The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Adam Meyers - Noga Beans

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is the 4-legged fleece freak, Josh Adam Meyers! Josh returns to share stories about selling “Noga Beans” in high school that ended up with the police getting involved, a Lollapalooza he’ll never forget but can’t totally remember and losing his virginity. Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel & watch The Dew there every toozdee! Sign up for my new Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail]! Sponsors: If you visit http://expressvpn.com/honeydew, you can get an extra 3 months of ExpressVPN for free! Go to keeps.com/HoneyDew to receive your first month of treatment for free Go to stamps.com and enter HONEYDEW for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment  

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by ExpressVPN, Stamps.com, and Keeps. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here at The Honeydew Studios, doing it at the Santa Monica Music Center. I am Ryan Sickler. I'm Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. Go to the website.

Sign up for my email list. You'll be the first to know about any updates regarding myself, the shows, all that good stuff. And if you haven't yet please go subscribe to my youtube channel that's where the video is uh youtube.com slash r sickler also make sure you follow my facebook fan page as well be getting a lot of content over there um and the honey do with y'all the patreon i'm loving it we've already recorded a few episodes. Go submit your story. If you think you have a story to tell, just give me some bullet points. Do not

write a four-page email, some of y'all. Just give me the bullet points, and we'll go through them. We'll definitely get back to you. Check your spam folders. I've been responding to some people that are not getting it. Check your spam folders. Maybe we'll get to do an episode together um the

website for the show here the honeydewpodcast.com that's where you can go get all your merch your hoodies your night pants i cannot thank you all enough night pants nation is growing i love seeing y'all out there and as soon as we get out there and do live shows and shit i'm gonna be wearing night pants we're gonna do a night pants tour um look i just want to say a huge thank you uh to the santa monica music center here my friend lana negretti uh i record here and if you live in the los angeles area and you want or need musical instruments or lessons for your kids or for you this is the spot they're a family-owned business they've been around for 50 years, and they're great people. So with all the uncertainty with the virus,

they've been offering online classes. And if you live in Ohio, your kids or even you can be or can get lessons from kick-ass local Los Angeles musicians. So go to SantaMonicaMusic.com, use code HONEYDOO, and they will waive the registration fee and give you one free lesson when you sign up for a package. Shout out Lana to Gretty. Uh,

all right. Now, if you're new to the show or if you're just coming back for more, do y'all, what we do here is we highlight the low lights. I say, these are the stories behind the storytellers. And it is a pleasure to have this storyteller back on

the do, y'all. Four legs, three DUIs, two passports from Channel 1 News, y'all. You know I'm also from Leatherman. Jimmy Josh Adam Myers is back.

Bam! Bam! I always, every time I listen to this, right? I want you, I love Gallagher's like bed music, but I just want to hear you going, how to do y'all like, just throw that in. Just, you know, get that. How to do. Thank you, man.

You're welcome. I appreciate you being here. Well, I actually showed up here for the piccolo lessons I have after this. I'm getting some woodwind lessons. I got a pan flute. I got a pan flute lesson coming up after this. I love it, dude. This is, you know, we've worked so many times on on different podcasts whether

it was the crappies honeydew you coming on the 500 you coming on the pre-500 show that never the pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-pre so i was i've just been looking forward to this for the last few days so me too dude um and look how far we've come, too. Again, a huge shout-out to everybody at your mom's house. I mean, I started this podcast in my kitchen because we didn't have the video up yet. And I did not want to let people down and have a lapse and be like, oh, I'll do it in March. I wanted to go right from the end of the crab feast at that Christmas episode into the dew.

And here we are in our own studio. I mean, it's... I said it before off air. This is beautiful. You should be so proud of this studio. I mean, just... Don't touch the wall. I just want to be talking in the middle

and suddenly this thing just goes... And we just try to ignore it. Just keep going, keep going. That canvas just like talking in the middle. And suddenly this thing just goes. And you just, we just try to ignore it. We just keep going. Keep going. That canvas just came out of the way. It's supposed to happen that way. It's supposed to. We got a team here that's going to come in and just ignore them.

Just keep telling your stories. The audio is still important. But yeah, we were, originally we were going to work together. And then you got a podcast. So please plug, promote anything you would like. So Josh Adam Myers on all social media. I have a podcast on Spotify called The 500 with Josh Adam Myers where I'm going through Rolling Stone Magazine's list

of the 500 greatest albums with huge comics, huge rock stars, actors, just people of like influence. And it's great because we're just, it's an album a week. And we use the album as kind of like a roadmap to interview them. You did BB King, which was still one of my favorite episodes. And you're on deck for any other blues. And I might just call you up and be like, hey man, how well do you know about the Eurythmics? You know the Eurythmics?

Because I need somebody. Annie Lennox is my great aunt. But you can follow. Walking on broken. It's like, all right, Annie, chill out. We're at my cousin's christening. Shut the fuck up Annie you can find it at

the500podcast.com and the 500 podcast on all social media check it out I love making it so I'm very excited to have you back for just a lot of reasons this virus too has been so stupid it's nice to have some human contact and sit across from you

but the if you haven't listened to to josh's crappies episodes they're fucking legendary you got to go listen to those um and then his first episode here where we actually did your episode was a bit different which i love because it was it was basically why you are the way you are and how things got to where they are so i want to go back to uh and listen to that as well but i want to go back and embrace the jimmy josh that i know because i asked you to come up with some stories and you're like i got them so you know do what you do let's start with uh how do you say i'll say it i'll say i'll say it so it all it all starts around ninth grade because in ninth grade was when and i've talked about this

on the feast but i had these friends with people that never heard i had this group of friends that i used to hang out with uh my buddy greg uh my buddy sedenberg, aka Dead Cat from DeSheckles, and this guy Kenny, and they were the guys that kind of like introduced me into drinking, right? Started with like... So nothing prior to that. You hadn't tried really any drugs? I mean, you know, I stole one of my mom's cigarettes,

those extra long, misty 120s. You need a friend to light it. Like, light it! for long misty one 20s you need a friend to light it like light it you turn you get the duck um but i wasn't like no because i wasn't i just never like thought about it it wasn't like drugs and stuff kind of like and drinking kind of started when i when people that i thought were cool were doing it do you know what i mean and like greg sedenberg and kenny were older than me like greg and sedenberg were like two years two grades above me so when i was in 10th they were in 12th yeah and then um and then kenny i think was like 21

he just worked with sedenberg at a giant and uh but he was like he was like the guy that that used to get us all the booze so we start drinking like going over to like greg's house and and you know it's just like the normal shit like you have a shot and then you know maybe do like five more shots after you have no control over like how you're drinking we just fucking threw him back and then we go back then also too and i don't i don't mean to interrupt but as a kid you don't realize there is an option to have two beers and feel you know what i mean right exactly that's what i'm saying you when you're that age drinking is to get fucked up yeah it's not like drinking responsibly or i'm just gonna have a couple beers get a nice little buzz and you know we'll let it wear off and go home it's like i want to piss my pants dude when when we realized how deep my mom and dad's liquor cabinet was like dude we

went fucking bananas like because it was right there here's a television it's right there we could see it and greg would be like yo man you know we should why don't we just have some of that rum so i mean we would just whittle down these bottles and then just wait till night we would but like my parents would go to bed and then we'd grab like the rum and we'd pull some shots out we'd mark it where it was and then we'd fill that up with water to the point where i remember we had done that so much that i i think it was like maybe like a year after we started drinking like my mom just was like around the holidays and me and

Greg are like hanging out in my bedroom and my mom just goes what the fuck Josh she's like I tried to make rum cake and it was all water and we're just like I don't know try to play it off like who would do that did rum go bad

maybe it went bad I think the rum turned like i don't know you're trying to play it off like who would do that rum go bad baby went bad i think the rum turned oh that rum turned girl so so so we stopped drinking at at my house and we would just go to greg's and greg was also this guy that loved fucking with people. Do you know what I mean? Like, I called him the instigator. Yeah. Because that was all he did. So, Greg and I would just, like, nonstop fuck with Seidenberg.

Dead Cat. To the point where we'd get drunk. And, like, Dead Cat was, like, into Led Zeppelin. Like, he was a huge Led Zeppelin fan. And he would get drunk and just dead cat was like into led zeppelin like he was a huge led zeppelin fan and he would get drunk and just like find these empty coke bottles and start like playing like fake drums like using the coke bottles and and greg came up with the idea is like when he does that dead cat was buckets before they was doing buckets okay dude we we used to i mean he started he started doing it and we would be like. Buckets? We'd be like. No, not buckets, but on the bottles, we'd be like, me and Greg would go,

dude, holy shit, man, like, you're good. And like, dude, I love Dead Cat, you know. He was just like. He's alive. He ignores everything about me, any messages I send him. Like, he does not want anything to do with me you're dead to dead cat i'm it's and it's yeah because we fucked with him so much man like we but it was like fun we just he just had enough for you though yeah you got boy he because what

this was this is the one that like really really did it. He would get drunk. He'd start playing with the Coke bottles. We'd be like, dude, you're really good, right? He was, though, right? You're not fucking with him. No, he was terrible. It was hard. Dude, no beat.

It would be like. It's Misty Mountaintop. Just all upbeat. What was he in DeSheckles? He was a rapper, but he was like the old dirty bastard of DeSheckles. Like, he couldn't rap, but he got better as time went on. Like, there was like... Easy E.

Like, I ghost wrote a little bit. I'm not going to lie. But, yeah, he was just... He was just... He was the homie, man. And I love Mike to death, to this day, even though he doesn't want anything to do with me. man and i love mike to death to this day even though he doesn't want anything to do with me um but so we started fucking with him with the um with the bottles and then like mike started going out and like spending money on like drum related things like he got like a drum pad and some sticks

and he started carrying the sticks around and we're like what the fuck is this guy doing like he's he's terrible and then me and greg said carrying sticks he's dude i mean he's dude he is he's john bonham in his head like he really thinks he's that good and then we come up with this idea because i'm in a band with my buddy tasos we're like let's bring mike over to tasos's place and have him sit at the real kit and like have tasos like feed some bullshit. And so we bring Mike into Tassos' basement. We're all there, and Mike's all excited. He's got a stick. He's like, yeah, I brought my own sticks.

And Tassos is like, dude, go ahead, dude. Let's see what you can do. He sits down. I mean, garbage. Like, ba-doom-ga-tss-boom. And Tassos goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you telling me you never played before? whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you telling me you never played before? And I mean, he just like starts freaking out to the point where like he's going like to Guitar Center to try to buy drums. And me and Greg are like, dude, we got to break it to this guy, right? Like we have to. So one of those nights we're at Kenny's house and we're all drinking.

He's got a Tommy Lee rig on there. Shit's spilling. I'm upside down. He's like, I've been working on my flips. And it's all lazy. Can you play twist and shout? So he so we decide to break

it to him. We're like, all right, dude, we'll get him drunk and then we'll tell him. And so we have him over and we're drinking we're doing shots and then mike's like so yeah i think i'm i'm going to see that drum set tomorrow and greg's just like hey man like we got something to tell you buddy he's like yeah what is it and i'm just like i remember i turned around i'm like i can't be a part of this i tell my god this is this is horrible dude this is the worst thing i've ever done was he that naive yes he thought he was good i mean dude i remember one time like i wanted to go out to eat at like in this area where this outback

steakhouse was but he didn't want to eat there so i was like dude they just opened up this new place called hot fries he was like hot fries you mean like the those little like cheeto things i'm like dude it's all hot fries and so then we drove over there he's like where's hot fries i'm like i don't know but that mcdonald's is right there i mean he was like fuck you and he he was just that dude you know that you could fuck with so we break it to him he starts weeping nah it was bad he cried it was bad dude it was bad i think i started crying too because i am so empathetic angry dude these were these were sorrow tears these were tears of sorrow his cheeks. They were just hugging him on the way down. But that was...

He cried! Come on, he thought he was that good. Mike cried a lot. Mike cried a lot. I think I got my crying from seeing how open and in touch he was with his own emotions. Dude, you know I cry a lot. I cried on the way here listening to the beatles listening to good night from from the white album but it was but basically like greg was that dude

and and i know greg is gonna listen to this and be like no you were that dude but no bullshit he's the instigator like i mean greg used to do so much fucked up shit to me like i remember when like it started with like you fall asleep and they start writing on your face and then greg advanced to like gluing my socks to my feet uh yeah like he would like i fall asleep you'd be passed out and he'd just lift up your sock and take like some elmers and go and then just like pat it in i want to do that and then my legs hairy as fuck dude i'm a yeti so it would be like just f dude you could not you could not get drunk with him he would fuck with you every time the worst one that he ever did was wait hold on so what happened after he started crying about the drums?

It's just, that was a rap on it. He didn't believe in himself enough. Like, well, fuck you. I'll show you. It was a, it was a rap on the drums.

It was, I never saw him play Coke bottles ever again. Like that was, that was last time he played the Coke bottles. But, um, you know, we were such a tight group,

you know, and I mean this, like, even though I, we fuck with him, like there was so much love there, man. Like I love that guy, but he would, he would just, you know and i mean this like even though if we fuck with him like there was so much love there man like i love that guy but he would he would just you know do what we all did when greg fucked with us or if i fucked with you or whoever fucked with we just we chalk it up and go all right

you know i think he spent some time away from us a little bit but not like disowned us it wasn't until later where all that shit piled up and then he was like he got into a relationship and he was like i'm fucking out and then he broke up with his wife and then came back to us and we were like you're back and then he got with a new girl and he took off again but but greg greg would just you know he would fucking remember one time i got drunk and i fell asleep and i i must have fallen asleep like this like curled up on the couch and when i woke up i was just like oh shit what time is it they're like dude it's 3 30 in the morning and i'm like oh fuck i gotta get home my parents are gonna be pissed and i go to the bathroom and turn the lights on and look in the mirror he put like red lipstick like on my face like i was

david bowie like it was like it was like dude the whole thing dude and i remember i had i was like walking home pissed too and a cop sees me and a cop like pulls up he's like he's like he's like oh shit suffragette city but greg but basically just saying is that i i did as much evil shit you know to people as greg did too but this is the one that is like i think one of our one of our best and funniest ones which was so i'm in ninth grade greg's in 11th right and i'm a you know i'm not like popular in the school yet but i'm just like the funny guy i had such bad add and my parents you know because of my hyperactivity were giving me like i remember getting rid of you at h.a.d. i had adhd adhd

um a lot of but it was but it was because like i was so hyperactive as a kid like in kindergarten i was taking ritalin and then i remember and? By the time I got to middle school and high school, I would take an Adderall in the morning and then I'd have to come back at lunch and take another Adderall. What, the nurse would give it? Yeah, they had some of my medicine. They were probably stealing some too.

You can sell those Adderalls back in the day for like $8 a pop. The thing was it didn't work for me in the sense that it focused me. It just made me more hyper. And everybody else just wrote it off as, I guess, like, no, it's working. But I mean, I could not pay attention. But I was just like at an all-time high of fucking with people and like making fun of

people in class and disrupting and there was a guy in my school uh named brian it was called brian gladden um and he was this bumpkin country guy that i mean was just short of a few brain cells like he was just like everybody like kind of like not fucked with him but just he was like easy to like to like get into like you know have fun with because if you could just look at him and be like you look at him and go like gladden and he'd go oh

yeah like loud as fuck in the class and he'd stand up and be like I'm going to get down like he was just gone. And of course I'm in every class with him. What's that say about me? Right. But he,

so he, like we were in class and I think Greg had the idea just to start teasing about something. We were really obsessed with this, this NFL player for the Redskins. I don't know if you remember him. Named Al Noga. Remember Al Noga? No.

Played for the Vikings. He was just some big Samoan dude. He was like a heavy version of Jimmy the Superfly Snooka. Had the curly hair. And he was playing for the Redskins at the time. This is probably 1992 so right after the super bowl 92 93 and me and greg i think had a class with with him and and i started saying to to to brian i was like yo man i was like you want to buy some noga beans

and he'd be like what's no good beans and i'm like you know it's drugs man and he's like i don't do drugs and we just we were like okay okay well if you ever want no good beans you just let us know right so that goes on for maybe like two weeks and like people around them are talking about i'm like just keep nobody nobody knows about no good beans it's just be it's just be gladden and me and greg and then like i think it got to a point where at one point like i was like yo man i was like i still got those no good beans and he just like stands up in the class and goes i don't want any noga beans and then the teacher's like what is going on here and kind of like pulls brian and goes to talk to him and then the next day at class like i show up

and i have cops waiting for me and we get pulled into the office first they take us to our lockers they're like dude i mean like three, like, three cops, the principal, Dave Allen, the assistant principal, Wayne Wiggum's there, like, all. And Al Noga. They got Al Noga. All Al Noga. They got Mark Shloreth there for some reason. I don't know why Mark Shloreth.

Mark Rippin showed up. Dude. So when you shit yourself, wait, would you get to school that morning or when you get to that when i got to that class i the timing of it from my understanding if i remember correctly it was like i remember i walked into class and then i got called out immediately the teacher said either way so you somebody wants to you know the principal wants to talk to you outside and the principal was standing there with the cops and then they had greg too and greg is just kind of like like giggly but like also a

little scared white like he was just like i don't you know we didn't really know what this was yet and they take us and and wayne wiggum's like they start digging through my locker like where are the noga beans where are the noga beans and i'm i was like i was like no like, no, we're kidding, right? And he goes, where are the Noga beans? Brian Madden says, you've been trying to sell them drugs. They're called Noga beans. We've never heard of them. Where are they?

They think you guys are like the fucking, you're the tipping point of some whole new shit. I mean, they're like pushing on the back of a locker to see if there's like a false thing you can open up. Y'all think fentanyl's bad. Wait till you get a hold of them N good you get them no good beans you get the strength of five tongas five al nogas in here man they're ripping your shit apart ripping my shit apart like you know and the principal's there watching everything like and i we they pull us in basically principal they take us to the office after that.

And we're like, sorry, so where is it? And we're like, so we're kidding around with them. Like, these are, we made it up. It's Al Noga beans. And they're like, the Washington Redskins? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, yeah. And I remember Megan Wiggum just looked at me.

He goes goes you dumb motherfucker like what is your problem and then he had to call my mom they call both of our parents like my mom finds out like i get grounded not that big a deal in the end but it's still like the idea of just you know because this kid went home he told his parents that someone was trying to sell him drugs they were like like, bullshit, fuck that. I mean, overnight that all happened. They probably, like the cops probably came to Brian Gladden's house and was like, and took a report.

He's like, so tell us what they had. They had no good beans. And that was my ninth grade year in high school so so already like i'm kind of like cops show up there's rumors probably flying everywhere yeah yeah and then i started hanging out with like tasos and ben and then i actually started doing drugs like i started smoking pot uh and lsd and all that stuff which was you know i always say, which was, you know, I always say this. It was just, you know, when you could do psychedelics without, you know, the knowledge of taxes and credit reports. Like it's the greatest thing ever.

Responsibility. But I'm still just this dude in my high school that like I'm a little guy. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, you know, I was probably like five, three, five, four, maybe, you know, I hadn't really hit my like growth spurt. And so when I got into 10th grade, there wasn't like, no, it wasn't 10th grade. It was 11th grade when I got into 11th grade. So my sister's already out of school. Um, it's just the grade above me. That's that's um that's pretty popular uh and i'm just kind of like finding my way and so i started taking uh it was a class it was the

morning announcements televised morning announcements right and this is your prerequisite to channel one and this is which is funny that i get that i put that on my application on my res i was like i did chat i. I was like, but it started as just, it was a bullshit class that you could take, right? Did you get credit for it or was it extra credit? Yeah, it was a class. You were the guy that I would walk in, write it like whatever time in homeroom

and I'm hearing the announcements. That's you up there. Yeah, but then I would just, I remember. What game? The football is Friday and all that. It started with me just doing the voice announcements we do like the pledge allegiance and i would work with a couple other people we'd change out but i remember when i started taking the televised morning announcements um because they had like a makeshift studio like literally built in the school and like the big ass fucking television

cameras and they didn't really put me on air that often because I was, you know, I was a pothead, like, like stoner kid and with horrible hyperactivity, just jacked up on Adderall. And finally, um,

where it really, really, really got cool was that I was, I was in the, I was, I used to, cause I was behind the camera and they started adding these little like segments to the show.

They had added this thing for this, for this girl to do called music mania. And it was on Fridays. And this black chick was kind of like the host of it. Was she talk about, they do all the, they do all this stuff about the school and then they cut to her and she'd be like,

you know, check out that new Jodeci song. It's riding up the tracks. And don't forget to check out this song and blah, blah, blah. It was all BS and filler. But she does that for a couple weeks. Nobody gives a shit about it, right? And then one episode, she goes up there, does her whole spiel,

and at the end of it, she goes, and also, i want to give a shout out to all my brothers going to the million man march this weekend and like she did that they aired that but then the principal saw that and principal's black too but he just goes where he's like listen we can't we can't have that on the morning announcements it's just it's not part of the school we have to you can talk about music so they say to her they're just like listen we feel it'd be better just to take you off of that right and they're like take the goods where they're going to take her off as a host of music mania and they're like well who else wants to do it and i didn't recommend myself because

she says the million man march they remove her not from the class just from that segment right um because i think you weren't allowed to, like, I don't know, I don't know what the rules are. This is 1994, 95, like,

you know, in America. And also, I think like the Million Man March, I think also had a bad connotation to some people because of Louis Farrakhan. And at the time, it was just like a very, like,

touchy subject, especially in a very racially divided school. Because Germantown, Seneca Valley, I mean, dude, we had, it was just nonstop fights between white kids, black kids, Mexican kids. Maryland fights. Maryland fucking fights. Dude, we had so many fights in that school. So it was just, I could see why something like that would be like,

yo, we got to cut that. So they're like, who's going to do the Music Mania? And they're like, why don't we have Josh do it? I was like, all right. So they do the regular studio shit. They do the regular announcements, and they're like, all right, we're going to cut to Josh Myers from Music Mania. And dude, I had just taken a brand fresh new hit of adderall and i am jacked up dude like a bull in

that cage but dude i i just go off and i i stick to the script but i riff and i make fun of like the football team like not in a bad way, making fun of them. But I was like, if you guys win this weekend, I don't even know what I said, but it was just everybody in the studio is dying laughing. Right. The next day that airs in the morning, because we did them the day before. Got it. The next day it airs.

And I walk out of first period when they ring the bell a second dude i am the most popular guy in the school to the point where they they said all right well we want josh to do all the morning announcements now and then he'll do his music mania every friday and now you're doing everything dude i dude i mean i was like the jimmy fallon of the school just walking out. I do that. People be like, Josh, I was like, what's up, y'all? I mean, the most popular guy in my school that runs for about, I don't know, like probably through that semester. And then I don't know if something got cut or just whatever it was, but they're like, you're going to do the final episode. And so I was like killing the final show everybody's going nuts people are crying in the studio right and i i like as soon as i'm done like all right everybody that's my time i'll see you

guys later and then i lean back and immediately the teacher comes out and the teacher's like uh we didn't get any of that and i'm like none of it are you serious because i couldn't i don't even know what i was saying it was just like stream of consciousness comedic genius like the ghost of lenny bruce came into my body and i just killed it. So they're like, so can you do it again? And I'm like, yeah, I guess so. Dude, I bombed so fucking hard that all that fame I had, dude, they turned on me. People were like walking down the hallway the next day like, that's pretty bad, Josh. I was like, woo. Glad that shit's over, to be honest with you. If I was you, I'd study a little bit harder because I don't think

there's a profession you could be able to go into. And it was bad, but it is what it is, you know? And, you know, I was still, like, I was still a popular guy

at this point, too, you know, regardless if the episode was bad or not, people loved me. The problem also, and I think this is something that still works with

me today is that regardless of how much i've changed and how much i've grown into like a good looking you know adult like you still have this this like baggage that you carry because i was that i was that wild kid that girls i remember would be like be like oh you're really cute on like the first day of class, maybe pass me a note. Like, you know, you know, I like you or whatever.

And then I started doing my jokes and they'd be like, let's just take that back because I don't want to date a meth addict. And so high school, you know, I was, like I said, I'm hanging out with the crunch kids. We're smoking cigarettes.

We're fucking playing music you know all of them are getting girlfriends tasos is dating lauren rostek fucking ben allen's dating kim gotson's and it's just like i'm getting no attention like no attention at all and if there is there they're not telling me let's take a break for our first sponsor express vpn so we all know how express vpn protects your privacy and security online, right? But here's something you might not know. You can also use ExpressVPN to unlock movies and shows that are only available in other countries. And now that so many of us are stuck at home, it's only a matter of time until you run out of stuff to watch on Netflix.

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Now let's get back to the do. So we get into our senior year, right? And at this point, I've hooked up. this point i've hooked up when i went to camp when i went to summer camp when i was younger you know my first kiss was kim larocca the next year going into eighth grade i got a blow i got a blow job for the first time at summer camp probably way too young probably ruined me eight going into eighth grade probably ruined me i don't know about that um that's also one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced in my life

because we had... Yeah, tell me how did you pull it off? Is the girl older or you're eight? So first of all, so it was going into sixth grade. Don't say her name. Going to sixth grade, I kiss Kim for the first time.

So we'd have two weeks of summer camp and on the last two days, we'd have an overnight. It was at Seneca Creek State Park, right? In Germantown. And dude, those overnights man you know as kids we bring our parents would stock us up with candy some jolt cola so we'd just get fucking jacked up dude on sugar and i was already kind of like dating i mean sixth grade dating kim and i remember we kissed for the first time in the tent. And I just remember it was just both of our mouths just open full like no tongue,

no nothing. Moving that around. Then the next year, I hooked up with this chick, Noelle, who was in an older session group than I was. She was like in the grade above me and all the guys wanted her, right? But she liked me. the grade above me and all the guys wanted her right but she liked

me and i remember we're on the bus and and everybody's like so you're gonna french kiss noel today and i'm like all right yeah they're like rubbing my shoulders like give me some of that bug juice give me some of that bug juice. Give me some of that bug juice. And I remember we're in the back of the bus, and they're like, come on, Josh, come on. There's like a grip of people around me, and I'm just like, all right, fuck it. Start the timer. 14 seconds.

And then we start making out. That overnight, that year, I touched boobs for the first time for Noel, and it was the most magical experience of your life as a young kid. Also, which made it even doper, was in the background, the music playing was the New Jack City soundtrack. Because it had Color Me Bad, I Want to Sex You Up on it. But then the song would change and it would be like, New Jack, New Jack, New Jack, Hustler. I'm just tickling titties because I didn't know what I was doing.

So then the next year, going into eighth grade, I remember I didn't have a girlfriend all semester or we'd call it semester session. And the morning of the overnight, we all show up and this chick, Jen, was dating some other guy. And then it came out. I think

the night before, on the ride home, the day before the camp out, she broke up with the dude. So this was not a sleepover camp. No, it wasn't. It was almost two. It was probably 12 full days of daytime sessions, you know, 8 a.m. until 3 p.m. And then on

the last Thursday and Friday, you'd have an overnight. So we'd show up at 3 p.m. And they cook a thursday and friday you'd have an overnight so we'd show up at 3 p.m and they they cook a steakums we play like games like you know dude it was it was honestly just you know thing i haven't thought about this in years like i could just remember the joy and the excitement it's like because anything was possible you know what it reminded me of it was like it was like you remember how dope it felt to go to ocean city maryland when you were a teenager yeah where anything was possible girls were there the cool rock band t-shirts that you couldn't find anywhere were sold there like it was just you know just white trash people walking around just you want

to get a water ice and you're like yeah, yeah. So camp had that same feeling. And so she breaks up with the dude the day before. I show up at 3 p.m. And somebody comes up to one of her underlings. And they're like, hey, just let you know. Jen broke up with that guy. She likes you. And then we run off.

So next thing I know, two hours later, that's my girlfriend. Because that's the way it is she agreed in a relationship committed relationship within 15 minutes and i remember like i remember there was kind of an incident because it rained a little bit so we had to watch a movie before we went up to the hill we were watching my girl you remember that movie i do remember that we're watching My Girl, and then she says to me, she just says to me, I really like you. I remember standing up on the chair in front of everybody being like, she likes me, everybody.

She likes me. We go up that hill, and I remember we have a little section because it was me and Jen and then Chris Salpino and his girlfriend and fucking. You said everyone. I don't care. i know chris is gone he he unfortunately passed away big ups salpino but uh but i remember he's in he's in his sleeping bag with his girl and i get into my sleeping bag with my girl and and chris is just like

just moving around a lot he goes he, Josh, I'm fingering. And I'm just like, really? And I was like, look at the girl. I go, can I finger you? She's like, yeah, go ahead. And so then I go in there to do it. And Chris Salpino, I remember I always say this. He goes, just heads up, the hole's lower than you think it's going to be.

He's saying that. He said that. Best advice I ever got in my life still to this day i always go go a little bit lower salpino new so so then so then she so then we we do that dude keep his mind i'm going to eighth grade and then we go into a tent and then just she gives me a blow job and then the next day and she's in ninth? No, no, no.

She's going to see Sam Graves as me. But just then, you know, summer, the season ends, and I go back to school. And I'm just regular funny guy Josh. Because they see me all the time. You know what I mean? They've known me for years. They've known the stupid shit that I've done. So I wasn't getting that kind of play in high school.

So senior year, we had this one girl that went there named Tammy, right? Tammy was so cute. You know, she was just cute. Like she was, I didn't realize she was a raver already at 16 because she was wearing the outfits. I came to find that out later that she was, but she was just, she looked like Bjork. Little balls on her hair. And she was also already sexually active. Like I remember she was hooking up

with some pretty fucking older guys in the school, like Aiden and some of the bigger black guys that were like very popular at our school, played football and stuff. And so she starts dating my friend Jesse and we used to hang out in jesse's basement and smoke smoke weed and and take like mushrooms and stuff and i just like hit it off with her and then me and her had this art class right and it was i remember the professor professor teacher was this

guy mr moran who literally looks like a professor named mr Mr. Brack. He looks like... It might as well be Moran, Nash, and Young. You know what I mean? He looks like every 70s California rocker. Big beard, and everybody would skip class and go hang out in his class because it was just the cool art class. And also, we had something on him

because my friend Tay and Kaveh were searching through jackets, I guess, to steal shit. And they went into some jacket and they found a bag of pot. Right. And they kept it. And then the next day, Mr. Moran pulled them aside and was like, hey, did you guys go into my jacket and grab something? So he admitted it to the – because he knew. We talk about all that shit he was just a cool teacher so he would let everybody hang out there and so me and tammy would like hang out

and um so we would go back to my house after that we'd skip class and just like she literally gave me every opportunity to have sex with this girl and i just fucking i was just too scared you know i was too scared to make a move now we're gonna pause the tammy thing for a moment and then we're gonna pull up michelle gilliam michelle gilly i can't i'll say her name because i'm only gonna do is talk really nice about this girl this is still to this day the most beautiful girl sexiest girl i've ever seen in my life she was just like i remember she was in the grade above me but she wore like the cool rock t-shirts you know she had the cool earrings you know a great body for you know

ninth tenth grade you know and all your hormones are going crazy plus in our yearbook i don't know if they did it on purpose but there was a picture of her like like looking into like a like a microscope or like a stethoscope whatever the fuck they're called and like she's looking at a stethoscope put it up here look into my heart but she's she's looking into it and it's like her shirt's kind of low cut and literally in our yearbook still have it her titties just like hanging out come on. Swear to God, dude. I still jerk off to it. Michelle, if you're listening, girl. Michelle, your parents should have flagged

that fucking yearbook stamp. I think the principal was like, let's keep that photo in there. We can't put that into the time piece we put in the ground, or whatever it's called. The time stamp was dude it was she was the hottest girl i remember she'd left she'd gotten into some trouble time capsule yeah i remember she'd gotten into trouble and next thing i know she moves to my neighborhood right and you know i'm like she's a pothead i'm a pothead we like the same music and i had heard

that she had hooked up with a guy that was not one of the cool guys just a regular dude i remember his name just a regular dude and i was like well i mean shit if if he can get her i mean i think i could have a chance too but it just started because she lived in the neighborhood we just started this little friendship where we would just walk around we'd go to each other's like like houses and like to our rooms listen to music smoke pot and you know we'd go down to mr moran's like we'd hang out there it was just like we weren't dating but it was like there was a real friendship there this moment i'm about to tell you right now is the most honeydew moment of my life. Because this is the baggage that I carry with me forever.

We're in my room after school. My parents are downstairs. We're chilling. We're listening to the Beatles. She's sitting on my bed. Gorgeous. And she's like, Josh, why haven't you tried to kiss me or like hook up with me or anything and me being the funny guy goes

and I say this in the most sarcastic way but I'm like because we're such good friends Michelle I would hate to ruin that she goes stands up takes her sweater off just her bra big I mean perfect the most perfect breasts I've ever seen in my life

she walks right up to me leans down into my ear and she goes i wanna fuck the shit out of you and i'm just like and she goes and then she looks at me i don't say anything i'm just and she goes all right i gotta get out of here. I'll see you later. And then she left. Oh, dude. And I mean, dude, I had moments in my life. Wait, that would have been your virginity? That would have been my virginity right there with the girl of my dreams. But not even that, not even that, Rye. It would have been, I took initiative.

I fucking, I manned up in a moment and was like, no, I was like being confident. Oh, she did. She did that. And then split. It's like,

oh, if you ain't gonna suck these titties, I'm out of here. She's like, she's like, you wanna fuck me? You wanna fuck me? There's ain't no another boy.

Dude, I think about that. That is, that is still, I mean, dude, there's got it i still like gotta be bringing that shit up in therapy and just remembering that and the worst part was she disappeared after that because she went to a different school because i think she had gotten in trouble or something i don't want to add another story because i don't know it but she was just gone i did run into her years later i ran into her uh at uh at a at a rave fucking like she was

all gothed out and she was sexy and i remember i was all fucked up on coke and like we talked and there was like a moment there you know but the tammy thing comes back around because we're still hanging out during this time and then because i hadn't lost my virginity and everybody assumed that I had lost my virginity, I just lied and said we had had sex. She never denied it. I don't know if anybody ever asked her about it, but it was like that was what everybody thought I lost my virginity to.

But it took until I think... Yeah, how many more years not many more maybe like a year and a half after my senior year not even i think i was 18 when when it happened i remember your virginity when i lost my virginity so you got a blow job at what like 12 12 13 i say 13 i was a little younger so probably 12 i was always like a year younger. I'm a late birthday, so I'm a November. That's got nothing to do with it. When you got your dick fucked. How? Well, you know, I'm a Sagittarius.

I mean, that works out, you know. I mean, scorpions are just hornier at a younger age. No, dude, it was all there. There were so many opportunities in my life where i could have like hooked up with some of these girls man like dude i remember one time there was a girl at my house i took her out to dinner this girl was was literally hanging out in my parents basement

until three four in the morning now at this point i'm i'm 19 years old right and and i take her on the date she's hanging out i mean it's way past the date she's sitting there waiting for me to hook up with her the funny thing that did happen that ruined it was that we went to this place called cafe maletto right in germantown and i had the chicken marsala had a tiramisu we go back to the house we start watching we start watching a movie she's sitting on one part of the couch i'm sitting on the other other. And I'm just like, oh, shit, I got to sneeze. And as I go to sneeze, I fart. I mean, loud. So it's like, just simultaneous at the same time. Fart and sneeze.

And I go, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And she goes, what? God bless you. And I'm just like, oh, she didn't hear it. But she sure as fuck smelled it. That shit. She dried up her pussy so quick. She was like. I was like, that's that Marsala.

I think it's the teak that got up in there. All that olive oil. So. She left. Did she leave? I mean, yeah. It didn't matter. It was over.

It smelled so bad. You know, it was like, you know, listen, I eat clean now. My farts probably have a little ting to them, but they're not as bad. I mean, this is like I'm putting ecstasy in me and ketamine and all these fucking other. McDonald's. Drinking McDonald's. You're 19 years old. You eat like garbage.

So. So finally, I'm out of high school now because that had happened a few years later. And I still haven't had sex and me, Greg I didn't know that, you didn't lose your virginity until after, it was my first year I'm a Scorpio and the way the calendar works

I know it should have been, but I'm a late bird I mean Mercury was in retrograde so you know I can't deal with it, my crystals weren't clean so we have this so me, you know, I can't deal with it. My crystals weren't clean. So we have this. So me, you know, I had hooked up, but there just wasn't sex.

It was making out. But also, like, I would make out with a girl. And then I just didn't have any tact or class. But also, all the drugs are on your dick even working then? Or is it just coke dick and it's ready to go? By the time with the fart girl, by that time i'd already had sex that was just i could just name 40 other times i could add a girl like waiting for me to hook up i still think that's a problem that a lot of the fans like a lot of people i had listen to me last year i had a girl who i'm still friends with that i met out here but 20 years ago married now whatever and

uh everybody had got together one night drinking and she just said I just have to ask you how come you never made a move on me and I was like huh I was like I had a shot and a man yeah who didn't know I had that I can't so many times now most of the time like I i have sealed the deal but i mean there's like like five six seven eight times that i can personally remember that was like we went on a date didn't try i didn't make a move because i just was like either too afraid and or not confident enough of myself that night so i graduated high school in 97 it's's April of 98. Me and my friends decide to go to Myrtle Beach, right? Me, Greg, Dead Cat, this guy Brian Mao. And we're going to meet our friend who lives in North Carolina named Jiwon, right?

Jiwon's our homie. He moved down there maybe a couple years prior. And we were all like super tight. So we were excited. And at this point now,, I've inherited the money. So I had all the fucking dope fleece. I couldn't tell you shit. You were fleeced out.

Dude, I had, because I went out and I bought $2,000 worth of fleece that one night. One night. One fucking night. I mean, dude, it was a holiday season. I was buying gifts for people. I had just gotten the $30,000. Well, $40,000. Gave $20,000 to my parents.

Kept $20,000. And it was just like I never had money. So I'm just buying people shit. So I never had clothes. So I was like, well, fleeces are in. So I'm going to buy all the hot ones. Nautica, Tommy Hilfiger. And that was my shit.

And I remember where's we're going to to myrtle beach this is like i got my like hip umbros on you know what i mean i've got like my my adidas like chanclas just you you feel like you know you've got highlights in your hair maybe it's you know it's the late 90s and so we go there and on the first night, like, I don't know how it happens, but suddenly we've got a couple of girls in the room and Greg and Seidenberg, they both had girlfriends. You like to fuck around. So like teasing people, you know, just being kind of like assholes, but in like a fun, flirty kind of way to kind of help get me and I think Juwan laid. Well, next thing I know, like this girl is like really throwing it at me.

She's cute. She has like short blonde hair, you know, not not ugly at all or anything. I don't I don't you know, but I don't remember the girl's name. And next thing I know know it's just me and her in the hotel room and this is it. Do you know what I mean? You feel it.

Like, you know it. Like, like I'm rock hard probably. Do you know if it was her first time? Don't know. I don't think so

and that'll come after that because, so we start, we start making out. She said, I'm gonna need a hundred. She's like, for 200, I'll do half and half.

She, I just remember we're making out, clothes start coming off one at a time, you know, and then I think the question, do you have a condom? And you're just like freaking out. So I ran to get one. Before I'm about to put it on, she's laying there naked. And there naked and i'm just like i was like here wait here for a second and i run to the ice box right and i grab a couple ice cubes because i had only seen sex in like porno in nine and a half weeks and wild orchid so i start so i start like like putting it on her nipples and then i start doing

it on her vagina and she's like writhing around but it's just like what is the the the thought process in my head that is like i don't know this girl's name like i don't fucking have any idea who this chick is never gonna see her again but i'm going to give I just want to give her ultimate pleasure. So why don't I freeze her clitoris? I got freezy pop. I got her pop. We're at 22 degrees.

Can I go in? Get down to 16. Get some frostbite on your pussy. Get some frostbite on your pussy. Get some frostbite on your pussy. Dude, I did like three ice cubes. I didn't just do one. I know you've had sexual encounters, but this is the first time you're having sex.

This is your foreplay. Ultimate pleasure, baby. Ultimate pleasure. Listen, you get down with Josh. Ultimate pleasure. You better know. It's going to get down with Josh. Ultimate pleasure. You better know. It's going to get frostbite on your pussy. Haven't you done shit like that before?

Yeah, but not the first. Listen, my first time, I was 15 years old. I'm a Pisces. I'm earlier. I'm earlier in the year. We like to do it during the blood moon. But we were in the back. We parked at this old soccer field.

It was like a Friday night or something like that. We drove her dad's Chevy Trailblazer. She was a virgin. I was a virgin. We put the seats down, laid blankets in the back and it was terrible. I mean, we both were inching away and then,

you know, it lasted just a few minutes and then it was over. And then we went back to her house and watched a movie and she would, wanted to talk about it. Like she, both of us hadn't couldn't believe we had just had like, Oh my God, that's,

we just did that. That was it. wasn't i mean i didn't have fucking ice cubes and she dude here i remember this because i i remember i didn't i don't think i finished ice cube might have been on the motherfucker we'd have no ice america's most wanted is that a clutch so we we do our thing um i don't remember how long it lasted i just remember i didn't finish like i think i was too nervous or it's just a condom you know what i mean like i don't think it's see how you can come in a condom i mean even now it's like you know horrible but that being said we do it and um i remember it's actually funny because literally the next day I had so much confidence. And I remember we go to we go like we're going to go to like a bar, like a nightclub. And Greg and Seenberg didn't go.

But I was like, nah, dude, I was like, I'm going. I'm going to try to get laid again. And fucking Brian goes with me. And since I'm underage and Brian's of age, Brian would go buy beers and then likerian goes with me and since i'm underage and brian's of age brian would go buy beers and then like hand them to me and i couldn't because you're dancing but you still you have to like kill it as fast as you can i'm still like i'm like 120 pounds at the most i probably face like eight nine beers the next thing you know i black out and i wake up in jail in myrtle beach jail is the video we see there's a

yeah there's a video i've posted on my social media you can see me being released from prison from what i told what i found out jail prison i mean i did take it out the night so there's a holding cell it was a cage out back in the precinct. I mean, they just touched my arm for a second and talked to me. And then let me go on my way. No, it was, well, what I found out happened was that, like, Brian would get me the beers, and then I started dancing with this, like, really, really not good-looking girl. I started making out with her, took my shirt off,

and then I went and sat in a booth and made out with her. I fell started making out with her took my shirt off and then i went and hit sat in a booth and made out with her i fell asleep making out with her security sees me asleep try to wake me up i won't wake up they they poke me i say something to him because brian told me all this shit i say like fuck you they grabbed me use my head to open the fucking the fucking big ass doors uh throw me into some trash, which the cops happen to be standing by. They fucking arrest me, take me to the drunk tank. I remember sobering up as I get to the drunk tank,

and I had never been to jail before, so I was like, oh, I'm this funny guy, so I'm just going to try to make people laugh. Dude, I started doing material. Your morning announcements. Dude, it was music mania yeah it was music mania and i'm like shucking and jiving i'm making fun of people i'm just like and this it's packed and i started talking about being jewish and suddenly as soon as i'm done i go to sit down these two two Jewish twins in matching purple shirts. Always

remember this. Walk up to me and then fucking like throw me against the wall like you start choking me like Latrell Sprewell. And they're like, you motherfucker. Don't you fucking ever talk shit about Jewish people. They're like, do you understand how hard we've worked to get to the blah blah blah? And they're just like, are there really two of you?

Or am I just fucked up? And then they Are there really two of you? Or am I just fucked up? Am I just fucked up? Yeah. And then they, so I get released. You tell them you're Jewish? Oh, yeah. They did not give a fuck. And then as I'm getting released and my buddy Greg is like signing me out

at six in the morning, they get released as well. And I'm just like, I remember I tell Greg, I was like. See you at Temple, motherfucker. And I'm just like, I remember I tell Greg, I was like, See you at Temple, motherfucker! Put your goddamn yarmulke on! Put your yarmulke on! Put it all straight. But yeah, so that was it.

And then finally from that, you know, if you want to watch the video of me being released, it's one of those moments, like a video, that I am so happy it exists. I mean, like how many people can say that they have because it's funny it's not like it's not like they're covering me and i'm like because i got when i got released i had no flip-flops no shirt no wallet no keys no nothing just on a pair of umbros that was it i'm brave ready and brave and that was how i lost my virginity and then after that

uh years later i was at a rave and it's funny because the whole tammy musser thing i run into her there we start flirting one thing lends to another sealed the deal circle back all around dude the greatest The greatest circle back of my life in middle school, there was a girl I asked out every week. Every single week. This girl, Heather. I asked her out every single week. You stalked her. No.

I was out under her house. I didn't stalk. Stalking is like stalking. I passed a note. Hey, I like you. You want to go out with me? Every week? No.

Every single time. You want to talk about that baggage, that honeydew shit that you got? That's it right there. That's the shit. Because you're in eighth grade when you do it the first time. Then you do it again in ninth grade. You try it again in tenth grade. And it's just no, no, no, no, no.

Rejection, man. It's the worst. So I mean, I held onto that pain for a long time. And then I'm on my 20th birthday. My buddy who was like the manager of this clothing store called Mr. Rags takes me to a rave in Baltimore after this point, cause I wrecked my car. I got my, I got my first DUI. So I was like, it was like right around that first birthday after that, where I was like, you know, a mess in a sense of like, I wasn't going out as much. So he's taking me out for my 20th birthday, and we go to this rave in Baltimore. Guess who's there?

Heather. She's with her boyfriend, though. But she's ignoring her boyfriend to hang out with me. By the end of that night, I mean, she's throwing herself at me. By the end of that night, I had sex with her. I don't think I've ever felt better to be able to drop that baggage. It's the greatest birthday gift I've ever gotten. The only thing that could have been better is if Cal Ripken would have walked in at the end and been like,

Fuck yeah, dude. There's another story you wanted to tell me about Lollapalooza, and I want to hear this one. Okay. Then we got to get you out of here. All right. So this, do you, did you ever go to the Lollapalooza when it was traveling?

Yeah. So I went, when I first moved to California, it was 94, and that was when Kurt Cobain died. And I'd already had tickets when I was going back home for the summer. So I went to a ton of concerts. I saw Pink Floyd at the Rose Bowl here that year. Then I went back and saw him at RFK, same summer. Lollapalooza was the same summer.

And when Kurt Cobain died, the Smashing Pumpkins stepped in and headlined. Oh, God. I mean, I'm not shitting on Smashing Pumpkins because they're so great, but it's not Nirvana. But we got, i want to say the beastie boys were there i think tribe called quest like l7 oh breeders then breeders yeah my sister went to that i didn't charleston west virginia that's the one i went to i didn't i didn't go to that one but i this was when this was town this was when this is when Lollapalooza started. It wasn't just,

uh, you, it was, it was like, it was another touring like Lollapalooza, but it was always the same lineup. I don't know if you remember it. Like it was warped tour or something like that.

Yeah. It was at, it was at Nissan pavilion in Virginia. Now the Jiffy lube center or whatever the fuck it's called. And it was dude. I mean, you talk about a dope, like early two thousands lineup. It was Jane's addiction. in virginia now the jiffy lube center or whatever the fuck it's called and it was dude i mean you talk about a dope like early 2000s lineup it was jane's addiction audio slave uh queens of the stone

age incubus uh the donnas i'm missing but there was something there were some other cool bands too and i remember i rode there with with not friends that I had tickets with, but other friends that were going to go. My, actually it was my friend, my friend Jenny, who lives out here now. Um, I think her and her sister were going and I hopped a ride so I can meet my buddies and on the car ride there, you know, we leave early cause it's a festival. You know, this is like, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm really drinking. I'm doing drugs. This is still early because it's a festival you know this is like you know i'm i'm really drinking i'm doing drugs this is still early it's like 2002 2003 and i uh and on the ride there i start we're drinking road beers right dude it's we're sitting in traffic so i probably drink 10 realistically we show up and i run into all my homies and one of my homies matt had some

like uh vicodin and he was like handing them out because you know you shouldn't mix booze and painkillers but if you take it just the right it feels good and you know we were like we're going to see some of our favorite bands so let's get fucked up so i pop six of them and six so i pop six because that's because i'm because i ain't no bitch i ain't no bitch right yeah and i'm going to see audio slave for the first time so excited and we're drinking and then the next thing you know i'm talking everybody there's girls around us fucking we're having the best time and i just got you know my breakfast part and i go to lift my cheek over to the side no immediately i'm like oh no dude oh no all day festival and dude there's hot as shit all day festival this is summertime i'm like i'm like i got i was like here's the

deal i have to buy a 60 t-shirt to wipe my ass off well here's what i thought I was like, here's the deal. I'm about to buy a $60 t-shirt to wipe my ass off. Well, here's what I thought. I was like, all right, I'm just going to grab some paper towels or something and go, and there's some foliage out in the background, some trees and shit. I'm going to go back there into the cut and just clean myself and then rejoin the group. But I couldn't find any paper towels, so I'm in the foliage. I take my pants off

i had brand new white ralph lauren boxers those are like 18 a pair brand new first time wearing them i have to wipe my own ass with the boxy now nobody saw me yet. Yet. Because then eventually, Matt sees me, because he's like, where's Josh been? Yeah, where are you? Where'd you hide? Behind cars or something? No, because it's not, there's cars all over here, and then there's like a divider between more cars,

but it's just grass and like a little dip, but it's like bushes and a couple trees. Like, I'm in the thick of that, but little did I know that you could see my face through. I'm covered. But you could just see me, like, going. And Matt's like, the fuck you doing, Josh? And I'm just like, nothing.

He's like, did you shit yourself? And I'm like, nah. And I just throw the underwear, meet my way back, start pounding beers. I feel clean enough. So we get into the concert. The show hadn't even started yet. Nothing had started yet. That's an all-day festival.

It hadn't even started. 10 in the morning probably, dude. And I'm already a fucking mess. And we get into the concert. Six kills in one shit. And I remember my buddy Scotty had been dating this girl. I don't know, dating. He's hooking up with this girl.

Because we get beers the second we get in there, man. And I just remember it. I don't remember everything. I just remember flashes of what happened. I remember, one, the girl that Scotty was fucking attacking me just in a line. I remember we're waiting for line and she's arguing with me. And I start arguing with her about whatever it is and she rushes me and then scotty who's a big dude like literally like clotheslines are not like just trying to hold her back she runs so fast and

he puts his arm out he's got these huge like thick arms and just knocks her down and he's like josh you need to get the fuck out of here and i'm just like fuck this shit man i don't need this shit and i'm just drunk acting a this shit, man. I don't need this shit. And I'm just drunk, acting a scene. I've been to prison. Yeah. Prison. Pelican Bay! All day, 23-hour lockdown.

So what do you do? You flex your arms? I don't know. That part moves on. All I remember is, I don't know what I do. If I try to steal beers or I try to steal a t-shirt or something. Or all of the above. Probably all of the above.

I remember security grabbing me and just walking me out. And me being like, fuck you guys. You fucking, I paid for this ticket. Fuck you. I didn't do anything wrong. And just walking me out and me being like fuck you guys you fucking i paid for this ticket fuck you i didn't do anything wrong and they throw me out and i keep trying to get back in and they're just like they're done they're like dude if you don't leave we're gonna call the police so i'm like fuck you guys so i keep walking i see that behind all this foliage, there's this, I go to the other side of the venue, there's this high ass fence, dude. Like how high?

Dude. 20, 30 feet. Fuck. I was about to say yards. I just remember looking up at it, and being like, I can do that.

And dude, I just, I fucking scale this fence. I get to the top, I start trying to come down and i remember just falling landing on my back you fell the whole way i fell on the back i'm laying laying on the ground i think i knocked myself out like i just remember suddenly like i wake up and i'm just like oh shit i heard like audio slave playing i mean and i and you were in? I was in. I run through. I am covered in dirt.

And shit. And shit. Dirt and shit. And I get to the pavilion part. Not the pavilion, the field part. I get to the field part, and I run in to all my buddies, Joel and fucking Paul, all the dudes, and they're like, look at me.

And I mean, I've got like Tom Hanks and cast away. You know what I mean? My clothes are ripped. And I'm just like, I made it back in, man. I made it back in. And I remember the car ride home. Nobody wanted to sit next to me because I smelled like shit. Shit. Dude, I love shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Shit. Dude, I love you, dude. I love you, too. I'm glad that story had a happy ending. Oh, dude, it's the same shit I say every time I do this. I love that I could take these stories that have held me back in so many ways and to tell them on the honeydew and the crab feast and the 500. It's like you're taking these negatives and making them a positive like what you're doing with this podcast

is something that the crab feast could never do which is like actually there's you're helping people because a lot of these people i bet you there's you've got a hundred fans that shit themselves in lollapalooza like i shit myself in lilith Well, thank you for saying that. My pleasure, dude. I love this. I'm happy to be doing the show. I love doing the show, and I love having you on. Please, again, plug everything you want, your social media, the podcast, all that.

All right, at Josh Adam Myers on all social media. The podcast is The 500 with Josh Adam Myers on Spotify. Join the movement and check out uh it comes out june 12th so probably when this comes out or whatever check out the new season of f is for family on netflix i play dj howland hank uh it's a great show and uh yeah i love you dude thank you for having me on this this was like the best way to celebrate a day during quarantine is just to kick it with you and talk about my shit. Finally loosening up. Thank God, dude.

And thank you all as well. I am Ryan Sickler on all social media. Make sure you subscribe to the YouTube channel. It will be a link in the episode description here at the end of the show. And we'll talk to you all next week.