The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Katherine Blanford | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #372 | Full Episode

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Katherine Blanford! Check out Katherine's special, Catholic Cowgirl, out on YouTube now, and her new podcast with Shane Torres called Coastal Idiots. Katherine joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of growing up in Louisville, being 22 when her mom passed of lung cancer, and her journey of grief and learning to navigate life after the loss. Plus Katherine shares a story about a confession on her mothers deathbed and educates us on the Cornbread Mafia! 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

Kansas City. I'm headed back your way, Valentine's weekend. That's right. Valentine's weekend, I'll be there February 13th and the 14th, Connecticut. Come see me at Comics Roadhouse March 13th and 14th. Get your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all.

We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Starting these episodes like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for supporting anything that we do here. All right. I don't care what it is. Thank you. Thank you for all your support.

And if you got to have more, you got to check out the Patreon. All right. Our Patreon channel, we've got two tiers. We got the honeydew with y'all over there. And it is this show with y'all. And I promise you, I say it every week. It is the wildest show on Patreon. It is $5 a month.

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I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest here with us today. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Catherine Blamford. Welcome to the honeydew, Catherine Blamford. Did you see I'd missed a button and I was frantically buttoning it while you were doing the intro? I was doing my bits.

I was like, I hear of shit. Well, it's great to have you here. You're going to see my big fake tips. You look straight. You look good over there. Thank you. Welcome. And before we dive into whatever we're going to talk about today

right there, promote anything you'd like, please. Catherine Blaber.com for tickets. I'm coming to, well, can we insert that after. Just kidding. I think I'm coming to Washington, D.C. soon, Vancouver, Tampa, New Orleans, Charlotte, etc. It's Catherine Blanford on all social medias. And I have a new podcast with Shane Torres called Coastal Idiots. We have a loose theme every episode and we do little sketches on there. We bring in characters. It's silly billy time on YouTube and all the podcast platforms.

Forms. Special out Catholic Cowgirl. What's it called? Catholic Cowgirl. Yeah. It's on YouTube. I'm excited to have you here. We've been trying for a while. I tell everybody, this is the hardest part about podcasting is getting two people to sit down in the same room for 60 fucking minutes. I know. But we got you here. Thank you. So let's start from the beginning. Where are you from originally? Wolverville, Kentucky. Yeah, Louisville, Kentucky. You did it. Are you, yeah, are you Lamar Jackson fans? No. Oh, how old there? Oh, you're Baltimore.

smart. Of course. I bleed blue. How blue? Like, who's your NFL team? One of my first crushes was Tubby Smith. Okay, that's very funny. Tommy Smith's a deep cut. My first three crushes. I love that man. I love his wife. God, give me your first three. Tubby, who else? George W. Bush.

George W. And Bob Baffert. What a fucking Mick. So, listen. I know how to pick them, okay? Wait, hold on. Let me make sure I'm laughing at the right guy. Baffert's the horse guy.

Is he not the fucking... Sunglasses inside, white hair. I see him at the freakness all the time in a derby. I know. Yeah, he's a bad ass. So you got Baffert, Dubia, and Tubby, huh? Those are the three that fired you up early on. Yeah.

All right, Catherine. What? I like a man with the plan. Do you have an NFL team? Would you Bengals there? Like, who are you liking? The whole town's Lamar now. They know they, they know they.

They run Ravens games in your town now because everybody loves Lamar. That's what you get locally. I was gone. Yeah. I was gone by the time Lamar was there. I was probably in South Carolina then. And we, what was I saying about, oh, I hate something about Tubby Smith. You bleed blue.

Oh, I bleed blue. I don't remember what I was about to say. You have an NFL team. I was asking. Oh, yeah. My brother was obsessed with Eddie George when he was at the Titans. So, and by the way, our NFL team is Kentucky. men's basketball. Yes, it is. I know the Wildcats, of course. Obsessed.

Obsessed. I... Historically good. I remember the first time I went to Rupp Arena. I was in high school, and I cried, almost the whole game. I think we lost, too. It was Billy Gillespie era, if you remember who he was. Real drunk. I skipped prom junior year because my friend was already at UK and was a player on the football team, and he was like, I got you tickets. You could set next to Randall Cobb and watch a home game. So I skip prom. I went and watch the home game, huh?

Mm-hmm. All right. So Louisville, mom and dad are from Louisville originally? No. Like, tell me about your parents. Both from tobacco farms. Dad's Bargstown area. Marion County, Holy Cross, if you want to get really.

Real one to ten, farm home, three bedrooms, parents' room, boys' room, girls' room. Oldest kids, raised, youngest kids, kind of thing. and mom, three brothers, one single dad, mom died early. All Catholic is all get out. Everybody was altar boys. And, you know, very, and my parents were like the first parents, like my dad went to UK and got us, was a pharmacist. My mom was a nurse.

And we were like the city family from moving to Louisville and living on a cul-de-sac. Our cousins were like... I see. You all went to the big city. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, we've gotten come over. How'd your parents meet? I think they met in college.

At Kentucky? Yeah. My mom was a... I think she'd graduate. My mom went to Murray. Murray in Kentucky. She was a racer. And she's from Owensboro, Kentucky.

She, I don't know, I think... Somebody told me they met because somebody was like, Rita, meet Steve. Rita's meeting... Or looking for a husband. You know how it worked back then. And then they just immediately got married. They had three kids and then they were like, maybe we should get to know each other.

And who's the oldest? Oldest brother. So I'm in the middle. I have an older brother and then a younger brother, and we've all escaped Kentucky. So my mom passed when I was 22. What happened to mom? Lung cancer wasn't a smoker.

Just. I hear this like too much that it makes me worried. Like, what was he, did she work in anything? Like asbestos? There's there any other reason why this, how old was she also? She was, she six days after turning 51. I mean, fuck. I, uh, you know what's crazy?

I went home, well, I was in Lexington doing shows. I was doing comedy off Broadway there. And my mom was a nurse. And one of her last jobs, she worked for a plastic surgeon. And the plastic surgeon, she came to my shows. Right before I go on stage, she's like, Call on Hi, my guy. Also, by the way, when you, like, when you somebody die and you don't live in your hometown, when you go back, it's so annoying because you just, you're like a walking grief

billboard. Because people forget, right? They forget that somebody died. And then you walk in and they haven't seen you in 10 years and they see you and they go, Rita. And it's just, you know what I mean? And you're like, hey, I don't like that. I just, you know, I don't. You're their reminder that your mother's dad. It's horrible. I walk into a room, hey! And I was like, hi.

Oh, we miss Rita. Your mom was such a good woman. That's all we talk about. You walk in the room and they're like, you look so just like. Yeah, your mom would be. So right back to that, yeah. I know, and you're like, I know, I know. I know.

Um, yeah, and right before I go on stage, right? She comes up to me and she's so sweet and she's like, you know, I miss your mom. And I'm talking, the features wrapping up. You know, you're back. I mean, like, they're playing my intro music and she goes, by the way, she's like, I have another nurse now. And she's, you know how much I love your mom Rita. She is my new Rita. I just love her so much.

She has the same cancer your mom has. Gather a player for everybody. Tishina. And I go, I literally go, and she goes, well, and oh, also two things. She goes, and you know, they're more advanced with how they're treating it now, so she might have a fighting chance. Your mom didn't. And then she goes, and I go, I don't feel like, shut the fuck off. And they're giving my credits right now.

It's terrible now, you know. And she literally goes, and I go, well, you know, you think it might have something to do with the work environment then? And she goes, absolutely. There's a lot of radiation and other things. we work with. And I was like, she was like, you know, you have to have the gene or whatever. But if you have the gene... Good luck to you.

That led vest ain't worth a sheet. Anyways, have a great show. Kill them, girl. It's like... It's the first day left. Yeah. And also, yeah, yeah. Also, if I ever do shows in Louisville or Lexington, the merch line is...

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Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash honeydew for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada 2. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash honeydew, free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash honeydew. Let's roll back a little bit here. When do we find out moms not well? I was a senior in college.

I went to South Carolina for college. I had to get out of Kentucky. I was a senior in college. And I, dude, I remember my dad called me and was like your mom. My mom had just visited with her best friend, Mary Jo. I don't mean to interrupt. Were your parents still together? They were.

They shouldn't have been. They were. Okay. Gotcha. And my dad calls me and says that they found a mask in my mom's lungs. Do you ever, when you got hard news, it's truly like a movie do you remember like the

you know like the sound it all slows down it's like a and you're like you know time stops and you hear that like the the lifeline go flat and it's like a piercing in your ear

and you always have that like you're like not me sad stories happen to other people not me what are you talking about and I just remember the entire my mom was sick for a little bit over a year and I'd, you know, graduate within the month and moved to Philadelphia with an internship to work with the PGA, then had gone with that company and moved to Orlando and was

working at Orlando Magic. I was in venue management. And then I'd moved to Atlanta for like the next, you know, job move up from with that same company for a small venue in Atlanta. Like, And I, the whole year, this is like so quintessential. I feel like boomer stuff. The entire time my mom was sick, my dad was like, they never wanted to tell us that it was bad. They never wanted to say it was terminal. So it was always just like, well, you know, we just got to go get some medicine for your mom. Go on and live your lives, you know.

Catherine, can I just tell you like every person in my life that mattered and did care, and there were like three of them. Yeah. Were always like, we'll tell you when you get older. You're too young. Yeah. And you know where they are now? Dead.

And you know what? They never told us any fucking. Just fucking tell them. They don't know. They don't be like, we'll talk about hard things. We'll never talk about hard things. You, let me tell you, let me tell you. They're all that shit with them.

Let me tell you the level of like, like how resistant my dad was to telling us how bad it I remember my mom was, I went on for Thanksgiving and everybody's like coming over to our house to visit our mom to say their goodbyes. You know, I'm still not, I'm like, why are people coming over? And then I go back to work in Atlanta and my dad calls me and he goes, so I just want to let you know, you know, mom is moving into hospice because I just need a little bit of extra help with her. I don't know what hospice means. Oh, no. You don't. I'll tell you what a hospital is at the beginning of the end. That's about to wrap it up.

You know what I heard when he said that? I was like, I don't know we're so wealthy. We have helper nurses. Oh, we're doing good. Oh, so you think people are coming to your home to help mom? Yeah. You don't understand that she's going to a facility. Yeah.

Okay. But I had some, like, something in my gut that was like, you should come home. My dad didn't even tell me I should come home. But I did. And by the time I'd got there. to the hospital. She wasn't even talking anymore. Can I ask you from that time that you're back to visitor now and prior to that, what's how long in between had you, you know, gone without seeing her? I'd gone, luckily, like, Thanksgiving had just happened. Okay. So, like, I'd gone home for that

and everybody was coming home to say their goodbyes. You know what? Should have been a tale tale sign for me that she was really about to go. I hope I'm not in trouble saying this. My, uh, my other favorite aunt. My dad's brother's wife, she was just a wrecking ball like my mom. Like so funny, the black sheep of the family. I don't think she realized I was sitting in the room with my mom when she came in. My mom was like sitting in her bed, kind of sick. And she, I'm just going to say it because she's passed now since. She's like telling my mom that her husband she married before my uncle Paul. He was. involved in what you would call the cornbread mafia, which is like Kentucky, West Virginia,

Indiana, these places, they have big farms in small towns and they, you know, grew a bunch of weed and they moved cocaine and everything. And they own the police because it's small town. There's, there's a sheriff and one other police officer. And these guys could kill their whole family, right? So they're running the town. And he was involved in the cornbread mafia. That's the first time. You never heard of that? Never heard about the cornbread mafia. Cornbread mafia.

So that's just some little bit of drug running in that pocket of the U.S. there, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because you got everything going. You got Cincinnati right in that area, Indy, you got Louisville, Lexington, Nashville's all close. But all the little rule are agriculture towns about is where they are. And they can move into the big city. I see.

And she was married to him and she left him. starts telling your mom this? Telling her that she's like, I left him because I had the two girls and it wasn't safe. She's like, I gave him one more chance and I got back to him with him for a minute. And I just remember we go over to someone's house for a barbecue, one of the other families, couples involved. And I just remember the wives are all in the kitchen and we're talking about casserole recipes while the men are in the room next door talking about what they're going to do with the body. and she's like, I got, Rita had to go.

I couldn't do it anymore, Rita. Also, poor Rita for crazy. Also, my mom's so sick. She's like, you're hitting her with that right now for Christy. Dude, I swear to God, it was like two or three. It was like confessional time for people. Like they came in, like my mother was the priest. Yeah, and they're like, well.

What else are you hearing? I remember I was a little kid. I just remember, well, Because you're 22, you said, right? Yeah, yeah. No, I guess not a little kid to me, a little kid. You're young. I was young.

Wasn't understanding what was happening. I would remember, like, you know, like my mom's best friend coming in and admitting how much she hates her husband. Really? They're saying this shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Not your dad, her own husband. Her own husband and how she, you know, has the hots for another guy.

And I don't, read, I'm not going to do anything. but I want to, you know, and God damn, if he, if he gives me another reason to leave him, I'm gonna. And I'm like, crawling under the bed, you know. They don't know you're there? No. How do they not see you? Are you just out of the way? I think that was like in, I was, I was in her bathroom.

Like, and then I just stayed for it. Yeah. Yeah, fuck you. I would, I would, I was like, that should be a thing, you know, where they just set up like hospice confessions. you're on to something like if people didn't know and you just had a camera sitting up there and what ends up pouring out of the people who were still alive. Yeah. Because it's like you're like. Maybe you're, because maybe you're sure it could be a breaking bad style thing where you're telling these people your confessions and that cancer gets away.

And now this person knows you killed this motherfucker. It knows this. The cornbread mafia. Oh, man. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. That's another undercover agent.

They're sending their, they feel like they can confess something to someone who's going to take it with them, so to speak. Yeah. I think it's just like, I, I've always loved you. I don't know what it is. Like, it's just like, here's my, here's me bearing my soul. I want to, I want you to know everything before the end. So what it sounds like to me is that your mom was a good woman who was really liked. She was the best.

Yeah. People are coming to see her and say goodbye. Yeah. Dude, she was hilarious. I mean, but this is the shit, though. She's like, this was kind of, I'm actually talking about it on stage now. This is my mom, like, raunchy, but in the most heartfelt way. Give me an example.

When I was in college, I was in South Carolina, and I, summertime, I was probably running around in my bathing suit all the time. And I called her and I was like, my vagina's on fire. It's melted. digging my underwear. My mom's a nurse, but she's still a hillbilly from Owensbro, Kentucky. So she was trying to figure out UTI or yeast infection. One's itchy and one's not. So she was like, you want to take a round brush up there? You know the hairbrush that goes all the way around? And I was like, yeah, is that, can I do that? Is that safe? Is that healthy? She's like, no, but she's like, you got to, I think UTI is the itchy one. So I, uh, uh, she was like,

you got to go get monostat, whatever. And I remember, driving to the CVS and I got pulled over because I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I remember the officer pulled me over. In a bathing suit? You're fucking vagina's all on fire. Of course it's another five minutes longer. You just poor officer, this is probably the day he quit.

He pulls me and he walks up and he goes, do you know I pulled you over? I don't know, but I don't even have enough money for Modestat and it's so itchy. I want to take a rat and brush up there. And I... No, you did not say how you crying. Balling.

I don't have enough money for Modestat I want to take a round brush up there And I remember You're telling him It's burning You're telling him I want to take a round brush up there This name is young

Young and he's I remember he goes He goes Well I should write you a ticket But I'm not going to pour watering on a sinking ship And just let me go That's the fucking I have a tattoo right here,

but round brush right here. My inner thigh now in memory of Rita. I just can't, Rita. I can't. I can't do it, Rita. Yeah.

I can't do it more. Casseroles, what they're doing with the body. Maybe we should put it in the damn casserole, Rita. See how Gerald tastes. Oh, man. Poor cop. Poor you, for God's sake. Yeah.

Oh shit. Okay, wait. I want to talk more about mom. Do you get any real conversations with her before she goes? Yeah, she. Because you're coming home to her in hospice, right? Yeah, I came home to her in hospice. Before I left town over Thanksgiving, she like sat me down. And the only, I'm not registering that this is a goodbye conversation, but she was like, like, you know, don't, don't sit and cry. If you think about me, I just make, I want you to be laughing. And she's like, you know, you're, you, to the point that she was just kind of like, I think what she was trying to tell me was, I am smart, I'm witty. And my mom was, she always loved being a mom, she wanted to be a mom, but she got married

young, had kids. She was smart and witty, but my dad was kind of an asshole and would always kind of, like, you know, he had his thumb on her neck. It was kind of like, really to keep it down, kind of be quiet. And she was just like, don't lose your wit. Don't, don't dim your light for anything. And she said, her best friend was Mary Jo, she grew up with. She lived in Louisville. We'd go over to her house all the time. Mary Jo never had kids, never got married. And she's like, Mary Jo will be there for you. Quick story before, I go back to this. When I did, in my first Tonight Show set, I had a bit in there about my mom about how she used to,

she worked for a plastic surgeon and she always said I needed a Botox when I was in high school because I had a line over my head. And she'd a few times chased me around the house with a syringe full of Botox. And I was like, we called it a freeze tag. And I had this whole other bit about how I would fake pass out during. cross country and my mom believed me. So my set was about my mom at the Tonight Show. And so I brought Mary Jo and she got to come watch me do a set by my mom.

That's nice. Yeah, it's really cool. You don't hear names like that anymore. Mary Joos or Mary, we had a lady named Mary Blair. It was always a Mary Slayer. That's hard. Mary Blair? Yeah.

Oh, that's fun. It's always, I always love a name that's fun to yell. My mom, Rita Ann! Rita's a going. Get in the house right now, Rita, Ann. Yeah. What's your middle name? Are you, Ann?

It's the worst. I hate it. Lynn. Catherine Lynn. It's a lot of Ann's and Lynn's. Yeah. I thought Len was the stuff in your pocket when I was growing up. It's Lynn.

But I thought it was Lynn because my parents always had an accent. So I thought they named me after the crumbs in your pocket. Gotcha. But yet she had this talk with me. And, you know, I, I, Again, I didn't realize she was saying goodbye. I don't even know if she realized she was saying goodbye. I remember she gave me one last, when I was right before I moved to Atlanta,

I was in Orlando working at the Orlando Magic Serena Amway Center. And she came and visited me. It was over my birthday. And I think she knew it was our last one-on-one time together. I didn't realize it. and we got into this huge fight. Yeah. She just started losing her hair.

Okay. And I remember being so mad that her hair was everywhere in my bedroom and in my shower. Which in hindsight, I just like was a kid that didn't, was probably sad. You're fucking terrified. Yeah. That lady's losing her hair and you know damn well what's going to happen. Yeah. But nobody's telling you.

And you're just kind of like, feels fucked up. but everyone's acting like it's fine. We've got in this huge fight because I was new at the job and we were running the ushers and ticket takers and I was like, it was a kiss concert. And I was like, I'll get you in, but I just have to, like,

it'll be within the first 20 minutes of the show, but I'll call you. And I think she was kind of out of it. Also, she was a little bit of an alcoholic. And so I'm getting calls over the radio with my boss. They're like, Catherine, your mom's at the gate saying you're letting her in. And I'm like, shut the fuck off. And I'm like, mom, you can't do that.

And I just remember, like, getting in this knockout, blowout fight, screaming with her after the show. And she's crying and I'm crying. And then it was just like, after she passed, I was always really mad at myself about, like, getting that big fight with her. But I think it was just, like, I. I was just sad and scared and didn't, was just turned it turned into anger. But it was like really beautiful because we made up and then the rest of the trip, we like, I don't know, we just, it was, we just like laughed and hung out and it was awesome. And I'm kind of happy we went through like a big fight because it was like really honest and raw.

And we'd fought most of my teenage years. You did? Yeah. It was pretty bad. She was an alcoholic, but again, nobody admitted it. You know, I would just come from school and I'd be like, she has glossyitis again. And I was like the only girl in school or the only girl of my family. And so I was like, we understood each other. So we fought too. And I think I was always mad at her for like letting my dad kind of talk down to her and shit because I knew just how funny and, she was and I think my dad was a little insecure that she was the star of the show. So you got to see more of the real her. Yeah. I see.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was kind of beautiful. And I remember when I dropped off at the airport, she was like falling, crying. And I was like, why is she so sad? And she knew that it was our last trip together. How long after that was she gone? Four months?

Four months. Yeah. And so you go back when, right before it happens? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She died the very beginning of January. What year? So January 6 stole my date, stole my mom's birth or death date, insurrectionist.

Rude. The insurrection of my heart. Sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I have January 6 as I stormed your heart. I have January 6 right here. I go, it's not what you think. So what she said.

You know what? I've never thought about that. There are probably plenty of people that have January 6th for another reason prior to that. They're like, fuck. They're like, my baby girl's born there. Hey, honey, we've never done this, but we're changing your birthday. Yeah, we're going to push it one day. You are January 5th.

Wait, they start lying to them. I remember you were born January 5th. Oh, man. Okay. So how does mom? want to be buried cremated? Like, what's how does she want to go out? This is, this is fucked up.

She wanted to be buried. This is, I've never, I've always, like, wanted to write bits about this, but it's always so dark. When she, she died, I was 22 years old, and I was just a monster of a person. I remember, I kind of got obsessed with the attention I was getting from after she passed. Like, I talk about, you've seen people when they're grieving on Facebook. And they're writing like the long posts about how somebody passed. Anyone that turns on and crying openly,

weeping is always interesting to me. I know. I get it. But I remember I was 22. Instagram really just started to pop off. And I started to be like, I could post anything. And if it was about my mom,

it would get so many likes. Like I would just post like a rose pedal. And I'd be like missing her. And it was more likes and more. comics I ever got. Yeah, yeah, of course. And I was like, okay, crack knuckle, posting quotes and magazines. How often are we doing this?

Every day. Every day. Oh, my God. I was, dude. Every day. Holy shit. My Instagram stories at hospice, I mean, I was popping off. I was killing.

I always say, like, I didn't grieve for the first. You said I was killing in a hospice. I was killed. I had so many hospice. bits. We were in there for like four days. Listen at your job. That's what we did.

Dude, I'm telling you, I didn't breathe for the first six months because I was like, I was in my prime. I was peaking. I had one of my first bits, this is fucked up. I was, I talked about, so I was the only girl, right? I only had brothers and a dad. And my dad was like, you got to pick out her outfit for the casket. And I was like, well, it's going to be hard.

because we were like close to the same size so I was like well if it's cute I'm gonna keep it I'm gonna get more wares out of why are we wasting that I even asked guys fucked up I even asked the funeral director because she was she was bald so we were gonna put her in a scarf but I really like the scarf because I asked if I could get it back before we close the casket and she was like do you want to do you want it like a memory of her and I was like I want to wear it and she's like it has embalming fluid on it, you'll die. You'll die.

You'll die. Jesus. Let me get one Instagram post in it. It will pop off. Dude, I, it was so bad. Like, at the funeral, I just, people were coming back and you, like, like, high school ex-boyfriends were coming there and crying, and I was like, I was the bell of the ball. A bell of the ball.

I was boy crazy, hungry. I was like, that guy's a doctor. Da-da-da. Like, it was, I didn't grieve. I didn't grieve for so long because I, I was getting attention and I loved it. It's fucked up. I shouldn't have said my mom's eulogy. I didn't even write anything.

I was like, I'll riff it. I just wanted to be. You just want up and riffed it? It was, I wrote it, but it was, it was about me. What do you mean? I just remember it was like, the stories were really centered about me. I remember I opened with kind of a joke. My mom used to always say waky, waky, waky, eggs and bakey.

I opened with that, crushed. I was like heckling the priest during the burial site. What do you mean? He was like giving a speech, you know, at the burial site. And I'm like, say it, you know, say it again. That's what she said. Out loud? Yeah.

People are laughing. How many, though? How many people? It's like three drunken cousins. Yeah. It's Kim. It's Kim. It's Kemp.

It's Kemp. Kim, whose mom was the casserole lady. I can't read it. I can't do it no more. I can't read. I can't even. Talking about casserole recipes. Corn bread.

You know? And they're like, should bury them under the corn? So you're hitting them at the viewing. You're hitting, you're just, you're on fire. You're hitting them at the hole where they're putting her in the ground. You're hitting the priest there too. I was, I dated, this is right after we graduated from college. My college boyfriend had come, but we had broken up.

But he came up, you know, because it was pretty recent. And I'm like, so you want to stay over? I'm at my dad's, I'm at my family home. We have people staying with us because my mom's just passed. And he's like, no, Catherine, I can't. That's weird. And I'm like, come on. No one's going to know.

And then I remember he denied me. And I called him and I was like, I just need you here because my mom is gone and I'm sad. I was just trying to get some. And did he come? Yeah. He did. And did you get some? Yeah.

Okay. At the house, with everybody in it anyway? Hey. I am a self-send- Different ways. You know what I'm saying? We all grieve in different ways. Dude, I would milk that shit.

Listen, my dad died when I was 16 and I'm over here right now. Pissed I didn't fucking milk it. Oh. I should have milked it in school. There was no social media for me to milk back then, though. But God damn. You're right. I cut a fucking. I go, I mean, now, like, I still get pitched.

He still came over. I get pitched for, you know, like, the America's Got Talent. I'm talking about this now. You get pitched for the, you know, like, there's Star Search is coming back, right? Is it? Yeah, so I'm coming back on Netflix. Dude, I, like, my, I've grieved it so long. My mom's been gone for 11 years.

You know, it's a fact of life. I don't think of it. When those. producers interview for those shows. I'm like, I see my mom looking at me through the lights, you know, like this is what she always wanted for me right before I, she passed. She was just like, one day I want the whole country to see. The country.

Not the world. Just our country. What about it? She wants America to see what I got. She's dancing up there with a scarf right now. I would genuinely wish I had because it would kill on this show. It would have been so cute. I would have tied around my little neck, but I got porous right there.

You'll die. I'll die. It's really fucked up. But I think social media, like, doesn't help because somebody passes and you put it on social media. And everybody's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Do you need it? I would get DMs from people or Instagram or Facebook messages from people, you know, telling me there's stories about my mom and I remember like rolling my eyes and being like I can't

answer all these people I thought it was fan mail mail when does it dawn on you that you haven't grieved at all when's that hit you covers it's bad I know I know what does it hit you like holy shit I Okay, this was This My mom So we're in Louisville So we always did

Derby parties and everything It was I was at work In Atlanta And it was Derby Day For Saturday in May And I just My mom would always call me

And she would go She The horses is Go baby Go That's like a saying They say about When horses run Go baby go It's just like a saying

In Kentucky And I would When I was running cross country My mom would be on the sidelines and my nickname was Sissy and my family. So she'd always be like, go Sissy, go. And that was, I woke up and I was working and it was Derby and I was like just missed my mom saying that. So it had been like three or four months since she'd passed. And that was, and I remember like bawling crying and I was, oh my God. And I was working in a small venue,

dude, in Austell, Georgia, right outside Atlanta. Oh, God. Okay. It was, a mega church had bought and built this entertainment complex next to the church. The church was called Word of Faith, and it was a black church, okay? And I was one of two white employees. One of two? White employees. My boss, the general manager of the thing. Dude, the guys, like people from the church would come up to us and be like, you and your dad.

I'm like, we're not related. We're just... Listen. Finally. Finally, black people see two white people and assume they're related. And they're like, how about that? You and your husband? I'm like, no, it's just, it's just, we're just white.

That's it. We're just white. I got to tell you. You just remind me. Our friend, uh, my friend Sam, who actually works on the way back, told me a story about his brother one time. It's this accidental racism shit where he, He's on a bus in Jersey.

He's sitting, you know, close to the window and in the space next to him's open. Yeah. And this black lady gets on the bus and a black guy gets on right behind her. He goes, do you guys want me to move so you can sit together? That black guy goes, I don't fucking know her. Let me have to sit next to the lady the rest of the ride. Yeah. Dude.

I love that's happening to two white people's the best. Oh, it would be so many. Oh, man. They don't believe you either. You know they all go back. Well, yeah, that's definitely her uncle or something. Yeah, that's my uncle. I don't care.

Oh, man. It was one of my favorite jobs because, like, they were just like, you could tell they felt bad from me. They did. What are you doing? What's your job? Holy shit. I was event coordinator, right? So we had like a small theater.

We had ballrooms and there was like a couple little different entertainment things. And you're coordinating, like, what's going on in each room and when and all that. Oh, man. A lot of plays. Yeah. A lot of plays. A lot of, like, Ukrainian weddings in the ballroom, which I say that because we're like, we can fit 120 people in here.

And they're like, okay, well, we're going to put 312. And we're just going to cram them in there. And it was the weirdest things. It was like a one man. like a one man show or something like that and like but it was always like religious based a lot of times and I 22 and my mom just died and I just want to get shit-faced drunk with my friends in buckhead Atlanta and I'm like having to deal and it's a lot of like youth nights and prayers with the kids and sometimes they want to lay hands on me and pray you've been saved a few times

I have been saved I mean like Dionne Warwick came by one time and Jennifer Hudson came by one time and I don't give a fat fuck I'm like there but I'm there like on the weekends and the holidays or whatever else

but I just remember I would like it'd be like youth night and it'd be all these little children running around and praying to Jesus and I'd be like fuck this and that'd be just running into the ballroom bath from crying because I miss my mommy. That's when it's hitting, yeah, huh?

It was a weird time. Yeah, it was really weird. It sucked because I was working like office hours and then every weekend and every night too for like stuff that's not cool. Like lame shit, you know? But, yeah, it was weird. So I think I just had like a pivotal kind of, like eye awakening moment where I was just like, fuck all this. I don't want to do any of this shit. You can die at any moment.

So I got the call for my boss that was like, okay, you, you know, you're doing the hell gig in Atlanta. Do you want to now go move to Dallas and work for the AT&T Stadium? We need you down there for. Move. You're going to move and work for the cowboy? All the events in the stadium then, huh? Okay. Concerts and anything that comes through.

It was Jay Z. Beyonce's first on the run tour. And he was like, we need you down there in four or eight hours. And I said, no, I quit. Oh, I just did my first open mic at comedy. And I was like, fuck this. I'm going to do comedy. So I became a nanny. So you became a nanny?

That's the shift. Yeah. Okay. But still in Kentucky? No, so I'm in Atlanta. I mean, I'm sorry, still in Georgia then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember this is like, so when I started, I nannied from one family for over eight years.

When I started, they had one baby, nine months old. And I was, now I'm like peak grieving, crying all the time. And I would just walk around the neighborhood, pushing the stroller, bawling. There's people that looking out like this poor lady has postpart. They definitely think you're, for granted. threaten every decision you just made. The kid's going, Kiki, Kiki, there's the playground. We can't stop.

I'm still crying. Balling crying. Yeah. And listening to, I hadn't figured out exactly what I wanted to do in life. So I was watching, listening to, you know, Tim Ferriss. I was listening to his podcast while I was bawling, crying, grieving, listening to different people's careers and trying to figure out what I wanted to do and what my four-hour work week would be. And then Jess Glenn.

Do you know that? She's a singer. I don't know. You listen to you? Jess Glenn. Oh, Jess Glenn, no. And then here's my peak grieving media. Peak grieving piece of culture.

Do you know the movie Wilde Reese Witherspoon? Yes. When she does the hike, the PCT. I listened to that on an audio tape four times in a row while I took the child on a walk, crying in the neighborhood. How long was I'm walking? Oh, sometimes the mom would come. Are you okay?

Where are you with my kids? She'd go, I'm home now. You can bring her home. You can go. And I'd be like, we're going to keep walking for a while. Just because I was so, like, crying and red. I couldn't. I'd look like a crazy person if I went back to the home.

She'd be like, what are you doing with my child? And when you say nanny, are you living? Like, what's the situation? No. I go there every day. So like a nine to five or whatever at their. house. Yeah. And I struggle how to talk about it now because I

don't, I hated that job. And it wasn't the family. It wasn't the kids. Like, they were great kids and I love them. The parents were great, great parents. I just, you know, it was like it was so, you went to the same house every day. Have you ever had a job where you hope your friends

don't see you at it? Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like sometimes, like, because I'm in Atlanta, I went to South Carolina, I have a bunch of friends that went to Georgia and UNC and they're all like in getting into finance. You know, and the girls are getting into marketing and their parents have all this money and blah, you know, like all the rich kids from all these little cities. And I'm like nannying. And we would go out and buckhead. And I'd be with the mom and I'd be holding another woman's child.

And we'd look over and I'd see, you know, Chad, literally his name. That was the president of S-A-E at college, you know, and he's with a bunch of guys in collared shirts. And I'm like, and I would run and duck and hide. And the mom would be calling me like, where are you? And I'd be like, we've had a blow out in the bathroom. I'll be back in a second because I did not want them to see me as a nanny. And I remember when I, like, came to, like, the most embarrassing part was, I'm like 29, about to be 30 years old.

The pandemic was about to hit. And I was at my friend's baby shower. She's probably her second kid. She's not even working now. She drives a Mercedes. You know what I mean? They're all set, right? These are dumb girls.

These are dumb, dumb, girls. I'm fucking smart, okay? And I remember we're sitting at the table at her baby shower. And they're all, she's like so stressed. And she's like, I think I'm going to need a nanny soon. And I'm like, I'll fucking kill myself. I'm like, this bitch doesn't. And do I remember one time this bitch said that her favorite country is Paris?

And I'm like, I'm about to be this bitch's nanny. You know? This dumb bitch is nanny. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like almost about to be 30 years old and I was still nanny. And it was, um. Why did you take that job? I, because I could fuck around.

It's also interesting to me that I'm just over here diving into my bullshit brain and, you know, you lose your mom. Then all of a sudden you become motherly. to someone. Yeah. And you hate it. In your defense, I don't know that you'd have liked any fucking job you were doing it right after your motherfucking died. It just happened to be that one.

So I get it that it's not the family or the kids or whatever. It's like one of the worst fucking times your life. Yeah. I think it was definitely. But it's interesting that you take on a motherly role after you lose yours, at least for a little while. I know. As you're grieving.

Yeah. I think you're right. I think it was. I'm just listening. No, it's, it's weird. Because that's such a shift from everything you've been doing, event coordinator and all that. I know. And all of a sudden, you're taking care of a baby or a toddler.

I think I was, and I'm, okay, I feel bad saying how much I hated the job it was. Because it wasn't the family. It was just so, I saw how mundane and slow your life is with kids. And how much, like, you know, time you have to commit to a child. to raise a genuinely good human being. It's not like back of the day, I feel like when my parents were like, well, our parents had children,

and then they were like, you just watch us and survive. You know, like now it's like you really have to, like be very involved in this child's life for them to grow. And I was hated that my life had turned into like, Like having to having my my job was not about me. It was about other kids, right?

And I think I just probably hated that. It was very self-centered. But like I don't know if it was like my mom pushed me that way if you are somebody that believes like that. But I'm so glad I saw what it takes to, like what commitment it takes for to raise a kid early on. Because now I'm not. don't want kids.

You don't? I was thrown into the trenches. And I was, I guess is enough for me right. Yeah. And I'm so happy. It might also be another reason why it happened then, too, is to show you what you don't like. Yeah. I'm so grateful because I did still get the chance to, like, know what it felt like to watch a kid grow up and raise a kid.

I'm sorry. I think if you said when you started, they only have one. Did they have more as you work with them? Yeah. When I left their third was four. So you're getting newborns and stuff too. Yeah. So it was like I got, I feel like I got the best of both worlds. I got to watch these kids grow up. I got to raise them since they were infants. I was there. The two youngest,

I was there the day they came home from the hospital. Up until when? How old when you finally stopped? The third one was four. Okay. And I love them. They're the coolest kids. The family's the shit. They're awesome. And I'm so glad I got to like, like experience it without having to be tied to it for life. And now I get to go, like, live my life. And it's about me. And I don't have to, I don't have like a kid I have to come back to and feel guilty about. I'm so, I was so depressed in my 20s, like so depressed, which is why I think now, I feel like I'm very lucky and blessed of where my life is going. And sometimes I'm like, I shouldn't, this shouldn't be going this great. It shouldn't be going this great for anybody. And then I look back and I go, but I actually went

through hell in my 20s, so I deserve it. What other than your mom, what else was going on in your 20s that was, you know, fucking you up? I think I just was, you know, this is kind of fucked up to say, but like I left like and abandoned everything that my life was centered around after my mom died. I was like I went to South Carolina I was in a sorority

I was always very much the black sheep but I was surrounded by these very Well or or the white sheep At the church girl You were one of the white sheep at that church girl A few times I had to go to church And prays Oh you had to go into it too

Yeah Dude Sometimes we had like church dinners And it would be this round table And it would be like the main pastor And his wife and then, you know, I'm the only white person at the table, and I would, I love to pipe in. I would chime in, left and right.

And you saw these people look at me like, white girl, shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. Yes. I loved that job. That was great. Oh, man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that. Dude, oh, my God. Going back, dude, when I was in Orlando and I was, uh,

a manager for the ushers and the ticket ticket station security guards. And I would have to like, man, this is the best. The big security guards, the top dogs, you'd put them backstage and they'd be on like the muscular motherfucker guys. Those guys that look like two human beings, like the Samoan dudes and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I was there. But I would like schedule.

I would staff them, right? So, like, you know, they were always like really nice to me because they, you know, they wanted to work. And so we'd flirt a little bit. It was fun time. but they all liked you, huh? Yeah, they all like me. I was, but yeah, that was the thing is like I suddenly,

they had all these friends and they're all very like, you know, cliche, very buttoned up. This is the path in life. You know, we get the job, we get the marriage, we have the house, we buy the kids, and they're very like, I don't know, you know these kind of people. Yeah.

And I suddenly, like, my mom died and like, I'm like, fuck this. Yes, yes. They got it all set up, you know. And I suddenly. And they were my core group of friends. And that was when I started comedy and I was like, I like these freaks instead. I'm going into some crusty-ass basement with some nasty dudes.

And like I didn't know comedy before I started. I didn't grow up on comedy. I didn't. People were like, my favorite comedians Pete Holmes. And I was like, I love me. And every night I would go home and Google new people. I didn't know. I didn't watch Carlin.

I didn't watch prior. Have you since, though? Have you gone back and watch the greats? Yeah. I mean, I was obsessed with, like, Dane Cook and Azizun, sorry. That's all I knew. And Kevin Hart. Let me ask you, did your mom have a favorite comedian?

No. She was obsessed with I Love Lucy. Okay, I wanted to see, because you said she was smart and witty, and I was wondering what, like, she liked. So I love Luce, that's a fucking great one. Yeah, and she looks like her. Acted like her. Did you watch that with her ever?

Oh, okay. Those still hold up. Those still hold up. Well, then you started to, like, watch the, what do you call it the one with um they made it the the the dessies the show about if you go back and like like learn the making of yeah i never watched anything beyond that she's just she was a powerhouse through and through it's yeah i uh i want to get tattoo over on my leg by the brush yeah the round brush yeah fuck yeah um okay so we're going through all this in our 20s

when do you start to feel better? Like, when do you start to come out of it? Is comedy something that actually ends up helping you? Yeah. So I kind of, at some point, I just, like, I abandoned, like, all my, all my friends, everybody had ever grown up with. Like, move into an apartment by myself. And, like, I stopped talking to everybody. I mean, I was probably in, I was a bridesmaid 14 times.

What? And I bet you 12. of those girls I haven't talked to in five years, six years. It was like, it truly was like, I was like, I'm done with that life. And I just like switched over into this freak life where I like, you know, kind of had a job that everybody else had when they were 12 as a babysitter and was going into gross basements and making no money and doing this thing. And everyone's like, okay, she's weird.

We got to go. I dated this gross comic who, you know, he took my car to work every day and I took a bike and I was paying rent. What? You took a bike? I took a bike. Dude, he would do stuff like this. Oh my God.

He'd be like, um... Do I know him? No. Tell me later. I will. I will. I was so dumb. I was broken.

Broken. Brooken. He would come on wouldn't pay rent. And I'd be like, do you think you could help out with utilities? And he's like, man, you wanted me here. I could say it. mom's house. But you wanted me here. So like, I don't think that's fair for me to pay utilities. Because, like, you know, I'm just here because you want me here. And I'm like, yeah, no, you're,

yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. He'd come home with like a new pair of pants or Nike's. And he's like, we try these on. And I'm like, yeah, he's like, I'm going to give him to Rachel for her birthday. I just want to see if they'll fit her. And I'm like, oh, that's his friend. That's his friend that he goes on dates with. And I go, that's kind of weird because we're We're dating. And he's like, he's like, just friend date, Catherine. You come from a different world. You don't understand it.

You wouldn't appreciate it. So he cheated on me. In your car? I'm sorry. Yeah, well, I found her underwear in my car. Well, they were on a friend date. Oh, okay. Just friendly underwear.

Yeah, well, they were having friend sex. I'm sure. Yeah, that's, yeah. You know, yeah. What friends do? Sure. I remember. So I was.

just broken dating all these guys and then that finally found this dude who uh had some utility money at least he he had yeah he had a home okay and he sheltered me for a while all right and then this is one of the nice guys at least coming to up he was good he was nice now he wasn't in comedy he didn't really understand my comedy but he he provided shelter and um like a stable life for a while so we're fast morning this is after pandemic now and And I was still in Danning for a while. And then, like, things kind of took off, blew up. And so I was like, I'm going to go to L.A. half the time.

I'll come back to Atlanta and live with you half the time. And then I was just kind of like, I get it. I felt bad because I wanted to move on. But I didn't know how. I was so scared. So I didn't cheat on him, but I certainly was. sending flirty text messages to somebody else. This is a few years ago.

I can't do it anymore, Rita. I can't do it anymore. So you were sexting somebody? Yeah, just in a few, yeah, just a few flirty text messages. Now, are we doing that just for more attention, or is this, are we planning on seeing this person after? I think I didn't like this guy anymore. I just didn't know how to break up with him. Ending shit is hard for somebody after you lose somebody.

You know, it fucks you up. And I didn't really, like I didn't, I have a brother I talk to. I don't talk to my dad anymore. You don't? He's just kind of a shitty guy. So it's kind of hard because you're like, I don't have family, you know? So it's like, well, if, you know, if you live with somebody and you date them and you don't have a close family, it's like, that's my family. That's it, yeah.

Yeah. And then when you break up, it's all the feelings of mom dying and loss and pain and suffering. Yeah. Yeah. So I was probably like trying to get caught, you know, or just doing so many things at some point that it's, I'm creating a point of no return without just being a brave person and ending it. So I was at Moon Tower and I had come home a day later than I should have to Atlanta. And I was pitching a TV show at the time. So we had a Zoom meeting to pitch this to NBC execs. I'm still hungover slash drunk from Moon Tower. It's a party, right?

In Austin. I come home and I put him in makeup on to get ready for the, pitch meeting and I'm looking I'm going to find my phone for the script our pitch script right I can't find it and I go into his office he has the door locked so I go around to the other side there's another way to get in to the guest bathroom door go in there and he's going through my phone and I'm like oh shit he uh he's like is he locked in there oh he knows a password he's in there no I mean is he locked himself in there oh so you see him yeah yeah yeah so I see it get in there I well I I see it I snuck it and I snuck it. I can get into the other way. And he's like, who is this?

And I'm like, I got a meeting. I was like, I promise I will, I will let you look at my phone after the meeting. I'm on the Zoom, right? And I can see, and I have my heart's like, do, do, do, do, shit. And I remember, like, I'm in the meeting. He's standing over me while I'm in the meeting. Making sure you're not deleting shit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Dude, oh my God, at one point, I remember, like, they're asking me a question and I go to grab my phone. and he puts his hand on my hand. He's like, you're not touching your phone. And they're like asking, you know, I've got to be present in this meeting.

So I'm, like, talking to him while out of screen. We're, like, physically fighting for the phone. And I'm like, yeah. So it's just essentially, it's a game show between two Bachelorette groups, you know, but it's more about the bridesmaids instead of the bride. And we're, like, fighting over here off screen. And then eventually the meeting is over. NBC didn't pick it up.

You know, they didn't pick that up like your fucking man, picked your phone up. At the end of being, I should be like, actually, I got another pitch for you. Did you let him go through it? It's called, what is cheating? Where you say, I'm not letting you go through it, but here's what's up? Well, here's how it went. He was like, give me your phone.

And I was like, dude, you just like royally fucked with me in my job. You can't do that. And he was like, give me your phone. and I, you know, I was like, fuck you, no. He grabbed my phone. He, I chased after him. He goes to his car, locks the door. And I'm, like, screaming.

You know, I'm like, giving my phone back. I'm a redneck at the end of the day, you know. And if you flip the switch, the switch is flipped. All right. And we're going for it. Okay. We were the kids, like, both of my parents worked, but, you know, you had siblings. So no one was home.

So there was no talking. it out when there was a feud. It was fights. Like, my brothers and I were fist fighting on the lawn in our 20s. 20s. Yeah, like, we didn't have parents to teach. When we fought, if there was a problem, we're fighting about it. You know what I mean? This is just still in my bones. So he's in the car. He's the door locked. I'm screaming, giving my phone back. So he starts driving down the street.

So I. So where are we jumping? A hood or a roof? What do we get? What was the Tahoe? So it has the little bracket. You got the luggage racks? Yeah, and the foot. You got the foot. So it's actually built for it. You mean just to stand and hold on nicely? Okay.

So one hand on the thing. And by the way, Zoom. I'm Zoom ready from here up. Makeup, zoom top, sweatpants, house slippers. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Fucking side of the top. At least what he sees is looks great.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Ready action. Yeah. driving down his residence. How fast is he fucking going?

30s. That's fucking fast. He is like, and he's, if you fall off, you can definitely die. He's, he's like trying to throw you too.

He's trying to throw me off. I'm like, I'm like crack. I, but I have a, I have something in me. What do I say? I'm like,

you, have you ever been at a point in your life when you're like, I can't feel real joy without it coming from anger first. You know what I'm saying? It's like, a like okay you know when you're like if I'm in traffic and somebody cuts me off and then I retaliate and I go and I cut them off and now and suddenly they're pissed off and I you're like do you know what that is? That's like a hug for you yeah and you're and it doesn't matter how

much they flick you off and then they try and cut you off again the feeling of angering somebody that has wronged you is a it's a euphoria you can't recreate no And I felt like this again. Like he'd taken my phone, he was pissed off. And I was like, but now I get to hang on to a side of a car and really go crazy. And really like punching his window? Like, what are you doing? I have a picture of the bruise on the side of my hand.

Are there like the neighborhood seeing this? So we get pulled over by the cops. How long are you driving before the beach? Well. How far? Well, a couple miles? Yeah. That's far.

Yeah, it was about two miles. and are you only getting pulled over because you're on the fucking side of the car? Or has someone been like, hey. Yeah, someone, a neighbor. A neighborhood. Well, okay, so two miles in, he finally pulls over and he's rolling down his window and he's like,

what are all that he sees the number of deleted text messages I have? And he's like, what are these? You know? And, oh, this is the most embarrassing thing. It was the text message he saw was so bad. I'm not like, I'm not a good, I don't have a, like, dirty, So I had said like, I wish I could have laid one on you.

Like, am I in 1920s news? Layed one on you. I wish I would have laid one on you, you see? Extra, extra, extra. Read out and out of it. That's really sad. That's really embarrassing. That's the worst part.

I mean, it is pretty bad to lose everything for a fucking night. I just wish I could have laid one on you. Like, if I could caught somebody cheating and read, man, babe, I wish I could have laid one on. I've been like, I'm glad you're gone. I'm like, you know what, here, get the fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Are you texting an 82 year old man?

You're his problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, do you know the crazy thing is? We got, so. You get pulled over. Yeah. And I just remember the cop. They were like, you could tell in the beginning.

When we got pulled over, I was kind of looking at my ex like, okay, we're, we need to partner up. Right now. Yeah, let's not. We'll get to this bullshit later. not like go to jail because of this. So I'm like kind of give him the look like, right? Like, let's partner up. And as soon as the cop starts questioning us, he goes like, well, she's trying to beat in my window. And I'm like, okay. Is this how it's going to go? Game on.

Motherfucker. And he thinks he's winning, right? And then you see as they're questioning us, they're like asking him like, well, you know, did, you know, he's realizing it's a, it's a DV situation. Well, no doubt. He stole property and then drove with you on his vehicle willingly. So I don't know. What is that charge? Is that an attempted man's?

Like, what is that? I don't know because I, you know. No doubt about it. It's domestic violence. It's man-woman, period. Yes. Period. It doesn't even matter if you fucking are in the house or live together or not.

It doesn't matter. I think so. So now he sees he's losing. I'm shocked. I'm like, I can't believe I'm winning. And I remember him like being like he was like he was trying to throw me under the bus from the get-go. So then the cops take me to my side, right? Oh, I remember too.

Before they took me to my side, there's three SUVs too, Smyrna Police Force, Cobb County right outside Atlanta, Georgia. And do this one fucking guy, this one guy as he's telling him that he's going through my phone, this guy starts going like, hey man if she's stepping out on you you throw all of her shit on the curb and get rid of her yeah his wife did him dirty i'm like what do you judge judy this isn't your part of your job mofo you know i know for sure he did and i think i tripped back for a second and he was like bell shut i was like dude it was so infuriating but i remember they took me on the side and He was just like, you know, did he put his hands on you, everything? And for a brief minute, I was just-

Were you like, I couldn't get through the window? You're ratting on yourself. I wanted to. Look at my neck. I was like, look at my hand. Yeah, look. He took my hand and beat it on the window. He held my arm.

Yeah, I could. It was just a very human moment in my brain. And I was like, I could. take this motherfucker down, right? But I didn't. And I was like, no, there's nothing. We just, he took my phone. I got mad.

I hopped on the car. The cop was like, don't do that. And I was like, I didn't know. And it wasn't in the driver's test. Yeah, there's no question. Not one. Yeah. So then they...

Not one question about what do you do if there's a human on your feet? Why is there a handle at the top and why is there a footrest? Not one. You're right. You know? It looks like it's made for it. Mm-hmm. It's a Tahoe.

You know, it's made for carrying big loads. So he eventually, they sent me back with my phone and my slippers and I had to walk home. How far is that? Two miles. Two miles. That was the, that was. Yeah. Yeah.

Big old bruise of my hand. So that's kind of when we amicably decided to break up. Yeah. That's a good time to call it. Yeah. The crazy thing is, is. You said amicably. it wasn't going to

fucking happen anyway. There wasn't not an amicable leading up to that. You're fucking hanging on a moving vehicle. It is... So then we just decided

you know, hey, it's my best. I think that this is... I think we're growing into two different people. The crazy thing is how, when I knew it too, when he started taking off and I knew, I was like, I'm going to jump on that.

There was like a spark of joy. Like, I was so excited to have an excuse to do that. Like, give me an excuse to go. When a cop showed up, did you get nervous or are you like, oh, this could go, this could go bad? And you're lucky, too, you know that, because out here in Santa Monica, at least, I don't know about all of Los Angeles. It may be a lot more places these days. A lot of times, the lady is scared, so they won't press charges.

So now the city will do it automatically. So you're fucked. So if a lady's like, no, no, no, no, it's okay. it's okay she could just be saying that because she knows that this guy could fucking kill her when she gets home or whatever so they'll lie and say things are fine when they're not so these days the city will say okay well if you don't want to press charges then we'll we'll do that yeah yeah so you're kind of fucked either way and usually one person has to go so you guys are lucky i mean yeah thank god i think i had a friend of mine in a situation where he and his daughter's mom they had two kids They started fighting. She's cussing at him. She's punching him, beating him up, and he's just taking it.

He's taking it. So she calls 911. Cops show up. Same thing. They put him in one room, her and another. They're talking, and they ask him, did you touch her? He's like, I didn't lay one hand on her. Did you cuss at her?

I didn't yell. I didn't do anything because I didn't want you guys to show up. They asked her, did you cuss at him? Yeah. Did you hit him? She's like, yep, I hit him up. And they go, okay. And they arrested her.

They arrested her because she put hands on him. And they're like, one of you was leaving here tonight. He said he didn't hit you. You said he didn't hit you. And you said you put hands on him. Right. Boom. And then it was hell because it was all this court shit.

Money, money, money is the real thing, you know. All because she called and said, yeah, no, no, I pushed him. I hit him, yeah. Why did she call? Because she's a hot head. that's why she's a fucking hot head yeah well also why'd you put hands on somebody why would you put hands on somebody and then call and then call that thing yeah i i i think ours was you know it was small town stuff too and it was yeah it was smyrna it wasn't it wasn't fulton county

could you imagine it was the same cop that it pulled you over when you had the fucking fire going on I'm like, it's not this chick again. I think honestly the man can tell. Is it a pussy burden? You better fucking let her go. He goes, this man is hurting a neck in his dickhole. Calvin Blamper, thank you so much for coming on and doing this fucking episode. You have been a treat to talk to, damn it.

You really have. I thank you so much. Before I let you promote everything again, one more time. what about advice you'd give to 16-year-old Catherine Blanford? Bad advice? Any advice. Oh, any advice? No one's ever given bad advice.

You want to intentionally give some bad advice? Yeah. What would that be? Well, I just, fuck it all up. Fuck it all up as early as you possibly can. Fuck it all up. Do not go the straight and narrow path. Because you have the rest of your life to figure it out.

do the dumb, ugly shit early as early as you possibly can so it's out of your system. I don't know if that's bad advice. I guess you're right. It worked for you. Working.

I was black, I was so drunk. Dicted to Adderall, all of my teens and college years. Quit my job, blew up my life. Here you are. And now look at me, I can afford extensions, hair extensions. I have hair extension money now.

it all up plug everything one more time please uh socials it's calvin blanford catherine catherine blanblayford com for tour dates new podcast coastal idiots great thank you so much thank you as always ryan sickler on all your social media we'll talk to y'all next week