The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Wolf

Episode Date: December 2, 2019

My HoneyDew this week is Josh Wolf! Josh returns to talk about our experiences as single dads and he goes deep, sharing a story about how he felt when his daughter decided to leave him to live with his ex! Josh also shares stories about his CMT show getting canceled, bombing when he opened for Sam Kinison and we discuss the moment as kids when we realized some grown ups are dumb. Subscribe, download & review! Sponsor: Apply today at http://mytruition.com/honeydew

This episode is brought to you by Columbia College. More on that later. Let's get into the do. You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We are over here at a new setup in Studio Gene. Still doing it at your mom's house. I'm your host, Ryan Sickler.

You can find me on all social media at Ryan Sickler. My website is ryansickler.com. Go there. Sign up for the email list. You'll be among the first to know special things. Like there's something special going on right now for the month of November. For those people already signed up. The podcast here, The Honeydew.

Thehoneydewpodcast.com. That's the website where you can go find out everything all Honeydew related. There's merch there. Social media links. Posts, weekly posts. You can stream the episode from there. Don't forget to sign up and subscribe to your Mom's House YouTube page. All of it's there for you.

And thank you for all the messages. Thank you for all the love. I mean, you guys are fantastic. I'm glad this show is making a difference. I want to keep doing it, keep bringing it to you, having fun with it, though, too. If you're new to the show, I say we highlight the lowlights. I'm a big fan of the fucking underdog over here. And these are the stories behind the storytellers uh and today uh it's a return to the honeydew

first time with video though ladies and gentlemen please welcome joshua what's up man josh wolf is back on the honey thank you for having me man thank you for being here it's funny you know this is the the first video one and usually i like and usually I never leave the house in sweats, but I'm going to work out afterwards. So I feel bad this is the first video one that I'm on, but I look like a bum. I think you look comfy. This is what I dress like 90% of the time.

It's the other way around. I wear slacks to the gym. Slacks? Yeah, slacks. You don't hear that anymore, do you? Thatacks to the gym. Slacks? Yeah, slacks. Were you my grandfather? You don't hear that anymore, do you? That's a throwback. Slacks and chinos?

My grandmother used to be like, we need to go buy you some chinos. I'm like, chinos? Chinos are back now, though. Are they? They are. I mean, not on my body, but they are. I'm sweats, and I'm, listen, I roll three things. Hit me.

Jeans. Yep. Sweats. Nightpants. That's it. That's my whole trifecta is night pants a superhero who's night pants night pants night pants what are night pants man you know people you all call them pajama pants or whatever they're night pants that you wear them at night no man first of all i'll tell you how many people in the world call pajamas night pants

one one because when you said night pants i thought you meant like pants that if you had your lady, you'd go out at night with these night pants. You know what I mean? They're my slacks. Wait. Okay. You know what I call those, by the way? Honestly, I'll always tell my wife.

I'm like, I need a new pair of fancy pants. I call them fancy. I like that. I call them fancy pants. But I'm going to need a little. My heavy rotation is jeans, sweats,'m gonna need a little my heavy rotation is jeans sweats night pants that's my heavy rotation by the way that sounds like a progression of age you know what i mean when those night pants become day pants it's over brother

okay when you start hearing me call day pants yeah when you're rocking night pants all 24-7, yeah, you're comfortable. Let me ask you, I've got to ask one more question. Yes, please. Give me a definition real quick between slacks and chinos. I feel like chinos these days are much more, they're modern, they're better quality, they're built better. What do they look like?

Are they like khakis? They're like, yeah, yeah yeah like a khaki material and a better like a better feel and fit and then slacks are that old school that hard crease right there you know what i mean the bottom it triangled out and shit you know pleats memory pleats pleats bro they're slacks they're not doing pleats anymore no no but you don't hear slacks anymore no you don you don't. But I'll tell you what. The one thing about those slacks is I can never figure out how to hang them. Because the crease... You gotta go with the seam. Yeah, yeah.

Hard, man. Hard. I'll tell you something, though. Nightpants. I got a whole line of them. I challenge any of your listeners to make some sort of cartoon or animation of captain night pants that's gonna be my animated series yo captain night pants never gets off the couch he solves crime from his living room right there

he solves crimes like i'm just murder yeah the crimes you that like what you solve is like where's the remote night pants all right there's no more bread night pants before we get into my night pants yeah uh and into this episode please plug whatever you'd like comedianjoshwolf.com uh for tour dates. I do a show on Tuesday nights on my Facebook fan page called Control Chaos which you've been on. Fantastic.

If you like if you're somebody who likes a show that's a lot of fun and no politics and just comics riffing, that's I don't know how I would describe it. I mean that's me. I like it. And I never know what to expect. I'm like what the fuck fuck are they gonna do on this episode you know it's actually a show i get a tiny bit like good nervous for because i don't know what i might have to sing yeah i think last time

i had to sing you know we did last episode with i flipped the dick yeah you nailed it you know the last episode we did with jamie kennedy and est and Mark Ellis, I had, you know, Avery Pearson is there with a keyboard. And we played a game called Musical Theater where I gave them a scene. And they had to think of it. And so the scene, I said, Jamie, you're at the dinner with Esther. And you found an unfortunate bump on your nuts. And you decided this was the time that you were going to tell her and this song is called i've found a bump and they they did a whole scene and avery's back there

playing music it was great so fucking good but i do that on tuesdays tonight or on mondays i do something called the high live from my backyard where i smoke weed. With your mini hands. With my baby hands. Tonight I'll also be taking some mushrooms. Are you really? I'm taking mushrooms and smoking. And then I just turn on the camera. It's been the single thing that's helped my stand up more than anything in the world. The High Live live stream?

Because, so for the first couple months I was doing it, I felt the need to be funny all the time. And I was like, they're watching me, I gotta be funny. And then I was like, I can't possibly be high and funny for an hour straight. And it made me totally okay with silence. It made me less self-conscious on stage when I was just trying things out. It made me less scared of making a fool out of myself because for an hour every monday night i make a fucking fool out of myself and it so it's really i started to realize on stage my voice dropped a little bit i didn't i wasn't as loud i didn't

have as much frenetic energy because i wasn't as scared to to fail right it was it was it's been a great great plus i just like getting high yeah it's a great it's a great thing to do while you're high plus i like getting high yeah so you and i go way back at this point now and you've done episodes of the crab feast you are already on here on the honeydew we talked about you know you being a single parent raising how many kids at the time three by yourself um the peanut butter and jellies and ralphs and all the all the uh you know little ways you could get by back in the day when you're a single parent um and the winks and the nods that some of the nice ones threw your way and yeah all

that good stuff but you had all you had sole custody of all three kids at one point? Or majority? Only legal custody of one. One. Yeah, but the other two, it was just a situation where she knew. Unzip for this, huh? Yeah, yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, by the way i mean to have both of our laughs on one podcast i'm gonna we're gonna i'm gonna lose a lot and hear a lot of shit i know it

i know it's gonna be all you need is burt on the other mic, and that would be the end of this show. Yeah, man, and then I think last time I was on, I told a story that I'm not sure I had ever told before about just hitting a breaking point. It was the only time I had ever hit one of my kids. Yeah. And so I – kids, okay, what I've learned as I've gotten older. How old are you now?

Older. Is that you can't take it personally. You just can't, the things they say and the things they do. you just can't the things they say and the things they do i sometimes think that if your kid is not like always outwardly rude to you but if your child feels free enough to say certain things to you i believe that some of that this is going to sound weird and it's convoluted and help and see if you can follow where i'm going i think part of that is a sign of good parenting because your child is so comfortable to be relaxed they're on their best behavior around other people right one of the reasons that they say shit to you now not every

parent some kids are scared of their parents it would never but the fact that your kid feels free and confident and secure and safe enough around you to have certain conversations or say certain things like fuck you dad okay he's no but like i can tell the uh the most person like my kids hurt my feelings really badly a couple of times and i'd be lying to you if i told you i did not not hold it against them but like it had residual effects on our relationship my my you know i so i was raising those kids and the two oldest ones weren't mine biologically and um and they both at certain times decided to go move back up with their mom and how long had they been with you before they decided to go back to mom

well my oldest son it did not hurt my it didn't hurt my feelings as much because going in like that was hit he was a mama's boy right and how old was he at the time you came in uh when i came in for i met him when he was two okay two and a half and um but i you know she had her issues and whatever however she was as a mom but like i was i was very secure about who i was and who i was to them and and where i fit and and how much i sacrificed and we sacrificed together and all that shit and when they went up to live with their mom, I took it so personally. Did they have,

did you have a conversation about it or did they just come to you and say, Hey, this is what's happening. And then they bounce. I remember I was walking with my daughter. She had moved back down. Um, and she was been living with, uh,

Beth and I for about four years and we were out walking my dog and she said, I'm, I think I'm going to move back up with mom. And it broke me. There was, this is hard to say out loud, but I, in a way, I just recently forgave her.

Like it was so hard. How long has it been? If she was 15, it's been six years, seven years. It didn't change my relationship with her in that I treated her differently or I was like, well, you're out of the will. It's just something that you harbored. Hard for me. Yeah.

But you never let her know? No, me. Yeah. And, you know. But you never let her know? No, no. Not in words, not in action, nothing. No, because. She knows now? She will after this podcast. But it was more like, for me, man, it was more um my own issues as i've gotten older i realized

what that was and i never obviously said anything to her man because that was her mom right yeah right but there was a part of me who was like i look at all of this that we've done together for you look at all of this time we've invested and for you. Look at all of this time we've invested. And does that mean nothing? And so I took it personally. Like she was saying to me, you're not a good dad. You don't do this well enough. I need to go get this from someone else.

So you looked at it that way instead of, it's not that you're bad, I just want something different. Or, that's my mom. Right now I'm living with somebody, neither one of my parents who I'm living with are my biological. The only biological parent that I have that I'm in contact with is my mom. I would like to give this another shot. And I just couldn't, I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her.

I didn't feel safe. Your daughter or her mother? My daughter. I didn't feel safe in our, this is going to sound like a pussy ass, but at the bottom line, I didn't feel safe in our relationship. My footing was secure for so long

that I thought, oh, that I'm the fucking guy. I'm the dad. Because right around the same time, too, and this didn't bother me as much, she was reaching out to her biological dad just to see what the deal was, and that I actually encouraged.

But this hit me so hard in that it really shook up my relationships with other people. Because I was like, Oh, okay. So if my daughter, if this has happened with my daughter, what do I really know about any relationship that I have with anybody? Including your other kids,

including my other kids. Yeah. That, that it was like, that's where your head's at. What are they really thinking? What? Like who's next who leaves next

and so it really was a uh i remember we made the walk and i walked her back and i remember saying to my wife i was like she's gonna move back up and she said is she gonna come back and i said i don't i don't know i don't know i don't know and uh i felt like a failure like as a parent i felt like a failure like how could i do how could i give 100 and provide this life you know what's up there you know what i don't know how she is as a mom now but you knew what the deal was before you're still you know the disappointments that's come and i don't know what she's like now i don't have a relationship with my ex and i don't so i don't know what their relationship is anymore i don't know if she's got no shit together but but you knew what it was like you knew the letdowns and the disappointments and still, right? You, you, you've cried to me about all these things that she didn't do or couldn't do or

hasn't done, but still. And so it shook me to my core, um, about what was wrong with me and what had, and I thought here, and you know what? Another thing, man, is that like I had this whole, who am I built up around me about, but,

and part of it, honestly, the part of it is I kind of believed the hype that every room I went into here in town, you're like, Oh, you're the single dad. You're this, right?

So you do it, you know, and for whatever reason, a single dad gets way more credit. Look, all we got to do is keep them alive. I say the same thing i say on stage don't don't applaud that that's my job yeah that's what i think too it's you know but then when i start talking about the shit i go through it's like oh let's applaud the yeah not the battles yeah you know what i mean but

also that's our fucking job like any you know it's it's and it's partly because we made bad mistakes in our lives yeah that's some terrible decisions said yes to some shit we should have said no to okay you know what you know what's crazy too you know what's crazy too is that as a look as a when somebody's acting like a kid is acting up at a park or in a supermarket i'm gonna say it the first thing you think is where is that kid's mom yeah mom mom that's the first thing you think but if you all you got to do is see a dad pretending to be at a tea party with his daughter you're like that guy's a good dad how do you know right he could be drunk in that picture his mom could have been like listen you mother you better seen her eight months you don't have tea with her here for five minutes

you don't know but all we gotta do is take a picture in a fucking tiara and we're the best people in the world to everyone else but not to our kids no that's the thing you gotta fucking show up you gotta earn it you gotta be interested you have to have you know genuinely be interested and you just have to be supportive yes and earn it you don't need all these i say all the time you don't need all these fancy fucking vacations and cars and houses and all that shit you just need love dude when i was the thing one of the things i learned from having no money and raising the kids was that i i watched all these we went to a party jacob went to a jew school in Hollywood for preschool.

By the way, they hated it when I called it the Jew school. I was there. I'm like, hey, you guys go to the Jew school too? They were like, what? This is the temple. I'm like, okay. Whatever. Jew school sounds better. You know, when Jacob, his first three Halloweens, I told him he wanted to be a ninja, and I told him, I go, you're not a ninja, dude. You're a ninju.

And I made him a Star of David to throw at people. It was great. That is good. What was I talking about? Your daughter. And how you felt like a failure. Here's one thing though that I learned.

And this is one of the reasons I started out by saying they feel comfortable. She felt comfortable having that conversation with me yeah because she did feel safe with me she did feel like she could say whatever she wanted she did feel like she could say i really miss my mom i would really like to give that a try and she felt safe she felt safe enough to say that to me without fearing the repercussions like i know that she had yeah like oh shit he might fly off the handle he's not gonna love me he's not yeah all the stuff that i had beat myself up about just the fact that she was having a calm conversation with me about this is i've been thinking about this and I love you, but I really want to.

All the things that I was worried about, just the fact that we had the conversation as I looked and I got older, I was like, oh, no, no, no. That actually the reason she could have that conversation with me is because we had established that relationship. We had she did feel safe. She and it was all my personal you know you want that pat on the back you want to be told that you're the best and all that and your ego gets in the way a lot of times too yeah and and the other thing too that she's saying there's a couple things going on there but obviously at my age now and listening to you know i was telling full trot uh full tron full charge that uh i was like sagor and i talk about you you're like the comedy you fucking whisper you're

like the comedy but you always say the right thing you always know what and he goes yeah for you guys like it's easy for me to look at your shit and tell you what you should do but when it's my turn for me i don't see it you know yeah but but like she's she's there's an element of forgiveness at a very early age trying to forgive her mom and make that work but also she knows if that doesn't work she's got yes right back to you yes but you can't see all that in the moment of like that gut-wrenching hurt fuck like can you imagine if your daughter said to you hey i don't want to see you for like three years but only like twice a year i'll be up and i'll be wherever the fuck it is i'll be going though yeah and so it was a really it affected um and in it does still affect sometimes my relationships without

without taking people at their face value believing what they're saying to me because if she could leave anybody right anybody that can happen anything can happen and and and so it i really tried hard as a parent not to take things personally that my kids would say to me but man it was really hard but as so as i've looked back and and and and healed a little bit from that time like that her leaving from that time, like that, her leaving the conversation with her. And I know this is going to sound like maybe counterintuitive, but even though I don't feel,

I question relationships now a little more, I don't get hurt as easily. I honestly like is made things when I was like, Oh, okay. So she left, she came back, she left, like, and I was like, Oh, okay. So she left, she came back, she left.

Like, and I still got up the next day and I still, you know, I still had two other kids. I still have like, and like all these things where you realize that you think I could never get past this. I could never,

she's, I could never, I'm not going to, tomorrow's not going to happen. And tomorrow happens. And then you just figure out how to make the best of it, which is what I ended up doing. Now she and I are, I think she's closer to Beth than she is to me. And I think a lot of the reason for that is because of those five or six years.

I don't think it changed. I know it didn't change how much I love her, but it did change. I kept a little bit of an arm's length. I just did. I just know I did. For how long? Until when? What made you, so what was the shift?

What made you see all of this finally? You said just recently. so what was the shift? What made you see all of this finally? You said just recently. And what was it? You know, she had some tough times. She was gone for how long? She was gone. Three years? Three years.

She came back for a senior in high school. Okay. But maybe two years. She's gone for two years uh but the shift she's had some problems recently and um she started calling me about those problems and that's when I realized, like, I still have that role. She still trusts me and feels safe around me to say these things that I would have never said to my parents. Yeah, that's a good point. If I had a problem, I would have never called my parents. I do now.

At that age, I'm calling a friend. I'm calling somebody who's not my parent because my biggest fear was being judged by them. Right. She doesn't have that fear with me. Well, that's great. But once I could get past my own little ego and realize,

Oh, this is never, that's when I realized, Oh, she, she felt comfortable enough to say this to me oh yeah oh she still calls and says things to me that i would have never said to my parents she's still asking me advice about things i would have never so i go back i went back to what i was saying real early which was yeah she felt comfortable not to lie to

me right yeah she felt comfortable and so as to me. She felt comfortable. And so as I've gotten older and look back in this recent period where she was having struggles, I really started to put it all together and was like, oh, no. It was actually because we did parent her and give her enough confidence to feel like she could make some choices on her own without having to worry about. You did your job the worst thing your kid can do is worry that they're gonna hurt your feelings or that they're stressing you out or that's shit you're putting on them and we didn't put that on her and i was really thankful when i got older and enough to look back and look at it to know that we didn't fuck her up in that way.

And she felt like she could tell us anything and just say it. And like, yeah, I'm going to go try that. Was it actually good for her? Yeah. Because if a good friend of mine told me when I had a daughter, he was like, look, man, parenting is a long game. It is, you know, two years is a long fucking time to not hear from your kid or be away from your kid but if you're a parent for 60 fucking years that ain't shit you know like you got to be there and you that's right you still have that role you know you don't you

don't ever stop being that it's a total long game which is why you know if there are little things that i learned from my parents you know i never i was just gonna say where your did your parents split no still together still still wow how about this i've never heard and this will tell you a lot about who i am as a person and how i interact in the world i never in my life heard my parents argue. Damn. They would do it after we were asleep in the basement. They may disagree talking. They go down to the basement.

But I never heard them, but yeah. I'll see you in the basement. I'll see you in the basement tonight in my night pants. I'll be the one in the pants. You better get your night pants on because shit is going down. My night pants are already on no never heard them yell at each other or raise their voice i mean that's that is impressive because i asked my dad about it and he was like and this is something i wish i had learned early on as a parent i think i told you this they learn more from watching you than from listening to you

look if you give every speech you give your kid, they don't. Yeah. Here. They pick up. Watch. I feel like if I sang it like a Disney princess, she'd get everything. I got my night pants on. I got my night pants on. Night pants. That's my new Disney show, Night Pants.

God damn, I Pants. I won't rest until my animated series, Night Pants, is on Disney+. So your dad's advice. Never heard them. They learn more from watching you than listening to you. Yeah, if you think about it, like if you think about anything you want to tell your kid about, hey, this is how you should act around women, or this is how you treat your wife.

If you're saying it, it doesn't matter. They're going to watch you. They're going to pick it up. Your cadence that you speak with, the reason your kids have your cadence isn't because you're like you should talk like they're watching right so um yeah that was something that i wish i had learned early early but but but that's when i started picking up i don't art i don't yell in my relationships i i don't have like a temper dad, I watched my mom and dad.

Water, man. You got to let that shit flow a little bit. Amen. You know what I mean? It's not always easy to do. No, it's not easy to do, but water. What else I learned from my parents is that there's a different... I learned also that there's all different types of love.

My dad never said I love you until after his dad died. Really? How was, how were you when that happened? How were you when you first heard I love you from your dad? I mean, he might've sprinkled it in, but he says it every phone call. He does now. So when did that change? How old were you?

Probably 30. Wow. Okay. Probably 30. Wow. Okay. Probably 30. It seems about right. But he, I'll tell you what he did, man. He was at every sporting event. When I mean everyone, everyone from T-Ball until I left high school.

That was my dad, too. I don't even know how the fuck he did it. Everyone. And you think about it. In high school dad too. I don't even know how the fuck he did it. Every one. And you think about it, in high school and shit, I didn't appreciate that. But as a grown up now, to be able to get those three hours off

on a Tuesday, or find it every fucking time. Practice, games, all of it. Practice, coach, everything. Basketball, soccer, wrestling, football, all of it. Well, I mean. Baseball. Yeah, my dad didn. Well, I mean. Baseball. Yeah.

My dad didn't let me play soccer. Then did your dad really love you? That's why he's telling you he loves you now. He's like, I love you. You hang up and he says, and I'm sorry I never let you play soccer. That's just the part you never hear. Number one sport in the world. You could actually wear your night pants and play soccer they're loose you know what i mean if you're the goldie yeah the goldie it's the thing i always say because there

was always those parents that couldn't say goalie but he's a good goldie we're like god shut the fuck up that's when you realize as a kid like you grew up in the south you adults are dumb yeah not everyone's smart you know remember when you were a kid like you grew up in the south you adults are dumb yeah not everyone's smart you know remember when you were a kid and you saw older people so you thought they knew shit and then there was that one moment where you're like huh not all you older people are fucking smart you're a dumb one i'm smarter than you and i know that right now you ever meet you know that when it just shifts for you like do you know who the first person i can tell you peter waskiewicz. Who the fuck?

He was a grown-up in my town who lived in Massachusetts, but for whatever reason always pronounced it Massachusetts. Yeah, right. Hey, man, come on. There's no... What are we doing? You live here, motherfucker. It's on your license.

You can look at it. It's on can look at it's on the plate it's on the card now listen don't ask me to spell massachusetts i couldn't do that right now but i know how to say it i know how to say i remember being a kid and just meeting certain adults i'm like god what a fucking idiot this guy is and my brothers and i just clown him like this fucking idiot right here what a dumbass this guy is. It's an adult, this dumb motherfucker. Yeah, the first time you realize that adults can be dumb. It's empowering, too.

Like, huh, I got a shot on this point. What about the first time you realize that not all adults have money? You're like, you can't pay for that either? Wait, hang on. I can't get two cheeseburgers. I remember the first time we went out to eat with our youth coach, basketball coach, and it was just me and four of the kids on the team. And we just all assumed coach had money to pay.

Everyone, right? Yeah, but he was just this 25-year-old kid. But at the time, that's an adult man. Yeah. And he ordered his food, and we were like, and he said, did you think I was paying for you guys? And we were like, yeah. He was like, no, I don't have money to pay for you guys.

So we didn't eat. But you have a beard. Yeah. That doesn't come with money. Doesn't mean you're a man with money. But you know what else? Just like my son always thought, well, just put your credit card in there. It's got money on there.

Yeah. I was like, that's not how it works. What do you mean? I see you use it. Yeah. But there's money. Yeah. Just use that money.

They also, like at a young mean? I see you use it. Yeah, but there's money. Yeah, just use that money. He, they also like at a young age, I remember Jacob in particular, you realize the generation. I remember the first time I told him, I go, Hey, listen,

dude, you keep up with this shit. I'm going to take your phone and you're going to have to use a pay phone. And he was like, you mean the one you buy in seven 11? I go, no mother. That is a pay phone.

The kids. No, dude, the phone booth. That is a pay phone to kids today. Yeah, I go, no, dude. The phone booth. He was like, phone booth? What Superman did you change in, dude? Come on, bro. What?

Get your shit together with a phone. Yeah, there was a lot. Have you seen that video online about those high school kids trying to figure out how to use a rotary phone? Yes, I have seen that. My stepson, this was before my daughter was born it's probably eight years ago now he was probably eight because he's 16 but uh we went to a buddy's house and they had the phone hanging on the wall yeah push button you know and the cord hanging down he walked over and he goes what is this yeah i was like oh that's what i was like oh that's

yeah that made me feel old like it's a fucking phone he's like how do you use it i'm like you wrap it around your mother like this you little young motherfucker do you remember you know who i thought was rich those people who had the extra long cords on their phone i'm like yeah oh you got the four foot cord you're rich if you had a four foot cord and you had a refrigerator in your garage for your soda you were the wealthiest people like oh wow you have grape soda out there. You have more than one type of soda. You're the richest person that I know. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our sponsor, Columbia College. With tuition at Columbia College, your education is one low price. There are no fees. There are no book costs. There are no surprises. Don't play games with

getting your education. All right? Truition lets you budget for the true cost of college. They've eliminated all the fees from the application to graduation. They provide e-textbooks at no charge. And with e-text, you can highlight important sections and add personal notes to the material. You can also convert e-text to audio books so you can listen to content on the go. You can also convert e-text to audio books so you can listen to content on the go. Truition is for all undergraduate and graduate students taking classes online or in the evening at any of the 30-plus locations. Columbia College was founded in 1851 and has been accredited for more than 100 years.

Eight-week classes are held year-round so you can earn a degree quickly. Their mission is to improve lives by making college affordable that's the truth that's tuition apply today at mytruition.com slash honeydew that's mytruition.com slash honeydew now let's get back to the do but but uh well let me ask you something man do you has there ever been anything that your kid has said to you that has hurt your feelings not the the there's been one thing that happened that was again it's just my ego me wanting to be a dad but we were we were at a friend's house and they his daughter's got so many goddamn stuffed animals i call ituffy Mountain. This fucking thing is a monster. And the kids dive off of it like Jimmy Snuka, head first into the thing.

I was like, hey, there's a table right here. Watch where you're going. You're going to bust your head. And I'm putting, and I'm talking about those, the kind of stuffed animals that the rookie guy that goes to the amusement park throws the baseball and wins it early. And they're like, no, no, no. You got to carry it the rest of the day. Like, i can't keep it here and get it at the end of the day no bro you got to carry it that asshole that won the teddy bear way too early it's walking

with on his shoulder rookie move bro those kind of stuffies okay i'm putting them around you press the girl guys and you want to win that big ass stuff that i'm gonna do it right before the park closes all right uh so there i'm putting them around the table and shit and as i'm putting it down my daughter and i'm gonna give her a fucking 10 on the form i mean just like an eagle sword and i mean boom head right into it and i was like oh fuck and it's that delayed And then she just started crying. And it's the first time she didn't want me. She goes, get away from me. Just get away. Go.

I don't want you. I want to be by myself. And I was like, ah. It hurts a little bit. She's four. But it is ego. And I was like, ah. God damn. I'm like, alright. And I'm walking all slow. You sure? But it's really me, not her. You sure you don't want to hug me?

Yeah, you sure I can't hug you? Because I'm about to cry right now. My head's hurting now too, God damn it. Dude, you know what? It's so much ego. Hey, my kids are older, right? All of my kids, two of them, have called somebody else's dad that again that's a that's an ego thing too because i'm like i i earned that yeah

i earned that and but and beth was the one who was like hey you can't let that stuff you know your place i'm like do i do i because after what had happened it happened after what happened with my daughter i'm like do i do i know my place but to hear my youngest son call somebody else dad was heartbreaking isn't the right word it was it was and i had i had talked to beth about it i'm like i don't know if i how i recover from that she was like this you're taking it as an insult to you it's not an insult to you they're not insulting you i think your immediate reaction isn't wrong at all like that i think that's a normal like i'm hearing it and i'm feeling it in my chest right now like if you heard your daughter call somebody dad oh because don't you feel like look there's

somebody who's your father yeah but there's somebody who's your dad yeah and and anyone can be a father yes yes you that dad is earned now i just had an just had a birthday where I, I'll tell you, I turned 50, right? I can't get over it. You look fantastic. And Jacob, as a joke, he goes, from here on out, I'm calling you Pops. And he's calling me Pops, Pops, Pops. And then later, you know, we did the whole weekend. It was funny.

But later, he called me Pops at one point in time, and he looked at me, and he was like, did that hurt your feelings? I said, no. I said, you can call me Pops all you want. i think it's funny it's fun i don't really care but as long as that doesn't replace you calling me dad sometimes because when you call me dad it means so much to me i'm gonna try not to cry it means so much to me because I know how much you guys mean to me. Right. I know how much we all did this together.

And dad is something to me that It's three letters that represent everything. It means like it's the thing that I'm most proud of. Yeah. Me too. It's the thing I'm most proud of. Absolutely. So and I just told him i

go i don't mind you call me pops this is a relationship we've had always been laughing and joking with each other but you call me dad can't go away that would be the one thing to me that would be just heartbreaking and he was like okay pops i get that i was like yeah he's just like me he's an asshole yeah let me step on your neck a little harder as i'm getting up let me put it on there i'll get on that knife yeah you fucked me but but yeah man you know um there's a lot in my life in general i've had to learn and this has been a later in life thing for me not to take things as everything as personally because i found i'm like why are you taking things personally why what it's such an ego that is such an ego thing not everything everybody does

that affects you they do to affect you. Right? It's just like I tell people all the time, just because you're not included doesn't mean you're excluded. That's right. Right? So just because this happens, that doesn't mean that person did that to harm you. They're just living their life. Right?

Yeah. The way they want to live their life. Right. That doesn't mean they're thinking about how it affects you. No. Especially a 16-year-old that makes the decision. They didn't think, like, I wonder how this is going to make my dad feel. Yeah. And by the way, I'm glad they don't think that way.

Yeah, they shouldn't. They shouldn't. If you're doing your job, they're not thinking about, unless it's like, look, I'm going to rob the house. You know, something like that. But things that they decide for their own life, they shouldn't be like, I wonder what my dad and mom, I wonder how it's going to affect them. They should be living their life.

If you've done your job. That's right. And so I have really had to work on that personally and professionally, you know, you know, I remember having a conversation with Brody not long before he died where we were sitting at the, in that back little row in the OR and, um, he was talking to me about going on the road and he was like,

man, I wish I just had a 10th of your success on the road just a little bit. So I see it in the money, you know, man, I wish I just had a tenth of your success on the road. Just a little bit so I see it in the money. Money-wise, he wasn't doing that well. He was like, he just would like, and I said, you know what, dude? If I had a tenth of the respect that you have from other comics, and he was like, that doesn't mean anything. I'm like, to me, that means. I can tell you right now, that roommate filled up like that when't mean anything i'm like to me that means i can tell you

right now that roommate filled up like that when i'm out of here right three rooms live via satellite i mean it was amazing no and there's very few people that you'll ever see that ever yeah and to see the room at one in the morning fill up filled fill up people walking out in out of other rooms into but i was like if i had an ounce just a tenth of the respect that you had from our peers but and he asked me he was like why is that important to you and i i i couldn't i i still can't answer that entirely. But it's the one thing in my life that I want to work on so desperately, Ryan. To understand that?

To understand it. Or to work on, when you say work on it, what do you mean? I don't want to feel that way anymore. I see. I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to say I care less about, obviously it's important what the people who come to my shows and all that shit. But the respect of my peers is something

I have to figure out why it means so much to me. Why there's that giant, and I know people respect me personally and like me personally, but like, I would bet you if you, uh, there's a lot,

people watch comedy specials all the time. I would bet you, I know maybe two peers that have watched my special. My special is doing, I, I, you know, I equate it to?

I used to tour Larry the Cable Guy. Yeah. And it was one of the conversations I would have with him all the time. He would... Dude, he sold 50,000 tickets. It's insane. At one show.

Right, one show. But he and I would talk, and he'd be like, it burns me up why those people don't give me my respect. What else do I? Right, what do I have to do? What else do I need to do?

But also, isn't it crazy, too? In a way, why do you even care about that? I kept asking him. I'm like, dude, you just sold 50,000 tickets. What do you give a shit? But there was a difference between he and like. So I got a chance to hang out with Foxworthy and those guys. And I think Foxworthy,

I don't, I may be wrong, but I think he has number two and three top selling comedy albums of all time. And in the top 20, I think he and Cable Guy have eight or nine out of the top 20 of all time. That's incredible. But if you asked our peers, give me your top top 20 of all time that's that's incredible but if you asked our peers give me your top 10 comics of all time you think either one of them will crack the list no not even

close right no maybe close maybe top 20 i think you gotta put you gotta put them in there but like yeah but not top 10 you're right yeah it's it's pretty crazy and and foxworthy that it didn't bother and cable guy and it didn't bother him and cable guy and it doesn't anymore i re i called him recently about this and he told me what what his way of thinking was and all that but like it really it really sat with him for a long time and i want to figure out for me man why what is it what is it about that that i don't have that i can fill up some other way? Because there are some nights, man, I'm not going to lie to you, it keeps me up.

Really? It keeps me up. I've always cared about the love and respect of the people I love and respect. Outside of that, I feel like you just try to be the best person you can be, and out there it'll take care of itself. Yeah. You know? the best person you can be and out out there it'll take care of itself yeah you know and honestly man like the fact that i and i'm not an asshole and i i know the people right we haven't talked to your uh your ex she's on next week we'll see yo i would that would be amazing i we decided we wanted to actually

leave you and go to her too so uh we're gonna cut this right here we're actually gonna video it's gonna be our new show night pants uh night pants segment right here. But yeah, man. But has that never been something that you've wrestled with? No. Look, the truth of it is, you know, not to a point where it keeps.

No, I don't lose any sleep over it. I don't even think about it much. When I come home from the store, I come home from the store i come home from the laugh factory or something and if something hit me it's the only thing that when it gets in my head i just rabbit hole it i go to childhood with everything as we all do but when your own parent so you stick your finger in your asshole yeah all the time yeah it's probably why i don't get the recognition that i should get brian we're in the green room it calms me down it calms me down look guys i'm on the show and this is what i need but by the way i would need the hummus i dipped in there but when your own parent is just rejects you it you know and you can't win that back you can't win that back yeah then why do you give a fuck about winning anybody

else's you know i think i never really cared so much about that as much as i just wanted to be good and you know respected is a better word yeah you know just respected when anyone talked about me it was positive or you know it was in a good light or whatever and certain i certainly want enough people to talk shit about me because that's the good stuff yeah i like stuff that gets back to me like they said that i don't even met that guy that is some fun yeah i i there was a guy just so you know who and i won't put him on blast but he opened for me and i what date and and so i had heard going in that a couple years before he had talked shit about my style of comedy i questioned why but why did you let him open for you then or was he he was assigned he was assigned i could have changed it yeah but i was like okay right, let me just go in and do it.

And I asked him about it afterwards. I go, hey, man. And it was Saturday after the late show. I go, hey, man. He was like, great weekend. I go, yeah, hey, listen. So I heard a couple years ago, and I heard from this dude who is a guy that we both know is not a dude who's going to mince words,

and he's going to tell you what he heard. Pretty sure I know who you're talking about. Yeah. i'm pretty sure everybody knows and um and he told me this he told me he said this i've known this dude for half my life so pretty sure he's not lying to me and he was like yeah i i don't know what you want me to say. And I was like, well, why did you? And what did you think after the weekend? So for me, I'm all about, you might have in your mind about what I do, or as long as I get a chance to get up in front of you and show you what I do and prove you,

that I don't mind. That kind of shit drives me. show you what I do and prove you that, that I don't mind. That kind of shit drives me. It's the stuff of people that I started with or who are my age, who are just dismissive of what I do. I just can't,

I can't. But it all goes back to ego. It does. It's a hundred percent ego, man. It's a hundred percent ego. And every time I start to spiral on it, I get mad at myself. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? I'm like, oh, Larry Jones didn't like that joke?

Yeah. Fuck him. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? It's the one thing that I, you you know we all have these things we want to work on ourselves about this is the one thing but i just can't put my finger on why it makes me spiral do you feel like it's disrespectful yes is that what it is yes yes it's all for me it's respect so you just want that's what i'm saying is respect for me i don't need the admiration me neither i don't need you to like what i do that guy's been at it a while doing good for himself whatever you know i don't care i don't need you to like anyone that can do

that too dude i'm sure there are people you respect that you don't think are funny yeah yeah i'm looking at one right now but listen your ex is gonna make up for it your ex is gonna make up but there is a guy man i will tell you who is a well-respected comic, who is about my age, who I would punch in the face right now. Tell me after we get off. I want to know. I would punch him. I would love to walk into the comedy store tonight

and punch that motherfucker right in his smug-ass face. Because why? He's so dismissive of dismissive to you or just to you okay so dismissive that even people i don't think are funny man if you're a comic and this is one thing that people who aren't comics don't know if you're a comic and you've been doing it for a little while i can have a conversation with you because there are some things i know inherently about you right and that you know about this yes yes yes i can have a conversation with you there's some things i know about you that i feel more comfortable talking to you than i do other people right well i've been doing this a long time this other dude's been he know just a respect a hello a you don't have to come in or sit in the back and watch me in the OR. But as a peer, as someone who does what you do, to be dismissive,

it's just really a difficult one for me. And I, maybe I'll just punch him in the face. Please, let me know when you're gone. Let me know when you're gone. I'll be like, I didn't even see this coming. But, you know. Record that episode three weeks ago. I've been waiting on this.

Dude, but it's the stand-up stuff. Because the stuff around Hollywood doesn't bother me as much. When CMT canceled my show that you were on. So, I, yeah, used to have a CMT show that I was on with Joey Diaz. We were all on an episode together. And Joey was Joey to the point where they had to cut him out of the entire episode. They did. There were a couple shots of him laughing.

He just sees the wide shot. He doesn't say a word. You talk about a honeydew episode. You got to cut him the whole thing. You got cut in the whole thing. You got cut out. He didn't say one thing where they were like, we can let that go. That whole show, man. I would send them lists of my friends.

And they were like, we don't think they're right for this demo. I'm like, it doesn't matter. These are my friends. I'm putting my friends on TV. I don't know how long I'm going to have this show. So as long as I have this show, the people sitting in front of me are going to be my friends on TV. I don't know how long I want to have this show. So as long as I have this show, the people in sitting in front of me, are we going to be my friends? You think like,

I remember when I sent him Tripoli's name and they were like, what? They were like, this, he's, you want him on the country music channel? I'm like, yeah.

Yeah. And they said, but he's not, what's he going to say? I'm like, I don't know, but he's funny as fuck. Let's put him on the fucking show.

But when they canceled that show a week later in a breakdown for cmt they were looking for a host and it said looking for a josh wolf type i'm now listen man they had just they just had josh wolf a week ago a week ago they know what it is you're too on the nose you're too josh wolf all right we're looking for a josh wolf translation somebody in their 20s okay then we could pay a lot less that's just like i told you that story about nbc same it's my favorite one i tell anytime i have a conversation with someone in the industry that's struggling with uh you know they they don't want

to let me be on the show they don't want me to host it they don't want me to be an ep they don't want me to write on it they just want the show you know they don't even want me to just want to buy me out whatever it is i always tell them the story you told me about pitching to nbc the josh wolf show yeah and they love the pitch it was a great it was a great idea great show and then they said who do you see playing josh all serious too and this was by the, this was a younger Josh Wolf. So you couldn't give me the excuse of like. I mean, it sounds like all these networks are looking for a Josh Wolf type.

I looked right at. Any Josh Wolf types out there? Time is right for you guys. But here's the thing. Yo, I, by the way, I looked right at him. I said, me. And he just, he was like, really? And I was like, oh my God.

Hadn't even been an angle we could even consider. Huh. Huh. You, to play you. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. get the fuck out of here but all those things don't they don't bother me like

the comedian stuff none of that I don't give a fuck about those people I care what other comics think about me and what I do that means a lot because I work man I work really hard I care what other comics think about me and what I do. That means a lot. Because I work. Man, I work really hard.

You do. We all do. That lack of respect drives me like I can't tell you. I have a list on my computer of people that I feel like have slighted me. Do you really? Oh, yeah. How long is it? You mean how many years have I been doing it? No, how many people are on that model?

Well, it sounds like it's unhealthy, so I'm sure you've been at it for a while. It's unhealthy as fuck. It's not good. I think I started it on my gateway computer. How about that? When I had my Earthlink email address. You know what I'm saying? J-O-Wolf at Earthlink.net.

I forgot about the gateway cow boxes. That came in a cow box? Hell yeah. I started it on that computer in 19... In the 1900s? Holy shit. 1998. How many people are on it?

I'll tell you. I can tell you what. You know what I used to do until I gave up that unhealthy obsession? Did you do that? I used to keep their business card. Anyone that ever slated me, I had their business card. And I was going to make a collage out of it. And I was like, what the fuck am I doing here?

Now I'm a Josh Wolf type. And they won't even see me at NBC or CMT. Oh, you meant, oh, I see. How about this? There was a script that I wrote that I heard somebody, that I sent to somebody who was my agent at the time. And he sent me the note back. Nobody's ever going to buy this.

And I said, all right, that's your note. Now you're the gatekeeper. You're not going to distribute this to people that I'm asking you to. You're going to tell me. Let me put him on my gateway computer. Oh, yeah. Add him to the list. When I sold that script.

You did. Good. Oh, yeah. I sent him an email with the proof that I sold it and I just wrote sold it. Do you remember what you said to me?

Period. Sent. And you know what? Crossed him off my list. And I was like alright that's one. And that list right now if you really want to know how many people are on that list? 32. 32? Yeah. 32. I want to know how many people on that list, 32, 32. Yeah. God. 32. I want to see that motherfucker.

I'm guessing it's probably 85, 90, 10 male to female. Yep. Yeah. Yep. And I always, the guys are always the dick.

I bet you it's 80% comics. No, not anymore. Oh, there's some people on there that aren't even comedians. Oh yeah. There's some, this is a life list. There's exact. Yeah, dude. Oh, there's some people on there that aren't even comedians? Oh, yeah. There's some execs. Oh, this is a life list.

There's execs. Yeah, dude. Oh, man. Even more unhealthy. I love it. Who's on there outside of comedy without saying who they are? Can you talk about it? There's some people that worked at NBC.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, the very first dude you know the very first um pilot i had a was at abc for my life story and uh you know my table read at my table you know who read the roles ryan reynolds for who busy phillips who would ryan uh so um do you remember Ryan Reynolds. For who? Busy Phillips. Who would Ryan Reynolds be? So.

Do you remember? A guy, there was a show on called Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza. Yeah. Which later became Two Guys and a Girl. Right. And so Ryan was on that show. And he played my brother in the table read. Okay. For ABC.

Busy Phillips. What was his name? Raul Gomez Palo. Greaty Phillips. What was his name? Raul Gomez Palo. Great character actor. I forget his. But one of the guys, the execs at ABC at the time, he's on the list. Is he? Oh, yeah, because he said something to me after that read where I was like,

hmm, okay, guess where you're going. Do you have a name for the list? Or is it just the list? It's just the list. That's all you need. And sometimes, man, when I feel complacent. You're name for the list? Or is it just the list? It's just the list. That's all you need. And sometimes, man, when I feel complacent, sometimes when I feel complacent, I pull up that list. Do you?

Oh, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. And I know it's unhealthy, dude. I know it is. But I also know that sometimes when I'm like, man, I don't want to get up and do this whatever, I go look at that list. I go, yes, I do.

Yes, I do. Because this Josh Wolfe type is booking a show. God damn it. God damn it. It's one of the reasons that not only do I love doing Control Chaos, love it, but I want to sell that show, man. I want to, because I also want to prove to myself that you can really do exactly what you want to do.

You can. Yeah. Because that show is exactly what I want to do. So you can really do exactly what you want to do and still be successful. You don't have to look at, you don't have to take what the, the town says or what the networks are saying to people are watching or not watching. You can do exactly what you want to do and make it good.

And I think that's what people are gravitating towards now. Authenticity is more important now than it's ever been. Right? It is. I mean, people want to know who you are, yes. 80s comics where there was not a lot of authenticity.

It's one thing to get up. It's an art form to get up and do five minutes of stand up. And in that five minutes, tell an entire audience of people who don't know the fuck you are, what you're all about, and that you're funny and that you can write all that shit. It's another thing to do an hour of material, keep an audience laughing, and then weekly to get on to a podcast or whatever else you're doing, whether it's the live streams or whatever. You can't, there's nobody that's going to be

hilarious 24-7. So like you say, authentic and real, that's what people want to see. Like, oh, this guy is a real person who's funny as shit, but you know, no one that smokes weed with baby. Do you feel like smokes weed with baby do you feel like man you're a better five minute comic 15 minute comic or hour comic hour me too yeah just because story right exactly i'm i'm not that um anthony jeselnik uh you know can do an hour and a half of slay and also five minutes of just fucking yeah

fire fire yeah uh no that's not me when i do the when i see like people go you want to do a late night set i'm like that's not my best foot forward five minutes to me is not it's not terrible but if you're just watching five minutes i tell like you i tell stories and i meander a little bit do you know i wish i could do the i had that skill set just to fucking i took a job it's funny isn't it's like people who paint you know so many people paint different i only paint landscape but you can't paint like you're a good painter you can't paint now man i can only i do landscapes but can you do portraits no i fucking do landscapes motherfucker that is so crazy i hadn't thought of that painter yeah so some people have that stephen wright yeah some people have the ron white you know some people

got the prior something you know and most people steal and bite from everybody who would you say by the year closest to do you i mean i grew up listening to richard pryor and i'm not putting myself on that level at all but um the way he was very open about his personal life and stuff i would say i more that than than anybody else probably i see i didn't i think the first comic and I'm not like him at all. The first comic I ever really was like, Oh, what is this guy saying?

Was saying it was Kenison. Wow. Yeah. I just, you know, it's funny. Just like two weeks ago, I sat down and watched Rodney Dangerfield,

young comedians. And I watched dice, Kenison, Robert Townsend. Who else was on there too? You know, I opened for Kennison. Did you?

Did I ever tell you the story, dude? No. I want to hear it now, though. I didn't know you did that. He's a legend. Listen, before you tell it, I made, we loved Sam Kennison so much,

my brothers and I. He had that HBO that Rodney Dangerfield, and we were at my grandma's, after my dad died, and we're living with my grandma, and we're like, Grandma, you gotta watch this comedian she's like who's this guy oh no and we put sam kinnison on and she right away he

starts screaming with that little he did that laugh she's like turn this off turn it off and then he gets to the part where he's talking about the woman wants to fuck him harder and he's talking about driving back in the car yeah and that's the point where she starts dying laughing she can't like it got to her you know him just going like it finally clicked for her she's like this motherfucker is crazy crazy and as soon as he started talking about fucking harder she lost her shit and sat there and watched all the rest of it with us loved every second of it dude okay. Okay. I was 21. It was maybe the fourth time I'd ever been on stage. And I won a comedy competition in San Antonio at a bar called Huey's on St. Mary's Street.

I won the competition because the audience voted and I brought all my friends. And I think you won like free drinks for the night. Which was all I was. So maybe a week or two later, I got a phone call. Sam's opener was Carl LeBeau. Yep. And by the way, one of the all-times. Absolutely.

The last show he did in California before he split, I was on with him. And then when he came back after that whole crazy story, I put him on a show I was producing at the Hollywood Improv. So I was on the last one with him in California. when he came back after that whole crazy story, um, I, I put him on a show I was producing at the Hollywood improv. So I was on the last one with him in California. And then for whatever it was, 10, 12 years later,

I gave him the spot on the first one back. He, he, he is one of the most underrated comedians of all time. So I believe his dad had passed of HIV or AIDS. What he passed on the way to San Antonio. So I believe his dad had passed of HIV or AIDS. He passed on the way to San Antonio. So he kicked off from the tour.

And Bill, Sam's brother, who was his manager, called and said, I heard there was a comedy competition. Who won? We need that guy to open up for Sam. Will you call him? Wow. So I'm in my dorm room. You're about to tell me the fifth time you ever did stand-up comedy was in front of a sam

kinnison audience yes was he already at the wild thing phase and every like he had already hit the rock and roll literally rock and roll status we played at a rock club called sneakers in san antonio now you are already foreshadowing how bad that set was because you know you know how bad that was well it went from major comedy crowds to arenas like just so once you're there but his crowd also wasn't a comedy crowd per se it was a rock and yes it was a really idle guy yeah it was a rock show the guys who showed up were tatted out and this is one whenever you fucking ask her name the the girl rolling around in the wild thing video she was big jessica yes not rabbit human version of so they go you want to open for sam i said yeah fuck yeah and so all of a sudden i'm thinking this comedy shit's easy yeah right just won a comedy competition an hour ago and now i'm over

never again let me get my outfit right yeah right do you want first of all all right hold on i want to ask a million questions okay all right they call you of course you say yes now you drive there my girlfriend drove me okay and how do you know how much time you're doing before you get there? No. Okay. So you get there, you go in. Do you meet them? Kind of.

Do they let you in the green room or anything? Kind of. How's it go? All right. So walk us through when you get there. Okay. Do you want me to tell you what I'm wearing first? Yeah.

I'm a little confused as far as fashion-wise at this point in time. But I did have my hair in a ponytail. You had long hair? Oh, yeah. But wait. I hate to admit this. Bangs. Bangs.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm telling you. Okay. Long hair in the front is always worse than long hair in the back. Okay Long hair in the front is always worse than long hair in the back Alright what are you What kind of pants are you wearing are they leather Man I'm wearing some tight acid wash jeans

Oh my god With some What year is this 91 or 2 And how old are you then 21ish So acid wash jeans ponytail with bangs wait wait wait and you know i didn't really have sneakers or anything but you know what i had you know like some black

like dress shoes you know what i mean like loafers like you'd wear with a suit like with slacks yeah exactly these are your slack shoes. These are my slack shoes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wait a second. This is what you're wearing. Wait a second. Wait, do the jeans have holes or tears in them, or are they just acid wash? Just acid wash. Okay.

All right. I'm wearing one of those thin black belts that, you know, has the silver point at the top. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, the silver. All right. I have. Pleather.

It's pleather as shit. I had a blue button-down shirt like you would wear at a Blockbuster tucked into those jeans. Yeah, of course. With a black motorcycle jacket on top. So, black motorcycle jacket, blue button-down shirt, acid wash jeans, slack shoes, ponytail bangs. And I think. Earrings.

You have earrings back then? No then no man what kind of guy you think you just neck down you're just an asshole from the neck down oh neck up too i had the bangs with the pony you did have bangs so show up now by the way you know i would do you have a picture from back then i just i just might yeah yeah so you know man uh walking in i don't i'm not hip to what this rock and roll crowd but these are bikers okay yeah exactly these are how and how many uh does this seat what does this venue hold you would you say I honestly, thousand is big, right? It was standing room.

I remember, honestly, I remember the stage. It's gotta be somewhere between 500 and a thousand. It seems, so that's a shit load. I mean, for your fifth time to ever do stand up.

So, and I had won the comedy competition on five minutes, but three of those minutes was making fun of my friends in the crowd. Oh God. Right. So we get there, I meet him a little bit. You do.

Okay. Just real quick. And Bill's like, Hey, so listen, doing two shows. He said, this first show,

uh, just like do 25. And I was like, 20 fucking five minutes. Do 25. Like you imagine doing 25 minutes the fifth time you were on stage? No. In front of Kennison's crowd?

No. You know how little they wanted to see me as it is? Yeah. Okay. So Ryan, I walk on stage. And as I'm walking on stage to the mic, no intro, just me. I hear from the crowd. Because I looked 15. And I just hear from the crowd. Because I looked 15, and I just hear from the crowd,

hey, you better be funny, Bobby Brady. Bobby Brady. That's before you hit the mic. Is this the night the list started? Yeah. Is this the night the list started? Called you Bobby Brady. Bobby Brady. Bobby Brady.

And that dude just spoke for everybody. Yo, not Greg. Not Greg. Bobby. Bobby. I get to the mic. Let me tell you how bad it was going. It was going so bad, dude, that they stopped heckling me and just started talking to each other.

It wasn't even fun anymore to beat you. They were tired of beating you up. But, dude, let me tell you something. At one point, they were all talking so loudly. I was talking to myself. I'm like, nobody's really hearing what I'm saying. I'm just staying up here talking to myself. Nobody was even responding. But then people started to walk into the room, and I realized I was like to myself. I'm like, then nobody's really hearing what I'm saying. I'm just saying up here, talking to myself. Nobody was even responding.

But then people started to walk into the room and I realized I was like 15 minutes in. So I started repeating my set for the people. I was like, Hey, I know you guys missed my jokes. So I'm gonna. And then when I said, I missed your jokes,

there were, I opened myself up to, you're not missing. You didn't miss anything. That's Bobby Brady, motherfucker. About to wrap up. Right, okay. So I did my set in that 25 minute, my plan jokes, three different times.

You did? I opened with him, I put him in the middle, and I closed with him. Yeah. And then you had to do a second show after that? So I get off stage. Same night, or you do them back-to- a second show after that so i get off the same night or you're doing that back to back same night i get off stage you know this was when sam was sober yeah but not really so in between first and second show things go a little haywire and bill says to me hey i may need to do a little more time this second show. Fuck. I can repeat it.

And I said to him, I go, did you watch the first show? And he goes, no, I wasn't back. How'd it go? I'm like, not that great. And he was like, it's all right. Just get to Sam. He said, they won't remember you. Just fill the time.

And he said, at about 25 minutes, look over at me. And if I give you this sign, wrap it up. But if I give you this sign, you gotta keep going. Stretch. That's the first time I remember the first time I saw that on stage. So he gave me the more sign at 25 minutes. He was like, keep going. Man. I, I, oh, dude, okay.

I was saying things like, you know, I bought these shoes. I bought these shoes for the show. So I thought they'd look good with these pants. Nobody's saying it. They're talking to each other. I'm looking at my girlfriend. I'm like, why are we still here? Who does your bag? I think I did

32 the second show. Did you really? That is such a long time. Torture. To be on stage for any time. Torture. To be on stage for any reason. Torture. But to be on stage in front of people who didn't want to see you. Yes.

I mean, you shitload of them. Okay. I'll tell you something. Also, who couldn't get tickets to that first show. They really wanted to go to that house. They were like, I got to work tomorrow, motherfucker. Get out of here. I'll tell you something.

This is an actual conversation i have with my girlfriend driving home at the time she was you know she was like well you got that out of your system and i told her straight up i go oh no i said i'm not going out like that i said i may never be a stand-up comic but that's not the last time i'm standing on stage i'm going all the way to the top till somebody doesn't want Josh. Yeah. Josh motherfucking war. But I told her, I said, I'm,

I'm walking off the stage with a good experience. I said, so I'm going to do stand up again. That's not, I'm not fucking what flopping out like that. Yeah. There was no way I was going to let that experience be the one that chased me. If I was going to quit,

it was going to be a, cause I didn't want to do it, but I wasn gonna quit but i ate shit that night worse than i could have ever imagined ever eating like at least there'd be one person paying attention not even my girlfriend was paying attention the second show she even asked me she goes hey i go yeah she goes you doing the same material the second show i go what material all five yeah all five times yeah yeah every fucking every time yeah yeah but yeah man that was oh my god that was such what's the worst? I may have bombed worse two Christmases ago. Doing what? I did a Christmas party in a ballroom. Already.

I've been there. I'm already seeing it. It wasn't long this way. It was long wide. Yeah. A little dance floor just right here. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

And it sat 1,500 people. Jesus. They had one. What was the company? I don't want to say who they were. Was it corporation or something like no was it an armenian dentist yes well that's what mine was no mine was an armenian dentist this okay motherfucker had a lot of fucking clients okay i'll tell you who it was because it wasn't their fault it was a for a bunch of police officers. Okay. Wait a minute. Was it the robbery? I was the LAPD.

This was in LA. Robbery and Homicide Christmas comedian a while ago. That Robbery and Homicide division. How'd that go? It went fucking great. But they were like, you can't cuss. I was like, you guys look at dead bodies all day. I can't cuss?

They're like, nope. It was daytime. It was Christmas. It was at a country club. like you guys look at dead bodies all day i can't cuss like nope it was daytime it was christmas it was at a country club and they had one of those old school podiums where the metal mic just like you it just went from here to here just it was just long enough to unplug it yeah yeah not to bring it to my mouth not the wall i was like what so i just stood there and i started going the first thing i did was go through their open cases. You did?

I was like, who's on that Biggie Smalls case, guys? Let's go. RFK. There's still some outstanding questions for RFK. And I just went through all that. OJ, who is on that case? And they would point to each other like they're on this shit. That was not.

I felt bad for these guys because whoever set it up, man, they just had that one, you know, the one DJ speaker I felt bad for these guys because whoever set it up, man, they just had that one DJ speaker that you would see at a bar mitzvah on one stand. You got to stand right here in this room. For the whole room. If you move a little bit left or right, you're going to get a lot of reverb.

And only 40 people could hear me. There were times, Ryan, okay, there were times where I was on the dance floor, you know, that wooden dance floor, and I was doing my set. Were you in your slack shoes? No, I was in my night pants.

And I want to show you what would happen. So say you're doing stand-up here, and there's like, okay. There would be people, because nobody could hear me on either side, so a thousand of the people couldn't hear me. Who would just walk over with plates of food right i was just doing my stand-up and they would just walk right right across the fresh from the buff

yeah and i was like this is yeah but but that to me man if you don't have those experiences, you're not a comic. You need a couple of those. You got to eat shit. Hard. Yeah, you do. It's the same. Well, it's life.

If you're always giving everything, you'll never appreciate shit. Yeah. The moment you get it, like you say, if you earn the name dad, you earn that. And that's why it feels a certain way um dude i'll tell you something my all my kids were like are you gonna buy me a car and i told them no and jacob was like if you won a hundred million dollar lottery would you buy me a car and i said no and he said why not and i said because you you're gonna trash that car you're you're not gonna care about that car because you have no concept of money and what it takes to save up and buy a car i remember uh the first car i really took care of was the car that the first car that i bought right i had

respect for where that money came from how hard it was to save up that money and i'm i don't know what i'm gonna find that money again. I'm going to take care of this fucking car. And things like that I think are important. You have to learn that. Same with eating shit. You can't. That's why a lot of comics.

There's a way. You have to learn. I tell my daughter this all the time. You have to learn how to lose. Yeah. There's a way to lose. There's a lesson to be learned from it don't just get all mad about it you tell her make a list i was like you get a fucking list

there's a whole gateway you can dust off in the back um but you're a great dad dude i uh you know you and i we recently went to the lowell's cafe here that was so much fun so much fun justin martindale you uh me your son jake and your wife was there for a minute yeah and then bounced yeah and i was telling both you at the time you know i'd always thought and i i'm pro marijuana i smoke weed i always thought i would never smoke weed with my kids i just thought yeah i'm not going to do that. Maybe when they're a parent or something. But then when we sat down at this cafe, this beautiful cafe, the food is fantastic. People kept saying, oh, you guys were high.

I was like, no, why would you go back to a place at the foot? You can smoke anywhere in California. I'm not going to a Denny's just because I can smoke weed there. It has to be good food. Yeah. So great food, great atmosphere. People were off their phones they're talking they're engaging i'm not we're not seeing fistfights up at the fucking bar it's

a weed fucking place and i see your your son smoking and then you guys smoke and i was like you know what it changed my whole perspective because never did i ever think about a place like that smoking it was always i always figured it'd be like, you know, a barbecue or, you know what I mean? Like my first time I had a sip of my dad's beer was like at a 4th of July or some shit. And when I saw that, cause I thought, I don't have a beer or glass and wine with my daughter when she's 21 or

whatever. But yeah, I mean shit in 15, 20 fucking years, it's all. So it changed my mind on everything. Like I guess the point is you have to be open to thoughts new thoughts and change and and you know because it's going to happen whether you fucking like it or not yeah you know and for me i and my um theory with the with my kids was always like i would rather have them i'd rather know than not know yeah by the way i snooped on all of them and they were there i found things that i didn't like

but in my deal i always told myself you're snooping for safety if you see something where you're like oh this is bad for them i'm gonna say something if it's just something that i don't agree with that wasn't it right i found a i found a tobacco vape in my son's room when he was like 16. And I called him in. I go, hey, man, I found this vape. And he was like, were you in my room looking around? I said, I was in my room. Every room in this house is my room.

Every house is my room. Yeah. That is right. I was in the room, my room that you live in that's right rent free yep and i found this and you know what my deal is with this he was like he tried to get i said hey nope and i said by the way the reason there's no locks on any doors is because i'm in your shit just know that i'm in your shit and i And I've seen everything in your room, man. And his face went blank.

And I said, and I've never said anything. Because those are some choices that you or some people you want to hang out with or whatever that I, that's not for me. But this that is bad for you, that I think is unhealthy for you, I'm in your shit. This is not happening in my house. But when people say, I don'top it to trust with your kids your kids are dumb they're gonna make really stupid mistakes yeah part of your job is to try to make sure those mistakes don't happen right so if i look i've read a diary or two there's some shit where i was like oh my god i wish i could talk about this on stage god this is my new hour right here god damn

it but some shit i i just couldn't i but there were some things where i was like hey this concerns me yeah you're you're i won't say which one but one of my kids did some self-harming shit and i had to snoop to find that out but i'm glad i did because then that child went to therapy and we fixed it and we fixed it because i snooped because i was look i know kids are dumb and they hide things and they have their own fucking no matter how confident no matter what teenage kid the star quarterback is also the most insecure kid. Sure. Everybody at that age.

That's right. So they're going to make dumb mistakes and they're going to question themselves. And how many times do you see a kid commit suicide and you're like, he was the fucking happiest? You didn't see it coming. So like, yeah, I, uh, I, if I were you, I'd snoop a little bit. I'm going to be snooping. Yeah. I don't want to admit it.

I got to shut up here, but I'm going to be snooping. Yeah, right? Well, look, brother, thank you so much for coming on. I think you're doing a great job, and I appreciate you opening up about that. That stuff's not easy to talk about. Yeah, you know especially i because i get mad at myself when i even talk about it because it it feels weak do you do you know what i mean i do okay it shouldn't and you know that as well but i know invulnerable and and everything you

know what i know you say you worry about sound like a pussy and all that stuff no fuck that yeah but you know something, but you want, you always want to be a better person. Yeah. And so when you, when I talk about things that I know are weaknesses, weakness isn't the right word, but whatever it is,

I get mad that I haven't figured it out yet. You know? Yeah, your ex is going to come on here and tell us about it. I love you, dude. You're the best the best man thank you so much will you please one more time uh plug whatever you'd like comedian josh wolf.com for tour dates man every on my facebook fan page on mondays and tuesday nights it's seven o'clock pacific time whether it's the high live or control chaos so much fun i'm gonna guarantee you and also man

my youtube page just hit over a million yeah congratulations but i got a bunch of comedy on there if you don't know what i do or my style head over there i put all my comedy my specials please don't end up on his list yeah go watch yeah you better be wearing your slacks when you wash my shit, too. Dude, thank you so much for coming on. I love you to death. I am Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. Talk to you all next week. Bye.