The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Paul Virzi - HoneyVirzi

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Paul Virzi! (Comedy Central, The Virzi Effect) Paul Highlights the Lowlights of an emergency surgery, his mother's cancer, and his parents' divorce. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Upstart -Don’t wait and check your rate today at https://www.Upstart.com/HONEYDEW  Betterhelp - Get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW 

June shows coming up. Hollywood, June 4th, I'm at the Troubadour. It's going to be a really cool show. June 24th, I'm in Des Moines, Iowa, one night only. June 25th, headed to Omaha, Nebraska, one night only. And back at Brea, California, June 30th, one night only as well. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sicklerler ryan sickler

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Very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Paul Verzi. Welcome back to the Honeydew, Paul. Thank you for having me, man. Dude, thank you for being here. Last time was the best. It was. I want to, well, plug everything first, and then I'm going to give you your props.

Okay. plug everything first, and then I'm going to give you your props. Okay. Well, guys, if you're in Tampa, one of my favorite clubs, May 5th, 6th, and 7th, I will be at SideSplitters in Tampa, Florida. Love that place and had a great time last time I was there. So I want to thank everybody who came out and hope you guys come out again. Then I'm going to do a one-nighter in Buffalo. Buffalo people asked, and I said, all right, I will come to Buffalo.

I'm doing one night, May 26th, Helium. June 30th, I'll be at the American Comedy Company in San Diego, California. And for all other dates, go to paulverzi.com. Check out my podcast, The Verzi Effect, which I do by myself. Well, half the time by myself, half the time with a guest. And the other podcast I co-host with Bill Burr called Anything Better. Get my YouTube channel. You could subscribe to my YouTube channel, and my new special will be on a major platform. I thought I was going to be able to announce it here. I would have loved to, but it will be coming out later this spring, early summer this year on a major platform and i will announce that on my social medias which is paul virzi v-i-r-z-i dude profesh profesh you spit it all out yeah same much you got your shit together

you know how many first rodeos don't come in here and then sit there i don't know where that well i don't know where i'm at what's my website he's motherfucker what's your name motherfucker what's my website? Where am I at, man? Where the fuck is that? That's so funny, man. Congrats on the special. Thank you, man. Thank you for being back.

We were talking before the show, and I said literally up until the Harlan Williams episode, you were the first person to come in and talk about losing a pet. Yeah, man. And I was very – look, man. I you look i'm gonna say you guys are the greatest fucking fans in comedy and i was pleasantly surprised to see how much and how well it was received i mean and you said you're still getting love i want to i want to i want to take the opportunity to say to to you and the the listeners of the honeydew i was never more honestly like the listeners of the honeydew i was never more honestly like touched by the amount of of people that reached out about the depression that i went through in 2016 that story i told and then having

my cat give me that look and being with him for 16 years and he was my wife's gift at her 26th birthday and this big beautiful cat i had to take to get put down. And dude, I got letters from your listeners from all over the fucking world. To this day, someone's like, dude, that honeydew about my depression made me feel okay about my depression. And I'm a fan. I had people going, I'm a fan for life because of that episode. So thank you. Thank the listeners. Like I said, I mean, I've done a bunch of podcasts and I've never ever had a thing where like i could tell that i touch people which also touched me so it was really fucking dope man yeah it really was i i when you talked about i was like this is interesting because you know i've had a

few dogs over my life i've got a new one now and i just we were just talking about like they just they're part of your family you have them all those years and there's routines and habits they have you know where they like to hide, where they like to sleep. I was telling you, I go to my freezer and I go to get ice. My dog loves ice. She's right at my, I don't even, I just, now I do a game where I'm like, let me look down. Boom, right there. It's looking at me.

And I'm like, yeah. And you miss that. Yeah. Because that's your routine. Like the animal becomes your routine. Your life. And I was saying this to somebody you know if the other day if you don't like animals like if you don't i'm not saying you have to like be an

animal like have them yeah but if you just are like fuck animal there's you're a piece of shit there's something you know what i mean like all this thing wants is like to be kind of loved and the unconditional love this thing wants to give you and dude i don't i don't uh when i was 13 years old this is not what i'm gonna talk about but when i was 13 years old my dad got me a pellet gun for my birthday my mother my parents got had a brutal divorce and i think my mom was not happy and my dad was like yeah get him a gun like maybe to fucking he got me a gun to dig at her and shit and i fucking went outside i just started fucking put the co2 i just started shooting at birds and shit you know what i mean and there's this like

beautiful bird or whatever and i shot this thing and it landed by my feet and i just saw it gasping for as like a blue jay whatever there's a gasping for air and i just obviously i put out of misery i cried like a fuck i cried like a bitch dude i was eight eighth grade and i'm crying like a bitch and i just like fucking put the gun i don't want this thing i can't fuck you know and then you hear when these people like even like wild boars which are like a problem i guess yeah but if i shot something and i heard make like like they make noises and then they're like and then they're like it's like in the movies where they're fucking trying to i love your imitation of a dying boar right now yeah but it's just it's just like a fat, I picture a fat dude shot.

A wild boar is like a fat. Belly crawling. Just moaning. Sweating. And like that thing, you, and the thing is you put that thing in that position. Fuck that, dude. Yeah. Like life is too, fuck that.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I hear you. Yeah. So, but there are certain dudes that are like, oh, poof. And like, that's a whole other dude. It is. That certain dudes that are like oh that's a whole other dude it is that's a whole other dude that's a whole other my brother's that dude oh your brother's that oh my brother used to do that shit all the time but one of my favorites was uh this motherfucker shot a woodpecker from our deck it was it was driving us nothing

they sound like a machine yeah and he went got his bb gun and we had to scope on a little daisy 880 oh it was a pellet and bb gun and he boom and you just see that bird drop and i'm like you fucking got it so we go down there and he's like yeah look at this motherfucker this my brother that's a woodpecker like this not one of those uh not they're like woody woodpeckers that tom segura killed not the endangered species tom segura shot and killed this is a little guy like this big and my brother picks it up and that little motherfucking woodpecker shook it off and lit his hand up and he threw it on the ground listen that's what i knew that was at the end of that woodpecker he threw that thing on the ground i just it fucking got oh it lit him up it fucked this whole you know what's so good for him though to get those last licks in oh that's great and then this is what i laughed about that my brother was so pissed

off he's got his hand all right that's all fucked him up man it fucked him up yeah so he shot it and killed the thing right and then he takes the string of his hoodie out and he ties the fucking woodpecker up and i go what are you sending a message to the woods right now? Yeah, listen. What are you lynching a fucking? He hung it, okay? The next day we go back, it's gone. Strings there and there's all these little like fox prints under it.

And I'm laughing because I'm saying, could you imagine being a fox and just walking through the woods and you'd be like, you've got to be bullshitting right now. There's a fucking woodpecker, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And then, like, there's somewhere in the animal world, there's an old-ass fox like, it was hanging in a tree. It was hanging by a string in a tree.

Like, okay, grandpa. That's great. He did. He killed it. That thing fucked his hand up. There is a certain type of dude that's great he did he killed that thing fucked his hand up there there is a there is a certain there is a certain type of dude that's like like they're just like no we're gonna get jerky and fuck and they're just like like but also they gotta gut them yeah my dad was one of those guys

just slice them down take the organ and then hang them upside down on the deck and act like a i got pictures of deers hanging deer hanging off our deck all gutted open and drying out and stuff. And then my dad got us, he got a starter shotgun to see if we want to go hunt pheasant or whatever. And we just played sports all the time. We're like, man, we're just not into it. It's not my thing. I don't want to go hunt deer. Plus, if you're hunting and you're doing it right, the one thing I hated doing was getting up early.

And you were getting up early. And you're going out there and you're doing it. If you're doing it right, you. The one thing I hated doing was getting up early. And you were getting up early. And you're going out there. And you're doing it. If you're doing it right, you're sitting there. You're quiet. I don't want to do that shit. I'll fish, talk, laugh. I don't want to go hunt and be quiet and try to stalk something in the woods.

Yeah. Get out of my warm ass bed. So we played sports. And then my dad was like, he was done. I think he hunted with his buddies and he liked it. But once we were like, nah, we'd rather play sports than hunt he was like cool and that was it never hunted and these dudes will sit up in a stand for seven hours quiet yeah and like you know be like i'm enjoying it i'm like i you know i can't yeah i don't want to be on like a jet blue with entertainment to love my family

you know what i mean you know what i mean that's those motherfuckers like no no no my dad's a trip because my dad's just my dad is gaudy you know i mean i don't know if i've ever talked about my dad my dad's like you know chains and my dad's got my dad wear like a fur coat to go get a slice you know and uh he said my aunt my my aunt my aunt lived in down i'm not even joking i just saw this lady in this bad ass blue fur last night and i was was like, I want that. It looks so good. I was like, man, I want to wear that. My dad is always like a man needs to have a watch, shoes, good car, and all that.

That's who my dad is. Gaudy, right? So my aunt lives in Denver, Colorado. And my dad called her up. He's like, hey. He goes, can I hunt ram? Ram? Why would you want to? Because He goes, can I hunt ram? Ram? Why would you want to?

Because he goes, I want a fucking ram head on my wall. And she goes, what? She goes, I think that's illegal. He goes, I swear to God. He goes, make some calls. Make calls. And see if we could go in the mountains. I'll bring the shotgun.

We'll fucking get a ram. And he was all upset and confused that they couldn't. He goes, yeah, I don't understand. It's like, dad, they're in date date, like nobody, you don't eat ram. No one's eating ram. Maybe they are. Somewhere somebody's eating ram. I get that the ram head is probably like a dope thing, but like that's like, that's some cruel shit.

All right. So let's talk about, well, you want to talk about a cancer scare. Is that right? Yeah. So- Because I have one as well, and I know these people are sick of hearing it, but I'll tell you quickly about mine, but I want to hear yours first. So I was probably, well, I'll start with this. In 1997, i was i was not a good high school student i was very like respectful for my teachers and they liked me but i was like you know a distracted kid you

know i had my parents got divorced when i was young i would lash out i would act out do stupid shit get arrested drink just you got arrested oh yeah I got arrested like four times. Four times? Yeah, just dumb shit. Like one was a DWI. One was, you know, I was pissing in public at Oneonta. My friends went to college. You know, I got arrested, got put in a holding cell for that. I got arrested for, you know, naked in the, I don't know if I got arrested for getting naked in the emergency room. And I ran down looking for my friend naked.

My dick, it was bad. Wait, hold on. You ain't gonna jump over that. I don't think you told that story. All right. What do you mean? All right, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you.

This is a fucking doozy. I didn't play. I'm gonna tell you. I never had, no alcoholic or alcoholism, but like I was the dude that when I go, I fuck it. Like if I go in hard.

You know, we were in college and I was like, it got to the point where I was like, take beer out of that funnel and put fucking Absolute in that fucking thing. Yeah, okay. And we put Absolute and then a scoop of fucking iced tea mix and just fucking down the chute, dude. Right? Beer, bong, and vodka? Oh, dude, yeah, dude.

It could kill you. Yeah, that can kill you. It could kill you, yeah. So we lived downtown. By the way, I went away. I went away. Where? To community college. I can kill you, yeah. So we lived downtown. By the way, I went away. I went away. Where? To community college.

I went away. Okay. Yeah, I went away. I'm glad you said away to community. I went to- Son of my stepson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did one motherfucking year.

Yeah, I went like three hours near Syracuse to go to this bullshit school, right? And is it a campus or you live like right off campus? There's a campus, but we, me and my friends that went to high school together, we got a house downtown. We got an apartment. We got a house. Okay. And all the houses, the same guy had all the real estate, these two brothers. And all the houses were different colors.

So there was a blue house. There was a gray house. There was a yellow house. We were in a blue house. And there was a group of girls that lived at like a house near us. And they were like, it was actually a big school for soccer. So they always wanted to fuck with the soccer and lacrosse kids and never us we were just these kids from new york who wanted to party and whatever but one night we're fucking chilling out we're partying and there was no soccer kids and they were into hanging with us

okay um this was the night i i think i believe this was the night we found out that um i think this was the night it was around the same time that Farley died. Okay. Because I remember seeing it scroll across the bottom or whatever. And we're playing darts and we're having a good time. And there's this chick that was always into soccer, is kind of like into us. And like everybody is like, oh man, they're into,

they're actually into the New York guys. This is great. So one of my buddies goes to our apartment to get some to get some weed okay and and all of a sudden it starts getting late we're having a good time I'm it's it's the time of the party where it's like you're not fully drunk but it's coming and everybody's chilling music is on it's like the heart of the party you know the heart of the party it's like the heart of the part yeah you know the heart of the part it's like the meter is right in the middle and it's about to right and my other roommate comes in kicks almost kicks the door down and goes dude we gotta go dude chad just broke his finger running up the stairs

and i go what i go how the fuck did he up the stair who breaks their finger going upstairs he didn't fall he was just running in this kid. So I'm like, I gave the look like, no, dude, look at this. We can't. It's a finger. And he goes, dude, it's broken bad. It's like really fractured. We got to go to the hospital.

I go, dude, I'm staying. So, you know, I'm just fucking chilling, darts, everything. Five minutes later, my buddy Chad with the broken finger comes in. He goes, you fucking piece of shit. You're going to stay for some bitches. You're going to stay here just like losing. You ain't a friend fuck you and i'm just going and i'm going dude dude what nah this fucking this is a he goes this is and i'm and then so i'm so drunk and i feel better all right i'm telling i'll be back it's like three in the morning i'll be back i'll be back yeah yeah i'll be back i'll be this is by the way by the way i

wanted you to know this something i had no plans on telling this story everything I'm telling you in this story is 100% true everything down to every detail so I go I'll be back you guys be up so we're in the car and I'm in the back my buddy JB rest his soul he's driving my buddy Chad with the broken finger

and I'm sitting in the back and it's a quiet blizzard. Okay? Blizzard. It's coming down, but it's that nice, quiet shit. I love that. So silent outside. It was silent.

And we couldn't go too fast. And we're going to the hospital in Little Falls, New York. I'm sure somebody will know this story. And I'm looking around, and the drunkness starts to hit. I'm in the back, and, like, the snow is looking different. I'm seeing starts to hit. I'm in the back and like the snow's looking different. I'm seeing trails of shit. I might've been high. I was, it just, I have no business being out.

And we get to the emergency room and I'm starting to get angry that I'm not at the party. Right? And they bring Chad in to get his finger wrapped. And me and my boy JB are sitting in the emergency room waiting room. And I just start going going fuck this fucking bullshit are you gonna fucking break your finger going up so I should be at this part I start talking to myself I go into the bathroom and I start pissing all over the bathroom right and I start ripping magazines I start throwing it right so he goes oh no no I missed one part when we were walking and I jumped on the hood of an ambulance and acted like I was in Die

Hard. I go, yo, yo, look, look. And I like held on. This is how you're going into the hospital. And he goes, dude, dude, you can't. You can't. We can't do that. Come on.

Come in. Come in. So like he got me off the thing and I go in. I start kind of pissing in the toilet, then out of the toilet. And then I start ripping magazines and I start throwing magazines and I'm angry. And my buddy's kind of just laughing. But Paul, you got to stop. You got to stop you gotta stop head to god i go you know what fuck it i get stark naked what i get naked and i start running i'm gonna stop you for a second are you a guy that gets

naked had you ever done anything like this in high school i used to be the guy that would get naked at a party sometimes yeah you know i this ain't your first rodeo either. I used to steal Imaginary Second drunk in the rain. Just sprint by. I had that friend too. Just streak the party real quick. What the fuck was that? Keep his cigarette in too and just sprint by.

So were you in the waiting room? I'm in a waiting room in Little Falls, New York and I got naked. How many people were in the room? No room? I'm in a waiting room in the emergency room in Little Falls, New York. And I got naked. How many people were in the room? No, it was me, my buddy, maybe someone else, but nurses were all around. Yeah, the people working there, of course. Oh, yeah, there was like a handful of nurses.

And I just start running. You're naked. I'm naked. And I start running down, popping and looking for my friend. And I fucking pop in a room, and I see my buddy, Chad, and he did that delay where he goes, wait, dude, what the fuck? And I go, come on, we're dancing. And I started making my, you know, I'm doing the whole fucking thing. And I go, come on,

the nurse wants to dance with me. And I go up to the nurse and I start trying to dance. Naked. Naked, dude. And she's going, somebody, somebody call the cops. Somebody. Somebody call the cops. And my buddy's going, dude, get the, my buddy Jimmy's, get your fuck closer. I gotta get him out of here. My buddy Chad chad who's he forgot his finger was broken he's laughing so hard he can't believe what he's seeing right he can't believe it so i'm going come on she's

dancing and like i tried to like i didn't like grab her hips but i did the thing where i was like let's she's like somebody call the cops somebody call the cops right so i grab my shit i run out i get dressed my buddy like, we're out of here. We're going to be in the parking lot of this fucking place. Now it's still snowing, okay? And I put my things on. I put my everything, belt buckle back on, and we're in the car. And we're sitting there, and JB just goes, JB just arrested.

So he lost his life, unfortunately. And he goes, yo, you want to do donuts? And I go, yeah. Yeah. No, I'm fucking hammered. Of course. And he starts whipping around. He's got a Nissan 300.

And he starts whipping around this parking lot. And all of a sudden, we see blue and red lights. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. You're doing this in the parking lot of a hospital. And almost hitting the fucking poles. The worst place to do all this shit. parking lot of a hospital. And almost hitting the fucking poles. And after. The worst place to do all this. After getting naked.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how you go. This is your grand finale. And cop comes out. He goes, both of you get out of the car. And dude, I was so hammered. I was so hammered.

My memory. I was, which one of you pieces of shit got naked in this hospital? I swear to God, I go, someone got naked? That's fucking disrespectful. Who the fuck? And he goes, I bet you it was you, you piece of shit got naked in his hospital i swear to god i go someone got naked i have fucking disrespect who the fuck and he goes he goes i bet you it was you you piece of shit arrests us we get arrested for i got like public whatever whatever the charge was gets arrested my buddy goes dude i'm getting arrested for laughing at you i'm getting i'm being arrested i'm getting arrested for for laughing at you he's like you're lucky i had bail money. So our bail was like, whatever, a hundred something bucks.

And then we show up to court. Courtroom's packed like a movie. It was like a fucking, it was like a fucking, whatever, time to kill. It was fucking packed. I was waiting for fucking Matthew McConaughey's final, yeah. In pictures, she's white. Like it was that shit, right? And I'm nervous, dude. And there's a big bailiff. I swear to God, there's a big bailiff sitting there. And I'm nervous, yeah. In pictures, she's white. Like it was that shit, right? And I'm nervous, dude.

And there's a big bailiff. I swear to God, there's a big bailiff sitting there. And I'm nervous, dude. And he's going towards me. He goes, Mr. Verzi, please step to the, you know, and I step up. And he goes, okay. He looks, he's looking at the thing and he's going, okay. So I see Mr. Verzi, I have a report here that says Mr. Verzi

exposed his bare buttocks in the Little Falls emergency room when asked why are you naked Mr. Verzi's reply was my belt buckle came undone

and I swear to God the bailiff just goes dude the bailiff the bailiff broke he just goes and he just goes Mr. verzi he goes if you're

ever if i ever catch you doing this in my town again i'm gonna throw you in jail for 30 days and i said you're on you'll never see me again and that was it fuck yeah that's the truth that's a great fucking story dude 100 true man your friend though a little bit of a bitch with that finger should have let you stay over there i'm glad we got the story out of it but man i snapped my ankle tendons and everything my brother barely slowed down in the front of the hospital i was like get out and they just left my ass they didn't come in with me and all that shit yeah yeah i think it was more i think it was more like yo if we have to leave you have to yeah that's exactly what it was if we're not getting pussy you ain't getting pussy but what what led us But what led us there?

What led us there? Well, we were talking about being in the hospital. I had a scare. Yes, yes. So anyway, I wasn't a good student in school, but when I wanted to be, I was. So I had a teacher one time go, hey, man, you don't belong in this English class. You belong. Your essays are really good.

Don't embarrass me. I'm going to put belong in this English class. You belong at your essays are really good. Don't embarrass me. I'm going to put you in this good class. And I went from like a C student in the lower English to a B plus student in the higher English. So she believed in me. And that's the type of student I was. But so towards the end of high school, I needed to like, I was getting close. Like, am I going to graduate in four years?

And I wanted to. One day, my mother, I hear- Wait, I'm sorry. Were you worried it would take longer? I was worried that I was, I was worried that like with my grades, like I didn't want to be somebody to go- You might have done summer school. I didn't want to go to summer. I definitely didn't want to do five years, but I didn't want to go to summer school, which I never had to, thank God. I ended up passing and getting through it. But one day as a senior, I hear my mother from the bedroom. I hear

either what is hysterical crying or hysterical laughing. And unfortunately it wasn't the latter. I go in and my mom is just like pale and she's not really she's not really feeling good and and uh come to find she's like i was like i'll stay home from school she's like no go to school and she's i didn't like school i'll stay you know she's like she's like no go to school my fourth period gym they were like listen your mother's being rushed to the hospital i don't want to scare you i go home it was like a that same morning that same day and i see true i pull up my street and I see troopers and I see fucking ambulance. It's like a movie, dude.

And they're all in my house. And my mom's best friend who was there at the time was like, she's all right. She's in the bed. I pull my mom. My mom looked bad. And my mom goes, you want me to come in the ambulance? She goes, no. She goes, I don't want him in the ambulance with me.

I was like, all right, I'm going to go to my job and tell him I can't work. Because I worked at a pizzeria. So I'm going to go to the pizzeria, tell him I can't work today. And I'm going to come right up to the hospital. Found out my mother like threw up so much blood in the ambulance. Like they said like 40% of her blood. She was just-

Whoa. Yeah, dude. She was like going to, she gets to the hospital. They ask her if she wants a priest or a fucking, that's where- Is she just hemorrhaging? So then they fucked up and said

it might've been like a bleeding ulcer. It was a tumor. She had a tumor in her stomach. And it was a very, long story short, it was a very rare cancer. And she was, after four surgeries, taking it out and being cancer free. You can't do any more surgeries, right? Like they take it out, cancer free. All of a sudden something's growing back.

Cut it out, take it out. You can't after so many times. So then they find little spots all over my mother's liver. my mom's in like stage four now and it's really really bad and two months before my mother's last relapse the dana farber institute in boston came out with a test drug for people with leukemia my mother didn't have leukemia but it was working on what my mother had they do a test study of 100 people it works on like like 26 of them like really well my mother's one of them then it dwindles down to 10 and my mother's one of them really okay my mother is alive today after stage four stage four cancer a test drug uh saved my mother's life this

dr dimitri shout out to him shout out to the dana farb institute in boston saved my mother's life this dr dimitri shout out to him shout out to the dana farb institute in boston saved my mother's life this is you said 97 her first cancer was 97 when the initial tumor they took it out then a couple years later and then when it started to spread a few years later so you're talking like close to you're talking almost 25 years and my mother's here she got to see weddings and grandkids and you know the medicine beats her up a little bit it beats up her immune system but my mother is like all the cancer is kind of dead or like not like has completely not growing you know not growing but like almost like dormant thank god knock on wood it stays so my mom is now my mom is 71 so she's been dealing with this since her late 40s yes so so yeah and just so so now i'm a hypochondriac, and I think part of that played a part, okay?

So I like passive doctors. You know that Seinfeld episode? Oh, you're nuts. Get out of here. And my doctor knows that. I want a doctor to look at me and be like, get the fuck out of here, man. So this one, this little stretch of time, I had this really weird abdominal issue, like by where my appendix is, right? But it was weird.

It was this awkward ache. It was really weird, man. And a couple days, I'm going, this is, and I'm going, I was like, I just need to go to the doctor. So I go to the doctor, and my doctor knows my past, knows my mother. And he goes, let me see. Is this your appendix? It's going to hurt when I push it. He goes, but when I your appendix it's gonna hurt when i push it he goes but when i let go it's gonna hurt more and he pushes it and it hurts and he lets go and it

doesn't hurt at all and he's like i see that he's like it's like perplexing he's like what the fuck what so he's trying to do and he's and and he's like all right you know hold on a second and he walks out of the room and halfway out of the room he goes you know what paul he goes i gotta i'm gonna just send you the emergency room and i want them to take blood because something's not right. And that's so, and I go, what? And he goes, yeah, something's not. So I go home and my mom goes, what's wrong? I go, they want me to go to the hospital right now.

And she goes, my mom thought I was fucking with her because she knows that I get nervous about shit like that. I go, no, ma, he said to go up there and to go check. So she's fucking she's been through all her shit yeah and i know where her where her mind went i get to the hospital they make me drink this fucking water that tastes like some chocolate shit and i'm drinking it and they go on a scan and they go we found them we found a mass there shit man i'm reliving this we found a mass there and i'm going okay and we want to go to surgery tonight tonight tonight so my mother comes in and my mother

was trying to play cool mother but i could tell my mother was on some like this was fucked up so she's like it's all right i'm telling my call my brother i'm dude i'm going to surgery like i'm going to surgery at midnight and they're were like, what? I go, yeah, I did all tests all day. There's some mask there. They don't know what it is. I'm going to surgery tonight. And now I'm like, fuck, dude, they're wheeling me in. They're putting shit on my head.

I'm just like waiting there. And I go in for the surgery. And I remember waking up. I went in nervous too. And it was a big abdominal thing, a big scar I have. And not huge, but you know. big scar i have and not huge but you know um and i wake up and i never forget i come out of this shit and i come out and i'm looking up and my mother goes it's done they took it out it's okay it's you know it's done and then

she didn't say anything else and i'm going what what and i'm coming to and i go what's up what happened well they found something that that they're gonna test and dude it was like all right did you get to see it I didn't get to see it no um but I found out that they told my mother fuck dude I'm reliving this they told my mother we ain't seen anything like this before like there's an effect there's something like we haven't seen and it's the same thing they told her so she so and and, and I kind of got wind of that. So I'm laying in the hospital and they're like, look, you need to be here after that surgery for at least four days. Okay. And we're going to do biopsy on this thing and test this thing.

And dude, I'm laying there. Oh, every second has got to be excruciating. Every fucking second. Okay. And then you're thinking this could be your last days and you don't even know what to fucking do with these minutes right now and and i'm um yeah man and i i've never talked about it this detailed and i about two years in the comedy i was doing the urban circuit black rooms and i was doing some eight mile shit and i was killing i was doing well and i remember like i was like at night I would talk to God. I would be like,

look, man, like, cause this was when I knew that it was just more than like bringer shows and open mics. This is like, this got to a point where I was like, even though it was only like two and a half years, three, maybe three at the time, it was still like, like I was doing shit. I was like, I was making, I was like three and a half. half yeah i think now that i think about three to three and a half years in and i was like doing contests and doing things and i was like making a little bit of noise in the new york scene for a guy that's not quite in the clubs yet if that makes sense yes and i remember being like if you can just get me through this i just want to get through this i would do i was literally like laying i get like a morphine drip every once in a while with pain but i remember and i'd watch tv at night and i was

alone at night my mother would be there every morning that's what i want to ask who was allowed to come see you so it was literally like everybody else and my my parents divorced my father was away like so so um and i didn't really my father and i's relationship at the time it was like always cool but he was just like from afar loving me but it was like my mother was there every morning and that's what it was and every morning i woke up she was at the edge of the bed but we you know you know and not not that i'm something like big religious but i you know i was praying hey man i just whatever i whatever if i can get through this i'm gonna make the best of this i'm gonna make the best of comedy i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna take comedy as far as i could

take it in my life if I get through this. You know, and this is fucking 20 years ago. And I'm going, I just need, I wanna get through this and I would watch TV at night, but then there were hours alone. The hours alone would be when my mom would kiss me goodbye, like after like the dinnertime, early evening, sun going down, and I'd be in the hospital alone.

And I would get visitors, but I was alone, dude. And I was like, if this is cancer, then my mom had it. My friend in the hospital that I said that passed away, he died from cancer. And his mom had cancer two years before him. So there was all around me. And now they're looking at this thing. How big was it? Do you remember?

I think when they said they took it out. But what it was was so so so day i remember it was a couple embarrassing things that happened like the nurse was always nice so she had to take the catheter out of my dick dude i'm like yeah and like you know and i'm hearing it yeah and you know and your dick is fucking baby dick when she's coming in and you want to be like hey just so you know yeah and she's like i gotta pull it out you know. That dick's crawling. That dick's crawling. Yeah. And she's like, I got to pull it out.

You know, he pulled it out. I'm going to tell, this is one of the funniest things that has ever happened. Well, I'll get to the story. Let me finish the story. And then I'm going to tell you one of the funniest things that happened with my neighbor in the hospital who came in the hospital. Because it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So every day my mother was there and the doctor. Now, one thing that was good was the day before we were going to get the main biopsy results, the doctor came in and kind of gave an indication, which is like as legal as he can do it.

He gave an indication. Oh, the preliminary things don't look so, but look all right or something. He did something that my last night there alone gave me like watching tv i had a little bit of hope i had a little bit of hope you know and and i'm sitting there i'm like oh my god when i wake up tomorrow they're coming in with tests to tell me like you know what they're doing a biops they're looking at this thing and uh isn't it fucking crazy that at that point in time somebody had already looked at your shit and some human out there had all the answers. Yes.

That you're laying in that bed dying to fucking know. Yeah. Living to know. Some guy could have just been jet skiing in Miami and be like, we'll tell him Monday. A hundred percent. Guy's got a fucking pina colada. I'm sitting here fucking biting my fingers. I got a fucking catheter in my dick.

This guy's fucking listening to Flo Rida while he's fucking. Motherfucker is listening to Flo Rida spinning out, going to eating sushi and shit on a yacht. With your results. Yeah, tell the Verzi kid we'll tell him Monday. Hey, get that bag of blow. We're going to go fucking. That's definitely how life works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to go fucking. That's definitely how life works. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're going to go whale watching. Get that blow. We're whale watching. We're just in there like, what's happening? One of the greatest fucking surgeons is just fucking whipping down. Right? Oh, God. That's the best.

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You're going to get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Honeydew. That's betterhelp.com slash Honeydew for 10% off your first month. Now let's get back to the do. So the last day, so that last night I had a little hope. That's so funny you said that. So the last day I had a little hope. So I wake up and for the first time out of all the days, my mother's not there. She wasn't sitting there. Every day I woke up, she was already at the edge of the bed sitting. I wake up, day to find out, day five. And I'm going, my mom's not here. She was probably like right down the hall coming, but she wasn't there. And I go, oh my God, this is a day. Like 30, no, less than 30 minutes later. No, five minutes later, my mom comes in.

Hey, sweetie, how you doing? It's going to be fine. No matter what it is, it's going to be fine. My mom was, you know, dope. She went through so much shit. So she's like, whatever it is. You're not going to tell her stage four fucking cancer. It's not going to be okay.

Yeah. And she says, it'll be fine, whatever it is. And then like half hour later, me and my mom are having a good conversation. Two doctors walk in, a fucking manila folder and a piece of nothing was more important in my fucking life than that piece of paper that this fucking surgeon was holding I mean

walking down the hallway had an answer right he went from the jet skis to the soda machine to the and this fucking Dr. Pipson, you know? This goddamn machine gets stuck every time I fucking use it. He's like, get out of here. What's going on with me?

So he comes in and he goes, I want you, he smiled and he looked at me and he smiled. And right when he looked at me, I kind of, I kind of got a good indication. He goes, we did a biopsy on this thing five times to check it. And he says, what it is, is there's something called diverticulosis. Usually older men get it on their left side. What diverticulosis is, it's a little canal in the intestines that things can get stuck in. That's why people with diverticulosis cannot eat seeds. You can't eat seeds. You can't eat popcorn. All those things that have the things that could stick or a seed can get in there and fuck it up.

And clog it up. So I was, my thing was on the right, which is rare. Something got stuck in there, got infected. They took it out. They also did take out, they were like, hey, we were there. We took out the appendix just because we, they just took out my appendix because it was like it was there so they took out my appendix they took out this infection which was a diverticulosis like really flare up of a very certain specific area they told me i would be all right he did say you gotta watch what you eat this could flare up again

later in your life found out now come to find out my father has diverticulosis so he can't eat things like that but mine just happened to be on the right side. They taped me up. And a day later, I said, Ma, can I go to the Yankee game? And she was like, Paul, you're going to be fucking leaking at Yankees. But I went with my brother. And it was literally the first real-life second chance that I felt like I had. And so anytime somebody

says to me anything about like because somebody didn't get the news I got right somebody didn't get that news so how dare I not even here to tell that story right so how dare I not do anything I want to do how dare I you know anything that somebody wishes they could get out of that fucking hospital bed and do um so so that one that one really really uh bothered me but one of the funniest parts about this story is an older man ryan i don't even know if i could tell you this because because i you're gonna fly off that fucking dude an older man is at the curtain you know next to me and day three of this ordeal i hear hey young man i go yeah he goes yeah they got you and we just talking what would they get to the food how's the food he's

just talking to me right and he just goes yeah i got i'm stuck here man and i'm going yeah he goes yeah he goes you seem like a nice kid you'll be all right this and that he goes yeah he goes i can't leave until my testicle unswells and i go and i go i go what he goes yeah i got this thing he goes yeah i got this thing where one of my testicle blow you know it blew out and it blew out he goes he goes i got one one of my testicles really swollen i can't let me leave the hospital until he goes it happened once before he goes this you know and i'm going all right like i'm just trying to now i don't know if he's fucked up right right you know like i don't he could be all he could be all fucked he could be right all i know is he's older and he's my neighbor and he's trying to be friends

with me and he's very nice and he said something like oh i see the people coming to visit you that's nice like he was nice but he's saying this so a day and a half me and this guy talk more hand to god he go i come out of the bathroom he goes come here you gotta look at this thing sickler i swear to you did you go look everything yeah i swear to you holy on anything holy this man opens his thing his fucking if my memory's correct his left testicle looked like a legit softball. Get the fuck out. That big.

It looked like, and it looked, and I just go, and I just, I couldn't look. That is mad. I couldn't look, like between baseball and softball, like it was probably, it was probably between, the guy would have loved it if it was a pool ball. God. He would have loved it if it was a pool ball. God. He would have loved it if it was a pool ball.

This was between Major League Baseball and legit softball. And I couldn't look long, but I saw like, you know, you see like the fucking purpley fuck. And he's just like, yeah, so this thing's got to go down. And I'm like, yes, the fuck it does. I wouldn't let you, forget leaving the hospital. I wouldn't let you in. You shouldn't be home. I'm like, dude, I can't, Ryan, I can't believe you forget leaving the hospital. I wouldn't let you insist. You shouldn't be home.

Like, dude, I can't. Ryan, I can't believe it's possible. What I saw, I can't believe a testicle could blow out like that. Yeah, it's scary. I'm going like, what's in that? Why is it? And this isn't his first rodeo. And he's going, yeah, I think he was acting like, yeah, here we go again.

So he had some clear testicle shit. But I'll never forget seeing that that and me and my mom had a good laugh because i told her and it was actually it eased me it eased me a little bit even though it was so ridiculous like even with everything going on i'm like dude i'm like mom this guy's got a ball like you have never seen before and and that kind of loosened it up but he was very nice and he was happy for me when i left but but that changed my life. And the reason that changed my life is because I learned a lot at 23 or however I was at the time. I learned a lot that like what we said before, somebody's not getting that news and somebody gets the bad news there and they

can't go on with the comedy career and live their dream like I've been able to. And I've also now have ammunition for my children when I tell them things and they say that they're scared, you know, and you're like, well, look, you know, everybody's scared, but here's what you could miss and here's what can happen. And some people unfortunately get taken away quicker and it's not cool. So, so for me, that was, that was something that like, as I was coming to your show, I'm like, I haven't really relived that because like if i ever and i mean if i wrote a book i would name it four days because the

emotions and my old having family like my older brother four days in a ball talking about busting a nut i don't know the next time that guy jerked off i don't know i'll bet you he put him but he probably took the fucking plaster off that mother fucker would have been in a jackass movie i hope it wasn't a girl in front of that thing yeah yeah but but you know the weird thing was when you're in a hospital this is one thing that that um i think everybody goes through and notices when you're in a hospital and there's tubes and there's a big surgery and there's news coming, people look at you different, even your family. Like even without them, no, like my mom held it together. But the fear is there.

Then I had siblings kind of like want to be in and out because they didn't like to see me like that. But also they were scared to death for themselves. Like they see you and like, fuck. They're scared for themselves. They're also like, I don't like seeing my brother like that. So like they would come in and give the love and be'm like i'm gonna go to the gift shop yeah you know and just you know and and i i saw that with some people and then you had people come in and be like you know you're gonna be all right oh we'll pray or like so so it was a lot of it was

a lot of different things but it really was a learning experience and it was one of the the scariest things that i went through so um i know exactly what you mean. I had that gratitude moment myself. I won't, I'll spare everybody the long story again, but I'm telling you. So, and yeah, I was 42. I went through this crazy health scare, kidney stones. Then my legs, both legs started clotting. Like it just kept getting worse and worse. And my doctor's doing all these blood tests and he's like, I'm sending you to an oncologist. Don't freak out. I'm like, I am freaked out though. This is a blood, cancer doctor i gotta go talk to so i'm seeing him and he's like i don't normally see legs both legs clotted like this aggressively so do homeboy

gives me his fucking cell phone number for the weekend and i said he goes i don't want you to be scared i go i am i go i you just I am. I go, you're a blood cancer doctor. Give me your personal self. Told me hit you up this weekend if I have any problems. I'm scared to leave. I'm scared to leave. Oh, my God. And then you probably know this.

It was for me when they did the test, the blood test. It was a two-week wait. So you got rushed in for an emergency surgery. So you found out in like four or five days yeah i didn't have a procedure so i gotta wait two fucking weeks and i'm freaking the fuck out for two weeks like living life yeah because they're mentioning leukemia they're mentioning lymphoma and i'm like jesus christ and i'm trying to let my single dad at the time i'm trying to get through this i mean we had a we had a live crab feast back in the day at the Hollywood Improv with Anna Faris.

And that day, that morning, for hours, I was in the hospital, and they were flushing my fluids and trying to figure out what the fuck's going on with me. And it took six months. And I walk in. Whoa. And there's this nurse. And she goes, how do you feel? And I said, I'm scared. Like, I've been scared for two weeks.

I don't know what everyone's about to fucking tell me i have no idea what what's how my life is going to be when i walk out of this office today wow and she goes well i'm not supposed to tell you but i'm gonna tell you you're good you're fine i was like oh my god and she goes how do you feel i go just feel a huge relief and she said let me tell something. I'm telling you this because every day it's my job to tell people they have cancer. Today I got to tell someone they did it. Oh, my God. And she goes, you need to see that from – I'm getting chills now. Dude, I just got the chills.

She's like, you need to see that from my point of view. And I'm telling you now, go celebrate. Go celebrate life. You got another chance. And I was like man i'm still that's fucking unbelievable to hear that like yeah that's your job and every day you're going numb to telling people you have cancer you have cancer you're this is where you work and today you get to tell someone they don't she was stoked oh my god dude that's like so i was

like and then since 42 to now i have put my foot on the motherfucking gas and was like fucking i'm not looking back we're living and i that's it and i know what you went through those two weeks because for two months during that depression i talked about the last time i was on the show i was just going to gigs going i'm gonna be dead like and like you know in a week like so when you're when you're those two weeks when you're living life and you're trying to go walk around it's always picking my daughter up like yeah yeah am i even gonna get the cub2 oh my god dude every you just spiral you what did you do what did you do when you first walked out of the hospital did you do any what did you do that night do you remember did you yeah i cried

when i walked out of there i cried i got in got in my car. I sat down. I thanked my dead father. My dead – anybody I thought might have been somewhere else fucking throwing something at. I was thanking the heavens. You were just going, yeah. I was so grateful. And that night, I think I had my daughter that night, and I just sat with her, and I had dinner with her. And that, to me me was celebrating life yes you know together and then since then i i mean i'm still i'm back in emdr therapy again but i always do therapy i journal every morning and every night um i meditate i

should meditate more but i do do it um and i do two shows about mental health i fucking anyone that sends me a hey this is an interesting clip or this is an interesting – especially when I'm on the road, if it's a 45-minute thing, I'll sit and listen to that. So I'm always trying to – look, I'm insecure about the way I look, how I feel, shit like that. But the one thing I will put – I don't go to the gym as much as I should, but I do work here.

You know what I'm saying? We all want to get abs and shit. Everybody's trying to look good and nobody's worried about working up here. And that's where I really, my later years, it needs to be here because- And look at your success. And what I was saying was like, when my head is right, my success is, you know, we were so before pandemic too, I was talking about this with Tom Papapy you were on the hamster wheel gotta do this gotta do this it's like once things slow down and you realize like what's important it's like no no get your head right that's it and when your head's right your body will get right too that's right you watch these fat motherfuckers they're depressed yes

you know you see a dude like i've seen it like you see a dude that's like 450 i remember somebody saying look at somebody's house too. Look how they clean. You see somebody's bedroom and you see their living room. When somebody's immaculately clean, you're just better up here. But when it's all a mess, that means you're a mess. If you're heavy and you're out of shape, you're a mess mentally. So I totally get that, man. And it's more important. I mean, because once mentally, everything comes down. It comes down. That's right. Yeah, yeah. For sure. It all sets in place. And I think a lot of people worry about, I mean, look, you got to work out too. Obviously, muscles harder to break down when you get older and everything. So it's good for you.

But I think a lot of people just go through life thinking, let me work on these biceps and these abs and shit. Not my trauma. Not this fucking incident that happened or what's going on in my life or how can I make this relationship better or what am I bringing to the table that's fucking shit up. I don't think people look at that enough, especially guys. We come from an era like your father. My dad was a dude's dude, but I'll say this. I think that I know when my parents first split, because I would like to talk about your parents' divorce,

but I know when they first split, we did a family. I remember we were young, too, second grade, maybe third grade, going through this, and we did a family therapy session. And I look back on that now, and I think, well, I know my dad was there. We were all there. But I was like, huh. So I've never been a guy that's been like, I ain't going to therapy and talking to some dude. I've never been that macho bullshit. but I have been that way about medication. So it's funny. Like for me,

I'm not the guy that's like, oh, you're going to therapy. But I was the guy that was like, I don't need a pill to fix this. But I remember talking to Christina Pajitsky and she's like, oh, I take whatever she takes and it's her business. And so I went on it and it's a low dose of 10 milligram and it happened to me when we had to fucking homeschool like my daughter at the time is five she can't fucking read fully she's not self so i can't say go do your shit and i'll check it later i have to sit there and do school with her yeah and dude we're in a box losing our fucking our art form goes away like huh wait stand-ups gone which i'll come back

to that in a second but it made me lose my mind i felt trapped i had no outlet i had no anything to get any of this shit out yeah um but going back to what was it i just said i said i'll come back to the parents divorce or no stay like like no one ever thought stand-up would be gone. Oh, right. Right? But what I did realize, because we always think, I got to do this show and this show and this show. We had no stand-up for a year and a half. Yeah.

And you know what? It was fine to take that break. Like, none of us hustlers would ever put a self-imposed year and a half break on our standup ever ever we yeah but it happened yeah and it was all right it was it was more than it was needed it was fine it was needed it was needed because we're on that ham so even me out here i'm out here shooting an acting project and i literally got out here last minute i didn't have anything booked and the reason why i didn't have any shows booked is because i flew in last minute, open-ended, not knowing when I'm flying back, exhausted with everything. And even my mind is like, oh, should I do shows?

Maybe I should do shows. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. Whoa. It's going to be all right. It's going to be all right. Yes. You know? But pandemic let you realize that.

That's right. You mentioned meditation, dude. And I tried it. And, dude, I got so relaxed. You want to laugh? My comedic mind is on a lot i i mean i can't it's her i the guy's voice all i want to do is shit on the voice no no the woman it was this asian woman was talking to me and she was and i was going and she was going like you're

fine you're relaxed and she goes from your head to now start with your forehead and she went from the forehead to the cheekbones to the fucking and i'm sitting there and it's going great right it's going great and i think i was you know i was fighting my wife at the time and she's going down to your toes and then i just pictured that voice i go she's yelling at some dude later i go some some some fucking dude's got jerry i'm doing a session like i literally i was late and it's funny I'm laying in my son's room there's like fucking Darth Vader shit and I'm laying like this

and I just picture her I go she's gonna yell at some asshole to go to the grocery store or he didn't get the right groceries and I pictured that and my eyes open

my fucking eyes open and I go I said baby carrots god damn it you're right you little dick so anyway breathe deep notice your cheekbones my mother hated you from the beginning You little dick cunt. So anyway. Breathe deep.

My mother hated you from the beginning. Be present in your pocket. You ain't shit. I want custody of the dogs. Anyways, you are a winner. Anyways, you're a winner. It'd be great if you heard an anyways in there. That's a meditation.

How Italian is that? Anyways. Anyways. I love the S on that, though. No, it's funny because those meditation people have real lives. And you would think that that woman had her shit together, dude. And that's always talking like that. Never yells.

Never gets upset. Doesn't have anxiety. Cussing out people in traffic and shit planes going down we'll be fine you're fine i i try to make a rule now where my ego only comes in the car with me you know what i mean i try to i try to leave it in the car for meetings and everything else just leave it stay here we can say whatever the fuck we want with these windows up, but stay here. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, one thing that I always liked about you, and I hit it off with you when we first met, is you're the type of dude that when I met you the first time, I knew no matter what you did in this business, you were going to be you. And that's who I kind of fuck with. Like, when I come out here, and a lot of comics come out to L.A., and they're like, you got to do this podcast, do that podcast.

I'm like, I'm kind of going to fuck with my friends. If I'm in this business to, listen, there are some podcasts that you should do. So I'm not trying to knock that hustle. But I'm also not going to, I'm going to be like, oh, Sickler's a friend. If you come to New York and you're like, hey, man, what's up with the stand? I'm like, come to the stand. You know what I mean? Come to the stand. Or what's going on with the stand? I'm like, come to the stand. You know what I mean? Come to the stand.

Or what's going on with a podcast? Come, you know, whatever it is. I like to do, like, I like that because I feel like that's like an authentic thing. Now, if I meet somebody that has a, or some, or if somebody that I didn't know goes, hey, dude, I think you're real funny, man. I'd love to get you on my thing. That's different. But the whole, like, I got to get in that to do that. i don't i don't like i've never that no no and it's like you said

before like showing up to a place you're not booked on and going like hey it's like i'm not no it's like no man i'm gonna i'm gonna fuck with the people i want to fuck with me and i'm gonna let my career because that's because nobody gave a fuck about me in this business for 14 15 years and then yeah then i got montreal Montreal. Then my first special did well. People are like, oh, that dude's funny. And then this and that. And it's like, I'd rather that organic kind of come up than the other things.

Well, it takes longer our way because we're being true to ourselves and who we are. We're not coming out here to be anything but ourselves. And that road is always the longer one. And I was told that many years ago by friends and mentors. And I was also said like, but it's a better road. It is a better road. Because the experience is there.

That's right. And we've done so much. That's right. And we've been there. And that's what it is. But no, man, you're dope. Your show is dope. And you never changed.

And I like being around somebody. Because you could see somebody. Like, I don't like when you see somebody show up and they got a dope podcast. But they've been doing stand-up for six years. And then they're like, I'm the shit. It's like, yeah, you got a nice podcast. Like, been doing stand-up for six years and then they're like on the shit's like yeah you got a nice podcast like let's you know i mean let's see you do that yeah let's see you do it an hour in fucking toledo is a little different you know selling tickets is a different game selling tickets is a different getting up and doing spots is one thing and being funny is one thing but selling tickets in a major U.S. city is a different fucking thing.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot to being a comic. It's not just a 15-minute spot at the cellar or the comedy store or the improv. It's can you do the 30? Can you do the hour? Can you go on the road? Can you sell the tickets?

It's all that shit. You know it. It's all that. It's, yeah. All right. I want to ask you because my parents' divorce was a huge pivotal thing for me in my life, too. And my mom cheated on my dad. And, like, they tried to keep it quiet.

But when you're arguing in front of the kids, you know, kids aren't dumb. You know, we're third, fourth grade. We were like, oh, mom, fuck somebody. Somebody else. Oh, shit. Yeah. So what happened with your parents' divorce? It was, there was no, from what we understood.

By the way, I'm sorry to interrupt. Do you have siblings? I do. Okay, so how many of you are there? Well, so my mother and father had me and my older brother. Okay. And my mother and father divorced, and my mother remarried, has two. So it's four of you with her.

Yeah, but they're my brother and sister. Right, yeah, of course. So there's four of us, two boys uh and then the youngest is our sister and um so it was early 80s man my dad my dad's like a like a tough street smart kid but he also educated he was educated so he like got like my father graduated high school and then didn't go to college for four years just like working in restaurants doing whatever making money bought himself a car and then somebody's like he can never do college and my father's like what my father went to like university of new maybe university of new mexico all a's came back home went to iona so like he's

educated but he's also got that street shit but he's sicilian 100 and catholic so divorces no right it's a sin it's the whole thing italians don't do that your mother went crazy i mean like But he's Sicilian, 100% and Catholic. So divorce is no. Right. It's a sin. It's the whole thing. Italians don't do that. Your mother went crazy. I mean, like that.

So I was five. My brother was 10. My father was a bigwig at AIG. AIG. In the city. And he had like a brand new 82 black Jaguar, like white leather. Like my dad was balling out. And they got divorced and everything

just, dude, it was as bitter and brutal yelling, fighting. And then me and my brother in the middle and then this one saying this and this one saying that, and it wasn't really civil at all. And, you know, I do a joke in my act where my dad literally is like, he can't believe or accept the divorce. So he would, he called us over. This line came out. And who wanted it? Was it a mutual? was it a mutual my mother my mom yeah but my father would be like hey you know this divorce your mother did she went crazy this divorce your mother did yeah yeah and and and uh yeah this divorce your mother did and um and and i saw so something that happened wow here's a here's a heavy thing that i didn't think i would talk about when my son was born when my son lucas was born he's 12 now the love that i have for this little boy had when he was a baby and then now as as much if not just

keeps growing right but he's just he's my little boy man and like um he's like two three and i started to get resentful. As I was raising my son, I started to get upset about what happened to me and what happened to my brother. I started to get upset. And I remember- And who? A lot of, like, I would say my dad. Dad more than mom.

Like, my mom, not that I can't give a pass, but like, like it was just a different thing. Like it was more visceral from that side, but he didn't really, but my dad and I are cool. And I had to talk to him because it was something where he was like, call him. I mean, I hope he'd be cool with me saying this, but it's just honest. Like he would, um, yeah, he would like call and be like, I haven't heard from Paul. And I noticed that I was even without even knowing being a little distant. And finally I sat and I just looked him in the face and told him when it wasn't going to be emotional i made sure it wasn't going to be emotional i made sure i when i waited i made

sure i was just going to go in there and fucking talk and i just had a good talk with him and i was like you know this was done and like you know i was just a kid wanted to hang with my you know hang hanging and you know and and when you're have divorced parents and you're with your mom you just want to hang with your mom and when you just want to hang with your mom. And when, and when you just want to hang with your dad and it was so kind of, it was so kind of harsh or, and me and my brother, my older brother, Christian, man, God bless him. Like he took bullets from me, man. He was 10 and he heard and saw some shit. He saw some, he saw plates, you know, flying, he saw things, he saw it. And I'm this little kid who he kind of took bullets for,

but at the same time, like it was kind of not cool what we went through. And I think that, that you develop issues later. You know, I was always, I was insecure, you know, I was insecure because I didn't know if my, you know, my mom was safe. I would wake up, they said I'd wake up crying as a little boy and they'd be like, what's wrong? And my, what I would cry about was I think something's gonna happen to my mom. That was cause there was no, that was, and my stepfather's a great dude. He was around, but it was just cause what, what was happening with my dad, you know?

Your dad and stepfather get along? No. I was going to say, if your dad's old school like that, there's no way. The first time they were under the same roof was 22 years later at my wedding. Is that right? Did they get along?

No, no, didn't speak. They didn't speak. Not even a hello. No, no, didn't speak. They didn't speak. Not even a hello and a handshake. No, not even an acknowledgement. Not even an acknowledgement. But that's the same man your mom left your dad for married and she's still with him. Yes. So it was obviously the right choice for her.

And he was with her through the cancer and all that stuff. And I got nothing but stare, nothing but, you know, How was your dad about that when you're, did he shift a little bit? Did he soften up a little bit? He just felt, he felt for us. You know, he was just like, you know, like, I'm sorry. You have, you know what I mean? Like he, you know, but, but yeah, no.

So it was like me and my brother were in the middle of some, some shit that was like, when you, when you, when I think back and I think about what was said and what I was exposed to. What stands out? I'll give you an example. I remember laying in my brother and I are twins. We had to share the same room. My little brother's in the room next to us.

And I remember hearing my dad yell at my mom, you haven't had sex with me in six months. Listen, I remember that. And I was like, and I'm a kid at the time. I'm in middle school and i'm like man i'm jerking it and i'm thinking six months of none of this holy shit yeah yeah but i remember hearing that and i'm like god damn and hearing them yell and fight see what mine was not mine i was too young to hear the yelling and fighting because i was five so but it was the visitations now now the flip side is in my dad's defense the courts only

granted my dad eight hours on sunday and three on wednesday with us so yeah that was that old you know women get that wednesday sunday shit that was like by the book right so he had eight hours with his boys on sunday and three on wednesday which was only good for what a dinner right so his bitterness i get but but we felt it. You know what I mean? But did he live close by? He always did. Okay.

Yeah, like he lived close by. But like, yeah, man, your mother went crazy. I don't know. I don't know. Did he ever remarry? Unfortunately, the devil invaded our family. That's what he said last night. That's what he said.

The devil invaded our family. Yeah, that's- My whole family in town. I called my cousin and told him that he was laughing so hard. The devil came to us. What could I do? And I called my cousin and told him that. He was laughing so hard. The devil came to us. What can I do? And I'm fucking 11. Yeah, right.

So, like, I'm like, I live with the devil. So, yeah, so he's like, I'm living. I live with the devil. Yeah, like, I'm going to sleep at the devil's crib. Yeah, yeah. Like, the devil bought me fucking my sneakers for school tomorrow. You know what I mean? The devil invaded us. He can't school tomorrow. You know what I mean? The devil invaded us.

He can't accept it. He is like, nah. The devil bought me my fucking first day of school outfit. So that's what it was. And he never remarried or anything? He's single, bachelor? He is now. No, he swore he never would.

How old was he when he remarried? So now my dad, right now my dad is 73. So I think he remarried what like eight years ago no shit yeah they say they dated for years and years and they went on a cruise and got married and you know and and listen man i i i accept like my dad my dad looked at me as a hey man maybe i didn't handle things you know like it was all like it's i wanted to ask you yeah how when you had to sit down with him was was he receptive to it? Okay, good. And I love my dad, dude.

And I have a lot of things that my dad has. We have the same taste in food, the same taste in certain things. So there's a lot of him, but I think my insecurity and why. And here's the other thing. So another big blow is we had money. My dad was a bigwig at AIG. We lived in a Tudor in Scarsdale, like off of Scarsdale, dude. You're talking like top shit in Westchester County, New York, like top shit, Jaguar.

I remember one time we were pulling out of the Jaguar. I'll never forget this. Remember you said, oh, we haven't had sex in six months? You'll never forget. I'll never forget this because my dad loved making people realize he was a fucking baller. We're pulling out and there were girls that lived across the street. I believe their names were Danny and Debbie, two little girls. And they go they go where are you going and i rolled my dad's fucking jaguar window down i go my dad they're taking us to mcdonald's my dad goes don't tell him that shit don't tell him

we're going to mcdonald's like he didn't want he was like oh because that was low rent yeah yeah he's like he's going he's going we're going to fucking steakhouse he goes put that window up don't tell him we go like and like yeah he's like you he's going, we're going to fucking steakhouse. He goes, put that window up. Don't tell him we're going. Like, and like, he's like, you know, we don't, diversities don't eat them in dollars. What are we, fucking animals? Right? Yeah. So he's like, I remember. Yo, Ryan, he got, I remember specifically, he got angry.

He's like, you don't tell me we're going to get fucking cheap burgers. You know what I mean? You ain't going to tell him that. That was too much, man. And, you know, so he had that thing. Like I said, the Jaguar, the whole thing. And then when that went away, me and my brother, my mom broke. We were like in a one-bedroom apartment.

But she would sacrifice good schools and a good neighborhood to be in a small apartment. So we had a bedroom. So I moved a lot a little bit after that. And that was tough. So I had to kind of, and I think that's where the comedy, that's where comedy kind of developed for me because I would be able to kind of fit in anywhere through jokes and stories. And they'd be like, oh, let Paul watch.

So when I saw Eddie do Raw and I would imitate it and people would watch Paul do this or watch Paul do that. And I was telling Tom Pop on his podcast too. I said, when my grandfather died, I was joking at the wake. I'm like seven. So I would deal with horrible things like that. So I think when my mother would move me and it would be, and I would like, I would like get popular. Girls would like me. I play sports. I was like one of the kids. And then all of a sudden, I heard I'm going to move. And then I would be like low totem pole and it would hurt my, hurt. So what would happen is i would have to get friends

but then when they met me i think the comedy and i think the way that my get my talent at the my gift was was my gift was to be able to make somebody and a lot and i knew i had it because a lot of older kids liked me because older kids found me to be funny they're like oh this kid watch this shit so that was my that was kind of my way. And now looking back, I know why I do what I do. Had my parents stayed in that tutor in Scarsdale and me and my brother go to these big schools. My brother went to BU. He went to a good school.

But had I not been distracted, I would maybe have some fucking sales job, went to college, got a degree, do something. So I'll never look back and say I love everything. It has to go that way. Yeah. do something so i'll never look back and say i love everything you know it has to go that way yeah it's all the bad shit had to do had to play out exactly how it did for you to sit right there right now and and and that's that's that's the amazing thing and that's why i'm a i'm a very big believer in that destiny i'm very big believer and i'll take this shit all the way back full circle is i believe i'm not saying it's because of this, but I remember when I had that talk with whatever God, I remember going, look, get me through this and I'm going to make the most

of this. I'm going to bulldoze through that door and I'm going to do things. So then years later, I got to be honest with you. I was sitting on this movie and I see all these people. I'm not really allowed to talk about it. And I remember sitting there Monday. I flew in Sunday. I'm sitting there Monday and I'm looking around. And I remembered that kid I was. I remember that kid that I was.

And I'm going, I'm sitting on a fucking, I'm doing this. You're doing it. And I got a special that's going to be on a major platform. And it's my second. And all of these peers that are amazing and these people are saying dude man it's it's great and wait for this thing to pop off and and i'm i'm literally going i was that kid who just was moving and i was the kid who who you know was just like oh man i hope maybe teachers would tell my mom man i hope he'll be all right people going hey we're kind of

worried about him because you know the drinking and the party and all the stuff that I was doing was to, you know, be attention and to be the party. And I wanted a good time because, like, I felt like there was no stability anywhere else. So let this party and friends be the stability. And but I found something and I was able to get to this place. And listen, I have a lot of work to do. I got to go further and further. Yeah, but you nurtured it.

That's the thing. Yeah. You fucking nurtured that. It's amazing. That skill. And now you're making other people feel good about their bullshit. Because we all have it, man. We all have it.

We all have it. Yeah. This is a great. I know we got to get you out of here. This was a great fucking episode. You got to catch a flight. Thank you. Oh, dude.

Thank you for fucking making time. I'll be honest with you. This was one of my favorite things that I did all week when I was here. And I fucking acted. So i just love talking to you and um yeah it's something you brought it out of me again because i didn't get to relive those days as as detailed but um thank you for having me and uh anybody listening to this man if you want to see uh check me out i'll be in tampa uh may was it fifth sixth seventh uh i'm gonna be 6th, 7th. I'm going to be in Buffalo Helium, May 26th. I'll be at San Diego Comedy Company, end of June.

And more dates are being added. Go to paulverzi.com. Please like, subscribe, the Verzi Effect podcast. It's growing. I got a studio now in New York. Also, anything better that I co-host with Bill Burr. And thank you, anybody who likes this and subscribes to my YouTube channel, all that, and get me on social media. Follow me at Paul Verzi. That's V-I-R-Z-I.

I had a blast. Yeah. And check out Paul's last episode here on The Honeydew. As always, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to y'all next week.