The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jason Ellis - WolfDew

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

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Y'all better subscribe today. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. welcome back to the honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night past studios i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all of your social media night past nation tour is still underway here we're now into january i'll be in Kansas City January 20th through the 22nd. I'll be in Vancouver. I just said Vancouver. I'm reading Vancouver February 17th to the 19th. Tickets available at ryanstickler.com. Please subscribe to the YouTube channel. I love that the community continues to grow and grow. You guys are supportive. I start every show by thanking everybody, and I say legit.

For the better part of two years, I've sat in a 10 by 10 room doing this show, listening to people tell me the worst shit about their lives, and along with y'all, I've laughed right in their fucking faces. And I can't thank you enough for allowing me to heal the way we need to heal y'all. Patreon, the honeydew with y'all. One of my favorite fucking things to do. It's the honeydew. It's with y'all. It's five bucks a month. Sign up for a year. You get over a month free. You also get the honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost. I'm keeping it at five bucks. All right.

I know that's a lot of money for some people. So, you know, like I say, if you know you're in for the year, sign up. You save. All right. That's the deal. You know what we do here. We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers.

And it's my pleasure to kick off the early part of 2022 with one of the most requested guests ladies and gentlemen welcome back jason ellis welcome back to the honeydew jason ellis thanks for having me man thank you for being here dude please promote away you know the deal oh uh the jason ellis show it's on uh you know everywhere where the podcasts are and it's on youtube and all that, baloney sandwich. And I have a Patreon as well, patreon.com forward slash Ellis Mate, where I do two Jason Ellis shows a week and two solo shows, just myself and my wife, called Awesome World.

And then I have a podcast with the great Tony Hawk, and that is called Hawk vs. Wolf, which is available everywhere. And that's pretty much it. Clothing company, Wolf Knives, wolfknivestore.com. I fucking love your hoodie, dude. I'm trying. It's a good, thick, warm hoodie. Yeah, it was a little bit, you know how people want to do the cheapest one

because that's usually how you make the most money? And I was like, but I wear them. I started my clothing company because i wanted to wear my own shit and if you don't buy it i don't care it's coming back to me right now isn't is this the clothing company you started with them pay out from your ex-wife i think you'd be happy to know that i've turned that into something like a good bugger thanks for reminding me of that because that does make me feel better about that it's still going got new stuff in the store right now i'm actually gonna bring out skateboards now because i used to have them in a pack when you because you can sign up you got to give us a

skateboard to put in the studio yeah all right yeah for sure hanging up in the office for sure are you gonna put you mean a deck you're gonna up. You got to give us a skateboard to put in a studio. Yeah. All right. Yeah. For sure. I'm hanging up in the office for sure. Are you going to put, you mean a deck? You're going to have decks? Yeah. I'm going to give myself a pro model again. Cause I skate all the time now.

And there's this other company, Bad Grease, and they, they make a Jason Ellis model. But now that I skate, I'm like, wait, you know,

like I want to, I just want my own board. And I don't want to ask, cause right now I get boards from like Tony Hawk or Bucky Lassick. And I used to be pro. It's weird to get boards from them. I want to get my own board. Yeah, I mean, Bucky's a Baltimore guy, so we all think he's the, you know, we're high on Bucky.

Well, he's the shit. He's still, man, he's so fucking good. You said Tony Hawk said he's the best vert skater, I believe. Right now, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a couple of other new guys that are there. I skated with Bucky The other day

And he's like man I'm sore I'm It's getting tough Well this is what I was Just about to ask So I don't know how much Longer that's going for

How old's he now 49 I think And you're what 50 Okay and what's Tony 53 or 54 Okay do you think There are more

40 plus 50 ish Men Skateboarding now Than ever have in the history of the planet earth yeah or do you think we just know about it more because of technology no because tony and i have discussed this and it's uh he did a legends demo in in utah and i was the announcer and i just started skating again and there was a contest with all the best dudes in the world. There was a street contest, like, in the same area that's on TV,

like a televised one. So all the best dudes on street. And then there was a thing called the Legends Demo, where it was just the older guys that did a demo, not a contest. Some of them, like myself, had not been skating all the time. And verse skating is a thing where if you drop off, it's fucking sketchy. It's unintended. It's dangerous.

Yeah. So they did nowhere near as good as they could do. And the place erupted so hard. And the street guys came over to the vert demo and started filming it because they were like, this is the coolest shit ever. And I felt like some of them had never seen a Vert demo up close. And they're like, whoa, I always think this shit was because Vert dudes or street took over and because Vert was so big at one point, we were just the uncool grandpas.

It's like I had bus socks on wherever i bus socks on or something like nobody accepted you anymore uh i went to the x games in minneapolis a few years ago and watching these guys i mean fly yeah fly and i'm down right there we had a buddy of mine gave us all access and he took me up in the elevator and that was a time at the no pun intended the height of my being scared of heights and i'm up there and i'm peeking over on the ramp and i'm i'm scared to look over and i'm like you're gonna drop in off this you're gonna hit that motherfucker and you're gonna fly you're not just gonna fly you're gonna do some kind of fucking spin some trick or whatever and then boom And only a couple of them were landing.

But also what blew me away was that even though they were crashing or whatever you call it, missing. Bailing. Bailing. They were bailing gracefully. It wasn't ugly. Every one of them hitting the knees and sliding and popping right up and going up again.

If you don't know how to do that, you're dead. And I just thought, man, to figure out a way to uh fuck up you know what i mean without hurting yourself is so that's why i really think skaters just get it yeah i know it more now than ever because i've been out for 15 years and now that i'm back you know people seem it seems faster it seems more dangerous and i'm like wow i used to do this like uh no big deal these guys the new guys that are out here killing it, I'm like, man, you guys are fucking psychotic. Do you realize that?

And they're like, dude, you're up here. And I'm like, oh, yeah, cool. But if you put enough work in, then it becomes, you know, it should be a lot safer. But right now I'm still in the pocket. I got hurt more in the last six months of trying to get skateboarding back than I got knocked out, I think, three concussions. I've ripped skin off.

Yeah, I'm worried, but we were standing outside and you didn't even remember that we did that episode. Well, you remember we did it. You didn't think it was released. Yep. Even though I liked it. Did you tag me? Yeah. Did I like it?

Yeah. Yeah, you did. You did all those things. You got to – look, it would be sadder if I was a very – like a really intelligent history teacher, but I'm Jason. If I don't remember stuff, it's smooth for me. All right. I know you brought stories to tell us, but I want to ask you this. They're written down because I can't remember them. Well, this is what I wanted to ask you.

Are you worried about that? any of the cte like have you gone to get a study done on your brain they can't do that you have to be dead for that no i don't mean that i mean brain waves and wavelengths and things like that where they can actually map and tell you like where damage is can they do that yeah i think i'm all right like i was always pretty punchy. You know what I mean? I've been smoking weed my whole life. Okay.

And I never remembered anything. I've lived in the, I've hidden stuff from myself for decades. What do you mean? Just molestations and things where they didn't exist in my mind. I see. So I'm good at trapping shit and making it disappear. I see. And when there's a target, like something to go for,

you can't have that other stuff in your mind. So I'm very good at just tunnel visioning things, which means if I tunnel vision long enough, I'll lose things. And if you bring up a story, I go, oh, yeah, that's right. I remember that. But sometimes I for sure have lost stuff, but I don't think it's from hitting my head. I talk fast, man.

I know what's going on. I can hear stuff. I move quick. I can skate as good but I don't think it's from hitting my head. I talk fast, man. I know what's going on. I can hear stuff. I move quick. I can skate as good as I ever did. Yeah, I just worry about you because you're UFC plus skateboarding. Yeah, but I'm 50, and this is where you start to see it already. You're also jumping off a fucking, what was that, that damn car carrier or whatever you were trying to land, that fucking ramp.

That's a bad idea. I was like, you tore your asshole. I'm going to do that again, though. I'm going to make it this time. I got Tony. You tore your asshole. You're ramp. That's a bad idea. How's that? You tore your asshole. I'm going to do that again, though. I'm going to make it this time. I got Tony Hawk. You tore your asshole. You're like, that's a bad idea. I'm going to do it again.

Yeah, because I'm going to do it better this time, safer. It'll work out way smoother than that one. I'm going to have Tony Hawk help design it with me. So we'll have professionals. Look, what am I going to do? You got the best. Until I'm a comedian like you and I can go like, hey, check out the Jason Ellis tour, I got to test myself. I understand that.

But you don't have to be a comedian. You don't have to be a anything. You don't have to be labeled anything. Just be you. I got to live my life. No, look, being real good on the porch is not what I'm looking to do right now. Maybe when it all shuts off, then, yeah, let's be like one of those guys that really knows how to lamp but right now i'm big i'm strong i can still jump i mean i'm funny and i want to flex all those muscles

until they go but i think you are so i'm trying to tell you i think you're doing a good job at that oh yeah yeah you're doing that thanks i got props on a skateboard podcast yesterday and i'm still hopped up on it. Like, they were like, yeah, we've seen him skating again. He's ripping. I'm like, no way. The Nine Club is an awesome podcast, and I thought for sure they wouldn't even know who I am. And they're like, yeah, yeah, guy that had the serious show.

Who was a pro skateboarder? Good to see him back. You seem like you're having way more fun now. Well, there's no money in it for me. I just do it because I love it. There it is. Which has defeated the bit that creeped in that sounded good at the start. Like, hey, man, do you want to not have a job and skateboard for a living?

Fuck yes, I do. And that's great. And you're doing all the things that you want to do. And it's popular at the time. And then you've been in it for a decade. And it's like they're doing some new tricks now. And'm like I don't even really like those tricks and it's like if you don't do those tricks in your contest ride you're not going to win so you start doing stuff that you don't want to do, you start doing stuff that

you don't want to do that doesn't work out where you get real hurt and that becomes a job because you're like man you know what I could have done today is not that trick and then I wouldn't be going to hospital right now. So funny the whole time you're talking man you know what i could have done today is not that trick and then i wouldn't be going to hospital right now you're talking about skating and i'm just in my head it's comedy because it's the same thing up in the hospital dude i feel like you still end up in the like just mentally all mentally damaged from doing stand-up that makes sense you guys are tweakers bro i don't know how it's the most nerve-wracking, challenging thing I've ever been involved in. And I've had fights with people that are way out of my league,

and I could tell they weren't playing. I'm like, wow, you're going to get knocked out today. Before I went on stage to do comedy with you at Brea, that was the most nervous. My knee would not stop shaking, and I started jumping up and down. I'm backstage jumping up and down. I'm like, what is wrong with you? Like, there's no fight here.

Like, Jason Ellis. I'm like, oh, my God, this is going to be the worst. Were you more nervous to do that than a fight? Yes, everything. No. Yes. Everything. More nervous than when I walked into the, when I went under the rope and popped up and was like, Shane, we're going to fight.

And he was not joking. And his face was bright red. And I was like, oh, my God, he's going to knock me out. More nervous before I had to move the curtain to go out there. The lights. I usually do the dime bar. Shout out to the dime bar, but it's six people. You had 600 people.

That's a nickel plus. Dude, and usually they're the guys that are the comedians. Nobody's listening to me. You can't even turn people in. Yeah. No, I've done it to two people. That's a nickel plus. Dude, and usually they're like, they're the guys that are the comedians. Nobody's listening to me. Ain't even 10 people in there. Yeah. No, I've done it to two people. I've done it to one and the microphone went off. Fair facts.

I know the dime. I could do it in the bathroom before I came here. It would have been the same thing. But yeah, that was... What about dropping in first time? Stand up was more scary than what I'm watching

at those fucking big vert ramps. I mean, I stood at the top one of those that's what what is it how many stories the elevator went up well the roll-in's 90 feet high but that's not it's just a big thing to shoot you over the gap but the quarter pipe is 30 feet high and you do 20 foot airs on that so you're 50 feet off the ground in the air yeah so when you hit that ramp and you fly over and then that gives you more speed to hit that. How high are you up there? 20 feet above a 30-foot ramp.

I mean, that's five fucking stories, six stories. Yeah, but it's the coolest feeling I've ever felt. Does it slow down? Yeah, fuck yeah. Do you hear anything? No. No, there's a free – So if you're going up and you're spinning, whatever, is it just fluid? Is it slow down enough where you feel it?

It's like an extension of your movement. If you're spinning on that ramp, you've done the spin a million times on the littler ramps. So the spin is not really that. It's the pop. Like when you take off, once you leave, whatever you did, it's over. It's over. There's no wings on this.

So if you pop wrong, you're fucked. The difference is on a mega ramp, once you go past like 15 foot above the deck, you can no longer read where your landing is until you get back in the 15 foot pocket. So when you get to 20, there's a second. It feels like a minute, but it's a second where you're like, fuck, fuck. Wait, am I? Is, is. Because it could, if you're wrong where you're like fuck fuck wait am i is is because it could if you're wrong you're almost dead like one person slammed and i thought he was dead but he lived but i didn't

i don't think i could do that slam like it looked like a normal person it was a freaky thing that he lived jake brown the youtube slam that is just like his shoes helmet come off like he explodes it's fucking incredible so you when that when you feel that you're like death death death and then you see and you go oh now i'm in the pocket now get back into being a skateboarder again and then making it you get used to it and then you start to get the rhythm of it and then you can just straight up fly like in the end when you get used to it you go down that thing like what and it's it's a big bong like bong, the wheels hit, and it's a way louder, way harder hit because you're doing like 50 mile an hour,

and that's like a thing you do get used to. And then it's just I feel like I am flying because there's no – when you get used to it, there's no – I don't feel like I'm tensing or I did anything to get up there. It was more like I was just in a seat and the seat shot me into the air like that. And now I'm in this position where I've always been in skateboarding. My natural method air is just like. And then that feeling on the way back down is just like that.

It's the greatest. I think it's a little bit of a problem because that when you get that feeling you're like okay can i be like uh in metallica because i don't know how else i'm gonna rival this feeling of a 20 foot backside air i mean that's what the addiction to stand up is is that immediate reaction good or bad yeah because it's cut immediate this we're recording it's going toroat. It's immediate. This we're recording. It's going to be a minute before it comes out. Yeah.

And then we'll see people's comments, whatever, good or bad, about this. If you're lucky and you hit your head a lot, you won't even know that they had comments. You might not even remember that. I'm assuming people liked it. Stand up. As you know, it's immediate. Yes. A little too fast sometimes.

Like, if things aren't going good, you're like, ah, I don't know what else to do. Well, I do. Let's start out with some of these fucking stories over here. I want to hear burnout at a funeral. Okay. So my dad died and this was before I knew about any of the other stuff. So I was living in America. Dad dies peddling up a mountain. My brother was a supercross guy, so he pedaled up the mountain and said it was the hardest thing he's ever done. So my dad, New Year's, I think, morning, pedaled up, died on the top of the mountain. Had a heart attack up there? Yeah, didn't have any background in being a conditioned athlete.

Just an ego. Yep. So, yeah, he was definitely going to come down and go, pfft, wasn't that hard like that was the whole point for sure he fucked up

on that assessment so hardest thing he ever did yeah I mean there's a bit of point there where he's going

oh man but he kept going I'm like you idiot you know go back down it's not for you gotta do it

he's gonna be pissed when I make it like oh god so yeah we have a funeral and then after the funeral it's back wait how do you Not for you. You've got to do it. You've got to do it. He's going to be pissed when I make it. Like, oh, God. So, yeah, we have a funeral. And then after the funeral, it's back in my- Wait, how do you- Who notifies you? Do you remember?

I think my stepmom. Yeah, my stepmom called me, I think. So you go back home. Flew back to Australia straight away. And then- You have a funeral. You have a funeral and it's all said and done. Tough stuff for everybody, obviously.

And then there's a, what is it, a wake? Is that what you have afterwards? So this is new for us, the funeral thing. No one's close. You had never had a significant death? He's the first guy to go. Well, my grandmother died, but I was so little that I didn't, you know, I was just real sad at the end.

So this one is we go back to my brother's house, and he's a professional motocross rider. So he's got bikes in the garage. There's a lot of moto dudes because my brother's got, like, supercross friends. So they're all there. And so it's all the youth, young guys, tattoo guys, skateboard dudes. Everyone's drinking, and we're in the-

A lot of Fox apparel and shit. Fuck, yeah, yeah. Fucking- I see it. Yeah, fucking Plan B, like skateboard t-shirt, DC t-shirts, and fucking, yeah, Fox Racing fucking hoodies. Like just the whole- And tons of beer.

And I'm smoking all the joints that I can get. And we did burnouts in the garage you just pint they put the bike in six and just let it fucking crank in the garage the garage not very big like a two-car garage so it's like one burnout just smoking there's fucking three bikes in there doing it at the same time not one at a time i'm sitting there smoking weed and i can't see myself and i see myself I wonder if this is doing anything compared to this that is around me doing something weed's getting high

I think I'm high on tire I don't know which part's getting me the hardest he opens the garage fucking ship mellows out this guy comes out the door's closed? Yeah, fuck it.

The whole time. The whole time. He's had it open. Nah, sealed, mate. With like 20 dudes in there, fucking all like, fuck it. Everyone's just like, do it, fucking do it. His testosterone was a person. It's flexing hard.

Flexing real hard. I think there was dudes doing bong rips in there at the same time And I was like Is he doing a bong rip? That's fucking funny because you can't even breathe You can't even know what you're fucking breathing in at this point You really don't know That bong, you're not even getting that in there

Something else got there first This is the wake Yeah Mum's not there, she's gone to bed I think This is the wake Yeah Yeah Mum's not there She's gone to bed I think So What's

How late is it? Oh god Probably like 10.30 Not that It's the Neighbours know that One of the Alice's is gone So I think they knew

That we were going to Set the streets on fire So And then my brother Takes his bike out Drunk as fuck Takes his bike out Starts doing One of the Alice's is gone, so I think they knew that we were going to set the streets on fire. And then my brother takes his bike out, drunk as fuck, takes his bike out and starts doing wheelies up and down the street for everybody. He's fucking good, so it's different. It's not as dangerous.

Right, right, right, yeah. And I was like, yeah, Lee, fucking good one. And then he stops and is like, more bird ass. Yeah, fucking more bird ass. Shots, fucking, you know, everyone's pouring alcohol over each other. And then I sit down for a second and this guy comes over, fucking real serious and introduces himself as the burnout king. And he goes, you know, I know you live in the States, Chase,

so we haven't met, but, you know, your fucking old man was a top bloke and I fucking, I came here, mate, to fucking pay my respects. And I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to do a fucking burnout for you, for your old man, mate. Oh, this is his, like, dedication. Yeah. And he said it in a real mafia way where I was like, fuck, this is serious. You know what I mean? Like, this guy is paying homage to the fucking.

Like, I'll do this for anybody. Oh, yeah. Turns out he brought a fucking separate tire for this burnout. Like, he did not fucking play at all. Get my death tire! Get my funeral tire out!

It might have been a fucking death tire. So, we come out to the street. Boy, is it still a- No, he's a car. He's got a car. A car? He's not a dirt bike.

No, no, no. Oh, shit. He's got his car, and on one wheel, he brought a burnout tire for it, because it's limited slip diff, so it's not going to do both. Is he going to do a burnout with all three wheels off the ground? No, he gets one to break free. Okay. And as soon as it breaks free this guy opens

his door as soon as the burnout starts he opens his door and fucking gets out looks that like starts looking back at us like you open the door and he's like and it's and it's fucking and i'm like fucking you know sick burnout smoke ballon i'm like fuck yeah, you know, sick burnout, smoke ballon. I'm like, fuck yeah, man. You the king. And I could tell that, like, Al, we're impressed. And he's like, you guys don't know shit yet, mate. And I'm like, what is he so fucking cocky about? He just keeps going, keeps going. This burnout has gone on a fucking long time, dude.

Now the rim is starting to glow orange. So it's in the dark and it's ba- this fucking thing, this glowing wheel. And then all of a sudden- Look how hot that has to be to make a rim glow. Dude, it was like a- Oh, God. This perfect of a fucking round orange circle in there. So we're all cheering towards it, and then fucking boom, tire pops. And we're like, whoa, fucking crazy.

This dude is still right there. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Like fucking nowhere near done. And it's just the rim and flapping tire. It goes boom, and we're like, yeah. And then you hear him gas more. And I'm like, you're fucking, you know what, dude, standing over there. Then we all come in.

And then as we come in, it goes boom again. And I just get hit with fucking hot rubber with pieces of metal in it. Because the fucking thing is melted and it's just shattering. Yeah, so we all start going, oh, shit, we're all burning. Everyone's like, ah. Some didn't get hit, so they're still rooting for him. And then he keeps going, and then fucking, boom, fire. Back of the car starts to catch on fire, and he's like,

so I'll grab some water. Yeah, and then bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. You know, and he's like, all right, I'm like, fucking car is on fire. The street is glowing. I mean, we're covered in fucking burning hot rubber and little metal spikes that were like in me and shit. I was like, what is that? Like, was that in me? Like, holy shit.

Thank God I'm so wasted right now that I can't feel the burning rubber sear my face. Thank God only one person died died you know what's crazy is that guy if there was a murder in your neighborhood yeah i know you'd be burning the shit out that's how he died and that's how that that's how we died because of stu we all wanted to do it always went like that but that guy still he listens to the show now because the podcast burnout king yeah what's what's his name can you say don't say what's up burnout king yeah yeah just do that yeah but he uh he uh he buys wolf knife shit does he yeah i've seen him post stuff he tags me and stuff so we had we had a small drag strip in maryland at uh it's called 75 and 80 because it was right at 75 and 80 okay and you could take

your personal car there whatever it was just a quarter mile and these guys would come and they would do drag race night some funny car night whatever but a lot of local dudes souping up their novas and shit you know what i mean yep i get that and um they'll pull up and they would have these rednecks that would stand shirtless six seven of them behind it and when these guys would light their tires up to warm them up before they pull up for the christmas tree they would stand there like that and intentionally take the fucking and they'd be like yeah i've never forgotten it just eating that fucking rubber now it's not it's not it's moto man it's not lighting up till it's fucking glowing yeah but i've never seen i've seen a lot of burnouts i've never seen a guy do a

burnout like that still to this day. It was the greatest burnout I've ever seen. All right, let me see this one. Let me hear about prostitutes in Amsterdam. Oh, I thought we were going to not do prostitutes. I thought you just thought, I don't know, just thought we've done dick fucking stuff. Like, yeah, Jason Fox, woo.

I saw one time in Amsterdam a friend of mine got into a disagreement with some working girls and there was a double-ended dildo involved and when I not in anybody yeah like they had as a weapon and they were chasing him it was like because Amsterdam has little corridors and stuff and he came flying by me and I was like whoa wonder what his deal is and then two chicks come running after one had a double-ended dildo chasing him. I was like, that's pretty cool. I wouldn't mind running after that to see where that was. I don't need to be walking toward glowing tires or something.

I'm going to run after these two bitches with the double dildo. It seems safe a bet, right? Yeah, but I'll leave the Amsterdam thing alone, I think. What other questions do you have? You have fighting with dad in the alley. Oh, yeah. So one time I got into a fight. My dad was a fighter when he was a young guy, like street fighter guy.

Got into a lot of fights and real bad temper. What did he do for a living? He worked in an electronics store. Alistronics, mate. What? Alistronics. For real? Fuck yeah.

So he owned his own business? His mother and father owned it. Okay. And then he took over when his mother died. And then my grandfather kind of went weird. At one point when he worked there, he was kind of fried and gone. He would tell stories about how cheap tomatoes are compared to Melbourne to Queensland. And then he would fart loudly and act like he didn't fart and walk off.

Like he'd be like, how's your day, Jason? And I'd be like, that's pretty. And I'm in the middle of telling him how my day is and he just walks off. He farted at me and walked off. I'm like, is he? But he didn't mean it. He's just like kind of gone. He ended up moving to Queensland and becoming a trans woman.

Your grandfather? Yeah. My dad was real bummed about that. I remember coming back from America once. He picked me up from the airport, and he's like, fucking jock. You're going to believe this. I'm like, what? Because he called him jock.

They were not cool with each other. My dad did not like his dad. And he goes, fucking, God, it's just a fucking woman. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, fucking, he thinks he's a fucking woman. Driving around like a fucking idiot, like a woman. I'm like, well, he's still your dad. You know what I mean?

Because I didn't know that I was. He's your mom now, but still. And he's your grandma now. But either way, let's love the motherfucker. I never realized I had a grandma again. That's fucked up. Because I loved my grandma. My granddad.

But when he became a grandma. How old is a grandma now? Well, I got. I know we're laughing, but I want to know. I couldn't hang with him because my dad was so mad oh you weren't even allowed to be around i didn't i was embarrassed one time i saw him on the street i was in i was in queensland skateboard contest and i was at a light and i knew the car because my dad had one of those little mini cars that he bought and he bought it for his dad so i drove it a few times before it went up to Queensland. So I knew the car, and it was back when not a lot of people

had this real little car. And I was like, oh, wow, that's fucking grandma's car or granddad's car. And I go, oh, shit, it's him with a wig on. And I'm like, oh, fuck. So I just didn't look. And then the car drove off because I didn't want to engage him. I thought it would be embarrassing for him and me.

But a skateboard buddy who lived in Queensland was his neighbour. And one time on the vert ramp, he just said to me, hey man, does your grandad live in Queensland? I was like, yeah. Yeah, why? He's like, yeah. Nah, my grandma does though. That's how you get out of that, brother. That's exactly how you get out of that. Nah, it wasn't a good grandma. He didn't have a lot of money to be like a convincing grandma. Yeah.

He was an old dude dressed as a lady. I see. But he had new gay friends, and I think he was going out a little bit and like sucking some dicks before he died. So I'm happy. You know, I think he had a little gay scene for a minute and probably got a couple of blowies. But also, you don't have to become a woman to do that. Oh, I see. He was 87 or something when he died.

Do you think that if you want to get laid at 87, you're better shot at it as a woman than an 87-year-old woman and an 87-year-old man? If you're a gay guy and you're 87, you can still get sucked off. I'm sure you can. If you're 87 and you're a straight guy, you're not getting sucked off. You could pay for it. Oh, yeah, right. Well. You're probably going to pay a gay guy to do it.

Nah. I'm just kidding. One time I went to a, man, a gay bathhouse, and there was guys in there that were that age, and they get a little candle, and they got their bed, and they're all set up, and they're like, come on in. You know what I mean? And I'm like, wow, ready to go.

It's like that? Yeah. And people are doing them. Did I ever tell you about the accidental gay bathhouse I went to, massage parlor I went to? No. I'll share this with you because you'll appreciate this. So I always want – You're going to get demonetized just so you know.

Well, this is long. Bro, this was demonetized before it was up. Oh, man. Listen, if you are out there renting or you're looking to buy a home, so many of us can't afford it, but I'm telling you there is a way to do it. That's why I highly recommend checking out the How to Buy a Home podcast. This is an incredible resource for anyone who is interested in buying a home, whether that's in the next month, the next year, or in five years. Who knows? 2022 could be the year that you finally own your own place.

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a lot of worthwhile goals to set for yourself this year. At the top of my list, you know I'm trying to learn a new language with Babbel, the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. I'm working on my Espanol and it's going muy bien, y'all. Not only is learning a new language a fun and engaging new hobby, you can use it while you're traveling. The whole Babbel process is addictively fun. It's fast and it's easy. Babbel teaches bite-sized language lessons for the real world to use, okay? So when you go on, I go on, I do my lessons, right? They speak it for you. You go on, you speak back. You actually speak it. You have to hit your accents and everything. And trust me, sometimes with this accent, I have to say it two, three times, but I know what I'm saying. You're doing your test, your readings, everything. And then they do again in little mini bite size. You're always

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That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com, code Honeydew. Babbel, language for life. Now, let's get back to the do. I don't get enough massages. I don't take care of my body that way enough. I know I don't. So every now and then, I would get a Burke Williams gift certificate or something. I love that shit.

And I'm telling the ladies I work with at these writing gigs, producing gigs and stuff. I'm like, oh, you know, I like that spa. And they're all telling me about the Korean spas out here, how fantastic they are. And they're like, it's the same thing as Burke Williams, but like half the price and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay. So I listened to the ladies and I, you'll love this. I'll never forget. This is Mother's Day a few years ago.

My daughter's mom has her for Mother's Day. I drop her off. Like, happy Mother's Day. Enjoy your day. And then I'm like, you know what, Ryan? I know it's Mother's Day, but fuck it. Go do something nice for yourself. When you have her, you're mom and dad.

Go fucking do something nice and celebrate yourself. I was that's what i'm gonna do so i get this info from this chick i'm working with to go to this little korean spa uh down olympic uh little you know massage day spa whatever i walk in and these ladies barely speak english. But I'm trying to ask about services and shit. And she literally says, you'll figure it out. I go, okay. I walk through this little bamboo curtain, and I make a right-hand turn. And it might as well have been a thousand dicks just pop, pop, pop, pop, pop me in the face. That was the equivalent of what was going on in there.

When I walked in, I was like, oh yeah it was i was it was on on all right and i was that might have been the one i used to go to it's always on in there so i always wondered what it'd be like to be a straight guy yeah and not knowing it yes very now let me tell you i got a story I'll tell you this because I was that guy. I walk in and I'm like, all right. You know, it's all – I mean, it's all gay dudes. And I go and they say, all right, your massage is going to be at this time, but you've got a little time to kill. At a certain time, somebody will flag you and take you. I'm like, okay, whatever. You didn't go to the same room, did you?

Well, I'll get there. So I go around the corner and I go to – I want to get in the pool, you know, dip in the pool. And I walk up and I'm telling this dude, this dude's fucking, you know, he's just chilling on the side like this. And his dick is hanging over that fucking edge of the pool and it's touching the water. Yeah. And I'm just like, I can't not look. I'm just like, Jesus Christ. He wants you to.

Yeah, of course he's on display and everyone's talking to him sounds like it's an impressive dick it's an impressive even more of a reason to drop that thing anyway it's an impressive dick you know it's just hanging there i'm like oh whatever you're a shower yeah okay that's probably what it is so anyway so i get in whatever and i'm telling you there's there's shit in the water oh oh that's not the one i go to then this i don't know if it's shit shit but it's not clean and then this guy calls me and it's my massage right and i'm like are you taking me to he's like over here i was like who's giving me this massage i think he's taking me to a lady oh he's like i'm giving you this massage

this is an old ass dude. I'm like, what the fuck? What's wrong with that? Wait, you don't get dude massages? No. I've only had one before. When I worked at a hotel, we would have a masseuse come in all the time. And we would get a free massage from that person so that we could recommend them to.

And this one dude came in. And he was olympic i think he's worked with nadia the famous olympic uh gymnast oh okay i think she was russian i believe and um this dude knew the body you know what i'm saying he was yeah it wasn't just someone rubbing right this guy was scientific and that's probably the sports massage ever have from that dude yeah no doubt and i would recommend him that's what i do is get massages from yeah sports this guy nothing screams sports masseuse about this guy no korean spa is known for uh what i call i'm like man when are you gonna jerk me off because this massage is that bad that it obviously

comes with a hand job but anyway so the guy's like i'm your guy not going to a private room we're going to a room there's eight fucking tables in this room all wide open yeah so he's like all right go over there and shower first i go over and shower and there, recliners, so you can sit and just watch dudes shower. So now I go over, and I'm like, don't leave. You're comfortable enough. I'm having this conversation. Don't be a bitch. It's just fucking gay guys, whatever.

Not a big deal. So I go lay down for the massage. And this dude is aggressively scrubbing you know he's going getting the body scrub getting the body scrub going hard I hate that they get all this your dead skin off or whatever

but it hurts I'm not OCD to the point but I'm clean I like my place clean he's scrubbing us and I'm watching him over here the point, but I'm clean. I like my place clean. He's scrubbing us, and I'm watching him over here, and they're just bucketing, just taking water buckets all over the floor. Nobody's coming in here cleaning this shit up. It's fucking dead-ass skin all over the floor of this fucking place. I'm like, ugh.

And then I start having a real conversation with myself. I think i think one maybe two times i've gotten hard from a massage i just never have i've either fallen asleep or whatever like the person one time was this old ass asian lady and she took uh what she did was she i was laying on my back and the sheet was across me and she just kept grabbing the sheet on the sides and pulling it so press down on my dick like this i was like she knew what she was doing it worked dude i was like that shit made my dick hard did he say anything nothing dude nothing professional and then i had another lady that purposely would do like she would like crack like do massage like a chiropractic crack or whatever and she put my arm in her crotch and shit like that and she'd hand constantly going over me and shit but not but a legit place like there's kids in the lobby and shit and i was like

i know what you're doing you're getting that tip girl don't worry about it but still that's it and all of them so i'm worried i genuinely am having a conversation like what if i get an erection like what is that man why would you go there why do you think you might get a boner did that make you get a boner no okay good because i'm gonna tell you what happened he's like okay lay on your lay face down yeah and i lay face down and this motherfucker's feet i see him in these flip-flops okay my dick was like we're good we're fucking tough time toes it's he walked in a million shoes. It looked like his toes matched the job he did.

Okay. You know, scrub it like the fucking, oh, it was disgusting. Yeah. And I'm laughing. I'm laughing. He's scrubbing. I am laughing so hard. This motherfucker is rolling me over.

And I know what I'm saying here is he's just, he's going up the crack of my ass. He's in my groin. Like, he is moving my dick and balls to the side literally like it's his job. You know what I mean? And I'm thinking to myself, this dude is either the most miserable motherfucker, and at what point did he make a wrong turn that landed him here? Or he is right where he fucking wants to be and he loves his motherfucking job i couldn't decide but he kept bucketing my fucking old skin

off on the floor i took a shower okay i still don't have my shoulders all the way down you know what i mean i don't have them all the way down so now i go into the steam room and i fucking that cloud parts. It was like the burnout king when I went in. Not the same thing you saw, though, I bet. Not at all. And I was like, you know what? I'm good, guys.

I'm good. So I leave, okay? At this point, I'm a good hour or whatever in now, hour and a half. I leave, and I'm just like, man, that was not relaxing. Yeah. I went to relax. Pack yourself on the back, Ryan, our little personal moment. You were in there naked with everybody else.

You were comfortable. You were fine, whatever. No biggie. Let's go to Burke Williams and get the fucking massage you want. You listen to all these chicks at work. I get there and they say, well, today's Mother's Day, so we're only open for women. I go, what kind of shit is that? Come on, man.

I go, are you fucking kidding me? I go, can I ask you a question? Are you only open for men on Father's Day? No. I go, well, then why are you only open for women on Mother's Day? And I didn't, and I did not, I promise you, I did not get another massage. It took like another year. It took a year for me to finally go get that massage I really wanted to fucking get.

Well, I'm sorry you went to the wrong place to get jerked off. I never went back, bro. Yeah, please. That sounds terrible. I've accidentally had one of those things where they wash you with that scrub thing, and it's a bummer. I was like, oh, wait. I wanted to get a massage. Whatever the fuck this is is not what I wanted.

It was like a body scrub or some shit. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want that. Yeah. Anyway, give me fighting with dad in the alley. Sorry. Oh, yeah. So he's aggressive kind of guy.

And we worked together at Tex. Sorry, at Alistronics. It was T-E-C-S. He changed it later on. He was your boss? Yeah. How old are you at this time? 17, probably.

And my friend met me to catch a train with me or something. We're going to go somewhere or something. So he met me after work. And there's an alleyway beside the shop and a back way out. So I'm leaving after work. My dad leaves at the same time, and I remember going, hey, can I get a ride? And he was like, shit, right.

And he walked off to go get in his car. I was like, motherfucker. And then he gets in. He had a Ranger over the time. He gets to the car, and a guy driving through the alleyway, super fast, goes past the car when dad opens the door and almost hits the door. And Dad's like, you fucking idiot. And then the guy pulls, immediately hits the brakes

and winds the window down and puts his arm down and hand out and points to the ground, like, come here and say it. Yeah. So I'm in the middle. So this happens where I see Dad say that and then I look to the other side and see that guy do that. And I'm like, that looks like a big arm too. Good pop. Yeah, no, look at the long arm.

So my dad starts walking towards him. He's already ready to fight, and I can tell he's going to the point where I go, dad, don't. And he just pushed me out of the way, walked towards the guy. Guy gets out of the car. He's like six foot five. I'm like, fucking hell, man. Like, I don't want to be a part of this.

I'm scared for him. You know, it seems like a bad matchup. Soon as he gets within swinging distance, starts throwing hooks, you know, street fighting technique, just fucking hook, hook, hook. Dude takes a shot, steps back on the wall, spins dad around. Front tapes him so he can kick box. He fucking shoots. It's where you lift your front foot up and you shoot it into their stomach,

like a stabbing. It's not a kick. It's more of a push. And pushed him into the wall and posted up. And I was like, I just saw that and freaked out and ran at the guy because he was so tall i just let me stop you there for a second because i have a question this is your dad who's put you through hell there's no point in you where you're like let him fucking take this ass whooping instinct instinctively

you're going to defend him i love my dad at that point i didn't know that i was involved in any of that other stuff and i also didn't realize that any of the many things that i was involved in any of that other stuff. And I also didn't realize that any of the many things that I was engaging with through him were really bad. At this point, I was like, my dad is the coolest. He will punch you in the face if you look at it in the wrong way. And he will fuck all your women. And he'll give me one. He's the man.

He'll give me one. He's the man. So I didn't know. I was trained to be a piece of shit, dude. Okay. So, yeah, I remember as soon as that, he looked like he was in trouble and he hadn't even got hit yet. It just looked like maybe this was going to be a fair fight

and I didn't want to watch my dad get beat up. So I ran and jumped and got him in a headlock, but I remember I had to jump up high to get him in a headlock. So then I got him in a headlock. I bring his head down and I up high to get him in a headlock. So then I got him in a headlock. I bring his head down. I start uppercutting him in the face. And I'm crying, man. Like, I'm not cool about it.

Like, I'm, like, hysterical while I'm punching him in the face. How old is this guy, you think? 25, 30. And then I put his head, because he left the door open. And I started punching him towards the car. And I put his head in the fucking door and started slamming his head in the fucking door. And then my dad, get out of the way, Jay. And the guy goes, all right, all right, all right.

And I'm like, you fucking done? Not cool. I'm like, you fucking done? You fucking done? And he's like, yeah, all right, all right. And I'm like, just leave him alone. Like, just stop. Everyone stop.

And the guy gets in the car and drives off and I walk next to my dad like two or three steps. And he goes, you took your fucking time. No, thank you. He's joking. He's not serious, but he's joking. In fucking two seconds, I've got tears still coming down my face. And I'm like, what are you? It's not funny.

This is not funny, man. Like, fucking freaking out and then he fucking gets in the car didn't drive us he was like see you later he still left

he still left me anyway and my friend was like what the fuck did I just see you two are fucking insane I remember just talking to him

on the train the whole way to the escape ramp like yeah I don't know what that was. Terrifying, man. Terrifying moment. Tell me this one about the boar. Oh, okay.

So this is a little bit, this is cool. This is fun. So I hunt when I was a kid. I grew up hunting and, you know, only rabbits. And when I was younger, real young, I shot a kangaroo and stuff. It was different back then. Do people eat kangaroo? Yeah.

Well, my friends- Is it like deer? It looks like all muscle. Yeah. So my dad's friends totally did that. And one of my dad's friends would use their- He would make necklaces because he was like a pretend native american australian so he he would stay in a tp when he camped he made his own tp and he had like fucking all the

shit on oh and i'm like you're fucking you're from fucking melbourne what but he lived for it smoke weed all day and fucking tp all that shit so he would make necklaces out of it and they would kill you know shoot goannas and you they shot like a seven-foot goanna once. What's that? It's a really big lizard. It looks like a dinosaur kind of. Yeah, I think I know. Like those monitors or whatever the hell.

Yeah, it looks like that. Okay, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, they are big. So the point where across the road when we were driving down the road, and we're like, look at the fucking size of that. Pull up, guns out. This thing goes up a tree. Dad shoots it out of the tree.

One shot in the head blew the side of its head off. Go get it, Jay. And I grab the tail and it turns around and goes, ha, ha. With half a face. Scared the shit out of me. Oh, my God. Yeah, and they're like, boom, boom, boom. We'll make fucking necklace out of that.

No worries. And I'm like, okay. That'd be my last day hunting ever right now. Man, there was always that shit with me. Dude, the boar hunting before this story, we go boar hunting, and I don't know that much about it. My dad's now excited about boar hunting, different guns, bigger guns. But are you really boar hunting?

Are you doing that bullshit they do in, like, fucking Louisiana where they take you out in a truck where they feed a trough of them and you just go wipe them out? We're not. This is hunting at its most dangerous. You're giving them a huge chance. That's how we do it. Okay.

So at one point, big fire. And I don't know why, but apparently these boars decided to attack our fire in the middle of the night. How many? 20. Damn the middle of the night. How many? 20. Damn. Get up the tree. I'm like, get up the tree?

What? Why? How do you know? And one of my dad's friends was a Czechoslovakian guy that escaped from Czech prison. He said he swam over a lake where they had like barbed wire on the – so he had to crawl through barbed wire to get out of the river or whatever. And he had a tattoo that he got. It was a shit tattoo.

So he put acid and sandpaper and rubbed – he said, it hurt too much. So it's half done. It's like this half rubbed out tattoo that he got in prison. And I'll never forget this. We were working on a house together. tattoo that he got in prison and he i'll never forget this we were working on a house together my friend him and myself working on a house and uh he talked about jail for a second i was like so how was that jeff and he goes that's not so bad i didn't get i only had to suck a dick a few

times no no fucking the ass and i remember my friend and i were so young that he said it from behind and so he wasn't in front of me but when he said it i went to my friend and he looked at me like like should we even be here if he's saying that it was so terrifying that he thought sucking a dick was not that bad because he didn't get fucked in the ass i'm like that doesn't seem good still. Jeff is not the name I thought was going to be with this guy. He's so generic. He's a barbarian.

Rapids. Rapids are called Rapids because he still had a strong accent. And so he's – dad, you get the tractor seat welded on the bull bar, so you got the little seat belt, and you're on there with the spotlights, and wherever they go, you fucking shoot them. So that day, when they stampeded the fire, I'm in the tree with Jeff. I've got my shotgun. My dad cut off the handle and the nozzle so that I could aim it

because I was too young to keep the barrel pointed at shit. It was too heavy. So I had my own little pump action shotgun. Jeff drops out of the tree and starts gunning him. No. So I jump out of the tree. He just Rambo'd down and you went with him? Yeah, and I started gunning him.

So I don't know where I'm aiming. You know what I mean? I'm just like. And then I hit one. And it's fucking screaming. Pig dog goes running over there to get him. And these dogs, I don't know what they are because we don't have pit bulls. We have American bulldog.

I don't know what it is, but they're big short haired fuckers with the ears cut off. One of those fucking monsters. And I'll never forget it. He had a huge collar, collar big thick one all studded big black thick one and when he went in to get the pig the tusk went underneath the collar and the pig went like that fucking rag doll that dog like fucking 20 feet snapped the collar off damn those things are no joke but that thing got up and you're gonna you jump down on the ground level started running at me you weren't scared fucking terrified why these are on the ground because

they're doing it if i don't do it i'm a pussy you gotta do it fucking jay didn't drop out of the fucking tree what the fuck is that i'm like i dropped out of the tree yeah all right let's go so i killed that guy shooting him in the face coming at me and then uh they're like, all right, you know, you're going to skin it. And they teach me how to skin it. So they put his legs up on a, hooked up on a tree. So he's dangling upside down. Give me the meat cleaver. And they're all gathered around because, you know, Jay's like 11, 12.

And they're like, you know, this will be fun. Watch it, Jay. He's like, you know, you're going to chop down into the groin, chop all the way down, pull all his guts out and then chop off his head. So, you know, I'm chopping into this thing and I can tell they're like, you know, you chop down into the groin, chop all the way down, pull all his guts out, and then chop off his head. So, you know, I'm chopping into this thing, and I can tell they're like, good work, Jay, fucking chop into the fucking thing. And then I'm chopping the neck, and I'm whipping it in there,

and they're like, fucking get him, Jay, get him, Jay, get his fucking head off. You know, I'm like, oh, mate, come on, kill this fucking, it's already dead, but I don't know what's going on. So I get the head off. And when I get the head off, I pick it up, everyone's like, hey, he don't know what's going on. So I get the head off. I'm going to get the head off. I pick it up. Everyone's like, hey, he's got the fucking head.

You know what I mean? I'm like, I got the head. But I just put it on my head because it was just right there, and it was like a little pocket where it would fit on there a little bit because my head was small. And then they're like, get the fucking camera. That's hilarious, Jay. There's a photo of it somewhere.

You're a fucking guy that doesn't want some Thousand Island dressing splashing him in a food fight. You wore a boar's fucking head. Well, you're a different frame of mind when you're doing that. You're a killer. Is blood not gushing all over you? Is it warm? No, because I emptied it at fuck yeah.

It's warm as shit. It stinks. It stinks like fucking shit and innards because I had to clean the poop out of his butthole because you've got to get the meat clean. And then Jeff, bless his heart, he teaches me all that, and he's like, this is how you fucking cut the meat, and he's showing me how to cut off pieces. He's like, kidneys is good.

And my dad going, you don't fucking eat the kidneys. That's disgusting. And just like, nah, it's good with a bit of salt. Good. And then we barbecued the kidneys, and he put garlic salt and salt on there, and me and him and I shared. How was it? It was good.

Was it? Yeah. Yeah, I was surprised. Is boar very similar to just pig? Is it very much bacon and pork? What it tasted like? Like, we were just. pork? I can't even tell you what it tasted like. Like, we were just... Is that the only time you've ever had it?

No, I ate boar. We killed boar for a bit. That was, like, a thing that we were doing, so I ate pig a lot. But it was just barbecued over the fucking fire. It was burnt meat, man. Like, we're talking dudes. Jeff had garlic salt, and that's about as far as I saw anybody with, like, a spice. Everyone else is just, you cook it, and then you i saw anybody with like a spice everyone else is just

you cook it and then you eat it and then you maybe everyone else is fucking jay here's the thing i like about jeff too is he he knew he was gonna eat that fucking thing he wasn't even scared when he dropped on the ground because he brought garlic you don't bring garlic salt if you think you're gonna lose no no he's absolutely he made he ate a lot of weird stuff. He would always come part showing off and also part ridiculously tough. This is the craziest one. My brother was probably five or six, and he's on the back of a four-wheeler, and I'm on the back of my dad's four-wheeler, and we're burning around like fucking maniacs going fast as hell.

I don't even think we had helmets on and there was this big hill that like came to it looked like impossible to get up so dad's like let's fucking try and go up it and you know to the point where the wheel starts spinning and fucking turn around jeff not as good a rider as my father straight up this hill and I'm right near it. So I watch it. And then it tips. It tips. Lee falls on the ground and Jeff sees the bike coming at him and goes over Lee in a push up and the four wheeler went over him. And I remember he made like a table over him.

Save Lee. Save my son. My brother. My brother was like like it didn't hit him i remember thinking and and it hit him so hard and i remember him looking at my dad going oh you're all right your kids all right and i'm like you guys are so fucking tough like you look like you got really hurt whenever they broke bones they'd always not go to the hospital like they'd hang out drink a few beers help put the bikes back on the trailer shit that people don't do anymore you know your arm shattered fucking you'd be right i'm like your face is fucking gray you're dying yeah you'd be right help me wash the bikes will you and i'm like help you wash the bikes go to hospital in a minute um i want to hear this one about you made out.

I don't want to say it. I don't want to give it up. The make out story. Okay. So this is the beginning of old people, old women having sex with my underaged ass. So it wasn't really. I've been worse molestations when I was younger. So when somebody is making out with me that I think is kind of hot,

then it's not molestation. I'm like a young boy. I would have done it anyway. So it's not. The only thing that scarred me with all that stuff is I felt like I treated women in a bad way for a long time because I just figured everybody just wanted to get fucked. These do.

So New Year's, Dad got a houseboat. My dad's best friend and his wife that at one point had changed my diapers, that I was told, she's on the houseboat. She was like super fit, redheaded chick. How old? 35 at the time probably. How old are you? 16.

So New Year's at a pub off the side of the river the murray river so it's just a little pub bunch of you know aussie dudes and girls at a real shit pub celebrating new year's uh you know the two three you know four countdown and then fucking happy new year and i look over my dad makes out with this the chick the the guy's wife yeah and i'm like what the fuck and i go to where's the guy i go to look where he is he's making out with my stepmom ah and i'm like whoa new year's is crazy and then i get a tap on the shoulder and i turn around and it's her and she just flat out makes out. The one your dad's making out with? Yeah. She's now kissing you?

She starts making out with me. Father. Dude, that happened a couple of times. At one point it was kind of. But, I mean, that's like just a moment ago your dad's tongue's in her mouth. Yeah, at the time I never thought of that. Because I had not been. Put some scope up in there or something.

I wasn't aware of the scar yet, dude. I was like, fuck yeah, we both made out with her. No concept of that being a bad thing or a weird thing. Or gross. Yes. Yeah, nasty. Not even close to thinking it. Just like, yeah.

And I remember when I got my face off her face, my only concern was my stepmom. Because my stepmom was the only grounded person in my life. I love my mom, but mom was anal. She was anal retentive. You know, if you do that, you can do this and watch out. Fucking, you know, safety first, mom. Fucking spare me. Like it was always, she's the worst.

It was fucking common sense. She was trying to instill some common sense into our fucking maniac brains. And my dad would just ruin it every time. Oh, fuck, enough. Slow down, Steve. Fuck off. Go fast. Remember, Jay, when you go, always go faster.

You know, like, I don't know what he was trying to teach me, but it wasn't good. So that was the first where I'm like, what is that? And then later on she did end up sleeping with me, and so did her two sisters. What? Yeah, and one of them was going out with Dad. So when I –

Were you underage at the time they slept with you too? Yeah. I turned 17, and then I was – because it went on for a couple years. With one of them, it went on for like four or five years until my stepmom found out and then made me tell her to call the house while she was in the other room on the other house phone listening because I always kept trying to tell her it's not my fucking fault. She wants to sleep with me.

She loves me. And she's like, shut up, Jason. That's ridiculous. Like, it's your fault. And then she was on the phone talking about how much she cares for me and then mine goes, hello, you know, so-and-so. That's how she busted. Yeah.

Get off the phone, Jason. Off the phone. I don't know what they discussed, but they were no longer friends ever again. I think they are cool now, but they don't associate. How did it happen the first time? How does it happen? So the first time is at my parents' house. How does an adult let a child know in this situation,

especially if it's a boy that was like, I'm in? You're right. So it was at my parents' house, and it was a big party. And at one point, people had gone or fallen asleep, and I was in the living room. And the one that we're talking about's sister starts to get tired, and she puts her head on my lap and then she starts to like nuzzle my dick and i'm and then she like starts to like grab it and i get up because i'm

like whoa if my dad comes in i'm fucking dead like you can't i'm that's all i was thinking right you're dead if you get caught so i get up and i'm like what the fuck was that go into the bathroom the door opens when i'm in the bathroom and it's the other one damn and she goes come at me and i'm like what where into the spare room and then it's on probably lasted like three seconds i can't believe this shit's even happening and then i go back into my bedroom go to bed and then the next day dad goes, what did you get her to last night? And I was like, nothing, nothing. He's like, bullshit. I'm like, what are you talking about?

He's like, I went into your bedroom last night. You weren't there. You were in Carmel's room. You were in that person's room. Sorry. You want to mark that? I don't think she – you don't know her last name, but you know what? You fucking creep.

Her name's Carmel. So she goes, you weren't in there. And I was like, okay, so yeah. And I wasn't in trouble. It was more like, what's that like? And I was like, it's good, I guess. And then the youngest sister, I go back to America, come back again. I'm at a fucking nightclub.

Chase is hard and fast. They used to sponsor me and give me drink cards every Wednesday. Loved my life right there. I get the PA system, Jason Ellis, report to the desk. It's an emergency. I'm like, whoa, what's wrong? Hello? Jase, it's Jenny.

Like, I want to come get you. Come party with us. Carmel wants you. And I'm like, oh, okay, come get me. Comes, gets me in a taxi, and then taxi on the way home. She goes, let's just stop at the beach for a second. I'm like, yeah, okay. Fuck her on the beach.

Put a bunch of sand in her vagina. Then she gets me back in the taxi and gives me to carmel to jam three sisters and then i tell my dad at work the next day you're not gonna believe who fucking boned me and he goes who and i say jenny and he goes you're fucking joking me and i'm like why why is that he's like i'm going to dinner with her tonight and i'm like do you mean dinner? Like, you're going to fuck her? You know, because this is when I was, it was starting to register

that it wasn't right because I love my brothers and that's my brother's mum. And as much as the beef that I had with her, if Lee found out, he'd be devastated. And now I'm carrying that. Like, I have to not tell anybody or my brothers. So there was a little, that was like the initial part of me feeling like, this isn't right, you know?

But that was, it wasn't, it was for a brief moment, to be honest. And off I went on my tangents again. I was involved in a couple of times where he picked me up, Jay, come to the beach. I'm in my speedboat. Got an outboard that can do 98 mile an hour. Got a new thing that makes it do 100. And then I'm driving with him, this girl, and this other girl.

I'm driving it, going as fast as I can, and she taps me. Jay, look out for your dad. And I turn around, and he's sitting on the outboard with a beer in his hand. I'm doing like 70 mile an hour, dude. You come off, your fucking kidneys are coming at your ass. You go eat them with some fucking garlic salt, bro. I never realized being a twin that I was a bucket list for someone until later in college.

I was like, my brother and I were talking, like, you fucked her? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, God damn it. Then there were a couple other ones and i was like oh they're fuck no no we didn't fuck them they're fucking us separately but it's like i fucked these two twins as long as it's not at the same time you're in the clear yeah i don't care about that i would never do that with my brother i don't want to see that right we. We're different like that. Yeah, we are. But I'm saying I didn't realize that I was a check. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I was always – Because I never think about being a twin. I never think about it. Yeah. You'd think women would have more class. They don't. Not the ones we know. Everybody's human.

And sometimes even women with their sophisticated minds go, hmm, twin. Might fuck both of them. What's that like? Good for them. I should have asked them if it was better. That's what I would have done. First question.

I lied at that time. I didn't know. But if I find out, I'm going to ask them. All right, let's do this last one. Dad ran from the cops. Okay, so this is cool. So my dad, super into racing, and he got a – there's this guy named Peter Brock. He died, but he's a race car driver in Australia that was like a legend.

Like, what is your NASCAR – you know, that Dale Earnhardt. He's like that, up for us. At one point, he was winning a race so well that he wound down the window and he had his arm out the window, and everybody in Australia loved him for it. We thought he was the best. And then he had a signature car. Holden is like our Ford. I think Holden's gone now in Australia, but at one point it was the biggest car company in Australia.

And they had the Holden Peter Brock Special. And that shit was fucking tricked, like super fucking illegal, supercharged, like fast as fuck. So he gets a Peter Brock special ute, and so he's got like the business paying for it or whatever. So I think it might have even had like Alistronic's logos on it, like it was not an incognito car. And him and his friend, drunk, strip club, taken off, burn around, cops start chasing him.

They put on a chase. Dad escapes from them to the point where he fucking pulls up to make a joke with his friend in the passenger seat that i'll wait for him so the friend's like you're fucking joking me steve he's like i'll be fucking funny we'll wait for him and then he waited for him yeah and then took off again that's what's that smoking a band right into the into the city and then he said he was in the city going down the road, and there was cops on either side on the side streets trying to follow him. So then he, like, span around, pull in some side street,

fucking there's a house, parks in the driveway, throws the keys in the bushes, and just walks off with his friend. Comes back, goes to strip club, comes back, cops everywhere. Everyone's around this car, and he walks walks by and one of the cops goes, is this your car? And my dad goes, nah, why are you asking me that? He's like, because you're walking over here staring at it. He's like, yeah, I have no idea who that is.

He's like, well, if it is your car, you can come pick the keys up in the morning. I don't know how that works in Australia, but you cops, you can be kind of drunk sometimes and they'll be like, you just piss off, you know, and you're like, oh, thanks, mate. A lot less into fucking you over. I think it's changed a little bit now, but at one point it just seemed to be, especially for reckless driving and being a drunk,

because everybody in Australia was driving reckless and drunk, so it was tough to, like, point out someone. So he ends up going to the, you know, doesn't go home, because everybody in Australia was driving reckless and drunk, so it was tough to point out someone. So he ends up going to the- He doesn't go home, goes to the strip club because the strip club in Australia can stay out all night, goes back there in the morning, like 6 in the morning, and they give him the fucking keys. I remember him telling me, he's like,

fucking flat spotted my fucking tires, locking it up, trying to fucking wait for the cops, dickheads. I'm like, you flat spotted your tires. You ain't no burnout king, I'll tell you that. No. You ain't no burnout king. If only there was truth in dying and seeing people looking down, then he would have been very proud of that burnout. And for all of us being into being set fire while it's happening.

Yeah, that's a hell of a way, a hell of a wake. Yeah. It was unmatched. It was like the next one my brother died and was like don't do a burnout burnout king it's not gonna be mad you're not gonna match it we'll just leave that last one again dude thank you so much for coming on anytime get back on my show i feel like you're too fucking busy tour boy you can't i can't get you you'll get me all right um. Please, again, promote everything.

Yeah, Hawk vs. Wolf. It's available everywhere, and it's awesome. I got a YouTube channel as well. It's separate, and I'm copying you. I saw 100,000. I got 100,000. Fuck yeah, congrats. I didn't even know that, so thank you, everybody,

that did that without me even knowing. I really appreciate that. I put my stand-up on there with you, so that's the highlight of my fucking videos for the year. I did Alice May the other day. So that's available free on YouTube if anyone wants to see people that can't fight punch each other in the face. Totally free and available whenever you want. Wolfknives, wolfknifestore.com and the Jason Ellis show. That's my baby. Has been for 15, 16 years.

So we're still going strong. I love it. Thank you, man. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We will talk to you you next time.