The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Nick Swardson - HoneySwardson

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is Nick Swardson! Nick Highlights the Lowlights of his father's death and almost dying of alcohol poisoning! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Athletic Greens -Get a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase when you go to https://www.AthleticGreens.com/HONEYDEW  Upstart -Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to https://www.Upstart.com/HONEYDEW. Use our URL to let them know we sent you! Purple -Go to https://www.Purple.com/HONEYDEW and used code HONEYDEW to get 10% of any order of $200 or more

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Listen, I want to thank you for your support. If you're watching, please hit the subscribe button. I'm telling you, it's a free way to help the show.

If you have nothing out there, you say, what can I do to help? Hit the subscribe button. That's what you can do. It's free to you. It means nothing to you and everything to us, I promise. The Patreon continues to grow. Every month, you guys, your stories are mind-blowing. We got a death janitor who's out there cleaning up suicides and everything else. He's out there cleaning up our messes.

The girl that had two pussies that came on, she's back with one pussy. We do the update on that. It's five bucks a month. If you or someone you know has that story, it has to be heard, please submit it to honeydopodcast at gmail.com. you'll get the honeydew a day early ad free at no additional cost and if you sign up for a year you're getting over a month free all right you guys know what we do over here we highlight the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and today i'm very excited to have here first time on the honeydew y'all ladies and gentlemen please welcome nick swartz and welcome to the honeydew nick swartz and that's what's up that's what's up what's up ryan thanks for having me pleasure to be here listen thank you for making this work yeah of course thank you for repping all the golden girls and the twins i know you're a minnesota dude i'm covering everything then i

just went to the joshua tree and i got this hat I saw you get out of the fucking car and I saw this and I was like, yes. You almost got run over. Yeah, I'll get into that. But yeah, I got this jacket a while ago. Like one of those, whatever it's called on Instagram where like you just start buying. I was buying like retro t-shirts. So they would send me like, hey, do you want this? And then they sent me this and I was like, i'm fucking yeah i want a golden girl starter jacket

is it it's not an actual starter but it's like kind of like that so i bought one for me and my friend alfonso and um we each have one and then i always like wore it and people like oh cool and then i kind of in the back of my head like i grew up in like the 80s where you know you would get robbed for having a starter jacket 80s and 90s like all that happened a lot where I grew up so then I got I really got worried about this where I was like oh somebody can like jack me for this because I would get compliments all the time and I'd be like that'd be so funny if I got jacked by like an 80 year old lady walking out of like a nursing home and was like I that. Just pulls out a fucking glizzy and then fucking flizzip. And then when Betty White passed away, rest in peace,

then I got fucking hella nervous, dude. That thing just went up in value. Yeah, because then I was like, oh, no. I'm a walking target. All the Beatles are gone next month. Yeah, so don't fucking rob me if you see me wearing this. Oh, man. All right, I'm very excited to talk to you but before we do promote plug everything you want do it all um i got i'm so excited i got a bunch of tour dates coming up so my website is nick swords and dot net

my dates are going to be posted soon i don't know when this airs, but they'll be posted within a couple of dates. Oh, this will be up. Yeah. So I've got a ton of dates coming out and they're all club dates, which is super fun. Orlando, Naples, West Palm Beach, Key West, Denver, Brea, Irvine Improvs, a bunch of dates. And then feeder dates, the Wilbur in Boston, Foxwoods, all those in June, Minneapolis where I'm from. So I've got a bunch of dates coming up. And then if you can't make those, I'm on the Cameo app. So I do cameos and stuff, which are super fun. I do a lot of my characters.

If you want me to do a greeting, it's like Terry or Dolph from Just Go With It. Those are the two main ones. Or just me, Nick Swartzen. That's what's up. I love it i i just had to talk with you off camera about cameo because i've been unsure about it but you really uh i love it yeah you put a good nice personal spin on it yeah i mean it's one of those things where i was when i first started doing it people were like oh you're doing that and i'm like

yeah it's fucking fun and for people that can't make a show, I don't charge like, I can't remember who it was. They're like, I don't want to do it. So I just put my price at $10,000. 10 grand. Yeah. And so, yeah, mine's like 150 bucks. And I make it super personal, like as Terry and whatever. And then I was like, you know, if you can't make a show, a price of a show is fucking 40, 45 bucks ticket, 50 bucks maybe.

And then you go go dinner and drinks and you know whatever parking babysitters all yeah but i make it really personal and i really have fun doing it and it's been great i have a blast you know what i mean so uh yeah if you want to do it if not come to a show but the dates will be up next words and dot net i know it's annoying it's fucking dot net why is it dot i don't fucking know, man. Betty White probably did it. All right. So I know you're a Minnesota guy, but outside of that, I don't know much about your upbringing. So let's talk a little bit.

That'd be fucking disturbing. If you were like, in second grade, I remember watching you on the playground. So yeah, I'm glad you don't know a lot. Tell me about your mom dad siblings stuff like that let's start there um no my mom's back in minnesota with my sister and brother my father passed away um how long ago did your dad pass 13 years ago okay um we took him off life support on thanksgiving that's great come on yeah it's always great when somebody dies close to you like on a holiday, and then that holiday just forever is like. That's the same.

Pass the turkey. Yeah. Remember when Dad died today? Anyway, once turkey. So hold on. We're going to start. We're going to just start there. Were you close with your dad?

Yeah, I was very close with my dad. He was awesome. He was a a writer really really brilliant and um he wrote he started as like a corporate job and then he had a family and stuff and he just wasn't a corporate dude but you know he came from that era where you know you had he got like you know a corporate job and then he had a family and that's what you did and so him my mom fought a lot and it was like weird and then my mom left him so my brother fought a lot, and it was, like, weird. And then my mom left him. So my brother and sister weren't.

How old were you? I was at the perfect age of, I was 13. Okay. Which is, you know, that's the start of shit hitting the fan in general, just physically, emotionally. So my mom was like, no, we're leaving. So we didn't tell my dad. We just left and packed our shit up. Oh, no. Yeah, so we didn't tell my dad we just left and packed our shit up yeah and her brothers and stuff so we just dipped in the middle of the night um no

during the day my dad was at work and you guys were gone and we did you know what was actually you were actually doing that not really i was like god we're taking a lot of stuff to the store we're going i thought we're going grocery shopping Why are we bringing my bed to the grocery store? It was like... And then she kind of like told me like halfway through she has like the oven

and she's like, sorry, I'm leaving your dad. We're getting the fuck out of here. I'm like, oh, alright. So we left our house and moved into an apartment. Okay, but your dad was good to you guys. It was just the dating. He was great.

He just didn't get along. All right. So you and your brother and sister and mom all- My brother was away at college. My brother and sister were both away. So it was just me. So you're the youngest. Yeah, I'm the youngest.

So you and your mom are in an apartment in Minnesota now. Yeah, in St. Paul. Okay. And we moved four blocks away, which is weird. So that wasn't even like that covert. It wasn't like, yeah, we're moving to fucking Hawaii. It was like, no, we're going to go four blocks away. You're probably going to run into your dad a lot.

A lot, yeah. But yeah, so that was weird. So what happens when he finds out? He was confused and angry. Like a lot of people, you think they'd be like, yeah, so that was weird. So what happens when he finds out? He was confused and angry. Like a lot of people, you think they'd be like, yeah, all right, I'm out. But no, he was like bummed out. And it was really awkward. And then obviously, and then he couldn't do the house.

So then he got an apartment a block away. So he came closer? Yeah. Okay. And then he started writing. This is what kind of opened him up. And he started writing and they were amicable. My mom, my dad, she's definitely harbored more resentment. What sort of writing? So he started writing for this publication called The City Pages, which is like the LA Weekly. It's like in any town, like the big weekly, interesting, artsy kind of publication. So he started writing for them,

but he would write editorials and stuff, and he would freelance. I mean, he got published in the Washington Post. He did a lot of shit. What he did that was really cool, this kind of sums him up. He came to visit me when I lived in LA. I moved to LA from Minnesota. I started comedy. Then I lived in New York for a couple of years and I moved to Los Angeles. I moved to Venice beach, California. So he came to visit me in Venice and I lived off the boardwalk and he crashed on my couch and he was like, what's going on here? And on every Sunday, there was riots and a lot of gangs, a lot of riots in Venice. and my dad was like what is that i'm like oh just every sunday like it's these kind of like get together kind of such riots and he was like oh

i want to know about that and he went and fucking like talked to people and interviewed it and did a story about it and it got published in la weekly yeah wow all right and he did this really sums him up he fucking was curious about the united Postal Service and how they treated their employees. Keep in mind, this is 20 years ago. Also, real quick, that was a time when going postal was a term and a thing. You don't hear that much anymore, but there was a minute where people at the post office were coming in and killing each other. Yeah, it was a whole thing. Yeah.

So he went undercover for the United States Postal Service and worked for the Postal Service. He really got a job and everything? He got a job and worked long, weird hours. He worked over the holidays. He did all this stuff. And then wrote a whole kind of expose about his experience. Wow. All right.

Yeah. And he just lived in this modest basement apartment. I mean, he didn't need a lot of frills. He was very artistic. Anyway, so that's my dad, and then my brother and sister are older, and my sister's married with three kids that are awesome, and my brother's a singer-songwriter in Minneapolis. Okay.

So tell me more about your dad. What happens to your dad? He was on life support, so did he get sick? He got a brain aneurysm. Man, how old was he? 21. Shut the fuck up. Yeah.

No, he, this is so fucking stupid in how immature I am. He was 69 years old, and I tell people he's 68, because I don't like saying 69. So I literally tell people he's 68, because every time they saying 69 so i literally tell people he's 68 because every time they're like how old is your dad i'm like 69 and i just had a problem saying that so they should just take that age away just in case you die at that age so people don't have to fucking go through that my grandmother unless you're not super oh really she really did she was 69 yeah i'm so immature that i can't get over that fucking embarrassing so he was 6 69 and he was in the hospital and then me and my brother i'll never forget this we're standing over him well real quick where was he when it happened um he was in minnesota i mean but was he working no he was in his

apartment my brother went to go thank god yeah i was, I was going to say, luckily somebody found him. I think they were supposed to go to lunch or something, and he wasn't answering the phone. So my brother went over there and found my dad just like fucking zoned out or whatever. And so we're over him in the hospital bed, and the doctor goes, yeah, it's a really rare brain aneurysm. And it's also hereditary. I mean, my brother were like, you could have just not told us that. You could have just not said that. So now we're just like, anytime I have a headache or something,

like, why the fuck would you tell us that, you fucking asshole? So we just, me and my brother. How old were you at the time? I mean, I was doing the math. I was probably, when it first happened, yeah, mid-20s. Terrible. Terrible. That is a seed you don't want planted in your fucking brain. So, yeah.

And some of you, my brother, are like, fuck. All right. But I'm not, maybe I'll make it to 69. So, how long did he last? He had a couple more strokes, and then finally it was just, you know, that scenario. Was it years? A few years? Yeah, it was years.

He went to a halfway house, and then it was just, you know, we got him a cat, and I think he was like, he couldn't handle the cat. The litter box was poopy, and he was like, oh, maybe I got to clean it. Maybe I'll iron it. And we were like, okay. Bye, kitty. Nope. Oh, iron. He never did iron the cat, but he did.

I think he did mention that one time. But, no, it was really sad and horrible. And if you've lost a parent, I had heard what it was like. People were like, oh oh I lost my mom and I'm like oh that's awful and they were like yeah they're like have you lost a parent at the time I was like no and they're like it's so

awful and jarring that whether or not you got along with it whatever it is it's just it's weird to just know that that side of you you know mother or father is gone and I had a horrible time for years and years saying that like people would be like is your dad how's your dad alive are your parents and i'm like oh my mom is my dad's my dad died my dad's dead and just saying

that i would start crying and that lasted for like a couple years talk to me why well just saying that sentence like oh no my dad is dead and saying that tears saying those words yeah it would make me like well up where i'm like oh fuck you know my dad's dead see i i don't envy you either we woke up you should i was 16 and rose him uh my dad died and we found him in his bed in the morning oh fuck but what i didn't have was a parent like i realized like oh some of my friends now their their parents are getting older and they're some are suffering dementia some are having to go into home some are having health issues where i think about it i'm like man i didn't watch this this man i consider to be Superman slowly die and wither away.

I just, we just woke up and it was boom. It's over. Yeah. That's fucking horrible. It's a big difference. That's why I want to ask you, like, what is it like to watch, to see that? And then to think the whole time, like, holy shit, this could happen to me. Because I've now found out that the thing I've seen in that bed is hereditary.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. What was it? It was heart clots, blood clots. See, that's fucking horrifying in general because that can happen to anybody at any time. But I have a blood disease that I now know, but I didn't find out until I was – because they think it's – everything back then, this is the 89, is heart attack. If you're young, it was heart attack, heart attack. And now they're realizing that a lot of that was probably blood clots.

Yeah. Whether it broke off in your heart, brain, lungs, whatever. And he had had a heart attack, left the hospital. They said, you do have a blood clot. We're releasing you. Thanksgiving weekend. And we were, I've told this, it's crazy. It was, he gets out.

We spent Thanksgiving in Baltimore City at my aunt's place because he was right by Hopkins, Johns Hopkins. That's where he got out. And then we go back to our place in Carroll County on Sunday night. And Monday we have off because it's a Thanksgiving holiday and they're giving us that Thursday, Friday, Monday. And that Monday I have a date with one of the prettiest girls in school. a thanksgiving holiday and they're giving us that uh thursday friday monday and that monday i have a date with one of the prettiest girls in school and i've been wanting to go out on a date with

this girl and when we wake up my dad's dead and there goes everything your whole life changes and it's thanksgiving so i'm with you on like thanksgiving and christmas are soured like that whole time that whole holiday thing thanksgiving yeah so when you said thanksgiving and christmas are soured like that whole time that whole holiday thing thanksgiving yeah so when you said thanksgiving it fucking hit you're saying 69 my grandmother was 69 she was right after him so is that true you're just stealing this from me i feel like that's the point of your podcast is just steal people's lives from them i'm like oh that's. What was your dad's name? No, that's horrible. I get you on seasonal depression or whatever the fuck you want to call it,

but that shit is Thanksgiving to Christmas is tough sledding a lot. Yeah. No, that's brutal. I'm sorry for your loss. It's awful. So you know it's just weird when you go, oh, yeah, they're dead. It's terrible. But you're, it's just weird when you go, oh yeah, they're dead. It's like terrible. But you're watching it

and that's different. I discover it. You're seeing a difference in a person over time. Yeah, which is so hard and that happens and that's why I feel just horrible for people

that have to go through that, especially Alzheimer's, all that horrible things is to watch somebody mentally deteriorate. You know, somebody that you know is so vivacious and hungry and right love you know love life and who they were and that was he still able to keep up with his writing in a sense like did he try to record things or he had to stop break dancing

that was one thing that was really hard he did it up until the end he did one last head spin and then he was taken. He was taken. Terrible. So he did write the saddest. This is even fucking sadder. So I grew up a big Duke basketball fan. How's that?

I love Duke basketball. I don't know. Since I was a child big Duke basketball fan. How's that? I love Duke basketball. I don't know. Since I was a child, I remember watching them on TV, and there was just something about them. They were the best. I'm a Maryland guy. They were the dominant. They were dominant.

So long story short, for somebody like I got attracted to their jerseys, like that royal blue and everything, I liked them before they were anything in the 80s. So long story short, I've been a Duke fan my whole life. And I love Coach Krzyzewski. He's just such a class act. Phenomenal coach, best coach. So Coach K wrote a book called Leading With My Heart.

And I read it, and it was great. And the last thing my dad gave me was a copy of that book, and he gave it to my brother, my sister, and me. And he wrote in the book the last thing that he could physically write, and he wrote, My dear Nicholas, I'm leaving you with this. This will fill in the blanks for all the stuff that I wasn't there for or couldn't do. And I'm so sorry about that.

But hopefully this book will help you. Because my dad had read it. He goes, hopefully this will help you fill in the blanks. And I love you. And, yeah. Pick! Wow. So that's the last thing that he gave me.

I still have it. Obviously, I didn't sell it. You didn't pawn the book. I gave it away at a show. I just gave it to somebody in the crowd like, here's to fill in the blanks. I don't know what your life is. But yeah, so that was the last thing that he protected me from. Yeah.

And then he has to go in and say, I'm scared of this. I don't want to go into a home. Because once you go into the home, that's it. They just medicate you all the way out, I feel like. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to go into a home because once you go into the home that's it they just they just medicate you on all the way out i feel like yeah i mean i don't know i'm just gonna stay i just want to live above my daughter's till i die there i'm down to go above your garage yeah i don't know what i mean just the fridge and a little fucking microwave that's all i need then i'm down to just grab some fucking h dude just some Just some black tar. You know what? If I make it to my 80s and you really want to do that, I'll come over.

I mean, I remember. I'll come over. I remember some. It was Bill Hicks. Almost sure it was Bill Hicks. Forgive me if it's not. But he talked about terminally ill patients doing stunts in movies to die. Which is so genius.

It's so brilliant. And that's how. I mean, i think that's how it should be if you want anybody i'm almost sure it's bill hicks it sounds like hard six yeah it sounds like bill hicks just go off a cliff and fucking fuck yeah dude and it looks real as fuck but the other thing you put the other thing you point out, two things, another joke, again, fuck, I'm having brain farts. I almost think it was Dave Attell who said, I always thought my father was a superhero, and it turns out he was just an alcoholic with a cape. I just thought the cape, yeah. I think it's Dave.

Again, if it's not, I'm almost sure it is. So forgive me if it's not. Forgive me. it's Dave again if it's not I'm almost sure it is so forgive me if it's not forgive me but um one thing you touched on is people are like oh your dad he died he was so young you know so soon too soon and I thought the similar thing when I was like actually 70 69 that's about that's a solid time to get the fuck out because it's not getting greater you know what I mean which is kind of a weird way to think but you know he did circumvent you know i mean even though we got a fucking aneurysm but it was you know so many horrible things happen like as you get older and older and older but you know hopefully not but

well guy said to me in the crowd the other night i don't wish my dad to have died by the way don't misconstrue that he said my biggest fear is dying young and i said well how old are you he goes i'm 33 and i go well listen you're past young you're too young to die but you're not young you know what i mean like you're 33 you're 30 you're three decades into this fucking thing yeah so yes it would be tragic if you died right now be too young to die but bro you're you're not nine you know what i mean you're not fucking 15 16 i know people that died in high school you know we all same here um okay so your dad passes and what is it like with your mom does your mom is it affect her in a way or were they distant enough no i felt like that was her best

like acting performance because she was like we're like yeah we pulled the plug on dad and she was like oh that's terrible now or like she I think she might have like pulled it like right before us like she fucking pulled it out and then like pull plug it back in

and then like hit in the closet or something. Did you actually have to sign paperwork? I don't remember. I have no idea. My brother probably did. Yeah. Were you there when they actually turned the machine off?

No, I was there right before. We had our goodbyes. And then my mom snuck in. But no, I wasn't. I didn't physically. I was a part of that. But yeah, it was weird. And then how was the funeral um it was interesting it was interesting like who didn't show up because this is pre-covid so you didn't have an excuse

yeah so it was interesting who did and who didn't and i had to speak i didn't mean i didn't have to but i wanted to and this is another thing i wrote kind of a lot of jokes because that's just what you do like that's as you're when you're a comedian like your brain is so wired to being a comedian at least I know me and a lot of comics are just like you always go for a joke just out of um well just out of instinct you don't always say it or whatever but you just you think it so that's why like when I'm in situations all the time I'm always like i'll just start laughing and people are like what and i'm like and it's just something that i think in my head but i don't say it so when i was writing my dad's eulogy i had all these jokes about him and the second i hit the

pulpit i fucking lost it and i just read some of it no jokes at all i just was crying so hard i couldn't get through it and i just barely did and um i just the only thing i remember from it your mom's out there like let's go pussy wrap it up my mom's like get me up there this motherfucker did this get me up there but I remember the last thing I said as I go I've always been afraid to die and now I'm not because I know my dad is up there and he did it

and if he can do it I'm not afraid anymore that was the last thing I said and then I immediately went to the bar and got fucked up. Yeah. Still am. This is all tequila.

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slash honeydew promo code honeydew terms apply now let's get back to the do do you um do you watch your health are you keeping an eye on yourself with this brain aneurysm thing do you um do you watch your health are you keeping an eye on yourself with this brain aneurysm thing do you even know what you can do i mean i keep an eye on my health it's funny because i'm an extreme dichotomy of really really healthy and then if i don't want to be really really not at all and that that's all all alcohol i mean i've i've done every drug, but I'm not a drug user at all. I don't even smoke weed, which baffles people still. But, yeah, I love drinking. But I'm also like this is a plant-based protein shake with almond oil.

I take a shitload of vitamins and stuff like that. Are you still drinking now, today? No, not at all. I haven't drank for a couple months, like three months. So, yeah, we had kind of talked about that tell me about this story i want to hear a little bit about this well a lot of my fans and people know that i you know i'm a drinker i've always promoted it i've got tons of drinking jokes can i just say this really quickly i want to give you props while you fill up your your drink

that fucking monkey high five bit. It is an absolute classic. For me, it's up there with every great fucking comedy bit you've ever seen. The fucking smile. Oh, thanks. Oh, you see the fucking monkey. It's so goddamn good. So I know you're a big partier from back in the day. First, let me ask you, where does that come from?

Were your family drinkers, mom, dad, drinkers, brothers? Where does the drinking come from? So it comes – this is where it stems from. And I'll just say really quick for those of you that don't know. My special Seriously Who Farted, there's a story about when I was in Vegas. And long story short, and it's a true story. Just YouTube it or look it up. Or the special special solid, but

watch that monkey high five. Iconic. And it's really, really funny. True story about me losing a lot of money by high-fiving a monkey. Anyway, when my parents got divorced when I was 13, again, pivotal time, and that's junior high, I'm starting that. And my mom had to work three jobs because my dad had no money he had quit his corporate job and he had nothing so my mom worked three jobs which left me alone and going into junior high and it was just a very cliche i started smoking started drinking and my friends were just fucking ragers we were getting the alcohol at home or from like friends older brothers but your mom

did have some around and you would- Not really. My mom and dad were not drinkers. Okay. I mean, they did very casually. So you were getting it anywhere else. Yeah. So we would just, me and my buddies, who I still talk to, we're all just, you know, we

were fucking no joke, dude. We were, I mean, cutting class, selling drugs, drug you could we could get our hands on I mean eighth grade ninth grade oh yeah I mean I I had court-ordered rehab by the time I was 16 oh I why I've talked about this before but um we were fucking insane dude me and my friends were fucking insane we were stealing cars and my friends were fucking insane. We were stealing cars. Some of my friends went into gangs. I mean, we were, I mean, like I said, we're selling drugs. What are you selling?

Weed? Usually weed and pills. But I remember, like, I went to a very inner city school. And people think, like, oh, yeah, St. Paul, Minnesota. It's like, no, it was, you know, it's ignorant to go, like, oh, yeah, I'm sure it was, like, fucking crazy. It's like, no, it was, you know, it's ignorant to go like, oh yeah, I'm sure it was like fucking crazy. It was like, no, it was legit. There's tons of gangs, tons of drugs. There was a lot of shit going on. And yeah, so I remember I started selling weed and I was, I guess on the wrong turf or whatever. And so my mom, and keep in mind, I'm like this little blonde, sweet kid. So you thought.

And I came home and my mom goes, what is going on? What are you doing? And I go, what do you mean? And she goes, this guy called her house. And he threatened to kill me and you. And I go, that's weird. And she goes, yeah, he said you're selling drugs. And I go that's weird and she goes yeah you said you're

selling drugs and I go no I go it's probably the wrong number and she goes is your name

Nick Swartzen and I go yeah that is my name it's weird and she's like whatever you're doing stop

and I was like ugh so I stopped selling drugs you got death threats holy shit dude yeah to do like damage control i'd like go back i'm like hey can somebody talk to so-and-so tell him to not do that please because i knew who it was but um yeah so anyway yeah court order rehabbing why what did you get

caught with i got caught smoking a blunt during school during school which is weird because i got on the property yeah in school in it yeah me and my friends were smoking during feeder class which is so weird and kind of full circle not full circle but beginning of the circle where i was in the balcony while the feeder class was going on i was in 10th grade and we smoked a blunt and of course a fucking blunt smoke just goes right on stage the teacher who became my acting teacher called the principal they called the police please kicked in the door handcuffed us and walked you got handcuffed at school handcuffed i was fucking baller as fuck dude 16 years old during lunch period. Are you crying? No. No.

Fuck no. Fucking Nick Swartzen, dog. I had a fucking, no. I was fucking, come on. I was, but in my head I was like, fuck. Because I know my mom was going to flip. And so we got walked out and it was court ordered. I was going to get expelled, but I had to do court rehab.

So what did you have to do? What was the rehab? I had to go to classes and all that shit after school and shit yeah and i had to take like piss tests and shit you did yeah and how long did you have to stay could they test for alcohol it's just blood right for it was just blood but i mean i took it down a notch because you know obviously it was a big fucking deal. And so. But you didn't get expelled from the school or anything? I didn't get expelled. And then. How long is the rehab last?

It was like a month. Do you remember any people's stories, the shit they share in there, anything stand out? No, because it was all teenagers. We were all pricks. You know what I mean? We were like, what the fuck are we doing? Right? Stupid.

right stupid so then i um that summer after that i just kind of decided to clean up like i'd hit a wall with doing so many drugs and so i was just tapped out and so are you playing sports at all yeah i always played sports and i turned my back on him when you were playing drugs when i was playing drugs so my mom was like she god bless her she was like pushing me to stay and stay in sports which was so important like kids out there like sports are really important it's a release yeah of also like what you're going through. So I played soccer and tennis. Super gangster. And I did that and then I just cleaned up and I decided like, I was like, oh, I got to fucking pull the plane up now. I'm going into my junior year. My grades were, and I was a smart dude, but I just didn't pay attention because I was telling drugs, smoking nonstop. So I just did that.

I started from scratch. My junior year, my friends all left school. They went to other schools, like art schools, and just kept doing drugs or whatever. So I just started school, even though I knew everybody. It was a big school, but I just started alone. I had no friends. I mean, I knew people, but I was just alone, and I wasn't me anymore, like the old me. And then I started taking acting as an easy grade so I was like I need to get my grades up I'll take feeder so I took intermediate feeder and the teacher was like who the fuck are you is this the same teacher that called the cops on you yeah

okay and I go Nick Swartzen and she's like where did you come from she's like you're I did a monologue she's like you're really really good and I go I did a monologue. She's like, you're really, really good. And I go, I was the fucking dude in the balcony. And she was like, what? I'm like, yeah, I'm the guy that got high and arrested. And I go, I cleaned up now and I just, I need an easy grade. Can you give me an A? And then she was like kind of offended.

She was like, well, no, theater's not easy. Like, I'm just going to give you an A. But she's like, you're really fucking good. So I did a semester with them. She goes, I'm moving you up to the touring company and the advanced thing. And I'm like, oh. And so I did that. And then I got addicted to acting.

So the great thing about doing that was it replaced my love of drugs and that high. OK. And then I started doing improv. There was an improv company called comedy sports that came to my school and I started doing that and then I just became obsessed with acting in comedy and my best friend became this uh comedian actor Colton Dunn Colton's an improviser he's on the show Superstore he's got a wheel and chair he's a writer he was a performer writer for Conan he just did everything so me and him just fucking went off and did that we moved to new york and it was crazy but yeah i mean it literally saved my life it took over everything and i threw my whole world into acting and comedy and then after high school i started stand-up okay but when did you start drinking again so when i started stand-up

i was like really determined to succeed okay and i i started again in minnesota and standard to me was easy because i knew what you were gonna say like doing improv is fucking hard because it's scary because you don't know what's gonna happen yes so stand up i was like oh i know what i'm gonna say i mean it was still scary as fuck because it's just you on stage. But I was really focused when I started stand-up. But I'm like, the fastest way to get discovered and noticed is to be clean and to tell jokes I can tell in any state and tell on TV that everybody will get. Where the local comics would do everything very provincial and very local. And they would all drink and party and shit.

And they weren't as focused. And I'm like, i'm fucking gonna work at this shit and a lot of people helped me but for the most part of the club owners were like keep writing and i did and then whatever so i got discovered by hbo after six months of open micing damn all right they picked me as one of the top young comics in the country. And then they brought me to the Aspen Comedy Festival. So from my first open mic, I got picked by HBO. I signed with Three Arts with Chris Rock's manager. And then I was in the comedy festival after one year. And then I did stand up on NBC at Comedy Showcase with Louis Anderson.

So it's fucking insane. So insane. What a year. Yeah. And then it just everything got fucking nuts. And then it just, everything got fucking nuts. And then it just took off. And I started doing more and more standup. Then I moved to New York and it was crazy.

And then I didn't really start drinking, drinking. Years after that, where I really started drinking, where I would drink all the fucking time. And, you know, it never affected my work or anything, but like, I just fell in love with drinking. I loved it. It was it's awesome you i remember a story you told me actually i think that you you showed up i don't know if you went and slept in your car or where but you came into the improv at like 10 in the morning on like a saturday and you're like guys i can't remember where i parked oh yeah yeah i lost my car. That's it.

Lost your car. You didn't sleep in it. You lost it. Yeah, I lost it. And then TMZ found it. That right? Yeah. I'd gone to the comedy club,

and this is back when I was drinking and driving, which is fucking horrible. Of course, yes. If anything, I can leave anybody with anything. Do not fucking drink and drive. It is the worst, and there's no excuse. Call a friend, call an Uber, call a Lyft. Do not drink and drive.

Anyway, I went to the club. I was so drunk I couldn't walk. And then these comics took me home. Somebody else drove my car. This is what I was told after the fact. I couldn't remember my gate code, so they parked it on the street. And I walked back to the club. I didn't live far from there. And I couldn't find my car after the fact. I couldn't remember my gate code, so they parked it on the street. And I walked back to the club. I didn't live far from there.

And I couldn't find my car in the lot. And I was like, shit. And I don't remember who drove me home. So I was like, my car's stolen. So then I just went on a bender. I didn't even care. It was a fucking Jaguar. It was a nice car.

And I just went on a bender, and I just drank. And TMZ pulled over when I was walking down the street and they were like Nick Swartzen I'm like what's up and they're like what are you doing I'm like drunk which is really smart to tell TMZ but luckily they've always been so nice to me and they were like why and I go I don't know

I go I lost my car and they're like you lost your car and I go it was stolen they're like what was it I go black Jaguar XFR and they're like okay and so they put it on the show they're like, you lost your car? And I go, it was stolen. They're like, what was it? And I go, black Jaguar XFR. And they're like, okay. And so they put it on the show. They're like, Nick Swartzen lost his Jaguar, black XFR. My fucking neighbor was watching TMZ, called me.

Hey, did you think you lost your car? I'm like, yeah, sad. And they're like, it's right down the street. It's a half a block down the street. And I go, no. And I went outside and there it was and then i got a hold of tmz and then they posted like we found nick's car all right so like i've never hated on tmz and i never did anyway but it was the thing where i was

always like thank you harvey levin well you told me that you had gotten to a point where you were drinking so much did you not you got alcohol poisoning i still i had alcohol to a point where you were drinking so much that you got alcohol poisoning. Is that right? I got alcohol poisoning a lot. A lot? So I started drinking a shitload. And a lot of people, what you asked me, is they're like, are you an alcoholic? Are you dependent on alcohol? I'm not at all. But it's a weird, I don't know if anybody else is like this, but it's a weird thing where I'm not dependent at all.

Like I don't crave alcohol. I can hang in a bar all fucking day and watch football and drink bottled water easily. So I just love drinking. And then I would get frustrated with certain things and parts of my life and things. So I would drink and, you know, kind of numb it out a little bit, but I, for the most part, I just always love drinking. It was just really fun. And I would always have funny stories like blacking out and shit. Like I talk about in my act, I do jokes about it. And, uh, I, I, it was just always fun for me. Like after a show is a release and I've drank with fans a billion fucking times. I mean, I always have so much fun drinking,

but you know, I would get in the rut of, you know, I would drink, I would just keep going. If I had time off and I would take breaks from acting and stuff. And if I had like two months off, I would drink for two months straight. For real? I mean, wake up. Literally, wake up, go to the bar, go pass out, nap, have lunch, and then go drink until 2 in the morning. Damn. I would start drinking at 6 a.m. until 2 a.m.

Daily? Daily. I would do it back to back to back to back to back and that doesn't like but i wouldn't drink like when i was filming i would i would always like clean on time off yeah but you don't you don't throw up you're not hung over or you are and you just drag yourself that's the thing that's the thing about when you drink like that you don't get hung over because you constantly have alcohol in your system. I see. There's no time off.

So after a while, I didn't even know what hangovers were. I would just keep going. So when I got into the hospital, and that's when you asked me about my low point, was I had just wrapped a movie, The Wrong Missy, with me and David Spade. It's on Netflix. I watched it, yeah. And I dried out. And I remember I had some show I was developing. And it fell through.

And I was like really fucking pissed. Because it's really hard. I've developed tons of shows. And they all fall through the cracks. You get fucked over by a network or whatever the fuck happens. Or these executives that love that they got promoted or they're leaving. Something happens. And the new people don't want your show.

Always something. So this. And a lot of people go like, how come you don't have your own show? How come you don't have this? And I'm like, dude, you don't understand how hard it is and how much you work. Even like at the level I was at where like with Comedy Central, I would develop all these shows and they would fall by the wayside. So I was working so hard. And so finally I was, at that point I was like, fuck this. Fuck this.

I'm going to get fucking drunk as much as I fucking can. So I took a whole summer. I did some standup shows, but I got fucking housed. I traveled all over. I went back to Minnesota. I went to games. I'm like, I just want to go to baseball games i went to baseball games i fucking hammered and i came up like so june july august hit september and i'm you're just drinking the whole time all that fucking whole time what do you drink anything at that time i i just threw all my like drinking rules out of the not just beer no i wasn't a beer guy i was fucking vodka okay and then you know somebody would throw a fireball or some shit or whatever so i just got fucking housed and then i had shows coming up and i didn't realize it but i woke up in minneapolis and i didn't feel good at all like i

and it was something where i wasn't used to where i'm like something's wrong and uh my buddy picks me up takes me to the airport and I go hey man something's off and he goes uh you fucking you've been drinking it whatever who cares and I'm like okay so I go to die. Right to the bar. Oh, yeah. I love airport bars, by the way. So I go to the airport bar, have a cocktail, go to the bathroom, throw it up. I'm like, ugh.

I get on the plane. And that's not normal. You're not ever throwing it up. Okay. So I'm like, oh, my stomach. I haven't eaten anything. And I'm throwing up bile, like the yellow bile. Yep.

But I'm no stranger to that so i fucking throw up going on the plane and i'm like now i'm getting a weird pain and i'm like okay that's weird so i'm like can i get a cocktail whatever so i get a vodka drink it and there's a guy next to me on his laptop getting work done and i drank the cocktail and you're going from la to where how long is your flight okay a few hours so not that bad so i'm no no minnesota denver sorry and um so i go oh shit and so i have to throw up but i didn't want to bother this guy so i took my carry-on and threw up into it you did not yeah i threw up the cocktail and then i put it down yeah this is how fucking bonkers I am. I go, can I get another cocktail? They give me another one. So my method was always you can drink through it.

The worst I've ever been, like, I'm always like, just drink through it. And I don't know if anybody else is this kind of fucking drinker, but usually by the third cocktail, I break even. And I'm like, oh, okay, okay my anxiety everything's gone so i do another cocktail fuck i throw it up again come on and now there's that noticed at all i think pretty sure he did i thought i was being subtle it's really hard to subtly vomit you know what i mean it's hard to be like where it like perfectly goes. Like, I'm sure I thought I was being slick,

but I was like, so I get this pain. Are you also scared that like, holy shit, I hope they don't have to land this plane for me? No, I didn't. I was like,

I got this. So you get this pain. This pain, it's getting worse. So I get off the plane, and I go right to the bar, Denver Airport. Oh, did you really? Right to the bar. Another cocktail. This one stays down.

Then I have another one. I'm drinking vodka and bitters. Trying to settle my stomach, and I get a banana. That's one of my go-tos. So I get a banana. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, fuck. And I go to the bathroom and I throw it all up. And now the pain is getting really bad. Do you feel like a burning? It was like a real intense burning. And now I'm worried.

Now I'm really worried. And I'm like, oh no. So I had two options. Check in a hotel room, just go to sleep, take a nap, or go to an urgent care. So I called my agent and I go, Hey, something's wrong. He's like, where are you? I go to Denver airport. Something's really, really wrong. I go, I think I'm going to go to an urgent care. And he goes, um, okay. And I'm like, I'll call you back. So I go to the urgent care in Denver outside of the airport. And I show up, first of all, I like looked it up and they had a Yelp review, and it was one star. This is a true story. And I go, oh.

I'm like, what the fuck? How do you fuck up in urgent care? It was insane. But I had no choice. So I'm like, okay, I'll just go. Let's see, hopefully. And I go, and I walked in. One star urgent care.

Yeah, one star urgent care. So I show up, and the woman behind the counter I go, hey, I just need to talk to a doctor. And she goes, oh no, you need an ambulance. Just look at you and say it. Yeah. And I go, what? I don't know.

And she goes, no, you need an ambulance. Calls an ambulance. The medics come. And what does she see? I don't know. So I'm in this room and the paramedics come and I'm throwing up and they're like, hey. And I go, I think I'm fine. And they're like, no. I go, I think I'm fine and they're like, no and they're like looking at me. They're like, do you know

where you are? They ask me all these questions because another thing is when you drink in altitude, I went into an altitude. Oh, that's right. So that hit me hard, but then I could answer all these questions and the guy goes, are you in Grandma's Boy? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that like later

please. And they were like, we need to get you to a hospital now they rocked it behind you. Let's talk about that later, please. And they were like, we need to get you to a hospital now. And I'm like, fuck. And they loaded me into the ambulance, and they put me in all these fucking tubes and IVs. This is the brain aneurysm. Here it is. Yeah. Here it is. I wish.

So I'm in the back of the hospital, and that was the lowest point. And I started crying because I was alone, and I'm going going to a hospital and i don't know what's going on and i was just sitting there and i remember just tears going down my face and i was like holy shit i finally hit the fucking biggest wall you could hit and then long story short i was in the ER at University of Colorado, and I was there for three weeks. Weeks? Three weeks. Whoa, I was not expecting you to say that. Keep in mind, somebody with a quadruple bypass heart surgery will be in the hospital for three days.

Holy shit. And I was there for three weeks, so I had necropancreatitis. What is that? It's not good. It's not a bag of fucking Skittles. So I had necropancreatitis, pneumonia, blood sepsis. That's poison, right? Blood poison.

Altitude sickness and alcohol poisoning. Holy shit. All at once. So it was hell on fucking earth. I don't remember a week and a half of it really i did major surgeries they cleaned up my lungs my stomach they had to actually do surgery they had to do they had to go into my body yeah pull out all this shit and three um three weeks i was there and when when I finally got out, it was awful. But there was weeks where I could only eat ice cubes and ice chips. And it was, I mean, I was nonstop getting blood work, blood work, tubes, everything, diarrhea all over the fucking place.

Why? The whole time you were in there? Oh, if I went to the diarrhea nationals, I would have placed fucking first easily. I would have, I mean, like full gold. The diarrhea nationals. Yeah yeah i would have fucking walked away easily with the fucking gold so the doctor goes he goes just my family flew in they all flew in i was gonna ask if people come visit it was like this is it and two comics really helped me that were supposed to open for me in colorado springs ted ev and David Huntsberger. They're both really funny. And they were able to track me down

because my phone, they had some, my phone rang. I mean, I guess somebody answered it in the ER. I see. Or whatever, the hospital. And they came and they got ahold of my family. So God bless Ted Evans and David Huntsberger. Again, very funny comics.

So I got out of the hospital. The doctor goes, you had a 10% chance of living. What? He goes, one of those things could have killed you. The necropancreatitis for sure. Pneumonia for sure. Blood sepsis 100%. If it had gone to your heart, you'd be dead.

And altitude sickness with alcohol poisoning. He's like, both those things you can get sick from and die from. And he goes, you had all five at once. So the fact that you don't have a colostomy bag permanent brain damage he goes it's a fucking miracle and uh i was like holy shit you almost drank yourself to brain damage and death i almost completely yeah completely fucking ended it all so three weeks you're in there i imagine that three weeks if it's just alcohol you're fully detoxed at least your blood they've probably done everything they can for you yeah they were like yeah so what's life like day one out of there i was very weak obviously i didn't fucking do a

cartwheel out of there so i like hobble on the plane get home change my diet you gotta fly oh yeah so i had to fly home and you know i just put out the APB to my roommate, my friends and everything. And, you know, I got home and I just changed my diet. I mean, my diet was never bad. That's one thing that probably saved me is the vitamins and diet that I was on. Like I always ate healthy even though I was a fucking mess. But, yeah, so I just just detox and then fucking covid hit so i somehow got circumvented that getting that but i sobered up for like nine months and i didn't drink at all or even think

about it and um so yeah and then what then you went to key west so then covid hit that was insane i did a couple shows right before. The entire time between you getting out of the hospital and COVID, are you staying off of alcohol? Yeah, 100%. You are, okay. But COVID hit. Yeah, I didn't even think about it. And then a lot of people.

I was quarantined. Yeah, you're stuck. And I just watched Netflix and read books and changed my whole perspective on everything. And everything was a shit show. COVID, politics, everything was such a fucking mess. You know, cancel culture, PC culture. I was just like, oh, my God. So this was so weird and I guess serendipitous,

but I had booked a trip to Key West, Florida. I'd been all over the country. I'd never been to Key West. And it was always something that intrigued me just because it sounded. You heard it in songs. Yeah, it sounds beautiful. You heard authors, musicians, so many people talk about it. So I booked it in December, forgot about it. And I'm in quarantine going through the news and COVID, what's going on. And Expedia is like, hey, Nick. And I'm like,

what's up, Expedia? And they're like, remember, you've got your bags packed to Key West. And I'm like, what's up Expedia? And they're like, remember, you've got your bags packed to Key West. And I'm like, oh my God. So I'm quarantined in my sister's basement, Minnesota. And it's been like two months. And I'm like, oh, fuck. So I call the resort and I was supposed to check in June 3rd. This is, what would that be? 2020.

And I go, hey, I booked a trip. Are you guys open? And they're like, we open June 3rd. This is, what would that be, 2020? And I go, hey, I booked a trip. Are you guys open? And they're like, we open June 2nd. And I'm like, no fucking way. And I go, I'm supposed to fly on June 3rd. And they're like, yeah, you're good. So I pack my bags and I fucking fly to Key West. I stopped by Charleston, South Carolina first.

And I said, I was going to move there and join my friend Danny McBride who's fucking great and he's like I moved to Charleston and so I went there and I was going to move to Charleston and I'm like I'll be right back I'm going to go to Key West and then I'll come back to Charleston and I went to Key West

and I stayed for a fucking year and a half I was supposed to be there for 10 days and I stayed there for fucking year and a half. I was supposed to be there for 10 days, and I stayed there for a year and a half, and I fucking fell in love with it. It was amazing. On every level, it was amazing. What did you love most about it? I loved the people, all the friends I made there.

Taylor, Sydney, Todd, Saunders, the Retro Room, which is an arcade there that's great, Sandbar, Sports Bar. So I just made a ton of friends, but it was so far removed from everything. So when I got picked up at the airport, my friend Joe Bachman, great singer, he picks me up and he goes,

welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys. And I go, what does that mean? And he goes, oh, you'll see. And I didn't know what that meant. And then the longer I stayed there, it was. So many people had a story. So many people just got away from the fucking world. And they were very cognizant of COVID. They took your temperature. There were masks if you go inside places. But it was still very laid back, very bohemian, very artsy, very just chill. It was just fucking chill. And I love the water in general. So it was just fucking great, man.

And weather year round. Yeah, the weather was great. And it was just drive around in golf carts and hit the water, man. I mean, it was awesome. And I fell in love with it. And it was a perfect break. And everybody I talked to back in Minnesota and LA, they're like, don't even come home. They're like, it's a shit show. They're like, and I was following the news and shit. I got off my social media and I just was

like, I just got my head back into reality. And I thought about my life and perspective and what I want because I was so frustrated. And so like, where am I going I going what am I doing and it was a great break it was much much needed and and I drank I drank every day you did yeah totally I didn't drink like I didn't drink like I did okay um I didn't drink to you know like out of just complete lunacy I would just have cocktails you know what I mean and it was great I fucking and you were able to do that and not run them into day after day after day no I did day after day but uh but I I was smarter about it I was way smarter about it and that sounds stupid people probably listening this going like dude you're an idiot whatever reckless which you know obviously you can say that but I I did I knew how to do it

where it wasn't stupid so you said you really thought about what you want out of life and all tell me about that what was your refocus you're back now so you took a year and a half all from entertainment and everything right everything everything I mean I literally the only thing I did was I did a commercial for Wendy's okay that was on the internet like I flew flew back to LA, got some more stuff and then came back to Key West. But for the most part, I was, I didn't entertain anything. And I- Except for yourself. You sound like you really, you know, got to know Nick Swartzen better.

Yeah, it was awesome. And like when I was quarantined is when it first started, where I was in my sister's basement, I was reading books. I was reading tons of shit. And I forgot about reading. I hadn't read in forever. And I just opened my mind up to, you know, I was turning 45. So essentially you could chalk it up to a midlife crisis, essentially. But I – I mean, I hope we get 90. Yeah.

45 would be nice. 69. But I was just like I just pulled my head out of my ass and was like hey I didn't realize how much I had accomplished and I never sat back and was like god I really busted my fucking ass

you're a monster bro but I mean I never really thought about it like I worked really hard and I was really frustrated still about certain things but I was like enjoy yourself you know what I mean and like be good to yourself you know like all the great times and all the great things and the roles and my fans have been awesome I've always been great to my fans I took fucking 10 all these 10 photos a day with people 12 foot like all the time I'd take pictures and yeah I love my fans, you know. And so it was just great.

And I always have. But it was just nice to just be in the setting and meet so many people. And one of the coolest things, my friend Johnny and Richie that work at Sandbar, and they had a celebrity wall and the pictures of celebrities that had been there. And I was like, hey, how come my pictures, you guys don't want a picture of me and they were like because you're Nick you're our friend Nick we don't even look at you like a celebrity we did when you walked in but you're just Nick dude you're just Nick that hangs out and watches games at the bar and like that's what I like to be you know what I mean like I love being Nick Swartzen and taking photos and stuff i have a blast with that but it was just nice that somebody which was like you're just nick because that's how i am

and that's how like my stand-up is it's just me when you see me on stage it's not a character like that's just fucking i'm laughing i'm talking about fucking fucking drinking and whatever the shit my grandma do you told this joke the other night i just made me laugh so hard i don't want to give your material away but you did this bit about how you forget when you're not wearing a mask. And you're like, look at this asshole. Oh, yeah. And the guy's like, you talking about me? And I was telling Eva.

I said, he turned around and fucking said, no, I'm serious. And you bent over and spread your cheeks. I'll just tell the joke. Look at this asshole. I go, people get annoyed about wearing masks. And I go, I don't mind wearing a mask because, like, I've gotten used to talking to myself now. So when I wear a mask, I, like, mumble to myself, which I did. And I go, sometimes, though, I forget I'm not wearing a mask.

And I'll be standing behind somebody and I'm like, God, look at this fucking asshole. And the guy will be like, excuse me? Are you talking to me? And then I have to cover and I'm like, yeah, no, look at this fucking asshole. And I bend over and pretend to pull my ass apart. And I'm like, do you think I'm sick? Do I have herpes? Or do I have to cover it. I'm like, yeah, no, look at this fucking asshole. I bend over and pretend to pull my ass apart. I'm like, do you think I'm sick? Do I have herpes? Yeah, that's the line.

You said, do I look sick? You said, from looking at your asshole. It's so, whatever. It's stupid. But yeah, so Key West was really great for me. And then, like I said, now now I'm back I've got all these stand-up dates yeah what do you want what do you want do you want the same thing before do you still want to do everything or have you found have you fallen in love with it all over

again or I've fallen in love with it all over again but what I did before was I put so much pressure on me like I was developing like five fucking movies at once and scripts and all this stuff and it was stuff that I had created and was trying to write. And it's so hard to write one anything. So I just put so much pressure on myself. And I just had to take a step back and stop doing that. And I just I had a new act that I was developing before COVID. And I got back into that. And I love doing stand up, man. Again, my fans are so fucking awesome. They're so great. And they've been with me for so long. I mean, I've been doing it in February, 26 years. Wow.

I've been doing stand-up. And so it's great. And I've got two movies. I started a movie in February, a sequel to this movie called The Binge on Hulu, which is really funny. And then a movie that I helped produce and write and star in called The buddy games we're doing a sequel to that in july and it's just great i'm really really happy and then i'm doing a new special and i can't talk about that yet but it's gonna be fucking dope i'm really excited and down the line you are gonna start a podcast right yeah i'm in development to start a podcast you should yeah it's i've got a lot of fun ideas for it. And yeah, so I'm really, really, really happy now. And it was nice to just take a break. And like I said, it started when I was in quarantine sober.

So it wasn't like I got drunk. It was like, yeah, yeah. It was when I was sober and really focused. And there's a great book called Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who's a transcendental dude about existence and who you are. And it's an essay, and it's really, really great. So if you're bored and you want to read something that's really interesting about yourself and just how you just have to – and it sounds cliche, but just really believe in yourself and you're important. And I don't drink all the time, so it's not like I'm saying that from that mindset.

Well, also, you know, there's so much that is on your shoulders, too. You specifically, when you're working and you're providing jobs for people and everything, it's a lot of stress on you. So I also want to thank you for something. One of the highlights of my career, you could have said no, but you let me come in for a table read for Bucky. Bucky Larson. Bucky Larson. um you could have said no but you let me come in for a table read for uh bucky um bucky larson bucky larson um and i'm sitting there and you had me read for two characters and i get laughs in the room and it felt so good because kurt russell's sitting right fucking here and he and i are making eye contact laughing at these lines and i'm like i can't even believe swartzen's let me sit here and do this fucking table read right now it was so much goddamn fun oh yeah yeah so i'm saying

you don't probably even know that but you've provided for so many people for all these years dude so thank you and thank you for coming on here and talking about this i know it's not easy to open up like that oh it's super easy i mean i well no glasses are all fogging up well it's just hot this jacket's hot as fuck dude I'm wearing a long sleeve Minnesota twin shirt with a fucking starter jacket with all these lights

talking about my dead dad yeah usually it's easy about it what if I was and also I'm sweating from alcohol withdrawal oh shit

no I'm kidding well thank you for coming on here dude for real of course my pleasure you're awesome say what you want to say but yeah so again sweating from alcohol withdrawal. Oh, shit. No, I'm kidding. Well, thank you for coming on here, dude. For real. Yeah, but of course. My pleasure. You're awesome. Say what you want to say.

But yeah, so again, I'm glad. It was cool having Kurt Russell there. He couldn't do the movie, but it was fucking dope being around him. Please, one more time here. Promote everything you'd like. NickSwartzen.net. My stand-up dates will be up soon. I start in Orlando.

So mid-March, Orlando, Naples, West Palm, and then the Key West Theater April 3rd. All right, I was going to ask

if you were doing Key West. Yeah, and then I got Comedy Works in Denver, Brea Irvine, Improvs, and then East Coast Leg, Minneapolis,

possibly, that's not locked in yet, and then Wilbur Theater, Foxwoods, the whole East Coast run in June. All right. And then Cameo app you want me to do

Terry or Dolph or Nick or whatever it's super fun if not and then this is also a company they don't sponsor me or anything

well they do like just with items it's called 4Ocean I'm a big into the environment and the ocean I always have been and 4Ocean's on Instagram and they pull tons of trash

out of the ocean and stuff like that they're really awesome and that's it and tons of trash out of the ocean and stuff like that. They're really awesome. And that's it. And keep an eye out for the upcoming podcast. 69, bro. 69. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media,

ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you you next time.