The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Justin Martindale - HoneyTwink

Episode Date: May 24, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Justin Martindale! Justin returns to Highlight Lowlights about his Hollywood twins days, his blacklisting, and his DUI. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! ALSO, you now get audio and video of The HoneyDew on Mondees, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSOR: EXPRESSVPN Secure your online activity by visiting ExpressVPN.com/HONEYDEW TODAY! That’s ExpressVPN.com/HONEYDEW and you can get an extra three months FREE!

Hey guys, just want to let you know now, starting to get some dates on the books, uh, September 16th through 18th, I'll be at the Phoenix house of comedy. This is a makeup show from, uh, from before the virus and, uh, go to Ryan sickler.com for all my live dates. You'll start to see him there. Uh, also want to let you know, this is something people have been asking for years. People have been saying, you got to make a ringtone to your laugh. I don't know why anybody would want that.

I can't understand why anybody would want to hear that on their phone. But after years of messages, comments, I did it. We got ringtones of my laugh coming. I promise you we'll put a promo out and blast it out so you know where to get them. But I heard you, and you're about to hear me on your phone all the time. All right? This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by ExpressVPN. More on that later.

Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. I want to say thank you very much for your support. The messages, the emails, everything that I get is so supportive,

and I really do appreciate you guys. I'm glad you like the show. I love doing it. We're bringing you more and more. Make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube channel. Don't just watch it. That subscribe to everybody, you know about it. And the Patreon, the honey do with you all is just, it's so much fun. I mean, again, I can't tell you the crazy stories we're hearing. And that community is growing and growing. So keep the stories coming. Hopefully I get to do an episode with you.

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As you guys know, I record here at Santa Monica Music Center. I want to tell you about something we have going on here right now. We're working with the at-risk youth and the Santa Monica Police Department on a program that Lana does here called ATA, which is Outreach Through the Arts. Right now, we've got some young kids here learning how to podcast, learning about cameras, graphics, all that good stuff. So we're giving back to the community, teaching these kids possibly they want to get in front of it. They're coming up with ideas, everything.

So we got a lot of that stuff going on. If you're looking to get into podcasting or anything, you live locally, there's space for rent in Culver City at the Culver City Music Store. You can go there and check it all out. So keep an eye out. I'll be promoting these kids and what they've got going on here. at the Culver City Music Store. You can go there and check it all out. So keep an eye out. I'll be promoting these kids and what they've got going on here. Now that that is all out of the way, you know what we do over here.

We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. It is a pleasure to have this storyteller back on the do, y'all. Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Martindale. Welcome back to the do, brother. We're back. Happy anniversary. Thank you. This is actually one year.

First time here. Yeah, the first time I was We're back. Happy anniversary. Thank you. This is actually one year. First time here. Yeah, the first time I was here was this time last year. Yes, and you were at YMH with me last time. Yeah. Studio, so thank you for coming on. Cheers, cheers. Thank you for having me out here, because today I'd probably just be sitting in a dry bathtub listening to Driver's License.

Have you heard the Driver's License song? Oh, no. God, if you want to cut. Oh, yes, I have. That girl that everyone keeps. I saw the SNL sketch. Yeah, if you want to cut, that's the song to do it to. That's a cutter song?

Oh, yeah. Man. Well, before we get into some of the stuff that we're going to talk about today, you know how we do it. Please plug everything and anything you would like. Yeah, I will be on tour. No, that's not right. I will... Nope, not doing that either.

Actually, actually... What do you actually have, son? My Venmo is Justin-Martindale. I have a birthday coming up. This will be my second quarantine birthday. So, yeah, hit me up. I'm shirtless in my profile pic. You're welcome.

That's really... No, actually, I have an amazing podcast. Thank you. I was about to say, you're going to plug your podcast? I'm a whore. No, I have an amazing podcast with my friend Justine Marino, comedian and Insta thought. I think she's an Insta thought now called Glitter and Garbage. And that is available on Spotify and iTunes. So we are bringing you more fun episodes.

We've had guests on like Trixie Mattel. We've had Brian Friedman, amazing choreographer to Britney Spears and Beyonce. We've had Janie McCarthy. We've had amazing guests. So, yeah, check that out on iTunes and Spotify. All right. Glitter and Garbage. Glitter and Garbage.

Check it out. Yeah. Now, if you want to hear Justin's backstory and everything, go check out his first episode here on The Dews. It's fantastic. It's a good one. It is a good one. Actually, I actually had a lot of listeners hit me up, and I made some Dew friends from

it. That's fucking awesome. They were like like we loved you yeah we got like a little do crew a little do they're great people yes they are here they're good fans yes i'm blown away excuse me see it chokes me up how good they are oh god where's the journal listen justin asked me who takes the cake the the crown, for the biggest crier. I want to know if it was Jeremiah Wagon. Yeah. If we put back in the shit we had to cut out, it'd be a two-hour episode.

Subscribe to his Patreon. Yeah, he lost it. He did. He lost it. First and only guess we had to stop down and bring tissues in. Anyhow, let's jump right into it because we've got a few stories to tell here today. Let's start with DUI. Okay.

But before we do. Sure. How old are you? I was 23, so just stupid. All right. So leading up to that are you drinking when does drinking start in your life uh

drinking started like high school like 16 17 and were you drinking a lot all the time or was this just a bad night was it coming this was a just one of those nights that like, damn it, I wish I would have stayed home.

Because it turned into not being a DUI. So that was the whole frustration. Oh, yes. This is the worst. This is one of those moments in my life that I was just like, how do I put it lightly? If I could describe it in like one word, it would be fuck. Like that's literally how it was. Okay.

So, and one of these stories that I'm going to share today actually leads into this story. There's layers. There always are with you. There's some blankets and some throw rugs and whatnot. There always are with you. There's some blankets and some throw rugs and whatnot. So, yes, I was working in Northern California. I had spent two summers in Lake Tahoe doing – working for the Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival because – I don't know if you know, but this face screams Shakespeare.

Yes, I was a master thespian. An out and proud thespian. I was doing like leading man shit. I was crushing it. Were you Othello? Yes, clearly. No. You get me.

So I had been hired after that summer to go do the performance at the – where the theater is based. It was based in Nevada City, which is in California, northern California. Small town, main street, nothing really going on there. Main Street, you know, nothing really going on there. So I got to stay on after the season and do a rehearsal and everything. So once the rehearsals and once the show started going, I think we were doing like a tech night or like – the show might have even opened up already. We had gone out that night to celebrate. And went to a couple bars me and some of the cast members we stayed out until like the bars closed and the thing about being that far out is

there's no city lights you were like you have the mountains and the moon yeah that is the that's it so you have to be you know coherent to drive because there's twists and turns on those mountains that you could fall off of oh tiger woods too soon um and so um i decided that i was going to be the designated driver now i'm a tall guy. I'm a big guy. I can handle my alcohol, especially now since I'm not drinking it anymore. But then, you know, we're shutting down bars. Like, my cast members are just shit-faced.

And I'm like, okay, I'll drive everyone home because I need to get everyone home. So you're not only driving yourself. You're driving other people, too. The lead of the show is with me, you know, and he's a tiny, tiny dude and he's fucked up. I got Macbeth in the back. Yeah, right. And two brutes.

Hey. Romeo, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to drive. I killed myself too, Juliet. I killed myself too. God damn it. You got it. I killed myself too, Julia.

I killed myself too. Goddamn. You cut. So we're at one bar, and we decide it's last call. We're going to have a shot, right? Let's just do a shot. How many people are you going to drive? I have two in the car with me. Two plus you through.

What are we driving? I am driving a Ford Explorer Sport sport okay all right um now having a round of shots before you drive before yes yeah yes so i was like okay i'll take a shot of jack that's fine so i took a shot of jack get in the car we have to loop around how many drinks did you had prior to the shot oh i was it was like maybe honestly like two Bud Lights. Okay. So nothing, like good. So I get in the car, pull around,

and we have to get on the main street. So I pull into this empty lot. And right when I say this, I'm looking around, and I'm like, damn, there's a lot of cops out tonight because it's also the end of the month. And there was a lot of people partying that night. As I'm pulling into the parking lot, i'm pulling out onto the main street and i'm like you're kidding me right now what so i pull over guy next to me is just like like speaking and like speaking some like gibberish soliloquy and uh i'm like be cool be cool and so this cop comes over to my window

fucking hot oh god this hot cop just i was waiting for the porn music to start just like wow like i was waiting and um roll the window down of course i'm like yes he's like do you know why i pulled you over and i'm like well i could name a couple reasons i didn't say that but it was in my mind say it was in my mind i'm like yeah no and he goes you went down you went down a one way or you went into a one-way parking lot mind Mind you, there's no cars in this. And I'm like, I didn't see this sign. He's like, yeah, it's at the front. And I look over.

There is literally a branch covering this one-way sign. And there's, again, no cars. It's a grocery store parking lot. So he's like, have you had anything to drink? And I'm like, I've had a couple, yes. And he goes, what are you doing? And I'm like, I've had a couple, yes. And he goes, what are you doing? And I'm like, well, I'm driving home, obviously. There's a little bit of banter, all this stuff.

And then they ask me to get out of the car. Is it banter or iambic pentameter? Iambic pentameter. Five, four, five, five. I didn't want to throw in the like I'm performing up the street Do you know who you pulled over? Still got your ruffle around your neck The mask

I have the skull Oryx skull How darest thou pull me over So they're talking. It's hot cop and, like, another cop. Okay, yeah. And so they're talking, whatever. They asked me to get out of the car.

So I get out of the car. They then start talking to me. They put a light in my eyes. They're checking for, like, pupil dilation, everything. I'm talking completely normal. And they even say, they're they're like oh you're talking fine you're you're you're not slurring your words okay but we're gonna give you this breathalyzer test and i'm like okay but before the breathalyzer test sorry they give me the the line walk

yeah and i'm just like just walking oh just fucking toot, toot, toot to the moon. Like living my RuPaul's Drag Race maxi challenge runway fantasy, which is fine. They're just like, great walk. And I'm like, duh. Thank you. And so then they give me the breathalyzer. So I blow this breathalyzer. This breathalyzer comes back like 2.8.

Like, how? Yeah, right. How? And he's like, well, you blew a 2.8. I'm like, that means I'm dead. Yeah, you're dead. My pupils are dilating correctly. My language is fine.

I just did the line. He says, well, the breathalyzer said you're shit-faced. And I'm like, I wouldn't be driving if I was shit-faced. I'm literally the designated driver. We have a show, like, tomorrow. We had a matinee the next day. A matinee. A matinee.

Remember matinees? So what do they do? They slam me on the car. Really? They pulled you out? Oh, you were already out. The shame of it all. They slam you on the car really they pulled you out the shame of it all they slam you on the car

I was like I doth protest just slam me on the car get thee to a nunnery they slam me on the hood of my car while the bars are like everyone saw me everyone was like isn't that the actor from up the street um isn't that big beth yeah isn't his name on the marquee? That's the Justin Martindale. And I'm just, I'm in handcuffs and I'm just like.

Are you crying? Be honest. I was, no, no, no, no. I was angry. Do you know what's happening? Do you know you're going to jail right now for a DUI? No, I just thought I was going to like sit in the car for a hot second. Until they figured it out.

Because a 2.8 is ridiculous. Yeah. So after that, they put me in the car and everyone's like, damn, look at that guy getting arrested. Yeah, right. And I'm like, I'll be back, guys. And so they put me in the car and then they're like, okay, we can either tow your car or we can let your friend drive it my friend is shit that's why i'm driving he takes my car and i'm like dude don't take my car he's like i got it they let him no they let the shit let a drunk person drive my car away you're getting arrested and i'm in the back of a cop car

and i'm just i can't even cover my mouth i'm like and so they take me to the jail and what's the jail in nevada city california like you would think there'd be more because like you'd feel like there'd be like a like a bigger meth community i was gonna say i feel like it is a meth community it's not it was actually very uh it was nice refreshing i was the only one there and they were having a field day. With you? Oh, yes. They were like, oh, we got this tall, white gay that just came in.

It was just like this unicorn that just got picked up from the forest. They were like, oh, what is this? What is this majestic beauty? Oh, yes. So I walk in there. They thumbprint me. they took all the they took my wallet they my my phone is dying like it's it was you know a flip phone at the time and it's like on its last leg then they put me in this cell i remember there was like a tom scarrett movie

in the lobby and i mind you i'm so i'm like walking around i'm just like why the fuck am i here they unhandcuffed me so i'm like in the lobby they thumbprint me i said that um and i go i'm sitting down waiting i guess i'm being processed i don't know at this point i feel like i'm in a doctor's office but i'm not i'm in a police station and i'm the only one there tom scarrett's looking at me with judgment and um from the tv and uh i get up to go get some water at the water fountain and this this officer's like sit down and i'm like i need to get water and they're like you gotta ask permission i'm like okay everyone needs to fucking relax i'm like just calm down this i'm like i'm still in this like there's a big misunderstanding like mind frame so then they put me in a cell there's nothing in there i'm the only one in

there thank god um what time of morning is it this is like i mean at this point it's like three yeah and there's nowhere to like sit there's nowhere to like lay down so i lay down on my body just kind of shuts down and is like go to bed it's late so i lay down on the floor and i kind of doze off i doze off i wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning to a swift boot kick to the ribs. Damn. Oh, full on kick in the ribs

and I look up and I'm like, I remember just wincing because I was like, what the fuck? And turns out, cracked three of my ribs. No way. I was a frail youth. And this guy, I look up and it's this cop and he turned the lights on horrible horrible fluorescent lights and he's like

martindale get out of here before we change our mind and i'm like this bitch and so so wait he cracked through your fucking ribs kicked me in the like i'm at like a cop boot yeah just bam like like you could say probably steel toe oh yeah yo it was it hurt like but again adrenaline i was still in that everything was kind of processing and it hurt but like i didn't know the extent of like bad it hurt. And also you could say like, good morning, sunshine, or hello, handsome, are you still asleep? But they didn't want to say that with me. So anyways, I get a boot kick to the ribs.

Get out of here before we change our mind. I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do? And they go, you better figure that out before we change our minds. And I'm like, so they give me back my phone. They don't give me back my money they took it they took my money gave me a check in the amount of like whatever the fuck it was like seven dollars my phone's dead it's pouring rain outside and i don't know where i'm at i don't have anybody's phone number you know this is before like you know iphones and at. I don't have anybody's phone number. You know, this is before like, you know, iPhones and shit. So I don't know. I don't know my stage manager's number. I don't know anybody's

number off the top of my head. These are like San Francisco numbers, Northern California numbers. So what do I do? I decide I'm going to walk. So I don't know where I'm at. I finally figure out, okay, there's the highway. So I decide that I'm going to walk down the highway in the pouring rain. It's freezing. You're nuts in the dark. This is like – Do you have your – did they take your shoelaces and all that shit? No, no. I would have rather hanged myself, honestly.

Honestly. If they – I mean, I didn't even think about it was just so i just remember it being like it was like early november four or five o'clock in the morning i'm freezing and alone i'm walking down this highway it's pouring down rain every fucking 18 wheeler is driving by me like i'm like oh my god this is it this is how i die honestly um so finally i think i walked nine miles damn yeah i walked nine miles to finally i got to an exit that i was familiar with and it was the stage manager's exit who who was you know running the show or whatever so i walk i'm like okay i know i'm at

i know i'm at i know i'm at just a few more i'm exhausted and my ribs are fucking broken when do you find that out i mean i could just tell it was like i was like wincing like it was like oh every time i breathe there's nothing you can do for those no i knew i knew um i knew there was cracked ribs in there and so i finally make it to his house the sun's coming out i knock on his door he opens the door he's like what are you doing i mean i couldn't even imagine like what he saw like i i'm sure he was like did i just watch the ring like like did some like like asian girl crawl out of a tv like what is this like what is this hot wet mess and and i just i i then show him my fingers and they're all you know processed and and uh black and blue from the fingerprinting and i'm like i

went to jail and he's like what so i dry off i lay down i get like a couple minutes of sleep on his couch i wake up the next day i have to go to a show so i show up and ever like my state like everyone's freaking out because they knew john we'll call him john real quick we'll call mark mark that ash yeah real quick. We'll call him. Mark, Mark that ass. Yeah. Just bleep it. I'll just say, I'll say, so the guy, so the guy that I was driving,

he made it to where he told the director like, oh, Justin's been in jail. Like they arrested him. Da da da da. So my whole crew and everything's freaking out. My director at the time goes to the police who she's a native of the town, goes to the police station,

cusses them out. She's like, what the fuck are you doing? He not from here like what what like where is he and they're like we don't know didn't give a fuck and so i get there she's pissed off she's i can't believe that happened to you you know everyone's like what happened and it sucks because i knew i was like doing right and being responsible. And now everyone kind of looks at me like. Right. Yeah.

You're the problem. You're. Right. This is. You were drinking and driving. And I'm like, no, I was. So anyways. We do the show.

The show must go on. You know, especially Shakespeare, especially Shakespeare. Of course, especially Shakespeare. Especially Shakespeare. So afterwards, I end up calling the court because once the show is over, I'm leaving the town. I'm going back home to Texas. I'm driving back to Texas. Oh, you're driving.

Yeah, yeah. And so I'm not going to be here for the court date that they'd given me. So I call them, and I'm like, yeah, just to let you know, I got arrested, and I didn't really hear anything back, and I'm not going to be here, so what do I do? And the lady's just like, well, I wouldn't worry about it. I go, okay, I don't have to worry about this. And she's

like, yeah, if you're going to be out of state, there's nothing really we can do. And I'm like, okay, cool. Hang up. Leave. Go back to Texas. Come back another summer. To work in Nevada City again?

Yes, to do another summer. Then after that summer, I moved to L.A. for the first time. So I'm driving around. I'm just wondering, is that on your record when you get back to california i'm sorry i drive by i drive after that summer i came back to la for the second time so the second time i'm here to this day right so i'm driving around in beverly hills i just got this new job i'm driving around in beverly hills this fucking prick cop on a bike i wish i was like where's the hot one like this guy was just like seriously terminator 2 like that cop like the the

liquid silver cop he pulls me over and he's like on a bike on a bike he pulls me over because i'm trying to even think i want to say either rolled through a stop sign or I had a or like one of my lights was that I can't remember but he pulls me over like right when I'm out front of work too like I'm literally at work and I'm right there right in front of my job that I

just started and I'm like I am fortunes fool yes i'm just like you've got to be kidding me so i give him my license and he's like he's on a bike and he's on a bike god god it leaves worst. God. God, it sucked. He leaves it up against your car. Oh, shit. Just so much attitude. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He's like, you're that Shakespeare fag, right? And I'm like, well, my reputation precedes me. So he gets my license and he's like like this license has been suspended for two years and i'm like what he's like yes you also have um you have a um a warrant it's not it wasn't a bench warrant it was something it was just the license was suspended, right? So then they tow my car right there on the spot. They're on the spot. They pull up,

call a towing company. They tow my car. Do you realize, do you put together quickly? This is because of the DUI or you don't know? No, I'm just like, what?

And they're like, yeah, you have a, um, you have a, uh, uh, an extended,

extended ticket or something in Nevada City. So I'm like, ah, fuck. So they take my car. It's in an impound. And then I get it out. And I start another job. And I had these bounty hunter guys show up at my job, and they arrest me at my job. So I get arrested at work.

Wait, why? Because— So they let you go right there, though. So they just took your car home. Yeah, they just took my car. And then how much longer— This was— They just randomly show up at your where are

you working where was the new job uh the new job was west hollywood yeah it was like and they walk right into your job these three guys came up to me and they were like yeah we're looking for justin and i was like i'm him and they were like all right and i was like what the fuck so yeah i got arrested got taken down beverly hills Police Station. Beautiful, beautiful place. Beautiful. Beautiful. Really good. Yeah.

Tons of organic food and filtered water. And so they were like, oh, yeah, you have an arrest warrant out for this thing in Nevada City that was a couple years ago or whatever. And I'm like, what? Mind you, I'm dating this new person. And I'm like, hey, I'm in jail, which is what everybody wants to hear on the other end of like, oh, I'm seeing this great guy. So I get out of jail.

I have to then get my car and drive it to Nevada City to go figure this the fuck out. And I'm so mad. Cause I'm like, Oh, not only have I been like embarrassed and shamed and like in the, you know, bleakest of weather down a highway and my ribs have been broken and I had to

tell my mom and she like came out to drive with me to go take care of it. Yeah. And so my court date is it like five o'clock in the morning on this whatever fuck morning and bullshit Nevada City. 5 a.m. It was like an early, early, early court date. I remember I remember I remember like getting my bearings, like waking up and just being like, OK, I've got this. Like I'm panicked. You know, I'm just like, what the fuck's fuck's gonna happen so we get into the courthouse they're like okay martindale versus

nevada city shakespeare players and and the the the judge is like oh yeah we don't have anything for this this this this case has been dropped. And I'm like, what? And they're like, oh, yeah, the cop doesn't work here anymore. Hot cop had been transferred. So he can't be there. And they were like, yeah, there's insufficient evidence on this. So case has been dropped. It's off your record.

Have a great day. And I'm like, that's it? That is it? The shit that I went through? I mean, not only did I pay for an impounding fee for like a month. How much is that? Oh, God. I don't even remember. It was like several thousands of dollars that I didn't have.

And I moved into a new place in West Hollywood. I had a new job. Everything got taken from me like that. new job everything got taken from me like that and my car i couldn't i couldn't make payments on my car so my mom took the car back to texas and sold it so for 10 plus years i didn't have a car out here in l.a is that right because it fucked me up it fucked me up so you just did ubers and i just did ubers and taxis and buses. I just did Ubers and Lyfts. I walked everywhere.

If it was walking distance, I would ask friends for rides. I just did not have a car because I was like, I'd never want to deal with that again. I don't trust anybody. I don't trust myself. It was awful. Like, it was awful. So knowing that I got this DUI taken off my record, I was very angry, of course, just because I was like, wow, I went through all that bullshit for nothing. Yeah.

Like, I don't understand how the court could be like, oh, yeah, this has been dropped. This is off your record. Oh, yeah. But like all the other shit still applied, you know? Right. So, yeah, that was. When did you finally get a car? How long?

September of last year. Of 2020? Yep. How about you now? Because of coronavirus, you decided to drive. Well, because. All the roads are great right now. Well, no, everything, A, was on fire. Literally, there was a fire around us, and there was a pandemic.

And I was like, can I call a Lyft to get out of town? And I was like, you know what? My mom, my grandmother, rest her soul, passed away and gave me a little bit of a little inheritance. So I just saved that and got a car. All right. And so I was going to ask if you want to go get drinks after this. But, yeah, it was so oh god that sucked talk about like that was definitely like a scarred for life moment because it was just everything all of that trauma was related to a car so now and it's crazy even to think because this this was all before Uber and Lyft.

So it's like, if you're drinking and driving out there, fuck you. Seriously. Because it is not fun. I see those billboards, and it's like, do you like and cost your life? $10,000. For nothing. If that. To pay for it.

Yes. And thank God it was off my record, because they were like, we don't have any evidence or anything. And I was like, how many people? I mean, there were certainly cabs back in the day, but nothing like the availability of transportation these days. Oh, yeah. Nothing like it was. that i couldn't even imagine like hurting somebody like not only are you drinking under the influence but like crashing into somebody or running someone over or like i couldn't even process that like that just terrifies me even to think of so yeah well it's not worth it it's not worth it call a lift call an uber be responsible even if you even if you just have a couple beers

in a shot and you're like i'm good good. I'm going to take my friends home. I want to say there was something. There was a case. I want to say, shit, who was it with? Someone just got their, oh, Bruce Springsteen. Oh, yeah, yeah. Bruce Springsteen. Super Bowl right after that.

Yes, he got charged for DUI and they dropped it because they said the machine malfunctioned. The boss got that? Yeah, it was on Twitter today. They were just were just like oh yeah the the dui charges got dropped because the the breathalyzer was off so that that shit happened so i was like 2.8 or two whatever the hell it was i was like no no no no no no no no so yeah there's no way uh let's take a quick break and tell you about our sponsor express vpn, you don't want to be like that house. Remember that house back in the neighborhood that the door was always open, people running in and out?

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Tell me about this blacklisting story. Okay. Speaking of alcohol. This is one of those moments that I can now laugh at because it was so long ago. But at the time, oh, this shit stayed with me for about three years. There was a little show on the air called Chelsea Lately. I wrote promos for Chelsea Lately. Yes, everyone worked on it. It was kind of at the height of E! Entertainment.

I mean, I felt like that was kind of like the Carson of the new millennium, I guess. Like it was just like, oh, you're going to go on Chelsea. What a great honor. You're going to get so many fans and you're going to go on tour and your life will change. So I've talked about this on a couple of podcasts, but I'm excited to go in depth with you. I love it. I love it. Let's see.

Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. So I started doing – I got passed at the Comedy Store in 2009. So this was probably about 2010 or 11, I would say. A comic friend asked me to go meet her – comic friend at the time – asked me to meet her for lunch at this restaurant in West Hollywood. And she proposed this job for me because she was going to get her own show on E! And she was looking for a co-host and she thought it was would be great with me because we could banter i'm gay people love gay people in the midwest um and uh it was gonna be this like fun

spinoff show for you know uh so every white woman could have their own gay at home and um i would like i remember leaving i remember walking home walking walking home calling my mom and was like this is it it's happening we're doing it and afterwards she invited me to go to uh a taping of chelsea and i remember like oh my god here it is it's happening oh shit and I remember getting there and I remember seeing Chelsea Handler and the first thing that Chelsea came I didn't even like say hello she just looked at me and goes

are you gay and I was like yeah and she goes I knew it and I'm like but you can also hear my voice right like you're not a sleuth like when you see a guy at your show, you automatically assume they're gay because, you know, it's Chelsea lately and you're on the E network. I mean, come on. The friend is like, hey, I got an invitation to the Christmas party. Would you want to go?

And I'm like, shit, yeah. She's like, you know, we're just going to ease you in. We're going to get you on the panel on this show to kind of ease you into the next show and all this stuff. I had met like all the execs at the time. You know, oh, they're all excited. Like this is what's going to happen. And I'm on cloud nine. I'm like, oh, this is fucking joke yeah i find like people had been

telling me for the past couple years too like you gotta get out chelsea you'd be perfect for it i'm like no shit right and um again no car so this person decides that uh oh well me and my boyfriend at the time will come pick you up and we'll go together it's over in santa monica it's like you know down the street at this hotel um and so they come pick me up very exciting and i remember we pull up to the hotel and she said to me she's like oh by the way um this party is sponsored by belvedere because that was Chelsea's favorite alcohol, right? And I'm like, oh, shit. And I said, well, just to let you know, I don't want to be that guy.

And she's like, we're all going to be that guy. Verbatim, I stand to that this day. Those words were exchanged. So I get there, and it is just a who's who of you know Chelsea lately like you know Heather McDonald was there Sarah Colonna was there um Josh Wolfe uh Josh Wolfe was there and uh Brad Wallach was there um I'm trying to remember who else just everybody john caparulo at the time was there um you know all the agents all the who's who of the show was there and i'm nobody right so i walk

in and um i see the bar. I'm like, oh, it's like a whole wraparound bar, just Belvedere, ice sculptures and shit. There's a photo booth. And I just remember going to the bar and I had something. And it gets rowdy. it gets rowdy. It gets rowdy. To the point where I think, no, I don't think. I know that the DJ had left the DJ booth to go pretend it was fucking Tijuana, Mexico, and pour shots down our throats to a Black Eyed Peas song. That's how drunk I was. I was to a Black Eyed Peas song. That's how drunk I was.

I was enjoying the Black Eyed Peas. Which to me, the Black Eyed Peas are the wiggles for adults. That's the best goddamn comparison I've ever heard. It's so perfect, man. That is so spot on. That's how you know you're drunk when the black eyed peas are on and you're like, I got this, guys. Ladies. Like, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. That is some kids bot voodoo all right no thank you so no one has seen chelsea yet um and mind you i'm not friends with a lot of the the people on chelsea now i am like i'm friends with heather and you know josh wolf and you know everybody's kind of worked on it i now know um but we were all so fucked up so fucked up everybody um so i'm like well where's chelsea chelsea's not there yet chelsea at the time was dating 50 cent

so 50 cent had not shown up and she wasn't drinking so 50 50 Cent did not show up, but his posse showed up. So people were just like, what the fuck? What do we do? Everyone's like scrambling, like, ah, you know, it smells like weed in the hotel now, and everyone's like, ah. Of course, so I go up to Chelsea, and I'm like, I just want to tell you, you know, yeah.

And I remember some guy pushing me away. That's it. That's all you remember? That's it. That's it. I remember waking up the next morning in my bed, in my apartment, goals, and I swear, not even hungover. Like, I literally, the way i describe this story is i woke up like snow white like it literally was like what a wonderful party like the blue birds came in

they're like did you have fun i sure did like it was like a dis your water justin i'm like ah and i texted i texted the person i went to the party with and i'm like oh my god thank you so much for a wonderful time it was great the response i get was oof and i'm like oof what do you mean oof don't oof me she writes back you got kicked out of the party and i'm like what do you what do you mean oof don't oof me she writes back you got kicked out of the party and i'm like what do you what do you mean i got kicked out of the party i don't know what do you mean you don't know we don't know what happened you just got kicked out of the party now i'm freaking out because i'm like why would i get kicked out of a party people love me i'm the life of a party what what happened like did i fight somebody? Did I?

Yeah. What happened? All of the people that I followed on Twitter at the time who followed me back on Twitter, all of them unfollowed me. Whoa. That morning. All of them unfollowed me. And I was like, shit, this is serious. unfollowed me and i was like shit this is serious that week i was supposed to do the show gone it got to the point where i was at the comedy store and i saw the person who invited me

she stopped talking to me altogether would ignore me it got to the point where i was like hey like what's going on to the point where i was like am i insane am i an insane person at this point uh yeah i haven't heard anything about the show so uh gotta go right because you're supposed to do a show with this person. Yeah. Right. Who you know very well. Tell me later. Mm-hmm. So I'm, like, freaking out because I'm like, am I a disaster? Like, what happened?

No one's giving me any hearsay. It's just go along with it. Shut the fuck up. You're never doing chelsea lately um a couple years go by so i said like three years go by wow and mind you i had i had left my manager got a new manager got left a manager got a new manager and in that three years no one told you what the fuck happened no nobody no one no one but every new manager was like martindale i got it you're gonna do chelsea lately and i was like good luck i was like by all means you can try

so michael cox who used to book chelsea lately he would get a call from my manager every time and be like hey you know we want to get justin from my manager every time and be like, hey, you know, we want to get Justin Martel on the show. And he was like, Martel's never doing Chelsea Lely. He knows why. And I'm like, but I don't. I don't know why. I don't know why.

So I gave up. So there's one night where I'm performing in La Jolla and Fortune Feimster's with me. Fortune just got hired as a writer for the show. So she's like, I just Fortune just got hired as a writer for the show. So she's like, I just got, I got hired as a writer for the show. I'm like, congratulations. Now you have to find out. Ha ha ha! Right away.

What exactly? Your first job, shall you accept to take it? You have to find out what the fuck I did at the party. Because she wasn't even there. And she's like, okay, I'll find out. So I'm like, okay, good. Find out. Finally. Three years later years three years later and like demons i mean just the depression i'm like i'm over like no one's

gonna hire me no one's gonna give me a job i'm never gonna work for e i'm ruined i'm a ruined ruined scorned woman woman i can't give my husband a child um it's a girl you wanted a son during the river um the uh finally fortune hits me up and she's like i found out what happened and i'm like oh my god girl tell me everything and she's like yeah um i, yeah, I asked Heather McDonald what you did. And she just said you were really drunk and Chelsea was sober and she wasn't having it. And I'm like, what? And she's like, yeah, you were just drunk. And Chelsea was mad that 50 didn't show up and you were just annoying her. And she just kicked you out.

I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean to tell me that a woman who's based her career off being a fucking alcoholic mess kicked me out of her Christmas party? She's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay. It's pretty lame, to be honest. Is that really the extent of it?

That's pretty, yeah. It is. That was exactly what happened. She was like, she was there, she was mad. Is that really the extent of it? That's pretty – yeah. It is. That was exactly what happened. She was like – she was there. She was mad. And this is what I had. You didn't say – there was no word back that you said something offensive or did something offensive. You were just way too drunk.

I was just too drunk. I was just too shit-faced. And I guess I might have been like stumbly or – and she was like, get this guy out of here, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I left out that that was the Christmas party. So I went home for Christmas. And when I got home, Chelsea Lately was on. And Chelsea's doing her monologue. And I swear to God, I'm watching with my mom, you know, and Chelsea looks at the camera and she's like, for the first time ever in Chelsea Lately Christmas party history, I kicked a drunk guy out of my party. No way. Cuts to a picture of Chelsea and the person I went to the party with with Chelsea's thong in her mouth, it like you know the copper tone baby

and I'm in the background just going but again it's not it's not me being shitty it's just literally me just doing the home alone face and I'm like oh fuck I made the monologue and my mom just just looks over at me and I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God. So that experience fucked with me for years. You did, Chelsea, lately. You did do it, God damn it. I made the monologue. But, I mean, definitely put a weird damper on that on that friendship because i want i even want to say like i saw this person in the hallway before the pandemic and uh she brought me up on stage once and was just like i had to follow her

and she was like who's next and they're like justin martindale and and um she's like oh my god i love this guy i love watching watching him. He's so funny. I can't wait to sit in the back and watch him. He's going to be great. You're going to love him. Justin Martindale. And I get up there and I go, is she still in the room? No, she left. Oh, I'm so glad she decided to stay in the back and watch me.

Yeah, yeah. Like, just full of shit. Just such BS. And there was a moment in the hallway where I was like, hey, I know we've like a couple years now of this weird like tension or whatever but like i just want to say it is what it is i can laugh about it now and we're fine i had a show at e on snapchat so it did suck but like it is what it was. And, you know, I kind of feel like. And they replaced me with somebody else for her show. And her show got canceled.

So cool. I mean, Hollywood, am I right? Hollywood. But yes, I'm like, people are like, what would you say to Chelsea if you saw her today? And I'm like, I'm not. We're fine. What do I say?, I'm not. We're fine. What do I say? I was the one.

There's no. Well, you mentioned Hollywood, and you said that you had some stories from your Hollywood twink days, as you say. Now, please explain to everyone out there what a twink is, because I had to look it up only a handful of years ago. You looked up twink? Yeah.

Good for you. I had never heard that term before of years ago. You looked up twink? Yeah. Good for you. I had never heard that term before. You've never heard of a twink? Not until probably when I was like 42 or 43. It got by me that long. Well, you know what a bear is, right? Yeah, of course I know what a bear is. It's like, you know, just pick an animal.

I don't know what exactly. I think a twink is just a young, slender youth. A bear could be 50. I don't have body hair. I just have never had body hair. I've never had to shave my chest. So hairless is part of it? Like a young Peter Pan.

He's already young. That's the whole point. He never grew up. Never grew up. grow up how old you 98 what a young peter just a young like a young like if you see like it's like it's like like in the early 2000s it was like that emo kid just really soft skin and and like this big around just skinny like elf looking you you know. So, yeah. So I mentioned the second time I moved out to L.A. So the first time I moved out to L.A. was definitely an experience.

I had my space was still a thing. Okay. MySpace was still a thing. Okay. I kind of got involved with this group of guys that were just very, very, very, very Hollywood. Monday we would do this. Tuesday we'd go here. Wednesday we'd go here.

Thursday we'd go here. How many of you would you say? There's probably about like seven to ten of us i guess and was everyone a twink is it okay for me to say twink you can say negative term yeah yeah oh hold on oh you just got canceled so sorry imagine if i get canceled for asking if i could say twink community is outraged that's how this yeah i'm sorry. He got canceled for asking it. Yeah. So sorry. He tried to be an ally, guys, but just turned out to be an asshole.

Oh, shit. Old white guy over here doesn't know what I am. What's a twig? Did he call me a faggot? Am I allowed to say it? Oh, my God. I'm sick. Hashtag sick of Sickler.

Sick of him. So I end up going out. How old are you, by the way? I mean, shit. I was 20. Yeah, this was like 21, 22. This is your peak Justin Martin. This goes into the first summer of Tahoe.

So I'm living with two of my roommates from Texas. We moved into this apartment in Palms, I think, and got a job. And around that same time is when I met my dad from the first Honeydew episode where we went to Tijuana and all that shit. So I had met these guys. We're partying every night. We're doing cocaine. We're drinking apple martinis.

Oh, God, those were the days. Watching Sex and the City and like, I mean, just raging. And they lived in Hollywood, I mean, just raging. And they lived in Hollywood and I lived in Palms. So it's like I would just stay there like kind of on these like benders so I didn't have to this party and this guy was there and he was a photographer i know the photographers yeah it's the photographers and the guys that are selling speakers you got those those two crews out there yeah and things you want to hear it as a young 20 year old gay kid in la is have you ever thought about modeling and i'm like oh have i

i am so glad you asked um so we're just i mean we are just gacked out of our minds. Me and I want to say it was like three of the friends. And we are in a shower naked, but we're not doing anything with each other. I'm so sorry. I feel like a lot of your audience might have turned off. No, we're good. Okay, good. Stay with me, guys.

We're in a shower and we are just posing like we're in a fucking Abercrombie & Fitch. Remember Abercrombie & Fitch when they were like, we sell clothes, but everyone's naked? Yes. And you're like, what? What clothes do you sell? That guy's not wearing a shirt. Why are there more pubes than clothes? And is it like a glass shower? And is it like a glass shower?

We have the door open and this guy is just like taking pictures and I am just brooding and giving you cheekbones. I'm giving you angles, all of that. Naked with two other guys. Yeah, but I feel like I was covering it up, but probably not. My dong's out there somewhere. Yeah, it's out there. Dong's out there somewhere. Yeah, it's out there. So I find out that this, like, years and years and years later, I want to say I ran into that guy, the photographer.

And he was like, oh, yeah. I was over at Bryan Singer's house, and he has that picture of you guys over his fireplace. Nuh-uh. And I was like, what? And now I'm like a full adult, right? Yeah. But every now and then I'm just like, is that still there? I'm wondering, you know, when he's gotten into some trouble with some young guys, but I was like, oh, shit. Because, I mean, I looked good in the pictures, I'm sure.

But still, I'm just like, am I at Bryan Singer's house over his mantle? Then there's another story. And I've never told this story. All right. Let's get that whole new exclusive here. Yeah. So, God, I don't even remember where I met this dude. Like, so I, this guy got in contact with me because this is shit.

I want to say this might have been like Craigslist or I don't even know. Remember? Oh, Craigslist. I know. How was I not murdered? I talked to people that used Craigslist. I can't even know remember oh craigslist i know how was i not murdered i talked to people that used craigslist i can't believe you weren't i can't believe you weren't murdered i know brutally thank you and like butchered and weird so much done to you thank you and your dead body um uh so this guy's like hey i, I'm a model scout.

It's called Craig's list. It's a guy named Craig. Who's Craig? And he's got a list. That's all I'm saying. What is this list? And is it actual paper? Or is it like on a mirror?

You know? So this guy hits me up and he's like, I'm a model scout. And I'm like, what? And he's like, I'm visiting from San Francisco. I would love to talk to you about getting into modeling out here. And I was like, all right, cool. So he's like, come meet me at the W Hotel in Westwood. And I'd love to, like, grab a drink and we can talk.

So I'm like, cool. So we show up he's in the lobby and he's probably about like he's like mid 40s like doesn't look like a model scout but like I don't

know what a model scout looks like. What does a model scout look like? Exactly. So we're having like a martini. He's talking to me like you got a great look and you have a good frame. You got a good body that's in right now. And I'm like twink. Twink Martindale.

So he's like, like okay how about this i'm going to go across i'm staying at i don't even know it was like a house but it it was right across from the w he's like i'm staying right over here let me let me uh sign out on the tab and everything. You come meet me over at the place after this. So I'm like, okay, cool. So I walk over there. I walk in. It is like dimly lit. And he has his clothes on. And he starts like talking to me.

And he pulls out these magazines. And he's like ripping out the pages. and he's like, you could do this. You could do that. You could even do this. And I'm just like, what? Like, what is this? And he's like, yeah, you know, like, I feel like you could, you're very, you could, you have a nice range. You could do these type of shots.

But he's not showing you a portfolio. Not showing me a portfolio. There's nothing. He's tearing shit out of a magazine. Just tearing shit out of a magazine. But he's not showing you a portfolio. Not showing me a portfolio. There's nothing. He's tearing shit out of a magazine. Just tearing shit out of a magazine. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Like the gears start going and I'm like, oh, God, this guy is full of shit. And then it starts getting into like, take your shirt off.

Let me see what's going on. What are you working with there and i'm like oh fine take off my shirt he's like all right now let's see like what could you if you could do like bathing suit are you wearing boxers you're doing briefs could they like look like a bathing suit like a speedo and like some trunks and i was like i don't even remember i was wearing so i took him off and i'm like in my underwear in front of this guy and he starts coming over he like walks over to me and he's like just relax just relax just rubbing my shoulders and i'm like i'm okay like everything's fine and he's like okay

no like you know get on the bed let me take some pictures and i'm like is this going into brian singer's house because i swear to god he knows me he knows me i He knows me. I'm not doing this again. So he starts taking pictures of me. And at this point, I'm just kind of playing along. I'm just like, I'm in Westwood. Might as well. You know, like I'm not driving.

Where am I going? So then it gets to the point where he takes off my underwear and starts jerking me off. So that's where I'm kind of like, again, I'm in Westwood. Why not? I've already made the drive. I'm in Westwood. Like, I know it's weird, but I'm like,

I'm in Westwood. When in Westwood, you know? I mean, so he starts like, he's jerking me off and I, it's weird, but at the same time I'm like, just close your eyes and go with the flow. Like, I honestly

Is he taking pictures of this? Probably, I'm sure. Again, the dong is out there. I'm gonna do my own spin-off show called The Honey Dong and Justin Martin Dong. It's a great dog. I have a great dog. I'll bet you do.

It's a good, it's a girthy, like. Look, bro, you're 6'4". Your dick's even halfway proportionate. It's like a good can of biscuits, you know? Oh, God. This podcast is sponsored by Bisquick. So, you know, I finish. How does it end? You finish.

But it doesn't go any further than this. It doesn't go any further than that. It's just a handy. And then he's like, you know, then we have to say goodbye, you know, which is always the worst. And he's like, yeah, you know, I have to get back to San Francisco tomorrow. You know, I have something with my wife and son. What? Why even say that?

Why even say it? Why even say it? what why even say that why even say it why even say it because i think it was him trying to pass off that that what just happened you know sexual assault was him being professional like oh i just wanted to you know and we just led to this happens you know and i'm just like uh okay you know i'm just this young, stunning elf-like twink. Elf-like twink. Is this a renaissance fair? No, that's just how he looks.

And so I remember he gathered up all- Are you leaving that night? I left that night, yeah. No, there was no staying over. But I just remember being like, I went home and I was just like, what the fuck just happened? And then. And you never saw these pictures, I'm assuming. Never saw anything again.

And I want to know if this guy is like still around. I mean, I wish I remembered his name. I wish I knew like what the hell happened. How many other guys? You know, we had a me too movement and everyone's like ah i'm gonna i'm gonna start the he too movement so yeah because i feel like there's a lot there's a lot you always hear about like gay for pay and like all these guys but again i wasn't like outraged by it it was kind of hot at the same time because it was like

this stranger but again how fucking stupid am i like i could have been murdered that night like you never you never know you never know and like i mean thank god because after after i want to say after that happened i was hanging around these guys a couple more times and i went back home and my roommates like had all my shit out on the apartment on the on the steps they were like you got to get out of here dude like you're a mess like these are my friends from back home like they took all my clothes belongings and put it out on the curb and were like waiting for me to drive up and they were like you gotta go kicked you out kicked me out and it was the best thing that could have happened to me because I loaded my car up.

And I remember our downstairs neighbor was this old lady. I don't even remember her name. I don't even know if she's still alive. But her, like, male companion, the sweetest guy, he gave me $20. And he was like, go take care of yourself. Get some help. And so luckily, thank God, I had an aunt who lived out in San Dimas area. So I stayed with her, which was technically kind of like a rehab i looked at it

as like a rehab like hey like i'm drinking too much i'm doing drugs like why am i doing drugs why am i doing drugs i'm just like like like letting people just have their way with my body um wish i could say the same now but Same now. But it literally was like a reset. And I'm very thankful that they could have saved my life when you think about it that way. got on Craigslist and found an audition in Nevada City. No, that's when it all started. To audition for the first production that they were doing that year. And so I went up there, got it, got the part, and packed up all my shit and was up there all summer

with a bunch of people who were just like me, who were amazing, who just like took me in, believed in me, you know, and you just kind of like rebuild your character. It makes a difference. Yeah.

Yes. So that was, that was the, the bookend right there. Well, man, I'm glad it worked out and thank you for saying you're the shit. You know,

I love it. I love you too. Anytime you want. All right. Please come up with more stories. I know I love you. I love you too. Come anytime you want. All right. I have to come up with more stories. I'm sure. You don't have to dig too deep.

I know. Promote your podcast and everything again, please. Yes, please. My podcast is called Glitter and Garbage with Justine Marino and it's pop culture-y.

It's, you know, what's everybody watching? What's everybody talking about? It's on Spotify and iTunes. So please like us and subscribe all right uh as always ryan sickler on all social media ryan sickler.com we'll talk to y'all next week I'm out.