping it tight here at ymh, and I just want to say, oh, thanks. I got a nice message. That hair looks good from here, bud.

I appreciate that. They all wear glasses. I hope you're safe and healthy. I hope you're doing the right thing by yourselves, and we'll get through this shit soon. But in the meantime, I'm going to keep coming at you with episodes. We are moving the show to my YouTube channel June 1st. All right. In the description for this show and at the end of this show, you can click straight over

to subscribe to my YouTube channel. It's just rsickler, youtube.com slash rsickler. Go there. I'm going to start the Patreon soon. I won't charge anybody until that thing is up and that's coming very soon as well. And we're going to have a new studio. I think you guys are going to really like what we're doing here. I'm going to continue the professionalism that is why I made here. I promise you I'm not putting some fucking Little Mermaid shower curtain up behind me. All right, we're going for it. Okay.

And these are crazy times right now. The night pants, night pants nation. You got, thank you. Okay. I want you to know I can't work right now and motherfucking night pants are help me out right now. Look at night pants nation. Night pants nation. Send those pics. Let me spin around in my chair.

Send those pics. I'll share them out there. Stay in your night pants stay comfy i love you all for support and that's where all the merch is and all that stuff uh ryancycla.com go to the store uh let's see that's the patreon that's the youtube um learner's permit will be coming soon that's in in post right now cutting up some episodes for that i'm going to be putting a lot of stuff up on YouTube, some stand-up clips coming as well. All right?

That is all the 411 up top. Now, you know what we do here? We highlight the lowlights. One of my favorite things to do is laugh at the pain, and this is the storytellers. Let me say that again. These are the stories behind the storytellers, y'all. Today's storyteller, keeping it in the YMH mh family any y'all any is here just going by any thank you ryan for having me come on appreciate you

it's good to be here it is good to be here i'm very excited um before we get into anything please plug whatever you'd like uh yes um actually so we just started back on stream so i'm doing twitch.tv slash any kravitz um for streaming and on instagram you can still find me instagram slash any kravitz that's that's about it e-n-n-y-k-r-a-v-i-t-z so exactly like lenny kravitz without the l lenny kravitz except I don't take L's. I'm just kidding. Lenny Kravitz is cool. Lenny Kravitz is cool. I'm just playing, man.

Lenny Kravitz will take that dick right out of his pants on purpose. That one was an accident. He'll take that shit out on purpose and smack you with it. Take that L. Take that D. I gotta get some of those night pants, dude. Dude, get some night pants. I'll get you some night pants.

Those night pants are dope, man. First of all, let me say, all of you have. This transition's crazy and you've all been such a huge help, so thank you very much. You've been a big part of that as well. And the Dobb, everybody here has been fantastic. And you're one're very you're

like one of those characters you first of all you go by one name and you but you what the i'll tell you when you resonated with me because you were always quiet and everything and it was um it was during tom's um suicidal suwu phase oh god and it's you spoke up you said you're gonna die we're all gonna die and when i said hold everybody shut up let's listen to what he's got to say over here and i was like what are you talking about you're like i'm telling you and it wasn't what 10 hours later that the lapd called and said hey you need to knock that shit off and i was like i don't know what the fuck he's talking about dude he was selling literal gang apparel it wasn't a joke it was blood like blood would say they would see that shirt and they would buy it everybody else

out here is suing everything i'm like let's listen to annie let's listen to the one voice over here in the corner of this office i i do i barely speak up but that was one of the times i'm like guys there's not many black things that I know. I told Tom a long time ago, and I meant it, Tom is blacker than I am. So he should have known, to be honest. But he leans into these jokes and he plays these games, man. But, yeah. Well, if you got one, you got a collector's item.

And I would not wear that shit anywhere. No. That's the thing, too. That's the funniest thing is that even if he did, say he did sell them and a ton of people had him they would never be able to go to his shows imagine if imagine imagine security guard you coming up with suwu in the blood font with the the bandana font and saying i want to go into this club and like 20 of you show up. There's no chance you're coming in.

Go home. No way. And coming from a guy that's wearing a Friends t-shirt right now. They'll let you in anywhere with that. They'll let you in anywhere with a Friends t-shirt. Cultural appropriate a little bit. Well, that's when I was like, this guy seems like an interesting person. I mean, you called it so quick, and you were so serious, too. You didn't care about it.

Everybody's laughing around. You were just looking at me, and I was like, he's passionate about this right here. We should be scared. I'm like, Tom, maybe this is the joke you don't want to lean into. You know? Maybe we should just throw this one aside. So you've got an interesting upbringing. Let's start with, are you from here, born and raised LA?

Yeah, I was born in LA. I was raised in South OC. And it kind of, it sticks to the theme. I was born a black man and I was raised as a white woman. So listen, I'm excited to talk about this because this is exactly my stepson situation. So I have a firsthand view of all this. So, yeah, I grew up in LA for maybe four years. Like you didn't really play sports, but you could tell me a good Chardonnay.

Hey, Eddie, what's a good shard like like tom can name every member on the wu-tang clan including the replacements include all of them i'm telling you he's he's a black man in a white man's body i'm the opposite you want to know every name on this shirt we got monica you're giving the character name rachel ross i don't know the actor names we got phoebe and joey i know all of them okay all of them i've seen all the seasons it's it's that's my life so so yeah i i grew up in um la super short and then i immediately went to south oc where i went in a in a school of basically 4 000 white kids and i was one of the like 50 black kids okay so was you but were you

were your parents together at that time uh no no i mean uh that is one of the fun parts about being colored no my dad left super early uh it. It was... At first I thought you were pointing to your watch, but I realized you were pointing to your skin. It's a common theme. He did it, man. He went to get the milk. Never came back. What can I say?

They went together. I was raised only by my mom, so that's all i grew up knowing i knew friends i knew country what's your mom yeah tell me what's your mom like what's her name she uh liz elizabeth okay so liz is raising are you an only child only child okay so tell me about um what liz is like what music you said country she like country she like country i grew up listening to alan Jackson, Shania Twain. That don't impress me. Garth?

Did you grow up listening to Garth? I actually did not listen to Garth. I didn't. It's, I mean, Nadav always makes fun of me for the people that I don't know. I literally didn't know who Garth Brooks was until this. How about finding out who Garth Brooks is at YMH? Now I'm like, oh, he's the serial killer. When people...

Where the body's at. Yeah, so... finding out who Garth Brooks is at YMH now I'm like oh he's a serial killer when people where the bodies at yeah so um that's uh that's it but but she was she was as what'd she do for work she started with uh what was it she's always been in the transportation industry so she's renting out equipment stuff like that um and so I kind of got into that a little bit but it she she's the the as white as a white person can be she she is that that person that's that's my mom so that's how i grew up i didn't know i didn't know the wu-tang clan until i was like 17 years old i didn't know the Wu-Tang Clan until I was like 17 years old. I didn't know none of that stuff. But I was split because sometimes I would go to my dad. And where was he? He is in L.A. Or he was in West Hollywood.

He owned, actually, that's another thing. So growing up in South Orange County, when I said that my dad owned the club Dublin's, no one knew what that was. Your dad owned Dublin's? My dad owned Dublin's dublins no one knew what that was your dad owned dublin my dad owned dublin's back in the day you know about the stand-up up there right i did not i did not when when i came i came here i learned about that connection when oh god who was it that that came here oh i forget the comedian that was here but um dane cook got dane cook oh yeah i was about to say that's where he really popped him and uh blew up and i mean look that's right i got here in the late 1900s the first time

and i would i'd roll down sunset it's like 97 and that was when it was carlos and charlie's i'm sorry i'm wrong about that this was 94 because it was the Northridge earthquake. I came back in 97. 94, it was CNC, Carlos and Charlie. And they used to have girls. You know how that roof came down? They used to have girls, go-go girls, dance on the roof, three or four. And while there started being accidents, fender benders out in front of it and the city's like, you got to knock that shit off.

You can't be having tits and ass up here on the goddamn roof when people are driving by. Get the titties inside. And then it became dublin's and that upstairs room was the best comedy room in the city on that i think it was tuesday night i might be wrong about that but man it was fucking crazy and to get to perform there was like holy shit i got one set there and it was just phenomenal. It's wild. I never knew. I mean, I was such a little kid. I did always see celebrities there, but I never knew. I mean, they were just people to me. Like, I knew them by their first name.

And I never, like, I remember I thought I would think that I knew them, knew them because they would treat me like a kid. So everyone would treat me like I was just a little boy because I was. And so, like, a disconnect early on i remember i didn't know that the music uh when i used to listen to rap music and they used to bleep words i always thought that that was like not real i thought they just put it in there for like the character like it wasn't actually bad words that would come out and so my mom would tell me that i couldn't listen to that music because they're bad words and i was like I know Eminem he would never say those things

you don't understand mom it's not real that they say that so yeah I had no idea so he's like put that Tanya Tucker on shut the fuck up and yeah so I didn't know so are you playing sports growing up are you

what are you just going everywhere with your mom like were you that kid because i watched this with so now let me make it clear i because people are like oh you're married i call my stepson because when i went to pick him up at school one day this is when he was in elementary school years ago i walk in and people always because i would pick him up all the one day this is when he was in elementary school years ago i walk in and people always because i would pick him up all the time and all his kids were like who is that and he just he's like that's my stepdad he's like are you my stepdad and i was like we could talk about that he's like he's my stepdad and so i just call him my stepson we we were engaged it never we never you know promised each other the future or anything you know uh but

we are step step dad step son so i am single ladies look at his hair um and i love him and i've watched that like growing up he was that young kid that was around adults a lot and so there was one time, I remember this, we were at a party and I'm watching him through a window and he's out there talking to an adult. And he's probably, he's 16, he's probably eight or nine, maybe eight. And he is holding himself. I go, look at your son. Look, you should be proud of that.

Look at him. He's out there. I would have been, at that age, I would have been like, I don't want to talk to you and shit. Where the fuck is everybody? I know. He's right out there handling himself. And I was like, that's pretty impressive to be that young kid around the older people.

And there's always that one person that wants to talk to you. And sometimes you like them. And sometimes you're like, this motherfucker, please shut up. Yeah, okay, I'm the only kid here. Great. I get it. I'm young. Yeah.

So was it a little bit of that growing up too like were you with your mom a lot i mean i grew up when i was with my mom i mean they were polar opposites when i was with my dad i basically lived in the nightclub because he was he i mean you just did dublin's all the time i was at dublin's i was in i was at the bar i'd be talking to girls and buying them drinks that i didn't even know what they were like i just knew that like my dad told me what to do he didn't he wasn't like i was doing it behind his back he was like son whenever a girl comes to the bar i want you to say bartender and i knew all the bartenders names how old are you joey 12 less less less yeah it's

like eight and i'd be at the bar and i'd be like yo bartender get this girl a drink and and he just he'd make her a drink and she thought that was super cool i always ended up i wanted to be a dj after a while because i used to get the girl the only thing i knew how to talk about to girls was what music was hot so i would tell them uh like i know the dj and i could like play you whatever song you want and so you, you know, whatever, I'd get their song by the end of the conversation, and then I would go to the DJ and be like, hey, man, could you like fit this song into the mix or whatever? And so he'd fit it in, and every time it was like, it was so dope to see the girl that I knew was way too, like nothing that I could ever do anything with.

It was so dope to see she'd be like oh my god like you did my song whatever like that's that's what it was it was like in in the club but aside from that outside of that when i was with my mom i was crazy sheltered like mega mega sheltered and and i feel like when a lot of people say that they're sheltered i feel like they don't get it. Because, like, now people are starting to understand. Right now everybody knows. Yeah, right now everybody knows the fuck shelter in places.

Y'all are currently feeling my entire childhood with my mom. I could not go outside. I could not have friends. And my mom, oh, man, if she's listening, she's going to feel so sad about this. But when I used to always, like, look outside, I see the kids having fun. I'm like, Mom, look at those kids. Like, they're smiling, they're laughing. I want to smile.

Like, why can't I do those things and go outside? Why can't those kids come over? And she used to say, Son, the reason why those kids are outside are because they're throwaway kids. Throwaway kids? I'm like, what does that mean? She said, it's because their families don't love them. Holy shit, really? Their moms and their dads don't love them enough to keep them inside.

So they just say, go. I don't want to have anything to do with you. So that's why they're outside. It's not because they're having fun. don't want to have anything to do with you so they're that's why they're outside it's not because they're having fun they're pretending they're pretending to have fun that was my childhood it sounds like a country song that was uh throwaway kids by george jones throwaway kids dude that's what i always knew i've never even heard that term before i don't think anybody i'm one of them that's what honeydews are. They're throwaway people. Yeah.

That's exactly what they are. Oh, this right here? Let me just throw that in the trash. That's what I grew up knowing. I thought that to stay inside meant that your family loved you. So that's what I did. I stayed inside all the time. No sports, no nothing like that.

I went to school. I got great grades. I went home. And how often at that age were you bouncing back and forth, like weekends or here and there? Like what would you say? Was it consistent? Definitely not consistent.

It was maybe like a summer every now and then, like maybe every other summer. Oh, damn, you were in Dublin during the summer too, huh, when everybody was out there. And it'd be like a month, and it'd be like a month straight of just being at the club, seeing what was cool at the club. I mean, you got an education. You probably should have been sheltered on the other end.

You probably should have been locked in the house after a month at Dublin. Absolutely. I wish I prepped some of the pictures that I found of myself back then. My dad used to dress me in full crip gang attire and bring me to the club like that. I had the blue bandana on with like, I basically could have worn. Like a little pock. I could have worn the opposite of what Tom tried to put on.

Yeah, right. You know, like a cut like on it with the blue bandana lettering. And I was just sitting at the bar like just ordering people drinks that was i i definitely like if i grew up with my dad instead of my mom like majority i'm pretty sure i'd be in prison right now i would have been a gangbanger like a hundred percent but uh but yeah it was super infrequent it was super infrequent. It was super infrequent. So, your dad was in? Like a gangbanger? Yeah.

I mean, he used to tell me all kinds of stuff. Did he dress like that? No, but he had a certain image that he had to present at the club. Like, I was his son, so it was always, like, a joke, you know? Like, he knew everybody. So, even if someone did say, like, hey, what the hell is that kid? You know, it was like like it's a joke man like relax but he i mean he's just telling me all kinds of shit but he i mean he's a the biggest liar ever met in my life so i have no idea what the hell he was doing maybe he was a gangbanger

i don't know i know i found a gun in his in his desk a long time yeah i found a found a gun loaded when i was in one of the VIP rooms. Why did I know it was loaded? Because he taught me how to check a gun. He said you got to open the clip first, make sure there's not a bullet in there, and then you got to open the magazine, see if there's bullets in there. So I did that. There were bullets in both.

Yeah, he kept one in the chamber. He broke both rules. He said never have a bullet. He was fucking right. He was right, yeah. You don't ever have one in the chamber, He broke both rules. He said never have a boy. He was fucking right. He was right, yeah. You don't ever have one in the chamber, so you don't shoot me, but I'm going to keep one in my chamber. He broke both of his own rules.

That's quite the opposite education you're getting back and forth. It was wild, man. It was super contradictory. Now, are you still close with your mom? yeah yeah i love my mom do you close with your dad at all no we the the last oh man i mean he's never gonna listen to this but the last thing that that my dad told me because i finally confronted him about he tried to come in uh when i was like old or i don't know like 17 18 and he was like all right i'm gonna teach you how to be a man i was like what no and i so i finally confronted him about it you ain't gonna ruin my som finally confronted him i was like hey man like you can't just like leave a

family and then come back and like it doesn't work like that you know i mean i thought i knew everything i was like 17 so i thought i was a super big brain kid and the last thing that i ever remember my dad saying to me was he said he said this ain't no brady bunch episode bitch like to his kids he said this is how real niggas grow up that's what he said to me and then he hung up the phone and i haven't heard from that motherfucker since. That's the last thing he said. That's the worst advice you've never heard from him ever again. I didn't even watch the Brady Bunch.

I don't even know the reference. Your mom's like, we're watching Reba, okay? Oh, my God. That is hilarious. So, no, we're not super close all right i get that yeah that makes yeah it's it's funny man like growing up as a as a mixed kid the other funny thing is that you always get told that you look like the mixed celebrities and i was telling you before the show the nowadays

since i'm in the comedy world now the only comedy ones that i get i got trevor noah once which is like no not even no not even nominally close like not even a little bit um and then the other one was your stepson that's absurd i don't look anything like your stepson first of all i love that he's in comedy yeah like i was i was looking at you so i was scrolling on your instagram and i saw a picture of you and him and it's funny because even growing up with a white mom where everyone did say that, they're like, who's that? And I'm like, it's my mom. They're like, okay, who is it? Even with that and remembering that, I still to myself,

I was like, I wonder who that is in all those pictures. I didn't even think that it could have been your son. And someone said, they're like, is that Annie? Hilarious. No. Yeah, this is why I knew about you and sports, because outside I said, yeah, my stepson's getting Patrick Mahomes a lot. And you were like, huh?

I was like, Patrick Mahomes? You're like, what? That doesn't even make sense to me. Who's that person? Well, he's last year. Lamar Jackson was NFL MVP this year. Last year was Mahomes, and then this year he won the Super Bowl, and I think he got the MVP as well.

I might be wrong about that, but I think it was him. And he gets that a lot. He's getting it a lot right now. And, you know, he's got these long little curly hair and shit. You know, he clowns his hair. He's clowning my hair. He's got the little twist, you know, in the front. It looked like I make fun of him.

I call him Patty Mahomes. But he, you know, those old wood. It looked like, I make fun of him, I call him Patty Mahomes. But he, you know those old wood, those wooden wind chimes, the spiral ones that spin, those people have them hanging. Okay, okay. These people will send us some. That's what his bangs look like.

Those spiral wind chimes just hanging across here. It's crazy though, because that's dope now. That's what's hot. It's funny, because watching him, like, we could never find, yeah. Do spiral wooden wind chimes. Do that. Spiral wooden wind chimes. There it is.

It comes right up. Those, right there on the right. This one over here. Yeah. The fuck his bangs look like right there how's oh because oh because he mixed so he got that soft hair yes right when he was little his mom would comb his hair and he would scream like bloody murder would kill him and then she looked forever and finally found this stuff called mixed chicks that's the it's for mixed kids hair and that

that worked for him so now now he lives with his dad because uh same thing his dad was like all right you know like come on out here there's no the real world is not santa monica california okay and the real world is not going to be taught to you by a blonde white lady in santa monica california right so they do a great job working together too, but he lives with his dad, and his dad's just teaching him what real life is like, and he's learning quick. But now he used to go from buzzed, he had a buzzed head, and then he's got it grown out now, and he shakes it all the time,

and she likes to shake it wet on me. I'm like, stop doing that shit you did. We're sitting there driving, he's doing that. I'm like, stop. It's all all the time and she likes to shake it wet on me i'm like stop doing that shit you did we're sitting there driving he's doing that i'm like stop it's all over the dash and shit like stop what is that yeah i grew up with the i had the braids everyone said i grew up looking like little romeo and and they were 100 spot on i looked exactly like little romeo you admit that one i did yeah that one was was was pretty true if you look oh yeah they're gonna look a little romeo you're going to look at Lil' Romeo. You're basically just going to find pictures of me. That was me when I was a kid.

Well, that's his name. There it is. That's his name. There we go. That's exactly. Lil' Andy. I wish I prepped my picture, man, because if we put me next to him, you'd be like, that's just him in different clothes.

Like, oh, that's Lil' Romeo at school. There you are at Dublin's. Hit that one with the headband, Nadav. That was me at Dublin's. Look at you at dublin just color it color it get this bitch a drink color it blue that's me right there a chain did you have a chain absolutely i had the of course i had the chain man look at little annie up there damn it oh that is great that's me that's what i look like i'm real man and then i went back to south orange county playing trombone and shit like yeah i played the trombone i was in band i played trombone and i tried to i remember i tried to wear some of that stuff to school and everyone it was it was embarrassing man i was one of those kids i had the baggy ass pants that went all the way down

and all the way to the floor. That was me. That was me. It's a group of white kids. Yeah, this is exactly, I watch him, and growing up now, now he's 16 like me. He knows everything. We're there.

We always wonder, what age is it when they uh when they just think they know everything can't stay like 15 16 that's where it is all right um about there so you you're playing trombone you do well in school you say yeah i was doing amazing do you um did you go to college uh no i never went to college neither my parents did so we never talked about it uh so i never went to college what was your like straight a's uh i had straight a's until the thing about raising a kid in education like you know making education your not only your number one but your only priority is that i learned way too much way too quick so I was way out if you're gonna do that

you could never let me know that you're not this god that like you present yourself as right because it was like it was either her or nothing so I went to school I would hear all these things and I didn't believe it I was like you're all lying you don't know me my mom knows everything the day that I found out that she could lie and I don't even remember I don't know me. My mom knows everything. The day that I found out that she could lie. And I don't even remember. I don't remember when it was, but whatever that day was, was the switch. I went from 110. I'd be that kid where I had 109% at the end of the class. And then I would go in at the last day of school and ask my teacher, like, what can I do to bump it to 110? Like, can we just get it to a, to 5.0 you know i was that kid and then immediate switch where i'm i realized that i could pass with c's i didn't

know that was a thing i thought you had to get a's right if you got b's you're failing or you're gonna take summer school so my whole life switched around at that point it was like i mean i always had like the the business kind of mindset. When I was a kid, I used to sell crackers for like five bucks. No, five bucks. What am I saying? Like 50 cents. I was going to say, who the fuck's buying $5 crackers?

Crackers. That's who's buying $5 crackers. My mom used to send me to school with made lunches all the time. I never had the cafeteria stuff. So I always had had good stuff and then i found out real quick everyone used to say like oh man it smells so good or like that looks so so good and i found out that people wanted it so i was like well i mean i really want this thing this candy over here at this cafeteria so give me 50 cents and i'll give you this bag of chips that my mom gave me. I love that hustle mentality. See, I never thought of the money aspect.

I was always, I'll trade you this for those, you know, I didn't care about your money. I wanted your food. That's a big part of my problem in life. You know what I mean? Should have gone after the money instead of the sandwich.

But I know a friend of mine, he did this in elementary school. This kid, he got, and it's so funny. He would go, uh, he, he'd go through the cafeteria and get you

know you buy your little your milk which your dad went out for never came yeah right he's still finding that milk it's a special milk one day um but he would and then he'd be at the lunch table and there were kids that wouldn't open their milk or drink it and he would take it and he'd take it back and return it because it's still cold or whatever and it's and they would give him the money for it like to the cafeteria lady well it started he started doing it so much that they took a hit they started noticing a dip in the drawer and had to put it together and had to call his parents and say listen your son is reselling milk to us and it is it is so noticeable that we had to address this like

we're taking a hit on this that's gotta stop but he was hustling their milk back to him i was like god i never even thought of anything like that that's that's the same thing that i did because i mean it quickly escalated obviously i'm like so i can get something that easy for something i don't even do hold on let me see where these crackers originate. So then I went to the pantry. I mean, she put me with 15 crackers. I had like a pantry full of crackers and chips. I'm like, I could be making so much money. So I would pack my own lunches.

I'd be like, you know what, Mom? I got this. I'll pack my lunch. She was like, really? Wow, you're growing up so fast. And I did I put I put nothing but I didn't even I didn't pack myself food like sandwiches and stuff forget all that I don't need to eat so I just packed tons of chips of bags and then I would literally go to school

and I would just sell those bags to multiple people and I ended up the reason why I had to get why they found out is because I made like it was like 50 bucks or something in i don't know a couple weeks or whatever it was and so i just started splurging like i went to the to the cafeteria and i was like i want that candy i want that candy i want this i want that and i had like all the i had like the box of the candy you usually just get like the you know the little yeah the packages i was like i want the box of that one how much is that like how many would you say are in there it was like 50 cents a piece there's probably like 60 in there let's call it two you know 20 bucks took the whole

thing and then they called my mom they're like there's something weird going on he seems to have a little too much money on his hands and so she came and she busted me it was but it escalates it escalates like that that's uh it's only escalated from there since like i was gonna say did it carry on it's uh what other criminal activity did it spawn well i mean um man i talked about this friend that i had on uh. Drew After Dark, and that same friend, I'm telling you, did all the rest of the criminal stuff that I'm going to say for the rest of this podcast.

He's just a terrible person. But, yeah, he, God, let me think of, okay, remember Blockbuster? Yeah, I remember Blockbuster. I think it started with Blockbuster. Let's call him Danny. Danny, yeah. Danny was a real scumbag. Danny's a real piece of shit.

And he used to rent Blockbuster games. And whenever he would break some of his own games, he would just rent that game from Blockbuster. And then he would just put that game back. Because one day, I'm pretty sure what he did is he opened the box and it was a broken game. And he was like, what the hell? So he called Blockbuster.

Like, oh, that's good. Just return it and then we'll give you another one. And he was like, that's it? You don't have any questions about it? No? Okay. So then next time a game would break the game was broken i got it like this let me just go return it so tons of that that moved to did

you ever get caught doing that or did they just stop it no i've never stopped either uh like you could have kept doing that you probably helped put blockbuster out of business probably i mean danny danny that's right i mean that's right jesus man carried away he didn't carry it away uh and that quickly escalated to redbox redbox took over blockbuster and thing about redbox is that there's no people there so it's kind of just like let's see what you could do with the computer system well redbox kind of got popular right around like 2004 i'm gonna say like they came out like 2002 but then like a couple years when it really popped so everyone was getting red they started having games and stuff and that was the same year around the same time that visa gift

cards became a thing so you could buy you could put 30 on a visa gift card and now that's a credit card and red box only takes credit cards so i would load like 31 visa gift cards and then use that for the red box so i'd rent that red box with the one dollar visa gift card take the red box and then never and have that give it back yeah yeah because i mean after the 30 days or whatever they start charging that car but there was there's only a dollar on it and back then they it was they didn't know about all the pending charges nowadays you can't do that because they'd have the pending charges and all that stuff but uh back then they didn't do that so there was that that went to uh i mean just the other day actually i ordered i ordered a mirror on amazon and the mirror came broken it was broke

i opened it and it was broken is that bad luck if you open it and it's broken because i didn't you didn't break it i hope not but i opened it and the mirror was broken so i call amazon i'm like what can we do about this and they're like oh just we'll give you the refund just you know throw it away in your nearest i'm like you don't want it back like i mean i know you're not going to do anything with it but like you know just for your own they're like no this is a uh uh what do they call it a write-off no they said a non a non-returnable refund a non-return refund something like that they shouldn't have told me about that you try to find shit that's not return they should there's

been a few things where i'm like i don't want this and i try to send it back and they're like keep it just keep i'm like what like really it's it probably costs them more to have to deal with it because i mean monitors and and TVs could also break. Mm-hmm. So, I mean. They're going to want those. They're going to want those. They don't want shards of glass, but they're going to take a broken monitor.

But let me know if they don't. But let me know if they don't. Make that new studio look real nice. Yeah, dude. But, yeah, it's it's funny man because it's such a contradiction like i was the kid that that i remember when i was a little kid like i took there was one time where i took i was like little little like i mean this must have been like first grade maybe i took my mom's hair to school like she had like a piece of her hair

that like fell off and like went on my shirt or whatever and i took that to school because i was so attached i was so like sheltered that that to me was like like i'm i'm still okay because i got this or whatever it was starting the beginning you know it was in the beginning, so it was, like, I was still uncomfortable leaving the house and all that, and so, obviously, I got, like, made fun of, and I ended up getting bullied, some kid took it, and, like, threw it in the garbage, and he's just, like, what are you, like, you're stupid, and, like, my dad, my dad was a buff dude, so he always taught me, like, he taught me how to put someone in a chokehold so hard that, you know, you don't have to hold that chokehold very long before they, you don't need to do that anymore. So he taught me that stuff. And I'm telling you, the only thing that came to mind when that guy threw that piece of hair in the garbage was to just just cry. That's all I did. I just cried.

So even growing up with a dad like that, where, you know, he taught me all these things, tried to make me this super bad, you know, gangbanger ass. I cried. They called my mom they were like we need to they're like your son's being a fucking like pussy you need to come pick him up like immediately like that or give him some more hair but either way come address this shit that's how i grew up so so to be to get into that stuff now is is is weird man it's been. It's been a completely contradicting brain. What did you find most difficult growing up about being mixed? What did you find most difficult? Because I know Derek, his name is Derek, which is crazy to me because that's my fucking brother's name spelled the same way.

I can't shake that goddamn name. You know what I mean? Like I'm a twin. I can't, that thing's been with me before I was even in the world. That name has been attached to me, but he loves to say now he's like, that's cause you're white.

He loves to say that shit too. That's cause you're white. Okay. Boomer. That's cause you're white. He gives us that all the time. And I'm like, wait,

you're half white. Okay. And it always, it always makes me laugh that mixed race is always the other race, not the white. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He's Asian-American.

So now all I do is tell him he's half white. I'm embracing the white half of him now. He keeps calling me white. I'm like, you know what? You're half white. That's because you're half white. I keep telling him that. This motherfucker calls me a boomer and said to me, he you know he's 16 he's 6'2 now but he's

lanky but he's 6'2 damn that's tall yeah he's tall as shit how old is he he's 16 oh my 6'2 yeah he's big yeah and he's growing i think he's gonna be i i wouldn't be surprised if he hits 6'4 but that's tall he's tall and i remember he's feeling himself right now and like, okay, but he's all hitting me with this boomer shit nonstop. And he goes, I'll tell you what. Why don't we get some boxing gloves? And right away I was like, oh, I'm salivating. He goes, we'll get headgear. I go, headgear?

I go, okay, boomer. I'm sitting there going, you want to fight me? I'm doing those old posters. You want to fight me? You want to fight me? I said, get the fuck out of here with that pussy shit. If you want to put some gloves on, we're putting some gloves on. I'll let you go bare knuckle if you want, but we're not wearing any fucking headgear.

You want to come at me, come at me. But please. It was his idea. I was like, aw. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that with you right now. I feel like a lot of boys reach that age where they're like, I feel like I could take... That was the thing about my dad.

You could be... Now, I couldn't take my dad. I was going to say, yeah, you could take it. He looked like The Rock. That's what my dad looked like. I'm not playing. That's exactly what he looked like. I guess my biggest struggle...

It wasn't even with being mixed. My biggest struggle growing up was because my house was a completely, entirely sexless house. And when I say, like, most parents don't want to discuss that, right? They don't want to talk about it. So it's like, it's a taboo topic, but it's a topic. You know, in my house, it was like it did not exist whatsoever. And your mom didn't date or bring other guys around in front of you or any of that? No.

When she had me, I was the world. I was everything, which sounds good on paper, but what that means is that she's the only thing that i know too because it's like it's that shared you know i can't do anything else so and my my example of of the difference is like you know when when you were a kid and maybe a sex scene would come on and your parents would be like cover your eyes you know like whatever you could like peek through it wasn't like that like for me when a sex scene would come on that movie was over i never knew i never knew what happened to the rest of that movie six minutes

short film there's so many movies that i just never finished the end to i just don't know it does it doesn't basic instinct ended right when she uh crossed her legs right yeah that's funny on that movie i was gonna say base i'll never know what happens the end of best thing this thing you could probably get a dvd at red box for a dollar and figure it out um i'm gonna be in an email from red box that's funny because i remember uh this was it was so we were looking for anything to laugh at but after my this always sticks out i don't know why it makes me laugh but after my dad died his mom my grandma came to live with us for a few months and there was some my little brother put something on hbo and it was i walk in and my grandma's sitting there doing something on the couch and he's just looking at me laughing it's you know some i don't remember what movie it was somebody's fucking

and he's just looking at me and he's 13 i'm 60 and i'm just like are you and i was like i'm gonna stand here for this and my grandma is looking at the tv and she's squinting and she goes is that two foxes and i started i almost pissed myself like what the fuck are you and then and then it was instant answer she's like is that two foxes oh my god dude i laughed i was on this ground my stomach was ripping open i'm like two fucking foxes like what the fuck are you talking about when when i remember one of the funniest one of the funniest times of growing up and and that sexlessness really hitting was when me and my mom were going to big bear or some type of mountains and on the the way, I was like, I want to see if I could listen to my music.

Like, just once, you know. Like, it's such a long trip. And we've been listening to, like, I can only listen to Shania Twain so many times. Like, I want to hear my shit. And so we had the CD changer in the car. So it was like I turned it to CD4. And it did this little thing. And it put the CD on.

And it was ludicrous. It was ludicrous. It was ludicrous. Chicken and Beer was the album. And in that album was the song Splash Waterfalls. Have you ever heard the song Splash Waterfalls? So I was used to the clean version because that's all. We would only listen to the radio.

So what I thought, I thought it started much differently but just for clarity it goes in the very beginning it's nice and it's got like it's kind of melodic intro and then it's like doom doom oh doom doom oh and then the girl says make love to me and then right there i didn't even know what that meant first of all at that point i and i heard her she's like you know like here we and so then it keeps going oh oh what and then she says fuck me and my mom i don't know how it was you know remember how when you have to put the CD in the slide I swear somehow she in all one movement took the CD out didn't even push

the eject button and pulled it right out right out the window smashed it into like a thousand pieces and we were just silent for the rest of that the rest of that trip. That's so uncomfortable. The rest of the trip. The trip.

You're on your way there. I'm sorry, Mom. Oh, God. That would have been great. Some two live crew came on or some shit. Pop that pussy. Oh, my God. What the hell?

She would have threw me out the window but that was it man so so so yeah so so growing up it was like it was nothing but confusion with with all the sex stuff like kids used to do this in school like say some shit like oh you're dumb blah i'm like what does that mean i don't understand i had to like look that up figure out what everything meant in like webster's Dictionary and shit. I never actually knew anything. And I think the biggest way that... How old are you, though?

Right now, you're what, 30? I mean, by the time... Oh, right now. Yeah, right now, how old are you? 29. 29, okay. So you had Google and shit, though. Or did you not?

She would block that and stuff, too? You couldn't get it on the internet? Parental blocks were crazy in the house. I mean, I ended up figuring out how to hack that. But even then, Google wasn't what it is now. You couldn't look up that stuff and find a good, you know? It wasn't like that. So, yeah.

But the biggest way that that screwed me was the first girl I ever had sex with was a man. How old were you? I think I was 15, 16. And she came from out of state. I met her online. For real? Yeah. God damn.

Well, I used to be a gamer, so I met her on, we were playing like a game at the same time. How old was she? I think same age. Okay. I think the same age. And she drove here? Well, she, yeah. So, right, right, right.

That is a little weird being that young. But her family was rich, so she had anything she wanted. So she made the excuse that she wanted to come out and look at college campuses in California because she's like, yeah, I heard UCI and USC are all these great campuses. We'll go check those out, which we did. We drove right past them. We're like, look, there's USC. And then her family came with her, though?

No, no, no. She came by herself. She had a... From where? Arizona. Damn. Ooh, I shouldn't have said that. She flew out?

No, she drove. Damn. She drove. Yeah. Damn. Ooh, I shouldn't have said that. She flew out? No, she drove. Damn. She drove. Yeah. Okay. But, oh, she couldn't have fly. Can you fly at, what age can you fly without, does it have, you can fly at 16, can't you? Or does it have to be 18?

What is it? Huh? But I mean without parental permission. Oh. You know what? Forget this story. Speaking of planes. I got a story.

What happened to the girl coming out? All right. You're going to blue balls us? All right. I'll make a long story super short. This is your virginity we're talking about. You're going to jump off of it? Let me tell you, like a lot of other people, it wasn't the best sex experience.

Yeah, right. No, but who's this? It wasn't very explosive. But what did happen was she took a two-week trip. So it was two weeks. First of all, that's the first time I learned what catfishing was. She did not look like. She was like maybe like a 7'8", eight at least to me like in my personal um

whatever my preferences she was like two when when she got out of that car man i gave an audible like oh it was it was one of those you know and i had two weeks where it was like i'm stuck i mean what am i gonna say like go home you know right nothing i could do so it was two weeks we did the thing and you know it ended up happening and then so the two weeks where'd you do it where'd you have sex how'd you get away it couldn't be mom's house no it was in the back well we went uh we took road trips so again she was claiming we're gonna go watch go see college campuses so we went from where i live in south orange county all the way up to like central california and then back down and we just stopped along the way at hotels and like i said she was rich so she could just stay a hotel five-star hotels like it was nothing um and then yeah one we went on a camping trip and uh oh god i should not be being this specific

but it's okay uh we went on a camping trip, and she kind of snuck in the back. I was, I mean, I don't know if you know this. Black people don't like camping. I was like, why are you taking me? Fuck camping, bro. Like, I'm going to sleep in the car. This is ridiculous. So I slept in the back of the truck, and then she kind of sneaked in there in the middle of the night.

And, you know, one thing led to another. the in the middle of the night and you know one thing led to another but um but it was nothing nothing more i could even tell you than that because it was like it was whatever so because i mean i didn't she wanted it way more than i did so it's nothing that i even wanted to remember but afterwards i called her the important part to this story is that afterwards i called her and i asked her uh well first of all I was like this is done like sorry you know I wanted to at least give you the two weeks but uh we can't we can't do it and she was like I get it like I knew I just you know thanks for not dishing me or whatever I'm like yeah it's whatever but let me ask you a question though like I mean

I gotta know like what'd you think like how how was I mean, I got to know. What did you think? How was I? Not just how did I do, but also, I mean, I'm a black kid growing up here and nothing but black dudes got the biggest dicks. So I'm like, how was it? And she said, I'm not going to lie. I expected more. Where you're like, i'm only half black and and i had a baby dick bro she said that no i was gonna say that i would never recover no no no no no but i went oh my god i went for so long feeling that i had this baby dick that i just there was i was never gonna recover from that's

all kids would talk about in school i got the i got a fat dick but my fucking email in school was bigpenis5000 at yahoo.com. So to hear that news. I was like, I have to change my email. I'm a fraud. What am I going to do? Oh, my God. It was a tragedy for me. That life change the good news the good news and i want to make sure to get this yeah please because you're something you do not want to just

leave it on baby dick the good news is i had all that i had all all that you know depression and all that up until my next girlfriend every girl in between then we wouldn't get to that point because i would always be so insecure and i'd constantly tell them like hey just to let you know i got a fucking baby dick like you maybe you don't want to fuck with that you know i just i want to let you know it's just not a good look it's not a good look even if you did it's not a good look to be like hey just so you know like i'm the worst so like if you want to keep doing this though let's keep going never worked until this one girl she was just i mean i dated this girl for a long long time and uh when we finally had sex

she said like afterwards she was like didn't you say something about like you were going off about having this tiny fucking like what are you talking about I'm like what do you mean like it I mean don't get me wrong I know it's not like a micro but I have got like a fucking baby dick right I mean I'm black and she's like dude you have a big dick what are you talking about I'm like really like it's like it's it's good and she was like what's wrong with you i called that girl i called my first ex you call i called her because ryan did you reinstate that email account too oh best believe big penis five thousand six thousand um uh i called her and Big Venus 5000 at Yahoo.com. Big Venus 6000, motherfucker. 6000. I called her.

Wait, real quick. The girl who you dated for a long time, what race? Indian. Okay. Just curious because this is a white girl you're talking about from Arizona, right? Okay. Did I say she was white? Did you just assume because she was in Arizona?

You just assumed. Did I assume? I think you assumed. Probably. You were right. You were 100% right you just assume because she was in Arizona? did I assume? probably there's not much more in Arizona it's harder to be whiter than my mom but she did it so I called her and I told her do you understand

first of all before I ask you the question do you know what it means to tell a dude that his dick is too small? Like, do you know what that did? And she was like, yeah, I kind of had an idea. I was like, okay, just tell me what you expected so that I know now and I can understand why you even said that and how long how much time has passed since you were with this girl that said that like three years years like three years and i still had that number i still had that number yeah and i called her and she said when

i asked her i'm like what did so what did you expect then because it turns out you're wrong all right so what did you expect and she she just said i don't know i was just like i just wanted to make you like i wanted you to feel something because it bothered me so much you didn't like care about what was going on so i just i just wanted you to feel something that's it i'm like do you know the the the the downs that you put me like the i'm baby dick 500 on aol.com for the last three years my email girl like i went for so long with this with this small dick energy having a fine dick like it's my dick's fine it's fine

it was it was it was that was the my the first girl that i ever had sex with that that was that and that's how i was growing up because of that i i had like you know and you can't go talk to your mom about it obviously no oh my god. Oh, my God. No way. And there were just tons of things in between that ruined that, too. Like, have you ever heard of the amusement park Adventure City? Mm-mm. You shouldn't because it's known for it. Well, the one that I went to closed down.

It was much smaller. But the one now, I think it's open in Anaheim, and it's still considered one of the smallest uh amusement parks in the state of california i think in the country it's a really small amusement park and it's it's just for like it's like a family park you know um anyway so that was my world as a kid i grew up thinking that it was this thing i had a shirt and i used to wear it so proud like kids used to ask me if i went to disneyland and i was like nah but have you been to adventure city and everyone would say no and i'm just like you ain't been to shit then like you don't even

know what you're talking about and then i found out growing up of course the truth that uh it was nowhere near as big as i thought. We went back. I grew up in Hacienda Heights, so we went around that area. And so I Googled Adventure City. I'm like, I just want to go see it. Let's just go see. And then I go and I find it. First of all, it's closed down, and it's like the size of a big backyard.

It's tiny. It's this tiny little thing. Doesn't that blow you away that everything seems so much bigger when you're a kid and you go back and look and it's little shit? Exactly. Exactly. So if you could imagine me accidentally walking into the bathroom and seeing my dad's penis when I was a kid. You did that?

It was the same thing. To me, it was the whole world. I never realized me it was the whole world i never realized that it were you telling me that adventure city is the baby dick of amusement parks i'm saying that there's so many things that led into me thinking sure just thinking before she said that i had a baby dick that i had a baby dick and that was one of the top ones i was like if if my it there's no way i mean every every boy as soon as they understand that you can measure every boy from the asshole to your tip of the dick you measure that okay that's all in you right all the way all the way yeah and and um and yeah so to see that when i was a kid because i was a kid kid i just accidentally walked in the bathroom you know

so it was like to have that image just burned where it's like i'm never gonna achieve that for sure i just already had that and then i I remember I saw some statistic that the average male size penis, or the average size penis was 15 centimeters. What is that? How many inches? Exactly. I didn't know. All I knew is 15 was nowhere near the number that I measured.

So I'm like, well, fuck, all right? My dad's got a monster dick. The average penis size is double mine. And now this girl says I got a baby dick. Like, it's over. My life is over. But 15 centimeters is like six. It's like six inches.

Didn't know that. Didn't know that. Found it out much later. Like, I found everything out later about that stuff. But, yeah, that all led to so many years of being afraid of everything, not taking risks. And, again, the criminal mind is what turned all that around. Well, speaking of criminal mind, off mic we were talking,

and you said that you're currently something in a criminal way. You're currently a suspect? A what? What was the word you used? All he told me... Who's he? Are you allowed to talk about this? One of the managers at TSA.

Oh, this is a TSA thing? Mm-hmm. That's the Transportation Security Administration? That's everything at the airport and everything. What happened? Well, I'm known... All he told me was that i'm on a list and if i go to the airport of sacramento it's probably not going to be a fun time like where are you when you're hearing this information uh i was back traveling i was back home well no so okay i had a business meeting with i used to do

uh regulations and stuff it was like data entry but we used to work with the dmv so we had to go meet the dmv in sacramento their headquarters is in sacramento so we we went and met with the dmv we're talking about this new system we were going to put in place and me and my it was just me and my boss we leave we go back home and i mean my whole life i've dealt with the uh the you know cops versus racism all that shit so i was used to that vibe so when i got stopped in the middle of the security line and the guy said do you mind this is a random like we're gonna check your bag i was like cool random i get it i was you know stress-free and my boss he was uh he was in the the pre-check what do they call

that the pre-check check tsa pre-check so he was in the pre-check line so he was already done he was just like waiting and he says the the security guard he says are there any utensils, anything that I'm going to hurt myself with in this bag? And I'm like, no. Like, can we just get this over with? I'm being like kind of a dick almost. I'm just like, let's just get this done with. I have places to be. And he takes his hand.

He puts his hand in my bag with the glove on. And he takes his hand out. And my boss's face and my face jaw to the floor because he took out a gun. What? A gun. You forgot it was in there? I forgot that it was in there.

Well, no, no, no. Let me rephrase that. I didn't know it was in there and I never fly it, so all I took was a toothbrush, toothpaste toothbrush toothpaste and like a couple shirts threw it in the and you didn't think the weight of the bag didn't equal t-shirts and toothpaste well the story the reason why i'm not in prison right now is because is because um they they brought me to the room so he pulls a gun out what happens then does he call people over so everyone is in shock everyone's looking at me i'm like i like i know you hear this all the time i don't know what that

is i swear like someone is setting me up i'm trying i'm looking around like are there cameras like is someone filming this is a joke and i'm trying to think who like did i say something wrong at the dmv meeting did they slip a gun into my back what could have happened what possibly could have happened and because again i went happened? Because again, I went through John Wayne Airport. How hilarious would it have been if there was a little note from your dad in there that said, this is how real motherfuckers sit down. Don't be a Brady Bunch nigga. This ain't no Brady Bunch episode.

God, man. So they take me into that room. And it's exactly how you'd imagine that room looks it's the interrogation room with the metal desk and the green kind of hued light on top and they ask how many people will come over and take you in at this point well it was only like maybe three or four first of all i mean man, I've had them pull me through before for baby wipes. And they, hey, come here, come here. And they call people over for baby wipes. Are they calling people over for a gun or is homeboy just setting it down and can tell you're really fucking scared?

And he's like, all right, let's go over here and talk. Well. Like nobody tackled you? I feel like that would be a tackling offense. Because I didn't act. I didn't act. All my dickishness that was like all went away. feel like that would be a tackling no offense because i didn't act i didn't act all my my dickishness that was like shit that all went away i was right back to baby dick mode and

and uh and they just brought a couple guys and they're just you know they took me in the arm they're like let's walk this way you know so we walk and then i had to i had to tell like 11 different security guards the story and the story is super simple i was i was with a girl and her brother needed a fake oh i'm sorry i should i should point this out they put all my stuff on the table my id and my my ticket and and the gun right there and then i saw the orange tip like the whole thing was spray painted black so you could barely see the orange tip but then i saw like the pieces and i was like i know what this is like i i know what happened let me explain it and he's like yeah you better like let's let's start hearing stuff so i explained him the story and the story

is that the girl i was seeing her brother he was doing a crime and punishment video for school, so he needed a fake gun. So I bought an airsoft gun. He wasn't 18, so I had to go buy the airsoft gun, spray painted it black, gave it to him. And then because he didn't want his mom to find it, he put it in my bag. I didn't use that bag for years, so as soon as I needed to go to the airport, that was one of the biggest bags I had. I threw stuff in it, took it, left. I had to tell them that story 13 different times. Then they finally let me go.

I went. No search or anything like that. How long were you in there? You missed your flight and shit, right? Your boss took his day? Yeah, my boss. I mean, he was laughing.

He thought the whole thing was hilarious. I mean, he was scared when he saw the gun, but as soon as he heard my story, he was like, you fucking idiot. And he was a dick, too. He called my mom, and he was like, look, they took him in a room. I don't know what's going on.

All I know is that they found a gun in his bag, and she was like... I'll bet. Oh, my God. My sheltered son! He's such... Oh, yeah. all i know is that they found a gun in his bag and she was like i'll bet oh my god he's such oh yeah can you imagine her little angel he was a complete dick and she probably threw up who knows but um yeah he told me i was super lucky though because if it had been loaded with like even one pellet one airsoft pellet that that would then be a different tier of what you're not supposed to bring on board. There's the shampoo and all that.

There's this, there's that. There's a gun, and then there's a loaded gun, and so on and so forth. I would shit myself. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't, because I don't ever shit. That's something that we talk about a lot here on My Image. I want to say real quick, too, because this happened to us not in an airport but um in

high school we had to do i want to say i don't remember what class it was but we had to do and my friend and i just talked about this uh like a couple weeks ago we had to do this gang video yeah and of course it's all white kids are doing this stupid gang video but we we went down to baltimore city and my aunt lived in um highland town and there were train tracks right back by all these row homes so we thought we'll go over there we'll do this little gang video we all had the little bb guns and shit and if you call in baltimore city and say there's some people out front is they're disturbing nobody's coming you call in Baltimore City and say, there's some people out front, they're disturbing, nobody's coming. You call and say, these people out front have a gun,

they're fucking coming. That's the only way to get them there. You can lie about, oh, was it a comb? I look like a gun from here. I just want them out of here. But they called the police. And they pulled up and we were like, oh my God. They're like, what's going on?

We had to explain it all. We got this project in class. We go to school out here. This is our teacher. Man, they were there. Alright, alright. They got the fuck out of there. I'm seeing them pull up.

They pull up aggressively. They're not creeping up. They're right here. We were out in the open doing this. We never even thought somebody might think these are real guns right yeah that's scary shit yeah and so i did the same thing except as a black kid in an airport it was it was it was bad man it was bad but they were like look if you'd have had one more airsoft pellet and been all the way black it's another tier okay it's another tier you're lucky you're half white okay let me ask you a question man what's what's the other half you're obviously

not full who's patrick my homes you're like i don't know i would have been all right take take that would have been it that would have been it book them book them uh but yeah i I got lucky on that. That was, that's where the, one of the times where, I mean, my criminal mindset got me in a lot of things that I didn't get in trouble for. That was one of the many times that I got in trouble for things that I didn't do. And did that switch back? What do you mean? Did that stop you from wanting to keep pursuing criminal element shit? Like, does a lesson, does a scare like that scare you straight? Or are you just like, nah.

I'm still going to see if Amazon will return these monitors. They shouldn't have told me that there's such thing as a returnless refund. Let's just say that. Dude, this has been an awesome fucking episode, man. You were fantastic. I know you said before you were the Dov compartmentalized. I was like, you're going to be fine. This was great, dude.

Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. This was fantastic. It was super fun. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad. I appreciate you letting me laugh at your trauma. Please, again, anything you want to promote, plug it away.

Oh, yeah, yeah. 16-year-old self. What would you, yeah. 16-year-old self. What would you say to your 16-year-old self? You're not a returning guest, let me ask you. Thank you. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self? You had a different upbringing than a lot of people. Right.

I'd probably say, listen, man, like a lot of people, they're going to come at you. They're going to feed you lies. They're going to tell you things. But the average male-sized penis is six inches, man. You're okay. Everything's going to be okay. Don't be listening to no white twos from arizona okay no it's okay man all right man thank you so much please plug whatever you'd like um yeah the only thing that

i'm doing right now i'm doing the same me uh josh pot and a dog. We're all doing Twitch now. So I'm on twitch.tv slash any Kravitz. It's E N N Y K R A V I T Z. Just like Lenny Kravitz without the L. Um, and I'm the same on Instagram. Thank you so much. Uh, right at the end of this episode,

click subscribe to get over to my new YouTube. Make sure you're signed up over there as always. Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week.