The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Jeremiah Watkins - JeremiahDew

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Jeremiah Watkins! (Stand Up on the Spot, Scissors Bros) Jeremiah Highlights the Lowlights of his worst job experience, and some cringy journal entries.  SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Babbel -Save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to https://www.Babbel.com/HONEYDEW  Betterhelp - Get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW 

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and Brenton Biddlecomb will be with me. August 5th through the 7th, I'll be in La Jolla, California. And August 18th through the 20th you can catch me in Philadelphia Pennsylvania tickets for those shows and all shows are available on my website at ryansickler.com the honeydew with Ryan Sickler welcome back to the howdy do y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media if you're watching this show please hit that subscribe button. Set a little reminder. It's a free, easy way to help the show. I promise you it helps. You don't have to buy

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Thank you guys for your support. Because of you, I've been able to sell out a show or two in every city I've been in, and that, to me, is victory. So Brea, this Thursday, the 30th, I will be there with Jason Ellis and Brenton Biddlecomb. La Jolla, August 5th through the 7th. Philadelphia, I'll be there August 18th through the 20th.

And Austin, Texas, I will be there Labor Day weekend, September 2nd and 3rd. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows at ryansickler.com. Now, you know what we do over here? We highlight the lowlights here, y'all. These are the stories behind the storytellers, and I am very excited to have this storyteller back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, the cry champ of the show, Jeremiah Walken.

Welcome back to the honeydew, Jeremiah. He's going to be back. He's going to be back. Good to be back, player. Back on the honeydew. Oh, I love when you do it. All right, first of all, it is really good to have you back. Dude, it's always amazing to see you, man. We have had, if you haven't seen Jeremiah's last episode,

you got to go watch the episode. It's when I really think COVID manifested in this room, all the boogies and the tears and everything. Yeah. The fluids. But it was a great episode, and I'm very excited to have you back because know, I do hope you went and talked to somebody. You left here just shaking. I was shaking. I was like, he's got, he had a shawl on.

He didn't even come in with it. I knitted my own sweater on the way out. I was shaking. Boy. I had to get a tear duct tightening surgery. I'll bet. That was a powerful episode. I got a lift in my ducks.

And then right into the camera with the promo. And that's what makes me love you and comedians so much. So welcome back. Before we get into anything, please plug, promote everything. Awesome. I have a new series called Stand Up on the Spot that's available for free on

YouTube. Our buddy Ryan Sickler did the first episode out. We've got a new episode out now that we did in Moontower in Austin, Texas with Kelsey Cook, Kurt Braunohler, Sypha Sounds, Josh Wolfe and myself. It's a great episode that you can watch for free now. Jeremiah Wonders and Scissor Bros are my other podcasts. And then you can also see me live July 8th in Napa, California. And then July 10th in Honolulu, California. Tickets at jeremiahwatkins.com. Wait, there's a Honolulu, California July 10th in Honolulu, California. Tickets at jeremiahwatkins.com Wait, there's a Honolulu,

California? Did I say Honolulu, California? Hawaii. I was about to say, hold on! I was like, bro, I'm nailing this. I'm like going right down the barrel. I got it all memorized. He's so professional. Locked in. Give it all. It's shit.

Come see me at Hon Lulu California, baby. Hold on. We're wrapping this podcast up. We're coming at you from Hot Lulu California, y'all. Tickets at jeremiahwalkins.com. Jeremiah stand up on all socials. All right. Go see Jeremiah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So one of the things you talked about last time was a story that should have and could have just gone so well with Dave Chappelle. And then it just was just cringeworthy, and it ended up being very unfortunate. So those are some of the things. the end it ended up being very unfortunate so yeah those are some of the things you know we talk about a lot of heavy shit on this uh as you did last time as well on this show and um we're gonna start off with another story that you were like sickler had another i got another one for you and uh and then we're gonna get into some some journal entries again yeah does that sound good

that sounds great all right so please take it away so just to give you guys a little behind the scenes there were a few people that i texted or called right after this happened and it was jamar neighbors willie hunter and ryan sickler the wave in me because i hit up sickler i was like bro i just like had such it's i would say it's officially my new biggest bomb story i've ever had in my life and this is now this is our job so is this also forget about bomb is this also a the biggest maybe like job fail as well? I think so. It was the biggest swing and a miss I probably ever had. And what you know about me, when I swing, I put my whole body, my fiber, everything into it.

I commit a thousand percent. So at the end of the day, you know, like I'm going to go for it. you know like i'm going to go for it uh so this is a story about uh how i auditioned for a show called wild and out i've already laughed yeah there's not many of us that have cracked wild and out p davidson's been on been a few other guys that have been on oh and they let us know that when we got to yeah they went down the rolodex of people who have moved on to better things but wild and out was the platform that made them right they really like you know drilled that in so uh i happen to know uh one of the producers uh like in casting over on the show and they say i can do uh submit a reel basically and then like we'll see if i hear anything back right and what sort of reel do you

have to submit for a show like that because you that's a lot of live interaction with people and seeing their appearance and shit like that like a lot of the dozens type of stuff so i put together a really solid reel obviously if i got they said that basically they did go through like i don't know if this is true but they said they went through like thousands of submissions like that who knows if that's the real number but they narrowed it down to 15 and i was one one of the 15. And what are you doing on your audition? You're like, your mom is so fat, her blood type is ragu. Are you doing that? I mean, a little bit of that.

A little bit of that. Like, what? Oh, okay. So this is one of my jokes that I submitted on the reel that I remember. Are you just talking to camera? Oh, yeah. You're looking right in the camera. You're doing a very presentational,

like, cause I've had to do like a lot of character reels and stuff like that for sketch and different shows over the years and stuff like that to submit. And one of them, one of the dumb jokes, they have different categories basically, where they're like, can you write a joke for this category of like, watch some games from the show do your own jokes from those different categories of games yes so one of mine was silly

one i was like uh my baby mom is so dumb that that when we went to the gas station she thought e40 was a type of gas you know something, something like that. And then I was like, ooh, you know, something bad. I just butchered my own joke. But anyway, so I submitted the reel, heard back that I get selected. They put us in the Zoom where they say that. And who's us? How many people are on this Zoom? Me, one other white guy, and then 13 other different black girls and black guys okay so 15 people yeah

and you and another white dude yeah and then like there's like maybe one or two other white girls like yeah that are in the in there as well okay so i'm like i'm like okay well that's that's the guy i have to be like for the the the gig essentially. Right. And, uh, they start going down the list of like, they, they start kind of drill sergeanting right away being like, not all of you are going to make it. Like a bootcamp right now.

Right away. Right away. They're like, not all you will see the TV side of this show. Yeah. And they call it a bootcamp weekend. They call it like, yeah, it's literally like, not all you will see the TV side of this show. And they call it a boot camp weekend. They call it like, yeah, it's literally like a four-day camp where you go and you test to see if you're wilding out material. Do they tell you if anyone has left crying?

There's definitely been people that have left there probably because the guy who runs it is an intimidating guy yeah he's a guy who's probably six i'm six three he was probably six four six five yeah big black dude very intimidating and uh he was he would tell people he would break break people of habits, like at this camp. Like if somebody had like a nervous thing where they put their hands in your pockets, there's this guy who, that was his tick.

He would look down and he had his hands in a hoodie and he kept going, take your hands out the hoodie. And the guys are, all right, all right. This is day one of camp. This is day one of camp. Yeah. And the guys are, hi, hi. This is day one of camp. This is day one of camp.

Yeah. And by the way, so just. Let's get back to the Zoom call. Back to the Zoom call. Because not everybody's getting to camp. Sorry, we jumped in. Let's get back. So they tell us first that they're going to start eliminating people in the room of the 15 people that were there in front of other people for the

reality version because they are going to film this behind the scenes and put it on YouTube as a YouTube special. So every step along the way is filmed reality TV style. So when I got confirmation that I got it, when I got in the room, they're like, some of you are going to get cut right now. got it when i got in the room they're like some of you are gonna get caught right now and we're like what you just told us that we're flying out that we got it right and basically they said actually nah all you were coming to camp we got you kind of thing so already starting off i'm like i don't like the tone of this at all like i don't like you know what i mean i don't like the tone of this at all. Like, I don't like, you know what I mean? I don't like the reality TV side of stuff at all. And so the 15 that were in the room, we all get flown out to Atlanta to do this workshop called the Workshop Weekends, right? So can I just go back for one second?

Yeah, yeah. There's 15 of you on a Zoom call. Yeah. And they say you're all coming to Atlanta. Mm-hmm. And now they- It's like very American Idol-y, like- Okay.

You got your golden ticket. Right, okay. You're coming to Atlantalanta and now it's like very american idly like okay you got your golden ticket you come to atlanta you know that kind of thing and then you're all and then b-roll jet leaving lax now we're in atlanta we see some marquee shots of atlanta some hip-hop some atlanta hip-hop down there and then boom now you guys are walking into camp. Yeah, here they all come. With the suitcases, all that stuff. Stars in your eyes. Yeah. This hasn't, the YouTube special hasn't come out yet. So I have. I'm seeing it.

I know how to produce a reality show, bro. Oh, no, no. You already have the vision for what they're going to do. I have no idea how bad they're going to make me look. That's the thing. That's the thing. I have no idea. Let me ask you this.

Do you know anyone that has made it? Yes. No, they already started. They filmed the whole this. Do you know anyone that has made it? Yes. No, they already started. They filmed the whole season. They filmed it like right away. But no, I mean, when you got, you were one of the 15, did you know any of them prior to starting this job? I knew a couple of the comics that were, yes, that were in the mix, that were also.

All right. So now you get to Atlanta. Yeah. All right. So I get to Atlanta. Take us from Atlanta. They were also like. So now you get to Atlanta.

Yeah. All right. So I get to Atlanta. Vegas from Atlanta. And they start doing a very like, they're trying to scare people and test their nerves right away. They're literally, that's what, they're trying to intimidate people to see if you can get shook right away. They used to take you to like Baltimore or Chicago and put you on a corner and be like, you got to make these people laugh. Yeah. They'd be like.

Stand your ground. Yeah. Stand your ground. Yeah. As soon as I walk in, one of the current cast members is already making fun of me as soon as I step off the elevator. As soon as I step off the elevator, bro, I'm still waking up. And he's like, look at this guy right here. Got them flatbread shoes on right here. These flatbreads because i got long feet and i was like oh this is pretty funny i'm like hey i'm jeremiah he's like yeah man like they're wanting to roast but that's just how they're communicating that's just the vibe of the show you know i'm trying to meet

different people and i'm like kind of like other people literally multiple people start roasting me like as soon as i walk in the room and like i'm just like smiling nodding and they're like oh why don't you say anything back i'm like i'll show you out there like i'm good i'm it's nice to meet you like like i never like right away like i'd rather prove myself like in the performance space than go at you like you're a lights on guy i'm a lights on guy you're not a practice guy. You're a game guy. I'm like, I'll see you on the field. Yeah.

Right? So. See you guys on the court. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much. Like, all right. I got you.

I got you. Yeah. All right. So the guy who's in charge of the workshop, he started barking at people right away to get inside their heads. So this guy who has the pockets issue, he keeps yelling at this dude where it's really uncomfortable for me and all the other people. And I've been around some bad casting experiences. Tell me his name after this. You don't have to say it.

I will. I want to know after this. I will say this was one of, after it was all said and done, this was one of my least favorite casting experiences of my life. It sounds traumatizing. It was. It was literally traumatizing. This is the first day. He starts yelling at this dude who has a pockets issue.

Your hands out of that hoodie! Dude, no lie. Now listen, this is wild now, okay? Listen, we respect women. Everybody here is welcome. Listen, everybody's here welcome. So this guy, he is having trouble because it's an obvious nervous tick. He keeps putting him back in after he says stuff.

And he goes, do you want to go back to TikTok? Because that's where you're going to go after this. And I'm looking around like, what is happening? He goes, we found you on TikTok and we can return you to TikTok. Return you to TikTok. Dude. Like he's gone off TikTok. Yeah.

I am like almost sweating looking around. I'm just like, this already, this is just not how I interact. Like, and these are supposed to be like improv workshops. Dude, everything that I've learned about improv is supposed to be like nurturing and supportive of other people. Yes, and. Yes, and everything. Where's your space work at, man? Right.

But this was so aggressive that I was like, oh, I'm going to have to literally rewire my brain for this weekend because i this is not how i just don't interact with people in general like that so uh he starts there was one girl who got so upset with the guy that she ended up um wanting to talk with him outside and he goes if she wants to talk to me outside she can just go home and she did she's like gordon ramsay of this thing yes yeah black gordon ramsay urban urban gordon ramsay flash gordon ramsay okay all right so he's doing all that he's being extremely intimidating uh now we're down to 14 people you're telling me because he's that was like by day two or something so they're eliminating so wait they really did make people fly all the way atlanta get killed on the cut on day one that was her choice she

technically wouldn't have gotten cut had she not she she literally would have liked that for the reality ass oh yeah no she she literally was, I'm going to stay in my room. I'll talk to him. She goes, I'm not talking with him in front of everybody else. He's like, well, she's not an exception to the rules, so we can figure this out later, but we got to move on with the workshop. There's other people in here that have got to do the thing. Workshop.

Mm-hmm. So I start proving myself. I start doing my thing. I have a knack for improv i've been doing improv for many many years probably like 15 plus years at this point and i start proving myself as like i start killing in the workshop i started doing really really well where the guys who were making fun of me before kind of started being like, ah, this guy's kind of funny. And just to paint a picture is like, everybody has a lot of bravado, like who is in the sessions

because there's current cast members who are there to work with the people who are not a part of the cast yet. So there's a lot of people trying to prove themselves. And then there's a lot of people who are already settled into the show. They've been doing it for years. And they're just kind of like, this is what I do. This is how it's done.

So there's a kind of like that hip hop mentality of trying to prove you're tough like all the time and like machissimo. There's a lot of that energy around. And I'm not the most, you know. You got a pineapple fucking shirt button up right now luckily i was smart enough to wear pretty neutral colors like ahead of time i was like i'm just gonna wear like a hoodie and a gray shirt some earth tones yeah yeah yeah exactly uh so the first day i'm doing really really well and uh i they start noticing i started to uh being like okay this dude's funny i start like getting props from different people after we do the

different um improv games and riffing like music stuff and different things like that and by the end of the day i'm like like, oh, I got this. I got like, this is going to be no problem for me to join this cast. And that's when I got overzealous was the first day because this is what happened. One of the members of the current cast is a trans woman. And she let everybody know at the beginning of the workshop, the beginning of the day, she said, I don't care what pronouns you call me. I don't care what you refer to me as. Like, just know that if you come at me, I'm coming to you twice as hard. So you better be funny, whatever you say. But whatever you say

is totally cool by me. She said it in front of everybody. She said in front of the producers. you say is totally cool by me she said it in front of everybody she said in front of the producers and i took mental note of that at the end of the day for the first workshop day after everybody like had started being like oh this dude's funny like and i'm feeling myself and everything like that i'm like okay i'm gonna go somewhere where all these like tough guys won't go with their comedy right and at the end of the day they do this this game called the wild style they do at the end of every wild mount tv show okay it's like tradition so everybody's starting to freestyle rap battle each other and one of the producers sees i haven't gone yet he's like hey have you not gone yet i'm like no he's like get up here i was like okay and then I go I want candy that's the name of the the trans girl

and I want candy so all all all the tough guys are already like alright like

like this is probably the first time she's heard that you know that kind of like like uncomfortable already

that I said that I want candy like calling her out like that so this is what I say this is like when you first Like, uncomfortable already that I said that I want candy. Like, calling her out like that. So this is what I say. Oh, man. This is like when you first go to prison and you're like, who's the biggest motherfucker in here? That's exactly what I did.

Because I'm going to punch you in the fucking mouth and I'm going to show everybody who the fuck I am in this cell block. Yeah. You were like, let me take the biggest challenge in this room. That's exactly what I did, right? So I start freestyling. I go, I'm going to suck your dick. I won't make it real quick. I'm going to take you to the vein.

That's my plan. I was like, I'm going to go hard on this and basically see what their reaction is because they're never going to say any of this stuff because they're all tough dudes who, they're not going to make trans jokes like that. And I'm like, I'll go in a territory that they won't touch and it'll be a fun, funny asset for the show. When I said the first line, literally. I'm going to suck your dick.

All the black guys in the room go. And you know me. Get your hands out of your hoodie. You're moving them a lot in there now, man. I don't know what's going on. I keep going. Of course you do. I keep going. Dude, every line that I say, all the black guys in the room start going.

They are so disgusted and so grossed out by what I'm saying. The head producer looks like he's going to start vomiting he's so like they don't know what to do they're looking at me like this crazy white guy what's candy doing though how's candy she's like okay like really surprised though really surprised that i went in a positive i went in a positive direction that's what i thought would be funny i was like i'm gonna make this a positive thing go in a non-roasty area you know go for something that nobody else would ever they would never when i say that it literally... Like, real quick.

Yeah. Set the stage for me, literally. How many people are out there right now in front of seeing all that? How many people are in the room? Cameras are rolling. Cameras are rolling. There are about three or four cameramen, all different angles. Kevin Lobb, what is there, audio guy?

They got it. Yeah, yeah. Boom. How many people are in this room? There is eight to ten producers. There must be 20 people in this room. With all the cast and everything? Oh, with the crew, with the cast, there's at least somewhere between 20 and 30 people.

That's a lot. It's a lot of people. That's a lot. That's a lot of people. And I'm going in. I'm'm like i'm acting like i got bars because i'm that dude freestyle rapping like as far as improv goes they're such different things they're such different muscles and i'm like i'm gonna be funny with this like because freestyle rapping is not my forte music improv i can music improv for days but that just is

different so every line that i go in they start getting more and more grossed out and disgusted with me and at what point are you starting to shift to see the eyes and and really hear what's happening yo i start laughing a little bit because i know that they're not liking but i'm like but i gotta got to see this through. I got to keep going. I got to keep going. And, you know, in a saloon, when a new person comes into town in an old Western. Yeah. And everybody just turns and it's silent. They stopped the wild style.

The DJ goes. No. He was up there. They were really doing this. They had a real DJ. It was up there. They were really doing this thing. They had a real DJ. Come on, it's even worse. They had the guy, the DJ who DJs every episode. He literally went...

Dude, you heard that noise. That noise stopped a real moment in your life. Dude. Do it again. Do the noise again. Candy's like, oh, my God. Oh, man. Because she's, I don't even remember what she said back to me.

She started battle repping me back and then I went in for a second helping oh second helping she's just like fuck off wait what did you end on the candy was like I'ma let you suck my dick you can take this

dude I blacked out like you fucking finished and then she went back. She went back and then I came back for more. And then literally, the producers, he literally stepped in between us. He's like, all right, enough. All right. All right. All right, we're done.

That was, they ended the freestyle for the day. That's how we ended the first day. It's like a fight at football practice. Enough, y'all. Enough. He's really gonna do it. He's gonna suck your dick. Candy, not you. Oh, man.

So... So what happened next? We have to do these exit interviews. Why? Because reality TV. So they had all the comics doing questions based on how they think they did for the day and stuff like that. This is what I get yelled at for stopping asking questions. But hold on.

At the end of that day, after that whole thing's over, what do you do? You go back to your hotel that night. Do you hang out with any of the cast? Does anyone talk? Is there a little fucking fist bump from the grip on the way out? Is there anything that you get from anybody? Here's what happened. Everybody who was a fan of me before

hates me now it's like i have gay leprosy and they're worried that they're gonna catch the gay because they think i'm gay now because i joked around they think i'm gay and we're in atlanta and they're like that's not cool, that's not cool, man. That's not cool. So on my exit interview, they're like, would you have done anything different today? I go, did you see the wild style?

I was like, it was a little bit of a car fire. Oh, God. So, was that just the next day that was dude this was the first day of the workshop i had killed the whole first day and at the end of the day that's my lasting impression was that that's how we ended the morning was your exit interview no no we did exit interviews after every day of the workshop right so it's like daily exit interviews so i called my wife and i told her i'm laughing i go if i said this might happen i said i might have lost this gig today because i said the way they react i said it was it was like a homophobic reaction they saw no comedy in it which i was like i'm bringing comedy to this like i'm like if i lose this kenny was like shut up shut up let him go let him talk let him talk i want to hear what he's got to say yeah i want uh so the next day that i go in day two they do they say that they're gonna make cuts every

single day right the next day i go in um i was like they'll for sure keep me because i had such a strong first part of the day that was just a bad thing whatever so i do make it into the second day of the workshop. They welcome everybody and they didn't cut anybody the second day. They're doing these mind games where they're like, some of you are gonna get cut

and then we all, they let us all back in. And dude, there were some people in there who literally had never done any live performance before. They were only from TikTok. There's people who have no performance experience at all whatsoever. So like, it's a mixture of like a lot of like internet personalities mixed with only a handful of like actual standup comics who tour or people who actually have proper improv training and stuff

like that, just to paint the full scope of what's going on here. So the second day, now I'm back there. Nobody wants anything to do with me. I'm having trouble. I'm that kid who's looking around when you're supposed to pair up with people to do different things. They do not want any part of me. Nobody. So I keep pairing up with Candy. I was about to ask.

She was cool. She got the joke. She got the joke. She thought it was funny. She was cool. She got the joke. She got the joke. She thought it was funny.

And I feel like the producers are starting to pull back from everything I'm saying. You know when somebody is like doing the thing with you where you are – you talk to somebody in the crowd and you can tell they're trying to not laugh. They're putting up like a front to try to be quite cool. I felt that with like all the producers and like the other people that were like in the workshop. Right. And Nick Cannon comes in the second day and I'm doing well with the props and different things and different like games and stuff that they have that he's seen us do.

Have they briefed Nick yet? No, no, but I'll, I'll get to that in a second. I'll get to that in a second. I'll get to that in a second about where I think this is going down. But so, for example, how I was like, I knew that people were like, oh, they were like against me because they thought that I was gay and stuff like that. Very weird.

So during one of the breaks, one of the guys who's auditioning for the show, has a little debbie cosmic brownie you know those are the sprinkles you've got the different like rainbow sprinkles on top right i walk up to this table excited him and a couple other guys are chilling i go oh man they got cosmic brownies here dope where'd you get that gay shit out of here, doc. He did not. And I go, what? He's eating a rainbow sprinkle, little guy. I go, what? He goes, yeah, man. He's like, yeah, got to hear that.

I was like, they're called Cosmic Brownies. That's literally the name on the box from Little Debbie. He goes, oh, I wouldn't wear that. Okay. Nuh-uh. Yeah. I wouldn't wear that. Yeah,

all right, okay, all right. He thought I was being like, mm, cosmic brownies, yummy. Yeah.

Here, put it in my mouth. So like people, like they're literally, it was so weird, dude. Like, they're like, they're like but also the fact that you think that you're just doing something gay by calling them cosmic i know

that's how like insecure like and i told them like like when people are like saying like like because they kept calling me gay like whenever i would say stuff like about like uh whatever they'd be like yeah all right you're gay man like they'd say stuff like about like whatever they'd be like, yeah, all right, you're gay, man. Like they'd say stuff like that. And I'm like, dude, I'm like, I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I'm like, I got a wife and a kid. They're like, yeah, OK. All right.

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how do you feel like you did? Blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, I feel good. Like they're like, do you think you'll make the cut for day three? I was like, oh yeah, definitely. You know, I had a very strong day, especially in comparison.

It's a workshop too. They're teaching you brand new games. You're learning how to do them along the way and stuff like that uh and i was like yeah no problem third day comes around what you started to say especially in comparison especially in comparison to oh this is something you're learning there's some people who are when i say bad at improv i can't even tell you how bad it is where i'm watching i'm like, I'm like, well, they're getting cut first, they're getting cut first. There's so many people that are just not experienced

where they have stage fright. They can't even control their voice. They can't control the shakes in their hands. Literally, they have no stage presence. They just don't have experience. So day three rolls around and they do this thing where if you see your name tag out on the table, then that means that you get to go into the room. So I'm there with everybody else. And I'm looking around and there's a couple people that I had made friends

with, uh, and a couple of people that I knew I'm saying what's up to and whatever. And, but the majority of people are still kind of like, kind of like side eye on me or whatever. And they put all the name tags out and I see my name tag. I'm like, great. I started to walk in and then they go, reset everybody, we made a mistake. And I was like, that's weird.

He goes, they go, everybody put your name tags back on the table. And we all put our name tags back on the table. And then they tell us to go around the corner and then walk back. And then they're all filming. My name tag's not there. No way, dude. Oh, my God.

You put an eight-set mistake reset when you walked in in they saw me walking in the room like oh that's the guy that shouldn't be that's how they did it instead of quietly saying listen man it was reset for the can they needed a reset for the camera of course that reality they wanted the reality so yeah because that doesn't hurt making it doesn't hurt yeah you expected it getting to have it ripped away from you how do you not share show that on your face in your fucking you'll appreciate this because i as soon as that happened i was like oh no i think it's me you did you knew oh yeah, they did. Is it because right when you closed that pin and stepped in, they were like, and cut, guys. Huh?

Oh, do we need to? I just pinned it. Yeah, take that off, put it back on the table. That is so bad. I walked back up to the table. It's obvious, like, my name tag's not there. I scanned. I was like, I was kind of like under my breath.

I started laughing. Oh, you got gotta be kidding me this is me and then i that they have cameras on me like this and i go that's what i did i literally go and then i was like okay yeah and then they made me do an exit interview right away after that and i was doing doing that like, because like, I'm a competitive person. Of course, I'm still, I'm a little heated because I'm like, there's people who are still in the workshop that are legit horrible. I was the first one who got cut, dude. Oh, you're the first.

I'm the first who got cut. Like that too. Yes. Oh, man. The first. Out of everybody. Even the hoodie kid stayed? He stayed.

He stayed. Bro. Yeah, I think it says a lot about what's going on there and what happened. So they are... Oh, man. Now they're grilling me in this interview of being like, when did you know that you're going to get cut? And I was like, well, you know, honestly,

I had an elevator ride up with one of the producers and felt a little off energy in the elevator. And I was like, I think I'm going to get cut today. And we started talking because I'm like, they're like, you seem like you have a lot to say. I'm like, I was like, I wished everybody well with the production. They wanted me to do the reality TV thing where they're like, ah, this sucks i'm like i was like i was like i wished everybody well with the production they wanted me to do the reality tv thing where they're like this sucks whatever i was like you know what i i wish the producers and nick cannon the best i really appreciate the

opportunity and thank you so much for having me like that was my final that's getting cut out oh for sure yeah for sure the thing that they're gonna keep is they go, if there were to be one other person to be cut over you, who would it be? I'm like, listen, I appreciate you guys doing your reality TV thing. I'm not giving you a name. That's what I said. And they kept asking me over and over. And I'll say for the context of the story that this comic's name is Nina. Okay.

And they go, but if you, they literally were grilling me before I could fly home. I'm just like, I'm like, okay, fine. You want a name? Nina. Nina is horrible. She's been failing at every game. If she is not cut ahead of me, I lose entire faith in Nick Cannon, this project, everything. If she's still in there, and she was in there. She was in there. She DMs me later that day. Oh, I'm so sorry you got cut. I go, it's all good.

You're getting cut tonight. You said that back? Yeah. She goes, oh, you asshole. Why would you say that? I was like, LOL. Like, sorry, you're getting cut tomorrow. I'm being real with you. You are being cut tomorrow. She goes, no, I asshole, why would you say that? I was like, LOL, like, sorry, you're getting cut tomorrow. That's,

I'm like, I'm being real with you. You are being cut tomorrow. She goes, no, I think I did pretty good. I'm like, oh,

she's delusional. Nevermind. I'm, I'm not going to keep engaging in this. So, I flew home, uh, a little bit after that,

but, and she's a cast member. No, she didn't, no, she didn't make it. She didn't make it. She did not make it.

That'd be rough. That'd be rough. but uh before i left one of the writers um that i'm friends with he comes out he goes dude i'm so sorry he goes i fought for you he goes he came in on the second day after what i had done on the first day it was the dick thing that really did you in. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He said that the second day that he got in, when he walked in, the producers were only talking about that the entire time. Oh, yeah.

That they were about the incident. Right. Like, I was like the crazy, like, erratic guy. And he's like, doesn't that make him memorable to you guys? Like, why don't you tell him

to just avoid that topic and, like, why don't you tell him to just avoid that topic? And like, he'll be fine. He's like, he's like, he's like, this dude's a really good comic. Like he's a actual working comic.

And he goes, I tried to fight for you. He goes, didn't work out. I was like, Hey, I appreciate it. You know?

So it was, it was one of those things where like, I went for the joke and that one joke got me fired so when is this gonna air when can we see on youtube probably any day because the first season is already out oh it's only on youtube uh well this will only be on youtube this special thing yeah so we'll see how they cut it it could be an they could make me they could make we we improv for eight hours a day they could make me they could make we we improv for eight hours a day they could make me look like i was bombing the entire time sure that you know what i mean

like that's that's very easy they could literally just keep the parts 20 seconds of the worst here and there of my jokes like and i yeah so you know it's a very interesting place to be but it's a good experience as soon as it happened i was like well i got another honeydew episode coming what a fucking cringe worthy that's raw yeah yeah um all right let's pick up and let's get into some journal entries here i would love to hear there's a specific one you wanted to tell yeah so this one is from let let's see here. Now, if you didn't see Jeremiah's last episode while he looks, he brought his journals last time and went through some entries and came across something that he hadn't really dealt with, and he became the only episode we've ever had to stop recording for

and get tissue. I know. There we go all right um so this one is just an odd encounter story uh because i think that any comedian who has lived in uh la long enough has had an andy dick story Or several. Or several. Yeah. Now, basically, this was, I met him at Second City one night when I was interning there and taking classes and stuff like that. And we ended up going out with a group of friends to like bars and stuff afterwards. So, this is, I'm going to read this entry and feel free to interject whenever.

Let's see here. Come right here. One of the craziest experiences occurred since I moved to LA. I met Andy Dick and now this is in- Yeah, what year is this? 2010. Okay. I met Andy Dick and now this is in yeah what year is this 2010 okay

this is August of 2010 alright one of the craziest experiences since I moved to LA met Andy Dick uh Josh Mark and he

were smoking weed and drinking on the roof of the second city Josh said it's getting pretty crazy out there uh I gave it a minute and getting pretty crazy out there uh i gave it a minute and decided to go out there so he's warning me because he knows that i'm like fresh

off the boat from kansas i probably haven't been around a ton of drinking and weed and stuff and drugs or whatever and like but i had at that point like with family whatever uh but he's kind of giving me a heads up like hey andy dick's's out there. He's getting kind of crazy. I'm like, okay. So I gave him a minute and decided to go out there. I sat down to hang out and Josh, giving me his approval and introduced me to Andy Dick. I told Andy I knew his son

and that I've done standup with him. And he said, who hasn't? That's a good Andy Dick. He asked me how old I was and I told him I was 21. You're a baby. You know nothing about comedy. He joked around some more and said, no, you're doing great. We went into the office, and my music improv teacher was in there as well.

And Josh was showing Andy Dick the Second City Network YouTube and showed him some of the videos on there. After we watched several videos, he looked at me and said, why don't you have any videos? I actually have a lot, I said. I looked at Josh for his approval to type in my YouTube page. He said, why don't you show me, or Josh said, why don't you show me your new 80s music video? So I showed it to him, and I had his attention until um it cuts to a shot where i'm doing a line of cocaine uh he started asking everyone if they had coke right as soon as he sees you do in the music video in an 80s music video it triggers it triggers who has coke i want some coke does anybody have any coke here like away, attention gone from the music video. I'm like, oh, but it's a funny music video

that he saw that and it was like ready to party. Fuck your video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, that was good. I get it. It's like every 80s video rolled into one. Actually, it was really good. How much did it cost to make?

I told him several hundred dollars and he seemed impressed. He offered me a beer and i said that i was good and he goes do you not drink i replied no and he said you've got to get into it big nose you've got to get into it, big nose. This is so fucking harsh. God, people. Okay. By the way, he doesn't remember ever fucking having this conversation.

Of course not. Okay, that's good. And then he says, he said, you got to get into it, big nose. The pure don't do well out here. Okay. Right? Mm-hmm. It seemed like that really annoyed him is what I wrote.

He started hitting on me as the night progressed, and it was super freaky. That's what I wrote. Around 11. Like hitting on you in what way? What's he doing? Like starting to touch me and like massage. And just starting to be like kind of feely and like that kind of thing. Around 11, Josh said he had to get home to his wife and infant.

And he was closing up Second City. Andy Dick looked at Fred and I and said, we're going on an excursion. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yep. And Fred was saying he had to go but i told him in a quiet voice that there was no way i could go somewhere alone with andy dick that's a good call yeah yeah so we decided to go to boarders there's a that bar like on hollywood boulevard it's like down the street a bunch of second city people still go to or used to go to um so we started walk on hollywood boulevard and it was

crazy how everyone literally everyone we passed recognized andy dick we love you andy can i get a picture he had a 12 pack of paps blue ribbon and was throwing out cans of people who recognized him that he liked if they said we love you andy here i, you got a Pabst Blur ribbon. PBR. PBR. All the while, he's drinking a beer out in the open. He hands me the 12-pack to hold so he can pass out more, and I was thinking this could end poorly.

We go to Bordeners, and people are recognizing him, and it grew at an alarming pace. Fred and I were like his entourage, and it was crazy to see firsthand what being a celebrity is like. Girls were taking pictures of them, and he was groping them and grabbing their boobs, like, right away. As soon as they recognized him, ah, let me feel, you know, just. And they were all okay with it, and their boyfriends were high-fiving Andy back. Look at your face. I literally am still shocked by p it happens so many times where

like he'd be feeling of a girl and then like the boyfriend be like huh andy dick phil to my girlfriend so cool man it's like so that's why it keeps happening because you're allowing it to happen uh and he was hitting on every guy and tried to make out with me my friend mike and others he was trying to make out with you now he's gotten there oh no he was hitting on every guy and tried to make out with me, my friend Mike, and others. He was trying to make out with you now. He's gotten there. Oh, no. He was getting handsy and aggressive at this point.

He asked me, are you gay? I said, no. He goes, bi. No. A little bi. I go, no. And he goes, can I look at you? I said, I guess.

He goes, naked? And I go, no. And so he also grabbed my nose multiple times and said, honk, honk. No. I'm so mad I just met you just met you he's honking my nose like a clown bike like a little shoe horn

so I guess Josh from Second City sent Mike and our friend mark to check on me because he knew that i went there with fred and andy dick and the guy second city was like maybe i should send a couple reinforcements to see what's going on there right so um i thought mike was going to punch andy dick when we went next door to the club because he was so aggressively trying to kiss him. The whole night, Andy was telling people to buy him drinks, and they kept doing it. One guy gave him a beer so he could take a picture with him. I got into a dance-off with another guy.

A dance-off. And that was fun. A dance-off. I used to do that at the clubs. Like, when I couldn't find girls to dance with, I'd be like you want to go dude it'll be popping and locking and uh and it says uh here i said i busted out the splits and a good handstand mike introduced me to girls did a handstand and splits in this place and andy no wonder andy dick's like are you a little a little bit i see the way you move your body it's all those splats i It's all those splats.

Can I be the banana deer splat? Mike introduced me to a girl and said he's going to be a star. When we were talking later, he said, I'm 27. I'm too old. You can do it. I've got your back. I thought that was cool of him to say. I don't know if that was the beer talking. I don't know what that means. Around 2 a.m. the bar had closed.

The bartender gave Fred three waters and Andy another beer. He was wasted at this point. Mark came in to pay his tab and Andy put his fingers all up in his nose and said, what does that smell like? He had been fingering a girl earlier. With his other hand, he put his fingers up his butt and called it a bussy butt pussy. It's the first time I've read this in so many years. It's the first time I've read this in so many years. He's fingered a chick with his left and his own asshole with his right and then rubbed it together and put it up my friend's nose. Oh, God.

They called it a pussy. His fucking ass and her pussy. That's how you get shit. That's how COVID starts. You're right andy dick patient zero jesus christ dude yeah yep okay it's funny because it didn't happen to me. Oh, no, that's the thing. I promise you, I would have fucked him up. Dude, confessing what that was, that that was up your nose,

especially me, that stays in there a long time. I am questioning why he didn't do it to you. I'm questioning that, too. He's been hitting nose shit all night. I know. One of your friends also went, smells like a bussy. Wait a second. Is that bussy?

Is that bussy that I'm smelling? Ew, dude, smells like bussy. Get that bussy out of here. Oh, shit. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. We left Bordeners and Andy projectile vomited beer on one of the side

streets of Hollywood. God, I wish this was Borders. I wish this was the bookstore. After all that, kids are playing trading card games. Aren't you a little bi? Okay, okay. Some splattered and hit a kid. He was grossed out but laughed when he saw it was Andy Dick. Some splattered and hit a kid. He was grossed out, but laughed when he saw it was Andy Dick.

What splattered? The vomit. Splashed and hit a stranger. Wait, hold up. Andy vomited? Projectile vomited. And it hits? He pukes in the alley.

It hits a stranger that's walking by. And he laughs? He laughs. He goes, he freaked out. And then when he saw that it was Andy Dick, he laughed it off. Oh. How gross is that? Oh.

He smoked weed out of a group of guys' van. This is a real thing. After this? After this. We kept walking. More people recognized him that had their trunk popped in the middle of Hollywood. Recognized it was Andy Dick. He saw that they were smoking weed.

He starts smoking weed with these strangers in the back of the van. And we left fortunately before anybody saw is what I said. We kept walking and he said he was going to walk while peeing. I said, dude, you're going to just piss your pants. And he ended up doing just that. Fred and I tried to call a cab for him, but he said he didn't have any money. For the next bit, we tried to get him to Fred's car so we could drive him home. Eventually, we just had to leave him at a hostel we went near. At the end of the night, when Fred dropped me off, we looked at each other and couldn't believe this night just happened. I found out that there are no rules when you are a celebrity. Rules and social interactions don't apply.

It was kind of sad how everyone wanted to take advantage of him. He seemed sad most of the night. It just seems like an empty lifestyle. I went to sleep after 3.30 a.m. Bro, that's a good one. Bussy. Bussy came out of that one. That Bussy.

Oh, fuck, dude. Dude, give me another one. We have some time. Okay. All right. Give me another one. We have some time. Okay. All right. Give me another one. Let's see here. Oh, let me tell you about my worst New Year's ever. Let's hear that.

This is a rough one. Do we need to get Kleenex? No, no, no. It's just more like this one. What's that smell like? Like anybody would know. I know. We know right away.

It is dirty as they there fingering some chick yeah time yeah oh this is just a cringeworthy sad uh new year this is my journal entry there and it's very melancholy some like when i would write in these i'd sometimes write like while i was feeling something so it's very like whatever that emotion was, it's amped way up. When did you start doing this and when did you stop doing this? Or do you still do this? I'm not as diligent as I was. I mean, this is word.

Hold it up for a second just to the camera. That is writing. I used to spend at least an hour a day doing this. Yeah, clearly. Look at this. It's literally just like it's very like detailed stuff um this was thursday december 31st 2009 okay first new year's going into la okay you're here already or no yeah i moved here okay from kansas uh thursday december

31st 2009 this was definitely the worst new year's eve i've had in my entire life that's how it starts dude that's sad isn't it that i wrote that down oh man i wrote that down uh i worked at starbucks from 1 to 9 30 p.m. There's a couple good things that happened today. I composed a melody on the piano for a new song and Tammy got me free Subway for dinner. I've been secretly feeling depressed lately. I was homesick bad today. I wanted to celebrate the holiday with my family. Holidays are always hard without my family. Tonight for New Year's Eve I just walked around up on Hollywood Boulevard

and watched people get arrested. I saw some really stupid people tonight. When I was walking back, I saw a dude fall flat on his face. I could not get a hold of multiple friends. I felt very alone tonight. I felt like I did when I first moved out here. Here are my New Year's resolutions. Some are pretty lofty goals, but whatever.

You are feeling it, but whatever. Number one. This is for 2010. Here we go. Stop working at Starbucks. How long did it take you to do that? You know what? I got very fortunate.

I'm still kind of here and there. I'm a shift lead on the download plan. You know what I'm saying? Don't tell nobody. I can't be giving out those pastries for free. Okay. Number two, become famous or begin making a name for myself in comedy three start getting paid for something comedic four being a tv commercial five get an agent six send mom

money to help her out that's a little bit lower than i liked on the list all in your defense all that shit before that needs to happen before you can do that right right right this is true uh number seven find a church eight start playing the saxophone again those were my new year's resolutions for uh eight of them yep how long did it take you to get out of starbucks um before 2012 okay uh that. At the beginning of 2012, I started doing comedy full-time and acting stuff. Boom. All right. So within two years.

Within two years. Read them again. Read them again. And let's see. Within two years, you're out of Starbucks. It sounds like you've made money off of comedy. Go again. Yeah.

Began making a name for myself in comedy. There you go. Three, start getting paid for something comedic. So that's still somewhere. That's very similar. Two years, you got paid for comedic yeah being a tv commercial the thing that got me out of starbucks was a national commercial what was it it was for the chevy volt nice all right yeah played it like the world series and hell yeah stuff like that and yeah okay yeah so there's that get an agent like that was the thing that helped me get the TV commercials and stuff like that.

Did you send mom any money? I did later on. That's fine. What else? Find a church. Did you find a church? I found churches, but I did not like them in LA. Okay.

You know why? Because it was like the Instagram of churches. It was so like about- Produced. It was so overly produced. I hated it. I went and they kept having hashtags and stuff after things. And it was one of, they were showing teasers and trailers for their different church groups.

And it was this all female church group. They like, like every Wednesday, the women, the strongest women in LA meet and blah, blah, blah. And then at the end, no lie.

It said, God chicks, God chicks. The, and I looked at that and I was like, I hate this place. I literally, I cannot, you know what I mean? I was like, if hate this place. I literally, I cannot, you know what I mean?

I was like, if this is what LA church is, I'm good. And then there was a guy who was using, he was using a ladder. He was using it in his sermon. For what? As part of like a prop. And I leaned over. This is like years ago. And I was like, I don't even like prop comics.

I don't like prop pastors either. Prop pastors? I was like, this is too much. Imagine he's up there falling and hanging off. Yeah, he's doing pratfalls. And then he's crucified up there and shit. Yeah, yeah. And this is the mess.

Yeah, yeah. Have a great son. Right, right. Get me down, Gary. Come on. Get your hands out of your sweatshirt. Dude, you did all. See, I really, I'm a big believer in writing shit down because when you write it down, it happens.

I think so, too. It does happen. There's no doubt. It doesn't happen necessarily maybe the way you want it to or think it will or or what but look at all the shit that you wrote there and within two years it's boom they're mostly there what else was it um yeah it was like to send my money you had eight of them uh start playing saxophone again which you also did because i when i met you you were playing and oh yeah yeah a lot of sex because basically i had um i told a great dave chappelle story about your saxophone last episode uh-huh i'd taken a short break from sax because i didn't i didn't have enough room in

my car for like another big suitcase to to bring out to la so i was back in kansas and when i went home for christmas my mom's like take it back out with you to la and start using it she goes i think you'll use it in your comedy i was like really a saxophone and comedy my mom had intuition as far as that goes because i ended up using it on a lot of different shows over the years yeah yeah you have yeah yeah What else was on there? It was just more like comedy-related stuff and Starbucks and, yeah. TV commercial, yeah. You did all of it.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. From that first year, yeah. Listen, I'm telling you, you know, they talk about manifesting all these things. Write shit down. I journal every day and every night. I don't do it like this.

This is something else. I do the five-minute journal. I do. I do every day, every night. And it's a daily thing that has absolutely changed my mindset from glass being half empty to half full. It's done a lot of positive shit for me. So this is really great stuff.

Dude, thank you thank you for coming back yeah uh thank you for sharing this stuff um should i end with the first time i saw a vagina yeah let's do that how old are you the first time you saw a vagina it could be anywhere too it could be it could have been at a fucking public pool it could have been a strip club it could have been a girlfriend i'm excited to hear about your this is almost this is like oh this is a 2011 okay 11 years ago yeah how old are you um how old are you 33 so 2022 you were first vaginauces. All right. Double deuces here. Let's hear it. And this is from my...

This is my wife now. Let's see. I mean, you coming fresh off seeing his vagina. We getting that energy, the vagina energy in this one here that we got the melancholy from the other one. I mean, I time stamped the date on this. It's notarized. Yeah. I yeah i mean i literally my wife's name is maya i said i saw maya's vagina for the first time on february 12 2011 man just before valentine's

day valentine's day are you on the cast of wild and hulk on a val's Day? On purpose, of course. Other than one, I saw at a rock concert. Whose pussy did you see at a rock concert? Some chick just being drug out. Dude, I remember that at a rock concert, I used to work at morning radio in kansas city and uh i one of the concerts that we hosted there was girls that were flashing and then one girl like wanted to amp it up a little bit and she flashed her vagina at this concert i was like whoa so fuck yeah yeah rock and roll dude i said maybe it's better to say it was the first time a girl got completely naked in front of me.

Okay. And I underlined that. Then I said this. I wrote this, Sigler. I said, vaginas are pretty cool. I'm starting to see what the fuss is all about. You're literally starting to see what the fuss is all about oh my god that's a pure kansas chair right there that really is

that is some kansas the very thing pussy that runs this goddamn world he's like about to see what the fuck i'm starting to see. I'm starting to see it. I'm starting to see it. Let's see. Yeah. Then I'd say, like, I prepared the text sheet for our conservatory show, which is like Second City. I said, by the time I was done, she was asleep. I love having her sleep over.

Then it just goes into it. I said, I don't need my teddy bear or Spider-Man when she spends the night. This is frightening. What are you talking about? This is frightening. What are you talking about? This is frightening. That just made me sweat right there, just reading that out loud. This is so cringy.

You should scan ahead quietly next time. What do you mean, teddy bear and Spider-Man? I used to sleep with a teddy bear and Spider-Man into my 20s. A Spider-Man what? Like a buddy. You know what I mean? I don't know what you mean.

No, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, I definitely don't know what you're talking about. A buddy. Spider-Buddy. He's got a pussy in the background you just pounded him back there you used to sleep with that for anxiety what was it i think i just liked having something to hold on i literally never never a pillow grab a pillow or no i always yeah i always like i literally into

my freaking early 20s slept with a like a teddy bear from childhood or like a a spider man it was like a stuffed almost like a doll it was like this big yeah like the kind you get at the carnival yep exactly that kind yeah no exactly that kind that kind. Did any women ever see this? Have you ever told your wife that? I think I would hide them when she was... Clearly you knew to hide it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You knew to hide it.

I knew to hide it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. And what was that all? When did you finally wrap that project up? When did you finally stop sleeping? When the daddy is finally asleep. When did you finally stop sleeping? He said, you know.

I literally was like, not playing. I don't know. No. When did you stop doing that? When you got married, like when you had a person there every night. When she she was like a consistent girlfriend when she started spending the night and stuff like that i was like i'm gonna keep you guys in the closet do you still have them oh yeah you do yeah you didn't have a talk with them and let them go and donate them or anything like toy story no i think they're in my son's room now you gotta pass that fucking anxiety on yeah they're out like displayed yeah that's pretty well that's

that's a good that's a good full circle yeah i'll tell you that's a good full circle i will yeah uh jeremiah walkins thank you very much for coming on here and and letting us laugh at your low lights um you certainly have some really that those are that's they make my skin crawl oh dude some the the entries are so cringeworthy because they're just so raw and like i said i haven't read these in years since i wrote it so it's very much like where i was at that place and at that time in my life you still seeing what the fuss is all about you see oh i love the fuss yeah hell yeah um promote whatever you'd like again please check out my new series stand up on the spot which our buddy it's a great ryan sickler was a part of he crushed his set it's so fun to riff with you after you're set i love that show you've

been letting me do that for years good for you for putting it out there yeah and i'll keep having you back i love having you on it and then um jeremiah wonders scissor bros at jeremiah stand up on all social media hon Honolulu, Hawaii. There it is. On July 10th, Napa, California. On July 8th, JeremiahWatkins.com. Jeremiah Standup on all social media. Boom.

Thank you again for real. And thank you all as well. Ryan Sickler on all social media. RyanSickler.com. Talk to you all next week. you