The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Potter - Happy Birthdew

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is birthday boy, Josh Potter! Josh & I recorded this episode before his Bills beat my Ravens so, in honor of birthdays & sports, we shared HoneyDew birthday and HoneyDew sports stories! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: Keeps If you’re ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to keeps.com/honeydew to receive your first month of treatment free. That’s keeps.com/honeydew Ritual You deserve to know what’s in your multivitamin. That’s why Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/honeydew to start your Ritual today.

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Ritual and Keeps. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. to the honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all social media the honeydew podcast.com is the website for the show make sure you are subscribed to the youtube channel don't just watch hit that subscribe button and uh look if you're in for more you need to have your due. We've got the Patreon community growing and growing. It's the stories.

The shit we have coming out, you guys, I can't even get over it. It's been a lot of fun. Sign up if you can do it. It's $5 a month. If you sign up for a year or more, you save on over a month of free episodes. All right? I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center, so if you need musical instruments or lessons for your kids, Santa Monica Music Center is the spot.

They offer online classes. If you go to Santa Monica Music dot com and use the code honey, do the wave, the registration fee and give you one free lesson when you sign up for a package. That's it. All right. Now, if you're new to the show, welcome. What we do over here, we highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers, and it is a pleasure to have this storyteller return, especially this week, via Buffalo, y'all, sitting across from me. Jess Potter, everybody. What's up, what's up?

Go Bills, baby. Welcome back. Congrats. Oh, yeah. Congrats. You look good. What's up, what's up? Smash the tables.

I've seen people throwing babies through tables up in Buffalo. Yeah, that's a new thing that's a new one people are like oh welcome to the world listen i'll say this i'm not in favor obviously of throwing a baby through a table but if i only have two choices between a fucking uh gender reveal party or throwing a baby through a table i'm gonna say you got to throw your baby through a table it only hurts the baby say you've got to throw your baby through a table. It only hurts the baby. It doesn't set a forest fire and kill animals and people and shit. I haven't seen anyone throw a baby into a table yet, thankfully.

But they do do the—I think they're adorable, frankly. They just, like, rest them on it. Welcome to Bill's Mafia. And they lower them onto the table. That's so cute. People get really up in arms. There's a polarized fan base about the tables you realize yeah some people are like that's a terrible thing these idiots out there who fucking

let them break their fucking legs you know what i mean i'm for all of it the running of the urinals at preakness used to be one of my favorites watching those guys go across i mean shit like that go ahead a bill's have you been to a bill's tailgate so i wanted to tell you first of all promote everything quickly oh yes well uh whatever you'd like thankfully isn't take your time i mean not thankfully but unfortunately not much to promote uh we i do have the josh potter show that comes out on youtube every tuesday on uh the ymh uh youtube channel also I'm going to be at the West Palm Beach Improv on March 21st. That is my only date on the books for 2021.

So hopefully people come out to that. But that's it as far as plugs. Oh, twitch.tv slash Josh underscore Potter. You can see me stream on there while I lose my mind every day in this quarantine. So they can watch me ramble to space while I play fake sports. Very good. Very good. Yes, I have, actually. Years ago when the Colts had left Baltimore, we didn't really have, we didn't, not really, we didn't have a team. And I just didn't want to go Steelers and Redskins because they were right there. First, I liked the Seahawks back when

Dave Craig and Steve Largent would light it up. I loved those colors. I had that old, do you remember the metal trash can back in the day that was like the wrap of the team? Yes. Yeah. I had one of those. I had a Seahawks one.

I had a Seahawks half shirt, mesh shirt. I have a picture of that somewhere. And I had one of those old school starter jackets with the, you know, it was that blue back in the day. Not the dark blue, the more royal blue. Right. No, it was that blue back in the day. Not the dark blue, the more royal. Right, no, it was like the Warren Moon gray helmets. And then silver. They were silver.

Silver, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the Giants. I really liked the Giants for a minute, especially when Haas Dedler was there. And Dave Meggett was a Maryland guy. And then Sean Landetta went to school. They both went to Towson where I went. And then the Raiders. I got into the Raiders. That's got to be so tough.

I thankfully don't know what this feels like. I was faced with this perhaps a couple of years ago when Ralph Wilson died. We thought Bon Jovi was going to buy the fucking team and move them to Toronto. So Bon Jovi, persona non grata in Buffalo. You play living on a prayer in a bar, you're going to get your fucking throat slit. All right? That's great advice to let people know. If you go to Buffalo, do not put Bon Jovi in the fucking jukebox or you're going to die.

Bon Jovi won't come there anymore. He said in interviews, he's like, fuck, Buffalo hates me. I hate them. Buffalo Rambo, joke me out. He is never performing in Buffalo ever again. Whoa. Suck my fucking dick. Yeah, so fuck you and your dumb Rogers group.

He was teaming up with the Rogers group. He teamed up with Rogers, the people that own the cell phones up there, and they own the Rogers group. He was teaming up with the Rogers group. Talk about a honeydew story. He teamed up with Rogers, the people that own the cell phones up there, and they own the Rogers Center. They were already sniping us for a game a year when Ralph Wilson was alive, so we thought they were all going to Toronto. Thankfully, the Pagoulas stepped in and they prevented both Bon Jovi and Donald Trump from buying

the Buffalo Bills, by the way. Donald Trump tried to buy them. He was out of that USFL shit. No, it wasn't it was this is i'm saying trump this is 2014 yeah we could have stopped usfl on the ground i knew that we knew them when you when you ran to you uh was it usfl yeah well he just yeah he fucked that up you can't run a minor league football organization. He wasn't even the owner of the organization. He was just the owner of one team, and he fucked up the whole organization.

I mean, come on. I mean, come on, dude. Y'all didn't see it with the USFL. I did. I am, I'll tell you this. I am 100% thankful. I will take every moment of... That's as political as I'll get on this show. I'm about to get even a little more political.

I will take every single thing that has happened to this country in the past four years, as long as we've kept that monster away from the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Bills. I'll take it all over again, baby. Four more years, if it means that. Because people are like, oh, don't you think it's uh it would have been better if you bought the bills then he wouldn't have been president and i go no i wouldn't have been the bills would have been fucking all i had yeah i don't care about this country

i'm a fan not a patriot having and i did tell the story of my biggest honeydew moment of course i'm supposed to be a ball boy for the 1984 colts i wake up in the middle of the night my dad and shit and they're gone that's that's the story was it the old trope of moving trucks and all that just got out they just got out of town. There's a great 30 for 30 on it called The Band That Wouldn't Die. It's amazing. Barry Levinson directed it. I've never seen that. It's the first one.

It's the first one that launched the 30 for 30 series. But anyway, the thing it did, I told it on Comedy Central. You can go watch it on YouTube. The thing that it did do is help me learn more. Like, all of a sudden now I'm discovering Walter Payton you know what I mean and these guys in Seattle like I said and Jim Kelly you know you know how old were you well they left in 84 I was 11 okay it was like so you're still young enough where you aren't jaded and you can latch on to a team I'm jaded because I'm supposed to be a ball

boy well that's that's what I'm saying it made it worse but I probably wouldn't have been as affected if I wasn't like man I'm supposed to be down there doing. Well, that's what I'm saying. It made it worse. I probably wouldn't have been as affected if I wasn't like, man, I'm supposed to be down there doing that. Because I don't know if like if the Bills did leave in 2014, I would have been how old? 18. Or no, that was how many years ago? I'm so fucking shitty at math. Six years ago, I would have been 28.

Yeah. So I would have been jaded to the point. I don't know if I would have been able to watch football anymore. Like it would have destroyed me. It took a while for sure. It definitely did because you just don't even know what's going on. To get up on a Sunday, I know some people are like, shut the fuck up, but for real,

to get up on a Sunday and not have something to root for during football season, if you're a football fan, it sucks. It sucks to just be like, oh, is that who won the Super Bowl this year? Oh, I couldn't imagine. But then all of a sudden you get your team, and we'll talk about that. It sucks to just be like, oh, is that who won the Super Bowl this year? And I couldn't imagine. But then all of a sudden you get your team and we'll talk about that. You wanted to ask me. And then the anxiety comes back and the fucking God dams come back. And, you know, the excitement, all that shit.

So it's. Was there a mixed feeling when you did get the Ravens about how the Colts left you? Where did you feel bad? I've talked about that. And this is not. I just say, like, you know, the truth is that I didn't know we didn't we wanted the Carolina expansion team or the Jacksonville expansion team we didn't want someone else's team because we knew what that was like you know I say it's like it's like fucking rooting for your ex-wife to hit

the lotto you know I'm not still gonna root for the fucking Colts. But I also don't want your team. Right. So from 96 to 99, when Cleveland got a team, I was a fan, but I just was like, you know, it's not, we're building something and we just took this team. And, you know, 1999, they say, Cleveland, don't worry, you can have a team. And I'm like, wait, what? They've never won an NFL Super Bowl. You've got to go back to the championships. They haven't done shit. This team is needed? Why?

Why is this team so needed? You hate Art Modell, who helped pioneer football back in the day and bring it to the level. Why the fuck does Cleveland... What royalty of football are you? Amen. These motherfuckers get a team. And also, just to be proper about it, and I know people have their hate for Art Modell.

I get it because I'm the same way about Ursae. But Art Modell left Cleveland's records there. So Jamal Lewis and J.K. Dobbins, Ray Rice, never beat a Jim Brown record. That doesn't happen. Right. Because these records because these records are these records i am going to move the team but i'm going to rename it i'm going to start a new history and this team is going to be this team here it's like you became an expansion team we

became an expansion team yeah because again they were so revered they just had to have three years don't worry don't worry we'll get you i can't believe that yeah these motherfuckers have had i would wager a top five pick for two fucking decades and they just get to the playoffs oh hooray cleveland you've you should have had 10 fucking superbowls looking past us already baby we got two we got two you do well i'm not looking past you at all i'm just saying this over there the nfl they told you know what they said i lived in cle Cleveland for a year. I'm sorry. No, I hated it. I did not like living there.

I don't dislike the city of Cleveland. I just don't like the cold. But you are a Buffalo guy. I didn't like their fan base. Oh, the football fans. Because Bills and Cleveland had very much similar in common when I lived there, where they both were kind of downtrodden in terms of their success. Bills fans handled it in a way where it was like, who cares? Let's fucking rage.

And every game was fun and it was a party. Cleveland has that. But there was also all that. Art Modell, Ray Lewis, you know, all that kind of shit. We can't draft a franchise quarterback. We've had a dozen shots. I'm a big Colt McCoy guy. I think I got a raw deal.

But anywho, I just, yeah, I just never felt, I'm like big Colt McCoy guy. I think I got a raw deal. But anywho, I just never felt. I'm like, fuck them. I don't feel bad for them. But I am happy that they've shaken the monkey off their back as well. And now they're in the. Both of us at the same time were in the playoffs. We have our first home game in 25 fucking years in the playoffs. Yeah, I know.

We got to come up to Buffalo. This drops the day after the game. So we'll see what the fuck happens. Lamar's never thrown a touchdown in the snow. He's never played in the playoffs yeah i know we gotta come up to buffalo this this this it's gonna drop the day after the game so we'll see what the fuck lamar's never thrown a touchdown in the snow you know he's never played in the snow he said i was watching every why would he say that even in childhood he's south florida so he's never put they interviewed like three guys on our team like yeah i've never played in the snow i'm like how does that get how do you get around that you want to know it's funny a bunch of guys on our team probably haven't either i'll never forget i'll ever forget uh it has but um not like and you don't have the fancy heated coils underneath no no no they're shoveling the fucking field but um i'll never forget this is like a part of uh my honeydew

and my fandom i've always been obsessed with the billsills, but in 2009, I had media access to the Bills. I had locker room access. Whoa. I had all of it. For radio and stuff? Yeah, yeah. And a couple of years before that, but 2009 was where it was the peak because we had T.O. I was so down.

And I saw T.O. naked. I was like, holy shit. That's fucking T.O. naked. That's crazy. I'll bet you his dick is fucking ripped. If you want to feel like not the same species as another human being i mean swear to god i felt like an insect i'm like his dick is as big as i am and he's just sitting there talking to like reporters with it just dangling out it's

not shy no it's out there he looks like a stallion yeah dude so i mean that was the best year but i had uh media passes leading up to it and i'll never forget like drafting guys this is what in the worst of the worst of the drought we've had like roscoe parish on our team he played at the at the university of miami southern kid i swear to god there was a game it snowed and he was like i'm not going out there no he was terrified he had never seen it before it's like he'd never even seen snow yeah yeah i'm not going out there i guess that way i always think about the first people on earth that saw rain or thunder like what the fuck yeah right we have a bunch of the there was a while there where we were just drafting players that have never and we were practicing indoors we're like what are you doing go outside like this is the supposed to be our advantage

yes and you're getting these guys are like both teams are like this is fucked up i'm not you know what i mean like they're both sucked in the snow so i didn't understand that at all we're drafting quarterbacks that play in the south and like in the west coast who've like never had a driving wind in their face you know what i mean like they had never been to denver and thrown a ball yeah yeah it was just such a dumb dumb time period uh that we had to grin and bear through but again we i handled it in a way where i was like i'm just happy buffalo has a fucking nfl football team here well you guys take it seriously i to answer your question and and i want to tell everybody this is not going to be a

sports podcast only no yeah we have other stuff we've got something else to talk that's what i have to say on my podcast i go sorry people who don't like sports this is look it's been a minute for you guys so i get it but uh when we were uh raider fans a handful of us rented a van, and we drove up to see the Raiders play the Bills back in your heyday during your four-year run. We might have been in year three, roughly. I'm 20, I don't know. We used to beat the shit out of the Raiders, too. Well, it's funny you say that.

So what I don't know is at the time, I just smoked weed. Yeah. Still, I just smoked weed. Everyone else in the van, I don't know, has dropped acid. And that's why they've asked me to drive. You can smoke when we get there or take a break. And this is one other guy that didn't drink or smoke, so we would pass off. What time of year is this?

It's winter. It's cold as fuck. It's December, and they drop acid. And along the route, we took the scenic route of course we're going up through the mountains and there's these i'll i just looked it up recently too there were these things it was called clyde peelings reptile world do you know these things they were like stop along the way shit but they'd be attached to a subway i'd be like there's a fucking anaconda over there you know i mean a lizard over there and you can get a six-inch over here. It's so weird, right?

And my brother starts throwing up. That's when I find out. I'm like, what did he take? What's his mother like? We're all tripping. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Everybody's on acid in the van. So we drive, and we get up to Buffalo.

We drive up to Niagara Falls. We go at night to see it and shit. And what is that where you cross into Canada? What town? The Rainbow Bridge. It's Toronto. Niagara Falls into Niagara Falls, Ontario. Ontario.

Yeah. So we come back. We go to the game the next day. We partake in the parking lot tailgates and everything. It's absolutely hands down. Even back then. Because, I mean, I hadn't started my tailgating. But there were people out there with grills, looked like elk shit and i was like oh well yeah that's what i'm curious

because i never got to do that back in the day i know it always happened but i mean i've only they were out there the night before they don't let you do that at the new stadiums you can't be out there the night before yeah you can now you can be in the rv lot the uh 8 a.m on a saturday start yeah yeah they're out there doing that getting wild something like that you know and they're loaded so we get into the game and you guys are beating the shit out of the raiders but the raiders no no the raiders are beating the shit out of you and you guys come back and win you're right and i'll never forget watching three guys in camouflage beat the fuck i mean beat the fuck out of this raiders fan security just stood

there and watched and i was like oh it gets real up here in buffalo that's when i learned you all had jills i didn't know anything about jill we don't anymore uh they're gone a little bit of you know some impropriety is that right those uh nfl cheerleading squads are independent entities did you know that our radio company owned the jills really and uh yeah and they just became a little too expensive and there was some bullshit going on and so they were just like no more jills i'm not gonna have those anymore but uh that's interesting that you say that because again i grew up in a time where we were not dominant so we were not beating the shit out of anybody in the fucking stadium because we were always losing.

You know, I never saw a real violent thing. But one of the darkest times I saw and one of the most times I was ashamed to be a Bills fan was when Colin Kaepernick came and played against us. And people were selling shirts in the parking lot with like his face with a target on it. Yeah. And like a part of me goes well that that's just them doing that to the opposing quarterback but they don't understand the implications that that holds when you do something like that and then you know they're burning them in effigy i'm like well yeah they do that to tom brady too but this has a little more weight because of the tone of everything going on. And that was a little rough.

And I took mushrooms at that game. And forgive me if I said this before, but I took the mushrooms and I'm tripping. I'm doing great. I'm having a great time. And there's no, I've never gone to a Bills game and made it in before the national anthem. Ever? No, because you're tailgating and then it in before the national anthem. You know what I mean? No, because you're tailgating and then everyone tailgates. And then, you know, you're like, oh, shit, kickoffs in 15 minutes.

And see, we get in for the oh, we get in the yellow. Oh, well, we there's people. But the gates are flooded. You know, there's only so many ways in. And everyone tries to get in the last time. So the part of the tradition and the experience is that moment where you're just in a throng of people, you know, waiting to get inside. And I was on shrooms and I'm freaking out. And we hear the national anthem start.

And I don't know, I made a joke like I had to take a piss or whatever. And I was like, Kaepernick's kneeling. What are they going to say when I take a piss during the national anthem? And I just started pissing like in the middle of the group. There's like people blocking me. And I'm like, I'm pissing during the national anthem. Just like, I don't know why. But then I see in the distance this silver object coming at warp speed towards me and i freaked out and

hit the i thought we were being bombed and it was uh it was the flyover for the national anthem it was like a fighter jet yeah dude i was like a fighter jet. Those three jets scared the shit out of you? Dude, I was like, get down! Like, I yelled. You really did? After I'm making jokes and shit, I thought we were getting bombed. Get down! I ain't gonna do shit. Yeah, and I hit the deck. Get down and get bombed!

I thought they were gonna come in with strafing fires. I envisioned it in my strafing fires. I envisioned it in my brain during my trip. Just one of them careening into the side of the stadium. It fucked me up for a second, dude. And I told my friend, I go, I was like, oh, I thought they were going to bomb us. I didn't know what that was.

He goes, it's the flyover, man. He goes, they don't even put missiles in those. And I was like, oh, it still doesn't matter. Oh, god damn. That is killing me. That is killing me. I started to get crazy. I was like rationalizing my logic. Any other country, though.

You know what I mean? You'd be like, mm. Yeah. I mean, there's little kids in Yemen that'd shit their pants if they saw that. You know what I mean? I'm coming. I'm coming. They see that every day.

They draw them in drawings. It is. If you've never seen that, man, it is something. It's loud as fuck. Oh, and you're tripping on. If you've never seen that, man, it is something. It's loud as fuck. Oh, and you're tripping on shrooms and you forget that that's part of it. Yeah. It's also a little reminder, too, like, just so you know, if you all decide to fuck around, we'll just drop one bomb, kill all 100,000 right now.

Dude, and then I started getting crazy. I'm like, what if an ISIS, like, got a hold of a flyover plane and just was like. They're like, Josh, I think they're a little secure. Yeah. They're like Josh I think they're a little secure they're like I think they're a little secure about it trying to have a good time once I got in there though it was like we beat the Texans it was a great day

great trip what about well first of all happy birthday oh yeah it's your actual birthday today I thought we were gonna do a birthday but I didn't realize today was the day so happy birthday thank you thank you for being here on 35 35 years old on your birthday today so people don't believe me when i say how my age by the way why what do they think i'm very much older i don't know i think you're right on there yeah your beard gives you yeah i should shave it or something i don't know if you want

there's a pandemic you people should do whatever the fuck you want. There's a pandemic. People should do whatever the fuck they want. People are dying left and right. If you give a fuck about what somebody's facial hair looks like or tattoos or clothes, who gives a shit? I don't even see anybody anyway who'd give a shit anyway. I wish I could give a shit. It's the mirror that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the tough one to see.

That's the one. I got to look at this all the time. Me too. I'm just like, yeah, it's the one. Yeah. That's the tough one to see. That's the one. I got to look at this all the time. Me too. I'm just like, yeah, it's my face. I think that it's bothering me in this mirror right now. Mine's just, I'm like, I'm glad the mirror is just showing my face. But I wanted to share. So we're going to do some honeydew birthday stories.

Yeah. And I do have some honeydew sports stories that aren't professional sports i wanted to share with you oh sure it does play into the birthdays because again being a twin you got to share your birthday which always sucks but um i remember there were times like my brother and i both played sports together all the time you didn't have a choice my parents were not gonna go two different fucking anythings it was you're both playing this sport on this team that's it and we tried out for the the all-star team and my brother made it and i didn't probably i'm like and i have a picture of this too and i was fucking pissed because i was definitely better than some of those kids but they were only going to take one of us

and i was like these why is that i don't. I guess they really didn't think I was as good. But the shitty thing was I didn't get to stay home. When my brother had a game, I had to go with him and my younger brother and watch that shit, watch these kids make errors and strike out. And just to make me feel better, they gave me a T-shirt, like a baseball jersey, and I have a picture of me standing there with that fucking stupid jersey and a pair of shorts but my brother's all in the baseball uniform i hated that shit i was like you

motherfuckers that was baseball not soccer right baseball yeah yeah that's fucking brutal that makes you go like did ronde and tiki ever have anything like that go on you know what i mean like they both made it to the NFL. All the Watts. Yeah, the Watts. But we were the exact same age. That's the thing. We weren't a few years apart where.

Well, I think Rondé and Tiki are twins, aren't they? Yeah, they are. That's crazy. And also, just growing up, there was a soccer team. What actually led to love in soccer was there was this team that would just always cut us for you know because they had they were very clicky they had the parents had the team they didn't want any outsiders we were new and not just us but there was always a handful of kids that they were like nope nope nope so we had this guy named bill

hoffman who was like well fuck it let's start our own team. And this dude studied German soccer. He was giving us VHS tapes in middle school. And he's like, watch the triangle. The whole Phil Jackson shit. He's like, watch the triangle. We would practice. I'm telling you, I'm like 11, 12. We're practicing triangles.

You know, always. You run a box, but you use three people. So here, I can pass here. Dude, that's so wild. Boom, boom, boom my uh my only coach i ever really had was my best friend al's dad who's like the nicest guy in the world and he did the triangle thing out of the gate too we were like little kids triangle that's all i remember it's money yeah someone's got to always hustle to one spot or the other but there's always

somebody up and you're running that triangle so put put on the P and we would switch the ball from call strong side with the ball to the weak side. He taught us, you know, you can pass it across this whole fucking field to this guy over here. Yeah. We're like, what?

So we formed a team and we took all the outsiders, outsiders from, uh, the, the people they would cut. And we built this team called South Carol and we kicked their fucking ass. Outsiders from the people they would cut. And we built this team called South Carroll, and we kicked their fucking ass. God, you're like Cobra Kai.

But for us, there was a team called North Carroll who was the perennial winner. They were all – every year, they were the one to beat. Yeah. So when we got the freedom, that's who the team that would cut everybody we crushed them but nice but while they felt like this was a huge game for them we were just like you're just another one of these pegs on the we don't give a fuck about you we're going there and we did and we won we fucking started yeah that's like mighty duck shit it was awesome we'd start winning like every other year it'll be us and then we'd'd lose, we'd win, we'd lose, we'd win. When you earned a fucking trophy. Like, if we didn't win anything, we didn't get.

My stepson got a trophy. I'm not kidding you. This big for, like, fifth place. And I'm like, what the fuck are you. We had. If we were anything after, like, third. You got a ribbon for third, by the way. Right.

You might have got a medal for second. You got a trophy with your fucking name on it in first. He got fifth place a big one? Yeah. And then it's broken in his room and shit. Because he didn't earn yeah he doesn't care about it and if we didn't get anything beyond that you got a pizza party the coach would throw a pizza party and then make up shit like most improved player and you know most goals on our team yeah yeah yeah highest score whatever most improved i took took karate as a kid, and I used to do tournaments. And it was like when I say karate, I couldn't do shit to anybody. It's glorified dance class, essentially.

You're doing katas and shit. I would do tournaments, though, where you do, like, katas and stuff. You would? Yeah, all the travel. Like, I'd go to Ohio. I'd go to Pennsylvania. You were go to pennsylvania i'd go all over the country yeah and i i mean dude the trophies that they had for these tournaments like regionals and shit were taller than me like eight foot tall fucking trophies and like you'd have to

take the the picture where you high kick next to it so like your kick is the length of the trophy and shit you gotta tie it up on the roof yeah and i'll never forget winning one i remember like i it was elusive to me for years a couple years but then when i was like nine i got the big one and i couldn't even i wouldn't i like wanted to sleep with it i think if i knew what fucking was i would have wanted to fuck that trophy like i had i had it in my bed with me. Did you really? Dude, yeah. It was tall.

It was eight feet tall, dude. In your bed? Yeah, I swear. I put it in the hotel that night. I'm like, it's sleeping next to me. My mom's like, all right. Dude. Like, we could stand it next to the bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you want to tell? You might break it. I'm like, no, it'll break me. That little wing down there is fine. Dude, it was the best though. And yeah, I never, they would give you a little like medals and shit, but next to that eight foot tall fucking trophy, it looked like dog shit.

You're like, I want this fucking stupid medal, you know? Yeah. That really is a thing though, huh? Participation trophies is real. Participation trophies is real. Hey, you were here. And I'm like, hmm. I mean, I just differ in the sense that, like, to me, the reward is getting to play the sport.

That's the reward. Learning what being a teammate is and camaraderie and how to lose gracefully and how to learn from it. Part of the trophy is not getting it is to lose gracefully. That's right. And that should be more. That should be more than the fucking winner it's right hey you got your ass kicked with here because there is no despite the fact that there is no gloating from winning there there's also no losing happening that's the part that's forgotten my look i'm i believe in in in helping the kids and everything my stepson also played AYSO soccer.

And not to shit on them, but they do this thing, at least in Santa Monica, called Silent Saturday. And the parents aren't allowed to cheer. Even if they score and shit, I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about? What the hell? Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, Scott. And they'd turn around and look at me. I'm like, what?

And they're like, it's Silent Saturday. I'm like, what the fuck? Is that? You know how creepy it is to be at five sport fields and it's just silent We're witnessing how creepy it is right now in the world watching this fucking pandemic. I can't stand it. I can't even fucking, I do

you know, the nerd in me is like, I like hearing them call it their cadence. I like all that shit. But without, like hockey starts today and it's going to be so fucking gross without people in the crowd. It's just, ugh. Momentum and cheering is part of something that people in the crowd. It's just, ugh. Momentum and cheering is part of something that invigorates you. It totally is, yes.

It's something that encourages you. It's something that can encourage you the opposite way too, like the opposing cheers and things like that. I was nervous because they allowed Bills fans into the playoff game. They only allowed like 6,000 of them. I was like, now we're going to be too amped up when we come out because we're used to not playing without people that's interesting so i got nervous about that this week um it's yeah i don't know they had 15 in tennessee i couldn't believe i think we're only

still doing like 6700 but yeah we're still gonna be out there in full force even though it's gonna be like two feet of snow i hope lamar doesn't get is that Is that really how much it's going to be? I don't know. I'm just kidding. You know, you'd think it sucks to have a birthday to share with somebody. It kind of does in the sense that you don't feel, you know, you don't have a day, your own day. You know what I mean? If I was a parent of twins, I think I would do this. Whatever the day is, I'd make yours the day before and the other one's the day after that. But the problem is when you're a kid and you have birthday parties, people aren't coming for two days. That's also true.

And your parents are like, what am I, a fucking, we're going to have parties every day? I never felt like I got, I really didn't. I never felt like I got robbed of having my own day. Rarely did I get my own cake. I have a picture of an old school uh so we used to do birthdays if we did them we'd rent out like a room at the roller rink yeah and then everybody would just you know 50 bucks and everybody's got a whole birthday party yeah um and i remember i have a picture of an old someone attempted to do the oreo logo swinging the bat in the circles like and then there's a mr t that i mean this one

it's remember the cartoon mr t and he had the dog with the mohawk yeah yeah it's like that mr t and uh it just i'll see if i can dig it up it's not good that's wild um but like we would have birthday parties at mcdonald's yeah mcdonald's you could used to have a birthday party you could have a birthday party it was a thing and we go out and play on the play place and that's where i first i remember this is when i first tried a cheeseburger with ketchup mustard and onions because that's all they fucking had and i remember my aunt going this is what we got if you want it you eat it and i ate it i was like oh i fucking like this that was the minute it

changed for me right there at that birthday party my mom was always like so good at birthdays like she you know we did all the stuff like there was this place called lasertron where every kid in buffalo's had their birthday at some point there was you know um my 13th birthday my mom got me like a limo and we went to go see Jumanji at the movie theater that was like my birthday that's a cool one yeah so she was really good at that all the time I uh I remember though when I was really little the Buffalo Bills hindering my birthday parties though because there would be a playoff game yeah back when i mean between my let's see i would have been between four and uh ten basically there was always bill's playoff games on my birthday or around my birthday or like when the party would be happening right you'd have

it on that sunday yeah saturday or sunday so i remember being at a bowling alley for a birthday one time we did one there and it was before you know you had tvs and phones and all this shit obviously my dad brought a tv to the bowling alley so that the parents so that the parents could like watch it and be around the kids as opposed to go to the bar and like because he knew people would just be at the bar i remember having birthdays where we'd be like it's time for the cake and everyone's like yeah one minute like let's wait till halftime you know like that kind of thing like everyone's in one room and i never really got it i think like i don't know it would have been a couple of weeks before my birthday but i remember watching the

greatest comeback ever the frank right right we all had to go to one you know frank reich's university of maryland guy who also had the greatest college comeback against the Hurricanes. I did not know that. He did it in college and he did it in the NFL. Comeback kid. It's crazy. I'm glad he didn't do it as a coach.

Yeah, no shit. But I remember because that game was blacked out in Buffalo. Why? It didn't sell out. Nuh-uh. Because we were so spoiled as a fan base. They're like, they're just going to go to the Super Bowl and lose again. We did, but they were

right. But people weren't buying all the playoff tickets. Plus, it was like a blizzard. Really shitty day, I think, too, in like the early portion of the day. So it was blacked out. So 50 people went to this woman that worked with my dad. Her name was Sally. We all went to her house to watch that game. Huddled up in this fucking living room.

It was bananas. Remember when you could do that? Bananas, dude. This would be super spreader shit to the max right now if you saw this, you know? Yeah, cheering and screaming. Oh, my God, dude, yeah. But I remember sharing my birthday with the Bills,

but probably my worst, not my worst. This is like quasi my best birthday slash just a wild moment of turning into an adult at the same time. My 21st birthday was thrown for me by the radio station I work for. And they had a big party and a band played and I had an unlimited bar tab. I can do whatever I want.'s listeners there my friends are there whoever and uh it was the best and i was at the bar and i'm getting drinks for people and shit i'm talking to chicks and shit and i'm talking to this one girl and i i put my hand on the low part of her

back and i touched another hand and looked up, and it was my dad. And my mom was there. Did he turn and see that it was you? He didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't even notice. That's when I was like, all right. I backed off.

My mom was there. It's not like he could do anything. So I was like like all right well but that was like before they divorced or whatever so i was kind of like oh okay have you ever said anything to him about it i i don't know i mean we've had so many like since then like i've lived with him and he'd have chicks over and shit so i mean it's like whatever at this point you know but i don't know if you remember i mean we were you know. But I don't know if he remembered. I mean, everyone was wasted.

I don't know if he'd even, like, remember that birthday party, let alone that moment inside of it. But, yeah, I've never brought it up to him. You never said, Dad, remember when we held hands and had chicks back? Let's call him. Hey, Dad, remember that brunette at the bar that day? But, yeah, no, that's when I started getting a little inkling. You know, I always knew a little something, but then I kind of was like, huh. And then, you know, sure enough, a couple of years later, it was done.

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dot com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. I pause because I still, to this day, I'll never understand why or who ultimately did this, but the worst birthday, and I've talked a little bit about this, but my younger brother's birthday, his 13th birthday, is the worst birthday I've ever. His birthday was the worst.

His birthday. I mean, we're there, and we're part of this birthday party, but my father was buried on my youngest brother's 13th birthday. Oh, my God. Like I said, I'm not sure who the fuck was in charge yeah they're like it was it was a wake and a birthday party combo why real they really were like what were they like like all right uh our father we're gonna do the our father then the happy birthday. We're going to do the Our Father, then the happy birthday. Man.

We're going to read the prayer card, then blow out the candles. I'm not kidding you when I tell you. Was it really combined? My father's funeral. We ended up being, we played all the sports, and also we didn't have any parents, so every kid in school came to our place. Even kids we didn't know would party at our place on weekends and shit. So we ended up being popular kids in school for some good reasons, some not so good reasons.

Parents will tell you. But my dad's funeral was really big, and it was an excused absence at school and shit. And then for the whole school? Yeah. Damn. So many friends and family showed up. I mean, there was a police escort.

It was a great send-off. It really was, looking back on it. But he died on November 27th, and they had a two-day viewing, 28, 29, and they buried him on the 30th, which is my brother's birthday. And I just, I mean, we're up there eating cold cuts and shit and talking. People are crying my grandmother's having a nervous breakdown and then they bring the fucking cake out we're like are you fucking serious right now and we switch from from mourning my father all right to celebrating

my birth my brother's life like i just lost this one but real quick let's squeeze in a little nod to this one don't get back that is the least get to ride in the police escort and use the siren or some shit people still say shit to me like you remember the time your dad died they had the birthday i was like yeah i remember yeah i think i do i still think about it no i stop well fuck that trumps my little story that I was going to tell about my parents took a vacation on my 15th birthday. I thought that was rude. That's what I'm saying. Sharing a cake with a brother is not so bad. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It really puts shit in perspective. You're like, you know what? Give me another Mr. Tea Cake. Yeah. Turns out that birthday wasn't so bad, I guess. I'll share it. I'll share it. The Mr. Tea Cake. Turns out that wasn't so bad, I guess. I'll share it. I'll share it.

The Mr. Tea Cake sounds dope, though. Dude, well, I have to dig up the picture. I have it somewhere. I'm trying to remember some cakes, man, because my mom definitely. Remember that back in the day people would get into the. Oh, yeah. Get all into the shit. Oh, shit.

My mom was that. That was back. That was a big deal back then. She likes that shit more than I like that shit, though. Yeah. So it's like I don't remember any of that, but she remembers all that shit. Do you know what I mean? Like she'd be like, oh, you had a cake that was Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers.

And then she made them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't fucking know. I'm like, wow. Yeah, man. Yeah, so, yeah, no, my parents went to Egypt on my birthday one year, 15 years old. And I was like, do I get to go? And they were like, no.

They really went? It was your birthday they were there? Or they left on your birthday one year, 15 years old. And I was like, do I get to go? And they were like, no. They really went on, was your birthday, they were there or they left on your birthday? They left the day before my birthday. Damn. Yeah, and they're like, you're 15, is it such a big deal? And I was like, all right, I feel like kind of a bitch now, but.

I don't think you should, but I do feel. Like when you said it, I'm also like, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, because I was like, I'm 15. I guess I shouldn't care about my birthday. Santa's still coming, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I don't remember. I'm trying to remember my 16th birthday because that's a big deal, right? You get your license. And I do remember getting my license. I told that story on here about my dad helping me with the eye test and all of that. But I also took my, we were talking about this the other day, like how far after your birthday could you take the driver test? Because I couldn't remember. I took it, I'm almost positive. My birthday is March 8th. I'm almost positive I took it on like the 11th. Right. And that might have

been because I couldn't get there. I think you can take it, I don't know if you can take it on the day. But I remember like I took driver's ed so I could take it on the day, I believe. And that might have been because I couldn't get there. I think you can take it. The rules changed. I don't know if you can take it on the day. But I remember, like, I took driver's ed so I could take it on the day, I believe. And I'll never forget, like, the first time I got to drive in a car alone, like, to school. Like, that feeling was unbelievable. I felt like I could do anything. Yeah. And you're like, holy shit, this is really happening right now. I'm driving this fucking car to this fucking car to school i'm gonna park it i'm gonna get out of school and get back in it

and drive it fucking home that's nuts and i just remember feeling like a fucking i know everything you know what i mean like the whole world is in my hands and i was an idiot and i drove like a fucking asshole that first year oh my god dude i thought i was what was your first car it was a chrysler neon oh i remember the neon okay well it was like a not the dodge not the dodge it was a chrysler i don't know i don't know why it looked exactly the same okay it just had a chrysler logo on it i don't know why that happened but uh dude i was like me and my friends would be going like to our father they replaced that hood and that trunk on that car is probably really probably it is part of that's the

same i thought chrysler made a neon for a spell of time i mean it's dodge chrysler anyway yeah that's why maybe oh maybe they made it first and then dodge took it over yeah maybe either way it was fucking it had a ski rack on it and shit. But all my friends, you know, we had like these beater cars. My buddy had like a shitty Toyota Corolla. Yeah. I paid $500 for my Toyota Corolla. And we used to just drive. Instead of all driving in one car to a place, we would all drive our cars.

So we're driving around like fucking assholes, dude. I used to like cross double yellow lines and pass by my friend and shit. Like I look back, I go, Jesus Christ, I can't believe i didn't die you know what i mean oh yeah no doubt and i shouldn't have been driving in the first place it's like ah do you remember the first ticket you ever got um because mine was like three weeks after i got my light my my like permit basically i do remember the first ticket but the first interaction i got really lucky i was coming down a hill and the retirement community where i work is right here on the left this old age home i'm about to make a left end and just across there's a stop sign right here

and just across this street is a parking ride across there's a stop sign right here and just across this street is a parking ride and there's a cop just leaning on his hood and he just waves me over i'm like i'm late for work he's like i'm late for and i'm in a tux like a fake pseudo tux for this place and stuff and he's like where are you going to work i'm like right there i was coming down the hill a little fast i'm running a little late and he's like where are you going to work i'm like right there i was coming down the hill a little fast and running a little late and he totally was like you know slow it down slow it down but i just remember like oh god oh god yeah all that shit yeah i mean when i was i wasn't even drinking or anything at that time and i was no drugs or anything was in my car there was not even anything like that but i got pulled over i'm like oh my god oh my god oh my god and i was with

my friends in the car and i didn't have a working radio at the time so we just had like i had a radio but we didn't want to listen to radio we had cds you know yeah and i didn't have a cd player so we had a boom box in the back and my friend just had it on his lap and he's like playing the music and the cop comes up to the window and he's like you know how fast he's doing the whole thing but my friend doesn't turn the radio down he's just blasting like lincoln park or whatever and the cop's like not saying anything he's just like can you can you turn it down a little bit and my friend's like oh yeah yeah yeah and then he's like fumbling with it and shit and he's like you can't have a external like radio in your car either you give me a fucking ticket for

that too nah yeah is that right i don't know it's a different sound to sound that's what this is like before cell phones and shit too so i don't know maybe it was like that like that's what i thought i'm like if it's a speaker it's a speaker right like i got that one thrown away thankfully yeah but he gave me a ticket for that fucking thing because maybe because my friend was an asshole or whatever but man that was the first of what will become a lifetime of police interactions that you get pulled over a lot all the time, dude. In my life. Yeah.

I mean, because I fucking I became it became like this fucking rat race. Like I was poor. I was driving a shitty car and I was an idiot and I treated it shitty too. So I like all these things, perfect storm. So like my inspection would come up. I couldn't afford to fix my car to get my inspection fixed. So then my registration would come up and I couldn't get my registration fixed. And then my fucking, uh, uh, license would get suspended and I'd get pulled over because my license is, you know what I'm saying? So like, it just Yahtzee every time i get pulled over plus whatever i was doing that i got pulled over for you know speeding or whatever the case you think i wouldn't speed at that case but i was

and uh yeah it was just a brutal period of time in my life that i had to get cleaned up before i moved out here because it was going to haunt me forever like just tickets stacking up not knowing where they are driving all over doing comedy too and like having them be like in different like municipalities and then they then they um start hitting fees and penalties on top oh yeah yeah i'm still paying uh new york state like a driver responsibility fee or whatever the fuck it's called it's a penalty you pay for getting points on your license you have to pay this like quarterly fee like 400 bucks or something i uh i test what I tell my steps on.

First of all, he's mixed. So I'm like, look, you're going to be probably profiled. Yeah, he can't go, I'm going to work. Yeah, no. To the guy, yeah. I tell him all the time, registration, license, insurance, just have it all current. Don't ever put it on auto payment. Don't fucking let it lapse ever yeah license

registration insurance it's the worst done have it right here in a little book where you can easily grab it hand that shit off whatever just don't fuck around i used to play dumb you know i come up and be like no your uh inspections up i go oh is it you know like it'd be like a year and a half something like that something great like the color of the know like it'd be like a year and a half or something like that something great like the color of the sticker wouldn't even be the same like and i'd be like really and they'd be like yeah and so is your you know your registration i'm like huh i thought i took care of that i'm sorry i'll get right on that you know you try to spin the the tires hoping they let you go and they don't yeah they never let you go no then when they go uh all right hold on i'll

be right back and they take your license and you know you go no then when they go uh all right hold on i'll be right back and they take your license and you know it's suspended and you're just sitting there waiting for them to come back like either with handcuffs or just the fact that they're going to tow your car away and make you like figure out how to get home you just know that's coming you've been seriously worried you're about to get arrested for it no i was i've been arrested for it you have yeah you talked about that i mean i don't know if i've talked about that but i wait they actually took you out of the car and arrested tell me multiple times i've had that you mean i've had my license suspended i don't remember this

i had my license suspended repeatedly for like three years just because you didn't keep up on your shit well because then i would get a shit ton of tickets and places i couldn't go i'd be on the road doing comedy i'm not going back to fucking you know you're driving port new york and fucking going to court and shit so i i lost track of all of it and there was too much going on it was like and i couldn't afford to fix any of it anyway and you're doing all this out of buffalo as your base yeah okay and so so I'm working in radio or whatever, making dog shit money, doing my road gigs and shit. I told the story about, I think when I went to Atlantic city with my girlfriend who broke her leg, I definitely told that on this podcast that was amongst this shit storm. Um, but yeah, I got pulled over going to my mom's house to like

pick up mail to help fix this shit in a town called Williamsville in New York. And so what I learned through this process is if I get pulled over on the highway by a state trooper, they're just going to tow my car and impound it. And then I'd call and get a ride or whatever, or I can ride with the tow truck. I learned that they don't arrest you. They give you the fucking ticket that could end up being a misdemeanor or whatever, but they don't arrest you what do they do just leave you on the side of the road they say you can ride with the tow truck or call someone or whatever um but if you are in a certain township those cops are more bored and they're only allowed and they can arrest yeah because it is the state troopers just don't

because it would take too much time for them to like take you to a wherever they have to take you the and and this is like so i get pulled over and i'm thinking i didn't know that little uh caveat i thought like they just take your car and that's it so i get pulled over and the cop you know he says this that and I know the drill already at this point because I've been through it a bunch of times. And I'm like, okay, sir, if you don't mind, actually, I'm just going to walk to my mom's house. Cause it's only a few blocks away from here. He goes, well, what do you walk? What do you mean you're under arrest? And I was like, Oh no, I get it. I mean, uh, you're going to be the ticket. The car goes away.

No, I get it. I mean, you're going to be the ticket. The car goes away. I'm under arrest, whatever. And he's like, yeah. I just meant like, I'm not going to ride with the tow truck. He goes, no, you're not riding. You're riding with me.

You're going to take me to the woods? Yeah, that's what I was like. I still didn't get it. I'm like, I got this right there. What's the deal? He goes, he's going to turn around for me or whatever. And then he does the whole like handcuffs me thing. Reads me the shit. For real? real yeah but you've been arrested before this is your

first time getting arrested for this it was my first time getting arrested for this it was my first time second time getting arrested ever I was I had a DUI or whatever years before that and they didn't even do that bullshit by the way when I got my DUI I don't remember getting you have the right to remain

you know that whole thing but this guy did it for this and i'm like it's like 3 p.m on like a wednesday i'm like what the fuck i'm going to jail now for this and i went they took me into a holding uh center and i sat in a cell by myself until like i called i thought you know i get this one phone call but they let me call a couple people they were nice so i call my roommate's boyfriend and i go where's gabby like i couldn't find i couldn't get a hold of her i was like i need her to get money out of my dresser and come down and bail me out because i'm like who am i going to call you know so she the roommate's boyfriend is like she's in class right now so when she gets out i'll tell her and i was like fuck you know who knows how long this is

gonna be so they take my fucking glasses my hoodie string my shoelaces all that shit because they're like oh you know you can hang yourself or whatever stab someone with the glasses i can watch somebody i'm like how long am i gonna be in here for years like what the fuck are we talking about like i'm just waiting till my bail money comes. Did you tell them you need your fucking glasses? Yeah, they didn't care. Because they're like, well, they're like, for what? Well, so how's...

For what? Yeah. What the fuck does anybody wear glasses? Of course. But what do you need them for when you're in a fucking cell? You know? You got to see the shit on the walls? Can you see without your glasses?

Not really, but i mean what percentage could you would you i don't know man i mean like to hear i don't know like everything's blurry and whatever but so i mean i'm in a jail cell without being but you are by yourself solo yeah and there's other solo coming up and fucking they're all solo shells thank god or solo uh cells and there's like fucking maniacs in a couple of them but they're like this is like williamsville new york so like they're like white drug dealer type guys they're like this shit whack you know like that kind of shit you're like all right they're fucking your name's probably tristan or whatever the fuck you know what i mean yeah so you had that but so it wasn't like scary it just

sucked it was just me in like a toilet and i tried to like lay down on the bench and like sleep and i'm like i'm counting on my fucking flaky roommate to come and bail me out sure enough she comes and she bails me out and like she's getting in trouble at the police station too because her and her boyfriend are like making out on the waiting room bench or whatever while like they're waiting to deprocess me and they're like ma'am uh can you stop like they're like yelling and i'm like are we gonna get out of here you're gonna make us go i'll go back in here you fucking relax and uh it was just awkward because then i owed you know i had to then you get the bail money back but she had to bail me out i only had 300 in my dresser and it was like 600 bucks or something

like that so she had to help me out so i owed her money now it was a fucking nightmare i went home that day i'm like i can't believe i was in jail like for two hours i can't either excuse me and you said it happened again yeah i got and then i got i got put into another one one time for the same thing yeah different part of the world different state that kind of thing they literally but that one was more that that one was like they didn't make me have bail or anything like that it was just they held me and then they i don't know if they thought it was like a child support because i guess that's a thing like they'll suspend your license if you owe child support okay and so they i think that that's what they held me for that time they were like very they never really told me but they just

let me go with a ticket after us like cup just a little while but i did have to go in the car to the fucking cell blah blah blah so that was brutal that was a communal one but again i wasn't in there for very long it was like only like that just sucks i didn't you know i didn't think anybody actually take in i guess it's technically a warrant then huh yeah no it is yeah fuck yeah it's definitely a warrant which is so weird when you get told that you have a fucking warrant out for yourself. Like, what? Because you don't even know what it's for. But then also, it's a strange feeling to then go like, okay. And then also, I had to operate by drive. I had to work still, so I knew this was going to happen.

But I still went out and did it anyway. I remember Don L. Rawlings. I told him about it one time I worked with him. I'm like, my driving home is kind of dicey for me and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, man, you didn't tell me you was black. Because I was like lamenting and all of my like, like my, ah, my shit suspended, my blah, blah, blah. That's what he said to me when I was. That's great.

That was like in 2014 or something like that. Have you had accidents, car crashes? I've only had, ironically enough, I've only had two. And one was my fault and one wasn't. And the one that was my fault was like right around my 17th birthday, actually. I was just driving kind of fast, you know, like down a busy four-lane street. And the cars ahead didn't have brake lights on,

so I thought they were moving. And the light was green, but it had just turned green and they had just started moving. And I didn't notice that they were kind of still standing still until it was too late, and there was ice, and I slid right into the back of a car. they had just started moving and i didn't notice that they were kind of still standing still until it was too late and there was ice and i slid right oh shit yeah back of a car so that was my first accident when i was like 17 and i got that car fixed and everything like it didn't total my car it wasn't that big of a it crumpled the hood and shit but i got it fixed and then a guy ran a red

light and t-boned me. And that car was destroyed. And it was like right in my, it wasn't a full T-bone. It was in front of my legs, like, where the, I guess that's like a quarter panel. I mean, the airbags went off and shit. And the door, like, I went, like, it was in the middle of an intersection, obviously. And then I went, like, up on a grassy patch. in the middle of an intersection obviously and then i went like up on a grassy patch and i just remember my door was like already open by the time i realized what the fuck happened i'm like on this thing and i was heading to a gas pump by the way which was the most scary part like if that grass wasn't there i would have fucking flew into that gas pump probably exploded damn but like i fucking

stopped on the grass but my door was just like open. So I just like got out and I was shocked and I'm just standing there like, what the fuck? And everyone's like, I got, I got his plate. Like I wasn't going off. No, no, no. He wasn't going anywhere. I don't know. People were just like, I saw everything. Here's my name.

You know, like they come up to you. Not like, are you okay? So you're in the right, you're crossing through and he just runs. No guy ran a red light and just crushed in a van. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That was intense. So what ended? Were you sore as fuck? What happened? Dude, I was. crossing through and he just runs no guy ran a red light and just crushed in a van yeah damn yeah that was intense so what ended were you sore as fuck what happened dude i was you're lucky you didn't roll i i can't believe it either he must have like hit the brakes or something like i i

never really like got the like uh it was just such a shocking experience and i did feel that night i was like laying in bed like i felt like i was had the shit kicked out of me yeah and um because i walked away from it i like walked home it was at the corner of my street i walked i walked home so you're not walking anywhere dude i walked because it was at the corner of my street you didn't go to the hospital or anything nothing i walked home and i told my mom what happened and then uh she was like what the fuck and like you know i had the police report or whatever so she thought it was my fault at first and i was like no i didn't do it you know so she's like i can't believe it and then um did you see the guy did you get into it with him no i didn't even i i saw him but he was kind of fucked up so he didn't uh and then i felt i thought i did something wrong like i

didn't really know it happened so fast yeah then you're replaying it like all right did i have the light yeah yeah and i'm seeing the light in my brain like you know i was like was the sun in my eyes did i miss it and i'm telling the cops like talking to me he knows i'm shocked he's just like so when you went through the light at what color was it a little stale green was it a you know what i what i mean like uh asking me all this shit and i'm like i i i can't i just couldn't even talk and i was i'm walking around and they're like maybe you should sit down and i'm like i can't i'm like, I can't. I just couldn't even talk. And I'm walking around, and they're like, maybe you should sit down. And I'm like, I can't. I'm, like, juiced. You know what I mean?

It was like I just got off stage or something. I was, like, amped up, you know? So I, like, walked home. I just walked home and told my mom. Walked home. That's crazy, dude. It is. I mean, they asked me, like, do you have to go to the hospital, anything like that?

And I was like, no, I don't think so. I don't want to. That's the don't think so i don't want to that's the thing yeah we don't want to yeah i don't want to fucking go to the hospital i don't even go to the hospital when i should go to the hospital do you go get checkups and stuff not at all really not at all you don't go to the doctor and get a yearly physical or have not in a very long time do you go to the dentist i have gone more frequently than the doctor for real yeah you take more care of your teeth better than the doctor do you have something against it do you think it's bullshit i'm no no no no no i don't want to know i'm i also like i'm terrified of it i don't want to go to the dentist either but at least

they're not going to be like you're mortally a friend of mine he don't want to go to the dentist either, but at least they're not going to be like, you're mortally fucked. A friend of mine, he don't want to know either. And it's like, and then Lana told me a friend of hers went to the doctor for the same reason. And they're like, you have diabetes, you have this. And if you'd have just been here a year ago, we could have stopped this. Well, that's the thing.

What? A part of me wants to go, but I can't get myself to do it. Like, I have to have someone for it. They're going to find something, of course. Even if it's a minor. You have all the right. The anxiety of going is what stops me. I have to have someone, like, legitimately, like, be like, tomorrow's the doctor.

I'm taking you. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like a child. But, I mean, I fucking will not do it on my own. Because I don't know what it is. I just get such anxiety even, even like the lead up to it let's go to a physical together i'll take i even said to tom he brought it up like doing it for content and i was like that's probably the only way that i would do it his content if tom doesn't

then i will gladly take you to go get your physical yeah man i don't uh i would like to know like the blood stuff i've never had any of that done so i go twice a year and every time i go i was there today again i do urine i do um a whole lipid blood panel damn i do once a year i do an ekg and a chest x-ray i just went um on friday for a calcium scan on my heart because all the heart history and add zero anything blockage at all um there's some shit on my lungs i gotta i gotta watch or something like that and like i gotta go back in a year to get checked or something but the last time i went to a doctor and got a physical it was because my job made me go do it otherwise they're gonna raise my fucking health insurance there's your content right there.

Tom makes you fucking go do the physical. Well, I, uh, well, in this case, so I did it and, all I needed to do was get the physical and then that's it.

And I went into the doctor and she, it was a woman and, uh, she goes, how much do you smoke a day? I told her and she's like, you know, she did her stuff on me and she goes like,

Oh, you're up. You're looking pretty good. And I was like, really? I thought you were going to tell me some bad stuff here. You know, I don't remember. She told me, like, my numbers or whatever. She's like, yeah, you're pretty healthy, blah, blah, blah. And this is when I was 24, so I better have been healthy.

But she goes, here's the thing, the forms to go do the blood testing and all of that. I walked out of the doctor. I was like, whoosh. Never did it? Never fucking went. I got my note for the premium to go down, and that was all I came for.

So I've never gotten the blood stuff. Yeah, that'll save your life. I guess, yeah. I guess. I guess. I mean, sure. I'm sure. I feel fine.

I mean, like, I'd like to know for the curiosity because if i if i come out how about for the health well here how about for the benefits i don't even know how about honestly the the best case scenario is i come out and all my shit looks great and i go hey i was right all along i've been treating this thing like a fucking amusement park ride for 35 years now. Holy hell. That's the first time I said that. What's most detrimental, though, is genetics. I mean, there's nothing you can do about that. If it's passed on, it's passed on.

So that's why you've got to look out for that. My grandma, my grandfather, my dad's dad, died early. What's early? Like when my dad was 12. I don't know how old he was he was an old man when my dad was 12 and he had like a heart attack so they say but i don't know it could have been some weird egyptian shit going on egyptian shit because he was like he was like a cab driver and shit and he boxed on the side i don't know so and he was always getting into getting into greeks and the egyptians because my dad and his family were Greek people,

and they were treated differently than by Egyptian people native to the country or whatever. So he would always be getting in fights and shit. So my grandma, though, lived until she was like a million years old. She was like a fucking rock, like nothing hit her. Did she smoke or drink or any of that or all of it i don't think she smoked or drank to be honest with you i don't know if she drank to be quite honest but she ate like shit you know what i mean like she ate greek shit you know what i mean she's making lamb and rice and shit every day so i don't know she she didn't

have the best lifestyle you know so uh but she was like immigrant uh stock yeah you know so she was hardy and on the other side my grandparents lived very old uh my grandma had like every cancer under the sun and kicked its ass and really she lit her her body was like made of iron like nothing could kill her but her brain deteriorated like 15 years before her she actually died so she was like in my eyes dead well before and i'd imagine that's the route my mother's going to go that's my mom got covid and she was like oh no i'm positive i'm like you're gonna be fine you're gonna be just like grandma she is huh yeah yeah because i can already see the signs you know what i mean she's like one of these i mean my mom is very fit and she like pays attention to her diet and everything like that.

So she's like adding that on top of the fact that she has the genes of like being physically stout and like able to fight these types of things. But her brain is going to deteriorate swiftly. Before her body does. Oh, yeah. Like well before. And I imagine I'm going down that same path well then let's talk about what do you what are your birthday plans because i got lucky this well last year i got lucky my birthday march 8th like i said it was a week before five days before this shit all went down so what what's a COVID birthday party?

Dude, I think it's going to be nothing. I'm going to play NHL 21. I'm going to debut my NHL stream. You're not going to take a drive? No. No, I'm not. You don't want to get arrested? Yeah.

I've stopped driving for the good of the world. It does suck not being able to. Sometimes I think I'm like, what if I just wanted to go to Big Bear or something? Yeah, or roll up the coast just for the day or drive to Malibu. Not driving has been during coronavirus. I'm saying because the traffic's been fantastic. This is the time to drive.

Yeah, and just to get out of the house and stuff like that. I don't have that option. Get in your car, roll the windows up, and just go. Listen to music. I'd love to do that right now. Listen, that feeling that you had when you. Get in your car, roll the windows up, and just go. Listen to music. I'd love to do that right now. Listen, that feeling that you had when you first got in the car, you're like, holy shit. Right behind it is being on quarantine and lockdown

and being able to get in your car and just go anywhere. I bet, man. After homeschool, my daughter and I just get in the car, and we'll go to fucking, we just ride. Dude, I haven't driven a car in three years almost. We'll come get you. We'll come get you. But I think I't driven a car in three years we'll come get you we'll come get you but what i think i could rent a car like what if i just say no now you should why don't you rent

a car while you do a little dude i'm actually kind of like i was thinking about that like i think i would be scared to drive right now you have a license do you have a valid driver yeah yeah yeah i think unless they suspended it again on me. That's all you need. That and insurance. Well, you probably don't have insurance, do you? I'd pay for the rental insurance, eh? Oh, yeah. I guess you don't have to be an insured driver.

No, that's why you buy that insurance. Well, there you go, then. Dude, you got to do that. Please rent a car and just go for a drive. Dude, I... Josh Potter goes for a drive, bro. That's like being like, Tom and Bert, go play basketball. Nothing bad could happen. And a seven-car pileup.

Yeah, I'm just like, I'm the 101 today. It's like fucking Chopper over at... We've got a major accident. There's not even traffic, folks, and somehow this guy... It'll be great. You should just definitely... I'm telling you, rent yourself a convertible, get a little vitamin D while you're out there,

roll down to San Diego and back. Take a trip up in the hills james dean style yeah it's nice ride and ride i've so far during this uh i've driven mall holland a couple times snaked all away from the 405 over and back um i went out to the i've gone to like the valley and different places christmas lights shit like that like i've and different places, Christmas lights, shit like that. Like I've done that in quarantine, but with a, with like a girl, like the girls driving and then, you know, you just drive around and then you go, all right, this looks dark. I had a guy during quarantine. Uh, I was like in a car hooking up with a girl up in the Hills and, uh, it was near

that restaurant. Uh, Yamashiro. Yamashiro yamashiro yeah it's a great dude that's where they're doing the outdoor shows really yeah that's the where they're doing the outdoor they're doing the magic castle down i'm sorry yeah right up yamashiro is right above it yes so i just went for a drive with a lady friend and we went for a little walk around the yamashiro area and this is a beautiful picturesque things for people don't know you see like out off the hills you could see like the skyline of the city and shit like that really pretty yeah overlook and like you can go walk down

into these they got these benches and stuff and it's like a little park and i went at night with this girl we went for like a little walk i got a blow job while i'm just looking out over la like a goddamn i felt like i was a king fuck yeah dude it was the best blow job maybe i've ever received with the circumstances still didn't come no god but but then we went to the car and we were hooking up in the car and a guy yelled out the window of his apartment going like or house or whatever he's just like can you get the fuck out of here and i'm like oh shit it didn't at first i didn't think he was talking to us but he was he's like can you fucking do that somewhere else i'm calling the cops and then and the girl come on i just need to get my dick that's what i said i was like come on cops

and then the girl freaked out because like he said. I'm like, he's not going to call the cops. The cops aren't even responding to robberies right now. For real. You know what I mean? The windows got smashed at this motherfucker and it got looted and the cops didn't care. If they arrest you for getting your dick sucked, call us. The cops are barely responding to gunshots in Los Angeles right now. They're not coming out for this.

Looting is going to overlook. I think some fellatio should be all right i think a guy getting his dick sucked during a quarantine in a car is gonna the lapd is gonna laugh at this guy oh is that what's going on yeah okay we'll be right we'll be right there we'll get him right over there that's a guy that has dick sucked in a long time that's what i said i was like fuck this guy yeah this is exactly what you need, bro. I was like, yeah. Hater. Fucking hater. Just trying to get my dick sucked during a deadly pandemic.

It's a fucking pandemic. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked at Yashimiro or whatever the fuck. Yashimiro. Oh, that's great, dude. That is great. He is so over it. Yeah, man. I've never heard a guy just be so like just fed up come on like you're in his bedroom like i was doing it in front of him yeah like we're not like in the you have to

look out the window down at the car to see me getting a blur probably also a dime a dozen over there too it's probably i don't know there was cars parked but like we're not making any noise like what's he this guy's and you don't come loud because you don't know. There was Cars Park, but we're not making any noise. This guy's... And you don't come loud, because you don't come at all. This guy's fucking, what, Edna Kravitz or some shit looking out the window being like, could you not? Yeah, could you not? That's what it sounds like.

Just a fucking hater in the pandemic. Oh, brother. Well, thank you for coming on here. has been fun happy birthday for real thank you no i appreciate listen good luck uh next year because i hope we beat the shit out of you this weekend likewise have fun in the snow buddy it's gonna be an interesting game i can't where are you gonna watch it i'm gonna watch it with a couple of friends i got stella with me we're all jealous'm gonna watch it with a couple of friends I got Stella with me we're all gonna jealous yeah we're gonna just a couple I've been watching games a lot I

feel like I'm watching from the space station you know what I mean like yeah I'm watching them I'm like yeah no one's around then I have to text my friends 3,000 miles away to be like wasn't that cool well one more time uh please hit it up. Oh, yeah. So the Josh Potter Show every Tuesday, just like when you wrap up the honeydew, you can come watch the Josh Potter Show over on the YMH YouTube channel, twitch.tv slash Josh underscore Potter. I'm embarking on NHL now. That hockey season is here.

And it's a way for me to just talk out loud you know what i mean i go on at night get a couple hundred people in there it's been pretty pretty dope so join me on there and if you are in the west palm beach area march 21st i'm gonna be at the improv tickets are on sale all right brother congrats on that good luck to you this weekend for real you too brother thank you if it can't be my team, I guess it's, you know. I don't want the Chiefs or the Browns, so. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I'd like to see you guys.

If you knock us out, I'm rooting you all the way. Same here. You deserve a Super Bowl. You've been to four. Yeah. You know, you. I don't want to know what happens. Dude, you want to know what.

You get to five and you lose five. It's the pandemic. Has any professional team ever lost that many championships? I don't know, dude. And I don't want to five and you lose five. It's the pandemic. Has any professional team ever lost that many championships? I don't know, dude, and I don't want to find out. But I'll tell you what, at this point I'm playing with house money, you know what I mean? We had our first home playoff game in 25 years and we won it, and now everything else is charity.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. you