The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jason Ellis - EllisDew

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

This week's Honeydew is comedian Jason Ellis! You can catch him on tour or teaching older folks how to skate in his video series, "Father Grind." Jason is back to Highlight the Lowlights of his recent journey into sobriety. He candidly shares the challenges of confronting old coping mechanisms, the weight of past mistakes, and the importance of finding self-forgiveness.  SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Austin, TX - Sep. 13th Dallas, TX - Sep. 14th La Jolla, CA - Sep. 20th & 21st Salt Lake City, UT - Sep. 27th Denver, CO - Sep. 28th Chicago, IL - Oct. 11th & 12th Detroit, MI - Nov. 8th Minneapolis, MN - Nov. 9th Madison, WI - Nov. 15th & 16th Portland, OR - Nov. 23rd Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Dec. 6th Tampa, FL - Dec. 7th Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Draft Kings Pick 6 -Download the new DraftKings Pick Six App NOW and use code HONEYDEW BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEWDraft Kings Pick 6

Hey, everybody, want to let you know I'm headed back on tour Friday, September 13th. I'll be in Austin, Texas, at the Vulcan one night only. Saturday, September 14th. I'm at the Granada Theater in Dallas, Texas, one night only. I'm back at the La Jolla Comedy Store Friday, September 20th and Saturday, September 21st. Salt Lake City, September 27th at the State Room and Denver, Colorado, Saturday, September 28th at the stateroom and

Denver Colorado Saturday September 28th at the Oriental Theatre Get your tickets for those shows and all shows on my website now at Ryan sickler.com the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I'm starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for look, whatever you support that I do. Thank you very much. This show, The Way Back. Come see me on tour. If I'm in your town when you're around, tickets are available on my site at RyanSickler.com going everywhere in the fall. And if you got to have more, I'm telling you, you've got to check out the Patreon. It's the Honeydew with you all. It's this show with you all. We've been

doing it for years. It's staying five bucks. I'm not raising it. And if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. If you sent it before, resend it. We get a bunch of them bump it back to the top. I want to do an episode with you. All right. And look again, thank you for everything. For real. I love my job. I love coming in here talking to comedians, entertainers, athletes, whoever it is.

But I love talking to you all. It is the wildest show out there. All right. That's the biz. You guys know we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Ellis. Welcome back to the honeydew, Jason. Yeah. Good to be back, man. Good to see you. You look healthy. Yeah.

I'm healthy. Yeah. Physically. You look healthy. Yeah. I'm healthy. Yeah. Physically. Yeah. We're going to talk about it. But before we do, please promote everything you like. Oh, the Jason Ellis dot com is the website to see all my tour dates. I actually have tour dates. Not a lot, but more than I've ever had, which is some. That's how it works. Yeah. I'm getting out there now. Yeah,

a little bit. Yeah, good for you, dude. Yeah. Um, well, I wanted to talk to you because I, you know, wait, Father grind too. What's that? It's a I got these videos coming out on teaching people how to skateboard that are old. Because skateboarding is it's like, you know, tick tock and people that want to skate for the youth and you had to do a kick flip. And I'm like, you're gonna roll your ankles old man. So people that want to like check out skateboarding that are my age, like 30 to 50, like the kids are trying to skate.

I got a trick tip video on how to skate and not get hurt and still have fun skateboarding. Cause I do a show with Tony Hawk, Hawk versus Wolf. A lot of people go, Hey man, you guys are 50 and you're skating. Cause that mean I can. And I'm like, yes, you can just don't do what kids do on Tik TOK. Like where your pads learn to carve around. And I do like a, it's like a tutorial on how to skate in a way where, you know, you don't know, there's no only impossibles in my trick tip video, there's carving, kick turns dropping in on mini ramps. But I taught Ian finance like how to drop in and do stuff on a

vert on a mini ramp in two days. Well, thanks to you, I got to go to Tony Hawk's. Yeah, you're a shredder. That just look, man, I'm I got scared. Climbing up to the top of the ramp to look over that. Here's the thing I never realized, because I've never I had a friend that had like his dad built a half pipe in the backyard. I'd never been on anything like that.

I've been to X Games just to see a friend of mine, one of the fans, I forget his name, I'm sorry, was engineer for the X Games. I got to go to Minneapolis and he took me to the top so I could see that. I was like, Oh my God, that long jump. Oh, the mega ran. Oh dude. But I never considered that it, it, it dips in like that. It does. When you look over, it's straight, but you think it does. It doesn't, it's straight vert. You're like, oh, I think it did,

it doesn't go over vert, it's just vert. It looked over vert to me. It's not. And I was like, man, I don't know how you guys did. And then there's a gap in the middle of it, man, if you fuck up. Yeah, yeah, don't fall in there. And that's not a small hole. That's a big hole.

You definitely need to be good enough to make it over the gap if you want to go over the gap. So that's cool. I like that because I never considered like our age group is sort of when skateboard kind of started.

And of course, people loved it and they're going to want to keep doing it forever. Just like sports. Yeah, I just noticed that all the guys, there's no help for them. It's like getting to skateboarding. It's like, yeah, man, get a little board and start working on kickflips. And I'm like, you will be out of skateboarding the day you start if you do it like that.

Yeah. Because it's you're guaranteed to fall, roll your ankles, and then you can't go to work, can't walk. And you're like, dude, why would I do this tomorrow? But there's a way to skate, like rolling down a hill and just carving around. It's also the board you have like trucks are wider. I got a wider board, softer wheels. Like there's all these things that nobody shares with anybody. And there's a way to skate where you can have a really good time skateboarding, but maybe you're not going to post a video on like check out my new trick. Cause it's not a skateboarding is not about that.

You know, it just seems like cause of social media. It seems like that's what it's about. Like, look at this trick. Look at this handrail. I'm like, dude, don't use a handrail to walk down. Do not skate a handrail in your 40s. You know, just give that a don't do it. Like, that's my advice. People no reason. People, people were like, so how long till I get a handrail? I'm like, never, never. Just kiss it goodbye. It's not happening. People just don't get it. I love it. They watch too many fucking YouTube videos and they're like, man,

I'm going down that. I'm like, you're not going down that. Like it'll be your last day. Are you having fun doing that? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it sounds like it. I'm giving back, man. Yeah. I'm getting people to skate and I see their face and I'm like, you're having a good time right

now, you know, and you're safe and you're not like... But you're giving something you love to people. Yeah. That's the big difference. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like giving it back.

Because skateboarding did so much for me. Yeah. And I've said this a million times and I always butcher it. But Seinfeld a while ago, I saw it. You know, where he's like, those kids are going to be all right. They're out there. Just same thing with comedians. We're repeating the same shit over and over, over, over, over. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't give up, you'll get it.

You'll get better at it. Yes. Yeah. So what's going on in your life right now? Well, I'm trying to make it as a comedian. Yeah. You know, I'm still new, man. And having this little extra like, oh, you're a pro skateboarder and you got a big show on satellite radio. And, you know, now I'm still just some shithead in comedy and I don't get gigs and I don't get to go up I hang out at the comedy store like a 12 year old and go hey and it's just not happening so.

And how long you been doing comedy? Like I know dude come on man. How long? Like four or five years. It's not happening. You don't know I'm impatient dude I mean, I'm impatient, dude. I'm good. I'm working hard. I'm better than half of these other

assholes. You would be down handrails four or five years into skating. Yeah. Comedy ain't skating, dude. Yeah. Or not. I was the same as skating. I was terrible for a long time. And then something clicked.

So it's not that you're not good at comedy. There's it's like that you're not good at comedy. There's it's like, imagine you just walked into Tony Hawk's ramp and they're all there. Yeah. Every fucking skater, top skater in the world. Look, I'm dated, but you know, uh, pal Peralta and Gator and all these guys from back in the day. And they are like, Hey guys, can I get up on that ramp a little bit? It's like, yeah, you can in a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're doing all the right things. Yeah. And you're getting, that's what I'm saying. You'll see, you'll start to see like, Oh, now I'm getting a headline weekend. Yeah. Boom. There you go.

Yeah. Yeah. It's starting to work. One. I don't think I got a headline weekend. Definitely wasn't five years in it. It's starting to work, dude. I really like, I don't, it's not that it's, it's because of the careers

I've already had, I've been spoiled, dude. I made myself like successful on radio. They paid me millions of dollars, dude. I was a millionaire and now I'm broke. What do you mean broke? I can't, I'm like, man, I can't afford to live in my house. And I have, I finally got the guy to let me break the lease, but I don't have enough money to move out. So I'm trying to, I have to pay my ex money.

What do you mean? Who doesn't have enough money to move out? You just leave. I don't have any money, dude. You mean you don't have enough money to go somewhere else. I don't have money to, in the bank, in the bank to show the next place that I can move in because I have to pay my ex a bunch of money and that was when I had money so it's more than I make. Like the Patreon is the only thing that keeps me alive and I used to do the OnlyFans thing

and I quit all that. I don't do any of that stuff anymore. So I don't have that income and I don't have any. Can I ask you, you were doing OnlyFans for real? Yeah. Well, can I ask you what you were making? Everything, dude. I did everything. I wasn't asking that.

If you Google it, it probably comes up on the internet. No, really? Yeah, dude. My bonus on the internet. Why? Can I ask you, first of all, we'll get into why. Here we are, dude. Yes. Yes. Ask me. What I wanted to get into. What what were you making financially?

Like eight or nine thousand a month. Really? Yeah. For how long? How long did you do that? A couple of years. Really? Yeah. And you're just doing what people I've never been on OnlyFans. I don't have an account. You're just doing what I was.

I know you're the performer. Yes, I get it. Bye. But so people wanted to see me do stuff. OK, so it's suggestions. Is that what it is? People are asking you, Jason, do this. Yeah, you post regular stuff, not too hardcore,

and then people pay for the hardcore stuff and they request things. Or you say you've got a new video with somebody and then that's what I was wondering. If you're guiding this creative or if it's that the people wanted to pay for the stuff that to me now is stuff that I really would prefer not. I mean, I'm open about the, am I, have I done stuff? Yes. Open. All right. Right. But now that I'm sober and like a lot of those things were reactions to like,

that's how I run, dude. Like I, I, I use drugs and alcohol to run from, from my childhood, from things that I don't want to face. And I use sex as well. I am a sex addict. So, so I, one by one, I'm cutting these things off. And then I realized, dude, you can't even, like just having sex with some hot chick, that's running too. So it's just like more and more, do I realize that I've got to cut these things that I'm used to having and now I don't have any of them. And it's it's empty, you know, like there's a lot of I'm still newly.

So I'm only seven months sober, dude, like I'm doing the work. But this is probably the hardest time right now where it's like there's nowhere to run to, you know, like I can't be I'm like man I don't have any money. I can smoke a joint be like a be all right, Jase, you know, no you can't I'm like Well, you know, I could get some hot chick to come over and blow me and I'm like, no, you can't dude Like it's not that's just gonna make it worse But there's not like I lift weights. I go to the gym, I skate, those are my those are my sources, I meditate, I pray, but they're not as good as hot chicks haven't that have sex with you.

I don't know how else to because old habits die hard. You know, what's a good time to be everybody blows me at the same time. That's a good time. And now it's like, dude, that is unhealthy. Like you can't do that. And now I know that, but a part of me still is like, ah, just get it. It's interesting. Why can't you treat everybody blowing you like you do, hey, you're never hand rail.

You know what I'm saying? Why can't you treat that the same way you do with skating where you're like, when am I going to be able to do a handrail? You're not. They're done. Handrails are done. Yeah, that's how 40 year old. That's what I'm saying.

That's how it is. That parallel. Yeah, but there was a time there where I used to, metaphorically speaking, there was a time there where I used to go down every handrail. The biggest ones, the wobbly, whatever one, I could go down all the handrails. Now I'm not allowed to go down one handrail, not even like a curb scratch. Like, so now it's like it's all come to a screeching hole and old me. That's my that's how I have a good time.

So now I don't have any of those things. I know what's what would you what point did you hit where you said, All right, no more of any of this. What happened where you were like, Okay, I'm going to cut out the drug. I'm going to go sober. Yeah, I'm assuming you're celibate. Right? You said that outside we're talking. I mean, I'm trying to date people. But if they're not the one or potentially, then no casual sex. No, right. It has to have you have to see purpose beyond that. Yeah. OK.

So what happened? Here's the last part, because I've gone, you know, don't don't do Kratom. You're numb to the world. And I'm like, dude, you smoke weed like a maniac. Like you got to quit that, too. And then I my brain really did start working better. And it sort of like made every I understood the way I am a lot more. And then obviously doing the work with sobriety

and seeing my, like the things that have caused all this in my life, all the little things that I, little knickknacks that I have that I always cling to, the way I treat people, I didn't mean it, you know, like I wasn't like maliciously doing this stuff, but I have heard people, man. I'm a liar. You know, like I, when I, when I was king of the fucking world on satellite radio, I took shit on every person I ever met because I thought I was so much better

than everybody. That guy's not that funny or that guy's not that good or that guy. And I'm just like, now, now I'm in, I can't escape reality. So it's, it's, it, and my brain works now. And I remember these times where I've talked shit on people that didn't deserve it. And I'm like, dude, you're, you're, you know what you are? You're an asshole. And I'm like, man, I don't want to live knowing that. But like, I've, you know, I'm, I'm coming to terms with it. I didn't mean it. I know I'm a good person, but I've made a lot of giant mistakes, dude. And I'm like a little bit, a self pity is a thing that I love. I've noticed. And I'm like, don't live in that, you know, like you can't like you did it, forgive yourself.

Cause so that's kind of like the thing that I'm in right now is trying to forgive myself for all these things I've done to people and letting it go so that I can like love myself so that I can be happy because I'm just mainly not happy because I don't have a great opinion of myself. And when it comes to, you know, OK, I don't do any of that stuff. I don't lie, but like even having sex, cause I had some girls that I would sleep with that. I'm like, look, I'm not settling down. I'm still sober. This is just sex, you know? Are you telling them that though? Yeah, oh yeah.

Well, that's fine. It's not. Listen. No, because let me finish. It's not fine because this is what I've noticed. When you tell a girl that, not all the time, but often a girl will say, yeah, okay, that's cool. Let's just have sex then.

They're lying. They might not even know they're lying, but they are lying. If I go, hey, you know what? I'm actually starting to have feelings. Do you want to go to dinner? The answer is yes, which means they are attracted. But are you lying when you say what you're saying is what I'm getting at? I understand that women can be much more emotional

than we are and they can develop feelings even if they're saying it's casual because they enjoy your company, they feel safe with you, you're clearly not giving them STDs if they're, you know what I mean? I'm still hurting them. Well, I'm using their body. But you're being honest about not wanting to and they're saying it's okay. I got to that and I was like, you're good. And then I had another realization where I was like, dude, that's not good either. It's not good. What I'm saying is once- If you're not gonna

have a relationship with somebody, you need to cut it. Also cutting it, the way I would cut it would be no more contact. Yeah, that's not okay. Because I don't wanna have, I don't wanna tell you that I don't find you that attractive. You would just cold like ghosts. Yeah, ghost.

Yeah, no, you got because I don't want to have that conversation. Well, that's what I'm saying. As long as you're having these conversations and a person who's an adult is saying I'm OK with it, you can't. They're lying. They are. Listen, yes, I know they may be lying. They don't maybe they're lying.

OK, they're lying. They are. Listen, yes, I know they may be lying. They're not maybe they're lying. Okay, they're lying. But once you realize that that's when you make your next decision, and that's okay. Right. So that's where I'm at, where I've said that people look, then I think you're in a good spot, except for the ghosting. Well, I don't know. So now I'm at the period now where I just met somebody today, that I was in a relationship with it. I lied about a thing because I didn't want to,

I didn't want them to know that I'd done this thing in the past. And they found out and they were like, I don't want to deal with that. And I was like, sounds good to me. Like, let's just sabotage instead of saying, I'm sorry. Like I should have been honest with you, but I was too scared to tell you. I thought maybe if I told you, you'd be mad at me. And I, I'm terrified of somebody being mad at me. Hello, look at vulnerable Jason Ellis right here, bro. It's really working out for me. Ha ha ha ha.

Still on the couch by myself. It's a weird feeling, isn't it? When you macho ego, all this, don't be a pussy the whole life. I mean, also you come up in a, and look, I mean, I know I'm a dude's dude, but you come up in an aggro UFC boxing, skating, their their alpha male, all of them, you know. So and also you were struggling with homosexuality and stuff in the gay community when they were back in the day when everybody was just throwing fag around like it was nothing you know queer, homo, whatever. We talk about all the time we played a game in here in the states I don't know if you did called Smear the Queer. I'm aware of it. Yeah and it's not it's such an ignorant thing because as a kid I'm six and seven I don't I don't even know what that is. I would have played it for sure. They just we would knock

when you're dorm like hey Mrs. Ellis can Jason come out and play some of the queer? You know what I mean? I'm in. I'm in. I talked about it to my dad, but like, come in. I'm like, I'm the queer. I just got to be the queer, dad.

And I was like, what are you all playing at? And then you get realized later, like, oh my God. I didn't know at six and seven what even that meant or anything. I just, that's what the person you needed to tackle was called. That's as far as my little kid brain could go. But if you're gay, that's not a good thing. Right. Right.

Because you know, it's bad. Right. And I don't even know what gay is back then either. You know, it's when I realized what gay was and then someone's like, you know, they call them queers. I was like, hold on, man, that game we used to play, you know, it's what it is. You're like, quiet. Yeah, it's in us. Yeah. So now you're being vulnerable is what it sounds like. I guess. Yeah. And honest and apologetic.

Yeah. And sharing empathy. I took somebody to the gym today just to apologize to their face. Well, because they was like, coffee is like, go to the gym if you want. I was like, yeah, because I already apologize in a text message. And I was like, you deserve to see it face to face. I don't want to deep inside. I don't want to. But I owe it to this person. She's a good person. So I told her to her face and I still think she's hard. I'm still attracted to her. How'd she take the apology? Good. Yeah. Yeah. So far, everybody that I've done this to, it's like,

every dude. Yes. Everybody. There's lots of them. It's just funny. If you're listening, I'm sorry. There's probably a couple other people I haven't said sorry to that. I don't even know that I've heard. Man, I remember I was, I saw, I saw Doug, I was on Doug, everybody loves Doug's movies and I was on there and I saw Santino and some other people. And then I went on my show and was like, those guys suck. They're not even funny. Don't even know the guy. You said that? Yeah. Oh wow. And, and, and now like, I know who he is and like these movies and the comedy and I'm like, Santino is the best. Guys are fucking genius. Yeah, he's great.

And I'm like, who are you? Who, who, and then it made me realize who haven't you shit on at one point in your career? And I was like, I don't think there's anyone that got out alive. Everybody I shit on and I'm like, if some people, some people don't like talk to me now, I'm like, I bet you they got a reason, you know, like I really do. So it's like start. I've stripped down to nothing, man, and started all over again.

And I'm just like basically a walking apology because I feel like even if I don't remember it, I'm sure I have done something that I should apologize for because I've just I've been that guy I've been an egotistical maniac. I've been a liar. I've been a cheater I've been all these things that I despise and that's like I've got to come to terms with it I've got to apologize for it so that I can love myself and enjoy the rest of my days Because now that I'm sober, there's no way out dude. That's the only way I can't run this law anymore. Cause I'm aware of it. It used to be like, whatever, like, I'm sure they don't care anyway.

You know? And now I'm like, no, everybody does, dude. Everybody has feelings and you're hurting them all because of your ego. Like, stop it. You're not that shit hot. You also don't suck. So calm down. Because that's I'm like one or the other, dude. Yeah, I was like, I'm shit or I'm a pile of shit. It's one or the other. And I'm like, dude, let it go. Like, you're not a bad person, but you've made a lot of mistakes. Man up. This is where like being a man actually counts like man up.

Apologize. Look him in the eye, tell him face to face that you're sorry. And if they say, fuck you, I hate you still, suck a butt, Jason, like you had it coming. So that's what it is. So that's my day. That's my days. And how long is this? How long you been sober now? Seven months. Seven months. And that's what you've been doing too? Yeah. I mean, where's this all? Where's all this coming from?

Well, I do the work. I go to meetings and I go through my steps and I look at all the things that you have to write down about you, about the people that have hurt you in the past and, and realize that, you know, these are reactions to things. And at this point in the game, it's time to stop reacting to these things that happened in my childhood or through my life. Like it ends here, you know, because I don't want it to go on to my kids, you know? Yeah. So in my relationship with my kids, that's one thing that already my relationship with my kids is so much better.

So that just tells me that when I do find somebody in a relationship, that I can be the person I've always wanted to be, because I've let down every person I've ever been in love with. And that kills. Is that true? And I want to ask you this way. No one's ever let you down. Yeah, sure. But it's not about that.

That's not but that's not how it goes. Like, that's resentment. I don't want resentment. I'm just asking statistically here. You it's, it's always been you cheating in every relationship. You've never been the one who's been cheated on or whatever, where you felt what you've done to someone else. Yeah. Okay. Somebody cheated on me. Yeah. But if you were for taking points, I'm winning. We're not keeping score. Oh, I am. And I'm, I'm winning. We're not even score. Oh, I am. And I'm, I'm sorry.

I see so many things. You know, we all live in this world where you see a clip here, a clip there. You know what I'm saying? I see this one today. You're like, I'm not gay anymore. I'm like, well, first of all, what's that even mean? Well, when I was saying I was gay, I wasn't gay. I was bi.

I was just saying gay because that's my way. It's a way of talking where I'm like, people are going to say that I'm a fag and all this other stuff because I say I'm bi. I was just saying gay because that's my way, it's a way of talking where I'm like, people are going to say that I'm a fag and all this other stuff because I say I'm bi. So I would just be like, I'm gay. So there you go. Like dig at it. Like I can't, I hate me more than you will ever hate me for it. Cause you, it's, it's just a thought for you. I live with it all day where I'm like, dude, you're doing this stuff where to me it's sex. Like guys give sex quick, easy. I don't have to take them to dinner. And that's, and that's, if it was a bunch of hot chicks that wanted to come over

and blow me and leave immediately, well, then I'd probably be less gay, but guys will do it all kinds of ways anyway. And no, if fans or bots, you just get it. Think that quarterback will throw for more than 300 yards. How about that receiver in Miami grabbing a touchdown? Check out DraftKings Pick Six, the newest way to compete against others and play fantasy football to win cash with DraftKings. Pick a player and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat like yards,

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The first time it ever clicked for me, I had a his name is Jim McPartlin. I love that. He's he was a gay guy. He was a manager at this hotel I worked at. He's actually the first person that he got me into groundlings. He was just taking them because he was nervous to speak in front of the level one. He was just nervous to speak in front of people. I did have people like that in my class, like I'm just here because of work, making me come do something where I'm to get more, you know, comfortable speaking. And he took it. He's like, I think you'd be good at that.

And that's the whole reason I went into it. And over the years we would still connect. I think hopefully still in San Francisco. But he took me to lunch one day. It's the gay capital, bro. And he and I went for sushi one day. I'll never forget it. We're talking about it. And he's like, I know you want to ask a million questions. Just ask. Yeah, it was very buttoned up in the suit and stuff, but like he would super professional at the desk. As soon as people leave, he go back. If it was just me and him working, he turned up some Donna Summer and he'd do like this real quick to her. But how can I help you today? And I do, I was like, all right, he gets it, you know? And I'm talking, he's like, when did

you know you liked girls? I was like, oh man, kindergarten, kindergarten. I crushed on him immediately, I knew. He's like, that's about the same time I knew that I felt that way about boys. I go, okay. And he goes, but here's the thing. He goes, for you, you're gonna meet a girl and you're gonna quarter in the sense

that you're gonna talk or whatever. He goes, but you know that testosterone you've got where you just want to fuck? I go, yeah. He goes, imagine. And as soon as he said that, I was like, two locomotives coming at each other. He's like, yeah, but I was like, ka-boom. And I was like, oh, that meeting that,

not this chasing this. Oh, and when he said that, I was like, man, oh man, does that, it was so simple. Yeah. And I was like, oh yeah. And then my buddy, Jimmy, rest in peace, he's gone now. He was the first person to ever show me Grindr. Yeah.

Yeah, I had to get off that. He showed me Grindr years ago. Now Grindr to me is Instagram. Because I've talked about it so much, guys hit me up. I know how it is to be a woman more than most dudes. Because guys say, hey man, I think it's really courageous that you come out and talk about the things you talk about. And I go, hey man, thank you. And then here's my anus.

Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what? You were, I was sincerely saying thank you. And you're just trying to suck me off. Like I'm not a whore. You know what I'm like? Wait, I know what that sounds like. That's like a lady. So I kind of get that. I still get it, man. That's why I'm got objectified. That's why you heard me say I'm not gay anymore It's not really about me. It's about Let me go guys The gays I love trans I love everybody But you gotta let me go man

Like I can't you know me like it's I told you, like I don't smoke weed anymore. So you don't try to put it in my mouth. I even said is it okay if this is around you? Right, well that's what I would really appreciate if guys could be like, I really appreciate it. You're like, I'm gonna put this around you? I swear, just like, just say thank you and then don't show me your dick. Like just let that go.

That's the thing, men are savage. Yeah. Savage. It's out of control. And their dicks are usually ugly too. And I'm like, why would you show anyone that? He would tell me the gayest stories and I would love them. He told me, so Grindr the first time he goes,

check this out. And so normally on any sort of platform, social media or whatever, you have a nice picture of yourself, you know, whatever, and then you unlock it to yourself, you know, he whatever. And then you unlock it to see, you know, the dirty way, whatever. This guy's fucking avatar was his fucking gaping anus. Yeah, that's not, that's not unusual. You had to unlock this to see these. That's not like, wait, you see, you got a friend request,

the asshole to see it. It's because most guys just want your whole anyway. And I was like, wait, you see you got a friend request the asshole to see it. It's because most guys just want your whole anyway. And I was like, they're not interested in your face. Dudes are savages. Yeah. Then he would tell me they do the big white parties in Palm Springs, you know, about the white parties. It's a big gay parties. And, you know, and he said they would have like 30 dudes come back to the house or whatever, and they're all hanging out.

And they would hire a guy to grill and serve. And he was always a shower. Yeah. And I was like, what do you mean? He just have a big, he's like, yup, naked. He's the only one naked. He's just walking around there tugging it. Yeah. How you doing? Thank you, Jason. Yeah. Warming it up. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they're all ready to go. All. Yep. Everybody. There isn't one. I went to pride this week to go get on the comedy store float And I kind of missed it so I had to skate after it and I'm skating down the pride thing and the security guard try to stop skating in the

Yeah, man, so the gate I'm skateboard. Oh what I want to get I'm a comedian That wants to be a comedian far back. Are you like hollandaise? I'm a poor skateboarder that wants to be a comedian. How far back are you like hauling ass trying to catch it? When I got to the road, I was at the end of the... It was at the end, so I had to... And they were at the start. Holy shit. So I had to book it all the way down this hill. Some security guy goes, hey, man, you can't do that.

And I'm like, fuck off, dude. And he's like, seriously, I'm like, seriously, fuck off. Like, I'm a skateboarder. Security will never stop me ever from doing anything on a skateboard. Ever. Wrong guy. wrong skateboarder. So I go budge and pass and I hear someone go Jason. And I'm like, dude, I'm skating. Like I, I'm not stopping whoever it is. Text me, you know, like if you're actually my friend, I get to where it stops is traffic.

So I kick my board up and start walking. And then this guy comes up and he taps me and he goes, Jason, I'm like, Hey man, he's like, you might not remember me, but I used to blow you a long time ago. And I'm like, yeah, I do. That's the hello you got in the parade. And he also said, Jason Ellis, man. And I'm like, wait, so you know me from the radio show and I didn't know this. So you were a fan who was a gay guy that used to come over to my house and blow me in the garage because I used to have grinder and it would be like like if my chick was gone or she didn't want to I didn't

I didn't cheat I was like hey I'm gonna get blown in the garage and she's like yeah go do it and those were those are the days where I was like I go out there pull it out man and then get the fuck out of here, dude. And like real cold stuff. I went to therapy over all this stuff like those were those those are times I don't want to. I don't want to. I just want to make sure I understand it. It's gone out to the garage on like a Wednesday afternoon at one.

And some dude GPS locally comes over and sucks your dick and then leaves. Yeah. And that's part of your day. Yeah. And he's real happy about it, too, which it was always mysterious to me. I know reciprocation whatsoever Not even you just sitting there and he blows you even look him in the eye, dude But I just do it get it over and done with I need I need us. I need a run I need to escape this is like that's literally like hair tying off and doing your hair version of hair. It was hold the tongue. What? That's why I do that. Two things that are blowing my mind. That's why I'm divorced dude. Is that you're doing this but also the GPS readily available people.

Are they different people or is it the same dude all the time? Well at the start it was everybody and then it was my therapist was like you don then at the start, my therapist was like, you don't think that's dangerous? And I was like, dangerous? Like, jump me, I'll switch you off in two seconds. And he's like, what about people that have your address? And I was like, oh, and I never thought about it. Home invasion or when you're gone or robbing. Yeah, I never thought about any of that. I was just clueless to it because I just want what I want and I don't care who gets hurt in the process. I was just thinking, I'm a junkie, dude.

I was just thinking, like, give it to me and then get the fuck out of here. That's how that's how my brain. I mean, I'm. I'm no judgment at all. I'm just saying, like, man, I'm not going to judge you. But I remember seeing shit in Craigslist. There will be ads like this. And it would say, like, here's my address. And I always wondered

if, like, somebody set a friend up or you know what I mean? But it would be like, here's my address. Doors open. I'm on the bed spread. Come on in. And a stranger would come in all the time. And that and I've done it.

What do you mean? That part? The door's open. You've been the guy that's fucking or the dude? Oh, I don't. I ain't leaving my door open for any. I ain't spreading. What the fuck? I'm not that gay, dude. Relax.

I'll come into your house. You could leave your front house and you can spread. You can leave your front door and your anus up. Like a maniac. Front door and the back door and stuff. I'm a gay junkie, not just gay. Like, calm down. But yeah, there's parks.

That's wild. Someone told me about a park where you go into the park. 100%. And there's just people in the bushes. Yep. And like you're walking and people like touch your arm and you can't see them. Griffith Park. They're like hidden.

Mm-hmm. And I'm like, what the hell? A great friend of mine told me about that. What the hell? You can walk, step off the path, fucking a bush real quick, get right back on. Yeah. And there's like 80 of them in there watching you.

He told me that. I'll tell you, this is funny one night. This happened to me. This is years ago when I, gosh, it was 10, 15 years ago. I was on a date with a girl and we pulled in this park and it's, it's, we went and had sushi and we just stopped to smoke a joint. We just pulled in this little park. It's foggy as fuck. So I'm like, we'll just pull in here. The cops ain't

gonna see us or anything. We'll just smoke here and hang out. And as we're sitting there, we're smoking a joint and we just keep seeing random man after random man. And we're like, and they're going into the middle of the park because it's thick. You you couldn't honest to God. It was one of those fogs where you couldn't see there. You know, and they're fucking in the park and we figured it out. We're like, look at them all going.

Look at them all. Yeah. There's at least seven or eight on my bias in 30 minutes. Yep. I've been there. In the fog. You've done that kind of thing. Anybody could get it at one point. At one point I would go to this theater studs, they closed it down and it is pitch black in there. And I would go in there and everybody, cause I'm like attractive to, you know, to some people, but to gaze, I'm a straight guy and that's a target.

And I would go in there and everybody would eyeball me and I would just unzip it. And anybody they're all fighting over it. And I would let them all fight over it. People try to grab my nipples at the same time. People try to lick my butt. I'm like, hey, man, the fuck, I don't know you. One time I had the elbow guy because he kept trying to do it. And I'm like, hey man, what the fuck? I don't know you. One time I had the elbow guy, cause he kept trying to do it. And I was like, stop dude.

And then I backed up against the wall and then I see him. Like savages going after meat, literally. I used to think I, this is like, to me it felt like zombies eating me. And there was a part of me that just wanted to die, maybe. And I was like, just do it. You never felt unsafe. You never felt... Good. A part of me was like, do it.

You know, like subconsciously, I thought if maybe I do deserve to die. How do you find you? Where where are you in in your mind and in life where you're finding these places? One one guy will tell me about it. And then I'll go by myself after I go with them. And then I know it's a regular spot. I would go like lunch break status. Like I'm like, I got an hour to kill. I was going to study. Are you glory hole in

it? Oh, yeah. Oh, anything. All of it. You just don't even know who's on the other side. Care. Didn't care, did I? I wasn't I wasn't trying to like be attracted. I was trying to come. Just be just be out of my own head, you know, like stay high, stay getting sucked off high on what whatever I could get. Like it was always the ice to coke and heroin and all that stuff. Oh, you did. Whatever I could get. Anything. Like it would always say, I used to do coke and heroin and all that stuff. Oh you did?

When I was younger? Hell yeah, dude. I used to make shapes of countries and snort it. What's the biggest country you've ever snorted? Australia for my 30th birthday? You snorted the perimeter of that? Holy shit. And then I went to the Circle Bar with a bottle of Cristal looking for chicks.

Jesus. Yeah. There was a few times when people were like, what the hell did you just do? And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, did you just not that? And I'm like, yeah, like, man, that ain't normal. And I'm like, well, that's how I do it. Also, chopping it like I noticed people would be like, make it all fine or whatever. I just dropped the bag and be like, whew, I don't care.

Man, my nose doesn't work. You know how you can fix that? You like stir it on a spoon and then next thing you know, I'm smoking crack. Like it just, I just didn't care. I was, I was a maniac who was raised by maniacs. You know, like I saw people party, the harder you party, the more glorious you were.

Like, let's rejoice this guy because he drank a bottle of whiskey in five minutes. And it's like, well, I hope to aspire to achieve that. You know, I'm like, man, I can barely drink a half a bottle. I got to work harder on it, you know, and then like some trials and tribulations. And next thing you know, when I got real mad and real sad about myself, then I found I could drink real amounts of alcohol. And then, you know, when it came to doing coke, I, yeah, I did some bumps and then it escalated into, you know, the only reason, and other skateboarders know this, if I didn't,

if I made real money back in my prime of partying, I'd be dead for sure. Cause the only reason I didn't do all the coke is cause I didn't, I couldn't afford an April. Also believe in if you didn't get off coke now, you're going to die. This fentanyl shit out there is going to get you. It's going to get you. It's going to get anyone that does it sooner or later. And I was never like, I see people talk about it now where they're like,

yeah, I get the guy to do some and I wait 20 minutes. And I'm like, I wouldn't have even done that. I'd be like, just give me the bag. And I wouldn't have been like, let's do a sample, make sure it's not. I would just do whatever it had, whatever you had. I didn't care. I never cared. Wasn't like I made the decision. Like, I don't care. It was just, I was an animal, dude. Like, I don't care. Like, if it scares me, I'll run to it. What's why? What is happening?

If it scares me, I'll run to it. What's, why, what is happening? Because I, because my ex wife is somebody that. This is the ex wife I know. Yeah. There's nobody out there that. I've loved that much. And she's gone, dude. She ain't coming back and she's never been happier

because I'm not there. And the person I care about the most in life, I hurt to the point where they don't want to know me. And it kills me, you know, like, and I'm 50, dude, no one's going to go out with me anymore. Like, you're 50. That's not true. You're a dogshit comedian that makes no money. Your podcasts are in the toilet. Comedian. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just I'm just telling you like how the dark side talks to me. And I have to walk with that. You know what I mean? I have to argue with it.

I'm like, you're, I know I'm not a dog shit comedian. I know I've got, I've got skills and I've got drive. I've got talent. I'll make it. In 20 years, you're going to look back on the comedy you're doing. And you're going to be like, I was a fucking dog shit comedian back then. We all were. I will be dead. No, I don't even care about 20 years. I care about now. I care about today. Today, I'm not a bad person and hurt anybody.

Your wife is gone. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you don't communicate at all. Some like she emailed me and said, hey, where's my check the other day? I was like, I don't have any money to give it to you. Yeah, but she's nice. But like I said, it's not she doesn't hate me. I think a part of her does and deservingly so but you know, there's always going to be love there was real love. But I burnt something that gave me the biggest hole pass in the,

no one will ever put up with the shit she put up with. She tried, you know, like she tried, like no other woman would ever try put up with this game, this, this monster. So when I realized that and I was like, I don't want to die knowing this. Like I gotta fix this. I'm never gonna get her back and that's fine. Like I'm happy she's happy really.

Cause as long as she got to be happy, I love her that much that that's good. It's not me, but someone's making her happy. And that's, I'd rather that than just knowing she's also depressed and like struggling. She's doing better than she's ever done. So I'm like happy for her. But I need to fix all the things that I've done to people.

And and and and like I didn't do anything too bad with my kids, except for the fact that I'm like on OnlyFans. Like my kids know this stuff, you know, and they have to live with that. They've been picked on at school. Like I've done things where, you know, there's no coming back from that. So I'm working every day to try to be a good person for them and to like love myself before it does end, you know? So it doesn't, if I don't find anybody, that's not what it's about. I don't need to find somebody to fix it. It's not going to fix it. I need to be a good person. No. Look in the mirror. You're a good person. You did not hurt anybody today. If somebody relies on you right now, you have got their back and they can trust you.

That sounds like self love. And then when I die, I can die with a smile on my face. And you can love yourself. Because right now, I'm not, I'm, I'm sorry. Yeah, you're not gonna love, no one's gonna come love you or find you until you genuinely do really love yourself. Right. So that's where I'm sorry. Yeah, you're not going to love you. No one's going to come love you or find you until you genuinely do really love yourself. Right. So that's where I can't believe I'm at a point where I still a journal in the morning and I write things like I love my life. I'm living my dream.

I can't believe I've ever. I mean, at my lowest and I'm not trying to compare, I'm just saying at my lowest, I could have never seen myself doing something like that. Right. You know, and I still not trying to compare, I'm just saying at my lowest, I could have never seen myself doing something like that. Right? You know, and I still have a hard time to like, I don't know, I try to stay humble. I have a hard time, like sometimes, you know, flexing a little bit like, you know, what that you know, what I mean? Like, there's friends will be like, just tell him you'll do I'm like, I will never

Yeah, that's gone ever. That's completely I killed that You know what I mean? Like there's friends will be like, just tell them you'll do. I'm like, I will never. Yeah. Now that's gone. Never. That's complete. I killed that person. Yeah. I have I don't have an answer to that in me because that's all it was. It sounded like I had trouble even having a taste of it. You sound like you were full throttle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sound like you told a story out there about your dad having a fast car and he was going 180 for like an hour straight. You woke up

That's what it sounds like I couldn't say I wake up He gonna take his foot off the pill. I'll wait You know, I'm like 45 minutes man. I don't even know cock a date do that So how your seven months in this sobriety? Yeah, do you feel better? Oh, yeah. Okay, good I skate way better than I've ever skated. I lift heavier weights than I've ever lifted in my life. I go to the gym and spar every Tuesday and I beat up 25 year olds.

You can't touch me. I'm fast. I'm faster than I've ever been. And I understand when I do things wrong, like I, like I said, did I would, this girl was long gone and I've reached out to her to apologize. And I, and I went out of my way to meet her somewhere, to tell her to a face with no, I don't want anything from you. You know, like if you don't want to talk to me ever again, that's fair too.

If you want to be my friend, like if you want to date me, like that's not what I want. I want you to know I'm sincerely sorry. Cause that was my bad. And I mean, I want you to know I'm sincerely sorry, because that was my bad. You know what I mean? I hurt you and other people because of it. So I just want people to know that I'm sincerely sorry. Before I die, I swear I'm sorry. You know what I mean? And I won't do it again to you or anybody else. I'm done with that. When are you going to say that to you? I have.

You've forgiven yourself? Yeah. You have? Yeah. You have. Have you gone through this before? A stretch of sobriety or recognition? I mean, all of this self-realization. Never. No, just I'm going to be sober. Yeah. And then I do it for a while. You're still behaving the same way. Hell yeah. Okay. Have I ever not had sex with people? Never. Never. Never.

And that's also seven months too? No. As well with the sobriety? No. These are all, they all came, like the sobriety came with the clarity, the clarity came with the, oh my God. And I'm like, well, I'll just like have sex with people that are cool with it. And then I recently was like, dude, that's still this, like, you can't just sleep with someone, even if they'd say, like,

we should still hook up. I'm cool with it. I can't do that either. And that's the hardest one. The last one to go is the hardest. And because I'm still, I'm funny, man, like I'm, I'm good looking. I'm talented. I do things that make girls go, that's kind of cute. And I'm like, I taught the girls, but if you're not like, if it isn't gonna work, then we're not gonna have sex. And that's, you know, I'm lonely. And it's like, you know what you could do. And I'm like, yeah, I know, dude, I know you could, but you're not going to, you know, go home, sit on

the couch, write some jokes, you jokes. I don't even watch fights anymore, dude. I don't do anything that isn't productive. If something's going to bring me down, I'm not going to do it. So what's a day for you like now? I get up and I- Actually, give me a day before and what it's like now. Give me a day when you would get up to go get a fix or whatever it is, getting blown in the garage or whatever. I wake up, smoke a joint straight away. Then I get on my dating apps, see who's looking to suck it. And then probably try to get sucked off.

And for my chicks around there, I'm trying to have sex with her or I'm pissing her off one of the two or both at the same time. This is all before what like noon? This is your morning? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, if I had a mile, if she wasn't there, I'm getting sucked off 10 a.m. Yeah. And if somebody else is like, I'm still blown away. Somebody else is down the road. There's people out there already dressed Dude, are you serious? It's 24 7 I'm looking up in the middle of the night. I'm not asleep. I'll suck you off. It's like three in the morning Giant black dude come over to my house. I'm ready. Yeah, ready. And that's the other thing, ready.

As soon as I drop one, like give it 15 minutes, I'll drop another. Like if there was a line, they could line up. All right, so that's okay. And then what? Well, being high all the time means you don't do anything. You don't watch TV, look at TikTok. You know, just fart around, get ready to do the radio show, go in high as hell, maybe spray some ketamine up my nose.

And then, you know, tell stories about my life. And then, you know, try to arrange some sort of sex. Maybe my wife had some girlfriends and we can have like a threesome. My main goal was to try to have a threesome with her and her friends. That didn't happen that much because they were like, the hell is your deal? Like, oh, you don't even know me. You don't even like me. I'm hot. And I think they knew that. And I didn't think they knew that. I was like, oh, what have you been up to? What you really are saying is, do you feel like having sex right now? And then because the OnlyFans thing

happened where it was like, my chick had OnlyFans and she was like, I'll use you and then some of her friends were like, let's use Jason for our OnlyFans. And I was like, hell yeah. When do you want me to come over? Oh, you were having sex with women on their OnlyFans. Yeah, that's how I got into it. Oh, you were their guest. I see. No, like you were the stud coming in forans. Yeah, that's how I got into it. Oh, you were their guest. I see.

No, like you should've. You were the stud coming in for everybody. Oh, okay. Yeah, the gift and the curse, dude. That's what I see. Yeah. Gift and the curse. Cause it is, it's a curse.

It's like, man, he's packing, you know what I mean? It's like, oh, then yeah, I can do it. That's how it got started. And then it's like, well, everybody can get it, you know? And you did it with your wife first? Yeah. And then friends. This is what, everybody can get it. And you did it with your wife first? Yeah. And then friends. This is what a day was like for you.

Yeah, that was a good day. And then what's a night? And that sounds like it's midday, two, three o'clock where we're only at. On a good day, yeah, if I can. I mean, that's the way I wanted it. Sometimes people didn't want to do it or my wife was around and she was mad at me or something, so I couldn't do it. So that would mean just copious amounts of weed all day nonstop

because you got to bury it, got to numb it. If I don't numb it, I'm pissed, angry, snappy, dark because I'm not getting what I want. What I want is to run. You got to give me something. Somebody's going to give me something. Whatever it is, you got to give it to me. I didn't even know it at the time, dude. Like me saying this to you right now,

it's like, it's hard, you know, cause I, I realize I don't get why isn't everybody hanging out with me anymore? You know, now that I'm sober. Cause you're in the garage all day long. The only people that want to hang out with me is the guys in the garage all day long. The only people that want to hang out with me is the guys in the garage. Early morning dick suckers. What a world we live in. The internet is something else too, boy.

I'll tell you, that's the other thing. It's so easy. Yeah, that was half of it. Prior to the internet, good luck finding a guy that's going to come over and suck your dick at 10 o'clock in the morning. You're going to go ahead and meet him. Yeah, and invest time and be like, yeah, I would turn that thing on and I would have like 30 guys.

That is insane. I'll come over and suck you up right now. And I'd be like, this one. You had options to turn down. Multiple. Wow. And then it got to the point where like, what's the weirdest one? You know, because I'd be sick of like the hottest one.

You'd be like, that's never done that before. That one's sketchy. Let's see what it's like. Turns out I like sketchy. Let's go sketch again. You know. Jesus. And then a night is what?

Are you trying to get up and do stand up or? Oh, this is before stand up. OK. When I got into stand up is when I got dropped from Sirius. That's when things started to kind of slap me in the face, where it's like, hey, man, you're not a millionaire anymore. You might not be any bear anymore. It was like, oh, you got to get to work.

And then I was like, well, I don't have to work five days a week. I always wanted to try stand up. So let's go, you know, let's do it. And it was so hard and nerve wracking that it got me. And then when I bombed a couple of times, when I drove home, there was this thing happening to me where I was like, nah, nah, that ain't going to be me. Like, I'm going to be back. I'm going to figure it out. What did I do wrong? And I'm like, and then I realized, I'm like, you're talking to yourself like you used to with skating. You love this because you, you wouldn't care if you did bad.

You'd be like, man, it's not for me, but I cared. It hurt. It stung. Like I couldn't sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night. I'd be like, God damn it. Why did you say that? Like dude, have a plan, you know, like and I'd stew on it, but still no way of fixing it.

Just stress about it. Because I'm like, I don't know how to write. I don't know how you write. I don't know what's a good story. What's a bad story. I don't know what face you do. I don't know how to hold the microphone. That guy holds it on the end.

Why is everyone holding the microphone on the end? Dancing holds it on the front of the, you know what I mean? I'm like, this is how you hold a microphone like, you know, like, oh, maybe it's that maybe it's this. Eddie Murphy walk. Did you know someone told Eddie Murphy you should walk and I'm like, I didn't know that. I'll walk like just it's gone. I'm obsessed. I can't stop thinking about it. I got to figure it out. And then seeing some good guys you and Tim

Dillons and people where I'm like, these guys, they don't even have to have a plan. They just get up and it just comes out. I'm like, I want that. I want that. And then from being good at skateboarding, being good at radio, getting money, getting pats on the back, and knowing after it's all gone and said and done,

that's not what matters. What matters is being good at it. Like when skateboarding, like people are like, Hey, Jason, I was like, that's cool. And I'm like, that's flattering, but I don't give a shit. What I care about is what I can do on a skateboard by myself. And I know that if I work at comedy that I will get that from comedy. So I don't care about, I mean, I want to get dates.

You'll get it in everything. You'll get it in sobriety. You'll get it in change. You'll get it in sobriety. You'll get it in change. You'll get it in everything. I had, dude, I have moments of sobriety where I've never been better, where I'm like, I will never go back, dude. I will never go back. You don't ever see yourself smoking a joint again. Cause you can't just smoke one or because. Even if I could, it's not a, it's my son. He knows I'm sober. I'm not letting him down.

I'm showing him that it can be done. But more importantly for me, I've done it, dude. I've tried every avenue of like just a dabble. I only have glasses of wine at dinner. Like everything I'll only do coke on the weekend. Like everything I've ever heard me say to myself is bullshit. Like right now the tick tock, the clock is running out, dude. And how do I get to where I want to be? Any weed, anything, any cheese, fake sugar,

any of that shit is taking minutes off my success. And I don't have time for it anymore. And I want, I know what I want right now. And it's never been clearer to me what I want. I want to be a good fucking person who's good at their job. And you can count on me. And if I do any of those things, that just takes a little percent off the chances of it of it failing. And I can't have that I cannot die without getting to this spot where I'm like, you can count on me. You know, I can count on me, man, cause I'm lying to myself, dude. I've been lying to myself my whole life.

I don't do this anymore. I'm not gay anymore. People blow me a couple of times while I was saying that. And then it became to the point where I was like, stop lying to yourself. Did you just say people are blowing you while you're saying I'm not gay? Yes. I don't cheat anymore. I cheated. Highlights the lowlights of not being gay anymore.

It's mainly lowlights. the highlight is being on the couch with my hairless cat going, you know, there you go, Jason, you didn't get out. Oh, congratulations. Dude, I love you. I'm glad you're sober. I'm glad you're doing so. I don't want to see you go anywhere. You need to be around, dude. You got kids. The world needs you. People need you. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. I know it's not easy to talk about and laugh about.

We got to laugh about it, you know. That's what this is all about. And I'm still good. Like, I'm still lucky. I'm still, you know what I mean? I got I got a lot more than a lot of people have. Dude, I sit and do the Patreon, subscribe every week. And after I leave that show, I'm like, I'm fucking OK.

Right. That's what I'm saying. It's just more this like ego that's like, you're not what you were. And I'm like, dude, get off me, you know? Like, I'm fine, you know? You are. Promote whatever you'd like again. Tour dates, your podcast, all that stuff.

Yeah, the Jason L show, and then the Jason L show has a Patreon. I do four shows a week on there. I do my own solo show, which is pretty intense these days. Awesome world every Monday. So it's patreon.com slash Alice mate. Uh, and then Hawk versus Wolf. I do a podcast with Tony Hawk every week that's available everywhere.

Father grind at the father grind on Instagram. I think the video by the time this comes out will be out. It's like a 10 videos on YouTube. You can buy I have skateboards, trucks, wheels, bearings, razor, riser pads, pads, the right shoes, everything that a guy in his 40s would want to have to learn how to skate and be successful at it and not go to the E.R. That's my main goal is skate, have fun,

get another one of your old buddies and skate and have a really good time and not be crippled. Cause I feel like that's a thing that deters people when they're older. I am old. I know what it's like to fall on the ground. It's not the same as it used to be. Dude, if fall on the ground, get up these days. My, I got whiplash in my neck for two days. I'm like, what the fuck is that from that fall? Sometimes I skate at Tony's and I don't fall and I wake up and I'm like, Oh, yeah.

What is that? What's that? So I get it. Yeah. Thank you, bud. Thank you. Uh, as always Ryan Sickler on all your social media, come see me on tour. Tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com.

We'll talk to you all next week.