The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Juston McKinney - McKinneyDew

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is actor and comedian Juston McKinney! Check out Juston’s latest special, On The Brightside, available on YouTube today, or his TED Talk, A Comedian’s Guide to Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood. Juston joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of how he survived his own dysfunctional childhood. We discuss what it was like losing his mother at six years old, how his father ended up marrying his aunt, and how his upbringing influences the way he parents his own kids now. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id14524031874

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The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, RyanSickler.com. Starting it off by saying thank you to this episode. Again, I'm going to thank, you know what? Everybody says the first responders, and I do want to thank the first responders of what's going on out here in Los Angeles. But you know who else I want to thank?

The second responders. The third, fourth, all the motherfucking responders I want to thank. All right? It's been insane here. We're fortunate enough that we can still work and, and, you know, get through this thing. Um, but there's a lot of devastation going on. So if you're out there and you can help do it wherever you can, however you can. All right.

Um, I'm not going to sit there and say anything else. All right. You guys know what we do here. Uh, we highlight the low lights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Justin McKinney. Welcome to the Honeydew, Justin McKinney.

Thanks for having me, Ryan. Thanks for being here, buddy. Before we jump into your story, promote everything and anything you'd like, please. So I've got my latest special is on YouTube called On The Bright Side. I'm starting a new tour, Just On Tour 2025, going all over the place from Florida to Canada to Michigan to Minneapolis.

And I just did a Ted talk called A Comedian's Guide to Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood that just came out on Ted.com as well. Great. So I read a little bit about it and I really do want to hear this story. So it's early for you at HITS, huh? Yeah. So tell us about it. Where are you from originally? So I was born in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Okay.

And how many siblings do you have? Two older brothers, one younger brother. Okay, so there's four boys. Yep. Four boys. And mom and dad are together at the time you're born? Yep. Are you the youngest, oldest?

Where do you fall in? One younger, two older. Okay. Yep, so I'm third. Third child, yep. And so, you know, I guess the biggest thing to happen in my life, my memory that, you know, I guess the, you know, the biggest thing to happen in my life that, you know, my memory that, uh, you know, is the hardest for me to, you know, I think about it

almost every day, you know, in the back of my mind was, uh, I was six years old with my mom. She was a volunteering at the lawn, you know, at the lawn fate. It's like a fair school fair, the elementary school, my mom was very, uh, hands on, you know, made the lunches, made the bed. She was a perfect mom, you know.

She liked being a mom. Liked being a mom. And she, all of a sudden at the fair, she just collapsed and started screaming, and I was with her and one of my other brothers as well. And an ambulance came and they brought her on the ambulance and she passed away from a brain aneurysm. No. Yeah. So she just dropped, but she was able to yell. She was screaming. Yeah.

She was like in pain holding her head. Yeah. Oh, and you're watching that and your brother's there as well? Yep. Just two of you at the time? Yeah, it was two of us. Yeah. And what are you doing?

So I just remember one of the parents just holding me back. He was just frozen. Didn't know, yeah, didn't know really. First grade. What was going on, first grade, yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Six years old.

And where's dad at the time? Does he meet you at the hospital? How much of this do you remember? Like, does he come get you guys? You don't remember a lot. Who took you to the hospital? I know you're first grade. I don't remember a lot. I didn't go to the? I know you're first grade. I don't remember a lot.

I didn't go to the hospital. She was rushed, I guess, to another hospital. It was a Maine Medical Center. As I remember it correctly, it was, and I just remember hearing these words because they were on the phone through phone calls and stuff and we were at my aunt's house. And I just remember then the phone rang and my aunt answered

and then that she bust out crying and that was it. So that's who told you? That was, that's how we knew like it happened and I remember. Is that your mom's sister? Yes. So she called you? Yeah, well we were all at the house together. I see.

So we were all there together, we're all gathered around and- And she took the call and couldn't hide. Took the call, exactly. And then we knew. And I remember one of my relatives saying, hey, you guys gotta take care of each other now. You know what I mean? It was, I remember that, just being like, you guys all gotta take care of each other. And that was kind of,

that's where my dysfunctional childhood story starts. Are you brothers, the four of you, or all three of you and you close? Very close, yeah. Okay, yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're very close. Yeah, we stayed close. And I think it was that staying close that helped us get through it.

I only share this story because a good friend of mine had something similar happen and I just spent, actually we had to evacuate. We went to his place in Temecula. That's where we were. He was around maybe eight or nine. And his mom wasn't supposed to have children. He's an only child. She had some kind of situation with her heart.

Wasn't supposed to have a kid, but she did. And she was okay. They didn't even know if she'd make it through the pregnancy. And he's rec league soccer. And that's the last game of the season where the parents play the kids and his mom's out there running around playing and she drops on the field. And right away, they take him to a friend's house. He goes with his friend and his dad and, you know, ambulance comes, whole thing, hospital

over here, but you're over here. And he said that his friend's dad had to come and tell him and I said are you still in touch with the friend? And he said every now and then he reaches out to me and he said that his father's like it fucked him up To have to tell this little boy. Hey, your mom's gone Yeah, he's like what and then they got to take him to his dad and shit and I was like, yeah What a way to go. I think about it all the time. How could you not when I hear of I was gonna say when I hear of these stories of any parent that is killed or died, whether it's the news, whether it's

you say you think about it every day in the back of your head. Yeah, anyone anytime there's a you know, you know, there's a unfortunately, I mind the news for comedy, right? I'm always looking through the news and I see all the horrible stories. It happens every day. There's somebody and I always think about the kid. I always think, and that was part of what made me want to do the Ted Talk was as hard as it was for me to do.

And just to explain how hard it was for me to do. Can I ask you to selfishly stop here for a second? Stand up for Ted Talk, what did you find more difficult to do? The Ted Talk. Yeah, the Ted Talk. Because I didn't wanna, you don't wanna go down that road, you don't wanna open up those wounds.

And to give you an idea, they reached out to me. But as a comedian, it's interesting to hear you say that because as a comedian, our job is not only to just talk, it's to get people to laugh at that shit. And that is its own challenge instead of just bearing your soul and maybe enlightening someone else or, you know, being this cathartic voice for someone else. Well, that part of it I love that that's part of why I did it too, but to get there. Like, so the woman who ran the TEDx reached out to me about doing a TED talk and I kind of reluctantly

did it. Was like, all right, let me go down this road. But to give you an idea of how hard it was, so we're sitting in the room where it was just all the people who got picked to maybe do the talk, because you submitted your story kind of on paper, and we're all in a group, and we all each got a chance to say it out loud,

like five minutes just to get who we were and what we're here for. And I started, what I just told you about my mom, like I couldn't get through with all of them looking at me. So I just stopped and I told her afterwards, I said, I can't do this. I don't think I can do it. So the reason I was just able to tell it to you

without getting emotional breaking down was because I did do the Ted talk and I have done it. And I'm able to, I'm just, I'm almost like just saying the words and I'm not thinking about it. That's what I mean. So it's like a shield we put up, right? So I didn't want to do it and I couldn't have my dad in the room. My dad lives in the town where I filmed it in Portsmouth, New Hampshire and I didn't want him there it. And I couldn't have my dad in the room. My dad lives in the town where I filmed it in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and I didn't want him there

because I knew if my dad was there, I couldn't do it. So when I say, well, it's hard, that's why this was harder for me. But knowing that people, you know, kids, I think of kids, my friends have friends that have lost their mom. And I'm like, you know, if they can see it, you know, so. It's really powerful because I lost my dad at 16. And we found him dead in his bed in the morning and my mom had already left the family.

So we're on our own. And I still tell people like I have friends from we were in 10th grade, I have friends from high school, middle school still that I'm very close with. And even now at our age, we reflect back. And I'm like, you know, it was interesting because at the time my friends' parents, right? My friends' parents, my same friends, their parents, their parents were still living, most of them.

They don't even know what to say to a kid. You know what I mean? When I would come over, it would just be this, like I would feel like a charity case. I'd also feel like an alien, because they're looking at me like, I don't even know what the fucking say to you. My parents are still alive.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just there. It's just, it's in the room. How did your dad die? Well, long story short, they originally had made had told us it was a heart attack. But over the course of the years, the health issues you had asked me about before we recorded, thank you, is very kind to you. Turns out as I have a blood disease that he actually had,

everybody got genetically tested, it's still alive, and he's the only one that had it. So he gave it to me. And they're now telling me that we can't for sure say, but most likely he didn't die of a heart attack. He died of blood clots from this. Oh, man. And you've got it. Yeah.

Oh. And I've clotted twice. And what I have, it's called factor five lydin, and most people don't clot. And if they do, it's once by the time they're 65. I've clotted twice before 50. Are you on blood thinners? Yeah. Yeah. I just met with an oncologist and he's like,

your veins are not virgins. Oh, jeez. So I don't have another one in me. I have another one in me. Dan, are you saying it's a good thing I got this on the books this week? Is that what you're saying, Ryan? Yeah, bro.

You never know when your mother's bulldog is ticking. Okay, I'm ticking, bro. I guess none of us know, but yeah, I can't imagine having that. And unfortunately for your mom, so let me go back there for a second. Just knowing everything I know as we get older, everyone wants to know about health,

this brain aneurysm, was it something that is a genetic thing or is this just a fucking? Don't believe so. They believe it was birth control related. If you remember back in, I think they used to give much higher doses and my mom at that point had four kids and she smoked cigarettes. So I think that combination too might add something to with it, but that's what they think. And, but never, it was never really talked about, never really brought up, never really proven

that I know of. There was, but- Just brain aneurysm is what they said was causing death. Yeah, yeah. So what happens then? I mean, what is, what happens with dad and- So then, well, my dad first reacted not well. Like he like took off, he like got out of there.

I mean, imagine. Did he? Well, it was, yeah, it was hard on him, obviously. Where's he go? And he was a drinker. You know, he was a little bit of a drinker. I wouldn't say he was an alcoholic yet, but he drank for sure. And a lot of this, you're asking me like what I remember. So some of this is from stories of my brother

and my brother telling me this is how I understand it now. Real quick, everyone's gonna yell at me for interrupting you a bunch. Give me the ages real quick of everyone when mom dies. You're six, well- So it's like, so we're all like three to four years apart. So it was in June of 77. So I'm like six.

My other brother would be like nine going on 10. The other one was like 12, 13, like right in there roughly. Approximately like 13, three. Damn. Yeah, so he just- Okay, so for like 13 to three we're talking. 13 to three. Very young kids.

These kids. And my dad wasn't, I told you how my mom was the do everything mom, wanted to be the mom. My dad didn't really know how to be a dad. Dad ain't cutting sailboat sandwiches, bro. Ha ha ha. Nothing. That ain't cutting sandwiches. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, it was, it was the Wild West for a little while, for sure. So, and you're all boys too. We're all boys. There's not even at least a sister in the mix to say, guys, let's settle down for a second. Cause a girl would do that shit. Yeah, and we were almost like, we, we, we used to say about,

we don't know what it would have been like if we had a sister. Like, I remember we would dry our hair in the oven. Like, not in the oven. We would open the oven, not in the oven. Yeah, yeah. We would open the oven, you put the oven on, and you would go like this,

and the heat would go up. And we would just, and we would think about, man, we, you know, it was crazy. A sister would be there with a hairdryer. Yeah, we didn't have a hairdryer. Yeah, well, we didn't have a hairdryer. We didn't have, you know, so it was one. So when things are starting to fall apart, my aunt, my mom's sister then moved in

to help take care of us. She was going through a divorce with her husband. She brought two of her kids. So basically, and they ended up in a relationship, my dad and my aunt ended up together, sleeping in the same bed. No. Exactly. So I was aware that that was not-

Your dad just, yeah. Next lady. They, it's- Next serious woman. He might've been doing whatever he's doing out there, but next serious relationship is mom and then her sister. Oh yeah, oh yes, yeah, there was nobody else. Yeah, and it just, and it was-

How fast was that? Like how, I'm asking, I know your aunt stepped in right away to take care of you, but how quickly is it a relationship? It was probably a couple of years. I mean, I wasn't 10 asking, I know your aunt stepped in right away to take care of you, but how quickly is it a relationship? It was probably a couple of years. I mean, I wasn't 10 yet, you know, I was like eight or nine probably if I had to guess. It was pretty fast, you know, it just kind of happened.

And you know- And so now your cousins are stepbrothers? Cousins are like stepbrothers to me for sure. Yeah, so there was in this three bedroom, one bath, there was a dad and aunt, two cousins and four brothers. I mean, in this one house. My grandfather lived there. I mean, yeah.

He was there too? For a little while, my grandfather moved in. Yeah, it was, the whole family was there. And you know, and you know- Wait, did anyone ever challenge it? Did no one ever say, dad? Well, I do a joke. Cause you have older brothers.

Yeah. At that point, there are 16, I do a joke. Cause you have older brothers. Yeah. At that point there are 16, like mouthy brothers. Yeah, I do a joke where I say, I said to my dad, I go, dad, you and Aunt Glenna's are sleeping in the same bed. And he's like, look, if I'm gonna end up with one of your aunts, better your mom's sister than my sister.

And I go, that's the last time we ever talked about it. Yeah. Is that a real conversation? Well, I mean, I don't want it to happen that way. It's more of my comp coming out of my comedy. It's true. Is that a real conversation? I don't know that happened that way. It's more of my comp coming out of my comedy, but I walked in on them. One of my specials, I closed, I walked in the door

and they were like, you know, did that really happen? Like I walked in on them. You saw your dad fucking your aunt. Yeah, I mean, I don't put it that way, but. I do. Yeah, that was bad. That's a touchy subject, but for sure. Man.

Yeah, but it was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It was a little, and they both drank, you know what I mean? So there was drinking, there was police over. But did you ever tell your cousins how were they? The two that came with her.

Well, put it this way. My one cousin was my little brother's age. So he was like three and the other one's older was like 12. So he was on the older side, maybe 12 or 13. We all got along really great. Nobody ever sat down one night and hung out in the bedroom and be like, guys, isn't it weird that our parents are together?

You never really brought it up. It just was what it was. You didn't really talk about it, but to give you an idea, my cousin, my younger cousin, he couldn't really talk about it, but to give you an idea, my cousin, my younger cousin, he couldn't watch my Ted Talk, just to let you know how, like the shit that was underneath it all. You know what I mean?

It was like, he started to watch it. I start off with about a minute and a half, two minutes of comedy. I show how Conan O'Brien, he spelt my name wrong and how my dad named me Justin with an O because like you were born just on time. So I start like that. I'm like, it could have been Justin time, it was his dumb joke. So my point is how my dad named me Justin with an O because like you were born just on time. So I start like that. I'm like, it could have been just in time.

It was this dumb joke. So my point is how my dad embarrasses me. Then I immediately get into being with my mom, right? When I'm six years old. So I started then and he goes, I don't know if he's even watched it yet. It's been out for two months. So I don't even know if he's watched it.

So we didn't really talk about it. We all were there. We were there for each other. We did use humor and try to laugh at stuff. But I mean, there was, you know, there's stuff I couldn't get into in the TED talk because it. We all were there. We were there for each other. We did use humor and try to laugh at stuff. But I mean, there was, you know, there's stuff I couldn't get into in the TED talk because it was 19 minutes long, I had to keep it short. But, um, you know, because of the drinking and, you

know, there was jealousy in there that I didn't touch on in the TED talk where, you know, my dad would then be jealous that my aunt was cheating on him. I mean, wrap your head around that. I mean, my dad is worried that my aunt is just cheating. I'm like, what? So there was a little bit of that going. And there were nights where my dad would, they'd get in fights and the police would be over

and then he'd run out the door. They're both drinking though. Both would be drinking. This is toxic as shit. You know, I used to say having two- In front of my sons and my nephews! Yeah, that's crazy. And you know, I would say that having two alcoholics

is better than one, it's almost like having two dogs. They almost kept each other company. So we would just kind of just sit back. I see, they'd just keep each other out. You know what? That's interesting. So they just fuck with each other and go off over there and yell and bicker and whatever while they leave you alone.

You hope, but we're always worried that people from school would find out. Like my dad, well, my dad like- I didn't even think about people in your school finding out your dad, your aunt. Well, you tried to hide everything. You didn't want anything that was going on in your childhood to seep out.

Ever. And my dad got mad at the bank. This is a story I tell on the TED Talk. My dad got mad at the bank because they declined a loan. They turned down a loan. So he went down in his underwear and broad daylight and threw a brick through the front window. No he did not!

Yes, that's true. He just threw a brick through the back window in his underwear. Yes. And so, so this is the worst part. This is the worst part. Can I get a loan to fix that?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know. Yeah. It was not good. Oh God. So the worst part, when he ran out of the house, he just left pissed. He just ran out the front door pissed, gets in the car and takes off.

We don't know what's happening. So you just, there was that moment of dad's gone, something's going to happen. Please make it home safe. Don't kill anybody. Don't think bad. My phone rings. My friend Alan lived across the street from the bank.

No. And he calls me and he says, Justin is your dad home? And right when he did, I got a pit in my stomach because I knew that he wasn't because I just saw him run out. So then I'm a literally going, what did he do? What, you know what?

And he goes, I think I just saw him throw a brick through the bank in his underwear. And you know, so the comedian in me was, you know, I would say, well, he did say he had some errands to do. You know, what could, you know, what could I, I wish I could have come up with that line back then, but, but it was, it was crazy. And it was like that.

So I was worried everyone at school was gonna find out. So wait, did he get arrested right there? Oh yeah, he gets arrested every day. No, no, no, they chased him. Well, he's all foot. Oh no, he drove there. Yeah, yes. But they called ahead to raise the drawbridge.

There was a drawbridge that would go from Kid Remain into Portsmouth and they raised it so he couldn't get over that bridge. And then he gets, because they chased him into the house. It was a whole, yeah. Into your house? Yeah. Are you there?

Yeah, yeah. You're there when the police are sprinting Into your house? Yeah. Are you there? Yeah, yeah. You're there when the police are sprinting into your home? Yeah, he had to come in and actually- What's he say when he's running in? So this actual, the bank incident happened on the back of my, this is actually my cousin who experienced this. And one of the things in the TED Talk, as I say,

is we learned rules. We had a rule number one was no sleepovers. So this is actually, so what happened was my cousin had had a sleepover the night before the bank incident. So when they come in, so I wasn't here at this one. I've seen him get pepper spray. I mean, it's cause the cops would come over a lot, but this particular one-

A lot? They come over a lot. Yeah, this particular one. So normally- They chase him in, they mace him. All of his friends get hit with secondhand mace. They all get, so that was the last sleepover he ever had. Children.

Yeah, that was the last one. Children, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And we were even said, and we even said to him, I go, and I was like, yeah, buddy, that's why we don't have sleepovers. I go, you can't have a sleepover because it was just too unpredictable. Yeah, that was it. Oh man, that is too much, dude.

Yeah. Okay, so as we're moving through school, like are your dad and aunt together all the way through high school? Like do they, are they still together? Like- No, actually they had split up. She actually remarried after I got out of high school

and she just passed this year. Oh, I'm sorry. And had passed, yeah. And I give her credit for coming in when she did to kind of keep the lights on, let's say, right? And keep everything together. She was kind of like the glue to keep it together. Yeah, and my dad has been, I feel like I should say this.

He's been sober now for 18 years. It's a good, great story about my dad and he's a great guy and we have a great relationship. And he's- What's the charge for throwing a brick through a bank window? Does he do time? How much time does he do? I don't think it was time.

I think it was more like restitution. They probably suspended it. You know what I mean? It's a criminal mischief or assault with a deadly weapon. I don't know what the actual charge ended up being, but it was probably like disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. And, but you know-

You ever talk to him about it? Oh yeah. We can sit there with my dad and oh laugh. He'll do it. Okay. He'll go back. We all have, we have such a great- What's one of his favorites to talk about? Well, he's like, you know, we were all just not too long.

We all get together and we'll tell stories about when we had, you know, the heat, we had no heat. And, you know, there was a story where he drove through the garage door of the neighbor because they called the police about the dog. And he was bringing my brother and cousin to school at the time on the way to school. He pulls in, smashes through the garage door of the neighbor because they called the police about the dog. And he was bringing my brother and cousin to school at the time on the way to school, he pulls in smashes through the garage door

and then drops them off at school. And they're in like elementary school. It just drives through and then drops them off. Yeah, so I say that good parenting would have been to do that on the way back after you dropped the kids off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he would just always have these little bickering with the neighbors.

The neighbors were horrified of him, you know? But so we'll talk about the rats. Like we lived down by the river and like these big rats would like run across the house. And my dad would say something like, you know, the good thing is if you have rats, that means you got no mice. You know what I mean?

Like it's, he'd always come up with little funny things like that too. And he, so when we're all telling our stories about growing up, we're all laughing. Then my dad just like, he's like, let me just say this. And we're all like waiting for these words of wisdom of what our dad's going to say now. And he just goes, it wasn't as bad as it was, you know? And I just thought that was such a funny thing to come out of his mouth. Like it wasn't as bad as it was. I mean, that's his whole perspective on it. And he really, it's complicated. I really blame alcohol, like for, he was a different person.

You know, he didn't even remember anything he did when he was drunk. You know, it really was, we never, we thought he was going to die on the streets. We never thought he could get sober. Yeah. He was that bad. Yeah.

What did he do for a living? He was, he had a telephone answering service that was my grandfather's way back in the day. And that was like a company business. I don't know that it really made any money. I mean, it's funny, because it looked like we had money, but we didn't. Like he had company cars,

like he got cars through the company. So he had two that were used, but he had two used Mercedes. So it looked like we had these Mercedes, but yet you go in there and like, I played football, I had no medical insurance, I had no cleats. Like in eighth grade, I played football, I was a running back and I had flat sneakers. I remember like it played football, I had no medical insurance, I had no cleats. Like in eighth grade, I played football, I was a running back and I had flat sneakers.

I remember like it was yesterday, they would do a sweep, they would do a sweep. They weren't vans, they were like the knockoff, they weren't Nikes, for sure they were. But I remember we'd do a sweep to me and they'd pitch the ball out to me and I'd go to run and I would just fall, like I'd just wipe out, like I had no traction, right?

So, and he had property, but the property he was able to he did real estate, but he had tenants that weren't paying. So he ended up losing everything like he never really he never really, you know, the alcohol kept kept him down, you know, for sure. And I saw that. And that's why I'm like, you know, I mean, I drink socially, I'll have a couple beers a week. But I was definitely aware when I was up into my twenties about how, you know, I don't want, you know, I don't want that to happen to me, you know? And what did your aunt do? She worked kind of at the entrance service for him for a while.

Yep. And then, you know, cell phones and pagers came and then it was, uh, you know, it was kind of like the end of that, the old switchboard kind of. Yeah. You're not lying about that. Did, um, I want to ask you, did, what about your aunt's parents? Did they ever have a problem with this situation? Well, it's funny you say that.

I'm thinking about that now. That's my mom's, yeah, Nana and grandpa. That's your grandparents. Yeah, they, Nana was the greatest. Like my Nana was, my Nana first of all, would sneak all of us $20 for Christmas and we couldn't tell our grandfather. Know what I mean?

It was one of those things. She would sneak all the money. Don't tell your grandfather, don't tell your grandfather. You know, one of my specials, I did a joke where I said, we got older. She sat us down. You know how I've been giving you all $20

every year for Christmas? I was like, yeah. She's like, I want you to kill your grandfather for me. Because she like hated. She would like be shitting on him. She actually, I've never told this story before. She actually, when he died, she was up, she had a camp up on a lake and she's like, Justin,

she's like, your grandfather, I took his, he wanted this ashes spread over the lake, over the water. So I took a handful of ashes and I said, here's the blow job you always wanted. And that was my Nana, you know? So, but anyway, she, I think my dad, my mom and my dad, the age difference, there was, I don't think they were

that fond of my dad and my mom's relationship early on because I think my mom was a lot younger than my dad. He was older, but then everything was fine when we got, of my dad and my mom's relationship early on. Because I think my mom was a lot younger than my dad. He was older, but then everything was fine when we got, you know, we would go up to their camp and we'd all go up there. But again, it was like the drinking and the chaos, but they never brought, no one ever talked about the fact

they were together. It just was what it was. You know what I mean? It was just, nobody really brought it up or thought about it. And it was, yeah, it was just was what it was. You know what I mean? It was just, nobody really brought it up or thought about it. And it was, yeah, it was just crazy. Good times. We laughed a lot.

A lot of drinking, a lot of laughing. Occasional cops. So when do you, occasional cops, when do you get out of there? Do you go to college, you graduate? When do you finally get out of that house for yourself and start getting into the world? So I wasn't sure what I was gonna do in high school.

And I thought I wanted to be a private investigator. And I asked the guidance counselor, and I briefly hit on this in the Ted Talk too, I think, to set up a ride along with a, or a job shadow with a private investigator. Like I couldn't find a private investigator, but I got you this ride along with a local PD, local police department. I'm like, I don't know that I want to do this, but she set it up,

why not do it? So that that moment I got out of there was like changed my life because this guy was like this great cop. He did it for all the right reasons. He was talking about how he took pride in knowing if there's an emergency, he's going to show up, you know, he's there to save people. And having that feeling, because when I was going through what I was going through, I looked at the cops like if something was to happen, like they're going to come and keep one of them, if God forbid anything happened, keep them from, you know, killing himself, killing each other, who knows what would happen.

Because growing up, like, my, you know, they would get in those fights when my dad was like, Kuznerv, my dad would be not very nice to her, like when he was drinking, right? And he'd be like, you know, Kuznerv stuff. And then she would start it on him and go, you know, why don't you go jump off the bridge? And now I lived under a bridge where people would jump off

and commit suicide, like to this day. It happened a couple of times a year now. It's this high, high rise bridge. And times a year now. It's this high rise bridge. Really? We lived under it. We lived under that bridge. It was like the last house on a dead end. Literally a dead end. We grew up on a dead end, exactly.

Which I say my kids have no idea, they live on a cul-de-sac. There's a difference. You know what I mean? It's a lot easier to turn yourself around in a cul-de-sac, right? You don't have to fucking worry about bodies falling either.

Yeah. I could remember this like it was, she'd be like, you know, why don't you go jump off the bridge? And she'd go, you don't have the balls. And I remember he was like egging them on. And I'm thinking, oh my God, don't say that. Don't challenge his manhood, you know? Now I'm thinking, and my brothers and I will joke with this. I go, could you imagine if he did it?

And be like, you know what? Say what you want about dad, but you can't say it in the balls. You know what I mean? It was like, but, so that's how I looked at cops. Like as far as if they would, they would save, you know, we might need them at some point. And that's how I looked at them. So that got me into law enforcement.

So I spent seven years in law enforcement. Where? That was my first job. York County, Maine. It was a sheriff's department. So it was right on the- So you York County, Maine. It was the sheriff's department. So it was right on the – So you moved up to Maine? It was right on the line. So Port New Hampshire and Maine border each other.

So right over the line. I moved in sixth grade from Portsmouth over to Kittery, Maine, which is two miles away from my old house to my new house. But they're right next to each other. So it's the same area. But for some reason, I moved over in sixth grade. I never saw anybody again from – you'd think we

moved to another country. Yeah, I think there was a wall that built there. I never even saw any any of my old friends again. And, and that wasn't my doing it was like we're in another we're over that bridge. But so what was it going with that? What was it? What do you? I asked you were going to law enforcement. So and you went to I asked you what town so yeah, law enforcement. So, and you went to, I asked you what town. So yeah, so the thing is,

so I would have maybe worked in the town that I was in, but because I'd know it, I'd be dealing with my dad all the time. That's what I said. So I worked in that county, but that county had this 14 towns that don't have their police department. They're smaller towns.

So there's the sheriff's patrol that kind of like, you know, out here. So you became a sheriff. Yeah, deputy sheriff. For seven years? Yeah, seven years I did that. For what main again? York County.

York County. York County main, yeah. Did you see any wild stuff up there? Or is it pretty tame up there? Or is that what we think, but it's buck wild? Well, I mean, it's like domestics and stuff. I mean, you'd get those, you know? It's like, there was definitely scary incidents.

You know, someone want me to shoot them, you know what I mean? It's like, I wanted you to shoot, you know, someone want me to, you know, shoot them. You know what I mean? It's like, I wanted you to shoot them. I had a knife, assaulted the mom, and it's like, you're gonna shoot me. And I'm like, I'm not shooting you. He's like, I'm gonna make you shoot me. And I'm like-

Did you ever, is your weapon drawn at that point or no? Not at this point. There was actually a backup was in the back with a shotgun, which there was only two of us for 14 towns, 500 square miles. What? It was one of the poorest police departments at the time. Two people you're saying? We were defunded before it was a thing.

How many people are you in that whole area? What'd you say? What's 500 square miles? It's 14 towns. If I had to guess on the population, I don't even know. 10, 20, 50,000 maybe. And there's two police officers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah's two police officers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Two police officers, it was crazy.

Backup was a day and a half away. I mean, it was crazy. So I got this guy- Everything's a hostage situation. Well, I said I had guy took himself hostage, I just left, you know what I mean? I heard he let himself go. So this guy's behind me, my backup is in the back in the woods while I'm negotiating with this

guy, getting him to surrender peacefully. And he's got like the shotgun and I literally told him, I go, look, buddy, I'm not gonna shoot, I'm not gonna, I'm not shooting you. I go, you're gonna have to kill me. I'm not shooting you. I go, and this guy back here, I go, I don't even know what he's, he's probably got buckshot in that thing. If he shoots, he's gonna hit me. If he has to shoot you, he's gonna end up hitting me. And I just talked him down. And the reason I think I talked to this guy out of it was he knew me from the jail, because I had worked in the jail. And in the jail and look, the way I dealing with my dad,

and I said this in the oral boards when I when they hired me, I said, you know, I was treat I would treat people like they were my dad, they didn't like cops, I almost tried to change their mind like through, you know, you know, I was like one person at a time I was trying to change the impression of law enforcement. So when I got into the jail, I treated everybody like they were friends, you know, I treated everybody like they were just people I didn't talk down to

them. I didn't have so this guy and I can remember being in the jail. I learned this in the jail really. A new person would come in the jail and wanna give me shit. And everyone in the cell is like, no, no, no, not him. Like, and I could, you could see that. It's like almost like they protected me. Like, you know what I mean?

How weird, how cool is that? And in a weird way. So he knew me from there. So he even said when I was done, he goes, if there was any other cop, I'd be dead right now. He gave me a hug, you know and everything like that's how that ended But that but so that was one of those moments that I've always remembered, you know doing that And you know, I had carjacking where a guy, you know carjacked, you know, I had to pull over beautiful anonymous changes each week

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It's raw. Get beautiful anonymous wherever you listen to podcasts. A car that, you know, that carjacked somebody through the gun out the window though. And then there was, and one of the hair, one of the scariest things I had was, oh my God, you'll get a kick out of this. So there was a guy who barricaded in his house. I sign on duty, go, you know, they're like, county 18. We got a call of a subject, has barricaded himself in the house. He says he's going to shoot the first cop that shows up. Well, that's me. So I'm literally like, I just signed on. I'm like, I just signed on duty, right? It was so hot that day. I'll never

forget. It was like a 95. So my bulletproof vest is on the passenger seat. I didn't even put it on because I'm like, it's just so hot. So I got to put that over me because and then I'm literally thinking on my head, I don't even want to show up. I want to say, Yeah, can you see if 16 can handle that? You know what I mean? I'm the first cop. That's me. So we meet and we devise a plan on going past the house that he's in to the next house to tell them to get down in the basement, it's whatever. So in case the shots are fired, we're trying to keep everybody safe. So my partner who got hired before me, he goes, I'll get in the back seat. And I go, how come I'm driving? You know what I mean?

Like I'm driving, so if someone's gonna shoot at the car, they're gonna shoot at the driver. He's gonna, I'll lay down in your back seat. I go, you'll lay down in the back seat. You know what I mean? I go, he goes, I go. I'm not even looking at what's going on. He goes, I got seniority. I go, you'll lay down in the back seat. You know what I mean? I go, he goes, I go. I'm not even looking at what's going on. He goes, I got seniority.

I go, seniority. I can't be a witness to any of this or anything. So I got seniority. So, but I like six months. He just got hired like six months before me. So we drive down like this and we're driving down. The guy comes out of the house. He comes walking at us. So at that point, I got to make a call. Does he have guy comes out of the house, he comes walking at us.

So at that point I gotta make a call. Does he have a gun with him? Yeah, he's got a gun. So at that call, so then I have to turn, I turn the car into him so that I can then get out of the car, because I don't want him shooting at me. He didn't raise it, but I didn't want him shooting at me. So I rolled out so I could use the engine block.

That's what they teach you to, as I get out of the thing. And then I drew my gun. And then all of a sudden I hear a knock. My partner's locked in the back seat of the car. Like, yeah. So he was locked in. Yeah. So, and this was back.

And by the way, this was back when it was like a hundred people would apply for one job. This is what you get. And imagine what they do, what's happening now. When you're getting, you know, you get 10 openings, you get five applicants. You know what I mean? So I don't know what they do, what's happening now when you're getting, you know, you get 10 openings, you get five applicants, you know what I mean? So I don't know what they're picking from. You're taking what you can get now, yeah.

But anyway. Man. Yeah, so there was some stuff like that. And then there was, you know, just the, you know, the crazy animal stuff and shoot a deer, you know, that kind of stuff. But the scariest stuff was definitely the domestics. I wore eyeglasses, I have contacts now,

wore eyeglasses like, you know, zero degrees in the middle of winter, you gotta go into the domestic, your eyeglasses like, you know, zero degrees in the middle of winter, you gotta go into the domestic, your glasses completely fog up, you know, stuff like that. I mean, you know, some of the, some of the hairiest stuff. That would be ridiculous. You're in there and your glasses were off. They're just like, what the fuck?

Yeah, like nobody move, you know, and I'm just. So what, what got you, why not make a career out of it? What made you step away, you said seven years? Yeah, stand up was just something I always wanted to try. So I, you know, even when I, I mean, I used to use comedy to deescalate situations too. I found it as a very valuable tool. You make someone laugh.

And I just went down and did an open mic down in Boston. This place called Stitches. And then you sign up, do three minutes, and you wait six months, go back, do three minutes. Six months, go back three minutes. So I did that for about a year and a half. Then slowly found a gig here or there. And then in 97, I moved down to New York City.

All right, so now you're a father. You have how many kids? Two kids? Now, yeah, my oldest was born in 07, so I have two kids, 17 year old, and one will be almost 15 next month. And so how are you educating them about your upbringing and how do you teach them?

You and I were talking a little bit out there before, how do you balance not being so hard because it's not their fault you didn't grow up with no mom on just trying to keep their life as normal as possible? How do you do that? Because I struggle with it. I find myself being like, hey, you know, and then I'm like, all right,

you have two parents who love you. Yeah, you don't realize how lucky, you want to say you don't realize how lucky you have it. And you get to that point. I mean, all the decisions I've made in my career, I mean, really the reason why I'm back in New Hampshire and I have been since my kids have been born and I kind of took myself out of New York and LA

at my prime of my career, if I'm being honest, was because I wanted to give them that life that I didn't have, that stability. I, that I didn't have that stability. You know, I didn't want to be gone all the time. I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that if I didn't grow up like that, I, I, I would have stayed in New York. I, I, I'm almost positive I would have, because even to this day, I still even have these regrets.

Like I took myself, you know, when I left, people were like, you're leaving? Like, you know, you got stuff going on. I'd just done a couple of Jay Leno's and, you know, New York Times did a write-up on the New York City comedy scene and was like, gave me all these glowing reviews. And I started to get the agents and manage his development deals. I was in the mix.

You're the age of the development deal. You and him, yeah. Yeah, I was in the mix. So that's been my goal is just to look back. As long as these kids don't try to kill me someday, I'm gonna, you know what I mean? And they don't become, you know, I don't want to put all that pressure on them, but you know, I'm like don't try to kill me someday, you know what I mean? And they don't become, you know, I don't want to put all that pressure on them,

but you know, I'm like, try not to be losers guys, you know, jokingly, but yeah. So it's just, you know, it's just that balance of being there for all those moments, the most moments I can, because you won't get those back. But in 2025, I'm like, I'm gonna start going out more like as they're older. Now they don't even want me around as much.

So they've gotten older now. You know, I sit next to my oldest on the couch and he's like, can you get away from me? You know what I mean? It's one of those now. And I'm like, what, remember when we used to snuggle? Yeah, I'm almost 17. We still used to snuggle.

You know, it's like that. So those enjoy those times, you know, when they're young because it just flies by. Everyone says it does. Can I ask you this? And I don't mean to get you emotional again here But how do you keep your mom's memory alive with your kids or their photos around your home? Are you telling them a lot of stories? What and what do you do? I Don't they don't talk about it much. I mean, I there's a picture on my nightstand. Okay, so my mom. Yeah. Yeah

I mean, there's a picture on my nightstand of my mom. Yeah, yeah. They don't ever ask just naturally growing up is like grandma, tell me about grandma. No, and you know, when I look back at me, I wish I would have asked my grandparents more about that stuff. And I don't think as a kid, you're thinking about that. You know, I don't know.

I don't think they really think about it. My oldest did see my Ted talk and he really liked it. Is that the first time he's heard all of that? Yeah, yeah, some of this stuff he didn't know. I know you've bits and pieces over the years, but A to Z is a different way to get it. I wanted to wait till he was old enough. I don't know that my youngest has seen it yet, but we wanted him to use in high school, hey, we've got this alcoholism runs in the family and you know, this can happen and choices and decisions and, you know, life gives you these challenges.

I worry because they don't have any, um, you know, and you've, you've had it too. You had a tough way. You've got to learn to adapt and overcome obstacles. And my kids really don't have many obstacles. If you would have saw my kid have a meltdown because the butter was cold and it wasn't melted enough to spread on the toast one day because it dipped down to like 69 degrees in the house. He like literally threw the knife and ran in the other room and I'm like, are you having a tough day? I mean, you know what I mean? The butter isn't spreading properly.

That's what I mean when I'm asking. I got a hard time with shit like that. Yes. I could remember in the winter, it would be so cold, the toilet bowl would be frozen. The ice would be ice on the top of the friggin' toilet and you're worried that you can't spread your butter. I mean, you know, so stuff like that, you know, jelly. My kid got a donut the other day, had no jelly in it. He said, can you go get me another donut? I go, I'm not getting you another donut. There's no jelly in it. I go, then have a scoop of jelly out of the fridge. I'm not going to get, like they want everything like this, this, this, the shipping stuff now with all the packages. You know, he's looking at a thing and he's like, dad, um, you've stuff now with all the packages. You know,

he's looking at a thing and he's like, dad, um, you've got a new pair of jeans. And he's like, they went to this place. Now they're back over here. Now they're over here and over here. Like, and I'm like, buddy, it's not the end of the world. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's a pair of jeans, you know? So it's just like these, these things I worry, are they going to be strong enough to deal with what life throws at you because it's hard. I mean, my whole life has been a struggle. You're always grinding and struggling and it's the ups and the downs. So I hope that they see how hard I work and how mom works and all that and they learn from us because we do work hard and we just try to give them the best life we can.

That's all we can do. Will they have your dad. Do they have grandparents on their mom's side? Grandma, yeah. Grandma. Yep. Yep. Yep. All right. So they have a little bit of extended family to draw from. Yeah, they do. No, and it's great. And they're good kids, you know, knocking wood. You know, they're good kids. And yeah, it's, you know, I'm blessed, you know, blessed to have that, you know, the family that I've got. And I'm, and I'm trying to be more grateful for all that stuff. What would you say you struggle with still the most? I mean, obviously it's difficult for you to talk about

without being emotional, but I mean, what's still, what's hard for you when it comes to that stuff? When it comes to what are you talking in particular? Just growing up, I mean, obviously talking about your mom is very difficult. Yeah. Have you tried EMDR therapy?

No. We'll talk about it after. Yeah, no. And I did go into, the first time I went and talked to a therapist was in 2010, cause I'd had a tough moment there. What happened? Where I'd lost, I mean, it was just a culmination

of things that were just building up and building up and lost my mom and we didn't get in this, but when I had my development deals, I had a couple of big ones, CBS Warner Brothers, and there was a few years there where it was. Do you mind explaining, telling people what your development deal was? You don't have to talk about numbers or anything, But what was it? Yeah, give you a year

What what was I don't even I don't even mind talking numbers because it has a horrible ending What this is like but um But yeah, so like in 98 99 two years in a row so you go out and you pitch You know, they see your stand-up They see a tape of your act and they want to develop a show around your standup. And you're like, that's how everyone all the sitcoms were being made back then, right? The standups are getting shows based on their material. So first one I get is with Warner Brothers based on my life as a cop, small town cop up

there. And it was $370,000 in 1998. I had no money at all. Zero. Wow. So it was what's the deal? One year you take yourself off the market, you don't compete. One year they hold you. Yep. And then hopefully it gets picked up. So what I heard happened was, so we, Warner Brothers and CBS were both bidding. We ended up going with Warner Brothers because it's the studio and then it can go to any network. And CBS, we thought was going to be the network, but apparently the head of Warner Brothers at the time and just left and this new person came in

that Les Moonves didn't like. So I was told the last thing he wants to do is make one of this guy's shows, right? When he comes in, right? So it's just, you know, bad luck. Bad luck, never one. They want to put their footprint on it

and they imprint and they don't want it. So that then went away. So the next year I paired up with this guy, do you know John DeResta? I do know who John DeResta, he was a cop. He was a transit cop. Back in the day he would do stand up with us all around, I remember him.

Yeah, so we had the same agent, so they paired us up and we pitched another idea. And this was more about a fish out of water thing. I come down to New York city. I'm the, you know, love my job, wanna community policing, love people making a difference one person at a time. And he's like the bitter, just wants to get done.

He wants to get injured, get three quarters pay. He doesn't wanna go eat with the public, doesn't wanna mingle with, you know, he's just this bitter New Yorker. It's almost like this good cop, bad cop kind of thing. Right? So we get that. So that was like 250 plus the, so it was 270

with the, with the writing fee. So I got all this money at 98, 99 and didn't do anything with it. Didn't buy anything with it. And there was a waiter at Dangerfield's Comedy Club who is a stockbroker. And he was like, hey, you know, have you thought about putting anything in the market?

So I slowly gave him, I gave him like $10,000. He doubled it. I gave him like 50. He doubled that. I gave him more. He doubled that. He kept doubling my, and I'm looking at it going, jeez, I might not even, this comedy thing doesn't work out.

I might not even need it to work out. So, and what I didn't realize was I thought I'd kept like a hundred grand in cash, which was like my emergency, you know, whatever's it to work out. So, and what I didn't realize was I thought I'd kept like a hundred grand in cash, which was like my emergency, you know, whatever's trying to be smart. A hundred grand was in a mutual fund, but I didn't realize it was a dot com mutual fund. So this was, so in 2000, the big dot com boom, that burst. I didn't realize when he's selling stocks that I owed the IRS capital gains on all those stocks. So I owed them over like a hundred grand. I had to take all that money out.

So long story short, on paper, I had like $750,000 in the bank. Didn't buy anything. I ended up with about 10 grand by the time I took my last thing out. I was walking around in 2000, 2001, 2002, when I moved to LA, depressed as can be. Yeah. Um, couldn't even look at it. Wasn't even real. And now if I was smart, when it was going down, down, down, I should have

pulled it at some point, bought a piece of property, but I was so depressed. I couldn't even look at it just thinking maybe it'll come back. And I remember the broker said to me, Oh, if Rockefeller Rockefeller had kept his stuff, 75% of it would have all come back. Well, it was a different time as this.com stuff, they weren't making money. So anyway, didn't know what I was doing. Lost all that money down to 10 grand and then it my whole career changed. Like that's why I had to then I couldn't be auditioning for

stuff in LA, I had to go on the road, I started doing the improvs and the funny bones and working all those to make a living and to hopefully buy property someday. 2006, it was so expensive in LA 500 grand for a two bedroom back in Oh six. Yeah, so we ended up we ended up going back to New Hampshire. That's why, so my whole career, everything I worked to do got blown up from my stupidity. And I remember my dad heard what happened to me.

My dad's like, he was like, why didn't you ask me what to do? I would have told you not to put it in the stock market. I'm like, you were living under a bridge. My dad was homeless. Yeah, what advice do you. Sorry, I didn't think to ask you what to do with my my newfound wealth, you know. But, but I tell you, I don't look when you tell someone you lost that kind of money, and they're like, well, it must

have been nice to have that kind of money. But really, no, it would have been nice to never have that kind of money because then you lose it. You know, it's, it was it was brutal. So then here I am back in 06. How do you rebound from that financial? I still haven't. I mean, I'm right here. Look at me, I look at this. I came out here to do this.

I wasn't gonna cancel this. This is my big break, Ryan. This is what I got going on right now. I can't even, I can't turn this down. If you told me 30 years ago, that would be in my 50s, flying in when LA is burning with my CPAP machine and my inhaler, like during the wildfires to do Ryan Sickler's honeydew podcast, I would have said, you know, you're crazy.

I don't see that happening. I mean, I would have done it for you, but we could have zoomed. We could have rescheduled. We could have zoomed. We could have rescheduled, but what if you didn't want me back? You know?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. What if you didn't want me back? Oh, shit, dude. Oh, okay. See, it's funny you say this, not, you know, because I wasn't an, I mean, I was in no, not that I'm in any financial position to do anything, but I certainly wasn't during the dot com. But when crypto hit,

I had a ton of those people coming at me. And I just kept saying, no, now I know there's people out there, have you bought a dollar of Bitcoin? And they're right. If I'd have done it, whatever. If I was fucking, would have bought Apple back in the day when they were bringing them in school. Sure. Amazon, sure.

We all feel like idiots. I wasn't an adult in that generation when I could have bought that shit, right? But the crypto thing, I know it worked out for some, but most it did not. A lot of these came through and were bullshit. And I feel like I could have got wrapped up in that. And I just, I'm so glad I didn't.

Cause I hear shit like this. I hear shit like this. It's brutal. And you know what? There was only two people who warned me at the time. Cause everyone was saying stock market, stock market. Everyone was making money back then. That's what everyone still says.

Everyone was making money. So two people, Eddie Ift. You know Eddie Ift? Of course, he's been on. Oh, he's been on? Oh yeah, we're friends. So Eddie was, and I don't know if he remembers telling me this, but he's like, ah, I wouldn't mess with it.

And he just gave me some warning about it. And I was the only one who even said anything about stocks. And the only other one was the owner of Dangerfield said buy property. They can't make- Rodney. No, Rodney wasn't the owner. Tony was his name.

Tony, do you know this guy? I don't know Tony. I can't even think of his last, Tony, I'll butcher his last name. But Tony, but now you know what the lesson is to be learned? What he say? No. I should have listened to the owner of Dangerfields and not the waiter. Of course.

At Dangerfields. That's the problem, right? That's my biggest problem. If I could give myself any advice. What did he say? Just not to do it? He didn't give you an alternate? He just said, buy property, buy real estate.

So I was, my place in Astoria, Queens was a two and a half family place. The landlord was in my kitchen. She's like, you want wanting to sell it to me. She was gonna sell it to me, not go through a broker at place. The landlord was in my kitchen. She's like, you wanted to sell it to me. She was gonna sell it to me, not go through a broker at all. Let's just do a sell. I had the cash. I could have bought it cash.

It was 370, 370. So I could have bought the whole thing. And my wife, I mean, she doesn't know either. And she's like, well, then we might be stuck here. Do we really wanna, you know where you're gonna be? You're talking about going to LA. So you just don't know. I was just a financial moron.

I mean, how would I know? You know what I mean? It was like, I had no background at all, but yeah. So, yeah. So, but anyway, so when 2010 comes rolling around, by that time, it was just trying to keep my career afloat. And you know, what did I do? The woulda, coulda, shoulda stuff is just runs in my head

all the time and I don't know how common that is, but just I, you know, and you've got to really just move on. So that's why when you talk about therapy, that was kind of the idea was just try to, you know, just move on and put stuff behind you. You can't do anything about the past. It's such a, it's such a brain suck to think about what happened.

And it's so disruptive and it just, it's brutal. But I also just from doing this show and things, you know, it's, I also have a hard time reminding myself that 51 year old me today isn't 16 year old me then anymore. I don't need to necessarily feel that way anymore. There's still that like, look, I'm financially illiterate. I didn't know. All I have done since I've been 16 year old is get up and figure out how the fuck I'm gonna get through this day. How am I gonna get something to eat? Where am I gonna work? How am I gonna make a little money? How am I gonna get a roof over my head? That's it. I've never been like, let me take some money. I haven't had this money to kick out over here and there.

And they should be teaching that because people don't know. And then before you know it, you're 35, 40 years old. When I was in school, they're teaching us how to write checks. We don't even use checks anymore. But checks, at least that's still just money in the bank account. Like these things with, I tell young people now,

it's like Roth IRAs, get an IRA, put a little bit away. You always gotta put away. You never think it's gonna come. Just put a little bit away. And if gotta put away, you never think it's gonna come. Just put a little bit away. And if it's like, well, I don't have any money to come away. How many times have you gone to Chipotle this week? Four? You know, go three, take that $15 times four weeks,

put that money every month into something. Just so you can look back at the end of the year and go, I got a little something this year, a little something. And you can't tell me you can't cut coffees and crap that you blow money on. Yeah, I really wish I would have gone and at least taken some sort of business class back then and just tried to round myself a little more

than getting this late into life and being like, wait, what? And I don't know what, like I talked to friends talking about T bonds and shit. I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about, bro. I don't know. I'm writing dick jokes.

And I still don't know. I know, yeah. I've gotten smarter now. Literally in the last few years, I literally said, because I just stayed away from it. It was just putting money into a retirement thing. I did start doing that. I mean, I've been doing that for a while,

putting retirement, but as far as like individual stocks, I mean, you're really gambling the stock market. It's kind of gambling. That's all it is, yeah, for sure. And if it's too good to be true, it is. Yeah. That's the thing with that. Well, even you mentioned the Bitcoin.

I remember a guy, I remember it was like, I remember when it was a buck a piece or whatever, there was a little sticker on this place downtown and it said, we accept Bitcoin. And I'm like, what's that? And I'm like, I remember the guy, oh, it's gonna be this new currency. You should buy a hundred of them.

You know what I mean? I mean, it's like, everyone's got those stories. So, but yeah, so I'm going to try to teach my kids how to be smart in that sense, because look, when you get to mid age, it is important. It is, where are you financially? And no one talks about it. Everyone's afraid to talk about it too.

Like even families, like you don't want to, you know what I mean? Like if there's like one relative that's like killing it in the market, or he's doing this, he's doing something smart. It's like, you don't even, like no one wants to talk money ever. Like if there's like one relative that's like killing it in the market, or he's doing this, he's doing something smart, it's like, you don't even, like no one wants to talk money ever. Like you don't educate,

why don't you just let this person in on what you're doing? Not if it's a fricking scam, because I got burned on crypto too. And it's like, you know, I've done a little bit, but only a little bit. But you don't invest anything you can't lose. Like, you know, I'm talking about like a few grand. You know what I mean?

Something like that. Like I played, my brother had this tip and it's like, we give him shit every day about it because it's gone to nothing. It was 13 bucks. It's like 30 cents now. And all we do is- 30 cents.

We always joke about, we're gonna give you all of our, it's this thing called theta. Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah. Look at a theta. So the guy that told him it's 13 bucks. So he got out-

He's a waiter. Where is he a waiter? He sold it at 13 bucks. The guy that told him, oh, he got out of it. Oh yeah. We got in at 13. He got out at 13. What a coincidence that told him, oh, he got out of it. Oh yeah, we got in at 13, he got out at 13. What a coincidence. But anyway, I don't know.

It's all, but look, you know, you've got health stuff. You know, we've got, I've got, everyone's got stuff you're dealing with. I mean, it comes down to it. It's just money. If you really have your health and you, I mean, there's so much crap going on that it's perspective.

That's what I wished I could be better at. And I'm not great at perspective, just being grateful for what you have instead of worrying about what you don't have. You know what I mean? That's a hard lesson to, I think, wrap your head around. This has been a great episode. I appreciate you coming on and sharing all this with us.

I appreciate you having me, man. I've been trying to get in here, man. I've heard your name so many times. That's nice, thank you. Yeah, people talking about you. We have great fans. How great you are, yeah. Best fans. And they're gonna like this story a lot.

I mentioned to you before we wrap up that I would ask you advice you'd give to your 16-year-old self. So I'm just curious, what are you telling 16-year-old Justin McKinney? Geez, I mean, I think it's almost like what we were just kinda talking about. Just stop looking, don't look in the past when things

happen, always look in the future and always turn it around. I mean, even when I lost that money in 2000, if I had just gotten smart and said, let me learn, how can I fix this problem? Instead, I just dug my, put my head in the sand and just didn't think about it, you know, and I just let it, you know what I mean?

I didn't want to move forward. I just stayed in the past. So I think it's about probably just moving forward always and not, not letting things, um, you know, bring you down that, that you have no control over. You know? That's great. Yeah. Um, please one more time, promote everything you like.

So my special on YouTube is called on the bright side. There's another one on there called Parentally Challenge. So there's two specials there. They're also on Amazon. You can get them on Amazon. And my Ted Talk is called A Comedian's Guide to Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood. And I'm going on tour all over the country.

More dates will be added. And I think I'm in Bitterford, Maine coming up, Foxboro, Massachusetts. I go to Florida, New Jersey, Minneapolis, Canada. I'm going all over. Great, man. Thank you again. It's a great episode.

Thank you, Ryan. I really appreciate you having me in. You got it, bud. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y'all next week. Music