The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Kate Kennedy - The Deep End

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Kate Kennedy! Kate didn’t get into grad school which is partially how she ended up doing porn and Kate jumped right into the deep end! Kate opens up about her time as a porn star and some of the outrageous things she’s had to do on camera! In Kate’s first scene, she was tied up and hung upside down and she was once waterboarded - and those are just a coupla examples! Check out her story! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew Sponsors: MANSCAPED Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with code HONEYDEW at ​Manscaped.com. That’s 20% off + free shipping with code HONEYDEW at ​manscaped.com. What are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds! HAWTHORNE Take Hawthorne’s quiz TODAY and get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to http://hawthorne.co/ and use promo code HONEYDEW to get 10% off your first purchase. That’s http://hawthorne.co/ and use promo code HONEYDEW. TALKSPACE To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code HONEYDEW to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That’s code HONEYDEW at talkspace.com

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We are over here in the Night Pant Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all social media. RyanSickler.com And again, thank you everyone who's watching, subscribing, commenting, all of it. I love you for it. I love doing this show. It's a lot of fun to sit here and listen to people laugh about the trouble they've been in,

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and they'll waive the registration fee and give you a free lesson when you sign up for a package. All right? That's the biz right there. Now, I'm very excited to have this guest here. We've been talking about this for a little while. A lot of you have hit me up about this particular person, and I'm very excited to have her here the first time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Kate Kennedy,

y'all. Welcome to the Honeydew, girl. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it. I have to have a sip of water. I appreciate you sitting through that intro. No, you're good. That was a whole monologue. It was a monologue.ologue yeah that's what we got to do we got to plug it up here make sure everybody gets theirs in uh and speaking of that please whatever you'd like before we get started promote everything yeah uh you can follow me on twitter at the og kennedy i'm that everywhere online you can go to the og kennedy.com if you would like to join my OnlyFans. It's like $5. Best deal ever. And then I have a show coming up in Long Beach if you're in LA.

I have a show on Halloween and the info for that is on my Instagram, Twitter, everywhere. $5 a month for your OnlyFans? $5. That's what I charge for my Patreon, everybody. Same thing. It's a great investment. You should double up today. $10. Boom, boom.

Knock it out. Well, thank you again for being here and um i mean i find you fascinating i i've thank you i find myself fascinating you should i um i've gotten like i don't i haven't met you right no have we met in passing or at a show or nothing i don't think don't think so, no. I'm terrible at that sometimes. I'm so bad at it. And I feel bad about it. But I've heard great things about you from the Joshes, Josh Adam Myers and Josh Potter. Oh, both Joshes. Yeah, both Joshes.

That's so nice. And then a lot of fans have hit me up saying you'd be a great guest on here. And I know the YMH fans love you and I love them, so. Yeah, they're the best. They actually are the bulk of my OnlyFans subscribers. Are they? Most of them. You and Josh Potter.

When that episode came out, my fans on there doubled overnight. The mommies are the shit. They're the best. To this day, I get messages that are like, I love you on YMH, and that's why I subscribe. I'm like, I don't really care about your porn. I just liked you on YMH. I'm like, okay, great. I'm naked right there, but that's cool too.

Oh, you're right when they sign up with their message listen i'm looking past your butthole to say i like you girl um all right so i definitely want to talk to you about this you're the first porn star uh i gotta say josh potter's the first sex worker that's been on the show yeah but you're the first porn retired porn star tired now let's be first sex worker that's been on the show. Yeah. But you're the first retired porn star. Retired now, yeah. Let's be very clear about that on the show. And look, I'll be honest with you. You have done the two jobs that are a nightmare for me, for my daughter.

Porn and stand-up. I don't want her going into either of those. More probably stand-up. Totally kidding if you ever hear this, Stella. Totally kidding. Porn more. I actually joke all the time that I think i might be the only stand-up comic who's ever told their parents that they wanted to be a comedian and they were like oh thank god you just close on we support you that's great like all right so i have a million questions um but before we get

into how you got started how did you tell let's talk about how you told your parents or did you and um and what their response to all that was uh so i didn't because i'm a fucking coward um and they ended up finding out somebody sent them a link to my twitter which is actually embarrassing because i was already doing jokes on there at that point so like not only did they see my nudes they also saw like my dumb twitter jokes i don't really know which one i'm more embarrassed about are your parents together yes they are still together they're still together um my parents are both so they're retired now uh they live in colorado where i grew up um my dad was an engineer my mom taught school so they're like not hollywood people at all like they don't they have no frame

of reality for that um they were not stoked that i did porn they didn't really get it um we went to therapy together who was more upset mom or dad uh they were both i mean they're like those kind of like upper middle class white people that they don't get upset they just get quiet oh both of them are the same well i don't know why you would make choices like that but okay like that's the whole that's their level of anger they're both like that they're both exactly like that and you went to therapy together for three hours last october three hours you had a three hour session it's an hour for each of you oh boy and we could have gone on i we could whose idea was it to go to therapy and why i think it was my mother's my mother loves therapy she's she's about therapy she was a therapist for a while um yeah she loves it so we went it

actually ended up being a pretty good experience. They didn't come around to porn. Like, they're not. I get it. They're parents. And also, you kind of have to let people be where they're at. But what was it? Was your mom's goal to find out why you're doing porn? Or was it to bring you guys closer together?

Like, what did she feel? Was it all about what your decisions or more about like okay we need to be a better unit the three of us like what was the gist of all of it it was a lot of it was a lot of that initially when they first found out actually when they very first found out my mom straight up thought i was like mentally ill like that could be the only reason i was doing that they tried to send me to sex addicts rehab in arizona it's actually the same one harvey weinstein went to yeah look how that works this is the first day so it cost fifty thousand dollars and how long are you there i think like three weeks and they didn't read the website long

enough to realize that they don't accept women wait first of all that's they're like we'll get you on a plane you can be there tomorrow and i was like oh my god i regret not going every day that would have been the funniest joke of all time just to get there and be like no what do you mean they don't accept women i thought that was sexist too that is sexist or is this just a camp for like the fucked up scumbag dudes? I mean, maybe that's why. This is where you go when you get Harvey Weinstein. Where you're like, I'm going to the desert to work out my demons. But I'm actually going to a spa in Tucson.

Like, that's what it is. Also, isn't it funny that just 21 days is all you need to get rape out of your system. That's all. We can change in 21 days to make sure you're not going to rape and manipulate anymore 21 fucking days the fuck out of here with that totally reformed member of society thousand dollars what a fucking racket yeah yeah god it would have been hilarious if you showed up though so funny i don't know why that's a movie you should make that goddamn sitcom you go to sex rehab and you're the only you're like yeah yeah that would be funny it would be fun oh my god it'd be hilarious okay so i mean are dad's friends like saying shit like are your

mom's friends saying shit do they get are they getting like you know i don't think so um it's never come up i mean i think they would tell me because they would be mad about that um so it's never like cindy the grocery store said she saw your threesome i mean i i don't think it's that'd be so funny i don't think it's ever come up um even like it took most people even that i went to high school it didn't find out i did porn until i was like already retired most of them found out this year which is crazy i didn't keep in touch with a lot of people and I wasn't like around like I moved out a long time ago so I kind of was just like not there I guess well you're 26 you said yeah I'm 26 all right so you haven't you can graduate that long ago no you haven't even had a 10-year reunion

yet no I don't think I'm gonna be invited would you go if you were though would you go i i don't i don't want to i might if they invite me i might i just think it'd be fun i went to catholic school oh my god it'll be every dude talking to you in the corner and nobody over here yeah kate kate so exactly like high school so yeah part for the course so okay all right how do you get started how old are you when you get started where do you get started are you in colorado like tell me everything so i was 23 uh i was just out of college it was like a year out of college and i had applied to grad school and i didn't get in um i got like i got a handwritten letter back which feels very weird from the university of

colorado that they took the time to handwrite my address i still don't really get that but um i didn't get into grad school i didn't know what i wanted to do i was just stuck i was in like a dead-end relationship everything was shitty and were you working at the time yeah i was right like a secretary job and i hate it i worked in an accounting firm I was awful at it I was late all the time like it was just I was miserable I hated it and like I had like a whole kind of breakdown where I was just like I can't do this for the rest of my life like this is not I don't know what I want to do but it's not this and I ended up getting an offer from through a friend of a friend who knew these people I'd gone to Portland Portland and stayed with them and just hung out. They were like family friends of hers that ran this really intense BDSM porn studio up in Portland. And a few months later, they emailed me and were like, hey, we need a new marketing person. And one of my

degrees is in advertising and like social media management. And do you want a job in the adult industry? Would you like to come work for us? so i started behind the scenes and i worked as a pa and a marketing manager for this company yeah what's an aggressive bdsm uh online it's online yeah it's online so i mean we would shoot like three to four movies a week um and then i would work in the office you like making sure that they all went out to like our different like the people that promote them and stuff but what's the content like oh girls in the stockades yeah like that like so we had it was cages i've seen shit like cages there was cages it was it was honestly like the funnest job ever because i just got to like like traipse around the woods and like rural oh you're out in the woods oh yeah we're out in the woods in my mind you're in like a studio or a warehouse. We shot in a garage in like rural Oregon.

Like the creepiest. I'm wearing like cargo pants, like Doc Martens, like baseball cap every day. And I'm just building because we had these kits of like different lengths of pipe and wood. It was like grown up, fucked up Tinker Toys. Okay. And we would build these huge rigs and like lock hot girls into them. It was so fun. I loved it. And these girls would come out to rigs and like lock hot girls into them and just it was so fun i loved it and these girls would come out to the woods and do this and shit yeah and so how

big's the crew like how many people are watching these two people do this uh it was me the director slash handler and the camera lady so it's three of us on camera lady yeah it was actually his wife. What? Yeah. Lovely people. I love them so much. Let me tell you, that has to be a successful marriage for you to tell your wife to film me fucking these chicks in way fucked up ways. Yeah. She must love his ass. He must love her too.

They had the cutest little relationship. They have like five cats. What is their sex life like? It's pussy everywhere. What is their sex life like it's pussy everywhere what is their sex life like you think you think it's like crazy or is it like way subdued no i know what it's like and it's crazy yeah it's real crazy um but i like that kind of crazy stuff so i started when i started performing i started shooting for them because they had said like you know if you ever want to shoot for us like well we'd be happy to book you and have you do a scene and i did it for behind the scenes for like six months before i started shooting for them because i wanted to make sure and i was like all right my resume's already shot the hell just dive in and do this so then i started shooting scenes for them all right

so hold on let's start there for a second because you're not just going into some regular porn scene then if you're going into porn, you're jumping right into this. There's no progression to this. You're going from you're jumping right to Z basically. Wow. OK, so how old are you when you first do this? I was 23 when I shot my first scene. And I'm assuming it's with her husband then.

Yeah. So we didn't actually. So they don't always do sex on those sites. Like he doesn't actually. It's mostly toys and stuff because it's more focused on the BDSM than sex. So the first one I did was like rope bondage. So I got all tied up and I like hung upside down by my ankles. It was so fun.

In the woods? This was in the studio. They do stuff in the woods. I remember they buried down by my ankles. It was so fun. In the woods? This was in the studio. They do stuff in the woods. I remember they buried a couple of girls. They did like a mock crucifixion. Holy shit. It was fun. It was fun.

It was so fun. I mean, imagine that you get to come up with like four or five ideas for the B-list horror movies every single week and then just make them happen. Like that's really and we would get to sit there and be like let's do this this is weird like for thanksgiving one year we smashed a pumpkin pie into this girl's face and made this other girl lick it off it was so fun yeah actually does sound hot it was yeah did you ever have a park ranger roll up and be like what the fuck y'all doing back here man got girls buried up to their necks and shit actually the school bus dropped

the kids from the local school right at the end of their because it's very rural at the end of their driveway so every day between 3 and 3 30 we'd have to stop shooting because they can't have the girls screaming when there's kids walking home from school oh my god somebody would like come upstairs and be like bus is here bus is here is here. We'd all have to, like, cut. Okay, so your first scene is tied up and hanging upside. Like, it's not even a missionary fucking scene. Hanging upside down on my ankle. Seven and a half minutes.

I was, like, the longest person to hold that, which I was quite proud of. You got the record? Yeah, the record. The girl the week before would only do, like, three minutes. I was like, fuck you. Show you how it's done. Oh, my God. And then what?

He just tortures you while you're up there? Yeah. Or you're just hanging? No, I mean, there's the slapping and the canes and the whips and chains and all that shit. So, yeah, no, it was fun. I liked that kind of stuff. I'm obviously a person i think that's like attracted to like extreme sensation or things like adrenaline so i really enjoyed that and it was fun that's the one i got waterboarded for too um all right we're gonna come back to that in a second

where does that come from um you know i don't know like i was fascinated with it when i was little like even before i understood what like sex was like i i'm interested in the ways you can like push your body to like endure different things and like it is it's a huge adrenaline rush um so yeah i had just i had been into it in like my personal life before like we started doing this like to the point where i went to conventions and like classes and classes yeah what do you mean classes and dungeons i used to like help teach classes about bdsm and like classes and dungeons and shit. Classes? Yeah. What do you mean classes and dungeons? I used to like help teach classes about BDSM and like how to do these different things. Even before you started?

Yeah. That was how I knew those people was I just socially in like Denver when I was living there after school would go to this. It's a very similar vibe to like a comedy club. It's the same people week after week and they go to play. But we would do classes on like how to do different techniques.

I had done a little bit of like rope bondage modeling, like as a demo where they're showing how to tie you up and stuff. So I was already in that world. But yeah, I had just been, I'd been fascinated with Forever and I started getting involved in it like in college and then a little after and it turned into a job.

So that whole like I've had when I first moved here way back the first time I would go to these. I worked at a hotel and this guy will come in all the time with these two escorts every night. There'll be and they would be having so much fun. We're like, what do you do, dude? And at the time he was like this Hollywood bad boy. The LAPD hated him because he would rent mansions in the hills and he would throw sex parties. And he was like, you guys should all come. And I didn't really know what I was in, but I didn't know what I was getting into.

I didn't know if that meant we were fucking people or what it meant. And we get there. And what it was, it was was very i have to say like very elegant and well done um there was a big ass bouncer with a velvet rope in front of like each room and in this room it would be two girls and this room a guy and a girl are fucking in this room there's a threesome you know that sort of thing where you could like an eyes wide shut sort of party where you could watch and that's fancy mingle with other people and drink and party or do you know drugs whatever um so i'd always seen that and then we would he would invite

us to the club and he'd always get away with naked girls dancing on the bars and shit in the clubs he never got shut down um but so i've always been fascinated by like that that i've had guests come on and talk about um working it at swingers clubs and things like that, too. I did some modeling at swingers clubs. What does that mean, modeling? For different fetish accessories, because there's people that will sell them. They make them. It's almost like an Etsy thing.

And so sometimes they would hire hot girls to come hang out at the party and wear whatever. And then people would ask you about it. There'd be like a table you could like buy the decorative nipple clamps or fucking whatever it was. But see now it's so like back when I went I used to go to the block in Baltimore which is you just do not want to fucking go there. It's all seedy dirty shit you know. And now there's like this level of of class and elegance to this stuff. Like there's a store I saw at the Century City Mall that's bondage and beat. But it's like high end, like a Victoria's Secret store for it.

I can't remember the name of it. But I was like, okay, they're trying to normalize it. I go, how many moms are coming by here with their kids? They're like, we get a handful of them. Like I listen to the audio book of Fifty Shades of 50 shades of gray let me add that's exactly what it is that's exactly what it is it's that like i don't want to i don't want it to look like seedy warehouse shit but i'll still do it i just want it to be in a classier way yeah i like the seedy warehouse shit this was in a seedy warehouse uh actually the swingers club Club in Denver doubles during the day as an orphaned squirrel rehabilitation center.

What? You can't make this shit up. You can't. Wait. They have like the Swingers Club, but right outside is like the cages for orphaned baby squirrels in like incubators. There's certain parts you can't be too loud in because there's baby squirrels. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. there's certain parts you can't be too loud in because there's baby squirrels oh my god imagine the health inspection at a place seriously yeah or even being there at night like i'm gonna go fuck your wife over here by these baby squirrels yeah um all right so your

first scene is tied upside down seven minutes rope bondage chains all that they shoot it yeah and then it goes up online yeah and do you watch it do you oh yeah like stand up i can't i hate watching myself but you have to do it i hate watching myself do stand up i like watching myself do podcasts i don't really watch my porn anymore i watched my first i watch anything like that that i do with like a very critical eye i think everyone does. But like a lot of times I'll watch it to be like, oh, I need to do this better. So when I was first starting porn and I was like, oh, I need to get better at this. I would watch it and be like, oh, it looks weird when you make that face.

Or like, oh, don't do this. Or like arch your fucking back. Arch your fucking back was like a big one for me. Yeah. I could not do it. And it looks really bad in porn if you don't. But yeah, so i don't really i watched that first one i was so excited because it was like the first one you know um so when was there penetration in that video the very first one i don't think so so when was your first actual sex scene then with a guy um it was and was it that guy no it was not it was for that company but it was we had a

male talent that we would hire um and i got fucked in a wheelchair actually it was supposed to be like a mental patient and like a straight jacket on and they did scenarios i was backwards in the wheelchair right so like i was facing. Yeah. That way. Okay. And they didn't. I'm like tied to the chair and they didn't bolt the chair down. So the whole time he's fucking me.

I'm just so worried this chair is going to tip forward and I'm just going to eat it on this stage. That my fear in that scene is very real. But it's not. It's not because of that. And then I brought it up afterwards. I was like, you didn't bolt the chair down. the director goes yeah if it was anyone else i probably would have but with you i figured it would be better this way i was like you're right but thanks for the trauma like and what was that like it was fun yeah yeah it was fun i i loved when i first got

into it it was really really great i uh i had so much fun and i loved doing it porn is cool because like you get to bang people but you don't have to go through the whole like so where are you from what's your family like you don't have to talk to them very much first how much of a heads up do you get for who the guy or girl or whatever is going to be when you're shooting uh it really depends on like the company and just the booking like sometimes especially, especially like living in LA, I would do a lot of last minute stuff. So there's times like I didn't know who I was working with till I got there. For real?

Uh huh. Have you ever walked out and been like, no, I'm not going to work with this guy or that person or? Um, yeah, I have actually, there's been a couple, you have a no list. So generally speaking, they won't book you with, if you're like, I don't like this person. This is your no trade clause. This is your no trade list. Yeah, this is my no. Yeah. I'm not going to play for these teams exactly exactly yeah

and i had a long one too like there was a lot of people where i was just like because other women are telling you don't work with these guys or other people are like these aren't safe or what is the what is the reason some of that that's a big reason why people do it um a lot of the times for me it would just be that i would see people like because you see each other socially there's like events and stuff important and like there would be people where i just be like no no don't come anywhere near me like i don't like i have no attraction to you whatsoever like anything we shoot is gonna suck um or just people like if people are like popping off being crazy on social media because it's kind of the same as like being on a show with somebody

like you don't necessarily want to be associated with this person that's going out here fucking up um so that was always kind of my mindset with it but i know there's people that have like nobody on their no list and then people have miles long ones so yeah so you've gotten there and said no and left yeah and what happens then um i mean i would just i think the one time there was only like one time i called my agent and was like no and it was because they i wasn't comfortable working with this girl like her test was weird and i was in i had i was living in la hiv tests yeah because we use we use a centralized system for all of our testing it's called pass and it's a private network that has if you're in it you can look up anyone you're working with by their legal name and you can see

all of their test results for like going back and um this girl had a test but it wasn't from one of the like accredited labs where it was in the system. It was from Kaiser. Yeah, no. Thank you, Kaiser Permanente. And I just looked at him. I was like, I can't. I can't work with this person.

Even if I wanted to or was comfortable with it, I can't. My agent would kill me. So I just called my agent. I explained the situation, and I went home. I was like, this is not okay. The guy later called me and apologized actually, which was cool. So this is what trips me out. Excuse me.

Because you said you were waterboarded for a scene. So I know you're down to do some shit. So what turned you off to that? They asked me if I wanted to do it. They had been wanting to do a waterboarding scene for ages. It was the same company I was working at. Legit, you got waterboarded? did while having sex uh while uh hitachi was on me so i had like a vibrator on my yeah yeah the big wand one yeah yeah and and what and waterboarding like are you do you feel like

you're drowning it's a terrible way to get information from tourists i would tell everything like i couldn't remember my name afterwards they're like doing the exit interview and they're like so how's that i was like uh-huh for real oh yeah dude it fucks with your mind that much i mean well like i also came really hard yeah that too so like but they yeah because they were pouring it and i mean we cut it together right so like i could still it was safe i wouldn't have done it with anyone else i'd known these people and trusted them but like it's dark you can't breathe because the cloth is over. So if you try to breathe, you're just breathing in water.

Like it's a really intense experience. And like how long are they keeping it on your face before they pull it up or are you doing that? They would like they would cut for a second and pull it up like every like 30 seconds or so. That's a long time. Yeah, it's a long time. Yeah, it was crazy. And that got you off oh yeah it was awesome it was so awesome okay all right so um what was your first so here you gave me a list of stuff here so water border for sure um okay tell me about this

new york story because you said you also worked as an escort before right yeah so when i first what was first escort or porn porn okay so i moved to la after like a year working in portland um because i'd started i'd gone to like avn and got an agent and like started to come down and shoot for more mainstream companies and it was going well so I was like well I'll pack it up and move down to LA and uh so I had been doing that for a while and LA is really fucking expensive especially when you're trying to get your career off the ground and so I had started S-Wording and I it was that very kind of like high-end like it was a lot of like news anchors and celebrities. Like it was it was a nice kind of thing. I never had an issue.

I like some girls in porn look down on that. Most of them do it anyways. I have no idea. What's the difference? Exactly. I don't fucking know. Did you work for a company? Like is there a company that.

Yeah. Find you clients and. And screens them and knows them. Like I never. Yeah. I was never put in any position where anyone wasn't like. But theoretically, if you wanted to, you could just have three people, two people, regulars. Yeah. I mean, hell, what's the difference in dating two people? That's mostly what it was.

Honestly, I mostly just saw the same people. It was almost kind of like a sugar daddy situation. But I had been doing it for a while and doing pretty well. And so when you're doing that, what they do is they go on tours where you go to like new york for two weeks and you stay at a fancy hotel and you see clients in new york so that was what the idea was for them i see right so and on these tours you make between 20 and 30 thousand dollars okay so that's what i was going to ask you that's more lucrative than porn it's enormously i mean we talked about porn honestly being like the equivalent i hear about all the time like open mic pay and shit like what these comedy clubs are still throwing at you 50

bucks a couple hundred dollars and shit like that for porn i didn't know how much openers made like on the road until a few months ago and then someone told me and i was like say what i was like i've been paid less than that for a porno like you got how much like oh shit i'm just gonna stick with this you're just opening it's not that much more though yeah that's the problem yeah you're pouring out your soul and your body for fucking nothing in these two uh professions that's true at least in porn it's just your body yeah um but uh yeah so i uh i went to New York. It was the first time I'd ever been in New York. And I had been kind of talking to this guy like totally separate from it. And we hung out.

We went to dinner and I fell in love a little bit. I like met this great boy and I wanted to. So I like call my booking music. And this guy was nothing. He was through the service. Nothing. No, nothing to do with it. So you were coming to new york yeah we had been like talking online and then i was i said i'm coming to new york and he told me afterwards he's like yeah i hollered at my roommate he's like i'm gonna ask the hot girl on a date i'm gonna ask her on a date and uh we just

hit it off and i had to call my booking agent and be like hey i'm sorry i quit i'm gonna go spend two weeks in new york like making out with this pretty boy in museums and in central park and everywhere else goodbye sorry thank you and so and they were surprisingly really cool with that because i mean they were losing too they got like 25 so they also were losing like almost 10 grand i can't believe they were okay with this yeah but yeah they're like go have fun so i spent two weeks in new york like going to broadway shows and dancing in speakeasies and drinking red wine and having great sex and taking bubble baths it was awesome and i lost thirty thousand dollars it cost me thirty thousand dollars thirty fucking thousands a lot i don't regret it i do sometimes sometimes when my bank

account gets low i regret that but you know it you know, it was worth it. It was a fun adventure. And then that then you never went back to that again. Yeah. No. After that, I quit. I actually quit escorting because it was I've never dated the whole time I was in porn. I've been single since I was like 22, 23. Was there ever a guy in porn that you were like, I want to work with you again and again?

Like, yeah. Comfortable with them or whatever. There's a lot of I have like guy friends in porn like to this day we're all shoot content with um like i'm very close with james dean and so he'll come over and we shoot content like every other month or whatever um just because we're genuinely friends but there was never anyone a lot of the guys that i worked with were older and married um married that's what always trips me out yeah um and their wife some of their wives are porn stars too so a lot of them yeah sex is not a thing for people in that industry that like you can legit be friends with a guy and just fuck them and be like thanks see you later yeah absolutely

yeah which i really like because the whole like intricacies surrounding like intimacy and dating and being with some of those just confuse me i don't like that i'm very straightforward like i have no game i joke about this all the time i have no fucking game my whole game is like hey uh would you like to have sex with me but would be cool that's it that's my whole setup that's the whole pitch let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor talkspace now it's not easy to prioritize yourself When there's a lot on your plate But investing in your mental health has long term benefits

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What are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds. Now, let's get back to the do. So what is it? I want to ask you personal questions then. What is it like when you do meet someone you really like what is intimacy like for you then do you slow play it then do you dial it back then do you ramp it up um does it feel different does it feel special how do they feel you know i mean this one uh in new york was that

was the first time i'd like felt like that about someone really like in my adult life probably and it was really special and that kind of honestly that was the thing that started gears turning my head of like okay even if it's not with this person like I am getting older I'm getting through my 20s I want to have a boyfriend at some point like that would be nice and like I want to I the best sex you'll ever have is really enthusiastic sex with someone you really like. Amen. That's the best.

Right? And so I realized that. And I was like, okay, like, I learned something about myself. I also learned that, like, I can't date anyone while I'm doing porn. Because even when I came back to L.A. after being with him in New York, I, it was, like, torture to try to go to work. I didn't want to have sex with anyone else. Oh, okay. That's what I was doing.

And I was just like, okay, I guess. Was it because you felt a connection to him or you knew it would be a step down or what was the reason? It was kind of both. Yeah, I felt like a connection to him. I just didn't, you know, when you have that intimacy, you don't want to really get it anywhere else. And I had never experienced that before. So that was like a big learning process for me that whole trip and then coming back and like it really for months i i really had some like self-growth going on where i was trying to figure out like what i wanted to

do um what how was did you were you honest with him about what you did and oh yeah yeah totally he knew he knew that i did and he's like very sex work positive which was really cool like i never felt like shamed or anything about it we were always really open with each other so it was cool like of all the people to like learn that lesson with he was a really good one so we're still good friends yeah good yeah so all right i have more questions for you um worst sex worst porn experience worst and then i want to hear best yeah uh okay worst was this one it was a new room massage scene so that's where they take like the gel and they pour it all over your body yeah it's a gel so like you can get this like they they do this as a legit massage they do it like the bunny ranch and stuff and when you go get it done, they heat the gel up so it's warm.

But when it's warm, it turns white. And you can't pour white go all over people. That's for the end of the porn. That's right. So, like, when we do it, it has to be cold. And it's, like, thick and viscous. And it dries to, like, the consistency of Post-it note glue. Ew.

Yeah. Is it like the ultrasound shit they squirt on you, you know, when they're going to do that? Kind of. Like that thick like slime almost? Yes. Yeah. It's a little more liquidy.

And it's just what? It just looks great on camera? Is that what it is? Yeah. It looks really cool. And all that? Yeah. Your body's covered and you're like rubbing your body against.

I just feel like you would slide right the fuck off somebody. You do. Like the Duke boys across the hood of the General Lee. You do. It's really scary. Like, they make you do it on, like, a pool raft. It's, like, a floaty, inflatable raft. And, like, yeah, you can until it...

Once it dries, then it's just, like, rip. But when it's slick, yeah, you can slide right off of that thing. And it was me and this guy who i've been very good friends with for years like in the industry so he and i are tight like we're homies right so we get to set and we're giving each other shit and having a really good time and there's this other girl that's there who we don't know and she shows up with just i don't have ever seen somebody have a worse attitude about anything i mean she shows up and is just like nose in the air like i don't want to and then she didn't know

what we were doing I guess her agent didn't give her was it a threesome scene is that what you're about to do a threesome but she didn't know about the new root part and so the director who's this like super patient really nice guy good friend of mine too like he's explaining it to her and he's going through and she goes that's just that's so gross I just I don't even know if I can do this it's disgusting i can't do it and he goes looks or he goes well can you let us know now because we'll replace you but like do or die and uh she continues is just the worst attitude the whole time and then her pussy smelled like a sewer oh i'm like i've been waiting for this oh dude both my my buddy and i are just like

the whole time and you can't stop? No. I mean, like, we're okay. Every time she would leave the room, the director would look at us and just go. I've never. You can't say, hey, can we have her rinse off or do something over here? No, no. You can't.

Yeah. Like, I mean, yeah, it was just it was so. That's the thing about porn that a friend of mine told me one time. He's like, you know, he did a camera shoot one time. He goes, here's the thing about porn that you do. It looks great. You know, it looks great. This guy, he was on a scene where it was a threesome and they were doing anal.

And he goes, but what you don't see is what it smells like on the set. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, you don't see, you don't smell the smells. And that includes people's hygiene and shit. Like, fuck, that's gross. It's so gross. And, yeah, there's a lot of people in porn that don't necessarily have the best hygiene. And it's just, I mean, it's nausea-inducing.

Like, it makes me gag. Yeah. Even, like, thinking about it, like, years later. That would be where I would say I'm not working with this person. Yeah, she went on my no list right after that. And then she was, like, trying to be a rapper, which was awesome. It was so funny. And, like, and now she's pregnant, which is even, like.

Man. Dude, okay, here's the thing, though. Like, it's men and women experience certain things differently because like as a chick finding out the chick you banged is pregnant is just hilarious it's not scary at all it's so funny um but uh yeah she was oh man that was like the worst that one sucked it was just a long day we earned our money that day how long was as an average shoot hour two hours it depends i mean most of the time like a good director like that you can get in and out in like two to four hours

in and out and how many come and you go um like uh two well like on set usually for a full night probably like four hours with a good director like that because you're in hair and makeup for like an hour hour and a half and then you have to do all the dialogue the sex only takes like maybe 20 to 30 minutes oh that's it the sex is the shortest part the dialogue takes fucking forever nobody knows their lines it's it's a nightmare like so yeah the sex itself is is the last thing you shoot and it's usually the easiest part of the day um but i've been on sets for like 14 hours before jesus yeah um best best experience um i did raw with manuel ferreira um it's raw it's a series he does where it's like kind of like hotel room hookup so it's like really casual it's just him and he's this like very good looking

french guy with like an enormous dick and like he's very he's one male performer of the year like i think more almost more than anyone else like he's one at six or seven times he's the best at sex he has like seven trophies to prove it like he's good in bed yeah oh my god and he's like french so he whispers these like dirty things here but i can't really understand him i just know that it's i'm like yeah do whatever you want to me um what's he look like uh he's tall he's like older now he's kind of middle-aged like dark hair just like a generally handsome looking dude but older older yeah i think he's he's in his 40s i think yeah so most of the the vast majority of people i worked with in porn were like at least

10 years older than me. Minimum. Minimum. I look young. He's 20 plus years older. Yeah. So, I mean, Steve Holmes is, I think, 60. And I worked with him several times. Really?

Yeah. I did a bunch of horny grandpa porn for a while. Did you really? I was really young. So I would just always get cast as that. And that never turned you off to be the guy that old? No, not really. Especially like something like Steve is so lovely and fun and funny and cool to hang out with.

That you're just, because it is more of like a good day on a porn set should be like just a bunch of friends like hanging out and shooting the shit and having a good time. Like it doesn't necessarily have to have that like, oh, I have to have you now passion. Right. But the French dude is that guy. He is that guy. Yeah. doesn't necessarily have to have that like oh i have to have you now passion right because but the french dude is that guy he is that guy yeah and it's also the way it's shot is really fun because it's just you him and the camera so there's nothing else and like now that i shoot my own content that's how i shoot it too where it's just oh so there's no not even a camera person in the room no i shoot all my own stuff just on my camera i might do two angles but then

it's just actual like real sex where you're not. Because in porn, like you said, it looks good. You're opening up. Those are not natural positions. It doesn't feel good. The vast majority of porn does not feel good. The guys that always put their hand back like this so you can still see everything. I'm like, nobody fucks like this. Yeah.

You're like dislocating your hip. Yeah. It's no. That's not even a good move. It doesn't even look right. It looked tired. Right. Oh, fuck.

It's just that they're not in the scene because they don't want to be because they shoot around the guys all the time. It reminds me of when the NFL players or athletes get tired. You know they're tired when they start putting their hands on their knees. I see these guys. I'm like, this poor motherfucker here. He's had to do two scenes today.

It's like his third though. He's just like. Okay, French guy you said has an enormous dick which leads me to my, what's the biggest dick you've had to handle on camera? Like 12, 13 inches.

That's like my fucking forearm it's i was watching it so like i we were shooting content it was me and dread and i he had it on the ipad so i could see it and i could see it like going in my ass and i had took it in your hand and i had this moment where i was like this is what people feel like watching the footage of their own colonoscopy. Like, I don't want to know this about myself. So I just, like, looked away. You took 12. Did you enjoy it?

Oh, yeah. It was really fun. It was fun. We got pizza afterwards. Pizza. We got to watch the game and got pizza. We got to watch the game. We listened to Steely Dan.

We both really like Steely Dan. Steely Dan. we listen to steely dan we both really like steely dan that's absurd i can't even you're right you can't fucking make that shit up you're listening to real and in the years after that holy shit that is unbelievable um okay what's something you did but you won't do again like important for me skydiving i want to hear yeah i did it i ain't doing that shit again i wouldn't go skydiving you're an adrenaline junkie though so that's how many i've been or i've been asked a few times to go you won't go no you're not missing anything. No. My dad and my sister go a lot, actually.

They enjoy it. Really? Yeah. So you're all a bit of adrenaline junkies, it sounds like. Oh, yeah. We definitely are, for sure. My family's weird. So what is it you wouldn't do again?

What would I not do again? Because you've definitely done some shit. Hung upside down. Yeah. I've done... I did a gangbang. I've done... You did a gangbang i've done you did a gangbang how many guys uh five there's five guys in a gangbang yeah is that official yes oh i didn't realize that what so what's when you do 10 then what are these girls that are doing it's still a gangbang it just has

to have at least five minimums yeah so typically they shoot them with five because then it's obviously cheaper you're saving money on not having extra talent. So it's just a foursome then prior to that? Yeah, it doesn't count. Man, you can fuck three guys and it's not a gangbang. It doesn't count. That's a shame. I know.

I think after threesome it should be a gangbang. Close, but no cigar. But five is official gangbang. Five is official. And you took five guys. Yes. The fuck is that like? Is that a lot of work? I feel like it's a lot of work for you.

It was last minute. It was like 7.30 in the morning morning i got a call from my agent he's like hey can you be downtown in an hour to shoot this for king for like an anal gangbang anal gang yeah and i was like i was like it's how much money i was like i'll be there i'll be there so i got up and got ready and had to run down and go and then then the thing was, I had tickets actually to go see Goddamn Comedy Jam at the Roxy that night. And. This is your morning up? This is my morning up.

And so I got to set and I was like, you know, hey guys, I have a hard out today. A hard out. I'm sure we'll be done in time, but then we're all hanging out and they're like, oh, what is it? And I was like, oh, I'm going to see. It was Jim Jeffries was doing it.

The Roxy. And I was like, I'm going to see Jim Jeffries tonight. The Roxy. And all the guys were like, wait, this sounds really fun. Can we come? So one of the guys from my gang bank came with me to the Antigonium. Are you for real? Yeah.

That is unbelievable. He's like, yo, I'm not doing anything. So yeah, we went. And then we all went to the Rainbow afterwards. It was really fun. Yeah. Well, that's a porn star spot anyway, the Rainbow from back in the day. Yeah, it is. Actually, my agent used to work there.

Really? He was a waitress back in the 80s. What is that? Like five fucking guys all in the butt? Yeah. Great? Oh, I said right. Yeah.

But it was great. But see, I've always heard about porn yeah or anal in porn that it's not about what you ate today it's about what you ate yesterday so how are you getting a last minute call without knowing you know what i mean i feel like a five dicks up the ass is a i need a night of prep you know know what I mean? I have a pretty talented asshole. Good for you for saying that. I don't have everything about myself, but that, like, I'll admit, I have some good qualities. That's one of them.

Oh, my God. Yeah, you just rinse out, and then you take an Imodium actually because it like stops your system so then you're and i was good yeah i've never had an accident like that yeah imodium and rinse rinse out yeah and then just eat lightly through the day if you get noticed like i usually stop eating at like seven o'clock the night before but it's never been i i some people struggle with it more i've never had an issue with it i like anal i like anal sex in my personal life okay like let me ask you this then were there things in your how old were you when you lost your virginity 17 okay were there things in your personal life that you hadn't done yet that you first did in porn. Like had you had anal yet. Before you did porn. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah. For sure. Threesomes before you did porn. Yep. So. Yeah. What about the bondage stuff. You said you did.

The bondage stuff. I was already like really. So you were pretty. Yeah. Out there. Yeah. And comfortable early on. Pretty much.

So. Well then your transition. Kind of was your regular. Personal life. In getting into the. Yeah the bondage and stuff. If anything, like the porn I started doing, especially when I moved to L.A. and was doing mainstream stuff, was way less extreme than what I was doing before. So it was easy. They'd get to, like, I'd get to set and they'd be like, can you do this position?

I'd be like, yeah, that's nothing. I've hung upside down by my ankles. This is easy. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, it was, I mean, yeah, it just, I had already done all of that. So it was. Is there anything you did in porn for the first time in your sex life that you had? I mean, other than being waterboarded and shit like that.

Yeah, right. Oh, I had never fisted anybody. You fisted someone? Yes. I actually won an award for it this year. What? What a world what is it the golden fist that's a better name it's just best fister best come on the golden fist that's so much better what a girl or a guy uh it was a girl um and she's actually one of my very good friends at the time

and we worked together for kink and i fisted her asshole and i was so i was so nervous the whole time i'm thinking pussy no nope straight up in there i mean like how deep oh my god and i got i have little arms but like that's not little yeah an asshole. For an asshole. That's not little for an asshole. You put your whole arm up her butt? I was so nervous, too. I was like, is this okay? I would be, too. Is this okay? Is this okay?

And I'm normally never like that, but in that, I was, oh, my God. And she was into it? Yeah. Have you ever been fisted? Yes. In your butt? I can fist my own butt. I don't let anyone else do it i can do it

to myself you don't let no yeah how do you practice that uh okay so the way i found out i could do it i was uh in the bath and i was a little stoned and i was like playing with my butthole and i was like i wonder i just wonder so i like grabbed some lube and I started doing it. And it went in. And I was so excited that I lived with my boyfriend at the time. This was way before I did porn. I jumped out of the tub and my fist was still in my asshole. And I ran out of the loo.

And I was like, babe, babe, you gotta look at this. You gotta look at this. This is the most outrageous shit I've ever heard. And he's like, you're getting the carpet all wet your fist is up your butt i did not care no enthusiasm for this whatsoever yeah but is that something you get off on like is that something you put into your personal sex life like you can fist my butthole i think i have a weird like uh disparity dichotomy i'm not sure the word um between like that kind of sex and my like purse like when i like sex for

like with someone i care about that i really like like it's just organic and it's sex but i also kind of you're open to whatever it's just organically happened yeah like okay now we're gonna come over here and i have this weird mentality where I think I kind of look at sex on some level as like an endurance sport where I'm like, like I want to like push, like to me that stuff isn't necessarily sexy. It's just cool. It's like weird. It's funny.

It's fun. Like it's just cool. You know, I don't necessarily think of it as like hot. If that makes any sense. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. necessarily think of it as like hot if that makes any sense yeah yeah so what like

if you're taking a fist then a dick's gotta be all right then uh i mean some of those dicks are the size of your arm there's no doubt yeah i've seen those girls that put it up next to their face and i'm like oh my god or their arm and I'm like, oh my God, or their arm. And I'm like, oh my God. God. Right. Like I, I mean everything stretches, but yeah, like especially like in my pussy, like I don't have, like I have a very shallow vagina. That's part of why like anal, especially like in porn.

Cause it's a, it's easier. It doesn't, you're not like hitting my cervix. Um, but like, yeah, whenever I talk to people, especially like in regular life, like dude, six to seven inches is fine like that's about 14 13 12 inches of shit like that's cool on camera i don't want to do that on a tuesday every day yeah no on a tuesday i like because whenever i bring that guy up people are like oh my god imagine having a dick like that i'm like yeah imagine you think you're like gonna have a girlfriend who's gonna fuck you multiple times a week like do you that's not gonna happen yeah i bet it yeah like that's probably why they get in porn it's the only time

they can probably really get laid consistently i feel like a guy with that dick yeah jesus christ you're blowing my mind over here um okay god you've done so much um what what made you retire what made you finally say all right because you you say you uh your first anal scene got canceled you said the first one the very first one that i did yeah but you've done other ones uh so i had done it in my personal life but i hadn't done it on camera until last year um but when were the five anal buck guys that was like this uh that was in i think that was in like november october of last year i did my first anal on camera in it ended up being in june of last year june 2019 so i had already been shooting for like a year i waited to do it um because it's just a way to like pull out your

career a little bit longer um and i also like i sold mine for like a premium which is kind of sold your butthole for a premium you know you got to get what it's worth because you're considered a virgin in porn but like an anal virgin or no you lie by the way and tell them you've never had anal sex no i've never i've never lied about anything when they whenever they do the on-camera interviews with me and it's like this where they're like oh what's the craziest them you've never had anal sex no i've never i've never lied about anything when they whenever they do the on-camera interviews with me and it's like this where they're like oh what's the craziest thing you've ever done i'm like well fisted my girlfriend in the back of a camaro there's been times where they're like you can't say that that's like they're gonna they're gonna freak out um but like no just because no one's seen it yet. Like, it's not available on the internet. So, I had had it booked in, like, April of last year.

And it took ages. Like, I had gone to my agent in January and been like, I want to do this. So, we were working on selling it to this one company. It took months and months and months. They finally called me back for a go-see. And then they booked it. So, I'm, like, really stoked. And it's, like like a month out and at the

same time i had done a podcast for i had started doing podcasts and um i did one for a guy that does a show at the comedy store up in the belly room and he knew that i was doing improv at second city already and he knew i wanted to do stand-up and we wrapped up and he was like hey you're really funny and if you want you can write five minutes and you can open my show and i was like yes i would love to that'd be great so cut to the show was saturday night and then my anal scene sorry my anal scene got booked right afterwards after i said i would do the show and it gets booked for sunday right after the show so i have to call him and be like hey i can't do this um there's no way that i can do an anal scene after being out till like three o'clock in the morning eating fried chicken at mills it's not gonna happen thank you

what i was getting at earlier and uh he's like okay you know whatever so i'm bummed whatever and then cut to thursday right before this i got a call from my agent but you so you canceled the stand-up or you canceled i canceled the stand-up i was like i can't because i gotta do this anal i gotta do this this is my rent money you know it's thursday before i got a call from my agent the director saw my picture and he didn't like my face and didn't think i was pretty enough to be on his site fuck you dude i don't do i feel like my face was maybe not the focal point of that movie but like i like split hairs or anything here. So I'm like living,

like I run around my house screaming for like 45 minutes. And when I finally calmed down, I'm like, okay, you know, what do we do? So I call my buddy back. I was like,

Hey, can I still do your show at the comedy store? And he goes, yeah, of course. So I have at that point, 24 hours to learn how to write standup and go open for Jamie Kennedy at the Comedy Store on Saturday night. So I Googled how to write stand-up, which was very helpful, actually.

And I'm just writing, writing, writing. I drank a bottle of wine. I called my mom, which I never do, and was crying. I was so nervous. I drank a pot of coffee to even it out, get in the car, on my way. And I'm coming in from the Valley because I lived in Reseda. like so nervous i drink a pot of coffee to like even it out like get in the car on my way and i'm coming in from the valley because i lived in recita i'm i did my set to that uber driver like five times oh yeah i made him listen to it over and over i was like do you think this is good

does this work i'm like holding this like crumpled piece of paper just like shaking like trying to like drink this coffee and uh i was so nervous so i'm gonna ask you this and i think i know the answer more nervous the first time you did porn or stand-up? Oh, stand-up. Yeah, I had a feeling you were going to say that. Oh, way more. And then I'm, like, sitting in the green room, and, like, my buddy's like, hey, you can't tell anyone you've never done this before, so just be cool.

And I was like, yeah, because that's really what's happening here. I'm not, like, sweating through my jacket. But I went up, and it went really, really well. And they had me on that show for another, like, six months. It was great. That's nice. Yeah, and I've been there ever since, and it went really really well and they had me on that show for another like six months it was great that's nice yeah and i've been there ever since and it's been awesome but yeah it was just the craziest like whirlwind like crazy i think that's the craziest 24 hours i've ever been through despite all this crazy stuff that was just the pressure of that was insane so what made you officially retire like what was the last thing you did and why'd you get

out altogether? Uh, COVID honestly, I, I shot a scene on like March 13th, I think was my last scene. Um, and I went in to go like quarantine or lockdown and I thought it, I mean, everyone thought it was going to be like two weeks. So I was like, all right, whatever, two weeks, not a big deal. And then it wasn't. And my birthday was in april i turned 26 and i was like okay like this is an ending by the time it does go back to normal and we're like shooting again i might be 27 i don't want to get my tits done um and uh i kind of was just i things had been picking up like as far as like stand, like, stand-up and stuff. I had just started, like, to go on the road, like, right before this all started.

And so I was like, you know, it's just time. It felt like time for a new adventure. I'd done what I wanted to do. I had a really great time and a lot of fun. And it was just time to try something new. If it wasn't for COVID, would you still be doing it? I probably would have. My idea in my head for this year was that I was going to start phasing it out

and would be pickier and pickier, work less and less, do some. Because I don't want to slam the door. I'm not someone that's going to be like Mia Khalifa and be like, I never did this. Don't talk about it. I know she got out of it and doesn't want to. Be associated. I don't care.

It's on the internet it's not gonna go away like i'm not an idiot so um yeah my idea was to phase it out covid just sped things up for me so you know i'm lucky that right now we can do everything online like with only fans and stuff so i've still had like stable income um that's really nice especially trying to pursue like a creative career in la where you can just have this kind of passive income is super nice would you go back to it uh i don't think so are there any other porn stars that outside the guys like i know ron jeremy there was a couple other guys that dabble but uh are there any girls that porn stars that have done stand-up yeah there's a

couple um alexis fox does it she's very funny she's been on ymh um and she's a podcast yeah there's there's a couple and there's a few that kind of there's a bunch for a while everybody was getting into djing like all the porn girls were djing and there was a there was a time when a bunch of them were doing stand-up um so i definitely kind of made the jump to just being like because i i liked porn and it was fun but it was fun because it fit my personality and my lifestyle and it also like i was saying earlier when i was like peak working in la doing studio porn i only had to work three days a month to pay all my bills yeah that's yeah so i had all of this time to like write and and figure out what i wanted to do i'd always wanted to be a writer when I was little.

And so a huge part of getting into BDSM and porn and stand up and everything was that like I wanted to have a life that was worth writing about. And it was interesting. And so I kind of after I'd had that breakdown, like after college and figured I didn't want to be a secretary at an accounting company. I figured I would just go spend my 20s having adventures and figuring it out. And I got to do that. And that's like I feel really lucky to have gotten to do that. That's great. Yeah.

All right. So I'm going to ask you about advice to your 16-year-old self. But before I do, I want to talk about this because you said you got stood up for the prom. I did. Isn't that right? I did. Tell me about that because I asked you. I'll bet you for the prom i did isn't that right i did tell me about that because i asked you i'll bet you all the high school guys now so let's talk about that yeah i was my senior

prom and i didn't think i was gonna get asked i was not i hung out with uh a lot of guys in high school i was kind of a bro like i wasn't i wasn't like the girl everyone was having a crush on for sure i was kind of like their buddy. And this guy Nick asked me and I was really excited and I went to get a dress and then once again I think it was like Wednesday or Thursday right before and he calls me

and he's like so I actually have a score with Emily and I'm going to take her to the prom and stuff. No way. Dropped you for another girl not just stood you up. That he was already dating when he asked me in the prom dude smoked a lot of weed so like he now sells used couches in denver so i feel like i did win that war used couch lost the battle won the war it's cool um but yeah i mean i was devastated my little sister's in the car i'm like crying I'm so sad and then um this guy that I had gone to like kindergarten with I've gone to school with him the whole time

calls me like a few hours later and he's like hey I heard what happened that's really shitty we have all the same friends do you want to go with me we'll have a great fucking time and he did he saved the day he wore this ridiculous white tux we had a blast he's a Korean and he's like two inches shorter than me so my pictures were great it was so fun good guy joey all right joe um but yeah i mean i wasn't like i was not the sexy like bombshell hot girl at my high school at all um but when did the guys start finding out that you did porn mostly not till like this year and none of them like contacted me about it you say they followed you they all followed me like a bunch of i started seeing them like and i was like hey did we go to high school like on instagram are they on your only fans as well i think a couple of them

actually i just got a custom video request from a boy that i guess i did go to high school with who apparently had a huge crush on me in high school i don't even remember this person like i don't remember him but you're gonna give him a video he bought a video i mean he paid me like a couple hundred dollars but he was like do you still have like this he remembered this like hoodie that i used to wear i was like i can't believe dude i can't even i was like it's who okay um all right hi i know there are definitely people i don't remember from high school either yeah you're going through so much shit back then like i can't remember everybody totally and yeah you like have your little group of friends and you're not yeah also you're just so every everyone in high school is self-absorbed you just are it's being a teenager

well now i do want to ask you after everything that we've heard today here we've heard quite a bit what advice would you go back and give your 16 year old self uh don't go to college yet um you will i don't regret going to college but i definitely I mean I don't do anything with my art history degree so um I would say that you know it gets it's gonna get so awesome I actually had this conversation with one of my really good girlfriends the other day where because she just got a really kick-ass job like working at Warner Brothers and um we were talking about like if you could go back and tell yourself and it was just that like, hey, we live in Hollywood. You know, we get to know these like incredible people and do these amazing things.

And like your life is going to get so awesome. Because I grew up in like a small town. I didn't fit in. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I didn't know. I just remember I was a very lonely kid. And now I look at my life and I'm like, holy shit. Like, this is, I've always tried to live my life in a way that, like, my 15-year-old self would think I was really awesome.

Which, like, I would. She would. I mean, I also don't wake up till noon, like, ever. But, yeah, I just, that it's going to get so great. That's awesome. Well, thank you for coming on here and being literally so goddamn open. Will you please plug whatever you'd like again? Yeah, thank you.

I would love to come at any time. This was really fun. You can follow me on Twitter at the OG Kennedy. You can follow me on Instagram at the underscore OG Kennedy. My only fans at the OG Kennedy dot com. You can listen to my podcast, The Kennedy Assassination. It's been on hiatus, but it will be back a week from today on next Friday. And I'm really excited about that.

So, yeah, and come out and see my show in Long Beach on Halloween if you're not doing anything because it's COVID. So come out and see my show in Long Beach. You can get the info for that on my Instagram or Twitter. All right. Well, thank you again. This has been quite interesting. Thank you.

For real. I've enjoyed it. And as always, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week. I'm out.