The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Joey Diaz -- 71

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is the one and only Joey Diaz! Joey returns with more of his life story. We begin February 1, 1984 when Joey leaves Colorado and returns to New Jersey. It was one of the toughest years of his life. I love Joey Diaz & I love Highlighting his Lowlights! There’s no one like him! Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel & be ready to watch The Dew there beginning June 1!

The biggest team on the planet, Kong, Godzilla, needs to be seen on the big screen. We're teaming up! GodzillaCon The New Empire. See it in IMAX and in theaters on March 29th. You're listening to The Honeydew y'all we're over here studio jeans doing it at your mom's house i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com is the website uh first of all i want to say i did something i never do or i rarely do I dipped into the comments last week to see you all shit on my hair and you guys were so fucking nice. I couldn't believe how kind you were. And I went and took some clippers on this and just trimmed it up a little bit and I'm going

to grow back. I'll find a happy medium. I appreciate y'all liking that long hair. Um, go sign up for the newsletter and the big news. if you're just hearing it now, we are moving the honeydew video. The only thing that's changing is the video. Everything's still the same. You're going to get audio Monday, video Tuesday. It's just going to be on my YouTube channel. So go now, subscribe to my YouTube channel. There's a link in the comments or, excuse me, in the description below this video here. My YouTube is youtube.com rsickler, youtube.com slash rsickler. Go sign up now, subscribe so that you're ready. June 1st, the audio will hit and Tuesday the 2nd, I believe it is, the video will go up

on my page. Make sure you're ready for that. Get over there. There'll also be at the end of this episode a link to subscribe as well. And I can't thank you all enough for supporting me and my family right now. We can't get out there and work. You guys are

buying the shit out of these hoodies. These fucking night pants. Look at these night pants. Y'all are killing it. Part of Night Pants Nation. I appreciate y'all being comfortable during all this uh and the patreon is coming that'll be coming when we get to the new studio as well called the honeydew with y'all send in your stories i want to talk to you guys out there you can email me at ryan at

ryan sickler.com and uh go to the merch store if you haven't got your night pants yet all of it is at ryan sickler.com the website for this show is the honeydewpodcast.com and if you're new to the show what we do over here is we highlight the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and ladies and gentlemen today the saga continues again it is a pleasure to bring back my man joey diaz, everybody. He is back. What's happening? Fucking pandemic. I love that you have the mask on. They can't stop us. They can't stop us.

We're deemed essential. Yeah. We have been deemed essential. No, no, no. I knew when this went down, I didn't mind the stand-up going down. I didn't mind not going on planes. But I couldn't see stopping the podcast. I even went to Zoom finally.

You did? Yeah. I started interviewing my friends from high school on Zoom. Yeah. Because just to dip to a different guest pool. Sure. Just, you know, a lot of people are still very shaky about it. But we're here.

We're queer. You know what I'm saying? Get used to it. So when we ended last We were coming up on February It was February February 1984 It's weird

If anybody knows It's going through this pandemic I call everybody who's single Everybody who lives by themselves I make sure I call them And check in with them every day. And I ask them specifically, how are you doing? Do you need something? And do you need a meal?

And I do it. I was doing it anyway as a gentleman, but when the pandemic started, when my wife would go to bed at night, that's when my night would start. I would take an edible. I do a few bong hits. I get away from the TV. I go in bed at night. That's when my night would start. I would take an edible, I'd do a few bong hits, I'd get away from the TV,

I'd go in the back room. And no matter what I was trying to do in the back room, the walls were closing on me. I mean, we're comics. I've been going out every night since I was 14 years old. And now for the first time in my life since March 7th,

I've been in this house. I got no qualms with it. I really don't. I love my wife more than I ever loved a kid. It's those last three to four hours at night that really give me a psychological beating. And on March 23rd, I pretty much had a nervous breakdown where I was out.

I was on the floor, body sweats, you know, the whole fucking thing. And I had to get up and go inside and wake my wife up and tell her what I was going through. And she was like, that's, you know, this whole thing, this pandemic got into your psyche. You start having weird dreams and people having more vivid dreams. Vivid dreams.

Anyway, the point of the story that the fucking mental whatever came about, the mental breakdown came about from this part in my life. 1984 was the toughest year of my life ever because I had to come to a reality. And it all started when I was living in Colorado in January. All right, so you're in Colorado in January. How old were you in 84? I'm 21 years old, and I had just botched a jewelry heist. Was this with the ladies, the old ladies that you would take the watches and shit from? No, no, this is a jewelry store in snowmass village okay i had i had created you know snowmass villages is a village yeah and

all of a sudden there's burglaries in the village so it moves fast people knew it and then but i was hitting drug dealers so it really wasn't getting out there as much but inside is why people and then i won that i had three drinks on Christmas Eve, and I fucking just destroyed the mall. I broke into three malls. What do you mean? It was terrible. I broke into three businesses in the mall.

Like the mall, you got into the mall? The mall's an outdoor mall. Oh, okay. I just went to the doors and ripped them off the fucking hinges and went in and took whatever was in the register 88 bucks because I was a jerk off you know and then I had calmed down for a while

that really alerted the cops somebody broke into three businesses on Christmas Eve what type of person breaks into a business on Christmas Eve this is where my head was and it was every time i drank southern comfort orange juice it made me steal

every time i drank southern comfort orange juice i three or four of those i'm like i gotta go rob somebody and i would just walk around the mall and you know they had all these like ski people would leave skis out i clipped the skis yeah oh yeah i was just sure i was just on a fucking thief roll you know and then i said let me calm down i think i did one more drug one in aspen to get me out of snowman's village but this jewelry store was so fucking appealing i mean it just, they didn't put anything in the safe at night. When you go into a jewelry store, they take everything at night and put it into a safe. This guy would just leave it out in the glass. So I kept walking by, and I'm like, one day I'm going to break into this fucking place. Is it part of the outdoor mall?

It's part of the outdoor mall upstairs next to a place that was called a cheese shop that I had robbed twice. Right? Like, I robbed them Memorial, Labor Day weekend. I robbed them for like 18. You loved the holidays, huh? Labor Day weekend. I was walking around. Everybody's by the pool in front of me.

And I'm walking around the mall looking for something to eat. And there's a back balcony where people go smoke. And I'm walking on the back balcony smoking a joint. And I go, you know what? I'd go for a cheese sandwich. I like grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup. So I go for the door and the door's open. Hello?

Anybody in here? Nothing. But the office door was wide open and there was a deposit bag. You couldn't write this. I mean. You couldn't write this. Even I probably would grab that. Yeah, any fucking moron. If you're going to be that stupid, I'm going to rob you this. I mean. You couldn't write this. Even I probably would grab that. Yeah, any fucking moron.

If you're going to be that stupid, I'm going to rob you. So I went. I put it under my jacket. I stayed up there, talked to people with the fucking deposit bag. You didn't just get out? No, no. I hid it right in my pants. It would stick like a little bulge.

I had like a little belly. I didn't talk to anybody. I was watching them playing like, what is that, volleyball, the girls. And I went home, and the next day it was like, know two g's i went and bought a stereo a cassette deck an amplifier and two of the best speakers and the first two albums i bought was the first madonna album burning up for your love and i bought like judas that's all they had. The selection was small in Aspen. So this January, I decided to, I said, you know what? I've been here for half, I've been here for 10 months. I would call home every week.

My friends are stabbing people, doing eight balls, having orgies. You're getting homesick. And here I am in the fucking mountains of Colorado with a bunch of white people who think skiing is, and I like skiing. I was into skiing then but it just wasn't i was 22 21 so i got a plane ticket to go back to new jersey on february 1st 1984 and i was coming back february 20th 1984 i was going to celebrate my 22nd birthday in New Jersey. That was the plan. I probably had about, I had a block of hash that I stole. I had probably two ounces of Coke. I probably had, I don't know how much cash I had from all the robberies. I had it hidden in a condo.

I had it hidden in a condo. I had it hidden in a condo. So when I went to break into the jewelry store and it fell through, now it alerted everybody. And the cops, me being the idiot that I am, I did it during a snowstorm, but they followed my footsteps to my door and they said, have you been out

and I go, no. And they go, why is there snow on your boots? And I go, oh, I went next door. And the guy's like, oh, okay. So they had me, but they didn't press charges. So before they can press charges, I got the fuck out of there. So I did the jewelry store, like, maybe January 18th. After that, there was some unsettlement up there.

And before they even could do anything, I was on a plane. With the intention of coming back but with the slight intention of never getting on the fucking plane again and just going back yeah all i needed was a fucking excuse i land in north i land in newark airport now did you fly with the hash and the coke everything and i flew and i flew next to this. I'll never forget this. I put it in my luggage. Right in the luggage? This is where it gets crazy.

This is where it gets crazy. This is where it gets crazy. I took a flight from fucking Denver to, like I said, I was nothing. Everything was to go in my world then. You better put super glue on your shit and you know nobody admits that you know i love when people send me posts for reddits and i'm telling lies nobody would have lit up why would i lie about being a piece of shit if you're gonna lie lie about hanging out with noriega and getting your dicks up and putting coke rocks up your asshole with you know nobody's gonna lie about being a lie about stealing five thousand dollars for the jewelry i was gonna lie about being a piece of shit people usually lie not to

be a piece of right exactly so nothing was safe around me in those days nothing i love you said you told that story about stealing from the neighbor. Like, I don't know who took it. We're going to find that son of a bitch. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's you the whole time. Oh, yeah.

I'm the type of guy that I'll go there the next day. Even though you know it's me 90%, I will talk you out of it. That's why I could have been a great attorney. Because I always lift a shadow of a doubt. I always leave you going. That's all you need. We'll get to one of those stories because that happened in 84. I got a guy with a shadow of a doubt. I always leave you going. That's all you need. We'll get to one of those stories because that happened in 84. I got a guy with a shadow of a doubt.

I set him up perfectly. So I get back, I get on the plane, and I'm sitting next to this guy in fatigue. Now, is it a carry-on you throw this shit in? No, I check it. You're checking it with coke and everything? In those days, forget about what came later. There was a time in 87 where I was checking 10 guns.

With fucking with panties and then checking them and then coming back with the coke. Two ounces of coke and a fucking block of hash. That ain't nothing in my world. This is pre-TSA. This is 1984. Pre-nothing.

Nobody gave a fuck what you did you could still smoke on the back of the plane so I get in the back of the plane I didn't know this I rode 22D and the planes were empty those days it was me with a middle seat open next to a fucking army kid with fatigues

and I start talking to the kid where you from and finally the kid goes man I could really feel like smoking pot I go you know what so could I we're on a plane and I never forget I had a wooden pipe I filled it up with pot

and I lit that motherfucker up in the seat like we own it 22D me and the soldier we're getting high, and finally the fucking pilot gets on. He's like, I don't know what's going on in this plane. Stewardesses are reporting the error,

but you couldn't tell because everybody was smoking cigarettes. So we're reporting the smell of marijuana, blah, blah, blah. I get up. I'm stashing the pipe. When I go to stash the pipe in the men's bathroom like in the bathroom the stewardess left her purse on the thing so i just take the wallet i take the cash out of the wallet like 300 and i throw the wallet in the woman's bathroom and i'm just sitting there now that beep we don't know what's going on in this flight. First, somebody's smoking pot. Now the stewardess' wallet is missing and all this shit.

Oh, it was hysterical. Joey Diaz Airlines. So I land in Newark. I land in Newark. My homies are there. And the stewardess is crying. Now I feel guilty. She's like, I was going to go to whatever.

Fuck you. You weren't going nowhere. Storys is crying. Now I feel guilty. She's like, I was going to go to whatever. Fuck you. You weren't going nowhere. You're going back to Denver on the return flight. He's going back to Denver. It's all over. God help me, please. So I get off the fucking plane. My buddies are there waiting for me.

They're nuttier than ever. They are out of control, they are, like, it's like when you stop doing, like, if you ever go to AA, or you go to a rehab, they tell you just because you're clean, doesn't mean your addiction is still growing, when I got back, these guys had, when we left, we were doing half grams, you know, go home by 2. They had passed that stage in those 10 months that I was gone. They were leaving their houses on Friday and not coming back until Monday. That was the status quo.

Just bring comfortable clothes with you because we're going on a mission, you know. Yeah. I get off the plane. They get me in the car. And we're smoking joints. We're doing bumps. It's 2 in the afternoon. I get in like at 2 in the afternoon. And right away they said to me,

have you seen this movie called Scarface? And I go, no. And right there they went right to Seaclub. We didn't go home and unpack. Just drove to the theater. We were like six of us. Went to the 2 o'clock matinee. I'll tell you how packed it was. We couldn't even go home and unpack. Just drove to the theater. Like six of us. Went to the 2 o'clock matinee. I'll tell you how packed it was.

We couldn't sit together. And if you know anything about Scarface, Scarface came out December 25th. It was a Christmas movie. Nobody knows that. Nobody knows that. The day after you're breaking in the mall. Nobody knows that. Where I lived, that movie hadn't hit yet.

Scarface is only out in select theaters. That was a Christmas movie? That was a Christmas movie, 83. And it came out to mixed reviews. People were walking out at the fucking premiere. They interviewed the chick from Dynasty. She's like, this is the worst girl I've ever seen. But it had a cult following.

And it took off towards the end. In November, it was still in the movie theaters. And here it is, 2 o'clock, and we're sitting apart. We were blown away. Everybody in that movie theater was blown away. When he chops that guy's arm the first time, the movie theater, I mean, there was a breath. Like, you could hear the whole movie theater go,

like, it was just fucking marvelous. So from there there we went i stayed with a girl and her family and it was just going to be a party for two weeks that was everybody knew i was in town get the coke ready get the quaaludes ready it's going to be a party and that's exactly what it became i stayed with this girl and her family and then her brother sold coke he's a he's a trooper now in San Diego. He used to sell Coke. One night I got into the bag, and I stole a gram, and he accused me,

and me and him got into an argument, and then they asked me to leave. So I stayed with another friend of mine, and they just happened to sell Coke. So I was in heaven. I lived with this family called the DeLorenzos. But what happened, let's get to we did the party and and my entire, like I sold the block of hash, I had a bunch of jewelry

that I had stolen in Colorado that I got rid of. So I had all this cash. So I go, what the fuck am I going to do? I go, I'm not going to stay here with these guys. I mean the first two weeks I was there, we didn't the earliest we went home was six in the morning. These guys were at it. No jobs. They weren't stealing. They were just hustling, you know, selling an ounce of Coke here. By that time,

it had blown up. Cocaine was something different now. So after the two-week party, I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do. How can I leave this? And there was this girl. There's always a girl. Always a girl. And I always had a crush on her, and it just so happened her and her boyfriend broke up. And I went. I was supposed to leave at 7 a.m. from Newark, and my birthday, I think, felt like on a Sunday night or something.

We went hard. We started in the afternoon. People were sweating. You know, we were doing coke. And that song came on by Shannon, Let the Music Play. Let the music play. Right? Don't get away.

It's 4 in the morning. I love that you know it, Shannon. Oh, it's 4 in the morning. I love that you know it, shit. Oh, it's 4 in the morning. I'm packed. The plan was to party and then drive me to the airport. And that's it. I'm going back. I was taking classes at Colorado Mountain College.

I had a fucking job as an electrician's apprentice. I had a pretty good apartment. If I could just stop fucking stealing. I would do coke once a week then on Friday nights I'd get a gram of coke they did not know I did coke the people in Snowmass Village I put it out there

I was just a pothead I told them the coke was from my roommate that nobody saw so when I would buy coke it was always from my roommate nobody ever saw me do a line of coke that's why none of the drug dealers ever accused me. Because everybody knew I was a muscle guy.

I lifted weights. I hit the bag, and I fucking did smoke pop. So that's why nobody really suspected me. So that night at 4 in the morning, we were in my friend Devo's house. We called him Devo because he had a fucked up head dude he had a basement he had a basement and we used to get down in that basement like just get down I still remember waking up and seeing like 20 upside down gram bottles as they opened because this dealer would sell it to us in little bottles with a spoon.

They used to come with a spoon, but he would just sell you the bottle. And I still remember waking up on his couch one day and seeing 20 bottles upside down. And that was the first time we were free-based cocaine. We went and bought a free-based kit. Jesus. At a place called, oh, my God, it's a store. It's still there in Union City on 48th Street. It's a head shop. They had a free base kit

for $50. I'm like, I don't know if I should pay $50 for this. That's a half a gram of coke. Should I buy the half a gram or should I buy the kit? The kit was basically a blowtorch, a silk sock, a fucking, you know. Scotch tape

together. Oh my god. So that night I'm looking at this girl that I have a crush on and she's dancing to this song. And right there I'm like, how the fuck can I go back to Colorado? Like, I'm not cut out to be one of my lumberjacks. I got to stay here. These people need me. Need me.

You know, this is what's going on. I'm 22. I'm living on a fucking mountain with a bunch of people. Go see live music on Friday nights. The worst band in the world. And they're all yelling, put on Skinhead. It was a nightmare. I don't want to live in that. Nice people. Nothing against that life.

I just wasn't ready for that life. Sure. So I fucking called my roommate in the morning. I said, listen, I'm sorry. I'm not coming back. He goes, I already knew that. I put some guy in here already. You fucking scumbag.

He loved me. Me and him, he died about eight years ago. And I still have his number in my phone. Do you? Yeah, he's my brother. He was my brother. So I, you know, the party eventually stopped. Now I'm staying here. What am I going to do? I can't stay with my friend Deja anymore. So I had

this family called the DeLorenzos. I knew him for years. I would walk in the house and call her mom and open up the refrigerator and they were like, why don't you just stay here, you know. So I had to sleep with two other guys on a bed. The family had three boys. Chris was the drug dealer. Kurt was the one that was my age that we lifted weights together and ate Quaaludes and went to concerts together. But they had a brother, Bonehead. He was the oldest one.

But he was a functioning super addict he was a functioning addict he uh he shot heroin damn but he was a plumber so he hired me and my friend stinky that was my first job he's like what are you gonna do all that oh no he goes you might as well work with me so we would go seal toilets stuff like that but our main job was to get him beer and then at lunchtime no matter where we were we would go to McSally's Alehouse by Washington Square Park and we'd sit there and we'd have a bowl of chili they'd give you three mugs of beer for a dollar and in the middle he'd go you guys want anything now we weren't really even supposed to be, like,

it was the fucking weirdest thing. I had known I grew up with Bonehead. So I'd been copping heroin with him for years. I would take a ride with him whenever because I would go to Kurt's house to eat dinner. And then I would go, what are you guys gonna do? And Kurt's like, I'm gonna meet my girlfriend. Chris was too cool to hang out with me.

But Bonehead would go, I'm taking a ride. You want to take a ride? And we'd go into like the fucking deepest corners of Brooklyn to get heroin. He would always buy me like pills. Hey, take this pill with this pill. Don't worry about it. You're going to feel great. And then I would give him like, in those days when we would go to McSorley's,

it was eight volumes for ten dollars so i would buy volumes for the week i would take a valium with an amaretto and milk at night and pass out during the week so his family was all connected so they got me a job with the electricals union as a warehouse dude i went to hoboken first tried to be an electrician they want to pay me to go into crawl spaces. So I went to her and she's like, I'm the fucking whatever, the electrician's unit. I get you into the warehouse as a stockman.

So she got me a job over there. I stayed with them. Fucking just worked for the weekend basically like any other 22-year-old. You work all week. During the week me and my buddies would take rides and smoke joints. And I took this job in the daytime.

And I was doing okay. That girl, I hooked up with her. We would hold hands every night and walk around the lake and rent the hotel room and fuck from time to time whenever I had the extra $30. I was living like every other working stiff, you know? And then another buddy of mine came at me and said, a great friend of mine that his parents just died during this corona thing,

we're still friends. He came because I hung out with his younger brother. And me and his younger brother, when we were in high school, we were stealing so much that we were giving him money. Keith was in college at Rutgers. So we would help him out from time to time. He got out and got a job at the Sheridan Center in New York City on 52nd and 7th. And one day he just called me, and he goes,

Hey, dog, I got a job for you. You want to bartend for $12.52 an hour? It's a union bartending job. Damn. Absolutely. So I went there. I filled out the application. They go, you got the job, but you have to go across the street to the American Bartenders Institute.

So I went to bartending school. So for all you losers who went to bartending school and didn't do anything with it, you got hope. I went to bartending school, right, for two weeks, fucking 6 to 10 o'clock at night mixing drinks and shit. Then they promoted me to a bartender. I became a bartender, so I had two jobs. And they were a union, huh? They were a union. I never even heard of that.

And I jumped on the, what's the ones when you do the conference ones? When you're a regular bartender in the city, it's, this is 1983. Oh, when you go do like the private events and stuff. In the building? Yeah. When they had the private? Catering. Get more money. This is 1983. Oh, when you go do the private events and stuff. In the building, when they had the private, catering. Catering was $17.25 an hour. Four hours paid you whatever, and they always had an hour for overtime. So even if you worked three hours,

you got paid for five. So I signed up for all. You know me, I'm a fucking hustler. I was broke. I'm a hustler. I'm fucking catering. I'm fucking bartending. I got this. I'm a hustler. I'm fucking catering. I'm fucking bartending. I got this daytime job as an electrician's warehouse,

and I'm banging this girl. And I'm living at Kurt's house. I'm giving the grocery money to Mother. I get along with everybody. I'm doing blow. I'm fucking eating good, you know. No drug addiction yet. No nothing then.

I was still on the up and up. I was still a dirty thief, but I had it under control, I was going to give myself a second chance, I really was, I was like, man, I'm doing great, I'm bartending, I'm fucking doing this, but what do you do when you're 22, and you got 250 cash in your pocket, at one in the morning in New York City. I would be let loose into 52nd and 7th, the heart of Manhattan, set loose at 1.15 a.m. with 200 in my pocket,

and if the busboy brought me a gram of blow. That was me every night. So for like the first month or two, I had to go to work at 7. So I would just take the train home, the bus home, like a fucking half a bag. Finally, I said, fuck this shit. Let me go see what the New York has to offer. New York was a complete different city. You walked into bars.

People had cocaine on the table. I was saying the 80s, it was probably crazy. It was fucking insane. And I'm like, what the fuck? And then I'm taking, you know, I'm going out like Tuesday nights. Like one night a week I would go out and just have a beer and maybe talk to people. That turned into fucking, like I would get off at 1 and take the bus over and catch the last call in Jersey. And I'd see my friends. There'd be 50 of them doing blah, and then we'd go to a place called the Coat Factory, behind the Coat Factory,

and we'd stay there till six o'clock, and after a couple months, I'm like, why am I taking this day job, you know, I got this fucking day job, so I quit the fucking day job, then the DeLorenzo's asked me, they said, listen, Mr. DeLorenzo's getting upset with you. Because we had turned the DeLorenzo house into a circus. The DeLorenzo house was a circus. It was a beautiful three-storied house. The deaf grandmother lived downstairs. That's where all the coke and the scales were.

Everything was hidden in the grandma's apartment. So if the cops came in, everything was downstairs. Kilos. Now the grandmother everything was downstairs. Kilos. Now the grandma. Kilos. Kilos. Did she know? Not a clue.

There's kilos and scales and shit in her house. As long as you gambled for her, as long as you bought her a lotto ticket and put her Brooklyn number in, she didn't care what you did in that basement. She would just sit there and watch soap operas and we'd be wearing fucking coke behind the cursing saying fucking racial slurs and shit she didn't give a fuck and we could smoke dope in front of her because she couldn't smell it she'd have a

sense of smell so we'd be weighing got two senses down yeah so me kurt and chrissy would be weighing fucking coke and fucking grandma would be sitting there, and then the mother would call for it. The mother and father knew that their two kids were drug dealers. They just didn't want to know. They just didn't want to know. And Bonehead had the hottest bitch in the world. Her name was Donna Chinsoon. She was half Irish, half Chinese, Hunan pussy even back then.

Bitch was 5'11". What do you want to do with little Chinese eyes, but Irish looking, white skin? Fucking, she'd eat up Lucy Liu. Give me any fucking Chinese woman today, she'd eat her up, even back then. I just tried to friend her on Facebook. She won't be my friend.

And she still looks good Because her and Chrissy Her and Chrissy would do Fucking heroin And pass out in the living room naked And I'd wake up in the morning I'd be making like an English muffin And I'd look in the bathroom

And I'd see her and she was tall and thin So when a girl's like 5'11 and skinny They have that heavy pussy. It's like a 60-pound piece of meat between their legs. And she had a little hair around it. And I would just walk up to her and eat my English muffin. And I would just sit there and look at her pussy. You know how people watch the news?

They watch the news. It looked like a little cupcake. It looked like a little cupcake. It was like a little cupcake that you wanted to squeeze her pussy. She had the best looking pussy I ever saw in my life. And I swear to my daughter, Mercy, I never touched it. I just sat two feet from it. I did try to smell it from time to time.

Like, I would just, like, hopefully have, like, you know. It wasn't social distancing. You know what I'm saying? Not back then. Not back then. So it was, like, two feet away what I'm saying? Not back then. Not back then. So it was like two feet away. I'm trying to get a whiff of a snatch. So Bonehead, if he wasn't with her, he would just do heroin every night.

Oh, man. So the final decision, like, they came to me and they're like, Mr. DiLorenzo, just feel good. And I love Mr. DiLorenzo. He loved me. But there was just too many people in that house. There was always 20 kids in that house. That was the house.

I still remember helping them sell Coke on Friday. They lived on the bottom of 88th Street Park. And there was a line going all the way, like, in and out, Berger. And Kurt would be outside because he was a big kid, like, built with a wife beater and a gold bracelet on. Just slinging fucking grams and eight balls. And he'd be giving me the money i'd be running it in it was a fucking like a coke factory so the thing that broke the camel's back was we're all sleeping one night and emil comes home on heroin unbeknownst to me, I was asleep. And he decides to take the fryers on the heroin.

You know the fryers that you put wings in? Oh, just a regular fryer, yeah. You put the lid on them. Now, think of the ones from the 80s. They weren't too safe. No. He puts wings in and closes the fryer. And I don't know nothing about this.

So you got to listen to my story here, people. I'm asleep in the bedroom with Kurt and the dog. They had a pit bull. And he was sleeping in the middle between me and Kurt. Try to move that motherfucker. Yeah, I've had, yeah. His name was, oh, my God. You know how he died?

He bit into a refrigerator cord and he got electrocuted. No. He just popped up in the air. Topaz. They were making him snort gunpowder and shit. This motherfucker, he had no future. I felt so bad for Topaz. They were shooting steroids

in him, giving him blow. This guy bit the fucking refrigerator thing and just went up like a fuck. No pass. It was like something about Mary. Remember when we had to bring the dog back like that? Yeah.

So one night, Chris puts the fries in the fucking container, puts the lid down. He's on heroin. He goes to the living room. He puts on the TV and he sits in his father's chair. I don't know nothing. All I know is I hear ambulances and fire trucks. Like I just heard sirens. I personally thought we were getting raided.

It was 6, 6.30, 7 in the morning. And all of a sudden you hear, fire, fire, get out of the house. So I get up, I got like, thank God I had sweatpants on and socks and like a t-shirt and I'm like, what's going on? And they're like, the kitchen's on fire. So we have to go through the, through

grandmas and come out to the garage. So nobody knows nothing. We grab Kurt, the father, the mother, and we run downstairs and get the grandmother, and we run outside, and then you could see the kitchen on fire. Literally, you could see the fire. The fire department had to go over the kitchen

and hit the fucking roof to let the heat out. So finally we're outside, and they're like, who the fuck, what happened? And people were like, we don't know, I mean, the fire trucks had come, noise, all this shit,

and all of a sudden, the mother goes, where the fuck is Amy, they run in the house, oh my God, Amy, are we running in the house, there's Amy on the couch,

passed out, and they wake him up, and he's like, what, what, are my french fries ready, I swear to God, french fries, yeah, they're right up and he's like, what? What? Are my french fries ready? I swear to God. French fries.

The fire department came. They broke the roof. Fucking people running for their lives. And this guy didn't hear a thing. That's what heroin will do. He had been asleep for like four fucking hours. So after that, Mr. DiLorenzo was like, you gotta go. This is just too much.

You guys are just fucking crazy. So I packed my bags and i got an apartment on 47th and north bergen like this one bedroom studio 400 a month i moved in may 1st maybe april 1st yeah february march yeah april 1st was like a month and a half i stayed with the deLaRenzo's everything started off great you know I had my two little jobs I had my little girlfriend I had two nights off Sundays and Mondays and guess what I did I got a job bartending on Mondays for the extra 300 bucks it was uh vodka bluebird night vodka and Bluebird orange juice. Those little orange juices in a can. Tastes tremendous.

$2 a piece. Fucking 90 people coming. I'd make money on Monday nights. It was great. I had this, that's the beginnings of the cocaine though. That's when it was really, at that time, it was starting to get heavy. That's when people were coming up to you and going, Ryan Sickler, you do coke?

And you're like, yeah, I do coke. Just straight up asking. Do you have friends that do coke? And you're like, yeah, maybe. Bert, I don't know. Who does coke? I don't know. Please, I'm not accusing Bert of doing coke.

For you people who take everything literally. I'm just saying that. If somebody came to, maybe Diaz, maybe, I don't know, maybe a couple people, but I don't know who it is. So if you told that to people in the 80s, they would go, okay, hold on, I'll be right back. I swear to God. And they'd come back and give you like four ounces of Coke and go,

I'll come back next week, see what you can do with it. Damn. Because it had become so, like in 83 it was still by 84 everybody had it. I mean I've watched the documentaries of like cocaine cowboys and Studio 54 I mean it was every they were dropping it on

the beaches and just leaving it on the beaches you could walk up and grab it. It's amazing it's something that you cannot I saw the growth it's like the growth we saw with medical marijuana in California. I saw the growth. And you started hearing the stories. Bro, fucking sick.

That motherfucker's crazy. He ran to the hotel Friday night. We stayed there till Sunday. Everybody fucked his girlfriend. I mean, it was like shit like that. I'm like, where the fuck am I hanging out? Here I am with this broad drinking Harvey's Bristol cream. But Harvey's Bristol cream was like liquid Viagra.

Because whenever I did coke, my dick would get hard. It would come once, and then it would take a while, but then it would give you fire. It was nothing but fucking Iron Man dick after that. Iron Man dick. But with the Harvey's Bristol cream, it would give you fire. It was nothing but fucking Iron Man dick after that. Iron Man dick. But with the Harvey's Bristol Cream, it would never die. It would just shoot a load and stay at

attention. Harvey's had something in it, like Vialis something. Do they still sell that? Harvey's Bristol Cream. I'm going to go look for it the next time I'm allowed in the goddamn liquor store. It's an old booze shit. It sounds like it. So I get this apartment. And you know what, guys?

I'm making this money. I'm doing well. We figured out a way how to steal. The bartenders were stealing. And they were like, if you're not in on it, we'll get you fired. And what are you, skimming? You're skimming. Okay.

So there was a bartender there. I still remember his name, John Crespo. John Crespo taught me how to steal to proportions I never knew how to steal. But he stole like a gangster. Like what would he do? Like some of his stuff. What was his stuff? He would come in at 4.30 with me.

We'd work the happy hour, which is fucking people signing, you know, people checking in, people getting out of work. The Sheridan in those days had like a patio up front and people would just come in to drink and shit. And here you are banging them out. This is 83 and I'm banging you out

for seven to drink. 84. That was like big. You know, your neighborhood bar was $1.20 for a drink. Here you like big you know your neighborhood bar is a dollar 20 for a drink yeah here you are in the sheridan center paying seven dollars you know so they figured out a way on how to z app whatever you call it close the register and they would start all over again at 12 so they would the sheridan would only take what they made from 11.30 to 1. Right, got it. We made from 5 to 11.

We chopped up between the bartenders, so that was like 200 already. Then we'd chop up the tips, and that was like 150 already, and then we'd get something from room service, like 40 bucks. You're crazy when you're a kid. And what are you walking out with a night like that? I'm walking out of there with 253 bills a night. That is good.

And the concierge is like this dude that's like, dog, go down to this place tonight. Prince is performing. He's showing up at 2.30 in the morning. Like that was the shit New York was about back then. Dog, it's 1 o'clock. If you go over to the Village Gate, Eric Clapton's down there with fucking Jeff Beck doing a set. It was crazy.

It was a different time. I paid $15 to see Prince, Sheila E., and Nucleus. Damn. Jam on it. Jam on it. So we got to rush this up because this is getting good now. So now it took a couple weeks of that. You can only, when you're 22, you only have so much discipline.

Yes. It took a couple weeks of me really wanting to succeed before. My friends are having fun. They're staying out. Every time I see them, I mean, they're doing endless amounts of blow. So I started joining the club, you know. I got into it with them. And these are kids I had grown up with.

We would all go to this place in Jersey called the Midtown Lounge, and Tom and Corky's. There was a guy back then named Loco. He was Colombian. He wouldn't put his cocaine in aluminum foils. He put them in leafs to keep the moisture out. That's how ahead of the game he was. I still remember getting high with him for two days and him going,

you want to come down off the coke? Yeah. Give him an orange peel. And I would get an orange peel, suck the orange out, and suck on the skin. And that would bring you down? The enzymes. Vitamin C. Something does something to you.

That's how deep these guys were already but i was already involved i'm in and finally by june or mid-july i get suspended you know because i'm not showing into work i would take off at 10 like that's the world i was at you, I could only play it by their rules for a couple months. And then it was like, tell them I'm leaving at 10 tonight. But you can't. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to see fuck in this band. You know, I'm going to do this. You know, I just got sick and tired. So they finally suspended me. They gave me like a 30-day suspension. That was the worst worst and you could do it to me at that time the girl came to me

you know every girl in Jersey wants to break up June 15th for the summer every one of those dirty whores and they want to come back with chlamydia in September I miss you you just fucked 18 Puerto Ricans in Staten Island

now you want to come back to me in September and hold hands. Get the fuck out of here with your little hand job, Chinese hand. You know, it's the truth. Every girl, like every girl I grew up with wanted to break up with you June 15th. Oh, I think we should see other people. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to play this fucking game with you, man.

You're just a fucking, and now today we're best friends, Sarah and I. But at that time, I'm like, I'm not going to do this. You know, you want to see other people. I know what you're doing. You want to fuck your old boyfriend, you know? So take a hike, fuck it. And after that, I just went on a tail. I went on a tail with my buddies that you would start at eight o'clock at, and you'd be getting dropped off at 7. And then I didn't make rent in August, you know. But there was this one story I got to tell. There was this kid growing up, when I was growing up, that I wasn't really crazy about.

I met him, we got along, but he was a rich mafia kid. His father was in the mafia, left the mother, and just would buy him nice shit. And for some reason this kid thought he was a fucking mobster too. So one night the family I live with, Mike Runny, you couldn't mess with Mike. You still can't mess

with Mike. He's 58, he'll still light you up. I'll put him up against a lot of people. And he'll light him up just on, cause he's crazy. In high school he called the ref over one time and spit in his face. During a baseball game. I mean, that's it. We had a guy do that in soccer, and he got arrested on the field.

Oh, yeah. That's when I learned it was aggravated assault. I didn't know that. He called the guy over and spit right in his face. I didn't know that was an arrestable offense. It should be that. One time I took him to mug a guy. We used to mug these guys on Hudson County Park i took him to mug a guy we used to mug these guys on hudson county park yeah we used to mug these pedophiles in hudson county park that's fine that i'll never

forget we would just beat him up and he's like let's cut him he was chasing him with a knife because i i just want to cut somebody for three days he kept telling me i don't know why you didn't let me cut him i'm like dog we don't want to attract attention. We just want to take that money. We start cutting people. That's bad for business. No other fucking pedophiles are going to come down there to get their dick sucked. So I'm hanging out and I'm going off.

I'm just going off the radar. At that time, I had that lady that was still taking care of me, my mother's friend, Zoraida. I would visit her in the city. She'd give me a grandma blow every time I saw her, you know. And I don't know what got over me. But the first thing, the first beginning of that snap was this kid Perry.

My beef with him went back to 1980. He got into a fight with Mike Runny. It was cold out one night, and we had a garbage can with fire, and Mike threw a bottle in, and Perry made a smart remark. Don't make a remark around Mike Runny. I'm like Mike. Don't make no stupid remarks around us. Keep your mouth shut.

Mike lit him up, busted his face. There was blood all over his face. So when I told Mike that's the way to do it Perry saw me say that and he always had a little something for me he didn't want to really give it to me but so a year or two later I'm in the car with this Perry kid

in the back seat he had a Z28 and there was two guys in the front Perry and his buddy and me and two two guys in the front, Perry and his buddy, and me and two other guys in the back. Perry liked this girl. And one night he pulls up to this Hudson County Park and he sees the girl talking to this guy

named Rocco. Rocco owned the deli. He was like a fucking big guy up in Fayetteville. Sounds like a big guy. He pulls out of the car, Perry. He thought it was because his father was in the mafia. He slams the car door. He runs up to the kid. He's like, get the fuck away from her.

Guess what? This kid jumps up and starts giving him a beat. We all get out of the car. Now, where I'm from, if you're fighting Tom, it's you and Tom. If Bert jumps in, I got to jump on Bert. I'm fucking Bert up. I'm fucking Bert up. We're all standing there and it's a on bird. I'm fucking bird up. So, we're all standing there, and it's a fair fight.

You know, I aggressed at you. Now you're knocking me out. I can't get in. So, after the fight, he turned around, Perry, and he's like, fuck you motherfuckers. You're all a bunch of pussies. Nobody helped me. Perry, it was your beef.

Yeah. So, then I started hearing about it at school. Like, Perry's saying that you're a fucking pussy and I'm like I got him on there and I go Perry what's this shit and he goes well you didn't stick up for me I go Perry ask any of my friends if I don't stick up for them you aggressed at him

he fucked you up number one never fight over a piece of pussy that's rule number one don't fight over a piece of pussy I've known that for 20 fucking years if you gotta get into't fight over a piece of pussy. I've known that for 20 fucking years. If you got to get into an argument over a piece of pussy, you're with the wrong broad. If she sets you up or something at a bar,

you're fucking with the wrong broad. So you never get into a beef over a piece of pussy unless they rape. Then you take the gun and start shooting. I agree with you there. But don't get into a fight. So number one, you got to beating over a piece of pussy. So now you're fucking mad at me. So for years, he gave me the cold shoulder.

But he was also one of those geniuses that thought he was Scarface in 84. See, what happened was there were people, father teams, there were people who said, why do I have a fucking grocery store floor? My cousin Ryan Sickler is making $40,000 a weekend. He goes to Miami once a week, picks up an envelope. He brings it up on a plane. In those days, you could make $10,000 on a train. Coke dealers were looking for you to pick up Coke in Miami

and bring it back on the Amtrak. They weren't checking Amtrak yet. They still don't check Amtrak that much. I remember my friends telling me if you want to get the Coke, I know this guy who'll give you $2,000 a kilo. He'll give you 10 keys. You make $20,000. I still remember

talking to the guy that's dry cleaning. That was the big thing, was getting Coke up here in Amtrak and all this shit. I took weed on Amtrak. Still, I mean, forever. They don't check. All they come through is to check for your ticket. There was a few, you know, police sitting around talking to each other just in case

some shit went down, but they weren't being proactive. You know, they're just there in case something happens. Everybody's into cocaine. Perry gets into cocaine, but he had a retarded aunt that lived on the front floor, on the first floor.

That's where all the degenerates lived, on the first floor. So Perry's room was in the attic. But this is how good of a burglar I was. I waited. I'm walking around one day because that's what burglars, like right there I was walking around, I'm like, man, this is a tough time to be a burglar because everybody's fucking at home.

I'm walking around fucking huffing and puffing with the mask. But in my day, I used to walk around the neighborhood and people would come out and say, you lost? And I'd go, no, no, I'm just taking a shortcut. I'm going to the 101. They'd go, okay, and I was presentable, so they didn't know I was burglarized. But all I had to see was one thing wrong,

a window up, a car garage open, and a motorcycle in it, something. I was one of those fucking freaks. Nothing happens on the couch. Go for a walk. You'll find something to rob. If you go for a walk, eventually you'll bump into something to rob. A lady will be putting a grocery in the thing, and she runs in, and she leaves her purse open.

It's crazy. So I'm walking around North Bergen one day, and she runs in, and she leaves her purse open. It's crazy. So I'm walking around North Bergen one day, and I actually see Perry, and Perry worked for Hart's Mountain. Hart's Mountain was a construction company, not just a pet company. There are subdivisions on the East Coast, and his father got him a job since he was a mobster. It was like a union or something,

and Perry would come home every day to eat lunch and to do a bump or two and to roll a joint. So I actually saw this motherfucker coming out of his house and getting into his car. I'm like, let me hide. And I hid in his house. I only had a screen door. Since the retarded aunt was in the living room watching telenovelas all day in the kitchen, she could hear you. I opened up the door, walked in, went up to the attic, got the four ounces,

brought them downstairs, walked past her, and then I walked up the hill. I did the biggest move of my life because when I set you up, I would set you up. Is this the shadow of the doubt story you mentioned earlier? This is the shadow of the doubt story. You love them. There was a deli up the corner from everybody hung out at this deli. It was called Hashways. And everybody knew the kid was a town crier.

If you went into Hashways and you told them your business, he would put it up. So I specifically went Hashways and you told him your business, he would put it out. So I specifically went in there, got a sandwich on the arm, and asked him if I could borrow 20 because I needed to get home. Why would I borrow 20 if I had what I just stole from this idiot? I think he even had some cash, 800. I took the cash too. So I knew that Glenn was going to tell everybody that that day fucking Coco came in here took a sandwich on the arm But I gotta give him 20 off to get home. That was the type of guy he was but I wanted that I wanted him to say that so people knew I was broke

So sure enough Perry gets home CZ gets robbed gets in this, goes to Hashways and says, you seen Coco today? And Gunn's like, yeah, he was here before. I gave him $20 to go home. He had no money. So right away, Perry's like, wait a second, if he robbed me. So in that time, Perry had a motorcycle.

So I'm laying in my little apartment that I'm about to get evicted from because I hadn't paid the rent. I had like a prison cot. That's all I had in that apartment was a prison cot and a table, razor blades, and straws. That's it. I didn't even have a shower curtain in that house. I would take a shower

and the fucking floor would sink. The guy downstairs would come up and it's leaking again. I never even took the time to install a shower curtain in this fucking place. So I'm sitting on my bed. I already got the coke. I put it into packages. I did a couple of lines. I jerked off and I'm just coming down off this fucking lap. And I'm like, I'm waiting for this kid to come down and accuse me. But I lived on the first floor, and there were two windows,

and it was the summertime, so I had the air on, I had a fan on, and I had a little bit of a window open. It was humid, and I just all together, I'm sitting there, and sure enough, I'm looking, I'm laying there, and I see a shadow come up to the window, and I see two fingers come under the glass and start opening it up real slow. So I position myself outside the window over here

with the right hand. I'm in position to give you the right hand of life. Now, do you know who it is at this time? It's Perry. But, I mean, do you know that? Yes, I know it. I already knew what time it was. You're not worried about being robbed. He gets out of work at

4.30. He knew he got robbed at 4.38. He should be in hashquaze by 5.02. He should be coming over here by 5.15. I already know. Hey, bro, the smell of Ed Foo Young travels three feet per second. You know what I'm saying?

It's like one of my farts. It travels three feet per second. I knew this is how it was going to go down. I didn't have a phone in my house. I would have to walk to make pay phones, which I liked. I didn't want to ever be taped in those days. You're talking about coke and shit.

So sure enough, I see the window. I see his leg come through the window. And I'm standing right behind him. I see the leg come in. His back is towards me. He puts his second leg in. He closes the window and as he turns, he turns right to me and I fucking slam him right in the mouth.

Bah! What the fuck he doing in my house? He's on the floor. You robbed me. I go, what are you talking about? You robbed me. I'm telling you, you robbed me. So I go, fuck you, I didn't fucking rob you, he goes, my aunt saw who you were, get in the fucking car with me right now, or get on the bicycle with me right now,

and show proof to me that you didn't rob me, I go, first of all, I ain't got no motorcycle, I got my friend's car, I didn't rob nobody, Perry, I know you, how long, 10 fucking years I know you, So I was friends with Perry and a lot of Perry's mutual friends. They had grown up with him. But they were even a little weird about Perry. So what did I do? You know I'm a fucking genius.

I go up to his house. His grandmother, his aunt, whatever it is. I don't know. It could have been him. I only saw him as he was walking out. I go, Perry, what's the matter with you? I would never rob you. He's like, man, I know it's you. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Fuck you.

I can't believe you punched me in the face. I go, Perry, you were a burglar. You know, what the fuck? You're breaking into my home. So right from the pack, he goes, I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and I'll be talking to you in a couple of days, because that coke that he was selling, he goes, I'm going to get to the bottom of this and I'll be talking to you in a couple days because that coke that he was selling, he was selling for these two brothers that were crazy, that had fucked

over before. They weren't really crazy about me, but there was nothing they could do to me. I knew that if they ever crossed that line, they would get 20-fold. These kids were crazy, too. These were not the kids you burnt. Let me tell you how crazy they were. Their mother was dying of cancer

and they would steal her pills from her and sell them. They were called tumidols. No. The pills, the pain pills. That's how crazy. They went around. They used to shoot dogs and cats with BB guns. These are not the nicest people in the world. Yeah. So he

was like, I'm going to go talk to them to see what their solution was. But I had already robbed one of their drug dealers once before in 82. A different guy that still hates me until today.

I robbed him. So they're like, again he got to one of our guys? Well, guess what I did. So let's say I robbed Bert. Who's Bert going to call first?

Tom. Then you. Then Joe Rogan. I did something that nobody would ever think about. I went right from Perry's house in that car, and I went to all three guys he was going to call, and I go, what are we doing tonight? They're like, nothing. And I gave them all Coke, which made them my partners.

So all of a sudden, three or four of his childhood friends have his Coke. I never said where I got it from. I just gave them a gift and then left them. And Perry called all four of them and said, can you believe Coke will rob me? And they're like, what's snorting your Coke right now? We're partners.

So when I would rob you, I would make you a partner without even knowing and that you couldn't open your mouth because the coke was so good, I'd give you an eight ball. I'd give you like an eight ball. Well, what are you going to say? You know what I'm saying? But that was the beginning of my down slope, I mean, in the weirdest way. And I tell people, you know, we have a lot of death going on right now.

I told my friend the other day, when somebody dies, you feel shitty. You know, your mother or your dad, you feel shitty. And you feel shitty for about a year, then you start replacing stuff. But that doesn't mean you dealt with that death. That's right. That does not mean you dealt with that death. So my mother had been dead four years at this time. And all of a sudden, I just started getting these feelings.

I just started getting these weird feelings. So July passes. August comes along. And it's like August 9th. And I'm in a Cuban restaurant in Union City eating. And a guy comes up to me. He goes, you Dinora's son? I go, yeah. He goes, hold on. He gives me a note with a number, and he goes, Rodolfo

got out of jail. He wants you to call him. Rodolfo was like my godfather. This is my savior. You know, I mean, I was snorting coke. I had my life 50% together, but the emotional side was just, I lost my mother, man. I didn't get no Social Security. My stepdad threw me out of the house. I didn't have no place to live. He wouldn't help me. I'm not crying here.

I'm not crying. I deserve everything I got. But it was taking a toll on a 22-year-old kid. I needed love. I needed to be around some people. So what did I do? I got on a plane. I called Rodolfo and he's like, I'm out of jail. You know, Rodolfo was an interesting guy. My mother was his daughter's, my mother was his daughter's godmother.

Okay. And he grew up with my father in Cuba. So every summer from the time I was five to I was 12, I spent the summers in Miami with him. And he had three other kids, and they became my cousins, and we would ride bikes together. It was a lot better than spending the summer with my mom in Jersey. Plus, Rodolfo loved me. I was his best friend's son.

You know, he would tell me stories and blah, blah, blah. So when the opportunity came up i'm like this is what i was looking for i'm looking for this fucking home life you know he goes come on down and i still live in the same place 130th and 100th avenue in the falls he had fucking built that whole community because he had a construction company Rodolfo's, a little lesson for you guys. Rodolfo's, this is how my Uncle Rodolfo got popped. He used to buy property and then knock it down with, you know. I mean, I still remember being a kid and having like a.22,

and he would be on a bulldozer, and we would just be chopping down that part of Florida, and you'd see the alligators running. I'd be scared. Just lizards and snakes. By monkey jungle, if people are listening and know Miami, my godfather in the early 60s, early 70s, built all those houses. He would build one, and he would move into it.

They would build four more on the same block and they became model homes for his. So whenever people you know, he had intercoms in the wall. Great whole houses. But when he was building those houses he would target shoot. And one night

he was target shooting with a gun. And he was well known for bringing California from here to Miami in a trailer. I didn't find out until years later. And I guess on one of those trips he shot a guy. And he kept the gun. And he would target shoot. And one night when he was target shooting, a guy was walking his dog, and a bullet hit him in the leg like a mile away. Damn. They went to the hospital. The cops went over there.

They go, nobody could have shot you. Who could have shot you? Nobody lives around here except for that guy there. And they did like a thing, and they go, maybe he could have shot you. They went to his house. They asked him some questions. They figured out it was suspicious. They raided the house and they found the gun. And that gun was used in the murder in California. Oh, it was. In like 1958. So they threw him in jail from

76 in Atlanta at the federal facility to about 83. And that's when I hooked up when I'm 84. to about 83, and that's when I hooked up when I'm 84. So I take a plane right down to Miami, and I see him, and I cry. This guy was like a father to me. His wife was like she was at my mother's funeral. Rodolfo was still in jail. So that's it. I was going to make a new life in New Jersey, in Florida.

I got the family I need. But guess what? My cousins are snorting coke like fucking Al Pacino. Miami in the 80s, bro. I'm trying to live with them, and they're like, we're going out tonight. I'm like, where are you going? And they're like, we're buying an 8-ball.

And they took me to a guy's house who was like 60 in like a half a wheelchair. And he had a robe on. He had like a 20-year-old girl on the bed. The first night I went to cop with him. It was like mind-blowing. The guy was like a 70- wheelchair and he had a robe on he had like a 20 year old girl on the bed the first night i went to cop with them it was like mind-blowing the guy was like a 70 year old guy and he had a 20 year old girl from the bed they lived in a trailer and i'm like and he's like introducing me this is my cousin from new york i was like how you doing and also he gives my cousin a batch of coke and in spanish my cousin goes that means go ahead do a hit and the old guy goes i've been touching myself all day like that's that means touch yourself like that means touch it

and he said i've been hitting myself all day and the little girl was like 21 she had been sucking that 70 year old dick all day on coke the effects of cocaine were not settled in yet. Women were just sucking dick. It was brand new still. Women were losing teeth. You know, shit like that. So I'm down there for about a week. I'm helping with construction. I'm like, I'm going to get my

life together. He goes, hey, guess who's down here? Muñeco, another one of your mom's friends. He had it big as a drug dealer. He's got a furniture store for a cover. Let's go see him. So I go see him, and sure enough, on the way out, Muneco goes, can I have a word with you? And I go, yeah.

So when I was growing up, I hung out with Carmine Balzano, and he was really a cop he was a cop but he had connections to whatever I never knew if he did or he didn't but in my mom's head she had made it go like fucking Joe

like she told all her friends you know who's hooked up with the mafia Coco like he knows all those people in Jersey. His kids grew up with him. So my mom knew that I knew kids that had, like, so my mom would always, like, whenever I would come home, my mom would go, what'd the cop tell you today?

Anything good about us? And I'd go, Ma, knock it off. I'm not going to ask him for information about what he knows about bookmakers. You know what I'm saying? In Union City. I would never cross that line. I forgot what the fuck my point was. God damn it.

What were we talking about? You were, well. Who the fuck? No, I'll tell you. Hold on. You're down there working construction for a week. He said, talk to Coco. He knows all the mob people up in Jersey.

So Muneco pulls me aside one day. And he goes, can I talk to you for a second? He goes, I don't know if you know this. My son died. And I go, no. And he goes, he died up in Palisade Park with this white chick, and they put something in the cocaine, and he ended up dying of heroin. I want to know if you could get your people to kill that chick.

Oh, the girl? The girl. And I'm like, what? And he's like, I'll give you whatever you want. So right away my mind started running away with me. You know, and I'm like, okay, I'll talk to them. I wasn't going to talk to anybody. I don't know nobody who could kill somebody.

That was just a far fetched. Yeah. I didn't know anybody. But I told him I would. And he goes, what can I do for you? And I go, I don't know. And he goes, I can I do for you? And I go, I don't know. And he goes, I got this Coke. Do you do Coke?

And I'm like, no. I lied to him point blank range. I go, no. And he goes, oh, I got this fucking Coke. People are going crazy. I go, well, give me some. I got friends. I'll sell it.

And he was giving it to me for like 600 an ounce. And they would come in a, you know like when you give your girlfriend a medallion? They would come in that case with the medallion only underneath. And it was an ounce. So I took like 10 back and a fucking thing. Just got rid of them. I mean, I was making money. But I wasn't making money because I would sell six of them and then snort four of them

in a hotel with that crazy girl I was dating at the time that didn't know if she wanted to date me. All you got to do is call her with a fucking package. And a little hand would start going like this and you would 69 for two hours. I would eat so much pussy those days that I would get a blister under my tongue. I couldn't even talk. You eat that much pussy that you get a little blister like two little white things under your tongue you gotta like pop them

it's like half it's like a light corona it's like it's like what you had you saw hallucinations but you didn't end up on a fucking Vesperator or whatever the fuck they are so

you know, this went on, like, so, I was telling Rodolfo that I was going back to New York to get things done in my apartment, do you know what I'm saying, like, I'm just trying to close up my apartment, put stuff in storage, whatever, and I would basically fly up, like, on Sundays, I was still on suspension from on Sundays. I was still on suspension from that job. I was getting unemployment from the suspension and I was going back on Mondays, getting rid of 10 ounces, staying there till Wednesday till I came down and then I would fly back clear eyed so Redoubtful wouldn't see me. I did this for about three

or four weeks. I was starting to get ahead. I was putting away a little money to get an apartment in Miami. And one day, I was on their phone doing coke, and Vivian picked up the other line by mistake and listened to the conversation. And at dinner, she goes, you don't think I know what you've been doing?

You've been using us. Fucking do your criminal. These people, I love them more than anything in the world. I mean, I thought the world of them. I thought that I had a life with them as a fan, but I wasn't. And she's like, you've got to pack your bags and leave. I'm like, Vivian, I'm like a fucking son to you. And she's like, I haven't even told Rodolfo.

He'll put a bullet in you because he's on parole. And if he finds out you're moving coke out of here, I'm telling you, he'll break your head. And I could have ratted out the kids and shit. And I was like, okay. Yeah, that was back in the day when there was another phone in the house and you could quietly pick it up and listen in on the call. And she's like, I haven't told Rodolfo.

Get out and don't ever come back. How dare you sell cocaine in his house. She was like a college professor that specialized, and like her kids all went to like great schools. And she's like, I had high hopes for you. You always did

well, and this is what you were deemed to. She goes, get the fuck out of my house. I mean, I was heartbroken. I bet. And I just, and now I had to come back to North Bergen, and my friends were like, oh, Mr. Miami. You know, what the, you're not going to move down there now? And then I bumped into my godfather. Now, my godfather and me were very fucking tight.

Very tight. But also, since I didn't have to go back to Miami, I burnt that guy. Oh, yeah. go back to Miami, I burnt that guy. Oh, yeah. Muñeco, I burnt him, and he was a great guy. I knew him since I was a kid. I just never called him like the pussy that I was. And then, but I had a problem.

Muñeco was still good friends with Zoraida, the lady that was taking care of me. So I stopped calling her because I thought he called her to check up on me. Because there was one time he goes, take four extra ones and drop them off on Zoraida. And I go, you still talk to Zoraida? He goes, oh, she's one of my main distributors in New York.

And I'm like, fuck. So I stopped talking to Zoraida, Muneco, my uncle, and my aunt, and here's the, my mother's starting to come up, you know, like the pain from my mother, all the shit I had been sweeping under the carpet, all that pain, you know, now I got thrown out of an apartment in North Bergen, so I'm basically sleeping on floors, and I'm just getting into trouble, guys, you know, I'm robbing drug dealers, I'm teamed up with guys that look like fucking hell, you know, and I go, fuck this, let me call my uncle in California. I call my uncle here in California.

And he goes, I go, I want to, you know, I have to wait. You asked me if I wanted to move with you. And I think it's time the Olympics were going to be here for 84. And he goes, you know, it wouldn't be a bad idea. I could get your job working for the Olympics. And I go, I'll be there, you know, three days. I go, can you send me the 200 for the plane ticket? You know how long it took me to get here?

Like four weeks. Like the going away party? Oh, yeah. It was like four weeks. I was just such a dumb kid, you know. That's why when people tell me, I'm celebrating my 48th birthday, I want to smack them.

Because it's like me with all the going away part. Well, Coco's going away tomorrow. Let's get an answer. It was just pure stupidity. I think of that shit. So I come out to California. My uncle sends me the money. I call him.

I go, finally, I took care of all the paperwork. He goes, I'll be waiting for you at the airport. I fly out of here. This bitch ain't at the airport. I got $100 on me. Maybe a buck 20. Couple joints. You know.

I'm calling him all night. He don't pick me up. Finally, I'm at LAX. At 9 in the morning, I finally decide, let me take a cab. I go on the Yellow Pages to see where his restaurant was on Washington

and Vine. Is it Vineland? Whatever. Washington and where Koreatown is. Yeah, it's down there. Yeah, it's down the, it's like three miles down from Koreatown. So I didn't know this at the time. I get a cab, fucking

50 bucks. I'm down to 50 fucking bucks in a foreign fucking city. And I get to his restaurant, and it's 9 in the morning. It ain't open. It don't open until 5. Oh, shit. It's a dinner spot. The only good thing is it's a Mexican neighborhood.

But here I am dragging an army bag. It's fucking August 24th. Yeah. It's fucking 100 degrees, and I'm carrying an army bag. And finally, I see the restaurant opens. And it's two Mexicans. And it's like, we opened it at 5 for Lazaro. Lazaro doesn't come until later.

And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm calling his house. He's not answering. And finally, he pulls up. And I'm like, Unc, where the fuck you been? And he's like, what do you think? You're the only thing on my fucking dish? I'm like, oh oh This isn't good

Until the uncle I had that was always close To me that loved me around my mother Now I've become this fucking Scumbag you know and I'm like God damn it And he made me I thought I was going to stay at his house He made me stay above the bar In a space the size of that

I would turn the lights off and I could hear the rats running on the bed. And I'm like, can you lend me $50 to go buy clothes to interview? And he's like, it's all up to you. I can't do nothing for you. My uncle was just being really

weird. I didn't know what was going on with him. And I go, can I bartend in your bar one day? And he goes, I'll give you a shot. I didn't know what was going on with him. And I go, can I bartend in your bar one day? And he goes, I'll give you a shot. I had bartend. But for some reason, he had a few drinks on him and he was with a young girl and he started getting arrogant. He's like, he was telling me shit I shouldn't have known. He's like, you know, you're never really going to amount to nothing. You know, your mother and father, they didn't raise you right. Your genes were terrible. They introduced you to things that I wouldn't introduce you.

Your mother did a horrible job with you. And I'm like, you motherfucker. I go, you don't pay for this bar that you're running? My mother did. And that's why I came out, because I thought that he would go, hey, before your mother died, she gave me a lump sum of money. Let me give it back to you to help you out. I even said to michael

all i need is 1500 to get an apartment maybe a little car but there was no way to get around la in those days with the transit system it was horrible they just got the fucking train and to the west side a couple years i mean it was fucking terrible in 84 it was like anything else you had to take a cab if you want to go somewhere like that. We just, so I applied for a few jobs and then he, I was here for maybe four days and he goes, you know what? One of my bartenders quit for the weekend. I'll see how you bartend on Thursday. And if you're any good. And again, while I was bartending, he's saying shit to me and I'm like this motherfucker. And then he took me to breakfast and I asked him for money for something he goes I don't pay for because I go I need to buy some weed and he goes

I don't I don't pay for luxuries I only pay for necessities and all this shit he was just being a dick this is my last hope right I had no mother I had no father My fucking family in Miami Told me to fucking get the fuck out My fucking You know Muneco was another guy that would help me I gave him the finger I gave his rider the fucking finger And now I'm getting the finger

From the last guy I thought could help me And he's my fucking Mother's brother, her blood Who else won't help you? This guy's giving me a hard time. So Saturday morning I wake up and I'm like, and he starts on me already.

You know, you got like another week here that I'm about to kick you out because I don't want you around and all this shit. So that night he goes, you want to bartend in the afternoon? I go, yeah. As I'm bartending, I go, you know what? I'm going to

rob this guy. I'm going to do what I do best. So I'm a magician with money. You give me $20 for a beer, I'll put $20 in the register, give you change, but I'll take a $20 out and put it in my jacket.

I'd been doing that for years. So there was a little hole in the wall. So he was sitting right there. If he would catch me, I didn't want him to search me. So I would go over and put the money in the hole in the wall. And then I would put money in my sock, a little bit of money in the other sock. So he goes, go upstairs, take a shower, and get ready for the second, for the party at nine o'clock, and that's exactly what I did, and this was packed, so I'm robbing them left and right, I'm taking a lot of bills, I'm

sticking some in the walls, I'm sticking some in my fucking socks, and finally, it's three o'clock in the morning. We dibby out the tips. He pays me for the night and he's like, I'm not open tomorrow. So I don't know what you're going to do. You can't get out of the building. I couldn't open the door to get out. So he goes, you have to stay in all day on Sunday

and watch football. And he goes, there might be some food in the kitchen. You could eat it if you wanted, but you can't leave the building because the alarm will go off and i'm not coming here i think okay but i already had a plan i was going to take a cab down to lax and take the six o'clock in those days you could pay for the plane at the airport i used to go by my even in even when I came here for college in 94, I went to the airport and bought my ticket. So he closes up.

He goes, I'll see you tomorrow. I go, thank you for letting me work, you know, even though I was about to kick that door open, get the cab and get the fuck out of there. I run upstairs. I empty my socks. I got like 300 in this sock, 400 in this sock. You know, two in my pocket.

I'm packed. I'm ready to fucking go. I get everything. I walk down the stairs. I hear beep, beep from the cab. And as I go to open the door, the door opens. It's my uncle. Oh, shit.

And he goes, what the fuck are you doing? And I go, ah. And he goes, what the fuck are you doing? And I go, ah. And he goes, they start looking around. And I still had money in the wall that I was going to go grab. And he goes, what were you doing in the bar? And I go, I was just trying to get a study. He goes, no, you weren't. What the fuck were you doing?

And he's got the chick with him, this young girl. Now, I know my uncle's married, and he's got kids. And he's got this young chick with him, and it's 3 in the morning. This don't look too good. And I'm like, my mother would have not fucking gone for that shit at all. So he's like, what the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to rob me? And I go, no.

And all of a sudden, for some reason, he went right to that hole. And he saw like 500 in there. And he goes, you were trying to rob me, you piece of shit. And he pulls the gun out. Damn. And I go, what, bitch? And I pull my fucking.32 out. I go, you want to get down?

You want to get down? And he goes, I'm calling the police. I go, you call the police, I'll shoot you. And that's when he broke down. He's like, fuck you. You're going to shoot me, you motherfucker. I'll shoot you. And I go, I'll fucking shoot you.

And he could see it in my eyes. I wasn't fucking around. At that point, it was not good. My head was not in the right place. My mother, I wanted just to kill myself. I was missing her that much, I'll take you the fuck out, bitch, and then that's when he goes to me, he goes, I'm gonna be your fucking nephew, and you treat me like shit, and that's when he's like, you don't know what I'm

going through, he goes, that girl out there is pregnant with my kids, I gotta leave my wife for her, and all this shit, he goes, I've been lying to my wife. I can't have you here. He goes, I can't have you here. So I felt fucking terrible. My aunt didn't want me. Nobody fucking wanted me. My mother died. She didn't want me. I can't tell you what I was going through. So we just held it out like this

for ten minutes. Fuck you. Fuck you. Shoot, motherfucker. I'll shoot you. And finally the cab was like, will somebody please shoot somebody so I get the fuck out of here and I fucking he goes don't ever come here again

you're dead to me as my nephew and I go you're dead to me motherfucker and I got in that fucking cab ride and I remember like having the gun still in the cab. Aiming back up. And he took me to the airport. But I was so broken.

Like, I was broken. I was suicidal broken. Like, my next step is to go kill myself. So I jumped in another cab. I go, just take me to the cheapest hotel around. broken. Like my next step is to go kill myself. So I jumped in another cab and they go just take me to the cheapest hotel around. And he took me to somewhere like a Marina Del Rey, like this shitty fucking hotel. And I remember getting pizza and just crying. Like what am I going to do? And then, uh, I got my strength together. And I spent a couple days on the beach just getting my life together with the money I stole.

And then I called. And then I was going to go home. So I don't have any money. But there was an airline I called People's Express. People's Express. I don't remember that one. You don't? No.

They flew from New York. They flew from Newark to L.A., Newark to Denver, and Newark to England. And Newark to Miami. You ready for this one? This is in the height of the cocaine. Newark to Miami. $49 flight one way, $19.95 after midnight, on the hour, every hour. So you and me could be snorting blow at 3 in the morning and go,

I got a cousin in Miami who can get us a package. Let's go. 1995. $20. And you played for the flight on the plane with a credit card. Come on. I had a guy that was giving me Chinese credit cards. I'd be scared to fly.

You should have seen me acting. I'd be on a plane like Joe Wong. Mr. Wong, what can we get you? Give everybody a drink here. Everybody. Give everybody. Everybody a drink. Because they had those things.

They couldn't do them until they landed. Yeah, yeah. So. The old purple shit. All you needed was a credit card. That's right. It could have been expired. They didn't give a fuck.

They didn't give a fuck. So this is the first time in my life I don't have a fucking credit card that I can't use. I can't even, it could be stolen. It doesn't matter. It could be,

they don't care. So I get to LAX. I get on People's Express. I go, I'm going to beat these guys. And they come up to me and I go, you're not going to believe this. I left my wallet in the bag. And they go, I'm going to beat these guys. And they come up to me and I go, you're not going to believe this. I left

my wallet in the bag. And they go, okay, we'll get it over there. And I thought I was going to walk out and get in the bag. Fuck no. They had three cops waiting for me in Newark. And they're like, let's get the bag. And we went. We emptied everything from the bag. I'm like, I don't know where my

wallet is. And they go, how did you get on the plane? You know, you didn't need an ID to get on the plane. And I'm like, I don't know where my wallet is. And they go, how did you get on the plane? You know, you didn't even have an ID to get on the plane. And I'm like, I don't know, you know, whatever. And they go, all right, you need to have somebody come down here and pay it. And I had to wake up a friend of mine who had just had it with me. We're still friends. We're still tight until today.

But at that point, he had it with me. And he's like, I'll come down and pay. And he paid. So now I got to go back to Jersey. I really look like a fucking asshole. Because I failed in Miami. And I failed in California. And I'm like, I'm just a fucking bum. I'm just a failure.

And I'm trying to put ends together. You know, I'm a hustler, bro. So I can wake up in the morning. I'm thinking of buying an ounce. You know, I'm a hustler, bro. So I can wake up in the morning, get, you know, I'm thinking of buying an ounce. Why? Buy a pound. I got a few, you know, I got more of those guys, you know. Yeah.

So I was just doing whatever I could to stay alone. And one day I go to West New York, New Jersey. It's maybe the end of September. I go to West New York to beg for money from my stepfather, any of his friends, make up a lie, I got to get school books. I was saying whatever I had to say to get money. My little weeb maps. Because we understand Cottonmouth, you know what I'm saying? So I fucking go to Western New York, and who do I bump into, the guy that I've loved the most all my life, my godfather,

he stood with me, he put water in my head when I was a baby, he grew up with my father, he was good friends with my mother. We kept in touch. When I was a kid, he took me to the movies every weekend. He showed me how to smoke pot. I never smoked pot with him, but I used to see him smoke pot. I'd go, it's fucking safe. Look at him. He'd giggle like an asshole.

He would just giggle. He took me to see two chicks eat each other out when I was a kid. That's right. Now I click. His name was gabby lime he was he was the he was just the ultimate godfather you know they have those programs big brother like that he was just like he loved my mother you know he was he was married him and his wife baptized me and then they broke up and you had to pick a side so she would send me gifts and money but i never saw her she lived in miami when i when i would go to miami i would

see her on the sneak i wasn't allowed to tell my mother i saw or my godfather because their feelings would be hurt but i love my godfather and he was there at my mother's wake, we talked for about a year after my mother died, he would tune me up whenever I'd see him at 20 or 40, then one day I stopped seeing him, I stopped seeing him so much, I forgot who he was, like with all the life that was going on, I see my godfather, and I go, hey man, how are you? And he gives me a hug and he goes, you look like shit. What's going on? And we go eat and I cry. I break down.

I tell him this is what's going on in my life. I got nothing going on. Nothing about drugs. I didn't mention the drugs. Everything else was shitty. I got laid off, you know, and he's like, I'm sorry. He goes, first of all, we got to get you some clothes. So he took me to buy clothes, some slashing jersey,

bought me a nice winter jacket. He goes, you don't have a winter jacket? I go, no. He goes, what the fuck? He bought me a winter jacket. But I, you know, I go, listen, where do you live? He goes, I live in North Perignon. I go, let me take your basement.

He goes, I can't, my wife won't let you. Wrong answer. Wrong answer at that time at that time i needed somewhere i could go stop going out you know get my life together be back in that cuban world yeah and he goes but if you need money i can help you out because you know a lot of people do coke don. Don't you in North Bergen? And that just destroyed me. Like, I couldn't handle that inside. Like, even though I was a junkie, even though I was a piece of shit,

you're my godfather. You can't help me, but you'll supply me with cocaine. Right. Something just didn't sound right. And I go, you know what? You're right. I could help you sell coke. So he was, he knew me since I was a kid. There was no slipping or sliding with him. So he told me, cause I'm going to give you an eight ball and I'm going to give you a time and you're going to have the money back to me by that time.

And after a month of doing this, you're going to start having your own money. I'm going to give you a time, and you're going to have the money back to me by that time. And after a month of doing this, you're going to start having your own money. I'm not going to front you no more. So I remember it had to be before Halloween. So for three weeks, I was a soldier, dog. If I told you I was going to be that seven, I'd be that six. You know, I was one of those guys. Like last night, the Pope of Greenwich Village was on, MGM. I loved that movie because the first line of that movie,

do you know The Sopranos? Yeah, of course. Carmine Lupitazzi, he's young as fuck. You know, he's the guy from The Green Book. He's young as fuck in this 1984. Mickey Rourke walks into the restaurant, and the guy looks at him, not Carmine Lupertazzi, a different guy. He goes, go to the bathroom.

They're waiting for you. And it's Carmine Lupertazzi. He plays Frankie Shy. And the first words out of his mouth to Mickey Rourke is, oh, how come nobody keeps me waiting when they're looking to borrow? When you're looking to borrow and you tell me five, you're there at ten to five. Yeah. But when it's time to pay me and it's five, you always get here ten minutes late. Yeah. It was a great line. He goes, how come you

know? So I lived by that line. So I was, for a month, everything I told him I was going to do, I did. I was just setting him up. Just setting them up. Okay, I'll give you an ounce. He gave me an ounce. Then came Halloween weekend. And he says to me, I'm going away for the weekend. How much do you think you'll need? I go, I don't know. He goes, you know what?

By the rate that you've been selling for this Halloween, I'll give you like eight ounces. I don't know what it was. Six ounces, four ounces. I know it was a lot of money that I'll give you like eight ounces. I don't know what it was, six ounces, four ounces. I know it was a lot of money that I was supposed to give him back. So he goes, come by at 7 o'clock Saturday. I'll give it to you. I won't be back until like Tuesday. I was like, perfect.

By Tuesday, I'll be in fucking Australia. Australia. On the People's Express flying to Australia. Australia. On the People's Express flying to Australia? By Tuesday, I'll be in Australia. So I forgot what he gave me enough to me to have a significant amount to start a new life somewhere else.

Any idiot could have sold that that night for Halloween. Taking that money, got on the plane on Any idiot could have sold that that night for Halloween, taken that money, got on the plane on Monday and would have never had that problem. Sure enough, I sell the first ounce, make enough cash to beat Joe big shot. I go to a party. I see some girls. I invite them over.

I see Kurt that I used to live with in 84, when I first moved from Colorado, and he's got a secret apartment now to sell coke at, where he only keeps the safe there with coke, so me and the two chicks and him go to this apartment, and we're just doing blow, it's Sunday night now, and we're in separate rooms, nobody is eating for a day, we're just drinking beer, both chicks are naked, and I'll never forget that I got into an argument with the chick I was with, Monday morning, Monday morning, I hooked up with her on Saturday night, now it was Monday morning, we were still naked. And we're still fucking and sucking every 20 minutes, doing coke, drinking, watching the news. I mean, it was just, what a fucking filthy way to live. And I think we were 69ing. And my dick wasn't even getting hard no more. And I'm like, come on, suck it, bitch.

And she turned around and smacked me in the face and broke my nose. Damn. She's like, don't you ever tell me to suck your dick. I've been sucking it for two days. It's just not going to get hard, okay? I've been sucking it for two days. Oh, my God. It was terrible.

Like, I just felt like an asshole. And, you know what? We got up, and Kurt drove me to a hotel. I go, Kurt, I have nowhere to go. He goes, well, you got some cash. and Kurt drove me to a hotel. I go, Kurt, I have nowhere to go. He goes, well, you got some cash. Let's take it to a hotel. He dropped me off at a hotel. And I think I slept for 24 hours.

And I got up the next day and I went in my pocket and it was maybe $3. I went looking for the Coke and that bag was like the stimulus package. It was gone. It was gone. It was gone it was gone it was gone everybody's waiting for their small business loan that thing is gone it's just gone the lake is gone i was just gonna say the lakers small business chris got it yeah so i'm like, oh my God, I have snorted, you know, 10,000 worth of product. Damn. 19 in retail. If I would have retailed it, I would have had 19 grand right now.

And I'm looking at $3,000. It's October, maybe it's November 2nd by this time something like that and I get up from the hotel the Hindu keeps calling me you have to pay another $40 I'm like I ain't got another $40 finally there are four they're like banging on the door please you have to go and I. And I finally get up, take a shower, and I walk up the hill. And I'm walking on Kennedy Boulevard, the hashways, because I know I can always get food on the arm at hashways. They'll give me a 20 to go or a 40 and put it on your tab.

I'm walking, and all of a sudden I hear this motorcycle. I'm like, what the fuck is up with this motorcycle? And I look at the guy, and he flips the thing, and it's my godfather, 50-something years old, on a fucking motorcycle. He goes, what happened to that money? And I go, I don't know. And I start running, and he's chasing me through the streets. Come on.

Oh, my God. It was embarrassing. Oh, my God. You know I'm a piece of shit. I start running, and then I run behind this church, and I have a piece of shit. I start running, and then I run behind this church, and I have a bed of roses. So I'm running through this bed of roses getting thick with thorns. I'm like Jesus without the juice.

I'm just getting dragged through this bed of fucking roses. I'm like, fuck, Jesus had a bad day. Oh, my God. I am fucking bleeding from everywhere. And I bust out in the county boulevard. And I run into hashwares. And they're like, what the fuck happened to you? Were you been whipped?

Because I had pricks everywhere. Yeah, cuts everywhere. And they made me a sandwich. And all of a sudden, my godfather started banging on the fucking glass and they're like who's that and I go I have no idea and he's banging on the fucking glass in Spanish he talked to me like a fucking man and I go I don't know what he wants and Mr. Hashley's like let me see and he comes back and he goes Cokie who wants to talk to you I go I'm not talking to that guy and Mr. Hashley goes out and he goes get off the property I'll call 9-1-1 and he goes, Coke, he wants to talk to you. I go, I'm not talking to that guy. And Mr. Hashbray goes out and he goes,

get off the property, I'll call 911. And he's like, I'll be seeing you again, motherfucker. And I go, fuck you. You ain't gonna see me again, you piece of shit. I turn, I come to you to put my hand out to tell you how much I need you. You got a huge house and I can't stay with you because of some cunt wife and then you make me sell sell coke, and now you want a fucking Pete Duff guy with me?

So I had to change my whole outlook because every time I would go to a bar, my friends would say, some dude was just here looking for you. He didn't look too happy. He was going everywhere. He was going everywhere. I was trying to change my footsteps. He was going everywhere. Trying to change my footsteps.

And it was just, it was November of 84, and I'm just a fucking mess. And I decided just to be homeless. So I took all the clothes I had, and I put it at a friend's house. Like your house. And I would tell your sickle, I'm going to give you a gram of Coke a week. I'm going to come over here every night and just change clothes.

Take clothes from you as I need it. And that's what I did. Don't ask me how the fuck I did it. And some night, then it started getting real cold. Like I would just sleep on park benches. Damn. I would go back to your house to snorkel with you, and then you would go just stay on the couch.

I would say to you, oh, I got a hotel at the Ritz. I had no hotel at the Ritz. I'm sleeping on a park fucking bench. Why? You just didn't want to be a bother anymore, or did you really want to be alone? There was ten reasons. Number one, I had great friends. want to be a bother anymore or did you really want to be alone there was 10 reasons number one i had great friends today they're my friends and i love them and respect them

they keep me to who i am but i had pushed them all to the brim if you were hearing my name every day either somebody was coming to you for money i owed him he was either somebody was coming to you for money I owed them, either somebody was coming to you for something I had done, or either I was coming to you and I needed money or a favor. And, yeah, I was very charitable. If I robbed somebody, I gave you a grandma coat. You know what I'm saying? I was very charitable. I had a heart of gold.

You're robbing us. If you got into a beef, I was right there with a knife because I didn't care because I had no mother and father. So if you got a beef with somebody, let me know and I'll smack them in the face. I'll go to jail. I'll go to jail for you. You're my brother. That was my mentality. That was how street

I was over my friends. We're riding. We're dying. We don't give a fuck. So this guy's still looking for me. I'm sleeping from house to house, you know. And then this family reached out, the Ligios. Sweet family. Very sweet family.

And they were like, listen, man, our daughter loves you, and she's coming home saying that she sees you sleeping at a park. Is that true? And I go, and they go, we have it downstairs. All we want you to do is get a job, cut it down the party, and you can

sit on that referee and you can eat upstairs. That's how nice they were. I think I moved in there the week of Thanksgiving and they threw me out December 12th. Why? Because they knew people, and they had gotten me like 10 jobs. I would show up, work for two hours, and go, what am I, retarded?

I'm going to do this for $10 an hour. I can go sell a night ball and make $80. What do I care if I'm going to do this for $10 an hour. I can go sell an eight ball and make $80. What do I care if I'm homeless? I mean, you know, there was a lot of, at that point I lost all my self-esteem. Nobody wanted me. It was proven already. Nobody wanted me. My aunt, my uncles, even the guy that baptized me couldn't help me.

My stepfather didn't want me. I felt I was cursed. And I wanted to kill myself. I just didn't have the balls to. I'd much rather die than them say he killed himself. I'd much rather them say he died of a heart attack.

He got shot. He died in a stabbing. There was no way I was going to kill myself because of my Catholic beliefs. I just didn't want to be in limbo. I didn't want to be in limbo. I either wanted to go to heaven or purgatory. You know, I hadn't murdered somebody,

so I still had a chance of not going to hell. So I just thought when they threw me out, I would have to walk to the house every day, and I would have to walk past 88th Street Park, and I noticed they had a rocket ship in there like a sea a seesaw and swings but they also had a thing that you could climb up to and go to the rocket ship so what i would do in those days is my friends would go all right coco where are you going because by this time everybody knew i was homeless and nobody

wanted to bring me home because if you brought me home, you weren't going to get rid of me. You know what I'm saying? We love you to death, but we know if we let you in that door, we're fucking stuck with you. So they would just drop me off in this rocket ship every night. No blanket, no nothing. I would buy a pint of Schmirnoff vodka, silver and i would put in my winter jacket and that was for nighttime and at night i would leave the bar at three o'clock

somebody would drop i would say this they'd say where you living i go i live behind that thing downstairs and they would just drop me off and i would i would be too ashamed to tell my friends but they kind of knew but they knew i had to pay my lumps I would be too ashamed to tell my friends. But they kind of knew. But they knew I had to pay my lumps. I had my lumps coming to me, bro. I ran amok. So I would go on that rocket ship at night, drink the last half pint of vodka, jerk off on the Coke,

and then wake up to, Mr., Mr., wake up. You're sleeping in our rocket ship. Kids would come to the park and I'd be in the rocket ship. You know. And I'd have cum on my pants the night before I mean you can't you can't make this shit up you know you want to talk about the lowest times

of your life I mean there was a two week spell there that you know Christmas I wish I was lying to you and told you I spent Christmas at the rocket ship, but December 23rd, somebody had a party, and I went to that party, and I was coughing bad, like I had COVID. You had it back then. And that night, my buddy Sabatino, his mother was the lunch girl at school.

His mom would always give me an extra sandwich. She adopted Anthony, and she adopted the sister. And everybody knew it, that she adopted kids. So Anthony was crazy about me, and I was crazy about Anthony. And that December 23rd, Anthony brought me home, and I spent Christmas Eve with him, which I don't remember. I just slept. I was out 24 hours a day. I didn't sleep. And I woke up

Christmas Day. And the mother brought me, made me chicken soup and I got well. And I remember the mother going, Coco, you could stay here for a couple days. And Anthony going, no, he can't. Like, it was that evident.

My friends loved me, but I was such a fucking burden. Like, so many people were looking for me. I owed so many people money. So I got out on the 25th, and by the grace of God, I think I got a hotel room. Somebody gave me $40 for a hotel room. And then out of nowhere, this drug kid calls me up. Like, here's this bad

reputation I had. And this drug kid calls me up and I'm like, he can't be that stupid. And he's like, I want you to help me to sell coke. This kid was making so much money at the time. He had a Volkswagen Scirocco. Remember the Scirocco?

But he had an alarm. He couldn't keep his Coke in his house. But he had an alarm already in his car that if you broke into the car, the alarm would go off and the thing would electrify you because he knew. And this guy did business with me because I could move volume. Like, I was just beating drug dealers then. Like, there was this guy, Mundi. He was a Cuban guy.

He used to have fruit trucks. And he would put the coke in first then the fruit in and bring it up from Miami and he had a gas station. His partner's name was Georgie Amico. You know how many times I robbed that gas station Georgie Amico? We robbed George like 18 times.

He even went to the school principal and said, you got to talk to these kids. These kids. He was talking about us. I still remember being in that meeting and Mr. Askley's got rest of his soul was like Paulie and Goodfellas. I talked to them all the time.

They don't listen because he didn't give a fuck. They were all on the same program. This kid Joel was his name. time. They don't listen because he didn't give a fuck. They were all on the same program. So this kid Joel was his name from West New York. And it was like three nights, like the 28 people getting geared up for fucking

New Year's. People were buying coke with a hand over fist. I mean it was you'd walk into a room and it was a room full of zombies. You would just sit down. If you weren't doing coke, you would just sit down and look at people. And everybody had a twitch.

Everybody's hands were moving. Like, everybody was creepy on cocaine. Cocaine had taken over this fucking society. And they had taken over me. That's why I was fucking society. And they had taken over me. That's why I was fucking homeless. And finally, I think on the 29th of November, of December, I was standing in front of the Midtown Lounge trying to put a deal together, and a car stopped.

And it was this guy named Mr. T. He was my teacher. And I had sold him coke a few times after high school. And I go, T, what up? I thought I had a pigeon. And he comes out of the car, and I go, him coke a few times after high school. And I go, T, what up? I thought I had a pigeon. And he comes out of the car, and I go, look at you. You ready to do some fucking ball?

And he goes, I'm straight and sober. I went to rehab. I go, I haven't seen you in a while. He goes, you look terrible. And we talked for like 20 minutes, and he goes, if you ever want to get your life together, call me. When you're serious about getting your life together, call me. When you're serious about getting your life together, call me. And I go, okay.

And I just took the number. But to me, it was like, I go, where do you live? And he goes, Cresco. I go, perfect. I can hide up out there. So I go, let me do some damage down here. Let me put together a couple G notes and I'll move to fucking cresco and hide out

and those two nights i went hard i was selling coke and joel was had me on the same program as my stepfather i'm gonna give you an a ball call me when you have the 250 and i'll bring you another one and i had him going going going going going new Year's Eve, he comes to see me and he goes, listen, my girlfriend wants to go into the city tonight, so I'm going to give you like two ounces, and I'll meet you tomorrow morning. So that's all I needed. I could get 1,800 ounces, $3,600.

I was sick of myself. I just needed a fucking break. I think I sold $3,000 worth of Coke. I kept $3,000. I went to the hotel. And that night I snorted Coke all night. I waited until 6 and I called Mr. T. And I go, Mr. T, I'm ready to get clean and sober.

And he goes, Mr. T, I'm ready to get clean and sober. And he goes, look out your window. When I walked into the hotel room at 3, it was a beautiful winter night. When I looked out the window, it was a foot and a half of fucking snow. Damn. So I had to walk the path mark. I was feeling sick. I still was sick.

It had become bronchitis from snorting coke over the cold. And I still remember walking the pathmark. My feet were wet with sneakers on, getting some medication. And Mr. T going, let me unbury the car. Where are you? And I'm like, I'm at the whatever hotel. He goes, I'll pick you up. I'll be there

within 20 minutes to a half hour. You know, 30 minutes to an hour, whatever. I go, thank you. And I pack up. I'll be there within 20 minutes to a half hour, 30 minutes to an hour, whatever. I go, thank you. And I pack up. I take a shower. I'm done. I got no coke left. It's New Year's Day.

I want to start a new life. New Year's Day, 1985. I want to start a new fucking life. I got this money in my pocket, a fucking Jo Joel, and all of a sudden the hotel room rings. The hotel phone rings. I answer it and I go, hello, it's Joel. He goes, how you doing, man? What do you got? And I go, I sold all your coke. And he goes, do you have all the cash? I go, yeah. He goes, where are you? Are you at the same hotel? I go, yeah. But it was like a hotel strip, and the last time he had seen me, I was in the hotel next door.

For New Year's, they had like jacuzzis, so all of them were sold out, so I had to stay at the hotel. So I didn't realize that until I hung up. I go, fuck, Mr. T's coming to get me. So I'll never forget. There was no cell phones in those me. So I'll never forget. There was no cell phones in those days. So I got my shit.

I timed Mr. T, and I went downstairs, and I'm sitting there, and all of a sudden I see Mr. T's Cadillac make a left off of Tunneley Avenue and into the hotel parking lot. And I get in the fucking car, and I go, thank you for coming, T. And as I slam the door, I look up, and there's Joel in the parking lot across, waiting for me to come down, he's going in to bother the Hindu, and I'm right there with him, and T goes, holy shit, we can't make a right down the street, I have to go to that parking lot, it was like, it was like you couldn't write this shit, so now I had to go to that parking lot. It was like, you couldn't write this shit. So now I had to drive past him

like fucking like this. And Mr. T's like, what's the matter? I go, nothing. I'm just looking the other way. And we walked right past Joel. I got in my car and I moved to Cresco, New Jersey. And that was the... I got clean after that.

I got clean for maybe a year and a half after that. All right, so let's wrap here, and we're going to pick up next time, January 1985. Preskill, New Jersey. Preskill, New Jersey. Oh, and that gets good too. January 1985.

I love you, dude. Let me just give you one preview for that. So I'm in the house. He picks me up January 1st. And I basically rehab for a week. Ten days. I don't leave. And finally, like, I start going to the supermarket.

And one day I go, fuck, I see all these buses. Because that was the route for all the buses to come get you to New York to take you to George Washington Bridge. So I'll never forget. I went. I got a cream of shrimp soup, and I got the cream of shrimp soup, and I drank, and I had a daily news. And as I'm walking to get the newspaper, to get the bus, I go into, I see this building,

and I go, man, I got to take a shit. And I go. I go into, I see this building, and I go, man, I gotta take a shit. And I go, I go into the building, I sit in the toilet, and I'm reading the daily news, and I'm trying to take a shit, and I'm naked, you know, my pants are on my waist, but I see something jumping from my crotch. Again, I see this movement coming from my crotch, and I look down, I'm like, what is this?

And I pick it up, and it's a fucking crab. I got crabs everywhere. I got them in my hair, my eyebrows. Oh, shit, from that dirty ass? From one of them. Who knows? I had been through a fucking. God damn.

That August to December, I had been with like 20 women that were all dirty. Oh, shit. Cocaine chicks. There was one chick I took home to the hotel. She says, I just want to tell you, you're not going to fuck me. I'm like, well, I never brought you here with the intention of fucking you. After a couple lines, she looks at me. She goes, well, we might play around a little bit.

Guys, this is what she says to me. She goes, well, we might play around a little bit. Guys, this is what she says to me. She goes, I'll give you a test. She goes, what color underwear do I have on? And I'm like, green. And she's like, red. Close enough. Close enough. Right?

I started eating a monkey like at four in the morning. I swear to my mother's grave, look up the date guys, I wake up, I look at the TV and Doug Flutie is about to go back to Boston College

and he throws that TD and I remember like, I was like, she had me on like a head scissor, I passed out like in a head scissor, I must have tapped out I was eating her asshole in the pussy I'm about to pick her leg up

Get out of the head scissor And I just left there That was the last time Lori, dry hump At one time they thought she had syphilis So they used to call her the jack Lori, remember ACDC had that song The Jack

So people would say, she's got the jack So they used to call her the Jack. Lori, remember ACDC had that song, The Jack? So people would say, she's got the Jack. Dude, I love you. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. We're going to keep doing this until we are caught up. As always, RyanSickler.com. Go subscribe to my YouTube page right now.

You can do it right here at the end of the link or in the description. YouTube.com slash rsickler. Go subscribe. We'll talk to you all next week. Love you. ...... Bye.