The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Frankie Quiñones - HoneyQuiñones

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

My Honeydew this week is comedian Frankie Quiñones! You can catch Frankie on the Hulu series This Fool or The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live. Frankie joins me in the studio to talk about the ripple ...effect that has occurred since his last HoneyDew episode. He shares his experience of opening up, going through an intensive trauma-processing program, and leading the way for his family as they begin therapy themselves SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at honeydewpodcast@gmail.com CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Tampa, FL - Dec. 7th Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off your order when you shop better hydration at https://www.LiquidIV.com   and use code HONEYDEW BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I've been getting a lot of questions about when is the way back going to be on Patreon and I'm excited to announce it is finally here. Plus bonus content. Right now for just $5 you get the Honeydew a day early, you get it ad free, and you get a full bonus episode of the Honeydew with you all where listeners highlight their lowlights and it's going to stay that way. Five bucks. And for just three dollars more you're also gonna get the way back a day early and ad free but that's not all. You'll get exclusive bonus content with the guests, some fun segments, maybe some games and we'd love to get you guys involved and that's all for only three dollars more. And there's no censorship on any of the Patreon episodes.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Subscribe now. Tampa, Florida. I can't wait to come back to SideSplitters. I'll be there Saturday, December 7th, one night only. Tempe, Arizona. I'll see you all December 20th and 21st at the Tempe Improv. Get your tickets now on my website at RyanSickler.com. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios.
Starting point is 00:01:28 I'm Ryan Sickler, Ryan sickler.com, Ryan sickler on all your social media. I'm starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for not only supporting this show, thank you for supporting anything that I do. I genuinely appreciate it. I love my life because of you. I love doing this job. So thank you for that. And if you got to have more, you got to check out the Patreon. I'm telling you, it is this show. It's the honeydew with you all.
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Starting point is 00:02:31 on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Frankie Quinones. Welcome back to the honeydew. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Hey. Hey. Dude, thank you for being here again. It's good to be back, man. Before we get into your story, please promote everything you'd like. Yeah. Oh, wow. You know, find me Frankie Quinones or Troll of a Creeper on TikTok or Instagram. You can watch this full on Hulu.
Starting point is 00:02:58 There's 20 episodes, two seasons of that on there. Me and my best friend, one of my best friends, Chris Estrada and Michael Pirioli, who you know from the Sparnos are the main characters in that. Got a lot of awards, a lot of good writing, so please watch that show. I'm in the first episode of the Walking Dead spin-off, The Ones Who Live, and I'll be, I'm in the last three seasons of
Starting point is 00:03:16 What We Do in the Shadows on FX. The very last season is about to premiere this fall, and I got to be in a harness with a bat and fight some vampires, so yeah. Check that out. You did? Yeah, yeah, I did. But for tour dates, yeah, Frankie, you know, on this dot com and yeah, come check me out. Well, dude, I want to first of all, thank you not only for being back, but your last episode,
Starting point is 00:03:36 it was I'm telling you, you've got to go watch Frankie's first episode. And also there's going to be a few people to go, how come you didn't ask him about advice you give to a 16 year old self? And it's because I only do it the first time you're here. So that's why you don't get it again the second time. Right, right. So there's the answer to that question. But your episode was a really heavy episode
Starting point is 00:03:54 and it was also, I mean, you're obviously completely, I didn't know that till today. You said you'd never talked about any of that stuff publicly or openly on any sort of platform. Yeah, man. I mean, you know, it was something that especially you mind just recapping without details. What happened? Yeah, you're talking to suppress, you know, obviously, I used as a child and by a family
Starting point is 00:04:19 member. Yeah, yeah, by one of my older cousins. And, you know, not even my parents or anybody talked about it. It's like something you're just taught to just sweep it under the rug, hold it in, basically pretend it didn't happen. You know, but you feel like a crazy person because you're like, you know, they stopped it from happening when I was like around six or seven. But, you know, you're still going to the family barbecues with that person there. Your family is bringing you there. So you're just like, oh, okay, I guess you just, you know, pretend that it's all good.
Starting point is 00:04:48 And well, in the meantime, in your head, you're like, am I crazy? Like, or I guess it's just as normal, you know, you just do that. As I got older, you know, it did work to, you know, I lean, you know, I was a little angry for a while. You know, sometimes I'll get like in fights, I've done like Napoleon complex,
Starting point is 00:05:04 but I'll get my ass beat every time anyway. So just like, but then I found like alcohol and drugs and shit and I was like, oh, you know what? It's positive vibes. I mean, it's all good. And that was my way of dealing with it. And so I think that's why I got funny is because I needed some validation from people.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Cause the way I felt about myself was like, fuck, I'm just like this piece of meat. Or I'm basically, I'm worthless. That's of me either. Basically I'm worthless, you know? Like that's how you feel when nobody speaks up for you at that young, such a young age. And this was a male figure too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I say that because a while back we had Maranzio Vance on
Starting point is 00:05:35 and he was also molested. He's talked about how it's also swept under the rug in the black community. Oh yeah. For men especially. And first, yeah. But this was by a female cousin. So I say that because it's, you know,
Starting point is 00:05:48 it's they always say it's most of the time it's someone you know or someone you're close with that does this to someone. So then you texted me and said a lot of things sort of popped off after that episode. I mean, listen, I again, only talk about what you're comfortable talking about.
Starting point is 00:06:06 Yeah, no, no. Please. Obviously it's a really deep thing, but you know, you got me to open up and it felt good to be honest, you know, and you know, three days after I recorded that with you, I flew to Utah to a trauma processing center. You did.
Starting point is 00:06:20 And I went in, Omi, and it was this dude I met. Man, I'm gonna send this to him. His name was Darren and he is blind, can't see anything. He has implants on the side of his head so he can hear. So he can barely hear. He's blind. And he goes in the room. He brings me in the room.
Starting point is 00:06:39 It's because the first five days are there. This place is expensive, homie. I mean, it's like, you know. Is he a counselor or is he another patient? He's a counselor. Okay. Yeah. So this place is like, it's in Utah. I mean, it's like, you know. Now, is he a counselor or is he another patient? He's a counselor. Okay. Yeah, so this place is like, it's in Utah, you know, it's just, you know, rich, white Mormon money, homie.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Wait, real quick, why'd you pick this place? What made you choose it? Because it's one of the top in the country. Okay. And I said, I'm trying to get through this. For what? What are we, top in the country for what? For a-
Starting point is 00:07:01 Just trauma in general, or is it sexual? Addiction, any kind of addiction also, but mostly trauma processing, you know what I'm saying? So, and it's one of the top in the country. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna drop this bread, I'm gonna do this and basically invest in myself. Cause if I can get through this,
Starting point is 00:07:16 then I'll be able to get this money and take this career as far as I can go. Good for you, dude. And so, but honestly, man, the first four or five days I was there, I was kind of like, man, what a waste of money. I could have just got an Airbnb and dropped to a tree and locked myself in a room for a week. Eat some shrooms.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Eat some shrooms and meditate. Like, hey, what do you mean? Well, wait, tell me about the blind, almost- But then I had this session with this dude. It was my first session. I was already there about four or five days and he's blind, you know, and he's, you know, you kind of have to help guide him to his office.
Starting point is 00:07:44 You go in there and he goes, all right, the couch is right there. And he sits down, he's like, are you ready to do some trauma work? And I'm like, all right, yeah. And he dims the lights, you know? And we start doing breathing. And he goes, okay, let's go back to incident, you know?
Starting point is 00:07:56 Like when your cousin's doing this to you. And, you know, tell me what's happening. Tell me how you feel. Like, I'm fucking, I don't know, I'm scared of me. I'm frozen, I'm confused, you know, all this stuff. And also real quick at the time, you're what, four, five? You're a little, aren't you? Yeah, I was about five, five or six, five or six years old. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:12 So you know- You can't even defend yourself. You're not a high school- Yeah, you just, you don't know. I mean, what's happening, you know? You're just like, so you just do it. You know, I don't know, you know, but you still feel, even now being in my forties,
Starting point is 00:08:23 I still feel the guilt and shame and of doing that. So that's why I do this therapy to try to get that to disconnect like, yo man, you weren't responsible. You know, it wasn't your fault. That's right. And so anyways, it's probably the blind Yoda, hope he does, he does the brief.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Blind Yoda. So his name is there and I nicknamed him blind Yoda and he embraced it. You know what I'm saying? And then one of the props guys from our show is making me a little Yoda with a walking, like the white stick with the red tip and some shades he's gonna put in his office.
Starting point is 00:08:53 But yeah, we did the breathing, right? We go back in time and man, you know, and then you start crying, you're sobbing, there's fucking snot and tears coming out of me. And he goes, all right, is it okay that you introduce me to him? You know, to a younger Frankie. And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:07 And I'm like, okay, hey, Frankie, this is Darren. He's like, you want to hold his hand? You want to grab his hand? I'm like, yeah, yeah. And I grab his hand, like, you're there, homie. It's a trip. It's like, all right, tell your cousin he has to leave. I'm like, you got to fucking bounce, homie.
Starting point is 00:09:16 So he leaves, you know, and he's like, all right, you want to hug him and tell him it's okay. You know, you tell him, hey, it's not your fault. Come on, he's like, what's your favorite place to play? I'm like, there used to be this little dirt pile on the side of our house. And I'll, you know, I'll do my little, it's not your fault. Come on, he's like, what's your favorite place to play? I'm like, there used to be this little dirt pile on the side of our house. And I would, you know, I would do my little hot wheels and dig little tunnels there.
Starting point is 00:09:29 But I remember being like at peace because I was by myself. And I would just see the trees and just dirt. And then my mom and dad weren't there. Nobody was there because I would have resentment towards my, even though I love, my mom and dad are my heroes, homie, straight up. But there was that level of resentment
Starting point is 00:09:42 because I'm like, damn, you guys didn't do nothing about it, homie. you know what I mean? It's the only way they knew how to handle it. So when I would be by myself, I'd be at peace and I'd be like there and he goes, okay, let's take them there. And I walked with little Frankie to that pile of dirt. I'm there playing with him and he's like, all right,
Starting point is 00:09:56 now tell him goodbye and tell him he's gonna be okay now. And I hug him, homie. And I'm like, I got you now, homie, you don't gotta worry about nothing anymore. It wasn't your fault that fool did that fucked up shit, but I got you now, you know what I'm saying? And other people got you. And then so now I still do these sessions
Starting point is 00:10:13 where I bring other people in now and my sister will come in and take out Frankie. How long were you there? 30 days. Oh wow, okay. You're there for a full 30 days. Oh yeah, homie, yeah. Well, I was partying too, you know?
Starting point is 00:10:24 But it was that once. And then when you come back to LA, what happens? Yeah, when I come back to LA, I mean, I had a lot of work to catch up on, man. It was right to work, but then. Do you confront anyone? Do you reach out to anyone? Well, doing this podcast is what a lot of my family,
Starting point is 00:10:42 that's how they found out, homie. You know what I'm saying? They watched the podcast. I told you my mom's sister called her crying. She was like, oh my God, like Frankie, so courageous. He said that and fuck, you know, I can't believe it and you know, I can't believe, you know, you know, people didn't help us and you know, because of what my grandfather did to her. And it was just like, I love hearing that there's support there. Like, and you've just unearthed so much of the trauma you're dealing with for someone else you unlock. But it ain't even now it's so common homie that it's and it's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:11:12 It's mind blowing but these motherfucking weirdos they keep getting away with it because of that because we're taught to just sweep it under the rug. Black and brown communities have always done that. Hey, no, no, come on that didn't happen or their own mothers or their own grandmothers would be like, nah, come on you're lying. You're like, you know, and you're just forced to, come on, that didn't happen. Or their own mothers or their own grandmothers would be like, no, come on, you're lying.
Starting point is 00:11:25 And you're just forced to deal with it internally yourself. And it's eventually gonna come and get you, homie. And that my success is what forced me to deal with it. How about that? Because I thought if I checked these boxes, it would take away these demons, these things that were eating at me every day. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:11:40 Because there hasn't been a day that hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what happened to me. You know what I'm saying? And it eats at you, homie. You're looking at me every day like you're a fucking cocksucker piece of shit. You know, that's how you talk. That's how I would talk to myself.
Starting point is 00:11:51 But I would go make people laugh, go through my day, walk by a stranger, what's up, homie? You know, and that would get me through. You know what I mean? Because I was like, I got something. Yeah, making other people feel good is what got me through. I have a worth because I make people feel good.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Even if I feel like shit. Exactly, homie. And so that's all I, you know, comedy was my lane, but cause I just had so much pain in me every day that I needed to make people laugh for me. So, but then the messages, the amount, sorry, I mean, it cut you off. No, no.
Starting point is 00:12:16 But the homie, the amount of messages I got after I did this first honeydew was overwhelming, dog. I couldn't even get to all of them. I'm telling you, Ryan. Wow. I was like, I was even like, damn, this one hair this much much But uh, but yeah
Starting point is 00:12:34 Think of that though Like that's very flattering for you to say but also how many of those people have have gone through what you've gone through to So all that's what all the messages were That's what I'm saying at And one stood out to me. And that upsets me because you're saying, man, this motherfucker's got a lot of listeners, but all those listeners have been gone through the same thing.
Starting point is 00:12:53 God. There's one that stand out to me. I mean, he's a big homie. He's got like no neck, he's tatted on the neck, he looks like a truck driver or something. And you know, I looked at his profile, but he DM'd me. And he goes, hey homie, who's fuck is is all fucking, you know, much respect for talking about that. He's like, you know, I never told anybody, but the same shit happened to
Starting point is 00:13:12 me, you know, and I'm the only person he ever told in my DM in his whole life, homie. You know what I'm saying? And I responded to him and say, homie, you know, God bless you know that I love you. I got your back. And I'm, you know, I'm grateful that God gave me the courage to speak up about this shit, because you know, you're fucking, why would you talk about it? People are gonna think you're gay or fucking da da da. And it's like, you know, that's how it is in our community. But I'm like, nah, fuck that homie,
Starting point is 00:13:36 something needs to be said. And he was like, he gave me props and this fool like a fuck, like, you know, like a bouncer. And I said, homie, go talk to somebody, please. You know, I said, if you need my help, I'll pay for your therapy session. You know what I'm saying? That's awesome. And he's like, all right, you know, I'm going to do it. And he was like surprised that I responded, though.
Starting point is 00:13:54 He's like, well, you responded. He was like, thank you. But I got so many messages. I mean, some of them are very long and just, you know, they're telling me their whole story. And it's like, you know, we got to you it's the first time, like you said, a lot of them are ever even putting this down and writing or telling anyone outside
Starting point is 00:14:10 their inner fucking thoughts. For sure. I'm telling you, it created waves on me. Wow. And then it made people think about what happened to them. And then it's like, hey, because there's resources. This is like when your kids goes,
Starting point is 00:14:23 I say it all the time, when your kids go to sleep over, they come back and the parents are like, they were so well behaved and so nice. Y'all the shit. Thank you for supporting Frankie. And I mean, and he's right. Go talk to somebody. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Yeah. Go talk. There's a lot of free resources out there too, to get some, some therapy. So, so coming out of the, coming out of the rehab and stuff, what mindset did you have when you came back home outside of the work? I know, because that can also keep us occupied and we don't even have to think about this thing. And that was the same way. Work through, walk it off. That was a dangerous thing for me, which my sister pointed out to me, you know, she goes, because I would, you know, like I said, I thought, you know, chasing this dream and I was 35, I was 10
Starting point is 00:15:08 years in, I started when I was 25, I was already 10 years in the game and I'm 35 already and I'm sleeping on my homie's couch. She's charging me 200 bucks a month. I'm chasing this dream though, but I didn't get nobody pregnant. I just had to worry about myself, but you know, my family's worried about me. I'm like, I'm a comedian. They're like, Hey, get a job, you know? But I'm like, but eventually when I was,. They're like, hey, get a job. But I'm like, but eventually when I was 36, it popped up for me and then, you know, troll of it went viral. Then me and the dress up gang sold the show to TBS.
Starting point is 00:15:31 It all happened within the same year. And then, you know, I told you this story. I was delivering a sandwich on DoorDash or whatever. And that was my last delivery. Cause I got the call while I was delivering that we had sold the show. And so, you know, I delivered that sandwich and go in the car and I'm crying and I called my mom and said,
Starting point is 00:15:48 we fucking did it, homie. Cause my mom's like my homie, she had me at a young age. And she's like, she's real hood, even though she knows how to put on her face. I always make fun of her cause she should work at a car park office as secretary like in the hood though. She'd be like, she would always stash me under the desk
Starting point is 00:16:03 like to, it's just so how she got off work. So in between school or whatever. And she'd be like telling me, you know, like yelling at me, and I'd tell her, hey, cabron, callate, pocahontas, and I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you know, she, uh, me and my sister carry a lot of her pain. Like, you know, she went through a lot and I learned that through getting educated on this stuff. When I went to get treatment at these places, you know, have you had a sit down with your mom about all this sense? How did that go? It, it, it was heavy. You know, they came out, they came out, you know, to this place in Utah. We did this thing called the ring of fire.
Starting point is 00:16:45 You sit knee to knee facing each other and you just go through it and there's a room full of other families going through same stuff. Homie, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. I would never have expected my mom and dad to be doing some shit like that, but they stepped up for me, homie,
Starting point is 00:17:00 and they apologized to me for the first time last year. And it all started because when I spoke up on this honeydew thing and it created all these waves. And now that line of communication, it was just open with my mom and dad, which I would never have expected, you know what I'm saying? Like my dad's fucking, you know, just, you know, he just holds everything in.
Starting point is 00:17:17 You know what I mean? Yeah, we were cursing and I were talking about, I think you said he used to get you up like five a.m. because you were like, you want to fucking be that? You better, you're gonna get up and do it right. Oh yeah, when I wanted to be a troll. Yeah. He's like, yep.
Starting point is 00:17:29 You got the iron at 5 a.m. You want to work dickies on me? You're gonna crease those motherfuckers at 5 a.m. before I leave to work. Yeah. Okay, so you got a hardcore dad breaking down and supporting his son. As he got older, he's softened up.
Starting point is 00:17:42 He's so cool, man. That's what should happen. That's why creepers base off him. You know, he's so man. That's what should happen. Creepers base off him. He's so positive. That's what should happen. My dad is positive. Hey, he was a little rougher around the edges when I was younger.
Starting point is 00:17:52 But as he got older. Have you talked to your mom's sister who came forward about... I did. You know what? I do wanna have a deeper talk with my Tia Linda. She's definitely gonna watch this probably. What's up Tia Linda? Yeah, but yeah, I do want to have a deeper talk with her about it, but I'm also proud of my mom because she started going to therapy too, you know.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Damn! All from the honeydew. Yeah, all from the honeydew, homie. Proud of this damn show. I'm proud of what I'm doing. So yeah, yeah, so I told you, I said, mom, you know, I'm grateful that you did that because you learned, you get educated in these things where if you hold this heavy trauma in and you're having kids, it goes through the DNA and it carries in and it could create, trauma could create knots
Starting point is 00:18:37 in areas of your body that could eventually manufacture into a disease, homie. Cancer. So, you know, it's like, you got to get it out, bro, or else. So I'm asking a personal question you do not need to answer, but has your mom discovered that things like this has gone on in her family as well? Is this something that's been going on? I mean, it's always been swept under the rug or was this more?
Starting point is 00:19:01 It happened in her own home growing up, you know? And she was the oldest of all her siblings, you know? And she had a lot of siblings. And, you know, she started off, they started off in the projects, you know? And she's, you know, her military dad, he's from an Indian reservation. So he grew up, you know, beginning his ASB by a stepdad on an Indian reservation.
Starting point is 00:19:20 So he couldn't wait to get out of there. He lied on his military application and said he was 18 when he was really still 16 or 17. But, you know, he spread that trauma to his own daughters and did what he did. And, you know, and people are like, oh, you know, you shouldn't say that about her. I don't give a fuck, homie.
Starting point is 00:19:39 I'm gonna say this because otherwise that's why it's gonna keep happening. I hope that these fucking weirdos or whatever get the message that like, hey homie, people are gonna start speaking up now. That's right, your secret is not a secret anymore. Yeah, it ain't no secret like, oh, that weird uncle.
Starting point is 00:19:54 I tell my daughter that shit all the time. Just keep your distance from him. I'm like, fuck that weird uncle. Get him the fuck out of there, homie. We're gonna call him out at Christmas in front of everybody. Exactly, homie. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:02 Hey, Uncle Larry's not fucking trying to touch my kids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Trying to get my daughter's son in your lap, you little weirdo. Yeah. Yeah. Larry's not fucking trying to touch my kids. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to get my daughter center laughing. Little weirdo. Yeah. Fuck that. Yeah. I agree, man. Put them on blast. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a yeah. I mean, it's it's heavy, man. But it's have you talked to the cousin, your cousin who did this? You know what? None of this would ever happen if you would have responded to me when I gave him his chances, homie, just because he's my family.
Starting point is 00:20:27 He's my first cousin, homie. We grew up like brothers, you know? This is who? Dad's brother, mom's? It's my dad's, sister's, son's, right? There's three of them though, okay? Okay. And we grew up, you know, we would go fishing,
Starting point is 00:20:37 we would go to, you know, my dad would, you know, help take care of him. And he was, you know, so he was the oldest. You gave him an opportunity to. Yeah, so this is like, what's, maybe 10 years ago I texted him, right? I go, hey, hey, primo, you know what we need to talk about? They hit me back, ghosted me, right?
Starting point is 00:20:56 And then I see him at my grandpa's house, another barbecue. This is like, I go, hey, I'll take you to lunch, my treat. You know what we need to talk about? Like, let's take care of this, homie, you know? And then he looked at me like sideways, like, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then ghosted me again. So I gave him his chances, homie, twice,
Starting point is 00:21:12 to just squash this shit, to talk it out, just because we're family. Like, I wanted an apology, homie. You know, I wanted him to be, fuck, I'm sorry, man, and da da da. But he never apologized to me, you know? He apologized to my dad, never me. And then he tried to deny it at first and he admitted it.
Starting point is 00:21:28 And he not tried to say we're lying. So what, he admitted it after the podcast came out? Like he had to fess up to the family? Yeah, well, yeah. That's when he finally first. He was denying it at first and then he admitted it. And then he finally came. He admitted it to his parents.
Starting point is 00:21:42 He admitted it to his parents, to his wife. He did. Yeah, no, not to me. Not to his wife. He did. Yeah. No, not to me. Not to you though. Yeah. I gave him his offer. But to your dad?
Starting point is 00:21:50 Or did he just apologize? Yeah, because my dad went to his work and was like, hey, homie, stay away from, you know, you can't come to the Pat no more or none of that. And I guess he broke down and cried and apologized to my dad, but never apologized to me. And it's crazy because I found out in the treatment that they said, like 95% of the time predators will not apologize to their victims for whatever reason. It's fucking crazy, homie. And it's crazy because I found out in the treatment that they said like 95% of the time, predators will not apologize to their victims for whatever reason.
Starting point is 00:22:08 It's fucking crazy, homie. So you said he admitted it to some family members and you said he now denied it? Yeah, but then, yeah, so, okay, so he admitted it. So deny all along, admit it. And then I guess him and another whatever, one of his family members was trying to tell people where, cause another victim came out, my other cousin.
Starting point is 00:22:28 I was gonna ask. After this came out. Yeah, I'm sure. You know, and it's another. I'm sure there are more that are probably scared. It's another first cousin, homie Hula. It is. And I can't believe that, you know,
Starting point is 00:22:38 I was pissed that it happened to him too, but I'm also grateful that he spoke up, cause he's a real machete, he works for LA Water and Power, I don't wanna say his name, because you know, that's a joke. Yeah, don't. You know what I'm saying? He's a tough ass fool. You know what I'm saying? He knocks fools out. This other family member that's supporting him, did this guy also do the same shit to people? Is
Starting point is 00:22:58 that why he's got this guy's back? You know what I'm asking? Wait, wait, wait. Say that again, sorry. You said there was another one of their family members started saying it was a lie as well, like supporting him. Is that guy guilty of the same thing? No, not that I know of. But all I know is, you know, the experts that I met when I was able to, you know, because I was grateful. Now I have insurance obviously through, you know, SAG and Ryder's Guild and all that, but I got so much education on it. And they were like, the average, like my predator has about 12 to 24 victims.
Starting point is 00:23:34 That's the average on me. And me and my other first cousin are definitely not his only victims. You know what I'm saying? So that's when I was like, all right, I'm gonna say something now. Have you talked to the other first cousin? Oh yeah. You did? Yeah. He was triggering. He called me, you know, he's... Who's older? Him.
Starting point is 00:23:53 He is. Yeah. And then the other one's older, the older than both of us. Did it happen to both of them? Yeah. It did. So this happened to them before you then? Yeah. So he called my mom, shaking. He goes, Tia, I'm shaking right now. I never told anybody, but that should happen to me too. And I wish I would have said something because I could have saved Frankie, you know? Oh, he's carrying that.
Starting point is 00:24:14 But you know, now even he goes to therapy, homie. It's like, you know what I mean? I don't mean to lay out the whole family. I know, it's like, hey, it's time to go to therapy. Hey, Frankie's. He did an episode of The Honeydew, the whole god damn family's there. Franky's on this podcast putting us on blast,
Starting point is 00:24:29 so we need to go to therapy now, homie. So yeah. Oh shit, so this, go ahead, sorry. Yeah, yeah, no, no, but yeah, yeah, so that cousin, yeah, he had my back, man, and I didn't know how even his whole family, because I got no problem with my tia and tia. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:24:48 They're the parents of this cousin. Yeah, obviously they felt bad. They apologized to my dad and da da da. And I still got love for them. They were always cool to me. You know what I'm saying? You know, and obviously something happened to him for me to do this, for him to do it to me.
Starting point is 00:24:59 But his youngest brother is one of my closest cousins, right? And I didn't know how he was gonna take it, but he took my side. And he hasn't talked to his brother since last October. And he's checking on me all the time because the things he had to go through to find out that's the person his brother was. But did it happen to him as well? No, no. He says it didn't, but I don't know don't know, man, you know, people are gonna know. But you're right, it happened to him too, the abuser.
Starting point is 00:25:28 So who's doing that? And is it someone else in the family that's holding that shit too? It could be on me. I mean, he would fuck, same cousin, I mean, listen to me too, he would do other fucked up shit to me, like he would get a weed whacker and have me in the corner of the garage,
Starting point is 00:25:40 I'd go to my face and I'd be like, oh, crying. And he'd be like, all right, and I'm going to go to. And I. It's like, that's why I love you. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. The holidays are coming up. Look, I'm going to tell you straight up, my favorite thing at the holidays is to put all the Christmas lights on at night,
Starting point is 00:26:04 turn all the regular lights off, and then sit there and chill and watch movies. I don't know how you stay cozy during the winter months, but that's what I like to do. And for some, wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie with family is the best way to spend the month of December. Therapy is also a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. You know we're big believers in therapy here. We talk about it all the time. Frankie and his family are now doing it. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Starting point is 00:26:38 You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. match with a licensed therapist and you switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash honeydew. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Whether you forget to take a sip of water during the office holiday party or you start feeling parched after a long day of traveling.
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Starting point is 00:27:58 your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code Hdew at liquid IV.com. Now let's get back to the do. But you know what, but like honestly, like I've had so much to be grateful for because you know, my mom and dad are still married man and you know, you seem like you have a good close family. Yeah, they came from, they came from nothing, homie, the bottoms, you know, and they, they worked their asses off. We started out a one bedroom apartment in the valley and then they, and then they worked their the bottoms, you know, and they worked their asses off. We started out a one bedroom apartment in the valley and then they worked their way up, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:28:28 And then I witnessed that, I was honored to witness that, you know, and their religion was like old school funk. And like, you know, they were playing rancheras and all that too, but like diehard funk fans. Like my sister's name is Tina Marie. Oh yeah, nah, man. They went to Rick James' funeral. They're like, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:46 And that's how they dealt with the shit, you know? Just as fans, not because they knew him. Just as fans, homie. So like, you know what I mean? That whole like, hey, positive vibes. Wait, who are you named after then? How they got it. Who's the Frankie after?
Starting point is 00:28:59 Uh-uh, well, you know, they say Frankie Beverly, but it was, you know, you know, Mays? Yeah. Yeah, but you know, but really I'm named after my grandpa. His name is Francisco, but he changed his name to Frank. So you can get a job in America because he lived around that time. But, uh, but my sister really is. Yeah. I named after Tina Maria.
Starting point is 00:29:15 My mom was so mad because, uh, Tina Marie died shortly after Rick James and they didn't make like a big thing of it. So my mom was like writing letters to like the news guys to like channel five news, you know, like, hey, like Gina Marie died, you guys are gonna say nothing about it. You know what I'm saying? So that part of it too is like, as I got older too, and I realized how much pain my mom was living with,
Starting point is 00:29:38 I could see like, oh, that this is a remedy, you know, like music and comedy, you know, even when they were struggling, homie, we would get our water turned off, our light, we would get remedy, you know, like music and comedy. You know, even when they were struggling, homie, we would get our water turned off, our light, we would get our lights turned off, but she had a boombox homie with double D batteries and she would light a bunch of candles and she put on some old school jams, you know,
Starting point is 00:29:55 and I remember she put on some maze or some, you know, cameo, confunction, you know, some old Smokey Robinson or something. And we, me and my sister would be just be dancing with her, you know, in the living room. And we're thinking like, oh, we're having a little candle party. But looking back on it, like, damn, like for a parent to,
Starting point is 00:30:11 like what was going through her head. And to make it fun and enjoyable. And to like, gosh, damn, homie. I mean, that takes a special heart right there. It sure does. It sure does. So it's like, you know, and I'm, and you know, I've had a good life.
Starting point is 00:30:24 So that's why I kept, it kept, it was another reason for me to suppress what happened to me because I'm like, no, man, come on, you got to be grateful for it, you know, like, you know, because we worked our way up, you know, and my mom and dad, we moved from a one bedroom apartment to a town home to a cul-de-sac, and then I had rollerblades, and I'm like, my mom will get jealous soon. Listen, this is what I love about where I come from too. That is, that's it. That's making it right there.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Roller blades and a cul-de-sac. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like that's amazing. That's sick. These other people worried about Lamborghini's and shit. I'm like, man, let's just live in the back of a cul-de-sac. Yeah, I've had a roller blade.
Starting point is 00:30:59 And my mama's jealous of my roller blades, homie. You know, cause you're all, oh, you're having fun, huh? Your little roller blades, yeah. You know, I had like this one white friend that lived down the street. Oh, you got a white friend. Yeah. Cool. Enjoy that. You know, I'm like, thank you. Like, you know, like you gave this to me. Should we? Yeah. But yeah, I think the most important thing, man, is like, you know, I, you know, Ali Wong is producing and directing my first one hour special. That's, you know, will be, you know, that will be out. We're going to record it next year and
Starting point is 00:31:31 it'll be out. And, you know, I talk about, I've been working on material. I open up about a lot of this stuff and I asked her, you know, I go, man, is this, is this like going to be too heavy for like a mainstream or da da da? And she goes, not only do I think that you should talk, say those jokes and talk about that stuff, I think it's important that you do. I agree. And she goes, not only do I think that you should talk, say those jokes and talk about that stuff, I think it's important that you do. I agree. And so. I think you're opening up something that needs to be opened
Starting point is 00:31:53 and talked about, especially on the male side of things. But so many people can relate to this, obviously male and female, but especially male and men just suppressing all this. And like I say, walking it off and just moving on. Most of them will die just holding it in. Oh, they'll never want to do it. But if they can get to a spot and get enough courage to go talk about it
Starting point is 00:32:15 or go get even therapy or just tell their family or whatever, whatever the step is to get it out, they could have such a better life. They don't have to die that way, you know what I'm saying? Which is crazy, it out, they could have such a better life, and they don't have to die that way, you know what I'm saying? Which is crazy, homie, some heavy shit. Tell me that, like coming out of that therapy. I would have died that way if I didn't have success. So it's like-
Starting point is 00:32:33 How do you, do you really believe that? You don't think you ever would have talked about this if success didn't come your way? I don't think so. I mean, eventually, you don't have to be successful to deal with it, obviously. That's not the reason. But in my head, I was like, if I check these boxes,
Starting point is 00:32:49 if I become a headliner, imagine if I was able to buy a house, imagine if I was on a TV show and I checked all those boxes. And the home that I bought, doing comedy, the thing that I love, I would finish a project and I would be home having to be with myself, you know, especially during the pandemic.
Starting point is 00:33:08 And I was the most miserable I had ever been, homie. And I had- And you had checked all your boxes. I had everything I wanted. It didn't solve one thing. Hell no, homie. It actually made it worse. Yeah, it was an illusion in my head, you know.
Starting point is 00:33:22 So coming out of the therapy, then, how things changed with your mindset about all of it? Oh man, it changed my life. Like, first of all, just working up the courage to open up about it, that changed my life. And then going to get that treatment with the blind Yoda, man. That fool changed my life.
Starting point is 00:33:37 He rocked my world, dog. And then I'd be all like crying. Then you dim the lights up and we were done. And then he would feel for the, he had a little M&M home here with the hand. And would he's blind though so he would feel for it and he would feel that little hand and he would click it and two little m&m's would come out and then he would give them to me and i'd be like oh okay like and i'm all like crying but uh but yeah that that that changed my life and i've been doing work ever since now i'm doing like emdr and pasadena yeah
Starting point is 00:34:01 i'm doing all i'm doing all the things. That's what changed me. I preach EMDR on this podcast. Dr. Drew a terminal. Oh really? Okay. I didn't know about it either. Long story short, my daughter had almost got hit by a car. And man, it unearthed.
Starting point is 00:34:19 I had no idea all the anxiety and issues I had. They had been laying in a hammock, just chilling for 35 motherfucking years. They were like, oh, it's our time now. And they fit, I became scared to fly heights. I could go up escalators. I came unhinged and I had to go to EMDR and he had told me about it.
Starting point is 00:34:40 He's like, it's not talk therapy. It's very different. I said, no, I've never done it. I went to this lady, dude, and he said, there is a beginning and there's an end to this. Some people get there quicker. She would tell me, man, I sleep on flights now. I fucking. Oh, yeah. I live on the top floor of my building.
Starting point is 00:34:56 You know what I mean? Like the shit worked. But you got to understand what is driving that. And it's all trauma. And it would be go back to that time where this is happening. What? And then they will talk to you about it. And you're either clicking the things in your hands or whatever, moving your eyes. And yeah. And at the end, she would say, OK, these are the things you said. And here's what I heard a bunch.
Starting point is 00:35:18 And you start to see this common thread that you don't even realize. And you're like, so think about this and this thing like, oh, shit. Yeah. And then what happens next? And you're like this and this and this and this. It's because that's our trauma response. Yeah. It's to just keep moving forward. Yeah. Keep fucking going. Just keep moving on me. Now, I got to be honest.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Like when I first went to the MDR and he pulled out the little lights, I kind of rolled my eyes. I was going to get a little light show. Or like, are we at the rave right now? Yeah. But then like five my eyes. I was like, oh, who's going to get a light show or what? Like, are we at the rave right now? Like, you know, but then like five minutes later, I'm like, oh, you know. Yeah. But, but the little hand buzz,
Starting point is 00:35:57 the little hand buzz is where for me, you know, and he was like, he was like, it's a good to let the left and the right brain to talk to each other. He's like, your right side is holding your trauma. He's like, and your left side is the language and feel like you still feel the guilt and shame because you feel like it just happened yesterday which is how I feel that I was on my knees
Starting point is 00:36:13 doing all that bullshit or whatever he was doing to me. And, but if you get the left side to talk to it, it explains to the trauma like, yo, it wasn't your fault. And it was a long time ago. Like you're good now, you're protected now, you know, and it's all that stuff. And so it's interesting that they figured that out on me. But like, yeah, I was numbing it all out with drugs, you know, and you know, I was,
Starting point is 00:36:36 cocaine was never really my thing. I would dabble in it here and there, you know, we're comedians, I mean, it'd be at the comedy club, hey, you want a voucher? I would never like get me during the pandemic when I was forced to like be with myself, I wanted it, I needed to numb it out. And so, yeah, I was going crazy.
Starting point is 00:36:51 I was fucking walking around the paddock, a little gremlin, all sweaty. Just, oh, should I do another line? I said, that's about a half an hour or so, another half an hour I could do it. You know what I, Hey, homie, I fuck it. Ooh, I turned it, I turned it to a lab rat. You know what I'm saying? Just, oh, God, it was terrible, homie.
Starting point is 00:37:07 And yeah, and that was never even my choice. You were detoxing as well at this facility? Is it you're doing a double duty on the trauma and the detox? That's a lot. I was already kind of cleaning up because I was with you like three days before I left over there.
Starting point is 00:37:20 But I was already kind of cleaning it up. Did you know you were going when we did the podcast? You did, okay. Yeah, I already knew I was going, yeah, yeah. And so, and my cousin, I had a show, I remember I had a show at the Comedy Store and then I was opening for Ali Wong in the Long Beach, whatever that theater is down there.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Yeah, convention center. And my cousin Ruben was with me, he had me like in a headlock, to make sure I didn't go nowhere, homie. And then he took me to the airport in the morning, boom. And then they had the representative there pick me up in Utah, and that was go nowhere homie. And then he took me to the airport in the morning, boom. Then they had a representative there pick me up in Utah. You know, and that was it homie. And so, yeah. And ever since then, I've been doing work on myself every day, you know. I've always prayed,
Starting point is 00:37:55 but now I like pray a different way because I've processed this stuff, you know, and I'm just like, I get on my knees every morning, you know, I thank God, you know, I'm grateful to be alive because, I get on my knees every morning. I thank God, I'm grateful to be alive because I got close to death, man. And I wanted to die, and it sounds weak and all that bullshit. And I felt like, fuck, this little bitch, she wants to talk about I was molested or fucking,
Starting point is 00:38:20 or oh, he wants to die and da da da. But nobody under, you never know what somebody's going through or how to deal with that. die and da da da. But, you know, nobody under, you never know what somebody is going through or how to deal with that. Like, I would fucking want to fight somebody. You know what I'm saying? That's not the answer either, you know? And it's like, OK, you think I'm fucking weak.
Starting point is 00:38:32 What's up then, homie? Let's go. You know, and fucking I'll probably get my ass kicked, but whatever, you know? And so I don't want to have that anger in me anymore. You know what I mean? Yeah, that anger is what kills you. And then, but that, but that those demons that come for you every day
Starting point is 00:38:45 that you have to deal with every day, they got so strong, man. Especially after I thought I did all the things that were gonna make me happy and they didn't. Obviously I loved what I do. And I would never fuck around. I would never party while I was working. Like, we were doing this full, I was in that shit.
Starting point is 00:39:01 And it was saving me, you know? It would keep me occupied. And I was able to stay in character because the days are so long, 12, 15 hour days. You go home, study your next lines for the next day for like an hour, then you go to bed, hopefully you sleep four or five hours and you're back on the set the next day.
Starting point is 00:39:13 It just takes over your life, but you're able to dial in the character and that was it. And then, but then you finish, then you have money and you have idle time. And so, yeah, man, I just started doing a bunch of drugs and then I just, you know, and I kept thinking about these, the pain and, you know, and then the worthlessness you feel like, fuck man, nobody gives a fuck.
Starting point is 00:39:32 And nobody spoke up for me. Nobody like, like why, why would this happen? You know, and it happened in my home, you know, or our home, you know, that's where I'm supposed to be safe. I mean, that's where everybody's supposed to be safe in their home, you know? And instead I'm fucking, you know, that's where I'm supposed to be safe. I mean, that's where everybody's supposed to be safe in their home, you know, and instead I'm fucking, you know, my life was got fucked up, my head got fucked up,
Starting point is 00:39:50 but there's a silver lining because I don't think I would be a successful comedian if I didn't have that pain in me, you know, because that's how I dealt with the pain was being funny and it was a positive vibes because I was hurting so much inside, you know? And it's like like now I know that it'll always be a part of me, but I'm able to like kind of harness the pain and work with it and, and, and, uh, you know, just, uh, find that balance, you know, where
Starting point is 00:40:16 it's not, it's not eating me. I'm able to bring in protection. I talked to the younger Frankie every day, like, Hey homie, cause he did a lot of, he did a lot of shit to me in the shower. So every day I get in the shower, I'll think about it. But now when I get in the shower, I'm like, hey, homie, he's not here no more. I got you.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Like, we're just bathing. You know, we're gonna start this day and we're gonna kill this shit. And I look in the mirror and I say, you about to get it today, boy, let's go. You know what I'm saying? And so that's been like a tremendous, tremendous help, homie. And it's just like, and now, you know, prayer, meditation,
Starting point is 00:40:46 all those things, my relationship with God has just been my lifesaver, you know what I mean? And so when I'm able to help people, that's the number one thing. It's like, whether it's feeding homeless at Skid Row or just like helping younger people or working with charities or whatever I could do to help, it's like the number one thing
Starting point is 00:41:05 that kind of keeps me cool, not away from the benders. But the darkest moment was when I had a show at the Laugh Factory and at the Comedy Store on the same night, right? And after I get out of the Comedy Store, I get a suite at the Ondaz, it's next door to the Comedy Store, and I get a suite with balcony, I I get a suite at the Andaz, you know, it's next door to the comic store, and I get a suite with balcony,
Starting point is 00:41:26 and I'm like, yeah, we're partying. I'm like, it's time to celebrate. I had just finished doing season two of this for The Walking Dead, and what we do in the shadows, and some shows in Austin. So I was like, I had been working for five months, and I'm like, I'm gonna celebrate. But then it came for me, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:43 I was partying for, I kept extending the stay, stay for like three days. Then I'm getting all fucking twisted and paranoid at the end. I think motherfuckers are gonna come, like they're gonna rob me that these fools are texting people so I fucking kick them all out. You know, I was like nice about it though. I'm like, hey, you guys gotta jam in a little bit, okay?
Starting point is 00:41:56 Cause I like, hey. And then they end up leaving and then I party for like a whole other day. Then I take like- By yourself? Yeah, and then I take like a few Xanax bars, watch, get you down with a bottle of Crown Royal. My head's up against the headboard like this. Jesus Christ. Like this. And I'm like, like, I can't move, homie. And I'm saying, I'm saying my goodbyes and I'm sorry, apologizing to my sister. I thank God for my time on earth. This is what you're doing out loud.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Out loud, I'm saying this. I'm sorry, you know, thank you God for my time. You know, I'm sorry, mom, sorry, dad, you know, fucking saying, listening to all my homies. Sorry mom, sorry dad. Listen, all my homies, my cousins, sorry Esteban. Esteban, he's helped me so much. So many people. So many people. I'm like, get him all out. That shit kept you alive.
Starting point is 00:42:35 It's a long road call. If you'd have had a mom down, the dog would be dead. Shit, homie. But yeah, I I know right? Climate change, a problem so huge, how could I ever make a difference? I'm Marco Chiaunovet, climate reporter for the Toronto Star. I meet a lot of smart people doing really inspiring things in this space all the time. Small things that add up to big climate benefits. Small things, big climate.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Wherever you get your favorite podcasts. The Climate Solutions podcast is brought to you by Smart Flow from Enbridge Sustain. But like, if the hotel security didn't wake me up, I don't think I'd be alive, to be honest. Well, they did wake you up. Yeah, they woke me up and they're like, hey, we call the paramedics. Why?
Starting point is 00:43:25 Were they trying to get you? No, cause it was the checkout time and I guess the maids went in there and I'm fucking there fucking. You know, there's pedo a loy, pedo is like, you know, things like drugs and shit like around. All over.
Starting point is 00:43:35 And so they called the fucking, and I'm like, you know, and I got up and I thought it was still like, okay, I'm somewhere else. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm alive still. And then, and that's when I finally got my sister. I got my sister on the phone. She goes, motherfucker, you promised me right now you're going to go get help.
Starting point is 00:43:50 You know, and I said, okay, man, I promise you, you know, and I, and I was just in that cloud homie of like, this is the path that God laid out for me and now it's time for me to go, you know, I was convinced. And then now I got through it. My sister is like, she saved my life, man. And she's like the heart of our family. And she's an artist and she's got such a big heart. And my mom and dad went through so much, especially my mom.
Starting point is 00:44:21 So we carry a lot of her pain. And for me to, My sister wrote me a letter to say how things would play out if I died, you know, like for my godchildren, for her, for my mom, for my dad. And after I read that letter, I said, this ain't about you no more, homie, you know? This ain't about you. This is about all the people that you can help and most importantly, about your family, about your godchildren. My goddaughter's name is Frankie after me. And to think that I was in a place where I thought it'd be better for her if I left,
Starting point is 00:44:55 you know, is crazy, homie. But that's where those demons and the shit will take over. That's why it's important to process this trauma, you know what I'm saying? And now I'm so grateful to be alive and I got so much talent. I got so it's important to process this trauma, you know what I'm saying? And now I'm so grateful to be alive and I got so much talent. I got so much ideas in my head that I wanna share with the world. And when I go into a room full of strangers, homie, you're fucking, performing for 5,000 to 1,000 people.
Starting point is 00:45:18 I'm floating, I'm like, I got you. Like, I want your fucking heart, homie. I'm giving you my all right now. And I love you, you know? And when you walk out of there, I want you to feel like I'm your friend, you know? Because that's one thing that God gave me is love for people, you know? Well, you really, how long ago was your episode? Whew. It was early, early, early last year. So let me see, I went in 2023. It was probably like
Starting point is 00:45:46 April or May of 2023 or June. I mean, you really fucking, you really dove into this and went all in, you really did. Yeah, so that was the beginning of it. Good for you. When I did it, homie. But I mean, we're a little over a year right now and you've done all this. And I'm still crying.
Starting point is 00:45:58 No, you're gonna cry forever, bro. You're still crying. You're gonna. Yeah. I wanna ask you a couple questions before we wrap this up. Like, um, I guess it's a two-part question. Do you think you will ever have a conversation with this cousin? And if so, how do you think you'll take it now knowing the
Starting point is 00:46:19 way he's behaved and blown it off? Would it be different than it would have been if it was, you know, he, he just was honest or you could be more defensive about it now? Fuck yeah. I don't know, man. What's happened lately is, and I don't know. I mean, I offered him the face to face, you know, and he, he, he bitched out basically, you know, he, he goes to me, didn't respond and I would even try to
Starting point is 00:46:44 make efforts, I'll go to his, his family respond. And I would even try to make efforts. I'll go to his, his family is like whatever barbecues and I'm, I'm showing my face to him. You know, I'm a homie. I'm here, you know, like, and you're not going to say nothing. You know, I'm your first cousin homie. I fucking apologize at least, but he's too weak to even do that. So you know what? And I said, you know, like it's one thing it's like, well, those people need help.
Starting point is 00:47:04 Yeah. He needs help. He's, you know, he said he was going thing it's like, well, those people need help. Yeah, he needs time. He's, you know, he said he was gonna get help. I hope he does get help. But to not get apologize when I gave you the opportunity to fucking weak on me, you know, and you know, and he's not a small guy. And he's a big old money. He's like, he's fucking a bitch on me.
Starting point is 00:47:20 But the thing too is like, and I don't know this, I'm asking because I'm ignorant to this, but like, I feel like that's a behavior that doesn't just stop. That's what, that's my main concern. Right? So then you're talking about nieces, nephews, grandkids, whatever it is. He knows he's a sick person. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you don't fix it, it doesn't seem like you age out of fucking being a predator. Yeah, you don't. You don it doesn't seem like you age out of fucking being a predator. Yeah, you don't. You don't just be, retire from it.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Like, I'll do that shit anymore. I'll do that shit anymore, man. I'll touch kids anymore. You're a little placard. Nah, I see young man's, I'm done now, man. I'll stop touching kids. Nah, nah, yeah. And the therapist told me that they go, once they start, they can't stop.
Starting point is 00:48:01 There's no way. There's no way. If you're going to, if you're going to risk life in prison and shit like this, then they can't stop. There's no way. There's no way. If you're gonna risk life in prison and shit like this, then you can't stop. You don't just one day wake up and go, I'm not gonna do that shit. Yeah, I'm not into that anymore. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:16 I hope he gets help though, man. He is my family, he is my first cousin, but like I said, for me to, even people are like, man, that was nice of you to give him those chances. And he knows. It it is and he knows and I'll say it on camera. He knows that I texted him and he knows, and if he tries to tell people that, that, that I didn't or try to say, no, he never hit me up. That's bullshit. Well, here's the other thing too, Frankie, like there's nobody that would think I'm going to do this to this kid and then one day this kid's going to grow up and have a voice louder than anybody ever and then can call me out. You get to live with a life for
Starting point is 00:48:55 what 30 years? Imagine that and it comes back to get you in your, how old is he? Yeah, well, he's probably in his 50s. How much older is he than you? Yeah. He's in his fifties. Okay. Yeah. So you think about that 40 years, 45 years, you're, you get to live with this lie and then all of a sudden. Well, he's been getting away with it. Yeah. This fucking guy gets a show. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:49:17 It became successful. Yeah. Kaboom. Yeah. And then, you know, and it was also me that having to hold that in for 30 plus years on me. How fucking? Like that's like, you know, to hear my mom say, you know, because my mom accomplished a lot.
Starting point is 00:49:31 She used that. She used the pain and everything she's been through to as her motivation to be like, everybody told her, you ain't gonna be shit, you know, fucking da da da. And she hustled. She was a hustler, homie. And she works and worked and worked. And she's still young, like we're homies, we go to concerts together, we go out like- Funk concerts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the homie, man. And my dad just there in the background like, hey, you know, like, you know, shit.
Starting point is 00:49:55 But my mom's the firecracker, you know? So, yeah, so to, my mom's like, you know, she said, mijo, you know, we both did the same thing to be able to accomplish as much as you did with the amount of pain that you have to deal with every day is incredible, you know, and it's something that, you know, makes me want to cry right now. But it's like, but that it also was like a part of the motivation. It's like, damn, man, this shit is so dark. It's so heavy. The demons that I deal with every day, but that's what made me like not miss a
Starting point is 00:50:31 day of work, fucking be ready to work all day, be ready for another 10 hour day. Because I'm like, well, you know, I'm going to, I want to like, I'm trying to fight this, you know, and so it was something that we had, but now we're taking it to a whole different level with doing the EMDR, the therapy, the fucking, I'm doing everything, homie. I go to groups, I go to, because you almost died, homie. I was supposed to be dead, you know?
Starting point is 00:50:58 And so, and I almost died in a car accident on highway one when I was 17, so I thought about that. I was like, man, I got so, I have so many brushes with death and I'm still here. So I know God wants me here. Yeah. And so- And you're making it count. Yeah, exactly. You're not just coasting along, you're making it fucking count. Yeah. You're making a difference for a lot of people. Yeah. I know that especially people in my community, the black community that hear this, they're going to, there's going to be at least one person that's going to speak up about what happened to them
Starting point is 00:51:27 just from hearing this. And that's a win for us, homie. You know what I mean? Thank you. Thank you for doing this episode. I know I'm very pleasantly surprised and happy that all of the work you've done since the last episode. I'm glad that this did that. I know we laughed about everybody popping off into therapy now, but it's good. Good because the next generation
Starting point is 00:51:52 and the one after that and your family are gonna be safer and protected. That's who we gotta look at. And already having us, gotta look out for an easy. Cause it goes in your DNA, homie. Trauma goes in the DNA. So thank you, dude. Promote whatever you'd like one more time.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Oh yeah. Oh man, just, yeah, yeah. All the things, man. Go to, go to check out Frankie Quinonez, YouTube representative, check out Cholo Fitt, homie. You know what I'm saying? This one, Hulu. And then look out for my special producing director
Starting point is 00:52:20 by Ali Wong dropping on Hulu next year. That's what's up. Thank you, brother. Thank you, man. I appreciate you, homie. As always, Ryan Sickler on Hulu next year. That's what's up. Thank you, brother. Thank you, man. I appreciate you. Of course. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Tickets for all dates are on my website at RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week. You

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