The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jason Ellis - HoneyEllis

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Jason Ellis! (The Jason Ellis Show, Hawk Vs. Wolf) Jason Highlights the Lowlights of his struggles with sexuality, marriage, and relationships. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order Athletic Greens -Go to https://www.athleticgreens.com/HONEYDEW to get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase

I have a daughter who's eight, and her brother just turned 18. Okay, this is my stepson. And this is only a guy thing, too. Loves to walk by me and act like he's going to backhand my ball bag. Like, loves it. Loves it. See, listen to the laughter in the room. It's Basie. It's Basie, because it's only guys that do this shit. Here's the thing.

Every man in here has either done it or had it done to him. Okay? And we don't even get mad. I know one time a guy got me so good he was like when i was like oh whoa oh i feel that my spinal fluid oh somebody get a tape measure i might be six foot for the only time in my life oh dude right on the tip, it stings. It fucking stings. I've had dudes do that to me at the office. Yeah, at work. Could you imagine walking into a store

and seeing two women do that to each other? Some lady's just like... I got you, Cheryl! I got you right in your pussy, Cheryl! Keep wearing those Lululemons on casual Fridays. I'm going to backhand that pussy every Friday, Cheryl. Hey, guys, I just want to say thank you so much. My special lefty son is out, and we are at the time of this recording,

we're already over 300,000 views. So thank you so much. I appreciate all your support. If you haven't watched it yet, I promise you it's a great watch. I directed this thing. I produced it. I put a lot of time into this thing. I was in the hospital dying and still making notes on it.

So go watch it. If you haven't yet, share it, like it, comment on it, get it out there in that algorithm. Go support Leftyy son it's available on my youtube now and it is free thank you for your support the honeydew with ryan sickler welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media.

And I want to say thank you guys for being here again, for always coming back. If you haven't subscribed yet, subscribe to the YouTube channel. They keep demonetizing us for every episode because we talk about real things and they don't like real words on YouTube. So in order to find us, you got to go find us. So hit subscribe. That way it always pops up for you. All right. If you got to have more than you got to check out the honeydew with y'all. It is, I'm telling you, it's the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. And we just talked to a kid who was in the classroom of the Michigan State shooting,

where unfortunately two students in his class died. Just talked to a double lung transplant patient. And the way he got the lungs is, and what happened is insane. You got to check this show out. I'm telling you, it's staying five bucks and it's every week and you get the honey do a day early. You get it ad free and you get it at no additional cost. And if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honey do podcast at Gmail dot com. And if you're looking for a new podcast, listen to my old podcast. It's an audio-only storytelling podcast with all your favorites from every podcast you listen to now. It's called The Crab Feast.

It's out there. Subscribe to that. All right? Dates. May 26th and May 27th, I'll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana. June 23rd and 24th, I'll be in Tacoma, Washington. July 7th and 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin. July 21st and 22nd, Tulsa, Oklahoma. And make sure you are watching my special Lefty Son on YouTube. All right? Go get it. It's right there for free on my YouTube channel. And that's it. Now, you guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. And you know,

I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. Some storytellers continue to have stories behind them, and we're grateful for that, and we're grateful for them being here, and I'm very excited to have this guest back on The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jason Ellis. Welcome back to The Honeydew, Jason Ellis. Thanks, man. With the hottest fucking Soma Hayek shirt.

I said to you before, that's the hottest non-nude scene in film. You know, when I saw that movie, I didn't know that anybody turned into a vampire. Me either. I was just super high. Me either. I had no idea. And then all of a sudden. So when that happened, I was like, what the?

Me too, dude. I was really stoked. It made it so much better when you don't know that Selma Hayek is. I was like, they the? Me too, dude. I was really stoked. It made it so much better when you don't know that Selma Hines. I was like, they're all vampires? Yeah. Yeah, she is something else than that. You're something else, dude. Thank you for being here.

I know we're going to talk about some shit. Today actually is my 50th birthday. We recorded this a few weeks ago, obviously, but today is my 50th birthday. And before we talk about that, i want you to plug and promote everything jason ellis okay so i have a patreon um where you know there's a guy on there talking about bad stuff happening to him all the time so patreon.com slash ellis mate uh and then i have the jason ellis podcast available everywhere and hawk versus wolf it's a podcast that myself and tony hawk do she's telling you to come up on the mic she's out there or at least like angle it up

to you yeah so tony i do a podcast with tony hawk called hawk versus wolf that's available everywhere youtube all that stuff um and i i got Knives clothing. I now have it through another company, notdeadyet.com, so I'm kind of doing a collaboration with them. They make really good stuff, and they were like, do you want to – could we make like a Wolf Knives collabo? And I was like, what about if you just made everything from here on out? And they were like, yeah, but you'll make less money.

I'm like, yeah, but your stuff is good. So I don't really, I want good stuff, not cheap stuff. So it's a little more expensive, but I really love it now. I love wearing it and training in it. So that's good because I used to have to get custom T-shirts made of the T-shirts that I sold because it was through a company that makes the lowest grade t-shirt and i'm a t-shirt like i don't like the neck is janked or whatever like i can't live dude like if you pull that and i know it's janked like i gotta go yeah that one it'll curl a little bit i'm like nah this is gone retro t-shirts like, oh, so bad. So you turned 50 how long ago? Not too long ago.

Yeah, I'm 51, so a year ago. And you invited me to the party at the time. And you rented what, a mansion in the hills? Mansion, yeah. So let's talk about your 50th birthday and let's talk about mine. What have you done so far on your 50th birthday? So far today, I woke up. I took my daughter to school

this morning happy birthday thank you dropped her off she wish i could have come to that it sounds like a party i can't wait to hear yours because i got invited to this party yeah uh and i did not go because i had my daughter at the time and um i took her to school this morning made her breakfast we got ready took her and school this morning, made her breakfast. We got ready, took her and the dog, dropped my daughter off at school. I went back to my place, did a little work, talked to Brandy for a little bit on the call, and then came here. Other people have texted me, happy birthday. I've been responding to that. And then I came here to sit with you. Now, that's where I'm going to stop because I'm going to tell you the rest of what I have after you tell me how you celebrated your 50th birthday because I would like to see how it started.

Right. And then I had three girls and my wife come over to bang me. Again, how many? Four girls. And your wife. No, a total of four girls and me. Okay. Yeah.

And I have a fivesome. And a videographer. And a videographer. A guy who's just watching it, recording it. Yeah, that was weird. Whose idea was that, yours? Yeah, I've always wanted to have a tensome. Tensome? Yeah, I wanted to make a million dollars and have a tensome.

Is a tensome you and nine women? Yeah. Okay. And then my first wife said, when you make a million dollars, sure. And then I made a million dollars, and she was like, no. I didn't think you were going to make a million dollars. I'm like, that's fair. I didn't either.

Fair. So I was like, oh, there goes that. But then I got a divorce, and then I got married to someone who was like, oh, there goes that. But then I got a divorce and then I got married to someone who's like, you know, into doing stuff like that. But you could just never get nine. It's hard. And I'm 50. Not a lot of people want to sleep with 50-year-olds, so I get it.

Had you had a five some before? What was the most you had? That's the most I've had. What was the most you had prior to that um foursomes okay yeah so fivesome was one step up on the end of that yeah yeah okay there was a trans girl that was coming too but she came later so all it was almost a six-some, which would have been legendary. But anyway, I got a little nervous and I didn't eat all day and I thought they were going to do it and then they didn't do it

and it went until way later in the day. And then when it started, they were like, okay, go, and they're all on the bed and they're like, you just walk in and, you know, plow everybody. And I'm like, okay. And my dick just didn't really want to answer. It was like too much pressure and it was kind of up and I was trying to get it to go up more and just,

it just escalated. And, and then I was like, I'm out. How long did you try? I got the worst part. Is there some guy over there? No, that was half the, I was like, man, is he filming me? Yeah. And the worst part is there's some guy over there watching.

No, that was half the... I was like, man, is he filming me not hard? Yeah, of course he is. Trying to shove like a sock in a pussy right now. Somebody should have... He's zooming in on it. Such a bad time. Started sneaking off into the corner and eating eating somebody's butt she'll be like

yeah maybe it'll come back it just didn't so how long did you try to get your dick hard on your five some for your 50th like i did i was in the game for about 20 and then they finished it off for the last 15 by themselves and i just sat there contemplating suicide and then yeah it happens don't worry about directing did you just tell this guy like no i just sat there it's like it's your birthday try not to get too depressed about ruining this whole thing and then they were like we get it some people you know like when it's cameras and that many girls it can happen to a guy we've seen it before who's who's saying this all the girls because this is their their porn girls then yeah okay they are yeah they're professionals all right they're not just friendly yeah they're like for how long you've been involved

in stuff like it's a lot you know like we're not worried about it and then the trans girl came over and then i took a boner pill and when she came over i was back up and running so i filmed some stuff with her and then i think there was a little bit of a conversation about how gay jason is potentially and then at the end of the night i was told i'm just laughing because it's my birthday. Because it was really cool. All these things are really cool. But it was also like I was told that maybe you're gay. And I was like, you're going to say that on my birthday?

You are. Because you're the only one that really knows me. Who's saying this? My wife. The trans girl or your wife? And, you know, the next day she was like i was drunk i didn't mean it but it did something to me for sure offended you it shouldn't offend me but yeah well i thought you liked men yeah but i'm mainly straight okay but i think I've been getting a lot gayer lately. I feel like I just didn't know myself.

What do you mean by that? I did stuff with guys every now and then, and it was very hetero. You can suck it, but you're not kissing me. There's certain things that I won't do because it's too gay. We touched on a little bit. No, I didn't mean that in that way. Last time we talked about this, but we didn't go there so kissing is off what else is off limits well it's not anymore okay well before raging homo before you get to being a raging homo before what were your sort of rules you just suck it don't put your face near my face you know there's

no cuddling or fuck no no i'm not hugging you at all no no that's me outside yeah because i love you and i've got pass it all now good but at the time i'm not gay but i hug the shit out of you yeah well i'm not it's a different hug you know it is to like spoon it's like dude you're crazy i can't do that but now i can because you know you are i know who i am a little bit more now and it does well hold on a second you took the boner pill got fired up for the trans girl then it becomes how gay is jason maybe you're gay yep do you think that happens to your dick if you don't take the boner pill? I was out for the day. If I didn't take that boner pill, it wouldn't have got up.

I should have taken one right before. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Yeah. Or even when it didn't work, I'd have been like, just give me a minute here. Yeah. Everybody eat pussies up. Give me 40 minutes. I didn't have the courage to say that.

I was like like everyone's going i'll just move out i'll move out it was really bad i'm surprised i'm so me too because i'm like if you don't take this pill your dick doesn't get hard so you also don't fuck the trans girl then you don't even have the whole conversation of how gay is jason yeah yeah that would have been better yeah so what bothered you about your wife saying that because i had to contemplate that it might be true and that's what bothered you yeah and so that's why you spend your 50th birthday contemplating like am i if you're gay and how gay are i am i yeah okay can i finish my birthday You're obviously going somewhere to party after this, right?

Right after this. Today at 2 o'clock, I'm going to look at a new apartment or home or whatever over here in this area, trying to get closer to my daughter's neighborhood because it's outrageously expensive. Okay. And so was this hospital stay. And I'm going to go do that. And then I'm going to pick her up at school. And I'm going to take her to dance class.

And I'm going to sit at dance class where there's a jacket that says dance dad that she wants me to get. And I'm like, nah. I bought her and her friend jackets last week, dance jackets. I paid in everybody's mouths and everybody peed in mine. Very different birthdays. Right? Very different. After dance class, I'm taking her to her mom's and I'm going to go home.

And maybe I have dinner with Dan Van Kirk tonight and maybe I just fucking lay on the couch and watch the new Mandalorian. And that's my 50th fucking birthday dude wow now i in my defense i know i i've never been a birthday guy i've never been a dude i've never have i mean i've been with plenty of women where at work or whatever too where we'll go to a place and i one of them will say this place is cute i'm gonna have my birthday here i've that's never been a sentence that's come out of my mouth i think i'll have my birthday here has never been a sentence i've uttered right i don't look at a venue when i walk in as a place i may come back to celebrate with friends outside of if it's a restaurant i'll bring you because i like this place we're gonna go eat sushi here okay we're not gonna throw a festive event here right i've definitely i mean why don't you celebrate your birthday i don't know i don't know i've just never been too manly

to do it but but i'm not you know what i mean i'm really not i have i have you just have such an anti-ego no i'm an ego guy like you don't like i'm anti the ego right so that so celebrating your birthday is a little egotistical yeah you. When someone goes, it's my birthday week, you're like, it's not a week. You don't get to say week. But then enough people around me said it where I was like, I'm having a birthday week. Well, after you have a near-death experience too, you start to think about shit like that. Like, hey, so this 50th birthday, it hasn't lost its shine in the sense that I'm so glad to be here for another one. But 51, it's going to be way more important than 50 now.

And 52, you know what I'm saying? So this nice round number of 50 is awesome. I'm glad I made it here. But as far as the way I was looking at it before I almost died and the way I'm looking at it after, two different fucking ways. 53 is my pressure cooker. That's when my dad died. So if I make it to 54, I beat him. Yeah.

My dad died at 42. And I almost died at 42. That's when I first discovered I had these clots and everything. Exactly at that time. Oh, wow. Same way, same everything. Now I hit 50 50 i'm trying to get 53 more years out of this fucking computer right here i mean you've told the story on here

already right yes it has air by now yes because you told me today and i'm like dude as a person that's had health problems where they're like you're having a heart attack you sent me flowers and everything yeah and i mask. And an eye mask. I did. That you thought was funny and it came in so fucking heavy. It did. I sweat through the other one I had. Good. I was in there sweet dripping.

I wasn't sure what the – I was like, I really did love it, dude. Thank you. Good. No worries. Yeah. But yeah, it was a scary thing. And now, you know, I wanted to go on a vacation.

I still can't fly yet my back's still fucked up you know my lungs still have clots but i'm i'm okay with like they just have to go away so it's all good but you have a fivesome what i could you right now hell no no they break me in half dude they break me and i would be listen i can have the one you had. Hey, I still. I can sit over there and tell them what to do. I still nailed three of them before I finished. I just was thinking I was going to be the champion. There ain't no fivesome in this back right now. I promise you that.

There's no fivesome coming out of here. But not once have I thought, I like to piss in somebody's mouth on my 50th birthday. That's a thought that doesn't cross my mind. Or having someone piss in mine. I hadn't thought of it. I don't know that I've met women. And here's the other thing. I wonder.

I've been around pee drinkers a lot. Like in the last five to six years, the amount of pee that has crossed my mouth and everybody else that I hang out with. This is definitely a demonetized episode. Who cares? Who cares? They all are.

Sorry. Everybody out there is making money on YouTube. I'm not making shit on YouTube. They demonetize almost every episode. What is that? It's just life, you know? I wonder. I wonder how many women, like, because you date a girl in high school.

She's not into whatever she's into in high school yet. Who knows where they go? Or in a guy, too. Who knows what they've evolved into? So I wonder. Maybe, sure, maybe somewhere in my past there was a pee drinker, but I didn't get the opportunity. I only had one girl that wanted me to pee on her, and I peed on her in the shower. That was it.

Her leg. It's a starter kit. It's a starter kit. That's exactly what that is. It progresses. Yeah. But you, the thing I love about you is you're a fucking man. Am I?

I saw the clip of you and Dr. Drew where you said, if we were walking down the street and you just ran up the two strangers and said, which one of us is gay? It's definitely, and it is, it is. He looks gay as hell. That's what society thinks though.

Yeah. And what I love about you is that you're every bit of fucking man, but you're unashamed of who you are and you're still learning well you're still learning who you really are yeah right more and more we all are hopefully if you're really working on yourself but i wish an aaron rogers uh a fucking like uh patrick my home somebody on a level lebron or whatever will come out and be like, no, I'm gay. No, you're not really gay. No, no, no. I fuck men, and I am gay as shit, and I love it.

There's no way statistically you take the entire NFL with all those men on every fucking team and the NBA and tell me there's not one gay guy in that group. Bullshit. Bullshit. It's not statistically possible there's no way i'm the only one there's no way you know like i'm just the only guy that is into like manly stuff and blown dudes like no it's just a thing that if you're like me and you live in this area of influence, it's not a good idea to say you do that.

People get bummed out. Yeah, it follows you because the sports you chose, skateboarding, I remember you telling me, especially back then, it was not cool to be gay in skateboarding and you were harassed. MMA is another sport that I feel like it's probably not a great idea to be an open one guy wore the rainbow shorts and the amount of heat he took for wearing shorts that had a rainbow on it it scared me when i saw all the people saying stuff i was like note to self you fucked up and now you're in comedy entertainment podcasting whatever again

not an environment that you feel you feel the same way you feel it's it's on parallel to uh the skateboarding days and the mma days worse same no i don't think it's bad at all oh you don't i think sometimes like when you said appleton wisconsin i did a gig there and i think my comedy like i kind of have a lot i have like a like 20 18 minute bit about being gay that was more like two minutes in appleton yeah because i had this feeling that people were like what nah dude you know and i was like oh okay so it's not everywhere but comic wise i don't think anybody hates me for talking about that stuff i haven't i haven't caught it where someone's like really dude that's what you're gonna talk about only fans that that are old school fans when i was totally straight and they feel

let down and i get it i understand it really you have fans who feel let down that you are not who you were then or you don't fuck who you used to fuck then i still do i just added some people to my list. When was the first homosexual experience you had that you wanted to have? Yeah, that's tough. What age? Because there were two boys when I was young that just blew me out of nowhere that were my friends. And I'm like, what the hell? One guy in a jacuzzi.

How old? 17. And then another time when I was like 14, I had a skateboard buddy, and he just started blowing me in his room. And his mom came in. No. Yeah. And saw it?

For sure. Like I flipped around or whatever, and he tried to like spin around. But, you know, when you're a parent and you open the door and two kids are doing something they shouldn't it was when i think about it now i'm like she totally saw it did she say anything no just shut the door yeah just whoa okay you guys need some lunch or something and uh and he was like your son's getting a mouthful now bro your son's getting a mouthful now, man. So I don't think I ever went for one until I was probably 30s when I took a bunch of ecstasy.

And I'd been to a gay club before. And when I took it, I just didn't want to hang out with my friends. And I left and went there. And then a big guy who was a cross-dresser, real big, had heels on, but he was probably like a 280 guy, and the big hair and stuff. So he looked like he was seven feet tall. And he was just eyeing me out at the bar. And then he came over, and he's like, hey, man, let me blow you. And I was like, okay.

But I agreed to that. That was the first time someone asked permission and the first time you said okay. Mm-hmm. All right. And then the convenience of it being such a horndog where somebody just blows you and says thank you and leaves that was hard not to go back there listen i i know that being gay is a it's in your fiber it's in your dna it's in your makeup it's who you are and i know that because i can't tell you how enticing a fucking can i suck your dick?

Yup. Bang, bang, bang. I'm out of here. Never see you again. Thank you so much sounds. Yeah. I just can't get past the fact that it's a man doing it. And that's how I know gay is not a choice.

Right. That's how you know. I have a bit in my standup where it's like if nobody existed and no one was going to point you out for doing something wrong and some guy was just saying, hey, man, let me blow you in. I'm out of here. I just want you to finish. That's it.

I mean, how bad is a blowjob? It's usually pretty good, and I hate to say it, but guys, their level of blow job it's usually better come on do they know dicks but do you feel like women eat pussy better than two then because they they know pussy yep they know theirs on average yeah so a male blow job in your experience has been better than a female blow job i mean there a couple of girls out there that you're like, whoa, you know. Where'd you learn that? Yeah.

How long you been doing this? But guys, it's just that they all – because it's just how much you like doing it too, I think. Like a good blowjob is someone who enjoys giving it. Yeah, I would agree with that. And I feel like gay guys – But also women are very – every woman is different. Like some are coming clitorally, some are coming vaginally, some are coming anally, some are coming all of them,

some are squirting, some are this. A guy, if you just grab it and grip it and you move it up and down, eventually. Yep, he can figure it out pretty quick. Done. So it's. It's it. It's all you got to do.

It's a really cool scene if you're me. You know, because once I got past everybody's opinion of it, it's a it's a really cool scene if you're me you know because once i got past everybody's opinion of it it's what i am it's what i like to do opinion of what of you being with men yeah because it hurts you know did you keep it quiet for a while oh yeah you did yeah i wasn't sure what i was i was like maybe you just do why do you say so when you sure what I was. I was like, maybe you just do drugs. So when you say what I was, are you talking about gay, straight, and not just being a person? Being gay or straight.

And is it confusing because it's not defined for someone like you, meaning you like to fuck everything? It just didn't add up that I would be gay. It didn't make any sense. To you? Yeah. Okay. didn't add up that i would be gay it didn't make any sense all the things you yeah okay and i grew up in a way where if you're gay there's something wrong with you so i think i just denied it well we're the same age pretty much and even when i grew up like it didn't matter what you did i i

can't play sports today guys i have a cold it's fucking queer over here you're being gay everything i said that to people everything was being yeah yeah yeah you're i was one of the worst ones at that yeah oh come on homo like just get out fucking suck it up let's go yeah yeah yeah so i think i kind of accidentally talked myself into being the complete opposite of what i am So do you think then that you dove literally into women to overcompensate for that or to bury that or hide that? Or did you not even think that? No, I definitely didn't think that. So you do enjoy sex with women? Yeah.

Okay. It just seems like lately I might be gay. Are you surprised that in your 50s you're coming to that now? Yeah. Or is it not a surprise? No, it's devastating. Why? Why is it devastating?

Because it's harder. I don't need to make my life any harder. It's already hard enough. And now I'm doing this to people. People are hurt. Hurt by you being gay? Yeah. Why?

I mean, I don't think my wife, you know, would prefer if I was a bit, you know, I've got gayer over the years. And I don't know if she's that into it. So I hurt her because I was something and now I'm something different. Same with the fans. Like you're selling one thing and now you're another. Well, what were you selling before that you aren't now you know a mindless heterosexual like aggressive

alpha dickhead and now i'm the same thing but you're not heterosexual well no it's changed my opinion of a lot of stuff you know i feel like i't know. I'm a bit more of a libtard. Like I feel like, you know, people trying to ban drag queens and stuff is just like maybe 20 years ago I wouldn't have reacted to it. But now I'm like, what is wrong with you? Why are we doing this to people? What is your aggressions towards trans people? I think you've got to know them, you know, because to me I have a lot of non-binary and trans friends, and I know them, I love them.

I love the person that they are, and I see how society hurts them, and I feel bad for them, you know. I do it, I still do it to them where i go hey how you know how's she going and and someone will go how are they going and i go ah you know and my friend is like it's been like five years jason and i'm like you know i got this dumb man brain but if you're a trans so here's where i get ignorant too if you're a trans woman you're not a she well no that's if you're a trans woman is if you're a trans man which means you're born a lady and now you're a man you're not a he yeah they get top surgery they take uh testosterone and they became they get

jacked and they get a lot manlier their voice gets deeper deeper, all that stuff. They're a man. Calling them a man or me mate or, you know. Him. Yeah. Is not offensive. That's all they want. Okay. So it's not that hard for me to say that. Then what are you saying she that's offensive that should be a they?

Well, these are the, see, those ones were easy for me to figure out. Like if you're a trans girl, which means born a guy and now you're a girl. That's a she. You're a girl. You're a she. That's all you want to be. It was easy for me. Okay.

Especially when you look like ridiculously hot lady. It's not hard. But then there's non-binary. So I have friends that are born a woman that are not, they didn't take testosterone. They might have like a shorter haircut or something something a little different but just a hot chick who is non-binary so they're they them and the they them to a really cute girl that when i first met them they were a girl and now i have to do the they them or or or they want to be he so it's hard to adjust to that stuff.

But I just know. Well, especially if you knew him first in one way. Well, okay, so that. I've been calling somebody her for 10 years, and now they're him. And I go, hey, man, how are you? But don't you think he should also give a little leeway to people? See, that's. It's not a light switch.

The one that I'm talking about is way cooler with, I'll be like, I've stumbled several times and they go, I don't even care, honestly. But her partner, they, them partner, it cuts her, you know? And I care for her and I really would prefer to say something that she likes to hear. That's all. And when everyone gets angry about it and we got to stop them, I just think of her when I see it and I go, man, I wonder how they feel when they're watching this.

They're just like, we're banning gays. I'd be like, wait, am I getting deported for sucking a dick is that what's coming it's coming down to because it's not i didn't forcefully blow anyone like they were like can you blow me apparently you can forcefully fuck kids and everything and still be a comedian you know you can rape people and still be a comedian is am i wrong i don't think i am from what i've heard no you're not apparently you can do whatever the fuck you want and still be a comedian. Am I wrong? I don't think I am. From what I've heard, no, you're not. Apparently, you can do whatever the fuck you want and still be a comedian, it sounds like. I don't want to be in this.

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You say you're getting gayer. You might be gay. You're 53. What's going on with that? It's hard to assure, but are you not doing anything about it? You're a fucking man with a sex drive. So how are you handling that? Yeah, I don't know.

I feel like it's really hard. I feel I don't know if I can date a man. I don't know. I don't know if I can date anyone.. I don't know. I don't know if I can date anyone. I feel bad for anybody that dates me. Why? Because I'm always trying to bone somebody. Trying to what?

Have sex with guys and girls all the time. So then why do you want to be married? What's that longing? Well, I thought we had an open relationship, but I feel like it's kind of got to the point where I'm going too far and she's the opposite now. She's less into all that stuff. And I can't stop it.

It's what I want to be. That would make me happy. I go to work, and then at night I get laid with anybody. Do you believe in an open marriage now after having one? Yeah, but if you're not, that's what I'm saying. Things have changed. What she really wants and what I really want are two different things. People grow apart.

Sure. It doesn't have to. Also, people change. They don't necessarily grow apart. They just change too. Like I'm into this now, but I'm not. Because I love her. I will always love her.

But I feel bad for her being around me now. You feel bad? Yeah, like, she wants to break up with me, and I kind of don't blame her. So it's really bad, man. I can't believe i'm here so then how do you this is a tough question i guess like if you guys get a divorce and you feel now that you're a gay man do you ever fuck women again do you ever date women again or if you're a gay man are you just men now no no i really so then is that not not gay like what i don't understand isn't that what's it called when you uh uh not poly um it might might see i might be more like

that is that poly when you because you say you'll fuck anything is what you always jokingly say this but i'm saying is is that what someone who's poly is? Well, then you have – Or is that a relationship? You date people. You have relationships with more than one person. Polyamorous is more than one person. Open was more like you can sleep with anybody as long as you get permission.

But what is it when you don't care? You love men. Pansexual. Thank you, first. That's what I am. Pansexual. But that's different than gay. Yeah.

Aren't there gay men and women who are like, no, I just like women. I just like men. I just feel like if you like men a lot and you're still pan, it's hard for a girl to date that person. I see. Okay. It's a lot of pressure on them, and it's not fair. So what is it actually you're thinking are you thinking that you wouldn't have sex with women anymore just men

no everybody's still on the list so then so then why are you saying you might be gay i'm just more gay than i've ever been and i told you it's harder for a woman. You can't date me. You know? It's too much for, unless the woman also wants to do that. But in your experience, women want to be in relationships, not want to do it. I mean, I've met poly people, but I've never dated one. No. And I just, I feel bad. If I really am getting divorced, I don't want to put myself on anyone.

I think at this point. Also, maybe it's a good time for you to be single right now. And also, maybe you're just more into guys now. Maybe it's two years, and then all of a sudden you're into whatever the hell else you're into over there. Maybe it's trans ladies after that. Just that for a while. Who knows? I doubt it. You've had sex with trans ladies after that yeah just that for a while who knows yeah i doubt it but you've had sex with trans ladies and trans men i was gonna ask the other way yes

and trans men what do you find yourself more attracted to the trans ladies or the trans men uh i mean it depends on your look you know But there's some really hot trans men that they kind of make sense to me because, you know, I like vaginas and I like the manly part too. So a man with a vagina or a man who used to be a man is now a woman with a vagina. Right. Oh, that's the full surgery. Oh. Yeah, because if you're a transsexual, you're usually a lady with a vagina right oh well that's the full surgery that's oh that's yeah because if you're a

transsexual you're usually a lady with a penis oh you do still keep the penis your actual penis yeah yep and then there's uh wait stop there translate so we've got breast and a penis yep are is the penis in play during sex time or do they just want to be a lady? Not everybody, but it depends. It depends. Yeah. Sometimes it's very obvious that they don't want you to treat them like a man. And then some of them have raging boners and want to, you know, poke you with it. Oh, so they don't want to just.

Some trans girls are tops. And they just want to be the top. I mean. Which is, it's interesting. This is an eye opener. It's a lot of openings. I mean, if your butt works like that, you know. What about the other way?

With a vagina. Mm-hmm. Can you penetrate that vagina? Mm-hmm. Do they have orgasms and feelings can you act it works for a used to be a man and now has a vagina and it works yeah really yeah i had a threesome with one with katie and i big black girl huge ass but she's full had the full op she had a vagina now what about the other way women with a penis yeah well it depends on how long they've been huge ass, but she had the full op. She had a vagina.

Now, what about the other way, women with a penis? Yeah, well, it depends on how long they've been doing it. It'll get hard and stuff. If they take testosterone and they have from like 18 to 40, they're going to have a big pussy because it makes their clit turn into a penis. Oh, I see. Okay, so I've seen muscle building videos videos they get little boners yeah where they showed the clit and it looked like the head of a dick it really did and now they were like well that's the penis so if you take steroids that thing will get actually grow like you lick it like a vagina vagina but you also suck the little penis sorry i learned so much on this show i don't know how

much of it i need to know moving forward check out my patreon you guys there's plenty more definitely some nuggets of uh knowledge on this goddamn show all. But you're just attracted right now to men born men? No. That's what you mean by you've been getting gayer lately? What do you mean by that? Well, I'm trying to – at the start, my gayness was very I'm a straight guy and I don't get – I had little issues with it. and I don't get, I had little issues with it. Like I didn't feel comfortable hugging a guy in that way, maybe feel uncomfortable.

So now I'm, you know, like I have a friend who's, I've been seeing for like, you know, like seven years or something. I love him and I'll hug the shit out of that guy. But that never was the case for the longest time so it just you know being like bottoming for guys and stuff i don't think a lot of girls think that's a turn on and that's fine but i also don't want to bum anybody out especially somebody i really care about i don't want to bum anybody out, especially somebody I really care about. I don't want to make them feel like I'm gross. Do you think that most straight women don't want to date a man who's even bisexual? Mm-hmm.

For sure. They just don't want any part of any man on man. Yes. They just want a man to be with them. Yeah. Which is fine. It's normal. which is fine it's normal but i don't understand what what is it you're looking for in marriage then that you if it's not exclusivity with this one person is it exclusive to emotions like are you is everyone else just an itch that needs to be scratched i've ruined it i've this

is all my fault dude like i i talk to talk to people, I start sleeping with them, and then I have feelings for them, and now they're my friend, and I love them, and we bone. It's not fair to Katie. Oh, you mean that's what you would do during your open relationship? It happened a couple times. And then you get friendly to them. They're not just a one-off and off into the night you go

right because the is that what i started to do that type of relationship to me it was healthier to just have sex with somebody you don't really care for is not good so i changed and now i have like a few regulars and that's all i see i don't see randoms anymore because there's too many stds out there and i want to bring it home so i only try to hook up with people that i can trust that get tested and all that stuff so let me ask it this way then you've got these few regulars they're satisfying your sexual needs yeah what is it about the marriage what is it about the marriage? What is it about the wife that's different? What is it that you wanted out of that that these holes you're filling or being filled by are not fulfilling? I thought I had a teammate that was into exactly what I was into. Like the reason I came out in the first place is because Katie was like,

are you bi? And I was like, maybe. And she's like, oh, it's so hot. Not I'll put up with it. It was hot. But I think now that it's flourishing, it's hard to deal with me. You know, like I bone her and then later that night I'm trying to get boned. It's too much.

You know, I feel, but it's what I want. So it's like, what do I do? And, you know, now she's like, she's sick of me for doing stuff like this, liking photos of people I'm not supposed to be talking to. I'm a nightmare, and I can't help it. It's like what I want, I think. I'm scared of being alone. I've always tried to lean on somebody because I feel uneducated

and I can't buy things with my credit card or my phone because I feel like uneducated and I can't like buy things with my credit card or my phone because I don't know how to like do you know I'm pretty childish um and I just you know I had a partner that was we were together on this and now I feel like I've gone I'm putting stress on her that she doesn't deserve, you know, because she lets me do more than, I don't know, anybody else. That I've heard say my wife is like, yeah, go sleep with that guy and that girl and have a fivesome. I'll help organize it, you know? Yeah.

And then to be like, no, I need more. Dude, this is all your fault. How would you feel when you're – would your wife partake in sleeping with other men and women without you the way you did without her? Mm-hmm. And how do you feel when you're would your wife partake in sleeping with other men and women without you the way you did without her and how do you feel about that um depends sometimes i'd be a bit jealous but i knew that it was right because i was doing it jealous of what um the thing that she would not like is the emotional connection. And obviously for her to hook up with a guy, she needs to really care for them.

She's not going to just let anybody put it in. So I get that. But when I started copying her in that way, because I want to sleep with people all week. Different people. Yeah. She might sleep with a guy like once a year. So it's not the same like my drive is is higher but you also have a man's testosterone drive yeah

i've i've read a few things and again i'm very ignorant but i've read a few things about trans if you go from a lady to a man you're a trans man correct the testosterone once they get it yeah i've seen a couple of things where people women have been like hey i'm sorry like i didn't know this shit affected you like that yeah like to go from zero testosterone then have a healthy dose pumped into immediately they're usually pretty horny yeah i'll bet i'll fucking bet yeah they become more like us yeah super horny yeah i'll bet they are which is cool depends on who you are but yeah so now what do you do what's next then oh man i just try to be grateful that i'm still alive and I'm not going to hospital for any heart problems or anything,

but it's tough, man. I find it hard to sleep now. I'm worried about my future, like a career and relationship. Like, am I just going to be living in an apartment by myself? Am I going to be okay with that? You know, like it's all up in the air right now. So I'm scared. What scares you most?

Being alone. You don't have any family really. And then Katie was it. So that scares the shit out of me, to be honest. But it's probably for the best for her. For her? Yeah. What's best for you?

That she wants to come and have sex with me with all these people, and I can talk to anybody I want and say whatever i want to them and they can say whatever they want to me i'm just not leaving her you know but it is not fair i i know that and i'm that's why i'm not trying to no no you don't understand i'm like you totally understand you might understand it more than me because i'm just going you know especially now ellis meaning getting canceled and all these lewis dropping out of fights and then the guy that I let go on the show the band that we were supposed to get back together people didn't want to do the band anymore because I let go of that guy

just one thing after another just boom boom boom boom and I'm like dude I was the second biggest show on Sirius XM what happened it's like because you're being you the second biggest show on Sirius XM. What happened? It's like because you're being you. You've changed and people don't relate to it as much. But I am being me. That's the thing that I am addicted to is the more I find out things about myself, I want to get past it and move on because it's a surprise to me all these things that the way i

think i didn't think i would ever think like this so i think it's best that i stay away from people in that manner because i'm gonna break your heart i don't know dude i've been a negative it's hard to have a positive outlook well i mean all this it's also hard to because it's such a sticky fucking situation with so many literal ins and outs in this goddamn thing here you want a partner who will be there and let you do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it also join in on it whenever you want let you like photos you shouldn't like and talk to people you shouldn't talk to and everything. But what is that?

Why? That's not a partner, though. No. You're right. Nobody's going to want. You wouldn't want that. Right. No, I'm probably better off being by myself and having a couple of people that I see.

I was going to say, if you had four people you consistently see, I mean, is that enough for you for now to at least help you through whatever it is you're going through next and then see if you can find another partner? And then, go ahead. But I don't think I should find another partner. I was going to say, and then if you do even find another partner, does the partner you want, is they really allowed to do whatever you do? Well, here's the thing that makes me say that I might be more gay. Because do you know who would be down for that?

A dude. Yeah. That's what I just said. Is the next one going to be a woman or a man? A guy would be 100% down. He'd be like, this is the greatest idea ever. Oh, my God. Let's go over to this guy's house.

Let's go over there. Where you been my whole life? You're a dream come true. Do you know what I'm saying? It looks like that's over there yeah where you've been my whole life you're a dream come true that might be it might do you know what I'm saying it looks like that's where I'm going and I still feel weird

about like living with a guy that's so gay that is as gay as it gets bro oh no so dirty like come on

and I'm so tough dude it's like you just got back from the gym and then like hey babe

what's for dinner to a dude like dude you're so gay so yeah that's it that's who's gonna love that right

yeah and he's gonna be like I got three more of me just like me right over here that would be pretty cool it never hit me like um i have a friend of mine out in palm springs gay guy and um we'd always go out and visit him and shit and then he would tell me about the gay parties they throw and he's like oh ryan after the white party you know the white party yeah yeah

it's the big party in palm springs. Is that like Diddy's thing? No, this is like the- Did he start it? I don't know who started it, but this is like the gay bash. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is the ball. I would love to go to that. Yeah, you would love to go.

I would love to go on a gay cruise. They'd love to have you there. Yeah. But he would say they'd do after parties back at his place and everybody be milling around and drinking and whatever and they would hire a shower you know dicks got growers and showers they would hire a shower who had that fucking dong down to the knees but he would be like the cook so he would have to grill the food buck naked everything and then he walks and serves and everybody's like and everybody's grabbing it and touching it and

you know what i mean i love those bodies and then he shows me grinder at the time this is years ago and i didn't know what grind he's like oh this is for dudes for dudes right at least at that time it was i don't know what it is now And I go, show me some of the profile pictures. And he showed me, he goes, you want to see my favorite one? And this is when I was like, dudes are fucking pigs. Yeah. Yeah. So the profile pic, you know, you have to be a friend with this guy to unlock it to see his dick pics and all that stuff.

Not this guy. This guy's pic, profile pic pick was his fucking gaping asshole and you had to friend request it to see the you can't do that you get reported for that not back then you did okay this is years ago and i'm telling you i was like dude i get gay i get it now i got one for you there's this guy i know he's got like a glory hole in his house and he's like in his house yeah you're also allowed to come to his house yeah but still you're coming to his home yeah any lunatic what no he's a friend of mine no but i mean if he's got a glory hole aren't randos coming up and putting their dick in it it's in his house okay

you gotta go into his house and he's got one installed in his room. Got it. But it's a proper one, like a door and everything. But he's a kinky guy and he's into fisting and all this stuff. And every now and then he'd ask me, like, do you want to come over and watch me do some stuff? And I was like, yeah, because I don't know about any of it and I don't care anymore what you think. So, yeah, I want to see it. But he's like, I got this guy coming over who

has a lot of injections and i'm like injections in what do you mean he's like well he has really big balls and a huge ass he's covered in tribal like his whole his whole body's covered in this really bad 80s tribal big black stuff and he's got like a ridiculous butt like a butt implant where it's just like why would you do that and he's got his penis and his balls injected with is it saline or i don't know what i don't know but his balls are this big no and his penis doesn't get hard it's just like a it just sits sits fat? Yeah. Like a fucking thermos? Yeah. Nah. Yeah.

And you just, you know, slap him around, chug him. Like speed bag is not, like, is that what he wants? They're big so you can punch him and- Do that into his butt. No. Yeah. One, two. No. One, two.

One, two. One, two. In it. Yeah. What's that do? Dude, he told me- One, two. In it. Yeah. Listen, dude. Dude, he told me. It's okay to start at zero with the gay sex and work your way up. It escalates, yeah.

To double fisting. But you don't need to start there. You know what I'm saying? You don't need to start there. No, I can't do that. Dude, if I see you with an injected ass at the comedy store or something, I'm going to be like, no. That could be my gimmick, dude. That might dude that might be the one four people from the audience everybody's gonna take that punching my ass yeah it's funny i might write that down i'm not ready to take that yet he told

me another story of a guy came over that he knew that was like a fisting champion as well champion dude he told me about an app there's an app called something and it's like people have reports on how good their butts are like it's like a people give them star ratings like if you want to fist my ass i'm telling you this is a good one yeah no it's a yelp for your asshole get the fuck out of here i think this is gay guys. Fist.org or something. Anyway, he had a guy come over that he hadn't seen for a long time, and he had a baby, a rubber baby that you put in people's butts. And he was like, do you want to try the rubber baby?

I haven't tried it on anyone yet. And he was like, yeah. And I guess he put it in there. He put it in there, and he was holding it, and for some weird reason it just went. No. And sucked out of his hand and went in there, and they couldn't get it out.

And the guy was freaking out, and they tried to, like, use warm towels or something, he said, but it got to the point where they're like, we can't. We have to go to the hospital. And he was so freaked out that he had to go to hospital for having a baby in his stomach and then they gave him a c-section no no they didn't dude a fake baby caused a real c-section he had a baby

he had a baby needless to say they are not friends anymore he doesn't get to see the baby no he don't get visiting right i think he wanted to see the baby actually seems like a bad dad that is crazy right that's crazy that's where i was like that is crazy but it's interesting a c--section. Come on, is that real? Yes. Whatever, kitty litter. Dude, you're a wild motherfucker. I didn't do that.

No, but you know the stories. And thank you for sharing them. Thank you for always coming back and being so open and honest. I can see and feel the genuine pain and confusion. We'll make it it different 50th we're having different 50th birthdays today yeah happy birthday dude thank you i hope it's a good one thank you i love stoked you're here i love you i'm glad i'm here too dude um again thank you for doing this as always and plug promote whatever you'd like please just check the jason alice show out we really need it uh haw Hawk vs Wolf it's a good show You know we got Undertakers

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Support it. As always, I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.