The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Hanna Dickinson - Sexual Assult by Fake Uber

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Hanna Dickinson! Hanna Highlights the Lowlights of being a victim of an assault that occurred after she got into a fake Uber! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Disco -Go to www.LetsDisco.com/HONEYDEW or enter HONEYDEW at checkout for 30% off your first order Everlywell -Get 20% off an at-home lab test at www.Everlywell.com/HONEYDEW  Little Passports -Get 20% off any new subscription with promo code HONEYDEW at www.LittlePassports.com  Enso Rings -Go to www.EnsoRings.com/HONEYDEW for 10% off your first purchase of any collection when you use promo code HONEYDEW Liquid IV - Get 25% off when you go to www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW at checkout Raycon -Go to www.BuyRaycon.com/HONEYDEW and use code HOLIDAY today to get 15-percent off your entire Raycon order

Learner's Permit, Thursdays on my YouTube. Subscribe today. The Night Pants Nation Tour is underway. Cleveland, you are up next, December 9th through the 11th. La Jolla, you're right after that, December 17th through the 19th. And Austin, we're kicking off 2022 down there, January 6th through the 8th. Get your tickets now at ryansickler.com. Hey guys, Ryan Sickler here, and I just want to let you know that ringtones of my laugh are now available for Android. I don't know why you'd want it. I can't.

It's beyond me. I do love it, though. I love hearing that you guys are scaring your kids and your animals with my ringtones. We listened, heard you, responded. Ringtones of my laugh are available for Android and Apple. All right, you get them everywhere you get ringtones. You can go to RyanSickler.com and download the ringtones for Android directly. the honeydew with ryan sickler welcome back to the honeydew y'all We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios.

I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you again for your support on the Night Pants Nation Tour. We're rolling right along. La Jolla, December 15th through the 17th. Austin, Texas, January 6th through the 8th. I can't thank you enough for your support on this show. It continues to grow and grow.

We've talked about a lot of serious shit. So please subscribe to the YouTube. And if you have a story or you know someone has a story that has to be heard, please submit it for the Patreon show, The Honeydew, with you all. Submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. If you haven't subscribed yet, I promise you you're missing out. I say it every week. We're solving cold cases. People are getting assholes ripped out of them. People are living in the wilderness, surviving in the wilderness overnight. People are getting brains

blown on them. Where else are you getting that in comedy? It's five bucks a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free and you get the honey do a day early ad free at no additional cost. All right. It's called all the information you need at ryan sickler.com. And, uh, that's the biz. All right. You know what we do here? We highlight the low lights and we try to bring some light into that darkness. And, uh, today, no, uh, no exception. This is going to be a different one for us. Um, but I would love to welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. Please welcome back Hannah Dickinson, everybody. Welcome back to the honeydew.

Thank you. A year later, you know, and just. Is it about a year now? Yeah. It keeps getting worse, huh? All right. We thought herpes was bad. I love the people who haven't seen your episode yet

they're like did she just say herpes yeah oh i have herpes i don't know we're gonna get into all that uh but please promote plug everything you would like i have a podcast called don't tell mom where i just talk about things that my mom gets upset about, which – and we talk about, like, bad moms, which I don't know if that's mean, but – well, I'm really selling my podcast, huh? I have nothing to promote. What about social media? Oh, I'm at HansDickey. Your fucking videos are the shit, though. I told you.

Oh, thanks. Look, I'm such a fan. I know we first met last year. You did your epic special, which if you haven't seen our epic stand-up special, you should definitely watch it. And I don't know. We clicked off of that. And I really just took to you and your story. And you came here very bravely sharing this vulnerable story about living with your parents during the pandemic, being lonely. You meet a guy who has genital herpes and does not tell you and gives it to you.

And then you come here and share it with the world. And I told you the two funniest fucking lines I've heard last year were genital herpes is like a DUI for the pussy. It really is. And we did a show together the other day at the comedy store. I didn't even know you were on it. I saw your name. I was like, fuck, yeah, I can't wait. And you added the line,

it doesn't stop you, but it slows you down. And then the other one was I caught the wrong virus. Everybody else is getting Corona. You're getting general. Yeah. Ventilators are looking pretty good right now.

I shouldn't say that probably. And you come out and you tell us about it and you also make it so funny. And just, I thought it was a great episode because so many people deal with it and you know you were you told me you were freaked out about it affecting you moving forward and now you're like oh everybody's fucking got it yeah i haven't i have to say i've gotten a lot of dms from doing your podcast. That's probably a lot of people are like, I have it too. Want to hook up? Are you getting those?

Not really. Your fans are respectful, which is. I love hearing that. Yeah, it's nice. They're always like, probably, you know, just very unlike some guys that are like, open your legs, you know, never from the honeydew. I love that. Good. And, but yeah, I have to say a year and a half later, it's like you can only, it only affects you if you're having an outbreak.

And I haven't had one. At all. No. Good. So it's, I do regret telling the world for sure. Look, I should have kept this to my fucking self. I was like, why did I tell everyone? And then if I start dating a guy and he's like oh you do comedy I'm like don't google me

please don't watch the audio because it's one of the first things that comes up and I'm like he's like I googled you I'm like okay goodbye nice to meet you but yeah and then I found out like I won't say names but a big comedian has it and they don't tell I won't say what their gender is, but I'm like, they're fucking smart.

They're out here talking about having sex. I'm telling the wrong stories. You're not. You're being real. True. True. And it hasn't really affected me anyway. Well, today, and unfortunately, we're going to talk about some real shit, some very ugly shit.

I see you at the Comedy Store, and I haven't seen you since the show, since we did the actual episode together. Because you're in New York, I'm here in L.A., and I was so stoked to see you. And I ran right up, and I gave you the biggest hug, and then what did you say to me? Since the last time I saw you, I went to rehab is what you said. I said, I know. I sent you a little message, but I didn't want to pry and ask why or what was going on. And then you told me the reason you went to rehab, and I just, yeah. Yeah.

I guess I just say it. Last time I was in L.A was, this was about, yeah, six months ago. I was drinking the night before my birthday and I got into an Uber with my friend or what we thought was our Uber. He drops my friend off and he takes off and rapes me and then brings me back to his house. And I wake up the next morning in his bed this is what you're telling me before i'm about to go up and then you're like anyway have a good set i'm like i gotta go i gotta go on stage yeah i was like yeah it was really scary anyway um do you have any water or gum or anything speaking of uber do you have go

oh my god yeah i mean that's what you said to me because that's what fucking happened to you and i was like wait and listen i told you i have a story that i've started telling recently on tour about being in an uber with my friend and um i thought guy was going to kill us. So I bring up, and again, I'm a guy. I'm not worried about rape. I'm not worried about somebody raping me when I get in a car or trying to fuck me up when I pass them on the street. My friends who are women are like, yeah, I worry about every guy that walks past me on the sidewalk because I know that guy could probably take me.

And so I just said out loud to the audience, I genuinely asked how many people been in a ride share, Uber, Lyft, whatever, and genuinely thought this person's going to kill me. And I thought three or four people would clap a night and it's half the audience or more every fucking night. So there's obviously it's a problem with shit going on out there. So can you take us back to the night and how it all happens because you said a key thing you also said that said what we thought was our uber yeah so yeah i guess it what's crazy is like i was going through a really hard time during that period like uh two days before like i was in a weird, I got into a relationship that

moved way too quickly. He started yelling at me all the time. And then he was supposed to go on this trip with me, my boyfriend. And he broke up with me, like, the night before I was going to New York to fly out with him. So I ended up going to New York by myself and getting a hotel room because I'm like flying out to LA from there. And I take a bunch of mushrooms. By yourself? By myself in like midtown. And I have like a really bad trip.

And I call my dad and I was like, I need to go to rehab. I'm in trouble. And then my dad was like, you know, he didn't, to be fair, he didn't realize like everything I was going through. I didn't disclose that. He thinks it's just this moment you're having now.

He was like, you just got dumped. You need to go be with your friends from college. Like you need to just relax. And he was right. I did need to relax, but like I couldn't relax. And then I went to, I came to LA, went to dinner with my friend. I was like, I feel like I'm going to die. And she was like, what does that even mean?

I was like, I don't know. I just have this dark cloud. It felt like I was cursed or something. It was just a weird, like I couldn't, I don't know. And she was like, you're taking too many mushrooms. That's what she said. And she was right. And then the next, she was like, call your therapist.

So the next day, I was like, the day before my birthday, I had an emergency meeting with my therapist. I was like, I don't know what's going on. Like, I feel off. Like, I feel like something's going to happen. And she's like, just chill. Just, like, relax. And that. What are you thinking?

Do you thought death? Yeah. You did. Why death? Why, like, finality? Why? Imminality. Why? Because I had this anxiety that was like, if you don't change something, you're going to die.

Like the path you're going on, you're going to die. And I had been drinking a lot. I got into this really abusive relationship that I was like kind of letting happen. Like he would like yell at me and I would make excuses. About what? Just anything? letting happen like he would like yell at me and i would make about what just anything like he yelled at me because i scratched his leather couch with my backpack he yelled at me because i'm sorry yes no it's shit like that that's crazy i didn't close the shower curtain after i used it so i kept it open and he said that's how you get mildew so he yelled at me for that i asked him yelled not not told you what i fucking said you know just like shit like that and i was letting it happen and so i was treating myself like shit and so i think it was just like

well said by the way i was true even though he is also i was treating myself like shit that's important too yeah because ultimately i should have just packed my shit up and been like, fuck you, and walked out the first time he yelled at me. But I was like making excuses for him, which is only hurting myself. And it's really hard to do in the moment. And like I have friends. Yeah, we've all done that. Exactly. And then I just watched the Brittany Murphy documentary.

Have you seen that? I haven't seen that, no. Oh, you have to see that. I like her. She was always one of my faves. Super cute. Loved her in 8 Mile. Loved her in, what was the one with Angelina Jolie?

Oh, Girl Interrupted. Yeah. Fucking loved her. Yeah, she was so talented, but she got in this horrible, abusive, controlling relationship. And I'm not comparing it to Brittany Murphy, but it also didn't get that far. So it's like they start small and then. But anyway, he broke up with me. So I'm like, I didn't let it get i'm like i didn't let it get that far

i didn't let it get that far he told me to not come over so too much mildew on the shower curtain yeah he was like yeah it was i asked if i could borrow gum once or i said can i have a piece of this gum he's like i told you not to ask me questions just use this apartment like it's your own and i was like well i have been doing that and you yelled at me angriest friendliest thing though yeah wait you're mad at me for asking anyway so i just and then i get to the la and i go to the pool with my friend before dinner and this guy comes up to me and he's like can i put my dick inside of you whoa he walked up and said that yes he's like and people at the pool because we were at this pool in santa monica um at this hotel in santa monica it was a really nice hotel that was my birthday gift as my parents got me a nice hotel

in santa monica and this guy is so wasted and he's like you got that good pussy? And I go, actually, I do not. I have genital herpes. I swear to fucking God. And my friend is like, she looks at me like, are you going to engage with this guy? And give him that. He's like, oh, is that the one with the bumps? And I was like. Now you're conversating about it.

And I'm like, yep, that's the one with the bumps. And he's like, you taking that medication? I was like, you're not, you're conversating about it. And I'm like, yep, that's the one with the bumps. And he's like, you taking that medication? I was like, I am. And he's like, don't take the medication.

You got to open your pussy up to the sun and, and like, let the sun rays, like cure your pussy. And I was like, I'll think about that next time. Meanwhile, he keeps harassing me.

And I was like, we have boyfriends, like you need to leave. And you think it's a crowded pool. You think someone would come in and out. No, they're filming it. People are filming it. My friend was like, Hannah, we're going to end up on fucking.

That's what happens today. Yeah. And the thing is, they probably would have cut it to just me being like, I have genital herpes. You know, not like, I mean, I guess they could find that. Yeah. Which could be found anywhere, obviously, at this point, me saying that. But yeah, so it was like that day that happened. And also a week before I was at a hotel in St. Louis because we were shooting stuff with Nikki Glaser.

So that's why I was there for work. And the guy bringing my towels, I offered, I went and I said, oh, I'm so sorry. I don't have cash, but I'll come and give you cash. And I went and got cash and gave it to him because I hate when people say like, so I went and made sure what out of my way. Kept your word. I get home that night. He slips a note under my door that says, I think I have it.

I put it on Twitter and it was like, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I would like to come over this morning and eat your pussy. I swear to God. Why can't guys stop it? You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I would like to come over this morning and eat your pussy. I swear to God. Why can't guys stop it? You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I'm like, you know, I love it to an extent. When I put it on Twitter, people were like, not going to lie, he had me in the first half.

And I was like, I agree. Like it started strong and ended with this smiley face with the tongue. I swear to God. He threw a handwritten emoji up on it for you so that happened get the crazy it's so and i just felt like so that happened the week before so then that your pussy's radiating something to have men come up to you like that and do that kind of shit i know i was like i don't even have crystals like this shit i need to get crystals it

was just like i felt like aggressive harassment so it felt like i didn't feel safe anywhere and then um this is all in that leading up to that was yeah a week before and then you get this guy at the pool and then the next night i my friend has a date, and I was like, I'm just going to stay in. And then I, like, couldn't be by myself. I just couldn't. Like, I couldn't be alone. And my guy friend, I met him because he lived right around the corner. So I met him, and we walked.

But he's someone you've known. Yeah, I've known him for, like, six years. And so we went and got a drink. And to be fair, I at the time wasn't eating at all. So like, yeah, I just like wasn't really eating and I was drinking a lot. So like my calories were like magic mushrooms and wine. And like that's what was in my system. Okay. And Valtretrex of course

um i know but you know it's my it's my that's what i'm famous for on here so um gotta stick to the hits stick to this so then we get to the last thing i remember is us getting i so we're we're at drinking and then the waiter he's like oh it's your birthday tomorrow i'll get you shots and like i've been like on and off sober for a while and i was like if i ever start doing shots again that's when i'll get sober that never works it never works to be like I'm not gonna take shots or I'm not gonna do it just always ends up spiraling what is it that you like about drinking I actually learned this in rehab about myself they read my brain waves and I run on such high anxiety and my brain is always just like pushing itself and not even in the best way. Just like always just worst case scenario.

I'm just such an anxious person that like he said it makes sense you're a binge drinker because alcohol slows you down and relaxes you. So your brain is like, this is good, this is good, and it can't stop. So I have no stop. And that's my issue. So you do feel more comfortable and relaxed when you drink? For the first three. And then it's like, I mean.

How many would you say you have back then? A night or is it just, you say binge, so are you Friday, Saturday and then nothing for three days? Exactly. Okay. Or sometimes I could have a glass of wine, but if I have a glass of wine, I'll be like, why did I do that? It doesn't make sense to me to have one glass of wine. Because why? Five is better?

It's just like, yeah, if I'm going to be drinking, let's be drinking. It's so stupid. No, I just want to understand the mentality behind it. So if you're going for it then go for it yeah and sometimes i'll i mean i could just have a glass of wine but i usually like it's usually once i hit three like i'm like what's a four like it's like in my brain cannot stop me and i can't be like and i've tried for fucking years like i'm i started going to a when i was 23 like i've tried so many times to be

like stop stop at four is it running your family actually my parents and i just had this conversation because i asked what age as a kid was i the hardest to deal with like thinking they would say three to six my dad was like i would say it started at 21. Started, he said. He didn't say just the age of 21. Yes, my Trump when I was the toughest to that was when I turned 21. I mean, yeah. So my parents, I don't know. My mom is, you know, it was Irish Catholic family. So like I feel my mom's not an alcoholic, but I think her grandparents might have been or her – not her parents, but my dad's sister is a really bad – she's sober now.

So I think it's just kind of luck of the draw, but it's in the family. Okay. So that night – I'm sorry. I wanted to know what it was about alcohol. So that night – Oh, yeah. So that night, I remember – wanted to know what it was about alcohol so that night oh yeah so that night i remember the last thing i remember seeing a shot and actually the guy who i was with we dated at one point we went on like two or three dates but we were so he we would just get so drunk that he was like we're the worst combination of people and i was like yeah let's just be friends

uh but now we are friends but um he's when he said that five years ago, he's absolutely correct. Because the next, you know, I go out with him six years later and this happens. And it's not his fault by any means. And, like, he's equally a victim as myself. But it sucks because I'm the girl. So, like. Now, do you think at that point you were slipped anything? Is there anything in that shot or in the drinks that you're having, do you think?

And I don't even mean your friend. I mean, I remember it was a few years ago. It was in Santa Monica, and they called a guy, and they were watching him just drop drinks, these bartenders and shit. So do you think that you had more than you normally have and you got fucked up or is there a chance that something was in your system it is possible something was in my system because i but i didn't drink that much like i probably had two glasses of wine a margarita and a shot which isn't a lot but okay um and over like maybe two and a half glasses. But not like – I'm like maybe four bottles. No.

Bottles. But I remember being like, oh, I should probably eat more if I'm going to drink, and I didn't. So you've got the magic mushrooms and wine from earlier, and you just continue with liquid diet the rest of the night. There's no food. You didn't eat anything. No. Okay. And you have what you just told us you have. Yeah. And then I remember leaving the restaurant

and seeing this bush in Santa Monica, you know, and we were at 1212 Santa Monica or whatever. And there was like bushes shaped like dinosaurs. And I remember being like, that's weird. And then getting in, I vaguely remember getting into the car, opening the car and being like, can we take my friend home? I can add, like, I don't remember like exactly what I said, but he,

I remember him being like, cause my friend was like, oh, I'm going to go to 7-Eleven right there. And the guy was like, oh, don't add it in. I'll just take him.

Okay. So he drops my friend off at 7-Eleven. And I vaguely remember my friend being like, text me when you're home. And that's, I don't remember anything else. And I woke up the next day and I was looking at a wall, which I, my hotel had like a king bed in the middle of a room. So it wouldn't have been next to a wall. And I was like, holy fuck. And I I was like that's so weird and I I wake up to like

a guy putting a blanket on me because I I was like I was like kind of shivering I had I had my top on from the night before and my pants were on my ankles

but like that's how you woke up yeah and I was sorry if this is too graphic i was on my period so there was blood everywhere like everywhere i was on the first day of my second day of my period so i woke up to a guy putting like a blanket over me and i and i was like what the fuck so i look over and i immediately recognize him as my uber driver and i sit up and i'm like oh my oh my

fucking god like i i was like about to have a panic. I like immediately knew what happened. You did. But my body was in shock. Like it was like I couldn't piece everything together, but I knew we didn't go anywhere else. Like I remember seeing getting in this guy's car and I also knew I was on my period. Like I was just like, you know, someone would argue like maybe you flirted with him,

whatever. This kid was maybe 18 years old. He was like 17, 18 years old. You woke up in this guy's kid's house. Yes. And so I'm like, I like start,

I start like, I'm having a panic attack. So this lunatic covering you up. Yes. How am I not? He, based on the records, which I can get into later based on our my uber because i tried calling an uber where he raped me because he raped me in a parking lot and then in the car yes and then drove me back to his family home dragged my lifeless body

probably with my pants and my ankles into the house and put me in bed and then the next morning is like oh this person that i raped in the back of my car looks cold let me let me just put this blanket over her like jesus the the separation of great like how psychologically fucked up you have to be to be like oh this poor person that like i should care for her almost as if that guy is not the one that did that to you exactly and i woke up and i start so then i'm hyperventilating and i'm like oh my god oh my god oh my god and he's like oh don't worry about my sheets because there's blood everywhere he thinks i'm i'm worried about his fucking right i'm like oh are they fratay like are you kidding He thinks I'm worried about his fucking. Right. I'm like, oh, are they frite?

Like, are you kidding? You think I'm worried about your fucking sheets right now? I was like, your room's a disaster. How are you not grounded? I was like, I'm furious. You think I'm worried about your fucking sheets? I was like, did you have sex with me? He goes, yeah, we had sex last night. I go, we did you have sex with me he goes yeah

we had sex last night I go we did not have sex I said you raped me and he goes that was the look in his face like oh fuck

like he was like have you seen Promising Young Woman no it's a really good movie it's on HBO Max but it's kind of about that how guys will be like

oh it's consensual and then when she would be like I'm actually not drunk what the fuck are you doing they'd be like like that, it's consensual. And then when she would be like, I'm actually not drunk. What the fuck are you doing? They'd be like, like, that's what the whole movie is about, is baiting guys into thinking they're taking home a drunk girl. And the look in every guy's eye in that movie was the look in his eye, like, fuck.

And he was like, you have to keep your voice down. My parents are home. So right away he knows he's busted. And now he's begging you not to. He's begging me not to tell his mommy that he raped me. Are they in the house? Yeah. He's like, there are children in the house.

You have to be quiet. Children are at home with. He brought you to his parents' house? Yes. Literally, I was like. What kind of house are you in? Do you know where the fuck. You're here in California.

Where the fuck are you? I'm in Compton. In a house in Compton. No. Yeah. i i don't know what this at this point and so he's like keep your voice down and i at this point i'm kind of scared because i'm like what if he has a weapon yeah and so i check i'm also wearing which is crazy to me a lot of jewelry that's expensive i have a designer purse and he doesn't that's i told my friend I was like he didn't even steal anything she's like that's a different thing to guys and I'm like that's so I'm like he didn't even take my bag it's so weird plenty of opportunities missed opportunities here

just so fucked up but that that also strikes me as like oh just because you're a rapist doesn't mean you're a thief like and that's it's not a universal you're just because you rape doesn't mean you're gonna kill steal yeah and that's why i feel so lucky is like yes i was raped but like i have all my i had all my things um but anyway, so in the moment, so I grab, I'm looking around making sure I have all my jewelry. I'm making sure I have my phone. I'm like trying to do it fast. Are you screaming? Are you?

I'm at this point, I'm not screaming anymore because he was like, keep your voice down. And I was like, what if he has a gun? Like, I don't know where I am at this point. Is he big? Was he a big dude? No, he was like 18. Like, I hope. I'm like, am I going to go to jail for this like this i was like am i chrystalia sorry wait should we have to cut that

i'm like fucking i'm like this guy is so young like in his he has like posters and you know and but i don't know where I am at this point. And again, I'm still processing what has just happened to me. Honestly, I'm insecure about my skin. I mean, I'm insecure about the way I look for obvious reasons. But bags under my eyes, acne. I thought acne. I seriously thought acne would stop at like your 20s.

You know what I mean? I can't believe I'm in my 40s and I'm still getting pimples. All right. So there's nothing wrong with taking care of your skin. And people who think skincare is exclusively for women, I'm telling you all, you're dead wrong, dudes. Disco is a clean skincare brand based in Austin, Texas. All Disco products are created specifically for male skin issues like under eye bags, dark circles, acne, razor burn, oily skin, dry skin, and wrinkles. Disco products are easy to use. They're effective and they're affordable. They

take the guesswork out of taking care of your skin. Their disco repairing eye stick is formulated with caffeine, peptides, and moisturizer to transform those under eye bags after a long night of partying, gaming, working, or whatever your vice may be. If you want to check out Disco and try their incredible skincare products for yourself, we have a special offer for our Honeydew audience. Go to letsdisco.com slash honeydew or enter honeydew at checkout for 30% off your first order. That's letsdisco.com slash honeydew for 30% off your first order. Thank you, Disco.

This holiday season, Everly Well can help you give more. By gifting an Everly Well at-home lab test, you're giving your loved ones more comfort, clarity, self-discovery, and joy in well-being. Everly Well offers affordable at-home lab tests that give you trusted physician-reviewed results. Choose from tests including food sensitivity, metabolism, sleep and stress, thyroid, and so much more. Here's how it works. Everly Well ships your test straight to your door with everything needed for a simple sample collection. Return the test to a CLIA certified lab with a prepaid shipping label, and then your physician-reviewed results and insights are sent

to your device in just days. Over a million people have trusted Everly Well with their at-home lab testing. I personally did it. Exactly what they said happens. It comes right to your device in just days. Over a million people have trusted Everly Well with their at-home lab testing. I personally did it. Exactly what they said happens. It comes right to your door. You take it. I did the food sensitivity test. Boom, a quick finger prick, a little drop of blood.

Off it goes. And I don't know. It was like a few days I got my test results back, and apparently I'm sensitive to ginger. That's what I found out. Other than that, I'm good to go. This holiday, get more of what matters with an Everly Well at-home lab test. For our listeners, Everly Well is offering a special discount of 20% off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com slash honeydew. That's everlywell.com slash honeydew for 20% off your at-home lab test.

everlywell.com slash honeydew. There is nothing better than watching your child's imagination in action as they unlock new ways of seeing the world. Little Passports offers award-winning play-based kits that fuel curiosity through fun, hands-on activities. They'll love the feeling of discovery almost as much as you'll love watching them explore. We got some. My daughter and I, Stella, sat down. We went to Egypt. That's where we want our little passport. And then we got to dig apart little artifacts, and we got a little Sphinx out of ours. We went to Japan. We made sushi. It's awesome. It's really cool. It's fun. It's easy. And I'm telling you, your kids are going to love it. Little Passports is the perfect

gift for the little adventurers in your life. Here are just a few of the subscriptions you'll find. For kids 3 to 5, they have the Early Explorers Kit that ignites their imagination and curiosity with hands-on activities, games, stories that explore the wonders of the world from the deep sea to the dinosaurs. For kids 5 to 8, they have the Science Junior Kit that unearths new discoveries with activities investigating everything from how sound works to how rockets launch. And for kids 6 to 10, that's the World Edition Kit Explores New Cultures, One Country at a Time, which is what we did through projects, puzzles, souvenirs, and activities that spark a global connection.

This holiday, give the young explorer in your life a world of adventure. Get 20% off any new subscription with promo code honeydew at littlepassports.com order by december 20th for christmas delivery free shipping is included that's littlepassports.com promo code honeydew now let's get back to the dude and you're on your period all these things are going on it's my fucking birthday yeah and now it's officially your birthday yeah oh you've woken up on your birthday there. And so, yeah. So then I'm like, I don't know if I'm in an apartment or a house at this point.

So then I'm like, take me to the fucking front door. I will scream like bloody murder. So he takes me to the front door. He lets me out. And I go through my phone. My phone's almost dead at this point. But I have a bunch of texts. Do you walk past people in the house?

Do you see anyone? No, because it's at like 5.30 in the morning, 6 o'clock in the morning. It's very, very early. And I have a bunch of texts for my birthday and my phone's almost dead. So I'm like, I'm literally in shock. So when people say like, when someone goes through something and they're saying what they did, like, oh, they found a dead body or like, you know, and people people like, why would you do that next? Why would you do that next? When your body is in shock, you are doing nothing logical because I should have written the house number down. I should have like marked like taking a picture of the guy, taking a picture of the house. Like there's so many things that I should have done. But the first thing is flee and get to safety. Exactly. That's the first thing in your mind, which it should be. Yeah, exactly.

So I call I FaceTime my the last person who texts me, which is my friend who lives in fucking Wisconsin, which is so stupid. I FaceTime her, which takes up so much battery. But again, I'm just not thinking. And she answers the FaceTime. It's like, happy birthday, but then sees me. And I literally look like Charlize Theron from Monster. My hair is everywhere. I'm like.

And she's like, what the fuck happened to you? And I was like, I was just raped. And my phone literally dies. It dies. So I'm like, okay, great. I'm in the middle of fucking Compton. I don't have. Do you even know where you are when you walk outside?

Listen, the tall palm trees let you know what kind of neighborhood you're in or out here. You know what I mean? The tall palm trees. Yeah, down the. Yeah. here you know the tall palm tree yeah down the yeah that you know when there's a car parked in the front lawn of a house you're like yeah i don't think i'm in bev hills over here they don't have hoa clearly there's no homeowners uh yeah so i i see a shell station down so i go off and it's still dark at this point no it's light it's early so

it must have been like 6 6 30 it was light um and he lived off a side street that had like that was on a kind of a main street to wilshire or one of the biggest streets but it was like a so i'm just literally taking off i'm sprinting i'm like i need to get to the shell station i need help so i'm like sprinting to the shell station. I need help. So I'm like sprinting to the shell station I'm like what the fuck just happened? Like how am I alive? I'm like, I'm literally fucking alive. So I go to the shell station I I don't have a tampon which I know is like but i'm bleeding everywhere I get I get to the shell station And i'm like, can I use a phone charger and the guy's like no and I was like, okay, can I use your phone and the guy was like no and I'm like, can I use a phone charger? And the guy's like, no. And I was like, okay, can I use your phone?

And the guy was like, no. And I was like, okay, I need help. I was like screaming in this Chelsea. I was like, I was fucking raped. I was just raped. I need someone to help me. And he was like, I'm sorry. Like, I can't help you.

No way. Yeah. So then I. Are you serious? Yeah. So I like throw a temper tantrum and i'm like fuck you like you don't even know what it's like to be a woman and then i leave and i leave my fucking phone there on the counter i know and i have all i have are tampons because i bought tampons

because i needed them and i i'm like trying to go i walk down the street i try to go to jack and box it's closed i try to go to another gas station. At this point, I'm like, can I borrow a phone? They say no, and I don't have my phone, but I just threw a temper tantrum in the Shell station. I'm like, well, I'm not going back there. I'm just going to get a new phone. Fuck it. At this point, I'm abandoning everything. I'm like, I need to talk to someone I know. I'm losing my mind. I get on the bus, hoping it's going to bring me towards Santa Monica. I get on the bus hoping it's gonna bring me towards santa monica i get on the bus and i'm like excuse me are we going towards santa monica and the guy looks at me and he bursts out laughing he goes santa monica no i'm like i don't even know what that means and then another guy

comes up to me he's like excuse me excuse me i think he was gonna be like i'll tell you how to get to santa monica he goes i just want to let you know you're beautiful. I was like, I swear to God. You and the guys. But it's like, and I know I sound like I'm bragging here. But it's always like, I wanted to punch him in the face. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I was like, I'm clear.

I have like a twig in my hair. It's the lunatics. You track the loonies. Exactly. And so I just get off the bus at the next stop i'm like okay well i'm going the wrong way i see a motel i try to check into the motel because i'm like if i can get a room at the motel they have a phone in there it'll cost me fucking 45 to make a call but at least i can make a call the guys like we're booked up i'm like what how is this motel and fucking so then i'm like i need can i use your bathroom like i need to put a tampon in he's like no so at this point i'm losing my mind i literally pull down my pants

in the middle of this fucking motel and i just put up my tampon no yes because yes i'm like i have to i i literally i need to put the stamp on and no one is helping me are they saying anything to you no because of course the people around me they're going to the bathroom too they're taking a poop next to me so it was just like it's like it's la like no one and i i was just so fed up and i had to solve one problem i mean i didn't fully pull it out but i was like you know i'm so sorry my god no it's fine but then no one wants to help you yeah and i you know it just made me it gives you a lot of empathy when you're in this i mean not that it sounds like so shitty that it took that to be like wow but

it's fucking yeah i mean i looked like shit i looked like i was strung out like and i kind of was you know like i just been off to the dude on the bus that's true i was the apple of his eye okay every you know every trash what's one man's trash yeah fuck that but um so i get back on the bus to go the other way because i'm like, I went the wrong way. And I was like, I think I remember Starbucks. So I took the bus backwards until I saw a Starbucks and then I got off. I'm like, Starbucks will help me. And they did.

They had a phone. And the only numbers I know. Do you have to tell them you were raped? No. I walk into Starbucks and it's like, I was raped. And everyone stops and then like goes back like a movie. No. I was just like, I really need your phone.

And it was women at the, it was the first time I saw a woman. And they were like, oh my God. Okay. Yeah. I didn't have to say anything. It's just like could tell I was in trouble, which was nice. The compassionate humans. Yeah, exactly.

And so, yeah, the only phone numbers I know are my parents or my high school crush. Nuh-uh. You still have it memorized. Yeah. You can't call it. Hey, Steven, how's your wife? Anyway. Yeah, so I was like, who do I call, you know, because I didn't want to have to call my parents on my birthday and say that I was raped. Like, I was just like, I don't know who to call because. But I was like, all right, I'm going to call my dad. And I called my dad and I was just like, I need you to call my friend like to pick me up I was like I was mugged I told my dad I was

mugged because it felt easier and my dad was like oh my god my dad was like oh Hannah like what the you really need help and I was like I know that's what I've been trying to say like I need help like I I'm I'm fucked like I I don't know what to do. And I've been feeling really lost. And this is just another thing. And so my friend came and picked me up. The guy from the night before? No, my friend from college. So he still doesn't know this even happened to you?

No. So my friend saved my life like she came and she went and we i was like i lost my phone at this shell station she went back in and got it for me and the guy charged it for me which was nice but i'm like where the fuck was the chartered first round but it was nice that he charged it and then um so i she gets in the car and she's like, we have to go to UCLA rape center. Like we have to. And I was like, I don't want to.

And why, why didn't you want to? Cause I was just like embarrassed. And I felt, um, I was in a lot of pain and I had like, I was covered in bruises. I was covered in blood.

I smelled like horrible. I just, I didn't want it to be real. And as soon as you go to a center like that it's real and it's documented and and you're reliving it exactly over again and again and again and then it's there is this thing of like whenever it wouldn't after you know like when i got when you get i don't want to say the general you, but when someone gets when I got raped, I felt like. Did I get raped like.

I did, but it's like, was it my fault? It was my fault because I was too drunk again and And I got into a wrong car. Cause at this point on the way home, I had called Ben and he was like, are you, I fucking knew that guy was sketchy. I had this, he was like,

fuck, like I shouldn't have fucking laughed. He was like, I shouldn't like, he was blaming himself, which is not fair. I was like, this is not your fault.

Did you call Steven? I'm like, Steven, where are you? This would have never happened if you you just married me in high school um yeah so i i just so we go back i was like can we just go back to the hotel i just need to lay down for a second like i just need to like compose myself can we just say that because we said this before you and i were talking like sure did you drink too much? Like you said, yeah. And could you have been? Yeah.

But none of that gives anyone else the freedom or license to rape someone. Exactly. Ever. If there's a woman in the back of your car and your job is to drive that lady somewhere and her tits are out and her purse is scattered on your fucking seat, it doesn't give you the license to do anything to her. And I think. But so many people do and the problem is is after this shit happens the woman is always blamed this is what you were saying it's like and look i do have my drinking problem like i that it's i'm not gonna deny that but but i also want to shed light on this part here because we're going to get into

it. But this is a thing. I also had a friend of mine. I was a friend of a friend. I've mentioned this before. His wife went out with her girlfriends, had a girl's night out and did the responsible thing, took a Uber or cab or something home. And then the guy dropped her off. But then the husband had stayed home. He was just upstairs chilling when she got back and the cabbie or whatever, the driver waited for her to get to her front door, put the key in the lock, and then he tackled her from behind and attempted to rape her in her home there. But the husband was home and came down and fucked the dude up. And the cops then told them, this is a thing. This happens quite a bit bit you have no idea how often this happens so

you know try not to get so fucked up and get in someone's car where you can't remember shit because you're easy prey exactly and it so who didn't believe you well it wasn't that no it wasn't that no one believed me but it was just that in general this is what they do to yeah like you hear a woman, if a woman comes out that she's been raped, like a lot of times people will be like, she's doing this for attention. She, she like was too drunk. She was. Oh yeah. But do you see her text?

Yeah. Look at her Instagram. And it's like, that's just not, it's so frustrating because even when I went back to – I had to go with the detectives to go back and identify the house. There was another call that came in about a girl who woke up to an Uber driver fucking her. And she was like very embarrassed and she was adamant that she did not want to go to the rape center. She did not want to report it because she was so scared her parents were going to find out which is so sad because i know that people you would want to find out you would hope yeah it's like but there's the this fear of i was really drunk i shouldn't have been in that car they're gonna be mad at me they're gonna be mad at me because i should know

better exactly and that's what's so sad is like yes no one should be getting obliterated like for their own sake but it's shitty that it's like you should have known better you should have known that there are so many guys out there raping in your own mind does that to you you're saying you started feeling a little bit of that yeah because i was sober for like i i've been trying to get sober and then before covid i was like seven months sober and i ever said, it's not like anything's bad. It's ever happened. Nothing bad has ever happened to me.

And it's like, yes, bad stuff has happened to me. But then what I waited till this, like I couldn't fucking put down the fucking drink because I needed it so bad that I almost died. And I was just mad at myself because I do stupid shit when I drink all the time, or I did, and it took it this far. I always would be like, whenever I went to AA, I'd be like, well, I've never had a rock bottom like that. It's like they would always be like, yeah.

And then here I was on my fucking birthday just sitting in my own filth and after being raped by this kid and I so we're at the hotel my friend took me back but she's like we're going to the rape center and we're in the bed I was like I go can't they just come here I don't want to go and so she called the front desk of this nice hotel. I was like, hey, do you guys have a rape kit? Nuh-uh. Do you guys have a rape kit? Like it's right next to the sewing kits.

And they were like, um, no. And she's like. What kind of hotel is this? You call yourself a hotel I'm writing this in the Yelp review no rape kit it's a hotel

for God's sake yeah so she hangs up and she goes wow I don't think I'm processing this right either sorry

cause we're like we still have that today I'm like well I'll like text her right away. Hey, excuse me. Do you have a rape kit? What? Okay. How about the time?

Yeah. We got that. Yeah. So it just, it's so. So what happens? Can you talk about what it's like to go to this center? Yeah. I mean, the UCLA Rape Center, I don't want to be like it's lit but like

i want to i want to say it is such a helpful resource because you know you have to get i'm like that was that was the other thing i'm clearly this is why i need to go to rehab because I wasn't processing anything. They're like, we're going to give you a shot of penicillin. I'm like, do you have any extra for her? We're going out tonight. And they're doing, you know, they have to take photos. So you have to like open your legs

and they have to take photos of all the bruises and go inside with it. It's just horrible. But for what you're saying, if I'm understanding correctly, is for considering such a horrible experience, they do a good job? Yeah, exactly. You get free sweatpants.

They're Hanes designer. Are they really? Yeah. What do they say on it? Hanes. Just Hanes? Yeah, they don't say like rape center on the butt. Victim number on the side.

Like just this year. Like holy crap. Like Squid Game this year. Like, holy crap. Like Squid Game, 775. You get jumpsuits. No, but they give you, like, fresh underwear and sweatpants. I thought they might just say, like, UCLA or something. No, no, no. They're just, like, regular old gray Hanes.

But, yeah, bootleg cut. Boot cut. You got joggers? I have them. I have them. I sell joggers. Do you have any ones with pockets? I need a back pocket.

For my medications. But they give you like, you know, plan B and they give you all these things that you will need. Like I had to take a pill for 28 days to prevent AIDS because I was like. Okay, this is what I want to ask you. Yeah, what? Tell me all this stuff. So they give you a pill for that in case this guy had AIDS? Yeah.

So I guess basically they're like, even if he didn't use a condom, the chances of you getting AIDS are 0.01%. Is that right? That's what they said. Like, it's very hard. aids are 0.01 is that right that's what they said like it's very hard it's not uh through uh contact yes through seminal fluids and all that yeah i'm not really sure what about also like these guys are aggressive what if they tear and you bleed well you were already bleeding i was already bleeding i had a lot of tearing and i they were like, I mean, the chances of this person having AIDS is pretty small. And I was like, I don't know.

I've had a pretty tough year. I think I'm going to go with the pill. I don't trust the 0.1%. Yeah, I think I'm in that as far as bad luck goes. Plus, I love taking pills. So let's just add it to the fucking list. They're like, yeah, the percentage is really i'm like no because yeah of course what are the odds that you get in the wrong car and someone you know it's like actually pretty high but um i want to talk about that in a minute too

the whole scam of the wrong car thing but yeah go through so you had to take a pill for they give you plan b as well in case you could be pregnant. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah, they give you a shot for gonorrhea and chlamydia.

They give you a shot for that stuff. Nothing for herpes though, per usual. They're like, that was, and that was the other thing. My mom was like,

trying to be positive. She was like, oh my God, maybe we gave him herpes. Like, ooh, maybe you ruined his life. Like you ruined yours. That's your mom's advice.

Yeah. And I go, can you not? I was just like, because my mom flew out, which was very nice, but we're like driving to fucking rehab in Arizona.

We're in the car and she like, that's her big, I'm like, can we just listen to the radio? Like, can we just not brainstorm ideas how this is great? Like, but she, you know, my mom was really supportive and I'm really lucky to have parents that I can tell and trust and that were there for me. When did you finally tell them? So I, uh, the truth, I mean, i mean oh um about an hour later you did i called my mom i mean that would just destroy me yeah it was tough it was tough it was tough it's it's tough to tell your

parents like you know or did they do anything you feared like you should have known better or were they very no they didn't they they were really understanding. And they – I mean, they knew I'd been going through a really hard time. So it was like – and I've never been great with drinking. So like – but at this point, it's like they were just like, you need help. But what you were saying. Yeah. You reached out for it. Exactly.

And like – Who did you tell that day about the darkness and all that? Did you end up talking to them again because you thought you were going to die but look what happened to you my friend who picked me up from that was her yeah and i like again she like saved my life like forced me to go to the rape center and was like you have to do this like and if she wasn't there i wouldn't have gone okay so this was when december uh no this was may this year. Shit, this is only a few months back. Yeah. But then honestly, when you go to rehab, like six months. Yeah. I went to rehab for a month,

which felt like a year and time is frozen. And I learned so much about myself and my drinking problem. And like, also it helped me process it so much because I was around so many, the rehab I went to was for mental illness and PTSD and trauma so it wasn't just like addiction which addiction comes a lot of addiction comes from trauma and you know mental illness and I have all that so it's it was very helpful for me because I was around people who have been, you know, I, I had a very terrible situation,

but then you meet, I met so many people who had been raped since they were a child, you know? God. And it's like, it gives you such perspective. And I'm like, I'm so fucking lucky.

Like I, I am so lucky at the end of the day. Like, and that's why I'm able to not drink is because, I mean, six months isn't a long time. But I know, like, I've always been like, whenever I stop drinking, I'd be like, I'll probably drink again, like, whatever. But this is like, I just, I'm so privileged and I'm so lucky as a human. And my life is so great that like I was really killing myself. And I was taking full advantage of that privilege and thinking nothing would ever happen to me.

And it did. And it saved my life. And he knocked me out. He did? How do you? Okay. There's so many questions. Can I just say this out loud so I don't forget?

I want to know what's going on with him right now. Because I asked you if he's in jail or prison. You said no. I want to talk about the backup on these rape kits. I want to talk about the switcheroo with the Uber and shit. Yeah. But what you also just said. So I think he knocked me out because I had two hand bruises like holding me like it would be like he was holding me like this.

And I had two very distinct bruises and my head hurt so bad and I had like a small bump but I did not get a CAT scan because I spent literally five six hours in the rape center waiting and I was just like I need to go home like if I have a concussion like I I don't know but like I just need to go to bed. Like I just didn't want to go wait and then get my head scanned. So I guess I can't say for sure, but it's weird that I had like a bump on the back of my head. So I feel like I also had outgoing calls to 911. You did.

And my ex-boyfriend from college who never called me back. Nuh-uh. Never called me back. No. But he has a new girlfriend and like I don't back. Uh-huh. Never called me back. No. But he has a new girlfriend. And, like, I don't think he knows this severe. I don't know. He has a girlfriend.

So, it's like I called him at 1 in the morning. Like, he didn't think I was, like, escaping. Like, he didn't know the situation. So, I don't blame him at all. But you did try to call 911. I did. Why couldn't they ping you and figure out where you were? But all the calls I realized were like canceled or like halfway.

They didn't go through all the way. So I think maybe I was trying to call and he like. He was stopping it. Stopping it and then knocked me out. But I tried to call an Uber from a parking lot in Culver City at that point. So I think I tried to get away. And that's. It put me in this random. And I looked it up, and it was a parking lot.

So I was in this random location in Culver City. So that's why I think he raped me in a parking lot because I'm like, why was I there? And why were my outgoing calls canceled at exactly the first 10 minutes of the hour, which is crazy. the hour which is crazy like it's just so insane that this that's why when I woke up and I was like I told my friend and who was with me the night I thought I was gonna die and like was there all day with me I was like I think I have a problem she was like I've known you for 10 years and like I feel yeah like you do and it was like this weird moment of like, shit. Like, fuck, I have to be honest with myself. So tell me about this dude.

Where is he now? Probably graduation. Oh, my God. Taking his SATs. So he's not in jail. He's not in prison. No, because originally. Tell me about this system of the fucking rape kit

shit so i didn't write down the address of the house but i remembered it was between two houses and then the first house i thought i was like it's either this house or this house because they look very similar but they were two streets away but on the same side and the same and then they were like we see your phone at this one i I was like, okay, that's probably it. And he was like, was it this car? And the detective sent me a name of a car and I looked it up and it was a white Kia. And I was like, this looks right. And then the slogan of the Kia was reliably fun. And I was like, maybe this isn't it.

I don't know. Maybe not. Either the key of people are liars or this is the wrong car. Because I don't think I had such a good time there. Nothing. But so basically the police were like, we want to wait until your DNA comes back. And we need to run it through the system. Because a lot of times girls will go to the rape center to get the plan B, the AIDS medication, the penicillin, all this stuff.

But then when it goes to trial, they're like, I can't do this. I don't want to face him. I don't want it to be public. I don't want this to be public record. They're just ashamed. But the DNA will still be in the rape set in the system it's in the system yeah if it happens again exactly that person's identified exactly so and by the way 18 i mean you've either saved a lot of women from hopefully not having this happen again or

i wonder how many times he's done this already yeah so i know that they have dna they got dna that was the last and i texted the detective yesterday after i was like book this i was like we need to i should text the detective see what's up and he was like we still no dna match results yet and i'm like can you just he said they don't want to go knocking on the doors to the house because why not because he could go run and i'm like well at this point you'll know who the fuck it is exactly exactly he's 18 yeah so i don't know i mean they're dragging their feet but it's yeah rape kits are backed up three months god there's rapists literally walking the streets for three months before some of them get picked up yeah well also because the lapd funding got cut so

people are like oh we did it you know we did the thing we cut funding they don't cut the teslas the guns that shit does not get cut it's overtime rape kits. So that's what's being held up. And the detectives who worked with me were very kind and they were like, look, we can't work overtime on this case. Legally, we cannot work overtime because they have cut our funding. We cannot work overtime. So that's what got cut. result it's like i you know i can't do anything about this and i i wasn't talking about it really that much but at this point i'm like you know someone needs to fucking help because i don't know what to do and i what am i gonna do show up to the guy's house and you know fucking charlie staring his ass and literally i but i you know all i can do is like trust the system and hope that they get a dna match but what if this is his first time there would never be a dna match exactly then he said then what happened then he said he'd knock on doors he's like we just want to cover all grounds all our grounds before we start knocking on doors and i'm like i think it's

just a bitch to get like a warrant. So I don't know. I really don't. Have you done your own detective work? It's like so no because I'm like I need to work on like my therapy from it as opposed to like trying to get obsessed with it. And I was like very into being like where is where are we at now but by August I was just like if I put my energy into this I'm going to get so frustrated and I just spent a month in working on myself and going through deep therapy that I don't need to go backwards by because what can I do I can't it's not like i can put him in jail and so as much as i would

like him off the streets so he's not raping other women there's nothing i can really do unfortunately but tell other women to fucking check the license plate okay so share this about the whole um thing the police taught you that this is a thing that guys these people are doing where they the whole ride canceled tell to explain that please so the police officers were like well there's a good they wanted my original driver who it says canceled and i was like why he canceled it wasn't it wasn't this guy and they were like because what a lot of times uber drivers are doing is if they have the same car like a toyota corolla white they'll pull up to a crowded bar like fucking 1212 or whatever.

And I see them outside at LAX. All of them. There's so many of them that look alike. Priuses, whatever. Exactly. And then they'll see a drunk girl. They'll know she's drunk. They'll cancel it.

And then they'll pull up right behind each other. So then you get into the other car and they cancel. Or they'll roll down there. And I don't know if he rolled down his window and said cancel. And or they're rolled down there. And I don't know if he rolled down his window and said, Hannah, I can't really remember that. So I don't want to say. And I don't know if this is what happened. He might have just been a random kid who heard that you can do this. Just roll up to a club and pick up a girl.

And so I don't know if the other driver was involved. But this is a thing that's happening. We all know the struggle. Finding a gift for your special person that's practical and unique. Well, look no further. We absolutely love Enzo rings. They're stylish silicone rings, the perfect gift for anyone active or who works with their hands a lot. Look, here's one right here. I'm telling you, it's more flexible than I thought, way more durable. It's strong. Kirsten's husband wears one. I know a lot of guys back home that work with their hands. My buddy Shannon in the junkyard wears them. Enzo rings make a

great wedding band replacement. They're so much safer, more comfortable than a traditional metal ring. Plus Enzo rings offers a wide variety of styles. So you can find your perfect match. Their elements collection is infused with real precious materials like diamond, rose, gold, platinum, and more, and their handcraftcrafted collections mixed by hand so you can give a one-of-a-kind gift. Trust us. Order Enzo Rings today to get ahead of holiday shipping. Check out Enzo Rings Elements Collection and other bestsellers at our special URL, enzorings.com. And for a limited time, you're going to get 10% off your first purchase of any collection when you use the promo code honeydew.

Don't miss out for 10% off. That's promo code honeydew at enzorings.com slash honeydew. Flu season is in full swing. Proper hydration and vitamins can help support a strong immune system. Are you going to be enjoying a few extra drinks now that the holidays are approaching? You probably are. So this is what you need. Liquid IV hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone.

I take it every day. Every day I take liquid IV. Tangerine's my favorite. They just sent me another one now for a sleep aid that I'm going to start taking. I will tell you how that goes because I like to sleep. Watermelon's another good one. And I'm telling you, they've got right now, especially with the vitamin C and everything in these, they contain five essential vitamins, more vitamin C than an orange and as much potassium

as a banana. They're healthier than sugary sports drinks. There's no artificial flavors or preservatives and there's less sugar than an apple. It's made with clean ingredients, non-GMO, vegan and free of gluten, dairy, and soy. We keep them here at the studio for our guests. All right, so grab your favorite Liquid IV flavors nationwide at Walmart, or you can get 25% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code HONEYDOO at checkout. That's 25% off of anything you order when you get better hydration today using the promo code honeydew

at liquidiv.com. By now, you've probably seen about a thousand gift guides for the holiday season. Gifts for moms, gifts for guys, gifts for your neighbors, cousins, dog. You could study all those gift guides and shop at 10 different places, or you could start your shopping at Raycon and get a gift everyone will use. Raycon wireless earbuds. You guys know I love my Raycons. I travel with them. I exercise with them. I wear them when I walk.

My stepson stole the other pair, so I had to get two. All right? I love them. Raycons give you an amazing audio quality wherever you go, whether you use them to pump up, wind down, to work work or work out. With their latest model, you get three new sound profiles to make sure everything you're listening to sounds its best with just the right amount of bass. Pure mode is podcast listening where you should be listening to the honeydew here. Blues instrumental, they've got a balance mode that's rock, heavy rock and metal and a bass mode with hip hop, EDM and reggae. Raycons are available in five stylish colors, so you can pick a perfect one for everyone on your list.

With free shipping and returns, gifting is easier than ever. The holidays are coming up faster than you think, and now is the time to knock out that gift list and avoid the last-minute shipping scramble, especially because right now, my listeners are going to get 15% off site-wide with code HOLIDAY at buyraycon.com slash honeydew.

All right. Again, go to buyraycon.com slash honeydew and use the code HOLIDAY because it's the holidays, y'all. Today, to get 15% off your entire Raycon order, buyraycon.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do so when i when i you know the day it happened my friend my other friend texted i was texting her about it and she was like i'm gonna connect you with my friend who this happened to like six months ago so i talked to this already you're meeting people that have had this already. Already. Yeah, exactly. And I get another text from a friend. Oh, this happened to my friend.

My mom said that her friend's daughter, who they didn't tell anyone because it was like the daughter was embarrassed. Like it happened to her. And so the girl that my friend connected me to, she said the same thing. Well, the same thing happened to her outside of Delilah in Hollywood. The same thing happened to her outside of Delilah in Hollywood. But she said she had two and a half drinks and she had flown from New York and it was like 2 a.m. So she like fell asleep against the window and she woke up to the guy having sex with her. And she punched him in the face. Good.

He grabbed her phone and he tried to steal her watch and she it was like a Cartier Rolex or one of those watches and she like punched the shit out of him and ran to a house and got help but then she did the kit she went to trial that guy his DNA was linked to like five rape victims in Chicago shit and maybe like two more in LA. So he had gone from Chicago to LA and his face, so they put his face on the news and then more girls came forward. So his DNA was linked and then his face on the news, more girls came forward. So I can't, yeah, it was like something.

Anyway, so she was like, it's so good you report it because this is happening like every single day so there's a chance just let's talk statistically here this kid has no fucking dna in the system and now he does so if he never rapes again he could get away with this one if he does three years from now you could then see his face or whatever it is when they get this guy like oh my god that's the fucking guy yeah but outside of that there's a chance he could get away with this yeah that's so fucked up it's so fucked up and it's almost like you get one free rape if you're a man yeah that's how it feels fucking insane that's what it sounds like the system says to them they get one free one uh hopefully hopefully he does it again and then we can help you yeah holy shit exactly and the guy was like well you know even if we even with all the dna

and when we go to trial there's a lot of he said she said how with dna how the fuck is it he said what you mean that this guy could say you were it was consensual yeah but i'm like also i mean i was with a friend who my friend i I have a witness who he dropped off and was like, there's no way. And also my bruises and just there's no. Tearing your injuries. Exactly. I mean, also your second day of your period. Exactly.

I mean, also, it's your second day of your period. That's not that common for people to want to just fuck in a parking lot like that. Yeah. Exactly. There's a lot of things on your side here. Yeah. And it's just like when he said that, I know he said that because he had to and it's true it is he said she said but I was like it sent a chill down my I was like he said she said I was raped literally like and not even and that's the thing is like there's a difference between like my friend goes, wow, you were like rape raped. And I was like, yeah, because it's like there's the rape in college where you're like, no, no. But he's like in a frat and like his dad has a boat.

So it's like fine. But then there's like get fucking picked up, knocked out. Knocked out. And fucking raped. And to be taken back to his home like why what do you think that's about you think he really thought he could pull off this was consensual and you got fucked up yeah i think instead of just leaving you out on the side of the road somewhere or drop you off somewhere that's why i think he was young because i think you know it's like they say that people

kids who like kill little animals they'll grow up and kill people it's like they say that kids who kill little animals, they'll grow up and kill people. It's like a sickness that grows and is progressive. And I think he was young and was like, I don't want to kill this person, but I can't. Who knows if he gets off? What's he going to be in five years? Yeah. And how many other victims in that five years? Exactly.

other victims in that five years exactly and it's just like all i can say is and and the thing is i can say like be careful but i was a drunk bitch like i get it it's like you think like oh i'm getting into this we have been conditioned to be like oh i'm getting into someone's car it's fine it's on an app but like when you're drunk it's just there's you don't think to check the license plate you know and like even before i do i always check make and model and license plate well now i do and i say who are you here for yeah and if they don't say hannah i mean that now they do but i okay well not everyone's you okay but even also i'm not in your defense i'm not shit-faced when i'm doing it i'm not a drinker so yeah yeah and but even when i would go to work in new york like on a rainy day there'd be so many cars lined up i would always get in the wrong fucking car

i'm a space cadet like i just i'm it's not uncommon to get in the wrong car exactly it's not i've no people i've watched it happen to me in line like oh wrong one yeah hop right out yeah exactly josh potter did it right out here in front of the studio one day he goes i got in a stranger's car i go you thought it was your uber he goes i did yeah what the fuck are you doing yeah yeah and it's and so um and now that there's and they're now predators who know that, you know, and they're taking advantage. So I can't totally put it on Uber, but I will say that Uber has not done anything to prevent stuff like this happening. They don't have a lot of security. They know they know that this is happening.

They're obviously aware, but they're not going to promote it or they're not going to be like, we're fixing this because then people are going to – Then they make aware of the problem and no one's going to want to use Uber. Exactly. Exactly. And it's – That's why I love that you're making people aware of this because it is a thing. It's a thing. It's a big thing.

And what's sad is like – And for women. It's not like – I'm sure there are dudes out there robbing dudes or whatever, but I'm pretty sure there aren't female Uber drivers raping men when they pass out in the back of the car. No. Yeah. No.

Yeah. And I – it's – So where are you now mentally with everything? I mean, how's the rehab going? And, I mean, it's – God, you're going through rehab off of this. Like, this is – I don't – I'm not making a joke here, but I would understand someone wanting a drink after an experience like this. Right? Yeah.

I know. The day after, I was like – or that day when we got back, my friend, I was like – You were raped on your birthday. Literally. I mean, it's like – I'm so sorry. That's like a name of a memoir, raped on my birthday. Birthday rape.

So what are you hoping for now? Are you trying to get to a place of just being clean and sober moving forward? Yeah, and I think just I've just had a lot more patience with myself and like everything

used to be such a big deal. I wanted to have a late night set by the time I was 30. I needed to be passed at this club before I was 30. I needed my own TV show. I needed to be SAG. I needed to have a late night's up by the time I was 30. I needed to be passed at this club before I was 30. I needed my own TV show. I needed to be SAG. Like I needed to get this audition. Like everything was like my career, my career. Like I need to be here.

I need to be here. And then I was like going to LA, then going to Hawaii. And I got fucking raped and I ended up in rehab. Like, and I, in rehab, you can't like, you can't do anything. You don't have access. I got access to my phone like 30 minutes a day, but my life was literally on hold. And I was like, I needed this. I really needed this. I needed to be here and just focus on myself and figure out. My dad said that to me. He was like, you know, you've lived your 20s and good and bad things have happened.

How do you want your 30s to look? And while you're in there, just think of who you want to be and like what kind of person you want to be and what you want out of this life and then in the next 10 years. And that really helped me because I was like, yeah, I want to be successful, but I also want to have a family. I want to be a functioning human who's well-rounded as opposed to like I need this by this time. And having this time. We put so much pressure on ourselves for nothing.

For literally nothing. And I'm like I could have been dead. Like I should be fucking dead. The fact that you didn't throw my body into the L.A. river. You very well could have been thrown into the river. Yeah. la river very well could have been thrown into the river yeah and it's like when you when i had such a fucking like i should be dead i'm like yeah i'm gonna go on a trip like i'm going to like i'm going to columbia i'm going with a friend which i am like people are like whoa

after you got raped you're gonna go to columbia that's what people have been saying to me i'm like that's terrible right like oh my god even after you got raped you're gonna go to columbia i'm like why are you saying this to me anyway but i'm also just like i or i'd be like oh this guy doesn't like me or like i cared I cared so much about dating. And now I'm like, I don't need, I got a dog. I'm like, I'm not drinking. If I don't want to do something, like I'll have a commercial audition that I don't want to do. But before I was like, oh, I have to do this. I'm like, I don't want to do it.

I'm not doing it. Sorry, I'm tired. And I put priorities like I'm seeing, you know, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and my brother and like people that my closest friends have really been there for me and shown up in ways that I'm like so lucky that it's I don't want to say like. it it's like so this is like the comic i mean it just goes so dark that i'm like you know like that sex was life-changing like it but like yeah i know it's like so fucked up but like that's i understand how your mind works yeah it just did change my life and like a part of me feels grateful he knocked me out and i don't remember it because like then i would probably never be able to be intimate again so it's you think you really think so I think so yeah if I had if I had remembered I think it would have been very it would be impossible

um and it's already hard for me to like trust people and whatever but I think having that physical you know and I watch people in rehab dissociate, which is where you like completely, it's like your brain loses control of where it is and it goes to a different place in time. It's so crazy to see someone dissociate. And I'm so lucky that isn't happening to me. And like for everything that happened, I'm, I walked away. I thought, so I thought I lost my license at his house. And I was like, what if he's in a gang? What if he's, you know, anything, anything, whoever after you.

Exactly. And I was like, my parent, I, it has my parents address on it. So I felt so guilty. I was like, I really hope that I didn't put them in danger or something. And then I went to rehab and they go through all your stuff and they organize my backpack. And my license was at the top. And I was like, this is a sign from fucking God. Like, thank you.

was at the top and i was like this is a sign from fucking god like thank you and it it truly and like i was in this sexual assault um lawsuit with usc huh with the gynecologist oh yeah so you were part of that yeah no yeah hannah yeah did you talk about that last time i don't know i don't think so i do that joke but i know of the yeah that's what it was you talked about it on stage at the comedy store saturday night yeah so there's a gynecologist who was what molesting women for years molesting women for you and the first time i got a pap or i said i didn't want a pap smear and he like made me have one and like did all this weird shit i told all my friends and they're like, just forget about it. He's probably a weirdo. And I just never went back to him.

And then I found out he was doing criminal activity. So I wasn't even going to sue at first. But I tried to report to the school and they're like, there's nothing we can really do for you. And I was like, then why am I reporting this? You asked for victims to come forward and now you're not doing anything for us? Because they were like, we can give you therapy at USC. And I was like, I live in New York. They're like, well, we can't pay for therapy in New York.

And I was like, okay, fuck this. So they can't do anything either. Yeah. So then my friend. I get it. You're seeing all these doors slam every opportunity, including can I just use your toilet? I've been raped. Nah.

Nah, nah. Can I charge my phone? Nah. Exactly. But this was like, so this was leading up to it i was in a lot i was in the law so then i joined gloria all reds like that whole thing and during this time i'm writing a essay on how getting assaulted at usc has affected my life and then this shit happens and i'm like my lawyer and i are finishing this letter in rehab so I'm like telling him on the phone I'm like on this fucking rehab communal phone like uh yeah comma uh so I'm currently in rehab like it's just

like I'm finishing this letter to a lawyer to explain what my settlement should be and why this has fucked up my life as I'm as and then I get out of rehab and find out how much money I'm getting and I was like like it just felt like everything was like meant to be like I just feel like you know not that everything's perfect but vindicated a little bit yeah yeah like what's the right word for how you feel now like what are you how are you feeling right now I mean the fact that this guy's still on the streets, like, being back in L.A., I thought, I've been back a couple times for a little bit. That's right. Were you scared to come back?

Is there any of that? It's, like, scary because I have to take lifts. I take Lyft now, which is, like, I don't know if it's better, but I just can't. Like, the way Uber responded and, like, their whole philosophy of hiring people and how they detach themselves. They make them contractors so they don't have to deal with this shit. And it's just so gross to me that I was like, I can't even like deal with Uber. But I do now get into Lyft every time I call and I'm just like in L.A. just I feel so close to it. Like I'm like, is this guy a driver?

Like, is he on the road? Is he on the road? Is he going to pick me up? Man, I feel so bad. You have to get in these cars again to live. I know. And it's been hard, but it's been harder than I thought. But again, it's like being sober does help because I'm like I and I think if I was drinking I'd be drinking to the to the blackout point because I but now I've just had to process it and deal with

it which is like again I'm so thankful for that I and I'm thankful like my parents paid for rehab, which is like, I is so like, I know how that sounds. And, but I'm so like privileged that I got to do that. And I'm like, so thankful. And I am now looking at my life like that. Like, yes, I'm upset that this guy's on the streets, but like, I have grateful you're alive, grateful. i'm alive and i'm grateful gratitude that's everything yeah gratitude it's like when you look at things i never before this looked at things that what i had i always looked at things that what i didn't have and i still do that i still catch myself being like i want like this you know like i'll see someone get a late night's end i'm like what the fuck but i'm able to be like that is so unimportant

it's so unimportant it's like we were talking before you said you're a comedy store regular right nope i've been at the comedy store since 1999 and i'm just in the system now i'll be hopefully if it happens next year the year after i'll be, hopefully if it happens next year or the year after, I'll be 50. I wonder what the oldest person is to ever get passed. I'm curious. Yeah. I mean, maybe you. Maybe. That's a record, you know?

Maybe. No, not. But all of it happens if it happens when it's supposed to happen. And that's the hardest thing to fucking learn. Because also when you're, especially in this business, you're hungry. And you want to get that and that and that and that and it's not that you're greedy or anything it's like all right we got that what's next exactly without a next there's nothing else and you got to keep going and going so the hustle and the ego and all of that you know you're talking to

the right person about that shit i get that our game is yeah exactly but this year off year and a half of no stand up through a pandemic if that didn't put into perspective like you don't need this and it's not important for life you know it is if that's your money sure if it's your revenue stream your job it is but in the end you're here you're alive i mean thank god you don't have aids or anything else from this fucking animal yeah like i hope they find that motherfucker me too i mean that's like will you be brave enough to go to court and stuff if they get them and go and have to face them if you do oh yeah i i like for your she said part of the fucking court yeah i would want i do want to go and like you know i've heard horror stories about people who i i know it's going to be harder than i'm like

imagining it because i'm like i want to fucking look this guy in the eye and be like you've because he yeah the fact the next day he was so confused that I was like, you raped me. And in his mind, he was like, no, I didn't. Like he had somehow like justified in his head that what he did was not incorrect. Right. And me calling him out, he was like, why? You know, like he looks scared. And I'm like, this fucking, this is, but it's also he he was clearly taught this by someone oh go wait outside

12 12 santa monica or go outside the bungalow go outside delilah we're all like there are young girls who get drunk there all the time wasted falling down coming out yes i've seen it you see it when you drive by up the sunset strip like oh man exactly i i mean and the fact that i survived honestly one of my friend goes aren't you a little old to get raped i strip like oh man exactly i i mean and the fact that i survived honestly one of my friends goes aren't you a little old to get raped i was like oh my god who said that one of my best friends but she was like she was like you just hear it like in college and like early 20s but 29 i was like yeah i got it i'll have you know i recently had botox okay i lost some weights uh i'm looking pretty good right now but uh what was it i i guess the point is like yeah these guys he was taught

this so the point that a lot of people don't want to obviously i understand women do not want to publicize it whatever but um it should be known that and i it sucks because i'm like i was with a guy friend so you think like stick with a friend all the safety drop him off last yeah exactly well not now definitely or leave always be with someone or just go back to his place and let take another one from there with him whatever exactly and that's what should have been done but fuck i'm so sorry listen i i want to say this though i do really appreciate you coming on and talking about probably the worst thing that's ever happened to in your life and bringing awareness because look it is i'm telling all of you out there check your plates check the make and model ask who they're there for look at the person's

face all of that shit i had a guy tell the joke about i had a guy and we were coming back from uh all things comedy festival in eric phoenix a few years ago and supposed to be like a white dude in an suv and this um latino dude pulled up with a pickup truck. Didn't match anything. He's like, get in. I'm like, no, bro. I'm not fucking getting in. Like, you're going to bury me in the desert. You know, that's always what I think anyway.

Yeah. But yeah, check your shit. That's so scary. That's the thing. And a lot of times they don't look like their photo. I'm like, is this you? It's like, and I had an uber this was years ago but I this was when uber this was like 2016 I was in Sacramento for I was doing a featuring at whatever that club is in

Sacramento and uh no it's the worst club than that I know which one you're talking about by the train exactly exactly train track Exactly. Train track club. That was me. Yeah, yeah. And I got picked up by this guy, and I asked him to drop me off at the grocery store because I was going to go back to the apartment they were setting me up in. And he was like, oh, I'll just drive you back. And this is early, and he seemed like a nice guy. And I was like, okay.

And he turned the Uber thing off. And I was like, oh, my God. This is like, at least it's not charging me. But then I started to get nervous. He goes, oh, are you a crazy girl? Are you crazy? And I was like, you do cocaine? And I was like, no. I was like, I guess I take an Adderall every now and then. And he goes, oh, you're crazy? And then he pulls out a gun, cocks it, and goes, because I know how to handle crazy girls. And I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. No no that's not what i he's like just kidding and then puts it back under a seat and i he drops me off at home my friend's boyfriend had to come to my

condo and like literally i made him i pushed the couch against the door and made him sleep on the couch and um so and i called uber yeah i called uber help and she was like well was he kidding why he's got a gun in my face who gives a shit yeah and she was like well was he kidding why he's got a gun in my face who gives a shit yeah and it was like i was in the back seat and he cut but it was like such a weird experience that i and i never really reported or never did anything because i was like who do you tell like and they didn't really do anything because they didn't really know what to do and i was like okay and and so shit like that that like i mean i was fine and he dropped me off and like mate you know he's a driver so i assume that a lot of drivers do have guns like not i mean

depends where you are but like you don't need to show it off and shit exactly so it's like i was like i guess maybe he was just like trying to be funny because he knew i told him he can't pick me up from the comedy club but it wasn't funny and it wasn't a good joke and it wasn't, I'm not justifying it, but I didn't report it because I was like, who do I report this to? Well, you did try to and then the lady said, was he kidding? Yeah. That's the end of that report.

Exactly. I'm like, okay. But it's like shit like this, it's happening all the time and I think, I don't know, it just makes me really sad that it's happening every night to a girl. Every night. Yeah. More than one, you know, it's happening every night to a girl. Every night. Yeah. More than one.

Yeah. And it's not. And you're getting a call while you're going back to try to identify your rapist. Jesus Christ. And the amount of women this has happened. And it's not just L.A. It's Miami is a big spot. Chicago is a big spot.

I'm sure New York probably is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, too, I'm sure New York is a spot, too, but a big i'm sure new york probably is yeah yeah i mean i think to i'm sure new york is a spot too but a big spot but for some reason new york feels because not everyone has a car so it just feels so accessible in something like la or miami because everyone has a car so it's like what are you gonna do tonight well i'm gonna get my car and i'm gonna go rape a girl because it's that easy I see yeah and god it's just terrifying and it's it's terrifying because I like yes I was a big drinker and like yes I had my I was sloppy whatever but like

I was I know girls like me and like there are a lot of girls like me and I'm not saying it's they all need to get sober or whatever. Everyone lives their own life. But like it it's just so easy to happen. You don't think it's going to happen to you. And like I do have so much privilege and I'm so lucky. But like that does not that does not stop like the worst things. I was like grew up, you know, grew up in a cul-de-sac like I

did grow up like very safe and like you think nothing's ever gonna happen to you and then it does and it just like it's terrifying and it's just so it can happen it all happens so fast and the fact that I'm still alive is like again I keep I just like I'll see shit on the news like that Gabby Petito story the girl that went missing and then I read this article like the 15 most interesting people that went missing or the 10 most interesting people of course I clicked on that because I'm sick and seven of those 10 people were girls that looked like me you know and it's like the Natalie Hall I'm basically it's like now natalie hallway and i'm so lucky that he didn't just throw me in a dumpster you are i'm i think

about that oh that's what gives me panic attacks and also not to have one right now i'm like not to make it worse for you but you don't remember being raped so you wouldn't remember being killed that's just lights out at that point in that parking lot and you just never wake so you wouldn't remember being killed that's just lights out at that point in that parking lot and you just never wake up you don't wake up in that house you don't have this conversation you don't talk to your parents i mean that's that's what's crazy is like when i woke up my body was like like it was like fighting still and i was like and that's this feeling of like i need to be doing more with my life and I need to be helping more people. And like, granted, I've been mostly in therapy and not like, you know, you make all these.

You're 29. Yeah. You're a baby. You got a long way to go yet. And I'm glad you want to help. I'm glad you want to help people with it, you know? you want to help people with it you know yeah i just think that like it's just i it's just so i it's so it was like such a terrible experience and so almost unbelievable and the fact that it's

happening every single night is what like breaks my like it sounds so cliche cheesy to be like it breaks my heart but it really like makes me sick it's it and the fact that girls feel like they can't tell anyone or they don't and that's makes me so sad because if I hadn't gone to rehab I would still be drinking much heavier I would be I would be a mess because I wouldn't have processed it and I would have swallowed it. And one thing I learned in rehab too is there's this book called The Body Takes the Score. And it's about how trauma lives in the body and not the mind. So I had a traumatic massage where this woman was giving me a massage and she was like,

knew nothing about me. She just was a masseuse at this place. But this woman told me she was kind of a medium. And so she was pushing, she was like, did you get into a relationship too fast recently that went too fast and got like, that went bad quickly? And I was like, yes. And she's like, oh, I can feel that under your foot. And then like, I had been, you know, assaulted before and she was rubbing the back of my thigh and she was like, were you, have you been assaulted before? I was like, how do you know this? She was like, different points in your body have different pressures. So even if you think like, oh, I process this, oh, I'm okay with it inside your body,

you might not have. So like when people have a certain pain, they think, oh, it's because I've been working out or, oh, I've been doing this, but it could be something psychological. Wow. So that was, I think, the most interesting thing to take because I would be like, that was my whole life. I'm fine. I'm fine. It doesn't matter.

I'll be okay. But truthfully, that's not, that's impossible because my body's hanging. Yeah, you're taking so many bullets until you can't anymore. Exactly. You're at your limit. Exactly. So it was, you know, I still feel like I'm coming. It was six months ago, but I do feel like I've come a long ways.

Like I. I mean, for you to openly just I walked up to you hugged you and said hello and you just let it out I mean at the belly room on that little landing up there I mean you've definitely come a ways to at least talk to me about it I hadn't even seen

you yeah I guess it's just weird because people have been like how's your year been and I'm like uh not great. Like been better. And it is my life. It's been like all consuming. But again, I do have this outlook that I don't think I would.

Because I was the type of drinker I could have drank for the rest of my life. I could. Like it's reckless, but it's like a drunk, sloppy girl. Like, and I needed something like this to fucking shake me awake and be like, what the fuck are you doing, bitch? You're wasting so much of your life and you're, I'm just, I was just pissing away everything I was given. And I have been given so much in this life and the fact that I almost lost it at fucking literally at 29 years is like such a shame and I looked I used to say that about I mean not that I'm like comparing myself to Amy Winehouse

the genius talent of wasted potential but like I always said oh she wasted her potential like she had so much and then I think myself, like I'm wasting my potential. And yeah, I'm not doing heroin, but I might as well be. I almost was fucking dead. And that's the thing about going to rehab too. People will be like, oh, they went to rehab for this reason. They're not that bad. People be like, oh, well, they went to rehab because they have a real problem.

And it's like, I hate that shit because I'm like, everyone has a fucking problem. Yeah. And how it affects them doesn't uh matter to you it could alcohol could affect someone at a level two but you at a level 10 exactly and a flip with weed or coke or something like that i can do it once a year not be someone's like i'm doing it nightly exactly and it's in there is such a stigma to going to rehab too, which I found out. And I've always felt that.

I never want to be an alcoholic because that just feels like I lost. I can't control. And I'm such a control freak. I'm a perfectionist. So I'm like, I want to be able to control how much I drink. But my brain does not work that way. So the only control I can have is by not drinking at all, which sucks. Cause like, you know, I was in a sorority. I like love to party,

but I love you. I really do. The party's over. You know, Chelsea Skidmore and Steven Randolph, they've been telling me to go to rehab since I was like 24. They're like, go to rehab. But I called them a rehab. And Stephen's in the background. I love him. He's like, party's over, Hannah. Party's over. Shut it down.

I was like, thank you, Stephen. Listen, I know this was very difficult and uncomfortable to share. But thank you for coming on and doing that. I really do love you to death. I love you, too. I really do love you to death. I love you too. I have a great connection with you. And I'm so sorry to walk up and hear that. And then it just kept getting worse. And here you are now sharing it. So thank you for real. No, thanks, sir. I mean, I hope this helps. It's definitely going to help people. It will definitely help people. And I hate to say, but my guess is probably going to be that we're going to see a few women in the comments who might be brave enough to say that this has probably happened to them.

Yeah. And that's going to suck too. Yeah. So thank you for bringing light to this because, again, as a guy, I'm just worried I'm going to get robbed or killed. I'm never worried they're going to rape me. My God. So thank you. You're really strong. Thanks. Will you please promote whatever you'd like again? Yeah, I'm promoting Lyft.

I'm promoting yellow taxis. Rape whistles. And that's my merch. It's rape whistles and fucking's my merch it's rape whistles and fucking valtrex um no yeah your podcast my podcast yeah i talk i guess i've been talking a lot about what happened and it's different life when you're not drinking. But you don't drink. I drink, but I'm not a drinker. I can drink a half a beer and leave it at the table and be like, I don't want that.

So lucky. Yeah. I don't know if it's lucky, but I guess it is. It's kind of lucky. I don't know. I talk to people on this show and they're like, if I have one, I'm having 20. And I go, I understand.

I get it now because I've talked to so many people who say my body doesn't shut that. I don't have a stop or an off switch for alcohol or some people or food. So I get it. But thank you for coming on. No, thanks for having me. I really do appreciate it. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week.

Stay safe out there. Bye.