The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Kurt Braunohler - HoneyKurt

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Kurt Braunohler! (Perfectly Stupid, Bananas) Kurt Highlights the Lowlights of losing his mother to a rare cancer, finding out she had a child at 16 that was taken by the catholic church, who he tracked down. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler   SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: How To Buy A Home -Visit https://www.HowToBuyAHome.com and make this the last year you rent! Wildgrain -Get $30 off your first box PLUS free croissants at https://www.Wildgrain.com/HONEYDEW  Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order

LA, huge announcement. I am shooting my special Wednesday, December 14th here in Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater. Go to ryansickler.com for tickets. Use code SICKLER. You're going to get half off tickets, all right? Please come out. I want the place packed.

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12th Grand Rapids Michigan December 9th and 10th get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at RyanSickler.com The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler and all shows on my website at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all.

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okay it is a free way to help the show and um it's simple to show your support that way all right and if you gotta have more then you gotta check out the patreon it's called the honeydew with y'all and i highlight the lowlights with y'all and i know i say this shit every week, but I can't emphasize how fucking wild. We just talked to a guy the other day that was dead for three and a half minutes. Three and a half minutes because a truck crushed him and pushed him into some water. And his official cause of death was drowning. Okay, that's the kind of shit you're getting. It's $5 a month.

There's no other tiers. It's $5 a month. And if you sign up for a year, you get over a month free. All right. You're also getting this very honeydew a day early. You're getting it ad free and you're getting it at no additional cost. All right. Sign up today. If you're on or excuse me, if you're home when I'm on tour, a couple more dates coming up. We got Chicago and Grand Rapids. And also I will be shooting my special here in Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater, Wednesday, December 14th. Go get your tickets on my website.

And if you use code Sickler, you will get half off your tickets. All right? Let's pack that shit out and have some fun. All right. That's the biz, y'all. You know what we're doing over here highlighting those low lights these are the stories behind these storytellers and i am very excited to have this guest here first time ladies and gentlemen on the do please welcome kurt brown oler welcome to the honeydew kurt god it's a good intro it's a good intro

congrats on the special i didn't know you were recording one. That's awesome. I'm recording one finally. Thank you very much. Nice. I love Dynasty Typewriter. It's awesome. Yeah. I love that too. It's good for Jamie and everybody, the community they made there, and Sandler comes through. It's a fantastic place.

No, it's really great. Speaking of specials, let's go, bro. Oh, yeah, baby. Plug and promote everything you got up top. Tell them about it. I got a new special called Perfectly Stupid out october 27th on moment so moments like this you know kind of new way to watch a special you know that lives there for two weeks and you can watch it there for two weeks after that it comes off there you can't see it there anymore and it'll go to like vod and stuff like

that so you'll be able to see it like you know but it'll be more expensive when it goes to vod so watch it now october 27th on moment uh you can just google kurt comedy i'll be there uh and uh yeah and then you know my podcast bananas you can always listen to that strange news and personal stories it's fun i love it yeah um well i said to you outside that you know we ask all our guests to just throw some log lines of what they think they might talk about. And then we get to whatever we get to. It's just a thing to have in case we need to come back. But you just have one simple fucking thing on there. And it's an unfortunate thing that made me laugh out loud.

But you wrote, we're gone with dead mom for this one, baby, with some exclamation marks. So I laughed out loud at the email. I told some friends about it, too. I was like, listen to how he responded. I read it. It's going to be interesting. So tell me, before we get into that, where are you from originally?

Let's get a little background on your family and mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm from New Jersey. I was born in Michigan, actually. But my parents got divorced when I was two. So moved to Asbury Park, New Jersey. And then grew up next door in Neptune for my whole life. Neptune, New Jersey.

Neptune, New Jersey. I've never heard of that. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's like, you know, 10 minutes from the beach in central Jersey. I've never heard of that. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's like, you know, 10 minutes from the beach in central Jersey. And yeah, single mom raised me. And it was kind of a weird life because it was, you know, my dad is a surgeon. So he had this other family. He's a, he's a hands, he's like a bone surgeon. So he does hands and hips and knees, but mostly hands. And now he's retired. But so he was, you know, he is a wealthy man. And he had another family.

I also have like eight brothers. I have seven brothers. I have seven siblings. Holy shit, really? From four different wives on my dad's side. So it's all dad. Yeah, it's all dad. Mom is just you and mom.

Well, we'll get to that. That's actually. Fair enough, fair enough. But starting off. Yeah, starting off what dad. Mom is just you and mom. Well, we'll get to that. That's actually. Fair enough, fair enough. But starting off. Yeah, starting off what I was aware of. Was your mom an affair? No, no, they were married. So he's been married to all four of them.

I see. He's on his fourth wife now. But my like eldest sister is 60 and my youngest. He's constantly doing surgery. While he repaired one of these broken relationships god damn why did you learn to fix that dad fuck those hands have my heart stat can you sew up a hug for christ oh man no instead he's just doing surgery looking over at the next nurse that's gonna be the next one

you have to hurt tracy that is such an insane way to live your life so uh so yeah so then i would you know my mom was a pediatric nurse um so we didn't have a lot of money um my dad had a lot of money so then i would go visit him and i would live this insane life where we would like travel and do things together the man yes forget man the doctor who repairs hands yeah makes way more money than the nurses who take care of babies yeah and who are there all the time screaming he literally walks in yeah he walks in does a 10 minute interview and then walks out and goes to lunch and they are there. And now it's 12-hour. You know, nurses work 12-hour shifts. But back then it was eight hours or you'd have to work overnight and stuff.

And so a lot of times my mom didn't have, like, a babysitter or anything, so I would just go to work with her because it was the pediatric floor. And that was crazy. I would just, like, be on the pediatric floor all the time. Like, the play lady taught me how to play gin rummy, you know. They would give me, I remember they would give me this job all the time. How old are you? Like six years old. Okay, but how old are you when your parents split?

Two. Two, okay. All right, so now you're six and you're going to work with mom. Yeah, I'm going to work with mom. They would give me a job to deliver blood to the lab. No. Yes, I'm not kidding you. Like a push cart or something? No, like a fucking to deliver blood to the lab no yes i'm not kidding like a push cart or something no like a fucking bag of blood they would yes yes i'm not kidding as to a six-year-old

because this is pre this is before aids you know so like nobody anybody can tell it's before aids so like literally and you could smoke in the hospital still could you I don't remember that yes they didn't make it illegal in Jersey they didn't make it

illegal in Jersey until like the 1990 but at at the place where Shemameth Medical I think it was 83 that they made it

so literally a nurse who was smoking a cigarette would hand me just a hot bag of blood samples oh god for me that's gonna make me sick and then i was like i was expecting cold for sure it's fresh out of somebody in that it's

behind the curtain right here oh man and you would take it where i would get well i got to take the elevator which was very exciting do you know like that's what that's how old i was taking the elevator was fucking pushing buttons cool yeah pushing buttons and the lab was in the basement and i remember i'd come out of the elevator and to go right would go to the lab and to go to left would go to the morgue no yes swear to god and i would get confused i was six years old so i had been inside the morgue like multiple times before i was like seven years old hold on what do you remember seeing? It's just a bunch of doors on the wall. You know what I mean?

Like I wasn't seeing like bodies or anything like that. No, no, no. I just like, you just like walk in. You're like, that's not the lab. Cause the lab you're not allowed in. There's like a half door. Was it dark? What was it?

What did it look like? Bright. Bright. You know, and just, you know, doors, sliding doors. File cabinets. Yeah. File cabinets in the wall. So, yeah. So then I would like, you know, just hand the doors. File cabinets. Yeah, file cabinets in the wall. So, yeah.

So, then I would, like, you know, just hand the blood to someone at the lab and then just, like, walk away. You know, it's just crazy that that had. Anyway. So, yeah. I kind of grew up on the pediatric floor. And my mom and I were just, like, super close, obviously. You know, only child, as I thought. And then, you know, I went to school in Baltimore.

Yeah. I wore this for you today, by the way. Oh, nice. A little Baltimore nod to your Hopkins. Yeah, I'm going to try it. We're going to try and get back there and do a – we're trying to get – do you remember – this is something we've been talking about on our podcast.

Do you remember this IMAX movie, the Beavers IMAX movie that used to be at the Baltimoretimore science center yeah oh yeah yeah at the science center yeah yeah that imax and it was like beavers like eight feet tall and i remember seeing it when i was like 19 or something and there's a scene where like the beavers fuck and it's like they're it's like four story tall beavers fucking each other and it's like all these children and it's like what this is crazy so that's what we're doing on my podcast we're gonna try and get them to bring the beavers back to that i'm and maryland science center is like totally down they're like we'll do it that's great so yeah grew up with my mom and probably around, I don't know, it was like October,

October 2015, I was like driving. I was on my way to, I was doing like a, somebody wrote a pilot and who I didn't know, but they asked me if I wanted to be in this pilot, you know, it's free work, you know, you're just hoping that maybe it gets picked up. But it's, you know, two, you know, 12 or 16 hour work you know you're just hoping that maybe it gets picked up but it's you know two you know 12 or 16 hour days that you're doing for free and i was driving towards there my mom calls me and she tells me that she has like uh of liver cancer that she just just found out and she had no idea she just like gets her liver tested because she takes like some medicines that like affect the liver and um and it's this crazy specific i guess all cancers are specific

but this is like hey just got that general cancer yeah yeah out of my body gc oh he's you're going down here for the general cancers but it's called bile duct liver cancer and it's very rare and uh and at the time what i didn't realize about like the cancer world is now they like they i don't know at least this is the doctor that she had wouldn't like give her you know like you have three months left to live he wouldn't give her a date because they found i think from studies that if you give a person a time limit they're most more likely to just die within that time limit because it's like they give up. They have convinced themselves. It's the opposite of not going out buckwild and be like, wait, what?

I'm $80,000 in debt. You know what I'm saying? I just went out and went crazy for three months. That's exactly what I would do. I'd be like, well, I'm getting into heroin first and foremost. I'm going to start smoking again. Yep. I'll take the

fentanyl on my ride out that's gonna be the last thing i'm gonna see what the buzz is all about so she told me and uh so she's just finding this out and she just found out it was like a routine test she had just been a little tired is this genetics i yeah i guess so i mean i have no idea it's like how old is she when she finds this out? She finds out when she's 71 or 72. Okay. So it's a rare bile cancer? It's a rare liver cancer. Liver, okay.

And also she never drank. My whole childhood she never drank at all. Like there was never liquor or alcohol in the house. I think there was sherry. Like when I started like trying to find liquor to bring out in high the house i think there was sherry like when i started like trying to find you know liquor to bring out in high school i had to bring sherry i was just like disgusting like fuck you're we're not drinking this shit you get is sherry again so yeah so it's this uh you know just rare cancer and um and i'm like okay well like do you want me

to come out and uh she's still in jersey and then and then of course like i find out and then i have to go work this job for two straight days what's your role i'm like playing like a like a like kind of a uh autistic guy who's interested in video games. Like that's what I'm playing. But it's a comedy, but it's, you know, it's, I have no idea whatever happened with it. Literally did it. And then it just disappeared into the ether. You know, I was like, oh, that was a job that I had to work when I just found out my, and I didn't tell anybody when, because I didn't know anybody on set or anything like that. And so about like two weeks later, my mom calls me, and she's just like, I want you to come here.

Good. And I was like, okay, good. I'm coming. And how did she sound? She just sounded tired. Tired. You know? And this was, you know, because the thing is like she was a nurse, you know?

And I think it's worse in some way to have all that extra information. It's a great point. You know, like, she totally understood exactly what was in store for her because she'd seen it so many times before. Oof. And she knew exactly what her chances were. Like, it was stage four. She had hindsight. Yeah.

It was stage four when she found it. Jeez. You know? her chances were like it was stage four hindsight yeah it was stage four when she found it geez you know um but up until then even at stage four it's not affecting her fit or did she go back and realize oh so just tired tired i remember she came out and visited she came out and visited us in uh the september before one month before she had visited la and she would get tired you know like we went to the beach we took like a a three-hour ride up to pismo beach and the car ride kind of tuckered her out and then we like went to the beach for like an hour and she like actually fell asleep on the sand i was like oh she's just getting old you know it didn't feel exceptionally weird or anything

like that but then um but it was like, boom, stage four. And so she started on chemo and I moved out essentially moving in with them. I got a place in New York because I was also doing this TV show that happened to shoot in New York. So it was like very, like, it was a blessing to be able to have money coming in so that I could support myself. And I would just go up and shoot like a day or two a week and then come back to Jersey. And so I'm living in this house. So my mom got married again late in life to a high school sweetheart. That's nice. Yeah.

So she got married when she was like 64, 65. And also like just fucking heartbreaking for them. We're like, they they were gonna have the rest of their life together my mom hadn't even retired my mom was still a nurse you know she's still working at 72 and i think that year she was planning on retiring she was like down to part time she worked at a for like a doctor's office she was off the floor um and she you know she had like she was all ready to like retire and then travel and do shit and, you know, all that stuff. And so I move back, I'm essentially living in this house with her husband and her. She's in bed mostly, she's asleep mostly because it's like the cancer, I mean, the chemo just kicks your ass, especially when you're that age. chemo just kicks your ass especially when you're that age and so i'm just like what do i do you know like i'm just trying to be uh i'm trying not to get in his way he's grieving he's going

through his process you know like i'm so i might ask you maybe an uncomfortable question sure is he pulling that stepdad bullshit on you he's a very particular guy he's a very particular guy. He's a very particular guy. He just said that, bro. He's like, call me dad. Call me dad. And I'm like, all right, dad. Not right now, dad. Not right now. It's like, you want to go fishing?

I don't want to go fishing. It's an interesting thing because he's not your father, and you don't really know this guy, and now you're in his space, which is also your mom's space, so it's your space, and you're trying to put your shit together and your thoughts and grieve what you're thinking is going on. He's doing the same, and you're there. He probably doesn't feel comfortable being as open and everything with you

and vice versa. Of course, and he's a man of that generation. I was just about to say, and those guys don't cry. They don't have feelings they just walk it off they just walk it off that's 100 there is no talking about any feelings whatsoever instead it's let it build up for 20 years and then fucking explode and go crazy yeah you know yeah but just drive my car off a cliff one day you could have just talked to somebody yeah and then i remember and so i was just like i was

trying to imagine what could i do to be helpful and so i was always you know taking my mom to chemo uh and then just being there i was trying to cook dinners you know because she would always cook it was still again that that type of relationship 70 year old people in a relationship where the even though the woman works still she still cooks all the meals that sort of thing it was like just that 50s mentality so i tried to like cook the meals i wasn't cooking things people liked i wasn't cooking things he liked you know what i mean and then i was like trying to do the grocery store shopping means well but his mashed potatoes are shit and i'm not like a bad cook i i feel like i'm a good cook but i'm not just i'm not cooking the

things he's used to you know what i mean yes of course like i'm not making meatballs or whatever you know or like meatloaf yeah uh and so and then i'm going shopping and i'm like buying stuff and then at a certain point i remember he yelled he just like we're never gonna be able to eat all this food in the fridge because i just kept buying food you know i was like didn't know what to do and i was like there's such a funny thing to be mad about that we have too much of the food you know what i mean of things that we all need to survive over there but i was like i get it that's him that's him being like there's a there's another man in my space that i don't really know very well and it was it was just this weird thing of like two because she would be up in a

room sick and just be these two men who don't know each other kind of like gingerly operating around each other like one of them fully aware of what's going on it would be happy to say look man i know but this dude doesn't even know how to begin that conversation yeah which is like no i'm just gonna bark at you a couple times let you know i my space too that's 100 it is it's just like okay now we're like two dogs now because we're not going to use words no we're going to be like dogs just sniffing around each other and barking at each other and then yeah and he would have this very specific routine he had a you know i think he was in the military at some point so i had a specific routine like he would watch tv for 31 minutes or something at 7 p.m and then he would move over to the to the living room

and he would read for an hour and a half or something and then he would go up to his room and continue reading but it is a specific routine so i kind of felt like okay at least i know what's what happens at night after he leaves the tv i can go watch tv because he's not coming back he doesn't come he doesn't come back he stays so room to room so it's like navigating that sort of thing and then my mom i think also was just depressed you know and i don't think people talk about that with when a parent has cancer uh that at least it happened for her and And she was always in a great mood. She was always a very funny lady,

high energy, always helping people. And then she just got like just sad. And then also once you have the chemo and you have all those pain medications as well, they just change. And that is the saddest part that it feels like you lose the person a little bit before you lose the person. Man, that's well said.

You know? And that was the toughest thing I was dealing with. So then, you know, my mom would be asleep and out at like 7 p.m. So oftentimes I would just leave and go out too. I had a friend who lived in Asbury. times i would just leave and go out to i had some i had a friend who lived in asbury and so i would you know take a car to asbury and just get fucking wasted you know on the boardwalk and uh i remember once it was like right around thanksgiving and there's this band um uh what was the name of that the band um i can't remember but they would always play the day after thanksgiving and everyone would come and like because everyone's home for thanksgiving

and then the day after it's like all these and it was like a band that was like younger than me but i kept going they play stone pony on the friday after thanksgiving it was always awesome and uh river city extension that's the name of the band. I'm happy I remembered. They're local. I don't think they exist anymore. And it was always like a big party and everyone loved this band.

And people just go ape shit, like local hometown heroes. Everybody's back from college or whatever. So there's a younger crowd that was there. I was the old guy and just got hammereded and then my mom called me and was like we're going to the hospital and this is like I I got there in like early November this is you know this is Thanksgiving right so a couple weeks and she's like come home and I was like uh she's like actually meet us at the hospital I was like like, okay. So then just fucking wasted,

like had to get in a car and go to the emergency room because she had a fever. And if you get a fever on this specific chemo, like you can die like immediately. Is that right? Yeah. And so, and you know, her husband didn't want to bring her. So she was like, I'm going, I'm driving myself.

Why didn't he want to bring her? He just thought like, we don't need to go. I'm watching my show, 729. I got two more minutes. Jesus Christ. It was more like, I think he just didn't think want to bring her? He just thought like, we don't need to go. I'm watching my show. It's 7.29. I got two more minutes. Jesus Christ. It was more like, I think he just didn't think that it was necessary, but she knew the medical stuff. She's like, no, it's 102.

Yeah. It's this chemo. You got to go. She's a nurse, yeah. And so then I'm just like in the ER with them, just trying to be fucking normal. And I'm just so drunk. And it was just like, this this is crazy and then we were there for eight hours so then i start going like getting less drunk less drunk then getting hung over and

then you're in the hospital and your mom's like and it's just like oh i've made everything so much worse i've made everything so much worse by trying to like just have relief for like a couple hours who the fuck would think that i'm gonna be spending the next few hours recovering in the by trying to like just have relief for like a couple hours i put myself in your defense who the fuck would think that i'm gonna be spending the next few hours recovering in the hospital yeah exactly um so it turns out it was it was okay they made sure she was all right they got her fever down she went home the next day so she was right to go though yeah she was right to go they were like it's good but you're all right um and then during this time i um my buddies uh emily and kumail kumail nanjiani and emily gordon uh had had written this you know this movie the big sick and

then they were they they there was a part for me and and i had read for it but i didn't think i was gonna get it uh and then during this time i also find find out, oh, you're in, you got it, and it'll be shooting in New York. And I was like, oh, this is amazing, but I'll be in New York at the same time so I can still be with my mom. And that was much later. That was like in May. So I had like jobs in New York, which was great. But it's still, again, I never talked to anybody on either of these shoots. I was like going to work so i would leave new jersey take the train in go to work tell no shoot i'll tell no one wow and then come back yeah no i it just didn't occur to me that like so who were you talking to about this who was your outlet my wife okay my wife

lauren and she was being supportive she's back here the whole so she's back in LA, but then no, around right before, right before Thanksgiving, she, she, she wanted to come out, but we have a dog. It was like a, you know, 40, 50 pound mutt. And, and so she was going to drive out with the dog and our car. So then we would have a car there and the dog would be there and then she could stay with me uh which is just so huge i mean man yeah what a partner yeah for real like i always like i was like oh she's the one you know like when she was able to do that i mean we were already married but now now i was like now we're gonna stay married You're the one. It's not the first one. The one. And I remember, I love her.

She made this, so her mom, and her mom's wonderful as well, and has been, she lives out here near us now, too. But she flew out so that she and Lauren could drive the drive together cross-country with the dog. That's so fun. But it was, you know, November or whatever, and they decided to drive the drive together cross-country with the dog but it was you know november or whatever and they decided to drive the most northern route and i was like why are we why are we going north most northern route in november so it was like they got like stuck there was snow it's just like yeah 80 was just closed you know and then they had like white knuckle it through like this insane drive that they had all the while like trying to get there to like to my dying mom. And then during that, her grandmother becomes incredibly sick.

And then I believe her grandmother died during that time. And so she had to let it literally stop and go to Chicago and then be in Chicago with her grandmother. Oh, man. I mean, it was insane. All this was happening at the same time. So then she gets out and then we're all together, which is great. But it is, you know, it's just that chemo thing, especially with an advanced liver disease, it's just a losing game, you know.

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She like started to come back to herself and everything. And then you just start dreading the next doctor's visit. And then we go and then she has to be put on something new. And so then they're gonna try that to see, cause it started growing again. Can I ask, when you say something new, is it new for her or is she trying any experimental medications or drugs or anything like that? No, it's just a new chem just a new chemo yeah it's like okay so we did this this one

stopped working now we go on to this next one and if this one and then the understanding is as if this next one stops working then there's not really an option after this you know that's like kind of the understanding of it uh so then you're like you know you're kind of in the home stretch unless some miracle happens but at stage four it's like the miracles you're just holding it at bay and um and then so then so so let's jump back like i don't know eight years prior to this or seven years prior to this i my brother has he's about to have his first kid okay so my half brother and uh he asked my dad because i was born at home were you really yeah i was born at home during an ice storm because my dad was a surgeon weren't like an underwater birth at home or anything

like that this was like because you couldn't get to the hospital. No, I think my mom wanted to do it at home. She was weirdly. She was a nurse. Yeah, she was a nurse. And I think just really got into like the 70s idea of like all this new research was coming out in the 70s. I think about like that breastfeeding is good and like home births are good, but it was very new. Do you know what I mean? Like even now it seems a little strange. But yeah, born at home my dad helped but it was during a nice storm and so my brother asked my dad he's like how was barbara able to have a kid at home i thought you could only have a kid at home when it was your second

kid um and my dad was just like having a drink drunk and and he was just like i barbara had another kid before kurt and uh and walter was like what and she's like yay in high school and then and i was like and so then then my brother was like sitting on this information for how long i don't know like maybe a month or two and then he came to visit me because he wanted to be in person and then we got drunk just a series of drunken revelations and then we got drunk and he's like so dad said a weird thing and i was like he's like dad said that your mom had a kid in high school and i was like no that's not true that's insane she would have told me uh and so then he's like yeah he's like but dad said that that's why you know your mom insane. She would have told me. And so then he's like, yeah,

he's like, but dad said that that's why, you know, your mom had it. You were able to be born at home. And I was like, oh yeah. Why,

real quick with that. Why can you not have the first kid at home? It's just because you don't know if you're going to have complications. I see. Okay. Once you've had one kid. Yeah. Once you've had one kid successfully,

the second birth is typically it's just like usually easier it can you know go south at any you know all those things are difficult but it's like it can be easier and so then i sat on it for like a couple of months and it's just that fucking catholic thing of it's like how do i bring this up this is hard to talk about i don't know how to talk about this because um but what you're bringing up is just asking your mom you still don't have any proof yet no proof yeah i just have my dad saying it and um what a moment dude right here i gotta say like you're your mom's slowly passing. You're dealing with that. And right before this happens, you just get dumped on that your mom had a kid in high school. Where is this

kid? So it was earlier. It was before she got sick, actually, that I got this information. I see. Okay. So we jumped back a little bit. But you held on to it. I held on to it for a couple months. And then had lunch at this greek restaurant in manhattan on the far west side i think called uncle george's it was just like a greek place my mom really liked greek food and we're just like eating lunch and i was like okay here's when i do it you know like so did you have a kid before me you dropped it like that yeah i mean i mean like i was just didn't know what to do

uncle george's uh who's my brother's uncle what you know the one you had in high school am i let's speak uncle george am i an uncle so you're just sitting there eating and you say yeah did you have a kid in high school yeah and my mom was just like, oh, yeah. Like it was nothing? Like it was nothing. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy?

I'm expecting a jaw drop, a holy shit moment here. Yeah. And I said, I was like, what? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? She's like, I've never told anyone. Well, obviously. Yeah, my dad, just because of the the birth stuff but so then so

where's this kid so this is a long story this is so i all i know is it was like she was she's like all she's like when i was 16 i got pregnant and i was catholic so my mom sent me to live with these nuns and i had the baby there and it was given up for adoption. And then I was sent back, and everyone- This is the keepers. Yeah, and everyone pretended like it didn't happen. Everyone just pretended like it didn't happen when she came back. So she delivered a child.

And she was 16 years old, delivered a child. And then they gave the baby up for adoption. They gave the baby up for adoption. And so all I know is that she was 16. She went with nuns, and then the baby up for adoption. And so all I know is that she was 16. She went with nuns. And then the baby was gone. And she came back and no one ever talked about it. And no one's ever seen that kid?

And no one's ever seen that kid. I hope that child's alive. So then while she's sick, my feeling is like, I want bring this up um while she's sick to be like maybe because then i had asked her dude like did you ever want to get in touch um with him she's just like no i i just worry i just scared you know it was just like all that catholic stuff of just being like i don't know and like she's a child yeah i mean imagine go back to 16 we'll learn how to stop at stop signs yeah in our cars 16 i'm excited about having sex that's i'm like that and my hair is purple yeah yeah having a fucking kid yeah who gets taken from you yeah and her mom and what about her mom and dad

they were okay with that that was was like, what was gonna happen? So her dad has never been around. Okay. I think, you know, my grandmother got, my grandmother was a dancer. She was a ballroom dancer. So she taught, she performed and taught ballroom dancing. And so I think she got pregnant and I think he offered to marry her. And she's like, I'm a dancer.

Hit the road, road pops you know and so then my mom was born and she essentially gave my mom to her mom my mom's grandmother who is a wonderful woman who weirdly ran a speakeasy in fucking Pennsylvania

in the middle of the woods during prohibition that's badass yeah and I have the invitation for the day it opened during prohibition. That's bad ass. Yeah. And I have the invitation for the day it opened. It was called. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It was called the black cat. And it's like they said, the black cat, a good place to prowl. I love that. Pretty good. And it's from 1937, I think. Oh, yeah. And so that was the invitation to like come.

It was like a supper club where you go and then they give you booze. And so totally crazy. So anyway, then she buys a house in Asbury Park. My mom moves in with her. So my grandmother pretty much raises her, my great grandmother. But anyway, so I'm wondering like,

I feel like I need to bring this up to my mom. Because, like, maybe before you die, do you want to want me to try and find him? Can I ask you this, too? Is part of you torn because I feel like, do you feel betrayed that she never told you? Or after hearing what happened, do you feel sorry for your mom? And now you want to help her instead of confused and angry. Like, oh shit, you were a kid and your baby was taken from you. Yeah, no, I think at first I felt maybe betrayed.

But now I've done a lot of research into it. I've written a whole movie about it, actually. Wow, all right. Because these things were, because I started after my mom died. I was like, I'm going to find this guy guy and i had just no idea how to start you know all i knew was like nuns and like again that catholic way like very small details were given to me i knew she was 16 i knew that nuns took her and that's it so i was just like like for, you know, just loss. I called her best friend who she spent like every day with.

She had no memory of her leaving for three months. She had no memory. I called her brothers. Her brothers had no memory of her just disappearing for three months. Like when I taught, when we talk about like- Do you think they were lying to you? Do you think that they were- No, they did not know.

When I told them that she had a kid, everyone was shocked. Even her own brothers? Well, her brothers were four years younger. So they were like 12. So they're just like jerking off. They're like, I don't know what's happening. And her cousin didn't know. So I called her best friend that she had her whole, like, you know, the last half of her life didn't know so i called her best friend that she had her whole like you know the last

half of her life didn't know no one knew she never talked about it at all just this like just this complete repression complete catholic just denial that it existed i think just to like be able to function and so i started going like researching and it wasn't until i found this book called um the girls who went away uh which is an amazing book and it's all these interviews with women who were taken to maternity homes they're called maternity homes that's where i got the word maternity home okay i didn't know that that's what it was called i didn't know that i was looking for like orphanages i was looking for for convents that took in women. So what happened pre-Roe versus Wade, like if you got pregnant and you were sent away for the last two months of the pregnancy, you lived dorm style in just a bunch of beds.

The photos from these places are fucking terrifying. It's just like a bunch of- It sounds like that. What's the show on Hulu? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Handmaid's Tale. Thank you. Yeah, dude. fucking terrifying it's just like a sounds like that what's the show on hulu oh uh yeah yeah the handmaid's tale thank you yeah dude that's what i'm seeing in my mind for real this shit yeah it's just like a bunch of like 16 and 15 year old girls pregnant scared they don't know anybody there it's all these nuns they don't know they're not friends they're not from there and and and reading all these stories in this book really made me realize what was happening.

Like no one told them what would happen to their bodies. No one told them what birth was like. No one told them that they had a choice whether they could keep the baby. But they're also nuns. They probably have no idea because they've supposedly never had sex. Right, exactly.

But they've watched these girls give birth like 100 times. Of course, they've watched it, yes. And so it was just like this very alienating time. And then they essentially these girls give birth like a hundred times they've watched it yes and so it was just like this very alienating time and then they they essentially like you give birth and then your baby's taken away from you and you just never see the baby again you're sent home and you got like they're oftentimes forced to sign the baby away um and they do like it was crazy it was so insane it was crazy and it happened all across America like we think of that that it just happened

in like Ireland or whatever like no it was happening here and there was Catholic ones there was non-Catholic ones there was Jewish ones there was all like

different you know organizations I just learned about when I was in Edmonton and I don't remember but they did the same thing there with the the native people

they just buried their kids and shit and they're and they're and they're trying to speak up like hey hey hey this has this happened that was insane pennsylvania was one of the states that um i have an older cousin she's in her late 70s she was more of like an aunt growing up you know what i mean she's a she's a whatever my dad's first cousin but i've always challenged her on this shit and then when the keepers came out we're all baltimore i'm like do you remember this she's like i don't remember it i go they're showing news clips so it was on then she goes look i'm not denying it clearly it's on

a friend of mine that i went to high school with her husband um is related to the guy who they believe killed a nun well it's his uncle by marriage his aunts the guy who they believe killed a nun. It's his uncle by marriage, his aunt's the blood who divorced him. My mother knows, is best friends with the woman who knows Jane Roe. And there's a Jane Doe and a Jane Roe. And I was like, you know that lady? You're that close to that? She's like, yeah.

And she's telling me these things. A guy I went to high school, what's up, Tony Senefani? His mom sold a house to the nun who holds the story. Holy shit. And she went to school there, and she said, whatever happened to sister? And she said, I don't know what you're talking about. So there's this whole thing. And then right at, a few months later, my cousin, she sees this whole thing happening at the Catholic Church in Pennsylvania where they started to come down on it. She's like, Ryan. And she tells me about it. I go, I'm fucking telling you.

And I watched her old, I love Catholicism mind start to explode and be like, I can't deny it. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. start to explode and be like i can't deny it like what the fuck yeah no i mean like i've definitely seen uh you know family members who are in like after specifically after the keepers came out just be like i can't go to church anymore you know we're gonna like get my kids uh christian christened um and i was like i don't think i can sneeze on them yeah man i did not know this story was gonna take this kind of twist dude yeah it was insane so then i was after there's no 23 or me like he's not out

there trying to find out so i did 23 or me that was like my first go and 23 me takes a while you know it takes like a couple months for the results that person also have to enter their shit and if they don't right yeah and so once it was when i found this book that I was like, okay, so I knew it was Catholic and I knew it was a maternity home. So then in the back of the book, it has this organization, Catholic Charities, that is the one now because they were like sued at like the fucking Catholic. So the Catholic Church used to have all the records locked down. No one could access them. It was like, go fuck yourself. We're holding all our secrets.

them was like go fuck yourself we're holding all our secrets and then they were sued so many times in the 90s uh that they finally there's a law in new jersey i think it's national maybe that you have to you have to be able to put parents with children uh if you if you if if they want to so then i got in touch with catholic charities catholic charities is like give me your name you have to prove that she's dead so i'd like send her the death certificate and then they knew that i was the only living you know you know you know uh son of her and they're like then i have certain rights to be able to find a brother the only heir you can do whatever yeah yeah and so uh then you're like get in touch with trenton catholic charities and so then i'm literally, get in touch with Trenton Catholic Charities. And so then I'm literally emailing with –

Trenton makes the world takes, bro. I got some family up in Trenton, bro. It is the most terrifying thing. It's a hard city, bro. For people who don't know, Trenton just has painted on a giant bridge, Trenton makes the world takes. It's such a chip on the fucking shoulder. It's so Jersey. It is just like, well, we just keep taking it.

We just keep making it or you keep taking it. And then the best part is that the industrial economy in Trenton collapsed in the 70s and 80s. Nobody's taking anything from Trenton anymore. It was probably pretty good when people were taking from Trenton, wasn't it? Now what do you got? You got nothing. You took everything. That's because you took everything. Yeah, I know

Trenton. So I'm like literally emailing with this, I'm assuming she's a nun, you know. And she's like, your mom is in our system and i was like holy shit this has been like years okay of me trying to track this stuff down and uh and then you have to like it's like 100 bucks or whatever like send the check and then send the death certificate send all this information and then it's like it there's two weeks between every email you know because i think she's just one person in an office like answering hundreds of emails.

So it's like two weeks between. And then they're like, we found after months of interacting with this woman. She's like, we found your brother. No way. Yeah. And she's like, why don't you write a letter to him, you know, as an introduction? Then we can send him the letter and then he can decide whether or not he wants to be put in touch with you. So I don't know his name. I don't know anything about him. So I write this whole letter, you know, and like trying to explain as best I can what happened,

although I don't really know, you know, I'm just like making assumptions. And it's like three days later, I send her the letter. Three days later, she calls me on the phone and she's like, I am so sorry. The first thing we do when we search for someone is we search for an obituary. And if they don't have an obituary, the next thing we do is we search property records to make sure that the person is somewhere in the United States. somewhere in the United States. There was no obituary for your brother and he has a house in his name. And so we assumed he was alive, but we just found out that he died. Yeah. And he had died before I even found out he existed.

He died like 14 years prior. Do you know how? Did they tell you that? Like the details are a little hazy. Wouldn't that be a public record now too? A death certificate's public. Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I could get that death certificate um but there was no obituary published um i know he died

in his sleep um so i got in touch with so then i had to like rewrite my letter he's like she he has a he has a surviving widow you can send that letter to her if you want and so i like rewrote the letter and like sent it to her and we kind of had some emails back and forth and i find out i have two nieces holy shit hold on a second yeah and this is wild because this you say he died 14 years ago so this woman's been dealing with life after him for 14 years and all of a sudden his brother fucking pops up yeah the fuck that's a lot. Dude, that's intense, right?

And you find out you have two nieces. Two nieces. How old? They, I think, are like 22 and 21. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you, okay, so do you go see, what happened? Yeah, so I, you know, I exchange a couple emails with my, I guess my sister-in-law.

And then they are just like, my daughters would love to be in touch. I was like, yeah, let's get some emails going. I start emailing with them or emailing back and forth. One of them's name is Ariel. And I had been writing a script this whole time. And so I sold a show to CBS during this time. And I was writing a script. One of the characters was Ariel.

I just kept had been writing Ariel into a script to CBS during this time and I was writing a script. One of the characters was Ariel. I just kept, had been writing Ariel into a script over and over and over and over again and then all of a sudden my niece is named Ariel. It was like crazy.

That is crazy. Isn't that weird? Yeah. And so. I'm just going to start writing $50 million, $50 million a day by the end of it.

I'll do it for a year. That's all it takes year that's all it takes that's all it takes that's crazy I've been wasting all my time I know what the fuck

am I doing right in other words that is wild so they both are they say we want to come visit and I was like

okay come on out and visit so they actually have they seen your comedy or anything at this point

I guess I sent them my like my website so I guess they could see some things you know so i have no idea how much they're familiar with and they come out and they are the two coolest people they're so down to earth super chill and so kind and wonderful and i just saw it like i just saw ariel when i was in philly and i saw ariel and her mom they both came to my

show did you get emotional when you saw these girls? Oh, yeah. It was like crazy. You know, it was like. Not only that, this is your, this is from your mom. Yeah, from my mom. This is from, these are girls from your mom. Yeah, it's totally.

And it's like, it, and I'm so, like, it was so wonderful. That's trying to get me emotional. It's your mom's grandkids. It's my mom's grandkids. And you put it all together. Yeah. And it was like, that was the craziest part. But yeah, I just saw her and she's doing great i saw one of them and totally crazy but also during so then my mom so and my point is is i'm so happy that i did not bring this up to my

mom when she was sick because if we had gone through the process and found out that he was dead like i think it would have just been like the you and found out that he was dead, like I think it would have just been like the, you know, the straw that broke the camel's back. So I'm happy that it worked out the way it did. But then my mom, all she wanted was grandkids. She was a pediatric nurse. All she wanted was grandkids.

She just loved children. She loved children so much. She was so good with them. She was such a great mom to me. And so Lauren and I are there and we're like, we gotta, we, you know, we, our plan was to have kids, but it was like, well, now, now that's pushed up a little bit. Like we got to do it now. And so for the entire time, my mom was sick. We're trying to get Lauren pregnant. And, and it's just like, you know, it's like, you know, you do all the programming, you do all the timing.

I'm also hearing tons of stress and anxiety. So much stress and anxiety. Also so much drinking. Yeah. Because you're just like every night, you're just like, it's- It's hard to get pregnant when you're like that. Yeah.

It is. And then we were doing this podcast for Audible called Wedlock, where we would, it's all about marriage, right? And one of the segments we wanted to do was on these bonobo monkeys. Do you know about bonobos? So bonobos are like, they're very close to chimpanzees. So they look kind of like chimpanzees,

but while chimpanzees are always fighting, it's a patriarchy, and they're just always fighting each other at all times. Bonobos are a matriarchy, and they're just fucking all the time. So they just, they fuck like 38 times a day. Damn. And they do it for like, you know, like if the matriarch comes over, like you're eating a banana and she wants the banana. She'll come over and like take it from you. But to say, sorry,

she'll fuck you a little bit. That's nice. It's so crazy, dude. It's like, it's oral sex. It's fucking, it's like full penetration sex. And they're just constantly fucking each other and being like, sorry,

it's my turn to eat this and like eat it and fuck. What would it be like to be living in a matriarchy? I gotta wonder. you want half my sandwich so that's how everybody like stays cool by sex right it's crazy it's fascinating who's gonna be riled up and so we we're gonna go record this so the only place we could find who would let us record their bonobos boning was the Jacksonville Zoo in Florida. Jacksonville, okay, yeah.

So while my mom's sick, we fly down to Jacksonville. We get there that night, go to bed, wake up at like 5 in the morning because it's like you have to go during the feeding. First thing in the morning, their first feeding, that's when the majority of sex happens because that's when the majority of resources are there, i.e. the food, right? So it's everybody's eating and everybody's giving – diddling each other to make sure everybody feels okay about stealing food from each other. So we go and just watch bonobos fuck all morning long. And then we're like – they're like, well, the zoo hasn't opened yet. You want to walk around? We're like, yeah, we'll walk around.

And then I remember my wife is like trying to take a picture. There's a Siberian tiger who just keeps pacing in his pen. And Lauren's just trying to get a good video of him like coming by again. And she's just doing it on like the third round. It just comes, stops, turns around, and then just sprays all over her. Oh, nah. Yeah. It got her? It sprays all over her oh nah yeah just got her it just expressed

all over her you i just i'm like over here taking a picture of like something else and i just hear anyway listen i didn't know they could do that either till i took my daughter to san diego zoo and there's a sign that tells you it can go at least like five feet. It tells you to stay. It's huge. But there... It's terrible.

That's disgusting. It's so upsetting. Oh, God. And it's just hormones. You know what I mean? It's just like they're just spraying hormones. And so anyway,

there must have been something good in it because then we came back. She took a shower uh and that was where my daughter was conceived in jacksonville at that hotel like right after watching bonobos fuck and her getting sprayed by a uh by a tiger uh and i know it was them because that like we had to have sex that weekend because of the whatever it was. And then we come back. Hilarious. It is hilarious. It's hilarious.

And then we're just like waiting and waiting and waiting. And it's like before my mom's like close to dying. And Lauren goes out and gets a pregnancy test and it's negative. And we're like, you know, deflated. It's like another month. You know, been trying for like eight months now. And know deflated it's like another month you know been trying for like eight months now and uh like deflated that it it didn't work and you know i tell my mom like you know we're gonna name we're trying to have a kid and we're gonna name her after you and um my

mom dies on july 6 2016 okay and you know, we had the funeral. So it was like, you know, a week after that we had the funeral and, and obviously we've been drinking our faces off

and it was the week, it was the day after my mom's actual funeral. Like we had the week and then the funeral the day after Lauren just like fell off. So she took another

pregnancy test. She was pregnant and had been a false negative. No way. So she took another pregnancy test. She was pregnant. It had been a false negative. No way. So we found out she was pregnant the day after my mom's funeral. How about that? Yeah, dude.

Life and death, literally. Fucking crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, it was just like, and I remember I took a photograph of like the moment because I just was like, this is,

we're in this house in asbury park you know that we rented we're literally moving we're tape we're moving out of the house because we're about to go back drive back to uh la and uh yeah massive and then you know and as you know like you become a when you become a parent all you want to, all of a sudden you see your parents as human beings for the first, for the first time really in your life. You're no longer a parent-child relationship. You're like parent-parent. And I had, and my mom was a pediatric nurse, you know? So it's just that situation of like every moment of my daughter's life, I've always wanted to ask her a question about this

was i like this what would you recommend you're a pediatric nurse what's wrong with him you know like i mean real source not just a parenting hindsight but a real professional professional i would have had a fucking nurse she would have flown across country i'd be like well i have a nurse who lives with us yeah yeah and so it's just been like that crazy thing. And I say, talk about this in my special a little bit, but like that I've been, you know, I've been parenting without the parent that raised me. And, you know, that's just like this like weird, strange vacuum, you know, of always missing her. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So the son that was taken from your mom gave her what she wanted, and the one she raised just dropped the ball on the grandkids, huh, bro? On the grandkid front, I really failed. One day later, a false fucking god damn thing. The day after. The day after. And I remember it was at the funeral.

So the day after, then that's the day of the funeral, right? Or is there a viewing? Day after the funeral. And I remember it was like at the funeral. We're having like the little party get together after at the house. And Lauren had a glass of wine. And then everyone left and we went to the beach beach and she was like, she couldn't walk. And I was like, what the?

And I was like, I remember being like mad, like, why did you drink so much? You know, she had one glass of wine and it was just like her body being like, we don't do this anymore. She could like, she could hardly walk. She was like in the ocean. I was like, I got to take you home. I like took her home and like, she just went to bed. And then the next day she went to bed at like 4 p.m or something and slept all the way through and then and i think i'll like in the next day she was like i think i we gotta go get a pregnancy test and yeah and then we got a pregnant i was like what this is fucking crazy this is insane

um with your mom were you able to have any conversations before she passed? You know, it's like. What did you guys talk about? It was tough because she was always in pain. I remember towards the end, maybe it was like a week or so before she died, me just crying and and you know i was just kind of losing it which i would typically not do because i didn't want to put more stress on her and i remember her just being like you'll be fine almost annoyed yeah but i was crying you'll be fine and i understand what she now that i have kids I do understand what she means.

She's like, you're going to be okay. You know? Yeah. Like, and so, but I do remember right before, like, there's the pop, you know, like a couple days before she died, she just had like a lucid day. She just had like a lucid day and a bunch of family were over and everything. And she got to spend a day where she was like talking and verbal and we're like rubbing her feet and everybody spent the whole day with her. And then the next day was like, boom, unconscious. And then it was just like waiting for that.

And at a certain point, the hospice nurse like called us in and then it was like literally her husband and i were on either side of her bed and then that's when she finally went so it was like lauren was at the foot and and and and her husband and i were on either side holding both hands and it was almost like she waited he wasn't like swatting it was get out get out it was for me you know but everyone had to have like their time can i ask you because this is a thing so there's two ways you know well there's more than two ways but there's watching someone you love go slowly and painfully and then there's the other way where someone calls you and says

you know dad's dead you're like what you weren't there yeah do you do you have a preference would you do you listen i know it's an ugly question but you're glad you got that that even though that time is not a great time are you glad you had that time yeah it's an interesting question and uh the thing is is when someone's slowly dying you go through the grieving process while they're alive and so then by the time especially with cancer by the you want them you like you want them to be relieved of this pain and so it's a relief when they die but then there's that weird guilt about feeling relieved that your mom's dead you know so then you're dealing with that but at the same time you are you're allowed to process it with the person who's dying and so i think that that might even though it's fucking horrible you at least are able to

have an acknowledgement say i love you that sort of thing you know the suddenness one i think you process for much longer because of its suddenness and because like who knows what the last conversation you had with that person is you know and so yeah they both suck but you kind of it happens in real time with when the person's sick you know and at the point was your mom ready and she yes she wanted to she wanted to go like she was she wanted i actually called uh she asked me like she's like i want to go to sleep and i don't want to wake up because she knew that that was she knew once hospice was involved they have the drugs they can make it happen you know because hospice usually lasts like you know a couple days when they're at that point she's gone off her her chemo there's

no coming back we know she's now going gonna die and she just said to me i want to go to sleep and i don't want to wake up and uh and uh and that's illegal in new jersey you can't do that i think it's legal now but you have to is that right there's there's seven states where i didn't know that where uh assisted suicide is okay but you have to like go through so many red tape bureaucratic steps to get to it. It's insane. They make it very difficult. Most people are probably gone by the time they say, yeah. Exactly. Or next to it.

And so I was trying to figure out, I was like, that's, she knows what's happening. She knows what the future lies for her. She knows what's possible. And so then I started researching it. And then her husband was very angry that I even brought it up with him. And he said to me, which was insane. He said, if you do that, I'll call the cops and I'll have you arrested. And I was like, okay. Just eat the food, motherfucker.

Just eat the food. That's how you get rid of food in the fridge. That's all you gotta do, you eat it. Just eat it. I'll let you do that. You know, and I was just like. Wow, really? Fucking insane.

You know, like what an insane fucking response. She's just in pain. Like she's going to die in a couple of days. Why not make it so that she can peacefully go now? Right. I'll have you arrested so that your mom can die in pain. Alone. Yeah, exactly.

It's one nice person to work on that food though, bro. You know what I mean? He can't wait to throw that food out. And so I actually called Doug Stanhope. I don't know Stanhope at all, but he had, I watched his special and read his book, digging up mother where,

you know, he helped his mom commit suicide. And so I, I got his number from Brendan Walsh and I was just calling him. I was like, Hey man, you don't know me. I'm so sorry.

But like, how did you do? I wanted to know like the actual details of how you do it. And he's like, well, we had a nurse that was like helpful. And I was like, I don't have that. And he's like, yeah, I don't know, man. But he was very kind to take the call. And then I called up an anesthesiologist

that was a friend of a friend. And I was like, so tell me, how do I do it? And he's like, I can't, I'm not, I can't tell you. I can't tell you how to do it. Like legally, I'm not allowed to tell you how to do it. And I was like, yeah, but she has morphine. Like, we can, like, how much, how many drops? Like, what we'll do?

And he's like, I can't. I'm sorry. And so we were just, like, locked in this thing. I felt, like, completely helpless and felt like she was suffering and felt like I was going to get the cops called on me if I did it. I'd be scared to Google search it. Yeah, right? Yeah, exactly. Because then you just go to your computer and be like, he just looked up right here,

how much morphine to kill somebody. I just looked up. Wait, did you actually write, how do I kill my mom? You know, it's not specific to moms or not. What a terrible search. Like how to kill a person would be normal. Or your mom. yeah and so then yeah so it was just like that you know that whole thing at the end where it's like you wait for them their their urine to stop coming you know that means that their you know

circulatory system is shutting down and then it's, you just wait for systems to shut down, which seems insane to me. Like, and how I feel very, I have a very strong feeling about assisted suicide now. Because if I get cancer, I want to be, I want to have a fucking choice. I want to be able to say like, all right, this is, I'm going to have a big party

and then I'm going to die. As opposed to going, just being in pain. Pitiful and withering away and excruciating pain and causing, I mean, how much does that cost, P.S., a family? Yeah. You know, to watch a loved one die who doesn't even want to go like that. Yeah, who doesn't want to go and they, and you change and the drugs change you and you're not really like the person you were you're not talking you know it's like we we prolong that that last part of life because of some concept of like a hippocratic but also our selfishness yeah it's our selfishness that person wants to go yeah and it's self this is an interesting thing someone told me if you really think about this like when that person dies you

know no this is no disrespect, you lost your mom. Your mom lost everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if that person is saying, I want to go, then you should let that person make that decision. You should respect that.

This isn't a young woman who's about to commit suicide because she's depressed. This is a lady who's lived her life and a disease has taken over her body and she'd like to check out. Once you have a terminal illness,

it should just be an option for everybody across the board. So you'll be the guy that probably knows this. It's legal where? Amsterdam? Isn't it like the Scandinavian countries? There's a place in Switzerland where it's pretty. Again, it's like they want to make sure that your family's not pressuring you into doing it. People aren't flying over to Switzerland to die and they're just like, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, exactly, to get people's money. So there's all these legal things but it can be done

correctly and respectfully um have you ever seen you don't know jack the hbo movie no you should watch it oh really it's uh pacino jack kevorkian oh wow but it's intercut with real um interview footage and um stuff like that to help the story along so that you see these – there's home videos of people who submit to him and say, look, this is what I'm going through. There was a woman that told her husband, I sat outside today for 10 minutes and I didn't know where I was. And if that happens again for 30 minutes, it's over. I don't even know where i'm in i am in my own backyard yeah so then it was them pleading to him to come and it's it's great you should watch it i will i will i just listened to this uh i think it was on this american life or it was maybe on radio lab um but about a woman who went with her husband her husband had dementia and so they flew to

switzerland and he ended his life before he was incapable of authorizing it. You have to get that kind of sweet window. Because once you're too far gone with Alzheimer's, they're like, we can't. He's not in his right mind to be able to authorize this. So he made the choice and then it was just about them getting over there. And it was heartbreaking and fascinating. And yeah yeah it's a great listen so how are you dealing with it now especially as a parent you're raising you have two girls yeah no no no boy well yeah boy and a girl and uh oh man it was just the other day you think you're you think you're you think you're you've dealt with it you know and uh yeah you think it's

done you think it's done i'm okay it's been yeah it's been six years now and uh uh olive got her photos from school back so she had picture day and i literally looked at that it was like it's it's exactly my mom and she's named after my mom so her name is barbara. My mom's name was Barbara, Barbara Jan. And, uh, and it is exactly my mom.

And no, the kids are there like olives behind me. Gus is watching TV, Lauren's my, and I just boom, like just picked it up. Boom. Started weeping.

And then like trying to keep the kids from seeing it. Like what a crazy thing for like a five-year-old to be like look i got some pictures from school jesus he really fucking hates this picture i had a moment with my daughter that i just would have never seen coming but i have a picture of my dad and my grandmom together my dad he died when i was 16 there's one of him on the dresser yeah this is like she's eight now this is probably when she was like four or five and she takes the picture and she just looks at it and she goes, dad, I miss my grandpa

and starts crying. And I know as a father, she was probably looking for that. Come here, it's all right. And I just said, I do too. Oh my God, bro. We went together down that hole. I was like, holy shit.

I'm like, you didn't even know. I can't believe. Oh, my God. I can't believe what's happening right now. I thought I dealt with it. Oh, man. Shit surprises you, doesn't it? And then it brings up new bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, I haven't dealt with it. Yeah. Not all of it. It's fascinating, isn't it? It's an ever-going thing of trying to be a better person, a better man, a better parent, a better partner. Yeah. Yeah, constantly trying to.

I say it all the time. Yeah, I mean, you should look back on yourself and go, what the fuck was I thinking? Like, there's me. Today's me would go back and fist fight a lot of versions of me and say, shut the fuck up. You don't know a goddamn. Yeah, exactly. If I was still like, nope, knew it all along. You don't want that

fucking no that guy's that guy's unbearable right now yeah well dude thank you so much for uh coming on and sharing this i did not see this coming man this was a wild twist and turns in there yeah well thank you for having me you're welcome and before we promote your special and everything again um advice you would give to your 16-year-old self? I'd like to hear what you'd have to say. Advice I'd give to my 16-year-old self would be just to – I had this idea, I think, just to start writing right now. Like immediately. Because I had this idea – because I just did improv for seven years.

I started doing comedy when I was 22, but I didn't start doing standup until I was 29. Cause I just kept saying to myself like, well, when I have something to say, I'll write it. And it's like, that's not how it works. You got to start writing and then you figure out what you have to say.

So I would just make myself start writing earlier. Not funny. Just, just really things like just writing, just writing comedy, start writing, like just start writing things. I agree. Like make things Journal reading. Things like just writing anything. No, just writing comedy. Start writing. Just start writing things. I agree.

Make things. I was always like, that inertia took so long for me to get over. I mean, I also have, I had a bag of handwritten notes of jokes. I've never even used them. Yeah. Throwing them all away. Whoa. Because I look and I'm like, it's garbage.

But what it was is exactly what you're saying. It a start to it was a beginning framing my mind in a comedic way i mean you get good enough where you look back and go no but you see what you were trying for and stuff and yeah you're right get started yeah get fucking started just starting to um again thank you and please plug everything you yeah uh my special is Perfectly Stupid, and it's just all about becoming a dad and dealing with my mom dying and having a dad who has many children from many different women. And yeah, you can get it on Moment.co from October 27th to November 10th or so. And then after that, look for it on Video On Demand. Awesome. Yeah.

As always, RyanSickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week. I'm out.