The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Matt Fulchiron

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

My HoneyDew this week is Matt Fulchiron - host of The Full Charge Power Hour, AKA The Full Charge AKA The Concierge AKA Your Baby’s Daddy! Matt shares stories about growing up in Southern Maryland, taking sex ed in Catholic school, and what it was like moving from Los Angeles to a crummy New York apartment where he lived in a hallway and took a less than ideal job as a receptionist at a hair salon! Subscribe, download & review! Sponsors: For $20 off a suitcase, visit http://awaytravel.com/honeydew and use promo code HONEYDEW during checkout! Hurry to http://upstart.com/HONEYDEW to find out HOW LOW your Upstart rate is.

This episode is brought to you by Away and Upstart. More on that later. Let's get into the do. You're listening to The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here at Studio Gene's doing it at your mom's house. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all social media.

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what's up Woody? He's on, uh, uh, what's on my bookie.com. He's six for six and making a lot of money out there legit on it so good for you woody i'll take 10 of that shit uh anyway thank you so much for all the support and uh you guys are great we're gonna keep on doing this every week and if you are new

to the show just coming in now i say every week these are the stories behind the storytellers and our storyteller this week first time on theew, the man that got me into podcasting, ladies and gentlemen, the full charge, Matt Fulcher. Thank you. Thanks for having me. It's great to be here at Toad Hop Studios. Inside joke, inside joke. Way inside. Well, I can't wait to get into some stuff with you but before we do please plug

your everything everything i have a business to show your please check out my new podcast it just came out this week it's called roadheads and it's me and louis katz talking about all our crazy experiences with travel giving tips on how to travel with no money. Don't ask me how I know. And I got the Full Charge Power Hour too. That's another podcast. Ryan's on a couple episodes of that. And I'm at the Full Charge on Twitter, Instagram. Thefullcharge.com.

All that shit. And you were out with Tom on the Canadian leg. I did a five city tour. Private jet, right? In Canada. Private jets. Told you. Spending's out out of control all the peanuts i could eat uh it was great dude it was great it was that's always a phenomenal experience because most of stand-up is just a battle it's nice when you can do a victory lap and with tom yeah no it's great i mean it's great it's great to see tom succeed

so far and like all of us go so far. People don't know that we kicked around town not making a dime for years and years and years, doing open mics, paying to do stand-up. He said to me when we were out there, he goes, do you remember when we were doing gigs in the back of Mexican restaurants? I was like, every once in a while,

I'll still go do that shit. Yeah, I remember Wednesday. Wednesday. I still do all that shit. You know what I mean? Anytime I especially need to work stuff. You know why? I remember when we would do rooms like three clubs and all that back in the day, which were great rooms.

Yeah. But you would see Damon Wayans and people start coming in. And I was like, man, if they're going to come in and work rooms like this, just to work shit. I know they're working on a set or maybe whatever it is. Then why would I not do that that i saw that my entire career you do especially the alt rooms the really alt rooms you'd see the big old comics like zach galifianakis and chris hardwick they weren't as big then but they were still successful yeah and they'd come in and you knew that was like kind of your responsibility right now i'm not gonna go crazy with that shit i'm not gonna do five of

those a week no hell but i'll do one when i got some new shit and i don't feel like ruining a paid audience's night i'll burn 40 to save 500 yeah i don't want to make enemies you know i don't want to be on yelp well you and i got me on google alert i don't play that shit do they really i'm sure they do they know a little too much about me. This is what I want to talk about. So you're a Maryland guy. We met way back when, bonded over that. Right, right.

I wore that for you today. Right. That's why the first podcast was called Crab Feast. That's right. It was a Maryland vibe. Yes. And even though Randy was from Virginia, it's still the same vibe, right? I mean, it's a little different.

It's like me and you are Maryland, Randy and Danny McBride, that's Virginia. I put them in the same category. I'm sure Randy. He's Carolina, North Carolina. Is he? I thought he was. He might be from Virginia, but they all went to that North Carolina school yard. There's a certain sense of humor and there's a certain vibe from that area of the country.

It's very funny. Danny McBride does it. You do it. I do it. It's like the country meets the city. Yes. It's the southern city. Yes.

And there's a sense of humor and there's a self-awareness that you ain't got the best shit, but you're going to ball it out anyway. And that's what he's pounding down is. That's all. It's like I'm balling it on my level. That's right. On my level. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Be the best. I always say, be the best wherever you are. Right. That's it. Right. And that's why there was nothing but lowrider trucks where I grew up. Nothing but that. So talk about where you, because Maryland's a very interesting state.

I've talked about, you know, you've got Western Maryland, which is all mountains. Yeah. And that West Virginia area, that whole, you know, that's a whole different life out there. Then you're coming into Central Maryland suburbs. suburbs yeah which leads you into baltimore city out of that you start getting a little more toward the chesapeake which is very interesting people as well yeah and you know i'm told still i've been here like 20 couple years and i'm still asked where i'm from because people think it's the south all the time but as soon as you get across that chesapeake bay that eastern shore of maryland is so fucking it's a different kind of redneck it's i know kind of different and that's what's so funny people always first of all people are always like you

where you from maine you're from maine you're massachusetts people don't really even know maryland which is weird because it's kind of washington dc it's kind of the capital yeah um also people ask me questions about Maryland all the time, and I don't fucking know the answer because I just lived in my little cave. They'll be like, oh, I'm from such and such, and I'm like, I don't know that. I don't know shit.

I lived in Western Maryland for a year. I lived in the Baltimore suburbs. Would you go to Frostburg or something? Yeah, I did, and I lived in Baltimore suburbs for three years, Baltimore City for one year, but I mostly spent time in southern maryland aka saint mary's county that's what we call it in maryland we go by county right that means something to us that's what tom makes fun of me because when i say a lot of people say are you when you're in

the city they'll ask you are you from the county they'll ask you from the county they don't they don't necessarily know which county but you're not from the city right it's a very big city we know we all know what county we're from and when you ask us where we're from we we say by county and um i remember just like the 50 states i had to learn i think the 23 or 33 counties in maryland you had to learn them all because it's that important to the culture it is we did too we were testing like caroline carol fucking pg montgomery pg yeah howard yeah yeah frederick i that i didn't remember so well but i you're down by is saint michael's down by you that way or is that farther south i don't know this is like every conversation i have about maryland probably right uh uh so i'm

from like i said southern maryland saint mary's county and it's very isolated if we look at the shirt can we look at the shirt real quick it's down down there so it's very isolated and so that's what's funny about maryland too i'm only two hours away from annapolis two hours away from dc two hours from baltimore but i'm worlds away because i never went up there yeah just stay down there it's all crabbing fishing god knows what else it used to be a tobacco uh that was the the economy and they they started to get paid not to grow tobacco as you know and so there's just it's the navy base that's the main thing in my small town so you got all these um people that grew up there generations and generations of gattons and purcells and all these fucking country ass names and then you got all these fucking country-ass names.

And then you got all these people that just came in from wherever, these military people who come in for three years and then split. I'm a mix of, my parents are from New Jersey, like right outside of New York City. Their families always worked in New York City. So that brought a different mentality to Maryland, at least as far as my household was concerned. Why did they move to Maryland?

Was your dad in the military? Because my dad, so that's what I'm getting at. My dad was both, he was both in a way, he was an independent contractor for the government. So we got to suck off the teat of the government without having to get shipped around all over the place so i spent my entire i was born in southern maryland i was born in hollywood is it really hollywood maryland i moved to california maryland how about that and then uh saint mary city i moved

to um but but yeah i forget what i was going to say about that but but but your dad was transferred or or got the job there? He just got the job there. And he was stationed there, I think, in the 60s in the Navy. And he swore he'd never move there. Because back then, there was nothing there. When my mom moved there, my poor mother, she moved there from... She used to work in New York City.

So she went from Manhattan to... Yeah, to there. And she said there was only a McDonald mcdonald's and a grocery store when she got there damn she said she did she said she didn't eat pizza for you know years like she was i think she was a little more depressed than she let on not depressed just kind of like not not depressed but just kind of like this this is what we're doing right like we're moving to southern fucking maryland's how close is your closest neighbor my closest neighbor was uh we actually lived in an apartment building at first which i

don't remember any of that but that's funny that must have been about 50 bucks a month to live in an apartment building in 1974 in southern maryland right that couldn't have been, that didn't mean like, here's the keys, just pay us what you like. And then I lived in something that resembled the suburbs, but there was no herb to the sub. Just the sub. Yeah. And then where my parents live now and where I lived since 1988,

on was three acres of woods so you can't even see your neighbors okay and my dad loves it that way yeah but like my mom was i think a little always trying to figure out like how to stay busy in southern maryland my dad is a born-again redneck goes out on boats all the time has his own oyster traps lives that life and loves it is he's retired now, though? He's retired. He still works, I don't know, 10 hours a week. He'll do some stuff. And he just fucking loves his life. He told me one day, and I'm surprised I never heard this.

People were trying to get him to go on vacation, and we went out in a boat, and he's like, look at this bird over here, and it was huge. It was like a dinosaur. And I'm like, you don't need to go on vacation. You got it all right here. He goes, Matthew, I got the world body ass. And I had never even heard that expression before,

which is funny because we roll with some of the most creative minds around, and everybody's always making jokes. And I'm sure he didn't make that up, but I was like, damn, Dad. What the fuck? This is somebody that tried not to curse about around me my entire life, and now there was that. It was pretty fucking funny. My brother did the same thing he lives in delaware lives on a pond got a boat and every night he's out fishing yeah every night he just goes out for

a couple hours and he'll send me pictures of the bass he catches or whatever he's just he's like there's you know so i go to visit him i take my daughter and uh we're out on the boat he's like there's a bald eagle's nest right up here and you see him so like he's the same way he's pointing all this shit out he's like this tree got struck by lightning that's where we're gonna fish fast and then he's this area used to be a field over here and it's still a field and that's how i like it yeah he's that same slower fucking pace yeah i want to get there that's where i want to get is always stuck there and that's another funny thing is uh you know your whole life you hear about how california is laid back well if you're from

southern maryland los angeles ain't laid back at all not even close and i'm like what the fuck is all this talk about? Because I go back to Southern Maryland. My head and my pace is always in Southern Maryland. And I can't adapt, really, because it stresses me out. The second I start trying to keep up with everybody, I start stressing out. It's a different mentality.

It's funny. Tom and I, when we were out on the road, we were in this one hotel and and it was just this people from the midwest are the same way as as southern maryland and those areas those type of areas where they're so polite the people really polite and kind but they tell you fuck you in the in the most polite way you know like yeah that's that's like we were like hey uh the elevator's not working and the lady's like it should be we're like, hey, the elevator's not working. And the lady's like, it should be. We're like, yeah. That's what we're saying.

That's what the fuck we're trying to tell you. That's our angle. It should be. It should be. She Jedi mind tricked your ass. But we're on the fucking 16th floor. So before we walk up 16 fucking flights, could you give us maybe an update or call somebody? And she calls the maintenance guy.

He comes over. And she's like, they say the elevator's not working. He says, it should be. And we're like, yeah, we fucking, we're all, everyone's in agreement. We're in agreement. So the next decision is, what are we going to do about this?

So Tom, we're like, how long is it going to be? He's like, I'm going to need 20 or 30 minutes. I said, all right. So I forgot to pack socks, which has never happened to me in my life. So I go get socks. A fan took me to Target. No shit. You got you got a fan's car no he fucking saw me walking and took me to fucking target i met him it was very nice and i forget his name but i appreciate his name gps and uh i come back

and tom was like ryan i walked up all 16 flights of stairs and and he goes, like a movie, I get to the top, and the fucking elevator door opens up. It should be. Somebody just probably hit pause on her or some shit down there. It's all that. And I'll just laugh the entire time. Click. Yeah, that's it right there.

This will do it. I guess you're going to have to get that exercise. It'll smile and laugh at you. It's a real polite fucking. I love it it yeah yeah nuts but i love it uh my hometown also has like a sense of humor about itself like we're talking about like we call ourselves smibs southern maryland inbreds like we own that shit own it and uh we had our own cop cars they were light blue and they called them Smurfs. Did you ever get arrested?

No. I suffer from white privilege. There should have been several times where I should have been arrested. Most of them involved skateboarding. One time, me, I was skateboarding with these kids who was a captain in the Navy, and we left the bay. Those are always the worst kids.

The kids that have everything going on, they're always egging you on to do something. They're like, let's sneak off base and then let's sneak back on base. And I'm like, oh, fuck. We do it. We get busted. And then people report it.

When you see people going under the fence of a Navy base property, people call in. People will pull over and fucking call because it's like highly illegal yeah i mean i'd be scared to death i thought you were just creeping past no no we went under a fence but also in our defense fix the fucking fence yeah for real for real you're supposed to be defense you ain't even got a fence and uh we were all written you know we were written up but then the captain he came to pick us up at this ditch we were skateboarding at the designated area

and we just kind of got off we didn't get in trouble but then he's like i'm gonna tell your fathers and i'm like fuck so i'm all nervous and shit i get home and i tell my dad i'm like we uh we snuck on the navy base and my and my dad just goes well don't get caught you'll be in a lot of trouble and i was like all right that's good enough you know what i mean i'm like he ain't called yet i told him called yet he ain't called yet if there's more of this story at least it's not a total shock there is no record i'm like thanks for the advice dad it was good advice and the guy never called uh no the guy never calls yeah it's a good move man that's an intelligent move because you

figure if it's a good kid they're gonna rat on themselves right before it's trying to soften that because i've done the other thing before i've gotten in trouble on the bus and then just be like maybe they won't call i'm gonna go skateboarding for three hours pull up to your house on the bus get home you got something to tell me yeah i don't have something to tell you no more somebody already told you and then one time i got in trouble i wrote like there was these uh my friend was kind of teasing this girl about being a prostitute this says it was totally innocent when we were 14 we was just like it sounds horrible now in the age of

calling people prostitutes. You shouldn't do that. But I remember I wrote a coupon for Lori's Hut, like $25 off blowjobs. And my art teacher found it. And she's like, I'm calling your mom. She called my mom. And then halfway through, just kind of bailed on it because she liked me too much. And she was just kind of like, Matt's a good student, blah, blah, blah. And I never got in trouble for that. Are you serious? I don't know what happened. I don't know exactly what happened in the conversation.

But I don't think she told my mom exactly what happened because I think my mom would be really pissed at me. And my mom wasn't that pissed at me. It was really weird. I used to get in trouble a lot as a kid. Like I could not contain my smart mouth. I couldn't. I was always getting in trouble a lot as a kid like i could not contain my smart mouth i couldn't i was always getting in trouble where does that come from i mean obviously we all build up these

defenses but where does your i i what firing back come from i've analyzed it enough to the point where first of all just naturally if somebody says something to me my brain tries to reorganize the information and spit back a joke it That's just how I've been. And if we want to look further into it, it might be the fact that I grew up into a, not a rigid authority of a household, but it was very much like you're going to, and I see it more when I go back to visit. Like if I'm washing a dish a certain way, my dad will be like, you're washing that dish wrong. Wow.

That's an example. That's not an actual example. Right, but I hear what you're saying. Yeah, it's like he's going to tell you how to do everything. His way. And I think it's always, like I always feel like people are watching. And I still feel that way to this day. If I make a mistake and somebody calls me out, I feel dumb about it.

I feel like a shame about it, even if it's nothing and uh i don't blame my parents for that they the main reason they wanted me they wanted me to succeed in life so they were on my ass about getting good grades not fucking up not getting in trouble i can call it on navy bay yeah and then i think when you go to school and you break the rules a little bit and you don't get in a whole lot of trouble, it's like, oh, I can kind of break the rules here. And also there's the rush of laughter. That's a big deal, too. And you got to figure out how to make people like you. All that bullshit.

School's crazy. I don't think I really had a sense of humor until I was in like the fifth grade. Then I just started to be funny and I loved it. I loved the attention I got and I loved being able to do it. And I was fucking, I was on board with what I was doing.

I was my first fan. I was like, I'm doing this. And I feel bad about that now. That is how it has to start though. You have to be your first fan. I do feel bad about it now some nights when I'm doing comedy

and people are just shouting at me or talking or fucking with me. I'm like like this is what my poor teachers had to go through but for eight hours a clip yeah you know so i don't feel great about it but that is the first moment of breaking the rules and that was the way i broke the rules so was your dad controlling you say do it this way it seems to be a do it my way type thing was he a controlling parent he was yeah he wasn't a dick about it i don't mean that but like he would like sometimes rigid like you had what time do you have to be in at night um what was your i don't remember but there was definitely like a bedtime and there was definitely yeah it was definitely tell us where you're going and

you know yeah there wasn't a whole lot of things you were supposed to do without my parents knowledge but also just like seriously like uh i'll just give you one example and it might not be the exact right way to go but it was like oh we had to do community service for the high school i went to went to a catholic high school and um that's another fucking issue we should get into but uh but they had us do community service you had to do like 30 hours to graduate. And I remember the 30 hours were up. I was helping kids learn how to swim. I helped the swim lessons.

And the 30 hours were up. And I'm like, my dad's like, so we're going to wake up at 8 a.m. tomorrow. I'm going to take you. And we were like, 30 hours are up. We're not going back to work. And he's like, you're going to fucking work. You know what I mean? And I can think later in life, before I moved to Los Angeles, I stayed there a summer to work.

I worked at a landscaping place and, um, my, my departure date for Los Angeles kept changing. And I was like, uh, you know, I had two more weeks at home and my dad's like,

yeah, call, call up and tell him you're coming back, going back into work on Monday. And I'm like, I don't think he wanted you to. Because you're going to be here. You're going to work. You got to work.

You got to make money. Like, he's just very much like, he has, and for good reason. He's got his shit together. His finances. He's got the world by the ass. He's got the world by the ass. You got to have the world by the ass. But he's going to use a condo because he's by the book.

All right? He's not going to use a condom because he's by the book. All right? He's not going to fucking spread his bullshit to the world. But no, seriously, like, he's just trying to tell me a secret. This is how life works. You got to play by the rules. And you've got to, you know what the rules are. Fucking follow them and excel. Yeah.

You know, there's no way around it is my dad. But then simultaneously I was way into skateboarding and that was a very rebellious culture. Yeah. And so there's something to that too. And then I also saw like the punk rock of sports. Yeah. And you see all this stuff about just,

there was only two magazines back then, Thrasher and trans world. But you saw like just this California, just different different world and i was very much keeping track of that and it was also like an unconventional thing to it it was like you can um you can go kind of do your own thing for a living whether it's like music or even skateboarding you go like fucking skateboard for a living not really not forever but that was like what i was witnessing i was like there's this whole other world out there and that was very anti-authority so there's like two different things going on at the same time

you know and then there's the catholic church i was gonna ask so i went to catholic school for most of my life i went to public school for two years seventh grade and eighth grade and that was fucking awesome so you were catholic school, Catholic school through six, then seven, eight out of Catholic. Yeah. And then my mom was like, since I was such an asshole at school, the teachers wouldn't sign off for me to go to college prep classes, even though I got pretty good grades. They were like, fuck this guy. You know, we're not recommending him. And my mom was like, hey, just take the test for reichen that was like the catholic private school see if you can you know

just take it see how well you do and uh i took it and i and all of a sudden i was going back to private school and uh i remember just being the most disappointed i was i was like i can't wear the clothes i want to wear like you got to wear a dress code you got to tuck in your shirt which was just blasphemy at the time you know you can wear jeans you can wear a hat that that just seemed like the end of the world was it sport coat or polo or what no you just had to wear a car it was very like advanced for their line of thinking it was very much like you can wear whatever you want but there's a dress you can't jerk off and have premature sex or anything but you can wear you that's you can wear a hoodie yeah and so you're learning that shit with math and science right yeah you're learning superstitions that erection you're having right now don't touch that's devils that's yeah that's that's a that's

a straight road to hell young man i do have a sex ed class in a catholic high school yes the my my catholic high school was and also by the way i went to public school doing it during two very crucial years you did seventh and eighth grade and so i got a real sex ed class okay and that's fucking huge i don't think they have that anymore or something i don't know they still have they still have it my when my stepson was in i told him when he was in fifth grade i said look if i remember it right fifth grade was the year they separated the boys and the girls and sort of gave us like a cliff's notes version of what what was about to fucking happen yeah yeah and then in sixth grade i believe is when they started getting into i love the cliff notes version i saw those because my mom used to work at a lutheran church and we'd be bored there

some summer days and we would watch these fucking their sex ed videos yeah the lutheran church's sex ed videos and it's like when a man and a woman love each other very much they hold each other very tightly and there's like this shitty cartoon animation of the like the the sperm going into the uh the the womb kind of sort or like these little molecules, but they're still just hugging on the couch. Just from holding tight? So in my mind, it was, okay, I didn't think if I hug someone, they would get pregnant. I thought if I was in love with somebody and I hugged them.

It had to be love and all. That was that church science. So do you remember the difference between the public school sex ed education and the Catholic school? Oh, you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, there was no high school. No, there was. There was.

We had this class called Life Skills. Or Health. Yeah, ours was Health. Ours was Life Skills, and it was a nice idea. It was, we're going to help you. It was kind of like a group. Now looking're gonna help you it's kind of like a group now looking back right now it's kind of like a group um therapist section but we didn't know that and so we didn't really give our all but the teacher there was a there was one teacher there

specifically to help us get through the social part of high school and um they did what i know i don't think we had anything like that. Yeah, my parents paid for the church. I mean, that's what it was. Why is your mom working at a Lutheran church if you're at the Catholic church? Hey, man, you get that Eucharist any way you can. Am I right? I'm thinking I'm going to slide over to this Catholic church and see if I can't get a little discount on that education.

Right. So there was in this Catholic school one day if I can't get a little discount on that education. Right. So there was, in this Catholic school, one day I specifically remember where a teacher was telling us about... I'm sorry to interrupt. Are your teachers nuns, priests, both brothers? Are they... There's some brothers. Okay. There's no nuns. I did have nuns

in grade school. It was rough. Mostly just regular civilian people, though. Oh, okay. But I do remember one day of sex ed in a freshman life skills class. Also had this guy come in and tell us how not to do drugs. He's like, you shouldn't do drugs. I'm going to teach you some ways to relax without doing drugs. And we can't jerk off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one thing I really resent about going up Catholic is them telling us you can't jerk off. yeah that's that's one thing i really resent about going up catholic is them telling us you can't jerk off because i believed them i was very like uh what do you call it impressionable yeah for like way too long millions of people are yeah i know it's not just you yeah i know i shouldn't feel bad about i mean look man i i just committed when i was for me it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade i was on bunk beds uh my younger brothers underneath i'm on the top and i just started i didn't know this i didn't know anything i just started playing with it right and then i had an orgasm i came and i was like what the fuck i'm doing that every fucking night, all the fucking time. I didn't know my body could do that.

I didn't even know what I was doing or what it was, but I also committed to it at that point because I went to public school, but every Sunday from elementary school through high school was Sunday school. Baptism, communion, confirmation, all that shit.

And at that moment, I just made the decision like if this i'm going i'm cool going to hell yeah yeah well you're smarter than i am cool going to hell you're so much smarter in seventh grade we had a youth pastor at one of these lock-ins they would make us do for we had to do community service for confirmation and shit yeah and it was a younger guy who actually gotten some trouble and they moved moved him to Seattle is what we were told. Oh, fuck, dude. And he came up to me and my friend Anthony Biassella and he said, isn't this better than staying home and jerking off on a Saturday night?

And Anthony and I looked at each other both like, what the fuck a weird thing to say. And I didn't know what he was going to say or if he was going to say it in unison. Both of us go, no. From that moment, we were fucking friends. I was like, you're the shit, dude. You are the shit. Who said that in the first place? Another friend?

The youth pastor. Yeah, the guy who was in charge of this lock-in comes over trying to rally people because he knew nobody wanted to fucking do this. We had to do this in order to get this. Right. And his thing was, isn't this better than staying home and jerking off on a Saturday night? And we're like, no, it's not. Nutty, but not surprising conversation to start.

Have you ever jerked off? Right. There's not much shit better than that. Right. Yeah, that's the highlight of your day. You're like, all right, well, at least I got that waiting for me at the end of the day. Now let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, Away. Away creates thoughtful products designed to change how you see the world.

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I remember I was so, I mean, this is all very embarrassing to me, but I'll tell you because we've got to fill an hour. But I never jerked it till i got to college how old i was i was 18 years old no i know it's crazy and here's how crazy i was 18 yeah so here's how crazy it was but that was all because of catholic guilt it was and not only that there was this weird thing it was just such a different era and it was in a small town. There was this idea that it was being passed around, and I think maybe even from elders, or I'm not even sure.

It's fucking footloose down there. It was like somehow I got the idea that if you jerked off, you were gay, and gay was the worst thing you could be where I grew up. Yeah, that Catholic church preached that. There ain't no doubt about that. I didn't even think there were actual gay people. I thought when there was a gay person in a movie, it was a joke. I just thought this was a horrible, horrible thing that wasn't even really real.

But I definitely didn't want to be that. Now, I envy kids today. We're like, there's not a lot of shame. It's like, no, my friend's gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody knows everybody jerks off and all that stuff. Also, none of my friends were really talking about jerking off, so I didn't know about that.

Here's how bad it got at one point. I was swimming a lot, which you know that gives you, I was like 15 years old. And I'm swimming every day. You know I can fucking cut diamonds with this thing I'm waking up with. And my balls just started really hurting. And I even started telling, I didn't think anything of it i even told like a couple friends like my balls really hurt i told my mom i'm like i think i need to go to the doctor my balls really hurt and she's like oh

okay that was her moment and she's not going to do it and it'd be even more traumatic if she did it was her moment to say well you got a fucking off. But she's not going to say it. We're going to take this fucking idea all the way to the doctor's office. All right, even though we know it's completely... Your balls are backed up. Don't even pay the co-pay. Your balls are backed up.

So I sit down with this fucking doctor, and I say, yes, doctor, my testicles hurt. They're swollen. I don't know what's going on and he's just staring at me and he just goes like that was his moment to say stick two fingers probably jerk that thing off he goes well how old are you and i'm 15 and he's like looking back you can see him like trying to figure it out in his head. Like, what should I tell this kid? Am I allowed to ask this kid if he's ever jerked?

Well, that's really kind of typical of someone your age. Nothing wrong with you. So, see you later. That's it. That's it. Sent me back into the world with a ball full of semen. For me to figure it out. For me to get into college.

And then my roommate never showed up. That's another three years. I know. Did they hurt the whole time? No, because I started having wet dreams, which is a fucking crazy thing. I was about to ask you because this is what I've learned now. I was masturbating so early and so often that when they told us. I read your bio.

No, I'm just kidding. When they told us about the, when they separated the boys and the girls and they would tell us about these wet dreams that were about to happen and all that, I wasn't having any. I've had, I had two. And I remember, I've said it before, the one I had, I was woke up in the middle of the night. It was everywhere. And I was like, oh man, one I had, I was woke up in the middle of the night. It was everywhere. And I was like, oh, man, it wasn't it was nothing great about it.

It felt great happening because you're dreaming. You don't know what the fuck's going on. But it's just like like you ever have that dream that you're taking a piss and you wake up and you're pissing yourself. That's all it felt like. Well, that's funny because you were actually dreaming about sex. I don't remember what I was dreaming about flying a kite or something. I have no idea. I have no idea.

It probably wasn't, but then I'm cleaning myself up and everything. But what I learned from people who've come on here and other podcasts that masturbated later, they started having wet dreams a lot because their body started naturally releasing. Like, we got to get rid of this shit. Right, yes. And I remember I came so hard, I woke up beforehand. You know what I mean?

I woke up beforehand. I'm like, what's happening? You know how you wait a week nowadays? I was unloading like 50 clips, dude. And I'm like, I wouldn't stop. Oh, God. You know what I mean? It was a molasses swamp, bro.

That's what I'm saying. You got to get up in the middle of the night all tired. And I'm in tiny white. Yeah, you don't know what the fuck's going on. I'm all filled up. We don't have air conditioning. I'm sweaty, neck sweat and shit. I got to go clean myself.

This is some bullshit right here. This is what they hyped us up about right here. This is some bullshit. And I still didn't equate it with sex in any way really because it was like, uh, I wasn't thinking about sex. It was just like, but,

but my body was like, listen, we got to get on with our lives, you know? And just, and then when I got to college, everybody was talking about jerking off so much. I go,

I don't try this shit. Isn't it interesting? I said, 10 dry seconds later i it used to be like middle school a lot of kids did it didn't talk about it high school almost excluding yourself everybody did it you'd hear a little bit about it and then you're right college kids just started bragging and started bragging about it and thank god yeah yeah yeah there was it was especially there was especially cool guy talking about it talk about how you jerked off over the weekend and i'm like well if cool guy thinks it's cool and he was even saying in front of girls and they weren't freaking out they were just like

right cool i was like oh well this is nothing so what what helped you that's what helped you move past the catholic guilt and everything as well? Honestly. Were you comfortable with it when you started doing it? Once I found out, it was socially acceptable. I was okay with it. I didn't see the harm in it. As far as sex was concerned, I still thought that was a huge deal that you could like

really i think i still believed in heaven and hell when i was 18 i really do and uh i i was just like i was like that's fucking that no but that's crossing the line and then i did that by the time i graduated my freshman year so i was like that ain't shit either how old were you when you lost your virginity 18 so did you jerk off first or did you lose your virginity first i jerked off first but it didn't really become a habit because i was still wasn't i was i didn't i didn't jump right in i was just kind of like it took me 25 years to figure out how to perfect my i know and then once i started doing open mics when i was 23 and i heard about all the jerking off and all the porn and all the shit. I'm like, alright, this is a great way

to get to sleep. I mean, I still tinker with my technique. Listen, it's a valuable experience. You got your home games, you got your away games. You do, you know, it's an important part of life. It's a necessary part of life. As Woody Allen said,

it's sex with someone you love, which I shouldn't quote him not about that anything below the belt but whatever so that changed everything for you and then are you were you confident dating and stuff in college or after that did you feel a difference uh I was never even trying to get laid when I was that young. Because even after I did get laid, I wasn't very comfortable with how, like, oh, fuck, I'm in a serious relationship now. So was your first time a girlfriend or was it a hookup? She was a girlfriend. She was older than me. And so she was more hell-bent on getting laid.

I didn't give a fuck. She had already had sex? Yeah. Did she know she was taking your virginity? Yeah. She did. Yeah. How'd you know her?

I knew her. I just... Walk us through the day or night that it happened. I met her at a party. I used to go to these college parties. Frostburg was nuts. I partied at Frostburg. What years?

I was only there one year, 92 into 93. And it was fucking amazing. I didn't like it because I didn't have any skateboarder friends. And I didn't like how much I was only there one year, 92 into 93, and it was fucking amazing. I didn't like it because I didn't have any skateboarder friends, and I didn't like how much I was drinking. I wish someone. I'm getting out of here. But when I left, I missed it. What was the big festival they had out there?

I forget what it was called, but they had like 20 bands that all played the same fucking Alice in Chains song. They all played the same songs. It was 92. I wish someone could create a technology that could go back in time and say, all right, in 1992, you were here and you were here. I'm sure that we were probably in the same bar. I was at Frostbite.

I had so many friends there. I was there a ton. And UMBC. I dated a girl that lived there. You lived right around there. I lived walking distance to UMBC. Very interesting to know that stuff. Before iPhones, it's just hard to even fucking figure anything out it's all we're going by memory so

frostburg it was nuts you're right it was yeah so you'd have a maryland they'd have what you call a happy hour so that keg party would start at like six and then they had a regular date and then they had a uh a speakeasy at 2 a.m and so you just i didn't go on any dates i just met like i met girls just getting hammered drinking fucking natty light yeah you know and uh yeah i wasn't i i didn't i didn't really chase after women so how much when i was younger i just you know got drunk at a party hooked, and then we just kept calling each other. You know what I mean? You weren't dating prior to that.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. And so that was, I was very uncomfortable with how, she was older than me and she was kind of bossy. And I was like, fuck, I'm in this relationship.

I'm 18. How old would she say older? We were getting into fights and stuff. She was 21. Okay. And I was was just like this is not for me and it turned me off to having a girlfriend for a while i don't i didn't have another girlfriend until i was 21 years old and i i never tried to get in a in like a relationship at that age i didn't like all the checking in and rules and you're gonna get yelled at for this or that or whatever also i only I only really had the one relationship, but there are cooler women out there than her. Yeah.

But I was just like, I was always like tiptoeing around that shit. I wasn't even trying to get laid. I didn't care about that. I knew it was great, but it seemed like a lot to go with it. And then around 21, I had this girlfriend and she was so cool. And then, yeah, then I saw swingers and i knew how to go out on a date you get a number and you call a girl up and that's what by that time i had moved to los angeles and that's what that's what being young in los angeles is all about you go out to bars you try

to get phone numbers you call them up we had it hard back in the day we had to call a home phone and you might get a roommate but whatever dad or a dad yeah yeah then you hang up immediately because yeah yeah because either that's her dad or that's her old ass boyfriend either way i don't need that trouble right um so i want to talk about because obviously we meet through comedy you you leave maryland you get into comedy and um and then you went from LA to New York in 2012. Yeah, that's right. So why did you decide to make that move? Well, you know, and what, real quick, hadn't you done a little stint in New York before

that or no? I went there, uh, once for like a couple of weeks and I was so fucking broke that my old job call back and I'm like, I better go back to LA. This is in 2004 and 2005. I better take that job. And also the improv and stuff were calling me in New York. I didn't have anything going on in New York. I was like, I better get back to LA. I put in all this time and it's kind of starting to pay off. So I went back and that's really when my career started to click. Um, that's like within that year I did the HBO festival and got on the Craig Ferguson show.

And then the next year I did two more TV spots. And that's really, it's a good thing I went back to Los Angeles because I would have been starting from scratch in New York. Yeah. This goes all the way to 2010 where like things, things just keep working out. And then. So 2012 hits. 2011 hits. And this is right around the time we start talking about doing the crab piece together.

Yeah. You're calling me and you're like this business is fucked up that's still and i'm like i still had like 10 grand in the bank so i didn't think it was that fucked up and then but then i noticed i wasn't working that much and my girlfriend broke up me at that time we've been living together for two years or so and i I was just kind of like, I wasn't feeling it in LA that much. I felt like the good times were over for a while. I felt like an outsider all of a sudden. Even though a year beforehand, I felt like I had it all going on. But did you also want to dive strictly into stand-up more than anything out here like TV and shit?

At that point, yes. That's what I wanted to do. Then, jumping forward a little bit when i got to new york i was like oh stand up but what was tempting you there what made you what was tempting me there was a change that i that i could a decision i could make because all this change was happening that i didn't like. Right. My girlfriend split. Happening to you. Yeah. And I wasn't working as much, whatever, you know,

without saying too much, whatever. Jobs were coming my way before were not coming my way anymore. And I was like, well, this is a perfect time to go do this thing I've always wanted to do. I've always loved visiting New York City. I've always loved performing there. But one of the main reasons I moved there is because my friend of mine told me he had a room there for 500 bucks and i go this is great i'm not making that much money right now

i can go try something new and uh let's go do it but it's a shit show from the beginning because i get there and um and i'm walking through this hallway in the apartment and my buddy goes this is your room right here. And I just start laughing because it's not a room. What was it? It was like a wide hallway. What? Yeah, and so I didn't have a room.

I had this wide hallway where people could walk. Talking about never jerking off again. Back to home, baby. I'm back to the doctor's office. And I get physically ill i'm like like this area right here like this wide and open or more narrow i'll give you this area right here but maybe a little bit more narrow and the door is in the right fucking place right there and people are walking right through your privacy so i have no privacy i have no privacy and this fucking freaks me out because i'm all about privacy i'm all about privacy i need 23 hours a day of silence like

it's just me um and and you know it's easy looking back to be like why the fuck didn't you like look at a picture i just figured that wouldn't be my room but who also calls that a fucking room and my friend he burned me so bad because he goes did i describe it properly and that's when i knew he didn't he knew that he didn't describe it properly and for some reason and this guy hated la and so he probably thought in his mind that i'd rather live in a hallway in new york than in my one bedroom in la which is fucking and i was like oh i can't believe i gave that thing up. You know, I just, but that's the spirit. The reason I had that spirit is because I went to LA with nothing,

and I accomplished some things. And even looking back now from this point, it's amazing we accomplished anything out here, because it's really difficult. It is. And we were just young enough, and I guess dumb enough, but driven enough to make some things happen for ourselves. And so I was like, that applies to New York.

But I was also starting over again. So you forget how important it is to have friends around you. I didn't have that anymore. And I knew I was going to immediately get out of that place because I was like, this isn't working for me. So how long were you there? A month. And where did you go from there?

I went to this place. It's an old factory right there in Williamsburg. And it was a brother of a friend of mine from L.A. But he lived in New York, the brother. And this place was so weird. It was a small room, maybe like a tiny studio sized room but it had these doors that didn't lock and it had windows on them but it's still 10 times better the door that didn't lock yeah all right so 10 times better and it was a grand a month and there was like a really vicious

dog that lived there. What do you mean? This dog, that was the test, and this is what was fucked up. They told me later the test was, I'll go look at the place, and if the dog doesn't bite me, I get the place. Nuh-uh. Well, it's one of the factors because the dog bites people, which happened later on when I was leaving.

Someone came to look at the place, and the dog bit that person. That's how they get the place. is like 1700s like witch witch trial shit that's just weird i know dog bit him all right you gotta get out of here and so another weird thing about this place was like the bathroom walls had like big chunks missing and uh and the shower was just like an above ground um bathtub with the feet and everything. The claw tub. And like a hose set up to a shower head. A hose.

And like the shower like all the way around. So it was a makeshift bathroom. And a thousand a month. And the girl that lived there was a chef. So like the refrigerator was stocked. You couldn't put anything there. She was always in the kitchen. A chef at what?

Sizzler? No. She was a chef at home. She was a bartender for a living but she's like into cooking so like i didn't i didn't have the fucking i didn't have much like uh kitchen and then i uh uh in order to get into my apartment i had to walk through somebody's hallway someone else's apartment because wait a whole so they had another room they had a room and then their kitchen was right here okay but then my apartment was right here so they had to i had to walk through their kitchen this young couple's cute

young couple's kitchen every time most of the time they're like hey but sometimes they're just like hey you know and i don't blame them i don't want to be walking through their fucking kitchen their sunday night ever now yeah um and then also the mail system was just like a cubbyhole system like you have in grade school like someone could easily steal my mail yeah so there's that it was it was the weirdest makeshift bohemian society which actually kind of rubbed off on me but at the time i was just like so disoriented and so i was so proud of myself for like becoming an adult in los angeles i had the girlfriend i had the rabbits remember the rabbit i didn't want it i didn't know if you'd be okay with me saying that because i didn't know if you wanted that was another thing right before the girl was right

before the girl left me she like bought another rabbit and then left she just bought another rabbit for me i guess to keep me company. Two rabbits. I remember. Two rabbits. That's how funny she was. And then, anyway, I was there. And then this ex-girlfriend of mine lived in, or she worked at a bar down the street. And she kept inviting me over.

Oh, by the way, I'm drinking like a maniac at this point. I'm fucking hammered. Because I'm like, i'm sick to my stomach and this is like in my you know poor i don't almost said for me this is not the end of the world it's not the end of the world when i say poor me i mean i didn't know how to deal with shit back then yeah and i'm sure i'm still figuring out how to deal we all are dude but i didn't talk to a therapist i didn't feel like i had a lot of friends at the time and i'm just like drinking because it made me feel better but the problem with that is and i didn't talk to a therapist. I didn't feel like I had a lot of friends at the time. And I'm just like drinking because it made me feel better.

But the problem with that is, and I didn't make a lot of bad decisions when I was drunk or anything like that. But when you're hungover, life is just misery. And so I'm hungover every day. And I'm not seeing the optimism in this at all. I'm just seeing like, and I know better than to think like a victim at this point. But I'm like, this is rough. And it had a lot to do with me not, but i was making a lot of money like first of all i wouldn't be in these circumstances first of all i wouldn't have left los angeles i've just been

balling la and that was the main problem like my career wasn't where i thought it was going to be and it was like a huge regression and i didn't know what to do i didn't know how to get out of it um but anyway uh how long were you there i was only there for nine months because i was a seven month i was there for seven months at this place in metropa and i started to get used to it i started like the neighborhood especially since i was drinking a lot i started to get my favorite places to eat and all that stuff but it was still like kind of weird and this ex-girlfriend of mine i used to go to her bar all the time and we started to get along we started to get along and she was like uh she was like hey my roommate's moving out do you want to come move at a place where there's like walls in the bathroom or whatever and locks on the door and she in a

mailbox and she was like so nice to me i was like this is kind of fucking weird moving in with an ex-girlfriend, but it's been 10 years or whatever. And what the fuck? But are you moving in as a roommate or are you moving in to try to rekindle this? I'm moving in as a roommate, and that's fucking clear. But what is she, she wants the relationship? No. No, okay. She's so sweet to me.

And she's like, I'll help you move. I got a car blah blah blah and then when i call you must have been a good guy when you guys split well yeah yeah i'm usually pretty good about that usually and uh i call her up to help you know i got my stuff ready can you come pick it up she's like ah i'm so fucking busy today blah blah blah she's like turns her personality turns and as soon as i move in there she's like straight up like yelling at me about like yelling at me i'm 38 yeah she's yelling at me and it was the only upside of this is it's like uh it's like a failed relationship or a marriage fantasy camp it's like i got to see what my life would have been like if i married her and it would

have been horrible you gotta do that show i made the right decision that would be a good marriage fantasy camp and i called my friend to complain about it uh my friend in la and he goes dude i'm getting rid of my car just come back i got a car you can have the car and i was also running out of money and credit so you're there for what a year a little i was there i was only here for nine months and i told her i was after she kept yelling at me i'm like look i'm splitting because i just can't put up with it and this is just fucking weird and like i still haven't even told my that's some weird shit that like your parents would be like what the fuck are you doing anybody who knew would be like what the fuck are you doing and i was like yeah there was a lot of

like what the fuck am i doing but i didn't at that point is stupid, I didn't feel like I had a lot of options. Now I see there's like tons of options. There's tons of things I could have done. But I just felt like very trapped. And I didn't, I just really didn't know what to do. And I should have been talking to somebody. I should have had like a counselor or a therapist. A therapist, for sure.

But I was just making all these decisions. And I was like drinking too. It was kind of a disaster. It was definitely a disaster. So then, I always, and then in the back of my head i always thought well if shit gets crazy i'll go back to my parents house and just rebuild well i was at my parents house for two weeks and that's when it really hit me that did that make you work while you were of course what do you make you do put your shoes on i even got a joke about it where the fuck are we surprise manual labor it's like i gotta help you move you gotta help me move this outboard motor are you gonna help me move this yeah and he's

like 30 years older than me and i'm like dad how young do you think i am like i can have a hernia just as easy as you can my back's not solid remember all that skateboarding dude and so but then it like that's when it really hits me that like i grew up in a house where i'm being watched all the time and i need to do things a certain way and i'm like i could never i can never move back here either like it can't happen i i mean it can still happen but it's But it's not the ideal place for me to be, obviously, but even more so than I thought. So now my idea is to go back to L.A. and just because I got more couches to sleep out there.

Keep in mind one mentality that is, that one through line is, I've seen it happen so many times in Los Angeles. In New York, I consider it the same environment. The main reason I can't move home is because good luck happens all the time when you're in the right place. Like

LA. You saw me go through something similar when I was sleeping on your couch in 2007. One month I'm sleeping on your couch. The next month I have a room in my own place by the beach and I'm starting to tour with Daniel Tosh and I'm doing colleges and I'm making real money for the first time in my life. And that was just a fluke. I happened to do two shows with Daniel Tosh in a row in LA and we started to get along and he started to take me on

the road. And that was, I came all the way back from San Francisco cause I was in a dope ass guest house in my, my uncle's place. And I'm like, I'm going to go back to LA just to do this spot for $8.50 because this is how it works. This is how it fucking works. And that's exactly how it works.

So you drove down? I drove down, did the set. And I remember Daniel was really telling me how great I did. And then a month or two later, we were working together. Yeah. And then a month or two later we're, we're working together. Yeah.

And so I'm, he's all, I'm very well. No, he's the best. And we're all very, uh, you know,

this, this is how it works. You kind of just have to be here with the internet. Now I'm sure things are a little bit different. You can keep, you can do it from Kansas probably, but still just socializing. I mean,

how many times have you gone out and be like, Oh, Ryan Sickler, you're still alive. Let me, let me get you to do this gig and this gig. And I'll have you on my podcast. I mean, how many times have you gone out and been like, oh, Ryan Sickler, you're still alive? Let me get you to do this gig and this gig, and I'll have you on my podcast. You know, they see your profile on Facebook all day long,

but when they see you in person, they're like, I got something for Ryan. And so there's that mentality. So I'm like, I'm going back to Los Angeles. Well, a big part of it, too, is just staying in it. Staying in it and working hard at it, obviously, and maintaining and keeping up, but being there. Not just floating around, but staying in it staying in it and working hard at it obviously and maintaining and keeping up but but being there not just floating around but staying in it yeah yeah so then i get back but

i don't really know where i'm staying i stayed at your place for a couple days then i stayed at my friend caroline's then i went out to lunch with my web guy and uh we went to his house and he had a little guest house and i'm like dude what, what do you say? $500 a month. I pay you. I live here. He's like, cool. This place was a shack. It definitely wasn't up to code because I got the gas guy to come by because I needed a gas hookup.

He was like, are you squatting here? Is this legitimate? He couldn't hook me up with he couldn't hook me up with uh with gas because first of all the water heater was so fucked up and second of all i don't know he was he didn't buy that this was a real residence and so i stayed there without any hot water for 500 a month for how long from february 2013 to october 2013 so you stay there that long yeah i stayed there and and i had to like i had to flip it even though i was only renting it 2013 to October, 2013. So I guess you stay there that long. Yeah. And,

and I had to like, I had to flip it even though I was only renting it. I had to make it livable. And I remember that like the first night I stayed there, it was like, uh, it was so fucking cold. And I was just like, this is crazy that I'm living in the shack in East LA with no hot water.

And, but I was also at the same time, this is the same time, this is the first time I've been alone in my own place in a year. Nobody's walking through. And I liked it. Nobody's yelling at you. I liked it for that reason.

It was the first moment I had to myself. And so I went with it. And I knew I had work to do. I was going on the road. And I took a job at the the Herald Examiner where they shoot it's a place downtown this is where I used to do my podcast

and there's a bunch of movie sets and I got hired to be a site rep which is just like grunt work you keep the place clean you help people you're the man of the house for people that want to film at your makeshift studio and that was tough work that was kind of depressing just to watch everybody who, who, you're the man of the house for people that want to film at your, your makeshift studio.

And that, that was tough work. That was kind of depressing just to watch everybody, uh, do that. Oh, also, I also worked at a, a hair salon in New York. I left that out. I was like, I'm getting a job. I was a receptionist and I was so scared to go back to work because it had been, it had been five years since I had a job. I job i was gonna say how the hell did you even get well i went out drinking with one of my uh friends from college and she was like i got this job for you and i was about to split because i didn't know what the fuck i was doing i go all right i'm already in new york i'm gonna stick around i'm gonna make this work this is when i was still in make it work mode i went to this i couldn't sleep the whole night before because i was so fucking i didn didn't get trained or anything, and now I'm going to be this receptionist for nine hours the next day. Charlie wants bangs all Wednesday.

Yeah, bangs, that's easy. You were sitting there taking... And umbrosia and all this bullshit. Do you even know what that's what I'm saying? I don't know anything. Right, how do you... I don't know anything. How are you making these...

This is a mom and pop business, so they have a special way of doing everything. They don't have computers. The first day there, my total's way off from what's in the fucking pot. I don't lock the place up right. Well, in your defense, you're not used to doors locked. It's a disaster.

As everything in this time of my life, it's a disaster. And somehow I stayed on there. For how long? They started to like me. This was actually good for me because I started to interact with people again. My self-esteem was really low, especially since my girlfriend left me. I started to think I was kind of unattractive.

I thought people didn't like me that much. Then I went on work in there. Granted, women love to get their hair done. They're in a good mood. But they're laughing at everything I'm saying. Everybody I work with is laughing at everything I'm saying. saying oh so you're being social while you're in there too you're not just because i also read this i i'm going back and forth between negative and positive thinking because i read this book called don't sweat the small stuff yes and i started to like

see like the joy in like everyday life i started to like not, and I got myself to certain points. I wasn't worrying. And like, I was like rock bottom anyways. And I'm like, this is, this is like, you know, I was like, I'm just going to keep going. And I could see like the upside to a lot of stuff. It wasn't completely depressing, but you know how it is. You go back and forth.

Anyways, I start to like really value the fact that I'm like interacting with all these people, all these strangers. And that's, what's good about New York too. Like I'm just interacting with more people just on the street. I'm interacting with all these people, all these strangers. And that's what's good about New York, too. I'm just interacting with more people. Just on the street, I'm talking to people. And that, I don't know. I started to think positively, but then there were still so many tough things going on.

Anyway, I start working at Herald Examiner. And I'll just never forget this one one time where i'm uh i'm like mopping the floor and then i see tosh's manager show up and she knows me very well and like because i've gone on tour with daniel and she's in there for a haircut no no oh i'm sorry this is back in la like fast forward to la sorry oh but this is how much they like me at the hair salon they're like we're firing this other receptionist because she did this in the book and i go oh actually that was uh that was me and they go well we're still firing her and that's when i knew i was in you know i felt good about myself because this was not my dream i wasn't particularly good at it and they still ended up liking me there

i'm starting to get i'm starting to get back in the groove anyway and i start to accept the mentality that like whatever happens you're just going to make a living you're just going to keep trying you're going to keep going so at the herald examiner herald examiner i'm mopping the floor got it and they're filming something there for adult swim and daniel's manager shows up and i know her really well three years prior i was on like a full north american tour she was there and we spent a lot of time talking blah blah blah and i see her and i'm up on the floor and i just like fucking split did you like because it was more for her like i didn't want her to feel there's like a

weird thing with that me to me it was work is work but i was like i'm not gonna impose on her i was slightly embarrassed but i was like i was just gonna impose on her i was slightly embarrassed but i was like i was just i just fucking left it and just left it there i should have gone back and said hi without the mop but like i don't know yeah i was also like mad sleep deprived working there like you work 16 18 hour days you worked like 16 18 hour days a couple times in a row and you're just you're losing yeah you're losing it and there's asbestos in there and you're just fucking, you're just out of it. It's hot. And no part of you thought if she sees me working like this, she'll respect it and maybe

even help me out or. My instincts were just still like split. I didn't know what to do. I just split. So yeah, again, looking back, like I would have done like so many things different at every point in the story. Yeah, me too. You know, and anyway, I would have done so many things different at every point in the story. Yeah, me too, my life.

And anyway, I just kept going, kept going, kept going. I did another gig with Tosh. It was enough to get me a security deposit on an apartment that my landlord from before was renting me. I got the place. Still didn't have enough money to decorate it. This time the gas guy came over and he hooked up the gas but then he was like good luck he said good luck like a crack house dude there was no pictures there was no good luck it still took me another it still took me another year and a half before i was on the up and up and could buy like real

furniture and stuff once again Tosh saved the day he called me up he's like we're going on tour the best and I just had I was back in the game and then I went to New York just to do a victory lap so I could enjoy it me and Ari Shafir traded apartments and it was like I'm gonna go back with money in the bank and enjoy it and I ended up meeting my girlfriend there that trip and, uh, happily ever after, dude, I'm so fucking happy.

But you came here for a minute and then went back, right? You didn't stay. So, so I just went there for a month. But then what I'm telling you is a big part of my life now is just, I have a good relationship, a great relationship with this girl I live with in New York.

Yeah. And that's, that's like a a big foundation because the business we're in is always um it's very fickle it's very impersonal ever and it's always changing and now i have a constant and i'm just i just feel good now and uh i've i never thought like you should depend on a relationship for your happiness but fuck it if you can get it from there um yeah all right take it yeah if it's making you happy take it wherever the fuck it comes from if it's making you happy as long as you're not hurting anybody i would not want to go through all that shit again but the dot once the dots are connected it leads to a big place and that is the honeydew that is the honeydew of matt fulcher on right

there brother thank. Thank you. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for opening up like that. I was really great to have you here. One more time, plug whatever you want. Oh, yeah. Please do check out Roadhead's podcast. It's good.

It's on iTunes. And at the full charge. At the full charge. Full charge power hour is funny as fuck. Check that out. There's only like 360 episodes of that if you want to get into that. Check it all out. It's pretty funny. Dude, thank you.

I appreciate you coming on. My pleasure. This is awesome, man. I'm Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. Talk to you all next week. Bye.