The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jay Larson - HoneyFeast

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

It’s the 100th episode of The Dew and I’m goin back to my podcast roots! My HoneyDew this week is Jay Larson! It only took me 100 episodes but I made it happen! Jay joins me to touch some pitches and talk about life and death - life after The CrabFeast, life growing up and how Jay has dealt with life after his father’s death. I wanna say thank you to all y’all for your support! You are the best fans in comedy and I couldn’t do this without ya’s! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love! It doesn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated! Here’s to the next 100! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: TALKSPACE As a listener of this podcast, you get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code HONEYDEW to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That’s HONEYDEW and talkspace.com. NATIONAL LACROSSE LEAGUE Fanatics is the only place to buy official National Lacrosse League fan gear. Do what I did and get yours in time for the upcoming season! Save 25% when you use my promo code HONEYDEW at ShopNLL.com/HONEYDEW!

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by National Lacrosse League and Talkspace. More on that later, let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here bringing it at you in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. Hit that subscribe button right now on the YouTube.

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Get over there and like the Facebook fan page so we can get that thing rolling. And honeydewpodcast.com is the website for everything Honeydew related. New merch is either out or it's coming. It should be out by now. We've got Champion, Night Pants Nation, Sweats. We've got new tees. We've got a lot of stuff coming. So I'm very excited about the new merch just in time for the fall.

And if you live in la and you need a musical instrument or lessons for your kids santa monica music center where i record here is the spot you can get some online classes from la musicians if you use the code honeydew they will waive the registration fee and give you a free lesson when you sign up for a package all right those are the details. This is a very special episode. We have hit 100 episodes. So first, I want to say thank you to every single one of you out there. Thank you for your support. However, whether it's comments or merch or whatever you do to support this show, thank you so much. All the mommies, all the doers, all the feasters, thank you all.

And I want to say a special shout-out to my babysitters. I got a roster of these ladies who make it possible for me to leave and come and do stuff like this. So shout-out to all my babysitters. I appreciate every single one of you, Kristen, Alexis, all of you out there. This episode here, it's been a long time coming. I've even asked this guest to be the first guest on this show. And this young man wanted to wait until he was ready, and he's ready.

100 episodes in. It's a very special episode. Please welcome, to the honeydew, first time, Jay Larson, y'all. What's up, Jay Larson comedy. He's here. He's here. He's here, everybody. He's here.

My favorite is you're like, let me thank all my babysitters, both of you. There's more. Alexis, Kristen. There's more. I could probably do this face to face, but I want to make sure they listen. Thank you, ladies. Well, listen, I think before we even start this, we should start with one place. What's that?

You know what. Oh! Oh! Oh! Good to see you, Jay Larson Comedy. That's the first time we've touched pitch. Well, we've done it in live shows with no headphones. But we went into it, and I'm like, I don't have cans on.

But you heard it, though, didn't you? Oh, yeah. I felt it, too. Touched. Crossed it up. I don't have cans on. But you heard it, though, didn't you? Oh, yeah. I felt it, too. Touched. You don't hear touching pitches. You feel it. I think y'all know that out there. All right. Well, we have some stuff to talk about.

When you touch that pitch, remember? I mean, that's been a long time. I haven't touched. I haven't even done that, man. I haven't touched anyone's pitches. Nor will I ever. One guy tried to touch my pitch, dude. Well, he just hit you up with it one day?

I hit the guy with the freaking assault charge trying to touch my pitch, dude. He just hit you up with it one day? I hit the guy with the freaking assault charge trying to touch my pitch. Let me just tell you something. Aggravated assault. Let me tell you something, man. If you try to touch somebody's pitch during the coronavirus, it might be aggravated assault.

It is, man. Let me tell you something, man. You are 100% on your own keeping lime green in business, baby. Hey, me and the Seahawks. It's me and the Seahawks. Just those Thursday night unis. said on your own keeping lime green in business baby no i mean you know when you you know it's me in the sea just those thursday night unis you know when you ordered this rug they were like someone bought the green one god it's supposed to take a lot they had to go all the way up top with the forklift and get it i don't even know if it's still on that page

no but dude this studio looks great thank you this looks great this is so pro i appreciate it um i appreciate i appreciate you being here it's been a long time coming i know a lot of fans before we start i appreciate everyone to help build this studio i want to do a shout out to everyone that helped out mike sean my painters i had to come back twice. I was like, I don't like the color of this wall. He's like, are you serious? I go, yeah, paint this. What color did he, which one did you like?

Well, this is repainted now, but it just looked too blue. It looked cool. You know, when you get those grays. I mean, those are real nice. He showed me how to do it. You take clear caulk, and that's how you paint the lines. What do you mean? You tape it off, and then you put clear caulk in the lines you don't want to paint. And you paint over, and then you pull the tape right away, and it gives it a crisp, clean line with no runs.

Okay. So before we get into it, is there anything you would like to promote? Anything you'd like to get out there, tell the fans about, go watch? Yes, hold on. Your stand-up special, let's talk about it, because it is on YouTube. It has how many views? Like 940,000. We're coming up on a million views on your stand-up special.

Again, another comedian who everyone said no to and who went out there, did it on your own anyway. That's how you do it. You bring them down to build them back up. Had that almost a million views on youtube which is astounding that's astounding that's an that's an hour special with a million views not a five minute bit yeah you know it's a lot no remember though that that number for whatever it's worth nowadays you know what i mean like you know you see guys you know but just getting a million is just like if i if and when because i think i feel it's gonna hit a million i'll just be like then i'll be like okay feels good yeah and you know what i'm proud of it for releasing it to 2 000 subscribers right and then for to reach a million and you see some specials out there that comedy

central puts out and they have like 1.3 million subscribers and you're just like oh that feels good you know it feels good um so yeah they can go watch that you my youtube channel baby that's right um that's it man no podcast for me no shows for me everything is behind the scenes now bro well let's talk about um let's talk about the end of the crab feast so we could because we'll get that out of the way right now. Because I know a lot of people felt there was bad blood. A lot of people thought there was, you know, even doing this away from YMH, people are like, oh, they hate each other. No, it's none of that shit.

By the way, you know, I texted someone the other day, AK, you know what I mean? Like seven A's and then a K. Yeah. And they wrote back, what's that? And I'm like, and I go, it's okay, but with like a little Marilyn twang in there. And they wrote back, AK. Yeah, of course, no bad blood, dude. You know, it's funny.

I was thinking about this the other day of like, you know, just like this world is so crazy right now i mean it's just like the craziest world and i'm like looking at my life and i'm looking at scenarios and i was like in therapy talking about like how i've always like as for me always like yearned for like men in my life to feel like brothers. You know what I mean? Because I always just feel like a brother is someone that you can call at 1130 at night and they're going to pick up. And I remember I'm like, yeah, man, that's me and you. I remember getting phone calls from you at 1130 and putting it on speakerphone and I'd be in bed with Kate and I'd just put the speakerphone on.

So yeah, we're always going to be brothers, whether we're doing this together. And I'm going to be right there cheering you on. I mean, obviously, we didn't take it to the public to be like, we're still together, guys. I know. People really want that. I know.

And it's just like, don't worry about it. I would jump in every now and then. I said, Jay has an open invite. Whenever Jay's ready to come on the do, he'll come on. And I just hit you up yesterday, literally, like, look, you should just come on. Why don't you just come on tomorrow at 1 o'clock? And you were like, how about 2?

And I was like, thank God. Yeah, I was wondering. I'm like, I wonder what Ry thought when he got that text back. And then I was like, all right, we're right here, a few weeks away from episode 100, so here we are. I've got to be honest with you. I was golfing, and I was six holes in when you texted, and I was two, all right, we're right here a few weeks away from episode 100, so here we are. I've got to be honest with you. I was golfing, and I was six holes in when you texted, and I was two under par. So I was like, fuck yeah, two o'clock tomorrow.

Whereas if – I'll tell you right now. Three over, you might have been like, I'm good. Two holes later, I was plus three. I went double bogey, triple bogey. And my buddy didn't give me this putt for the five on the par three. And I go, you're not going to give me that? He's like, no. And I missed it. And I go, you're not going to give me that? He's like, no. And I missed it.

And I'm like, great. I went on the five-stroke swing over two holes. Anyway, yeah. So after the podcast, you went and did the through line, which was a lot of work. Lots of work. I know. It was a lot of work. How many episodes did you do?

Total? I mean, I don't know, like 70 maybe. I used to do like a year, a little over a year. A little over a year, yeah. But I changed that format up, you know what I mean? So, you know, but I honestly, Ryan, like I love like talking clearly. Yeah. But like podcasts, it just wasn't like I was like, I don't know what I wanted to be because you were doing solo ones you would do guests i saw you change yeah i changed you know

like i put it this way when i do stand up i do a joke and after like after like doing it eight times i'm like i don't want to do this joke anymore you know and um i don't know well the reason i stopped it ultimately was once covet hit I was just like having a really tough time finding humor or anything I wanted to talk to directly to camera. I've done two podcasts during COVID, and that was Your Garbage, which I loved. And I knew that one was going to be super fun. And this. But otherwise, I've been asked a ton of times, and I'm like, yeah, I just don't really want to talk. You know what I mean?

Like I just – none of it – it's just such a wild time. Like it's just changed my perspective on so much stuff. That's why I stopped doing mine. to get in front of a camera and behind a mic and talk about anything because I just wasn't finding any happiness or peace in my own head. And I was just like, I'm just going to stop it. You know what I mean? It didn't mean so much to me that I would keep going. So now without stand-up and everything, you said, I'm behind the scenes. So how have you shifted?

What are you doing? We saw your, if you haven't, Almost Fuck almost fucked up i won't say the competitor's name almost almost said subway uh but jersey mike's commercial nikes baby with uh judge and judge yeah who would i say it was at first i said uh carlos stanton man yeah stan i was like who i i just i was in my place one night and i happened to get up and I walked from the kitchen into the living room, and I just saw the last second of you sitting at a table. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah.

You know what's funny is, like, how many Major League Baseball players have two outfielders that are 6'5"? Yeah. Judge is 6'6". They're a carbon copy of each other. Yeah, they're just bombers. Yeah, here's the best part. This is where COVID helps out.

I did that in January, and then COVID hit when they were going to launch it. So then baseball was on hold, so they don't launch the commercial. But my contract was only for six months or whatever the amount of months was. So then they wanted to re-up it, so then I had to get paid again. Oh, nice. So what's up coven thank baby um yeah man did that jersey mike spot which was cool but you've been directing and stuff you're telling me that's what uh that's the best dude oh it's the best you know what's funny

is like well i was you know i'm i was like writing and producing on this golf show and directing a bunch of the sketches and then i wrote and directed a commercial for calloway which ended up being like a short film kind of thing and i'm sitting there and you've acted in stuff you've direct have you directed yeah i mean short sketches and yeah whatever so the commercial that was the first time doing something that was like big budget had to answer to people you know had to do the thing and i've shot on commercials i've shot in movies and i've been the actors where like the dp and the director are getting together and they're like all right talent we're gonna we're gonna hold talent you know and then and when i watched them all walk back in after like we set everything up for the next shot i was just like oh that's like they've just been waiting you know what i mean even though i went in and like talked to certain actors like oh listen this

is what's coming up for you. And we go over it. But it was just like it just it gave me a totally different perspective. I was on my feet for 14 hours. And that night my back was shot. And I loved every second of it. I just loved it. It's just fun. I like the like talking it over with the actors.

I like talking with the DP. I like going then talking to like the ad agency and being like, yeah, I understand, you know, and giving perspective. And I just like ate it up, ate it up. You want to do more of that? I hope so. Yeah. I was scheduled to do the next one. And then they pivoted on like the direction they want to do it like a more of like a straight

up traditional commercial. You know what I mean? But I'm definitely going to direct more like on the golf show. I'm sure I'm going to do more of that i just love it it's super fun it's super fun to just like see it souped nuts and have to answer on every single thing you know yeah i just got i worked with eric abrams on all these epics um specials that are out right now and he had me come in as like a consultant producer yeah that's what they gave me but i just i interviewed all the comedians and so in between in between their stand-up they cut away to them talking and that's

me they're talking to yeah on the interview yeah and then they cut back in and sort of like weave it into their stand-up material and stuff like that yeah um was that fun oh yeah man i mean you're great at that anyway it's doing doing this. I love talking to people. I love their stories. I love a rich backstory and a good storyteller. I've always told you I like old ladies to play cards and watch sports. Those ladies talk. They've got shit to say.

What old ladies are you talking about, man? I'm talking about my grandmoms and her sisters. No, I know. Your aunties and everything. Playing cards on the back deck for nickels and pennies. I just said it last night. I was like, when I was homeless, my grandmother's sister took me in. My Aunt Marguerite, who was already raising her grandkids.

That goes so deep. Listen, man, I want to be straight up with you. I was so looking forward to this. You're not going to believe this. Marguerite! Marguerite! Get your ass in here. Get your dead ass in here, Aunt Marguerite. Here, Aunt Marguerite. You have not aged believe this marguerite marguerite get your ass in your dead ass in here

you have not aged well marguerite god damn it uh but they would play p-knuckle they play all these games yeah and it would always be nickels and dimes and shit and she would smoke her little cigarettes and she would tell me watch these sons of what were they like fins like those no just regular marbles but she had that leather case that clipped at the top. You know, this thing right here. Yeah, yeah. Like the eyeglass case. Yeah.

Yeah, for your cancer. I can see my, yeah. None of my aunts smoked, but I can see the red. You know that. My aunt had a red one with the gold up here. And it had like some little gold, like total 70s style design on it. And a clip like this at the top. Yeah, yeah.

So she would smoke her cigarette and she'd be like watch these sons of bitches ryan they cheat and i would see them they'd have aces on her legs like this motherfucker's got an ace on her like she's like i'm telling you they're cheating over nickel and dime games so we would have fun doing that yeah and she was the aunt too that had like the tv so she would tell me like what do you mean what do you mean well back in that had the tv in, when the greatest game ever played, the NFL championship, Colts Giants, like not everyone had a TV. Right.

And they would all go to her house and watch. They all watched that game. But I mean, you're saying it like you were alive in 58. I wasn't. I mean, that's what I was told. She was the relative that had the TV. So basically, she was like the, she was ahead of the curve. Yeah.

Yeah. She's like, listen, I can't afford the heating bill, but we got a brand new TV. She's the same man that won a million dollars or 1.4, I think it was, in a Rite Aid settlement I told you about. Remember? Yeah. She got falsely accused of stealing. She and three other ladies. They were accused of embezzling, and they were forced to take lie detector test and they were 100 innocent they got an attorney all of them passed their lie detector test they they looked into it a little bit turned out the execs were the ones stealing and they all

got over a million bucks took that one point for a million open to duane reed open to duane reed that's crazy i didn't i thought it was just like she slipped on something. No, uh-uh. They were falsely accused and then fired and everything and proven innocent. Oh, she worked there? Yeah, she worked at Rite Aid. And it was her and like three other ladies all accused of stealing money. But it was really the execs trying to blame it on them.

They got found out. Did they each get one for? No, she got one for because she was the ringleader. Everybody else got like one, two. But they were like a couple hundred thousand for your troubles for thank you did she do anything with it yeah this is so baltimore rich they went right from the city which was right here they're like we are fucking out of here we're gonna buy this home and rent it out we are moving out they went right here to the county i mean right here to the county line they went from here to here but it was immediately better schools it

was a home with a pool you know but it was so close to everything they knew and loved so they just stayed in that pocket yeah i know and then she said to me one day what those kids are grown i'm gonna sell this house i'm going back to highland town and i'm gonna die in that house on macon street and that is exactly what she did damn exactly what she did do you find as you're getting older like the idea of you know i've been in you and i've been in la pretty much the same amount right 20 years yeah you know i had that new york hiatus but like do you find that it's like harder and harder to like – now I'm used to like – I've always said I wanted to move away from the west side.

I'm like, oh, there's so many areas I love in other parts of LA. But I'm like, man, I don't even know what I would do over there. I don't know. You get so used to the hardware store you go to and the different coffee shops and all that kind of stuff. I think as you get older, you're just like less apt to change. Obviously, we all know that. But like even a move, you know? Yeah, but our whole thing for you and I has always been change.

It's a pain in the ass, but it's always beneficial. It's always been a good thing. It's always been a struggle to do it. So, yeah, I really like living over here. But also I just like living close to my daughter, and I love having my own schedule, working for myself. I mean, on the way in, my daughter's out there with the babysitter today. So, I mean, if I'm working a regular gig, I don't get to see her at 1.30 in the afternoon on a fucking Thursday.

No, of course. So I love what's become, but I'll tell you what I really do miss. I miss my family more and more and oh like my nieces and nephews and especially like my my one niece uh maddie she's now 13 so my nephew's 11 and she's listening to the show and shit now and she and i text and stuff now and and then my younger brother his kids are uh, five, and just about two. And they're all right in Stella's Wheelhouse. And every weekend they could be playing together.

You know what I mean? Because I was raised differently. That's how I was. That's why I'm saying my grandmother's sister took me in. She's watching her grandkids. I don't get the once-removed shit, but they're basically third cousins. That's how I look at it. And we're all living together hanging out if we're gonna start going down the ryan sickler family tree i don't know if we have time dude i don't know if we have time to find out how

many cousins it's a big tree but i used to say when i would be on the road and people all the time i've said this a hundred thousand times they'd be like man it's so cool you get to travel and i'm like you know what's cool bro the fact that you never left home you know what i would love is like every sunday to know that i'd be going to my mom's with the kids and with my cut their their cousins to eat dinner on sundays where you would just kick it there for like six hours you know what i mean that's what i said i just want to cut the grass that's all i'm saying i want to get on a ride mower and just cut the fucking listen man you might have to walk it son i should the property that bit yeah dude trust me that was me too me too we're never going to be cutting the grass in la proper no you know what i mean well we'll get jumped by a bunch of mexican guys if

you try to cut your own grass cutting in our neighborhood yeah totally totally um so i want to talk about because i know it's interesting you you also are a big therapy guy, and I know we talked a lot about your dad on the feast, but you never really got into it, I feel, like the way you did in your stand-up special that's available on YouTube approaching a million views. You should watch it. um so but you're also realizing that a lot of these things in our lives were because i would think the same thing like oh this is an issue with my mom but wait a minute oh my god this might be abandonment my dad's been dead since i was 16 oh holy shit i didn't realize how angry i was at the time i didn't realize how i was actually closing people off and out yeah um the entire time the entire time, the entire time. So I wanted to talk to you about sort of, you know,

the father you are with your kids versus what you had, which is nothing. Yeah. And do you find yourself, like we talked about, maybe overcorrecting or trying to do too much and, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll tell you, this is the craziest thing of what I've realized in like the last seven months, eight months, ten months is that I put everything on the fact that my dad wasn't there. But then I started like digging deeper into it and I was just like, wait a minute. I said to my brother – this is what I said to my brother the other day on the phone.

into it and I was just like wait a minute I said to my brother that's what I said to my brother the other day on the phone because I feel like you and I you've told me like stuff especially you've said to Todd like just like things you know you just say to your brother I said I said to my brother I go and listen I love my mom you know what I mean I love her but I said do you realize that the bar was so low in our family that the fact that mom stayed, stayed, was like, wow. Right. What an unbelievable mother. Right. Because people have said, I remember, you know, so I have two kids.

And people have said to me, have you guys ever thought about a third? And I go, bro, I barely have enough love for two. Think about all the love and attention you give to Stella, right? That's me with the kids, with my kids. I'm giving total attention, love, focus, discipline, making sure I'm aware of like, like how they're acting when they're not acting. If I'm missing something, you know what I mean? Just staying in tune. Now try and doing that with four kids and having a full-time job. It's just impossible. There is no way.

And I look back and I'm like, oh, yeah, there was just no one giving any attention or any love. I mean I was getting love but not like love. You know what I mean? Like my mom would leave, go to work, be home at 530. We'd all eat dinner. Then my grandmother would leave or my mom would, be home at 530. We'd all eat dinner. Then my grandmother would leave, or my mom would drive her home. And then she'd come back. Do you think she has time to go around the house and connect on a very intimate level with each child? No fucking way, bro. So like, that was like a huge realization for me. Like, you know, just trying

to, I'm constantly trying to figure myself out. And I was like looking at that stuff and I'm like, oh, yeah, you're just like you've never had anyone really honing in and like focusing on you, which is why I constantly spent my whole life trying to like get everyone and everything to like love on me because I was like had this giant hole in me that I was trying to fix. You know, I do know it resonates because as I'm older... He's like, I've noticed that about you for a long time. I'll tell you what, I'm definitely not going to let you talk about the woman that makes the greatest meatballs on earth like this. You go ahead and be careful about what you say. Al dente meatballs.

Rare meatballs. I can still see every moment of that night so vividly. I crushed those motherfuckers. I'm seeing you right down the end of the table right now. I'm right here. I did everything.

I had two bites and fucked my stomach up all night long. But I, too, also realized like the bar for, I mean, my mom didn't even stay. Didn't even stay yeah didn't even stay so when i started dating or meeting women uh you know a hug i'm not even kidding you a hug was like oh yeah you're the greatest person on the planet yeah you know and i'm like oh and as you get older you're like oh those are those are the basics that you missed out on you know a hug is not gonna cut it you know there's so much more that goes into being somebody's partner than a fucking hug yeah well you know so i was like saying uh the so the other day like something was just like i could tell reed was like he was just a little he was just like i didn't know if he was sad or something was going on i

could just tell you know i could feel it and i can only feel it because we're like spending time together and like we're connected you know so like we're getting ready for dinner and i was like hey buddy when you go in to wash your hands do me a favor just take a cut take a moment with yourself take a couple deep breaths you seem a little like you know just take a couple moments he's like okay dad and then he like comes to the dinner table and i can tell he's still like you know something's not great and like we go about dinner and my in-laws are there and everything's going on. And he finishes dinner early. We normally have the kids stay at the table till we're done eating.

But we're just like, oh, he seems like something's off. And then like I'm just like, you know what? I like quick finished my dinner and I went in the other room and I go, hey, let's go for a secret bike ride. Me and you will sneak out the back. We don't say anything to anyone. I'll go open the gate and we'll go. And he's like, yeah, let's go. And like we do. Me and you, we'll sneak out the back. We won't say anything to anyone. I'll go open the gate and we'll go. And he's like, yeah, let's go. And like, we do this loop around the neighborhood, right?

So it's like, we go around this neighborhood. And for like six months, I've been saying to Reed, hey, let's go down this road next and do another loop. It's not downhill. Reed's a little skittish, right? It's not down a big hill or anything. It's just a different loop. And he never wants to do it.

He's like, no, dad. You know, Reed will be the first one to tell you. I'm not ready to do that. I'll try it tomorrow or whenever he's ready. So I pull him out of there. We're on our bike ride. I's like, no, Dad. You know, Reed will be the first one to tell you. I'm not ready to do that. I'll try it tomorrow or whenever he's ready. So I pull him out of there. We're on our bike ride. I'm like, isn't this great? We're on a secret bike ride.

And he's like, yeah, no one knows we're here. And I go, well, I told Mom, buddy. I always tell Mom where you are. I don't want her to get nervous. She's like, okay, but like Nan and Papa don't know and River. And I'm like, no. And then I'm like, we're coming around the turn and I go, hey, let's go left, like down that route. And he just looks at me and goes, okay, Dad.

And I was like, it was just an amazing moment. He hasn't wanted to take that left for six months. And I didn't tell him ahead of time. Wish I didn't take the left I took with my dad. You know what I'm saying? He told you not to, bro. He did tell me not to take that left. I was like, we're taking this, mother.

God damn it. I think he knows everything um dude that's genius i love that that came up um but like i was so i was talking to my friend like later like a couple days later and i and i realized i'm like did you realize not only never in my life was I ever able to just like even call my dad. I was about to say, yeah. Never even call and be like, I'm sad or I'm hurt or I'm having trouble with this at school or anything, right? Nothing. Let alone having a dad that's like in tune with me, sees something's off and then swoops me up. Yeah. And puts him in a situation to say, I got you.

There's no pressure on you. Like, let's just ride. And then we just ride. And then I go, let's make a left. And he's like, fuck, yeah, I'm going to make that left. It was like the man, I need someone right now to talk to. And my dad's not there, so I put the anger and all that on him. And then I just looked to my mom like, oh, at least you're here.

And, like, let me get a hug or something. This will do. But it was never, never like any conversation of like you know that stuff like i didn't know where to get it from or if she wasn't there it's like you know this guy was i was talking to about like similar stuff and he was like yeah i always kind of like built my life around my friends and i was like yeah me too because there was no one else i know that was a big part of you too with your everyone stayed at your house i mean you had you had you were lucky to have 189 cousins yeah you know like you know it's wild so now like as a parent i just i'm like i just try to make sure i'm as present as possible and engaged as possible

and i try to like create like a world of like mystery and excitement and like surprises because i'm like i'm never going to get this time back when they're this young where like you can make reed will buy everything hook line and sinker anything you say to him he'll be like really dad and i'm like no i no i don't have a cow reed you know what i mean yeah and he's like um yeah and i don't honestly like – I love them and like give them as much attention as might be going on stage at the improv at the comedy store, I can walk into their room and be like, oh, he's laying down backwards. Why is he laying down backwards? Why is River doing this?

And I can go in there and start biting his cheek and know that he's going to sleep like a rock, whereas River, I can go up there and be like, River, and she'll be like, and it's like i you know i love that more than anything and and still keep discipline and structure you know i'm not like i'll just let them do anything because i didn't have a dad fuck that so why do you feel like you're making over corrections with them or i don't think i i necessarily make over corrections

but i'm sure i'm over protective at at times. I'm sure I am. I'm also, you know, a first-time parent. You've got two kids. Yeah. So you already have been through it. I think maybe with the second kid I probably wouldn't be as much. But, yeah, you know, and also being a single parent, like, even though my kid is three miles away, it feels like three universes away sometimes when she comes over and tells me what she did.

And so I want to be literally close in case there's any emergency or any time like that. Come over and see this. I'm tops. I'm 15 minutes away, you know, on purpose. You know what, though? See, there are some times when I think I'm overprotected. You're going to love this. So there's this one kid.

This is one kid who reads Friends with, and he's got an older brother. And the older brother, you know, he walks a different kind of line he's not too but like you know we were over there recently and he called me a he put a stupid dum-dum he goes all right he goes you're a stupid dum-dum and i go don't talk to me like that i go dude you do not call me that and then he right before we're leaving he he told Reed to shut up. And we just don't say shut up. I'm like, there's no point. In any point, why would a six-year-old need to say shut up to anyone?

Reed, shut up. I got this. But that kid told Reed to shut up. And I go, don't talk. I go, hey, bro, don't talk. And I'm like. Where are his parents? Right there.

Right there. So I don't know if they're just like block it out or they're not hearing it or they're okay everyone else to discipline their kids no that's i don't think that's it because they discipline but i i don't think like the level like of me saying like i don't like definitely we don't say dumb we don't say stupid we don't say i don't like them to say fat you know what i mean i'm like you know there are books where you're reading dr seuss and it's saying fat so you're just like but like i just see like i remember like leaving there like and that kid's called that kid in 20 minutes said stupid and dumb four times told reed to shut up and i remember andy hit a dog andy hit a dog he hit a dog yeah his own what do you mean with

the lollipop on the head. Hit him on the head with it. I mean, dude, I mean, what else am I going to say about the kid? You don't take a lollipop and hit a dog. After he did that and Reed laughed and I pulled Reed aside, I'm like, hey, bro, that is not, you know, you never hit a dog, you know? And he's like, okay, dad. But, like, my fear is, like, that Reed is going to going to like think this is cool the way this kid's acting. So like on the ride home, I'm like, bud. I go, I'm going to say this one time.

I'm not saying he's a bad kid, but I'm saying like we don't talk like that. You don't call people dumb. You don't call people stupid. And you know what's definitely not cool, bro, is hitting a dog or calling a dog stupid. And he's like, okay, dad. Like he takes it in. It's just like – and I'm like, am I being too overprotective? Am I making too big a deal of it? And I mean – I don't think that is no but it was like the next day i was it was like me and river just doing something together and she did something it was so cool and i was like river i'm like i

love how your brain works i love that you saw this you manipulated into that you turned it into this and the whole time you had the idea of knowing this is I go, that's so smart. I think that's really cool that that's how your brain works. And I just heard the word smart, right? And I and like, I don't tell them they're smart all the time. I say, Oh, you're really good at that. You're really good at this, because I don't want them to have this idea of having to be smart or have, you know, whatever. But I realized the the how positive the word smart is and how negative the word dumb and stupid is. And even if you're calling something dumb and stupid, you're putting negative out of your mouth at eight years old. And I'm like, why would that ever need to happen? And like obviously they're going to call things dumb and stupid.

It's not a huge deal. And, like, obviously they're going to call things dumb and stupid. It's not a huge deal. But, like, if that thing starts getting into your head at a young age. P.S. That kid at six two years ago called me fat. At six. Called me fat, bro.

Called me at six. You know what I said to him? I go, don't talk to me like that, dude. I'm not friends with people who talk like that. I'm like, we're out of here. You left. here you left oh yeah well we were on the way out anyway this kid this kid seals every conversation with some sort of sort of thing you just can't wait for people to get the fuck out that's the kid that punch read in the face remember that why are you still hanging out with this kid i mean he's starting to question the parents folks are all right. They got a boat. Yeah, you know. They always have LaCroix at the house, which is nice.

All right, so for people who don't know, who haven't listened to The Crab Feast, and you should, it's a great podcast. It lasted longer than any relationship I've ever had over seven years. Yeah. It lasted longer. It was the only thing I could ever compare to a marriage was The Crab i dated her for seven years carl d um you talk about in your special so your father left the family uh and moved literally like a neighborhood over a community over and still never saw you guys yeah we would pass his street on the way to my grandmother's. I gotta tell you. Every single time. Tony Hinchcliffe. I've had

guests on the honeydew with y'all. A young kid. Same thing. Dad lived right down the street. And you would see him drive by in his pickup truck and shit. Dad. Yeah. The dad. And you would drive by your father's house. He was on a dead end, so, I mean, it'd get tricky.

That could get tricky. Dead end dad on a dead end street. Dead end dad. Jesus. Yeah, I mean, like, every – it was crazy because, like, you know, there was only one street to get to my grandmother's from our town. Like, you would go down this one street. And, like, we'd always pass, hit the street.

You would have to go in that. You'd make a left into his neighborhood and then a left to his, like, dead end street. But, I mean, every single time we drove to my nana's, you would pass that house. And would you ever see him in the yard or anything outside? Like, I would never drive down there. You know, me and my brother one time. Did you ride your bike when you got older? Curiosity?

No, that was way too far. You know, it was like, it was a solid, it was a solid three and a half to five miles between our houses, I'm guessing. Oh, well, that's, I mean, now I'm thinking that's reasonable not to want to see your kids three and a half to five miles. Oh, yeah. Now he doesn't sound so bad. It's funny.

I never thought of it until now. Like, yeah, every single time we drove past that, I would think like. And like and you're going there a lot oh we went to my grandma's all the time but like you would just think like you're unwanted you're shit that guy doesn't love you and it was just like a question there was no like it was never explained like where he was or like you know i just didn't understand it you know like because it's not like you know he wasn't there. Like he didn't call me on my birthday. We didn't call him on his birthday, which I do think that's on my mom a little bit like that should have been. I think like even in divorce, no matter how bad it is, you need to like take into consideration how important having a mother or father is. And if your kids aren't old enough to like get on the phone you sit there and you dial

the phone and say it's your dad's birthday today or it's your mom's birthday or you know like put the effort out you know although i'm i'm not gonna put that on her because i really just don't know their situation but uh yeah that was always like really now that i think of it probably traumatic every single time we passed that street you know one time you know my dad was an antique dealer my brother and i we used to all go to the this because then he eventually moved to this other town essex massachusetts where my grandparents lived and like we would go there and like his parents his parents so you you did have a relationship with them my mom made it very clear that they were into that we would have a relationship with them. And they received that well. Yeah.

We would go to antique shops that we knew my dad probably worked in. We all had run-ins with them because we would see them. What's that like? Do you remember any of them? I remember just being with my brother one time and him being like, Dad's here. Let's go. We were just scared, you know, like we were scared, probably embarrassed.

How embarrassing is that? You're like going to look for the guy that doesn't fucking want to be around you, you know? Yeah. And I'm sure he had his own like relation, uh, idea of like us not wanting to be around him. You know, like, he's probably, like, taking it personal when he's like, yeah, man, they can't even dial a phone, bro, you know. So, yeah. But what was your question about? Well, you talked about your father passed away,

and you did sort of a pilgrimage back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, like, when I moved to L.A., like, I remember my cousin always says this. You know, you've met my cousin Christine. And she goes, yeah. Well, you know, like when I moved to L.A., like I remember my cousin always says this. You know, you've met my cousin Christine. And she goes, I'll never forget. Jay called me before. And you said, I just got to get out of my hometown.

Because I always had this fear like I would be stuck in my hometown and I would be 40 living in like around the corner from my mom's house. So hold on. Which is now like I'm like, man, how fresh would that be? I was just about to say, cause earlier you said, do you know what's cool that you never left your home? Exactly.

That was always like this giant, I don't know what got in my head or what was the thing that like made me think like, this makes me think this is the thing that makes me think more and more that this shit's some kind of matrix and not even real is that, you know, you could pour your heart and soul into something that some virus could just come along and just eradicate you know what i mean like yeah i sit

and think about things at night like what's the beer man doing right now what do you mean the guy sells beer at the stadium he can't even be around people what's the bud Budweiser? That guy here. What's he doing right now? He's collecting unemployment. You mean Eleanor Kerrigan's mom? What's Mrs. Kerrigan doing right now? Got 15 kids. Gotta figure out how to get them. If you took all day to think about all the people that this is affecting in a way that they

can't have their job, it's like you don't have time. It overwhelms you. Dude, I took the kids camping and we're looking up all the stars, right? So we're taking in all the stars. And we've been camping twice in the last month. And right now, the first weekend we were there, here was the moon and Jupiter and Saturn were like boom. And then Mars came up over here.

So we're looking at all the planets and I have this app. You put it up and it shows you and tells you about them. You ain't going to believe this shit. What? Mars! Get your ass here! We go mars coming up over here dude i'm not doing it you did it i was like who is he possibly gonna call in right now it's coming up in the east man yeah it was coming on it was just recently as close as it's gonna be again in like 300 and some years or

some shit. I know. But so like, you know, they're all popping. I like the night sky. I'm big on it. Yeah. But I mean, like, dude, when you're out there camping, you see everything. So we're sitting there.

Dude, we saw the space station fly by. Oh, really? Yeah. That was the dopest. Anyway, so we're doing all this stuff, and then I'm looking up like how far away the size is. Do you know how big Jupiter is compared to the Earth? Yeah, it's huge. Yes. I don don't know how many sizes a hundred million you think it's a

hundred million times dude you wouldn't even be able i can't guess you wouldn't be able to see in the sky i've never guessed a jelly bean in a jar either oh man i've done it twice you tell you right now there's eight chords in this room um no but like um anyway times 1300 times the size of earth that's fucking a monster so then you have to calculate think about like well if you're just seeing it as a star you know far away that needs to be so i'm doing all this with the kids and we're talking about in size and river just goes dad this is this is overwhelming me. And I go, yeah, it's a lot. And I go, do you feel small? She goes, yes.

And I go, okay, let's just settle down a little bit. Look for a shooting star. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, National Lacrosse League. Now, if you listen to this show at all, you know I'm a Maryland guy. Lacrosse is big there. I played in high school. I'll say one of the – no, not one of. the hardest hit i ever put on somebody was in lacrosse there was a hot dog kid

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You go to Talkspace.com or you can download the app and make sure you use the code HONEYDOO to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's HONEYDOO at Talkspace.com. Now, let's get back to the dude. Back to your father and your pilgrimage home after his death. Yeah, so like when I moved, so anyway, like I was

saying, I was trying to get out of Boston, you know, trying to get out of Mass when I moved. And then when I moved, I like, one of the first things I did within the first year I was in LA, I like found a way to get in touch with my dad. That was like one of the, and I hadn't talked to him since I was 10. But why? What drove you to do it? I just felt like I was in L.A., I found a way to get in touch with my dad. And I hadn't talked to him since I was 10.

But why? What drove you to do it? I just felt like I was in a different place. I wanted some answers. I think anyone who moves away, I mean, maybe this is everyone anyway. It just gave me a chance to be someone different. And I defined myself so much by, like, fuck that guy. You know what I mean?

And all of a sudden, I'm like, here. I'm like, all right, well, now i can have a different kind of idea about it and like maybe i can like get some kind of understanding and so uh we started emailing we talked once on the phone then we just started emailing and that like lasted from when i was like 25 to like 27 maybe how often like monthly no i mean put it as i would email, and he would email back, like, as soon as, like, within minutes of me sending it. And then it would be like I would wait a little bit, and then we would do it again.

You know, like he was like, I could tell he was excited. But never initiated. Never initiated. Every now and then I think I would get an email that was like, hey, haven't heard from you in a while, you know, blah, blah, blah. Every now and then I think I would get an email. It was like, hey, haven't heard from you in a while, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so then it would go like a two-year or a year stretch that I wouldn't email or he wouldn't email.

And then I would like get back on the horse. It would be me again, you know. And then like when I was 36, you know, I was married. We hadn't had kids yet. And we were back in mass. And I told him like, hey, I'm coming back home. And, you know, it would be good to see. He wanted me to see him. Like, he was like, oh, he basically told me, like, I'm not going to email anymore unless we see each other.

And I was like, all right. So I drove up there, met him. And then. When you went back to visit. Yeah. And he knew you were coming because you let him know? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And then he's like, so we spent like the day together. All right. So hold on. Yeah. Sorry. All right. How long had it been since you actually had seen him and hung out with him?

26 years. Woo. Yeah. So from 10 to 36. You hadn't even seen him. No. No. And now you're going to.

Maybe I was 35. But now you're going to go drive up to his home. Yeah. Well, no. I met him at the antique shop. Okay. At the shop. Yeah.

So he's about to meet his adult. Well, really reintroduce himself to his adult son. Yeah. Who he's seen last time at 10. Yeah. Yeah. And lived three and a half to five miles away. Yeah.

Yeah. And you guys never ran into each other at grocery stores, post office, none of that stuff. No. Ever. He's in a different town. You know how bad it is. But still. Yeah.

Grocery stores, never. And he never came to any of your sporting events throughout high school or anything. No. It was like one of the first things he said to my wife when he met her. He was, you know, he's been mad at me. I never came to a soccer game. Yeah. And like in her head, she's like, yeah, douchebag.

That's the first thing you're saying. I'm coaching Little League. This guy couldn't even go to a game. He goes, I went to one game. He asked me to come. I went to one game, and he was in goal. And he let in like eight goals. Swiss cheese, they called him.

He literally ripped on me for the fact that I had a bad game in the net. Maybe it's because I didn't have a dad. No, maybe it was because he was there yeah you know what i mean you made me feel like such a loser for being there um so anyway we spent that day together and then like he gave me some stuff which i took i took and i brought it back home and then and then we like would email again you know we never talked but we emailed again and then you know i was doing best bars you know that show and we're in new york doing press and uh we're gonna do that today we did one press i can't remember what we did some podcast or

something and then we're doing the today show the next day we're doing the today show which was like kind of a big deal i'm in a baller hotel with like a suite. I'm laying on my bed. It just became nighttime, and my phone rings, and it's my brother. Now, my brother never calls me. Like, just doesn't call. Like, I could count on one hand how many times my brother's called me in 20 years, you know? And I'm like, what the fuck? And I just pick up, and I go, who died? You know?

And he goes, Dad. No. Yeah. That's how you found out? That's how I found out, you know. My brother's never going to miss a moment for a good joke, you know, and he goes, Dad. No. Yeah. That's how you found out? That's how I found out, you know, my brother's never going to miss a moment for a good joke, you know. And I remember just sitting there being like, what? I'm like, really?

And he's like, yeah. And he's like, you know, I don't know how it got to him. Like someone, you know, because none of my brother or sisters hadn't talked to him. And I was like, oh. And I'm like, well, thank you for calling me to tell me now by the way i'm close with adam we're very very close it's just that's just not him you know he's just not a caller and um so he was like are you okay and i'm like yeah i'm all right and he's like all right but i wasn't you know i mean i was fucking right there on the spot you weren't

no i like he told me and I thought I was fine. And then I just hung up and called my wife and that's when I just lost it. Like I just like, it was almost like not real until I talked to her about it. So you said it instead of just hearing it? Yeah, exactly. And then I was just like bawling. And it was just weird. It was like, because like all the stuff, like it's, I think it was like a combination of like the what ifs like what

if was there still going to be a time like because we had talked a little bit about him like coming to la and like he had said like i've always thought like maybe i'd sell everything get like a winnebago and i just come out there like would you be opening me having a relationship with your son and stuff like that he said that yeah oh wow you know like to be a know, like, to be a grandfather, and I was like, yeah. You know, because, like, to me, it's like, you know, the idea. But every time I would say, yeah, it was, like, so scary to be like, yeah, yeah, I think. You know what I mean? And then, you know, so then, like, you know, I just, I was sitting there, and I bawled,

and I was just, like, on the phone for, like, a while. And then it was, like, my friend came over with with pizza and we just kind of hung out that night. And then I was just like before that I realized I'm like I think I'll just go. I don't know what made me think like I called my aunt. I called my sister who called my aunt who called my other aunt who got my dad's wife's phone number. And then said Jay would like to go home and go through his dad's stuff. You cool with that? And she was like, yeah.

Which is so crazy. It is. But also it's crazy that here you are the night before the Today Show. Yeah. The tonight before the Today Show. And you're in a badass hotel room and this is where you get the news. Like, it's just, it's one of those bittersweet things where. It wasn't even bittersweet. You know what it was? and you're in a badass hotel room, and this is where you get the news. It's one of those bittersweet things.

It wasn't even bittersweet. You know what it was? It was literally making me feel like a fucking loser right before I was about to have an achievement. I do understand that, but also where you are literally in that room and what you're about to do the next day should have been a sign to you that here's a man that didn't give a fuck about you and is gone now and look where you are in life yeah you don't see that till much much later yeah and even then you know i did i even now i look back and i don't i i i didn't like i don't know i didn't measure it that way or categorize it that way i just kind of looked at it like so hold on yeah what did your dad die the day before the today show yeah why it's just killing me right now that your dad died the day before the today

show why is that so funny because he never made it to tomorrow to see you on the Today Show. Listen, he wouldn't have been watching anyway. I love how much that's getting you. It is. It really is getting me. You're going on the Today Show and he dies the night before. My son's going on the Today Show. When?

Today? Tomorrow? You going to watch it? Yeah. No, you ain't, motherfucker. No, you ain't motherfucker no you ain't see that uh this is your last day yeah i don't know what made me think like i should go home i don't know what it was but okay so you want to go back so but you're in new york you're

going right from new york right up yeah i was gonna just i i because he's still in massachusetts at the time right yeah yeah yeah like he he had an apartment in Massachusetts and his wife lived in New Hampshire, even though they were still together. Okay. He needed space because her son moved home and he's like, I'm not living with a four. It's his thing. I'm not living with a kid. Yeah.

I didn't live with my own kids. You think I'm going to live with your kids? I need space. I couldn't live with young kids. You think I'm going to live with a grown kid? Get the fuck out of here, that is hilarious dude listen i love you but this is i don't love kids i don't love kids i didn't love my own i don't know you think i'd love yours expect me to love you he did that dude did live with my dad how old was he when i was like when i remember going to my dad's place he was like 17 how old were you

i was like you know eight so this kid so he did take a stepchild in basically well he moved in with my my his wife you know what i mean to her mom's house they all live there um yeah so you know what's funny is when i got to my father's wife's place that's the first place you go her place first oh so i said to the producers like because we were doing the today show i call them like hey listen my dad died listen first anyway hoda could just give me a couple you asked michael strang in we didn't we just did hoda and whatever was it who was it then hoda and kathy lee yeah um but i called the producer i'm like listen my dad died i'm gonna go to massachusetts and they were like we're changing your flight right now so they like

handled everything they like changed my flight they go don't worry about booking your flight home for mass when you're ready to come home we'll book it like they were amazing and so like uh it was wild like meeting up in the lobby for the today show because everyone's like how you doing man i'm like i you know i'm good you know but like i showed up at my my dad's wife's house and i'm like hey mary her name's mary and she's like hi jay and i'm like how you doing she's like good and i'm like are you in new hampshire at her place yeah i'm like so it's just you know cool if i look around she's like yeah you want to go to your dad's studio and i was like yeah he had this like and like i sat there i facetimed my brother while you were at the studio yeah is she with you at the time no she waited in the house so there was a studio

on the property yeah so like the garage he had like this little room that like he had like decorated with all these antiques that he found and some of his artwork like he was an artist. And then he had like his shop room that he would like do the work in. And then there was an upstairs and I just kind of like walked through everything and like FaceTime with my bro. And I told you this. There was some trippy shit in there like a Barbie fucking another Barbie like in dog style position and just weird shit. Everything was in fours. There's four of us kids and they'd be like, four Barbie heads or four other things.

Everything was in fours. That's interesting. And I was looking at it like, yeah, this is very odd. And by the way, I'm probably hoping, all I was looking for was connection between him and us. Like I just wanted some... A picture or anything. That's it, dude. That's all I wanted. I'm out there for a while. I grab a couple things. I'm like, is it cool if I have these? I go

back in. I'm like, cool if I have these? She's like, yeah. She's in there and her friend's there and then her son is making grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. I've got to tell you right now, they're pretty good. I ain't no Sue Lawrence of meatballs. I don't know what his recipe.

I don't know why my dad wouldn't live with a kid. I mean, the guy made a good grilled cheese and tomato. You know what I mean? They think they were heirloom. But I remember her friends there, and they're both talking about my dad. And they're just like, he was such a – they're saying all this positive stuff. And then I just go, he was out of his mind.

They're like, what? I go, he was tormented. You don't see that he was tormented? And they go, what do you mean? I go, everything's in fours. I go, what's that thing stacked up on top? It was like four doll heads stacked on top of a baseball. I'm like, you don't think that means anything? Nothing.

And they're like, I don't know. And there were dicks everywhere. Art, like dick art. Dick art. You're a dick art. It's not a common. Is that a category? It's not a common genre.

But there were fucking. Got a dick art festival this week down in Pomona. All right. All right. You're going to sell some dick art. Straight up dick art, bro. Dicks everywhere. In the house or just the studio?

No, in the house. Yeah, like on the wall. And I'm like sitting there. I'm like, he was tormented. Like, what do you mean? I'm like, that's a penis right there with a fish hook through it. You don't think that's something? Right next to Jesus.

No, there was no Jesus. That was a Jesus. And they would have that around the house? By the way, I don't know my dad's wife's, like, what her thing was but when we were kids at their house they had like it was like in the living room there was a nook that was like carved out and they put in like my dad collected tons of antiques he was an antique dealer so they put in like this little like like you know like in a courtroom like the like the little gate fence oh yeah into it into the nook and there was a saloon door yeah and there was a casket in there what yeah and then they also had like garlic in the gate fence into it, into the nook. Like a saloon door.

Yeah, and there was a casket in there. What? Yeah, and then they also had like garlic in the windows. There was skulls and shit. They were very... Vampires? Very witchy. A lot of witch vibe going on. Wicked?

Yeah, I'm not sure. You're up in that area. Yeah, no. And it was, you know, it was like, it was just always a little trippy. It wasn't like dark and black. It was actually like a really nice house.

It was just like, oh, what is it? They were in the Navajo. That's nice. And then like, I remember, so like, then I just kind of like walked into the other room and she walked in with me. And I was like, I literally, I fuck, this is how, like, desperate I was for anything. And I go, did my dad, like, mention me at all? Like, did he ever talk about me or miss me? And she's like, Ray, right?

She was like, she straight up just goes, no, no. And I was like, all right. You can't even lie in that moment, lady. It was fucking rough. Oh, she said no. I mean, it was just like. So you never found a photo of you kids or anything, nothing in there? I found one.

Because then what she did, she said, so you want to go to your dad's apartment, right? And I said, yeah. And she goes, well, here's the key. You know, here's the address. You can go. When you's apartment, right? And I said, yeah. And she goes, well, here's the key. Here's the address. You can go. When you're done, just lock it. I have another key. Just leave the key on the table somewhere or something.

And I was like, all right. And my aunt had told me ahead of time, she's like, I'm just telling you, it's not uplifting. You know what I mean? And I was like, okay. Yeah, I know. There's dicks with fish hooks on the wall. Oh, that was nice compared to like my dad's spot i got what was that drive like

going over there knowing you had you ever been in there no you're about to go in a strange place and like discover someone's life yeah it's your dad yeah yeah you don't know exactly yeah i wasn't even thinking to that capacity i was just like you know it's like when i decided i was gonna go i, I was just like, I'm going, I'm doing this, and whatever it is, it is. You know, I just kind of like was doing it for myself. It was kind of, if you look at it, I'm just like, it took my dad being dead for me to go see his world, you know. So I go to this, like, he lived in like a duplex, which was an old schoolhouse. And I go into the door, like, I open up the door it was freezing cold so cold and it was like you know like uh when people put like plastic over the windows to keep the cold out

that was in this room 3m yeah and he had a fish tank that looked like it looked like he died you know six months ago it was barely i don't even know if there's anything in there but the filter was going and like it was that empty so it's like the water's making a loud noise and like he had like a like a folding table over here with just like all books of like about silver you know like my dad like collected coins and silver so it was like you know you got to learn about it and it was all antique stuff and he had a desk with a computer and printed out on the computer was like ticket information to a stand-up show that I had in Connecticut. Sitting on the printer?

Yeah, sitting on the printer. Oh, that's what you found? Yeah. That was the only thing connected to me. I did find a picture. I'm selling these to a buddy of mine. This is scalping these. I do them offline.

I'm scalping these. I make $6 a ticket of mine. Scalping these. I do them offline. I'm scalping these. I make $6 a ticket of these. And then I found a picture of my sister in that place. And she was always his favorite. She was the one that like, she stayed connected to him longer than any of us. But no family picture. No nothing from the early days.

Just a one thing there. Just one. And I went through through that whole place but that room was like a fucking mess and then it was like a living room and kitchen combined and it was it was gross it was just bad it was like really bad and even the kitchen was like pots like with just cooked food burnt in them and like it was just bad and then there was like another bedroom that it was like where he would like ship antiques out of so it was like ups boxes shout out to baltimore pub shout out the baltimore club shout out the ups baltimore hub primary one joe avenue um so he you telling me this bedroom was fulfillment that was right that was it that's right he was doing fulfillment man when i got that two or three people working i was like god you guys are still on the clock you know the boss is dead right yeah that was fulfillment like who are you lots of bubble

wrapping there man it's like never heard about you man who are y'all miss sun jay yeah never heard about you man like oh god heard about ray nah man you ray um yeah so so like there was that You're like, oh, God. Heard about Ray? Nah, man. You Ray? Yeah, so, like, there was that room, which was, like, you know, it was all cold. And then I went to, like, the bathroom was just, it was terrible. Like, he was living in squalor. Did he die in that apartment? Yeah, I went into his bedroom. And right there, like, all the wrappings from like whatever the EMT like busted out.

You know what I mean? And they told me like he had collapsed and then hit the radiator with his head like when he fell and then was like – so I stood in that spot. Like I deliberately was like, all right, let me go to this spot. You reenacted how he did it? Yeah, right. I fucking felt like – what do we think? I'm trying to solve the case? Yeah, I didn't know what you meant. You sat in that spot. What I'm saying is I went over to like where all the EMT stuff was. I'm like, oh what do we think? I'm trying to solve the case. Yeah, I didn't know what you meant. You sat in that spot.

What I'm saying is I went over to like where all the EMT stuff was. I'm like, oh, this is clearly where he was laying. Right, right. And I just like stood there to see like if I just kept waiting to be like overtaken. You know what I mean? Like I wanted emotion. I wanted some sort of release. And it didn't happen.

But it was just like wild to just be like, I'm in here. You know what I mean? I'm like, what else am I going to do, but try and go through it. And then, uh, I hung out there for like, I don't know. He had like back steps and I went sat on the back steps. It was like a little stream behind his house that you could hear and like, see, I walked out to the stream, then sat back there. I'm like, Oh, I wonder if he ever sat here. You know, it was just like all wondering and then like came back in and then someone's like, hello? And I'm like, hey. This guy comes in.

He's like, hey. He's like, I live upstairs. I'm like, oh, how you doing? I'm Jay. And he goes, oh, I'm Norm's son. And he goes, oh, in my mind said I'm pretty sure he did say that and he goes let me tell you something

about your dad one nicest guy I've ever met in my life give you the shirt off his back two smartest guy

I've ever known three funniest man I've ever known in my life and I go I'll give you two and three man

I can't give you one I didn't get a hug fuck the shirt I can't give you one and I't get a hug fuck the shirt i can't give you one and i remember him just kind of being like all right yeah yeah like you're clearly being like oh this is uh whatever is going on here you know what i mean and uh it's funny because then like you know i was going back to my aunts who i hadn't seen in 25 years to like afterwards. His sister, yeah. And then like showed up and she's like, how you doing?

I'm like, good. And she's like, we're having a drink. She and her girlfriend, you want one? I'm like, yeah, let's do that. I had like four jack on the rocks. And yeah, that was kind of it until we went back. Do you want to hear about the antiques or two when I went back later? So like we had planned already a family vacation to go up to that area because I still love that area.

It's like one of the things like I always like real quick. How far is it? Because I stayed at your mom's place. How far is it from there? What we're talking about? Like 40 minutes. Okay. North Shore.

Like Essex is like next to Gloucester. It's like, you know. Is it on the water? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's on the the water my grandparents had a house on the water like they my grandfather built this house there and my aunt lives two houses from where my my grandparents lived and then where my dad then lived so basically everyone in your family did what you said you wished you'd have done in hindsight they all stayed yeah oh yeah i mean i've said to my brother before i'm like dude you realize we were supposed to have like sailboats and shit you know like my dad when

he was a kid they had that house my grandfather you know was a baker and did well and bought this cottage and then turned it into a house and then opened a bakery in that town so he could just stay there and work which is like so awesome and my grand my dad had like his own boat you know nothing crazy just like a you know like a little tiny boat and he had lobster traps and so then he'd go collect his lobsters and then sell them to restaurants in town like that's like i i used to say to my brother i'm like dude we should and there's like a sailing there's like a little sailing club on this neck right near my grandfather's house it's not like it's not it's a garage that like kids learn how to sail out of and every year like i'm like dude we should have been sailors

and it's funny because me and my brother both like tried to like find these lives you know like we thought we would have had you know what i mean like later i took sailing i took sailing classes in la um you know so we i had this vacation planned where we were going to go back east to that area. And I wanted to like the couple at Only Antique Store where that day I met my dad. They were just like- So he worked for them? He didn't own the store? Yeah.

No, he worked for them. As what? A dealer? Yeah. A finder? And knowledgeable guy. Like that guy used to tell me, he's like, people can come here with him, your dad knows the value of it

in two seconds. And so he's like the best guy I have working for me. They used to do things where they go clean out your attic. I can take him on a call and your dad can be like, get this, get this, get this.

And that day that I went to meet my dad, that guy came out with a camera and like my dad was in the room he's like you have no idea how how special this is for him i want to be like okay so he took a photo of me my dad that day and so when uh when i went home to see him or when my dad died i think i stopped in there and saw him or I can't remember. I just knew that I wanted to go by there with my wife and read and go say hi. You know what I mean? So I go in there and I don't see them. And, you know, we're there and like reads looking at trucks.

So I give him this little truck and then I, there's this woman working over there and I go, I go over with, and I don't know her and I go, Hey, the owner's here. Cause I couldn't remember the guy's name. She's like, no, they're with her, and I don't know her, and I go, hey, the owner's here? Because I couldn't remember the guy's name. She's like, no, they're not here today. I'm like, oh, okay. And I'm like, I'm just going to buy one of these trucks.

And she's like, okay. And then right there is a memorial from my dad, like two pictures of him, one wearing a Gandalf hat, must have been like Halloween, who knows, and then another one in a baker's hat, because my grandfather was a baker, and my dad was a baker for a while. he was he did that as well he took over the family business but didn't want to do it and my my mother claims that my grandfather came to her and was like listen i have to sell the bakery like i have to like i know it's like how norman helps support

your family i don't know so um i take the picture of my dad in the baker's hat, and I go over where my son's sitting on the floor, and I kneel down, and I show him the picture, and he just starts, like, laughing hysterically at this photo. And it just crushed me. You just start bawling in the store. Oh, God. I'm the crazy one.

It just gets you. And he's like, you know, he's probably like, what the hell's going on with my dad? And then, like, you know, so I'm hugging my wife. We got Reed. We're all hugging. And I remember just, like, hugging my wife, like, bawling. And, like, I can see right over to the woman behind the counter.

And she's looking at us like, what the fuck is this crew? First of all, what are you doing with that memorial, dude? Like, you don't just pick up a memorial. That's a good point. Yeah, you're just pick up a memorial and uh that's a good point yeah you're just over there touching it and shit yeah let me take this over i walked away with it um and it was crazy man it was just like a crazy release to like have that out of my system you know what i mean because at that point well your future is literally looking at this picture right there your own son yeah that had to feel good. Yeah. I mean, it was something.

And it was also like he just started laughing hysterically at this photo. And I was like, holy shit, my dad's making my son laugh, which is like my job. It was just a trip, man. Wild. And I think like a lot of times we're like we're scared to put ourselves in situations because we don't know how we're going to feel. And I think that's the only reason I went to go home from New York was because I'm like, I need to know, like, I just need to like do, I had to do it.

I was like, otherwise I'm just going to like, what, go back to LA? You know, like sometimes you just got to do it. So what, did it bring you the closure you hoped for? Did it, what, what's, has it changed things Did it what? What's I have no idea. Has it changed things in your life since then? I have no idea. You know, I mean, I have no who knows. You know, I mean, like, how do you know if anything affected you?

I mean, it was affecting me at the moment. You know, I was like in it and I was like, oh, wow, this is crazy. But I don't know if it changed me. You know what I mean? It definitely had an impact on me. I'm just glad I did it to experiencing it because I don't, you know, who knows? Well, the whole time, obviously, you've had to be the adult in the relationship. And now you had to even go back and get the closure you hoped for.

Yeah. Anything. Yeah. I know you were looking for that picture or whatever. And nothing since then has popped up. No one's ever sent you anything since then. No, no, no. But I mean, I don't know who would.

Trust me, there have been times when I'm still one. This is how ridiculous it is. The other day I was like, I mean, what if I just called his wife and just, I don't know if I really asked her that day if he thought about me. I just want to check it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I swear to God. He still doesn't.

And I was like, dude, what are you doing? Like, let it go. Like, just let it go and try and, like, grow from it. But, you know. Well, what do you, why do you tell yourself let it go? What do you mean? Actually calling this woman? Yeah.

Or the thought of it. Or just, like, the thought of it. Like, I don't think about him. What's the matter with thinking about I wish someone loved me? Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But it's, like, the idea of, like, wondering if he did. Or, like, just the whole idea of it. I'm kind of like, you know, I am past it.

That's why when it came up in my head, I was just like, hey, bro, you're good with this now, dude. You know what I mean? Now move on to the fact that your mom probably didn't give you any attention. Now let's focus on her for the next 20 years. Yeah, I mean, honestly, like also also in her defense a single mom of four kids oh yeah plus auntie rue plus auntie gert yeah i'm not a house um you know i'm not even i'm not attacking her in any way i'm just like she she was pinched you know what i mean she was saddled with this whole fucking situation yeah god knows you knows when you're 19 when my mom got married, you're not thinking this way. No, hell no.

So. Well, it's good. I think our generation is like that early generation or first generation of guys that really want to be dads. Or at least I tell the kids I love you, show a little softness and sentimental. Not that hard shit, you know. You know, it's funny. So I've been taking the kids camping. I mentioned that.

So we went camping, right? Go to this campsite. I know that they have like a little bit of a river on it. You know, it's not like crazy, but it's like, you know, over my head. You know, some places I can stand. Some are over my head. It's probably like 150 to 200 yards long and you can float it and then get out and go back and it's awesome it's no longer than no

wider at any point than like 15 feet wide so we're going down to it you know and like to get in it's like mud and muck you gotta walk through to get in it and I'm like this is disgusting you know what I mean like that is not that is not me you know and my kids Reed and River are both going like this is gross dad and in my head I'm like no fucking shit it's gross but I can't be that guy I have to be the guy that's like

it's fine it's a little bit of mud what do you care but I never had anyone man woman uncle friend being like it's totally fine i never had anyone pick up a little gardener snake and be like it's fine it's not gonna bite you you know what i mean so i get them through i'm like come on you know and like there's like this they're like three moms right there on a trip with their daughters and they're seeing me like rivers like i'm not going in i'm like yes you are let's go it's just a little mud anyway so we're like i'm sitting there

the whole time like i'm not this dad like we're on this camp trip i don't know anything about okay i haven't camped since i was like 14 in boy scouts and now i'm 44 it's 30 years and and i'd like we get them in and we're floating down the river. And, dude, it, like, as clear as day just came across my brain. And I go, you are this guy, dude. You 100% are the guy that steps in mud and, like, it's fine. I've been trying to tell you that for years. You know what I'm saying? I've been trying to tell you you're not the fucking boat shoe wearing, collar up guy.

Oh, but I still am. I mean, that's your style. I still love that. But you are that guy but still like there was so many elements of it that i was like oh but you know what it is it's like i think sometimes we just like hold up and don't try new things so like even though i've camped when i was 30 like it's a new thing you know what i mean and it's like i'm so glad that i did it because i just realized stuff i'm like oh yeah now it's like excuse me old hat i'm crushing camping we do the whole thing i remember like

we're getting ready to go camping and someone asked river like are you nervous to go camping she goes my dad was a boy scout like not sweating it at all right at all and like you know the best is like we we we rented off like hip camp which is like airbnb for campsites so like you know if you go to like a state park and campsite you're gonna have like there could be 20 people camping right now yeah right and this was real camping it's it's a good distance between that next site right so this this woman has 30 acres and there are four campsites so like there's no one near you and like so you know me and reed if you want to go the bathroom you just go pee up against a bush and i said river she's like i need to go to the

bathroom and what this woman does is they put out a five gallon bucket with a bag in it and then they put like a handicapped seat over it and then you poop there right and i'm like pee or poop and she goes pee i go you can pee right there she's like yeah yeah just pee right there and she loved it bro the idea that she could just go pee i was like so afraid here's the other thing that i've been really grasping and taking on and i'd love to know if like you have the same experience is like any time they love doing something with me. I'm almost like baffled. You know what I'm saying?

Because I never the word father had a negative connotation for me forever. Sure. I never wanted to be with my dad. Like I always thought negatively about him. So when my kids want to do things with me when my kids love like they love camping so we were gonna go the second time and i go i go you know we don't have to go camping this weekend guys and they're like no we want to and i was like oh and i was like i'm still like learning like oh no they really like being with you you know what i

mean like they love it's it's hard for me to even like accept it, you know? And so that's been like a wild thing of just like them like looking forward to camping. And when we got there the second time, they're just like walking around, river especially, walking around like she owns the place. She's like, yeah, we camp. And then she's like, when are we going to the river? Are we going down there? And the second time I got like a raft. I saw that. You know, like remember those from growing up?

Like you saw those. Dude, from growing up? You saw those. Dude, they each had their own oar. They were like in a little boat. There were times where he was just laying back, just chilling, and it was the best. It was the best. Do you have that element? Because I know it was your mom, but do you have that element that gets shocked that Stella loves being around you? You just accept it.

No, I accept it. I do because I'm that Stella like loves being around you just accept it no I accept it I I do because um I'm that dad like you I'm like let's just throw a bag in the car and go somewhere this weekend let's throw it let's go here let's go there like I'll make us drive to the grocery store fun you know what I mean like it's all about I always do you know it's all about that so it it it it makes me feel good when my daughter calls me from her mom's like when are you coming over? When can I come get you? You know, when can you come get me?

Or can you come by tonight? I'm like, yeah, I'll come by tonight and say hi. You know, I love that stuff. But I also like I'm that type of guy. I don't know, you know, if you are or not, but I'm super sensitive. You know, I get I'll cry at commercials. My daughter says shit that makes me blows me away and makes me cry or get sensitive. I'm like, oh, my God.

And then on the other hand, I will fucking cut your goddamn throat out. I know you remember the story of the guy that wouldn't move behind me in the parking lot. He was illegally parked, and I couldn't get out. And I was like, hold on a second, Stella. And I got right up on his fucking window, and his kid was in his car. And I go, if you don't move your fucking car, I'm going to embarrass the shit out of you in front of your son right now. Move the fucking car. Why wasn't he moving?

He just wouldn't move. He was being an arrogant asshole. I'm like, hey, can you move? You're not even supposed to park there. All I want to do is back out of here and go. And all you need to do is move two feet. And he kept going, no, no, like that. And then when I got out of the car, motherfucker changed his tune.

Sometimes when people see you walking at them, they're like, no. What do you mean sometimes? Almost every time. There was that one. There was one night, this fucking guy. She was probably three at the time. And I ordered something off of DoorDash. And it's called DoorDash.

They bring it to your fucking door. He's this Russian dude, and he's already aggressive with me like yeah yeah there's no parking now you got to come get your food i go i'm not coming to get the food it's called door dash it's not called i walk out to your door dash well there's no parking i'm gonna get a ticket i go bro i look at my history no one has ever gotten a ticket i've ordered plenty of times from you guys you're the only person calling and giving me attitude and he's like well i'm not delivering and i go well then I don't give a shit if you're delivering it. And I start yelling back at him, right?

And I get mad. I get mad. And I'm not thinking that Stella's sitting there. And he's like, you come get the food. I go, I'm not getting the fucking food. If you don't want to bring the food up to my door, then take it back. I'm not paying for it, you piece of shit. And I hung up, and I turn around, and I see my little daughter sitting there.

I was like, and she just goes. And I was like, and I turn around, and I see my little daughter sitting there. I was like, and she just goes. And I was like, fuck, yeah. Threw me a thumbs up. Like, don't take that shit, Dad. And just like two weekends ago, I'm with some friends. We're down in Dana Point. We all go to the beach to do a bonfire, and we're all in the car together. And this big truck comes in, And he's taking up both lanes.

And he won't move. He wants me to move. And I'm just trying to get over to the side. And he just starts yelling out the window. He's like, there's two lanes here. And I go, then pick one, fuckface. Totally forgetting that I've got the kids in the car. And her little friend goes, Uncle Ryan.

I was like, oh, sorry, girls. Sorry about that. Don't take shit off anybody. I think it's funny that I bring up one thing and all of a sudden you just rattle off three. And you know what? If I didn't know you the way I know you, I'd be like, man, this guy's got a temper. But that is like I know you. It takes forever for me to get there.

But I'll get there. Yeah. And I like getting there. I don't mind confrontation. Yeah. I really like it because it surprises a lot of people out of me. They're like, you're so nice. And I'm like, I am.

I just love confrontation because I think people make too big of a deal out of it. Also, most of those people are the Karens of the world, are barking, and they never have anyone go back at them. You know what I mean? And the moment you flex on them, they clutch their pearls as if, how could this person do this to me? I'm like, you're doing it. Right. Yesterday, when I'm golfing, we pull up to this tee, and there's a guy in his golf cart, and his golf bag says Steve Striel on it, right? That's his name, right?

Whatever his last name was, but it was Steve. You're not going to believe this, dude. Steve and Striel! What's up, baby? Get your ass in here. Tell Mars I said what's up. Oh, boy. So we pull up, and I'm with the guy, my EP on the golf show.

And I pull up, and I go, Steve? And he looks at me, and he's got a big beer in his hand. And I go, dude, what's up, man? He's looking at me like, who's this guy? And I go, are you serious? I go guy? And I go, are you serious? I go like this. I go, are you serious? You don't remember me?

And he just looks at me and he goes, Lacey? Lacey. Lacey. I don't know if I've ever heard that name from a man. It's a last name. That's how well he knows this guy is he knows him by last name. He goes, Lacey. I go, yeah, man. He goes, Lacey.

I go, yeah, man. He goes, Frank Lacey, man. I go, dude. He goes, you ain't going to believe that. Frank Lacey! Get your ass in here, man. Frank A! Frank Lacey's a great name.

This guy is looking at me, and he goes, oh, man, I didn't even recognize you. I go, that's because it's not me, bro. Your on your bag how many beers you had you drunk but he laughed oh my god he's dying my ep is dying but like i just think sometimes you like you i just that's what i love about conference i like confrontation that i can like be mean to people and get away with it um but you said like you don't know if I'm sensitive. Yeah, dude. I'm highly sensitive, especially with the kids. And I always tell them, I never tell them to stop crying. I never once told my kids, stop crying. I go, hey, man, I understand you're upset.

I don't ever want my kid to grow up to be the kid who can't cry. You know what I mean? Not have emotion. And then he's older and he's like, I can't relate to anybody because I can't have all these feelings. I'm not allowed to cry. Yeah. I've watched my friends be like, stop crying. You don't need to cry.

And I'm just like, oh, all right. Do it. That's how you want to do it. That's how you want to do it. So let's talk about food and addiction because both of us have dealt with it obviously um i you know i don't know what the definition of a food addict is but i certainly have some of it um you know i eat for i certainly eat my feelings like pizza is pizza and crab or seafood are my number ones tied right there. And honestly, I can directly tie that back to my father.

I mean, we would go every Friday night with my brothers and my grandmother to Sorrento's in Arbutus and get pizza and play the arcade games. You know, almost every Friday. I don't remember having a bad time eating pizza. It's definitely that smell, the flavor. I've been making a bunch of them now yeah i've been doing a bunch of them posting them on ig with that everything but the bagel crust and everything like just fucking around barbecue chicken regular and i ordered the pizza the don papino sauce which was what we had i mean the flavors everything it just takes me back to a

time where i felt good so i at pizza same thing with crabs like growing up it was crab crab crab seafood sushi i mean not sushi actually back then but everything else but so um i don't associate fast food too like my mother would take us to fast food right before she dropped us off at soccer practice we were eating mcdonald's next to the soccer field, get this food, eat it, and then go run laps and shit. You know, like. Well, you also had metabolism through the roof back then. But also having no parents from 16 on, like, we just lived off of Doritos, cold cuts, Martin's potato rolls, and just ordering pizza.

Like, American pizza, we would call, they knew who we – yeah, we'll be over there. Sicklers, we know. We'll be over. Yeah. And every day or every other day, they were coming over. Yeah. So it's always been – I was definitely not introduced to healthy eating. It was always quick and convenient.

My dad would bring all the sodas home from the airport. We'd have a trash bag of canada dries and sprites and cokes and all that shit sun kiss you know it's funny as i was talking to my boy the other day and he was like driving with his kids i go what's up he goes i just went to mcdonald's and i go uh i go how often you guys go to mcdonald's and he goes i gotta say twice a week and i go whoa and he goes don't judge and i go i'm not judging i just literally like – it's so funny when parents are afraid that you're going to judge. It's when they're doing something that they think they shouldn't be doing. It's never like they're afraid to be judged when they do something amazing.

I'm at the library three times a week. Yeah, exactly. Like, I know. And I go, dude, I'm not judging you. I'm interested to know, like, am I crazy on my end? You know what I mean? Because my kids have been to mcdonald's maybe five times you know what i mean and we always do it as a treat like you know and

i don't know that might be a negative thing well like mcdonald's becomes a treat what if they you know who knows yeah stella doesn't eat their food but she'll she likes their milkshakes oh i mean their ice cream is so that's what that's what i'll go for. We go for $1.09 for ice cream cones, soft serve. We can get soft serve. It's the best. But, like, see, my food, I used to eat food when I had, like, a great set. I'd eat food when I was depressed. I'd eat food if something collapsed in my life. Celebrate.

But I never had the emotional attachment of, like, what the food was to the relationship. Mine has just always been like it's always been a constant i did something good let's eat i'm sad let's eat no a hundred percent yeah but also do you find that that comes from like where you you had a big family even though you may not have been close like did you guys always have food around was food where people gathered no there was a lot of times it wasn't food and we'd be like like, Ma, like, what's up? Are we going to have food? You know, again, it's like think about that. Think about like working a 9 to 5 and then getting home and then we eat dinner and she takes my grandmother.

When is she even going to go grocery shopping? You know what I mean? So I don't know what it was. That's one of the things for me. There's nothing that makes – two things that made me feel good as a grown man that I promised myself were socks, good, clean socks that didn't have holes. I used to be so embarrassed when I'd go to people's homes and they'd be like, take your shoes off. I'm like, fuck. And I'd have – Interesting.

And I would talk about how – I've talked about it on stage where I would wear two pairs of socks that have holes in different spots. So at least it didn't look – it was some weak spots. Yeah. But it didn't look like it was some weak spots. Yeah. But it didn't look like I had bare feet sticking through the fucking things. Yeah. Or I would – the toes would be blown out. So I'd pull them and I'd tuck them over the toe and wear them in a shoe. Yeah.

But now I'm at your house and it's like, oh. But what I'm realizing now as I get older is that doesn't make me look bad. It makes my mom – you know what I mean? Yeah. You're thinking the whole time it's this reflection on you yeah as a child but i say that to the kids when like they get dirt on their fingernails i'm like come here and they hate it i'm like listen i go i don't want people seeing you with dirt under your nails and being like wow what's going on i'm like just clean your nails let me clip your nails it sucks and i love to go to bed on a full stomach going to bed on a full

stomach makes me feel like i'm not fucking poor and homeless. I don't even care if it's a McDonald's burger. If I'm full, I sleep good. I sleep good if I'm full. There were plenty of nights where I was stomach-ground like you, just eating fucking Doritos or something for dinner. I'm like, fuck that. That's not me.

Where do you think it comes from, the addiction to food? Because are you admitting you have one? I remember – can I say who it was and everything? What? It was back when we used to do the feast at Raleigh Studios when we had ATC. And a certain comedian came in who was married to another comedian who is now deceased. Oh, yes, yes, 100%. And am I allowed to say yeah

i don't care it was lana lana turner ralphie's wife and she was talking about ralphie was alive at the time talking about his food addiction and you had said look you know i understand i have a food addiction as well and she wasn't even talking about ralphie i said something i'm like i i'd like gone to the vending machine and like dude my go-to vending machine is coke you know like a cold coke and then like bag of like i'll go french onion sun chips if they got it or any sun chips and then doritos and then like either a twix or a kit kat kicker and if there are oreos i'll kick that in there too like that was just like automatic so i just came back from there and someone's like man like filling up on those sweets.

I'm like, yeah, I'm addicted to food. I've got a food addiction. And she was like, no, you don't. I've lived through a food addiction. And I was just like. But you made a great point. Just because Ralphie definitely has one at this level, that's like saying, well, my husband's an alcoholic. He drinks seven gallons of vodka a day and saying you're not because you only drink

two a day yeah by the way people anorexics have a food addiction you know what i mean who anorexics anorexics what is it anorexics anorexic anorexics dude i was like what addiction do they have you know what other word i guess i guess they have addiction to eggs. Eggs, man. You can't stop. Oh, I love being able to shit on you. You know what other word I can't say? I cannot say, God damn it, vulnerable.

Vulnerable. That's how vulnerable is that that you can't say the word. But I say vulnerable. Who? Vulnerable? I just can't get it out. Say it. It's say vulnerable. Who? Exactly. Vulnerable? I just can't get it out. It's like vulnerable. I can't say limited properly.

In my normal, I say it like when I slow down. When I speed up and I say it in my normal speed, I say limited. And I always throw this extra t-d-d-d in there. Nah, man. It's limited. It's a limited edition. I don't know what it is, why I got this extra T in there, but I hear you on that. Makes me feel very venerable.

Yeah, you know, my buddy hit me up the other day, and he was asking me about, like, he was like, oh, he's doing intermittent fasting. He's like, I'm doing intermittent fasting. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And he goes, dude, you got to do it. It's the best, dude. I'm like, dude, I've done it, dude. I've done every single thing you can bring up. You've lost a lot of weight, though.

Through keto, I did. And then I stopped, and it just floored it all back on. You know what I mean? How much did you lose at your most? With keto? Yeah. Or just in life? I think I lost like...

Actually, let me think. Start around that. Got down to that. I maybe lost like 25 pounds. Yeah, that's a lot. Maybe. Yeah. And I've kept a good amount of it off.

And now I'm doing like this like food program where they send you. It's not like meals. It's all like probiotics. So I'm talking to my friend who's doing keto and he's like, I'm like, yeah, man, I'm trying this like food program. You know what I mean? You got to like eat six times a day. And he's like, like nah it's too much it's too much and i'm like i want to be like shut your fucking mouth it's just something

different than what you're doing right now because he does he's the same way he's got like ups and downs all the time and i'm just kind of like don't you get tired of don't you want to just be like do you want i mean are you happy at the size you are now? I'd like to drop 10 more, I think. Yeah, I think you could lose 10. Honestly, the way I really want to do it is lose 15 and then for one week, eat whatever the fuck, as much cheesesteaks and pizzas and sushi as I want. You would put it all back if you had a week. Just five pounds. I do want to get to that point where, like, you know, like, you watch Kumail and The Rock.

They have, like, that one cheat meal a week, and they go. They're on steroids or whatever the fuck else they're on. I mean, whatever they're on. But I'm still. HGH has probably got their metabolism pumping. Like, I do. I follow The Rock and Kumail, obviously. But I love The Rock and his cheat meals.

Like, I don't think I could eat that in a week, the shit that guy puts away. I mean, before I went on this meet, I mean, I could easy. You know what I mean? Not even a cheat meal. Let's do this. Because a lot of people don't know that back in the day, which you confessed to me later when you were going through these sorts of addictions with food or battles, we'll call them, whatever you want to call them,

you're ever comfortable, is that we started the feast out of my apartment in Sherman Oaks. And at the end of the block, there was a McDonald's. Yeah. And what I didn't know that you later told me is that you would come before the show and grab some food and after the show and grab some food. It doesn't surprise me. Give me a day of, give me an order at McDonald's.

Oh. At your worst. At your worst. No, not even an order at McDonald's. Oh. At your worst. At your worst. No, not even at my worst. This is just my go-to. I get number one Big Mac meal, large fry, large Coke, McChicken sandwich, and a cheeseburger booter. So not crazy.

But you were doing that twice a day, when you would come to my place? Not before and after. Apple pies. No, I don't know. I just like, all I know is like, it would just be like, I would eat till I couldn't eat anymore. You know what I mean? There's no, I just always looked at it like, it could never be too full.

You know what I mean? Like, I would just like eat till I wasn't full anymore. Till you were stuffed, you mean. Stuffed. Like where you're sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I get like that. Anytime we do like crab feasts and all that shit and there's crab cakes, Jimmy's got the damn crab egg rolls. And I will eat until I'm like sick. And I can't wake – in the morning I wake up, I still feel like shit, like that kind of thing. See, now that I'm like doing this food program, I'm like hoping that I can get myself – and I'm just doing this program to get myself to a weight that I feel comfortable like doing cardio.

You know what I mean? Like I'm also combining it, but I like to think like I'd like to get to a weight that I'm comfortable at where like once a week I have a cheat meal. You know what I mean? Where like I could just do – You have to live. Go all out. You have to live. Also, it's tough as a parent.

We're going on these goddamn well before Corona. Kids' birthday parties with all the sugar and the cakes and the snacks and the this and the that. You know, it's hard. It's hard to fucking have that, you know, self-control and restraint. Yeah. Especially when you see other people do it. You know what I mean? Like, I'll never forget.

We went away with this couple, and I had been quitting smoking for years. this dude was smoking and i go dude you smoke he's like nah just on weekends i'll have like eight eight and i was like i want to be the guy who has eight i'm like i'll have one i was right back to a pack a day were you really oh yeah like that yeah like that um that's just me you know well i love you dude i love you too this has been great it's been long overdue you can come on here anytime you want i'll be back next week i genuinely love you i'm glad that we've been i'm glad you finally came on because i'm tired of answering nonsense questions about and that's all it was was nonsense like we said what we said. The show ended. We were going in different directions. Now look.

Now look what the fuck's going on in the world. So it's a great run. If you haven't listened to the – I say it all the time, and a lot of you have. You've discovered the Crab Feast. Some of you have rediscovered the Crab Feast. Please go listen to the episodes. I mean, it's 300 and some episodes, seven years. I say this all the time.

If you went back and just listened to two a week, it would still take you over three years to listen to that library. I've had people hit me up and be like, dude, can't believe the feast is ending. You know what I mean? Just now? Yeah. And I'm like, what happened?

They're like, dude, I just heard about you or I just heard about Rye. And then I got into the feast and I got all the way through it and I killed it in like a month and you guys are ending? I'm like, yeah, it's over, man. Well, it was a great show. It was a great run. This has been a great episode. It's great to see where you have it too

with this. This is amazing. Well, thank you. I love you. Love you too, bro. Is there anything else you want to promote? No. You good to promote? No. No? No. You good to go? Yeah, just my special on YouTube. Watch Jay's special on YouTube, Jay Larson, Me Being Me.

Yep. So I ask every guest the first time they come on advice to their 16-year-old self. Yeah, go for it. So before we wrap up, please, what would you tell Jay Larson Comedy's 16-year-old self? That's a couple. I don't know exactly what I would tell. I'd either say, don't go to college, just go to L.A. But I think that's if I, you know, looking back now, like seeing the world and like what I put value on,

I think I would probably say do a semester abroad in college and then travel Europe because like now I'm like, what am I doing? Like you can't just go travel Europe now for two months. No. I wish I had traveled and never felt like I had to go do one thing, which is why I'm still in L.A. after 20 years. Yeah. Yeah.

That's probably. All right. That's great. Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on. You got it, buddy. I love you. The door is always open.

I'm glad to have. I mean, it was locked when I got here. It was. Both of them were locked. You know what I mean? You got to be safe. You got to hit the password. But again, going back to the crab feast, which was such a great time.

Listen to the feasts. It's out there. It's 300 and some episodes. It'll take you over three years if you listen to two a week. You got plenty of honeydews. You got plenty of feasts to go listen to. And as always, I appreciate all of you guys. This has been great.

Episode 100. Thank you all for your support. I can't believe we've hit 100 this fast. It feels like we just started. There's plenty more to come. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Bye.