The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Potter

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Josh Potter! Josh returns to share stories about how he’s dealing with the quarantine, what it was like living with his dad as an adult, a bout with saliva stones and a story about “some Buffalo shit.” All this and more in this week’s episode of The Dew! Make sure you subscribe to my YouTube & be ready to watch The Dew there beginning June 1! Sponsors: Get $75 off your purchase and free one-week shipping at http://burrow.com/honeydew. If you visit http://expressvpn.com/honeydew, you can get an extra 3 months of ExpressVPN for free!

This episode is brought to you by Burrow and Express VPN. Also, go to my YouTube and subscribe. YouTube.com slash rsickler. Let's get into the do. You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here at Studio Jeans, doing it at your mom's house. I'm Ryan Sickler, quarantine hair on full effect.

Can't get this fucking nail polish off my goddamn hands. I was unaware that there was some kind of fortress being applied to these goddamn things. So I'm working on picking that shit off. In the meantime, I hope you all are staying safe and healthy. I hope you're keeping your sanity. I know this is a crazy time, unprecedented in the world here. Some news, if you haven't heard, we're moving the Honeydew to my YouTube channel.

So go now. There'll be a link in the description of this show and links at the end of the show. You can click out and subscribe right there. Please, if you want to support the show, if you want to keep hearing the honeydew, get over to my YouTube. June 1st, we will begin over there.

I'm also working on the Patreon right now. It's not out yet. I don't want to charge people money until the content's ready. It will be ready in a couple of weeks called The Honeydew With Y'all where I will do honeydews with y'all. It's pretty self-explanatory in the title there uh and i want to say thank you to everybody out there night pants

nation out there supporting the honeydew night pants look at these night pants i'm telling you quality night pants cotton pockets the patch all of it they're great i bought cheaper shit at ross and tj maxx these are great, great night pants. Got hoodies, tees, all that over there if you want it. New stuff at Upstate Merch. They're great guys. Working on a little short web series right now called Learner's Permit with my stepson who has his learner's permit.

I take him out in the car, teach him a little bit about driving and more about life. That'll be coming out soon. Going to try to keep you guys entertained with some content. And just go over to my Instagram. Follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Twitter. Follow me everywhere. Keep up with all the information at Ryan Sickler.

Now, the website for this show, thehoneydoopodcast.com. And if you're new to the show or if you're not really sure what goes on over here as i say we highlight the low lights over here all right we find a little bit of that light in the darkness and these are the stories behind the storytellers and today our storyteller is no stranger to the dude ladies and gentlemen back again josh potter y'all welcome back to the honeydew welcome Welcome back, brother. I'm clapping for myself. You look like you used to run Warped Tour with those fucking nails, dude. Listen, bro, you're going to like this. So yesterday, I pull in the Chick-fil-A.

I'm getting lunch for the kids and shit. And this black dude with dreads, he's standing outside the drive-thru window. They make you keep six feet. And he's got his mask on, but he's talking to the lady right inside the window who's doing the registering he's like this dude's got his nails but he doesn't but he forget i think people forget because you wear a mask yeah that i can still hear you i can't see your lips moving but i can still hear you and he goes this dude got his nails painted look at this p.s and and i'm look be yourself let your freak flag fly but i've seen some motherfucking freaks at that chick play so to be calling out my nails and you just look like

the bass player from crazy town it doesn't you know what i mean it doesn't like i can't because you're like you have like the gray hair too it's like you're like yeah you're like 1998 was the shit you know what i mean like that's what all it looks like and he's trying to do that tight lip stuff but he doesn't have to because I can't see his mouth anyways. This guy's got his nails painted. Look at this shit. And he goes, wait till I turn around and give him his food.

Go ahead. Now look, look, look. I go, you trying to talk about my nails? I stuck them right in his face. He backed up. I go, my nails? You can hear all this, by the way. He's six feet away.

My ears work. I'm like, yeah, my daughter painted these for me. Yeah, he's right. You want to see my nails? I go, he's right. You want to see my nails? I go, he's right. But you can't whisper worse shit. But you can see my fucking nails. I just drove out of there laughing.

That's hilarious. And I can't get this shit off. Damn. First of all, I know we don't have dates to promote. Yeah, all of our foreseeable dates have been canceled right now. Yeah, I do have a- So what would you like to promote? My Sacramento date got rescheduled for September 3rd through 5th.

Maybe. So if you want to roll the dice on that. But I would like to promote my Twitch channel, twitch.tv slash josh underscore potter. It's literally my job now. So please subscribe, and I hope I can see you on there. I play baseball.

I'm a professional baseball player. I've watched you march to... You're over 300 home runs, aren't you? Yeah, it's not a great stat considering I played for 12 years, but... Wait, your 12-year digital career took you to get 300? Yeah, it did, unfortunately.

Are you at 3,000 hits yet? Yes, I am. But I was injured for two seasons as well, and so I consider it kind of a 10 year career, but also I, um, smoke a ton of weed and drink during it. So,

I mean, what ball player can vouch for? I mean, I guess there are players in the NBA. Yeah. I guess there are a few baseball players actually that hit 300 home runs that are like, fuck you. I smoked weed while I was doing it for real.

You know, Daryl strawberries, like go, go suck a dick. Fucking playing video games over there I was doing I did a line before I went to the plate you know what I mean I love guys like that those are my favorites

so aren't they don't they make it more cool to you like that they did drugs and then performed at a high level and what's his name that pitched on acid Doc Gooden and then like Michael Phelps would do huge bong rips and then swim faster than any human being ever has. I think that's great.

I want to celebrate those athletes. Fuck these Wheaties, Squares, you know? Well, let's talk about, we've got some stories, obviously. You come prepared always. Oh, yeah, but no, I mean, that's been what, Twitch has been what's been keeping me alive during the quarantine by the way as well like it's all i've been doing because we have no comedy shows but do you talk to other people on there is it a is an online thing where you there's a community or you just yeah people are watching and they can

chat and they can write things and i can they can tell you respond all that if they want to i mean i can also ban them but everyone's been very pleasant and they like you know it's basically like a podcast like i just go on and i talk and tell stories or talk about sports or whatever and then people can ask questions or whatever so you know it's been fun and it's been helping me like have an outlet yeah how are you doing i know you're not great yeah i haven't been doing great. I don't know. A lot of comics you talk to, they're like, this has been relaxing. And I'm like, relaxing?

I don't know. I mean, it's literally the, I guess if you're on the road constantly and some people can get tired of it, you know? I've heard that. But I wasn't one of those people. I was like, fucking burn me into the ground. Like, let's go.

I want to be on the road 52 weeks a year. know what i mean and then when this happened it was like starting to get to that point you know like things were starting to happen for the first time ever and i explained to you outside it's like you know will from uh stranger things like my career was the upside down like four years ago and i just thought i'm like well i just live in the upside down so i just like did drugs and self-medicated i'm like well if i could just scrounge up enough fire hall gigs i can you know get by every year or whatever this could be my life i'm doing comedy at least and then like right when it starts to get to the point where i'm like i'm doing this shit for real the coronavirus happens so I like have those moments like season

two will where he's like blipping back into the upside down like all of a sudden you know so then I would spiral like death spiral but Xanax has been helpful and I've been getting through with that when I moved here I stopped doing Xanax yeah and because I was just using

it to get through I was like using it to cope a different way. I think that... Now I stopped at cold when I came here, and then this put me back to it. But it's been helpful. I probably... Between Twitch and Xanax, I don't know. I would have been carrying...

Twitch and Xanax. Yeah. Between Twitch and Xanax combined, those two things have stopped me from climbing a bell tower with a rifle. You know what I mean? Keep eating that Xanax combined, those two things have stopped me from climbing a bell tower with a rifle. You know what I mean? Let's keep eating that Xanax. Yeah, I mean, not to be dramatic or anything,

but not doing stand-up has been... It's like sacrificing... I miss stand-up, man. I mean, it's the fact like I've not... The loneliness hasn't been different for me. I moved here without knowing anybody. You know what I mean? That part, I can handle that.

And I'm like still in the throes of that. But see, that's loneliness is different than being around people. Right. And I say that all the time. I realize more and more how social I am, even though when I'm in social settings, sometimes I'm antisocial in that setting. Like I'm very comfortable getting up in front of a crowd of people I don't know performing. Hello. And a few of the people I've never been the hangout guy. Right. And then I go home, you know, like because I don't want to be social, but we are social people.

And to be like they talk about, you know, self distancing and all this and our circles on any given week, we, we see thousands of people. Yeah. And now I'm, I'm seeing three or four, you know what I mean? So I have quite social distance myself. Yeah. It's weird.

Not in the way where my material comes from is, is observation and life and, and you know, things that happen and I see that I think are funny or, or, or that shit I can make. you know, even if I'm very comfortable going and eating dinner by myself, you know, things that happen and I see that I think are funny or, or that shit I can make. I, you know,

even if I'm very comfortable going and eating dinner by myself, you know, all those things, but I'm around other people. I know them. I'm not interacting. That's exactly serving. So I hear you. So the best thing I ever built in my life or made in my life is a family.

It's the best God. I'd be, I'd be going insane right now. Like you, that made me realize it had this whole thing. Like it made me have a kid. It made me best guy. I'd be going insane right now like you. That made me realize this whole thing. Have a kid for the next pandemic. Yeah, right? But it did make me realize, because I was just having this conversation, I think with Tom, just right before all this, where I was like, you know, I would make the same choice 100 times out of 100.

The hardest part about all this has been isolating myself from everyone that i grew up with and my family and everything and it's completely been worth it a hundred percent like i i i said that moments ago but then like this happens and you go like is it worth it but i still would a hundred percent i would be like yeah it's worth it i wouldn't i would rather be isolated in this way right now than i would be like, yeah, it's worth it. I would rather be isolated in this way right now than I would be if I was back home. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. You're also in, this is one of the biggest cities in the world, and it has slowed

down. I mean, it's like our planet has been put on pause. And I don't know if these videos are real about these dolphins coming back in the canals. I saw an elk run through Paris and stuff, and then I thought about like, well, it would kind of make sense. It's like Lion King or like that documentary

where it's like life after people where it's like weeds are growing on buildings and shit. Well, the only reason animals aren't where we are is because we're there. So if the city is really empty, it'd be kind of cool. I'm sure they're probably fake, but it gives you hope um but we

also where my daughter's mother lives we all quarantine together so my my stepson's there my daughter's there her mom is there um and then right next door are these two little girls that i did that video with to promote the night pants honey do night pants available in the merch store at ryanler dot com. It's funny, though, because my like because you're on top. That's what that's what the problem is with New York. If you live in a 30 story building, you're all touching the same elevator buttons, doorknobs, garage, whatever it is. Front doors. You're you're everyone just boom, boom, boom. So the doctor was like, look, if you guys live less than 15 feet from each other, you're like family.

Some people got eight people in their family. So we just go outside go outside we play ping pong we just try to pass the time um but it is fucking hard and i had i had a honeydew moment the other day i want to tell you about because i was telling you outside and then we can get into your stories and i'll shut up but um i have developed a weed smoking habit on top of my weed smoking habit. And I'm not complaining. I love it. Yeah. But I take my weed walks and I'll smoke some joints and just take walks. And the whole time I'm,

you know, being creative, I'm working on the studio right now that, that where we're going to be moving. That's the other thing, you know, about here too. Like I have two kids that schools canceled for the rest of the year yep my daughter's mother

works she still has to go into work so you can't have babysitters you can't have people come over so i gotta watch the kids and now my schedule's so fucked i can't even get here when i need to get here right my new studio is a mile from my place i can walk i can do it at night i can do it on weekends i can do whatever i need to do because this fucking virus just fucked up my whole. I got kids from March until September. No babysitters, no days off. That's wild because I have nothing but time, and you now have no time. And I've never been busier, which is crazy.

I'm hoping I can get everything I need to get done so I can just chill for a fucking minute. I would like to chill. I've never been busier. But anyway, I'm out on this weed walk I need to get done so I can just chill for a fucking minute. Right, right. Because I would like to chill. I've never been busier. But anyway, I'm out on this weed walk, and it's during the day. And the day prior to this particular weed walk, I was talking to a friend of mine from high school. We were on Zoom. I'm walking around, smoking this joint, talking. And I keep seeing this older dude.

He's mad-dogging me from his door. Just mad-dogging. And he's on his phone. But he's just watching me, watching me. I can tell he wants to approach me he's glaring you down he's like big stare down okay big time and i'm just strolling back and forth and uh then the next day i'm out there talking to another friend but this time we're on the on the phone and um i see him again he goes excuse me and i'm smoking a joint and i'm

like hey hold on a second i'll give you a call back this this old man's getting my attention he's like excuse me i was like oh here we go i was gonna say don't smoke weed in front of my house right whatever where's your mask motherfucker and were you smoking the weed through a mask no i was not have you tried that by the way i feel like i just leave like brown bong rings i was smoking i was smoking cigarettes through it i was like outside i'm like i don't catch your fucking face on fire through the mask so he's like excuse me and i was like oh this dude's gonna yell at me for smoking weed or whatever and he goes um i see you walk by here every day and um you spit a lot. You spit.

And I'm already older with, you know, I'm compromised a bit and you have a really bad habit of spitting. And I was wondering if you could just not spit. Now I'm standing in his driveway with a lit fucking joint that's just, you know. Right.

And I looked at this dude and I was like, man, go fuck yourself. I'm just kidding. I would never. I told my daughter's mother, she's like, you said go fuck yourself. I'm just kidding. I would never. I told my daughter's mother, she's like, you said that to an old man, a neighbor. I go, fuck. No, I didn't say that.

I spit right in his mouth. I was like, there's some COVID right here, bitch. I was so embarrassed. I looked at him and I just stood there frozen. I was like, you're right. I do have a terrible habit of spitting. I'm a spitter. Ever since I played ball, i'm if i drink a drink

and spit after i brush my teeth sometimes spit i like to spit and i was like wild i am embarrassed because then for a second i thought is he gonna ask me for a hit of this joint i wasn't sure where it was going and i was like that's one of those things where like you do and you hate that you do it and you always like are conscious of it but you think no one else notices you're like this dude had been watching out his window this is just some guy okay he said i said sir fucking i'm embarrassed i told him i am embarrassed that you had to come out of your home and say that to me and i apologize sincerely for making you come in because i'm just hanging on my thread i go dude i get it man it will not happen this guy's out the window like he was for days watching i'm just spitting every day spit at his driveway he's like if you could just not spit around like a fucking dog got to spit to

marcus territory i couldn't believe it i was humiliated i was like god damn bro that's that chick from bewitch right edna kravitz who would like look out the window all the time people be like they're doing some crazy that woman was look out the window all the time at people. I'd be like, they're doing some crazy... That woman was gaslighted all the time because she'd be like, I think our neighbor's a witch. And their husband would be like, you're crazy. And she was a witch. It's like the ultimate gaslighting. I always felt bad for that

television character. But I've been going on weed walks myself. That's the only thing getting me out of the house. And weed stores, as you know, are essential. So there's one that I walk to and I'll be going in it and I'll buy a joint and then I'll smoke thing getting me out of the house and weed stores as you know are essential essential thank god so there's one that i walked to and i've been going in it and i'll buy a joint and then i'll smoke the joint on the walk home and the guy the other day he was like hey man you know you could buy like four joints for and i go dude i need this can you just let me let me have this man

it's not about the joints it's about the lock sorry I didn't mean to bang the table yeah but I forget what I put up here and it's too small for me to read so why don't you tell me where you are oh shit

I forgot you're going to have to beep his name because I don't know if he wants to be in there but he is a I don't know if he wants to be in there. He is a... I don't know if you know who that is, by the way. He is a former Buffalo Bills player. I don't know why I thought NBA. I can get into more detail of his career for you after the show. I found out that he doesn't remember this story, but I don't know that he'd want me to like mention it.

But he did. He he said, oh, that sounds like some Buffalo shit. So he remembers. But he kind of doesn't remember exactly what it is. But my my best friend, Matt Bergman, is a comedian, big road dog. He's actually got a dry bar comedy special out there right now. If you want to check that out. uh he used to get all these bills players to like like him somehow you know what i mean like through performing around town somehow he'd become friends with and i was always so jealous of him you know because like he'd be hanging out with like the coolest some of the coolest players some of them weren't that cool

you know but some of them were really cool and uh i would be like, man, that would be so much fun. And it was Thanksgiving Eve and we did a show. And this particular player came to the show and invited us afterwards to go to a nightclub with him. Where he was going to have the whole shebang. The booths and the bottle service and all that. So we go and my friend has two girls with him, and one of the girls is just kind of like, this cute but nerdy girl or whatever. So we go, and I get fucking hammered.

I'm like, we're having bottle service with fucking this Buffalo Bills player? This is amazing. There's other Bills players there. I'm like, I'm fucking living it up. I forget how old I was, 23 or something like that. I'm like, this is amazing like there's other bills players there i'm like i'm fucking living it up you know i'm i forget how old i was 23 or something like that i'm like this is the best and uh me and this girl start talking and then we're like i'm borderline blackout drunk but we start like grinding on the dance floor me and this girl like disgustingly like i'm talking like borderline having sex with our clothes on like it was it was like we were in that kind of trance where it was like we thought we were having sex, even though we were completely clothed.

That type of gross dancing, you know. fall into one of the VIP booths that we're hanging out in around all of these athletic black athletic men. It's me and this white girl in the middle of this booth and I just start

going at it. You're having sex? No, I start fingering her at the booth in front of all these people. She's completely down, by the way. This isn't like she's telling me to do it. Fingermate. Yeah, dude.

She was aggressive. I mean, those nerdy ones, sometimes they get real wild hair up their ass. And she's probably excited about the access that we've just been having and drinking for free and everything and uh you're excited about that act oh so and i mean we're acting like no one's around let alone like again the 2012 buffalo bills are all around and I overhear this particular player go like, what the fuck? And like, I didn't stop. Because he wasn't talking to you, you know?

Well, yeah, not really. But I mean, did you think he was? Or were you just like, that's some side shit over there? I thought maybe, I don't know. I'm like, he's not grabbing me and telling me to stop or anything. I mean, I'll wait until it's really addressed directly. I mean, she's asking me to finger. She's not stopping either.

She wasn't like, the what the fuck didn't deter her from continuing. My buddy Matt, I hear him go like, isn't that crazy? Just let him go. He doesn't get laid a lot. He said something like that or whatever. He goes, I don't give a shit dude. That's my hero. That's what this

particular Buffalo Bills player said in that moment. That made me stop. And I shook his hand. I took my hand out of the girl. You took your hand out of her vagina? I took my hand out of the girl and shook his hand. Talk about that, you know? Oh, my God.

And he shook it. And he goes, oh, shit. He was like, what's that like? and he shook it, and he goes, oh, shit. He was like, what's that like? And, yeah, like, I guess, you know, I bring some tear to my eye, honestly, now knowing this new world with COVID-19,

we might not be able to shake any hands ever again. I mean, let alone finger banging. Take one out of a pussy. I mean, do you think that would have been allowed these days? Fuck, no. That ain't social distancing at all that's my hero but I had to acknowledge that

sounds like some buffalo shit and then yeah then uh because I texted my friend about it I'm like will you ask him if he remembers it you know because like I wanted to talk about it and see if I could like bring up his name and uh he goes he says he doesn't remember it but it sounds like some buffalo shit that is

so good dude but yeah so oh my god i like dirty sanchez tim but not you know what i mean like yeah you ever have a stripper do that to you by the way i've never i'll tell you what i have had not that i've never had a stripper put a finger up herself and then give me the mustache oh that's it you've had that i have yeah well you go first uh and i don't know if this is by the way like before i uh don't take my verbiage on the next uh explanation as gospel because i don't know if this is like a crime or not or something because i believe that 30 sanchez is. No, no, no, I know that. But I'm saying the reason why we were doing this was the record label people that would come in from Warner Brothers to my radio station.

They would take us to the Canadian strip clubs for like a night out, put it all on the Warner Brothers car. So we'd go ham, you know. And the Canadian strip clubs, yeah. Yeah, so like 200 bucks. They'd get freaky up in Canada. If you have 200 whatever Canadian goof money they have up there uh if you have 200 of whatever that is yeah they call them loonies okay i mean jesus if you have

200 of that you can get two women in one of these horseshoe things to basically have sex with each other and so we used to go up with these warner brothers guys i don't know if i should be saying the record labels name they're all not working there anymore uh but we would go up for thumbs we'd call it and what thumbs was was we'd pay the 200 and we'd get the two girls to put thumbs in each other's butts at the same time okay in the horseshoe thing so we'd all be sitting in a horseshoe thing i thought it was like juvenile and I was the youngest one. These are like 40 year old men and I'm like 19 and I'm like, this seems a little juvenile.

You know what I mean? Like, and I hated strip clubs, but I would go because, you know, free drinks and stuff and Warner, you know, these guys,

I mean, Hey, Lincoln park was on the label, but so, uh, I forget even why I brought this up. Oh, so what they did was we were doing thumbs

and one of the fucking stupid ass label execs like whispered in one of the years like give josh a dirty sanchez so she was like doing thumbs and then she was like you like well she was like you know russian or whatever saying you know you like this or whatever and i was like sure yeah and then she goes squished and i was like what the fuck oh dude I would have thrown oh fuck yeah definitely not be allowed right now and then like everyone laughed and they were like we did it to Eric last time and I was like oh cool I mean like Eric's like yeah man they did it to me last time oh my god no I've never had that but you know I don't care I'm a scoundrel anyway I was like I'll put my fucking tongue up there lady you think you're trying to play a trick on me?

That's at your own will. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? You gotta give that a little litmus test before you go right in. You gotta L for them, though. It's like she was trying to get one up on me to make me be like, oh, gross. I was like, listen, lady, I'll suck your fucking thumb. Get that shit out of my face.

I'm not like these other suits over here that get all little skittish when you put your fucking shitty thumb in their nose, you know? Did you go wipe your face? No, I took it. I was like, oh, yeah, hilarious, guys. I just kind of acted like I didn't care. You're a better man than me because I would have been throwing fists at the dudes for sure. Yeah, I mean, I was young and they were old. I would have put my thumb right in dudes for sure. Yeah, I mean, I was young and they were old. They were older men.

I would have put my thumb right in his eye and gave him pink eye. You know, at the time when you're like 19 or whatever, a guy in his 30s seems like a dad to you or whatever. That's who I would have beat, yeah. The older guy, teaching my life. Oh, man, that's not a lot. I'll tell you what has happened to me. I've not had that.

I was at a club in Baltimore. It's called Night Shift. It's still there. And they have a, so the way it worked, at least in Maryland, and I think it's here too, is you can only show boobs if you serve alcohol.

You can only show boobs if you don't serve alcohol. That's it. Yeah. You can't have to have pasties if you serve alcohol. It's like that in most states. But their workaround was

you could bring your own beer. B-Y-O-B. So instead of paying, so you would pay like a $25 or $20 cover charge to get in. You bring your beer. They'll keep it cold, serve it to you. You tip the waitress. Yeah, the waitress. Cocktail waitress.

This girl gets up, and at the time I'm wearing a baseball hat and my buddy's sitting to the left of me or he's actually to the right. This girl comes out and she sits down in front of us with her back facing us, okay? And then throws her legs over her head. So her left leg hooks my

left shoulder. Her right leg hooks his right shoulder. I mean, she is spread this wide so she pulls you together first she cracks our fucking skulls together jesus okay which i was not expecting and then pulls us violently into her fucking everything yes the ass all of it and is banging like it's like give it i'm like god god it's like i'm getting i'm getting pummeled you know what i mean pummeled and it is awful and then i look over him and he looks at me and he's like dude you have shit all over your face like glitter and and i was like i thought you meant shit no and but then i was like you got something other than glitter on your face i don't know what that

is bro we were in the bathroom just oh i was gagging. We're just dousing our face like, oh, my God. There was a real dirty scallywag place like that in Fredonia, New York, a college town in upstate New York. And it was like there wasn't a stage. It was like a deck was built for the girls to walk on. Yeah. And it was like that BYOB. And, like, they let kids drink underage at it and shit like that.

And I remember you used to be able to lay i went again this is like very drunk josh college drunk josh i remember like we would go there and all we would lay on the deck and you'd put a dollar bill on your face and the girl would take the dollar bill off with her pussy i've seen that at the club before yeah that's the dirtiest thing you could touch, money. You're touching it with your pussy and he's touching it with his mouth. Not just touching it with your pussy grabbing it with your pussy. How do you practice that

shit at all? I don't know. It's crazy. It's like one of those dummy mannequins, those CPR mannequins you're just down there getting it. They're just kegels. Yeah. I wonder what else she can pick up with it. She picks up quarters around the... I'll give you a couple.

It's funny because I didn't realize... How do I put this? I guess when I would see a beautiful woman, I guess I thought everyone thought that woman was beautiful. You know what I'm saying? You think everyone else... Oh, that girl's hot. You don't think beauty is subjective until you have a conversation about it.

Right. And then I get to this, when I first moved here, this is in the late 1900s. It was like 97. I go to this fucking strip club. I lived in North Hollywood. Okay. But I lived in the old North Hollywood, West North Hollywood. When I would jog through the neighborhood, they would tell me, you know, you're the only white boy in the neighborhood. They would West North Hollywood. Okay. When I would jog through the neighborhood,

they would tell me, you know, you're the only white boy in the neighborhood. They would tell me that. And then when I first moved in, the cops knocked on my door the first night and was like, Hey, two doors up is a gang affiliated building.

There's a, uh, been a murder. They, the bodies that I was like, this was my first apartment, my, on my own out here.

And, um, one night I walk up to the strip club i still have my maryland id and i go with a buddy and the dude's like i'm not supposed to let you in because you have an out-of-state id and i kind of look around real quick and i was like i'm cool with that you know what i mean this is not it is it's accordion music and shit's going on up there and i'm like what are we dancing this we get in we get a beer we sit sit down. It's one of these that has like the stage here with the curtain, like cheetahs.

Yeah. Cheetahs, but it's got the curtain and then that long runway. Okay. And this lady, I mean, she throws open the curtain and she's built like, remember Weeble wobbles, little Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. She's got legs and arms like Humpty Dumpty

and she comes out and they are whistling and cheering. I was like, oh my God, people find her attractive. I don't. And I'm like, huh. And she comes out and she sits down. Can I ask you a quick question? Yeah. Was she like us? She was Latina. Okay. She walks down the road. I mean, struts

her shit down the wrong way. And I'm talking about belly, everything. And she is not, she's not insecure at all at least on this stage exactly came to life she struts down there she sits down she pulls both of her legs up so they're like this and then she does like a little on her ass cheeks and does a 360 and then all the way back down and they're going nuts and throwing dollars and i was like i'm getting the fuck out of here i just got up and left i was like i don't need you were watching some people respect more of her art form than they were her physical and i was like if that's what's

going to be coming out of that curt beaded curtain back there i'm fucking good it's interesting because there is uh strippers like that and like uh also i've noticed uh what's that other burlesque dancers you know every now and then you get a burlesque dancer where you're like jesus and then they like do a dance and everyone's like they're so brave you know or whatever and so i think that's celebrated and that's wonderful but then you also have the one where they come out and you're like holy shit this girl is so hot oh my god and then they're like when they dance it's like are you even like trying right now like what are you doing you know and it's like that with i find sex as well you know like have you ever been with a

girl that you're like gosh she said and then you have sex with her and it's like this was that wasn't even as that was not nearly as fun as that fucking whale that i had sex with like two you know what i mean like the huge girl know, I had sex with a girl one time that when I, cause I like, look, I communicate. I like to talk shit. Yeah.

And she covered my mouth and she went, shh, no, no talking. And I was like, Oh my God, what fucking, I'd love to have her as a guest on this show right now.

Cause I'm like, what the fuck happened where we're not allowed. Neither of us are allowed to talk. Wow. Have you ever had sex? I mean, complete silence. Yes, because my one girlfriend lived with people, and she would be like, they're going to hear us. They're going to hear us.

So she would do that, too. She'd cover my mouth. And I wasn't even making. I was just breathing. And she would cover my mouth, and I would be a little unnecessary. Unless you're getting off at the whole, we have to do this in secret thing, relax. I mean, come on. They're not even near us. You know what I mean? I'm just breathing out loud. You can't be like, shh.

I used to share. It's so annoying. It made me angry during sex. That's a weird thing. That's only happened once. I was like, whoa. You see how quiet you how quiet i share a wall with um this hot chick that used to live next to me back in the day and her hut she was married and um they would fuck a lot and and when she would come she would cry and it would wake me up at like two in the morning and i would be like well whatever cry i would just jerk off to it it was like porn. Instead of getting mad and banging on the wall, I was just like, well, whatever.

What kind of cry was it? Was it like a sob? She would scream. She'd be like, give it to me, Steve. Give it to me, Steve. And I was like, oh, that's fucking hot. And I would go to bed. She's like moaning. She's not crying.

I thought you were saying she would be done. No, she would whimper. No, she would. Not sobbing. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was a different yeah i thought she was like i thought i heard i can't believe i did that crying is a different yeah that's a different word she's like whimpering oh god so you put it like that because the way you said that i'm like and then you're like i jerk off

to that shit i'm like what and then one day I was leaving my apartment and I saw him coming in. And I just walked by and I said, what's up, Steve? And he snapped. I'd never met him. He snapped his fucking neck. And I laughed and I got my car. And as I drove away, I thought, what if he's not Steve? And I'm not kidding you.

Within a few months, they had moved out. And I wondered, I always wondered, like, was that not Steve? Did you fuck it up? Yeah, I wondered. I always wondered, like, oh, that might not have been Steve. He might have been like, who the fuck is Steve? Or I knew Steve was coming over here. Why does the neighbor call me Steve?

If I'm him, I don't even connect those dots, but maybe. I don't know. But I used to have a roommate roommate who it was a platonic relationship with a girl and she would have gentlemen suitors come over and she would put on a real show i'm talking like ah like you'd hear it for if you had windows open people down the block were hearing this shit in fact we had a neighbor write a note on our door and was like could you keep your sounds of passion sounds of passion please name your next album

sounds of passion but it had nothing to do with me it was my roommate that's a good one sounds of passion but I would tell her I would be like you don't have to yell that loud like we all know you're fucking like get over yourself like you're yell that loud. Like, we all know you're fucking, like, get over yourself.

Like, you're not, that guy's not drilling you that good. No. You know what I mean, where you have to make that sound. And I remember I used to tell girls when they'd come over, they'd hear her and the other end of the house, they'd be like, what is that? I'd be like, oh, it's haunted. It's haunted.

Yeah, I'd just make a joke like that. Or that's a little girl that was murdered here years ago. That's her screaming uh we had uh they'd laugh we'd fuck you know i live with a couple buddies when i moved to california like the very first time because i've been here twice the first time and um one guy had this russian girlfriend and she would do the same thing she's hot younger and i mean scream where we're like jesus christ For real. And we would play me and his, uh, his brother and I would be out playing Sega, uh, football on the Genesis the whole time.

And every time she'd come out, we'd have like Olympic scores already made. And she'd come out, we, we would do like 6.5 and shit to make her feel like, it's just like, shut up, shut up. I'm like, I wasn't as good as last night. You were a little, a little on the volume there. My roommate was such a savage this chick i mean she was still one of my friends uh and she's like she's just like doesn't give a fuck you know what i mean and uh i remember i was smoking a cigarette and i heard her i was on my my like deck my patio like outside my room smoking a cigarette and she had been

fucking i went outside to like get some peace and quiet so i could just i'm like ah the night air and then she came out after her session left the guy like for dead in there or whatever came out and like just kind of like leaned up on the balcony like and she then she like turns to me and she's like i've come dripping out of my ass. And I was like, okay. I was like, wow, all right. Yeah, I was like, noted. What am I supposed to do with this information? I was like, maybe, well, try not to traipse it through the house when you get back in. I don't know. What do you want me to say to that lady?

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you can get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. Support the show, watch what you want, and protect yourself with ExpressVPN at expressvpn.com slash honeydew. Now let's get back to the do. Well, you got another story up there. We're talking about living with people. You got living with dad up there. So after I lived with this girl, because I got to the point where she was like,

I love her still to this day, but she partied at that time a lot. And I was doing morning radio, so she'd come home at like 3 in the morning. You're getting up. People are doing blow, and I'm supposed to get up soon. It was just too much and so my dad at the time him and i had like reconciled after he had left for pittsburgh um after like him and my mom divorced i hadn't talked to him for like a year really a full year yeah for why because he like he had been fucking around on my mom like when i was a kid but prior let me ask you real quick so prior to all that did you

have a good relationship with your dad oh yeah yeah yeah and i know my dad loves me and like more than anybody else i have a good relationship with him to this day but you've been cheating on your mom when i was a kid he was doing that did you know it then yeah we found out there was a time when we found out and i got i don't know if i've told this stop me but have i talked about this on here i don't know but i i found out in like seventh grade was the first time i found out and my mom like is so bad at telling my mom is so bad at telling bad news or like handling things I remember when princess Diana died she like came into my room to like wake me up to tell me about it princess Diana died and I was like 12 it's like you couldn't wait till the next day you know so uh my mom picked me up from my friend's house one time and she was like, and my sister's

in the car and they're like both crying and I'm like, what's going on? And I'm in seventh grade or something. And she's like, your father's been cheating on me with this woman and blah, blah, blah. So then she like takes us to confront my dad. And where is he when he was at? Like going to be leaving work. Oh, my gosh. He rolled up with the family at his job. Yeah.

Because what did he do? So like he was running a restaurant at the time. Pulling up in front of a restaurant. Yeah. This is like in a plaza, like a strip mall, too. So I remember this story. No. So I don't think I told it.

But I in seventh grade, you know, when your mom tells you that, I got, like, angry at my dad. So, like, I had a baseball bat in the trunk of my mom's car, and I got it, and I was, like, doing shit, like, swinging it around me. Like you're the Warriors. Yeah, like I was in the Warriors. Like, my dad's like, what are you going to you gonna fucking do you're gonna hit me with a baseball bat you know what i mean like he just kind of brushed it off or whatever and uh and i never did anything but i was like let's go you know like fucking like i was trying to get him to rumble or whatever and then um so did she go in and pull him out of the like get him out of the

restaurant in front of everyone yeah i, I mean, it was wild. It was like. People looking out the window. He drove away. A kid with a badge. It must have been, like, when he got off or something. Because, like, he got in his car and left. And then, like, showed up later that night.

And they had, like, a huge fight. And, like, it was, like, a nightmare. But then they, like, reconciled and stayed together. So then, you know, the second time that it happened, I was older. I was 25. And I tell a joke about this on stage so i won't get into the story too much but i challenged my dad to a fight and i lost and i lost it so uh uh but then like i was having my own problems at the time too i had just gotten like a dwee and like i was in a different place too mentally so like I didn't talk to my dad for like

a year and he had moved to Pittsburgh and like opened a bar for a little while there and so we had reconciled and he decided he was coming back from Pittsburgh and I wanted out of this situation with this girl that I was living with because it was just getting to be too much and so we decided

like let's get a place together like a couple swinging bachelors and uh remember when how that girl was making a lot of noise during sex well my father also decided to be the same way wait your dad's he fucks loud well i mean yeah the the chicks that he was fucking oh him or the girls oh Oh, I mean the girls, yeah. Let's just say there would be fucking, and it didn't even have to necessarily be that loud because he would just leave his bedroom door open.

Come on. Yeah. And you're how old? This is right before I moved to L.A. Oh, okay. This is like recently. He would leave his door open and just fuck? Yeah. Or you could see in and everything. I mean, I wasn't

home, so like I would come home from a show, say like late at night, and I'd like walk, I'd be like, I'd hear it, I'd be like, the door's open, I'm like, Jesus Christ. And I'd go in my room and like shut the door and I'd still like hear like, you know, the house would be shaking. I gotta ask, the way I heard um, give it to me Steve

or shh, no talking, what to me, Steve or snow talking. What did you, there's gotta be a line. You heard somebody say one that sticks in your head coming home. There's gotta be, I know there's one or two. I know there's something. I know there's something up there that haunts you.

There's not. I wish, I wish there was a word. It's just sounds, you know what I'm saying? Just like, and now I guess this woman is my new stepmom, so it's even weirder.

That's sick. So, but yeah, so it's just sounds and stuff like that. But I confront it. I said to my dad, I go, hey, dude, like, I get it. I don't care. It's your house. You can fuck in it. You know what I mean? You are hard. Yeah, it's like you I get it. No, I don't care. It's your house. You can fuck in it. You know what I mean? You are.

Yeah, it's like you pay the rent on time. I mean, we're both adults. You know what I mean? Like, but could you shut the door? And he goes, how will the dog go in and out? Oh, my God. That's what he's worried about. Because the dog would cry.

The dog would be like, oh, yeah, oh yeah, no, that's, you know, the dog crying is worse than traumatizing your son. Yeah, you crying out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. Noted. That would be weird to hear your dad

just banging it out. That would be really fucking weird. I mean, and then I remember I'd have my, because at the time when I first moved in there, I had a girlfriend, and she would be like, let's have sex. I'm like, my dad's out there. You know, I would freak out.

Your dad's fucking with the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would say that. She would say, she'd go, your dad doesn't give a fuck. We can hear him. And I'm like, I know, but I guess I have more pride. I don't know. Oh, God.

Yeah. I put Blockbuster up there. I don't know why. I got a Blockbuster story. Well, here's the thing. I learned my financial intellect through Blockbuster and that I have zero of it. And I,

I, this is, I should have known I should never have a credit card when I started fucking around with Blockbuster because I would, I would love movies, right? I'd run movies or in video games. I was in Blockbuster all the time. I was like one of those guys who like thought like when I grow up,

I want to work in a movie store, you know what I mean? So I can have my shelf with my... Not Hollywood, but Blockbuster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was there all the time, but I was really bad at returning things. I would forget that I had things out, blah, blah, blah. So my mom would be like,

there's an $80 charge for this video game. You could have just bought the fucking video game for $80. I had that happen all the time, like constantly. And it got to the point where my mom like eventually owed Blockbuster at one point, like hundreds of dollars. And she like lost her fucking mind on me. Like to like, you know how parents are like, if you bang up the car or something like it was like that, it was like,

she's like, I can't pay this. Like, this is fucking crazy. Like you're not allowed to go to blockbuster anymore and i remember i figured out a way because she blocked me from being able to rent on her card and i manipulated the clerk into bypassing it like six times and she was like how am i still getting blockbuster charges on here i thought you i said you can't go there and i told them not to let you rent on this and stuff and uh the way that i did it was i pretended that i was doing it like that i was like uh i i don't know if i want to say this don't okay don't say it you just said enough right there okay you don't know don't do it okay and i leave it alone and i uh so i manipulated the system yeah yeah basically you pulled it some

heartstrings basically yeah i got him into thinking that my mom does that because i am the way that i am sure and uh but she wouldn't mind i wrote a note or she had a note and it was like really great handwriting too so like cursive and everything like i wouldn't mind. I wrote a note, or she had a note, and it was really great handwriting, too, so cursive and everything. I wouldn't have been able to write it kind of thing. Yeah, yours would have been in crayon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he let me do that about a dozen times, and my mom was like,

what the fuck? How am I still getting Blockbuster charges on you? So I don't know. I thought that was a honeydew story. I don't know if that was one or not, but Blockbuster was like, I wonder how much, when they finally closed,

I wonder how much they were owed in back, like rentals and all. That's how they made all their money for sure. I mean, it almost made me wonder. Cause like, I remember when banks got in trouble for the late fees and stuff like that, they would,

they ended up having to cut some, I got some, I got a check cut to me by a bank one time because of all my overdraft fees that they were apparently illegally charging me. Blockbuster, I bet, if they would have lasted long enough, would have fallen in some sort of class action lawsuit where they would have had to do something like that

because their late fees were astronomical. It would get to the point where, like my mom said, you could buy six movies for the amount of time this is. isn't even like lawful at a certain point you know it's got to have a cap on it a friend of mine told me a story about blockbuster one time i'll i'll just will never forget because i feel bad for the kid but i would give like him and three of his buddies probably you know 13 14 years old and um the mom took them out on a friday night it was like all right i'm going into joann fabrics next door you guys go to blockbuster it's about to close but get in there get the move you want for tonight or whatever so they go in and one of the four kids has to take a shit so bad

and he asked them he's like can i please use your restroom they're like it's not for customers and he's like but i'm gonna shit really bad and they're like it's not for customers and he's panicking so he tells his buddies like get this ask this guy a question and get him to the back and they do and he pulls his pants down and he shits in the trash can that's up there where they just dropped their trap power she's like 13 or power shitting in this trash can solids are like diarrhea power shit shit in this fucking trash can. No wipes, no nothing. Pulls his pants up, and then he just fucking runs out. And then he leaves them in there with it,

and they got to get their goddamn movie. And he's shit. He said he was so humiliated, he just shit in a Blockbuster trash can while people were walking around getting movies. Someone's like, ooh, Schindler's List. Oh, my. The Schindler's List. Oh, my. Say, Schindler's List. I'm over here in the foreign film section.

Smells like a fresh deuce. What's this one up here? Saliva. Oh, well, I was going to say before we get to that. Oh, yes, please. The Blockbuster thing, if you wanted to lend more credence to it, I know you were interested in my picture i posted of my high school yeah yes can we thank you i mean so that

was like around the same time as look at that so like imagine that guy coming into blockbuster and be like listen my hair is not far from that right now i could probably comb my hair to look like that oh that's what i mean i was losing my hair this is like between you should have in senior hold on can we have a josh potter challenge and see how many people right now could I was losing my hair. This is between senior and senior hair. Hold on. Can we have a Josh Potter challenge and see how many people right now could mimic that picture of you? I mean, sure. You should.

Look at that facial hair. I was like, what was I trying to do? That beautiful teeth. You know what it was, dude? I was trying to be in radio. That starter kit facial hair. This is when I was an intern at the radio station, so I was like, if I have a goatee.

Robert Paul Champagne. I said, hi, handsome. A little RPC on that. So yeah, I mean, I grew that fucking goatee. How old are you here? I'm between junior and senior year. And I just started my internship at the radio station. So I was like, I need them to think I'm older than I am.

Got that mock turtleneck going. I remember I had mock turtleneck. No, there's no mock turtleneck. That's just my neck that's a t-shirt i'm doing a look how high the neck comes up on it's like i thought i thought no that's just a t-shirt without like a like i'm wearing one right now with like a v-cut oh that one has like a no v-cut just a regular crew yeah and then i have like the open gray dress shirt like what was i doing but nice teeth starter facial hair yeah glasses look nice they were just the wire yeah framed glasses i think i had to use like different glasses than real because um that they were too

reflective that's a substitute pair it might be like yeah you talk about honey dude couldn't even put your real glasses because it could fuck up my camera because yeah dude that's happened in every that's why i hate headshots and shit dude every time i go for a headshots or people tell me they're like you need new headshots and like i love troy he's like the only guy that i like he'd know i think he knows that i'm so self-conscious about getting my picture taken that he's like very what's the word like helps me along with it but i i get so because i've had photographers be so like look you got to take those fucking glasses off i'm like oh so i can look like the terminator i don't ever have my glasses off why would i have a headshot where i don't have my

glasses right fucking idiot but yeah this is what i devolved into by the end of the year so the beginning of the year was picture one this is picture two yeah this is like a senior trip here for our business club deco we thought we were going to be our winner like uh we're in indecable which is like a business trivia sort of thing so that was our team right there a bunch of real what is that what is deca deca is like a business club i forget what the acronym stands for but it's a nationwide business club and like you go through there's various things that actually like helped me get a internship pretty early on in radio uh through like communications and stuff like that like through public speaking contests and things like that but um yeah so we were in

that that was we were a bunch of degenerates who basically all lived in that hotel room for a weekend playing mario kart and like are these two on the right, our right brothers? No. No, they look like a little of them. No, none of those are brothers, but those were my high school friends. DECA, huh? Yeah, dog.

DECA, what the, not in DECA, what the heck, that's what we used to say. But to wrap it up there, those saliva glands, I think about this because now you know we're not doing gigs and stuff like that and to like kind of bring it full circle you know like i have given up all those things like i said traveling here just to do comedy now that we can't it's like the one thing that i gave everything up to do and now i can't do it so it's like making me fucking nuts and the one time that I like um had to cancel

doing it on my own uh fruition or whatever that word is I think I said that right uh was when yeah I I um I had a gig in Tampa Bay at the Tampa Improv and the week leading up to it all of a sudden I got this like I thought it was swollen glands you know when your glands get swollen and i couldn't like open my mouth all the way it was really painful and it was like i was having trouble swallowing and it progressed and it progressed to the point where then i couldn't speak like i couldn't even open my mouth without hurt like it was like so swollen so painful i couldn't speak or swallow I couldn't even like sip water through a straw. It was rough, dude. And I, I called Tom. I'm like, should I cancel the weekend? Like, I can't talk. And I, and he was like, yeah, if you can't talk, you have to cancel the weekend.

So I, first I went to a urgent care to find out like what was going on. I'm like, do I have tonsillitis? Like, i don't even know what the fuck this is what it turns out it was you know how you can get stones in your kidneys yeah i had stones in my saliva glands you can get that yeah dude what the from what what is that is it same way calcium build up and all that shit same ways you can get them in your kidneys it just happens in your saliva glands like i had apparently like i i guess i was drinking a lot of iced tea at the time i'm a big iced tea drinker yeah so but sweet or unsweet i i was drinking like those arizona cans you know so yeah probably so um i mean i don't know that that's what did it but i had to pass them through my skin essentially like on you know like the skin at the bottom of your mouth

oh they have to come out yeah like Yeah, because either they have to surgically remove them. Are they hard? I remember when I finally passed one. It's not like passing it through your dick. I would venture to say that's worse. It is. I can tell you. I had to basically get a hot compress and

gargle salt water and stuff, basically trying to force it through to protrude the skin. Or they could have like, I could have done oral surgery or whatever, but that would have been. How long was the whole process from beginning to later out? It was days, like a week it took to get them to pass through my skin. I was out of work for a while because I was in radio too.

So I remember I was out for like three days and they were like, you don't have any sick time left. And I, so I, I'm like'm like okay i'll come into work so i show up and i get in front of the microphone and i'm like that was stained you know like i'm like next up we have metallica and then i'll let you know about the bike night on wednesday like so i'm like eating it like they're like okay get off the air you can go home like they basically i show them i'm like see this is what i'm dealing with you fucking idiot is it painful like kidney stones are yeah it was painful in terms of like it was just making everything in my mouth painful but it wasn't painful in terms of it passing other than it breaking the skin as far as i remember one it was almost like a relief once it came out

because then it was like and then you're like holy shit you know because it's like in here and shit you know and um but yeah canceling that weekend I remember I'm like I was devastated like they're never gonna have me back and like all this stuff I was so sad that I had to cancel the weekend but I couldn't speak let alone for a half hour on stage you know but um I remember I had a girlfriend at the time who was helping me like she's like it's gonna be okay she was like you want me to go get you something she was like trying to help me and this is where i learned like maybe i'm not good in relationships because i'd be like leave me alone you know what i mean yeah right why do i get that kind of yeah exactly why do i get that way i don't know get the fuck out of here you don't try to help me you don't even know what i'm dealing with right now i just

canceled a tampa weekend you don't even fucking know it's so funny you say that because the first full headline weekend I ever got at the at the Brea Improv um I'm it was I did I was doing it right after Christmas and I was doing like two Friday

and two Saturday I think I was doing something like that and um I'm in the shower getting ready to to go out and I just collapse I've never dropped to my knees before and I in sports in a fight I've never taken a knee I went to my knees and I was like what the fuck is this and were you like dizzy or just weak no just uh weak like incredibly you just it's such an excruciating pain that all you can do is just try to recoil into yourself you know i mean like i feel like if you let it radiate a full size it's even worse you're like dr man you can't think straight yeah and i'm like i gotta

cancel this fucking week and i can't so but i don't want to i try to go to the er i have my daughter's mother at the time drove me and i remember she had a rental car and I was in so much pain. I was punching the fucking roof on the, I mean, go. And she's like, I didn't get the insurance. And I'm like,

you should've got the fucking insurance. And I don't know what is going on. It ended up being kidney stones. And I couldn't, I mean, I had to send a picture. Like they were like, Hey,

do you think you can still make it this weekend? And I was just like, nope. And I'm, I, do you think you can still make it this weekend? I was just like, nope. I mean, nothing. Did you pump them out of your dick? Yeah. Oh, my God. It took a while, too. Does it make your dick hole bigger after?

Does it stretch it out? I don't want to sit there and say yes or no. I'll tell you what happened to me. You didn't measure it before. I know other people. My brother had one where, this sucks, but it was so big, they went in and they break it apart so that you can pass it. I know other people, like my brother had one where, this sucks, but it was so big they went in and they break it apart so that you can pass it. The problem is now

however many pieces there are you gotta piss those out. So you went from one big one to maybe nine little ones. It's the Armageddon thing. It's like you're gonna have just rain down this entire asteroid. And Nate gave me a heads up. He's like, look, it's in your, it's called your urinal

tube. And it's a tube that's like a hose. It's not meant to expand. It is what it is. And you're shoving a golf ball through a garden hose, except that golf ball is jagged. It looks like an asteroid. When that thing, so they give you this little strainer

with a screen. To piss through. No, the goal is to catch it. If you can get that stone, you can take it to them. They can tell you what's in it. Iced tea, whatever. Right. Dairy.

He was like, do you drink iced tea? I go, yeah, but it's unsweetened iced tea. He goes, okay, but do you eat a lot of dairy? I was like, yeah, I love cheese. And he's like, that combo causes crystals, whatever. So I canceled that whole weekend. It was brutal. And that's when my legs started clotting. And then it ended up, that kidney stone allowed me to find out I have this disease called factor five lighted. But back to that, it was like, I had to, I had to piss and fill up this jug and I had to keep that jug in my fridge. You know,

you got to keep it cold in your fridge because he he said you got to keep it cold for whatever and bring it back and keep testing it testing it so i would do all this shit and one day it you the real pain is going through the tube once it's in your bladder it's a pebble in a swimming pool yeah then it's got to come out of your dick that's the problem you don't know when that's going to happen and you just sit there and i would sit i would sit and pee and i would try to catch it in the strainer but it wouldn't come out it wouldn't come out like ah and then this one piss i took i felt it and i was like oh and i knew the next one was going to be the one oh and i i peed it out and it did not hurt it it hurt but it didn't hurt anything like this. After passing through this tube, you're like. It was like almost a relief.

It was a huge relief, and I caught it. And I remember going, yes! Like, I was screaming. I was so excited. This thing looked like it was Darth Vader, bro. It was black as pure asphalt. It looked like a mini asteroid. Jagged, sharp edges, and you're like, oh, my God.

That's what this shit looked like coming out of my of my face i'm like oh my god i i had one time uh when i was five i was peeing and i kept like you know when like you're a kid you miss the toilet sometimes but i was missing it a lot and my mom was like are you r-worded like so they she started like checking in on me like when i was peeing because she's like you're fucking pissing all over the floor i'm like i don't know and uh turns out my pit my piss stream was crooked it was like why they didn't know why you were born yeah not because there was just turns out we didn't know we didn't know if there was an obstruction right yeah so i had to go get a camera shoved oh my dick hole even catheters

I was awake no numbing or anything I mean I certainly I remember I was 5 years old and I remember it like it was like I could remember like it was this morning I remember

people holding me down and them doing it and like I don't remember I had to call my dad trauma does yeah yeah i remember people holding me down and them doing it in like dude how big do you remember how big i don't remember i don't even i had to call my dad and ask him what they put in my penis because i i thought it was a needle i couldn't remember that aspect or even why i was there but i remember it happening so vividly and i also remember afterwards because it was like it wasn't like i stayed in the hospital overnight for the shit it was like we left right afterwards and i was like you know limping and shit you know with my fucking five-year-old dick it just took a lot of took a

lot of fucking action you know that's a beating yeah so we go out for uh we go to perkins for pancakes afterwards and they told me the first time i pee is going to be a little rough. That's all they say, though, rough. Well, I mean, they don't tell me this, but they tell my parents this. So my parents are like, if you have to go pee, let us know because we have to come with you. They didn't tell me why or anything or that it's going to hurt.

So I'm drinking fucking apple juice like it's going out of style at Perkins, you know, like not thinking twice about it. So I go, I have to go to the bathroom if it's worth anything. And at perkins you know like not thinking twice about it so i go i have to go to the bathroom if it's you know worth anything and so my dad's like all right let's go and so my dad's like standing behind me i'm like why do you have to stand behind me and he's like you just in case and i'm he's like well we have to like make sure from this from the thing you know so i start peeing and all of a sudden it's like i'm shooting fire out of my

dick i just start screaming and i'm like ah and i'm peeing and my dad grabs under my arms because my legs buckle and i almost like would have just collapsed to the ground i was gonna say and i'm peeing everyone like ah like it's trust fall trust fall likeful! I'm trying to stop peeing, but it's burning more and more. Obviously, the buildup is burning. My urethra is fucked. When it's inside, so I'm letting it out. Afterwards, I'm like, my knees are shaking, and I'm like, ah! My dad's like, come on, we're going back out.

The Perkins waitress brings our check, and I'm just like, ah! I'm fucking dead dude like is this gonna happen every time i pee they're like maybe the next three or four you know like holy shit it was like you know it was like a thing that would have to like wear off after a little while but it was uh brutal god damn dude yeah dude it was rough for sure uh there was one other thing i was gonna say to to wrap it, but I forgot it now that I brought up that. The trauma of your dick.

I don't even remember what we got on there. We were talking about tonsil or not tonsil, saliva. See, I know about tonsil stones, but you had saliva stones. Yeah, the saliva gland one was something I had never heard of until

I went to that urgent care. It's the first time I had never heard of until I went to that urgent care it's the first time I've ever heard of that I didn't know that I didn't know about it either like I said it was crazy yeah I can't remember that final fucking thing what we were talking about I'm sorry kidney stone I derailed it peeing no

I don't know I'm sorry don't be sorry you went through something traumatic yeah dude that story came back to me and it was like fucking now I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. You went through something traumatic. Yeah, dude. That story came back to me. And it was like fucking now I'm remembering that pain. Dude, it was so painful. I did black out from pain

when I was taking a piss. But yeah. Well, brother, thank you as always for being here. No problem. Thank you for having me. Please stay healthy. Please promote everything again. Oh yeah. Twitch.tv slash Josh underscore me. Please stay healthy. Please promote everything again. Oh yeah, twitch.tv slash josh underscore potter.

That's the only thing I got going on right now. And if things go as planned, my Sacramento date that was supposed to happen in the beginning of April has been rescheduled for September 3rd through 5th. So if you're a gambling man or woman and you want to buy tickets,

go ahead. It's on the website. So we'll see. Hopefully, we're back out there live soon. This is crazy. Yeah, dude. As always, I'm Ryan Sickler. Please go right now at the end of this. Subscribe to my YouTube page.

Send in your Patreon stories. I did forget to say at the end, the Honeydew with y'all. Just email me at ryan at ryansickler. the end, the Honeydew with y'all. Just email me at ryan at ryansickler.com or at the Honeydew podcast at gmail.com. Either of those is fine. And just give me a quick blip on what your story is and why

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