The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Fortune Feimster - FortuneDew

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Fortune Feimster! Fortune Highlights the Lowlights of growing up in a small town, discovering her sexuality, her close relationship with her late grandmother AND GETTING HONEYDEW’D ON THE HONEYDEW! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: -Go to https://www.JoinCrowdHealth.com/99 and enter code HONEYDEW at sign up to get your first six months for just $99 per month -If you’re thinking about buying a home anywhere in the US next month, next year, or in five years, listen to the How to Buy a Home Podcast today -Go to https://www.Purple.com/HONEYDEW and use code HONEYDEW to get 10% off any order of $200 or more -Visit https://www.TalkSpace.com and get $100 off your first month when you use promo code HONEYDEW at sign-up -Get 20% off + free shipping with the code HONEYDEW at https://www.Manscaped.com 

Learner's Permit. Thursdays on my YouTube. Subscribe today. Baltimore, I can't thank you all enough for the sold-out shows at the famous John at Jimmy's Famous Seafood. Thank you as well. You all make it feel so good when I come home. Thank you for the great times, the laughs, and the great food. Brea, this Thursday at the Brea Improv. Get your tickets if you haven't already. We're going to have some fun out there in Brea. Arlington, Virginia, November 12th and 13th. And I'll be in Cleveland December 9th through the 11th.

Get your tickets at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. It has been so fun to get out on tour and get back to live shows and seeing you guys. Get your tickets to the Night Pants Nation tour at ryan sickler.com make sure you subscribe to the youtube and the patreon show continues to grow i mean we're solving cold cases over here we got a lot of shit going on nobody's solving cold cases on comedy podcasts right now i'm pretty sure of that um maybe they are i don't

know i don't watch other shit i'm too busy but anyway if you or someone you know has this story that has to be heard please submit it to honeydew podcast at gmail.com we'll vet the stories hopefully we get to do an episode together it's five bucks a month you get the honeydew a day early ad free at no additional charge and if you're in for a year sign up for it and you'll get over a month free uh episodes all right you do not need to be a patreon member to tell your story people ask that a lot you don't have to this show you know what this show is here y'all we're highlighting the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers um and today's storyteller i'd love to say it's great to have her back here because it is uh but for you all it's her first time here on the do but for me

unfortunately and fortunately oh shit we got fortune febster back on the honeydew yeah all right i think you missed me that's what it was i did miss you and um all right first of all before i explain what happened please promote everything you'd like to promote. Get your tour out there, all that. Well, yeah, I'm on tour all over the U.S. It's fortunefuture.com. I mean, I'm literally hitting like every city. And killing it. It's been amazing.

The turnouts have been just blowing my mind. This is my first theater tour after my Netflix special came out, Sweet and Salty. It just changed the game for me so this has been incredible we're gonna be adding shows uh like an la show and minneapolis canada shows uh later on in the tour we just haven't done that yet but there's so many places don't you love that when people are like you're not coming to michigan i'm like well we're not we're, we haven't booked it. We're coming. We just don't have it yet. It's the people from Florida who are very mad at me every time I post. I mean,

because we put out this, I was supposed to go on tour of, you know, March 2020 was my first show. Me too. Yeah, none of it happened. So this is all rescheduled. So for a year and a half, every time I've, you you know reminded about the tour florida's like why do you hate us why are you coming to florida i'm like i'm coming

it's just not booked yet like it's you route different parts of your tour at different times so florida simmer down i'll get there she'll get there we'll wrestle gators it'll be great yeah i'm the same way i'm going i still have Chicago, all these other cities to book yet. It's just not done. Denver, all of them. But yeah, I'm going to be out there for a better part of a year, probably a year every other week. Yeah, my shows in Denver and Seattle and Portland, Grand Rapids, they're all in March.

People will have held onto those tickets for two years. It's like, man. How great is that, though? That is. People are the best. They're the best. It's such a testament to what good people they are. Because, you know, we obviously had no control over a pandemic.

We wanted to do the shows, but, you know, you couldn't. Everything shut down. So we routed that in March, and they're still showing up and holding on to their tickets. I love it. It's so cool. I love it for you. Anything else? What else do you want to promote?

I do a SiriusXM radio show with Tom Papa. I got to get Tom Papa on the hunt. Oh, yeah. You'd love Tom. I want to get him on here. He's a good guy. We do it for Netflix on the SiriusXM channel 93. That's every morning and repeats in the afternoon if people want to tune in to something else.

You know what I mean? It's like everyone's listening. They're like, we have our thing. We're good. But that's just if you're looking for some extra comedy content. Well, I want to apologize publicly to you here. All right. So let me explain what's going on here.

Fortune came. You came. A couple months you came a couple months ago a couple months ago you and and prof the rapper prof and his crew came you were after them yeah and unfortunately um my old producer uh blew the video away yeah and i made a public apology on the video and you guys are the shit because everybody else is like sickler it's not a big deal it's not a big deal and it's not but here it is look i don't operate that way it's a big deal those people and you your time's valuable they flew here for the episode and i don't care that you're local you came here you gave me your time and we fucked it up and for that i am extremely sorry that's listen in over 10 years but not just podcasting in it's never happened yeah it's never fucking happened it

happens to two so um i know potter's mentioned it but um my old producer's gone um and we have kirsten now who's killing it killing it over there like my whole team is almost ladies except for any kirsten produces amanda does ad sales emilyur, what's up girl? She does my booking. That's great. I rent from Lana. I love it. You love the ladies. I love the ladies.

Listen, you're very sweet to apologize. It's all good. And I appreciate that you have been so distraught about it. I was. Listen. Brian called me when I was getting... I never. I'm filming the second season of Kenan Thompson sitcom.

So I'm on set all the time. So you called and I was like, let me call you back. And I forgot. And then you came all the way down to the comedy store to tell me. And I was like, oh, my God, it's so OK. I was in the booth in the corner like, OK. And then I walked over and I think i'm going to the green room and i catch in the dark corner and i'm like and you were so sweet it's all good it happens

these things happen and they don't though but it did and here's the beautiful part is that we do have the audio for the episode and it's a great episode so what we're going to do is we're going to do an abbreviated little uh episode now and we're going to share some stories about just being shit on and cut out of things and dropped. And then we'll go into the audio of your episode. And we're going to put video up of your tour so everybody knows where to go find you. Nice. But your episode was so good because you talk about your grandma. I remember when he said the

video was gone i was like more more than and i know too people are like you oh it's the honey dude no yeah we could hide behind the fuck up no that's just not the way i operate though we wouldn't be where we are if we fucked up everything we're like that's the way we do it right that shit no but you were upset because i cried on the video i go more fortune cried i go please more than the embarrassment more than the ads i'm more than all of it i'm losing please don't make me call fortune and tell her that video is gone because she cried about her grandma i cried but probably it's for the best and then i cried i probably don't make me call Fortune and tell her that video is gone because she cried about her grandma. I cried, but probably it's for the best. And then I cried.

I probably don't have a great cry face. So maybe the audio is just exactly what people need and that's it. Well, you're very sweet to be sweet about this. Of course. So again, thank you. But seriously, let's talk about some – because I asked you, I said, have you ever been cut because you played sports and stuff? You started telling me that you played soccer, but it wasn't girls league soccer. Well, I was obsessed with soccer as a kid. I went to a game where my brothers were playing, and anything they did, I wanted to do.

So I remember I was wearing dresses my whole – like every day, my whole life, from when I could put on a dress to five years old my mom had an entire closet full of dresses i went to a soccer game i was like this is this is the best never wanted to dress on no for that again in my life shorts and sweats that was it umbros shirt you know t-shirts and so i joined the soccer team. But back then, women's soccer was not like it is these days, especially in a small town. Because we had Chapel Hill. Mia Hamm was huge, but that was kind of a little bit later in my life,

childhood, and also just the women's teams hadn't developed yet. And so you had to play with boys, which was fine. But I had a coach that just would not let me play. And I was on this team for like six years. Nah. Yes. Same coach? Same coach.

He would not. If he let me play. And I get it. Looking at me, you're like, well, you're probably not an athlete. But I was. I was very athletic. I was good in sports was my thing. Well, I've learned, too, that someone's body type does not define athletic.

I watch these 300-and-some-pound NFL line with guts hanging over, and they're running 40s faster than me. They're out there pushing human beings for three hours. I'm like, I couldn't do that for a minute they clearly are athletic i played tennis and soccer in college um and my tennis coach always was like how does your body move like this like i don't know so i but i thought i was bad at soccer because i never got to play and i would be crushed every game like I would go home so sad but there was nowhere else to play at the time and my dad would get so mad I think he told the coach off at one point and uh like how much time would you get I mean like a couple sometimes not

at all no there'd be times you didn't even get in. There's times not even get in. And then if I did, it was like five minutes. And the time I didn't get in, my dad would be like, they're supposed to be having fun. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're like, what are you doing? Right. And so, but I love my team. And I stayed on the team till sixth grade.

And then the team turned, they called it Select, where you would, the travel team, basically. And we didn't have the money to do it so i had to kind of quit and i remember i joined another team in the town over and was like the best one on the team i was gonna ask you yeah for like all those years i thought i sucked at soccer that's the thing people make you feel something about yourself no but i just i just had happened to have a coach who you who made the decision early on that I was a certain way. Sports was huge in my life. I played, like I said, up until the pandemic, I was in a soccer league every Monday night for 15 years in Glendale.

Is it indoor? It was a 7-on-7 outdoor. Wow, okay. And I loved it indoor? It was a seven on seven outdoor. Wow. Okay. And I loved it, but now it's the least kind of done. And I'm probably don't need to be playing soccer at my age. I mean,

my daughter's playing now, so I already got my Sambas. I'm out there kicking it around again. I still, I'm telling you, I don't care. I'm almost 50 and I still have muscle memory on the ball at my feet. I can still grab it, move it.

If I get in a wheelchair, I'm still going to figure out if I can do that shit. Well, as an adult, there are very few times that you get to have camaraderie, right? Where you're like high-fiving people, you're rooting for people. Yeah, that's a good point. It's like a cool feeling

because life is stressful. It's a really good point, yeah. And so I would go on Monday night, every Monday night, I was like, people would ask me to do shows. I'd be like, this is the one night for myself. I'm playing soccer, and I would be so stressed about work or whatnot. I'd go play. I'm cheering people on, high-fiving.

It was so good for my soul. But your body does reach a point where it's like maybe let you know yeah maybe don't uh break your ankle and not be able to film because you're playing soccer unless you can turn into a fucking uh empire like tom segura and bert did i know right yeah so um but yeah sports are always so i wanted to ask you real quick did you ever in the in the brief amount of time you got in during your games in six years, did you ever score, get an assist, anything where this guy was like, oh, maybe there's a little something here?

I don't remember, honestly. I'm sure my confidence wasn't great. I was, at that point, on defense, and I never loved defense. It was boring to me. But ironically, I stopped playing soccer. I did that team for a year where I realized I could play. Then I got to junior high. Again, no women's team.

Even back then? Yeah, back then. They did not get a women's soccer team until my senior year of high school. And at that point, I was invested in the tennis team. So I did not play soccer from the age. Did it bum you out that there was the opportunity to play your senior year? So were they the same season, tennis?. Did it bum you out that there was the opportunity to play your senior year and you didn't? So were they the same season, tennis? Yeah, it was the same season, yeah.

So from the age of 13 until 20, never touched a soccer ball. And then my senior year of college, I was like, I'm going to try over the soccer team in college. And I was the starting forward. Hell yeah. Not touched a soccer ball in seven years. You ever find that old coach? No. Can you imagine me finding my childhood soccer coach?

You need to tell a story. Come here, you asshole. But that's the power that coaches have. And I had amazing coaches, and I had awful coaches. But they have a lot of power over kids self-esteem it sucks but like they can really make or break your spirit in a team setting especially a sport that you love and you're playing often uh yeah i talk about with my friends now our little league coach literally would smoke a fucking cigarette and lean over your back to show you how to hold the bat with the cigarettes

like burning in your eyes. And she's like, why aren't you hitting it? I'm like, because my fucking eyes are burning from that goddamn cigarette. Yeah. I think about that now. If a coach lighted up, lit up a cigarette next to the dugout today, people would be like, what the fuck are you doing? This was only 20-some years ago.

It wasn't that long ago. Back in the day, people just were running wild like we know whatever drinking in the car on the way to the game we were in the back of pickup trucks no seat belts no helmets it was a different time for sure but uh yeah i mean my brother coaches his kids uh he's an assistant coach on a baseball team you know and yeah it's cool when you see that him care about it and put time into it and i know a lot of people that coach it's like probably they're not that's not what their dream was uh so you have some of that uh you know those who can't kind of yeah situations too but uh if you're a good coach and you can really shape somebody, the good coaches in my life still to this day stick with me, and I remember them, and they were such a good influence.

Yeah, I had a coach very young, Bill Hoffman. He was a soccer coach, and we were – I've told this story before, but I was cut from the soccer team, and it was very clicky. Oh, yeah. So there were a lot of us that were good that weren't getting to play because we weren't – our parents were friends with their parents. It was very clicky. So we created an organization. They were Freedom.

We created our own team. We were called South Carroll. We were South Carroll County, so we called ourselves South Carroll. South Carroll County. So we call ourselves South Carroll. And the thing about us, then this guy, Bill Hoffman, came in and started watching the Germans play soccer. And he was watching the way they ran the triangle. Like Phil Jackson, everybody, this triangle.

And we're like, oh, so he would start teaching us how if you have two people here, one's here, you're in a triangle. So one can always run to an open space. You're always working together. You're moving in threes, not one and everyone's chasing. chasing or twos we're going down in threes right and um i still remember to this day like that dude opened our eyes from the strong side and the weak side and crossing the ball and not just towing this fucking thing right and we got in that fucking league and his mantra and ours it wasn't let's go beat Freedom for not having us.

Our thing was they're a stepping stone on the way to North Carroll. North Carroll was the team that dominated this league for like a decade. And that's what we did. And we went right into Freedom, beat their ass. They were way more like, oh, we were like, you're nothing. You're just on the way bro you're not and we did we won it like every year after that we kicked that ass every year it's such a that feeling of winning working hard and seeing it pay off is is a real building character

building experience too that's why i'm so against participation trophies and shit like that you gotta lose sometimes you You have to. You got to be just, I mean, I can't. Teach your kids how to be a good loser, okay? You learn way more from losing than you will ever learn from winning, ever. And that getting crushed sticks with you. It's humbling. Yeah, fuck yeah. Yes.

So I highly recommend, not everyone's athletic, I get that. So sports aren't a part of every kid's life but everyone can be a teammate they can be a teammate and i think being a teammate is big for character building as well just learning how to be on a team depend on someone and be there for someone you know watch be a part of a loss together be a part of a win together you're right yeah to build it up and to go you you know, to give me a, like I say, my stepson's got fucking third place trophies that are this big and they're broken.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, man, we got a ribbon for third place. Right. And he probably doesn't feel an attachment to it because, you know, maybe he didn't have to do as much for it as, you know, something else he worked so hard for. But, yeah, I always tell any parent, I'm not a parent, but I always am like,

if you have a kid that has any inclination towards a sport, put them on a team. Just let them have that experience. I think it's really cool. They'll have heartbreak, and I'm sure that's tough for a parent parent to watch but man it does make you who you are absolutely um we were talking before the show too you mentioned um some other times you've been like you say you cut out of stuff in hollywood like what have you done oh man i mean talking about bill talking about preparing yourself for rejection doesn't it doesn't it mean, if you come into a business like Hollywood, just be prepared for no's constantly. I mean, that's half our job is to learn how to take rejection.

Way more no's than yes's, yes. Yeah, so I mean, I had all those no's for many, many years before I ever got a break. I tested twice for SNL. Did you? Yeah, they flew me out there. This was 2009, 2010, and that was the dream for me. I was like, I watched it my whole life. It was everything to me.

Me too, growing up. And I was just like, this is it. And you don't get it. And they don't tell you you don't get it. You just see the announcement that they hired other people. That's how it is? Oh, shit. So, you know, that was crushing because nothing was happening for me then.

I couldn't barely get an agent then. And so you learn to deal with that kind of rejection. And then I finally got a break when I did Chelsea Lately, and that opened up a lot of doors for me. But it certainly did not stop the nose. I did my own sitcom pilot that Tina Fey produced, and we filmed it, and it didn't get picked up. And I had that taste of what it would be like to have my own show. My name was on all the golf carts and the production offices. And it's Tina Fey.

It's Tina Fey, yeah. You know going into this business, more than not, it's not going to happen. But you got Tina Fey. You got this. You got this. And then you hear, it doesn't go. Yeah, Annie potts from designing women was playing my mom i was playing myself it was like unbelievable that no crushed me that

crushed me i mean i that was like a face in the plate kind of because it was my story you know based on my life we don't want you yeah we don't want your story or anything to do with you the parents were based on my parents you know it was like such a personal loss and or no uh so that was by far one of the hardest no's i've gotten and that was a rejection that just went so deep uh you know in a way like i shut my computer for like a year and a half i was gonna say writing you do yeah i did my other jobs you know touring and uh i was doing the uh well it did lead to the mindy project so there was a silver lining um but as far as development i just shut my computer and uh and listen i mean you know if any writer out here will say you know you got to

get like 10 no's or before you get a yes and one before you get a maybe we had sold a couple before that but so we were very early in the stages of you know being a tv developer um but yeah it definitely took me off my track development wise and writer wise for a bit but then i finally we started writing movies and we sold two movies to amblin uh spielberg's company and so i'm back on the development train but um yeah you just have to kind of dust yourself off. But, yeah, I've had, like, two movies. I've flown out to places to film, rearranged my schedule to do it. Your life. And I got cut out.

And sometimes it is truly nothing to do with you. Like, you know, you take it so personally. Of course, yeah. You're like, oh, did I suck? But then you do realize that your part didn't serve the story or it made the movie longer. It was just there are things about movies that are out of your hands that you just some like I've learned now that if I film something until they tell me that the movie,

here's the release date, and you're in it, I don't say anything. Well, the check will still cash. That's the thing. Isn't it crazy the amount of money this industry wastes? Oh my god, yeah. I'd like to have 1% of the money they waste in this industry. Oh, just shooting that pilot of mine that got a no was probably

$2-3 million to shoot it. And it's's a no and that happens every week in this business and is that not something that reverts back to eventually that you can now go sell somewhere else with the amount of social media and everything i mean um with the amount of streaming and everything available these days you would be so surprised how hard it is to sell things i would be so surprised how much people don't want you i mean i know you know i remember tom and christina did a sitcom recently and they had a deal where basically if they don't pick it up they still get paid this x amount so i remember they didn't pick it up and i called tom like i'm so sorry dude i go didn't you guys like get paid he's like yeah that's how much they didn't want it i I was just like, yeah, I guess not.

That's how much. I know. We don't want this so bad. We're going to pay you this money to fucking get the fuck out of here. That's the, for lack of a better word, the mind fuck of this business is at stand-ups, we can see progress. You know what I mean? We know if our tickets are selling. We can literally see people in the theater.

That's right. So you'll be at a, you know, I feel like career-wise, I'm at probably the best place I've been. I'm selling tickets. People are showing up. The audience is showing me, hey, we like you. That's right. The industry is like, nope, nope. But the audience has been right all along.

But the audiences always tell you who they want to see. And it's weird that the industry and that don't line up better. You know what I mean? Because Tom's selling out arenas. And you're like, you can't figure out a show with this guy. You know what I mean? It's like, I never understand

the business in that way, but then they'll give somebody else five chances and they don't go, they don't go, they don't go. And you're like, well, can't we pivot and try something new? If that's not working, maybe let's try this. Where's the exec that lets someone at Tom's

level or your level just go, what do you want to do? Yeah. That's exactly what the fuck we're going to do. You've proven yourself all the way up to this point. What I'm going to do is shut the fuck up, make sure it's going the way you need it to go, and I'm gonna do is shut the fuck up make sure it's going the way you need it to go and i'm gonna take my money off of that and sit back and fold my feet but that does not happen it does not happen never i'm trying to sell a thing right now it are you know

it's it's it's hard it's crazy and you go man what else do i have to do to show people that audiences are on board you know i mean it's like i've sold i've been fortunate enough to sell two series yeah and one two to comedy so no yeah two to no one to comedy central one to e you did the comedy central comedy jam and um and killed it and i love to find out that you're still friends with Natalie. That made me feel so good from that show. From that show, yeah. I love that, dude. And then, you know, I've done these other ones where I've worked with people for literally a year.

And then they just go, never mind. Or I'm taking another job at another company, so see you later. And this is gone. You're like, what the fuck? But, you know, it's that the business has always been like that it's not gonna change never so the best part about being a stand-up is that that is one part of the business they don't control you either connect with fans or audiences or you don't that's it that you either work on your stand-up people show up and listen to it or or you let it fall by the

wayside and it kind of you know you go off to pasture or whatever. But if you work at it and really build an audience, you can have a successful career in live performance. And so when the business is crazy and fickle and the industry doesn't seem to know what they want, I just go pivot into stand-up. I work on my writing. I get on the road. That's all writing i get on the road all you can do

that's all you can do that's right yeah so the no's eventually lead to some yeses and again it's all character building it is but i've had a lot i've had enough character building i'm ready to have a show you know i feel like i'm a decent person can i have a show now i've built this character. Please. I've had a lot of character building. I'm ready. Oh, man.

Well, look, I'm going to stop it here because I know you've got to get out of here. And I thank you so much for even coming back for this amount of time again. So what we're going to do is from here here you're gonna get the rest of fortune's episode uh that she came here and originally did which is an amazing episode all right so go see fortune on tour please plug it again um uh fortunefeimster.com i'm in so many cities coming up uh new york city new haven cincinnati cleveland i mean atlanta you name it i'm brea i'm doing brea too yeah so uh tons of stuff in the new year um so yeah check it out and when you're listening to the audio just imagine what i would look like crying

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Please welcome Fortune Feast, everybody. Welcome to the Honeydew Fortune. Aw, thanks, Ryan. I'm so glad you're here. I'm happy to be here. I know. We've tried this for a little while. Yeah.

You did the right thing. We talked about it. We ran into each other at the Laugh Factory right before the pandemic. Like a week. I think it was like a week before. And you're like, come do my podcast. I was like, yeah, for sure. And then the world shut down.

Shut down. And then I was pretty hunkered down because my wife. I told Emily right away, you put Fortune on the list. Oh, well, I appreciate it. Yeah, my wife was really hunkered down. So I was not doing many things outside. But I was also filming stuff, too, so I had to be really careful

because I was on two different film sets. Plus Brenda. Plus me and Brenda. Brenda is my shit. I'm so jealous. Listen, I got to tell you, because I think I may have said it already. I am so fucking jealous of the what you've done with Tim.

Oh, thank you. It makes me giddy inside when I hear Tim. I mean, that is like a four. You've made Tim a four-syllable word. So I have this character, Brenda, for those of you who don't know, who's just like, it's me in a wig or when my hair is straightened for a role and I have makeup on i pretend i'm brenda and i say hey y'all my name's brenda i'm just sitting here with my husband tim

and i pretend to be this exasperated housewife who is so i God, Tim. I'm always yelling at him, but then he gives her turquoise, and she gives him a blowjob. Turquoise for some head. Because in my brain, that's how straight marriages work. That's not what it is. It's turquoise and oral sex. Well, please plug and promote everything you want right now, your tour, your social, where they can see all of it, please. Yeah, I'm going on a big theater tour.

I'm doing club dates this summer at a bunch of places. I'll be in Vegas soon with David Spade at the Mirage and going to be in Sacramento. I'm going to be, I mean, all over. I start in Boston and then go all over the U.S. So it's my too sweet too salty tour it's all new material because a lot of people saw my special on netflix yeah called sweet and salty if you hadn't seen it it's still up there obviously on netflix uh but yeah the

shows are they're selling we're adding shows everywhere it's gonna be super fun and where can they go what's your website where they can go to see all that it's my name fortunefeimster.com backslash tour and it has all the dates up there and then I do a radio show every morning with Tom Papa

for Netflix on Sirius XM channel 93 so that's something I'm on every day as well and yeah

just bop around doing different movies and TV things. And what's your Instagram, social, all that? My name, at Fortune Feimster. I'm stoked for, first of all, that you even had time to do this. I know how fucking busy you are. Oh, I wanted to do it.

I always loved seeing you and I wanted to come in here. So I'm glad it worked out. You're always a breath of fresh air. And I really want to get to know you better because we don't get to always talk about our lives right i think so please let's start from the beginning okay where are you originally from and what was you know parents married brothers sisters yeah i'm from a very very small town called belmont north carolina when i was born it was around 5 000. Now it's around like 11,000,

so it's a metropolis. It's right outside of Charlotte. It's about 30 minutes from Charlotte. Nice folks. It's a small town, but good people. Sometimes when the South gets a bad rap for being narrow-minded and whatnot, and I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but these are really kind-hearted people in my hometown. So I grew up in a good place with good people. My parents were just working-class folks. My mom was a school teacher, a special ed teacher for about 30 years. My dad had a bunch of different jobs. He was more blue blue collar like uh he sold like

cleaning products or worked at a trucking company and he retired and then ran out of money and then he went uh and was a janitor at a elementary school for a long time until he just retired recently oh really yeah he but kids loved him yeah He was the only, he ran the department, and so he was the only male on staff at that school, so they would always, like, draw him pictures and stuff. Mr. Mike, Mr. Mike! It was really cute. And they split when I was 12, so.

What was that like for you? I mean, you know, when you're 12, it's like the worst thing ever. But, you know, in hindsight, you can look back and you're like, well, they never seemed to like each other. Is that right? Yeah. They weren't very affectionate toward each other in front of you? No. Are you an only child?

No, I have two older brothers. Okay. And, yeah, I think it was one of those things. yeah i think it was one of those things like they started dating in high school broke up then got back together after my mom graduated college my dad went to the navy um and then it was like one of those lust situations as my mom likes to say and i'm like i don't want to hear about that that's gross lost situation yeah so i think you know they had a good marriage in the beginning i think the kids really complicated things and not having money was always an issue like we did not have much money growing up and it's weird because i talk i touch on it in my stand-up special

my my mom comes from money okay her family had a lot of money her dad they do her dad was a very prominent um contractor he built all these churches and schools and buildings all over north carolina and uh he but he died unexpectedly when she was 17 and my grandmother was that typical like amazing woman but didn't had not worked and you know it was that time where the man took care of everything so through a series of just bad um money management she uh lost all the money basically they had a a construction business and hardware store and you know when the lows and the home depots came in it destroyed all these mom and pop shops and she was too proud to declare bankruptcy so she paid

off all the debts which is like no no no and then she also had a son that was had some gambling issues and she was paying off that stuff and uh so yeah and then my mom you know my dad just was never a money maker and my mom obviously as a teacher isn't making money there was three kids so we were it was very common to like have creditors calling all day every day i mean i was used to like saturday 7 a.m, you know, because back then you had the landlines, you know. And the lights would get shut off. You go, oh, they didn't pay the bill. Yeah.

But it was weird because we were like in a, you know, North Carolina, you have the big two-story houses. So from the outside looking in, you'd never know. But I'm not saying i was like destitute by any means i had opportunities still and a roof over my head it was just not a like stable sure uh situation well when your parents split did you split time between mom and dad like were you split custody or did you live with mom mostly mostly my mom yeah my dad's like, God bless him. I love him, but he's a very simple Southern man. He's not known for his nurturing. He didn't know how to do that kind of thing.

My mom was always the one that did it. So he was living in a trailer, and I would go there sometimes. It was small. There wasn't much room for me. Sometimes, real small, there wasn't much room for me. And so mainly our thing together was he would come by on a Saturday night and take me to the Blockbuster video to get a video and drop me back off at home. That was like our dad.

Oh, he wouldn't even watch it with you? He wouldn't watch it with me. He just took it and gave it to me. He's like, I got a date. I'm not watching this movie. Ornival food. I've been a real fatty. He would take me to get some sort of fatty meal somewhere.

That's how they showed me love. My family would show me love was through food. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like i have a very uncomfortable uh relationship with food because i'm the same way i unhealthy i should say i eat when i'm happy yeah i eat when i'm sad same same let's celebrate oh it's miserable let's eat something good let's i'm bored yeah food yeah my parents you know whenever they were kind of

dealing with their own stuff then you know and i think any adult thinks you're going to be divorced. So that was just as jarring for them. So I think they would just be like, oh, here's some cake. I'm trying to deal with my stuff. So I was always like, I'll take you to, we had Bojangles is what it's called in the South. And that's how they would sort of appease me while they were dealing with their stuff. So, yeah. So you got nurturing from mom and love from mom, but you definitely had a connection with your dad.

He was present. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had definitely had a good relationship with both my parents. I mean, my parents were still kind of growing up, too. I sort of became the adult. I became the parent in a lot of ways. But I was very, very lucky because my grandmother lived just around the corner. So she was a big, stable presence in my life.

Because even before my parents got divorced, you know, with three kids, like you're outnumbered. The parents are outnumbered. So they're like, ah. And we were all very active. All of us played three sports a year on teams, and we were in scouts, and we were in all this stuff. So, like, somebody was having to take us somewhere. So usually my grandmother was the one carting me around belmont so you had a good

close that's your mom's mom we're talking about mom's mom yeah and she was really tight my dad didn't have a relationship with his family he did not grow up in very good circumstances so anytime i like start to be like oh my childhood was hard i think about my dad and i'm like no i had it pretty easy because you know people have a lot worse if if you don't at least have some love in your life and he wasn't lucky to have that so my grandmother became a surrogate mom for him as well so even though my parents marriage fizzled out there was a lot of love there and still is they're friends oh they are they are yeah there's a lot of love there because they've known each other

since they were 17, you know? Is that how young they were when they got together? High school, 17? When they first got together, yeah. That lust situation. They broke up, got back, I think at 23.

That lust. So tell me more about your grandmom. It sounds like you had a really close relationship. See, I love that because I lived with my grandmom for a while yeah I'm I also lived with her sister like we're big on extended family yeah I mean uh I my grandmother was just like my um safety net like my thing when everything was kind of crazy with the divorce and my parents figuring that out she was always the constant in my life she was out. She was always the constant

in my life. She was the one that was calling my friend's house being like, you know, don't overstay your welcome. Like, you know, I would stay with her a lot. And I always knew she was there because she was just around the corner. So there was something about that. It was really comforting. And she was just a really good woman. she was a good person and everyone in my hometown knew her and loved her she was very selfless she would always like um she was you know at that point uh much a much older woman so she would spend her days like gardening and cutting roses and like take she would drop off roses or food at the bank uh for the librarians at the school secretaries like everyone knew her like that's nice she had a light about her yeah uh so i was like obsessed with her just i was like her

shadow everywhere she went i was her name with her her name's evelyn uh but i called her nana and uh and and so she sort of instilled a sort of old-fashioned thing in me, like an old soul sort of thing, because I was hanging out with her and her friends a lot. You were, huh? Yeah. It was the old ladies and you. It was me and the old ladies,

which I think that's why I was obsessed with the Golden Girls. That's awesome. I love it. But it was – and my friends loved her, too, because she would pick us up from sports practice. And she would, like, do these, she would take us by these places and be like, girls, look at this. These are cherry trees.

These are dogwoods. And, like, old school stuff where, like, young kids are just, like, thinking about new kids on the block or whatever. And my friends were like, oh, that's really cool. Or she'd watch birds and name the bird like very things you don't think about and so i have an appreciation for these very random old school things like that because of her influence i like that yeah yeah i do i love old ladies who play cards and love sports yeah shit like that. I just, yeah. They're all just sitting there talking shit and everything else. I don't know.

But the Golden Girls, that's still great TV. That's awesome TV. It is. And I was like, I just want to be in a house where everyone eats cheesecake all the time. That's all I cared about. I was like, they eat cheesecake whenever they want? That's amazing. So you said you were playing sports and stuff a lot.

So what was school like for you? Were you, in high school especially, were you playing sports in high school too? Yeah, I played, I was a big tennis player. Tennis was my best sport. I played basketball and softball because that's just in my genetics. I think you can't be a lesbian and not play sports especially those two i grew up playing soccer and i was obsessed with soccer but that was before my hometown was not progressive enough to have a women's team well you had a co-ed team so no i i was like the only

girl on the soccer team but when you got to junior high, they didn't allow girls, so I had to quit soccer. No way, they didn't even allow it? Back then, it was different. What year is this? 80s, 90s? I went to junior high, I would have been like 94.

1994. But there was women's soccer around because Mia Hamm was huge. Sure, yeah. And that was at Chapel Hill. But it just hadn't gotten to us yet. So I quit soccer but then played on my college soccer team my senior year of college. You did?

So it all came back, yeah. And I played tennis in college too. What college did you go to? It was a small women's college in Raleigh called Peace College. And you played tennis and soccer in college? Damn, you were a good athlete then. I was a really good athlete. I played in the tennis league out here for years in L.A.

I was in a soccer league out here until the pandemic. Every Monday night I played a seven-on-seven league. I love sports. And soccer? Yes, soccer. Where is that? It was in Glendale. Okay.

And then I played in a men's tennis league out here. And so sports has been a big part of my life. It's just now that I'm getting older and now it's like I can't be going on tour and hurting myself playing soccer. You can't be Tom and Bert. Exactly. For Christina. I think I've retired my soccer cleats now. My wife was like, we're getting to the age where this is probably not a good idea

for you but i love team sports and playing sports so much that camaraderie was i hate that i can't do it anymore but it was because it was such a big part of my life but me too i remember you know everywhere we went we had a soccer ball a glove something we were always playing sports yeah always so that helped offset the food probably for me but i always i had this weirdly athletic body even though it's a big body like my tennis coach in college was mystified she's like i don't understand how you move the way you move like because i was super fast and like running balls down constantly i was like i don't know i don't know short twitch powers you know uh tom told me the same thing about bert like yeah tom hired a tennis coach to help him play bert in tennis and then bert was serving it

and the guy's like i can't believe what i'm fucking seeing he's like this is this is a d1 serve he's like the rest of his game is shit but the this is a D1 serve. He's like, the rest of his game is shit. But the serve is a D1 serve. And he's just like, I don't know how that body is doing that. Yeah, same. I would like ace these guys left and right. Oh, so you and Bert should have played. I know.

Because then both of you will get hurt. I know. We're all old. Ruin all your tours. I know. We're talking about Tom. Both tours are shut down because you guys played tom posted that late the latest post of his arm in a sling i'm like what now man

jeez oh my god so yeah um so you were were you popular in school then i guess with all the sports and everything you're pretty popular right i was i think junior high i was very awkward very shy i'm actually still shy i'm more shy than people realize but once i'm comfortable i'm totally fine but um i sort of had to train myself to get out of the shy stage like uh so i i got more popular as i got older because i started gaining more confidence so by high high school, I had more confidence. So I would have moments of being funny. I would watch SNL all the time and recreate those sketches for my friends at tennis and make them laugh.

So I would make friends by making them laugh. And so I was friends with all the groups, but it wasn't like I was the popular popular girl it's just people liked me because I was nice to people and I made them laugh so I used my personality to make you know put get people on my side but I was not popular with boys they wanted to be my friend we would like high five and stuff but nobody was asking me on dates and whatnot but uh yeah school was a great place for me i because things were a little chaotic at home school was kind of like my saving grace of like stability because i'm a cancer i know that sounds very la but i'm a cancer so i

like stability and uh when there's chaos i i try to find the place where I can just fit into that place and excel. So I was an overachiever for sure. Okay. And a good student as well? A really good student. I made all As, and I graduated summa cum laude in college. Damn. Because I never missed class.

I think I only missed one class my whole four years of college i was in i was a nerd but turmoil at home it pushed you into that yeah it did and it can truly push you in different directions my older brother you know was uh he got pushed into the more party phase of his life and And I think I also learned from that, seeing him be more of a wild child, it made me kind of go the opposite way. So did you have boys and stuff asking you out at an early age or anything like that? Oh, God, no.

They just, no? No, we just never, I think because, well, I didn't know I was gay. And having two older brothers, I've always had a nice camaraderie with men. I like men, and I get along well with men, but we always had that buddy vibe. Totally know what you mean.

And that's a thing that I don't think people realize about gay people's journey, especially when you come out later, is're being told no like very early on and you don't even know why even even if a guy's not verbally saying to me no i'm not the object of their affection so it definitely like affects you in a way you don't really realize your self-esteem's being affected so you have to find a way to rise above it and that i think is why sports and school and the grades were trying to overcompensate for that lack of um being the object of affection do you mind talking about it a little more sure i ask you about it sure well i mean what you said you didn't know you were gay at that age. I don't even know if anyone knows what they are at that age.

But what age do you realize you are? It started seeping, like coming to the surface like at 23. Okay. But it wasn't, I didn't come out until 25. So I definitely was a late bloomer. So you were out of college and everything then. Yeah. In hindsight, I could go back to age five and pinpoint a thousand things to be like, yeah, obviously.

Any outfit you look at, my haircut, like there's lots of signs. And I'm sure other people knew, but it was a different time. And I talk about that in my special as well. It was a different time because now like being gay is such a fabric of our society. You know gay people now everywhere. A lot of times growing up, the gay people, especially in a small town in the south, they were in the closet. So they'd be like, this is my wife. You're like, wait, what?

And it was very normal. And you never saw saw i did not know one out gay person really my entire childhood i know now right that certain people were gay no one openly out no one openly out i knew several gay people married to women and um yeah but and now you're like oh yeah well they they were gay. But it just wasn't common then. You also didn't have – I remember watching The Real World with Pedro, it was in San Francisco, and being like, what is this? I don't know anything about this.

I was so naive because I wasn't aware. Or exposed to any of it, sure. You didn't have Will and Grace yet. You didn't have all these things. There was no YouTube. There was no internet until I was like 18. I'm surprised. And even in college?

So even though it was a women's college? It was a women's college, but it was very conservative. It was a Presbyterian school. There was one girl who was out, and she had a hard time. She did. who was out and she she had a hard time she did and uh so there was nothing about the environment that i was in that was like this is a safe space to explore whatever because i clearly had um and i had intense feelings for friends at different points of my life that i couldn't explain and i just thought i was being an angsty teen.

And one of my very first stand-up jokes was me saying that I was so, like, hardcore about my friends, my mom would be like, I don't understand why you get so upset when your friend Michelle goes out on dates with a guy. And I was like, because she's my best friend. And it encapsulated all the like, I can't put my finger on what this is.

You know, but that's what it was. I was so like bummed any time a friend would have a date that that i had a crush on and i like a crush on like every friend but before you even get to the point of coming out there's the realization that you're going through then like well first i need to understand what this is before i can even come out of the closet yeah yeah so i'm sure that journey to get to that is one fucking anxiety uh nightmare and then yeah it's like okay here's who i am and now also i gotta do this on top of it like man that's a lot well when you're from a really small town you have to force yourself to learn things outside of the bubble right like i remember, I remember, I just,

and it's just how it is there. It's a small town, everyone knows each other. So a lot of people stay there. You know, my mom's lived there her whole life. I'm fifth generation of my hometown. So- Oh wow, hometown, okay. Yeah, so once I got to college,

I started to be exposed to more things, but I was like, oh my God, there's like, you know, I went to, i studied in mexico for two summers because i'd never gotten to have any culture in my life and learn about other people and like it blew my mind like the lack of exposure so i was really trying to learn as much as i could after i graduated college i moved to spain for a year because i just wanted see. I didn't want not having money to keep me from growing, to keep me from learning and learning about other people. So I was really trying to broaden my horizons in a way I wasn't getting back home.

And that helped sort of the exposure to everything, just learning about people, gay people, people of different color, different cultures. I was just trying to learn as much as I could, but I felt very far behind. But I was doing the best I could

to catch up. I wanted more exposure. And then moving to LA, it's like, oh, finally. Everything. I'm like little Cambodia. You know what I mean? We didn't have anything like that.

Eating food that I've never had. I have such a small palate of what I thought good food was. I do feel like in a way, because of my sexuality, because of the lack of exposure, I was very responsible in a lot of ways but i feel like i didn't grow up and and until much later in my life i get that totally yeah so when you did finally come out how did your i'm wondering about your dad because you said he's a very uh you know old time southern man was he supportive yeah no i'm very lucky with my family. They're fairly liberal. My mom has always been a huge Democrat. But not even politically.

She's always been very open-minded, very much supportive of women's rights and gay rights and whatnot but i had never talked about it you know in regards it's one thing for them to support the movement of whatever but when it comes to you uh my all my family was very accepting it was um it was a i'd moved to la i was kind of starting to feel the things you feel, the tingles, and I watched the L Word, and it's like my mind was being blown at all these things. Seeing gay people hold hands, just seeing gay people do normal things. Go to a coffee shop. I never got to see that.

It was those little things that was just like blowing my mind. In hindsight, it all feels very naive. It feels very like, holy cow, how could you not know this existed? But I didn't. And it was a different time. So to finally get that exposure did wonders for me. And I finally realized that that's what was the missing puzzle piece my whole life. Something always fell off with me and I never knew what it was.

And once that puzzle piece was put in place, my whole life changed. It opened me up in a way I'd never experienced, the lightness. Because I was a very happy person and a very positive person, but the lightness, it was truly like the weight was lifted off my shoulders. So I felt a sense of peace that I'd never felt before. And my family was very supportive. It's funny, right? There's all these gimmicks that promise a great night's sleep. I don't care what kind of toppers there are or how heavy a blanket may be. It's lipstick on a pig. If you're sleeping on a terrible mattress, your sleep will be terrible. It's that simple. That's why I recommend sleeping

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So let me ask you this then, because I know a lot of, we have, you know, a lot of our listeners are gay. A lot of people are going through, I have a lot of younger listeners these days, which is awesome. And I know a lot of people are going through shit. So this buildup of whatever it is in our lives, all this anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, looking back in hindsight, what age do you think you could have told everyone, come out, and it had just been fine?

Instead of waiting until 23 and worrying like if i'm just talking about your family by the way right go back because you said they were accepting you think if if you knew at 16 17 you could have said something that had been no damn different yeah i think it would have been hard to come out in high school yeah i think that it was a different time i don't know. Again, my parents were kind of finding themselves. My dad's very simple in the like, he's just like, you're my daughter. I love you.

Like that was always his thing. For my mom, it was like she didn't want my life to be harder. Like her biggest thing was like, I worry. I see. I don't want life to be harder for you than it will you know be naturally because life is hard sometimes um but she you know she was she would have it i call him her man she would have a man friend uh and she was in that stage of her life of like really trying to be who they wanted her to be so she went through a a thing of like she was dating very conservative men who would have shunned that. And I don't know.

Really? I want to give her credit and say I hope that she would have been like, yeah, whatever. It's my daughter. But I don't know. Because it was a big influence on her life at the time. So I think to come out then would have been difficult. College might have been okay because i was in college but again seeing that girl go through what i saw her go through i don't that one might

have been hard too so i guess if the journey that i was on it would have been harder to come out any earlier but maybe i would have it would have been nice to have known in Spain. I could have at least had some more fun in Spain. How long did you go out with? Yeah, those Spanish ladies are so beautiful. There was some pretty girls out there. I'm a sucker for that black hair. Yeah, so I wish that I had known back then. Oh, that's too good.

Yeah. There was something that you had sent in an email about homecoming, and I wanted to ask you about that. Yeah, tell us about that. Well, you had asked if there was like an underdog moment in my life, and that one kind of came up in my memories. Because I really have a terrible memory. So many people I grew up with or in college like remember when you did this i'm like i have no idea what you're talking about um so the my hometown is a big like in the south football's like the big big thing every friday night everyone goes to the football game it's like we have a

stadium for our high school football team. So homecoming is a very big deal in my hometown, and it's very pageant-like. And my whole life it was all the most popular girls, the pretty girls, the pageant girls were on the homecoming court. And so my senior year, it was never a thing that I wanted to do. I would not be the girl that you would get voted on the homecoming court. And that's how you got on it. You would vote, the whole school would vote who was going to, I think it was like maybe eight girls who were,

who's going to be on the homecoming court. And then you vote again for the winner. So as a joke, like my friends and I were like, wouldn't it be hilarious if I was on the homecoming court and then you vote again for the winner so as a joke like my friends and i were like wouldn't be hilarious if i was on the homecoming court like i would wear jeans every day because you have to wear a dress every day for how long and a sash for a week you have to wear a dress and a sash and i was like oh my god that would be so hysterical and it kind of like spread like wildfire like we gotta vote for for her on the homecoming court and it kind of like spread like wildfire like we got a vote for for her on the homecoming court and it wasn't like people were doing like that i was in on the joke with them and um yeah they weren't setting you up it wasn't one of those old you know uh rom-coms where i'm

josey grossy or whatever um so i got on the homecoming court and like uh the people like everyone was like this is like a victory like we like somehow um went like we're sticking it to the man like kind of thing and so i thought i would be able to like you know sort of make a mockery of it and wear pants every day. But they were so hardcore about it. Like they and I'm such a rule follower that they were like, you have to do this. So instead of backing out, you fucking went for it? I went for it. I had no dresses.

And my mom made me like go to like Lane Bryant or something. And she bought me like all these old woman dresses. So everything had like shoulder pads and it was like burnt orange and mustard yellow colors. Everything was like

long to the, all these girls had these short dresses on. Mine was like to the floor and I had like kitten heels. I looked like a librarian trying to do this. So it was ridiculous.

And then came time for the voting. And it was like all the talk, like people had never cared about homecoming like they did. And it was like, it felt like a movie where it was like, oh my God, is this person really going to like show people that like, it's all about the personality.

It's about who, you know, kindness about who you know kindness and who you want to win or are they gonna go the old way of like this is the pretty girl this is the popular girl and it came down to i think i was told um i ended up losing but and i was told by someone that worked there and who knows that i lost by like 10 votes oh and uh yeah but and so it was like one of those things where the girl that won up people loved and was popular but like you could feel like half the stadium just go oh i had to ride on a car around the football field doing the pageant wave it was a trip so it was an underdog story where the underdog didn't win we're not supposed to we're the comics though we're not supposed to

win we're the bad news bears yeah we're not supposed to win i think it's one of those things that everyone remembered that to this day you know that that whole thing because it was like going against tradition yeah i love it yeah um tell me about um i want to talk about your grandmom's passing though because i know she was so prominent in your life yeah and what was that like for you well so i i think about my grandmother a lot to this day because a lot of a lot of people know that a lot of people know this at this point but not everyone that sees me for the first time so my name's fortune and obviously that's a different name people are always like oh that's an unusual name well i grew up as emily emily's my first name fortune is my middle name and fortune was my grandmother's mother's maiden name

got it and so when i was born my my mom was so excited to have a girl she'd wanted a girl forever and my grandmother kept pushing her she's like i really want you to name her fortune i really like like i really like i think that should be her name and my mom was like she would have to be miss america to live up to a name like that and i came close with my homecoming but she really loved the name emily and to it's so quintessential of my mom to pick that name because emily's sort of like that the if you think of a girl back then like emily is that name and my mom's a girly girl she she had dresses like my whole closet was full of dresses. She just wanted me to be the girliest girl in the world.

And she got this. I'm running around in umbros all the time. Turning double plays. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want this stupid dress on. So I never felt like an Emily. It it never fit my personality it never fit my vibe but that was my name and that's what i went by for a long time so my grandmother like i said was a big influence on me and my senior year of high school uh she we were told she had cancer and

it was like it was devastating. They told us she basically had a year to live. And I remember I had a tennis tournament starting that night. My mom came home, and she was like, we just found out your grandmother has a year to live. You might want to go say something to her. And I'm like 17 trying to be like, wait, what? That's how he told you? Yeah, and you're just trying to process.

So I went outside, and I couldn't say anything. So my grandmother and I just stared at each other for like 30 minutes. And you're like, holy, this is crazy. But you just kind of hope that a year will turn into five years and whatnot. So I graduated high school, and she had her checkup and they go she's got two weeks to a month no way and you go what like no this can't be happening but as you're hanging out there and spending time with her do you do you see her getting sicker and yeah you do because she's going through chemo and everything too? Unfortunately, she was too old. She was 89.

She was 88 when she got it. And they just like, they said we can give her chemo, but this is a really great. It was basically a skin cancer. And I'm, she's 88. It's not like skin cancer, like she's out in the sun. But it just, a spot that developed that went internally. Man. It started going internally.

So it was wrapping around her brain or spinal cord. We didn't know this at the time. And they basically were like, we could give her chemo, but that would mean like she would have her last year of her life would be awful. And we don't know that it's worth it for her to go through that. So she opted out of that. And you're kind of, it sucks, but you're like waiting to die. And so it was just a year of like spending a lot of time with her.

So I had this like hanging over my head my senior year of high school. Can I ask you about that time? Like did you talk about death with your grandma? Not during the year. I just remember trying to be more present like take i would take her to go eat you know and just try to it was more about time together than it was about like facing it head on because when you're 17 you don't really know emotions you don't understand how to have a direct conversation like that so i didn't really talk about death with her when she

was conscious. I had a couple of times where, well, so long story short, she was getting sicker and sicker. And that summer was like, okay, this is, we have two weeks to a month. We don't know how long she's got. She was becoming frailil and her she was going in and out like sometimes she was super alert sometimes she was like unconscious and we got a hospice nurse because we kept her at home in a hospital bed at home and the hospice nurse was very spiritual and she would say i think she's waiting on some sort of permission to die and so we would think oh it must be my brother who's in the coast guard he's got to come home and say goodbye so she'd be unconscious he'd come home and we would have to say goodbye we would have to tell her it's okay

to die which is when you're 17 and that's like you're like a parent and the closest person to you it's like i'm like sobbing just, I don't want her to die though. But you're having to tell her I'm going to be okay. You're like, I hope I'm going to be okay. But you know, you, it's not about you anymore.

It's about them. And so, um, that was really hard. I had to do that twice. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. And then she was just like, pop back up like on Monday,

be like, what's up guys. And you're like, yeah. Like, what are you doing? So did she hear everything you guys were saying? I don't know. We never talked about it. Nah, she'd pop up.

So here's the crazy thing. Wait, is that why you had to do this twice? That's why I had to do it twice. Because I went, bitch. I was like, okay, I got to remember to ask her about the other person. I know. No way. And she was on morphine.

She was on morphine. So, you know, you hear stories about them seeing someone's coming for them. I was trying to find that stuff out. I'd be like, do you see anybody? Is anybody coming to say something? And she would say things, but you weren't really sure what was the medicine and whatnot. So the triviest part of the story is when she was told she had two weeks to a month, that was May. And I was going to college August 13th.

So she said to my mom that she was going to see me off to college. And my mom was like, well, that's impossible. That's, you know, three months away. And she just kept hanging on that summer and like like i said totally good totally not good like um and i just i quit my job that summer i spent i'd been working since i was 14 and i just spent my whole summer with her focused on her we had some really beautiful moments you know my dad she got really frail my dad would carry her around to see like the things in her house she couldn't walk and see anymore and um we had her best friends would come and they would have these beautiful moments together like i didn't even think of stuff like yeah you can't get up and walk around your own home anymore i haven't seen upstairs yeah so my dad carried her like a

baby around seeing the things and things just have more meaning when you know someone's going and so uh so we had my chorus teacher came and like singer hymns and stuff it's like really beautiful okay it's totally okay um but so the summer came and um so it was august 12th and she was still there but she was unconscious at this point and um um i haven't talked about this in so long i don't think I've ever talked about it on a podcast. But she was unconscious again, and I was going to college. And I woke up that morning, and I went to say goodbye. And I knew I would never see her again.

And I went to college, moved in. And the next morning at 10 a.m., because I had such a connection with her, I felt her leave. And I called my dad at her house, or I called her house, my dad answered. And he was like, look, I got to call you back because she literally just passed. They watched her pass. And so, yeah, she held on for three months to see me achieve this goal to go to college because she was always very invested in me and my whatever path that was. And we had a cancer doctor later tell us that they studied her case. They said this cancer was so aggressive and so painful.

He's like, she should not have lived past two weeks. He was like, the amount of suffering that she would have had is beyond it. My grandmother never said, ouch. She never complained. She lived for three months in agony to see me off to college. And it changed me forever. Yeah, it should. It changed me forever because I was like, I can't be a piece of shit.

No. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you can't let her go and waste and in vain yeah so it put me on a path of like i'll do whatever i can to make her proud you know so that's why i circled my fortune that's when that's when wow i just got chills hardcore yeah I just got chills. Hardcore. Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome. I started going to my fortune when I was 22. 23, sorry. That's your mom's mom. How did your mom feel about that? She really liked that? Well, I think that we thought, because that was when I was starting to get interested in comedy. I thought I would just have it as my quote-unquote stage name. That I would be fortune for comedy and Emily in life, but it just doesn't

work like that. I quickly became Fortune, and it was clear that that was my name. And I went by that because I thought, well, anything that I accomplish is because I have that person believing in me from day one. And so I wouldn't have the confidence to do any sort of performance without her. So that name is important to me because anytime anyone recognizes that name, it's like a nod to her. Listen, I totally understand. I feel the same way. My father died when I was 16 and I and then my grandmother died his mom we lived with after that when I was like 20 and I gave her mouth to

mouth CPR like it was ugly both these deaths were ugly we found him dead in his bed and I just as I got as I got into therapy and got over just getting angry about every goddamn thing because everything's been taken from me. And I started to look at them and I was like, man, these are two people that literally gave their life for us. And I'll be damned if I'm going to fucking waste that. Right, right. So I'm, you know, this show I talk, I'm getting emotional too. I know where you're coming from. This show keeps them alive. Yeah. I'm telling my daughter about them all the time there's

pictures all over the house like they they were real people that i want you just to think they were this story i tell like these were real fucking people that matter and by the way you're not here if you know what i mean like this is two generations for you yeah they're the foundations for us yeah and and again that's shit they've seen and we live to be 88 years old it was 88 you said 89 when she died wow so she had a birthday during that too yeah during that year yeah she wasn't even supposed to go longer than two weeks i know yeah and so uh i mean that's strength that's real strength it's like that's the type of strength that not many people have. I don't know that I would have that strength.

I don't know that I, yeah. But, yeah, you just think, man, this person, like, really laid it down so I could, like, keep, you know. I mean, just like, because there's so many things in my life that she has missed. I mean, it blows my mind when I think that she's been dead for longer in my life than she was alive like that when i hit that mark i was like dang that sucks there was so much that she missed um but you know uh just like that was the one big like significant thing that she could like usher me into was very symbolic for me and for her i think you know so yeah i mean her influence is still a big part of me and my journey and listen do i always get it right no i mean we all like make mistakes we all

can be dicks yeah i try to do the best I can. It's like her best friend used to say, the best is all you can do when you can't do any better. And so I'm not a perfect person. I like that. Yeah. And I try to do the best I can to be a good person, to be kind to people. I'm learning. I'm growing and uh i just try to make her proud you know and try to

not be an asshole because that would bum her out so how stoked would she be to come see you perform i know right doesn't it kill you that the people that mattered and put it down gave their lives for us will never get to see it never because i had not discovered performing by that point you know i did not do any theater till college and so she never saw that side of me never you know but she was a funny lady where's your sense of humor come from mom dad she said no i'm like no she was not funny that bitch was not funny she was a very uh she was a very buttoned up woman she was your uh a very typical southern lady prim and proper

prim and proper so she was like all about uh manners uh she was kind like i said but um she had my mom said she softened when she had grandkids she was a little bit more stoic um when they were growing up and uh not as like um she wasn't she was never cold but not warm like hard i mean look that lady lit lit think about that like i hear you. Not cold, but she was tough and hard. Well, she lived through World War II. Great Depression? No, maybe not. She was 88 and she died in when?

No. She died in 98. World War II. 98. So 1910? Yeah, she was born in like 1907 or something like that. She was giving out ration books and stuff for during the war and i mean she lived a long life and went through some stuff and um so she you know and she she saw many different she grew up really poor then had a very extravagant life and then died very poor um but she uh was a good woman and she left her mark and you know my all of the people in my hometown showed up for her uh because she made such a difference she

her kindness went a long way and but she was a very uh buttoned up woman if she said the word damn i would like like laugh oh really you be like, do you think that's funny? And I'm like, yeah. And so I loved seeing her crack or whatever the term was. So I think that's why I get a kick out of when there's some of my audience with their arms. Like a dude will come to my show sometimes and have his arms crossed, and I'm like, I'm going to get you. And then you see them kind of melt away.

I take pride in that. So I used to kind of like to try to make her ladylike disappear when I could. What would you say resonates with you most today about your grandmom and what she taught you about life? What do you carry with you mostly the kindness i i saw her just be kind to everyone it didn't matter who they were what their background was like she just uh was a very open kind person always helping people in need and doing and she did a lot of little things that meant a lot to people

that she just took the time to constantly think about people she was very generous she was a little too generous that was also part of her money thing she got taken advantage of um so i don't i i try to be generous but smart i try to not have the business sense that my family had and be better about that kind of stuff but the kindness is something i definitely tried to emulate with her of just being uh nice to people no matter who they are um which seems like uh uh such a people think it's so unique out here. They're like, oh, nobody does that. I'm like, well, where I'm from, you hold the door for people. You say please and thank you.

You look people in the eye, that kind of stuff. So then back to my question, where do you get, who do you, do you feel like you get your sense of humor from someone in your family? I mean, I i have my family the my immediate family's pretty funny are they yeah we were we always used um humor as a way to get through the hard times i remember at my grandmother's funeral that day we were all laughing and we because my family we don't shy away from the dark humor the leaning into the moment of whatever tragedy's going on and making a joke about it. We always found a way when the lights were getting cut off to like make a joke.

And we always leaned on that to get us through those hard times. So I appreciate that from my family. I definitely got that from just the vibe that we had as a group. And individually, everyone has a good personality. They tell stories. And so I think the storyteller in me comes from being in that environment. But so there's not one person. My mom has a great personality.

She's on my podcast a lot. And people love her. They're always like, when's Ginger coming back on? I love it. So she's on my podcast a lot and people love her like they're always like when's ginger coming back on so she's not shy so i definitely have like a very um personable family does your dad come see you perform yeah when i'm back home like he doesn't like to travel so i have to be like in charlotte but when i'm in charlotte he definitely comes and he gets a kick out of it now he's in myrtle beach oh Oh, he's in South Carolina now. And so now he keeps going, where are you going to Myrtle Beach?

And he's always like, I'll get you a place. Like, I need help getting a venue. I'm like, well, Dad. My buddy's got a bar down in the street. I'm like, Dad, I do have an agent. I mean, I'm not new to this. Because he's always like, I know somebody somebody can get you some some stage time over here i'm like well thanks dad but i haven't booked a show yet in myrtle beach but he's

dying for me to come out there yeah because they're proud my family's very proud they like to you know be right look at what my daughter's doing that's really sweet it is how about your brothers uh yeah my oldest i have um my oldest brother lives in Rock Hill, South Carolina. He works at Winthrop University in their student services. My middle brother lives, he's in the Coast Guard, but they also own a fishing business. He's still in the Coast Guard. Yeah, he's still in the Coast Guard. Because didn't you say when you're...

I think he might be a civilian, though, but he's in the reserves. But he works for the Coast Guard as a civilian. But, yeah, he's been in there. He joined when he was, like, 19. Wow. He lives out on the east coast of North Carolina, like near Wilmington. on the East Coast of North Carolina, out near Wilmington. And they own a fishing company where they go to – like, you know, fishing is so huge.

And they go to all the big tournaments on the East Coast. And they have a company, the Southern King Association, where they throw fishing tournaments and they live stream a bunch of fishing so they're all up in that you should i would love to they're all up in that world okay so yeah um so i know we got to get you out of here and i want to be cognizant of your time and schedule so let me ask you of course i want to ask i mentioned to you before now that what we've talked about yeah you like turning the Oprah in here and making me cry. Jesus, Ryan.

I've never done this on a podcast. I feel like a little bitch. I'm like, what is happening right now? I love it. I mean, I like seeing people just get caught off guard by it. And also, when you sit – sometimes, even in therapy, like for me, I'm used to the story. So there's times where I'm saying it.

And there's other times where just something else catches me. And most times in life, I just talk about it and not have any sort of – I talk about it like, oh, this thing happened. And then, yeah, other times it hits a nerve. But when you sit and really think about what those people did for you and the sacrifices they literally made, it just fucking – oh, it wrecks me. It's a sacrifice. I think it's the emotion part. And what you're doing is – this is my whole mantra now is gratitude. So I love seeing how grateful you are for these people in your life.

Yeah. I mean, I have nothing but gratitude. And that every any, you know, I've been out here in L.A. for 18 years now. I've been in comedy for 15. And, you know, I'm finally getting some traction. for 15 and you know i'm finally getting some traction and and it's like every with every step is like thank you like holy shit thank you yeah so let me ask you then what would fortune tell 16 year old emily what advice would you give her oh man it's funny because that 16-year-old Emily seems like a whole other person, right? It just seems like it almost is like looking at someone else.

I think I would say that it will get better. There's so much that you're going to get to explore that you haven't gotten to do yet. You're going to figure out who you are, and everything's going to fall into place. And so you just got to get through this time of being a kid and going through these hard times. And then eventually, you're going to be able to take care of yourself and everybody else. And you're not going to have to be nervous that it's all going to go away or that, you know, that. I think that was the thing as a 16-year-old, just having it in other people's hands, life, was unsettling.

And getting to grow up and sort of take care of yourself and be okay is like the biggest thing that you hope for. And so I think I would just say just hang in there and it's coming. That stability and that peace is coming. I love it. That's fantastic. Please promote everything again, tour, social, all that stuff. Yeah, big tour all over the U.S. If there's a big city, i'm coming in that city or

near that city uh over the next year i've got like 65 cities wow good for you yeah good for a lot of theaters clubs this summer uh fortunefeimster.com for uh that information i'm on instagram fortunefeimster and at twitter i'm on but like iimster and Twitter I'm on but like I don't go on as much because I don't like all the Twitter fighting but

it's a dumpster fire it is I like to post the fun pictures and videos of Brenda or me dancing with ice cream

or whatever yeah that's right my stuff I just like to put out the happy happier fun stuff and

yeah I would love for people to check out a show i do a lot of storytelling i talk about my life i talk about my journey and uh try to make it funny in the process well i love it and uh check out my my hour special on netflix sweet and salty yes and then go see fortune live coming to a city near you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, Ryan.

As always, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.