The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Wolf - HoneyCelebration

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Josh Wolf! Josh joins me to celebrate the 100th episode of my patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all! We highlight the lowlights of 10 of my favorite patreon episodes! Beginning this Thursday I’m releasing those episodes for free on my YouTube channel every Thursday for 10 weeks! If you want more subscribe today! It’s $5 a month but if you sign up for a year you get a month free! PLUS you get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! You gotta hear these stories! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew https://www.youtube.com/rsickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Babbel -Save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to https://Babbel.com/HONEYDEW  How To Buy A Home Podcast -Find How to Buy a Home on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts for your step-by-step guide for buying your first home!

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Minneapolis. Thank you, thank you, thank you for another fantastic weekend. You guys are awesome. June shows coming up. Hollywood. June

4th, I'm at the Troubadour. It's going to be a really cool show. June 24th, I'm in Des Moines, Iowa, one night only. June 25th, headed to Omaha, Nebraska, one night only. And back at Brea, California, June 30th, one night only as well. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all.

We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I want to say again, thank you for your support. I appreciate everything you guys are doing, whether you're new here or whether you're an OG, thank you for the love. Please, if you're watching on YouTube, subscribe. Wherever you watch or listen, subscribe. It makes a difference. It really helps the show, all right? Turn those notifications on and enjoy the honeydew every Tuesday, y'all. All right? If you need more dew, I get it.

Check out the Patreon, the Honeydew With Y'all. We just hit 100 episodes, okay? And I can, again, thank you enough for that support, for real. If you don't know what the show is, it's called the Honeydew With Y'all, and I highlight the low lights with y'all. We've done a hundred episodes now and we've heard some of the wildest stuff. All right. It's five bucks a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free and you get the honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost. All right. So if you or someone, you know, has that story that has to be heard,

please submit it to honeydewPodcast at gmail.com. Hopefully we get to do an episode together. All right. I want to thank you guys for your support on the tour as well. Night Pass Nation Tour continues to roll on and add dates in June alone here. All right. We're going to be at the Troubadour for a really cool show June 4th. Des Moines, Iowa, one night only June 24th.

Omaha, Nebraska, one night only June 4th, Des Moines, Iowa, one night only, June 24th, Omaha, Nebraska, one night only, June 25th, and Brea Improv in Brea, California, one night only, June 30th. Now, you guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights and I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. But today, we have a very special episode, all right? We just hit that 100 episodes on Patreon. So what I decided to do today was take a day off a bit. You know. All right? We just hit that 100 episodes on Patreon. So what I decided to do today was take a day off a bit. You know what I mean? We're highlighting the lowlights every week for y'all.

So I brought in one of my favorite guests to sit down and highlight y'all's lowlights. All right? We're going to go through 10 of my favorite episodes. These aren't just the only 10, by the way. There are 90 more of these, and it was a tough decision. But these are 10 of some of my favorite episodes. These aren't just the only 10, by the way. There are 90 more of these, and it was a tough decision, but these are 10 of some of my favorite episodes, and I'm going to highlight those lowlights with the one and only Josh Wolfe. What's going on, man? How you doing, man? I'm doing great. I'm very excited to have you here. This is going to be a different episode.

Before I explain all of that, please plug, promote everything and anything josh wolf uh well the podcast that i started doing with my son jacob called hey man is out and it i have to tell you man it's it's the it's my the thing that i'm i've never had more fun doing anything in my life this dude like i really just enjoy him he's somebody who knows how to push my buttons. So he gets me in ways that other people don't. He tells really embarrassing stories about me that nobody else knows. It's like, and we just have great banter. And so I've just loved, and you know the most important thing, dude?

When you get kids his age, you think you're done spending time with them. Do you know what I mean? So this is really cool bonus you're done spending time with him do you know what i mean so this is really cool bonus time i get to have with him i mean i didn't realize like when i could stop spending time with my parents until my mom left and my dad died yeah yeah i was like i think they i think maybe they want to think i'm on my own maybe they want to stop hanging out with me but and uh and then um just my tour dates man my shows have been selling out like crazy yeah dude and my thanks man and the show the the energy of the shows have been insane comedian josh wolf.com for tour dates but in may i'm out in grand rapids

and then i am in ooh comedy on state in madison i've never been there before me either i heard it's fun i hear it's fucking amazing. I hear it's fantastic. I hear it's one of the best clubs in the country. And then I'm all, guys, I am a bit of a road whore. So if you're listening and you want to know, comedianjoshwolf.com and Josh Wolf Comedy on all social shit. Well, congrats on all of that.

I want to say this, and maybe this resonates with you, but I would say now knowing the life that I finally have starting in my late 40s, but being happy and content and grateful and humble and seeing what I'm able to give my daughter, my stepson's working with me, you know, like that to me, when I think back to all the bullshit and all the pain, if I would have known then like, Hey, if you go through this, this is going to happen. I'd have been glad to walk through that. I just did it every day. Cause I knew I fucking had to, but man, I feel like that payoff is, and maybe you feel the same way, but how great is that? Well, you know, but it also really shows you, there's no success without struggle. And for people who are like, how do I mix or jump this step? You don't jump steps.

When people are like, I want to be a comic, what do I do? Get on stage. It's the only advice you need. That's it. That's it. Everyone thinks, I say that I say the first thing that everyone asks me

is look you're gonna think this sounds like a dickhead answer but the truth is how do you be a doctor you go to school that's right

and you go through this program that's right you do this how do you become a police officer you do this and you do

how do you become a comedian you get on fucking stage because you can write everything you want in your living room it doesn't start until you get in front of the microphone. And also, I don't fucking know how you're supposed to succeed.

Yeah. I'm barely figuring this shit out for myself. I'm supposed to know how you're supposed to succeed in life. Have you heard anything about me? I don't know how I'm supposed to. Do not come to me with answers for you, man. I don't fucking know. How do I balance the, I don't know. I don know you yeah i don't know is it i don't know i don't know my favorite

one is like what do you think i should talk about bitch i don't i don't know you yeah i don't have a good answer for that. Yeah. Well, thank you for being here. Let me just say one last thing. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm super happy for you, dude. Thank you. And look, we all, everybody hits a period when they're out here, when they're like,

what the fuck am I doing? Am I still doing this in the same place, spinning my fucking wheels? And it takes deep, big balls to believe it, to bet on yourself. And you, dude, with this studio and in this podcast, you pushed all your fucking chips in. And I have so much respect for that. Listen, thank you very much. I want to say this. I did.

I did. And I still am. Yeah. And you very much. I want to say this. I did. I did. And I still am. Yeah. And it's the only way you can be now. It's all we can do now. A fucking pandemic came in and wiped out stand-up. Yeah. Huh?

Yeah. Yeah. What you going to do now? I did. Thank you. And I appreciate your help and support through it. Dude, absolutely. Of course.

And that's why I'm glad you're sitting in that chair today because this episode today is a different episode. My Patreon just hit 100 episodes. All right. That's awesome. And you and I have bared our souls enough. We've come on here and talked about our low lights, a lot of them. And today I thought it would be nice if you and I could just sit back and I show you 10 of, now there are a hundred episodes, but these are 10 of our favorites. And I can show you some clips and we just kick back and put our feet up and highlight y'all's lowlights. Yeah. All right.

That's what we're gonna do today so i'm gonna show you 10 of our favorites and why are they your favorites well there are so many people out there okay so i started this by just saying look i know we've got the regular honeydew here but there's so many people out there that have these wild stories and i'm telling you we have an inbox still of hundreds of emails of the craziest shit we just had somebody email us about being an amputee because they tried to commit suicide and like put their legs on a track or some shit like that like it's so i know you're looking at me like that but that's nothing compared to what you're about to see all right that's so you know how much i like weird shit why you know the stuff you stuff. I flew you in. I flew him in.

He did. I flew his ass in for this. And thank you for flying in. Thank you for flying me in. Yo, listen. You know the things that I text to you. Yes, things that I can't share. No, and you're one of three people I can text things to, right?

And so the fact that you have invited me, and I take this as an invitation and a compliment that you would invite me to see this. Well, I can't wait to laugh with you. Yeah, let's do it. So we're going to go through 10 of them. And just so you know, the Patreon's called The Honeydew With Y'all, all right? It's five bucks a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free, and you get the Honey Do It Day Early ad free at no additional cost. All right? That's the deal. And what we're going to do for the next 10 weeks, beginning May 5th through July 7th,

we're going to release these 10 episodes on the main YouTube channel every Thursday for 10 weeks. All right? That's what we're going to do. All right. So the first episode, ironically, was our – our excuse me the first clip we're going to talk about ironically was our second episode and ironically this woman has two pussies our second episode wait wait jess danner right what do you mean two puss in and has two pussies. Well, let's watch the clip here.

Did she have one big one and just kind of cut it in half? Uh-uh, not at all. She had two pussies. I know you're thinking like maybe one's on her neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to picture where it is. It's where it's supposed to be, but it ain't supposed to be. Next to it? Nah, what? Wait, was this a bad, like, bicycle

accident? When I was 12, I was walking, I was in middle school, I guess. Yeah. Middle school. I was walking home from school, and I had a really bad pain in my back, and I was like, this has got to be like kidney stones or something. Went to the

emergency room, thought it was kidney stones. alert turns out i had uh what's called uterine didelphys it's two uteruses um two uteruses yep okay so i already have questions all right so wait Wait. She can have, first of all, she can have two babies? She can't have that. So what happens is in her mother's womb, everything doubles. She has two uteruses, two cervixes, two vaginas. The vagina, if you want to picture it, is almost like a nose, so to speak, where you've got a fleshy material in between, but you do have two entrances. I'll never look at a nose again the same way in my entire life. I might be fucking.

Yeah. Okay. But hear me out. She has one kidney. So I'm saying like two pussies one kidney you got two everything you weren't supposed to have and only one of what you were supposed to have two of can we see more from jess danner uterus something that was excuse me undiagnosed all this time or did it did it grow inside you over a course of time where it's like holy shit you grew a second is there how to go miss are there vitamins you take to grow a second

uterus ingestation when i was being formed in my mom's uterus uh it was cell splitage so the cells that form your uterus cervix and all that are similar to the ones that build your urinary tract so instead of another kidney uh those cells formed into another uterus one kidney two you know what she said it. One kidney, two uteruses. You know what's crazy? I'm sure those cells were probably like, they had a fork in their own, and they were like, this side looks a lot more fun. Let's go where the other pussy is.

Can you live in one kidney? You can? Double pussy it is. Let's see what life's like with a double pussy. Yeah. Let's see what life's like with a jello puzzle. Now listen, here's the other great thing. I've met Jess Danner. She came to see me in Baltimore. I've met her mom.

I've met her sister. They're a great family, great people. This poor girl right here. Three people, four pussies? Three people? No, no. Yeah, four pussies. Not well. Spoiler alert. No! She's only got one pussy now. She got it fixed. poor girl right here three people four pussies three people no no yeah four pussies not well

spoiler alert no she's only got one pussy now she got it fixed she did let's watch is it fixed uteruses well the uteruses are gone but seventh grade was when i first got sick eighth grade was when i had my first surgery they were great great in middle school, high school, not so much. Like they're like, we're prepping you for life. You know, you gotta make sure you get your credits and all that bullshit.

But she was like, are you kidding? I got two pussies. I got a lot more to worry about. Teachers to tell you, can't go to the bathroom I mean that's the face of someone who's like

I got two pussies it's crazy he's like come on man let's watch teachers will tell you you can't go to the bathroom i had a field day with that i mean i'd be like i need i need to go bathroom and my male teacher would be like you gotta wait until we're done with this worksheet and i'd stand up and be like sir i need to change my tampon i have two uteruses i am bleeding like a cut up i'd like to take animal like it yeah

like i think you meant tampon embarrassed including punk asses i mean they used to call me DP Double pussy You didn't have to tell me what it stood for Well I thought I thought double penetration Oh Alright yeah She's like nah double pussy

Well she could be a 3P A TP Right So like Did the people in her school, people in high school knew that she had? I think I would have kept that information to myself. I don't know how it got out because I feel like one guy fingers you and feels two pussies and everyone's going to know. And he's like, hey, you got to get in there. Because you can.

I can and you can't. We both can yeah but you know what i want to say she's the sweetest girl she's done two episodes she did a post uh follow-up where she has one pussy um great people great family and she was like man as soon as i got that one pussy she was like out there you know she wanted to go you know went to town you know like fuck yeah try that new pussy out she didn't but she didn't want to go to that new pussy smell with the double she didn't she didn't she didn't go to town with the double with the think she did, but I think it was incredibly painful, and she also had to go through all these surgeries,

and shit started wrapping around her. She went to Atlanta for surgeries. This was, you know, we sit here laughing. But that's what the show is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the show is. Five hours a month. Sign up for a year, you get a month free.

By the way, that episode alone is worth your a month. Sign up for a year, you get a month free. By the way, that episode alone is worth your $5. Well, that's just how we're kicking off. By the way, I knew I was in the right place when I walked in and I just caught the top.

I was just looking at the screen and I said, I know I'm in the right place because it says Jeff, Jeff the editor, two pussies. And I was like, this is going to be a great show.

Yeah. Okay. The second one here, one of my absolute favorites. This is kind of wild. How about I don't say anything about this one? This is Joe Scheller. Okay. Who made a discovery on his work site.

Okay. Okay. So I'm walking through the woods, marking where they're going to cut down the trees so they can clear it and get ready for breaking ground. And it had just rained that day, so I'm pretty clumsy. So I was walking, and I noticed this tan rock sitting out. And I go, well, I'm not going to step on that

because I'm going to break my ankle and there's nobody going to, I had to climb over a Creek to get here. It looks like a dinosaur egg, bro. Nobody's going to pull my 250 pound body out of here. So I said, all right, I'm going to step next to it. So I stepped on a stick next to it and it popped the rock. I'm like, well, that's not normal. And I turn and two eyes are two eye socket look right up at me hold it right there hold it right there is that a dead person did he find a fucking dead person he he found a he found a skull he found a

human skull on his work site he did now but so someone put the stick under there on purpose no this this is this was just in december of last year okay um and this gets wild let's let's watch a little more of this one oh get the fuck out of did you shit yourself or what bro so first thing i did of it i had my equipment and i mean this equipment's eighty thousand dollars dropped it i go over the wood i go through the woods over the you know over this creek and uh i get to my truck and i just throw up i don't blame them check this out by that time the police are calling they're like hey where are you where are you you know i tell them that one cop shows up i'm like all right cool like let's go on this hike man so we go through there and then by the time we get there and real quick is he does he have his hand on his fucking yeah his piece the whole time wondering if you might be the motherfucker

that did this because i would i'll make you walk in front of me and i'd be right on that bitch like this like yeah i think when he saw the puke on the truck he probably so he ended up uh we got there and by the time we got there there's 20 cop cars the public works director's there the whole nine is there and the uh they tape it off and the sheriff come or the uh yeah sheriff comes up and he goes with his duncan in his hand i remember this he's like a donut or the coffee he left the donut in the truck he gets five feet away from it and goes yeah that, that's a human skull. We got a murder. And I'm like, what? Whoa. It was just crazy. And then, uh,

I want to say like the 23rd of the same month, my wife sends me this link and says, Hey, I think this is their press release from the city of the body. So how many days later? Uh, it was like four or five. So it was that next week they finally through dental records and just stuff in the bone they finally got it figured out and was it a male or female who was it was a it was a female um she had been dead for 18 years years years nobody nobody liked her it's a cold case he felt he solved yeah he just solved an 18 year old cold case so he's walking in the

woods to land survey sun's coming up it's in deep woods illinois and he steps on this stick and a fucking skull turns and looks at him and he hauls ass he throws up he calls the his dad first and i go hey just is this a fucking like yeah is this a land surveyor's wet dream he's like yeah so he calls his dad and the first thing his dad says is like you lucky son of a bitch that's what they're always wanting to see they all he said they find a ton of animal skulls deer all that shit or whatever got it got it got it but the fact of is they're always wondering if they're going to see a body so he said he was also scared because in his mind the killer was still right there in the woods you know what i mean even though it's a skull yeah i don't blame him either i'd have been out of that bitch i would have been like you know what i'll call for

my on my way home so it turns out that this woman was murdered uh 18 years ago okay and this the reason he's there is surveying the land because they're about to build like a strip mall or something in a few days they're gonna break down and if he doesn't step on this fucking stick and that skull doesn't spin around the bulldozers roll right over it push it deep down into the earth and then this never happens did they arrest somebody for the crime let's listen like a cold case for real it gets better man it gets better go ahead tell me more please the boyfriend was already in jail for her disappearance and they actually found the the bullet in her head no match to his gun no hold it there

it was still in the skull they picked it up and shook it and that fucking bullet that matched his gun was still on the skull now they got him for murder and this is just before christmas wait the family gets closure 18 years ago but he was in jail he was in jail for her disappearance they had enough on him for the disappearance, but not enough to charge for murder. So they got the guy. But, like, is disappearance against the law? I mean, if you have DNA and shit on you, I would say it probably is. I mean, I'm high, but.

I'm going to guess if you murdered somebody, it's probably not the only thing they got you he's not squeaky clean anywhere else no no i agree you know that would be crazy i see i am the opposite of that i absolutely do not want to find a body anywhere i don't either no no desire but if you're a land surveyor, you might want to. I guess. I mean, I think he thought he wanted to, too. And old Joe was like, fuck that. Until he threw up on his fucking...

Yeah. That's hilarious that he threw up on the truck. This Patreon's solving cold cases, y'all. Yo, $5 a month. That is crazy. That's crazy, isn't it? Is there more to that one? Okay.

Dude. Now, speaking of crazy, this guy, his name's Mike Frampton. We call him the death janitor. And Mike's job is a guy that comes in and cleans up the crime scene. Okay. So let's say you're an older man that doesn't have any family and you die in your home and you're not found for another three months mike's the guy they call yep by the way yeah could be yeah mike gets the call mike is my okay mike finds me let's check

out mike frampton here all right since you said, what's the grossest? If you're saying it's gross, I got to believe it's fucking disgusting. They're all bad. We've taken dumpsters of used diapers out of houses and piss jugs and hundreds of gallons.

It's all gross. We've had hoarders. Once you hoard yourself yourself at your bathroom, you got to find a place to put stuff. So you start pissing water jugs, which aren't made to hold piss for more than a couple of months. And then they break a couple months,

a couple. What do you mean? They're not meant to hold piss for more than a couple of months. They're not meant to hold piss for more than a couple months? They're not meant to hold piss at all. They're not supposed to have piss in them. They don't make milk cartons and be like, this one can hold piss for a couple months. This one right here. Max.

Right here. They're not meant to hold, but you know what's meant to hold piss? The fucking toilet. And outside. Yeah. And outside. You know, not a milk carton. Yo.

The outside holds piss better than anything. That's the best holder. That's the best pee holder going right now. But also, if you're pissing in milk jugs and you've backed yourself into a literal corner, it's the only place you can piss and shit, you're, well, let's see. Where is he shitting? He's pissing. You pee in a pop bottle.

Is that right? Urine breaks the plastic down? Well, in a water jug because they're meant to hold water, right? But a Coke bottle is good because they're meant to hold like an acidic drink, right? Pee in that one, right? Look at this, dude. But yeah, we've done so many of those where you just end up spending three, four days just dumping hundreds of gallons of piss. Oh, my God. many of those where you just end up spending three four days just dumping hundreds of gallons of piss and oh my god a lot of the decomp's uh if they're really bad like if they're weeks long

you end up shitting the next morning and smelling decomp in your shit i was waiting for that one that's my reaction. Hey, guess what? I quit. Have you ever? Have you ever even thought of something like that? Dude, if I smell. You smell decomp in your shit. If I'm shitting dead body, I am calling in my resignation as it's coming out of my asshole. This is the call right here. You ain't getting too weak. This is what you're is the call right here this is what you're

i quit that's what you're hearing on the phone you know what i'm saying i gotta go dead body in your shit bro zero chance is he still work there what the fuck is wrong well i blame you man like this is your own problem please oh yeah no you spilled that body in your shit well so i've had a couple guys that i've got to work with me call me the next day being like bro what the fuck and i'm like what's up they're like i took a shit this morning i was like yeah and he's like it smells like yesterday i really do feel like I've taken a couple of these motherfuckers around with me. You know, get out of here,

dude. You can, we're suited. I'm not like bathing in it, but you can smell it in your face. You can smell it for three blocks in some cases. Cause they're so bad. So like,

I mean, no, I'm in it. There's thousands of flies flying around. There's sludgy, gross, dead guys laying. By the when the the sweater he's wearing as he's talking to this it's just so cheerful and he's got like a four-year-old painting on this he's he's he's a happy-go-lucky here's what's crazy he's well I don't want to ruin it.

I'll save it for the end. I'll tell you what happened. Okay, go ahead. You take between 60 and 90 pounds of bones, even if the guy was 500 pounds, because the rest of it melts out. Is that what you meant by the puddle? Is that what you meant by the puddle? Yeah, yeah. So if you're on the third floor, you're in the basement if you're in a house. If you're in an apartment, as long as you don't land

on the seam which has happened uh you you puddle out um if you go on a seam we had a girl call us because she thought the guy's sewer above broke and was dripping out of his apartment because she was on the third floor and he was on the fourth and she was having uh she was in bed and uh it ended up being uh a dead guy And he finally like leaped through his bed, leaped through the seam in the floor, in the concrete. And it was dripping on her back while she was sleeping. Yo,

first of all, first of all, what? Yo, there, yo, I'm going to need some new skin. Like I can't,

there isn't enough. Yo, there's not enough soap. Not only that, who do you sue? Do you get to kill somebody for that? You're dead juice fucking dripping on my back. On my back in my home.

Who do you get to get mad at for that? Do you know what I mean? You can't even. You know the worst part about that? You can't get mad at anybody. There's nobody. The only person to get mad at just dripped on your fucking back. God, it's so crazy.

How crazy is that? Let me ask you. You smell dead body in your shit and dead bodies can drip on you. Which one? Tell me which one sounds worse. Knowing that the dead body was inside you or that it dripped on you. What do you mean by that? Would you rather smell it in your shit or have it come from the roof?

Oh, God. I feel like I'd rather smell it in your shit or have it come oh god i feel like i'd rather smell it my shit me too i don't want that actively yeah once it touches me i'll never forget that it was on me do you know what i mean and even if it hit my shoulder if someone wouldn't touch my shoulder i wouldn't do i wouldn't touch it i wouldn't touch that part of my i don't know what the fuck's gonna happen happen. I've seen Walking Dead. That seems real. Yo, if some dude exploded and gooped all over, I don't. These are the guys I'm talking about, like these older people that don't have any family or anything, and then they just die up in their bed, and then the guy is laying there for weeks, and then your body just breaks down for so long that it seeps into the mattress and through the box spring and onto the floor and then through the floor like weeks.

And then it's actively. Five hours a month, y'all. Sign up for a year. You get over a month free. Honey, do a day early, have free at no additional cost all right listen if these three clips haven't well here's the here's the beautiful thing these are just clips you are going to get these full episodes for the next 10 weeks in this order we're doing here uh on the regular free youtube channel it's so oh that's the first three. All right. That's a tough one.

That one? It's a tough one. How do the next door neighbors not smell? Like something's going to smell, right? Yeah, but maybe you live out in like Nebraska in the middle of nowhere and a fucking mailman finally smelled yours. Who knows? Who knows? If a dead guy dripped on me, I'd never get over that.

All right. Now, are we done with that one, Kirsten? Okay. this next one here this is andre sfida andre sfida uh this is different this is uh some crazy shit here this was um this was a cliff fall andre fell off a cliff let's take a look here so mind you i've reclined this one spot before but i had two other friends with me now. And that was like six years prior. So I'm thinking like, I've done this before.

I remember this wall. So I'm like, I'm climbing up comfortably. I'm doing great. I get to like this one spot where I can chill out, catch my breath. Just as soon as I start going back up, I get a little bit higher, a little bit higher. And right at the top, I'm crawling over the top. No. And it's like- You I'm crawling over the top.

It's like- You're there? At the top, yeah. I was one foot on top of the fucking thing. I'm literally wrapped around the boulder. I'm just getting my foot around, and my arms just let go. I don't know what happened, whether it was the wind. My muscles just gave out, but it was like time stopped for a split second it was like that and i remember just looking around and just saying fucking slow motion because everything just started

to go slowly in front of me down how are you falling so i have the rock wall in front of me and i'm holding on and as i let go i'm just literally like this far away like this far away from the rock wall just i'm just trying to grab onto things. I'm pressing my feet into the wall. It's just a straight down. I went up the side and went around to the overlook, so it's just a straight down. I'm just sliding down, pressing, pressing, pressing. I remember at one point I hit this wrist against, I'm pretty sure a boulder or something, a tree, but I didn't think anything of

it sliding i land on my feet right come on what what do you mean you think your knees everything above he ain't done wait your hips everything's just gonna pop straight out right smack down right on that ground just and everything like who's the superhero drops in like that with the arm who is that the drops superman yeah not this dude that's right oh shit let's watch a little more he's gonna tell you what happened standing up right i feel this like this cold metal feeling go from my foot up through my body and out my head right you fell how far the whole 60 feet you fell 60 fucking feet and landed on your fucking feet like a cat what are the fucking odds of that i land land on my feet, and my first instinct is like, take a deep breath.

I'm like, all right, I'm alive. That's the first thing I say. I'm alive. Let me grab my phone. I pull off my string bag. I pull out my phone, and I see that my phone is cracked in half. Because I guess it hit it going down the wall. It smacked the side of the wall and just smashed.

So I didn't think anything of this. I sat down and then when I was sitting, he's not hurt. He's not. I think this is the beauty of adrenaline. Yeah. He's the, now listen,

he's in the wilderness, not, not Griffith fucking part. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, not run. You get it. this motherfucker's by

himself yeah with no with a broken phone and he's just falling 60 foot off a fucking cliff and landed on his feet and felt electricity and coldness shoot from his feet through the blow out the top of his fucking head and now he's sitting down i, did his knees come out of his shoulders? Watch. So I laid down on the ground for a second. Once I laid down, I was lifting my neck, and that was about it. My whole body was non-responsive. Paralyzed. He's a quadriplegic.

In the meantime, I'm laying there, and I start to feel like this warm on my head. So naturally, I start to feel around, and I feel like this like this warm on my head so naturally i start to feel around and i feel like this divot and i kid you not i stick my finger up to this knuckle into my head you fingered his own skull in your head that deep yeah so when i landed i guess the shock from when my foot connected with the ground traveled through my body and blew out the top of my head. Blew out the top of my head. Get the fuck out of here. Pause it. Pause it.

Get the... He literally blew a hole in his own skull? What the fuck? Is that possible? I questioned it. I felt maybe there was a branch that could have poked it or something. But here's the thing. Wait. I wouldn't think you'd even it or something. But here's the thing. Wait. I wouldn't think you'd even live from that.

So I don't know. Maybe it is possible that the force of that shot it up in a small part of your brain. Skull, excuse me, said, fuck it. And then he fingered his own head? Yeah, he touched it. He was like, he's fucking got a finger inside his skull right now. And he's a quadriplegic. Okay. Well, he can't be. Well, no. He's paraplegic. Parap skull right now. And he's a quadriplegic. Okay.

Well, he can't be. Well, no. He's paraplegic. Paraplegic because he's got his arm. Can't move his legs. And he's about to fucking lay there in the wilderness all night with a broken phone. Is there a little more of that? Wait.

So what? I need an ending to this story. The ending to the story is that he spent the night in the fucking wilderness by himself and i was like were you scared to death with a broken back everything broken everything and he was he in a wheelchair yeah he recovered he fully recovered yeah fully recovered what about that i think some hikers or something found him the next i don't know you got to watch the episode you got to watch the episode man yo the hole in his head is questionable to me i kind of feel like he hits a tree on the way down or some shit yo if if that if like a little like if that's possible but if but a 60 foot fall it's a six-story building you just fell straight down and then on your feet i wonder if that's the best way

to fall if you're going 60 feet versus just like flat or on your shoulder or i don't know he made it andre made it by the way it all sounds pretty terrible i just might turn it over and go face first and get it over with well speaking of face first get it over with this next episode really it's pretty interesting this is that last story is fascinating yeah these are they range from all different kinds of shit. This is Zoe Smith. And, well, let's just watch this clip. Zoe actually made a conscious decision. A guy that used to rent one of the houses on the property that we live on.

Okay. He moved out and was still sort of vaguely a family friend. So it wasn't like we were important people in the wedding. We were the ones that I just invited. You know how there's like. But you didn't take a date with you? No, I took a friend that didn't know him at all, and we were just hanging out. All right, so you meet this guy.

Yeah, I met this guy, and we were sort of talking with a group of people. And my ex-boyfriend was also at that wedding, and me and him were good friends. And he saw that I liked this guy that we were talking to, and he had gone to school with that guy because I was 19 and my ex-boyfriend and the guy that I met were both seven years older than me. So he was like, hey, I know him. Do you know that he's gay and he is HIV positive? And I was like, I don't really care because I'm 19 and I'm dumb and I don't give a fuck about it. You really did have the attitude of the, I don't care? Well, when he told me those two things he's gay and he's got hiv the one that pissed me off the most was that he was gay i was like damn like

i was like damn it yeah yeah and so i was like fuck i really like that guy and um and then i was like oh well we'll just be friends because he was funny and so you believed him though you didn't think he was cock blocking or trying to derail? No, no, no. You really did believe him when he told you? Like, we're good friends. And he said it. And I know that he was just trying to be like, hey, by the way, that guy's crazy.

So, like, you know, beware. And I thought, oh, well, who cares? I'll just be friends with him. Like, he'll be my fun gay friend because whatever. But obviously, I still was into him. So we started hanging out that wedding was in like september which in new zealand is spring so it was like the beginning of the summer um and then that whole summer we were hanging out and secretly i was like i really

like you you're really hot and i want to i wish that you weren't gay and then we got drunk hook up hooked up and i was like hey i thought you were gay and he's like hey like you know wait wait wait is that so is that all this is just i'm not gay anymore this is the sign for i i'm not sure what the sign is for that but it might be hey you just had sex with an hiv positive person knowingly uh without caring so let's see what happens. We just started hanging out and hooking up. So we were hanging out. We'd have a good time.

But hold on. I'm sorry. I know I'm stopping you because you know he's HIV positive. Yeah, but I'm dumb. That's fine. Look, we all are at that age. We all have made plenty of mistakes. You can hold on there.

Hold it there, Carson. Listen, when you're 19, you're like, hey, I'm going to shit in this parking lot, dumb. You're not, hey, I'm going to fuck somebody who has HIV. With AIDS. Yeah. I just want to step in. I did dumb shit when I was 19, you know what I mean?

Like I would grab a six-pack of beer and run out of 7-Eleven, dumb. But not be be like let's see if i'm gonna die well see that's the difference is i guess it's all matters of what you think is dumb you know what i'm saying we were a lot dumber but smarter yeah i think so i think so are you having an open dialogue about it at all or are you just not addressing it? Are you ever asking him? Are you ever asking him, hey, maybe this time we should put a condom on or any of that? The thing is, is that it was so, this is going to make me sound really pathetic, but it was so hard for him, for me to get him to be into me, that when he was into me, I was like,

let's not ruin this with like clinical. With AIDS. With death. Let's not ruin this with like clinical with aids with death let's start with certain death that is fucking crazy about that so she didn't get hiv she did she did we have that part yeah totally i was like i don't want to ruin this what was going on because this doesn't yeah and so i was just dumb and like yeah it makes me sound really dumb and in hindsight i'm like what's wrong with me so yeah she's she got it because that's i say on the show that's how it works yeah that's that's how you get it that's how it works yeah that is how you get it you have

unprotected sex with a person who's hiv positive yep that's exactly how it happens yeah yeah so she's hiv positive she doesn't have aids but she's hiv positive for most of us learning a second language in high school or college wasn't exactly a high point in our academic careers. I started taking Spanish in eighth grade. They made me take it up until like 11th, and that D brought my GPA down. Still got out of there with a 3.0. Suck it, Liberty High School. Now, thanks to Babbel, the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions, there's an addictively fun and easy way to learn a new language. Whether you'll be traveling abroad, connecting in a deeper way with family, or you just have some free time, Babbel teaches bite-sized language lessons that you'll actually use in the real world. Babbel's 15-minute lessons make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go. Other language learning apps

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Plus, it comes with a 20-day money-back guarantee. Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel. Right now, you can save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to Babbel.com slash honeydew. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash honeydew for up to 60% off your subscription. Babbel, language for life. You guys have been hearing me talk about the How to Buy a Home podcast for a while now. So whether you've already started looking or even if you haven't considered buying a home yet, you've probably heard some horrible headlines.

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Get the latest on the how to buy a home podcast and make this the last year you rent listen to the how to buy a home podcast today find how to buy a home on youtube and wherever you listen to podcasts now let's get back to the dude that is i i have to tell you i bet i bet you she's one of like four people in the history of the world who was like, you got your HIV positive? Yeah, what the fuck? I don't give a fuck. I can't imagine we're in double digits for that number.

It better be the best piece of pussy I've ever had. I mean. Because it should be the best piece of pussy I've never had. Now, this is the question, though. Are you getting Magic Johnson HIV? Right. Yeah, right. I mean, that's.

I don't know. I don't think so. It sounded like it was Australia. Or New Zealand. I can't remember now. All right. This next one here. This one's a little bit of a wild card.

This is my girl, Randy Kioski here. Randy Kioski actually made history. Randy Kioski actually made history. She was the first female in a gang that she was part of in Chicago, ran that for a little while, was like, you know. She was the first female ever in that gang? Initiated in and allowed to be in that gang. She made history in the gang world. And, like, in the underworld, they knew her.

And then she transitioned out of that world eventually and now into a bdsm dominatrix let's take a listen to randy she's got the best tell me what your job she's in nashville she brings you in and you're a dominatrix apprentice at this point so what do you have what do you do so the first day that i was there i I got a guy for $5,000. She's like, this is a big ticket item. We talked about them like they were cattle. And so he wanted to be branded. So I had to get this iron hot and fucking brand him on his ass. Dude had a wedding ring on.

brand him on his ass dude had a wedding ring on i'm like his wife is gonna see this and be like why is there a big k branded into your fucking ass you know but yeah that's what he wanted that was my first day there first day on the job first day on the job she must have gone home like what the fuck and pay you five thousand i've been learning about these, I think they're called cash pigs or something like this. These are guys that want women. Yeah. They want to spend money on you. That's what they get off on. That's their fetish.

This dude is coming in to get something on his ass that's going to hurt for a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A long time. Sitting down is going to be a problem. Not a tattoo. This is going to be a fucking thing for a minute i got so many questions first of all like i mean how did he pick his brand i'm so curious i don't know either i really want to i mean i'd like to talk to that dude and be

like yo man but but if the first day was branding you must have gone home like this. She must have gone home either thinking, I can't do this, or this is going to be the best job. Well, I don't want to spoil it for you, but Randy leans into it. Yeah. A lot of pegging. Let me just say again. A lot of pegging. A lot of it.

This guy gave me five thousand dollars just to brand him yeah i mean i like pissed in his mouth too but the main thing that he wanted was to be the main thing was brandy wait that's an aside in my mouth better be the main thing on the menu that ain't no warm up you tell me pissing in my mouth better be the main motherfucking thing on the menu. That ain't no warm up. You tell me pissing in the mouth is the appetizer? I would have said piss on that hot ass brand back there and pull it off. Pissing on your mouth, that's the hummus? That's not even the full meal?

That's the garlic bread? That's the garlic knots. Pissing in your mouth. Yo, she said that so casually. Yeah, I mean, she had me piss in his mouth, but that wasn't the main thing. What? Well, there's more, Josh. There's more, Josh.

Do they drink it when they're pissing in the mouth? Probably. Probably. I don't know how you don't. I love this motherfucking show. I do. Five dollars a month. What do you mean you pissed in his mouth?

How do you piss? He just lays down and you just stand over him and piss in his mouth? Yeah. Why does she say so matter-of-factly? She says it to me like I'm the weird one. Yeah, yeah. Squatted over him like he was a toilet and pissed in his mouth and told him he was a fucking piece of shit and to drink my piss. And he drank it.

To gargle it. There's your answer. Yeah, I said gargle it before you fucking drink it you pig and then you've been and then he's like thanks very much i'm out of here with my sore ass no he wasn't allowed to say thank you i didn't want him to i you speak when you're spoken to if i don't ask you a question you don't fucking say shit i mean there was a lot of rose buds which is like the anal prolapse there was a lot of rose buds, which is like the anal prolapse. There was a lot of that that happened. That's one of those videos I said.

You would get your fist in all the way up to your elbow, and then you'd pull out really quick, and then you would punch the prolapse, and then you would ring around the prolapse. I don't know if you heard that. She would pull it out real fast. She'd put her arm in your asshole up to your elbow, and then she would pull it out real quick, and it'll suck arm in your asshole up to your elbow, and then she would pull it out real quick,

and it'll suck your ass out. That prolapses, and then you punch it back in. I think Rocky did that in Rocky II. And all of Rocky. That was his training, I think. He couldn't afford a real gym. You know? That's if it was a combo movie of Rocky and philadelphia like if they did a combo like

oh dude wait there's more to this there's more there is sometimes you know there's more laughs like a donut you'd ring around it and it it would kind of bleed, but it would be mixed with lube. So it would be lube and blood. And the smell of that smells like plastic. I'm sorry. Are you telling me that you have shoved your fist? You've punched your fist up men's assholes? Oh, yeah. As hard as i could i mean i know about prolapsed anuses because of tom segura and you know their touch oh but i didn't know

i didn't i just thought that was something that happened if you overused it i didn't know you could actually take some of my assholes yeah like girls who do anal porn and shit like that. Got it. Well, what happens is they constrict around your arm. So they tighten up like they're doing like kegels, you know? Guys, where else are you getting fisting a guy's asshole up to the elbow, prolapsing his anus for $5 a month? Over a month free if you sign up free. Yeah, it's $5,000 if you go to her.

It's $5,000. And I'm like, okay, and then I pull it out. So when they tighten, that's what suctions around your arm, and that's when you pull it out. Where are you learning how to do this? What training do you have to learn how to yank a man's ass? She's got an answer. It's just on-'s got an answer. It's just, it's on the job training.

No! On the job training. She's practicing on your ass. Yeah, she probably, she probably did it wrong a couple times. Like,

what does that look like if she does it wrong a couple times? She said that one guy, she couldn't get it back in. She just couldn't and they have to call an ambulance and then they come

and you're humiliated. They take you out of a BDSM place with your asshole out. You're probably holding it like this on a stretcher i wonder if they put it on a little stretcher next to you or a pillow or a little pillow a little asshole pillow oh man all right this is i'll give you a heads up now this one's a little difficult all right uh this is what does that mean difficult this is a mike farahani he took sleep meds and one in like 15 000 can cause priapism. Okay. What is that?

A prolonged erection. You know, when you see the Viagra, like if you have an erection, it lasts longer. Okay. Well, he's only trying to get a good night's sleep. He's not trying to get his fuck on. Yeah. He's trying to get his sleep on. So he took these meds.

And it's rare, but it happens. Some of these meds can make your dick hard for hours. This guy's dick has been hard for, Kirsten, do you remember how long? That sounds terrible. And he's now at the hospital to get it taken care of. Just fucking everybody. Everybody. Who's coming in next well he's in excruciating pain and he is now at the fucking emergency room to get this taken care of okay so she does this for about an hour every Every five minutes, I get a new injection. But she actually hits the glands this time.

The cap. I remember this every five minutes. Yeah. So it doesn't a dozen shots in your dick to try to get this thing down. So they're trying to pull the blood out. Wait a second. He's got 12 needles in his dick to try to get the blood out of this fucking engorged sausage he's got. Okay, I got a couple questions.

Go ahead. He's going to answer them for you, too. Well, my first question, he's in a lot of pain. Does it hurt to have a hard-on for that long? Yes. It's excruciating, he said. He said it felt like it was going to just blow up. And you can't just jerk off?

No. It didn't help. I'm sure he tried. He tried everything tried everything yeah yeah piss it all of it trying anything he could and so that's why he's now at the hospital yeah you're right that's not your first choice you're right that's you you're not like my i got a hard time to go to the hospital it's definitely not your first i mean after hour three or four you're right i mean after hour three or four you're like man i gotta go so i don't know about this y'all get some pictures of it because it's bigger than it's ever been

but jesus christ oh yeah if you're on tinder that's your profile on the wall yeah you mean just pick on the fridge that's my dick that. Wait. Okay. Alright, let's watch. He gets into it. Yeah. Eventually. But here's the... All because you wanted to fucking sleep. That's what I'm saying. Not because you wanted to get laid.

Not because you're out there popping these things. Being some kind of playboy. All because you wanted a good night's sleep. That's so crazy. Yeah. Man, I'm sorry dude okay go ahead so now you've got a dozen needles in your dick the reason that picture is so gnarly is that their surgery it's what i'm we're gonna show you the picture yeah so this is their aftermath the reason that picture is so gnarly is i didn't realize at the time they're not capturing the blood anywhere.

The little tip of the needle they put in the syringe, there's no syringe. They just put those needles in and just let it drain. And it's just going all the way to the tube or anything. No, that's right. They're not pulling it up a syringe. They're just poking it and like holes in it so that it just shoots blood out and relieves itself because it's about to explode. Explode? Do we have the picture? Do you want to show the picture now or do you have it

set for the end? What would happen if they didn't do that? I'll show you. Did it explode? Oh, he sent us a picture of it. So get ready for this. Had it exploded? No, they were just trying to fucking get it done

that's all from yo that looks like a terrible sandcastle whoa wowzers yikes by the way this is not the only time it's happened to this poor motherfucker okay he did it again well so we're gonna listen let's see if we got it more of it can you send me that screen yeah well it's gonna be in the it's gonna be in the post it's just spraying out no it's yeah it's going to be in the post. It's just spraying out? No. First it sprays, and then it just drips like a faucet that goes drip, drip, drip, drip. So they're not capturing the blood. Is he awake?

Here's the problem. It's not staying down. Listen to this. They completely drain it, and they literally squeeze the blood out. They're grabbing the top. The needles are like a shamwelf. So they're grabbing the top and just squeeze the blood out.

They just try to bring it out? Then they let go and I can feel it just right back up. Wait, they drained all that blood out and your dick still went out. Hey, by the way, you know part, just a little bit of them was like, that's right.

Like I picked the game. A little bit of them was like, that's right. I got picked again. A little bit of him. I'm going to let it go now. Where's the blood coming from that's pumping it in there? The blood vessels just aren't constricting enough. And they're just wide open like a fire hose, just allowing blood to come right back in. So they start simultaneously aspirating the blood out and injecting the phenylephrine in.

And finally, they're like, I'm like, can I have some water? I'm dying here. They're like, we can't even give you water because you might need surgery. And if you're under general anesthesia, anything in your stomach, you'll, you have the potential to throw up. So he's awake. He is awake. So finally they're like, okay.

Oh, and simultaneously they have to flush it out. So So he's awake. He is awake. So finally they're like, okay. Oh, and simultaneously they have to flush it out. So they're injecting saline into it. And it's crazy. How many fucking needles are we talking about in this procedure? Dozens?

It sounds like dozens. 50, 60 sticks. Oh, no. 50 sticks in his dick? No. No. Yo, at one needle I'll be like, I'll take my chances out there. 50 sticks in his dick? No! No! Yo, at one needle, I'll be like, I'll take my chances out there. Just trying to get some sleep, man.

Why did this happen to him more than once? Because what he didn't realize is the first time, I think he took some medication and it happened, and then after like a couple days or something, maybe it went down, and then he took it, but he didn't put it to that. And then he took it because he was taking other medications. I may have this wrong. And then he did it a second time, and that's when they linked it to the sleep medication.

Now, now. It's $5 a month. You can ask. It's $5 a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month. The needle in the dick. Yeah, bro. Watch the episode. you'll see the

rest of it you know what hurts a lot those local anesthetic needles yeah they do the the prick yeah so he had to get a bunch of those yeah to get 60 fucking needles in his dick no again i need something to get mad at like who can i get there's no one to get mad at. Like, who can I get? There's no one to get mad at. You just got to... Unlucky dick. Unlucky dick, bro. Now, speaking of unlucky dicks. No. This guy, this one's a while,

and this is one of our more wild stories for sure. This is Dan Batiste. Have you not been paying attention to the first six? What do you mean more wild? We've done seven, but I have. Seven. This one is... Well, you'll see. This is Dan Batiste, and Dan is making a purchase.

He's a heroin addict at the time. Okay. And he's making a purchase in Philly in the open-air drug market back in, I think it was the 90s. All right? And this was his experience going to this particular deal. Was it like a farmer's market? It was sort of like, I mean, kind of. They were like, put it over in this fucking neighborhood, and we don't give a fuck.

No shit. That sort of Baltimore, Philly-style shit. Like, hey, do it over there. Leave everything else alone. Okay. I remember that day. I went, and I bought my shit, dude. Okay, so hold on.

Let me set this up a little more he clearly has a smoking weed by the way it's not weed bro his heroin he does still i i mean i'm not sure i'm not sure so dan buys his drugs normally from a guy named gordo okay Okay. So Gordo is a dealer who, uh, he goes to see and Gordo is a big fat dude in a beautiful suit. And he's got like a 44 or a desert Eagle. He had a desert Eagle, I believe. And he wouldn't do, uh, he wouldn't fucking flex on you in a way, like with the gun, like show it to everything. He would be like poppy look at this it's beautiful nickel plated just to let you know i got this motherfucker right right he doesn't need to be like yeah motherfucker what's up just letting you know i love this

fucking gun that i have on and it's always loaded yeah right yeah yeah i wish i could see i want to take it for a drive i got a ferrari in garage. You know what I mean? That's right. Let me know. Letting you know that this is present. And what happens is every time you go buy drugs from Gordo, there's a resident crackhead that stands nearby. And after you buy your drugs, when you turn around to leave, crackhead's like, hey, can I get a little more? And everybody's like, get the fuck out of here. Okay? So these are the three characters involved in this story.

I can't wait for this one. I remember that day I went and I bought my shit, dude. And I remember walking away and then fucking Jerry walking back and forth. Jerry's the crackhead. The resident crackhead. I remember him passing me like he walked right by me fucking head down just

not going for it dude as I'm walking away I hear hey motherfucker and my head goes oh fuck did I not give him enough money you know cause you just fucking here's a stack of money give me my drugs and then you beat the fuck feet dude i hear hey motherfucker and all of

a sudden i hear as jerry is running at me and i got are you understood all right so hold on here kirsten so i thought jerry had already ran past him he did but now jerry's running away from so jerry's past uh dan walking toward gordo okay i'm dan i'm turned around i'm walking this way jerry's coming at you right i'm still walking away but now jerry's coming back, and Jerry's walking the same direction I'm walking away from Gordo. Got it? Yep, yep. So Jerry's right between Gordo and me. You follow?

Yep, yep. All right. I turn around, dude, and I look, and all of a sudden. Okay, stop. So now I'm looking at you. You're Gordo. Yeah. I've turned around to see why Jerry, who's coming running at me.

Jerry's facing me and you and I are facing each other. Are you with me? Yeah. All right, here we go. I turn around, dude, and I look and all of a sudden his fucking face is all over me. What? Oh my God. What do you mean?

He shot him in the face? Did you just say his face is all over you? His face is all over me? Dude, Gordo shot that motherfucker in the back of the head and his fucking face just went. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yo, Gordo, I need a free bag for that.

Yo, he gave me a facial for real. Yo, yo, yo. You put Jerry's face on my face? He shot someone's face onto his face. Fuck, no. Oh, I'd still be doing heroin then for sure. We're not done. Dan ain't done either. We're not done. heroin then for sure We're not done We're not done

We're not done Dude There's more to the story What else could happen Fuck are you talking about right now Hold on You're telling me that you thought he was talking to you So you turn to see

And he shoots this guy's Sk skull apart and it splatters all over you what the oh my god oh shit dude but by the way if i would if i didn't have a drug problem before i would now what dude i mean you're lucky the bullets didn't go through him and hit you right the fact that i didn't get shot that day is insane to me what do you know what happened why did he try to charge gordo what the fuck was he doing he dude he went up fucking was this a suicide mission oh i just wow dude he went up asked for a pack, took the pack, and fucking booked it. So he stole a pack, hauled ass, trying to get away. Because Gordo's not a runner.

Right. He ain't a runner, bro. He's like three bills. That's right. Gordo's not a runner, but he told you. But that Desert Eagle can fly. You know what I'm saying? Yo.

And he shot that motherfucker in the back of the head. And it sprayed on you. and he shot that motherfucker in the back of the head and it's spray and the dude i literally picked fucking hair brains and skull fragments out of my fucking everything for like 20 minutes no get it in your mouth listen I don't even remember. Yes, you did. Probably. I don't know, dude. I just turned around and all of a sudden some dude. And I remember it.

I remember it in slow motion. We're literally like all of a sudden you see a face and then it just goes. Like the inside of his head played peekaboo with him like that dude disintegrate is not the word for it what happened to his eyeballs what if an eyeball was like do you hear what he says it smelled did we let's see if he says that dude the shit that a 45 magnum will do to the front of somebody's face when it comes through the back is something I wouldn't wish. Dude, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Dude, it covered me from fucking head to toe.

I was covered in blood and snot and brains and hair. and snot and brains and hair. I ran the two blocks back to my car and I sat there for an hour and a half waiting for the cops to come. P.S. Doing heroin. Shooting up in the car with someone's shit all over him, dude.

Well, by the way, I would have shot the heroin too. Are you kidding me? Whatever drug I had in my pocket. I can't decide what's worth. Dead guy dripping on me? Dead goop? That's way, way worse.

A drop of dead goop or blood, brain, snot, hair, skull. Snot's when I knew it was real. There's something about dead goop. And he said it smelled like pennies. Yeah, that sounds right. He says that too. And if you want to hear what happens to the rest of it, oh, he's not done doing heroin, and he ain't done with Gordo either.

There's more to that story. I love the fact that he waited for the cops, but was like, I might as well shoot up. What am I going to do for the 20 minutes? Dude. All right. Now we're going to go a little lighter here on this one here this one's just a fun really fucked up one i'm trying to picture that in my head yeah because first of all yo good shot by gordo thank god right yeah thank god good shot because i think it probably goes

through other parts of his body into. I don't know. Cause I don't know what gun it was. I'm over here joking. He says 45 Magnum. I don't even think that's real. Yeah. But again, it might be.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't matter. It was powerful enough to explode his face. And I know when you say snot that you're fucking. Yeah. Yeah.

It's that's that happened. Oh my God. So this one, this is Zach Johnson. Zach had an interesting story his mom i don't know how much we have set up here but his mom and her girlfriend were a one-two punch okay basically they'd roll to parties together and um his mom zack's mom would tell um her partner in crime literally look i like, I like Josh. Josh is hot. And then they would fucking roofie you. And then you would go lay down

because you're not feeling well in the bedroom. And then Zach's mom would come in and she'd fuck you. Okay? Why wouldn't she just try to fuck me? That's a great point. But also, we don't know what Zach's mom was like. Okay, yeah, good point, good point, good point.

Or what she has. By the way, it's... We already saw somebody get AIDS on this show. On purpose. You know what I'm saying? On purpose. It's Zach, not Zach. It is Zach.

It's Z-E-C-H, I believe. Zach. Zach Johnson. So... As anybody who names their kids Zach probably does that to people. So his mom was obviously not a great mom to him. And he's sort of trying to work on things now. I imagine.

And they go to this little party together. And he's not feeling well. He's not feeling well. So he goes to lay down at this house. Now, here's the thing. Did the partner in crime roofie him? The partner in crime roofied the right guy. And he went to lay down in the back, the last bedroom, all the way down the hall.

It's like a three- or four-bedroom house. He's not feeling well, legit, from being shit-faced and blackout drunk. Right. So they put him in the first bedroom down the hall. Oh, no. Well, you know, when you're a drunk looking just to fuck, she ain't going the extra mile down the hallway. No, she's picking door number extra mile she's picking door number one and let's see josh what's behind door number one i open my eyes and but it's still kind of

hazy you're not sure what's happening and all i see in front of me is just this pair of tits i mean tits are out no it's more out i, I'm talking not maybe six or eight inches from my face. I mean, it's just tits. And my first, Rick, my cognitive thought is, oh, my wife's trying to do a little something, something. All right, let's see. And I'm slowly trying to, like, collect myself to get myself in that. Oh, yeah.

And then I start feeling my belt buckle kind of get fiddled with. You know, that kind of like. First of all, your mom already took her titties out and your belt is not. She's not even got you undressed yet. She is ready to go. Oh, my God. In all fairness, the room is dark. It don't matter.

Your mom's ready to go. Your mom's ready. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter at all. Oh, your mom's ready to go. Your mom's ready. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter at all. Oh, your mom's ready to go.

So. He said, mm-hmm. And I'm at him in Nashville. I'm just kind of like, dang, girls get amorous. Let's see what happens. The next thing I know is I just hear the door, wham, slam open. And the lights go on. And you're kind of feeling when you're dark from light

and you're kind of stunned for a minute. And I kind of look over and I see my sister and my wife over her shoulder. Oh my. Just like, what the fuck is happening in this room? Wait, his mom is on top of him? With her titties out.

With her titties out? And his belt buckle on. Oh no. Yo. Oh. Oh, no. Yo. Oh. Yo, I have got to. At a party. Not at the house.

At a party where a bunch of people are. I think anywhere is not great. But that, you know, you got to be at that next Thanksgiving like, what's up? Let me see the titties, mom. Nice titties, mom. Nice titties, mom. You've never been in a fraternity or sorority party like this, have you? This is American Pie on steroids. Stifler's mom was loose, and she was on the prowl.

Wait, so what happened? So, admittedly, I don't see my mother. I just look over and see her. And all I hear her yell is, what the fuck are you doing? And I'm like, wait, there's her and my wife. Who the fuck?

And I look up and it's my mother. Oh my fucking Jesus. With her titties out. With the titties out. Holy. I get it. Oh my fucking... With her titties out. With the titties out. Holy... I can't. And she's looking at my sister already. She's looking at me.

What does the next birthday card say? Sorry about that. I can't wait to hear his mom's response. She's gonna... Listen, if anything, she's a woman of her word. She's gonna fucking... She has to respond to this. I mean, how could you not?

I'm like, oh, well. And she, and mom, I recall mom saying, and she's like, what the fuck are you doing in here? Get out. She's not done. Yeah. And my sister goes, do you realize who you're trying to fuck? And kind of points at me. And she's like,

yeah, steep. And kind of sees me and goes, well, that's not who I expected. I'm just here to get laid. No. Titty's out too, bro. No, no, no, no, no. But did he do it?

I mean, was he like, hey, shut the door. We're here. I'll tell him. That's what your mom said. I'm just here to get laid. My God. Dude. What the fuck?

Titties out. Titties are out. In front of his wife and her own sister. She hasn't jumped off of him. No. She's still sitting on him. Titties are out. Her titties are out.

Say it again. The lights are on shit the lights are on the lights are on everyone this dude's gonna more people are more slowly yeah of course

of course what the fuck's going on back there with me she got her titties out again oh yo how do you

recover from that in a I told him straight up i said no disrespect here but you look like a guy whose mom would try to fuck him i don't think he disagrees because he is yeah that's the look right there yeah because that. Okay. All right. This is number 10 here for you. Okay. Does he have a relationship with her? I mean, he almost had an intimate one.

How do you recover from that? I don't think you do, dude. I don't think you do. Speaking of how do you recover from that? Wow, you're teeing me up nicely here. This next guy, this is Ian Woodford. This guy is in a dump truck. He's doing his job. Another truck's coming the other way, but that guy's got a red light.

Our guy here, Ian, has got the green light all the way. And they're not sure if this guy was texting, if he fell asleep. They don't know. But this guy's coming at him full speed in a crane truck. All right? Dump truck, crane truck. Let's listen. Full speed ahead, both.

I'm in a full-size dump truck with a trailer with a full-size excavator on the back. Do you have a load in the truck, too? Yeah, I had some gravel. Okay, so you have gravel and the trailer. It's back when we had the computer lower. Yeah, I had some gravel. Okay, so you have gravel and the trailer. It's back when we had the computer lower. Yeah, yeah. I was coming down the hill, and there was a lady. So, like, you're coming down State Street, and there's a road right here,

but it's only a right-hand turn or left-hand turn. It dead-ends into a corner field. There's a lady waiting for me to go by. There's a guy in a crane truck coming trucking down the other side of the hill because you go down in this valley. And I don't know. It's never been proven, but everybody, even people at his company, say

he was texting and driving. He says he fell asleep. But he, I guess, looked up, seen her, clipped her. The best thing that could have happened in the whole entire world that day was that we pushed her. She's like some just right out of high school girl in this little focus.

She would have been demolished in between those two trucks. So he clips her driver's side taillight and pushes her into the field and then hits me straight on. His crane comes through, takes off this side of my face all the way back to my ear. What? My steering wheel cuts me in half. What? Yeah, the stairway patrol said I usually hit over 100 Gs.

He marked me as dead. Most of the reports say that I- Wait, that side of his face still moves. This guy had a crane truck come through. As he explained, sliced the side of his head. It flops over like deli meat, he said. Everything's exposed, and he dies. He flatlines.

The fucking steering wheel that cut him in half, what happened was he hit the steering wheel so hard. I've never even comprehended this. Hit the steering wheel so hard that it pushed his rib cage through his back like his skin it was exposed it broke through the fuck like get the compound fracture rib cage going through your back okay through your back he's not done he's got more injuries than that a lot more it's my door open and you know how on like a big dump, a diesel truck like that, the fuel tank, the diesel tank,

is part of the steps to get in? That wasn't fucking there, man. I go to get out and the steps are wrinkled up like this. The steps are wrinkled up, comes right through me and out, and cuts up through my liver. By the way, all my ribs came out.

Hold on. Wait a fucking second. How's he walking out of the truck? I don't know how he's walking out of the truck. Because he's got deli meat on the head. He's got somebody, Incredible Hulk punched him in the chest. His ribs came out the back. And now he's falling off this thing and it's sliced him up into his liver.

Oh my God. He's not done. Did you just say all your ribs came out of your back yeah i forgot to say you know what kind of injuries you have yeah oh yeah i forgot about that i forgot the time that my rib cage went through my back oh i forgot it popped a hole in my head yeah you're right how do you forget that one that's trauma dude listen to this i Told this story a lot, man. So wait, you're telling me that you don't remember obviously, but just force a habit. You kick the

door open and you're about to step down. That's why your body is dropping so quick. You're expecting a step to be there. I guess. I don't remember. And that thing's bent up and it's fucking just slices you. Yeah, I go to step out and I fall and it cuts my liver right in half.

Good God. It comes right through, comes straight up and cuts me in half. Now, here's the thing about this guy. He looks great there. I told him, you look great. And he's like, I'm Frankenstein. So underneath the hat's not great.

Underneath the shirt's not great. Not only is it not great under the shirt, you don't really recover from your rib cage being shoved through your back. I would think. We have some pictures of the accident here I'm going to show you. So this is, if you take a look here, this is the accident here. That's his truck there, cursed and circling. This is the crane truck over here.

You see that crane is out right there. You see that. This is his truck. He's. You see that crane is out right there. You see that. This is his truck. He's in the full-size dump truck. Look at it. Ripped the front of a dump truck off. That crane went right through the window. Right through the window where he's sitting.

That's his seat right there. All right. Oh, my. Now, look at this. This is the steering wheel that punctured his entire rib cage. All right. Now, we're going to start to see uh some of the injuries so that's that's a minor scrape compared to uh what we're about to see here so that's his

torso right there that's nothing that that's another part of it they're put they put mesh and wire in there to rebuild him uh and then let's take a look at that that's what is that well that's what happens when you don't have the second pussy that's what it looks like from the first episode next. That is what a stomach looks like when you don't have a rib cage. He doesn't have an abdomen. He has no abs. He just has the stomach. You see, that's a ball right there.

What do you mean he doesn't have? He does not have ab muscles. They're shredded and destroyed when that steering wheel hit him. They're able to save his stomach so he can still eat and things like that. But he has no. Are there any more than that or is that it? Yeah. So that's what he has left.

There might be even more graphic one. Was that is there a more. Was there another one up on the Patreon post or was that all of them? Okay. Yeah. That's what his stump. So he's he's bandaged up like he has to every day. He's wrapped. You know what I mean? He's paying meds all the time. And that's what his stump so he's he's bandaged up like he has to every day he's wrapped you know what i mean pain meds all the time and that's what he said he flatlined i believe a

couple times dude died it was one i one of the things i really wanted to do when i started this was talk to somebody that had gone through that so he's got a daughter i believe i know he has a child he's married um pre or post i think pre and they're still together or at least they were um but that was a thing he hated the pain meds uh but the only way he could function was to be on him so he's trying his best to try to figure out how to live like that not on so many pain meds that make him not him yeah you know his brain's still there he didn't have brain damage or anything what about the deli meat? he got lucky, it just sliced the skull

and skin and it didn't hit the brain it just massive dude that's what the Patreon is like, now because I love you and I love this show and this show's 5 hours a month this show's 5 hours a month sign up for a year drive like five miles an hour out of here. This show is $5 a month.

Sign up for a year. You get over a month free. You're getting a honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost. And we're going to give you a bonus clip. All right. One of our favorite guests. He's a repeat guest. We've only had a couple.

Ironically, one was the girl with two pussies. But this is Mike Frampton again, the death janitor, who this time came back and gave us a little bonus story. Now, I'm not sure where we start with this, so let me see where we are with this, Kirsten. But this one, it was a Vietran. Okay. So hold there.

This is Mike Frampton now. He's changed his look a little bit. Definitely has. Also. This is winner Mike. He has opened He's changed his look up a little bit. Definitely has. Also, this is winner Mike. He has opened up a donut shop. Oh, that's nice. He's since stopped doing Death Janitor, calls his donut shop Tragically Dipped. Doing well out there, too. He's in Canada. By the way, that's awesome.

Congratulations, dude. I know, for real. Fuck yeah. Going from cleaning up dead disgusting shit to making people fill in their bellies. You made a great career choice. So he told a couple of stories. He actually had gone some animal ones. He had to have animal removes, shit like that, but removal. But he told a story about a guy who committed suicide.

So there was a kid at the University of Toronto who jumped off his dorm or a parking structure and committed suicide and he's laying on the fucking sidewalk of the campus okay they call our boy mike frampton in to come clean it up and they're like hey how long is this gonna be because we got a mental health march coming by in an hour and a half he's like listen no yeah he's gotta clean a march oh no So that is... You know the people who were in charge of the march. Somebody was like, hey, listen, I got some news. Could be good, could be real bad.

It's real fucking bad. Somebody committed suicide in the middle of the march. We're just trying to clean up the body. So you might want to think of an alternate route. And he's like, I ain't getting this up in 90 minutes. This is a body splatted on... I'm not just picking this thing up and moving it. It's splattered on the ground.

So this one, this is another, I would say, ironic suicide. Okay. But this one, it was a VIA train. And the guy got hit and lost. He was a young guy. He had headphones in, supposedly. And he didn't hear it supposedly. My opinion is when the gates are down and stuff is flashing and even if you have rock and rap or whatever is going on, you can hear and see all of this stuff.

So I think it was still a suicide because every other time I was there, it was a suicide. If you get hit by a train, you didn't not see the train. I mean, maybe it was next. It's a really good point. This guy got hit, launched into a sign, which I still have in my shed. This is the best. Nostalgia purposes, I think. He's like fucking Dexter.

It's a sign that got bent in half and it's very thick metal and it was the 1-800 number for the mental health it's all good wait hold on now and it cut this guy's head right off he got hit and the way he hit this sign he bent committed suicide jumped in front of a train with the suicide sign hey train hit him so in front of a train with the suicide sign. Hey, train hit him so hard it fucking threw him into the suicide sign and the suicide sign

cut his head off. That is... Not only... That's like a weird commercial. Not only cut his head off, not only cut his head off, but the bottom of the post, like those metal posts

that they put the signs on, severed his leg. And he was wearing work boots and his steel-toed boot went like 300 yards down the tracks and through one of those warming rooms and blew all of the glass out of it no way like a fucking like a like an action movie like and it blew like i think 17 panels of glass holy fuck yeah what a way to go bro yo that dude he's up in heaven like

well wait let's take a look we have a photo to show you dude yeah we got a bonus photo this is like this is the sign that took his head off and severed the fucking leg by the way he has it. Need to talk? We're here. Don't lose your head. Call us. Yo, this dude has a good sense of humor if he kept this sign.

He kept an open donut shop. Yeah, that sign should be up in the donut shop. People should be like, why is that up? Don't worry about it. Dude, thank you. This is the episode this week. Thank you for doing this. It was nice to have a week off, so to speak, and highlight y'all's lowlights. So thank you, Josh Wolf, for being here.

Amazing, dude. Amazing. Thank you so much. I appreciate it being you, dude. Thank you so much. Please promote everything you'd like again. A podcast with me and my son called Hey Man, which is a fantastic podcast. Comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates. I'm in Grand Rapids, and I forgot where the other place was in May. Grand Rapids. Oh, and Madison on State. There it is, Madison on State. And Comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates, Josh Wolf Comedy for everything else.

Brother, thank you so much. Thank you, dude. And thank you out there. If you are interested in the Patreon, and and i hope you are it's five bucks a month when i'm telling you we don't do levels or anything of that if you sign up for a year you get over a month free you get the honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost all right uh and beginning next week every thursday for 10 weeks you're gonna get a free episode these 10 that we went over today maybe we'll do 11 we'll see but you're going to get a free episode. These 10 that we went over today, maybe we'll do 11.

We'll see. But you're going to get those full episodes on the free YouTube channel. And if you're interested in the Patreon and you want to support, I appreciate you all. Please subscribe. You can get all the info at RyanSickler.com. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week.