The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Frankie Quiñones - FrankieDew

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian. Frankie Quinones! (This Fool) Frankie Highlights the Lowlights of his abusive childhood and battling addiction. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour June 23 & 24: Tacoma, WA July 7 & 8: Appleton, WI SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We are over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Look, I want to thank you guys for supporting this show. Every week it gets tougher and tougher to do this show because of YouTube. They pull it out of the algorithm because we talk about real stuff. We talk about words.

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Hopefully we'll get to do an episode together. And if you're looking for a new podcast to listen to, I'm telling you, go listen to my old podcast, The Crab Feast. It's still doing crazy numbers. You guys are loyal. You guys are awesome. And today's guest actually had a great episode on there. So that's the biz right there. Now, look, I'm on tour. We're adding a bunch of dates. We've got a bunch more this year. We're going to

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highlighting the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. Today, I am very excited to have my guest here for the first time on the honeydew ladies and gentlemen please welcome frankie quinones welcome to the honeydew frankie did i say it right yeah did i hit that n-y right you hit that n-y right well dude it's good to have you here um we've been talking about this for a minute so before we get into anything plug promote everything all of it please oh oh shit okay well my name is frankie quinones at frankie quinones

on all social media platforms uh i'm on a show called this fool on hulu which i make with one of my best friends and we're uh i'm a co-star with him and then uh we got michael imperioli's another main character it's a good vibe best way i could describe it it's like the movie friday meets the show atlanta um but we got the second season premiering july 28th that's a big deal it's hard to get a second season yeah especially nowadays you know how it is out here homie and also be on the uh uh upcoming season of what we do in the shadows and then um yeah other than that homie just you know trying to keep it moving hitting the clubs doing the stand-up and trying to navigate through these algorithms that are fucking us up that's what i'm i'm screwed on mine all that time effort

money for youtube to go nah nah crazy which is why the Patreon's important. Subscribe to the Patreon. They don't edit you over there. Cholo Fitness, first of all. If you haven't seen that, dude, it's one of the funniest damn things. Is that what started the show for you? Is that what got the ball rolling with Hulu? No, not with Hulu. Just in general, my career. So this fall will be 17 years since I started chasing this dream. in general in my career so this fall will be 17 years since i started chasing this dream and uh naturally in my stand-up i'll you know i'd be storytelling and imitating my family and voices

and stuff like that i was already doing multiple characters but i did a character based on my father who's just an old school homie old school cholo but one of the most positive people i know always chuck taylor's dickies creased up always drive the lolo but always driving me little league practice you know what i'm saying being a good dad and so um that's what Creeper is the character's name is that and you know he started Cholo Fit to tap into that positive part hey homie I'm trying to get you in shape and get your life right and um and uh that that uh went viral and uh it was a little overwhelming because I was you know I was doing it you know I'm from out here so it's like I thought it was just gonna be that but man I remember it was like little overwhelming because I was doing it from out here. So it's like I thought it was just going to be that.

But, man, I remember it was like that. We posted it and we're like, damn, it's doing pretty good. I woke up in the morning. I had messages from Thailand, from fucking Canada. The dopest one was, dude, I got these dudes from Australia. They sent me a photo, right? And it's two of them doing a cholo squat and they had a baby joey you know a kangaroo in the middle looking like he's doing a cholo squat and they're like cholo fit

mate cholo fit mate and i was like what the fuck is happening on me like fools that didn't even know what a cholo was they still embraced the character for whatever reason so that's when i was able to start getting weekends at clubs and really start hitting the road before that my first big break was my boy my boy craig robinson took me on the road and uh he's the one who you know got me acclimated to that road life and helped me know the clubs and and um you know he really uh was a great mentor and he just he was the first one to open a door for me you know so uh but i was still struggling sleeping on the homies couch for 200 bucks a month but when cholo fit went viral i was able to start hitting the road and then um and then me and my homies made a show called dress up gang which is a sketch group that

i'm a part of dress up gang uh you can look that up just look up dress up gang on youtube we got some funny shit cute house frankie in the water we got all these sketches we made a show for tbs speaking of algorithm things in 2017 so 2017 is when my life uh i was serving a delivering a sandwich when i got the call that we sold that show and um i was delivering it to like this white college kid at the dorms in ucla and they got a call and they go yo motherfucker we sold the show they want 10 episodes and i almost just ate the sandwich but then but i delivered the funny thing the funny thing is, homie, I delivered it, right? And this caller,

she's always, oh, what's up, dude? You know, fucking thanks for my sandwich. And I'm like, yeah.

And I was like, dude, fucking, you're my, I was just so emotional at the time, you know? I bet. Yeah,

what'd you say? you're my last delivery, homie. I almost didn't deliver it, but me and my homies just sold the show to fucking TBS and da, da,

da. And he was like, yeah, cool, man. Like, you know, did you bring any mayonnaise like you

know he's just like he didn't get he thought i was fucking out of my mind like okay sure bro isn't it funny like when you dream about your dream you dream all these things yeah you know what i mean and then you get a call about a 10 episode pickup when you're delivering a motherfucking sandwich you know what i'm talking about you don't you don't see that in the you know what i mean that's not where it's not like that like it's also funny to me that we pour like everyone we pour all our lives into this one thing and then this this little ant that works next door this little worker ants like good for that i don't even know who the fuck that guy is giving my fucking sandwich yeah you know what i mean and it's nothing to them and everything to us it's crazy man and whatever he's going after

like that's cool you're uh you're the adam samler of doctors oh that's cool yeah yeah whatever that's what's up where's my fucking sandwich man check my blood pressure by the way um all right let's talk about your life because you definitely had a different upbringing um you grew up out here but you talk about your mom you talk about your dad let's let's talk about your yeah man it's like uh i've had a good life home you know what i mean but uh i was the one where like kind of like my mom and dad they they got us out of the hood you know that whole shit i know everybody has that story but not everybody i mean well you know you hear that uh yeah sorry i'm all like i need to be more confident i'm a super insecure motherfucker you know what i mean like oh hey sorry for existing

but anyways my mom uh she's uh she's the one that she's the funny one the outgoing one she grew up she grew up uh uh the oldest of all her siblings and the projects home in the colonia projects six and so she helped raise those kids because she had a military father who was abusive and i used to be uncomfortable talking about that because that's my grandpa you know right and there might be some of my family that watches this i might be uncomfortable saying this but he fucked up homie you know he abused his own children he abused his daughter which is my mom, in every way. Anyways, my point is, my dad lived around the block on me in the same hood.

You know what I'm saying? Same thing, sharing a room with all his siblings. But they were the ones that fucking somehow the universe brought them. They met when they were in the neighborhood playing. Legit kids. My dad was like eight. My mom was like five or six when they met. You know what I'm saying? Legit kids. My dad was like eight.

My mom was like five or six when they met. You know what I'm saying? And then my dad borrowed a sister's car when he was 16. My mom was about 14 and they went on their first date. You know what I'm saying? But my point is, is that they had a lot of things against them, you know? And like being abused like that, especially from my mother, like people literally telling her like, you ain't never going to be shit.

Look where we're at. What the fuck? And they overcame that, man. my mother. People literally telling her, you ain't never going to be shit. Look where we're at. What the fuck? They overcame that, man, and they did it. I saw them when I was young, when they didn't have money, how powerful humor was to them. They were diehard stand-up fans, homie. You know what I'm saying? Who they like?

When they were dating, they would drink their alcohol in the parking lot and order soda for their two-drink minimums. They would go to a comedy store, the Hollywood Imp improv no shit they go see live comedy yeah so when they come see me there it's like you know what i'm saying wow but they would they would let me watch even i was a youngster my mom be at me on cover years in the back parts but you know i'm like this yeah and uh we're watching richard pryor eddie murphy one of their favorites is george carlin which was dope to me because i'm seeing this young mexican couple as a kid you know because george carlin was on some intelligent shit he's breaking down what what the fuck really is going on politics all that shit homie and they were being they don't know

nothing about that but it's because the humor they were into the humor it brought him into that he that motherfucker educated them and was like damn he's right and he's making me laugh at the same time i'm like it was just levels of shit. And then, you know, Paul Rodriguez is the first one I saw look like me on TV. And then, and then, you know, we, as, as we got older, they were, they were, they started doing better at life. They're, they're hard workers, man. They were just working every day of the week.

And it was just me and my sister doing the damn thing. Just two of you, two kids. At first it was just, yeah, yeah. They just had two of the kids and we used to live in a one-bedroom apartment in san fernando in the valley and then um and then and then they saved up man they got us out of there we moved to a cul-de-sac and shit and i was like man you know like to go from a one-bedroom apartment to a cul-de-sac like fuck straight crazy you know full of rollerblading shit and i'm like i'm actually working on a bit

right now or like my mom's jealous of me that i'm going rollerblading with like these like these white dudes down the block you know like yeah you know yeah because she's from the hood she's like oh you're having fun rollerblading huh like fuck okay enjoy it you know like but uh you know our neighborhood was still diverse we weren't balling we just got you know we got a two-story home and a cul-de-sac so it's funny cul-de-sac is a word i didn't know i i grew up learning court right it's called a court where i grew up and then later in high school i was like somebody said cul-de-sac and i'm like what the fuck is that yeah it's a little dead i'm like you mean a court or like same shit yeah yeah same shit homie yeah you're moving up if you gotta if you live oh yeah and it was kind of funny too because we got a corner house

and my mom, they signed the worst loan deal ever. Like my mom and dad just wanted to get us out, man. They wanted to get us out. They were so dedicated to their kids. You know what I'm saying? I'm forever indebted to them for that.

You know what I mean? But they were in over their heads, man. We were constantly getting our power turned off, constantly getting our water turned off, but my dad had the tool to turn the water back on. Nah. So he would be like, hey, is everybody ready to take a shower? He would go out there, constantly getting our water turned off, but my dad had the tool to turn the water back on. Nah, so he would be like,

hey, is everybody ready to take a shower? He would go out there, all right, take a shower, take a shower, turn it off, you know?

I'm fucking, dude, my dad was a G, homie, you know? And then, I'll never forget this, man,

my, one time we got the power turned off. When you're a kid, you're not tripping off like, you know what I mean? If you have cereal and so on, you're like, hey, it's whatever, but I'll never forget this. Like, we had the power turned off. When you're a kid, you're not tripping off. You know what I mean? If you have cereal and so you're like, hey, it's whatever. But I'll never forget this. We had the power turned off one time, but my mom had a boom box, dog.

And she had double D batteries, boom box. She lit the candles. We had a power turn off. She lit all the candles, fucking put the beats on, and she's dancing with me and my sister, just in the thing. And so as kids, you're like, oh, fuck, we're having a little candlelight party. And to think the pain that is happening, and my parents, where they can't even keep the power on, but they're just dancing it off on me. Making you feel good about it.

So that whole shit. That's why my whole thing is like. Very unselfish. Yeah, yeah. It's just like positivity, humor, and music is one of the most, you know that's about one of the most powerful things is their religion homie especially like old school funk my sister's name is tina marie after tina marie they went they went to rick james's funeral like that was their shit homie you know i mean like that that my mom calls him her ricky rick my ricky rick you know but um anyways my point is man is that was my biggest inspiration is seeing how powerful and

strong humor laughter some of you listen to your podcast having the worst day but you say some shit that makes them laugh like you know what man i'll be all right because you know we're good we're good it's also perspective you know it's like you hear someone else's story sometimes and i for me sitting in this seat over the years i've been like man what the fuck am i bitching about you know what i mean like for real when you hear somebody else's shit you're like good god dude you went through all that yeah no but still though we did it homie like you know come on man you got your own fucking studio look at this guy right here you know he's like university of nebraska bro university of nebraska two field goals there you know what i'm saying? Tell me about growing up.

You said you struggle with addiction. Yeah, man. Is it more alcohol, drugs? Drugs. I mean, alcohol's not really my – like, when I drink, before I drink for like two days, I don't get there. I want a burrito and a stack of pancakes to go out to the sports center and go to sleep.

But when you start getting the drugs involved, you know, because I'm trying to escape, homie. It's the only thing that works. And drugs do work until they stop working. You know, you feel me? And so even though I had a loving mom and dad, we still grew up how we grew up. And it's like my mom, you know it's your intergenerational trauma man my mom was abused in every way you know my dad you know he had a you know he grew up in a rough neighborhood he's out there in the streets so uh you know they don't have those tools they were never went to

therapy none of that so they were professional suppressors you feel me and so well said you know my my uh i had some primos that you know they used to stay with us and stuff like that because my dad was looking out for them and uh cousin sorry but i know i know but yeah but uh but yeah yeah i would say the most i've had a good life for me because i had love you know some motherfuckers never get love their whole life and sometimes you give the you can give the worst person a small amount of love and it changes their whole life you know i'm saying and um and and that and so but for me i had love in the home it's just that we didn't have the

tools to deal with all this shit so one of my older cousins so i was you know i'll try and be down you know you're being i was like five six seven years old for three years this was happening but you know you look up to your older cousin you look out you look up to them yeah they're like brothers and sisters from another somebody else exactly you're looking at them to protect you and they're gonna teach you about life and and then you know he ends up fucking molesting me you know for fucking three years you know and it's like and by the third year i was like and how old are you i was five six and seven years old and he's teenager middle school he's uh he's about 17 well 16 17 yeah you know high school yeah so do you mind me asking you what he's doing to you like how does that even start oh man it's uh you know hey let, hey, we're playing with my toys on the floor and the thing.

You know, you just start, you know, you start fucking around. You're touching shit, you know. And the house is getting away with it. And he's like, hey, let's take a shower, you know, and da, da, da. Because my mom and dad think he's, like, babysitting me. You know, it's all love. It's familia. So they're gone.

We're good. Or they're in the house, you know, but they're just doing otheritting me you know it's all love it's familia so they're gone we're good or they're there in the house you know but they're just doing other shit you know i'm i'm a kid homie so right you know nothing you know i still feel guilt like i did that shit i'm a gross motherfucker dude you know sorry i'm not trying to cry on honey no hey nebraska um but wait you still feel gross about it? You know, I'm trying to process this shit. You got to. You got to understand.

Now because of Santa. Five years old. You don't even, you still believe in Santa Claus. Exactly, homie. You know what I'm saying? You still believe in fairies and bullshit. And so I just thought that that's what life was. And okay, this is how we're connecting, you know?

But it's like, you know, he's like taking me in the shower. You know, we're fucking doing the whole shit, man. Like, he's like, look, he goes, he's fucking going down on my shit. Like, it's how you do it. I'm going down there looking up at him. Like, you know, fuck. Like, am I doing good? It's like, that's a tough thing man and for

the longest time motherfucker i held that shit in for 27 years because what the fuck when did you finally what people gonna say about me when they hear this shit i don't give a fuck anymore man you shouldn't i think more of us should talk about it yeah a lot of motherfuckers go through this shit so men so many men don't they do what what you said. They're professional suppressors. Let me just push that shit down. Fuck it. And then it manifests in other ways, whether it's addiction or abuse or all of it. We have got to talk about mental health.

Men, we're in this weird position as men, our generation specifically, because I go back to thinking about like my grandfather's time those men fought in world war ii then there's my father's era those men were going to vietnam then there's us like i want to be a clown and they're like what the fuck are you talking about what kind of man are you i want to act like what yeah you want to act like okay bro yeah like what the fuck kind of man you need to get your ass to work. But also at the same time, do you have kids? No kids, no. So we're also our generation of these dads that are the I love you dads, the dads that are going to therapy, trying to break all that generational bullshit. Yeah, yeah.

So that we don't pass that on to the next and the next and the next and keep it going. Exactly. we don't pass that on to the next and the next and the next and keep it going. Exactly. It's a weird fucking time to be a man in this world where you know what men used to be and where they're going and all the bullshit that's right there in the middle. So I'm glad to hear you talk about it. I know that shit's not easy to talk about. Hell no, homie.

So I don't want you to sit and live in those memories. But tell me, you said you suppressed it for 20 what years? 27 years, man. When did it pop for you where you were like, no more of me just dealing with this? When did it shift for you where you were like, I got to talk about this and get better about this? Oh, man. Because honestly, for the longest time, I was like, you know what? It's not a big deal.

I've had a good, you know, I got homies. I got my family. I got childhood. My childhood's cool. I got Kool-Aid and tortillas. Hey, we're good. You know, and then, you know, you kind of have ways of deflecting it. You get good at it.

And, you know, it's one of the things me and Bobby Lee had, because Bobby Lee, you know, he's sober and all that shit. And we kind of went through some similar shit. he was like you know that's why we got good so good at being funny is because you want everybody to like you and you don't want to feel like that person that you felt when you were doing that fucked up shit you know but I was like oh he's just trying to fit in homie and just trying to figure this shit out and it's like to have nobody you know you're seven years old i finally got him or you know i put him up you know i kind of announced it and so it got shut down but for three years i should deal with it and then it was like all right don't ever talk about it again you know for so no for for nobody to come and check on you like as a

seven-year-old like not even hey so you remember what happened right there. So you did bring it up. Oh, yeah. At seven. Yeah. So after a couple years of it, you finally say something. Yeah, my mom made me fucking brush my teeth, do the mouthwash,

do all that chingada, and then drove him home and then never talked about it again and still would invite him to, you know, I still got to see him at family parties,

all this. It was like that. That's how we do in our community, homie. Like, hey, all right, that happened, but okay, it stopped. So just forget about it, know but and i honestly homie my whole life i thought i'm good i've had a i got a good life hey my fucking shit we out here we're living the earth

the trees and da da da but as you get older it wasn't until i was getting in my 30s it started eating me you know because i never dealt with it you know i never processed it i had this scary little fucking kid sucking you know fucking doing that getting molested inside of me and he was like yo motherfucker if you don't take care of me shit's gonna get fucked up in here you know and so i fucking turned to drugs dog i started fucking whatever you know can we go back for a second did your mom tell your dad or was this a secret from your dad did you tell your dad no i told both i told both of them i sat down you know and i was like hey mom dad like uh i don't know like i thought it was uh cool like i

thought it was like whatever but now i feel weird like but here's what's been happening you know and then when i at 27 years, I mentioned that to them. They were like, we don't remember that. They, like, suppressed it so hard and blocked it out that they literally took it from their memory. Neither one of them remember it. Nope. Until later when I was like, fucking, you know, because of SAG, you know, union, you get insurance. And I was like, well, fuck, maybe insurance covers the therapy, so maybe I should go, you know, because of SAG, you know, union, you get insurance. And I was like, well, fuck, maybe insurance covers the therapy,

so maybe I should go, you know? And then, you know, they educate you on all that shit. And they gave me the literature, and they're like, look, motherfucker, you got PTSD. You got fucking this. You got fucking that. This is what happened to you. This is why.

And it was amazing because it was like, it was just incredible to find that information. And it's also comforting because I'm like, oh, damn, they print literature on the shit that I've been through. That means all these motherfuckers are going through this shit. But it was just incredible to see that, damn, I've been living my whole life like that. Every decision I made in life that shit's been affected you know every time i walk into a room with strangers and i feel that sense of insecurity it's all come you know from this place but with that being said like fuck homie i got a roof over my head full on the table i made i made it in this comedy shit i'm not like

an ego motherfucker i don't think i'm like i'm the funniest motherfucker. But to go from that, I was already 35 sleeping on my homie's couch. But the shit popped for me, you know, thankfully. And so there's always a fear of failure, and there's also a fear of success. And people think fucking money is going to bring happiness and all that. Dog, I fucking bought my – I never thought I'd be a homeowner. You know, it's only a little condo, but I bought that motherfucker out here. Fuck yeah, good for you. Right where I'm from.

And yet, I would still bring myself to a place where I'm on my knees in the living room of my own pad that I bought, just begging the fucking universe to take this monster from me so I don't keep trying to destroy myself. You feel me? Yeah. But at the same time, from that darkness, homie, I get on that stage, and I'm like, it could be a room full of strangers. And I'm like, I got y'all. We about to feel good.

Yeah. Because it's all, you know. Well, that's what I love about comedians. And starting this show, too, made me fall in love with comics all over again. Because they're weird. Some of the people that can take the ugliest shit and spin it into something that's so funny and makes other people feel so fucking good like that's magic man that's a magic thing that we've possessed instead of just going angry with it and shooting up a fucking building or some shit like that yeah you know what a difference no i feel

like if some comics didn't have comedy they'd be that no doubt no doubt yeah so do you ever see this cousin anymore is this dude still alive is yeah yeah he's around man yeah and have you ever talked to him i did you ever have a one-on-one with this dude like look i said i said hey homie we need to go to lunch we need something we talk about this because you know i started i did start how were you when you did when you made him go to lunch we haven't gone yet oh shit it's only been like a year ago that i told him hey sorry so he's still like you know around me and man the only thing is i went through stages with it i'd be like i would like piss at that motherfucker yeah this is your family too

like what the fuck homie you did that shit to me like as i got older you know i'm like fuck that fool but then i would think damn the shit that he went through right who's doing that to him exactly right so this so i started sympathizing because i just didn't want to be angry anymore homie but now i'm at a point like all right you know i see him and we're cordial because my grandpa's my my abuelito's 95 we always have barbecues and i don't want to like kill the vibe for my grandpa he's like but he's about to literally yeah i know right yeah literally so i'll you know i'll say what's up and everything and the thing is is you know his brother's one of my best friends and all that and

they none no nobody knows you know so no one knows because your mom and dad shut it down repressed it forgot about it i. And he'd obviously never. So whose son is this, by the way? Is this your mom's sister, brother, your dad's sister, brother? I don't know. I'm getting too many details. But, you know, some pretty males are going to be watching this podcast, you know. But, yeah, it's on my dad's side.

But anyways. What if they're watching this podcast and they're like, holy shit, that happened to me too? What if you're not the only one? Yeah. And that's very possible. You you know of course it's possible but my main thing right now is like i i you know i know not to he's never apologized to me for it that's the thing you know but my pop my pops and my mom after i told him after that 27 years i I said, man, what the fuck, man? Like, you know, that shit fucked me up. It happened in our own pad.

If you don't feel safe in your own home, homie, where the fuck are you going to feel safe in the world? You know, I'm out here scared, dog. I'm scared of this motherfucker, you know? That's why I'm like, fuck it. Let me just entertain as many people as I can because I don't know what the fuck's going to happen. But, you know, I would love to get an apology from him and i feel like that would solve a lot or just

here like i just hope that you're still not doing it you know yeah that's a great point i didn't think of that are you continuing that behavior and and the thing is like he would be doing that shit to me but he would protect me you know like which was weird that's confusing yeah what do you mean like when we be on the streets and shit like like him you know and his brothers and all my other cousins they're they're all they were all gangbangers i even went through a stage where i'm like oh i want to be down with him and i got the dickies and the thing and that's why i got this dent in my i don't know if you can see it but i got like a little yeah i see it from yeah man because i'm to be honest i found out sprung on a chola homie i was I was like, fuck, I want to get with her.

And then, you know, she saw my cousin's work. So I, you know, I fucking was like, oh, you know what? I'm going to fucking get all cholo style with it. My mom was like, you ain't wearing that shit. My dad's like, nah, nah, let him. Because my dad knew. He's like, I'm going to let this motherfucker learn. But he would wake me up at 5 a.m. to make sure I crease my shit.

Did he really? Because he was like, if you're going to rock this shit, you're going to do it right. 5 a.m. Fucking homie. At 12 years old, he's waking me up at 5 a.m. to crease my shit. I was like, if you're going to rock this shit, you're going to do it right. 5 a.m. Fucking homie. At 12 years old, he's waking me up at 5 a.m. to crease my shit up. I was like, fuck those bands.

To go to fucking junior high. No. Anyways, fucking, I'm in the bathroom at school and these fucking fools from another hood come to me. Hey, fool, where you from?

I said, you're throwing up my shit and they jumped me, you know, and they slammed my head against the metal door. Did they? And I got 12 staples in my head and, you know, my mom told me not to wear it.

She said, go home lying to her. I'm like, no, we were playing basketball in a half L on a brick wall. Aw, dang, you know? And so I made up these lies. But I'm glad that happened at a young age, at 12, because I immediately switched back to Bugle Boy jeans and Cardinal shorts on me, you know what I'm saying?

I was trying to be something I wasn't, homie. I ain't a fighter, homie. I'm a lover, dog, you know what i'm saying i was trying to be something i wasn't homie i ain't a fighter homie i'm a lover dog you know what i'm saying like so yeah so you know uh but my but my primos always had my back and even the most gangster ones even though when i was trying to be down with them they always knew homie they told me they're like you're gonna do something special primo you know even the most fucked up ones you know and i had one cousin he was all drunk one night and i'm kicking it and he had a strap you know and he's just drunk and he's like damn you know and he's holding it to my face how does that feel how does that feel just tell me primo how's that feel how's that feel right there like fucking with me i had nightmares about that shit for like 10 years i'll bet but like about four years ago you apologized to me for it and why and why did you apologize did he

just come to it on his own or did you say something about it no he remembered on his own must been fucking with him too exactly which made me feel even more because he's got a good heart man right he was off that shit he was smoking fucking meth and shit he was just gone homie man i didn't even think he remembered but fuck man when he told me that shit i cried i hugged him and i said i fucking love you homie out of nowhere he came up to you and said it yeah and he goes hey man remember that shit when i'll be fucking with you when you were a little kid because it wasn't just that like he had me in the corner of a garage with a weed whacker to my face like fucking yeah he would do shit like that to me too you know and uh you know but it did kind of toughen me up in a way even though i'm not a fighter i know that if you want to fuck around

on the streets though you will get fucked up you know like and especially nowadays it's crazy like it would be 16 year old popping off to you i'm like this little motherfucker and then all of a sudden it's like bad man you're dead it's like i'm trying to keep it cool homie and so that's what uh i asked ali sadiq what he missed about prison. And he said the one thing that he truly missed about prison was in prison, there's consequences for running your fucking mouth. Oh, yeah. Most people aren't on. Well, nobody's on a keyboard making their little bullshit comments.

If you're going to say something to somebody, you better be fucking ready. Because it's all aggressive alpha motherfuckers in there that want some of that smoke. Oh, yeah, yeah. Give me all of it. You want some? Let's go. They're bored. What's up?

You ain't going to walk up just so be a Karen all popping off about shit. Because in there, you're going to get fucked up for it. You can't be no male Karen in prison, homie. You'll get fucked up. going to get fucked up for it. You ain't got to be no male carrier in prison, homie. You'll get fucked up. You'll get fucked up. So if somebody's got a problem with you in prison, then you know they got a problem with you. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you know it's going to be something.

Woof, man. It ain't out here on the streets where everybody thinks they can run their fucking mouth and then pull a gun out. Not in prison. Nah. I mean, they might have a shank or something they made, but they had to put time and effort into that shit. You know what I mean? Fuck on me. It's not the quick pow and you're fucking dead.

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what's what's the delay for him he knows he doesn't want to yeah honestly i need to take the set be like hey yo i'm about to soup you up you need to go to lunch and you know but the thing is i can't be just from the therapy you know they told me you don't go in expecting an apology or whatever but check this out homie i don't want to ramble on too much but um we got a little time when you know and i told my mom and dad about it and they were like and my dad was like well fuck that he's not invited in this pad anymore this is 27 years after you know and fucking like and some of my other family became aware of it and then like a month later fucking they invited him to a barbecue uh that they knew i was gonna be at only one month after i said like yo this shit went down and i show up homie and i swear my heart

dropped i felt just like i didn't even know what to feel i went and sat on the couch in the living room that he's just out there manning the grill you know and i'm like do they not believe me did i am i being a bitch did i fuck up and so i wrote a joke about it it's my favorite joke homie and i can't tell it every time i'm still not there yet to be confident enough to tell it but in some alt rooms and shit like that i'll say it you know i'll be like damn man you know i told my family about it 26 i tell my family everything and some of my family that knew about it they still invited them back to a family reunion barbecue knowing i was gonna be there you know i'm like fuck i was like but that's just all good of a carnazada he made i was was about to say, but this motherfucker makes a bomb ass carnazada.

That already happened to you a long time ago. Like, okay. And I'm like, that shit's pretty good, dog. Eat your feelings.

I'm like, fuck, it is pretty good. I don't know what he merited to them, but fuck, I mean, you know what I'm saying?

And when you tell that joke to a room full of strangers, dog, it's the most therapeutic thing that I could do. But the bottom line is, is like when we go through shit like this, which a lot of people go through, is like you got to put in the work. And that's the thing I struggle with. Yeah. How old are you now?

42. All right. And this happened to you from five to seven. So look how long this has affected you. And there's so many people out there. Listen, if this is something that's happened to you you should definitely talk to somebody and i i hate that you didn't feel believed or you know and it's still fucking with here's the other thing that guy if if that's me i don't i'm not showing up to the cookouts you know what i'm saying i'm not

coming back around yeah people like wonder why he don't come around anymore. Yeah. But he still shows up. Yeah. Cause not everybody knows. And he knows that they know and he still shows up. Well, he knows that my mom and dad know and that I know. Nobody else really knows homie, you know, but I want to have a talk with him because he went through it. You need to.

Cause I'm close with his mom and dad. They're good people homie. It's just that this fucked up shit happened. They don't know either, homie. So it's like. And then you start wondering who did that to him. To be like. So after that pedo happened, when they invite.

Pedo. Sorry. After that thing happened. Where he was at the barbecue. I fucking. I remember I was doing a show. Remember the Independent downtown? Yeah.

That little theater. I was doing a show there that night, and I'll never forget. I was at my mom and dad's, and they were acting like everything was all good. And I said, you guys fucking had them at the barbecue? And I fucking, just all this emotion came out. I called my own parents who fucking came from nothing and provided me opportunities, motherfuckers. You know, I go, you motherfuckers, dude. You invited them back.

I'm telling them all this shit, you know. And my dad's he doesn't know how to process emotion he's old school he's an old school g you know and they don't have those tools you know so I can't blame them for that they did the best they fucking could and I'm so grateful for that and you know but my dad didn't know what to do he just fucking put his arms out he's like I don't know what I was thinking mijo I'm sorry you know and I fucking hugged it out my mom was fucking bawling and then i went to the independent theater and fucking bam served him up homie comedy saved my shit saved my life too for real but my mom and dad are some of the best people in the world homie so i wouldn't i wouldn't want anybody to think anything differently of them you know people that know my mom and dad they're like damn man that's a good time now do you know if your sister suffered the same

she went through yeah by him as well no no no not by him i don't know we might be getting too personal that's my sister's business that's 100 your sister's business but you know yeah we went through some shit man but this is like you said it goes back to your mom and who knows before that like you're the one trying you're trying to break this fucking yeah disgusting cycle but to just just speak on my sister she is the fucking heart and the leader of this shit you know she's she has two kids now she just had she has a daughter four years old she who she named after me frankie she her name's frankie my my um my daughter came down to stella and frankie she hates frankie she's like i would have hated frankie i'm like frankie's a cute name that's a dumb name it is it is and

then now she just had a son three months ago charlie so they're frankie and charlie and and uh my sister's doing everything in her power to break the fucking intergenerational trauma and all that she's reading books all this well her daughter's almost five the age where you suffered this bullshit i mean imagine can you even you can't even comprehend i said my daughter is eight right now i can't comprehend it if that would have already happened to her and she would have gone through that. Like, Jesus fucking Christ. And then the cross is yours to bear.

You're the one sitting across from me right now talking about therapy. You're the one talking about trying to break this trauma. You're the one over here saying, well, my dad didn't have these coping mechanisms and my mom happened to hurt. you're the one processing

every feeling every feeling the abuse the uh reasoning behind why these people don't have it like it's all on you and that's a hell of a fucking spot to be in uh to move forward so has this scared you from wanting to have kids like do you think that plays a part in it or do you want to be a dad do you want to have i mean definitely come from a place extended family yeah yeah oh man homie my mom and dad are on me every day my mom used to be like no me don't do it right you know meet a nice woman get and get married my mom is she's her she's hood as fuck she's the most hood one in our family she's from the process. Her vocabulary is this. Her words to me is like, I don't give a fuck if you get a hood rat pregnant at this point.

You bring me that fucking baby. Go get a fucking hood rat pregnant and bring me that baby. That's what she told me, dude. So she's telling me that shit. And my dad usually has my back. She's like, you got to have a fucking baby, mijo. That's what we do. It's familia out here. And I'm like, you got to have a fucking baby, mijo. That's what we do. It's familia out here.

And I'm like, yeah, but mom, I'm chasing this dream. It can't stop it. And da, da, da. My dad always has my back. I'm going to be like, hey, hey, let him do his thing. You know? He's like, look, look. You know?

He fucking did it. You know? He's making his own feria. Like, da, da, da. Like, you know, there's even been times in the past where I had to help them out financially. Like, that is a blessing, homie. You know what I mean? But that time, though, you know, my mom was like, you got to have a baby.

And I looked at my dad that just had my back like he always does. And he looks at me and goes, just one, mijo. I was like, fuck. Just one. I was like, fuck. Just one, mijo. All right? You know, just like, fuck, man.

So now, you know, I'm like, fuck, man. Maybe I just need to go. Are you know i'm like fuck well maybe i just need to go are you seeing anyone yeah you know i i gotta well i i yeah i'm like separated we're separated right now but there's there's one in my life that i'm like if i get married it's gonna be her you know she's been a day one homie she was there with me when i was sleeping on my homie's couch fucking would loan me money every now and then like you know i mean she's the day one so it's like even if i don't marry her even if i end up whatever single or something i'm taking i'm taking care of her i'm taking care of her but she's two years older than me i'm 42 so the whole

baby thing ain't gonna be with her and she doesn't even want it and and even her own cousins they live in taiwan they're like no we got good surrogates out here. We'll make sure we get a good one. She's like, fuck that. I don't want to do that either. You got to take all the shots and all that. I'm not educating on that, but she was explaining that to me. I was like, all right, yeah, I understand. So I don't know.

I'm back and forth with it. But my sister has two kids. So either way, I think we'll be all right. But when my dad told me that, I was like, fuck, man. I got to give him this baby, you know? Now, do you find yourself as an uncle being, like, protective of your niece and nephew, like nephew and how you will be moving forward? Do you already feel a sense of like, I got to protect these kids?

Hell yeah, dog. Yeah. Like, homie, the shit that happened to me happened in my pad. That's what I want to say. From your own family. I'd be telling- Imagine these people out there don't know anything about you. Don't give a fuck about you.

And I feel bad about it sometimes, but sometimes I tell my own primos or my family that, oh, who's babysitting who? Hey, homie, make sure you fucking – Listen, man, you should – I've had this conversation with my daughter's mother where she thinks I overdo it sometimes. But from things I've read, you should always ask. And look, let's just be honest, men especially. If my daughter's having a sleepover who who else is going to be there do you have any older siblings any uncles or aunts live with them any extended family do they have guns in the house you know shit like that you should ask your parenting that's good parenting

that's not being over protective that's just being smart and right right and at least even if you let them still go at least you are armed with knowledge that's what's going on over there there's an uncle that lives there or a grandfather or whatever it is you should know all the fucking lay of the land when your kid's going somewhere that you're gonna spend the night you know and you're right this happened in your own that's why i was saying like is he just babysitting you while they're gone you're like no they're there and he's still doing this like that's that is mental illness so yeah but man with that being said like my mom and dad they taught me a lot of good things homie you know and i and and uh i never did i didn't even smoke weed till i was like 19, you know? I was just like,

and all my homeboys were all like, hey homie, you're already so funny, imagine if you got high, like it'd be that more funny, da da da. So when did the drug

start for you? I was like 23 already. Oh really? Yeah. And what did you get into? Ecstasy. It was when ecstasy first started popping,

you feel me? And, because that shit is like, hey, I'm fucking high-fiving strangers, what's up y'all? Let's kick it you know and and uh i just felt fucking good homie i didn't feel no pain you know what i'm

saying and uh and then it moved to um other shit you know anything i get my hands on you know little pain pills here and there get you through the day uh but when it got weird was the the cocaine man you know which flows like wine in comedy clubs as you know so it's a motherfucker man because i used to be like get a bag okay hey where the homies at where's the girls let's get a crack in and i would still do that but it got to a point where like oh can't wait to get home though so then i can get really weird especially when you got a little bit of fame you You know, we walk down the street, people recognize us. So I can't be all on, you know. So I go home.

Draw the curtains. Da-da-da. And it's just me in the bag, homie. And that bag gives me everything I need. Numbs me out, homie. I'm not thinking about no pain, no problems. You know, you turn into a fucking lab rat, really. You know, when you're there by your...

It's a red flag to be doing cocaine by yourself. You know? But, dog. You know When you're there by It's a red flag To be doing cocaine By yourself You know But dog You turn into a Fucking lab rat homie I'll be laying in bed It's a red flag Yeah it is Dog I'll be

I'll be trying to like Watch porn But you can't even Get your shit up So I'll be I'll be looking at the Porn on my laptop Like rubbing my little Cocoa puff like Come on come on girl girl please okay maybe i should

do a little line you know and you're just a fucking lab rat just fucking and it's like oh man and to and my i would let my i would the last thing you want to do is look at your cell phone when you're in that fucking uh position so i would start you know people start worrying about me like where the fuck is this motherfucker at you know and then and then you start getting fucking paranoid the gardener showed up like we have a whole protected like whatever complex uh there's six units in the building it's all gated and all that but the gardener comes to you know blow you know make sure our porches are cool and all that and And I'm all high as fuck. Been up for a couple days. And I got my bag.

I'm holding my bottle of whiskey like a baby. Oh, you're drinking with it too. Oh, yeah, homie. Hand in hand. Those go hand in hand, dog. And I'm fucking thinking it's fucking fuck food. They're here to get me. They found out.

They know. Just whatever. The cops, the authorities. And then I hear the blower. Oh, they're going to blow all the cocaine away and all this shit. I was out of my fucking mind, homie. And I'm fucking like peek cops, the authorities. And then I hear the blower. And then, oh, they're going to blow all the cocaine away and all this shit. I was out of my fucking mind, homie. And I'm fucking like peeking out the door. And then it's the fucking gardener, man.

And I was like, fuck, man. But luckily, I got good friends and family. And around that time, gracias a Dios, thank God that I have insurance. And so I went and checked myself in. You did. To uh rehab you know how long before you realized you you needed that uh it was basically i got on us i would because the way i would do it is i would once my my whole rule was once a month homie go go go ahead. Miss a night of sleep. Take some ecstasy. Go to a party.

Get wild. And then boom, back to work or back to being mentally, you know. I just needed that one day a month. But then it got worse. Then you start making money, homie. You're getting these fat checks. I'm not a fucking dope fiend who owes anybody nothing. All my bills are paid.

You know what I'm saying? So you're kind of justifying your head a little bit. Well,ie you deserve this you get on that reward system you know we finished the first season of the show i was didn't touch any drugs i'm locked in homie when it's time to work especially when i'm into it creatively i'm trying to kill that motherfucker i'm trying to leave my mark in this comedy shit because that's why i'm here on this earth you know just it's overwhelming to think of how many people you know we meet people at shows oh my gosh you're so funny but imagine the shit people that watch this podcast that are a whole nother part of the world that you're fucking touching that shit's overwhelming homie you know what i mean it's our obligation dog we got to make this shit crack you know what i'm

saying and so i fucking handled that shit though but then when i finished i was like all right maybe i deserve a little something you know should i I should party a little bit, you know? And the next thing I got, I got a fucking tackle box. I was going fishing, except I had Xanax, cocaine, MDMA, Moon Rocks. Oh, fuck. Fucking ketamine, homie. You went deep. Homie.

And I still had work to do, but I was mostly doing like voiceover. And it was real COVID-y still. So I could still be kind of a little bit weird, but you have to wear the you know so i'm like i'm underneath there like the mask was like that i'm like hey how you doing i'm here but another master but i still showed up so uh but so so then that shit was going on for like a couple months. And then here's what happened is I had two shows that were already sold out at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, right? Okay. And you know, that's a big venue.

That's about 550, so there's over a thousand motherfuckers that were just already ready, signed up to go. I got on a sick one so bad I forgot what fucking day it was. And my pretty mo Ruben, who you got to meet, is a fucking no neck motherfucker. Boom. He's been, he was locked up, all that shit, but came out. He's a feel good story. Got his life together. day it was and my pretty mo Ruben who you gotta meet is a fucking no neck motherfucker boom he's been he was locked up all that shit but came out he's a feel-good story got his life together and now you know now he's on payroll rolling with us rolling with me on tour helping with logistics shit all that you know and that's my that's my dude and um and I forgot what day it was he has

a key to my pad and everything right so he's rolling to come hey let's pack up the merch let's roll out you know let's get the crew together we're going to go to the airport and i'm just in the living room like like on a sick one and he walks in he's like what the fuck motherfucker and then i'm like what he's like what do you mean what we got to go to fucking phoenix you got two shows tonight i'm like fuck fuck fuck, dog. Fuck. And I said, fuck it. Just tell him I got COVID and we have to cancel, reschedule. He's like, no, fuck that. We're fucking going.

He physically fucking just picks me up, homie. Takes me to the car. We go to fucking Burbank Airport. We show up to Phoenix. It's like 120 degrees. Yeah, yeah. And I'm all fucking up. You know the motherfuckers at the airport that have pictures of you?

They know when you're going to land and they want to sign and take pictures. Okay, thanks for watching the show. You know, fuck, homie. And that's when it all changed for me because my cousin, he has my back. And dude, I don't know how. We made it to the hotel. I slept for like an hour and a half after not sleeping for like two days. And I don't know, man.

The universe had my back. God, whatever. That day, I still had a little bit of molly left, so I took a little bit of mine. And I got through the shows, and they went good, man. Both of them. And I got into the green room, and my cousin Ruben looks at me and says, hey, you got away with one tonight, motherfucker, but this is it. You're done.

You know, and da-da-da. Like, we got to, you got all these opportunities. You worked your ass off all these years. Good. You're going to throw it away for this shit? This is an ex-con coming out. Feel good. I'll bring up a picture of him or maybe we can plug it but like that's my boy man he's in some of the videos uh cholo fit videos uh but so i was like all right i need to slow down obviously you know i forgot what day it was and i had two shows that night

so i said all right frankie you know time to lock it up on me and slow down and i made that decision in my mind i said all right time to slow down and i couldn't do it homie i actually got back from that trip and i was going to check my mail on my table and i there was a hat on the table and i took the hat and i forgot about a pile that was there no and i looked at the pile and i was like nah homie and i seriously it was like watching myself from the outside i just fucking got a straw went down and it's like i couldn't stop myself and i said all right call my agents my reps i said look we need to schedule this shit in i want to check myself in if you guys want to drop me I don't give a fuck I'm about to die I'm killing myself

Good for you Yeah you're killing yourself So I fucking went homie I fucking went to that bellow And fucking And it cleared myself up Cleared my mind How long were you there?

I did a month And then I did a month in IOP Which is like When you go I did a month where I'm just there And then I did a month where I go 9 9 a.m. to like 1 p.m. every day to a spot.

I see. And then I did that. You can leave after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I needed to hit that reset button, homie, big time. And have you been clean since? I was clean for six months. Now I've been drinking again.

And, you know, I did a little coke here and there. But I'm so scared now of going back to that place I was because I was in a spot where every time I was partying, there was four times in a row where I'd be like, all right, I need to chill, where I would literally, it would take me to my knees. All my serotonin, everything's gone, homie, where I'm on my knees, where I told you, in my living room, begging the universe to take this monster away from me. And luckily, I got good homeboys, man, good familia. They come through, they scrape me off the ground take me to the fucking pass are feeding me soup and fucking come on man you know

and but you know sometimes when a non-addict trying to understand an addict is very difficult sometimes because they're like they don't get it they're like what the fuck man you're making all this money and you're fucking what are you doing it's because, you know, it's the only time that I feel free is when I'm on, you know, and I'm grateful that, yeah, I'm able to pay my bills now and I'm making this money and all that. But that shit don't mean happiness, homie. That shit don't mean success. Success is a difficult motherfucker, dog. You get more shit pulling at you.

You get more people expecting things from you. You get people that feel like they owe you something you know and you owe them something i mean yeah yeah yeah they feel like like i owe them something just because i became successful i don't know you shit i don't know you shit i made this happen from nothing you know what i'm saying and and and what they also don't know is that you're not at least what i'm learning about your story is when somebody walks in and sees you in this state, it's not, oh, Frankie's got money and he's a junkie now. It's what they don't know is the demons you've been battling since five years old and trying to get this fucking thing out of you. I really feel like if you can, I don't know for you, Frankie. I mean, I feel like if you can take that fucking cousin out and at least have that conversation you want and maybe if you get the i'm sorry

then maybe it'll help yeah you know maybe it'll help it seems like it's something you want yeah maybe more need maybe more need for you at this point yeah you're fucking you're in your 40s now this guy's at least 10 years older right so he's in his 50s yeah does he have kids even more important than that he does even more important than that though i think it's just me working it out in uh you know the therapy rooms you know and i got some their motherfuckers is their specialty you know is is addiction trauma all that but the thing is i struggle in those rooms man because i still like i'm you know i've been suppressing that shit for 27 years doc so it's deep in there so it's taking is you know and i can see it frustrating the therapist too it's taking it

a long time because i'll deflect it even when i start crying about oh shit i'm sorry i'm sorry like okay anyways and she's like no let that shit go motherfucker stop let the tears go yes process this shit feel it you know and she wants me to like describe the the the memories of it and walk up to her through it i can't i can't fucking do it homie you know but i want to get there now the thing is that i'm working on it it's just hard work i think you did a hell of a good job here today talking about that on a show like this and putting that out there i mean this is the most i put it out there so hey love y'all shit y'all motherfuckers have been through this shit then i hope this is helping to somebody please and i hope none of y'all are like oh dang that fool's a fucking weirdo well actually

i'm a weirdo so fuck it i accept it you know but anybody that would think that that that happened to a five-year-old kid i mean jesus. I go back to thinking about my daughter was five when the pandemic hit, and she's just learning how to read. Santa's real to her. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you could tell a kid at that age anything. We do.

We tell them about Santa, Easter bunnies, tooth fairies, Jesus, all that bullshit. We tell them all these things, and they believe it all because they trust you yeah you did nothing wrong this guy i mean violated every aspect of of trust with you in every sense right and then continued to do it yeah and then you fucking stood up for yourself it gets brushed under a rug literally dude's showing up in and out of your life of course you're gonna have fucking feelings about that and then the older you get also i can imagine too one once you started feeling like i'm getting stronger and stuff

yeah you know then you start feeling different things like i want to fuck this motherfucker up i went through those stages yeah i was angry and because you're growing through this process when i flat when i i would never talk to my parents how i said when i before i did that show at the independent theater motherfuckers yeah my my pops went to my cousin's work during the day and and and he had in front of him and yeah and you know so what'd he say he just said he went to his job. Yeah. And he's like, you know, pull him out. He's like, hey, homie, Frankie's pissed. I know you remember what happened. And he said, my cousin broke down, started crying.

And then he said, man, it's always been the one thing I regretted in my life, and I'm sorry. You know, he's like, you're not invited to the house anymore and all that. And then just let it be. It did make me feel better that at least he felt apologetic and you know but i want to have that talk to him face to face yeah so i will say that you know because that that happened so well that's better than him denying it and saying it's bullshit yeah anything like that for you he might be like what i never did that right no no he got

he was crying so i was like all right you know and he's a fucking big old looking motherfucker too so here's the other thing too man unfortunately this might be the beginning of you helping other people in your family come forward about maybe it happened to them as well yeah you know what i mean like you might be saving other people by helping yourself in the end yeah well yeah even when i do that joke i told you about the damn it's a good every time i do that joke man never not one time have i not gotten at least one two to five messages from audience members being like thank you for that joke here's what happened to me right you know and so i don't know man you know i'm not here to like save the world and i don't believe like that whatever but just by yourself, you're saving a lot of fucking people.

Yeah. It's just it's something I'm always going to struggle with because, you know, my family parties on me. Like, you know, that's what we do. Fucking barbecues, tequila, fucking, you know, fools are crying, fools are fighting. It's like that's a typical family barbecue in our family. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know, so it's something I'll always

struggle with but as long as I put in that work you know I go to meetings and shit you know sometimes I was drinking for I was six months totally sober and then I started drinking and I was good for like four and a half months and then one night got me dog started hitting that fucking pop

oh shit there it is oh dang it does feel good aren't you scared today now too with fentanyl and everything that one bad bump's gonna fucking wipe you out i used to get it from whoever but i got the one plug that i know is that good good but but i've got put on bocita restriction they call it what's that bocita is a bag of coke who puts you on the restriction although oh geez i saw i got some homies you know hold on yeah the dealers put you on a restriction well the ogs at i'll say i got i got some homies you know yeah looking out for you good people that got my back you know they're like frankie's only allowed to have this much or yeah and so they got to put the alert out you know and they they just let they text those fools and those

fools are you know they ain't they ain't they're they're about it too and and and there was one of my primos who was serving me and he was and i was at it was like once a week and he goes hey homie you good oh no it's for another comedian homie it's not for my me homie i'm done i got shit to do you know and then i'll go right to the fucking pattern you know it's just like so for the schools i got my back man and i you know and i'm very grateful for that because i might not be alive if it wasn't for them you know let me tell you something you had your back yeah you did thank god you did yeah because you wouldn't be alive no you would have drunk or fucking drugged yourself to death or anything and thank god you're not repeating this fucking abusive vicious cycle and that you're in the middle of it trying to figure out how to stop it and man i feel for

you dude good for you though thank you for real yeah yeah i'm going to meetings i'm doing the thing the thing is is that you have to do the work, you know, or else it's going to get you. Absolutely. I'm like, I can't do it alone, homie. Every day, my own mind or myself is trying to destroy myself. Have you ever tried EMDR therapy? I'm going to do that next. Good. Yeah.

Do it. It works. The lighting dance. Yeah. The little buzzers in your hand. It fucking works. Yeah. It works.

I had to go for it. And the good thing is it's not talk therapy. There's an end to it. You'll know when you're done with it. You'll be like, that's it. That's it. Damn. All right, look, dude, thank you for this episode. I know we got to get you out of here. No, no, no. We're good. We're good, homie. But we're right there at the end. I want to tell you, first of all, thank you. I know that's not easy to talk about. There's a lot of people are going to reach out to you about this and thank you for this.

Honestly, homie, thank you for even willing to be going there with me and to go through it. I mean, I'm probably going to cry after this, but I'm trying not to cry on camera. But as fucked up as the shit that that is and all all the struggles that my family went through they took care of me man the best that they could and with that being said all the pain that i have in me you know without without the darkness ain't no light homie and so like there's a big part of me that's grateful that i have this pain in me because when i'm able to go make people laugh and smile like that shit is like an explosion to me that i might not have ever experienced if i didn't go through this pain you know what i'm saying so it's like i'm grateful for all my fans all the people

that fuck with me all the people that watch my sketch videos the tv shows all that shit i never you know and it's never what you expect it's gonna be like you think one day like damn homie imagine if i was on a tv show like that'd be crazy then you get there and it's just more stress and work man but you are grateful you are like damn on a thing so the thing is the thing i focus on is that i got an opportunity to make people feel good and if i my goal is to touch as many people as i can on this earth. I know I'm not for everybody, but for the ones that rock with me, they really rock with me, homie.

And so I want to do as much dope work and dope feel-good shit as possible before I leave this earth. And so, yeah. And all that work and grindness and just happiness, it came from that darkness and that pain. And so I'm just very grateful for that. I'm grateful for people like you that see that and have my back and are willing to have these conversations.

And, uh, so thank you, man. Thank you for having me, Ryan. I appreciate it. Listen,

thank yourself because all that is great. Everybody is, you've mentioned is wonderful, but you had your fucking back you had your fucking back a lot of people don't ever figure that out yeah you know a lot of people don't even know they can stick up for themselves or how to do it and you're going through the pain in the process so good for you dude i don't um before we wrap up i told you i'm gonna ask you after whatever we talk about advice you would give to your 16 year old self oh yeah yeah now considering what we've just talked about

like 16 years old i would say that therapy's not for white people and and um you know uh it's not your fault and i don't know man i would just say that uh just uh i don't know man get that shit out motherfuckers what i would tell my 16 year old self you know quit holding it in yeah but with that being said i've had a good life i'm very grateful man a lot of i'm glad you're still here you could have been a statistic a long time ago yeah yeah um frankie thank you so much one more time time again, please plug, promote everything, all of it. Oh, yeah. Just go to FrankieQuinones.com.

I'll be at, let's see, I'll be at Stand Up Live Phoenix on June 30th. I'll be at Houston Improv the last weekend of July. I'll be at the Comedy Den in Chicago in August. But the main thing is, please tune in to the second season of This Fool on Hulu. All 10 episodes drop on July 28th. So that should be cracking. And then I'll be on the upcoming season of What We Do in the Shadows. Then you can go to my YouTube.

Watch that Cholo Fit, homie. You can go to Cholo Fit Creeper on his Instagram, you know, homie. And yeah, take care of yourselves. Do the damn thing. Feel good. be nice to somebody today you feel me that shit helps yeah yeah that's great advice be nice to somebody today yeah as always ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media share the youtube special come see me on tour check out the patreon Patreon. We'll talk to you all next week.