The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Rachel Feinstein - FeinsteinDew

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

My HoneyDew this week is Rachel Feinstein! Make sure to catch her new special, “Big Guy,” on Netflix now! Rachel joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of relationships throughout her life. Starting with her father, Howie, a civil rights attorney turned blues musician, who started his own band called "The Vomitones" and loved goofing around. We dive into Rachel’s past of being addicted to addicts, trying to find love in people who were not interested (even if she went as far as naming a pet rock after them), and how she ended up finding her husband. Rachel opens up about what married life has been like and how friends, family, and fans have helped her better understand certain experiences of being married to a firefighter. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off your order when you shop better hydration at https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios. I am Ryan Sickler, Ryan sickler dot com, Ryan sickler on all your social media. And I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you very much for whatever you support of whatever I do. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I can't thank you enough.

Thank you for your support of the new podcast. The way back, it's absolutely crushing right now. And I have you guys to thank for that. I'm so much fun on that. And listen, if you've got to have more, then you got to have the Patreon. All right. The Patreon is called The Honeydew with y'all. And I do this show with y'all. And y'all have the most insane stories. I say I've been saying it for years. It's five bucks. I've never raised it. It's staying five bucks a month, you get hundreds of hours of the most insane shit you're ever going to hear in your life. All right. Come see me on tour if I'm in your town when you're around. All tickets will be available on my website at Ryan sickler dot com. All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. I always say we highlight the low lights and these are the stories

behind the storytellers. And I am super excited to have this guest on here today. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome for the first time, not the last time, Rachel Feinstein. Welcome to the honeydew girl. Thank you for having me. This is so cool. It was long overdue, so long overdue.

Thank you. Sorry, I stole your diet coke. I just picked his drink up when I got here. You really did. You got chugged it. I was like, I think she just took my drink. I just picked his drink up when I got here. You really did. You got chuggy. I was like, I think she just took my drink. I just wanted you to know so you didn't freak out. Because some people do get freaked out.

I don't care about germs. I don't really believe in germs. I'm like, whatever. I'll throw anything in my dumb face, clearly. It didn't even look like my drink, by the way. I just picked it up confidently. I had a little line before it too. I had a sassy line and then I just started chugging your great Coke. Yeah, you're quite the gentleman about that.

Thanks. Digging the yellow nails. Thank you. Before we get into this, please plug, promote everything. Please tell them all about your Netflix special. I have my first hour special out on Netflix now. It's called Big Guy and it's out streaming now. And you can see my days on the road

by following me on Instagram, Rachel Feinstein underscore, or on my website or my Punch Up Live page. Wait, it's Feinstein? It's Feinstein, but I wasn't gonna correct you. Why didn't you correct me? Because who cares? No, we can't have you introducing you incorrectly. I care, it's your name, Rachel Feinstein.

All right, call me out. I'm going to be here in the comments. You all like, you didn't even do your research. You didn't ask. Half of my friends call me like the other. What's the difference anyway? Who cares? I don't care. It's like that Berenstain and Berenstain, that kind of thing. Oh yeah. Berenstain Bears. Yeah. We used to read those books when I was a kid. I don't care at all. Big guy streaming now on Netflix. Follow you on the, what's your website? Follow you on the road? Rachel-Feinstein.com or I have a page on that Punch Up Live site as well. But everything

is linked on my Instagram too. Rachel Feinstein underscore Big Guy is out on Netflix now. Awesome. Well, I've been a fan of yours for a long time. We only met a couple of years ago, but I've been following you forever. I've always dug your work. And, I've been a fan of yours for a long time. We only met a couple years ago, but I've been following you forever. I've always dug your work. And then I find out you're from Maryland, which blew me away. So where in Maryland are you from? I'm from Baltimore originally. And then once my parents split, we started moving all around Carroll County, Baltimore County, up there. Everybody I meet from Maryland is all from just outside of D.C.

So over spring, Rockville, Laurel, those areas down there. No one's really from Baltimore. Except for Stoffe. Like the heart of Maryland. Yeah, yeah. I just did his podcast. Yeah, yeah. He's amazing. I love Stoffe. So tell me about your upbringing. You're from where in Maryland?

We grew up in Bethesda. My dad, big Orioles fan. So we were always going to Orioles games. And that's when I first realized that men pee in that big circular like pool. I was like, this is disgusting. What do you mean? Would you have to go in with them? Cause it was just the two of you?

It was just the two of us. We were always at Orioles games and we had our little like Sunday, like, you know, daddy daughter outing and we would go to like tasty diner and then we would go see the Orioles or whatever. And I remember like they would I don't know if this is true in a lot of baseball stadiums, but like they had a big like kind of a circular pool that men just go and stand and deliver. And I was like, you guys are foul. That's when I first was like, I started to realize that men were somewhat disgusting. I was like, well, you just do this. This is crazy.

You can't just be in a pool together. You know what I'm talking about, by the way? Also, a trough, just a trough that's on a slant. So it all is a lake. It's disgraceful. You're scaring me right now a little bit because I am a single dad who has had to take my daughter when she was younger in the men's rooms a lot, too, because I'm like, I can't go into the ladies room and you got to come with me.

It's just the way it goes. Yeah. And so you're doing that at a young age. And I'm always worried. Like, what did my daughter see? You know what I mean? Like, we don't talk about it, but what did you see when you went in these rooms? Did you ever see anything?

And I just was really distracted by how you guys did it. Nobody really bothered me. I was just like, this is not good. This isn't a good look for you guys as a brand. Yeah. I went one time, Rachel, to the Rose Bowl when I first moved here. This is like the late 90s.

And I went to see the US play Mexico in like a World Cup friendly. And I went to go into the restroom. They were just pissing on the floor. I waited, literally. I had to throw my shoes away. You had to wade through this much urine. I never, it's the only time in my life.

I've never, I'm like, you're just pissing on the floor? You should just swim to a urinal. I can't even get over it. I was also so jealous, because I was just like, just to be able to stand and deliver like that seems very satisfying. It must be the most satisfying feeling, a drunk piss. By the way, I didn't mean to, oh, I'm a mother.

Should I mention that? Oh, look at me on my Paula Poundstone blazer. I'm like, you know what I came here to talk about? The relief of a drunk piss. Anyway. So growing up with your dad, you're going to the games. Yeah, so we went to the games and- And are your parents together?

Did they stay together? They stayed together. Howie and Karen stayed together. Howie and Karen. All right. They only knew each other two months before they got engaged. Just two months. And that was it. Yeah. How they know you're married in four months. I think my mom just wanted to like piss her father off. She came from like a very, very like like extreme conservative way.

If you had opinion of the dinner table, they called you a commie rat, which is hilarious. And I kind of want to steal that. To call your kid a commie is amazing. Oh, they're calling us the kids, not the other adults at the table. She's like, oh, if we had opinion at the table, they'd just say you were red, we were a commie. I'm like, to call your daughter a commie is really funny.

I kind of want to get back into that. Yeah, like, oh, you want to get me got questions? Are you a commie rat? So my mom went the other way and just married this Jewish civil rights lawyer or whatever. So I think she met him. And I think my dad was just like, he was surfing. And my mom probably was just like, we're going to get married.

She was probably one of those type A bitches that was like, here's what we're doing, Howie. And she always tells me, I'm like, what do you first remember about dad? She goes, I remember he would lay his clothes out and spray him with deodorant. And I was like, ah, he needs a wife. So I think that's kind of how it went.

He needs a wife. She's like, I gotta marry this Jew who's spraying his fucking clothes with deodorant. I'm over here with my eye rays. Like, that sounds like an already moved man. She's like, he would just lay him out on the table and spray it and then he'd go surfing. I thought, ah, he does need a wife.

We should just do this faster. Two months. I thought, ah, he does need a wife. We should just do this faster. Two months. So they met, two months later they got engaged. Then they got married. And then, you know, my father, emotionally, kind of a desert, a little like my husband. So that apparently, after two months after they got engaged,

they went on some sort of long drive, that route one around the coast. And, but it was for a reason, I don't know, something with the wedding. And then apparently my dad encountered a little traffic on that drive and then he decided they weren't gonna get married anymore. He's like, god damn it!

He just like the traffic pissed him off. He's like, we're not doing this, Karen, it's over. And my mom starts like hysterically crying. And she's like, I just, I was, and then I realized I did love him. And then it sort of cleared up and he said, we can do it. We can do it. Once the traffic broke up.

Once the traffic softened, my dad was like, yeah, what the hell? I mean, what the hell? Were they in love? Of course not. They were 21, he probably wanted to get some ass. But my mom was just annoying him. And he was just one of the fatigued man

that was just like, fine, where do I sign? You know, he's a civil rights attorney. He was a prosecutor for the Department of Justice. Yes. And he prosecuted a lot of Klan cases in the south. Has he ever told you any wild stories? So he has. He wrote a book about it called Fire in the Bayou.

And he he was I don't know if anybody if you remember those like that film, it's very old, but I'm in the winter of my life. Is that what we call it in the winter of my life. Is that what we call it? The winter of my life. What's after that? I don't know if you remember earlier, there was a movie production show, but it was Mississippi burning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, the Jews and the- Isn't that Medgar Evers? Yes, and they would go down in the civil rights, right? It was like around the time where it was like Brown, they had passed this legislation, but it wasn't really being enforced in the 70s. So like Brown versus Board of Education, all these laws,

I don't know, I didn't go to college, by the way, I could be wrong about half the shit I'm saying, but please feel free to correct me. But they went down south and they sort of prosecuted, you know, Klan cases, people that weren't, and you work with police officers down there and that's what they did, yeah. And so he wanted to be a blues musician,

but his family said, you have to be a doctor or a lawyer. You know, his dad was like in the Navy and they were very poor and he was like, make us some money. So, which by the way, you don't make money when you work for the government. He was a government lawyer, you know, but and then and then he ended up he and they tried to get into some sort of private practice firm. I remember thinking like, Dad can't do that. That's like weird. He like he's like too autistic. He like flicks his own head. My dad like has memorized. What do you

mean he flicks himself if you were sitting? you think I come from like saying people or just when he messes up I just walks around like this Like he's nuts. He's a genius, but he's not yeah Yeah, like he calls me Roxanne like there's no Roxanne in our family Shit, I'm like there's no who's Roxanne. There's no Roxanne Yeah, so he's met he plays everything music by ear, but he's memorized, like, he could tell you the lineup for the Orioles or the San Francisco Giants

for like, you know, the last 50 years, any game, anything. But if you want to know if his daughter's name is Rachel or Roxanne, is anyone's guess. Is anyone's guess. Is anyone's guess. He's like, oh, Roxanne, like that'll do. He figures that'll do. Like he didn't care for being corrected by, oh, okay.

Yeah. Roxanne. Yeah, so how he was the character. And he's a blues musician. You showed me him playing, he's a badass. Yeah, he's really good. He plays all by ear, piano, zydeco, accordion. So then he ended up deciding to, he was gonna try to get into private practice

because they had three kids. My mom's a social worker. He's a government lawyer. They don't make much money. And so he moved to Bethesda because he thought they had cool book and record stores. And he like used books and used records. So that's why they chose Bethesda to live in.

But then Bethesda got more kind of affluent around them. They based their whole future off of a city that has decent record stores. That's what my mom was like. He didn't tell me that in the beginning. He told me a different lie. And later he admitted it was because of that. She's like, later he admitted it was because he wanted to get the used book and records from... There was some sort of shop where he liked, he loves used books and used records. And I would spend a lot of time in like some record store with a cat, you know, in it.

And so then he tried to get a private practice job and he couldn't do it. He couldn't like schmooze people. He's too weird, you know? And he would wear like two different shoes when he would like prosecute in court, you know? Like, and then when they like roasted him when he left and they brought that up,

that my dad was going in for some important case and he had two different shoes on. And then apparently one of his other like attorneys there was like, hey, Howie, you're wearing two different shoes. I don't know if you know that my dad apparently was like, hey, that must've been a little hard to bring up to me. I'll tell you, this is not gonna happen again. And then the next day he said he came back

with the same mismatched pair of shoes. That was my dad. He was just like, and then he couldn't do the private practice thing. He couldn't. He hated it. He's like not a false person, you know? And he ended up just doing blues full time. So that's what he does. Oh, he did. He stopped. Yeah, he stopped.

We were, you know, it was, it was great. So I got. So how did he make his money playing music? Was he in a band? He didn't make much money. That's why I'm a comedian. We drove around and he used Datsun and everything. Every single door was broken at a certain point,

and only the back door worked in this Datsun. And then my dad would take a fucking broomstick and hold up the back. And then we all had to climb through the back to open the rest of the door. That's how I was dropped off at high school. And my dad had his band, which was called the Vomitones. And he had a t-shirt that said the Vomitones,

cause he thought it was a funny name for a band. He thinks puking is funny. So it said the Vomitones, hands across your anus tour. And I was crawling through the back. So of course I'm a comedian. I sounded like a normal dad that smelled reasonable. Hands across your anus toward you're in high school, get out of the back of the car.

Ha ha! Yeah, it was horrifying. Yeah, that's why. I get it. Yeah. I see your origin story, yeah. And my mom was very bleeding, you know, bleeding heart. So she would, she was always, she would just get our cars,

like the mechanics were like robbing them. She'd be like, Javier is a marvelous young man. I'm like, he is stealing everything you own. But anybody that wasn't white was put on like a pedestal in my mom's mind. She was just so excited if she was talking to somebody that had an accent. And I'm like, mom, but I don't know.

I think we should just get a new car because it's a wrap with this car. But no, it was that's how it's dropped off, just rolled out of this fucking Datsun. And so what I mean, are you dating in high school and stuff? What's it like bringing guys around your dad? He wasn't protective because he wasn't even like aware that I was a. A person. Oh, I just wasn't even aware that I was a person. I just had paused at that word. I'm like, he knew I was human. There was definitely not protective.

I've never had a protective man. I've always wanted that, like somebody to put their hand on my lower back, and guide me through a room. Yeah, I was just thinking, I have a junk of a head. Are you the oldest of your siblings? I'm in the middle. You said there's three of you? I'm in the middle, yeah. just thinking, I have a joke about it. Are you the oldest of your siblings? I'm in the middle. You said there's three of you?

I'm in the middle, yeah. More so, yeah. Yeah, so he wasn't like the protective type. He would just, the guys would have just, he would have been oblivious. They'd be like, ah. He used to call when I had a date, he would call it a play date.

Do you have a play date? Like, yeah. Like a real date, like in high school, he'd call it a play date. Yeah, like a real date. He would call it a play date, yeah. You know, you're playing with a fella. Yeah, he was just too out of it to really be very keyed in he was very they were very supportive my parents. They were cool. How he's a good hang He's a dark weird sense of humor, you know, so

Which would piss my mom off a lot, but that's definitely where I get that from, you know He's very funny my dad and says Weird shit to everybody now. I appreciate it more than I did then. Yeah. Yeah. You would say crazy shit. We talked about before we recorded about some crazy, speaking of relationships you've been in.

And let's hear some stories of some things that you're comfortable sharing. When I was, I think it was 13, I did like a hostile amount of acid. I just had a friend that I would go over to every week. I was very jealous of Christian girls. I just wanted like a Christian name, you know, like I used to write other Christian names

on my trapper keeper or whatever, you know, I just want to name like Hatelyn Williams, just some clean sprinkled with Christ kind of shit. You know? Yes. Sprinkled with. Just like a name, just Catherine, just some shit like that.

Very jealous. That's funny, I never thought of it. Rachel, is it a Jewish name? Yeah. But I know Rachel's and they are Jewish. I'm gonna make it Catholic. I'm gonna change it to Rachel O. Feinstein. But yeah, it's pretty Jewish.

I mean, I get, I mean, I just, I would look at these Catholic girls with like long straight blonde hair and I just like, I want it to be that kid. There's these books I would read about these twins. It was called the Wakefield twins and they would be like, perfect size six figures. I mean, fuck them anyway. They're a bunch of skanks, but whatever. It was like Jessica and Elizabeth, you know, and I just wanted that, you know, whole thing, but that wasn't my deal, obviously, but yeah, I wanted to look like that.

You're dropping acid at 13? Yeah. Drugs always scared me so much. What is it, I mean, that's young to be fucking with acid. I would go to my friend's house, we would all spend the night over there. How would you get it? On the weekends. Older brother or something like that.

And we would, I don't know how she got it. She was the organizer. It's funny, there's always, with drugs, there's always like a type A girl. Like she's gonna be a better business woman later. Like she was that girl who was like, okay, so we're tripping at this hour. Like we're gonna be peaking in, you know, three hours.

And she would pass out orange juice because she said that would like help our high if you have like vitamin C. And she'd be like, and she would just have like these because she said that would help our high if you have vitamin C. And she would just have these little organized systems for our night. But meanwhile, these parents had no idea. There was seven 13-year-old girls tripping in their basement.

And she was like, okay, it's three hours in. We're about to peak. Let's all get her. And then she would give us OJ. We would all drink OJ. And we would just trip our balls off. I'll bet. Yeah, it was not good.

I'll tell you that. Can you imagine as a mom now, if you found out you had seven girls downstairs tripping on acid. It's the scariest thing I've ever heard of. I would be freaked out. I'm like, what? I know, now that I have a daughter,

I'm like, what the fuck was I doing? It's insane. We would go out and like, just try to do bad things. You know, like my friend would be like, let's take out this person's car and just try to do bad things. My friend would be like, let's take out this person's car and then we'll moon everybody off. There was some sign in her area. And she's like, so, and again, organized about it. She's like, we're going to trip and then we're

going to go moon off that sign. And so we would just drive out to some weird sign. She lived in a richer, nicer area. We would get on top of that sign just for dumb ass like girl asses just mooning people. Just as they drive by. Yeah. I was always up for a laugh. You know, yeah, we did. We just did dumb shit. Yeah, that was some 1314. That's what

we were doing. And I was just a really bad student. So I just wanted to. In what way are you like, I always enjoy that we get in bad grades or we acting out or like, what do you mean by a bad student? I was getting D's and F's really from the time I was probably in sixth grade. Just terrible. Like just all D's. But because you didn't get it or because you just didn't give a fuck. You didn't like it.

I think I really wanted to do well. Like I wanted to get it, but I couldn't focus. I couldn't focus at all. What do you think it was now looking back? I mean, you know, I had really bad ADD. A lot of times people now they'll be like, oh, I have ADD. I'm like, you don't understand.

Like it was like crazy. And I'm still like that. Like I leave everything everywhere. You just drink random drinks and shit. I drink random drinks. That drink didn't even look like my drink. I'd just come in and just take his Diet Coke and swig it and had a sassy line too.

What an asshole. But yeah, I always leave everything everywhere. I'm always shedding debit cards and shit everywhere. Yeah, I could never murder somebody because I'd leave my fucking debit card there. Yeah. Your debit card there. Yeah. Debit card right on her body. Yeah.

So I really wanted to be like smart. If I even smell of school now, it brings me back to all those old bad feelings because I just went to this place every day and I just, everybody was mad at me. It's school, everybody's mad at you. At home, they're mad because you're not doing what you're supposed to do in school.

So it's just a lot of like shame and hiding and then doing acid on the weekends. Yeah. I was bad at school, but I wanted people to like me. So I would impersonate people and try to get laughs and try to distract from my wild failing. Yeah. And then when do the boys come into the picture? There was this boy that I really love. This is the first guy I remember having a big crush on. And he was, I think he was maybe, there's yet about a, maybe a month before he would have to go to rehab, like mandatory.

Yeah, like he needed to get, it was not good. Yeah. And I liked alcoholics. I wasn't, I didn't have an addictive personality really. I could trip and then forget about it. But I liked, that was my type from very young. So I just would find some alcoholic who was just staring at a wall,

couldn't give a fuck about me. And I'd be like, him, I love him. So I remember there was some Australian guy and I just thought he was cool and he was, yeah, just like a wild drunk and I was obsessed with him. I remember I got a rock and named it after him, Ellery Rock and I would bring it around

to all my classes, this rock, it's real crazy. What is an Ellery Rock? His name was Ellery. Oh, his name was, okay. Isn't that insane? The guy's name was. And so you named this rock the Ellery Rock. And what kind of rock?

Just from outside or something? Or like- Yeah, it's probably from like a parking lot or something. It's not some crystal from home or something. No, I was just that girl just staring at him. Like, you'll be my husband. Yes, you will. Yes, you-

He probably went to rehab to escape from me. Now that I'm really talking this out, like he was running from me. It was really crazy. But anybody that was kind of ignoring me, I'd put up into this immediate pedestal. I'm like, he's not paying. It's just like that guy with their arms folded in the show.

I was just like, you know, and I'm gonna get him sober and you know, he's gonna, but yeah, no, he wanted, I think I was also, the rock thing was also to make my friends laugh, but it was a little true, you know? Like I was always doing some weird thing, performative thing like that.

Like, oh, I bathe this rock and I bring it around to the class and it would just be on my desk. You bathe it? I would like rinse it and then, I think I had like a blanket for it. It's very crazy the more I'm talking it out. I've never talked about the rock on a podcast. It's high school.

It was like junior high school. Yeah, junior high school. That's a little better though. That's a little better. Not good. It's not great, but it's better than the senior. Yeah, I liked him. There was this other guy that I heard

dealt guns out of his basement. Who deals guns, by the way, at that age? That must have been a lie that he got started, but which is worse, dealing guns out of your basement or lying about doing that? It's not good. I had a crush on him too. So I liked these guys that were very unavailable and very sick, you know, and then I would try to get them to like me. And, and, and Ellery, you know, we had a few nights we made out, he said things to me, he probably doesn't remember any of them, you know, we had a few nights, we made out, he said things to me, he probably doesn't remember any of them, you know, he didn't remember any of them.

It's certainly by the time he got to rehab, and I was just like, I love him, you know? And I got like that really quickly, and then he met my southern friend, Chrisanne, who I'm still friends with, who was just this adorable little blonde girl. She had this little clipped accent, and I'll try to do my accent like hers in the mirror,

because guys just liked her right away, and she didn't even notice them liking her. I'm like, she doesn't need him. I need him. You know, like she's just like, oh, Ellery, I mean, he's a little fun, but he's not. He's no big deal. You know, and he of course loved her. So I was just, I would just go in the mirror and try to make my lips like look like Chris Ann's, like try to get her a little cute little clipped accent, you know, try to like the things she liked. So I was very obsessed with people's affectations and, you know, wanting to be like them. And yeah, he hit on Chrisanne. Chrisanne blew him off. True

friends. We're still friends. She didn't need him. You know, she's like, whatever, please. But I remember the night he met her and I remember thinking, stop doing that Chrisanne, like he's gonna like you. Like, but she didn't even know what she was doing. But she would just do stuff that guys liked, you know? I'm like, you can't flip your hair like that. I'm like, you're just gonna fucking need Ellery. I got a rock based on him, come on. Yeah.

What am I gonna do with this fucking rock? Yeah, like, what am I gonna do? Get that scram, Chrisann, beat it. This isn't good. Yeah, but he, like, I could feel him liking her. And I'm like, you know, and I could feel it because she just didn't care. And then he went off to rehab

and then there was the other, the next one. And he pretended to like, he pretended he was a virgin to try to get me to hook up with him. And yeah. When did he come clean on that? After he got laid. No. Yeah.

That was like my freshman year of high school. Yeah, there was this whole story. The whole time he's telling him a virgin. He pretended he had a special condom saved in a box. Also, what straight man does this? Now I know. I'm like, yeah, no straight man has a special gold case for a condom.

Waiting for just that special moment. No, he was like, oh, you know, dusting it off. Meanwhile, he was cheating on me by the next day. Yeah. So he was, that was the guy that I finally lost my virginity to. And I was in high school and I'm finally, but after that, I was 15 and after that, I was like,

I have to, somebody has to love me for me to put out. So you can blame this guy for all the cock teasing I did after that. For everyone else, I subsequently blue-balled. Yeah, because then I was like, that was it. I just, you know, I had sex with him, and then he left, or he cheated on me. Meanwhile, that was just the trajectory of this guy's...

Whatever, he was in high school, whatever. And, but I was like, oh, then I have to wait. That's how I'll make them love me. And it kind of works, except I think what happened after, then I have to wait. That's how, that's how I'll make them love me. And it kind of works, except I think what happened after that is I would just end up in relationships because some guy was just exhausted. He was like, fine, I want to, where do I sign? What am I supposed to say?

I'd like to be inside you at this point. Yes, I love you. I don't know. Yeah. So I think, yeah, that's kind of how it went. Was it always bad boys or just always unavailable boys? Yeah, bad boys or unavailable boys. Yeah, I'm a really preppy guy that I liked too.

He was very clean, just like one of those finance guys, just everything I wasn't. I was always kind of like, the girls that would get the attention, I was kind of a mess. I was a mess. So I was never the kind of that I was always friends of the popular kid. You're probably like this, too. But you you're like you probably were like slowly becoming like the leading man kind of guy. And then you got all the ass like junior senior year.

Am I right? Yes and no. You got a laugh, but you knew how to get laughs and hang with all the popular kids, right? Yes, for sure. We also played sports and that was a big thing. So we were on all the teams and that was... Oh, so you did... Yeah, so you did well puss-wise, I believe is the scientific term. Sports, yeah. But then when my dad died and my mom was like, had already left, we're... My two brothers and I just live in this apartment by ourselves because my mom went to live with her boyfriend.

And we became the kids in your school that don't have parents and we became the place where you were going Monday to Sunday and everything. Now, to get to your point about the puss, I could have got a lot more puss, but I was like you, I loved. So I had a girlfriend the entire, almost the entire time during that. So I only had one girl. So you were really monogamous.

Yeah. Yeah, she wasn't. So you had a similar situation, so you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. She wasn't at all. No, that was where I was. Yeah.

That's what my dumb ass was. Yeah, you were in it to win it. Was she a blonde with a cute little accent? She was a brunette dumb ass was. Yeah. You were in it to win it. Did she, was she, was she a blonde with a cute little accent? She was a brunette with a Baltimore accent problem, which is not sexy at all. Did you have a Jeep? Did I?

Yeah. I did not, no. Seemed like you would have a cool car in high school. No, I couldn't. Did you drive? I had a 1990 Honda Civic with original rims. That's what I had. Nothing fancy.

We were, I mean, it was all my own at 16. There was no cool nothing at that point. Right. It was just get by. And did you feel like you got scrappy doing that? Like and you learn how to like kind of make money, take care of yourself, that kind of stuff? I say that like my book smarts are basic. My street smarts, I got a Ph.D. Yes. Right.

It's all that trauma of working without a net, no one's fucking coming, you don't have a place to sleep if you don't provide for yourself, you don't have anything to eat if you don't provide for yourself, you have no money if you don't provide for yourself, there's no one you can ask for anything.

All that just makes you hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, or go the other way and just be some, you know, loser, alcoholic, druggy, dead, possibly, whatever, you know? You got one of two ways to go. Yeah. And I didn't want to be that way. And you didn't want to be that way.

I could see you, like, it's always something with comedians. Like, I knew something happens because you're very, yeah, because you're very sweet and you're funny. So it's like, yeah, there was something, but you're very social. So I could see that you probably were. I'm very, it's weird. If I feel like I have a connection with you, I'm social.

I'm not social. Like I've only done, I've only gone for Netflix festival. I only went to my shows. I didn't go hang anywhere. I didn't go. I didn't either. I just don't care to be in all the pictures. Like I'm not out there for it. I don't know. Again, you and I talked about this before.

When I look at these photos, the filter I look through these photos now is no kids, no kids, no kids, no kids, grown kids, no kids, no kids, no kids. Yeah. And I'll take the fucking kids over the photo op any fucking day. Any day. It's the best. Yeah, I was really, I didn't go to the parties I should have, but I was really sad this week because my husband and daughter were supposed to come out and last minute they couldn't cause he got hurt in a fire and-

Oh shit. He's fine now. I mean, they go on medical leave. Sometimes it's be as simple as like, oh, they tweak their neck in a fire, tweak their back in a fire. So they have to go to a certain amount of PT before they can go back on the job.

So he wasn't seriously injured, but they were supposed to come out and then he got hurt. You can't be mad at a guy that was in a fire though when he got hurt. I'm like, it's just great. Yeah, so I'm like, ah. But then I was out here for Mother's Day and I'm like, I felt so bad because I need him with me

because if I go on stage, we take turns. So when he's at the firehouse, I'm with her you know, I felt so bad because I need him with me because if I go on stage, you know, we take turns. So when he's at the firehouse, I'm with her half the week. But that's later in my life after a series of emergency alcoholics. That's a later chapter. When I became a mom. Podplaser. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. No, you say emergency alcoholics, but you also before we talked, you said you were.

Can we talk about being anything? Alan on? Yes, I'm an Alan. Let's talk about that. I can talk about that. So you're the first person I believe that's ever come on here and is at least in it. That's admitted it. Yes. Yeah. I it's for people who have people in their family that, you know, are alcoholics. And can I ask you a question? Is it just alcoholics or is it drugs as well for Al-Anon?

Do they take in people who are... Anybody that thinks they need to be there. Yeah, I mean, it's like codependence. It's about codependence, I think. I can't speak for Al-Anon and you're not really supposed to advertise too much. But I'm very new to it all, but I just know that I am, I need these things to not become completely obsessed

with trying to fix or save or, you know, and all that. Yeah, so like my thing was always like, you know, I didn't realize it till later, but just being attracted to people that needed me. They had to need something for me because what are they gonna want with some D student? Like some frizzy hair D student. I'm like, I gotta give them something.

I know what I'll do, I'll sober them up. So I was very, it was just one alcoholic to the next. So yeah, so that helps me and helps me have like slightly better boundaries. But no, I was like calling AA, like when there was like a 1-800 number. I was like, calling AA like when there was like a 1-800 number. I'm like, you understand, it wasn't just whiskey. Like we've got a sober amount. Like I really didn't understand. They'd be like, yeah, it's got to be him that calls.

Like I'm like, no, he's not going to call. It's only going to be me. Like you guys have got to help me. And they like, I didn't get it for like so many years, you know? And then I was like, oh, yeah, there was never going to be a perfect monologue you were going to deliver him that was going to make him know your worth. It was never about you in the first place. It was about him. You know, I didn't learn those things until like recently, but you know, you learn things when you do. Same way. I always think that I can put this perfect sentence together. I'm like, what? Let me just take these words. If I just put them like this, they're going to finally go,

oh my God, there it is. There it is. That sentence is the sentence I've been meaning. And then, yeah. Yeah. The Honeydew is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, big and small. When we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and to figure out how to work through whatever is weighing you down. You guys know I've spoken about this before. I think therapy is essential.

Everybody's out there working those muscles and stuff, and you gotta work those minds, those emotions, all that. You wanna help set better boundaries in your life. You want to understand yourself better. Therapy is the way to go. All right. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist,

and then you switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash honeydew. Summer is jam packed and the heat is no joke. So we've got to prioritize hydration. We're made of 60 to 70 percent water, so when we're dehydrated, we feel imbalanced.

With all the drinks out there, you want hydration that works, and Liquid IV delivers extraordinary hydration with advanced science thanks to Liquid IV HydroScience and optimized ratio of electrolytes, vitamins, and nutrients. It couldn't be easier to do. You just grab 16 ounces of water, you rip the tab off, you pour it in, you shake it, you enjoy it. They offer a variety of flavors that pair great with summer, and the convenient packaging means you can bring enough for you and a couple others. Make yourself the hydration hero of any social gathering. One stick of Liquid IV delivers superior hydration to water alone,

with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. It's hydration for endurance, mental clarity, and overall well-being. Turn your ordinary water into extraordinary hydration with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use code honeydew at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code honeydew at liquidiv.com. Now, let's get back to the do. So how does it help you to go?

And what do you do? You go to meetings and you sit and listen to other people. Do you share as well? Is it like AA in the sense that you're open and sharing that sort of thing? Yeah. It's like, yeah, you share and it helps me listen to other people's stories and to when people any group like that, it could be group therapy or this but I feel like anytime you can the thing with people that are codependent is like we really want

to help people and certain people you can't help it doesn't mean they're helpless it means they're going through something that has nothing to do with you and but you still have this compulsion because we're addicted to addicts, right? So you can help each other. So it's like, it sort of gives you a space to do that. Cause you don't stop being how you are. And it's like one day at a time, I have to like focus on that. And, and you know, as a parent, it's great.

Cause now I can, I can help her, but I have to help her enough and learn the tools from other people around me to learn like, okay, this is the moment she's going to have to struggle through that has nothing to do with me. The ability to kind of tolerate somebody else's discomfort is something I had to learn later in life. What was the point where you finally said, all right, I need to go talk to some people, like minded people to help myself with this? During COVID, like a lot of people. Yeah, everything just like,

I thought I had it all figured out and then I just like didn't. So everything kind of in my life was like, imploding a little bit. And I tried to, I was like, oh, I can't fix all this and all these different facets of my complicated life. And I, you know, I just had a baby in COVID. My husband was on the job.

So I brought her home and it was just like, you know, and I can't do stand-up. Stand-up's how I escape and sure you too. And it's a release. It's not just escape. It's like, yeah. Rachel, I went on Lexapro during the pandemic because of the homeschool. My daughter was five at the time. I talk about it on stage.

I lost my mind being trapped in a house. Can't it's not like, all right, I'm going to do the school and then I get to go do standup tonight and I have a release or a creative outlet or anything. You know, we were just stuck and in LA we were extra stuck because they overdid it here and there were, there were just stuck. And in LA, we were extra stuck because they overdid it here. And there were no clubs. There were very few restaurants at first, very few anything. It was a ghost town here.

And then, you know, my daughter, I say all the time, she wasn't a teenager where I could be like, I'll check your work later, do your shit. I'm having to log on every day with her. And I hated it, like you, I hated it the first fucking time. Yeah. And it really fucked with me that we had to sit down Monday to Friday and I had to be there to do this schoolwork

and all this shit, like I couldn't, did not do all of it. It was really hard for you to sit still. Did it bring up like your own struggles with school or was it just hard to sit still and not have that outlet later at night? Like I was an okay student, but I was an OK student for two reasons.

One, we were big sports. And if you got Ds, you didn't play. So you had to get at least Cs or above. You played football? They wouldn't let us do double. I played soccer, baseball, wrestling, basketball, lacrosse. Those were the sports in high school. But soccer and football were the same time.

And I was really good at soccer, so I didn't play football. I played rec league football and shit like that. But also as a, again, my dad dies at 16, so if you get a 3.0, that's considered honor roll. And all that is a straight Bs. And I knew my math was my C and I knew Jim was my A and that A and C cancel each other out. And I knew if I could just get 80s in everything else,

I'm gonna get that 3.0. And that 3.0 did two things for you. It got you a discount on your car insurance because I'm on my own policy at the time and it saved a lot. And that mattered when you were in high school and you fucking worked at a junkyard on weekends. It's amazing what you got accomplished. And then you get a personal a junkyard on weekends. Amazing what you got accomplished.

And then you get a personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. You would get that. And we were not missing that motherfucking free pizza at Pizza Hut. So I would get three point. I got a three point. That's what I graduated college with. I also worked all the time. And I was like, you got to just get a three point to make that your goal.

So I hit that. So I wasn't a great student, but I was a good student because I was motivated by two things that really were beneficial. And you needed to be, you needed to survive. Yeah. If I didn't have sports and that camaraderie and all that during that, I would have fucking... Yeah. Not a lot of comics that are also kind of like man's man like that, like that kind of that like are good at sports and all that. Yeah. I mean, it's good to have something. I think like, I would have loved to be one of those people that was like about to be a doctor, but I made this noble choice to leave it all for the arts.

But I was just, there was no question that I was gonna even go to college. Cause they, yeah, it was like failing. I had like a summer school dance, you know? Like everybody knew me at summer school. They were just like, I had my little dumb dance I did coming in, yeah. But I also, those everybody knew me at summer school. They were just like, I had my little dumb dance I did coming in. Yeah. But I also those places were fun.

The remedial kids were kind of like where the parties. I know I dress like a district attorney, but the remedial kids were they were fun, you know, but but I was like, I better. That came later for me, but I was like, I better, you know, figure this comedy thing out because, yeah, I have nothing to offer the workforce. That's for sure. Me, I think about it all the time,

if this falls apart tomorrow, I ain't getting a regular job anyway. What am I gonna do? I was fired from Potomac Pizza. In like two weeks. For what? What'd they fire you for? A pizza place?

By the way, everybody that fired me was correct. There's no discrepancies. They made the best choice for their business. Yeah, I tried, but I'm like a dizzy bitch. Like I wasn't putting the pizzas at the right place. There's no scandal. It was just like, I couldn't get the job done. A seating chart was endlessly confusing to me.

Even when I bartended, I put ice in the blender a couple times, it wasn't good. So yeah, this is it. This is it. Well, you're great at it. Thank you for saying that. So now how does all of this affect you as a mom? When I look back on our lives, I'm still friends with so many people

from high school, middle school that came over during that time and All their parents knew they were coming over and the rule was that if I find out you're not going to school if your grades suffer, there's no more of that and These days were all parents and I'm like would you ever and they just come no fuck No, no, we can't believe our parents or well I didn't have any but their parents let them come over and stay on Monday and and we were good about it. Like you would have definitely been one of the kids that came over.

Definitely. I had my friend's house that I was always at because my mom was the social worker. Rachel's tripping on acid. Yeah. Yeah. I had a friend's house that I would go to and her mom was like a throbbing alcoholic. She would just get you know, she would just like play records and kind of dance at a certain point, you know? So like as soon as we, she had like a robe that didn't have like a tie on it. So she was just, as soon as she had her Fleetwood Mac on. I remember she was just like, do kind of readings for everybody else.

She'd be like, you're in the middle of a miracle. You don't even see it. You know, she was just kind of like, you don't even see what you're in the middle of a miracle, you don't even see it. You know, she would just kind of like walk through the room. You don't even see it. You don't even see what you're in the middle of right now. You know, but I see it. Yeah, so she would just kind of go through the room like, oh, are you, does the word, does the letter J mean anything to you? She was always doing like half a reading,

but she was like lit up. Yeah. I had no idea who she was talking to, and she was like, you have it. Waits to the next chapter of your life because it's going to be dazzling. Does anybody have any vodka? Because it was like, shithouse.

And we would just do drugs and hang. My friend, and she was dating this guy, this military guy that we all had a crush on. And we would go in his Jeep and he would drive really fast through these parking lots in the mall. I don't know what mall it was. Maybe Montgomery Mall, maybe Gaithersburg. He would just drive through these parking lots.

I still think of the shit. If my daughter did any of this, like I would die. Like we were just going to some random dude who, you know, shout out to Ken, never was never inappropriate with us sexually, might have killed us in his Jeep, but we were just with some dude and he would drive around like really fast and like do loopty loops and shit.

And we were just like drunk and high and hanging out, you know, so it was crazy. And my mom was working like 60 hours a week, she was working like insane amounts of time, so. Did you ever get arrested? I was never arrested. I was like more in it for the hang. Like, I was not, I wouldn't try to do the really bad thing.

I wasn't an entrepreneur, so I never dealt drugs. I wasn't good at math, you know? So I just wanted to hang. I wanted to hang and have some laughs with my friends. We did whippets a lot, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I would always, the difference I could tell was like,

with these guys that I liked that drank, was like at a certain point, I'm like, okay, now focus on me, you know? But they were focused on their beer. So it's like, my friend told me this, who's sober, she's like, you'll put a drink somewhere and forget it's there and then steal yours. But I'm like, they were so,

they always knew where their drink was, you know? and I was like, but now it's now here's the time where you like lift my chin up and give me a compliment, you know, but they were just like, yeah, but I was always in for the hang. And I had a lot of fun in high school. I had some funny friends. I was a skateboarder. Skateboarders were really funny. You know, they're almost like the comics of high school, right? I don't know if you know any skateboarders. Seinfeld talks about that. Oh, he does? He talks about a lot of the older people are like, look at those kids over there. But he's like, no, those kids are going to be all right. Those are the kids very much like comedians that are trying that same trick. We try the same joke again and again and again and again and again until they finally fucking get it.

And then they get it and then they excel even more. And that's very much like what we do with our shit. And he's like, skaters are, those kids are gonna be all right. I believe that, yeah. And they were funny too. Yeah. Oh, they were always rebels.

They were always like dry and funny. Yeah. I never got that great, but I was like, I would try to do a kick flip for like, you know, four weeks. Then my friend Russ would do it once and just do it. He was just an athlete, you know? But I would, but I was into it. And they were funny. They were like dry, you know, like they just were clever, weird, fun people.

So so yeah, Cameron, what were you talking about? But yeah, I want to know really how like, you obviously codependent, I'm the same way want to help everybody, want everybody to get along, like why aren't we doing this, that, like. Yeah. What is it that you saw in your husband that really made you be like, this is the guy? Well, I knew right away, speaking of which,

the question about parent, one thing about what you just said that reminded me of the question you asked me that I didn't answer, I don't know what I was rambling about, but with becoming a parent, so I get really obsessed with wanting everybody to get along too. And before I had my daughter, it would be like,

I'd be at my wedding, like I could hear people at my own wedding, like, no, that pissed him off. He's not gonna like that. It's just like a crowd. Like you're like, you're trying to make everybody. And I couldn't do that anymore because when you have a kid, you can't have that many voices in your head.

So that was the other thing where everything hit the fan, because I couldn't take care of this person and have boundaries with this other person. And I couldn't worry about what everybody was thinking of each other. And it was also none of my business. Like I had to like, you know, let go of a lot of that to have a kid.

But with my husband, I was trying to meet a man, and I heard guys hang out at steak houses, I was trying to meet a man and I heard, I heard guys hang out at steak houses. I talk about this in the special. This is real. This is all real. Everything I talk about is real. Yeah. So I heard men hang out at steak houses. So I went, I was roommates with this comedian, Sam Morrill at the time. I had fled this guy, Sam and I were staying in Schumer's for a little bit and I was trying to date online and it wasn't really working.

I wasn't meeting anybody. So I went to steak houses because I heard on this TV show called Millionaire Matchmaker that men hang out at steak houses. If you meet a guy, you have to go find one at a steak house. So I would just go do my spots at the cellar and then like go to like Keen Steakhouse or like Del Frisco's afterwards. You really would. I would go there or have a girlfriend.

I had a really hot girlfriend that's like been hot her whole life. Like so she just could talk to anybody. She would come and meet me at the steakhouse and we would try to get a guy. We did not find a man at the steakhouse, but I did get kind of fat. Yeah. I ate a lot of steak. Yeah. I, you can't have a fat steak every night.

That's not a good diet. Yeah. So we hung out at steak houses a lot. And then she was like, this is, she kind of confronted me about it. She's like, the steakhouse thing is, she kind of confronted me about it. She's like, the steakhouse thing is weird. I wouldn't talk about it as openly as you're talking about. It's a little embarrassing that you're leering at strangers at a steakhouse.

So she was like, well, why don't we say you're with a fireman. She's married to a firefighter. Her name is Irene Bremen. She's actually a very funny comedian. So she was married to a firefighter. And so she texted her husband, do you have a firefighter for Rachel? And he gave me like, we were sitting at the steakhouse bar, just like giggling, like, she's like, he gave her back like two headshots right away. And I was like, that's strange that he has just like

two pictures of single, it was too ready with them. It's weird. So we were just like laughing at, you know, like my husband's picture, he was like shirtless, like making fists, like holding some like volleyball trophy. And I was like, I mean, he's like hot, but he's not gonna, this is a diversion from my plan. Like I wanted a husband, you know, but I was like,

of course I'm gonna go meet this fireman. But I just didn't think he was gonna marry me. And I didn't think that all my friends were calling him, they would call him back draft. I was like, like back draft isn't gonna wanna marry you. Even one of my dear friends that she meant, you know, she was trying to help me. And she's like, I don like, back draft isn't going to want to marry you. Even one of my dear friends, and she meant, she was trying to help me. And she's like, I don't, this guy's not going to want to settle.

Like some Irish Catholic fireman, they don't want like a female comic, you know? But I liked him like right away. So we met at this FDNY Christmas party and all my friends came. It was like in Brooklyn. I'm like, I got to go meet this firefighter. And they were all like, we'll come.

So they all came. They all like, one of my friends fucked a firefighter that night. Afterward, afterwards she was like, we were arguing about something and I go, what were you arguing about? She goes, whether we had anal. I'm like, wait, if first of all, if anal's up in the air, you probably had anal. But she's like, I can't remember the night he says we did, but I don't think we did. Right.

If anal- You can't remember on the anal on the first date, you got to remember that. Yeah, you got to remember that. Also, it's up in the air at all for both of you. It occurs if you're debating it. It happens. You did have it. Yeah. But so we met at this. Yeah. Firehouse.

And I mean, Firehouse Christmas party. And he came there to meet me. I talked about this in the special too. The way I was described to him was how would you like to meet his buddy was described to him was, how would you like to meet, his buddy at the firehouse said, how would you like to meet a semi-famous Jewish jokester? Which like, if you heard a less arousing term, yeah. So he was like, eh, what the hell?

You know? And so he came to meet me, and then he was just a good hang. Like, I was like, he's fun. And firefighters are a lot like comedians where you can say anything and they don't give a shit. And now half my crowd is all firefighter families or first responder families.

That's awesome. And they're loyal and they don't give a fuck. You can say anything. It's amazing. Now that I have this material, they bring me their challenge coins. Me, I'm like, what do I do? I like tell dick jokes,

but these firefighters and their families are coming out. And they also teach me a lot about, because I'm newly married to a firefighter. So they'll be like, you know that thing you complain about in your act about, he comes home from the firehouse and he's super OCD, my husband, and he like walks around and bits about it in a special about how it like makes me answer for my messes.

He'll be like, what happened over here? Talk to me about this. They're like, that's the firehouse because it like makes me answer for my messes. I'd be like, what happened over here? Talk to me about this. They're like, that's the firehouse because it's the morning drills where they do that. And that comes from the military. So a lot of my audience members, especially because they've been married for 20 years or whatever. And they're looking at me like this fish doesn't understand what's going on yet. Yeah. I'm like, he won't stop doing things when he comes home.

And they tell me like, that's because he's traumatized. What's it's felt? I'm like, oh, thank home. And they tell me, they're like, that's because he's traumatized, won't sit still. I'm like, oh, thank you. They like teach me about my life, you know? I'm like, he will go on a date. My husband and I will go do karaoke. And then he just comes home and he's like spraying a spot in the lawn.

I'm like, look at me. Like, and they're like, that's cause they're all like that. They won't sit still. You know, I'm like, we're finally done with the construction. They just laugh in my face. They're like, you're never done. It's never gonna be done. And I'm like, no, it has to be done. They just laugh at my face. They're like, you're never done. You're never gonna be done. And I'm like, no, it has to be done.

But it's always something else, you know? But they like have taught me a lot about what I'm experiencing being married to anybody, any first responder. So they'll explain that. They're like, oh, it's never done. You know, like my husband wants to talk about the house, the shed, he'd never been to LA before.

You know what I mean? He's like, yeah, I don't think you should do all that. You know, like he came out here with me once. And you know, when you go out, when you do a special, how you have to kind of walk up from the state, from outside sometimes, which we would never do as comedians. My husband, like, he was like, you shouldn't have to do that.

And that's not how you do it. And I'm like, I know, but I have to. It's not, it's like a string of specials. It's not my own hour. I can't like design how I enter. Pete goes up to some director. He doesn't know it all. He's like, yeah, let's get her out of here.

She doesn't need to do that. He's used to being the boss. You know? At that time he was like the captain of this firehouse. He's like, hey, let's get her out of here. She doesn't need to do that. You know, it's not necessary. It's kind of weird.

I remember him looking around LA for the first time. He's like, something's weird here. Like he just didn't get it, you know? In a nice way too. Like wasn't into like the schmoozing aspect of it or whatever. But he, you know, he didn't, he was not overly impressed

and probably thought it was strange. A lot of aspects of the business, but he wasn't controlling. So I could do whatever I want. And as comedians, people get a kick out of us for a minute, but if you're really married to a standup, it's like you're going to have to work on Christmas, you're going to have to work on New Year's. And most guys at a certain point were like, they didn't want that.

Like rightly so. They're like, this is a pain in my ass. And my husband got it because he has to work on Christmas. So it's either him or me. He has to work on New Year's. So he was the first guy that accepted my life completely and he loves his job. Like for all their issues,

I talk a lot of shit about being married to a firefighter. Most of them love being firefighters. So he wasn't jealous because he had his thing. Like people stop and thank him throughout his day. You know, like people stop and they're just like, thank you for your service all day. So he loves what he does. So he got it my life and is like the least jealous guy.

I mean, I joke about it because I always want more attention from him. But he also just like, he gives me my space to do what I need to do as a comedian. Does that make sense? as a comedian. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. So that worked pretty quickly. This is great. Yeah. Thank you for doing this.

Thank you. We're I'm going to ask you now after what we talked about, because I'm just curious. Oh, it has to tell you the rest of the firefighter story. Please finish it. I realize I didn't finish it. So my friend looks at her phone. So then we go to the. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we go. and then one of the firefighters gets up on the bar and he starts giving a toast

to the other firefighters. He gets up on and he's like, you know, I just want to thank- This is the Christmas party? He's like, I want to thank Patrick. I love you with all my heart or whatever. And then all the guys at the bar just start singing like, Patrick takes it off the ass, Dota, Dota. Patrick takes it off the ass, dota, dota.

Patrick takes it off the ass, dota, right? And my husband doesn't say anything, right? And later on, I was like, oh, he's kind of sweet. He didn't sing the Patrick takes it up the ass song. He's like, it wasn't my firehouse. I didn't know the words. Like that was the actual reason why. But,

Ah, how are you? What up? Yeah. But like, they're kind of like comedians. So they just like, you know, they have their own weird language they speak in. And like, he just kind of got all of that. And then our next date we went out and I was like,

by the second date, I was like, I love this guy. Like, I'm gonna marry this guy. I could just tell, like, we just got, we got on well. And then I spent the night at his house, again, didn't put out, but he was nice about it because he's a little Catholic gentleman. So I got up in the morning, I'm like, listen, we're not going to have sex, whatever.

And then I go, I leave his house, and I realize that I left something there. And I was like, fuck, I always leave things at work because I'm ADD, right? So I left, I was like, I think I have some stuff. And he brought it to the door, and it was like the longest goodwill receipt you've ever seen.

Like it was just the most embarrassing, slovenly pile of debris that I left in his bed. You know, it was the longest goodwill receipt. Goodwill receipt. I know it was so unarousing. And it was like, it was like a nylons that were like wrapped up in a receipt that I had pantyhose. Just the receipt is in that bed is wild to me.

That's so funny. And he like brings me this whole pile and I'm like, he's never going to like this guy's never going to fucking call me. Yeah. And I'm like, and I didn't put out like that. This isn't going to help. And then so he brings me that. And I was like, oh, and then I go, I'm like standing at the door and I was like trying to think of something cool to say

and I go, I'll wear better panties next time. Oh, as soon as I said it, I was like, it's not a sexy sentence. I'll wear better panties next time. Better. He just kind of stopped and he was like, he like thought about it for a minute. Like, what does that give a guy?

You're telling about a hypothetical panties, not even a picture. Next? Yeah, he was like, and then he goes, eh, something to look forward to. like thought about it for a minute. Like, what does that give a guy? You're talking about hypothetical panties, not even a picture. Next. Yeah, he was like, and then he goes, hey, something to look forward to. Oh, Rachel Weinstein. Yeah, so that's, that was that. Yeah, so then I left and then I think the next day,

I was just waiting for Backdraft to call and I just figured he wouldn't want to get married, so I was like, you know, if you want to just drive me out to a, you know, I was like, this guy's gonna want like a domestic woman, and I said to him, I was like, look, I know at some point you're gonna want a wife, so if you want to just like, drive me out to like some woody area,

and like, you know, let me out of the car like some animal you failed to domesticate, I'm like, go ahead, you know, and he was like, nah, I think we could do it. But he said it like that too, because that's how he talks. He's not gonna be like, you're the, no. He's like, nah, I think we could do it.

He calls me big guy, which is what the specials call it. He's like, nah, I think we could do it as big guy. So it was kind of like that. That was the vibe, yeah. Well, thank you for doing this. Thank you. I'm gonna ask you the question though. Advice you would give to 16 year old Rachel. Advice you would give to 16 year old Rachel.

Advice I'd give to 16 year old Rachel. It's going to work out. Also, you got to dry your hair before you go to school because I used to have my hair dripping down my back. It was like in a wet puddle. People at school would call me wet back. My mom's like, they use racial slurs on our... I'm like, they're trying to tell me my back's wet. I'd say dry your hair. Yeah, dry your hair. Oh my god. And it'll be fine. It'll work out. Yeah. It's working out. It's working out great. Thank you. Thank you so much. Plug everything again please. You're special. I have a special out now called Big Guy. You can see me on the road and DM me any suggestions you have for toddlers in your city because we're usually with

my daughter. Rachel Feinstein underscore is my Instagram and specials out now on Netflix. Awesome. Thank you very much for doing this. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour. Tickets are on my website at ryan sickler.com and we'll talk to y'all next week. You