The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Josh Wolf - HoneyDew with Y'all Review 3

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

We are back at it again! This week Josh Wolf and I review some of my favorite moments from my patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off ANYTHING you order when you go to https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW Rocket Money -Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/HONEYDEW

The biggest team on the planet, Kong, Godzilla, needs to be seen on the big screen. They're teaming up. Godzilla Kong, The New Empire. See it in IMAX and in theaters on March 29th. Hey guys, I'm going to be promoting my new podcast, The Way Back, here for the next few weeks. I'm very excited. It's going to drop every Thursday beginning January 4th right here on my YouTube channel. You don't need to subscribe anywhere else. We'll work on getting it out there wherever you get podcast. It will be available, but you can watch video for sure right here on YouTube. Yes, I'm continuing the honeydew. It's just in addition to that, something fun,

something a little different, Going back to my roots in podcasting a little bit. So I'm excited for it. It's called The Way Back and it's just a nostalgia podcast. Sitting back on that station wagon backseat, the one that looked out in traffic. That's the one. The best seat in the house. Talking about growing up and just laughing and having some good times. You're going to get The Way Back on Patreon also a day early. You're going to get it ad-free as well. I'm really excited for this show.

I really am. We got a great response when we dropped that first teaser. And our first guest to kick off is Tom Segura. So it's going to be a great one. We've got a bunch of them in the can already. You're going to see Mark Norman, Jim Gaffigan, Joe List. They're all on there. All right?

So make sure you're already subscribed, and here's a little taste for you. I remember growing up, we were terrible. My brother was a bit of a pyro. We used to take GI Joes, and we would tape bottle rockets to him. We did the mailbox baseball and we were shooting BB guns. Throwing candle fights. My mom didn't like anybody. She didn't even like her own kids.

These are wire neighborhoods. I didn't have a curfew or a house. I was all Juco, bro. There was a dog chasing us. She was a drag queen. Dude, check it! Mike Rofnish. Nolan Ryan, that fastball.

Boom, right in my brother's face. Oh! Yeah, those were the days. The Honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios i am ryan sickler ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all your social media and i'm gonna start this episode like i start them all y'all thank, thank you. Thank you for supporting this show. Whether you've been here or whether you're new here. Thank you very much.

Subscribe to the YouTube. It absolutely helps the show. All right. Continue to support the special guys. Thank you very much. Going to be promoting it forever. I learned that from Tyler, the creator. You promote lease for a year.

That's what he said. And that's what we're going to do. So you can also get that special in audio form out there everywhere you get your audio. Look, and if you got to have more of this show, then you got to have the Patreon. That's what we're here doing this this episode. The Patreon is called the Honeydew with y'all. And it's this show with y'all. And we highlight the lowlights with y'all.

And as you're about to see, y'all have some of the wildest fucking stories I've ever heard in my life. And I love my job, and I love those of you out there who have submitted and shared and bared your souls. If you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. Hopefully, we get to do an episode together. All right. Now, I want to make an announcement right here on this episode. Again, the new podcast called The Way Back. It's going to be dropping every Thursday on YouTube. Go subscribe now. We've got so many episodes banked, this guest here included.

It's going to be a new fun show that I think you guys are going to dig. Just a little trip down memory lane with some fun guests, all right? And if you're still looking for another podcast to listen to, go listen to my old podcast, The Crab Feast. That library did over 1.1 million downloads in a year on a new RSS feed. That fucking community is alive and well. So thank

you, Feasters. This guest here today, again, you got to go hear his episodes as well. All right. Now that's the biz. Come out for dates on the road. Just go to Ryan Sickler dot com. You'll see all of them there. All right. Now, you know what we're're doing here we're highlighting the low lights i always like like to say these are the stories behind the storytellers uh today i'm very excited to have this guest on uh what we're going to do today though is kick back a little bit again like we do and take a break from our trauma and show you a little bit about what my patreon's all about and some of our favorite moments ladies and gentlemen please welcome josh wolf what's going on listen you know i cannot wait for the i was telling you outside i cannot wait to see these videos and i cannot wait to see your

reactions because we got some doozies for you this time bro they're always so good you know my wife asked me she was like is this that is this that podcast you go on where you look at gross stuff i'm like that's exactly what it is yeah this is why she's like that's why you fly down i'm like yeah i'm not flying in just to see some normal ass regular shit no this is this is your lane bro this is your lane you're the guy and um before though before we get started on all these wonderful stories, please plug and promote everything and anything Josh Wolf. ComedianJoshWolf.com for tour dates.

Oh, coming up, I'll be in Phoenix, New Year's Eve at Stand Up Live. And Adam Ray is doing that weekend with me. Is he? Yeah. All right. So it's going to be a really fun weekend. So if you're in Phoenix and you're Yeah. All right. So it's going to be a really fun weekend. So if you're in Phoenix and you're looking for something to do, it's going to be a good time.

Also, my son Jacob will be there. Speaking of my son Jacob, we do a podcast called Hey Man. That's with three A's. You can find it. We decided to spell it the way I say it. And so you can find it wherever you get your podcast or subscribe to it on YouTube. It's a real fun podcast, man. And he and i are having a really good time we talk about just about everything um from real serious kind of heavy father son stuff to really i mean he almost talked me into

buying a mini cow a couple weeks ago wait i didn't know there were many either did i i was like yeah i want one of those. What's the max a mini cow gets? It's still, I think, around 400 or 500 pounds. Oh, okay. It's not like a fucking little goat or some shit. It's not like your dog. I thought it would be like a goat size.

For a cow, it's mini. Yeah, I guess so. And it starts pretty mini, but then in the poops, anything that's 500 pounds. So it's like a calf size, but it's full, like big. Yeah, it's kind of meaty. You know, it's a little meatier than a calf size but it's full like big yeah it's it's kind of meaty you know it's a little meatier than a calf which i like but but they're cute as fuck are they so jacob was like you should get a mini cow i was like let me take a look at it and when i saw it i was like i might have to have a mini cow are you kidding me right now that fucking little vegas that cow's going to be hamburger and five motherfucking minutes.

It's going to just cook out. It's just going to cook itself out. Throw some cheese on me. Throw some cheese on me. I'm going to name that cow Slider. Yeah, that's great. Well, very excited to have you here for this episode that we like to do. It's nice. It's nice. It's nice to sit back and not boohoo about our bullshit for a little while and share stories from real people out there, what's really going on.

This is what's on the Patreon, all right? So I've started this, I don't know what we're on now, a couple years ago. And the stories that come out, you hear me me say in the introduction like always like whatever i'm telling you the stuff we hear here is unlike anything i've ever heard yeah you know what else these shows always make me feel better about my life a hundred percent dude i'm like oh i didn't wake up under a bridge with missing limbs you know what i mean yeah there that's right yeah that poor guy got run over by a train. That's on the last episode. He did. So I was like, oh, things are pretty good.

You know, I woke up with all my digits, all my limbs, everything. After I leave this show, sometimes I take my headphones off and I walk outside and I take a deep breath. And I'm like, I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good. Yeah, yeah. So let's get into it um first clip here this is from episode uh 147 this is a kid called craig conawall i hope i'm pronouncing your name properly craig uh craig was a had to have a double lung transplant okay so craig's born with cystic fibrosis. Okay. And basically what they tell him is this is what you're dealing with and you're good on these lungs till maybe your mid 40s.

I'm right around there. And then you're going to have to get a lung transplant. Okay, but he has to go in for this medical procedure and they fuck his lungs up. And when he comes out of it, they're like, remember that four years? You got to get it now. And you need a double lung transplant. So now he has to get in line. That line is forever.

And also he tells us that the tests to get someone's lungs into your body, it was like eight hours a day for a week. into your body, it was like eight hours a day for a week. So to get a match, a double lung transplant match is like one in a billion. It's a legit lotto ticket. He's in the hospital and some lady through a friend of a friend hears that he's in the hospital. And this woman says, my son is in the hospital and he's terminal and he's passing. Why don't we just see if their lungs are a match? And then he gets this phone call. knows about you, knows you, knows about you, and wants to give you the lungs. I'm like, what? Fuck.

I'm like, what do you mean she wants to give me the lungs? I'm like, no, I have to be a match. Doesn't that take like a while? I'm not even on the list yet. He goes, dude, it's 100% match. Get out of here. It's like one in a, I don't know, man, one in a couple million. I mean, Jesus Christ.

So now he's got lungs instantly. doesn't have to wait in line he's got lungs so they have a successful surgery and then of course the parents of this kid want to meet him they want to meet the boy who's their child's lungs saved this kid's life yeah and he's torn he of course wants to but also like i feel guilty that i'm alive breathing and talking to you with your son's lung yeah i can see that so he reluctantly meets the the parents and everything and as he's hanging out with the friends and stuff they're like god you're you're identical to him you're so much like him you got to meet his girlfriend he's like that's the person i You're so much like him. You got to meet his girlfriend. He's like, that's the person I don't want to meet. I don't want to meet his girlfriend.

You got to meet his girlfriend. And everyone keeps telling that, including the his donors, parents like you got to meet her. She's you got to meet her. So they meet and he reluctantly meets her. And then they slowly start talking and they slowly start hanging out. OK, and then this happens and um i pick her up at her best friend's house we go for a ride and we're on that bike for like six seven hours like everywhere like we traveled everywhere around the area we brian he must

have did like i don't know like 70 80 miles that day on the bike nonstop. One day we're in her neighborhood. We're stopped at a red light. They were on a tandem bike. And I just hear her go. They're on a motorcycle. Oh. I was like, you ain't got the lungs for that. I was like, these new lungs are really working.

Yeah, dude. You got to break them in, you know what I'm saying? Just what if a motorcycle could get a lot of wind coming down them first, you know? They're new,

you know what I'm saying? They're new to him. What a weird first date, 70 miles on a 10-mile. All right, that makes more sense. So they're on a motorcycle and now they pull up to a stoplight.

Okay. And he hears her say, oh, shit. We stopped at a red light and I just hear her go, oh, shit. And she just goes like this and ducks her head. And my dumb ass goes like that and looks the other way. And it was my donor's parents and their car. And they know my motorcycle, bright red. And his mom just stared as she goes by.

And I'm not wearing a helmet. She's deadlocked me right here. Just stared at me. Laser beam eyes. And I just go, oh, what are we going to do? I'm like, maybe she didn't know it was me. Maybe she just saw a motorcycle and she just turned her head. Well, I'm like, let's pull over.

We got to pull over. We pull over. I turn to his girlfriend. Phone blowing up. Blowing up. And she was her. She knows it was us. And she's not happy.

She's not about it. So. So the parents didn't know that they knew they had met or didn't. They encouraged them to meet and speak and talk. And they did. But he reluctantly was like, I don't want to do that. I'm telling you all I'm here meeting all of his friends, his family. I don't want to do that.

And they were like, you need to. You should. You should. So he did. They start talking. Now they're starting to get a little bit close and they're on this motorcycle and they're riding around they pull up and he doesn't have a fucking helmet on and that's a little bit cavalier if i'm gonna be honest he's got some brand new lungs you ain't getting a new head you know what i'm saying throw a helmet on those lungs okay you got new lungs yo the mom but the mom boom you know

what else strikes me about that he said her parents parents. And he goes, and the mom, but he puts his hands on the wheel. So mom's driving. Mom's driving dad. And mom looks over and sees him. That slow turn. Oh. Now, okay. They've just gone on a motorcycle ride up to this point?

They've talked on the phone extensively. That's how it all started. There's a lot of phone talking and getting to know one another and then hey we should do this and he purposely picks her up at her girlfriend's house because they live in the same area and he's very concerned about being spotted like this and then it fucking happens okay so now check this out this is what i love about this show craig you're born with cystic fibrosis at at age 23 you have a procedure where they fuck you up and now three years later way earlier than should have been you have to have a double lung

transplant you find an identical donor through a friend of a friend you go straight to fucking number one which might be the first time in history anyone's ever had double lung transplant done this way. And then you marry your donor's girlfriend. Yeah, it's like a movie. It really is. It's incredible. You know, it's amazing how it all turned out. But yeah, we're married.

Listen to this. And she's pregnant with our daughter. We have a daughter, two in May. is it's incredible you know it's amazing how it all turned out but yeah we're married listen to this she's um and she's pregnant with our with our daughter we have a we have a daughter due in may did they invite the mom to the wedding i gotta know you gotta at least send the invite you know we'll follow up what yo stole this dude's lungs and his girlfriend bro and now it's his wife and they're having a baby listen this guy gets a a lung lotto ticket and fucking ends up marrying the donor's girlfriend having a child together with them and it's it's we're his we're making history on this pot we're

starting with history making episodes do you think she ever said i know those lungs are the same now let me see that dick yeah yeah yeah i do oh man do you believe it wow that is that was amazing is that a great that's a great way to start listen it's a great way to start what are the it's going downhill over here what are the odds like that there's so many crazy it's like so many things need to line up to get a double lung transplant done in your body and he's like well what and it's a like it's like so many things need to line up to get a double lung transplant done in your body and he's like well what and it's a like it's going to take years of research to find this person they're like nah this kid down the hall basically is is your match and his mom kind of knows who you are and wants to give you the lungs and his girlfriend looks pretty good just man

that's crazy that that is that is like you know i love that story man because i like to believe in things like that that when you think something can't happen here it is here's your miracle but then you then then to add on grabbing the girl that is like and i think the mom driving by is maybe one of the best movie scenes yeah for sure just that slow drive for sure hard looking writing you know listen this is a great episode his name was craig craig i do want to talk to craig about his camera angle too yeah well see we just need to lift that one up for him just a little bit listen man His name was Craig. Craig. I do want to talk to Craig about his camera angle, too.

Yeah, well. See, we just need to lift that one up for him just a little bit. Listen, man, we give Craig a pass because this is a Christmas episode, y'all. You're seeing what happens. That was a Christmas miracle. It's a great Christmas miracle to start off with. Now, this is also, I would say, this is also a miracle, this one here, too. She's one of my favorite.

I've got a lot of them, but she's one of my favorite guests we've had on here um this is from uh episode 158 this young lady's name aaron cobb aaron cobb was the unfortunate victim of an attempted murder suicide in 2011 come on uh the dude she was married to at the time was abusing the shit out of her, stalking her, and she wanted to get away. So she's over at her mom's house and then he shows up at mom's house. And this is what happens. I'd heard it so many times. And my mom, you know, peeked her head out the door. She said, Aaron, you need to get inside. I said, Mom, I'll be there in one minute. And he kept on.

And I looked at him and I said, we both deserve a chance to be happy. And he said something to me that I can't remember. And then he pulled a Glock out of his waistband and shot me twice and then shot himself in the head.

Okay. This dude pulls a Glock out, shoots her. Where do you know? She's about to tell us. Okay. Um, and kills himself.

Okay. You can go ahead and play this next clip. As soon as I saw him start to pull the gun, I ducked. I ducked. I ducked. So I was like, my top half is parallel to the deck. One bullet went in here where my carotid artery is. Oh, no.

And the other went in through my mouth and out through my jaw. The bullet that went through my carotid, because I was kind of parallel to the deck, it hit my lung and collapsed my lung and then hit a vertebrae in my spinal cord, which paralyzed me. You had one bullet go down in your neck where your carotid artery is and the other one went in your mouth and out

the back of your jaw? Yes. Listen to me. Holy shit. You look amazing. You sound amazing. I can't believe you're honest to me. Holy shit. You look amazing. Doesn't she? You sound amazing. I can't believe you're honest to God. I would never fucking know.

Good for you. You're strong as shit. You are. Thank you. Fuck. This lady gets shot. Look at her. Can you tell?

No. Not only that, here's another thing I could never tell. She's in a wheelchair. I didn't know that. I i said look at you yeah you're fit she goes well when you gotta roll around i was like i didn't notice that either i was about to ask did she this is what's crazy the the guy shows up pulls the gun out tries to kill her and himself she obviously lives but the thing is her mom's in the house so her mom hears this her mom runs out past the dead guy on the porch now her daughter's been shot in the jugular and out the face she's calling 9-1-1 and this fucking lady

lives and i mean she's got such a good spirit yeah she's got such a good attitude about things uh i mean she again she looks great facial like there's no you could i mean you could see when she pulled up yeah but but the that reconstructive surgery let me ask you a question if you're the mom you move out of that house i mean be honest with you do you put it for it on the way back. Tomorrow. Yeah. Right? I'll leave his body there, too. I'll leave it there. As is. Yeah. Buy it as is.

Yeah. You ever buy one as is? Yeah. Yeah. But I can't. Right? You can't. No way.

Now, I think she's beautiful. Gorgeous. Okay? And here's what she told me. She said that in the world, she's considered a unicorn because she's a beautiful woman in a wheelchair and there aren't many of those and i said why is that yeah and she's like because mostly men do dumb shit and i just started laughing like yeah there's way more men paralyzed because we're doing

ramp the ramp jumps and fucking dragging behind tractors and shit. Although, I will tell you this. There's an Instagram account called Drunk People Doing Things or something. Is it 90% dudes? No, but there's a lot of girls dancing on tabletops where I'm like, you're one. You're a vertebrae away on that one for sure. All right. This next clip here. Can I ask you a question? That's amazing.

Let me ask you a question about a lot of these people that we've talked about. There's got to be some crazy inner strength and will to live, right? I mean, I can tell you. And then to come on a fucking clown's goddamn podcast and share it to the world like that. It's crazy. And I tell them before we record look if there's anything in here you don't think you should say don't because sometimes we clip these to show and we do the best ofs and things like that so just be careful with your story nobody knows it no one

knows what the fuck you're gonna say until you say it you know but like what do they ever do you guys ever get into that like where like with her where did where did that will to be this person and survive yeah and have this attitude where did that come from do they tell you yeah what so what you can subscribe and hear next one damn it i gotta subscribe this guy this is this listen to me this story you're about to hear again, another crazy one. This is from episode 164. This is Matt Burgess. Matt Burgess, a college roommate, committed a triple homicide.

Okay. Matt, the guy left their dorm and went to his parents' house. Okay. Matt only knew him and lived them for two semesters and everyone in the house is about to go on spring break okay guy he's so he's a roommate i only knew him for two semesters i don't know him but he lives here guy leaves to go to his parents house okay so we all had that week in February off and, uh, just out of nowhere, I got a text from one of my roommates and he was one of his really good friends. It was like, Hey, Matt's parents died in a fire last night. And that was all it said. And I was like,

Whoa. So I texted him back and I was like, well, is he okay? And the next text I got was, they think he did it. First of all, I think I can speak for both of us when I say I smoke too much weed to think my roommates are murderers. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, here's the thing. He did it. Yeah, yeah. He fucking did it. He did it. This guy drove, left their dorm dorm did he come back to the

dorm after drove to his family's house set the place on fire killed him killed his parents i think his sister might have been i think he's he's fucking killed him and then where the murders happened was like two and a half hours away in Old Orchard Beach. He went there and did all this and then he drove back to Old Town and went back to sleep at our apartment we were renting. What? Did he come home? Yeah, he went home.

He went to sleep, bro. Because he was tired. He worked hard. He went to sleep. He went to fucking sleep. oh my god he killed his not just strangers yeah his family by then drove two and a half hours two and a half hours that's on your phone that's not on your mind or it's on and then you go home just knock out well dude he i mean i'm sure he was tired you know he worked hard this is proof tom segura you've said it the sleep after a mass makes you psycho you gotta be it's

gotta be the best sleepest dude ever that's gotta be the best sleepest dude ever he probably was like listen so relatively recently uh matt is told that there's a podcast out there about this murder okay the one that the guy that he lived with committed and he goes to listen to the episode and when he does this is what he finds go ahead this is what he finds out okay this is how far after the murder and when where is the guy um about 15 years and the guy is in prison when he's being interviewed by a psychologist okay so this guy's thank you the guy's been in jail yeah he's in prison and this is years later and years later okay this guy the murderer is now being interviewed for this podcast and someone tells matt they heard this and they're like this is your story so remember the guy kills his family comes home and

goes comes home and goes to sleep in his apartment in his home where he is yeah done one interview and uh the interviewer asked him all these questions he was like no he says in the interview that he's had a compulsion since he was a kid to he's thought of a way to kill every person that he's ever met his entire life he said in that same interview that the morning that he woke up he was gonna kill everybody in the house but he slept in he slept and we had all got up and gone to work that's how good of a sleep it was he killed those people definitely he overslept for murder bro he overslept for murder, bro. He overslept for mass murder. That's how good that sleep was. This mass murderer hit the snooze button?

Could you imagine finding out years later you were going to be brutally murdered? I would never sleep again. But the dude slept in? He slept, overslept. Can I just say, he's the worst mass murderer of all time. Can I do that? He's bad. Don't ask his family.

No. To them, he's bad don't ask his family to them he's the best when you go home you and you don't think you're a suspect or nothing you go home you just go to sleep sleep and then you sleep through your next murder like he's a bad he's not even good at and the guy's planning the whole time that two and a half hour drive back he's like wipe these motherfuckers out let me get some rest i'm tired yeah but first we get some rest this melatonin oversleeps for a mass murder honeydew with y'all y'all highlighting the low lights with y'all if y'all have a story that has to be heard please submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com do you think he just came downstairs

with a knife and he was like damn it damn yeah for sure he looked at everyone oh no that's the worst all night i slept through my murder i slept through my murders oh my god dude do you think he tells that story in jail i slept through yeah i would have done more yeah i was trying to kill six. I got three to load. I got real tired. God. Now, this one here, this is, again, this might be one of my favorite episodes, too, having to do with an elderly couple being held hostage. I still can't get through somebody who slipped through a murder, dude. I think about it all the time.

I think about it. I'm not even involved with that story. I think about it all the time. Like, he planned to kill. I've overslept for, like, getting my daughter to school yeah you know i mean i'm like oh my god he's doing it for murder not just one murder couple trying to kill everyone in the house everyone in the house dude and i've never even considered a human being meeting me across from me and and through their computer they're thinking, how could I kill this guy?

You know what I mean? I'm going to wait till morning. Every, but he said, that guy said every person he met, he thought of a way to kill him. Every person you make. Could you imagine? That sounds like that lady.

When we were out front today talking, that lady that pulled up to ask directions to the Tesla place. I gave her direction. Yeah. He'd be looking at her like, how can I kill this bitch? You know, you know, it's funny person. When when i when you were doing that i was thinking to myself i wonder if she thinks ryan's gonna kill her because right she doesn't know us no she's

walking up to the window trustworthy we were and we were and i gave her good direction yeah the gray hair makes us trustworthy it does yeah um all. So this is the next one. This is from episode 166. This is Seth Adams. Now, Seth Adams, his great aunt and uncle in their early 80s were held hostage for hours. All right. So this is what happens. By 7 a.m., this guy that ends up taking them hostage has already escaped from, and he's with an inmate. And they steal a car, and they start driving it. And then he shoots the fucking guy he's with, and he sets

the car on fire. So now people are aware, at least the authorities are, that there's two escape convicts. They arrive at the car. They see that there's now only one escape convict, and that guy couldn't have gotten far. He's probably locally in the area. Okay. Well, what he's actually doing is watching Seth Adams' great aunt and uncle's house. He's fucking casing that place. Okay. And they happen to be heading to a morning doctor appointment.

So while they're at the doctor appointment, he breaks into the house and he takes all their guns in the house because the old man has guns. Okay. into the house and he takes all their guns in the house because the old man has guns okay and then when they come home he ambushes them and he beats the uncle but he doesn't touch the aunt he's got the uncle tied up and then seth the guy telling the story one of his other relatives is in law enforcement and and knows them so he calls the house to check on him say hey this is going on in your area you guys okay and then this is what happens my uncle's is the major uh i won't i won't well it's all right no i'm not gonna say who he is and he called and uh he's not related to them

but he knows them really well and he's like uh and my aunt i'm trying not to say her name my aunt answered he let her answer but he had a gun to her head and this is this is funny but fucked up he's she goes he goes well where's so and so and my aunt says he's a little tied up right now on the phone i swear to god dude she she's a schwarzenegger she's a schwarzenegger line she fucking dropped it in dude she did was she sending a clue you think well yeah so here's what happens next all right so now he's got a the the criminal has a plan to escape yeah but he needs the elderly couple to assist him to do it and here's his plan okay well his plan is and this is when they know they're going to die. So he says, we're going to go to the bank.

You're going to get all your money out and let me take it. I'm going to bring you back. I'm going to go. We're going to go get gas. Then I'm going to bring you back. And then I'll take the Jeep with the gas and leave. Well, number one, the bank's not going to let them take all their money out. They're retired.

They have a bunch of money. Number two, the bank's going to be closed by the time they get there, which he may have not known that, but they did. So he wants my uncle to drive the truck that's on the side of the house. He's going to be in the backseat behind him, wife in the passenger seat, gun to him, going to go to the bank, get gas, go to the bank. All right. That to the bank. Get gas, go to the bank. Right, that's the plan. So the uncle knows when they get to the bank, it's going to be closed. That's going to be

a wrap for him and his wife. They know it. They also know even if it is open, when they go in and say, give me all our money, they ain't giving them all their money. So now they're coming out with whatever the max is, and it ain't anywhere near all of it, and they are also going to be killed for that. So they know that this is it.

They know this guy is going to hold a gun to the uncle, go get to the gas station. Here's the thing. They said also, if you listen to the episode throughout, he never fucked with the aunt. Something about her being female. I don't know if he related to her in some way, but he never. He pistol whipped he beat the shit out of the uncle titan he fucked him up and a man in his 80s who's already injured and going to the doctor and stuff so he's gonna hold a gun go get gas we're gonna go to the bank

the shit's gonna go bad at the bank and they know that's it so they know if they get in this fucking car with him it's fucking and these these people are in their 80s? And how old is this dude that escaped? Do you know? I don't. But a healthy dude. Yeah, he's a healthy convict. Who's already killed. Yeah, he's already killed. This morning.

This morning. Lit him on fire. I'm not their buddy. But this morning, lit him on fire. Shot him and lit him on fire. Which seems overkill. It's over. It's literally overkill.

Yeah, you really probably just need to do one of those two things. Set the message, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, just need to do one of those yeah yeah yeah yo i gotta tell you man that i do you when you listen to these do you ever think about putting yourself and how you would react in these situations all the time and do you find yourself trying to guess like where they're gonna go with the story i'm like oh what's gonna happen here a lot of times i'm wrong were you right or wrong on this one i was not right on this one i didn't see this coming i didn't see this coming can i throw can i throw a guess in there okay so i because because she didn't fuck with the he didn't fuck with the woman she's got to be the one that initiates whatever's about to go down so you know what there's one gun he didn't get this is what i'm saying there's a gun

he didn't get she gets it and that's the end of this dude that's my guess all right all right uncle convinces hey man you got my wife at the at the back porch you let me go get the truck i'm not gonna leave my wife i'll go get the truck i'll drive around back and then y'all can get in guy says okay so they drive so my uncle knows there's a 45 in the in the truck my man the guy didn't get the 45 so uncle goes gets in the truck pulls around to the back now he's they said he was like five-ish feet from this guy when this when it all ended he's got the gun loaded everything opens the door he yells at his wife run he said she ran faster than she's ever seen in her whole life and he pulls up shoots him in the right nipple bullet just goes in his chest and just does a bunch of spinning

around and just doesn't come out the back and he said the dude just went straight back gun jammed after one shot, though. So if he didn't kill him in one shot. How about that? Oh, no. Yo, first of all, this dude's Clint Eastwood and Grant Carino. That's right. That 80-year-old man had one hidden in the fucking truck and said, let me just pull her out.

And as soon as you said there was a bunch of guns, I was like, he didn't get all of them. You nailed it. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't a lady but it was the old man dude i love that fucking saved his wife saved him because they knew they knew if we get in that truck it's a wrap and he's like let me just go get it pulled around have one hidden in there yeah i would love honestly just the visual of an 80-year-old woman running quickly. Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. Everything's probably popping. It's tearing her hands. She's like, I don't care. No, fear will make that body go, boy. Go, machine. I'll tell you what. After your husband does that, you two been through that,

I hoped they fucked like rabbits. Yeah, dude, come on. That adrenaline, that, oh, oh man i hope 80 year old i hope they went to pound town with each other i will tell you what she had a couple pull muscles you know it could have just been laying there i mean this might be pound town for them but whatever it is i hope y'all got some i hope you both got some yeah it's more like still i don't know if there's a lot of pounding. There's a lot of land. How great is that?

That's amazing. That's amazing. That's fucking awesome. I bet you that dude was a straight up hero in that town. Oh, yeah. He hasn't paid for a 4 p.m. dinner since. You know what I'm saying? He was eating show and he's free for life.

This dude gets free cornbread at Perkins every time he walks in. This dude. At Perkins. You know what I'm saying? They're like, you're still alive for 20 years Carl should die already throw some ham on that plate yeah dude I love this dude because yo that yeah I like you know I love the fact too because also at 80 what's he got to lose right that's right what do we got to lose man we're 80 we're we're already falling apart you know we don't know what we got left yeah but also imagine living to 80 and then some shit like that comes at you fuck that man yeah no homeboy was ready yeah dude and

stay ready got pistol whipped yeah he took a literal beating he had enough of that to come up with this plan he knew he had a gun in the truck yeah here's the other thing he could have hit that gas and left his fucking yeah he's your problem now he caught him yeah that's true he caught him he could have been just like he was in love he loved her ass he's like i'm even if you hadn't had the gun i might just drive right into him yeah but he's holding her he's got her on the they're up on the porch oh right right yeah so it's my mind it's at least he can't run her over run him over this is when he said run she just bolted and he pulled up through the door open and pop one through his titty and the dude went back.

And thank God because the gun jams. And if he doesn't, it's over for both of them. She ain't getting far. Where's she going? When he said she ran as fast as she could, I'm like, dude, she honestly, you know, an 80-year-old, that's right. An 80-year-old can trip over a rug. That's how far their feet get off the ground.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Wow. Wow. I can't tell you. These all have been so crazy. How do you do with y'all, y'all? Crazy.

These are crazy, dude. We got plenty more here. The holiday season is here, and whether you're traveling back home, doing gift shopping, hosting an entire family, or recovering from the office holiday party, you've got to be staying hydrated. recovering from the office holiday party, you've got to be staying hydrated. No matter where or how you're hydrating this season, Liquid IV is the hydration brand fueling your well-being, and their hydration multiplier can keep you going through the end of the year and beyond. Now it's available in sugar-free. Choose from three delicious flavors. You got

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so I use Rocket Money to help me find out what subscriptions I'm actually spending money on, and I had them cancel the ones I didn't want anymore. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service, and time is valuable. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill, and Rocket Money takes care of the rest.

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash honeydew. That's rocketmoney.com slash honeydew. Rocketmoney.com slash honeydew. That's RocketMoney.com slash HoneyDew. RocketMoney.com slash HoneyDew. Now, let's get back to the do. This is our boy, Mike Frampton. Mike Frampton is a three-peat guest on here.

Mike Frampton, you've been introduced to Mike Frampton before. We call him the Death Janitor. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike Frampton is back. He did a third part. Episode 170, this particular episode is. Now, we do have a photo that can accompany this one. Okay, so we just want you to see the photo first here.

So just in case you're new to the show, Mike Frampton's job used to be, we called him a death janitor. He would clean up murder scenes, just death scenes, not necessarily murder. He just, someone dies, whatever, cleaning up scenes. That's brutal. Oh, my. You subscribe to the Patreon, you're going to see that picture. We can't put that on YouTube.

Oh. Now, Mike Frampton currently shifted gears, left cleaning up dead things to doing his own donuts got a donut business called tragically dipped so if you're up in toronto area go get some donuts this poor dude i love him he's like i'm really going i went through so i was like yeah you're this is your job you're looking at this shit every day all day long first one he did remember he did that guy who the gases gases and the doof, the gases like he'd been dead for weeks. That's right, he dripped on the lady. Yeah, dude. Dripped on, the body died and dripped on this lady. Through the roof.

She thought it was her ceiling leak and it was touching her. It was touching, like I want new skin. So, that photo that you just all saw there and if you're on the Patreon, you actually saw it, was a result of this right here. He was 24 years old, and he showed up at his girlfriend's parents' house where she was living. And they had decided they were going to break up, or she had decided they were going to break up because he was cheating.

And so he showed up at her parents' house with his rifle. And he stood on the front porch and he knocked on the door and she opened the door and he shot himself. And he killed himself. When I got there there the dad was there but the mom wasn't and the daughter wasn't so i was like okay a police station right no the daughter's in the hospital i said oh shock you know i mean i've been just traumatizing this kid's skull oh no blew apart in a way that it made a triangle piece that ricocheted through the air and cut her jugular no and she almost died no way dude shows up at his girl's place they're gonna break up because he's shooting cheating

excuse me shoots himself blows his skull apart this poor girl witnesses it and a piece of his skull fucking goddamn uh throwing stars right into her jugular and cuts her neck and wait that's that's him no that's him that's what's left to him yo but that piece formed a triangle and fucking cut her jugular and almost killed her have you ever have you ever in your life heard of anything i wonder it's the honeydew with y'all y'all subscribe today i wonder what the like the odds of a piece of someone's skull and the sharp hitting that exact like being a sharp piece that could actually slice it yo dude she could have been standing an inch this way and been okay yep that could have gone right by her yo dude that's a tough way to go. That is a tough way. What happened to her?

Well, this is a kind of a long story. This one, you might want to sit down. I mean, she, a fucking, God, is crazy. Like a baseball diamond. A fucking throwing star comes out of his head and slices her jugular, bro. I bet you that's never happened before. That could have never happened before. Yeah. It's wild. Because if you listed like 100 ways that you might die, somebody shooting themselves and their skull killing you is probably down there

on the list. It ain't even on my list. I wouldn't even think that's what I'm saying. This is stories I tell you. I say it in the intro, unlike anything you've ever heard and i know people like whatever you know that's fine i get it i would be like that too sometimes but i'm showing you proof here that these are stories you're not hearing anywhere else this is the fucking best goddamn show on patreon all right i'm putting my dick on the table listen dude also it's your show it's your show it makes you like just walking outside anything could happen anything a piece of skull could come flying at you from down the street because some dude fucking cheated on his girlfriend now you're good yeah what no okay well we're not done with Mike Frampton. So this next poor guy, this guy.

Why does he still have that picture? Which one? The one with the. So one of the things we talked about, I think, on the last episode is he collects. Or actually, it was on this episode. He keeps a memento of each thing, something from each scene. He's got something from each scene. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, like. thing something from each scene he's got something from each scene yeah yeah you know like uh because i've seen a lot of movies the dude who keeps things from murder scenes is usually the dude who's doing the murdering you know what i'm saying i mean mike i understand like i don't understand nah like so okay all right well you know you know what i'm saying if i was at a murder scene i wouldn't be like wait let me get a memento let me get something i can't remember if i asked him if he had the skull piece or not but i know he keeps mementos okay this next this poor dude, his wife just passed away. And this guy is just having a glass of wine in the hot tub.

And unfortunately for him, he has a heart attack. Okay. And dies. But he sits in that hot tub with it on for eight to nine weeks before he's found. Okay. A roofing crew shows up to do some work on the house. And this is what happens. And he just sat there and the tub ran until the water level hit something, I guess, and shut the pumps off so it doesn't blow the jets out.

And so when we got there, everything was shut off and it was just like a big giant hot tub full of brown soup and so the coroner went out and they would have grabbed the bones out of the soup but all the muscles gone when we stirred it up a little bit there was there was full hands like the glove the skin the skin All the skin degloved off of everything. Ah! Ah! It just peeled off! Oh! A skin suit? Like, legit?

What the fuck? So everything slipped out of the skin. Yeah. Broke up. Yeah. Just like a rib. Just slid off like a rib. Just slid off like a rib, bro. It did. His whole body.

His whole body. Oh, my God. And then you see. I love when he gave a vision of them. Stirred it. Stirred it up like you had a giant spoon. But you hear how he talks about it like it's nothing. Like it's nothing.

That was his job oh my god brown suit wait they're not done they gotta clean the mess up what for they gotta clean that up you can't just leave the scene because it's a house somebody's house it's not your house you ain't lying i'm like we're out of here i'd be like you know what i bet you they'd hire me in the next county i'll tell you what this would be you'd be the guy that shows up to do this i would be the same way. So they hire the septic truck. Okay.

They hire a septic company and they don't know what the fuck and do. So like bring that septic truck out. We'll suck up all this soup. And then the guy gets there and the guy's like, I ain't fucking doing that. The septic dude's like, you can do it and shows them how to fucking use it. Yeah. It's like you can do it and shows them how to fucking use it. Yeah. So they set it up, and then the construction workers or his, excuse me, Mike's partner says, fire up the jets.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And then my partner said, go and turn the power on so we can start cycling the jets out. Well, the power kicked off because the jets ran like hot or whatever. And so when I was like, are you sure? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hit this power breaker and I heard the jets fire up, but I can't see the hot tub. And I hear him gagging and screaming. And what happened was we turned the fucking hot tub back on. So he got sprayed by like 40 jets full of decal 40 jets of decal head to toe covered in drip and like this doesn't smell good

it went in his fucking eyes it went in his mouth no he's gagging and throwing up. He's getting angry. He's like... He said he's getting angry. Oh, shit, he's getting angry. Getting. I've been fucking right at the get. I've been on the get from the get-go, motherfucker.

I wouldn't be in bed. It wouldn't be building up. I'd be like, hey, I'm angry now. Yo! Man, when did you get angry when this shit started that's what holy fuck yo yo yo so he's covered in this other dude's insides yeah dude i might head to toe bro in his mouth in his eyes see here's the deal i don't know if i ever recover from that do you know what i mean you don't no he quit he's doing

tragically yo if i'm that dude i probably move to the top of a mountain somewhere and just like. How do you ever get that off you? Ever. Not. Ever. There ain't enough loofahs on this earth to scrub that shit off. I would actually, I might need that dude's skin from that. You'd have to dry it.

Yeah, I might dry it out and take mine off. You know what I mean? Yo, by the way, that sounds like an origin story. That's how a supervillain is created. Dude, because brown soup, that means there's organs and stuff. Oh, everything was in there. Everything. It just, it cooked them.

It like a human soup. Like they threw him in as the ingredient and he just heart attack right away. And then that hot water just cooked them for days and days until it ran low enough below the jets where then the jets overheat and shut off so they super you know they find whatever's left in this fucking thing then they suction cup it out and then that jackass says let's power up the jets and clean this thing out and but you know what he's the one who said power up the jets do you know what i mean he is the one if i if if he said power up the jets and i was the one who got sprayed he we'd be fighting we'd i would get fired from my job yeah and i would rub it all over

all over do you know what i'm saying i would tackle you i'd be chasing you in that yard yeah dude it would be me and you in this together, brother. You know what I mean? For sure. Oh, God. I think it's worth noting that Mike didn't keep a memento from that story, but his partner did. Yeah, it's a great point. His partner who got covered like that.

That's right. I was wondering which one this was, if it was the next one or this one, but his partner kept the hot tub. The whole hot tub? Kept the kept the hot tub wait you ready you should make you watch the episode for this but i'm gonna give it to you kept the hot tub cleaned it all out threw a hot tub party and waited till everybody was in the hot tub and then told him where he got waited dude wouldn't you be pissed oh we would be pissed oh my god what what i'll go oh i'll be getting out of there oh dude yo you can't do that to somebody that's the hot tub that had the man soup in it oh fuck you we found a dead guy in this and we cleaned it out and that's why i got it

haha and i'm a guy who likes pranks but that that, you know, if you do that to somebody, you have to expect to get punched in the face. Yeah, more, more than that. All right, we're going to move on to this next one now. I thought you were going to be like, he kept a bone or do you know what I mean? Like a bone. I think that'd be illegal. Highly illegal. I don't know.

I don't know. A human bone at your house is going to raise some suspicion. Try telling the fucking police it's a souvenir. Good luck with that shit. You're going to jail as soon as you say that. Yeah, you're probably right. No, no, he called it a souvenir. We don't even need to prosecute this motherfucker.

He's a serial killer. This whole yard's probably got bones in it. Yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right. Maybe a hand glove. Maybe just that. This next guy here. this is episode 154 this is a gentleman named cody stradley now totally cody stradley also did biohazard cleanup okay um and now he's dealing with this one in particular

is a dementia the lady with dementia who's clogging her sinks and her toilets okay and this is what happens i don't know how long man but i would say for a fucking month this lady is using her bathtub as the toilet so there's a fucking six inches of piss and shit and toilet paper and this fucking bathtub so that's what this lady's doing collecting her piss and shit in a bathtub she's a hoarder she's hoarded herself into the corner and now she's got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide listen dude there was a guy that i knew in college that he he was just like why why when I don't, you know, I don't wanna have to run to the bathroom when I'm in the shower.

So he was like, I just shit and I shove it down the drain with my feet. No! Ew, he matches it with his toes. No! Oh God, for fucking' sake. Yeah, that is filthy. I will tell you, it didn't go very well.

That, yo, they came back and the, and the whole, it was a suite, right? It was just flooded with, you're not supposed to shit in the tub, everybody. You know what I'm saying? That's one of the deals. That's why they have a toilet or they would just have a tub. But it flooded over. Yo, this is the same dude. He was on the football team and he ran up to fart in somebody's locker

and it wasn't a fart it was a shit and he fucking sprayed shit all over this dude's shoulder pads and thigh pads and his helmet isn't tired and he was like my bad he was an offensive lineman so we're gonna say to him but this dude had some definite shit problems but shitting in a tub and stomping down it i've never in my life heard of that yeah yeah yeah it's you know why you haven't heard of it because you're not supposed to do it it's not a thing that's right that's right not even on tiktok um so that's what's going on so now here's what they have to do to handle this situation okay it's the fucking eerie part. It didn't smell when I first walked in.

We started sucking up and we broke that fucking film that's on top. And dude, I'm fucking telling you, I cannot. Look at her. Look how she's uncomfortable still. I don't know why she put full hot dogs in the bathtub. You sure she wasn't shit? You sure she wasn't shit in those full hot dogs in the bathtub? You sure she wasn't shitting? You sure she wasn't shitting those full hot dogs? I don't fucking know

what the fuck was going on, man. They were in the sink. They were in the bathtub. Full fucking hot dogs. Look at him. He's gagging. He's gagging and he did it. Would you like a hot dog? Yeah, I'll eat one.

I wonder if she... Yo, I wonder if she was just like, you know what might taste good? You know what might cook this hot dog? Full of fucking hot dogs in the shit, bro. In the shit, bro. In the shit, dude. Let me tell you something. That's disgusting.

That has to be. It's so thick. Why? You know what? Maybe she was just like that's a good hot dog maybe she was trying to kill the smell and she was like you know what might kill

the smell you think these kill the smell of that no dude I don't think so yeah but I'm trying to make sense of somebody who was shitting in the tub you know what I mean there's gotta be cause isn't there a time doesn't she break the seal every time she shits in the tub oh god i gotta put my hot dog down do you know what i mean every every time she's thinking and yeah i guess there's a film over it every time and every time she drops on it it breaks

and then pisses in it break oh oh god i i'm with you though i my my hope is that she kirsten brought those hot dogs is that she swallowed the hot dog hole and shit it out hole listen i have certainly in back in my drinking days in college and shit eating a 7-eleven big bite it was in there for hours and then i would throw up and it would come out in two pieces yeah you know what i mean and it looked like you could literally pick it up and eat it again i don't know if that happens out of your asshole i don't know it goes through some things yeah dude you know i mean don't just sit here and come right back up i you know what though but that it's trying to make sense of somebody who was shitting a hot tub so the hot dogs actually kind of make

sense you know what i mean oh because you and i and I are like, you know what this shit tub needs is eight kill bosses. You know what I mean? That's not a thing. Yeah. All right. We're going to move on. Does he have a souvenir from that? This guy's got a wild story as well.

The Honeydew with y'all, y'all. If you got a story that has to be heard, please submit it to HoneydewPodcast at gmail.com. Best show on Patreon. Best money you're going to spend. I promise you that. All right. This next guy, again, another crazy story. We're past a lot of the gross stuff.

If that's not up your alley, hey, we're past it. Kind of. Episode 163. This tyler farnham tyler farnham is a skydiving instructor who's bringing his mom for her first jump okay ever and he's going along with her and on the way down tyler his parachute gets tangled. The last thing I remember, I was spinning. I was spinning completely sideways. And the last thought I had was, I think I'm going to die. This must be it.

And then everything just went black. And as soon as I lost consciousness, which I think it's from that centrifugal force, but then also just fright. You know what I mean? So like losing consciousness. I landed in the field right next to the runway about, I'd say about six feet from the paved runway. I landed in the grass and I caused an indentation in the earth. Dude hit so hard, his body caused a dent in the earth. Well, he jumped out of a fucking plane, right?

Yeah. But the chute was out a little bit. It was slowing him, but it tangled. So it wasn't stopping him. He was still hurt. Where was his mom? His mom? That's a great question because we're about to see.

But his mom was about to jump. So she's literally in the air above watching her son plummet. Rob Stevenson, he was the first one to respond over to me because he saw what was going on, saw this commotion. And he said, I resemble a rag doll. He's like, your legs, arms, everything point in different directions. And he knew he had some first aid knowledge. So he's like, first thing we need to do is get an airway.

So I had a full face helmet on. So he had to take the take the helmet off i had blood coming from my eyes nose mouth what yeah man so like i was choking on my teeth because i knocked out nine teeth okay here's the thing bro choking on your own teeth after you fucking hit the earth okay out of a plane bro and here's the thing his mom is a nurse okay his mom also has a bunch of her nurse friends who've come to watch her make her first jump and he said his mom always told him that a nurse has a look on their face when things aren't good. They're very good, stoic, they keep together. But he said, you can tell that this nurse is like,

so his mom is now, she's floating, slowly floating down. And there's this whole commotion on the ground. She doesn't know it's her son. And as she's floating down, she looks over to her group of nurses and she said they all had that nurse face, like some shit. And that's when she was like, oh, fuck, that's's my kid and so his mom watches him plummet to the earth and dent the earth fucking

bleed from the eyes choke on teeth and look at him he lived wait wait so so what okay you gotta find you gotta join the patreon oh yeah yeah yeah i got a bunch of questions, dude. Yeah. Like all of them are answered in the Patreon. Subscribe today. So was he conscious like in and can remember being on the ground and having that dude over? No, he said he said the last thing I remember. He's being told this. I came over. I did this. I took your helmet off.

You were bleeding from the eyes. Well, I think they medevaced him out of there. Like the dude's arms and legs were in all different directions. And again, looks fucking great. Wheelchair? No. No. He's not in a wheelchair.

Let me ask you a question. When you're doing that, and this is, I mean, I know most people. And he's spinning like this. This is what I'm at. I think I would want to pass out. Yeah. I would throw. You would have to, right?

Like, you know that lady in that fucking medal? Yeah. You've seen that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's no way that woman was conscious there's no way and here's the thing like first of all I'm for sure shitting myself I'm for sure the whole bowels everything's going and I want to be unconscious because I also think limp you have a better chance of surviving than tense like this and do you know what I mean and if i hit the ground i think i'm gonna be tense you're definitely if you're awake the whole time going down but you're definitely gonna tense up and then shatter like glass oh dude that crazy yeah and your mom's coming to watch yeah yeah dude now this one this next one go ahead you have you have something to say yeah like. Like, what does this do?

Well, I'll join the Patreon. Join the Patreon. Episode 142. Now, this is Tyler Kelly. This young man was unfortunately in a work accident that left over half his body with second, third, fourth, and fifth, which I don't even know there were, degree burns. They're clean. So what happened?

Isn't that just dust? It might be, but he sneezes and his forearm's gone yeah that's it god damn all right this poor guy his job he's he's cleaning ash from the ducts of a coal burning plant. Okay. And some shit goes wrong. And this is what happens. He goes in to do that. There's an explosion.

And this is what happens. So you do have all your fingers. Look at his hands. But your pinky on this side. See the skin coloration. And his fingers are bent. This forearm. He's jacked at fingers. All. This forearm. His jacked fingers.

All right. So he gets burned like that. Now. And the burns are on his hands. Well, he's got burns everywhere on his body, but he's showing us what he can. Okay. Basically. Now, here's what happened.

Hard hat's gone. All I have is my respirator. I thought what my gloves were was actually when my arm when i stepped outside and my arms hit that cold air they just swelled up and slid off the glove like snake skin no no no no my skin oh my god i had three three foot sixes in my that's why my that's why my fingers were drawn up like that. Listen. I have a lot of... Because the skin has...

The fingernails held the skin on. Oh, they're just holding the skin on, bro. The fingernails are holding it down. Oh, my God. Holding the skin on. Thank God for fingernails. I'm never going to bite mine again. I'm going to tell you something.

I always wondered what they were for. But they're there to keep your skin on, I guess. I'm always like, what are these for? They keep your skin on. Keep your skin on, dude. Yeah, the toenails and the fingernails keep the whole thing together. I had no idea. Dude, that's a work accident that burned him like that bad.

And his buddy's in there, so he's trying to help him, too. And they're stuck in this duct just getting torched so now he's at the hospital and and as i know as well in order to leave they want him to pee okay but he can't so the same thing they did to me they threatened shoving a catheter in your dick hole why did why did they need him to pee they need to make sure you're you're functioning properly before they release you. You need to be able to pee on your own. And if you can't, they stick a fucking catheter in you. Nope.

And he's that same thing. So he's the same way. He's like, fuck that. I'm not taking a catheter. And all he wants is he says, if there's just some air on my dick, if someone just blows on my dick, I'll pee. And so he asked the nurse to do it, and the nurse got pissed. Wait, doesn't he have like a friend or something? Well, he's got a couple people in there.

And I asked my mom. That was just weird to ask your mother to blow on your dick. But my sister volunteered. She's a trooper. She's a trooper. She's a trooper. She volunteered. So when she blew on my dick, they couldn't get

the urinal in front of it fast enough, so I pissed all over her face. So that probably might be the only golden shower she'll ever get in her life. It was from her own brother. Have you ever heard anything like that in your life, bro?

I'm telling you. What are you waiting for? Subscribe now. By the way, I hope you got her a good Christmas present. He said that might be the only golden shower she ever gets from her brother. Jesus Christ. Or maybe she likes it now. You know, maybe she's like, you know, I didn't hate that.

Yo, dude, how do you repay your sister for that? I mean, I don't know if you can. By the way, can I ask you another question? Please, it. Is it common knowledge that if someone blows on your dick, you can. How? I don't know. By the way, can I ask you another question? Please, Ed. Is it common knowledge that if someone blows on your dick, you have to pee? I mean, is it just air? He knew, though. He knew.

I told him. I know what it feels like. I remember hiking and just having to piss and going over by a big tree. Because I'm very paranoid about getting someone saying you're a sexual pervert jerking it or something when I'm just taking a piss. And when that wind hits, boy, you've never. Next time there's a good breeze

and you're somewhere safe, whip it out and take a leak. And that wind dancing on your dick and balls is magical. Well, I think that's probably true also, but I don't know if it would make me. I don't have a sister. And my mom doesn't. Wait, wait. The dude asked his mom listen do you have a good relationship with your mom yeah not that good right would you ever i'm picking the sister volunteered he didn't ask her she's

like i'll do it yeah yeah yeah yeah he said she's a trooper yo i i first of all if i'm her i'm gonna i'm i'm gonna need some retro i'm gonna need some payback i'm gonna need something you have to do something for me you peed all over my face which means probably in my mouth too probably and eyes yeah it's always in the eyes too probably for sure well you know either by the way either that made them way tighter or they don't talk anymore what happened between you guys subscribe to the patreon all right this we got two more we got two more all right this next guy austin thorn now austin thorn is from episode 152. All right.

Austin Thorne shot his home. He also. OK, first of all, you got to watch the rest of the episode to see this. He had a serial killer. And OK, that's just one of the stories. But the other story is that he shot his own eye out. And here's what happens to shoot in his own eye. I put on full auto on my paintball gun and start blasting it away

and as i release the trigger it keeps shooting for another three or four seconds that's it's a big issue so i decided okay well i'm gonna try and fix this so i empty the hopper which carries all the paintballs and then i shot once and then immediately turned the gun around but rather than being smart and turning it around so that I could just see the gun like this, I turned the gun around. So the barrel was facing towards me. So I pulled the trigger immediately turned it. And as it was turning, apparently a paintball didn't come out of the hopper or something. There was still one in there and it just went off again immediately as it crossed crossed in front of my eye and i i didn't know this at the time but it blew it up

into six pieces and my retina was out there on the ground somewhere you ever heard the sentence my retina was out there on the ground somewhere you can't own the honeydew with y'all y'all have you ever no it sounds like a nirvana lyric bro that is crazy are you great are you kidding me right now was on the ground out there somewhere you're so okay okay okay so what happens then what's left just a hole in his head oh that's a great question why don't we finish watching he'll show us oh man this thing has been was he gonna take it out the abuse this is what he does with his eye oh yeah i've thrown this thing as hard as i can at my co-workers holy fuck oh i'm a little shit with it i how heavy is it is it like a marble weight like what

sort of weight is it for our eye yeah i'd say probably like a marble like is it like a paintball pellet uh no thank you thank you for god thank you go back go back wait yeah uh now it's he throws that yeah easy he throws it in people look at him put it in it's all fleshy back there look at it easier in the context see can i tell you something yeah okay at my shows every now and then i'll bring somebody on stage uh-huh and if it's a late show and i'm taking mushrooms i do this i do this thing called the dance off where i'll have people on stage and i have my guitar and then i make them

do interpretive dance behind me and the winner gets a hundred dollars well one girl one woman gets on stage and i said tell me the name of your best dance move and she said the cyclops and i was like huh i wonder and i said to her friends i go have you all seen this dance and they were like oh yeah and i said am i am i gonna like it and they were like we think you're gonna like it so she started dancing and then she just fucking popped her eyeball out and started doing like this in front of my face and i was like nope fucking because i was surprised just like that one i thought they were all like bond villain eyes like eyes yes like an eye but they're not what the fuck is that that's a picture he said so you can you wanted to know what it looked like. There it is, bro. Yo, if I ever get pulled over by the cops,

that's what they would see when they walked up to the window. This is why I'm driving. What do you mean why am I driving erratic? This is why. I can't. Yeah, I'm having a hard time seeing this part of the road. That is the best picture except the left eye part. But everything else, yo, because.

Look at it. Get in there, everything else yo because look at it get in there kirsten yeah yo dude did he i mean i guess he would have to fuck with people right what do you think we would do if we had a fucking one eye we would do that dumb you know i would absolutely throw it at someone for sure i would put it on my finger and be like let me take a look at that you know what i mean you got something in your eye let me see behind your head for a second oh yeah yeah that's a yo all right we have one more to go here guys this has been a lot of fun uh thank you for doing this we're not done yet we're gonna go out on a fun little one here a little lighter upbeat one um upbeat a little lighter, upbeat one. Upbeat?

A little bit. I feel for this show it's upbeat. I mean, it's not, but, you know, if you're on this show, shit ain't going good. You know what I'm saying? So here we go. This is from episode 144. This is Kenneth Trevathan. All right.

Kenneth had a brain tumor that grew undiagnosed for years. All right. And his head, his feet, and his height, he grows two inches. He's a full-grown man. Yeah. All growing. His head, his feet. So I'm like, did your dick grow?

He's like, no. It's the only goddamn thing that didn't grow. That's what happened to Tony Robbins. What? He had that tumor. Uh-huh. He had a tumor pressed up against whatever that gland was that made him a giant is that right yeah yeah yeah yeah he grew he went from five ten to six foot this guy his feet got bigger his head got bigger everything

no shit there is a particular hormone that came back uh it's called prolactin, which if you know what that is, it's the hormone that when females get pregnant, it's what makes the milk in their breasts. Guys have it as well. We just don't have a lot of it. So our level is supposed to be somewhere between two and 17. That's what the level in your body is supposed to be. When my blood panel comes back, I was just shy of 1,600. One part I guess I didn't bring up is at the time that they found it, my daughter's going to kill me. But at the time that we found it, my daughter's starting to kind of go through her puberty stage. So she's going through like, hey, man, why does my shirt hurt?

When I wear my shirt, why is it hurting my chest isn't that i'm having the same exact thing i'm like yeah why is my shirt hurting while i'm wearing my chest that's one of the things that brings it on it's like you start developing like female you start you can you and your daughter grew titties together. Yeah. They grew titties together. Did you guys go bra shopping together? This guy grew titties with his daughter. I feel like I'm about to do the same with my daughter. What a great bonding experience. Poor bastard had a brain tumor and grew titties with his daughter.

Wait, did milk come out of him? No, he didn't get the milk. What? No, he didn't get the milk. Well, no, he didn't get the milk. Because he said that's what generates the milk. Yeah, that's what generates the milk. Oh, shit, he grew titties with his daughter. To what size? I gotta watch the Patreon, bro. Was he a healthy B cup?

Did he come through? Does he still have them? Did he come through? You're through. Who's he gonna have them? Did he come through? For who? For all of us. Who's he going to come through for? Yo, I'm just counting on his titties right now. I am, for fuck's sake. To tell you the truth, I want to see it.

What's his name? His name is, sorry, Kenneth Trevathan. Yo, Kenneth. Did he show you his titties? He got washed. Oh, oh my god he's better now thank god oh his titties went away well i i think so it didn't look like he had titties there no it didn't listen that is it uh before we wrap up though i do want to say uh i want to give a special uh shout out to uh unfortunately we had a guest who, he came and he did an episode and he passed away.

And I want to give him some love. His name's Daniel Poirier. I hope I pronounced that correctly. And his episode was 149. All right. At the time, he spoke with me. He had an inoperable stomach tumor. And he passed a couple months ago.

And his wife had reached out and said, hey, can I get that episode? So we sent that to her as well. And I just want to say thank you. I mean, we get people like that on coming on and they're passing away or they're going through something right now and they may not be here in a few months. So again, thank every single one of you out there who've done the show. Thank every single one of you who have subscribed to the show. Thank all of you out there for all your support on all of my stuff. My podcasts, my new podcast,

The Way Back, my special, the album. We're on Spotify, video now, all of it. Thank you so much. None of this will be possible

without you guys. Please subscribe to the Patreon. Have a great holiday. Thank you, Josh Wolf, for coming back on. Can I say something about you, You can say whatever you want. Listen, this is are there's nobody else who could do this show what

you've always been great at even with like especially with this podcast is giving people a play people say shit to you that they don't say to other people right yeah they do and you are a great combination of understanding and great at listening. But also, look, man, it's not easy to interject comedy in the topics, in the subjects. And you're an expert at it by doing it in a fun, non-offensive way to the people who are bearing their souls to you, dude. There's very few people who could do what you do. It's so fascinating to watch.

Thank you. Yeah, it's awesome. I do appreciate it. That's awesome. And I love you and I support all that you do. So please promote, plug it all. Comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates, everybody. New Year's Eve, we're in Phoenix, me and Jacob and Adam Ray.

And then tour day, I'll be out and about everywhere. But take a listen to the podcast that I do with Jacob. It's called Hey Man. It's really maybe my favorite thing I've ever done. I feel so lucky right now to be able to combine work with my family. It's really been the best time of my life. And being on the road with him, man, is really like... I love that you've been able man is really like i love that you've been able to do that i love that you've done that that's the best thing i've ever done i love that thing i love it i'm proud of you thank you so much for having me dude these are always my favorite dude you're always our favorite to do this it's always fun uh and as always ryan sickler on all

social media ryan sickler.com we'll'll talk to you all next year.