The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Robert Thompson - Voices

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is the man of many voices, Josh Robert Thompson! Josh grew up in a rough Cleveland neighborhood in the early '80s. He never had the chance to meet his real father before his dad died. We talk about growing up without a dad, Josh’s depression after The Late Late Show ended & humiliating himself in front of his entire school. SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: RITUAL Get key nutrients-without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first three months. Visit RITUAL.COM/HONEYDEW to start your Ritual today. STITCH FIX Get started today at STITCHFIX.COM/HONEYDEW and you’ll get 25% when you keep everything in your Fix! That’s STITCHFIX.COM/HONEYDEW for 25% when you keep everything in your Fix.

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Ritual and Stitch Fix. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. to the honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all social media look do me a favor make sure you are subscribed to the

youtube channel i love all of you out there watching commenting please subscribe also make sure if you want extra honeydew and you want to be part of the patreon community you can uh subscribe there as well if you sign up for a year you'll save on over a month of free episodes. It is a wild show. We are hearing some crazy shit from you all out there. You have not let me down. I told Ash when we started, like, dude, we cast this and that out here. I don't know what the fuck we're going to get.

We're getting some shit. That thing is growing. It's only $5 a month. So sign up and if you or someone you know has that story that needs to be heard, please submit at honeydewpodcast.gmail.com I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center

so if you or anyone you know needs musical lessons, musical instruments, your kids, Santa Monica Music Center is the spot. They've got the online classes now. Go to santamonicamusic.com Use the code Center is the spot. They've got the online classes now. Go to santamonicamusic.com. Use the code HONEYDOO. They'll waive the registration fee,

and they'll give you a free lesson when you sign up for a package. All right? Now that that's out of the way, you know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. We like to shed a little light on that darkness. And today, it is a pleasure to have this gentleman in here,

formerly a Crab Feast guest with a great episode. Please welcome, first time, Josh Robert Thompson. Oh, yeah. JRT in the house. Here I am, Ryan Sickler. It's the honeydew. Oh, man. I was hoping you would do all these.

Oh, he's coming out of the gate swinging. Yeah, man. It is so good to have you here. Good to see you. And this is a voice. I'll be doing voices to deflect my pain. Honeydew. Yeah.

Man, you're giving me so many sound drops. Honeydew. You know what? Josh Robert Thompson, his pain probably isn't even good enough to be on this show. I get worried about, in my career career that my work isn't good enough. This is the first time I've ever been really worried that my trauma isn't going to be as good. I'm sure you're solid. Because I watch some of these episodes.

You got some fucked up people that come on the show. Listen, they're sad, man. No doubt. No doubt. But it's also a perspective thing because you can – sometimes I sit here and i think to myself often i'm like what am i fucking complaining about right you know what i mean it right and then i hear other people i'm like this is this is your fucking that's your trauma right you know that's what i've been for for a whole week i've been racking my brain like i gotta come up with something good you're from

cleveland it's off to a great start starts right away starts right away right when you're born in cleveland that's the trauma um well before we get into all this, please plug everything and anything you'd like. Well, if you still do websites, you can go to thejrtshow.com. That's T-H-E-J-R-T-S-H-O-W-D-O-T-C-O-M. Your one-stop shop for Josh Robert Thompson. My mom always gets the site wrong. Is it sojrt.com no it's the the jrt show.com someone else took jrt show somebody for real dude on purpose now it's going for like 2500 so fuck you whoever you are jrt.com no mom the jrt show.com the jrt you can find all my shit there man all right um you know

if you haven't heard uh josh's crab feast episode it's a great fucking episode there's a hardcore group that listens to the episodes yours yours is always picked as a fave they love the characters um you know you were just i mean you you had the DJ. There's so many. Oh, the Kenny Loggins. Kenny Loggins. K-Log, K-L-O-G, all Kenny, all the time. Coming up, we've got a continuous four-hour block of Kenny. We call it the Log Jam.

Here's a little danger zone to get you home. Here's Kenny. And that's all they play. And then he'll be like, he'll be like, Kenny Loggins all the time. Traffic is backed up on the 405. Be careful out there. You might say it's a danger zone.

Here's Kenny. No matter what. I'm glad you love that, man. That's my favorite. It's one of those that stands out. They're great. That's great stuff. And I told Ash.

Ash got all excited because I go, you know who Josh is? He's like, it's what you say. But he's younger. And I go, Titty Sprinkles. He's like, nah. Oh, he knew. Yeah, everybody knows Titty Sprinkles.

Titty Sprinkles. Yeah, everybody knows Titty Sprinkles. Well, that was, I sometimes do the Morgan Freeman voice. And there he goes. And there was a meme going around that said something like, right now when you're reading this picture, you feel like you sound like Morgan Freeman or something like that. And then it says

titty sprinkles at the end. I don't know what they are, but I'm sure they taste good. I'll bet you they taste good. They sound like heaven. Josh is going to do this voice to make his pain sound poetic. You know what I mean? Josh was born

off 117th in Cleveland, Ohio, a rough neighborhood where people would, you know, sick dogs on him just for fun. Did that happen? Yeah, I'll never forget. You can do the whole episode of your trauma. Makes it sound so nice. Let me ask Josh real quick, Morgan.

Did that really happen? That really happened. Let's get into your trauma. It makes it sound so nice. Let me ask Josh real quick, Morgan. Did that really happen? That really happened. Let's get into your story. Yeah. Please. Cleveland born. Yeah. Cleveland born off 117th and Florian.

If anybody wants to go down to that neighborhood and go stop by, visit, say hi to the folks over there. In fact, I was back there a couple years ago. Just decided to take a stroll down my old street, and I was marveling at all the houses. These houses were built in like 1901, beautiful old houses. We lived up on the top floor, me, my mom, and my stepdad. And then downstairs was the landlord, Mrs. Van Duser. This little old lady, almost 90 years old.

But I'm in my old neighborhood a couple years ago, walking down the street, and I see my house, and there's a woman taking groceries out of her car. And she sees me kind of looking at the house, and she takes a look at me, gives me a once over, and says, are you lost? So I was like, well, no, I used to live here, ma'am. My name's Josh Robert Thompson. I come from Los Angeles, the big city. You know, I grew up up there in that house that you live in, you know. But she said the neighborhood was okay.

It's okay now. But back when I lived there, this was in the 80s. I got my ass beat, like, on a daily basis. I'll bet. I'll bet. In fact, one time in eighth grade, I remember this girl shared a locker, she had a locker next to mine, and unprovoked, unprovoked,

she looked at me and said, you know, you just look like the kind of guy that people want to beat up. I hate your face. I don't know what that means. But that's my story. All right. So are you an only child? I am.

Okay. And you're – I was a latchkey kid. Do they still use that word anymore? No, but I was too. We wanted to do a tour a while back called the Latchkey Kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, everybody – you can't even do that shit now.

You fucking have some latchkey kids on the low key that you got to do it but they'll still fucking set you up for that shit oh is that right you can't be sending you can't do that anymore home by himself go home you'll be fine by the way the house was so old i had an actual skeleton key to get in the house are you serious really old metal have them take the bus they'll take the rapid transit it'll be fine so i see that key. People are like, we don't want to any part of that house. It's true, man. I'm going to start letting my daughter have a key like that.

You should. I mean, it was an actual skeleton key. I think the house was probably haunted, and I got beat up all the time. The school I went to, here's a clue as to what was going on. The name of my school was Urban Community School. Oh, come on. The UCS? The UCS.

What was your math, Scott? Just put an F in front of it. We do it all the time. Hey, man, welcome to Urban Community School, man. Today's the first day of school. That was one of the students. That was like third grade, you know? That's the students.

My buddies were Antoine Houston, Froggy Arturo, and Richard Stankovic. These were my buddies. Was he a German indoor soccer player? He was a Polish – He was one of these guys – like I had to either go home by myself because my parents were both working or I had to go stay at friends' houses. And the neighborhoods that they lived in were like, you know, rusted out trucks in the front yard, pit bulls. There were a group of kids that were always setting shit on fire in this alleyway.

There was never a day that went by that there wasn't something on fire in the alleyway. Kids pissing off the roof. For real? Yeah. It sounds like a fucked up Norman Rockwell painting. Yeah. I feel like Garrison Keillor should be narrating, It's a beautiful day in Cleveland, Ohio.

Josh Robert Thompson's a young boy. Ten years old. And he's about to get his ass beat by Chris Regan, the grandson of the Regan family down the street. But Chris Regan was an affable bully. He gave you a choice. He said things like, I can either punch you in the face or kick you in the stomach.

That's true. What a choice. He goes, imagine this choice. Okay, listen, man. I wish I could say what he really said, but there was a word in the 80s that everybody just said, you know, homophobic now. But it was a word we all used. But this guy was like, okay, man, you got a choice.

And he had a little guy. I swear this is like out of A Christmas Story, which, by the way, is where they shot a lot of A Christmas Story. Oh, is that right? Part of town. Okay. Like, go that right? In my part of town. Okay. Like go watch that movie again and you go – I just watched it. That's exactly what that neighborhood looked like.

Okay. Untouched. His stoolie, his little guy, yeah, see? He like held my arms behind my back to keep me in place. I was a little guy. I was just – I wasn't fighting back. I was not into fighting. A very passive artist kid.

Drew cartoons and wrote poems. I didn't, you know. Chris Regan says, alright, I'm gonna give you a choice. Because I like you. I don't know what, like, I'll either punch you in the face or kick you in the stomach. Ten-year-old me has to reason. These are your choices. And I was like, well,

I don't really want my face fucked up. Why don't you go for the stomach? And this guy, with everything he had, kicked me as hard as he could in the stomach. I could fucking kill you. That's how Houdini died, bro. That's how Houdini died. Who was the guy that used to shoot the cannonballs at? I don't know who he was.

That was me. I've seen the video. I was 10 years old, that guy. Didn't work out for me. I was like in a ball on the ground on the sidewalk man but um that neighborhood was very very strange it was a mix it was a lot of black uh puerto rican and then you know for lack of a better word just trash just real trashy kind of neighborhood you know we were trying to get out of there. For a while, before my stepdad came along,

my real father left. I never met him. He was out of the picture. Did he leave before you were actually born? He left right after I was born, I believe. Because of you? Yeah.

In fact, he said that. In fact... He said that. In fact, the doctor said, this is according to what my mom told me that the doctor said when I was born. They said that my dad turned to my mom and said, you know, he just looks like the kind of kid that people want to beat up. Punch him in the face. I want to punch him in the face. Let's give him a choice.

Do we punch him in the face or kick him in the stomach? He gave my mom that choice before I was born. Tell you what, honey, I can either punch you in the face or kick you in the stomach. So he was out of the picture and there was a period of time where it was just me and my mom together until I was

like five. Okay. I mean we were poor, poor. We were on welfare, food stamps. This was not a – I mean Urban Community School, by the way, was a great – is a great school now. It was started in the late 60s by a group of nuns. So it was all nuns running the school. But it was for low-income students. run of the school but they it was for uh low income students you know uh uh but that school you know it was so tough there that every summer you had to take your desk pick up your desk it was one of those big metal desks with the top on it and it had the little ledge inside for your

pencils and the girls would fill that with elmer's glue because it was kind of the shape of a nail, and they would make fake nails out of Elmer's glue. I remember this. Oh, no shit. Okay. That's my Garrison Keillor voice again. It was a golden summer. The girls would make nails out of Elmer's glue. Just a beautiful day.

a beautiful day so dude we had to take our desks those heavy ass desks nine-year-old kids and carry them down two flights of steps to the parking lot where we had recess and scrub them clean because kids would you know draw on them and graffiti yeah so we had to clean that shit yeah just imagine like a line of little kids come on students chop chop you know sister francis mary and i mean they were they were tough if you got in trouble you you know you get slapped on the wrist with a ruler this was real catholic school you know but this was the this was the school where um the first day i was so nervous about going to that school and i got beat up so much and and I was terrified to go there. I wanted to get out of there, and it was just a nightmare for me to go there.

I was so nervous that one morning, I was about to start fifth grade, and I told my mom, I don't feel well. I got a stomachache. She says, well, it's just your nerves, honey. You'll be fine. Have some Pepto-Bismol. That was the old cure. So I took Pepto-Bismol. That was the old cure. So I took Pepto-Bismol. I felt all right. She says, you know, you need to eat. You probably need to eat. Not addressing the real issue. Everything is something else. It's probably,

you're just nervous. You need to eat. So I had a strawberry Pop-Tart. Breakfast of champions, right? Yeah. Nice layer of sugar and cake and sprinkles. There's a theme here. Pepto-Bismol, strawberry Pop-Tart. I wash it down with Nestle's Strawberry Quick. Right? All pink. A lot of pink.

Yeah, a lot of pink. All sloshing around in there. And so Josh... I can't help it, man. It just makes it sound so beautiful. So Josh got in the car and his mother drove him to school, as she often did. And that morning he felt things would be different. Somehow this time he had it in the bag. He was going to walk in there victorious.

He was going to take on the school year. He was going to come out the other end a hero. He kissed his mother goodbye and marched proudly into the cafeteria, which was the assembly area for the morning, with the entire student body gathered. Everybody that Josh would see for the entire year was in one room. And Josh began to feel his stomach gurgle. And he thought, oh, that just must be the Pop-Tarts selling a little bit. Maybe Nestle Quick is saying hello to me.

But he didn't pay no mind. And the teachers began to present the daily activities. And Josh suddenly got the sweats. And his face turned as white as snow. And he fell to his knees in the middle of everybody in that auditorium. Wearing his members-only jacket and his E.T. backpack. E.T.! What a kicker! The E.T. backpack. E.T. backpack. What a kicker.

The E.T. backpack boot. All in full display while he's on his knees. He set his E.T. backpack next to him gently. His Velcro tennis shoes. And it's important to note that he had patches on his jeans they didn't have a lot of money back then and his mother although a wonderful woman

was not exactly the best seamstress you see she put the patches on the outside of the jeans and not on the inside so that's the image on the outside of the jean and not on the inside. So that's the image. The students closest to Josh began to notice that he was on his knees, and so they backed away slowly and formed a large circle around Josh so everybody could watch and wait and see what was going to happen. And then Josh threw up everything that he had that morning.

The Pepto-Bismol, the strawberry Pop-Tart, and the strawberry quick. All laid out in front of him. And I threw up in front of everybody on the first day of fifth grade. And I'll never forget this little black girl who was standing right next to me. She had a lollipop in her mouth and she had those pigtails. She had the braids that were the plastic balls,

hard balls. And she took the lollipop out of her mouth. I'll never forget. And she said, she pointed to me, she gestured to me like you might, like if someone says, hey, where's the gas station? You go, hey, it's over there. That's how she gestured to a human. She went like if someone says, hey, where's the gas station? You go, hey, it's over there. That's how she gestured to a human.

She went like this. That boy puked it. So. That boy puked it. So for about two weeks, I was affectionately known a puke boy hey there goes that kid that threw up in front of the whole school i mean that i think that is the summation of my entire life that moment right there you know and uh i went back to that school not long ago i actually visited a few years ago god damn and i and some lady, some very nice lady was cleaning up,

mopping one of the floors. It was summertime, so there was no school in session. I said, hi. Hi, I used to go to school here. She's like, yeah, okay. Do you mind if I look around? I guess so. She didn't give a shit. And, you know, it looks

exactly the same. It looks exactly the same. No improvements. No. And this is the 80s? Yeah. And I don't think it's a – actually, they moved urban community school to a nice facility. It's actually like a very well-known school now. So they actually realized their dream of what they wanted it to be, which was a nice facility for low-income students.

So that's nice to hear. But it wasn't that when I went there. And it was rough, man. It was rough, rough. And my stepdad was kind of a tough guy too. And he comes in at, you said age five? About five. About five.

About five. Okay. And what did he do? How did your mom meet him? Well, I don't know exactly. I think they probably met at a bar. What did your mom do, by the way? She's a nurse.

A nurse, okay. She's a saint. So she's out hustling as a single mom. Yeah. Providing you're going to this school, you're getting fucked up. Yeah. And you don't have a male influence in your life. Right.

And at five, you get- Here comes this guy, this beast of a man. He's a big dude? To me, when you're a kid. Yeah, sure. Big beard. Who is this? And he was all of like 25 or 26 this was a guy that was like busy hard drinking you know he's an alcoholic you know

flipping cars he got in real bar fights where like a guy kicked his eye in with a steel-toed boot i mean it all sounds fake but this is what he this is how he grew up. Right. And his dad – So what are you complaining about, pussy? Right. That's exactly it. Yeah. Like his dad – he passed away a long time ago now. But his dad – my grandfather was a World War II fighter pilot. Like he dropped bombs.

Like when they were men. Dude, he has a leather jacket, the Fighting Devil Squadron. There's a devil embroidered on the back. My dad has the jacket still. And it's like this. It's got the mustache and the thing. And then it has embroidered all the bombs he dropped. There's like 20 bombs on there.

Holy shit. Like their little, like the college helmets with the bombs. Right, right. Look what I did today, honey. And here he comes. He's dropped a 13th bomb holy shit so like you're saying he's a real man you know and those guys came back from the war and they're like what are you complaining about i flew a plane those old planes i don't even know

how this guy did it so so that was his dad and so like uh he was he was tough on me because I think he was young and I think the way that he grew up was tough. And so like, for example, the way that I learned to tell time, he sat me down in the kitchen and he said, you're going to sit here until you learn to tell time. And then he took the clock off the wall, took the batteries out of the back of it, and then he would change the hour and minute hand and just go, what time is it? What time is it? And I'd be like, I don't know.

5.30. Again, what time is it? I don't know. But I learned. You know how long it took me? Three hours and 26 minutes. Put the hands on that. Put the hands on that. I don't know. I learned. You know how long it took me? Three hours and 26 minutes. Wow. Put the hands on that.

Put the hands on that. There you go like this. I don't know. I learned how to ride a bike. This is bad. And I love him. I do. He's the man.

He is. Are they still together? They're not. They're not. Okay. But he's still in your life. He's still in my life. Good. And he's a cool dude, man.

And he taught me how to ride a bike. I didn't know any different. You know, I didn't know this was how things probably shouldn't be done. But every time I fell off the bike, he would do the pick me up by the arm and spank me. Get back on the goddamn bike. I can't. I keep falling. You're going to learn this. And I learned how to ride the goddamn bike. I can't. I keep falling. You're going to learn this.

And I learned how to ride a fucking bike. You know, now you tell people that story now and they go, oh. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Are you okay? Like my mom, my mom can't hear that story because she thinks, honey, do you need help? Do you need – I'm fine.

You know, we joke about it. He and I joke about it. But, I mean, that was the kind of – So how long was your mom? He's 25. They're the same age. They're about the same age. So how long are they together?

They were married for 20-some years, 23, 24 years. So all through your school. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so they got divorced later in my life. I was like 30 or so. course later in my life you know I was like 30 or so but um you know it was uh it was I mean he was he was very supportive of my of my wanting to be an artist I mean he's he was like big he's big into sports I mean I grew up in Cleveland you know it's either like you're into sports or you're in the military or you you must be something wrong with you.

He was out there fixing cars all the time and he tried his best and he was definitely proud of me. I mean I did plays at the Cleveland Playhouse, which at the time was a big, big deal. I was nine years old and I did all these big plays there. I definitely wanted to be an actor. But in that – Cleveland has uh cleveland has an interesting philosophy about these things it's like uh like the late late show which we'll get to but i did the late late show with craig ferguson for years and then the show ended yeah and then people in cleveland would say you know it's too bad it ended but but I mean, you know, if you do nothing else, at least you did that.

Yeah. And can you imagine if I said that to, like, a factory worker? Like, well, you worked at the factory for 30 years, and it's closed down. And if you never work another job again, I mean, at least you had that one job. I mean, it's... What the fuck? Hey, if you never eat again, you know, at least you ate that one time. Oh, that one cheeseburger.

What are you talking about? But that is the attitude. That's what I grew up with. Like, don't try too hard and, like, don't be proud of your work too much. And, hey, if you get lucky, then consider yourself a winner. Right. Yeah, you've won. But don't be too loud about it.

Keep it to yourself. Like a Catholic, growing up in a Catholic alcoholic family, you keep everything to yourself. Everything. Don't make a big deal out of what you do. So even when I moved to LA, my friends were like, all right, that's enough of that. When are you coming back? Enough of La La Land. What are you even doing over there?

That's what people ask me, by the way. My fans are the best. I love them. But I mean they're tacked. Their bedside manner, maybe are the best. I love them. But I mean they're tact. They're bedside manner, maybe not the best. If you read some of the comments recently, you'd think that I had died. Like I was on the Kelly Clarkson show a couple months ago. I do voiceover stuff for them.

I've been working since the Late Late Show went off the air but not on anything that people know about. Well, Family Guy. Well, they don't – like people see Kelly Clarkson and they go, I heard you on a Kelly Clarkson show. I'm so glad you're finally doing something. What the fuck? Been six years. Finally.

All my fans are like my mom. It's just a bunch of my moms. Are you okay? Do you need money? Do you need money? Oh, honey. But that was – we moved to the suburbs. We got the hell out of that neighborhood.

We moved out of there. I mean probably 86 when I moved to Parma, the suburbs of Cleveland. Much nicer. Nice little house. Half an acre of land. Go out there and mow the lawn. It will take you 10 minutes. It's like a an acre of land. Go out there and mow the lawn. It'll take you 10 minutes. It's like a full day of work.

What do you, and if so, what age do you start wanting to know about your biological father? I mean, are you – was your mom up front with you about this from the get-go, or did you present it and then she started talking to you? How did that go down? Yeah, I did wonder about – because he was spoken about in hushed tones it was the thing we don't talk about you know yeah your father did you know his parents no no really i did i didn't meet any of those none of that side he was he was uh i don't i still don't fully know the entire story to be honest with you. What I know is he wasn't able to see me or he wasn't allowed to see me or – Prison. Sounds like prison.

Sort of mental prison. Yeah. I mean – and I found out that he had moved to San Francisco and I didn't think anything of it. I said, yeah, he moved to San Francisco. And I didn't think anything of it. And he said, yeah, he moved to San Francisco. Okay. And I'd always wanted to meet my real father. And as I got older, I started to ask the questions. Probably by the time I was in early high school, I was like, who is this guy? Is he still around? Can I meet him? Well, I don't know if it's a good idea. I know my mom would say, I don't think it's a good idea. I don't know if it's a good idea. I know my mom would say, I don't think it's a good idea.

I don't know if you're ready for that yet. So she could locate him if she needed to or she knew his whereabouts at least. And I would get these cards occasionally from this woman who said she was my other grandma. Birthday cards. Occasionally I'd get a card and it would say we miss you we love you i don't know who these people are so it was weird to read that and then it would say give us a call here's my phone number and i was just too afraid to call i didn't i couldn't really i didn't understand who this person was and then uh this is the horror this is the way i found out that my dad died.

He died, okay. In 1990, I'm 15 years old. And this is back when you had to go look through your dad's shit to find porn. So he had an amazing Penthouse magazine collection. But what I was looking for was the penthouse forum, which was the smaller book of just stories, like made-up stories, like total bullshit stories. Like I was working at the gas station,

and all of a sudden these two bitches came in, and next thing I know, they're sucking my dick, you know? Five pages of that. That motherfucking S you hit. It's some of my favorite shit, dude. Hey, man, I was walking down the street. I was on Euclid Avenue. At S. I was just minding my business, you know?

I know so many people from Baltimore that talk like that. By the way, just as a quick aside, I'm glad you like that because I do that voice out of love. I grew up hearing this type of voice. Yeah. It is music to me, dude. It is. Like when I hear that, I'm like, oh, I've heard you so many times back home. Never out here.

Never out here. We had a guy that lived next door to me in Cleveland. His name was Rolo. I never heard a brother named Rolo. His friend would always pull up on a motorcycle which was always weird because i never saw a brother on a motorcycle and he'd be like hey rolo hey hey yo rolo hey rolo hey like five minutes yeah hey man and then you'd hear it fucking warm man i'll be asleep. God damn.

But I started hearing his voice. I think I may have told this years ago, but I was in a bus stop. I went to Cleveland State University, and I'd take the bus downtown every day to go to school for college. And I was sitting in the bus stop, middle of winter, cold as shit, man. I just want to get on the bus and go home, man. It's a miserable ride back up to Parma. And this black guy comes in with jaundiced yellow eyes, and he's got no teeth. It's always teeth missing. That's the whistles through there.

Hey, man, what's up, man? And it's one of those glass enclosures. I don't know how you do it. That's the most depressing. You have teeth that you do. I love it. And it's one of those glass enclosures. That's the most depressing. I love it. I fucking love it. It's a glass enclosure, those bus stops that are enclosed like that.

And he puts one of his feet up against the back of the glass and starts banging it as hard as he can. So now the whole thing is shaken. And he looks at me and he goes, how's it feel to be in the last days of living? And I said, what do you mean? I said, what do you mean? And he says, what you want it to mean. And that's what I was dealing with. That's where that voice comes from.

That voice is fucking. I've never had an issue with that voice when I would do standup. In fact, I had a lot of black people, husband and wife, family, people who come up to me

and they would laugh and they say, you really, you are from Cleveland. That's amazing. It was not considered racist. Now, it's very tricky in my voiceover world to navigate that because it's like you're not allowed to do it.

And I'm like, I get it. But, like, honestly, it comes from a place of great love. Like that guy. I could do that guy all day, man. It's a fun guy to sit and talk to, man. Oh, I would sit and talk to that guy. Honeydew, man. I would have him.

Oh, man. You know, the one thing I love is I sit on my front porch and I just have some honeydew, man. You know this Ryan Sickler. He had this motherfucker on talking some shit, man, some black shit. I have talked to that guy for hours back home. I really have. That's, you know. So usually these two teeth, for some reason, they make it.

You know what I mean? Usually these two teeth make it. How do they stay? All the other shit's gone, but usually these two teeth. The one thing my mama told me, always take care of your front teeth. Just those two? Just those two. I can open shit with these.

I mean. Yeah, man. Goddamn. Hand me a can of beans. Watch this shit. Whoa. Darnell. Rolo.

Rolo. So I'm rifling through my dad's shit to find a porn magazine. Oh, wait. Are we talking about your stepdad now? My stepdad. I'm looking through my stepdad's shit. And I see an envelope. Top drawer of his dresser.

I see an envelope that says my real father's name on it. Now, is his last name Thompson? No. It's not? No. I don't know if I should say the last name. No, don't. I'm not going to say it.

Yeah. Because these people, you know. They'll find it. They'll find it. I found your real father. It'll take 10 minutes. Get a 20-page email. I want you to know I located your family,

and I took the liberty of adding them on Facebook, and I made a Photoshop of you with your dad. Just trying to be nice. I'm just here to help. Those are the fans I have. My favorites are just here to helpers. are the fans I have. My favorites are just here to helpers. So, Jesus. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, Ritual.

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that stitchfix.com slash honeydew for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitchfix.com slash honeydew now let's get back to the do so i found this envelope with my real father's name on it um and i opened up the envelope and inside is a tiny piece a little square piece of paper that's been cut out of a newspaper and it's an obituary notice oh shit that's how i found out my dad died so they had how long how long it must have been recent recently i used i thought i got really mad and i didn't know how to bring it up to my mom and you're like what'd you say about 15 yeah so how to bring it up to my mom. And you're like, what did you say, about 15? 15, yeah.

So did you bring it up right away? Well, I had to figure out a way to bring it up without being like, so I was looking for something to jerk off to. You know, I'm just trying to jerk off. Just trying to come and you find out your dad's dead. So I'm mopping up at Kmart one night, and these three girls come in and they say they're lost. And I say, okay, I can help you out.

Next thing I know, they're sucking my dick. Page two. But I'm just trying to find a dirty magazine. So I just basically – I said I was looking for a – I thought one of my socks had gotten in there or something. Because you were forbidden to go in that room. Don't go in there, Josh. He had stayed amazing. Penthouse was like – it was an amazing time.

Yeah, and that was the dirty one, too. Playboy was nice, but girls peeing in cups and shit like that. That was Penthouse. No, you're thinking of, it was close. No, you're thinking of like, it was like wee and swank. Penthouse was peeing all over the place. Were they peeing all over? Yeah.

We didn't have those. They got into pee for a while. Oh, maybe that was later. It probably wasn't his thing. It wasn't his thing. Yeah. One time my buddy Joe and I, my mom, I was such a stupid fucking kid. I would get dirty magazines from the older guy.

His name was Greg, and he worked at Subway Sandwiches and Salads with me when I was 15. That was my first job. Was that what it was back in the day? It was Sandwiches and Salads? Sandwiches and salads trying to church it up yeah subway sandwiches and salads and they'd have subway maps on the wall like this is a new york thing meanwhile it's like the shittiest meat you know but i worked there andy and robbie saradakis were this greek couple it was a franchise they ran it come here josh you're a a good boy. And Andy would always say, all right, mind the store, Josh. I got a meeting.

Meanwhile, the meeting was down the street at the Broadview Tavern. He's down there drinking. Come back smelling like a bottle of – you're a good boy. You're a good boy. That's when he'd be real nice to you after he was drinking. But Greg, the older guy, would always score me dirty magazines. So I had a nice collection going in my bottom drawer. And one night after school, got back from high school, real tired,

I decided to read a little swank. And I fell asleep on it. I had the magazine open. Oh, shit. And I just fell asleep on it. And I wake up and I feel like a slight tugging under my head. And I don't really know what's going on. I wake up, I look up and there's my mom.

And she doesn't know yet what she's pulling out. It could be a comic book. It could be Cracked Magazine. You press your fucking face. You try to press your face. And then she, and as soon as she, oh, oh, Josh. You know, it's a sin against the church. Oh, my God.

So then she makes my dad throw out all his magazines. An audible sigh. Oh. So, but she threw them in the garbage can. And a couple days before that, my dad had thrown a dead raccoon in this garbage can oh man so now the magazines are on top of a maggot infested raccoon carcass that did not stop me and my friend joe yeah hormone ain't no matter we dressed all in black i don't know why because it was my own front yard we dressed all in black it was the summer of why because it was my own front yard. We dressed all in black. It was the summer of 88, 87.

We led a reconnaissance mission out to the garbage can and took those magazines and kept them. We divided them among ourselves and we kept them. It was a beautiful thing. That's a good score. Yeah, man. It was pretty exciting. Swank, club, hustler. So I found out that my real father was gone.

And it just – it really broke me in half because I would – it was like, oh, I'll never get a chance to – Did you think at the time you ever would? I did. So you were building – you were hoping you would. Yeah, I thought maybe – I bet someday I'll meet him. Someday I'll reach out and meet him. And it just, that was it. But you never tried to call that number in the card after that or anything like that to get a hold of anyone?

I did. You did? Fuck yeah. Listen, I just want to say something real quick. I hope you know what he passed from because genetics are everything when it comes to health when we're getting older. You should look into that shit, dude. I'm just saying that. I want to say that.

You know what's funny? You should. My mom says this to me. This is last year after all this time. I'm almost 46. My mom says – I said, yeah, mom, I'm going to go – it was when I had an operation. I had a double – I had a hernia. I had a double – what is it an inguinal hernia so

they had to do both sides and just before the surgery they were like do you have any history of anything i said mom there's nothing in our family she goes oh actually no your real father had a you know heart heart condition oh that's good thank you very much. What the fuck? What are we? What? You might not make it. That's the kind of shit you gotta know. Thanks, man. Listen, if your parents fucking hate you and you ain't tall to them or you don't know them for any reason,

just try to get their health records. That's all you really need. Family secrets, man. Don't keep that a secret. That's the one thing. So, high school, I'm about to graduate from high school. I went to Catholic school. And you got to understand that this was early 1990s in Cleveland in the Midwest. And that's important for what I'm about to tell you.

Because what I'm going to tell you right now is no big deal now i tell this to people they go okay yeah who cares but at the time my mom picked me up from school one day unannounced i i was like what what's that wasn't normal not normal at all yeah she said uh i just want to i want to talk to you about something. I said, okay. So she had McDonald's. That was the way to my heart. Well, apparently not. Actually, now that I know about the heart condition,

it was kind of a real fucked up thing for my mom to do. Fucking trying to kill you. Here's a Big Mac, you fucking asshole. Fucking asshole. Go ahead, wash that down with a half a jug of sugar, you little prick. So we go to a park. She takes me to one of the parks. We're sitting.

I'm like, what's going on? She's like, well, I got to tell you something about your father. He's not dead? You know, were you lying about that? I don't know what it's going to be. And she says, well, you know, he died. He died. He had a, they said, brain tumor. She said he died of a brain tumor. Do you know he died he died he had a they said brain tumor she said he died of a brain tumor do

you know how old he was 30 whoa 36 oh holy shit very that's weird too i've outlived my father same i had a weird time with it it's weird i'm having it's weirder right now for me as i'm you know about to be older than your dad i'll never feel feel older than him. I say it all. I know it's weird, but I'll never feel like I'm not his son and I'm younger. Right. No, I don't know. That's I get it. Yeah, I feel that way. And she said, you know, he was he moved to San Francisco to the he moved to the Bay Area when you were very young because he was gay. OK, now, when you're going to a Catholic school in the Midwest and that bomb has dropped on you, it was a huge fucking deal. It's not a big deal at all now in any way.

No. But at the time, it was like, am I gay? I don't know how this works. Right. We didn't know how this works. Right. We don't know how it worked. So all I know is that there was a service for him here in Cleveland. There was a service for him, but I think he was either buried or his ashes were scattered in San Francisco. And it wasn't until – oh, and then, and then several years after that,

my mom gives me an envelope that is written on the front of the envelope. It says to be given, no poems about Josh by his father to be given to Josh when he's's 21 now i don't know what kind of fucking arbitrary age that was i don't know whose wish that was but i got this envelope of poems that my dad had been writing over the years as i was growing up no bro but i'm also assuming he, like, no one expects to be dead at 36. Right. So at some point, he's alive when you get these, and then maybe that's the beginning of this next chapter for you guys. What kills me, and you're a father, so this is really, imagine if, I mean, I'm not even a parent, and it makes me really sad to think about this. Like you can no longer see your child and you're writing letters to them that are not getting

to them. You're hoping they do, but there's this intermediary channel. My dad would send it to his mom and then his mom would send it to my grandmother my mom's mom and then somewhere along the way it it wouldn't get to me so they were holding on to this maybe by his wishes to maybe he's the one that's probably what i think okay but i'm gonna read you one you brought him yeah i can't wait josh robert thompson. I just want you to know, the last time Jeremiah Watkins read from the journal, we had a fucking tear fast. Get the tissues. Here we go. Get them, Ash.

I'll do it as Morgan Freeman. That'll help. Let me ask a quick question. Is this the first one you ever read right here? Yeah. Okay, so this is the first one in that stack. Yeah. So this is really, no matter what voice you use right now,

in your own thoughts, you read this man's words. This is the first communication you've ever had with your father. That's exactly it. But the communication's coming from your head reading this. This is him speaking to me. Yeah, this is the first time you've ever communicated. Yeah, and it's from beyond. It wasn't meant to be, I'm guessing, at 36, but this is the first time he's ever communicated. Yeah, and it's from beyond. It wasn't meant to be, I'm guessing, at 36,

but this is the first time you've ever communicated. He's dead. It's not like, by the time you read this, I will be long gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have inherited nothing. Good luck. You have inherited a bad heart. You'll most likely get your ass kicked a lot as a kid.

So here's the first one. This is from 1985. This is from your father as narrated by Morgan Freeman. That's right. Joshua, I'm a little lonelier today. It's your birthday. Oh, this is so sad. Sadder than Morgan Freeman's voice.

Ten years old. Wow. I'm missing you. Yes yes today a bit more dude i mean i can't even this guy's sitting here writing this got no way to see me and and and you know and who knows about the gay thing? Was he in the closet? Was he being tortured by his own sexuality as well as not being able to be a man? I mean, there's probably so much going on, and he's a young man. This really opened my eyes to what it must be like to grow up in the LGBTQ community, feel like you're different. And especially – you got to imagine, man, growing up in Cleveland in the 70s when he was a kid.

I mean it had to have been rough to keep that a secret. I mean he got married. I mean he was – Did what you were supposed to do back then. And they were kids. I mean they were 20 and they were both art students. That's how my mom met my real father. They were art students together.

They went to art school together. He was an artist. He was a painter. And in fact, he went to San Francisco and had a bunch of big art shows. He did it. He did his thing. but i can't imagine i don't know what his relationship was like with his father i mean i never met his father's father died a long long time ago but i know it wasn't the best and like a big italian family i don't

know what it was like for him i'm still still piecing the piece, putting all the pieces together. But here's a – I want to ask real quick. I just lost my question, but it's – I'll come back to it. Go ahead. I don't want to stop your poetry. Zickler had smoked too much that day. He was high as a kite. It finally caught up with him. Not only could he not remember the question he was going to ask,

he didn't know how to get home after the show. No, here's one. This is from, there's no date on this. There's no date. It says, happy birthday in just six days. It's entitled Void. I missed you before I miss you now

yet I like tuna fish sandwiches especially if I could share them with you I don't know why is that real? that's real dude I can't tell when you're fucking over here that almost sounded like a titty sprinkles moment

I was like, tuna fish? I don't know, maybe peanut butter and jelly? Is this my dad? Man. That one killed me, though. Just this image of this guy just sharing a sandwich with his son. Sitting next to you and splitting it. I see it from the back, too.

I see the sandwich hand. Man. So I got my question. Are you in a box? Are these presented to you and you're just reading want to i got my question yeah are you in a box like are these presented to you and you're just reading one after the other yeah in this moment yeah holy shit and i don't know what to and how long after he died you said about six years well because you're 21 the last one this is this is maybe you know when it's dated? It is, yeah. I do, and it's five months before he died. Five months.

I also want to ask you, and this is another question, if you have a picture of him, and do you look like him? We'll come back to that. Yeah, I will. This is November 89. So my father died.

Yeah? November 27th, 1989. Okay, so this... Wow. So I was 14 years old. This is what's fucked up, too, is this is holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas coming right around the corner. And he's sitting there on Thanksgiving by himself. I don't know who he's got with him.

To hold you just once. What color is your hair now? Mom is trying to get a picture of you. She talked to your grandmother yesterday. it's my mom's mom no matter i see you as a young gentleman hope you are talented that one fucking gets me if only he i wish he could see what i had you know what i did. Your grandma says you are very good in writing. Good, good. I hope I read some of it.

I love you, Joshua. I hope I get to see you. November 89. Damn. And what did you say he passed on? You're not sure? Well, so they told me it was a brain tumor here's where the story gets very emotional because i finally made that phone call

i got a phone number from my mom that said this is an italian family and it said uncle joey call you he call you you don't just call uncle joey He called you? Fucking Uncle Joey. You call me? Who the fuck is this? I know. That's what I would be thinking. That's exactly how my family would answer the phone. You playing a fucking joke?

Don't fuck with me. You're talking about my brother, you fucking cocksucker. No! No, I'm his son i i didn't make this phone call i call this guy uncle joey okay so you don't call that number from the card years ago okay this is a new number new person yeah all right uncle joey and he's like holy shit who i know it's josh joshua i'm like that's i'm you know i'm your brother's son oh my god he's like i can't you know did he know yeah okay they did wow how you know i said love someone be in town where are they in cleveland they're all in cleveland Okay. So I'm going to be in town and I'd like to meet you guys. Oh, shit. You know.

So, I mean, now I'm hearing from, well, he's the liaison. So Uncle Joey was, all right, I'll set up for you. No problem. Tell you what, meet us over at the deli, you know, on 3rd Street. Over on Euclid. We'll talk about that thing. We're on the back. Don't bring anybody.

Come by yourself. Park three blocks down and walk over there. Don't wear a jacket or nothing. You're going to get patted down. No, none of this. But I met him at a nursing home because my grandmother,

the woman that had been trying to get a hold of me all these years, the woman who apparently her heart was just broken in two that one of her grandchildren i can't she could never see him again right so she did get to see you at some point well i went to the nursing home to meet everybody they wanted me to meet them there and it was like our lady of you know the lifted chair or whatever the hell i mean these are real. Oh, my God. Look at the chair.

It's lifted. It's a fucking miracle. Do you remember the miracle of a lifted chair in the Bible? So it's a beautiful place, man. I mean, it's right out of, you know, everything you think about the Catholic Church. I mean, these are real devout Catholic Italian families. And who are you meeting? Who's in attendance when you get there? Everybody.

You know, my two aunts, his sister, my aunts. I'm from Cleveland. Me too, aunts. I remember the black people in Cleveland, they would say auntie. They're proper about it. My auntie. They'd be like, hey, man, first of all, man, this motherfucker owe me money, and I'm tired of this motherfucker coming at me talking this shit, man.

But tomorrow, man, I got to go down the street because I'm about to visit my auntie. How the fuck did that happen? So my two aunts are there, Joey, I mean, their kids, their spouses, then all these grandkids. I walk in. Dude, I walk into this room. I walk into this facility, into a big room, like a ballroom area almost. All these people are looking at me. And then they say, one of them, my aunt says, hold on a minute.

I'll be right back. Got someone I want you to meet. And she pushes this wheelchair out. And there's this little sweet old lady who can't talk because she's had a stroke. So she can't even speak to me. And she looks up at me and she starts to just cry. And I don't know how she communicated with my aunt, but she had indicated somehow that I looked just like her son, my father.

And it was like seeing him again because I had grown a beard out a little bit. And she was like, oh, my God. I mean, bittersweet, too. He's gone, and now here you are. And I don't know who I am to any of these people. I don't know who they are to me. And all I could do was just embrace this woman. And it was like my only link to this man.

And then a year later. Now, was his brother there at that he was okay and what was that like i mean i i don't i only really just remember that part with my grandma but there was a lot of it was all a blur people were just shaking my hand hey don't i'm uncle pino i'm cousin vinnie you're like i, I guess. I'm an asshole from Hollywood. I feel like such a douche. You know, I got like a suit coat on. People are wearing Browns jerseys. Oh, we got a guy all dressed up, this fucking guy.

All right, they're already starting in on me. That's great. And, but I think it must have been maybe a year or two later that my grandmother was dying. And I went back to Cleveland and I visited her in the hospital. And I sat with this woman that I don't know, and I held her hand in that hospital. That's nice. She passed away not long after that, but I just felt like it was something I had to do. And just last year, that family sent me a box of my dad's stuff. Yeah.

Well, my family, that family, those people, those fucking people over there. Your family. You know, my family. We don't really, I mean, we stay in touch here and there. Yeah, well, there's all different kinds of relationships and families. You know what I mean? There just are. Some pay dividends years and years down the road.

And so what did they send you? Well, they sent me a box of just a lot of his things. I guess they were cleaning out Grandma's house or someone else had been living there for a while and they were finally going to,

I don't know what the deal was, but pictures. Someone else was in here like, get this shit out of here. Hey, man. What is this shit doing in here, man? Trying to visit my auntie. It means nothing to them

and everything to you. This is some bullshit man all the scribbles and shit who cares about this man tired of threw half of my hey rolo burn all this shit rolo burn it rolo you motherfucker so no man it was all it was a lot of his artwork and uh and there were uh sketchbooks and i started leafing through it some of his high school sketchbooks his drawings looked exactly like the ones i do because i'm an artist i draw you know cartoons and stuff and then a style like this yeah it's very similar yeah wow which was interesting to me it's crazy i'm I'm like, this is crazy. And then the one thing that really got me was a picture of him in San Francisco.

It was a picture of him standing with all these other guys. I imagine this was his group of guys he hung out with. And they were at a bar, a restaurant, I don't know. But I looked at this guy in this photo and he looked so happy and i thought he fucking did it like he he found his people even for a short while he found his people and he found happiness he made it out of cleveland and our journeys were similar in that sense where i i you know the the key here is to get the fuck out of Cleveland, I think is what we're saying. The Ravens did.

Did LeBron leave again? Is he back? The key is to get the fuck out of Cleveland. No, but he did it, man. He did it. And I realize, you know, he had an art show, and it wasn't the biggest art show in the world, but none of that shit matters. I used to put so much importance on, like, you got to be in the biggest movies.

You didn't fucking know. He made it. He did it. He did it. And I did learn that he died of AIDS, which I assumed. I don't know why that was. How did you learn? They told me.

My aunt told me at that reunion. Your auntie? She was like, my auntie. She was like, and of course you know he died of AIDS. And I'm like, oh, of course I do. Just spitting it out. It's got heart problems, anything else I should know about? Is AIDS hereditary?

Can I get AIDS? Do any of you have it? Fucking. So is there anything from this keepsake box that you have prominently displayed in your home? You know what? That's amazing you asked me that. My therapist. This is what I do, bro.

Honestly, dude, my therapist just asked me that two days ago. How long you been seeing this therapist? About two years. You need a new therapist. We ain't even an hour, bro. The honeydew. If you're looking to get therapy for free, come to the honeydew. Dr. Sickler is going to put you in shape.

Oh, shit. Sickle cell? They call you sickle cell? That's fucked up, man. A few people do, yeah. That's fucked up. Tom Segura, Christina, that whole crew. Sickle cell?

It's the worst name. I just saw somebody tweeted that today. I was like, he ain't favorite than that. He's a delivery driver. He goes, you all right, man? Sickle cell center is closed. These professionals are out there. You can't be saying that shit in Cleveland.

Sickle cell? No. My whole family got this shit. I think the picture of him with uh his friends all those friends because you have it up i'm gonna put that's the one i'm gonna frame i mean and who has picture i mean it's weird like we all have pictures on our phones i mean i remember as a kid we everyone had framed pictures everywhere i don't i don't have any because i don't have anybody in my life i I have nothing. So put that next to the picture of my cats.

You should put that picture up. No, I should, man. Because that's a reminder of like after the Late Late Show, when the Late Late Show ended, I really had this idea of what was supposed to happen after that show. I had these expectations of how – like, this is a springboard. Everyone's gonna know me now. The industry's gonna go, there's the guy that was Jeff the Robot.

Not, not one fucking person knew. No one gives a fuck about that. Nobody. I was the, I mean, I spent so much, I'm the robot.

Don't know what that means. Good luck, get in line. family guy for how many years 10 years 10 years yeah 10 years but when you're a voice actor you're always it just that's part of the gig you're just trying to convince people that but most voice actors act with their voice right and they have a window or in a range right higher lower you are just i mean you're a swiss army. You're so fucking dynamic. It's like, but you're right.

You can't do certain things anymore. But where are they going to find Rollo? I mean, are they really going to go cast? Hey, man. Are they really going to go find him? No, this happened on one of the shows I do. This happened. They called me and said, hey, man, because I do Morgan Freeman a lot.

And they said, we got a note that we're going to have to recast the Morgan Freeman. And I was like, what are you fucking talking about? Morgan Freeman knows I do it. Yeah, we know. We love you. But, you know, you're white. I'm like, dude, I'm not doing a voice of another person. He's a guy.

It's not a race, not a generic what I think black people, Asian people, white people sound like. That's it. I'm imitating something. That's exactly right. And so, okay. And then they held auditions for two weeks. I was going to say. All right.

So anyway, never mind that. It's going to be another $2,000 a week. Yeah. So anyway, never mind that. It's going to be another $2,000 a week. Yeah. But I – you know, it made me – this story of my father makes me appreciate my life and what I have. And it's okay to aspire to want more, of course. Of course.

Unless you're from Cleveland then. Keep it on the down low. Don't tell anybody about it. But I look at his life and I think geez you know he had these amazing i have all these photos of his art gallery shows and he's all dressed up and he's happy as can be and you know he found his place in the world like i said if but for a short while none of it doesn't fucking matter it doesn't you don't have to be the biggest star in the universe just be happy and and the takeaway is just make what you want to

make do what you want to do don't worry about the likes and the favorites and the you know and and i got into after the late late show i got into like social media stuff and fighting with trolls for years just like i you know i i've had five drinks. I could go to sleep or I could go live for five hours and yell at people. I think I'll do that. Five hours. I think I'll do that. But I realized that the trolls and all the – I would do this live – I do live streaming a lot way back in the day before Facebook was doing it. This was like early days.

None of us knew what the fuck we were doing and uh i realized that all the people that i would get into it with the people that would say horrible things like you suck you're a has-been you're washed up you're a loser you're nobody it's like the reason i was upset is because yeah i think i think that about me you can't fucking say that about me right you know it's that thing of like i hate my dad yeah your dad's an asshole fuck you man don't say that about me. Right. You know, it's that thing of like, I hate my dad. Yeah, your dad's an asshole. Fuck you, man. Don't say that about him. So I realized I was, it was like I was going back to the playground again, mentally, back

in time to that school, urban community school, and like feeling like, I guess that's what I deserve. I guess it's over. Like, I thought the Late Late Show was a fluke thing. Like, I was on that show for eight years. God, you've had good runs on a couple of things. If you never do anything again. If you never do anything in your life.

Ever again. You're 40. You outlived your dad. What the fuck else do you want? Oh, my God. You know, your dad died at a very young age. Granted, it was from AIDS, but. Granted, it was.

If you do nothing else ever in the history of your life, you should be grateful. And I am grateful. I love it. It was an amazing show to be a part of. I loved working with Craig, and we went on tour for years. Yeah. But the way that show ended was so horrible. Like it was the most painful thing I'd ever gone through in a job.

Why? How did it go? I mean, it was like, did you have a heads up? Craig called me like six or seven months before the show ended. And he's like, so listen, man, so here's what we're going to do. So I'm on the set of a show and I'm making a shitload of money. But anyway, you're going to be fine, man. You know, I just want to let you know that I'm stepping down and, you know, but you'll be taken care of, man.

We'll tour and everything. So I was really nice of him to do that. Like he was on the set of Hot in Cleveland, the show that they did a while back, Betty White and everyone was on. So he was a guest star on there. He called me while they were doing his makeup just to let me know this is what's up. And I was like, thank you, man. I really appreciate that. And when the show ended, the second to last show, he had me come out during the beginning of the show and introduce me as this is the guy that did the voice of Jeff the Robot.

Jeff the Robot, for most people who don't know, was a talking skeleton like an Ed McMahon that sat at this lectern. And I puppeteered Jeff. I actually moved his body and his arms and his mouth and everything. And then I had all these musical instruments backstage. And I would make all these noises and then i would also make the phone on craig's desk ring there was a button on the floor i pushed with my foot and i was all the callers on the phone so i was doing all these voices there was a lot of shit going on back there um you know and he finally he brought me out and was like, what do you do for a living? The video is on YouTube. But I said, you know, I do the voice of Jeff Peterson and it's like a fucking standing ovation.

And I got a little nervous because I don't want it to go on too long. Yeah. I'm like, you know, like because it's that thing – like I would open for Craig. You know, I would tour with him and he'd ask right before he'd go on and he'd be like, how are they, man? How are they? And you go, they're good. They're good.

You don't want to be like, they were fucking great, man. They were eating out of the palm of my hands. They loved me. They fucking thought I was the best. You just want to, you know, so I, I had that nervousness about it. But it moved me, man. It really was like people finally got to see me. Yeah.

And that's why I thought this is going to lead to some big stuff. At the end of that taping, Craig got in his car and I think went to the airport, went back to Scotland. to Scotland. I went next door with all the crew and we had a goodbye party at the, what is it, the Wood Ranch restaurant, you know, right next to CBS Television City. And by the way, this was an amazing job for me because Television City has such history, man. Oh, yeah. Carol Burnett show and all in the family. And we still got the prices right in there and other things as well. Prices right below us. So I'm all about old TV history, and it was such an honor to be on that show.

I mean, we got away with everything, dude. We just showed up and made shit up. Everything we did on that show for the most part was just improvised. We never planned anything. That's great, yeah. But he left town. I got really shit-faced at this farewell party party and we all said our emotional goodbyes and then early the next morning i got a call from cbs and hung over and he said you need we need you to

come get your shit basically i was like what are you talking about well uh you have stuff in your office still i said yeah i was just coming on Monday. This was like the weekend. Yeah, we need you to come get your stuff like in the next hour, okay? Because the James Corden show, that's the next guy that took over for the Late Late Show. His people are here.

They're renovating the office and they need to knock the wall down. There's a guy standing by with a sledgehammer. You need to come get your shit. Oh, okay. So I'm hungover. I'm already sad and emotional about the end of this show. This robot, no one knew that this was going to happen.

Craig, no one knew that this dynamic between he and I, between the robot and Craig, was going to become the biggest part of the show at the end of its run. I mean, you could not separate the two. Craig had a lot of like sound machines and little gadgets that he'd have throughout the years, but he got bored with all of them. So when the robot came along, I just assumed he would do it for a couple weeks and then he'd get rid of it and then somehow it just we struck gold so like it was it was this really special thing that we never knew would become what it was so to have it go out that way so i show up i walked by the soundstage where our studio was, and it was completely empty.

This crew, amazing crew, they had already dismantled the entire thing. There wasn't one. It was just a stage. There was nothing in there. Damn. I was like, oh, it's like that. Went up to my office, and there was a crew standing by. Is this your office?

Yeah. All right, we need you to get this stuff out of here. We got one of these metal roller little flatbed things. Just go ahead and roll your shit. So you remember the end of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark? The very end of that movie, the Ark of the Covenant is boxed up in a crate. Yeah. And there's this weak old guy just wheeling it through this warehouse.

And the camera's pulling back like this, and there's this box. That was me. Josh hunched over the cart, pushed his wares down a long hallway. That's perfect. Into an elevator and up another flight of stairs. Three long trips. Three long trips filled with memories. Three of them.

Three, dude. You know why? Three long trips filled with memories. Three of them. Three, dude. You know why? Because the wall in my office was covered with all the fan art and letters and props and amazing things that people sent to me over the years. And I had to box this all up.

But like quick – like imagine the guys just standing there going, come on, man. We got to go. So I put it all in my car and the last thing I heard as I was wheeling out of there was I'm starting to knock that wall down. And that was like an ominous – like this is a taste of like what's to come for you. And honestly now – it was a weird history for me with that because we did Comic-Con a couple times with the late late show and they said jeff the robot's gonna be a comic-con and i was like this is fucking great i mean i i loved being on that show that was the greatest gig it was like the dream gig for me because ever since i was a kid i would build like talk show sets in my basement out of cardboard and my friends were always my guests johnny car was a big fan of johnny carson which by the way i remember my grandfather uh craig and

i had toured and made our way through cleveland that's always fun performing in front of your entire family yeah they'd shown up at the cleveland roxino it's a hard rock roxino and i don't know who was there i just know that a lot of my family members showed up and um and I don't know who was there. I just know that a lot of my family members showed up and did the stand-up. The sad thing is I think I heard from two people after that. I didn't hear from anybody else, so I was like, I don't know if anybody showed up.

Two years later, I'm at my grandfather's 90th birthday party. He's 90 years old in his own house at his birthday. My grandfather pulls me aside, a man in his 40s, and says, you know, I was at that stand-up show you did a few oh you were because i had no idea because you never mentioned it you remember dream of my life grandson growing up entertainer he goes yeah um a piece of advice from an old man uh maybe don't use such vulgar language maybe don't work blue and he's like you know guys like red skelton and johnny carson go johnny carson beat the shit out of his wife he didn't work blue though all right yeah right

anyway so we work clean too right yeah so this i did have yourself go ahead drink the bot but uh you know i so i i loved old tv and i was so honored to be a part of that show and we made something really special. It was just that I wished more people knew that I was the guy. So when we went to Comic-Con, it was a huge thing, man. I'm going to meet fans. I'm going to sign autographs. Here we go. So people lined up.

There were thousands of people lined up to talk to Jeff Peterson. So Jeff the Robot was there. I was in the booth with the monitors. I could see people. Hi, how are you? I'm Jeff Peterson. Oh, man, people light up. And I said, can I go out and meet everybody?

And they said, no, we got a directive from the network that you got to stay inside the booth. And I was like, but that doesn't make sense. Comic-Con is about people come to meet. Like Robert Downey Jr. doesn't walk around dressed as Iron Man. Right, yeah. You come to see him. Two years in a row, they made me stay in there, and I couldn't come out, and I couldn't meet anybody. And so –

So how do you help yourself? Yeah. come out and I couldn't meet anybody. And so, so how do you help yourself? Yeah, that. And so that's why I'm just saying this to people out there. You know, when I was going through a hard time after the late, late show, you know, I did get into it with people in live streams and I feel bad about the people that got caught in the crossfire. I do. There were really good people that love this character. I love the character. I love the show. It's just that weird thing of like, character i love the character i love the show it's just that weird thing of like i want you to know i was the character but also i want you to like the other things i do you know so i got real angry for a while and i got real bitter and it was a bad look for me um but therapies you know

definitely helped me out i'm probably gonna have a heart attack soon yeah genetically you're right you're about due but you know but that you know there's so many more stories about the late late show but you know the guy that the guy that built jeff the robot uh grant imahara he was the guy from mythbusters you know he oh really he actually built that yeah he died he died uh i didn't know he died last year i didn't know that sad man from i know he had an aneurysm. Oh, man. Really tragic.

He's the guy that built that robot and showed me how to puppeteer it. So he's as much a part of that as anything. I just wanted to mention that because he was an amazing guy. And, you know, but you think about my dad's life, and then I think about other friends of mine. I got a friend right now, my friend, my buddy Matt, Matt Lodi. He's been a sports reporter in Cleveland for a year, over 20 years. He's an amazing guy, my best buddy, my best buddy in the world.

And we grew up, we met in junior high. We've remained great friends ever since. And he's been fighting stage four lymphoma for the last couple years damn and you look at this guy and the way he conducts himself it's mind-blowing to me that's what we talked about like what am i what am i complaining right right but But we say that to ourselves, but a guy like that would never say that to you. That's right. He would know, what's your fucking problem? Right. He's a very religious guy. He's a hardworking guy. I

mean, he has, I can't even imagine what it's like for him right now with all the therapies, the chemo. And his wife is a saint. She's by his side every day. He's one of these guys, his family lives, the house he grew up in his parents still live there and it's like five blocks down the street you know i used to really kind of look at that like well you haven't even left i left and went to another i lived in la you know you haven't done anything and and as you get older you go you know doesn't matter it's not what it's about man he's figured it out i think he figured out more than i did early on they did so i encourage people to um keep an eye out on my website because we're about to have a big fundraiser for him all right and been talking to craig ferguson about it we're

gonna sell jeff peterson t-shirts okay all the money's going to go to charity. All of it. Well, when you have the link and everything set up, send it to us, and we'll try to include it into... I would love that. Will you have it up in the next few weeks? I will. All right. Then we'll include it in your... Ash, can we make sure we do that? Yeah, I would love that. It's just... Anyway, life is... As you get older, friends and family members start to die. But some of these people, not at our age, you know, were like, like, my friend Raymond that I did a bunch of public access TV with, he died, he was 36. Your dad's age. Yeah, it's young. My dad was 42. And 36 sounds crazy. I mean, he had, he had um john ritter died from that aortic dissection

you know his heart just and that one really that was the one that was in 2016 that was the one that like pushed me over the edge yeah that's when i kind of went to a dark place and then brody obviously man but you know and i'll tell you a positive about the social media that's how i met brody stevens he would watch my rants on live stream. Is that right? They were funny. I mean, they were funny. They weren't all dark,

but he watched it and he was like, I saw your rants. Good stuff. You got it. I got my Brody shit in the office right over there. You got it. Yes. 818 till I die.

Arms crossed negative. She gets it. She gets it. She gets it. One of the funniest people in the world. That guy, everything's been said about him already, but the comics comic. I mean, watching that guy do his thing was the funniest examination of comedy.

He just turned it on its head. And that's how we met. And that's how I did his show. He had me come on the Festival of Friendship. And we talked forever. And, you know, and he did his thing. You just got to remember these people did their thing. You just got to, you got to do what makes you happy, you know, and don't.

Are you happy now? I'm getting there. Yeah. I'm right now definitely happier than I've ever been. I don't say it too loud, you know, because COVID. I'm glad you're doing well. I've been out of work for six months, you piece of shit. Well, if you never do anything again.

Hey, you know what? At least you had that one job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, your mom died from COVID? Well, you know, if you never get another mom, you know what I mean? At least you had one, right? Fuck you. No, man.

I'm alright. I'm in that phase where... Not phase. I'm in that part of my life where I love voiceover. I love doing voiceover. But now, to me, it's a day job. And it's a great day job. It's the best fucking day job. It's a job. I'm not complaining about it.

Let's get the adjectives. All these people that want to call a day... Thank God I had a day job it's the best fucking day job it's a job i'm not complaining about it let's get the adjectives all these people that want to call day you know they all that you i'm thank god i had a day job i wrote and produced for years and if i don't have that skill or that ability i don't do this i don't do all these people want to demean by calling it a day it's a fucking job well what i mean i guess what i mean you also work a lot of jobs like all of us do right i don't just work one thing i'm doing 10 fucking things. And you're always having to find the next thing, the next thing. And what's next? What's next?

But here's the crazy thing. It's just not number one on my list anymore. It takes all the pressure off. Number one on my list is, and going back to the letter that my dad wrote to me, number one on my list has always been writing. So now when I read that letter recently i was like holy shit he's telling me yeah you're a you're a good writer so i started writing i started writing a book and you know it makes me very happy and i would love to do that i would love to you

know filmmaking was my first love i'd love to make a film and and uh and something that i'd like to shoot in my old neighborhood, which is something I've been thinking about. That would be, oh, my God. You know, maybe put Rolo in there somewhere. I mean, come on, dude. He'd be awesome. He's got to be in there.

Morgan Freeman will narrate. All right. So this was a great episode. I appreciate you coming on and opening up. I want you to, before I'm going to ask you about advice you give your 16 year old self and i want you to take us out of the episode as morgan freeman okay okay out of your story and out of the episode all right and then and go well go ahead well go ahead go ahead so advice to my 16 year old self yeah you know if i was sitting across from me at 16...

Knowing everything you just told us, you finally found out. And not even joking when I say this, I would tell him, I would tell myself, man, you know, here's what you need to do. Trust me on this. Get out of Cleveland. Get the fuck. Listen, if you do nothing else. Nothing else. No, I would say do what makes you happy. The only thing I can tell you is do not worry or give a fuck about what anybody says to you unless you are asking

for their advice or there truly are your peers you know that's it do whatever you want man do whatever you want great and and and really do it for yourself first that's the key because a lot of people are chasing the likes and the views and I got to go viral. But they're probably not going to like. No, just honestly make work that is honest and true to you, man. And like do not worry about what anybody else says. Trust me. That's great.

Trust me. And stay away from girls with tattoos above their asses. Because, son, no. So plug everything you'd like to plug again here. Just go to my website right now, thejrtshow.com. The J-R-T-T-J-R-T. T-H-E-J-R-T-S-H-O-W.com, your one-stop shop. Josh Robert Thompson.

Douchebag. I am so glad you came on. Thanks for having me, man. Of course. Take us out as Morgan Freeman, and I'll sign us off. Well, that's it for the Honeydew Podcast. I hope you learned some shit. I know I did.

Dr. Sickler will be back with another patient next time. Until then, this is Morgan Freeman saying, get busy living or get busy dying. Because, hey, if you do nothing else in your life, at least you lived. You're the man. As always, I say RyanSigler, RyanSigler.com. We'll talk to y'all

next time.