The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Logic - LogicDew

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is rapper, Logic! Logic Highlights the Lowlights of growing up with an alcoholic mentally ill mother on welfare and a crack addicted father, dealing with the fear that comes with that, and how he manages his anxiety today. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Athletic Greens -Go to https://www.athleticgreens.com/HONEYDEW to get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase Manscaped - Get 20% off and free shipping with code HONEYDEW at https://www.manscaped.com Game Time -Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code HONEYDEW for $20 off your first purchase

hey guys big announcement my special lefty son will be dropping wednesday april 5th on my youtube it's free go watch it support it like it subscribe i shot it here in la in december at the dynasty theater and i'm really proud of it so go check it out april 5th wednesday lefty Sun on my YouTube. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media i want to thank you again as always whether you're

new here or whether you've been here thank you for supporting this show um i really appreciate all the love if you're watching get in there please subscribe uh we have guests like this so hit that subscribe button and if you gotta got to have more, you got to check out the Patreon. It's called The Honeydew With Y'all, where I do this exact thing with y'all. And y'all got the wildest fucking episodes I've ever heard in my life. Double lung transplant. People have died. It's insane. Yeah, it's insane, dude. It's five bucks a month. You know the deal. All right. Now, catch me in Fort Wayne, Indiana, May 26th and 27th, June 23rd and 24th. I'm in Tacoma, Washington, July 7th and 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin, July 21st and 22nd, Tulsa, Oklahoma. And make sure you watch my brand new special on YouTube. It drops Wednesday, April 5th. It's called Lefty's Son.

Watch it, subscribe, support it. Thank you very much. That's the biz. All right. Now, you know what we do here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers i'm very excited to have this guest on here today ladies and gentlemen please welcome logic welcome to the honeydew logic hey thanks a lot thank you for your patience over there with that intro i know i'm just so excited i've been trying to do this interview for like 30 minutes but we but we just keep talking about cool shit which is like fucking up everything no it's not i know it's not but you know what i mean but what i want to first of all thank you for being here i'm really excited appreciate your time thank you uh you're a maryland dude so when i found that out i was extra excited i always got an extra love for maryland um but

before we get in uh please plug i'm really listening to you i just don't know what to do with my hands right now do Do whatever you, be comfortable. I know, but this is like, I don't know. You know what I mean? This is like, look at this. I do this a lot. You do that? That's comfortable for me because I like to lean in.

That's, yeah. But then you can't see the money shot at me because I'm hiding. Yeah, you probably dipped out now. I'm just kidding. I'm happy to be here though. Sorry. What were you going to say? I want you to plug and promote everything you want to get out right now.'ll do it again at the end okay i am here to promote peace love and positivity

i'm here to promote myself and a positive outlook and i'm also going on tour in may so look that shit up if you want and if not who gives a fuck i'm just happy to be here and talk about cool stuff with you thank you thank, dude. So we were talking before the podcast and I asked you what made you want to start doing podcasts? Because I'm a fan. I've watched a lot of your stuff. You incorporate sketches. You lean into comedy, which I like. Yeah. And you had an interesting answer. So why are you doing podcasts right now? Well, first and foremost, I think I lean into comedy because of all the pain that I've gone through. And laughter really is great.

So is crying because it's good to get that out. But I think we can talk about super serious shit when we're laughing. You know what I mean? And so that's why I like to do that. And the reason that I'm making, I'm not even, I'm not making rounds. This is what I'm doing. I woke up one day and realized that the brand of Logic and me as Bobby, as just a fucking guy, will always be bigger than the music that I make. I know that it will. And I know that it is. And I know the fact that when fans buy tickets to a tour, that they're not just coming to hear the song. Some of them are, but most people are coming for the show. And it is like half standup, half rap. It's kind of wild actually. Yeah. But I'm being myself and I'm being honest and and what i realized is like i'm going insane

on social media now and for a long time i didn't because social media was a very hard place to terrain the internet it is right it's full of negativity it is insane it's a bloodbath and i used to be so angry at myself when i would find that I was hurt by something. So if something hurt me, if somebody's like, oh, I hope your family dies in a car accident. Would you find that you would get like a thousand positive comments and that one negative from the guy that's got 14 fucking followers, that's the one to eat you alive? Yes. And then it was to a point where I wasn't focusing. I was focusing more on the negative than the positive because I couldn't wrap my head around because I'm empathetic. So I was like, why would this person say this? Like, why would they do? I don't understand it. Well, I don't understand it because I'm not a bitch. that's really what it is it's like you know what i'm saying it's like yeah it is what it is like i i understand what it's like to be broke because i was once broke as hell but i've never been

a bad person i've done some bad things you know what i mean as a kid you make stupid mistakes whatever but i internally was never i never let that happen but what what that really is is just people going through their own pain and their own suffering and maybe not even realizing it and um saying the things that they do so for me real quick it takes a mature person on your end to understand and realize that instead of just to spit fire back agreed i mean it'd be fun to call them fuck boys and all this other shit but some of them need it though some of them need but not for me that's why the best part is it's just like the internet also works both ways right the fans will take care of it they'll take and all this other shit. Some of them need it though. Some of them need it. But not for me. That's why the best part is, is just like the internet also works both ways. That's right.

The fans will take care of that. They'll take care of it and they'll take care of it in a pretty positive way for the most part. But I realized it's okay that these things hurt me because I am a sensitive, emotional human being. And the world, let alone hip hop, likes to make men feel

like, can't talk about your feelings, you have to keep everything, bottle it all up, and then you can put a bullet in your head. No, that's, and when I realized it's okay that someone saying they hope my entire family dies, it's okay that that hurts. And so when I allowed that, cause I used to go, why, why?

You know, and people literally on the internet would be like, you gotta have tough skin, bro. And it's like, nah, fam, like, no. And so once I realized that it's okay that it hurts, I then realized that I was in control of how long I let it hurt and how much I let it hurt me, very much so like an intrusive thought. So once realizing this,

I took control back. And now when somebody, some fuck boy says something about me or whatever the case may be, I'm like, damn, that hurts. Cause maybe I even like that person or it could be another rapper or famous or whatever. And I'm like, damn, but is what it is. My son's healthy. My wife is beautiful. I have like five houses there i am i am so blessed like am i really worried about this and for a year a decade i was worried about it would bother you that long yeah and now certain things still bother me but i don't let them bother me for a long time and i also am not on the internet so here and there i'll pop in and I'll check in just to see in real time what's going on because I can't live in a fairytale land

where everything's okay. But I do trust my team and my squad. So I don't really have to subject myself to the ignorance of the internet, but I'm able, I'm taking the shit over right now because I'm investing in the things that matter most, the fans and myself so I used to want to be so

cool and I used to want to be like no but the music listen to the music like it's all about the music it actually has like nothing to do with the music I make incredible music but the reason I am as big as I am and as big as I am fucking about to get I'm about to be Rap Seacrest motherfucker

you don't understand I'm about to do it Seacrest, motherfucker. Like, I'm going. You don't understand. I'm about to do it. And all I'm going to do is be myself, bro. I'd be talking about the wildest shit. I talk about when I got molested by my fucking dad's mom, sticking Skittles down my throat. I talk about the time I experimented when I was like 12, almost 13. I jerked my friend off and he jerked me off.

And I was like, ugh. was like yeah well i'm definitely not gay man that's not for me yeah you know but it's like my shoulder hurts there's a lot going on but what i mean is think about how many men are like scared especially in hip-hop to be like man i ain't never touched no dick man and it's it's just like, what? It's not that deep. Well, we're going to talk about all of it. It was a little deep. No, I'm just kidding. Anyway.

All right. You're very comfortable with yourself. Are you a crier? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, me too. I'm a crier. You got to let it out. What gets you?

How old's your son? Three. All right. Yeah. So it's like moments. It's like moments when you realize like, damn, I, it's like moments, you know, it's like moments when you realize like, you know, damn, you know, I did it. Like I, my son is healthy and he's alive

and he's not like me. He's not in a crack house surrounded by drugs and guns and violence and domestic abuse and murder. Like, wow. And that'll make me emotional to see this beautiful little boy or the fact that I fucking love my wife so much. Like I love her and I'm just so, and it's not a farce, you know? Cause I'm not

like, I'm not like, look how much I like, I'm, I talk about it cause I'm proud, you know, just like fucking to talk about being black all the time. And it's like, but I'm proud and yeah. And that is, you know, shit like that makes, makes me emotional. Um, not so much negativity though, makes me emotional um not so much negativity though honestly like that one of my last really big big cries i've had a few recently one was let's go down memory lane i'll give you the last two top top two cries top two top three cries top three cries that i can remember my top three cries with logic i stubbed the shit out of my toe no No, I'm just kidding. Terrible joke. That's a dad joke. Ask me to give you a dad joke. Give me a dad joke.

Will you give it back? Anyway, my son being born, me marrying my wife. Well, the second one. I would say. You cried a different time the first one? Yeah. I was like, what am I getting into? No, I'm just kidding.

That's a joke. I released College Park, my album recently, and it takes place in 2011. And it's about me and my friends in a car on our way to an open mic night. Now, in 2011, I was homeless. I didn't have anywhere to live. And my best friend, Lenny, let me live with him. And before I knew it, a year later, I went from being homeless to signed a million dollar deal with Def Jam, moved all my friends out to LA. And 10 years later, here I am. So I thought it'd be kind of cool. You know, you think about these like biopics, like 8 Mile and shit, you know, that's like loosely based loosely based off eminem i was like there's no nobody's ever really done a biopic in like an album so i have all this sound design and something that not many people know about i'm actually sitting on an album called the ballad of rooster jenkins which takes place in 1863 about a runaway

slave it's not that deep though it's like rap jango it's like fun and it's a it's a it's a thing but um all the incredible actors uh all the biggest voice actors in the world morgan freeman is narrating the whole shit joseph gordon levitt's on it but it's all about sound design so and trust me this all makes sense with uh you know jj abrams introduced me to his um one of his lead sound designers who did all the star Wars and Star Trek sounds. And I wanted to create like an old radio Orson Welles, radio play kind of a feel. Fireside chats.

Some wild, like you put it on. But that. And close your eyes and you see it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I started with that and that's crazy, but it's not out yet. And then I got another idea.

I was like, man, what if I did, what if I did this fun story where i kind of take the listener back in time with me and so it's about me and my friends going to an open mic show and all the shenanigans we get uh in on the way there and is that college park maryland that's college park you're rolling around them what pg county yeah pg county pg canny pg can you're like go ahead mo you already know what it is what did do you what did you motherfuckers from baltimore sound like that they do they do and you know what else baltimore it's so funny because i used to hang i used to work and hang out with these baltimore black guys and dc black guys and they have a different accent and baltimore black guys

would always say doug your doug bite your doug bite oh yeah and the dc black guys like what the fuck is that doug yeah because they don't say doug doug sounds like a nickel bite oh yeah and the dc black guys like what the fuck is that doug yeah because they don't say doug doug sounds like a nickelodeon show it's such a weird fucking accent yeah it is as well but i love it so do white people white people had a horrible accent like he's going to college yeah you know billy he's going to college wow they sound like grown three-year-olds yeah logic's got a new album coming out. It's called College Park. It's called College Park, hon. Yeah, but I would say, I don't even know how the fuck we got here.

How did we get here? I just went, I just took like the Metro line. Because I asked you if you were, is College Park after, you said a story about rolling around back in the day. I know, but why the fuck was I saying that? You were talking about going to this open mic night. I know, but why? It was a whole thing.

You were explaining why you had this whole theme to i know but it was deep there were two of them yeah who gives a shit no not who gives a shit you said jj abers introduced you to the sound guy who put an idea oh to make a biopic and i feel like i feel like nobody had really done that in hip-hop and i wanted to do yeah well no music and music're right. Nobody's really done a biopic about their come up, their life, you know? And I thought that that would really be fun. And so here I am realizing that like music is my biggest, I love it so much.

And now I'm just seeing like, me just being me, dude, is like winning. And I remember, I'm not going to lie. One of my older managers years and years ago, like 2014, 2015, I started doing YouTube videos and they were like kind of popping, but nobody like no rappers or anybody was doing that. And he was kind of like, you know, you don't want to be the YouTube guy. Right. Like really, he told me that.

And it's like, I was, I kind of agreed at the time. Cause I was like, I want to be taken seriously as a musician. And there's a part of me that wishes like, damn, what if I had done, kept doing it. But there's also a part of me that's like,

bro, you can't live in the past. You're doing it now. You're having a blast. You're right where you're supposed to be. I agree. So I'm happy to be here. I think I was still saying something else,

but I can't remember. I want to, let's talk about this then. You want to do a biopic and music. Let's talk about your life. You're born um maryland you're born and raised in maryland yeah born born in montgomery county maryland in gaithersburg and uh black father white mother both addicted to crack and you know drugs and different stuff like that met each other on a bender as theo put it and they uh yeah they knew each other for three days

had sex on a crack house floor made me is that popped out they told you that yes yeah my mom didn't my dad my dad kept it 100 are you an only child no i'm one of nine nine yeah but i'm the only child between my mother and father okay and the only one who looks white really which is wild yeah that's treated differently um not really no like the internet's lame like like but in real life it's like i was always just it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't nothing like if i switched to school like everybody knew i was mixed right so a little biracial little black looking white boy um but if i switch schools you know i'd walk out on a playground and I hear, I see the brothers. I'm like, oh, let me go see what's up to the brothers. And I hear somebody like, oh, it's a white boy.

Let's kick his ass. I'm like, where's he at? Where's he at? Let's get him. And they start punching me in the face. I'm like, what the fuck? Where's he at? And now I'm looking at my shit.

I'm looking at all my other brothers and sisters. And I'm looking at me. And I'm like, did y'all leave me in a house fire what the fuck but no i'm just i'm just kidding but but it was one of those things where when i would meet when i would meet kids and they're like oh what's up white boy and i'm like no i'm not i'm not white my dad's black and they're like you sure you sure and i'm like yeah and they're like all right my man that's and that was it that that's all it ever was so that and then um you know grew up on welfare food stamp section eight and are your parents together for a while while you're young or not

at all no like i have i have i have like one memory of them actually being together and i have a picture of it. And my mom, she's giving me this like little fried chicken. And my dad's the one who took the picture. And yeah, but that didn't work, you know, because my dad was a crackhead, you know, and my mother was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. And she, you know, she struggled with her addiction my whole life. Sorry, am I too far away from the microphone?

Yes, hello. And so that was a hard thing to see. And then she was also like super religious, but like the hypocritical religious. You know what I mean? Like don't take the Lord's name in vain. God damn it. Yeah, well, they're all hypocritical. In a way.

Yeah. And I'm like, for me, I don't judge anybody. I'm just not a big organized religion guy. Bingo. God damn it. Yeah, well, they're all hypocritical. In a way. Yeah. And I'm like, for me, I don't judge anybody. I'm just not a big organized religion guy. Bingo. That's it. It's just not like white Jesus on a cloud. It's like, that's not what I really picture when I think about God. Well, it ends up in usually like mass murder and fucking kids.

That's what organized religion is about. Yeah. So I'm really about people's personal relationship with whatever. Yes. So you could believe in whatever the hell you want, and I'll respect that. I just don't know why we all got to just be gutting each other. You know, there's this episode of Family Guy that I watched years ago, and it was so incredible where it's like the Middle East, the year zero.

Zero, yeah. And there's these two Middle Eastern guys, and one guy's like, oh, my God, I love you. We've known each other forever and one guy's like oh my god i love you we've known each other forever and he's like i know we're best friends since childhood and then the other guy's like man our kids play together and he's like they're best friends and he's like our wives love each other he's like our wives are the best and then this third guy jumps in he goes hey man you guys hear about that magic baby that was just born in a manger and the one guy goes oh my god that's incredible i'm gonna follow that now and the other guy goes i don't believe in that that's not right and then they start stabbing

each other with swords to death yeah yeah and it's just so crazy to me that like the world is so divided and so angry all the time and don't get me wrong man we'd be passionate i've raised my voice in arguments and xyz and i get that but it's just crazy that people really just, it's just like if you're a Christian and you're an atheist, then everybody wants to kill each other. I don't know why. Usually, actually, it's the atheists that don't want to kill anybody. That's right.

You know what I mean? But anyway, hot take. So what age do you realize, shit, I need to really fend for myself and take care of myself then. How quick. Six. First grade. Yeah, seven.

Early on, you know. Yeah, I know. And what do you, why? How do you know? I mean, because my mom's going to insane asylums and I'm alone for two weeks. She is. Yeah. And your dad's not even around.

Oh, of course. He's not coming around at all. No, he's smoking crack. You know what I mean? Like, for real. Like, I've seen my dad smoke crack. I remember walking in when my mom let him stay with us for a little bit and I walk in the bathroom

and he was with Deirdre, the woman who molested me. She, it wasn't like crazy. She didn't like stick a thumb in my ass or anything. She just like kissed me with Skittles in her mouth. So that was weird. How old was she? I don't know. The bitch looked like a deflated football though.

She looked like a camel. Like if somebody just took a camel's skin and just threw it on a basketball court in Brooklyn in fucking 105 degree weather. And then draped it over Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy. That was... And then the bitch kissed me. That's definitely molestation. Yeah, it wasn't like... And spit...

She wasn't like Stacy's mom. She didn't have it going on. It wasn't like, spit she wasn't like stacy's mom she didn't have it going on it wasn't like oh this is great yeah spit all the skittles in your mouth spit skittles no she like had them and she's like passed them to you it's like anthamar and yeah she passed them to me and you know she passed me fucking ginger ale taste and her mouth was like an ashtray and she had that she had that lipstick that like wasn't red but it wasn't purple but it wasn't it was like weird anyway my life's great that happened a lot huh um no a few times there was that there was that and then there was like i mean i remember being in the in the bed with uh my sister and her boyfriend and i was about seven and i didn't know what was going on but he was forcing her to suck his dick in front of you well i'm sleeping to the side but i'm hearing this thing because he's punching her

in the face holy shit and he's like you gotta suck it better bitch suck it better he's punching her and i'm like waking up from this and i'm not understanding what's going on and then i'm kind of grasping it but i'm this little tiny boy who doesn't know how to defend his sister or so like but i don't and then she gets out and she screams mommy and she runs out and then i just remember like falling asleep again in the in the bed with this dude, but it wasn't like that. And then the next day being like, why did she come out screaming? What happened? And then my mom was like, oh, she was just really hot. So I don't know if she told my mom she was really hot

or I don't know if what, cause then the guy wasn't there anymore. And that's one of the guys, one of the first guys who ever put a gun in my hand as well. So it was just, it was a just, it's been a wild ride. Yeah. So let's stay where we are. We're five years old, six years old.

You realize I got to take care of myself. So what is elementary school like? Are you skipping school because you don't have to be there? Not elementary. No, not elementary school. When did things start shifting for you? They start shifting when my mother, so I was a pretty bony kid. And I remember they were saying that like I was always so fidgety, but it was just because I was bony.

But they thought I had an attention problem. So they tried to put me on drugs and that wasn't good. It made me feel really weird. I remember saying that. And then my mom, you know, she would come in because we didn't have any money and start crying and talk about all the time she'd been and like all this shit to like, yeah, like the principal and all this stuff. So they're like, yo, this kid's fucked up. But like, I wasn't. I don't know how I was.

Yeah. But I was all right. But they were like, I mean, he's got to be. Right. He's got to. So then they put me in this like class for the emotionally disturbed. And I'm like, yo, these kids are fucked up. disturbed and i'm like yo these kids are fucked up i'm like yo these kids are fucked up like he got a helmet yo for real you're just emotional

they put they had this fucking they had this room called asc it's standing for something confinement like solid something solitary confinement bro i'm eight solitary confinement i'm eight years old hell yeah and so you got all these fucking kids who are assholes and i can't defend myself because if i do i further prove the point that i'm a disturbed child right and i can't you're aware of that at that age dude 100 it's weird i was aware of a lot and and my mom she saw how much this was affecting me. So she was like, all right, I'm going to homeschool you. Now her definition of homeschooling is a six pack and hooked on phonics. This is not a joke. This is a very, this is not a bit.

That's what she, so, you know, my mom would get fucking wasted all night. And then I'd wake up at seven, eight in the morning. She's asleep. She's asleep till 3 p.m., 4 p.m. So I'd get up and seven, eight in the morning. She's asleep. She's asleep till 3 PM, 4 PM. So I'd get up and I just skate and I'd go skateboarding and I do all this. And excuse me, I'm skating to kind of, it's my only release, right? I'm not doing drugs because I'm too scared, you know? And I lose like three years of my life because I was homeschooled and I didn't learn anything. So I went from fifth grade, essentially, this was like later. So I'm like 10 now. And I went from fifth grade to eighth grade and the government contacted my mother and

was like, you're not homeschooling your child. I mean, the closest she did, she made me this like fake homeschool ID. And I actually went around the white neighborhood right across the street. And I would knock on people's doors and ask them to donate to the Poor People of America Fund. And they did.

And I didn't feel bad because I was a poor person of America. And that's like the best scenario that came out of me getting homeschooled was just like hitting the good humor ice cream truck a couple of times, like for real. So then they were like, they need to put your son back in school. So she put me back in school

and guess where the fuck they put me? They put me back in the same class with the same kids from three years ago. Nuh-uh. Except now they got little muscles and they're fucking assholes. And I'm in there and I'm doing decent. And then they give me this emotional aptitude test. Do they treat you like, look, you're back, motherfucker? Yeah.

They treat you like that? Like, what's up, Bobby? You're back, huh? Yeah. They do that to you? That's literally how it went. Yeah, what's up, Bobby? You back, huh? Yeah. They do that to you. That's literally. Yeah, they got muscles and shit. Yeah, but what was crazy is I couldn't,

they would still pick on me because I couldn't do anything or I'd be proving the point. So I take this emotional aptitude test and the teachers literally go, you never, you were never disturbed. They're like, look at this because they never gave me a test in the first place.

They just said, your mom's screaming about getting raped and having abortions and smoking crack and being a prostitute and all this wild shit. So I was like, oh my God. And all those things are true of your mom? Yes. Back in her day?

And let me just say that. No judgment. I'm just asking if she was just spitting that or that's real. I haven't spoken to my mother in over a decade. Whoa. Yeah, I know. We'll get to that. And I haven't spoken to my mother in over a decade.

And at the end of the day, all the things that she has done to me, like forms of sleep deprivation, you know, hit me with the hard R, her own son, you know, all her kids. Yeah, for real. All her kids? Yeah. She's wild. Yeah. Because of the systemic racism that she went through as a kid. I mean, she brought a little black boy home at 14 and they're like, we don't mix with their kind. And this like messed her up on top of her being molested at five years old and all these things that she, that she told me about. That's what I mean. It's crazy. I mean, my mother was telling me stories when I was seven years old about her being sodomized by two men who were holding a butcher knife over a stove until it was orange, holding it to her neck. And she's like describing to me in detail what it means to be sodomized, all this other things. And then going one day when, not if, when a man rapes you.

When? You have to scream as loud as you can that you have AIDS and he may stop. Like this is the shit my mom was saying to me. Now, mind you, anything and everything that you hear me saying about my mother or my father or anybody is not said with disdain. It is said from a place of truth and some comedy,

but all has been forgiven there, but not forgotten. So with that being said, this bitch puts me back in regular school. And I'm in this, I'm back with these kids and I take this aptitude test and they're like, you're fine. what the fuck are you doing here and i'm like thank god so the first thing i do is go to the meanest bully's fucking neighborhood and i was like what's up now daquan let's get it no for real i'm like what's up what's

up let's go and he's like oh oh you out now's what's up. Like, trying to be all cool and shit. I'm like, fuck you, man, in my mind. But I was also kind of like, man, it's kind of cool that Daquan likes me. But really, he was just scared of me, though. Because he knew. And it was like a whole thing. Anyway, fuck Daquan. Oh, you turned Daquan around.

Yeah. Fuck Daquan. I'm rich now. Where you at, Daquan? You ain't doing shit. No, I'm just kidding. It's a joke. I mean, he definitely ain't doing shit. But, you know, it's all good. I'm just now where you at Daquan you ain't doing shit no I'm just kidding that's a joke I mean he definitely ain't doing shit but you know it's okay I'm just being funny so check this shit out though

so then I go back to school but they put me in the school that I was in with the regular kids before they put me in the bad program at the other school okay and then I got homeschooled and then came back to the fucked up program about four years from these kids and it's like i'm a legend like i come back and like all these little little you know 13 year old girls are like oh there's like there's like whispers like bobby went to prison you know i'm like yeah bitch yeah i did i got a tattoo i can't show you though i can't show you you know what i'm saying so that was that was kind of fun it was cool to kind of be popular and then i just became just a little skinny bobby again and and that was and i got to be pretty normal which was cool so now you're

getting older and everything and you can start to take care of yourself uh driving does that change your life or you get like get the fuck out of home and driving are you kidding me are you joking i didn't have a fucking license i was 26 years old for real 26 for real i feel i felt like you would have gotten one right away just so you'd had some kind of freedom with what the fuck away food stamps food stamps i'm gonna buy a car with food stamps motherfucker what did you mean you could steal one exactly no exactly my brothers were doing that i am licensed yeah exactly. Here's my license to send me to jail. So when does rap and wanting to rap enter life? Is that in high school? Is that later? comedian, writer, filmmakers, we kind of always have done that thing our whole lives in one way or another,

whether it's making movies on VHS or studying every film ever like Quentin Tarantino, like that's what we do. And in many ways we also cope. And I think that hip hop for me was not really an escape. It was more of actually a place where I was able to deal with my problems by writing them down but that was also really difficult because i would write down

and i'd be like man i'm trying to make it out this shit i'm trying to get out of it i'm trying to did it whatever and then my mother's like don't you fucking curse so then she's telling me like and also my mother sounds like a fucking dementor from Harry Potter. She's like a fucking like banshee. So when she screams, it's like embeds in your soul. And that was really hard because here I was trying to express myself. And she was telling me that I couldn't in a very hypocritical way.

I mean, I remember the first time my mother found condoms, I was a virgin and she found condoms in my backpack. And she goes goes what are these what are these and i'm like i'm like you obviously don't know what they are because you have like six kids so okay i'm like they're condoms all right and i'm like and i'm like fuck and in my mind i'm like oh my god i'm like why am i having this conversation and and she's like i'm like, fuck. And in my mind, I'm like, oh my God. You're giving your mom sex. I'm like, why am I having this conversation? And she's like, I'm like, I got them.

She's like, why do you have them? And we're walking to the store. So it's like eight miles to the store. That's a joke. But it's definitely like a two mile walk for real. There and back. So four miles. Damn, that's actually a lot of fucking miles.

That's a lot of miles. So we're walking and she's like, how could you have these? And I'm like, um i don't want aids or a sexually transmitted disease and she was like don't use them and i'm like what she's telling you not she's telling me not to use condoms and i'm like why and she goes because abstinence is the only condom you'll ever need and i'm like i don't have a fucking chastity belt on i'm a human being you know and i live in the fucking real world so i'm like, I don't have a fucking chastity belt on. I'm a human being, you know, and I live in the fucking real world. So I'm like, at some point this is going to happen.

And she's just like, you know, what would God say and all this shit. I'm like, what would God say about you fucking that dude from the bus stop last week? You think I'm joking? From the bus stop. I'll never forget it. She wakes, the bitch wakes me up. Two in the morning. Why are you getting woken up

drunk into this now 2 in the morning no this is this actually this is a different time from when I was younger I was 10 but this is one of the times

that she had some bus stop sex so she wakes me up I'm like 10 years old it's 2 in the morning and she's like I want you to meet

someone very special and I'm like okay and so I walk out and it's this like nerdy looking very special and i'm like okay and so i walk out it's just like nerdy looking black guy and he's like 20 and she's like you know this is muhammad and i'm like okay nice to meet you and she's like i met him at the bus and he is an angel and i'm like okay and then she's like now you may go back to sleep so i go to sleep i wake up completely forgot all that shit

i thought i had a nightmare i wake up i walk in i'm like oh man it's like saturday i'm about to fucking well i don't have cable so i just walk in watching some pbs bullshit but i'm like all right this is gonna be great and i remember i was so hype because my mom got the off-brand captain crunch instead of the kicks because kicks are fucking lame Kix I remember Kix that hard yeah why don't you kick rocks motherfucker how about that it's a terrible cereal it's like eating like newspaper

so I'm like alright I'm gonna go fuck this off brand Captain Crunch in the butt and I go into the kitchen and it's fucking Muhammad eating my shit and I was like no way muhammad's real and that's the first thing i think and then this guy lived with us for like three weeks and he's fucking my mom and don't oh don't even get me started on time i heard my mom getting fucked

in the ass when i was like 16 that was we'll get there where were we where muhammad's eating your fucking your captain munch up yeah but oh yeah and that was just one of the, Captain Munch. You thought it was for me? You said it was all for him. Yeah, that was the Admiral Crunch. That was the first time, or one of the first times my mom started bringing dudes home from the bus stop. But what a power play, though. I would never have the balls to come home. I would be like, don't bring your son out here. And even if she did, I would not spend the night and be there in the morning

when you got up and eating your Captain Crunch. That is a move. That's a move, man. But he ain't got nowhere to go. Still. He could leave. He could go outside. You know what I mean?

Outside's free. I'm also not mad at that guy. You know, he was just trying to get some pussy, man. I'm not. Yeah, but why you got to be drug into this? Welcome to my life. Why do I have to be drug into half of this shit that was, you know he was just trying to get some pussy man i'm not yeah but why you gotta be drug into this welcome to my life why do i have to be drugging a half of this shit that was you know what i mean like so you're hearing that shit go on in the house then too while you live with you said you heard her have anal sex yeah she was smoking boat uh that's pcp so she was smoking

pcp this is back when her and my brother were smoking pcp together and what are they dipping cigarettes and how they smoke yeah so for those of you out there who don't know it's embalming fluid literally and they they'll dip it they keep it in the freezer because it doesn't freeze over and they would smoke that and then there was just like we're a super gangsta dude and this is so my mother she would go through these spurts you know she would go through these different uh times of like holiness and then you know one minute she's singing you know our father and then the next she's like me nirvana like i'm serious i remember man my mom when uh and we'll get back to the anal i remember when i was in high school i was in ninth grade and my mom literally was like i'm

giving up my style for the Lord. First thought, what style? Because she just used to wear black all the time. And she started wearing like Mother Teresa type shit, like all white wool looking, you know, whatever. And so she's like, you know, I've given everything to Christ. And so she's coming to my school, you know, almost like damn near looking like Muslim or something, you know, like with a hijab. But she's got this whole thing. The bitch really looks like Mary Magdalene.

Oh, she's wearing a head wrap and everything? Like everything, yeah. I remember I actually. The arms and the sleeves. Yeah. I used to put it on and be like, I'm the ghost of Christianity. Look at me. Like I used to.

It was really funny but the thing is is like you know you had all these other kids right who um you know i'm sure they were a little embarrassed you know that you'd have uh different denominations and races and you know they all wanted to fit in too but back then you can't stand out and here's my mom and a fucking duvet cover you know what i'm saying i'm serious like like just so annoying so yeah no there's no buttons dude there's like safety pins and shit like that she put you think i'm joking all right so anyway oh man so she'd have a mood like that and then she'd be on like some gangsta shit she's like i'm listening to rap and getting fucked in the butt you know what i I'm saying? For real. And she didn't really remember it all, but I remember hearing it

and I was like, man, I got to get out of here. And, um, that was just a difficult time, but there's so many instances, but once again, I'm not here, I'm not shitting on my mom. I'm simply telling my story. You know, sometimes my family, they'll say things to me. They'll be like, you know, they'll kind of be like, Hey man, why'd you be like, hey, man, why did you say that? I'm like, why did you do that? That's the real fucking question. You know what I mean? Hey, dad, why did you steal my identity when I was 10 years old?

Because we have the same exact same name and max out credit cards and ruin my credit before I was a fucking of age. Why did you do that? And he's like, well, you didn't have to say it, nigga. Literally, that's my dad. He's like, you didn't have to say it nigga literally that's my dad he's like you didn't have to say it i'm like anyway yeah welcome to my fucking life let's talk about him for a minute how what how much of a presence was he in your life is he in your life at all now what you know what he's like you ever seen um larry david do guest spots on seinfeld yeah you never really see him you know once here

over there he's like you know steinberner's voice when costanza's working for the for the new york yankees that was my dad it's like you just you you kind of got a sight here and there and he's always foot yeah like bigfoot yeah it's like blur like the memories are all blurry of him but you know he'd show up he'd like have a suit and he's just like fly like he was just like look at me i'm in my suit he pull up in a fucking honda civic and he's just that dude man you know what i mean but it's like really looking back i'm like man that's pretty impressive you smoking crack but you're walking around wearing suits actually like congratulations i don't know how you keeping that up but he he was never there for me i never had a i never had a moment you know and not not even to try to sound no type of way i'm gonna be dead serious because me i actually just reconnected with my father recently you did yeah i'm always drawing lines

with my with my dad there's always like i'm like hey these are the boundaries and he goes fuck them boundaries like i'm like he would always he, these are the boundaries. And he goes, fuck them boundaries. Like, I'm like, he would always, he would. Cause he hasn't done it this time. It's like 38, 38 times. I'm giving him 38 chances.

Literally. I remember I told him, he was like, let me just get one more. Like every time he'll literally be like, let me get one more though. But does he genuinely want one more? I think my dad is just a, you know,

he's 68, man. He's been through a lot. He smoked a lot of crack he's done a lot of things that he's not proud of he's got nine kids well technically

more than that because I'm the only child between my mother and father so he has four kids that I know of two of my older twin brothers two sisters and I mean

he was like Tyler Durden from Fight Club setting up franchises and shit just going all the way around franchises yeah I'm serious it's just yeah all over Maryland he stayed local it's just yeah all over maryland he

stayed local it's just the welfare franchise no this motherfucker was in like philadelphia went to florida i definitely got some i got some siblings somewhere you know anyway athletic greens is back i first heard about athletic greens and then i decided to give them a try because i wanted to improve my gut health and give my immune system a little extra support. It's all your key health products like multivitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and more working together as one. I added AG1 in my morning routine and it really does leave me feeling like I'm doing something good for my body, like covering my nutritional basis. I'll say this in the hospital. I would, you know, y'all saw that food.

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Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code HONEYDOO for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code HONEYDOO for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Now, let's get back to the dude so what was i saying you're talking about your dad i know but i was saying uh the chances and so like a couple years ago i let him back in my life i'm like don't be asking me for money because i remember one time he's like oh i was gonna i was gonna actually give him like i bought my brother a truck and then my

dad thank you and my dad, thank you. And my dad, I mean, I've done a lot for my family. I've done a lot for people that aren't in my family. Trucks aren't fucking cheap these days. They're not. And I don't talk about it because I'm not the guy, I'm not the rapper that's like, hey, y'all, we handing out turkeys in the hood this year for Thanksgiving. And then he leaves for 364 days and then comes back again with like $800 in turkeys and then that's it like i'm not

that guy you know it's honestly if i'm being real it's a it's a big reason why i never showed my family like that because you know people like you ain't black and i've never been like yeah huh this is my dad i'm not trying to exploit my people of color just to prove at the same time but tell me about your dad now is he clean now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what did he end up doing with himself businessman you say wearing a suit what did he end up doing for a living and stuff smoked crack the whole time yes but worked also no oh Oh, no. My dad has never had a job in his fucking life. Get the fuck out of here. My dad is the laziest guy.

He's the Daniel Ocean. You seen Ocean's Eleven? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad- That's him. Okay, is the Daniel Ocean of laziness. Like he goes out of his way. There's like schemes.

He's like taking red string and like, how can I not work hard? And he's working so hard to not work hard. And not working hard, yeah. That's my dad. But now these days, he's living so hard to not work hard not working hard that's my dad but now these these days he's um you know he's he's living off social security and shit like that or trying you know but i'm gonna see him i haven't seen him in years and i'm actually flying him out you know flying in first class and i want him to meet his grandson that's good so he's never he's

never met my boy that's what changed me too with uh my mother i reconnected with her when I was 40 or 40. No, I'm lying. Forty two, three. And because of my daughter. Wow. But let's talk about your mom again. Now, you haven't talked to her in 10 years. Why? The last time I spoke to my mother, it was my birthday.

So it's actually over that. What am I? I'm 33. I was 21. So it's at 12 years. I just remember my sister calling me crying hysterically. And she was like, and I hadn't talked to my mother in a couple of years already. And she was like, mommy says that I'm the reason that you don't talk to her and blah, blah, blah.

Just some, just some real ignorant, poor people shit. So I'm like, I call her and I'm like, mom, I fucking love you. But the reason I don't talk to you is because of you not because of anything else because of you because Not even what you've done to me, but what you still do everything is your way. Everything is your way of the fucking highway everything like like like for example Like I was saying earlier like I could not go to my mom and be like I don't believe in religion I don't believe in jesus. I don't believe in this. I believe in believe in Jesus. I don't believe in this.

I believe in something right there. She'd be like, you're going to hell. Fuck you. That's it. Done. Like, I can't talk to somebody like that. And over the years, I've even asked my brothers and sisters who do talk to her, like, hey, like, how is she?

Like, should I? And they're like, don't. They tell you that. Literally, they're like, and there's been times when I found that I had her number or somehow got something and I would hit her up and be like, I would call and it would be disconnected or go to voicemail or something would happen to get in the way. And I think in a good way, because she's really the type of person that like, if I introduced my wife to her, like within moments, she could just be cursing her out and screaming at my child. Like that's the type of person she was um but once again this is all the sickness my mother's bipolar damn near schizophrenic so you said she really did go to mental oh yeah bro she was getting locked up in mental mental asylums and would you go visit her no no no i mean i'd visit she would take me

to visit like her men in prison and shit like that for real sneak stuff in yeah shit like that get the fuck out of here she's taking you to do that yeah and i mean it's an all-day event too once again bro we don't have a fucking car can't buy a car and food stamps so we're taking like three metro buses and the train and you know all this all this other stuff to go to prison and i don't know why because i'm just trying to watch spongebob you know what i'm saying like it's real trying to be a kid yeah but it was hard to be a kid it's hard to be a kid when your mom's training you a fucking media press for when the social worker comes over well it's also hard to be a kid when you have to be the adult in the relationship and you've been that since day one. Yeah. You really have. You know, you can't even have.

All right. So let me ask you this then. When do you realize like you need some therapy and have you gone to therapy? What do you do? Do you journal? Do you meditate? What do you do to fucking deal with you? The anxiety that all this life brings.

I, um, I then use music and writing and I still do that to this day but you know when I was like 24 that's when I got a legitimate therapist and what made you do that I just wanted to I was like I should speak to somebody I should just talk about again the stigma of a man going to therapy didn't bother you like a lot

that's a big part of the stigma I think a little bit because it was like oh you're in therapy what's wrong with you like what's wrong with you it's like nothing yeah nothing's wrong nothing i'm just talking to somebody i got some shit going on but then like when i started making my therapist cry i was like i need somebody yeah like i'm not even joking i was like i need somebody else you don't understand this bitch was like give me somebody a seasoned veteran or something yeah because like i would because she was like oh oh, my God, what the fuck?

And I'm like telling her shit. And she's like, I am so sorry for you. And she's like, you deserve everything you have. You deserve the world. And I'm like, this is what I need, lady. Yeah. I'm like, so can you give me $150 for this? Yeah, for real.

But then I found my therapist that I've seen for the last five, almost six years. And she's just armed me with such incredible tools of how not to cope, but how to heal, you know, and how to actually deal with what's going on in my life. And through that, I've found so much out about myself. Like what? I mean, just like, you know, I'm damn near a hypochondriac but a lot of those things are really just intrusive thoughts and intrusive thoughts in and of themselves like you could think about i don't know stabbing an old lady who's a cashier in the

throat with a knife and you're like what the fuck i was actually talking to my godparents about this last night and most people could some people watching or listening could be like, I've never thought about anything like that. And it's like, yeah, but you thought about some shit. And it's stuff that we are actually so scared and it could be so despicable and so disgusting that we wouldn't even want to say it out loud because it's not our thoughts though. A lot of people think when those thoughts come into their head, like, how could I think something like that?

Oh my God. Oh my God. I can't tell anybody. And then they start freaking out. And as soon as they freak out, they're training their brain. So then they start thinking about it more because they're sending this like trauma alarm in their head off like, oh my God,

I can't believe I thought about kicking a baby. Oh my God. And it really actually tends to be that our intrusive thoughts are the things that we care about most actually. And at the end of the day, the thing that makes us us and not Jeffrey Dahmer is like, we don't act on those things.

We go, oh my gosh, and we cast it aside. And so the same could be said about health anxiety, about anxiety in general, when you ruminate, so rumination and constantly thinking about that thing, that's where it lives, breathes, you're feeding this, whether it's fear, whether it's, you know, maybe you do have like a bit of a pain in your arm, but as soon as you go, it's cancer, it's cancer. As soon as you do that to yourself, you can't do that. And a big thing that I was doing for a long time was reassurance seeking. So it's a cycle. Something had happened,

for example. Explain that, yeah. So I definitely have health anxiety, but oh my God, night and day from literally even a year ago. I would always be like, I feel weird. I feel out of it. Like even right now, I feel a little, I feel a little here or there. I might have a moment of like, I feel a little dizzy.

It's happened once while we're talking or I feel whatever. And there's all once while we're talking or i'll feel whatever and there's all these things like bro fucking lights on me millions of people are gonna hear this and see us all over the internet that that's a lot of pressure and and so for me to go that's okay you're okay and also the content you're talking about oh it's very deep it's not we're not just sitting here making jokes you're're talking about real shit, molestation, all that. Yeah. And so with that, I used to feel weird all the time.

So then I'd go to people like, I feel weird. Do you think I'm okay? And I would ask my wife, like, do you think I'm okay? And she was always there for me. I think you're fine, sweetheart. I think that, and my therapist taught me like, stop doing that. Because realistically, your wife doesn't fucking know if you're okay. Good point.

Yeah. You could even go to a doctor and be like, i okay yeah they'll misdiagnose you yeah they could look at you and be like oh yeah your heart's good everything's great and then you have a fucking heart attack i have to say i i had a problem my daughter almost got hit by a car and it would have been brutal and i talked to dr drew about and he's like have you ever done emdr therapy and i said no i've done talk therapy he's like no this is a very specific kind of therapy and there's an end to it i was like great now some people get there quicker than others it could be years it could be months for someone else but um i talked to this lady told me about this it's let me tell you

something it changed my life because i'm a little scared this is some l ron hubbard shit no not at all i promise you i've done it and i do it it's what i said to her was i can't stop thinking about what didn't happen i couldn't stop seeing my daughter get hit by this car and then this image of this mangled just god forbid because it wouldn't have not been and she was how old man that time she was about five. Wow. She was just running, being a kid. She just came right out to the street by us, and this guy came hauling ass. But wait, he was too close.

But still, if she would have took another step, it's over. And I grabbed her and pulled her back. My goodness. And then I yelled, and then I calmed down right away. But it fucked me up. And I got scared to start flying. I got to fly for my job. You know how much you fly.

I don't fly as much as you fly, but I got to fucking fly. I had the craziest fear of flying. We'll get there. Please continue. But I used to love it. I used to feel like a rock star fucking going down that runway and taking off. Then all of a sudden, I was like, Jesus, every bump, I'd be like, huh, inside. Oh, God.

I'd be, any turbulence, terrified. Never bothered me before. i used to sleep through and it's like you're gonna die like in your head you're like we're going down we're going every flight we're going down yeah it's still in my mind yeah but she taught me tricks about things like monkey taps and all these say she you mean the person that the therapist yes okay yeah um and also just not future tripping. Future tripping. Not fucking future tripping. Thank you.

What a beautiful, yeah, I know about that. That's just, that's what we're doing. It's not real right now. But you're conditioned because of your trauma and the way you've been, as you just said, don't do that. Don't put yourself in that. It's cancer. Because once you do, it's worst case scenario every time. Glass half empty, glass half empty.

And I also got scared and i still feel like this is realistic uh scared of heights i had never been scared of heights before but still a realistic height i'm still like i ain't going out on that balcony fuck that shit we're up 20 how many floors 20 fuck that i don't need looks nice from here i don't need that um but flying i got over now i sleep on my flights i'm i'm out i used to be that way i almost bought a fucking tour bus you're gonna john madden it everywhere yeah literally i was so scared and i never was that what you want to know what fucking did it paul rothenberg my fucking attorney that's who did it you fucking fucking asshole. I'm sitting there. I'm having dinner with him.

And this is like 2013. And we're just talking, you know. He educates me. He's a great attorney. He taught me so much about the record business. You know, a lot of people like to keep their artists stupid. Not this guy. Not my team.

Not my people. Is that right? Yeah. Why do you think I'm a fucking walking company because of these people yeah yeah exactly and so he he was like hey man he's like wow this uh this place is really good huh this is my paul rothenberg impression he doesn't really sound like that but he kind of does and i'm like yeah it's really great he goes oh my gosh i gotta get on this flight tomorrow. And I go, oh yeah, I got a flight in a couple of days. He goes, yeah, man, what a fucking flying death trap.

Am I right? And I'm like, what? I'm just 23. I'm like, what do you mean flying? He's like, yeah, you're just in this metal death machine. It can just go down at any minute. You know, I don't even know how it gets in the air. And I'm like, okay, whatever. I finish

my fucking linguine. I'm doing press the next day, whatever. And I get on an airplane. I'm on. I'm fine. Take off. Everything's great. Everything's majestic and beautiful and nice. And I fall asleep. And then I just hear, flying metal dad trap, flying metal dad trap flying metal dad trap like in my mind and i wake up and i just have the biggest panic attack ever and i'm like oh my god this doesn't make any sense this isn't natural motherfuckers are supposed to be on the floor we ain't supposed to fly what is going on you know spaghetti monster would have gave me wings if i was wrong yeah the right brothers were wrong the right brothers were wrong brother wrong brother yeah so i'm like freaking out bro like eight years whoa like eight years how the fuck did you you you panicked for eight years

on flights like that did you knock yourself out no take anything? No, I never, mind you, I didn't start drinking alcohol or smoking weed until I was like 27. So because of my childhood, seeing my parents and struggling with all that. So I'm doing, I'm white knuckling, literally. I'm there like- Every flight. And I'm like shaking and just everything.

And then one day through therapy, I was just like, bro, I'm not in control. I have to relinquish control. I'm not as much as I want to be in control. I'm not in control. No matter what. It's not like you can walk up there and tell that pilot, move, dude. Let me do this.

I got it. But even then, it's like they want to get home just as bad as I do. Do you know what I mean? Hopefully. Hopefully it's not one of those suicide pilots. I know. Exactly. Yeah.

Definitely. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. You don't want one of those guys. Oh, my God. You think that could happen? It has happened. Wait, do you think that could happen to us? No, I'm just bombs. I know, exactly. Yeah, definitely. Oh, shit. Yeah, you don't want one of those. Oh my God, you think that could happen? It has happened. Wait, do you think that could happen to us?

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just fucking with you. But no, so future tripping is like, you gotta, that's a real thing. It's like, why would you freak out about something that has not happened? You know what will happen? My son is going to die.

Yep. My wife's gonna die. I'm gonna die. You're gonna die. We're all gone. We're all dead. Nobody makes it out alive nobody and that's all right it is what it is and i'm supposed to go and all we can do is focus on the now and the present and do the best that we can with what we have and and you know that's why i kiss my wife every time i leave and give her a

hug and tell her i love her and i kiss my my son and, you know, my best friends, my fucking security guard, one of my best friends in the world, Jordan. I give him a fucking hug. I tell him I love him before he leaves every day. Like, these are the people that I care about. I'm feeling that hard right now. After being in the hospital in January for a month and almost dying. That's wild. Yeah.

I mean, it made me really, I was already grateful. I was journaling every day about how I was grateful for my health and my daughter's every fucking day. And I was like, God damn, I really feel like I put my time and effort in on that health shit. And then like the one surgeon said, he's like, you didn't do anything wrong. This is just a genetic thing, and that's what happened, blah, blah, blah. That sucks.

So after that, you're laying on your back. I'm just starting physical therapy now. I'm telling you, old dudes are running laps around me now. I just got off a cane. Really? Yeah. I was a walker first, then a cane. But I feel mentally good.

I can sit and do this. I'm not going to start touring until, you heard my date, Fort Wayne, Indiana in May sometime. I've got a few months. I've got to let these lungs and shit heal up. You said lungs? What do you mean? I had clots. I had ended up clotting in my lungs.

It's called pulmonary embolisms. But you smoke. No, you're allowed to smoke marijuana. Now, not allowed. I'm going to tell you this. This is what they say. marijuana. Now, not allowed. I'm going to tell you this. This is what they say. They told me, never smoke cigarettes, no vapes, no cigars, no alcohol because I'm on blood thinners for life.

For surgeons- Wait, you can't drink? They don't want me to drink. Ugh, that sucks. But see, I'm not a drinker. I'm a weed smoker. And this is what I kept saying to them in there. Is this my end? Is this the end of the run? Am I going to edibles? What is going on? I only smoke weed and I do a little bit of shrooms. That's it. And they said.

I haven't done shrooms yet. I can't wait. We'll talk about it. It's going to change your life. That's what they say. It's going to change your life. And it's a great reset. It's just a great reset.

But they said those two things will never hurt you. And I said, how can I fly and how can I smoke marijuana with clots in my lungs? And they said that what you have in your lungs, it is what it is. Your body will take care of it. It could be up to a year before your body gets rid of these clots on its own. Then your lungs are clear. But if you're going to smoke anything, again, there's a two-part message. We don't ever want you to smoke anything. We're doctors. But if you're going to put anything in your lungs it's cannabis and i was like you got to be fucking kidding me and they're they're like you can smoke and i said i smoke a lot of weed and they go we know we saw your blood test results when we came in i said

well that was five days clean for the surgery and they go you're nowhere near in any harm of doing damage that's like the greatest news you could have ever heard and i couldn't get over it and these are all different surgeons who don't work with each other, don't know they told me this and shit. And I'm recording them. They don't know I'm recording, but I got that phone right there on record. And I'm like, I can fly. And they're like, yep, you can do it.

What are you, in the wire? Are you somebody from the wire? You don't know I'm recording right now, all right? I also wanted every fucking thing over. Because you're so doped up on Dilaudid and drugs. Yeah, you just want to know what the fuck's going on. And they do that. You wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning and they go,

Bobby, we're going to tell you all the most important information you need to hear right now about your health. Here's some medicine. You take these two and then they're out of there. Make sure I never talk shit about anyone else around you. What just happened? Because I know I'm being recorded. Okay, so you did the surgery. Yeah. You got to pee? Nope. Bottle of water right here. I did the surgery yeah you gotta pee bottle water right here i did the surgery two

times i had to do the surgery oh my goodness because there was a tear and then they let me lay there for a while and that's how i ended up clotting i knew i would because i had clotted before but wait you clotted in your lungs yeah so wait did they wait but i thought it was a back surgery it was but what – so in 2016 – Man, we got to do all this math now for this story. I get diagnosed with a genetic blood disorder, right? It's called factor V line. It just means that I have thick blood and it's prone to clotting.

So I got to keep my machine moving. Bed rest or anything like that, I'm in danger of dying because my blood will clot. So going in – How long have you had that? It's since birth. It's a genetic thing, but I don't find out until I'm 40 because my legs started clotting. And I was rubbing my – they felt like they were itching, and I'm rubbing my jeans. I'm like, God damn, I can feel my veins through my jeans.

So I call the hospital, and they're like, sir, you're clotting. Get here now. And I drove in there, and it was a, end up being a whole thing from kidney stones. I go on bedrest, I clot, right? The thing is you could have this and people have. Wait, you had kidney stones? Yeah. Did you piss them out? Yes, bro. All right, we'll get there. Keep going. This is crazy. So, all right, we'll go there. So 2016, I get kidney stones, and they keep telling me, you're fine, you're fine. I'm like, I'm not fine. I start clotting in my chest, and I'm telling them, I'm going home. They keep kicking me out of the hospital,

telling me I'm wrong. And I'm like, I'm not wrong. And I go home, and this one night, I lay on my bed, and I'm crying. I give myself up to whoever and whatever. I was like, I'm done. This is exactly how my father died. I'm 42, same age. This is real weird parallels. I'm giving myself up. Thank God I wake up and I just start being diligent about this. I'm like, you got to fucking fix this and help me. And they end up helping me get out of pain and realizing now that I've got this blood disease and that's what had been clotting me and everything else. Wow.

But they don't put me on blood thinners. So fast forward to this surgery, I'm telling everybody in my paperwork before I go, if anything fucking happens, trust me, you know that 0.001%, I'm the fucking guy. That's me in that pocket. That's what this show's all fucking about. that pocket. That's what this show is all a fucking about. And they do the surgery, but there's a small tear and it starts ballooning up with blood. And they're like, you just have to come back in. We got to cut you open and fix that tear. But wait, the tear is in your back? Right in my lower back. Okay. This tramp stamp area, like a scar, like that's my tramp stamp. I got a tramp stamp. Nice. Okay. Love it. So they cut me open a second time,

but now it's not healing. Just lay here and relax. I'm supposed to be there three days max. Well, three turns into four or five. I'm there eight. It's not healing together? It healed together, but the swelling is not going down. I should have gave you a tramp clamp. You should have.

Kept everything intact. Anyway, I'm listening. I'm telling them. I keep telling them they do an ultrasound on my legs. Like, no, you're good. The day I'm supposed to get out, it's literally MLK day. Nice. I have to pass a stairs test because I have stairs going up into my place. And thank God.

Something like that you don't even think of. The fact that I got a home that has stairs saved my life. So I go to do the stairs test. I go up and down. Now she goes, go up sideways like you're holding on a rail like this. I go up and down. And the whole time I'm telling her, I feel different today. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel weird.

And then she says, literally her words are, Mr. Sickler, as your occupational therapist, I can tell you that you have successfully passed all the steps necessary to go home today. You're free to go. And I fucking collapse on the bed. And I say, I'm clotting. And she's like, what? I go, I'm clotting. I've happened before.

I know it. I'm in. The doctor runs in. He does my blood pressure. He's like, you might be having a heart attack. And I was like, huh? I go, no, this has happened. I'm clotting. He's like, tell me what you feel. I said, I feel three elephants on my

chest. And he goes, keep talking to me. And as I'm talking, I feel heart attack 101. I feel the pain. I go, here it comes, pain in the jaw. It goes down my arm. He says, you might be clotting and having a heart attack. And then I black out. And when I wake up, there's a nurse standing over me. And I said, am I going home today? She's like, your discharge has been canceled. And I spent the next month in the hospital trying to fucking live because they were like, you're not in great shape. And this was when? This was just in January. Yeah, I just started physical therapy now.

I'm so happy you're here. Me too, brother. This is, wow. That's nice of you. Thank you so much. No, but that's a, you know. I'm happy I'm here. That's what I'm saying.

Like, I'm really practicing gratitude now after all this shit. You need another water? I'm you. Thank you so much. No, but that's a, you know. I'm happy. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm really practicing gratitude now after all this shit. You need another water? I'm good. Thank you. Damn, that's a crazy story, man. It's, yeah. And I can only imagine because I'm going to be honest. I feel like you in the sense of I'm really appreciative of the days that I have and the people around me and everything.

I don't take. I love my job. I work for myself now. I create my own schedule. I love my job. I work for myself now. I create my own schedule. But that's also a thing to also kind of teach you like one, don't future trip, but anything could literally happen at any time.

So like the fact that in a month from now, it could happen again means you need to enjoy what you have right now. And, but we can't freak out because you could live to your 90 and be all right that's right you know and why be miserable the whole time freaking out about not living and you're like damn i made it to 90 like already outlived my father that was a big deal for me personally to pass an age but also so young yeah even now i'm at 50 i mean my back my knees don't agree with me but i still i still feel like I'm in my 20s that was one of my top cries tell me so you talk about passing your father at 42 when I turned 32 do you know who Jay Dilla is the rapper yeah rapper and producer yeah I do I've heard the name for yeah he passed away uh in 2006 and his stamp on music let alone hip hop, is one that will last forever. His

timing signatures of his kicks and his snares and his samples. And he was in an incredible group called Slum Village, one of my favorite albums of all time, Fantastic Volume 2 with T3 and Ba-Tin. And I'd always known about Dilla and I'd heard Dilla beats my whole life and on Commons albums or this or that. Never really knew that he had done a lot of it. And then I remember when I was around 30, I started really diving into the Dilla thing because I wanted to really start producing, like really like focus on production. I've always produced, but I mean, on my own, I don't need another guy playing keys. I don't need another guy that like just me.

And I went down this J Dilla rabbit hole. Everything you could know about him, I figured out and I learned. And he became such a part of me. And I turned 32 and I think about, I could i could cry right now think about this is that because um sorry man don't be you know because this guy really changed my life bro and he was 32 years old when he died and he died of fucking this crazy blood condition he had lupus and he left you know beautiful children behind sorry dude don't be

it's just difficult because i'm like this dude like changed so much and here i am and i was telling my wife this shit and i was just talking to her about how much i love jay dilla and then i was like and he died when i was when he was my age right now and it just hit me in a way because I think about how much he accomplished by 32, how much I accomplished by 32, I'm 33 now. But I think about how much I got left. And I think about the fact that that was stripped from him and taken from him. And it makes me so fucking sad.

And that was a really hard cry, but it was also a beautiful cry because I was like, I'm keeping this man alive. Me and many others like me who love him and have been like chiseled in how we create music because of this man's legacy. That's what I'm doing with this. That's why I named my album Lefty Son after my, I mean my special, excuse me, after my dad. My comedy keeps them alive. So I feel you on that. lefty son after my, I mean, my special, excuse me, after my dad, this, my comedy, you know, keeps them alive. So I feel you on that. And the other thing too, like his kids lost him.

And I thought about that in the hospital. Like, I don't want my eight-year-old daughter to be without a fucking dad, especially me. I'm a good dad. Like we get along great. I'm not like your dad. Yeah, for sure. You know, so let, or my mom. So let's talk about that as a parent now. Do you find yourself maybe over-correcting a little bit? Were you also worried that it was genetic and that you would be a shitty parent? Because I was. I was like, fuck, what if I'm like my mom and not like my dad? I couldn't imagine it though, and I'm not. But were you ever worried about that? I'll tell you genetically one thing I was worried about in one second.

I remember when, you know, my wife's about to pop and I'm talking to people, you know, throughout the pregnancy and I'm just kind of like, oh, I'm so nervous. Like, I want to be a good dad. Like, I hope I'm a good dad. And so many people literally were like, the fact you think that means you're going to be a great dad.

That's good advice. Because you actually care. You're like, think, I'm thinking, I'm learning fucking swaddling and all this shit and like all this stuff and I'm learning it. And the fact that I cared so much before the baby was even here, let me know. Like, dude, my dad was not there when I was born.

Like, you know what I mean? It's fucking crack. It's like mission accomplished, dude. Like you already did. You're already a better father than yours was. And your kid ain't even here yet. And when I was nice to myself and was like, dude, you're going to be a great dad. You're going to fuck up.

You're going to make mistakes. You might raise your voice one time. You might do something that is going to make you really sad or this or that or whatever. But like, you're always going to be a fucking good dad because you care enough. Now, what scares me genetically, right, is I could be the best dad in the world and my wife could be the best ever, but my son is who he is as a person. And that scares me that he could become a drug addict. He could become a bully. He could become a criminal. He could become all the things that I was destined to become, but averted. And that really scares me. Do I think that he's going to do that? No, I think he's a fucking genius. I think he's incredible. I think he's amazing, but I'm also not going to be there every second of his life. So all I can do is the best that I can to prepare him for that world and just hope for the best. That's very well said. I mean, I'm having real life conversations with my eight-year-old kid him for that world and just hope for the best.

That's very well said. I mean, I'm having real life conversations with my eight-year-old kid about fentanyl already. That's real. Because you have to. That is real. There's kids in her school whose older brother had already passed from it. They're doing commercials on TV about it all the time. So I'm like, we're not going to run from it.

We have friends. My really, really good friend's daughter got a hot shot and she died and she meets him and I ask him, how are you doing? And he's crying and I'm crying. And she's like, what happened to his daughter? And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to fucking lie to you because this shit's real out here. And they're designing them to look like candy for kids and shit. Shit is wild. Right? All right. Going back to genetics though, let let's talk about you had two addicts for parents um how do you fight that have you ever had to urge to go down that path or do you like you said you didn't start alcohol or weed until later because you were cognizant of

that but were you battling it i drank i i never remember being drunk i think the most i ever like as a teenager and shit, like the most I ever did was like chug a beer and a half and maybe take a shot and literally, like literally just like went to sleep, like immediately. So I don't remember that. And I was so terrified that it would change me. That was the thing.

I was scared, excuse me, that if I drank alcohol, it was going to change who I was as a person. In a bad way. In a bad way. Same with weed. So I definitely had my fair share of smoking weed as a kid. Nothing crazy, but like I smoked it like ninth, 10th grade, that was basically it.

And so 14, 15, and I'd skip school and shit like that. It wasn't that deep. Somebody definitely laced a blunt one time. I was with me, a couple of my homies, and there was these guys who sold them the weed and we were all freaking out and kind of out of it. I think they might've like put some PCP in it or something like wild.

And that was scary. But yeah, I just knew, I just looked at my family. It was not just my mom and my dad, but some of my brothers and sisters. And was like, I don't want to be this. And i also didn't want to be on the other side of it you know because my brothers had even sold crack to our dad you know which is yeah yeah you can't make this shit up oh dude definitely not so that was like a wild thing you know what i mean or or me learning how to cook crack or you learned yeah yeah yeah when yeah, yeah. When I was a teenage. Well, there was once when I was younger, but I didn't really.

Yeah. And then there was another time when I was like 18 and I was at my sister's house and it was just this whole process. I talked to Theo about it. And it was like. So wait, you're touching, you're handling this stuff. Yeah. But the elements, you're aware and present that the elements around you enough that this is going to destroy your life so even though you're touching it and fucking with it or

whatever you're not using no and i mean the smoke is billowing into the vent of little girls rooms above us and shit like this is like a fucking wild situation yeah and at the time i was kind of cracks i know i exactly i was kind of like, oh, this is cool. I'm cooking crack, you know? But then like I go downstairs afterwards and I'm like disappointed in myself. I'm like, why did I do that? Like, what the fuck is going on? So that's why a lot of people ask me like, how did you not go down the same path?

How did you, whatever. And I always say, I don't know. A God in common sense. I don't know. There's something in you though. I know, but that's what I mean. But I don't know what it is in common sense. I don't know. There's something in you though. I know, but that's what I mean. But I don't know what it is. I can't, but guess what?

You know what? To me, it's kind of like religion. A lot of people like my mom, for example, like she needs religion. She would always say like, if it wasn't for Jesus Christ, I'd have murdered a lot of motherfuckers. She would like believe it.

And I know it. I'm like, oh my God. And I'm like, I'm really glad you believe in Jesus. Like that's good for you and that you have that and that you need that. But I just, I don't know. I just never needed, I just knew what to do. Like I didn't need something to believe in. Like, oh, I'm going to follow God or a specific religion or blah, blah, blah.

And because it says thou shalt not kill i'm gonna really hold this urge not to kill anybody it's like no morally that's that's just who i am and and um i i think a lot of people for example you know who believe in a specific religion once again i'm not shitting on anybody here um that's my jesus my jesus and my god this is my pretty jesus with the robe and the blowout yeah he just he went to dry but he went to dry bar he got done up but i know that a lot of people are like they want they need the answers so it's like okay i follow this religion because i have faith and i know that if i do x y and z i'm going to heaven

and that's how my mom was and then i woke up one day and i realized maybe there is no heaven maybe there is no god maybe this maybe that what do i believe in and i think the fact that i was like as i just expressed to you i said i don't know what it is inside of me that kept me from doing those things i don't need to know a lot of people need to know i need to know this is the thing for me and this is that i don't need to know i'd like to know i mean who wouldn't i mean i'd love to know if there was aliens you know what i'm saying the ship's hovering around could you imagine like an alien bj it's probably amazing right i mean it's probably out of this world you know what i'm saying i come in peace no anyway no i really i it's something that's just like i

don't need to know that a lot of people definitely feel like they need to so So even when I think about like, you know, people would say things like, how could your mother be racist and call you the N word and X, Y, Z, like that doesn't make any sense. And I'm like, I know I'm not here to try to make it make sense. I'm, it's a disgusting, terrible thing. And that sucks that I lived through that. And it is what it is. I'm with you on that. Sometimes you don't need to know why. Sometimes you sleep better not knowing why. I resonate with that because whenever I step right before I go on stage, I always get nervous. I get the adrenaline, the butterflies, all that. But the moment I'm out there, good or bad set, they're gone. And people have asked me, I'm like, the moment I walk out there, those butterflies are gone. Why? I don't know. And I say it all

the time. I don't even want to fucking think about gone. Why? I don't know. And I say it all the time. I don't even want to fucking think about why. It works. It's working. The minute I start thinking about why, I might start fucking it up. You know what I mean? Getting in my own way, future tripping or tinkering this. And do that.

Do that. No, just leave it alone. I do that sometimes. I just did Jimmy Kimmel and I did this crazy performance. We start in this makeshift basement and then I'm rapping like crazy. Like, like we start in this like makeshift basement and then I'm rapping like crazy. I'm standing on a fucking table like Kanye, you know? And like, and then we walk through and then it's like this, all the fans are there, it's live. And then I make my way to a stage and all this shit. And I remember getting to this part

and it was this part that I rapped a million times, a million times. And I was so scared I was going to fuck it up. And it goes, uh, let me get up on an mpc when i kind of make him beat some the mvp and i may motherfucker you're an mpc got him full of mv the boy from md destroy what i see deployed an ib to illus mc braggadocious flow vein like an iv and i'm all up in the system blink once and you might have missed him pack a punch like i'm sunny listing better listen like i always do the intuition never missing unless i'm on tour in a family i miss them come and get some money and how the fuck do you do that oh i could never do that for one song you do it for so many songs but this was the first time i'd ever done it live or yes ever ever damn so i'm like don't fuck this up and as i'm walking to the stage to do that part, let me get up in the amp seat.

Like, I'm like, oh shit. Cause you gotta also understand like when I memorize lyrics, right? My mom actually taught me how to memorize. How do you do it? I was Shakespeare in a wax museum at school. And I had this like my frilly little thing that I could read from.

And it was like, I'm William Shakespeare. That was the first line. And the second line was, I was born in some fucking long time ago, whatever that is. And then the third line was whatever. And then she was like, she would make me do the first one.

I'm William Shakespeare. I'm William Shakespeare. I'm William Shakespeare. I'm William Shakespeare. I'm William Shakespeare. I'm William Shakespeare. Over and over and over and over and over and over and fucking over and over, bro.

And over and over and over and over and over. And then she gave me the second line. And I was born in some fucking time. Over and over and over and over. And we would do this over and over and over until I knew every line. Cause she was like, you're not reading some fucking sissy piece of paper.

You're gonna know this. And that's how I memorize rap lines to this day. Now I'm just so much of a professional at doing it. It doesn't take me forever, but- Well, Chris Rock just said he fucked up a joke on that live Netflix. He's like, oh, I fucked up the punchline. I can't remember what he said, but you ever fuck up in a way where people don't know? Oh, that's all the time. You ever accidentally drop a verse from another song in this song or anything like that? No, I've never done anything like that, but I've just like fucked up and forgotten. But the thing is, is I just, I just have ways to go about it that the crowd doesn't even

know that I'll tell you when the camera isn't even on because it, but what I was going to say is, is that on that specific thing, I was so scared because of the, of the flow and the way that I memorize is I actually don't memorize words. So I don't look and go the honeydew with like i don't do it that way it's all here so i've realized that it's all no it's literally muscle memory it's like a dance so if somebody does a specific dance they do all that again i just went to bollywood real quick anyway if somebody does a specific dance they do it over and over so by saying it so many times that muscle memory so it's like let me get up on the npc when i kind of make it

i mean motherfucker you're an npc again i'm full of envy and it's it's literally just the way my tongue and lips and fucking teeth move that i could wrap it without saying a word but i couldn't sit here and go let me get up on the npc i don't know what comes after that and that's just a really weird way that i memorized my show um i want to ask you a few more things before we wrap this up how do you deal with anxiety today do you have time for us just like lots of blow no i'm just kidding uh no yeah i'm good we're good on time um you you obviously go to therapy yeah i go to therapy i deal with things head on i use my tools i really use my tools you know a lot of people they they tend to seek help but then motherfuckers will be like don't do this do this and they're just like

what yeah like they just can't do it and they don't do it. And maybe they're so stuck in their ways that they just refuse to do it, even though they're calling for help and that's cool, but I'm not here to pull teeth, you know? And that's kind of how I am in my life and with the people that I keep around me. It's like, especially now,

cause I've helped a lot of people, but I've also enabled a lot of people and done a lot of things for them because I just wanted them to make it and you can't do that. You cannot do it for someone. So for me, when it comes to anxiety and dealing with it, it's those tools.

Don't ruminate over things. Don't body check. Don't ask for reassurance. Don't use forms of reassurance seeking. Don't ruminate and overthink on those thoughts, whether they're intrusive or thoughts about bills or money or this or all these other things, man. Like you have to let all that shit go.

And if you fucking snap your arm in half, then you can freak out and go, oh shit, you think I'm gonna be all right, doctor? Like that's legit. That's real. But if you if you're like oh my heart's beating kind of fast do you think i'm okay it's just like you got to let that shit go so i'm using i'm using my tool and i'm not perfect i'm fucking far from perfect bro i'm fucked up you know what i mean like me too i'm fucked up yeah but i think i'm a pretty good fuck you're a pretty good fucked up yeah all right last question before i ask doesn't have to be the last one though when okay okay just saying um eight inches no i'm just kidding

what um when did you know when did you feel the shift from before to you know the level you're at now when did you feel it do you mean do you mean in my career or in my personal life? In your career. In my career? The shift, wow. Well, I feel like there's two different moments. There's the moment that's like, oh shit, I just signed a record deal.

My life is officially changed. Because that was one year after where you had already taught, which would make anybody be like, holy fuck. And it was still a grind and it was still like for years like even when my debut album was out like it was still still still and you know i never had a hit song i had hit records i had hit albums like my albums like sold well you know you know uh hundreds of thousands of copies now millions but hundreds of thousands like i was when i was 25 so if i got my record deal in 2011 by 2015 i was in chicago playing 5 000 cap rooms with no hit nothing on the radio for the radio fuck i'm old yeah nothing on the radio but the

moment my life fucking changed i'll never forget i was uh it was at the MTV Music Awards. I gave a speech after the song 1-800 that, you know, about mental, mental health and suicide prevention. And I gave a speech

and I, and that speech consisted of, of powerful words regarding, you know, every man, woman,

and child, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, and sexual orientation and the fight for equality of all men so that shit and seeing like random ass fucking people like hayley steinfeld

and like other pop stars like clapping and being like oh and crying and shit i don't like watching it back i was like oh shit i felt like when kanye snatched the mic out of taylor swift's hand except like i dropped a mic like it was it was a it was a wild thing and i overnight went from logic that was known in hip-hop to a household name fucking doing ellen and shit and then ever since then i kept it up and then i retired i stepped away why. I stepped away. Why? I stepped away because I was tired of subjecting myself to the negativity on the internet because I still was not at a place where I could accept the fact it was okay that it hurt and then learned how to deal with that pain in a proper and mature way, which is where I am at now. And I feel yet another huge resurgence

and shift in my career because I'm not here as a rapper. I am here as a fucking comedian, as a writer, as a musician, as a rapper. I'm all these things and I'm not here to promote a fucking tour. I'm really not. I'm not here to promote an album.

I'm here to be like, this is me. Get used to seeing me because you're going to see me fucking everywhere. I fucking love it, dude. Look, man, thank you for being here. This has been a great interview. Thank you. Yeah, it has. I've loved talking to you.

Thanks for not asking me fuck boy shit. I mean, that's not who I am. I know. And I really, but that's also. These are real. We had real conversations. Yeah, we did. We had a real moment.

I feel like I made a friend. Thank you. Same. I'm coming to see you live, dude. I appreciate that. I'd love to come see you live. You know what I'm saying? I'll be back on stage locally in April when my lungs can handle it.

You know, I've always wanted to do stand-up. Maybe one day you'll let me open for you. Listen, I do a monthly show. When I'm healthy, I do a monthly show at the comedy store. It's called The Re-Up with Ryan Sickler. We get the best comedians. It always sells out. Probably going to bomb. I will absolutely let you fucking. I'm not The Re-Up with Ryan Sickler. We get the best comedians. It always sells out. I'm probably going to bomb.

I will absolutely let you fucking. I'm not even joking. I'm putting you on. I want to do it. I'm just, I'll come. I think my thing though is I'm not going to like, I'm not a punchline guy.

I'm just going to tell stories. That's it. I'm a storyteller. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like. Listen, I'm hitting the comedy store

up today for April show and you're going to, if you're in town, you're on it. Don't do anybody else's standup show before you come and do mine. Bro, I've never even talked to anybody about this. What am I going to do? There it is.

Don't go do it. Okay. Come out and break a cherry on the Rio. Can I just have like five minutes? Yeah, that's it. It's all you need. Or maybe like 10 minutes. You'll feel it.

We'll figure it out. Oh, actually, I'm kind of regretting this. You got time. You got time. Okay, yeah, we'll figure it out. But before you go, I want to ask you this because I ask everybody their first time. After everything we've talked about. I told you, bro, eight inches.

That's good, man. It's a Comcast remote. I measured it one time. It's fat, too, like that? It's nice. Yeah. It's not thin. Whose remote did you lay your dick on?

I hope it was yours. It was mine. It was a Comcast remote. It was with my wife one day, and I was like, oh, shit, look at this. What the fuck? That's crazy. I could change your channel. channel you know what i want to ask you this real quick your mother's obviously it's been a while she's never met your wife or your son so you're flying your dad out to meet your son you do you anticipate that moment with your mom someday

that no i wish unfortunately she is that's on her're saying. Not, you'd be open to it if she cleaned up and- Let me tell you something I haven't told anybody. My mother is no longer an addict. She doesn't smoke cigarettes anymore. She doesn't drink. She doesn't any of this. And I, like I've had with my father, had a moment where I was like, you know what?

Fuck it. I really want to talk to my mom. And I saw myself as a little boy. Makes me emotional And I saw myself as a little boy, makes me emotional. I saw myself as a little boy and I thought about me as a little boy and my mama. And that's what I wanted. I wanted that little boy to be able to just hug his mom again.

And I asked my brother, I said, can you tell mom I really wanna talk to her and can I have her phone number and she told my brother he can write me a fucking letter damn so i was like no i'm not and that just shows where you are mentally and there it is that's the nail in the coffin so now i'm focusing on oh i don't know my godmother mary jo who's actually in town right now with my godfather, Bernie. I met Bernie. Great dude. I met Jordan.

Great guy. Yeah. So I'm focused on- Well, fuck writing her a letter. Write those songs. Write those hit songs, dude. Maybe I will write her and I'll let everyone in the world hear it through music. Maybe I will do that.

Yeah. Dear mama. Yeah, do your Tupac dear mama. Dear mama, why you smoking crack? Dear mama, why you smoking pcp getting fucked in the butt dear mama all right 16 year old self what advice would you give to 16 year old bobby um you know people ask me this i would say um i i think i wouldn't give him advice because I wouldn't even want him to,

I would want him to think his life sucks and is over and be as motivated as he possibly could. So this is how it's supposed to be. It's how it's supposed to be. But you know what? I would tell him if I could, I would tell him I love you and you're a good person and good job and keep being you.

That's what I would tell him because nobody was there to tell me that. That's right. You're on your own. So that would have been cool. Great advice. But yeah. Dude, thank you so much, man. I've really enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you. And can I just shout out everyone listening? Please. Yeah. I'm sure some of my fans are here, but I know all your fans are here. And I just want to say thank you all so much if you made it through this interview, for listening and being here and fucking with us.

And I hope you had a good time, and I just hope you have an amazing day or evening or fucking whatever, man. Just keep being great and spread that positivity. You're going to get a ton of love on this. Oh, thank you. A ton of love. I appreciate it. We have the best fucking fans. That's great.

I'm telling you, die hard. You're going gonna love it amazing one more time plug whatever anything yeah whatever it gives a shit

alright dude thank you for doing this appreciate it appreciate you dude as always ryansickler.com ryansickler on all social media

we'll talk to y'all next week you