The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Adam Meyers

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

My #HoneyDew this week has 4 legs, 3 DUIs, 2 Passports and worked at Channel 1 News - it's the King of Fleece, Josh Adam Meyers! I say it all the time, The HoneyDew is all about the stories behind the storytellers and this week we dive deep into Josh's relationship with his father, Josh's drug use and the struggles of being an addict. It's a different side of Josh and it explains a lot about why he is who he is. Subscribe, download & review! Sponsors: Go to http://buyraycon.com/honeydew to get 15% off your order! Head over to https://vincerowatches.com/honeydewsale to take advantage of the biggest sale of the year!

This episode is brought to you by Raycon and Vincero. More on that later. Let's get into the do. You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here at Studio Jeans, doing it at your mom's house. I'm Ryan Sickler. You can find me on all social media at Ryan Sickler.

My website is ryansickler.com. Minneapolis, you're going to see me soon. August 1st through 3rd, I'll be out there. Baltimore, back again in September at the Famous. All tickets are on sale at my website, Ryan sickler.com. You can go there and, uh,

check that out. And, uh, the honey do info. Let's get you that info right now. The website is the honey do podcast.com. That's where you can go get everything you want to know. We can follow it all on social media.

There, uh, merch is there. Everything you need to know is there. And as always, I like to say thank you to you guys every week. I'm blown away by the response. So I appreciate it.

Thank you so much. And for those of you that are new to the show, what we do here every week is we highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. And it is my pleasure to bring this storyteller ladies and gentlemen four duis three passports oh i fucked it up it's hold on hold on hold on four legs three duis two passports channel one news y'all j Josh Adamai. Honeydew. Honeydew.

Honeydew. Honeydew. Honeydew. You. It's the same old honeydew. You don't have like a theme for that. No. You don't like that? Does anybody have a fucking theme?

No, but I don't know. I just felt like giving him a little. Valerie by Steve Wimwood over there honeydew break free of honeydew we gotta cut all this out so no don't cut this out this is what he does on his podcast i'll tell you about he puts in 12 minutes of albums and then you're like i gotta cut that out wait wait you mean i can't play all that burt bagarag record uh well it is a pleasure to have you back here so happy to be here buddy i'm so happy for you you got a lot going on you can tell people uh everything you want them to know about josh adam meyers have at it uh i uh i have a

podcast uh that i love doing it's called the 500 uh with Josh Adam Myers. I am going through Rolling Stone Magazine's list of the 500 greatest albums starting at 500, working our way down to one, and I'm sitting down with huge comics. I've had Bill Burr. I've had Wanda Sykes,

and I've had you on doing B.B. King, and everybody knows how much you love B.B. King. Oh, it was fun. It was so much fun. Get your dick out of that man's ass!

All right, here comes little red rooster but it's it's basically an audio book club uh using the greatest recorded music in the history of mankind and we use the album that we're breaking down as a roadmap to interview the guest and uh it's on all plot for plot it's on all platforms it's on all platforms uh uh get your platcast and your platform get your bad guys and your platforms uh yeah but you can listen to it on any platform uh and it's going to be going until may 31st 2028 is when we're doing the final episode great what's your social media at josh adam myers on all social media and my website uh joshadammyers.com also for the podcast you can find it

at 500podcast.com great yeah well congratulations on the show congratulations on all your thank you buddy i'm i love um you know if you haven't heard josh's craft feast episodes you have to go back and listen to those craft feast episodes um i just always describe josh as that lovable degenerate cousin and that's exactly our family you can't get rid of me i'm already you're not i've already been on the honeydew more than anybody yeah i know this is five uh so i'm the i'm the herpes of comedy. You can't get rid of me. You try to, but you can't.

So if you know or you've heard anything about Josh, you'll know Josh is definitely a honeydew. I'm 100% a honeydew. But one thing you and I were talking about when I tell you always to come with great stories as you do, but really what's behind all that? Again, we say the story's behind the storyteller. So why don't you get into into and we'll get into specifics but what what really started your honeydew maybe me being planted is what you're saying what started for you where is the genesis

of all this craziness that we've heard about over the years well all right So I was born in Germantown, Maryland, which is about 20 miles outside of Washington, D.C. And I had just a normal like family, like normal nuclear family. Like I had, you know, my dad, my mom, a sister and me. And when I was born, my dad was pretty, I wouldn't say successful, but he was making well over $100,000 a year being an accountant. What did he do? He was an accountant for ADP. And I remember it being like. Yeah, you know me.

You're down with ADP. Yeah, you know me. You know that they did some local commercial in D.C. like Channel 5 back there. You're down with ADP ap i forgot the fucking thing you're down with ap so my dad worked for adp thank you and uh it was just a just a normal family and i remember like shortly after i was born maybe when i was around four my dad lost his job well he didn't lose his job he actually they were like downsizing and so they were letting go him it's not really like you're losing your job no more like we're losing you no but my dad see my dad was a honeydew

like a hundred percent a honeydew because this guy could have gone to law school and went to law school almost finished it and then dropped out right do you know why was it i think my dad had i think my dad had a lot of like he didn't have a dad that's the other thing that i think you know really comes into play is that my dad uh lost his father when he was seven years old. So this is 1947. My Bubby, his mother, literally didn't work, didn't do anything. And so she, when my grandfather died,

my Bubby just started taking it out on the kids. Do you know what I mean? She didn't hit them, but she verbally abused them. Whereas my dad kind of, you know, he had a normal life for the most part. But like my dad's sister, like she might have had autism. She might have been on the spectrum. And basically for the rest of her life, she just lived with my grandmother.

And now she has like nine cats living in Harrisburg in like a small apartment. And I never talked to her post him dying. So I don't think my dad had a father. So when my dad was working for ADP and they were letting go of all these different people at the company. My dad, they weren't going to fire my dad, but my dad quit

because he was mad that they fired all of his friends. And my dad went from ADP, which is like a normal job, like working and like making money, steady paycheck. And my dad went into sales and my dad was horrible at sales. So that caused a lot of like uncertainty in the household between horrible because you could feel the difference in the income and everything.

Well, I'm too living. Yeah. Well, I'm too young to understand like missing out on stuff. Like I remember I would ask for stuff and, you know, and my mom would buy it from him. My dad wouldn't because my dad was more of like a stickler with money and like my mom was just like we'll put it on our credit cards and just doing whatever the fuck like she she could do to make me and my sister happy but what i started noticing around four and five was just like the beginning of the fighting in the house between my mom and dad and so my sister's older again your sister's my sister's

older than me she's older by like two years and my sister was always this like she i mean she's a doctor now with three kids married to a lawyer and is very selfless and like went to israel to teach kids how to speak english and just is such a good kid and never got in trouble and i started acting up like right around four or five is when i remember starting to get into trouble and it was like it was like and that coincided it's the same with your parents arguing with my parents arguing yeah and i think you're not getting attention they're all it's negative attention but it's going back and forth between them yeah well actually you know it's it's like i always remember like them fighting my mom crying a lot um and my sister would just be upstairs studying and that was kind of that was i think right around the time like five

six seven is when i started really finding out about music and so i because that was i just wanted to fit in with my dad and my dad was really into music so i just was like what was he listening he listened to a lot of jazz um he liked some rock but not nearly as much as i did and so i remember like getting into iron maiden at the time and guns and roses and then it's like round seven round seven eight is when i started really acting up and that was when i started like stealing from my dad i started stealing money out of his wallet so I could buy different records. Because I didn't really have any friends my own age, so I started hanging out with these older kids. Robert Drollinger, his dad was never there. And we'd always go over to his house, and we'd have these ice fights in his house with ice cubes.

We'd get a TV tray and start chucking ice at each other. Just throwing them in the house. Just throwing them in his house with like ice cubes we'd get like a like a tv tray and start like chucking ice at each other just throwing them in the house dude we and that was i think hanging out with those kids that's like throwing rocks inside the house but like we would just that was hanging out with like brad bliven and robert drolinger who were kind of like not the bad bad kids but like ro Robert just like he was like a shit he was like the bee crafts you know what I'm saying like a shit family and and luckily I didn't meet the bee crafts because I wouldn't be here today but but I remember hanging out with them I wanted to make them I wanted them to think that I was cool so that's why I started stealing money from my parents and it was like like... And they gave you that idea?

They didn't give it to me, but once I... I never did that. Once I did that, and I bought everybody pizza, and then I took us to go see Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Oh, you were the hero.

Dude, I was the fucking man. He's like, you want that rat cassette? You want rat? Out of the cell? You want out of the cell? What you want? But I was buying pizza for us,

and that was where so i'm seven or eight and that is when my dad never had really hit me or done anything he'd spank me but but when when they found out that i stole money i remember how did they find well so i remember i went i went and took money out of their drawer they had a drawer with like an envelope in it and and i like ran out of the house and they're waiting there i'm like i got like let's go waxy maxis and we go head up there and i get and i remember coming home and i was like i was like walking into the house and i walk up to go into my room and my dad just started running at me and just like cornered me like on

the bed he didn't hit me but it was just like screaming at me like you motherfucker, you fucking shit. You steal from me, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like shaking me. And I'm all like,

my mom's like, Albert, stop, you're going to kill him. And then from that moment on, like my dad just start, he just was different with me. Do you know what I mean?

And it became more of like him putting me down, you know? And it's not like, you know, I mean and it became more of like him putting me down you know and it's not like and i didn't do bad in school but i didn't do great you know i i got i got i did well enough to pass and so my dad you know would just put me down and my mom would be the one that would stick up for me and my sister would you know just be doing doing great and we had a tight relationship but my dad would never say anything bad about jody do you know what be doing doing great and we had a tight relationship but my dad would never say anything bad about jody do you know what i mean yeah so i guess that just started wearing on me and then i started really acting out like i just how old are you now now or at this point

of the like at this point of the story i mean let's we can move it up to about 13 because at 13 that's when you really stepped it up. I got in trouble. I got in trouble many. Because I kept stealing from them. I remember I stole money to buy the Deion Sanders Nikes. That's a lot of money. I mean, that's $140.

Yeah. I took a check and went to Foot Locker. I remember. Oh, you mean this 11-year-old? He's buying everybody shoes. Like, I just didn't think about the consequences i would just act up and i had friends that were you know like not degenerates at all like i would never call my friends degenerates but we're what we're they were degenerates but you're one of my friends well you got a little degenerate i definitely

have a little you got 100 degenerate um but honey dude into yeah we're all dudes everybody's honey do so i remember i was hanging out with my friend greg and and i had friends like paul and this is before i started really like smoking cigarettes and doing drugs but we started like stealing from my parents liquor cabinet and i would really act up in class like i'd get iss a lot and i would uh in school suspension oh look i would get in trouble a lot but i was funny when i did stuff so everybody liked me but then i remember when i was like 13 i had to go to the Jewish community center once a week to go to therapy with other kids that were like bad. Do you know? And I remember going,

is it one-on-one or is it a group? Oh, it's group. It's group dude. At the JCC. At the JCC. And I like, it was like,

I'm in there. Like, I'm not as bad as these kids. Like these kids were like smoking weed already and fucking and like all this stuff and super confrontational with the lady, the psychiatrist or whatever she was, therapist. And that was when I really knew that I guess I was not just headed down a bad path, but I was like, I'm still not as bad as these kids, but I, you know, is there something wrong with me? And then my dad's shitting on me. So I just have this horrible view of myself, you know? And, and then it was probably around 13, 14, when I started smoking pot. And when I was in high school and that was when I found like Tassos, Ben, all the guys like that were in the smoking section

they all were like grunge listening to music kids and were in a band and that was when i started finding drugs so and what happened oh you want to keep going okay so we can end no i thought you were gonna ask you just thought you were gonna ask a question so that's when you started drugs so that's what so that's so question. That's when you started drugs. So that's kind of when I started drugs. That just leads us up to why I started finding drugs. So then when I found drugs. Weed was your first? Weed was the first.

So it was me, Mark Thomas, Tassos, and some rando girl sitting by a creek, just packing like the swaggiest of the swaggy brown weed. Practice weed. And you hear seeds popping in it. My brother used to say, don't smoke that. It's got cyanide in them. That's what he used to say all the time. I haven't seen swag in years, and it would blow my mind if somebody pulled out swag nowadays.

But I remember smoking with them for the first time, and we go to walk back up the hill to go to this Wendy's and Mark Thomas just started getting like super pale white and then just started throwing up right in front of me and this is the first time we just smoked like six bowls and my heart's like fucking this and I don't think I've ever I think I'm about to have a heart attack this is it I'm gonna die right here by the creek. And eventually, of course, it wore off. And I was like, all right, well, now I have pot. And then I started experimenting with like LSD and really started drinking.

And I had never really learned how to drink proper because when we first started, we all just started doing the, what do you call it, like the beer bongs? Yeah, I mean, that's what you do. I shouldn't say that's what everybody does, but so many people, you drink until you get sick or pass out or you beer bong as many as you can that quick. I remember the first party I went to in high school. I mean, like, it's like right at the end of ninth grade. And it's at Chaitanya Sinha's house.

And it's all, like, the seniors and, like, all the beautiful kids. And then, like, me, Tassos, and Ben, and all of us, like, walking in. And we were really into Ice House at the time. You remember Ice House beer? Oh, yeah, of course. It was, like, 11% alcohol alcohol so that was why we bought it and i remember like we i had beer bonged a few beers before you get drunk and you'd wander around maybe pass out in the bush like laying on the like just giggling and it was great but i i saw the beer bong and i wanted people to think i was

cool so i was like load me up a beer bong and I hit that one well I did 11 straight beers 11 straight like literally that's a lot of he's still going and I was just like it was just like my shiny moment I'm like yeah I'll show you dad I'll show you dad and so right at the last one i think i'd go for number 12 and that one gets into me and then i just started vomiting everywhere in front of all the seniors that were like cheering me on i mean just projectile vomit like it was so bad and then everybody's gallagher concert people covered up god you just see guard now josh josh threw up so so this is so i go they put me downstairs in her basement and then they put put a piece of carpet on me.

I guess that was spare. That was my blanket. It was a piece of carpet, and I took my shoes off right next to me. I remember just suddenly being woken up by this kid that we used to call him Ham Sandwich because he used to rollerblade like through our neighborhood and me and my buddy greg would like make fun of him because he was rollerblading we'd be like what's up ham sandwich and then he he'd roll by and he was like i'm gonna fucking kill you guys i would love to hear my own rollerblade say that he had on like the you know like the yeah like the, the helmet and all the pads.

But then like, I remember he, throughout the history of, from the start of that until I turned like 13, 14, like I would run into him and he would like chase after me. And this guy was fucking crazy. He'd be like,

hold up a second. Yeah. But he was quick and he would catch up to me and corner me. And I'd have to like run home. Well, it just so happens he was quick and he would catch up to me and corner me and i'd have to like run home well it just so happens he was at that party and so when i'm passed out ham sandwiches day when i was passed out drunk like laying with the carpet on me he just wakes up and starts like hitting me he's beating you away he's like you motherfucker i remember being like and he's just like just like hitting hitting me and kicking me on the ground.

And then he just takes my shoes and leaves. And so I wake up that night, and I had no shoes. And I had to walk like three miles back to my parents' house. When you get there, and then my dad sees me with no shoes from my airwalks that he had just bought me. He bought them? No. Or he funded? He supplied the money you stole?

He bought the shoes. and he bought them or no or you or he he funded he supplied the money he stole he he bought they bought the shoes but i but like to see like the trying to make up a story about how i lost them and um and he was just like you could see the look in his eyes of just being like all right well you were out drinking and now he's starting to know that i'm doing alcohol and smoking pot and so he just keeps continuously like you know just shitting on me and uh and yeah so so from that when i started drinking i never had learned how to drink proper and then um you know skip ahead i graduate high school and right around 19 you said you were you weren't a bad student what was your gpa my gpa was probably like 2.5 you know i was a i was a bad student. What was your GPA? My GPA was probably like 2.5. You know, I was a C student.

I did enough to pass, but I was well-liked in high school. Like, it was weird because, like, you know, I think I would – knowing that my family was doing really bad because in high school was when we had, like, no money. And I'm coming home every day, and my mom's crying. no money and i'm coming home every day and my mom's crying and and so i could avoid that i would just go outside and listen to the soundtrack to philadelphia oh my god that uplifting soundtrack and i'm just outside like crying um because my parents and the home life was so bad so i just started using my like humor as like a defense mechanism for me in high school which made me very popular by making fun of other kids you know or or just being like saying something really loud uh in class that was

inappropriate and then i'd go and get in trouble um and right around the end of high school we had um my great uncle died and my great uncle left me my sister and a bunch of kids our age just your dad's or mom's bro he's on my dad's side my uncle benny who looked like robert de niro from goodfellas like he was just this really really like cool guy in the 50s and 60s um and and then he started going senile probably in the 80s uh not 80s probably like 90s and and so he just started like hoarding his money so he would go to like the jewish community center and steal food just so he didn't have to pay for food. And so when he died, like he had a lot of money. So he left me and my sister and a bunch of kids are age like 40 grand.

Wow. And each. Yeah. So like, I remember like just the, the, the dichotomy between the day before the money and the day after, because the day before coming home,

like I'm high and you know, my mom and dad are screaming at each other. You know, Jody, by that point, was already away at college. And so it was just me in there just taking the brunt of everything. Like, you know, because my dad would yell at me for bad grades and yell at me for this, yell at me for that. And so then that day when I came home with that money, it's just how happy the house was because we, we almost lost our house. My dad's friend had to buy it from us and then rent it back to us.

That's a good friend. George Whitehouse. Yeah, that was, it actually was, it was, it's George Whitehouse bought your old house. George Whitehouse bought the old house.

The name Whitehouse. But George Whitehouse, like I remember how happy my mom was the day that george threw that offer out that i would buy the house and then rent it back to you and then like and just for like those two weeks it was just this beautiful like there was like hope because it was it had been so bad and the money was so tight and and then it i remember two weeks after he said he could do it he was like i don't think i can and then to have that like hit us and so skip ahead to maybe i don't even know how long like six months after that when they were about to foreclose on our house i got the money uh me and my sister both gave my parents 20 grand to pay off all their debt or at least get back to a number that they can afford

and to get the house back. Right. And so what I do is just like, I had never had money before. So I just started spending that money as fast as possible. And I went out and bought like, you know,

fucking $2,000 worth of fleeces. They were popular at the time that's so much i probably had i probably had like that's how you got the king that's why i'm king of fleece i had like 12 fleeces assorted nautica tommy hill figure uh polo ralph lauren timberland i had some polo at timberland and but i just never had money and i started taking people out to eat and i started like you know as by that point i had started you know dating because i hadn't dated for like it was weird like my i think when i first got into high school like i was so hyperactive add that girls when they first got into high school, like I was so hyperactive ADD that girls, when they first meet me and be like, Oh, he's cute. And you know, and then a friend would be like, pass him a note. And then, you know, a week later after they got to know me, they were just like, you know, I'm no,

I don't like you anymore. Like you're completely batshit insane. And I'm like, like high as fuck on Adderall because it just gave me more speed. My ADD I'd been medicated since I was like, it just gave me more speed my add i'd been medicated since i was like i don't know five years old and so they had you know just been giving me a pill in the morning and a pill at lunch and it would just wire me and so that's what i think what also made me so funny because i was just running around and had incredible amounts of like of energy um but my senior year, I had this like really bad view of myself and I wasn't, it hadn't been dating. It was only in the summer is what I would date, but it would have been,

my senior year in October, I had jaw surgery. So I had TMJ. And so they cut my whole jaw out and put like, cut a bone out of here and a bone out of here and put four screws and then two steel plates. And so that was right around homecoming and I couldn't go to homecoming and then when i got back to school my face was so swollen and at first people were like you know like oh you're starting to look better the swelling's going down and then one day that just stopped and so i just

thought like i must be this hideous freak now so So my personal view of myself was just, I had my dad shitting on me. I have this traumatic thing happened to my face. And I just thought everybody thought I was like ugly and like, and then I'm like, I'm not getting any girls. And so I have this horrible view of who I am. And, uh, and that was when I started really starting to drink more and starting to party because at that point is when i felt cool and i inherit that money and then i decide to go to europe and when i get to europe it's me and my buddy joel and uh we spent like like five months in

europe backpacking damn yeah and like we're there and it was like on a 20 day budget but it's just drinking every night and then we end the trip in amsterdam and when i get to amsterdam that was when i found ecstasy now i had done like weed and and lsd and maybe mushrooms and adderall but i never looked at adderall as like a drug drug like i just looked at it as medication the doctor gave me um but then i did ecstasy there and so when i came back to the states like we had gone to my first rave in in amsterdam when i came back to the states i got this job immediately at mozzarella's the american cafe just with a shitload of degenerates dude everybody that worked there ryan was a fucking honeydew like

they got like just like hey man table six needs a nice seat but they're there to go fuck themselves i ain't getting that i mean it was just the trashiest people but also a bunch of kids my age uh and and this kid todd cavanaugh was like hey man it's like you know uh we i go to this rave every friday night at buzz and he's like would you want to come and so that then became my introduction into like the the rave scene uh in dc the dc drug rave scene well that's basically what it was it was just that i wanted ecstasy big during that time of the raves or what other drugs yeah there was there was ecstasy well originally that's what brought me to the raves which was like oh i had done ecstasy in amsterdam like i

want to do it again and i didn't give a shit about the music but you go to this whole world where it's like you know you're going in there's people like really good looking people all dancing having a good time and like you know putting their arms around one another being like i love you man it's like you just met me and i had never seen anything like that my friends growing up never like like i remember when my dad died and uh jason moyer came up to me and i'm like gonna hug him and he just goes he'd go man pat me on the back i'm like oh my god damn it like there you go brother now because if i touch you everybody's gonna think i'm gay and i don't that's the last thing is like they i just had the most i know your dad's gone, but stay over there. I'm giving you love.

I'm giving you love. I'm giving you love. I'm giving you love. But so I had never had people or friends that would go out and show affection like that. And you go into this rave scene, and that was the first time I felt like I had a family with these degenerates that I'm just meeting. You've never done ecstasy, right? Ecstasy, I have. You have?

A couple times. So then you know that it's this incredible feeling, and it's also just a pill, so you don't think it's that bad. Yeah, I did it twice, and I was like, eh. So I started doing it probably twice a week. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Let's take a quick break from the show to tell you about our first sponsor, Raycon. It's 2019. Everyone needs a great pair of wireless earbuds. But before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon. I just took mine traveling.

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to take advantage of the biggest sale of the year. Again, that's VinceraWatches.com slash HoneyDewSale. Go get something at the biggest sale of the year. And now back to the show. And I'm going to this party every friday night same rave always well all right so dc had this this party every friday night called buzz it was the biggest rave in the country weekly in the warehouse right where the nationals park is now it used to be in a club called the capital ballroom which you you've probably been there i

think you had told me you'd been in the Capital Ballroom and then it became Nation. So this is like 98. That was like, you know, it was still Capital Ballroom. The security hadn't beefed up and it was just this huge, there's like probably 5,000, 6,000 people every Friday night partying.

And I started, you know, doing ecstasy and meeting girls and just, you know, having the best time of my life and then i remember somebody was like hey you should try this stuff it's it's called k and i was like and he's like you want to buy you want to buy a dub of it and i'm like oh a dub it must be like weed and so he gives it to me and it's a fucking baggie and so he's like yeah just snort it and so ketamine it's ketamine yeah cat tranquilizer special cat tranquilizer ketoset this is what all the kids in the where i grew up the

neighborhood they break into vet place and oh yeah so well i found that and it was just the greatest feeling in the world which is so funny because it makes you feel like you're stuck to whatever you're sitting on but yet i would go into these happy you're in a happy place it's it's just it's a disassociative so like i just it was weird man i had some really out of body you know experiences while i was on it at the rave because the music is so repetitive and you'd be walking from room to room and it's such a tight squeeze that people would just be all fucked up on drugs they would just be like zombies walking and i'm high and the music and the lights and all of that would like take me out of my body where i guess it was like i had moments where i was like i don't exist like you know i'm like i i thought i was dead while at these raves um but i did like it because it just made me feel good and so uh

i started selling it selling ketamine selling ketamine so how do you get it so who's your supplier uh one of the guys that worked in the kitchen at macaroni at mozzarella was i told you it's degenerate i want to trace it back it was degenerate so and where is what his name was so there was a guy that worked in the kitchen right um and he was like the all-star all-met wide receiver for damascus right yeah and then and then he got high on on ketamine one night because he used to shoot it he used to shoot it into his muscle, yeah. And I only snorted it. But he, one night.

I only smoked it all day. Thank goodness. Goodness gracious me. So I had gotten. So he had gotten the ketamine and gotten high on it. And then he went to go pick up a friend and I think wrecked his car. And I think, I don't know if that friend died, but I think something bad happened. So he had to go to jail. So he was on work release.

But all those guys that are at those work release. So he's on work release. He's on work release, working in the kitchen. And all those guys that are on work release, they all still did drugs. They all still sold drugs. And so he would get it from one of the other guys that was on work release they all still did drugs they all still sold drugs and so he would get it from one of the other guys that was on work release and he'd i think it was like 50 a vial and what is it a liquid yeah it's a liquid so it comes in like a like like almost like if you were shooting

like you know a decadron or like an antibiotic you know what i mean just the regular thing that they go in and pull it out it's a liquid but so how do you he shoots it in but how do you snort it so i'd get it from him and then you take the bottle and you rip the top off right you get two plates you pour the juice on the plate you put a plate on top of it you put it in the microwave for two minutes and 30 seconds you pull it out lift up the thing it's all crystallized and you just shave it off and then bag it. That's it. That's it, dude. Some people, it actually is stronger if you, the longer it takes for it to crystallize,

the more powerful the ketamine will be. So some people would take plates, put it in with the plates, and then put a hair dryer on it and just sit there for like three hours. Damn. Yeah. And it was great like that it was it made the k good so i mean you know put it in the microwave for 22 minutes you gotta wait if you want the good k it'll start popping up like jif pop you'll see you'll know when it's ready you'll know so so you start making your own yeah it's a liquid and you start making the powder because

yeah because i wanted your mom's microwave my mom's microwave is there any chance people can get high off the residual shit that's in that guy i don't think so no like i feel like they it would help my parents out if they would have you know know what I mean? Dad's like, it's the best goddamn microwave pizza I've ever had, baby. Tonight. Mama Celeste. Mama Celeste. This is incredible. So I never got caught with it.

But at that time, my parents. So wait, let's talk about it. How much are you selling? Like vials? A little vial? So I would get one bottle for like 40, 50 bucks. And then I would sell. I would probably get like. You turn that liquid into how many?

And what do you sell? Baggies? Like dime bags? Ten little dime bags. And what I would do is sell a bag for $20. And I would just sell two or three bags to make my money back. And then I would just do the rest. So not a drug dealer so much as a drug you yeah i was i was literally funding your habit a hundred percent to fund my habit and so from that now i'm

now i'm selling k at rave and how often are you doing ketamine a week probably three nights three nights a week because there was there was wednesday night there was there was uh the edge the edge was uh just another club like right down the street from nations and then thursday night was tracks which was a gay club but they had like a straight party on thursday nights and that was one of the best, you know, places to party in LA. And, and then Friday night, not in LA and DC. And then Friday night was always buzz.

And then Saturday would be like a house party. So when I took you back to Baltimore last year, and we went in that warehouse for the pregame, for the Ravens, for the Jimmy's party. Yeah. What was that? That was a paradox. That was fever. That Yeah. What was that? That was a paradox.

That was fever. That was, that was a, that was a buy. It was, I think it was like the, the second Tuesday of every month, um,

was, was, was paradox. Uh, and so, yeah, I drive up to, to Baltimore,

uh, to party and we'd go out of town to go to raves. I mean, it's just selling at all these places well no i would i i only i'd sell when i did the the the nations when i'd go to like to go to buzz but uh i was like starting to venture more into doing coke and it was just for the party like we would go up to new jersey and you know i'd go there maybe take an ecstasy pill do a bump okay jersey and you know i'd go there maybe take an ecstasy pill do a bump okay and then some of the jesus christ all that in one night oh my god that is fucking nothing do you know how many drugs i've

mixed in my life i didn't know how many you mix per night i remember there were times i remember one time we i remember i was in a club and i was high on k and I meet some guy and he's like sitting on the floor. And so I was like, well, this is a perfect place for me to sit. And I sat down next to him and he was just like, hey, man, I'll give you a bump of my I'll give you if you give me a bump of your K, I'll give you an ecstasy pill. And I was like, done. And so we traded it. I took the pill and we're hanging out. And then the next thing I know, I wake up and I'm in the car and like people are like smacking my face.

And they're like, they got like a chocolate bar, like orange juice. Like it's steel magnolias. Like, get him up, get him up. Keep his head up. He doesn't bite his tongue. But I, that was the thing, right? I never learned how to do drugs or drink properly so that just added to the mess that i was do you know what i mean yeah so uh so we're going to raves i remember one rave

we went to in new jersey uh two of the guys i went with were were high on pcp like that was all they wanted to do was smoke pcp and how would they smoke it well i don't know there was like a whole section of people that were just smoking pcp yeah that was the whole that was like in second it was in a big hockey arena so it was like section 101 like like in good seats yeah and they're down there down on the smoking pcp and then i had we like i mean me and todd the guy i worked with that at mozzarella like, yeah, we got to get out of here, man. We've been here. It's 5 in the morning.

The rave's shutting down. Go find Jesse and Aaron. And so I go and find them, and they're just spun out, real creepy looking. And then we get in the car, and we get on the New Jersey turnpike, and fucking Todd does something stupid, like change lanes quickly, and we get pulled over. So the cop walks up.

First of all, Todd's got bleach blonde hair, goddamn, like, ski mask on, like, or goggles. I've got, like, stickers all over my face. My pupils are probably this big. And then you have Jesse and Aaron in the back just not moving. And the cop's like, where y'all coming from? We're like, oh, we were just at the hockey arena. We were at the party.

He's like, you guys haven't been doing anything? And we're like, nah, man. And suddenly he's like, all right, well, let me get your id and jesse and aaron are sitting in the back you just hear jesse suddenly go what was that noise like oh man i don't know i don't think it feels good we got let go you know it's so funny man i should have gone to jail far so many so many times but i always got let go in those situations i remember leaving a rave once with two girls and i was high on ketamine and i was sitting in the back and this girl side swiped a car around dupont circle and then just kept going well that car was a fucking police officer so we get pulled over and then they pulled you they no they didn't chase us he just

just drove hey i'm a cop You just hit my car. All right, chill out for a second. Oh, God, man. Let's pull over. So he pulled us over, and there were the two girls in there, and the girls are, like, really getting scared. And they're like, well, we had to add a drink or two,

and blah, blah, blah, and apologetic. And then he sees me in the back, and he pulls me out, and he starts talking to me. Now, I'm in a massive K-hole. What's that like? It's just like you want to say words, but you can't. You'd just be like, But it makes sense to you or it doesn't?

My name's Josh. You would take, like, You just can't move. All right, I'll see what's going on here. I'm going to let these guys. They got special needs getting in the back here. We're going to go in. County's going to pay for this car.

All right. We got special needs. How? So. County's going to take this hit on the chin right here. We got a special needs getting back here. Josh. His name is Josh. Can I get

one of the special needs vans to pick up this guy? I'm going to be arresting these two girls, but we got to make sure he gets home. No, they didn't arrest them. They sideswiped the cop car and they got off? Yes. Yes. And basically.

Was it a cop? Like, was it a plane wrap or is it? No, it wasn't in a cop car like that. It was in like the normal. It was a cop in his car. It was a blind car. You know what I mean? People call it that.

And he pulls over and then he pulls me out and he's like how are you doing do you want anything and i'm like no and he goes he goes can you drive he's like do you mind driving these girls home i want to let them go and i was like okay and then he you know what let me get back i'm gonna let the special needs kid drive these ladies overnight man don't worry about this this fucking cop't worry about this he puts me in this he puts me in the driver's seat the girls get in the back i literally drive like a half a block he drives by us and then we did the switch um i remember one time i got and i told this story on the crab feast when um one night we went to a rave with these guys i never hung

out with and they'd been drinking and in the car and they had coke and a gun had all this crazy shit and we got pulled over because he made an illegal left turn uh to get on to like 395 and we got pulled over and i got blamed for everything because i was sitting by the beers and so the cop put me in handcuffs and you know i started crying as you do as i do i cry a lot so i started crying uh angry tears and not like sad tears but i was like you motherfuckers i was like it's not mine it's not mine say it yeah and the cops like all right this this mother like let him go and so they made us they made us dump everything out and dude even one time in baltimore me and my friend matt were leaving we

were driving down broadway and we're at a stoplight and we're high as fuck on coke and we've been drinking we just left jd's and a cop pulls us over because it's such a weird intersection that broadway fleet street there's like a light here and then a light it's so quick we get pulled over and the cop pulls over she's like she's like have you been drinking he goes i'm not gonna lie to you i have been she's like how close do you live he's like literally seven blocks there and she goes get home holy shit so uh so yeah i've gotten gotten off a lot from different times that probably should have ruined my life at the time. But you've talked to me, and I've even been with you at a time, too, where you told me the process of how you find, like I say, how do you get these pills? Because you also got into painkillers and stuff.

When I met you, what did you tell me? 25 Vicodin a day? For real? killers and stuff when i met you you were what'd you tell me 25 viking in a day for real no when so so vikadin started shortly after the raves because i mean led to ketamine so yeah so ketamine led to coke and then coke and alcohol and then what i started noticing was that i couldn't drink because if i drank like i made a fool out of myself but like i remember like at a huge house party kicking over a big fire barrel that they were roasting marshmallows on. Because I was just drunk, acting like an idiot.

I would always get in trouble when I drank. So when I found opiates, because my buddy just kept, he'd always get a couple hundred. And we'd just take one. And you just felt incredible. Like all the shit my dad had said to me was just gone and at that point i was a confident like just i was like the cool guy every time i did opiate somebody told me this about how to explain the feeling on oxycontin it's like you walk into a room and you know that you feel better than every single person in there like you're floating or like getting into a bath and just

taking that water with you um and if anybody have seen my instagram stories you know i love baths so it's fucking it's just because it's like i think it's because i feel like i'm in my mom's womb and i'm just this still this scared little child throughout life i handle it better now but for a long time i was just afraid of everything um and so i find opiates while i'm still living at home and uh you know i would take a few from my mom here and there but then i started then oxy that's where you that's where you first got on your parents see i firmly believe that opiates are that gateway drug everybody's getting this shit in their parents uh medicine cabinet and then it's leading to heroin no it is no it is well so what happened

was i there was like where my dad really finally erupted on me was this is i'm calming down on going to raves but i'm like still doing coke i'm still drinking and me and my friend joel go to this party in towson right and i had a car that me and my mom shared it was a brand new honda civic had a car that me and my mom shared it was a brand new honda civic and original rims was a great 1999 car it was great my parents leased two cars because i wrecked another car on my way home from a rave so yeah i know i'm a mess so i we go to this party and i'm getting drunk joel's getting drunk but joel's not drinking as much as I am, and then it's time to end the party, and they're just like, you can sleep here, and I'm like, well, I have to get home because my mom needs the car tomorrow morning, and so Joel's like, I'll drive.

I'm like, perfect, and then we get in the car, and I'm like, dude, I can drive, man. I don't want you driving my car, and he's like, all right, and so we switch seats, and I get behind the driver's seat, and as we're driving, we're taking 70, and then we get off in Damascus, which is these back roads. And I'm just going like 100 miles an hour down during like down like a two lane road. And you know how curvy it is in those Maryland back roads. Yeah. And we're just listening to Metallica. And I'm just like, you know, I remember like looking at Joel and like hearing Master of Puppets and being like, we're balling, we're balling.

And then next thing I know, the road curves and i overcompensate for it and i just hit on the side of like a huge light pole you side swipe it side no i like i mean t-boned it if that's it like we should have died holy shit we should have died um it was a bad accident but we were both fine we were beaten and bruised and the funniest thing was as we're trying to get out of the car the radio wouldn't go off so it's just like master master and i'm like ah are you okay master a puppet is completed come on let's get out of here master master master i mean it fucking it fucked us up and then and that was the night and the cop show up they arrest me and that was the night my dad was just like he's like was that your first arrest my first not my first arrest but my first arrest of my parents knew oh you know i had gotten arrested how'd you hide that how'd you hide an arrest oh i got arrested at senior week in myrtle beach

public intoxication so it was nothing you pay the 50 you never have to come back um but this time though it was like they the cops took me to the station in germantown and then drove me to my parents house or my parents had to come and get me and i remember my dad like walking downstairs and this is like a brand new car maybe like eight nine months old we've had it and my dad just being like he didn't he didn't even yell at me my dad just like gave me that look that of just like like you're a piece of shit like he just looked at me and he went right back upstairs and so knowing that that i couldn't drink you know then i started dabbling in the opiates and i had friends that would do it and then when i moved to baltimore that was when i was in this big rave collective uh called syndrome

it was a rave collective i was it was it was me mike barbarisi pj eric uh brian and kairi kairil we they were like drum and bass djs and uh we threw this bi-weekly party uh at 16 4 16 14 eastern avenue in baltimore this little nightclub and i just moved to baltimore because after the first ui accident i had to get my life together and i started working at school to try to get trust back from my parents and then i moved to baltimore and and that was where pj was this dealer of like oxycontin he had every pill you could think of he'd be like you want to he's like you want to fall asleep you need a valium he's like you got indigestion you want lipitor like what do you need he had everything and that was when i started dabbling in oxycontin and back then you could actually snort it still so you'd like what do you mean still you can't well so it used to be

like a powdered form so it's a pill that you could crush right now because so many people overdosed and we're basically just using the the pill for to snort or smoke, they turn it into like a, not like a gel, but like a hard gel. So you can't, you can bite it, but it's like, it won't give you the same like instantaneous effect as it used to, where you could, when you started time release or whatever. Yeah. But that was when I started dabbling in that. And, and I remember like, I, I was just, I was, you know, I, one of the, my problems was like, I, I, when I,

I always wanted to like to be in love and there were so many different girls that we'd go out on like one or two dates. And then, and then I just like turn into of mice and men and just like call them like 40 times in a row because I just wanted to hang out with them. Um, and so there wasn't cell phones back then. So, and I would just scare these girls off. And I remember there was some girl in Baltimore that I met and we hung out for a week and, and then I dropped her off after she spent the night at my house one night at the gym she worked at. And, and then she just like ghosted me and I was just, you know, miserable. And that was when I was dabbling in opiates. And then I was

just, I started buying more and drinking and, and then I had to drop out of school and move back to my parents' house, um, because I just run up my credit cards and I was in debt and I worked for like a restaurant, you know, for a while. And I just kept, you you know taking more and more painkillers um because that just made me feel great and then i get back to school i keep partying but then it like opiates had chilled out for a while until i got my third dui because i still got two other duis after that like i got one i can't even go ahead i got one when I was 19 that was the first one or 20 I got the second one at 22 you got a DUI before you were even 21 yeah that's a big deal I didn't get in a lot of trouble for my DUIs like to be honest with you first one got dropped

because the cop felt bad for me because I was crying from the accident site to the jail. I was just like, my parents are going to kill me. And he's like, you're going to be all right, man. And I was just like, he's pep-talking you.

He's like, don't worry about it, man. You're going to be fine. And I'm like, my dad's going to kill me. He already hates me. So he let you go? He didn't let me go.

So I got a lawyer and then we went to court and he never showed up. And so they dropped the charges. So on the second DUI, I was leaving a party in Baltimore and we get to... I play at three or four beers and we go to leave or i go to leave and i'm driving down like lock raven boulevard uh and i guess one of my taillights was out so i got

pulled over um and i blew a 0.08 but that was like right at the limit so you know they made me park my car and then they arrested me and then i went to uh jail not jail i went to a like holding cell no hold yeah i guess like i know i went to the the the baltimore county detention center because i admitted that i had a dui before not knowing that that one never showed up because it was dropped oh um and i was in there for only a day and then that started like the downfall then with that and the girl and everything i was just using way too much um and i had to like daily routine uh back then the drugs i mean what do you mean at that time at that time it was every day i was wait well yeah i wasn't doing coke no

i was i was just doing a lot of drinking and so maybe like once or twice a week i do opiates but i would i would have a bong hit like the second i waked up uh and then every night i would drink like i would drink every night because that's all you do in baltimore you know that um but then it was like i moved back home got my life back together uh worked for a chicken wing restaurant called cluck you you chicken bro college park worked i worked at the one in germantown and they made us they made us worked for a chicken wing restaurant called Cluck You. Cluck You Chicken, bro. College Park? I worked at the one in Germantown. And they made us, they made us,

when we answered the phone, because this was like a separate entity. They all have different owners. We had to answer the phone. I'm the general manager, and we had to go, Cluck You Chicken. I swear to God, dude.

I don't remember you ever telling me that. I swear to God I've told you that. You'd be like, cluck you. We got another call coming in. Hang on a second. Hang on, cluck you. But it was so funny because I worked there to get out of debt because I'd run up my credit card debt so high. Are things getting better, worse, no change with your dad at this point?

Here's what I did. No, me and my dad, I would lose his trust, and then I'd start gaining it back, and then I would do something huge. I got accepted to college, and he'd be like, yes, Josh is on the right track. And then I get to college, and I start drinking and partying, and I get a DUI, and then I move back home. And then it was like, I'm going to be in a band for a while and just party. And then I would do that. My dad looks at me like I'm a and partying. I get a DUI and then I moved back home. And then it was like, I'm gonna be in a band for a while and just party. And then I would do that.

My dad looks at me like I'm a piece of shit. And then something happens and I just switch and I start cleaning my act up. I'm not drinking as much. I start working hard at JC. And the next thing I know, I go back to college. And so I worked at Cluck You Chicken, paid off my debt, got re-accepted into Towson, and then I started going back to Towson.

And then it was just drinking and doing coke. But I was like, I didn't get any DUIs. I didn't do anything wrong. I was actually finishing school and just working my butt off. And then I graduate college, and it is like I get this job at channel one news uh which is like it it's just went up it just just went under didn't it finally i don't know but it was uh i meet people that had channel one channel one was yeah when you mentioned it on the crab feast a bunch of people hit us who've been like uh yeah cooper i think anderson cooper uh alexander marquard i

had worked with him he's like a cnn dude um but it was this great job but i got hired and for the first like two months that i lived there i was just drinking and doing coke a lot because now i have money and what happens is on one night i get off work and i go to uh this bar that was across the street because there was this beautiful blonde girl that worked there and she would just feed me johnny walker and barely charge me maybe i have an app like a bruschetta yeah but for the most part i get hammered and then i would just drive back from connecticut avenue back home one night i just i just was drinking and the next thing i know i'm on 270 like drunk as fuck you know trying to get to my

parents house where i was staying and i get off this i get off the highway and i'm driving down middle brook or 118 and a cop gets behind me and so i pull over into this gas station to try to lose the cop and then i get back in the car and I start driving into my parents' neighborhood. And that cop just shows up right behind me with his lights on. With his lights on. Now, it's December. So I'm just like, fuck this, man. I'm just going to drive to my parents' house and get out of the car and walk inside. And just act like, you know, this never happened.

And I remember I park. I start getting out of that car. I walk up to the front door. And the next thing I know, that cop just runs up behind me and starts choking me. And I'm just like, ah! Throws me down. It's a little woman. She's this little woman.

She fucking, goddamn, you an elf? Is that an elf on my back? But she throws me down. And then she's like, why were you running from me? Why were you running? I'm like, I was like, where'd you come from? And she's like why were you running for me why were you running i'm like i was like where'd you come from and she's like how did you not see me i had the lights on for the last like five minutes and i was like oh i just thought you were the christmas lights so i say to her i'm like just arrest me i was like, I'm drunk. Take me to jail. You say this. Yeah, because it's in front of my parents' house, man.

Have they come out yet? No. And I didn't want them to. Are the lights on the car? Lights on everything. Dude, the Johnsons woke up. They were outside like, typical Josh, that piece of shit. That motherfucker.

Look at him over there. Ran over the bushes again. I can look at him over there. Ran over the bushes again. So from that moment, I realized that it was like I had to really clean myself up. And alcohol was not the way to do it. Wait, did your parents come out and find you? No, they didn't find out that I got the DUI until it was already case closed. When I told them like seven, eight months later.

So they didn't even see the whole incident out front or anything? They the lady arrested you she arrested me and took me to jail and and then i just i think they either they released me just on my own recognizance they write you up and then they just let you go um but they took my car hour hold or some shit not 12 hour hold but they took my car they tow it so it's not like i can drive anyway so there's like find your way home and so a cop and a tow truck showed up at that house your parents never fucking came out and saw a thing the deep sleepers man they clearly do that shit but from that i stopped drinking and really haven't drank regularly since that but what happened was a month later i went to the gym and i was doing some exercise and i turned my head a certain way as i'm pulling and i pop something in my neck and so i go to like an urgent care and they they're

like well you know can you get a ride because somebody come pick you up i was like yeah i can get my mom to pick me up they're like because we want to give you like a painkiller and they gave me dilaudid they gave me a shot of dilaudid and they gave me a prescription for Vicodin. And then that was it. Like I felt so incredible. I remember going home and I'm, I'm joking with my family and then I have some painkillers throughout the week. So I'm taking that. And then that's what started me to go doctor shopping. Yeah. Talk about doctor shopping. Cause I found this fascinating when, uh, when you were doing it. So, all right. So doctor shopping, i don't know if you could do it as much anymore but doctor shopping is you know especially if you have insurance it can work but if you pay out of if you pay out of pocket it works a lot easier

it's just you go to a doctor and you you're just like i have a back pain and it's killing me and my story was always i hurt my back and i have to work uh and i move around a lot so i need something just to get me through. I'm like, I just got to get to, I got two weeks, and then I'm off. It's always, I got two weeks of work, and then I can rest and take care of myself. And most doctors, they look at me, and, you know, I wouldn't look like shit. So they were just like, okay. And they'd give me a prescription for like 50 Vicodin ES or Norcos or whatever.

And you would just show up at their office? Just make, I i go to a lot of urgent cares or emergency rooms um some emergency rooms when i started doing it out here in los angeles some emergency rooms where i'd like i remember i went like five times in like in like three months they all have you're connected now yeah all that and they would just be like they made me sign something saying i couldn't come back they They were like, we'll help you this time, but please don't come back here. Really?

Yeah. Cause they know what I'm doing at a certain point. But in LA I started to like, because I was like, God, I've done all the American English speaking doctors. Let me go to some of these in Koreatown. And so I have to go to Koreatown where literally I'm the only white person in the room.

It would be like, Dr. Long Dong Shlong. And literally, I'd have to explain to him. He barely speaks English. And I'm just like, back. Ooh. Vicodin? Vicodin. I swear to God, dude.

And they would write me a prescription. Just to get you to fuck out of there. Just to get me the fuck out of there, dude. Because they would write me a prescription. Just to get you to fuck out of there. Just to get me the fuck out of there, dude. Because they can't say no if I'm just like, I'm in pain, and they do all the tests, and I'm also a paying customer. They assume I'm going to pay like $150 for the

appointment. Little did they know I was giving them a bad check. You were writing bad checks? Hold on, dude. So you're writing bad checks on top of getting illegal fucking drugs? And then how does that come back to bite you in the ass, the bad checks? I never got, I mean, I basically closed that account.

No, I never, I never, I closed that account. Closed it. It was open a new account. It was an account that was in Maryland. Got 14 toasters, man. It was an account that was in Maryland. I got 14 toasters, man. It was an account that was closed. You want a hot air cooker? What you want?

I got you everything. I had a cooler one time. I got a cooler. What I would do is I'd go to the doctor. The doctor's offices would take checks. And so you're writing an appointment with someone with like $500. I'm going to a specialist out

here in California. So I would give them a $5 check and then I'd get the prescription for opiates and I'd go fill it. Is it a one-off or do you get a refill on those? Some you get a refill. Back then, these days, it's usually they have to call

the refill now, I believe. Well, yeah, you'd call it in from the prescription bottle, but it would be on there. And you're just going to Rite Aid. So after a while, I knew that the doctor shopping just wasn't working as easy as I wanted it to. So then I started calling in fake prescriptions at pharmacies here in Los Angeles. And what do you would just call right aid so yes so you you take the prescription and it's got the dea number and then all the doctor's information so i call a right and say you're who i'd be like i'm doctor uh you would say you're

the doctor i'm dr bitswani uh yes i'm calling in prescription for tony. Like, I'd use all comics that I knew. I'm calling in prescription for Jay Larson, for Vicodin ES. Take one pill every four to six hours is needed for pain. Three refills. But then you go, and don't you have to show up with that ID? No. What do you mean? So the first one I was really scared. You're saying you're Jay Larson.

You don't have to show up with Jay Larson. No. No. Not at that time. I don't know what they do now Jay Larson. No, no. Not at that time. I don't know what they do now, but at that time, you can't even call in a prescription for opiates now. You have to actually have the prescription pad. But basically, I remember the first one, I was just risking it,

and I called a Walgreens, and I just, I've never been more scared walking up to that counter and I walk up to them and I'm just like, yeah, I'm here to pick up the description. I gave my real name the first time and they filled it. And I was like, holy shit. They didn't ask for ID or nothing. I was like, this shit works. So then I just started calling this right aid and they would fill it every time. And I just do a different name. And I, I literally use comedians that i knew you know um and yeah here to pick up for kurt bronelicher but uh i never really got in trouble for it and so i would just call in more and more because dude you're getting a prescription for fucking like 30 you're getting a prescription for 30 and if i got

that same amount on the street, it would cost, you know, a hundred painkillers I used to buy from this dealer in downtown LA for 300 bucks. So that's $3 a pill. I'm getting them for like 50 cents a pill. And I never got caught. Would you sell those sometimes?

That's the thing is I never sold them. No? I just took them because, you know, what I'm- What is the street value of a pill? I just took them because, you know, what I'm- What is the street value of a pill? If you're getting it for 50 cents, what, a 10, 5, depending on how many you buy? A 10 milligram. I mean price.

How many- I know, but I'm saying a 10 milligram pill of Vicodin, so hydrocodone, now, or the last time I bought it, which was well over three years ago, would be about $7 a pill. Sometimes you can find somebody to give it to you for five. The Vicodin ES, which were 7.5s and had a lot of Tylenol in them, I found a dealer in downtown LA that would sell it for $3 a pill, but only because I was buying 100. Do you know what I mean? He knocked off some money for it. And that was just too expensive. So when you're in the throes of addiction, like you'll just do anything.

That's all you care about is not getting sick, you know? And plus during that time, you know, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I didn't have a lot of friends. I hadn't started standup yet. I was working in television and I was just lonely and Vicodin made me feel whole, you know? So I just didn't care about the ramification. Didn't care about my credit. Didn't care about anything.

I just wanted to get high. Well, when you started to see the increase amount, like when you, like I said, you said you met me, you were 20 to 25 a day. Like, I mean, if you're buying a hundred pills, that's only four days worth well or a week's worth let's just say yeah i'd say it would be about a week through 100 pills in a week i could easy and it's not easy three or four days you or ripping your stomach apart or you're shitting i know that oh yeah dude for days oh yeah i remember one time i well this was after when i started going from viking into the harder drugs like i remember one time I didn't shit for like five days. So I had to take a stool softener and that worked. It didn't really affect me, dude. When I was taking painkillers, man,

everything was great. My whole life could be falling apart but i felt incredible and i you know i then started stand up and when you're talking about the time where i took 25 when i met you was because i got my first show at the hollywood improv i'm hanging out with all the comics and i just started doing opiates again and i had a big my first real actual show at the improv and i i remember through i started the morning with like five. Then I take them. I take five more, a few hours later. And by the time I got on stage,

I was at probably 25, 30 dude, one on my birthday. One night I fucking took 55, 55, 55 throughout the whole day through the whole day in a 12 hour day. Yeah, dude.

At when we were doing the unknown theater, like I remember, and I was giving them out to fucking one of the guys in the band and it was just it just you build up a tolerance i hear you build up a tolerance but like i've said before if i did 55 advil m&ms my fucking body would throw them up but you don't you also get like like with weed i only get high. I can only get to a point where I don't get any higher. After that, I'm just smoking and it's doing nothing but either maintaining or, you know, I'm wasting it. 55, aren't you just fucking through the roof? Like, how can you talk, walk, function?

You were doing stand-up with that? It was giving me that. See, that's what happened was when I did that stand-up set, I fucking walked out there and I felt no pain. I was the most confident comedian. Like, I was Chris Rock when I walked out there. And everybody on that show ate shit but me. I fucking ripped. You were invicting him.

Yes, I did. 25 of them. God. But I killed, dude. And so I get off stage station everybody's dapping me and like dude you're fucking funny man like i've seen you go up i didn't really think you were that funny but you can do this shit and so in my head i was only funny if i was high you know what i mean so then it just got got even worse like it would just every show i would have to you know

get high and do painkillers but i couldn't afford because i'm a broke comic now i'm not working in television so i what's easier go downtown spend 300 on 100 pills or call it in calling a prescription for 50 and that's 14 bucks right you know so eventually uh i did it at a pharmacy on Ventura. There is a- Is this one of my favorites? Yeah, this is- Yeah, I want you to repeat this.

So one time I go into this pharmacy- I tell everybody this. At the corner of Crescent Heights and- Not Crescent Heights. It was Laurel Canyon and Ventura. And I go in there and I call in prescription for 30 Vicodin ES, right? And I'm waiting in line.

Also at the time, like I just, any name I could get, I just was so strung out. Yeah, I was going to say out of your mind. I'm so strung out. And so I go in line and there's this girl and she's in line and we start talking to one another and I'm flirting with her. She's flirting back. And then eventually they call and they're like all right you're next

and so i turn it on i go hold on i'll be right back and then i just go ah fuck my back and then i start walking up to the gingerly walk you got it yeah dude you gotta play it up i'd have to be like you need my wallet got any crutches i come in a rascal scooter like no but i'm like i'm like let me get my wallet oh shit hurts when i turn and then i pull my wallet out and i'm like yeah i'm here to pick up the prescription and the guy's giving the name and he looks at me and he just goes all right he goes wait right here and he starts to go in the back but he will not take his eyes off of me like this dude is eyeballing me dude there's probably 15 people in line keep this in mind and then the the guy turns around and walks up in front of everybody.

He goes, attention, everyone in this pharmacy. That man right there called in a fake prescription for Vicodin. If I ever see you in here again, Mr. Oral Hershiser, I will call the police. Now leave. Oral Hirschheiser you use in fucking Los Angeles. Actually anywhere. That name.

There is no other Oral Hirschheiser unless it's in that fucking app. That is unbelievable. I'd already use Vladimir Guerrero. Ron Carew was taken he called you i see you in here again pistol pete medevich he fucking told everybody in that store called you out he humiliated me and then i walked by there do i go i go all right man I don't know what you're talking about. Like, you got to throw it back at him. Like, man, you crazy. All right.

I see y'all. Man, what you talking about? All right, you acting like that again? All right. All right, I see how it is. I see how it is. You know, I'm a gold glove winner. You know, my bullpen session is about 15.

I got to get the fuck out of here. Oh, my God. Oral hergizer. I can't even believe you did that. That's how fucking out of your mind you were to use that name. But that's what's funny is that that didn't stop me. It's like Scottie Pippen in Chicago. It's crazy.

I know, but you just don't think, dude. You just do. you know it's crazy i know but you just don't think dude you just you just do and you know then it was then i started dating uh britney shortly after that like i started you know i got a job at the strip club as a dj um you seem to have managed to somehow keep drugs around you throughout your jobs drug yeah drugs it would be well i when got that third DUI, that was it with me and alcohol. I drank when I first moved to Los Angeles because I wanted to fit in, and that's what I thought everybody did. Yeah, I've never seen you have a drop of alcohol.

No. You might have. You might have. Yeah. I mean, I haven't drank regularly in 13 years, but I've had – I haven't drank actually in over five now. actually in over five now um but i would have like what i would do is um i would stay sober throughout the whole year right but then my buddy bine fest moved to venice and what i would do he was a guy i used to do party and do coke with in in baltimore and when he moved to venice i would

just get so frustrated with the career. And I would just be like, yo man, I'm coming over. And I just, I'd see him. It'd be like midday, 4 PM. I'd drop like $500 or I'd be like,

let's get some, let's get as much Coke as we can. And I would just do drugs for like two days straight, drink and do cocaine. And then I'd stop doing it. And then I'd go back to LA, go back to Hollywood. And I wouldn't do it again for a year.

It was like rum spring. You know what I mean? Like it was my rum spring. Like I, I wanted to do as many drugs as I could in, in those two days. And then that would appease me. You know, it's like given the monster, like, you know, like a sacrifice. Um, and, but then i when i found comedy it was just opiates and weed um and then i start dating britney and me and britney she starts cleaning me up even more and then finally after having lost in one my dad's love when i got with britney he started to like become proud of me you know i got i got a bank account again um you know i was paying i wasn't paying you know like my debt back but i was just working he saw the work that i was doing like comedy saved my life it gave me something to like really hold on to yeah me too yeah i mean

it's like that's that's that's been the one consistent and And it's like, drugs helped me with the confidence. It helped me with all of that on stage. But at that point, when I got with Brittany, it was like I would just smoke pot, and I was just doing spots. And we had a home, and we had dogs, and everything was great. My mom and dad were proud of me.

And then shortly into the relationship i started taking painkillers again and i think that was probably the demise the beginning of what destroyed our relationship the the uh the you know the lies you know like she knew i took painkillers once in a while i know the lies yeah so it was just like just to not i just didn't you know so i could just do drugs and still have this life and it was such a battle like i would go a month clean party for two weeks because i'm working at a strip club man it's like i hate it it's all around i hated that job but at the time i didn't hate it as much but i just i hated being in that

relationship like that was it was a hard relationship to be in and it was just like she would yell at me you know she had issues so she would just you know shit on me and then she'd love me and then she'd shit on me and then she loved me and so i started partying a little bit um and then towards the end of the relationship you know it got bad and you know my dad got sick and he died and i remember when you went home for that yeah and what what happened with my dad which is which i can build off of now and and i can look back at all the stuff that he did because he wasn't a horrible father like he just never had a father so he didn't know how to raise me. But also, you were a fucking hellion.

Yeah, but... It isn't like even if he did have a dad, I mean, I wouldn't know how to raise that either. You wouldn't know how to raise you. If you were a dad right now and you had exactly what you had, you wouldn't know how to fucking do that. I'd love him. I wouldn't shit on him. I hear you on that. I wouldn't do that. You had a mom that was like that and and you've turned out great considering you

know losing your dad so early and losing your mom and really losing your mom she might as well have been dead for years yeah you know i luckily had my mom yeah she was a consistent but but my and my dad like it's so funny right like my did he ever say the words, I hate you? Did you ever hear that of your father? Or do you usually get the, I'm disappointed, like that salt-crushing shit? I don't think my dad ever said he hated me. No. I really don't. But, I mean, he would just, anything that went wrong, it was my fault.

Anything. You know, he's like, we're missing money. Josh, did you steal the money? And I'm like, no, I didn't steal it. I would get blamed for everything. If something got cleaned up, if there was a mess, whatever it was. Even now, my mom,

when we get together, she'll bring up my dad and she'll be like, well, he was always so hard on you and me. You remember when he said this to you? I'm like, no, I don't remember that. Thank you for reminding me of this horrible thing my dad said. You know?

And that's the thing is that I'm able to drop all of that because I'm looking at how it ended. You know, my dad. How old was your dad when he died? 69. Him and my mom went up to Pennsylvania. Did they stay together the whole time? Yeah.

Oh, they hated each other. But they stayed together. For us. And my mom, that's the thing is my mom will not drop that. Like, she's like, she's like, I should have left your father, but I stayed together for you two. I'm like, no, you fucked up. You can't be mad. That's right. Don't blame me and Jody for you not you know say you

know taking control of your life and being like i mean like no i don't this you're treating me like shit we shouldn't be together you're on your own and she just he's very martyr like so my dad and my mom go up to pennsylvania for her um for. And, and I guess my dad just was out at my dad's friend's house and just started having like chest pains. And how I found out was I was working at the strip club Friday shift. Uh, it was probably like three, 4 PM. I used to get off at six 30 and my mom calls me and she's just like, you can hear it in her voice she's like josh you need to go home now uh britney's packing you a bag um she's like you have to go to the airport i'm buying you a ticket dad is is just had he's having heart surgery uh you need to come home now bring a suit oh my god so she's like it's bad and. And I start freaking out. And I remember running into like the street,

like running out of the club into the street. You know, luckily we're out by the train tracks because that's where they always put every strip club. Like, you know, but I remember getting in my car and my manager was like, just go. I get in my car and then I call my sister who was a doctor and I go, Jody, what's going on? And she's just like, this is bad.

You know, she just leveled with me. She goes, Josh, Josh this is really bad he had an aneurysm we think and he's going into heart surgery now um I don't know what's going to happen and I just was losing it and losing and I get home and Brittany was there and she you know for for however the relationship ended with us fucking fighting and her leaving me for another guy or whatever it was, I'll love that girl forever because how strong she was when my dad. You know I love her. Yeah, I know. She's great.

No, I'm not shitting on her. It's like we've gone back and forth with love and hate before we became friends again, and now we're friends. But she was so great when my dad got sick that I'll, I'll love her unconditionally forever. And I'm so happy. She's happy now, but, um, my dad actually didn't die. He lived, he like he, they saved him a 10% chance of survival. And so I had a month with my dad and in that month, you know, me and my dad talked a lot on the phone and he just saw, he just basically was like,

I'm proud of you. You know, I, I'm really, I'm, I'm so happy that you followed your dreams and I know you're going to be okay. And,

and I'm, I'm in, I look at my life as that moment now with my dad, not. Can I ask you at that last month that he know he was going to die? Did he, did they tell him you don't have much time?

Did he know he was saying goodbye? No, he didn't. That was what was funny is that they saved him and then he was in the hospital in Pennsylvania and then they got him down to Maryland and he was fine. And then he would just start having these weird heart palpitations. Not pains, but palpitations. And they had to keep

checking on him to make sure he was all right and they'd be like yeah we're this is this is giving us a little worry so we're gonna take you in for these tests and then eventually um they were like we have to put a stent in your neck because you have an artery that's clogged and they uh they put him under it was at johns hopkins but i think he knew then because I remember right before that, my mom was like, he said he was nervous. He's like, I've been through a lot, man. In the last month, I've been poked. I've been prodded.

Like, I'm tired. And they put him under, and he had a stroke. And he was gone. While he was under? Yeah. And he was gone. I remember I got the phone call. My mom was like, you need to come home. Like stop you know because i just did not want to accept it and i just was like britney

and angelo and i were hanging and i was like no this is what i'm doing i don't got he's gonna be fine he's gonna be fine and then finally my sister was like dude you have to come home like dad's gonna die we have to say goodbye to him and i went back and i remember like this is just where i was at like i was you know i hadn't been using painkillers but I walked into that house and saw my dad's you know oxys on the counter and I was like fuck this I'm not doing this sober you know and I just got high and then went to go say goodbye to my dad and you walk in there and he's got the head shaved with a scar from here to here and I held his hand and you know I always remember how soft his hand was it was like it was just and he was just he was gone he was a vegetable and uh they took him off the

thing and then and then that was it you know and and uh I remember that the day of my dad's funeral I had a cousin like my friend Greg came up because he loved my dad. And I hadn't been drinking really. But I was like, fuck it. I'm going to drink some wine. And I got drunk at my dad's funeral. Not like a scene, but just had some beer. And then my cousin was there. And she was addicted to painkillers because there was like a lot of friends in her high school in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Because half the country is fucking addicted to painkillers. But this is like, this is Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. So it's like everywhere there. I remember her going through her yearbook and being like dead, dead, arrested, rehab, rehab, rehab, valedictorian, rehab, rehab. But she got me oxys. And I remember I went to the bathroom. She got me enough for the week. And I got to the bathroom and I snorted a painkiller.

And I remember I went to the bathroom. She got me enough for the week. And I got to the bathroom and I snorted a painkiller. And then that night, me and Greg had been drinking. And we get back to my aunt's house where they're sitting Shiva. And they literally have a rabbi come. And he does like a prayer every night. The Mourner's Kaddish. And I remember I walked in and my dad had these two friends, Ralph and Malcolm.

Ralph Prinsky and Malcolm Cohen. And Malcolm was just, I loved him so much when I was younger, but as I got older, I realized how much of a dick this guy was to my mom. He was just my dad's friend from high school. And I remember Malcolm, like, I don't know if he walked up to me,

but he, or he said to my mom, but I remember he said, he was like, he looked at me, he said, your dad always said he should have been harder on you yeah i i've had someone say something like that to me too and they were carrying my dad's body out of the house i'm like this is the time you want exactly exactly and that was it that was literally it between me and him i was just like cool that's we're done um and from that it was was just, you know, I go back to LA and then I would still dabble with painkillers.

But around a year after my dad died, I remember I started getting into the program, like a 12-step program. And that was right at the time we went to Thai Palms. Yeah. And then me and Brittany break up. She leaves me for another guy and i go home and then i just and then i like i go home my mom's got all these painkillers i'm sad that and that that britney's broken up with me angelo just found out he had had cancer so i'm like all alone in la so of course i want to get high And then we get back from the holidays and there was this glimmer of hope

because Ang had beaten the cancer. And I was like, all right, well, I'm going to be high now, but I'll get back to LA and I'll sober up. And the night I got back home, me and Ang get hit by a drunk driver.

Yeah. Uh, Ang is gone. Angelo dies. Angelo dies. I break my arm, fracture fracture my skull i'm taken to the hospital and they're like here's all the painkillers i learned what the law it was well you yeah because you were coming in to see me and i would just be like laid out and we i start talking and then it would be like two hours i'd be like yeah but it's two hours. I need another hit. Yeah. And then they would come in and shoot me up.

Yeah. That was a really difficult, sad time. That was really tough. But now, how long have you been clean and sober now? I've been clean since May 17th, 2016. That's great. You're over three years. Over three years.

Thank you, man. Well, there was, you know it it got to a point angelo dies and for seven months it was hardcore op he was three hundred dollars a day and then i got sober like i remember i cleaned up i was like i'm done you spent 300 a day yeah i do well everybody donated money to me and it was just like i get insurance money and it's just dude i just lost my best friend they were giving me all these strong painkillers and then suddenly it was like oh we're not going to give them to you anymore so i was like fuck this i don't i didn't want to be alive like i literally wanted to take

painkillers and overdose and die because i tried to go back to stand up to feel normal and for seven months it was just hardcore opiate use. And I was like, I'm fed up of this. And then I went through the withdrawals, went through the detox, and my life got incredibly better. Because now I'm not drinking. I'm not doing coke. I'm not fucking, you know, taking painkillers. And then right around the time I got new faces, you know, I had these like passport issues. And I was just like, it scared the shit out of me that I had worked like passport issues and I was just like, it scared

the shit out of me that I had worked for new faces and I might not be able to go because the federal government's like, we're not going to give you your passport. And so I remember I started using again and then it was just, that's all it ever was from that point. It was just, as I started getting success, I never felt like I deserved it because my dad said to me, and because of losing hands and I would just take painkillers and, and then I would, uh,

you know, get sober for a couple of weeks. And then I, then as the goddamn comedy jam got bigger, I get nervous and I take more painkillers. And then it was just like, well, I can only do the jam if I'm high.

And it just was like, now I have money, but I'm still working at the strip club and I feel like a piece of shit because I'm working there, but I'm doing all this great stuff. And my body was just going through this like horrible cycle of not dealing with anything because I would just numb myself and then finally in May of 2016 I had had one final relapse and I remember Sam Tripoli saw me at the comedy store and and I was pale white, and I looked like shit,

and he goes, you relapsed again, didn't you? And I was like, yeah, man, I did. And he goes, when are you going to stop this? And I go, probably when I die. And he goes, or you're going to be the 50-year-old guy still hanging out at the comedy store that almost had a TV show, but then he ruined it because of drugs.

And at that exact moment, it was like done good percent just done yeah and then i haven't taken him since that's great yeah you sold a series to comedy central sold a series on opiates actually so it was it did help for a lot of stuff i mean but also you now have a podcast at spotify so you're doing great. Yeah. You're doing really good. It's everything's great. Well,

I love you. I'm glad you're fucking cleaned up. Cause it was a ride. It was a ride. Um, thank you for coming on, dude. Oh,

it's my pleasure. I love you. I love you to death. Uh, want you one more time, plug whatever you'd like to plug and promote. Uh, you can find me at Josh,

Adam Myers on all social media. Go to the website, the500podcast.com or joshadamirors.com and check out the 500 podcast on all platforms. All right, brother. I am Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week.