The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Potter - Holiday Lowlights

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

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Kansas City. I can't wait to get to your wonderful town. I'll be there January 20th through the 22nd. Get your tickets for those dates and all dates at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the howdy-do, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I cannot thank you enough for coming out and supporting the Night Pants Nation tour, having a hell of a fun time out there.

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The Honeydewpodcast.com is the website. And if you or someone you know has that story that has to be heard, please submit it to Honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. All right? You guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. And this is a little special holiday honeydew here. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a pleasure to have this man back on the podcast.

Please welcome back to the honeydew, Jess Potter, everybody. Welcome back to the honeydew. What's up, dude? Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming in for a holiday edition myself you should clap for yourself we're clapping dude hell yeah um plug whatever you want first please uh well uh the josh potter show every tuesday on youtube please to be subscribing to that also uh gigs i got milwaukee improv on the 23rd of of January and then a week after that on the 30th West Nyack Levity Live

then on the 2nd of February Pittsburgh Improv and the 3rd of February Raleigh Improv. So all those shows come on out. We're going to add more at J underscore Potter on Twitter and at Josh underscore Potter on Instagram. That's where you can find out about all that stuff and more.

Yeah, go get tickets. Go check them out. Potter on Instagram. That's where you can find out about all that stuff and more. Yeah. Go get tickets. Go check them out. Yeah. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for closing out the year with me. Oh, thanks for having me.

My first video guest ever. Nice little wrap up. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Episode 13. That's right, dude. That's right.

That's my lucky number. So is it really? Yeah. I was one out of 13. It works perfect. Hell yeah. Um, I don't know what number this is.

I think I was episode 69 too. That's always a good number works perfect. Hell yeah. I don't know what number this is. I think it was episode 69, too. That's always a good number to be. Come on, man. Come on. I wanted to talk to you just about some – I wanted to have a lighthearted conversation instead of a lot of the in-depth stuff we get all the time. Sure. But just about some holiday honeydew moments. Because I know I have plenty of mine.

And I was like, let me call Josh Potter and see what he's got. Yeah, I've got a few of those myself, actually. We were talking about, well, I bought my nephew a crazy toy. First time I got to do that. I'm going to be the crazy uncle that just buys. How old is he? He's about to be three. Okay.

So. What'd you get? I got him a Power Wheels. He loves a Spider-Man cartoon on Disney Plus. Patrick Stump does the theme song. It's awesome show. There's like eight episodes and he knows like the words to all of them. Isn't it crazy how they memorize?

It's crazy. It's like, I don't. Maybe we did. I don't remember if I did. I mean, if I did, it was like it was like ninja turtles i guess maybe or something my mom always would say she's like you've seen this thing a thousand times i remember her like yelling at me about that stuff but now i feel like kids he knows how to work an ipad like you wouldn't believe i think he knows how to work it better than i do my daughter's showing me shit on

my phone no no lie i swear i'm like wait how'd you do that with that maps right there she's like oh you just put it in here and this is ride shares. I'm like, holy shit. That's hilarious. My father's wife has this game and she like got to a level and she stumped. And then one day she caught him playing it and he like got it past that level. Nuh-uh. Yeah.

And he like barely talks. Yeah. It's crazy. But yeah, so I bought him that. But I was thinking back to the Power Wheels I got as a kid. So Power Wheels, for people that don't know it's like those little motorized jeeps or whatever yeah yeah they make them all kinds of fit in them yeah they're like they have like lambos now yeah i've seen and i was gonna buy like some crazy ass lamp but i was like that's more for

me than it is for him he doesn't want a fucking lamborghini so i got him the spider-man car and my brother-in-law's already like where am i gonna fucking put this he's already mad at me i can't wait to buy him like a drum set you know that's what i used to do the crazy shit finger paints and shit fucking up the house well did you have revenge on you when you had a kid then did your i mean people bought that's what you get for kids you know what i mean i'll tell you the revenge on me is those fucking uh their kits uh jewelry of beads oh boy one of those open that shit up for i'd rather white paint i will because you never you never you never get them all you're still you'll step on one you're like fuck we never step on paint yeah exactly but i remember when i was a kid we get like uh my parents would buy us crazy gifts every now and then.

My dad bought us a Nintendo, like the 8-bit Nintendo when that came out. And I wanted it so bad. And he got it, but it was just the box when I opened it. And they acted like there was like, oh, they forgot to put it inside. It's like before viral videos or like Jimmy Kimmel was fucking with kids, you know? And my dad just did that for fun. Like there was no video. no video right yeah it was just to fuck with us for like the whole day wait he did it for the whole day at the end of the day he's like oh yeah we found this in the hall that's that is good that's cool video or anything yeah exactly it was just for his own like look

it's three hours later and and they're still upset. It'd be on Instagram now or whatever. My dad would be on Good Morning America or something. I remember, I mean, up until our family split apart, which wasn't long into my life, but the memories I have, we had good Christmases. Like my father, I rode by recently too. We had good Christmases. Like my father, I rode by recently too. My dad for two years bought, you could go in the woods to this little nursery that grew trees and you could chop your own tree down.

You bring a fucking chainsaw or an ax, you chop your own tree and it's like 10 bucks. You know what I mean? You chop it, you fucking take it. It's the experience that you're paying for. And my dad got two of them with the roots and we put them in the house decorated them and then he planted both of them out front of our my favorite house and they they are and that house was a basement and then two stories above that those trees tower that so you got them with the roots on yeah you had a burlap bag and you just kept it you know wet and alive and then when you were done with using as a christmas tree you

took the whole root system and everything took it out front dug a hole buried it and that month those are their towers now they're huge they're real they're pine trees sure and they were small when you bought yeah regular like six footer yeah oh and the roots weren't like and not that big they were like i'd say a good a good bundle though you had to take two hands to hold it and carry it yeah um but i remember and i just found this out recently this was pretty fucking cool too they used to have a the fire department would have santa claus ride by yeah neighborhood you know wave and throw some candy and shit and uh we have this old video of this and and i'm looking at the video and I don't see my dad in the video,

and then my mother told us recently that was him, and I was like, get the fuck out. Oh, he was Santa. Like, dude, that made me cry. Like, so, like, you know what I mean? And now I'm like, he went out and did that. You know what I mean? And it's not just, like, for the whole neighborhood.

You know what I mean? And all you get is, you get a fucking, that's all, you know what I mean? And all you get is, you get a fucking. That's all. You know what I mean? It's that fast. That's it. All that for that. Hey.

Let me just drive you back. And now I think about it too. Having twins, dealing with my mom and my younger brother, sitting on top of that motherfucking fire truck in costume with those sirens blaring. It was probably the most peaceful moment that man ever fucking had. He's like, hey, all right. Loud ass siren. He's probably enjoying the shit out of it. Oh, yeah.

Like, how can I get a moment of peace around? Oh, you motherfuckers. there was a couple of times my grandpa did the my mom would try to like perpetuate the belief in santa claus so like we're getting older at this point my mom would be like we got to make them believe even harder or whatever so she would get my grandpa to like oh she wouldn't like no she'd dig in oh yeah it's like she was like they're starting to know we're gotta like really make them and she would, yeah. It's like she was like, they're starting to know. We've got to really make them. And she would do videos and stuff.

She had one of those huge VHS video recorders, cam recorders or whatever they're called. And she would put in, she goes, Santa left a video. And she'd put it in and it'd be like my grandpa walking around and he'd find the camera and be like, no looking or whatever and turn it off. I'd be like, holy shit. I can we've we saw him that's crazy and then the next year she had my grandpa like stand in the backyard and then she'd be like go to sleep quick he's here he's here early outside yeah and he's like walking around in the backyard he's here early yeah he's like the sun wasn't even down now kids can be like on that NORAD or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or NORTRAT, whatever the fuck it's called. I'm like, no, he's not. He's over Afghanistan.

Yeah, yeah. I had the AM radio telling me I'd be like, they don't know. I got to call it in or something. I would want to call the radio station or whatever. But yeah, she would like perpetuate the ruse to the point where I found out it took me till sixth grade. No, she didn't. Yeah, dude.

And it was, I remember I was in. Other kids weren't telling you. Well, here's the thing, dude. Like when other kids. We saw him. When other kids would tell me, I go, that's just a bad kid who doesn't have Santa come anymore. And that's what their parents told them. That's what your mom told you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would fucking plant that worm. And then. Sixth grade. That's a long time. Dude, I remember me and my best friend, Chris, were sitting in science class and Mr. D. Zach was his name, said something and him and I looked at each, like it was about how Santa Claus is not real.

And him and I looked at each other and we're like, what? Like he was the only other guy that still believed it. Yeah. And we both were like. And his mom, because he was like an only child, his mom like went in and like lost her mind on the teacher and everything like that like how dare you walk into her and my mom became friends from that moment on well we it was look my daughter is in first grade last year she was already coming to me well now with the computers i don't know but not only that you know you got

the older brothers and sisters they're like no it's not real and then they're like my older sister said i'm and that's what you got to tell them like that's just because they're bad they're not right you're too young to ruin santa yet if you already yeah yeah that's it that's it always sucks when one figures it out or like loses that sort of belief early on i feel like it's like they're missing out on i'm glad it took me forever maybe i don't know if it correlates with my virginity. My virginity also. I lost that late too. I don't know if it all pushed everything.

The Overton window moved. It closed for a while. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's correlated. I am just very stunted as an adult too. So I don't know. Like I feel like I'm just becoming 25 mentally. So I'm 10 years behind in everything.

I was saying it was the Jewish kid in our neighborhood that kept going around telling everybody that Santa wasn't real. But he wasn't doing it. He wasn't just saying like my parents said it's not real. He was like rubbing it in people's faces. Oh, yeah. He's an asshole. And yeah. And that's one kid just beat his ass.

And then you find out later like, oh, man, he took a while. He wasn't wrong. It was just the way he was doing it. My mom would be like, well, that's just because he's a Jew heathen. Throws heathen on it. He's a dastardly Jew. That's why he's saying that. Everything was good for a while.

Christmas, as I remember, too, we had the old school original Star Wars action figures. And my dad would tell us, put a couple of them, save them, whatever. And my brothers and I would tie fishing line or shoestrings around their necks and slam the doors shut and pull the heads off. Just torture them while we're playing and shit. And then later, you hear that they're worth a lot of money. You're like, oh. You start going to find Greedo and shit. You're like, yeah, we had him.

We had his. His head's on fucking Han Solo's body, you dumbass. See, I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum. I saved all of them in the box. I wasn't allowed to play with them. You weren't allowed to play with them. And they're still sitting in a box somewhere. My mom's like, I can't find anyone to buy these.

The original Star Wars? I mean, it's stuff like that. It's Beanie Babies. It's fucking all that shit. Has she been on eBay? Oh, yeah. She doesn't know how to do it. And I don't know how to.

I mean, it's a delusion of things. You might have a small fortune sitting there. It's funny. I had her on my podcast to talk about Black Friday shopping with Jeremiah. And Jeremiah said the same thing. Like, why don't you try selling these things? And she's like, well, they're only worth as much as someone's willing to pay yeah and then i'm like well you gotta look lady i can't just like sit around and be like no one's coming to

my door asking me for you know princess diana beanie babies and shit like that so i don't know what she's gonna do but one day we'll i'll she'll die and i'll get a bunch of beanie babies and fucking ninja turtles and shit but starting lineups was another one too do you ever have those yeah the action figures i had a michael jordan with hair and what and my because he was like at one point he had hair he had a little bit he did did he have a little bit though but they put him like put hair on his head like you have a jordan with hair yeah but i took it out i played with it i'm dunking with it and shit my dad was so pissed he brings it up all the time he's like you had the michael jordan with the hair you had the michael jordan and michael jordan that's like 1989 1990 yeah

yeah it wasn't even like the the regular one it was with the hair oh my god from the high school team he was cut from for god's's sake. Yeah, yeah. Man. I knew for us, I knew it all shifted when my parents split, and then you start bouncing back between homes, right? And I knew Christmas was different when we're at my dad's mom's, my grandmom. That's who we call my grandmom. That was grandma. Sure.

And we're leaving her place, and it's my dad call my grandmom you know that was grandma sure and um we're leaving her place and it's my dad and my two brothers me and we're going to the civic center in baltimore to watch a baltimore blast game it's like right after the day after christmas or something we got all our presents from him and everything it's in the back of our station wagon our aspen station wagon the limited edition wood paneling did you Did you sit in the back and you can see out the back? Yeah. Okay, yeah. And AM radio comes on, and when you hit the accelerator,

you hear it in the speakers and shit like that. And we parked. My dad would never pay for a garage. It was always, I'm going to find a street spot. We're like, okay. And you go to an event like that, you're driving for 20 fucking minutes in the city trying to find a spot he finally here here we go and we come back after the game and you just see your shit all over the ground we're like nah oh my dad's like uh-oh and they stole christmas oh no

you had christmas in the car with you why was this whole christmas oh i think because it was like he was about to go into his place he was put all our shit take us back to mom's after the game jesus and they bought a varsity for whatever they stole christmas bro yeah yeah well that's what he's like the grinch what does he say clearly three people shit too, too, in the back. You know what I mean? Everybody had an Umbro bag for soccer or whatever, an Adidas bag. It was loaded up for them. All they had to do was go in there and grab this and this and this. They took it all, man.

I thought the Grinch was green, Dad, not black. You said that. I don't know. We didn't see him. That's true. It could have been a green person.. Could have been a green person. Could have been a green person. Yeah, man.

Baltimore City stole Christmas. That's wild. I was like, man, shit's different from here on out. I can tell. I can tell. This year, the Grinch is the supply chain. The supply chain's stealing Christmas this year. Oh, man. Yeah yeah that was brutal that was

definitely fucking brutal i remember too um still believing or still questioning at the time now we're questioning it and uh looking out our bedroom window and seeing what something red in the fucking sky and shitting ourselves thinking that that was rudolph yeah rudolph was a flying deer with a and i mean hustling under those covers and then you're so excited you can't get the fucking sure oh my god i'm i'll never i remember being like having so much anticipation for christmas that it would like i'd feel like i was gonna explode and then all day on christmas i couldn't enjoy it because i would be sad that it would end right and i was gonna explode and then all day on christmas i couldn't enjoy it because i would be sad that it would end right and i remember i would just cry all day the moment

cry you were i would be like tortured by the fact that it was gonna end i'd be like it's gonna end tonight and my mom would be like well have fun then and i'd be like no it's over like i was the depression after christmas even as a kid was like crazy but at it changed for me tell me it was just like because it was so much like all my whole family would come over this is when my grandparents were still alive and we'd have like all my cousins everybody all my aunts all my uncles all in one place to the point where there's like probably 40 people or so damn really yeah every time yeah that's and we would go through and be like oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest they'd open presents you have to sit there and watch

everyone open their presents and the family just kept growing and growing so many grandkids that it got crazy and it would be like a six hour thing and they would be strict about it like if you open your presents and you were a kid they'd be like you have to watch grandma open seven hours from now you know what i mean so we'd all sit there and then when my grandparents died it was like my parents or my mom and her siblings didn't talk anymore so it's like we never saw these people again so christmas ended up be going like completely downhill like somewhere i don't know when i was like 13 or so 14 or or so. Yeah, I'd say I was a little bit before that for us. Yeah. But it was always like so much fun to be.

And then after that, like it just became like another day almost. Do you know what I mean? Right. Like you'd have like the morning or whatever, but it wasn't the whole like family gathering like it was. Yeah, it's interesting. It was the same way for us. We had a really big Italian family,

and it would be everyone at my grandmom's house, and we'd stay there for a few hours, and then we'd all go, including her, to one of her sister's houses and see everybody and the cousins over there, everybody hanging out. Then we bounce all of us together now going over to another sister's house and it's all these great aunts and cousins and just hanging out. Man, I really do miss it. And I remember, too, like what I didn't realize is my town my family's italian so when i would date girls and go to their shit and i'm like you know where's this and this this this one lady's fucking pouring rum on a cake and lighting it on fire i'm like who the fuck's your god you know where the hell are the stuffed shells bitch yeah yeah uh so italians do it

particularly they have the cookies you have all the traditional shit yeah plus right it's not like you're just getting this you want your turkey your mashed potatoes your fucking ham at easter whatever it's all there sure but it's also all this shit over here and i was like i'm gonna eat off this side of the table yeah yeah sitting did you have it you obviously had a kid's table oh yeah you had enough right we had so many people at growing up that it was just it was insane it was like looking back you're like oh man that was almost like torture or a lesson in discipline or something to like open your presence and then you can't even like go and play with them you have to wait

through all of the people obviously the gifts would get less but it would get really like the grandparents would get the most gifts probably that's why your shit's still in boxes you got you were over it by the time you were able to play. I forgot I even got it. Yeah. By the time. And then it would get, it was toward the end though,

it would get frayed. Like I said, so many grandkids were being born that it was like, you know, it was a small fortune to buy presents for everybody. So it had to be a policy. Like either I have to buy presents for everybody or I buy presents for none. Right.

So then you can start getting less as you get older. You know, you'd be like, I think I was like, you know, 14 or so or something like that. And I would get like three gifts. I'd be like, okay. So now I'm just like a prisoner to this process. I'm in the middle somewhere and I'm going to sit around here and watch everyone open presents. I'm just going to come to me. I want to be like, cool socks.

Cool this. You know, it'd be like three gifts. Yeah. And then I'd just still sit there for the rest of it. It started getting torturous, you know it'd be like three kids yeah and then i'd just still sit there for the rest of it it was it started getting torturous you know as we got older but i remember um once we found out santa wasn't real it definitely took some shine off of christmas so my brother and i would sneak down at like three or four in the morning when christmas was set up we knew our parents would be asleep exhausted and we go down there with a little roll of scotch tape and we would just tear a corner like we got the millennium ball. And then tape it back. You know what I mean? Like got a baseball bat.

like save some presents to put out until like three in the morning and write santa on them and i'd be like thanks for the such and such and she'd be like santa brought that and i'd be like okay thank you yeah yeah yeah he did he did he brought that for you that wasn't me that was it she would like maintain that ruse despite knowing we knew it all changed obviously my dad died like right after thanksgiving and then that was it. I can remember moments of Christmases. I can feel the heat still from the fireplace, all that shit. Once my father died, I swear to you, I can't pinpoint a fucking Christmas. You know what I mean? I'm just having that now.

I'm like, oh, that was when I was eight. That Christmas was when I was 10. Now, I mean now now but since he died i can't right i can't now once my daughter was born that's when it began for me again you know so but it's still you're talking about 30 fucking years of christmases and i can't remember like one where i did something where i'm like fuck yeah christmas yeah i haven't gone home for christmas since the first year that I moved here. And I've been here for Christmas the whole time.

And one Christmas I went to Tom's house. But other than that, the other couple, I couldn't tell you what I did. Last year, I don't even. Right. I told you, I just remembered what I did for New Year's like two seconds ago. Last year, it was just such a blur.

Yeah, last year for us was COVID Christmas. Like I think I Twitch streamed on Christmas. Might do that again this year uh i don't know but i um new year's was always like a holiday that i worked on since i was like working in radio even because i would board service industry people out there bless you all always working the fucking holidays i know working hotels i never had a day off i would either be doing like when i first started radio i would be doing like the board production like board hopping like a an event during the midnight ball drop or then i started hosting those and then i started doing comedy shows every new year's because i thought like what else am i gonna do like it's cool i'm

making money i still get to like hang out and drink or whatever and have fun. Like, doing comedy during New Year's was, like, the best way to do New Year's, I thought, for a long time. Yeah. Well, you're also, you're amongst the masses who are all out there drinking. You can join them if you feel like it work at the same time. I mean, it's a pretty unique thing to be able to do that. New Year's out here is weird, I'll tell you, because it'll be, five, four, three, two, one, and then it's like last call. Yeah.

Back home, it's 4 a.m. last call. But it already just fucking, you know, you just watched it. Yeah, yeah, but it's just weird to like go home at one.

Life on tape delay. Yeah, it's true. Well, that's true too. Yeah, you're watching it throughout the East Coast and then the Midwest and et cetera. So yeah,

it is weird out here, West Coast New Year's. But there was one year I did a, it wasn't a ball drop. It was a guitar. Hard Rock Cafe does like a guitar drop down this giant building and I was hosting it.

So I had to go out, like it's a stage, there's bands and people are out in the crowd. And so when it came to do the countdown, the whalers were on stage. You know who the whalers are like ziggy marley i guess or bob marley's kids i guess yeah and his kids doing it now so they're on stage they're all fucking blazing and they're up there they're playing like jaman or whatever they're doing and they're like it's meant they're about they're telling me they're like it's about to be

midnight and i'm like well they're playing a fucking song what do you want me to do get out there and they don't i don't know where i'm at right so like i just go out there and i'm like uh 10 you're interrupting the way yeah yeah yeah these fucking kids bob marley's dead but it's the kids yeah well they're supposed to be done they're supposed to know they're on weed yeah they're just like i'm like oh shit dude so i run out there and i don't know where i'm at in the like i don't have a precise atomic clock to tell me like start counting down now they're just like it's going the thing started coming down and i'm like uh eight no you started yeah yeah i'm just like because it was already going so i just and i dude i totally blew it like there you go you were about four seconds late

and i got i never did that gig again i got for the next year they got someone else like you blew the whole gig the whole gig was the countdown i'm like well i hosted the whole job was 10 seconds yeah they're like it was yeah but that's the most important part and you fucked it up god that is hilarious like yeah the new year started at 1201 for us i was like it's not so i was like fucking whalers they ruined my 500 gig or whatever it was at the time and it was like that was important to me and i was fucking pissed at them and i remember i ended up like doing a couple shots afterwards and literally just they gave me a hotel room in that hotel that the event was at and i just went up to the hotel room it couldn't have been 12 25 and i just took my suit

off and just laid in the bed and went to sleep that was it yeah that was the end of my new year i woke up at like 3 a.m i go oh, oh man, I really fucked that new year up. You know, I didn't even do anything fun. When it comes to skincare, since I've been a teen, I've always had skin I was uncomfortable with from the pimples to blackheads, all of it, bags under my eyes, everything. I've tried everything going all the way back over all these years with skincare. And Disco is my new favorite. Disco is a clean skincare brand based in Austin, Texas. All Disco products are created specifically for male skin issues

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So when I first moved here, I was a production assistant for what was then Fox Family Channel. It later became ABC, and now I think it's like Freeform or something like that. And we started this thing then. When I was there, we created this. They did, and I was working on it, called 25 Days of Christmas. It was going to be this promotion, which I think still runs through every version of whatever Fox Family was. And the first year, I'm a production assistant, and they're doing this giveaway. It's a $25,000 giveaway giveaway and it's open to anyone in the

continental united states okay and they need a pa to go on this shoot with this producer named allison who was the shit she and i used to go she was like i'm going to see tom petty at the film where i was like fuck yeah and fuck i've always wanted to go to the film more and i would love to fucking see tom pettyty. We road trip up. So she's like, I want Ryan to come. And I was like, awesome. And she's like, it could be anywhere, Ryan. I was like, fuck yeah.

Hopefully it's Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully it's somewhere warm. Sure. You know, let's go. And this lady wins and it's Three Mile Island fucking Pennsylvania. Oh, no. Three Mile Island? It's a trailer park. Why did they pick her? Does she want? Oh, no. Three Mile Island? It's a trailer park.

Why did they pick her? Does she want? Oh, she just won? Yeah. That goes to show it's not rigged, I guess. It was not rigged. Going to a nuclear waste dump. That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, wait. Of all the fucking places we could go, that's where we're going. Yeah, that's like going to Fallujah. I mean, you might as well just go to a war zone. You're going to get radiation. So that's where we're going. I'm like, like what's the what's the deal like okay the the gist of the promo is that gary coleman has been hired and agreed to uh play this oversized elf and it's basically this elf is delivering oh and oversized oversized the Maybe he wasn't. But the check he was delivering was oversized.

I misspoke, yeah. He's delivering one of those humongous prices right style checks. The check is oversized. He's average sized for an elf, yes. Yes, well said. And he's, this plight of him taking this check across country to wherever

because it could be anywhere. they're going to shoot him. He's going to fly. And then we're going to be like literally in and out in one day. We're going to, I don't even think we're spending a night. Wow. So they're like, you're going to Ladies and Three Mile Island. Here's your flight info.

Here's Gary's stuff. You guys are flying in a little bit ahead of him. We're like, okay. Oh, boy. And then when we land, yeah, Gary missed his flight. We're like, did he miss it? Did he miss it? Did he miss it?

Or did he see where it was going? So we're like, how about did you talk to the driver that was supposed to pick him up? And the driver was covering his ass. That driver's like, I got out of my car. I've done this with this guy before I went to his door I knocked multiple times no answer I'm telling you he just did not show he's a no-show he's not late he's a he's ghost yeah so but he's supposed to be here today and now he's not and we're shooting in a few hours and they're like Allison looks at me and

she knew I did comedy and stuff we were super cool and she's like will you be the elf and i was like nope there's i'm definitely not doing i'm not fucking doing that she's like listen maybe we could get you your sag after car like i don't give a fuck i'm not doing this she's like we could we could figure out a way to get you paid for this though if you're gonna perform on camera then they to pay you more than your PA rate, which was $100 a fucking day. Yeah, sure. Okay. I'm like, I don't want to do it. And again, we're super cool.

We blaze and stuff. She's like, just put the fucking clothes on. Do they even fit you? No, dude. I put his little pants on. Oh, my Lord. It's all my nutsack and shit. That's what I'm saying.

I can't get on camera like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like profane. She's like, will what I'm saying. I can't get on camera like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like profane. She's like, will you fucking – so I walk out of the bathroom dressed like that. I mean, the shirts – she is dying. And she's like, if we can go to the mall and get you some clothes, would you do it? And I'm like, no, I don't want to do this. She's like, please.

I'm like, fine. But you got to call them and get me something, paid or whatever. Taft Hartley it was called to get you right into SAG-AFTRA. I don't even think it was SAG-AFTRA then. I think it was just SAG. Sure, sure. Or AFTRA, whatever the fuck. So they're like, yeah, we'll pay them.

We'll try to help them with that. So we go to the mall, and we had to get Gap Kids. And I couldn't remember. Something happened where it was – oh, no, we had to take his clothes and I couldn't remember something happened where it was. Oh no, we had to take his clothes back to gap kids. We go to me, we get gap and we get a smock and it had,

it was where we had to get his shit again. Kids. That's why we're there. So we go to gap, get my shit. And then I go, all right, if I'm going to do this,

I want to be able to call the shots on what these little things we're doing. So while we're driving to the mall, for some reason, there's an outhouse, a little fucking porta potty in the middle of a cornfield. And I was like, I want to come out of that with the check. I just took a shit in there. And they're like, OK. We shot that, me coming out. I took a shit in this random thing. The van broke down.

So I like laying under it and they're shooting me with my little elf shoes out and shit and then we get to the house and i've met the lady and everything and i'm gonna be honest like the trailer park house she was in a trailer and not the house and it it hit home for me because i've never lived in a trailer but i've lived in an apartment that might as well have been a fucking trailer because it was just like a tiny square living room here a tiny square kitchen next to it and then it's literally a hallway yeah and off that hallway are rooms one two three and that's fucking it right and this was i mean we were a step above that in that apartment i felt like and we had kerosene heaters. Did you ever use those?

You know the ones I'm talking about? But I mean big, floor ones. Right, right, right. Yeah, and she had them. But you know, my brothers, again, this is something that if your kid falls and hits it, they're going to ruin their face. But what do my brothers and I do? We're over there spitting loogies on it, watching it sizzle.

Yeah. We're just fucking pig boy dirty touch it dirty touch oh that's dirty touch it they grab their hand put it on yeah you motherfucker you know and we're filling it with care we're in middle you know we're in fucking elementary school and shit filling it middle school filling it with kerosene yeah kerosene yeah leaving your kids home alone in your side by home alone in an apartment building that could blow up everyone i'm not your house yeah exactly a complex an entire complex of people so you know she has to now we have to tell her of course and she's i wish we were rolling when you tell her but they

have to tell her ahead of time for legal reasons sure she's obviously not a good actress of course and now i'm out on this porch and it's's, by the way, it's fucking pencil. It's freezing. I am in sweats and rubber elf shoes. I am in a smock. I'm fucking in a turtle. I'm freezing. And I'm out there like, go do it again.

I'm going to town. Like, oh, my God. And while I'm out there, the fucking school bus pulls up. And all the kids see me. And they are going nuts. like in a good way yeah they can't believe mr elf mr they don't even know why a fucking elf is on the porch in a trailer park you know i mean like what the fuck's happening mr elf mr elf they're screaming i'm just like you gotta be fucking kidding me i thought they were like a little tall being elf they're just fucking

with you the whole time they couldn't get over that something festive was different than santa was in the neighborhood you know they're freaking out and the kids come in and i got to stand there and do the check with them and i got my photos of it the thing ran i remember a friend but i'm back in maryland visiting some friends like i just saw you on five nights and no you didn't like yes i did i got nah that was not me i don't even work there like well that guy looked just like you i said it wasn't my hair but it was that's good you have a twin too you could blame it on him he doesn't look like me oh that's right okay that's hilarious and then i get back and what does gary coleman do gary coleman starts lying saying i was there and you guys fucked up. And so what do they do?

They pay them. They pay Gary Coleman. What do they do to me? Nothing. They didn't pay you. They didn't pay me. They didn't help me with SAG or after whatever the fuck it was. They didn't give me a fucking day off.

Nothing. Nothing. That's what they did. Gary fucking Coleman got paid. That's gross, dude. and got paid that's gross dude i did uh i did like um my last girlfriend and i broke up on new year's eve because i did a comedy show on new year's eve yeah because i did a comedy i i like i said i was doing comedy shows every year and i did it was me so dan soder and this guy james davis the three of us were doing like a weekend and New Year's Eve fell in it.

So it was like three shows. It was like it was New Year's Eve was always a big check. You know, that's why I love doing it, too. And I always pick comedy gigs over girlfriends at the time. And so I was like, yeah, I'm working New Year's Eve. So I don't know. She's like, well, can I come? And I was like, no, I mean, it's like I'm going to be on stage during.

I can't even like kiss you at midnight. You're going come? And I was like, no, I mean, it's like, I'm going to be on stage during me. I can't even like kiss you at midnight. You're just going to be sitting alone in the showroom. Like, why bother? She's like, well, I want to go. I want to go. I'm like, all right, fine. And then that day she's like, I'm sick.

And I'm like, okay, well then don't come. She's like, no, I'm still going to come. And I'm like, not a good idea, but whatever. So she comes to the show. And afterwards, you know, we do the midnight thing. I say hello to her. And then, like, afterwards, we're just, like, waiting to settle up. And, like, we're blazing in the green room. And, like, I don't know, 20 minutes go by.

And she's like, when are we leaving? I'm like, we are not ever leaving. I got to drive these guys. They want to do stuff. I'm going to go with, you know, like, I'm the MC.'m i gotta drive these guys they want to do stuff i'm gonna go with you know like i'm the mc i gotta drive the headliners around or whatever i gotta take them back to the hotel she's like well uh i just i don't feel good i want to go home i'm like go home then i will see you when i get home and so i just broke up we've been dating for like years and i was just like this is the end

this is the done like i'll see you when i get home if you want to talk about it but we are done broke up with her right then and there and was i haven't had a girlfriend since then that was like ringing in 2016 or 2015 or something like that it's not that long ago yeah i guess that's not that long ago but yeah it's uh well it's more than five years at this point, I think. But, yeah, it was just like I realized in that moment, I'm like, I don't know if I'm going to love a girl more than I love doing this. You know? This is our passion. I know people don't get it.

Because, you know, but also a lot of people don't love their jobs. That's true, too. You got to remember that. A lot of people hate their jobs. Of course. They can't understand how in the fuck you could love your job and pick what they view as work over them because they don't like what they do so they must assume you don't yeah i guess that's true yeah i mean it's especially somebody who doesn't have any passion for anything dating those types of women is like soul-sucking when they don't have anything to

really latch on to and then they latch on to you and shit. And you're like, whoa, I'm still like, I can't be the, uh, shining star in this relationship here. You know what I mean? I'm still trudging it out on my own. So yeah, that it just was a real eyeopening new year's Eve.

That one for sure. Going into it, going like we are done. Happy new year. Starting a brand new year off. Single for the new year. I did a gig one time. You'll appreciate this.

I got hired. Brian Baldinger. My man Brian Baldinger is the one that booked me for this. I was the, I can't remember what year it was now, but I was the LAPD Robbery and Homicide Unit's Christmas detective. Okay. For a role? Yeah, yeah.

Robbery and Homicide Units Christmas Detective. For a role? Yeah, yeah. It was like a corporate basically, but it's for the LAPD Robbery and Homicide Units Christmas Party. Okay, I see. Excuse me. It's just on the other side of downtown off the 10. It's like a country club up on the hills.

I've been past it a million times. Of course, never been up to it, but really nice place. And it's probably 2006 or 2007, it probably is. And they're telling me, like, one guy, one guy from the entire department is in contact with me. And he's telling me, say this about – you can say this about this person. Oh, no, that's never going to happen. And I was like – but I knew that. I was like, I'm not going to do any of that. He's like, you can talk about this guy because he's like me, say this about, you can say this about this person. Oh, no, that's never going to happen. And I was like, but I knew that. I was like, I'm not going to do any of that. He's like, you can talk about this guy because he's like the tech guy.

I was like, no, no, no, no. But language, whatever. He's like, do whatever you want. So I get there. And they're like, we have food. You can come and eat. And I'm like, I already know what your food is at the buffet. I'm not going to fuck with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe after. We'll see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I get there. You're going to do 45 minutes minutes i'm like okay and um it's middle of the day it's like three o'clock two o'clock all brightly lit there are babies running around on the floor children all over the place christmas tree huge over here in the corner and then when i get there

the guy i haven't been dealing with says no foul language no this no that no nothing i'm like what the fuck so i get up and there's a little old school podium you know what i mean like a principal's podium up there that wood shit and i go grab the mic and i go to start walking the stage that motherfucking mic went about this far. And I go, no. You guys don't have a mic I can move? Like, no. It's one of those podium mics. As soon as I bet that here, it's like.

I was like, no. So now I'm stuck standing dead still for 45 minutes. Like you're giving a speech. And the first thing I said was, look, they don't want me to say. They told me I can't cuss. Here are all the rules they told me. I was like, you guys are eating sandwiches over dead bodies, they told me I can't cuss. Here are all the rules they told me. I was like, you guys are eating sandwiches over dead bodies, but I guess I can't say fuck up here and they die. And then I just go, all right.

And what I had done was research of all the open cases that are still out there. And I was like, all right, Biggie, who's on it? Who's on it? Where are they? He's over there. I'm like, where are we at? RFK apparently is still unsolved. Who's on that? He's over there doing that shit. That's over there. I'm like, where are we at? RFK apparently is still unsolved. Who's on that?

He's over there doing that shit. That's so crazy. So that's all I did for like 45 minutes was talk to him about open cases and who's on them and shit. That's great. Would you just Google him at the time? Yeah. I just wrote open unsolved cases, LA Police Department. They would have things in there that were still unofficial.

And they're laughing. They're like, yeah, we don't know. It's like, nah, we don't we don't they got the bulletin board where it's like a clown on there he's supposed to be working on it now he's here it's that scene in dark night where they're like we're following all the leads of batman and it's like abraham lincoln's on the board or whatever that was that was tough but one of the worst ones i ever did was um full charge and i matt full charulcher and I did this Christmas gig. It was the same time, too.

It was right around the same time. Same year? I think it was because I was living in the same apartment when this happened that I remember. It was so bad. He picked me up. I was in Sherman Oaks, and we go out to the Deep Valley, and it's this Armenian dentist. when we go out to like the deep valley and it's this uh armenian dentist and he he had a he threw a party for his patients and his employees like a bunch and so it's a it's a big ballroom like where i where i come from in maryland we have these places called martin's west martin's east

and they're just ballrooms okay you know what i mean it's a building it's got like four of them in there and they'll have proms there or weddings there. It's just a big-ass ballroom, and that's what this shit is. And it's big, and they got a live band and stuff. And then, again, we're each doing 20 minutes, and I got to go first. And I go up, and I mean, first of all, most people don't even understand what we're saying. Sure, because it's like the speakers are in the corner. Yeah, and also there's a language barrier for sure. Oh, sure.

Yeah, well, that's true. Iran. I thought you meant because of the shitty-ass ballrooms. That too. Like you could not – this mic, you could move left or right, but you couldn't step forward or else it was crazy. Yeah. People would be like, God.

But forks are clanking the tables and shit. And there's just one table. And they are fucking loving it. Everyone else doesn't give a fuck. Like, they're talking. Sure. Way loud. But this one table of four right here is eating it up. And that's just, I just dove in.

You just stuck in with those, yeah? To this day, I've never, sets never felt longer. I'm on stage going, how much longer, full charge? You'd be like 13 i'm like that was seven oh god that was seven you're like i did five jokes i did five jokes in seven minutes dude paid us this these four went over and told him how much they loved it so he was happy paid us and i was back home probably in like two hours two and a half hours back fucking home was awful but the money was all right.

That's the thing. Those shitty holiday party gigs, in the years past, those used to be like you make a nut doing those, but they were torture. I did a holiday party for like, it ended up being like this bowling league had their like annual banquet and holiday party or whatever. And they did the same thing. They like rented out a room in like a VFW or something like that. And it was like four of us. We had to fill an hour and which is nothing you'd think, right? 20 minutes each.

But yeah, like you said, it was like torture. And I remember during my set, I went like second last one of the, these are adults, middle, like older than me,

adults, middle age, you know, fifties there. Now now by the time i go on stage it's like maybe 40 minutes in they're wasted and now they're ignoring everything that's going on like you're just talking into noise and so like the two guys that went up before me they were like i just talked for the time they're not even paying attention and it's like four or five full tables of people. When I went up, now they're throwing things at each other like children. These are employees who know each other?

These are like people like adults like in a bowling league or whatever. Oh, yeah. You know, like eight teams in a bowling, like some bowling league had this holiday party. So this table's a team and this table, they're throwing shit at each other while I'm on stage. And I like all of a sudden became an old man i'm like are you children like i started like lecturing them for throwing rolls and shit at each other and like for there was like a split second where they like kind of were ashamed and then one guy was like fuck you and he just and he just threw like a roll at me and then i go all right and i just walked off and i told

the guy i'm like you better fucking pay me regardless then i go all right and i just walked off and i told the guy i'm like you better fucking pay me regardless like i had shit how long were you in there i was on stage probably like by the time i got off 15 minutes probably not even 20 and they like i derailed the set at like probably 10 to like lecture them and then i'm trying to like get them back by making fun of them and they kind of were like like i said i like thought i was winning at one point and then the one guy just like and then they all laughed at what he did and i go well i've lost yeah that's an l right and i got the i did get paid and we're drinking afterwards these days i would have just been especially with your skill set just calling color commentary oh sure no i mean i would have i would have had more fun with it now but back then i was

like i don't know yeah courage for inciting a riot oh sure i don't know what they were he was encouraging it he told him to throw the best who knows how they were so lit these people to the point where afterwards i was stuck there i'd gotten a ride with one of the other guys and he's like waiting to settle up for all of us because he's like i'll make sure we get paid don't worry because i was like they better fucking pay us i'm not leaving here until they do so he's like i'll take care of it so we're like waiting there afterwards amongst these people at the bar and they'd come up and be like oh man that was great and you're like what did you watch yeah right you're like oh we had so much fun i'm like all right then i guess like what do you all do

yeah yeah yeah i was like that was the most miserable i want to go jump into traffic right you also realize people don't know how to have fun yeah like that was fun they were like we had a food fight they're all tossed you know they're all drunk and i'm just like drinking beer with these people they're like wasn't that the best i'm like no it was the worst day of my life oh my god but yeah i got hit in the face with a roll too i'm like all right i'm done i just walked off stage i've told this now you're making me this is not holiday but this is a food fight story it's the it's the greatest food fight in the history of, I'm going to say high schools in Maryland, because I have friends that I went to high school with whose children now go there.

Oh, okay. And the rule is still in place. In 1990, I'm a junior. My buddy Mark Penn at the time is a senior. And for a few weeks, school hadn't been in long, but for a few weeks there was a rumor that this massive fucking food fight was going to go down. And it was like fourth period. I remember we used to have – we had a three-tiered cafeteria, a little smaller area, top tier, down to a little bit bigger, and then the bottom was the biggest.

And that's where the food was and the snacks and all that shit. And we had the early lunch that we hated because it was like, I don't know, like 10.50 or something. Yeah, and then you had the whole day afterwards. Yeah, the whole fucking day. But that's the one we have, and everyone's been talking about it. And Mark Penn got tired of hearing that bullshit. And Mark Penn's like, I'm starting that shit today if you do it if you throw I'm going I'll go but I'm not starting it he's like I'm gonna start it so that day we sit up on the on the top tier

it's pizza Friday we got our milkshakes everything And Mark Penn is sitting where I am and I'm sitting where you are. And the next tier is behind me and the whole floor is down there. And Mark Penn just looks at me and doesn't say anything. And he takes his chocolate milkshake and he just fucking chucks that motherfucker. It is a goddamn chocolate milkshake grenade. And it hit that bottom floor and kaboom man i'm telling you it was like a fucking trigger everybody whoa i threw my shit and then free for all shit's hitting the fucking wall and sliding down like home of the lions it's all coming down here and people are going nuts teachers are running out the kids are coming out of class it was like instant instant everyone had been waiting and when that fucking milkshake hit people are flipping tables off god getting hit oh my god cups of corn pudding you fucking name it burgers fries all the fucking

shit's coming everywhere and i'm telling you i think school started what september this might be i really don't remember but, but it's not long. It might be November. Yeah, it's pretty early in the season. We have to have lunch in silence the rest of the year. We can't talk. In silence? Silence.

Milkshakes are banned for the school. Oh, my God. Not just us, the school. And that's 1990, and they are still banned today in 2021, bro. They probably banned them in the state. Still banned today. These girls hit me up. I'm like, my daughters go to school there, and those milkshakes are still banned today in 2021, bro. They probably banned them in the state. Still banned today. These girls hit me up. I'm like, my daughters go to school there and those milkshakes are still banned.

I said, you got to be kidding me. Dude, I bet they banned them. There's probably another reason. I mean, they probably would have banned them anyway when Michelle Obama came along. Maybe, but that was years of money making on milkshakes. That's true. Either that or they were like, fuck this milkshake machine. It's expensive.

Yeah, maybe. That was like my worst nightmare as a kid was a food fight. I never, it never appealed to me. I'm like, I don't want to get food on me. Oh, fuck, man. I couldn't wait. I never, I was always like, God, I hope there's never a food fight. Oh, I just had.

I would like to watch one. Yeah, and like Thousand Island and lettuce dripping off your ear and shit. You're like, ah, this motherfucker got me good. I don't like being sticky so that's my nightmare it was so much fun it was so much fun i'll tell you another this is a thanksgiving one um you know this is after our dad's dead and we go over my aunt marguerite's and she's got her little family and stuff there and we're chilling and one of her daughters is married to this fucking just a real dirtbag piece of shit like in every sense just greasy dirt under his nails or whatever we're all having dinner at the thanksgiving table and this

motherfucker slides his seat back just a little bit off the table starts clipping his toenails oh no toenails are flying and my brother and I look at each other. Listen, we just sat down at the table. My brother and I, we got up. We didn't even say anything to anybody. Went right over to the trash. I dropped my whole plate in the fucking trash. And we just walked right out the fucking front door.

I was like, did that shit just happen right there? Toenails. He's clipping toenails at Thanksgiving dinner. They're flying. They're flying. Hey. Ten points. For real. They're flying. They're flying. Hey, 10 points. For real.

That's disgusting. Kick my butt. You definitely have lived alone way too long, dude. Yeah. Way too fucking long. Well, I mean, I've lived alone for a very long time now to the point of like mental breakdowns and I would never still do that. Never.

Yeah. What do you do for the holidays? Is your place decorated for christmas right now um i have some lights but not really we have like a little tree see i've always even like obviously everything lost its shine the the the toughest christmas ever was obviously right you know a few days weeks after my father died but not just because of that but also like all these really nice people donate from the school, donated clothes. But it makes you feel.

Sure. It makes you feel like even a bigger fucking piece of shit. Sure. You know what I mean? It makes you feel like a loser. And I remember, too, this one stuck in my head. I'm a Maryland kid. They're sending Michigan.

I wore a Michigan Wolverines fucking sweatshirt for a while just because it was like a donut and i felt i don't know i felt like a loser putting those clothes on right because you knew where they came from yeah and i knew they came from a good place sure for a good reason but also it feels like you're defeated it's a reminder once you put it on it feels like you've lost yeah you know i don't know how if i can make sense no it does because it's like you know why you have this piece of clothes. And then you're going back to school and people are staring at you like, we got you that. And I'm like, oh.

Yeah, it was a really nice thing that my dad used to do. But like my grandma lived in this apartment building and there was like a family that lived across or downstairs from her or something. And it was definitely like an illegal, uh, immigrant sort of situation. There were, uh, there were Mexican family and there was like two or three kids. And my dad would always like make me like he

would buy toys for them and then make me deliver them. And I always just felt strange. I'm like, I don't know these kids, but I mean, it was doing a nice thing, but it just made me feel like you do wonder

if they're like, fuck you. Yeah. Like it just, cause I knew. And they were like, the parents were always very thankful or whatever but uh on a lighter note for christmas time i thought about this after our family kind of dissipated and stopped doing that whole thing we started going to like what i consider my actual family

now like my actual family my blood relatives i don't hang out with them at all anymore. And now I have like my mom's best friend through most of her adult life. I always called her my aunt Shelly. And then her son is like my best friend growing up since we were like babies. So I consider them like my cousins, you know what I mean? And then their families, my, my cousins too. So we'd celebrate christmas with them like after i started becoming a in high school age and around the time like junior senior year i don't know how it picked up but we started playing beer pong so it'd be me and my cousin drew versus our dads in beer pong and our my the first year we did it i barely drank i never really drank and our dads murdered us in beer pong and so i'm blackout drunk and i remember we're about to like leave it was all done and i'm shit-faced and like 17 or 18 years old and i just was like stumbling around and i thought

i was going into the bathroom to puke and i ended up puking in the dog's bowl thinking it was the toilet. And I left this giant pile of puke in the dog's bowl thinking it was the toilet, trying to flush it and shit. I don't even know. I don't even know, but it was like, I couldn't live that down. And then we, you know, every year we kept playing this beer pong or like drinking games. We started doing drinking games with everybody. And, you know, I started partying a little harder as the years went on. So I was able to keep up. But like maybe two, three years later, more of the cousins are getting involved. And there is a scandal because somebody puked in the bathroom and used my aunt's white monogram towels to like wipe up the puke. The show towels?

Yes. No, you don't do that with the show towels. The show, like the Christmas time show towels puke on this pure white towel. To this day, people think I did it and I swear up and down I did not do it. But no one will believe me. Who do you think did it and i swear up and down i did not do it but no one will believe me who do you think did it then i i have no idea i don't even know at first i was like no because like i didn't do it so i go like i thought they were lying but they showed me the towel i'm like i don't know i have no idea it could have been my little sister could have been so i got the

because i was the dog bowl puker, I was the natural suspect. And so to this day, like I just saw them for Thanksgiving, everybody. And they're like, remember when you puked and wiped up the top of the puke with my beautiful towels? And I was like, that wasn't me. I live, I mean, I'll deny it up and down because I know it wasn't me. And I would admit it if it was by this point, you know. Hopefully somebody on their, on their deathbed will throw that out for you or something.

It was me. I'd be like, I knew it. I'll tell you, I had a great time in Cleveland. That's my first time in Cleveland, first time doing Hilarities, which is a fucking amazing club. Sam, by the way, over there is fucking the shit. Thank you, brother, for everything. Eva came.

Eva comes and helps me do merch and stuff too. And we went to the Christmas Story House does helps me do merch and stuff too and we went to um the christmas story house i posted about it and stuff and then we get there and we buy tickets for a tour we go to the fucking merch i mean they are making yeah yeah this is the high high season for that yeah i'm saying i'm we're fortunate to be there at christmas for the christmas story house um so we'll go in the merch and they've got every hat in the fucking movie. I mean, everything from the movie is in that damn store. It's insane.

And I was like, you know, I just want to fucking smoke a joint out in front of the Christmas Story house. So, you know, we're waiting for the tour. We're going to get the tour. I'll smoke at a joint. And then I'm looking at the clock and stuff, and I'm like, I don't need to take a tour. I was on the porch, got my lamp. Yeah, and it's not the actual set. Yeah, I don't want to go through this person's house the facade of the house yeah and i was like you know what

and eva always clowns me because she's right on a macro level if i say i'm going to do something i do it on a bigger level of things on a smaller level i'll be like let's go here this weekend and then i'm like can we just fucking you qualify it yeah we've been out i saw the outside of it yeah yeah i do shit like that all the time it drives her nuts and rightfully so i'm like i know i do that i gotta work on it so we're smoking enjoying i'm looking at the house and she's like what are you thinking and she just starts laughing she's like you don't want to do the tour d i was like i don't we might be a little bit you know what once you realize the tour it's not like this is where Ralphie shot his eye out. You know what I'm saying?

Like the set, it's not the set of the film. It's just some house. I know what that all is about. So I'm like, no, I don't want to do it. So she just laughed and she's like, you fucking kill me. So I go, but do you care? Because if you want to do it, I'm in. She's like, I only wanted to do this because you said.

I was like, great. So we go inside. I'm like, let me find a family with some kids. And so I find this couple, and they got three kids. And I'm like, hey, you guys want to go? Because I could see they were like, I go, here's prepaid tickets. I just got to get out. They're like, are you sure?

I'm like, yeah. And then I look at the three kids. I'm like, I probably just made you spend more. They're pissed. They're like, oh, God. We almost got out of this thing. I think I just made you spend money that you didn't want. I go, look, if you can't afford it or whatever just give them to

somebody that wants them we gotta get out of here but i always try to do something nice with it or whatever yeah sure sure dude this has been fun man thank you for coming no problem thanks for having me i actually lived by that christmas story house yeah i used to live out that way did you go by it a lot i went i mean i i i didn't do the tour but i i definitely took pictures out front of it all the time but i lived there mostly in the summer i i moved away around christmas time so it was like i remember it started snowing i go this is nice here oh well peace out cleveland yeah i mean look fuck your winters cleveland fuck everybody's winters not just yours but um it was nice that's a that's a piece of Americana, legit. For sure.

And it's like, wow, that little – and you can see too. So I started walking the neighborhood because someone told me about it a little bit. I'm smoking my weed and just walking these people's property, street. Yeah, Tremont's a beautiful neighborhood. And then there's still one steel mill down the hill. And it's like, oh, so everybody used to probably just work that steel mill, come up to that neighborhood there. Yeah, everyone had houses. I mean, being back in Buffalo for the first time in two years, you see that too, like with the architecture and everything like that.

You're like, oh, man, this is like so old compared to LA. You know, everything here is like post, I don't know, Vietnam. I feel like when I go to San Diego, I'm like, this is a brand new city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really feel like it's a brand new city. Even if I go to Phoenix, I'm like, did they just build this? This is new, man. It's kind of fresh here.

I'm talking to this dude on his balcony or his porch. He's got a nice – I go, man, you did a great job with your house. He's like, thank you. I'm like, you really did. You stand out, man. I'm down there looking up. He's like, thanks, man. I go – he's like, yes, yes.

And then he tells me there was a Toy Story – or I kept saying Toy Story. Christmas Story 2. Yeah. There is? There is, but it's like – A and then he tells me there was a toy store or i kept saying toy story christmas story two yeah there is there is but it's like a summer thing or something yeah it's like i forget i think charles groden plays right around the corner yeah yeah yeah there and i was like oh i didn't even know there was yeah i think charles groden played the dad in that one or maybe the dad came back i can't remember it was more about the dogs and the bumpuses next door yeah i mean they have maximized the merchandise. They sell that stuffed bloodhound. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. Dude, thank you again. Thanks for having me, dude. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy New Year to you. And happy holidays and happy New Year to all of you.

Please plug whatever you'd like again. I'm excited for the new year. I'm going to have a Patreon launch in the new year. It's a lot of, it'll be like one whole new podcast a week. And then i'm gonna do gambling content and sports content on there like almost like as often as i can so that'll just be like popping on here and there but you'll always get a podcast once a week a different podcast than the one i already have and the one i already have isn't going to change so if you

subscribe on youtube the josh potter show uh that free. And you can get that. Every Tuesday. And then. Also. I'm going to be. Coming live. To Milwaukee. On the 23rd of January. The 30th.

Of January. I'll be in New York. At West Nyack. Levity Live. The 2nd of February. Pittsburgh Improv. 3rd of February. Raleigh Improv.

So those are. The ones for sale right now. So go get those tickets. At Josh underscore Potter. On Instagram. and at J underscore Potter on Twitter. All right. And as always, Ryan Sickler dot com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. Have a safe and happy new year and come out and see me on tour.

Tickets available at Ryan Sickler dot com. Talk to y'all next week.