The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Fiona Cauley Refuses to Serve Soup Ever Again

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Fiona Cauley! Fiona joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of being diagnosed with a rare disease called Friedreich's ataxia. Fiona dives into what it was like getting a diagnosis at 18, the progression of going from a cane to now wheelchair, and some of the embarrassing moments she’s found herself in since! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Rocket Money -Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/HONEYDEW

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Thank you for supporting this show. I love what I do and I love to sit here and highlight the lowlights with everybody. If you got to have more, you got to check out the page you're on, the honeydew with y'all. I'll say it forever. Every time I sit down, there's some new stuff going on. There's a brand new story we've never heard. It's five bucks a month. And if you want extra bonus content, the way back early, more stuff on that tier, eight bucks. That's it. Three more

dollars. All right. That's it. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I'm very excited to have this guest here first time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Fiona Colley. Welcome to the Honeydew, Fiona. Fiona, first of all, it's been very nice to meet you. We sat outside for a while and talked, and I wanna seriously apologize

for not being ADA compliant over at this fucking studio. I'm so sorry. It's so sad. It feels good to stand up. You walked up two flights of stairs and you fucking crushed it. I swear, I was gonna think I'm faking it. No. And we don't have a straw, which is, we got everything but a damn straw. No, you're here to challenge me and I appreciate that.

I can't afford BT, so this is something. Yeah. All right, hopefully I will that. I can't afford BT, so this is something. Yeah. Ha ha. Ha ha. All right, we'll say we're helping. Ha ha. Before we get into your story today, please promote everything that you would like.

Um, I will be at the Looney Bin in Tulsa, Oklahoma, February 28th through March 1st. And that's what I got coming up. All right, Tulsa, go see her. I'm interested to get talking to you more because we were talking outside about everything. And so just let's start with your story because I found out just through the information you sent

that you didn't start experiencing. Well, you were born with your disease, but you didn't really start feeling the effects of it until about 18. Is that right? Well, so it's complicated, right? So I'll tell you what, take us back to the beginning, where you're from and everything, and let's lead up into it. Yeah.

I'm from Nashville, specifically a town called Franklin. Have you heard of it? It's a nightmare. It's like one of the wealthiest towns in America. It's scary. I always say I'm proof that money can't buy everything. But yeah, so I'm from there. I'm a middle child. OK, and that is very important to my diagnosis story.

And when I was I was an athlete, I played soccer for six years, volleyball for like two, cross country, all of it. Like high school athletes? Not high school, but before that, and I was so good at certain sports, people were like, oh shit, like she's going to college on some kind of athletic scholarship, you know? And my mom's a fucking D1 athlete.

She played basketball. For who? St. Vincent. Wow. Yeah, she's 5'10". Damn. I'm very tan. I don't know what's going on.

But so all of that is like how it is. My older sister, she was always like a bookworm, never really into sports, had like health issues like scoliosis and stuff growing up. So when I was about 15, I was playing volleyball at that time and I started just like losing coordination and I noticed that my coach did and he thought I wasn't taking it seriously anymore. They thought I was like high or something. Oh really?

Yeah, and I was like, I don't think so. I don't think so. I would know. I fucking wish dude, you know? And so I quit sports and I was like, I guess I do drugs now. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna party and be like an art person. So I kind of leaned into that, but in high school,

I started noticing that like my principal would smell my breath in the morning because she thought I was drunk. Cause how I walked, everyone called me like Captain Jack Sparrow was along while I was daughter. It was like a running joke. You know what I mean? Like-

Not one adult was like, hey, maybe we should- Not fucking one. Never smell alcohol in this girl. Doesn't smell like weed coming in here either. Maybe something's really going on, not one. I raised. A school full of teachers. Not a fucking word. Adult teachers.

I literally, yeah. You got a health teacher down the fucking line. I fucking know, but they were the football coach, you know? Yeah. And I was like. You're a good boy, good boy. Right, like they don't know a picture about that. But. Yeah, Good boy, good boy. Right? They don't know a dictionary about that. But- Yeah, that's a good point. They, like, I was a really good student, like academically.

I almost failed gym class and no one was like, that's weird. You know, because I couldn't run the mile or whatever. So I went to my mom and I was like, I don't know what, but I think something is wrong. Everyone thinks I'm drunk. Everyone's talking about my speech being kind of slurred, you know? And do you hear it in your head or do you feel the same? I feel the same, but when I listen, but- You do, but you notice your body movements and things like that.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm aware of my speech watching other people react to me. I see. Yeah. So how long do you wait till you finally say something to your mom? Like a few months? Pretty quickly.

I was like, what the fuck is happening? But I'm a middle child. And my older sister walked weird, but we said it was cause of her scoliosis and I didn't have that. And so my mom was like- Just walk it off. Well, she was like,

okay, middle child. Like she used to think, told me I was doing it for her attention. And so I thought I was. I used to like- How guilty does your mom feel now? Bro. How about now? Yeah. How about now, mom?

I swear to God, you, no idea. No idea. So I'm like, maybe I am making it up. I used to practice walking in my room at night. Wait, so for a while it got in your head that your mom- For three years, I thought it was insane. She wouldn't take me to the doctor. Did it progressively get worse over the three years?

What did they think was happening? She thought I was being a middle child. Cause my- She thought this was a performance? No. I would literally practice talking and walking in my room at night, like trying to record to see how straight I could walk.

And I was like, I thought I was having a mental breakdown. How old are you? I was 15. No, how old are you now? Right now? 28. Oh, so cell phones with video cameras are readily available. So you could easily record just to, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. You don't have to go get an old ass video camera and do all this shit. Okay. So, um, I, you know, all of this shit's happening. Everyone's telling me I'm out of my mind. And I just like, to the point where I kind of owned walking weird and I was like, yeah, just how I do it.

There were like younger groups of girls in my household that would walk like me because they thought it was cool. I'm not even fucking lying. my husband that would walk like me because they thought it was cool. Yeah. I'm not even fucking lying. Could you have answered? And now I'm like, is that a hate crime or something like that? Crazy.

They would walk like you because they thought it was cool. Not making fun of you. No, well, there were groups that made fun of me for sure. But like I'd have friends carry my lunch trays cause I'd spilled them. And I had no idea why. You're in high school, like honest to God, I wasn't an idiot. I would definitely look at one of my friends after this and be like,

you should go to a doctor. Nobody. That's crazy. Yeah. Well, I was always making jokes about it. So I think- Yeah, but they're watching you physically change. You say your speech is changing,

the way you want, you don't even play sports anymore. I got fired from every serving job for spilling everything. I, what a job. Wait, did you ever dump something on somebody? Dude, so many times. I'm like, I've refused to carry soup ever again. That was the worst.

Where were you working that you were doing? I worked at Frothy Monkey. Do y'all have those here? Oh my God. What is that, a coffee place? Kind of, but it like, they served wine and food too, and like cocktails, I think. But like I spilled everything at some point.

They wanted to get rid of me, but the customers liked me. So they hired like a food runner for my shifts. Wow. Okay. Yeah. And I did eventually get fired for, I was clearing off tables upstairs. I'm trying to walk downstairs and I ate shit. The whole thing. Yeah. And I got fired because I was a liability. Would you say a disability? Lawsuit? Lawsuit? whole thing. Yeah, and I got fired because I was a liability.

Fair. Would you say a disability? Lawsuit? Lawsuit? Yeah, I'm like, I swear to God. They're lucky, I got fired like a- I know, if you had been diagnosed legally- A month before I was diagnosed. Oh my God, you'd be a gazillion.

Oh my God, I'm feeling, I should have held on. You know, in a lot of ways. No, with that job that I remember one time they got like a bad Yelp review about me. Because I was working the cash register. And someone goes, love this place, but y'all gotta get rid of Emma Stone. Pretty good.

I'm like, so you think I'm pretty? Like, that was my takeaway. But everyone thinks stoned or drunk or something other than real. Okay, what about dad? Is he around? What about dad? He's not around at all. I mean, he was like legally obligated to be around dad.

Okay, I already know what kind of pair what you're talking about. Oh my God, my dad. I already know what kind of pair we're talking about. Oh my God, my dad. I mean, I'm almost like the shitty part about my dad is like, as a daddy sucks, but like any boyfriend I had that met him in high school was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Your dad's cool as shit. He gives us beer or whatever.

You know what I mean? So yeah, he was an attorney. So all of this is really- So also intelligent people. What did your mom do? Oh, she owns her own company. She's very smart. She's in marketing. She has- Just passed it off as Fiona's acting up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And again, when you start believing that it's like psychological warfare with your body,

like it's so confusing. And so I'm old, I went to Knur and twice. So I was 18 the summer before starting senior year. And I was like, I gotta get this fixed before I go to college. I don't want anyone to like make fun of me for it there. I don't mean people are gonna yell at me for interrupting, but at the time you're eight, so are you driving? Are you able to drive and stuff? Yeah, I'm driving.

At that point I was on my third car. Why, cause of accidents? Yeah. That's what I wanted to ask. And that's not a on my third car. Why? Cause of accidents? Yeah. That's what I wanted to ask. And that's not a clue to the family. I swear to God, I'm like, I'm 18. I've had three cars. Yeah.

One of them I totaled in my driveway. How? Okay. I still maintain that was not my fault. All right. I was 16 and I was inching out of the driveway was fall. My car sat pretty low and there was a big pile of leaves and this lady in this big SUV was gone through all the leaves like trying to like make them. Whatever.

T-pounds the fuck out of my car and pulled me into the street. She had me so hard. I was a little too far out of her, being honest. But I had to like, my door never opened again. My car was held together with zip ties and I had to enter and exit through this passenger door for like a year. A year?

Ah, yeah. Okay, so when do things shift to the point where you're like, listen everybody, something's wrong. Or do you take the shit by the fucking- So I knew they weren't gonna listen. It had been three years of ever, and like I got grounded for walking weird. Fiona.

Also look, I played, well I went to high school and played sports and even in high school, yearly you're going to the doctor. Were you not getting checkups yearly with any kind of like pediatrician at least, 16, 17, nothing? No, no by the time I went to the doctor. Nobody that could have said hey.

And I want to remind you, I'm from a very wealthy town. Where the fuck was any, like, no, I don't know. I don't know. Probably all Xanaxed and pilling out and just going about their days. Just no one give a fuck, there was no school nurse that was like, hey bitch. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You're a daily, you're in there, not one on one. You know what, just come here for a second. It didn't help that I did party a lot in high school and I looked like it too. Yeah, but you could take a test and prove you're not fucked up easily. I fucking know, I'm like, give me your breath a little. I do, getting pulled over and having no idea

why I watched her talk like this. Oh, no, I didn't even think. Oh my fuck. Have you ever been falsely accused? Yeah, many times. Many fucking- Did they tell you to get out and walk? Yeah, and I was like-

No, have you been arrested for DUI? No. Okay. How the fuck'd you pass that? Dude, so they were like, we're gonna do a feels-ready test, and I was like, I can't. You're like, y'all don't want to.

Walk in the straight line, and they were like, why? And I was like, I can't walk in the straight line, and they were like, why? And I was like, I don't know. And I was like, please, breathalyze me, and I called my mom, and they were like, she's claiming she's incapable of walking in a straight line, that's like, reason enough, you know? My mom was like, no, just fucking breathalyze her.

Like, I don't know. She's just acted up. Yeah. So how do you help yourself? So I'm 18 now and I'm like, all right, I can take myself to doctors, right? So I take my mom's insurance card, like her health insurance card,

and I'm thinking equilibrium like something easy you know. So I go to an ENT by myself and nothing there but they're like something is not right but we don't know what. Send me to do a balance test nothing there but they know something is wrong and they recommend a neurologist. At this point her insurance doesn't cover that, so I had to involve her to be like, hey, I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. They're sending me up, down, X, Y, and Z, don't be mad. They want me to go to a neurologist, they think it's either a genetic disease

or a tumor on my cerebellum. And I'm fucking rooting for the tumor because you remove it, we're all good to go and get a weird haircut. You know what I mean? Pretty cool. And my mom, I was like, will you please pay for one of them? She was like, if I pay for this, will you shut the fuck up about this? And I was like, absolutely. And so we decide to go with the genetic testing because I wasn't having like headaches or anything. And it takes about three months for those to come back. And when they came back,

I have a very rare genetic disease called Friedrich's hit taxia and there are only 5,000 people in the US with it. No way. And I was right. And that's all I heard was I was right. That's like two people. Dude, me? That might as well be two people if you're talking about our whole country. I told you I was right. That's like two people. Dude, me? That might as well be two people

if you're talking about our whole country. I told you I'm a middle child. I have two siblings. They both have it. They do. So that's why scoliosis and everything that was going on with your older sister. They were blaming, I had nothing to blame them on.

Your younger sister or brother? Older sister, younger brother. He has it as well. He got diagnosed two months ago. Oh no, how old is he? 23. So is he already starting to feel the effects? He's walking, if you met him, you'd be like,

oh, he's been drinking a little bit. But that's how I explain this disease. It's like the stages are like, my body is now black out drunk. My brother's body is like tipsy, you know what I mean? My sister is doing really well. Well, it's genetic. So who gave it to you?

Mom and dad don't have it? They're both carriers, which can we talk about how rare that is? And my dad's a piece of shit. So hold on, I'm sorry. They're both carriers. You could have got this from one parent and you happen to have it from both

and it's rare enough for, what are you, these are like, this is like the devil's lottery tickets. Dude, I know. So are any of their parents alive? Yeah, they're, my dad's mom just died, but no one's disabled. Did she ever get tested to see if she was also a carrier? No, she was a fucking devil. Well, there you go.

There's who's talking, we just figured out who gave it to you right there. Fucking. Wow. And your mom's parents weren't disabled either? No. None of the grandparents? Mm-mm.

Man. No, in our entire bloodline. So this rare disease gets passed on from two carriers at the same time to all three of you. And is your older sister, is she in a chair or anything now? She is in a chair, yeah. She and I are pretty similar as far as progression goes.

She's doing really well though Yeah, she and I are pretty similar as far as progression goes she's Doing really well though. She's four years older than me Do you do you have a little bit of hindsight is she you know? Kind of what I look out for like okay, that's where I'll be at But she's definitely she's been clean and sober for 12 years Definitely, she's been clean and sober for 12 years. Her story is insane. When she was 20, so I was 16, my sister overdosed and had a seizure off a mountain. Whoa.

Yeah, before the diagnosis. What is that? What? She had an overdose from what? She overdosed on drugs and had a seizure because of that and was looking off a mountain when it happened. No, and then fell off the mountain. And then got life flighted and was in a coma for a while.

It's enough just to fall off a mountain. Imagine you're having a seizure while you can't even put your hand down to help yourself. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but because of the scoliosis, she has metal rods in her back. Her back is not breakable, so that's probably why she's alive. Oh, she already had the rods. Is that insane? Is that insane? already had the rods. Is that insane? Is that insane? It is.

That to have scoliosis, to get the rods, to have this disease ultimately saved your life. And we're still not diagnosed. So that happens to my sister. She survives it. She wakes up now, she's clean and sober from that point forward. She's clean and sober from that point forward She's still not diagnosed with this

We are blaming the walking now like it getting worse or blame you on that sure And I'm still progressing and we have not and I'm just look more like a fucking bitch making fun of my sister So when they finally do tell you what you have, what is your mom's reaction? She's sobbing. She feels, I mean, I get it now, like hindsight. I'm like, okay, she just like desperately didn't want anything to be wrong with her kids,

which I understand from from a base level. But I was like, fuck you, I told you, I was celebrating. And then I think at some point I was like, okay, now that we know, what do we do about it? And they were like, the diagnosis was so fucking grim. Neurologists don't have good bedside manner.

I can't believe you just said that. It's true. I don't, again, I told you outside a little bit about what I have and I'm not trying to compare it in any way or make this about me, but I know what you mean. So I have, it's called Charcot-Marie Tooth Disease, CMT. We talked about missing like a layer of muscle in my legs. And then I also have nerve damage in my leg from my knees down, my feet, super high arches, sprained ankles all the time.

My ankles sit back farther than they should. Just a fucked up thing. And it is genetic. My dad had it. Both my brothers have it. And we went to get tested because we were trying to figure out what the fuck this is. You know, my dad's got to wear the big in like the orthopedics and all that shit. So we go to Johns Hopkins University, we're from Baltimore, so we just go there because

it's a world we're now hospital. He takes us in for testing. And this is where I was telling you, they're doing shit like they make us do a treadmill test and things like that. They watch your gait, the way your feet strike, you know? And then they start taking needles and they're just jamming them in the webs of our toes. Like between, and you never even had one in there before. So you don't have the, you know, like, I have to stick it in my arm. And they're not just putting them in there.

They're doing them as pain tests. It's tell me when you feel this. And then you're like, ah! And then they go, okay, well, you know, you felt that like, you're like, ah, and then they go, okay, well, you know, you felt that like, you know, after you should have. So it's a whole test. And then they take like that little cattle prod and they put it on your ankle bone right under it. And then they electrocute that motherfucker until you yell and they go, okay, there it

is. Yup. And then it's all these tests. It's some medieval shit. So this doctor looks at us. We're, I have a twin brother, so we're probably 14. We're like freshmen in high school. My younger brother's probably seventh grade, something like that. And this guy goes, yeah, you guys have Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease.

He explains what it is. And he's like, you're basically a step away from being Jerry's kids. This is a doctor's. I said this little two bears with tops of Gora. And my dad goes, you guys want to step outside for a second? And I'm telling you, I heard my dad, he cussed, but I heard him only say fuck twice.

This was definitely one of the times. He lit, and we're outside laughing like, oh, he's getting in trouble like dad yells at us. You know what I mean? And my dad's like, what kind of fucking bedside, you telling kids are gonna be, what are you? And just lit him up. And that's when we learned what we had. And then later again, when I was about 40,

I went and got tested again to see like the progression and all that, and I don't know, it seems to be stable enough. Like if I, again, I'm so sorry to even say this, but when I walk, after a while, my foot will drop. I'll stumble a little bit because it just doesn't keep picking back up after a while. And my nerves are not the same down there as well.

And you're right, doctors have the worst fucking bedside. Well, it's because like at some point, I think maybe it's like a survival mechanism for them. Like they can't care about you. Yeah. You're just a number. Yeah. Yeah.

You're just number 87. Dude, try being in a fucking clinical trial. You're literally a number. No one gives a fuck. Like it is so. You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends. Then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them.

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Now, let's get back to the do. So because your disease is so rare, they're also looking at you saying like like we don't really know what we can do for this or is there something Literally when I'm 18 years old Okay, and my mom did the same thing because the first guy that diagnosed me went to two people because she wanted a second opinion Make sure she was Yeah, she was like no I gotta be right about this Yeah, not let's get a second opinion for health reasons. Like, damn it though.

No, no. She was like, I'm never wrong. What the fuck? And the first guy that diagnosed me was a younger neurologist and he wore a little stupid fucking bow tie, okay, like little guy. And he is like, it was like his doctor house moment, like figuring out what was wrong with me. So he's like giddy to talk about it and how bad it is and stuff.

My mom lost her shit on him. She was like, fuck this guy. He's under five feet tall. We can't take him seriously. He's a jock. Yeah, my mom's five, 10, towering over this little man, but she was like, we're going to go to this other guy. So he's not giddy, but he's just very like, merm-er, you know?

And he goes, so you do have this, and I was like, okay, what do we do? And he was like, well, there's really nothing you can do as progressive, and I was still walking at that point, and he was like, you probably have about two years left of walking and then your speech is gonna go and like I won't be able to like form a word at some point. Your sight, your hearing, it's all a muscle. They're all muscles, my muscles, like whatever nerves are all dying.

And he was like, so yeah, my mom was like, well, what the fuck, like there has to be something in the works or whatever. And he said, and this was 10 years ago, he said, we're hoping in about 10 years that there will be some kind of like gene therapy that is a real cure. If like, but you have to hold on to all your,

like the fact that I could stand up and walk up those stairs with help, it's me holding on to what I can do. I'm not supposed to even be able to be understood when I'm speaking and now I'm a comedian. So you're defying everything these people told you. Yeah. Good for you, Fiona.

Thank you. I think it's mental. I think a lot of it is in your head. And if you're like, if you say no. Well for you, it is. Yeah. I mean, your physical is turning on you and you're keeping your mind. That's fucking really strong.

That's powerful. Thank you. Are you proud of yourself? Do you not take the time like most people to just breathe and think, Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I gotta keep on moving. So, all right, when do you finally have to sit in a chair?

Like for good. And did you start little by little at first? Yeah. Did you try to sit in a chair? Like for good? And did you start little by little at first? Did you try to like keep your legs? I would call it my drinking chair. Was it always electric right away? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm lazy. I'm like, everyone's gone down. You weren't doing the wheelies and shit.

No, no, no. I'm gonna be able to know I got the money for it. Yeah, that's good. Don't forget about that. Outside you're like, oh, I didn't bring my snow tires. They're like, do you really have snow tires? You're like, no.

Oh, man. You should though. You should get some four wheeled mutters on that thing. So it's weird, cause it went from walking and then I could still walk, but it was kind of like, like, it was really like swerving around and shit. And on my 21st birthday,

I remember I went to the bar sober cause I was so excited to like buy my very illegal drink and they wouldn't serve me because of my speech, my walking, which I get, but you were already fucked up. And I was like, yeah, you're late to the party. And I explained what I had and they were like, we've heard that one before. I'm like, fucking no, you haven't burst off. And so I couldn't that one before. I'm like, fucking no, you haven't, first off. And so I couldn't get served, cried.

And I was like, okay, now we gotta figure out what we do. So I decided at that point, I entered my cane era. So I got a cane to signify to everyone else that something is happening, I'm not fucked up. Isn't that interesting, something as simple as a cane with the same walk and talk will make people have a heart. Yeah. All of a sudden I had empathy from people and I was like, okay, so you feel better because now you visibly, there's a lot of virtue signaling when you have a visible

disease, like people love to be seen helping you. But if no one's around to watch, no one's going to help you. Like everyone wants an audience. I, um, well, so we were talking about genetics outside and you were like, I know this sounds woo and I'm saying, no, it doesn't because I didn't know that the next disease I found out I had, which is factor five light in my blood disease. I didn't know that the next disease I found out I had, which is factor five light in my blood disease, I didn't know that till 42. So I'm telling you that's 14 more years to find out like,

holy shit, this has been here. I was born with this. And like you said, a lot of times these things, so people who have not the CMT, but the factor five, the blood stuff, if they never have an incident, they could live to be 110 and it's fine. They don't even know they have it. But what you said outside, stress, anxiety,

all those things manifest this shit that's just laying dormant in you and boom, next thing I know it comes out. So for me, if I had something like this, I'm already on blood thinners, but this could be something that checks me out early because sitting all the time, my machine not moving is, it can be deadly for me.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. You know, imagine you find out something else later in life and you can, that's why I tell people on this show, they come on, they're like, I don't talk to this person anymore. I'm like, look, even if you don't talk to those people in your family,

see if you can get a medical history on those motherfuckers. Cause genetics is a son of a bitch. They may leave you at birth, but they left you with whatever the fuck they stuck in you. That's, yeah, with me forever. Okay, so what sort of like, I mean, do you go into depression? Like how fucking difficult you know, difficult is it

to mentally accept I can't walk anymore and I have to, I was an athlete and I have to sit in this chair now. Like how do you cope with that? Yeah, well, I think because of, I mean, we're 10 years deep now, right? I mean, we're 10 years deep now, right? And I think I was deeply depressed in the beginning

and all throughout college really. I've talked about this before, but like I was a virgin until I was 18 and then I got diagnosed and I was like very convinced that no one would ever want me when I couldn't walk and I'm gonna lose my speech sight, like I'm done. Yeah, they're telling you that you're gonna be a blob. Yeah, I'm fucking Helen Keller but worse. Like that's good.

But worse, but also with this other shit. Literally, I'm like, oh my god, are you fucking kidding me? So I freaked out. I was super depressed. I started ramping up my drinking real bad. And I was sleeping with everyone. Like, I was like, better do it while I can, I guess. I'm going to live in my mom's basement at some point.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And yeah, that was pretty dark. And then like, I don't really know. I think I just realized like, oh, I was disabled all through high school, but I didn't know, so I kept doing all these things. And like, I'm grateful now

that my mom kind of neglected me in that way, because if I would have been diagnosed at 15, like the amount of like barriers I would have put in front of myself, but like we're the only ones that can stop ourselves from doing anything. There are a million fucking ways to do the same thing. And so I'm grateful I didn't know because I didn't know I couldn't or that the world would have told me I couldn't have done things.

So I tried really hard to sort of convince myself to go back there mentally. Like, no, you can do it. You just got to do it differently. How many I'm fucking sorry's have you gotten? Not enough. Yeah, not enough is a good answer. But mom, really? She's very sorry.

Me and my mom had a really difficult relationship. I was very angsty and mad at her in high school for obvious reasons now. And then college, I think I didn't really forgive her for gaslighting me essentially for years. And then I don't know. I think I was like, you know what? I'm gonna lay out very directly to her why I'm fucking mad

and like where she hurt me and what I wish she would have done. And we just like throughout the years have had a ton of very honest conversations and like she's not perfect. Nor am I. I might be, but no, she's not perfect. But like I appreciate and respect that she's willing to like apologize and listen and try

to change. There are so many people in my life that not my life anymore, I guess. Yeah. You know, that refused and it was, yeah. All right, so I wanna ask you a question about dating and stuff because I have had maybe, might only be one, one or two ladies on our Patreon, honeydewithyall.

It's the fans write in with their story and we do this version with them on Patreon. And there was a girl who was in a wheelchair and she said that she's basically a unicorn. And she's like, guys hit on me nonstop. Like I'm a fetish for them. And I said, I get it for the freaks out there and everything. And I don't mean that in a weird way. You know what I mean? Oh, I do. The users I'm talking about, not the good people.

But she said, well, there's not many of us in wheelchairs. And I said, what do you mean? She's like, cause we're not as dumb as guys. And I was like, oh yeah. So excluding, you know, health and things like this, more men she sees in her world in wheelchairs because also dumb shit. Men are more reckless with their bodies.

Fucking idiots. Yeah, yeah. So do you, have you experienced that? Like guys who have no interest in you and just all interest in fetish shit? Yeah, I've talked about this before, but like I believe there are three different types of men. Let's hear this, yeah.

And I've dated all of them. There's a guy who fucking hates that I'm disabled, but not in like an empathetic way, in a way that if I bring it up, he's gonna get angry. And that's, I dated that guy during my cane phase. Wow. Yeah, like he- Just talking about it would set him up. Like he thought it was disgusting

and didn't wanna talk about it. And I was like, okay. But you're okay to date still. Yeah. We're all the same laying down. No, and then there's another guy I've dated him to where I don't know if it was necessarily like a fetish thing, but like he fucking loved how it made him look to have a girlfriend in a wheelchair.

Like he was way more into being photographed with me or whatever. And like, I wasn't like a comedian. It's just what it said about him to onlookers. He got off on that shit. What a good guy he must be. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And that's always the darkest person.

That's interesting. Yeah. At least you know where the other motherfucker straight up with, even though they're a piece of shit, they're straight up with you. You know what I do. Yeah. And I appreciate that. Don't make me.

I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then there's guys like Matt, right? Yes, you're engaged. And I appreciate that. Don't make me. I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. And then there's guys like Matt, right? Yes, you're engaged. Is it okay to say?

Yeah. You're engaged now. Congratulations. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, there's guys like him who are just, he sees me before he sees the wheelchair, you know what I mean? And that's like how I knew he was different and that is incredibly rare.

Like someone that understands this is something happening to me but it is not me, you know what I mean? Because also, I've never understood why people act like disability in any capacity is like this fucking like sad weird thing. It sucks, but like it's the only minority any of us can be a part of. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's interesting. It's the most inclusive minority.

The handicap. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. Deaf, blind, everybody wants to help or do something and it's the only one you can be a part of. Like we're all going to be disabled at some point. Just get old, motherfuck. It's common.

That chair's just waiting. Yeah. If you're lucky enough to get that old. So can I ask you questions about that? They were wrong obviously about your speech, your sight and everything, but is this disease something that will, your body will turn on itself later in life, 70s or, you know, what do you know about it? Um, I mean, they, the guy, the neurologist was correct about the 10 year thing.

He was spot on about that. Yeah. Okay. I'm really glad that me and my siblings have really held on to our muscle mass or trying to whatever, because there is a lot of stuff in the pipeline right now. I am not concerned anymore that I will forever be. I'm sorry, in the pipeline, meaning in the medical world right now, there's some advancements? Yeah. I am not concerned anymore that I will forever be.

I'm sorry, in the pipeline meaning in the medical world right now there's some advancements? Yeah. Okay, good, good. Would you be down to try? Like clinical trials. Would you be down to do clinical trials? Oh, I do that. Oh, you do do them?

Oh, I've always done them. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm a professional lab rat. Is any of it, do you find any of it working yet? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Say it or anything.

Okay, but can you say this? If that thing is finally approved, I guess it's, is it FDA, Food and Drug has to approve it? That's gonna be, yeah. And then will it, can it make you walk? That's the hope, and I haven't officially- Have you walked on this medication? You have? You got up and walked. How you walked on this medication? Mm-hmm. You have?

Mm-hmm. You got up and walked, how far? 25 feet. Get the fuck out, that's a long way. Yeah, that was a couple years ago, to be fair. But I was wheelchair bound at that point. And you got up and walked 25 feet, how? I mean, how, were you holding or?

No. You really did it by yourself? I mean, it was like a baby. Who cares? But you didn't have rails where you're, No. You really did by yourself? I mean it was like a baby. Who cares if you didn't have rails where you're wow. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy. Yeah. Fucking taking them so long.

It's been two years. Dude, everything is about money and it's about who's president. And I don't actually understand any of it. I just know when they say no, I think some monkeys died at some point and they paused it. I don't fucking know, dude. How do you keep in the loop on that? Do you regularly see a doctor, yearly checkups?

You know how my mom feels so fucking bad? Mm-hmm. Oh, she's now? She is a psycho. They all- Sending you every link and clip. They hate her because she calls them almost every day. Good, good.

She's relentless. That bitch is gonna kill me. What's the new news? What's the new news? I swear I got there like Amanda. Amanda, yeah. But the only real cure that's one and done is gene therapy, which the craziest part is gene therapy.

I wanted to ask you if stem cell was anything that was possible to help. It's sore. I don't, I, I'm sure it's helpful in some ways, but I don't think that's going to cure me. Um, but gene therapy, God, I went to art school, so this is gonna be a rough explanation. But it's like basically recoils your DNA and you're constantly making new DNA in your body,

so it goes in, like it's a little computer, it's like whatever makes it, and it tells it, nope, we gotta fix this. Do this. And eventually it's like all the new DNA is throughout your body. Do you know what I mean? So that trial, and I can talk about it cause it's like online, but I'm not in that one. I mean, I, I saw this episode years ago of Bill Maher real time and this dude came on, he was a scientist, he's an older man now, but he was a child genius.

And in like seventh grade, he built a fucking computer himself. And he said, here's a picture of us wheeling it on stage. You know, it's funny, they had a ramp for that, probably not for wheelchair people. And they wheeled that motherfucker up and it stood like seven foot tall. And he goes, now, and he pulls out his iPhone and he goes, look what we're at. He's like, it's my belief that hopefully in the next 10, 20 years, we'll be able

to insert a chip into someone and say, hey, don't do the diabetes, get rid of the cancer, turn this off, turn that on or whatever, and program your system into a healthier mode. Yeah. I mean, they're fucking there. It's there now, huh?

Yeah. So now you just got to figure out how to do it properly and get it approved. And I'm hoping my siblings can be in that trial. I can't because I'm in others and you can't. Oh, is that the way it works? Yeah. And I'm okay with that, you know what I mean? Who cares? As long as it works on somebody, you're like, let's go. Right.

Okay, can I ask you this? Let's be positive about this. What's the first thing you're going to do when you can walk? What's the first thing you want to do? First thing I want to do? I hadn't even thought about that. Fuck, I'm gonna go to a trampoline park. Fuck yeah, little Sky Zone action. Yeah, we got those out here. God, I would love that shit. You forced it, you had to break a snap in your neck.

I know, I'm like, damn it. You hit the chair right there. I think my house is out in Belver's. Dude, that'd be really fun. What about dance, slow dance with your husband? Oh shit, I guess, yeah. Have you done that? You stand on his feet and do that? Yeah, I like to give him standing up hugs.

He's a little guy too. I don't like tall guys. I don't blame you. It hurts my neck to look up at them. Um, all right. Tell me about, um, I want to hear some embarrassing stories, um, in the wheelchair. Like getting used to a battery ever die in a place or you ever get stuck. My battery has died while I was crossing the street by myself and you can't put it in manual. Oh, you just have to sit there. I'm just there.

There's no neutral or anything on it. What do you do? Who got out? A stranger. You could be run over for real by- I mean, so quick. So quick. It's a fuck, dude, I was actually,

I was in the airport by myself and I had like my bag on me and I'm wheeling a different one and Trying to fucking drive and I'm waiting at the elevator for it to open There's a new mom with this little baby My fucking duffel bag hits this thing and I run over her She got so mad and I was like, I didn't think about that. You're trying to pull it back like that fireworks guy, Terry.

Ever see Terry? I'm begging it, Terry. What'd you do on Terry? Yeah. You gotta get used to it, I guess. Fucking nightmares. You gotta get used to learning how to use the fucking. I mean, I get new chairs a lot

because I break them a lot. Oh, you do? Yeah, and I'm always like, why the fuck do these break? How? What's breaking them? The battery stops working, the motor, anything. And I was like, why are these breaking so much? And they're really, I think you're using it too much.

What is that? You're supposed to just sit home. Yeah. What, um, how fast does this thing go? This one doesn't go that fast, but it's the first one I haven't gotten online. Like there's a store by my house. So if it breaks, they have to fix it, which is a game changer. Yeah.

I'd say it's like a, like a brisk walk is the fastest. I mean, is there a governor on there we could fuck with and get you up to like 20 miles an hour? I'm not getting it. We should look. I do have a headlight on this one. Does it? You have a horn?

Yeah. Dude, let me hear it. Dude, it's a lame bug in the mouth. Do it when you're running over that lady with her baby. Oh my God. I'm Mandarin number one. Yeah, I want to work on that horn too. Yeah, you should get a train horn on that thing too.

Oh, hell yeah. We can play songs. Move, bitch. What do you think? Well, tell me about Kill Tony, obviously. So let's talk about you going, like what made you say, I'm fucking ready to go give this a shot? Drunk confidence.

Yeah. But you had been doing standup for a little bit, right? Yeah, yeah. I was doing well, like online and in Nashville, and I was doing a little bit of traveling on a headliner or anything. But my uncle kind of, whatever, he was like, hey, you would be really good

on this Kel Toney show. Your uncle suggested it. Okay. Yeah. And I was like, what's that? What's that, yeah. And he shows it Yeah. And I was like, what's that? What's that, yeah. And he shows it to me and I was like, this is so uncomfortable to watch, I love it. You know, like, I don't know.

But he was like, they love you, if you can figure out how to get on. And I was like, okay. So the seed was planted in my head already, but I can't fucking fly to Austin and find a place to stay without like knowing I'm going to be on. Sure. And I had seen some episodes. That was the question I was going to ask you because he didn't.

What a gamble to go all the way and not even get called or chosen. And the internet, like they they must've gone past it, but when Tony brought me out my first time, I was not a bug-able. He brought me out as a special guest, like he did Ari Matty. And I had steam-a-dee-p-a-dari, so I was like, okay, he does that sometimes, you know what I mean?

And I'm in Nashville, and we're about to have the Nashville Comedy Festival, which is in April, so this was April last year. And I'm friends with Brian Dorfman, who owns Zany's in Nashville. And I was like, hey, do you know Tony Hinchcliffe is going to be here during the festival? And he was like, Oh yeah. And so I told Brian, I really want to see if I could get on to kill Tony. And he was like, I'll introduce you. Of course, you know, whatever. So I end up at an after party and Tony's walking in to the after party and I grabbed Brian and I was like, I need you to introduce us now.

And so he does immediately and Tony was like, you're really good looking for a girl in a wheelchair. And I was like. I like the wheelchair. I have any bearing on what you look like. I'm like, what am I supposed to look like? Right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That sentence I hear constantly and I'm like, you refer a woman in a seated position? Like, that's a great point. Yeah. And, um, but thank you. I'm flattered, but whatever. And, um, Tony, I told him I'm coming to Austin,

would love to be on Kill Tony if that was possible. And he was just like, he had never seen me, didn't know if I was funny. And he was like, okay, you're on, like, DM me when you're in town. And I was like, so I went on blind faith that he meant it. And the day I've I damned him and I was so fucking serious. He wasn't gonna reply.

He replied like so kind, so concerned about like me being able to get on stage and like the ADA stuff for you comfortable with this. And I was like, oh, he's like very sweet. Like this is a good dude. He's a good dude. So yeah, it all happened. I fucking, I was so nervous.

I blacked out my first time and I didn't remember what I had said until it released. Really? Yeah. You couldn't remember. You had to watch it to remember what you said? Yeah. My fucking, my fiance, Matt was in the front row watching and it was funny because they make you like put your phones in those bags. So I go on and they have to bring me around the building

through the front till I get back to the green room. And Matt is out front where they unlock your bags with this phone, like crying. And I was like, what the fuck? What are you doing? And Matt's like freaking out. He was like that. I think I just watched her life change. Like he saw that. It was very sweet.

And I was like, I don't remember anything. But he was right. That changed my fucking life, you know? So tell me now that you're an actively touring comedian in a chair, how fucking because that wasn't something before you said you did a little traveling. Now you're traveling all over. You're here going to San Diego. You just mentioned Tulsa Austin all these places like how difficult is that it's a new thing for you. Yeah, it's um

It is hard, but it's not impossible and I have realized that like Going on the road flying whatever it is in a wheelchair The only like you can do it. It'll be fine. You just have to learn how to fucking advocate for yourself because airlines are going to push your ass around. They're going to make your life hard to break your wheelchair. You just need to know the laws for airlines. How to protect yourself. Yeah, yeah. It's a good point, yeah. Cause I'll just look up and quote at them if they're refusing to let me have it on the plane,

like my, cause you don't let them put it under the plane. I was gonna say, they're just throwing that motherfucker. Yeah. So you're, you sit in that chair on a plane or no? There's a wheelchair compartment. I see them, I see all the, they don't put you in that black one, they let you wheel this to the plane? Yeah.

Okay, I see. And they fold it up. And they're always like, it's not gonna fit. I'm like, I fly for a living, so yes I will. But it's like finding the balance of like, standing up for yourself but not being on the no fly list. Yeah, that's your career. You got to be careful.

So, just being direct, knowing the ADA rights for flying and fucking going from there. You just got to be your own advocate. So, are you loving life right now? Mm-hmm. Fuck yeah. What do you? Okay. Let's talk about this for a second. And no offense, I haven't seen your hour, but how much of your hour is talking about this?

A lot of it. Okay, now when you start walking and you get out of this chair, what are you gonna talk about? I'm like, do you remember when I was in a wheelchair? I used to be in a wheelchair. So imagine I'm in, do you remember when I was in a wheelchair? I used to be in a wheelchair. So imagine I'm in a wheelchair. You just gotta get a whole new hour

and you start walking. Fiona, this is great. Thank you for coming on here and talking to me and sharing this stuff with me. I know it's probably not easy. And it's all new too. I love that this is new for you, the stand up crushing it like that.

Fuck yeah, good for you. Thank you. So before we recorded, I told you, this is your first time here, and I was gonna ask you at the end, advice you'd give to your 16 year old self. And I'm curious what you would say, because I know what's going on in your life now at 16,

to Fiona Colley. What would I say? Fucking stop doubting yourself so much. You know, you know your body, you know what's going on. Everyone else can suck a dick. Love it. I mean, I want to just tell you, you were right. You were right. The whole time you were fucking right.

I still can't believe that. I'll bet. I mean, that's got to, you started realizing it, what'd you say, around 15-ish? Yeah. So you're 28, what's that, 13 years of still being like, I can't believe nobody fucking. All right. Can I ask you one more question here? Yeah.

I know they said there's really nothing that they can do yet or anything like that, but even if you had diagnosed this earlier, except for being correct and no, was there anything that you could have done to help ease it a little bit or? No. No. It's just, it is what it is. Yeah. Or just when do you want your sentence then?

I get that. Well, thank you again. Thank you so much for coming on. I love talking to you. One more time, promote whatever you'd like, please. Yeah, I'm all right. Same thing? Mm-hmm, Tul time, promote whatever you'd like, please. Yeah. Same thing. Tulsa. You're going to be in Tulsa. I'll be at the Looney Men in Tulsa, Oklahoma, February 28th through March 1st.

All right. Go see her, Tulsa. Thank you again. As always, Ryan sickler on all your social media Ryan sickler comm will talk to you all next week You