The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Raelyn Nelson - HoneyNelson

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is musician, Raelyn Nelson! Raelyn Highlights the Lowlights of being molested in a church van, being stalked, having all her children in the NICU, and stories about her dad. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Liquid I.V. -Get 25% off anything you order when you go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com and use code HONEYDEW at checkout Pair Eyewear -Get glasses as unique as you are. Go to https://www.PairEyewear.com/HONEYDEW for 15% off your first purchase Dad Grass -Get 20% off your first order when you go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW 

The Night Pants Nation Tour continues. Got some one-night stands in June. June 24th, Des Moines, Iowa. June 25th, Omaha, Nebraska. June 30th, Brea, California. What's up, Chico? Yes, sir. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at ryansickler.com. Come on, princess. Come on, girl. June shows coming up. June 24th, I'm in Des des moines iowa one night only june 25th headed to omaha nebraska one night only and back at brea california june 30th one night only as well get your tickets to those shows and all shows at ryan sickler.com the The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler. I want to say thank you for your support. I appreciate seeing how this community grows and supports one another. You guys are the shit. If you are watching on YouTube, please hit that subscribe button. I'm telling you, it helps. It helps, all right? And if you've got to have more, we are now over 100 episodes on the Patreon.

And it's called The Honeydew With Y'all, and y'all have the wildest fucking stories. I can't get over what I hear every week. Been doing it now for two years, just sitting there listening to you guys tell stories. Just a few weeks back, shared an episode with Josh Wolfe, highlighting 10 of my favorite episodes, and it was received so well, I think we're going to be doing more of that. Tour dates, Des Moines, June 24th, one night only. Omaha, the 25th, one night only. Brea, California, June 30th. Now, you know what we do over here?

We're highlighting the lowlights. We're looking for a little bit of that light in the darkness. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers, and it is a pleasure to have this young lady back on The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back Raelynn Nelson. Welcome back to The Honeydew, Raelynn Nelson. Thanks, Ryan. Thanks for having me back.

You're very welcome. Thank you for being here. Before we get into what we're going to talk about today, please plug, promote everything that is Raelynn Nelson. Music is funny podcast listen to that wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts and you can watch it

on YouTube and then RaylanNelsonBand.com I just put out a new single called Free go check it out on the YouTube channel

at Raylan Nelson Band don't go to RaylanNelson.com yeah just found out that what happened I don't own it anymore I thought I owned it and had it forwarded to RaylanNelson.com just found out that I don't own it anymore. I thought I owned it and had it forwarded to Raylan Nelson Band.

But when you go to RaylanNelson.com, it's an escort, you know, naked lady. You know, you can just get some sex there. But isn't it for like older women or older people? Yes, that's what it says today. It's like plus age. It changes every day. Oh, it's a surprise every day. No way.

I thought it was like if you wanted to get some ass in your 60s or something like that. Yeah, there was one of those ads on there. I saw that too. So you don't own that anymore, huh? Apparently not. So go to RaylanNelsonBand.com. Or you can go support those ladies. You know what?

Go get some pussy. Go get some Cedar Citizen pussy at RaylanNelson.com, y'all. Go get your jack off on. I feel a little flattered that somebody would want to put that. Yeah. There's worse things, I guess. There are definitely worse things. So welcome back.

And look, I know I said what I wanted to talk to you about earlier, but I actually do want to talk to you about worse things because I was communicating with you during this. But you had a stalker situation. Yeah. Can we go there first? Yeah. And I say that because I don't know if they'd be comfortable with me talking about it. Maybe they would, but I'll keep the ladies' names out. But there are three ladies in comedy who also had a stalker situation to the point where the police had to go to the

guy's fucking home and it is since that helped he sounds like he listened good but you also had a scary situation yeah so I check my grandpa's fan email and it is actually pretty cool because it's yeah I can just reach out to people and it says it's from willie nelson and literally if you get an email from willie nelson you're probably gonna open it so and i did ask my grandpa for permission to do that so it's really cool that i have this email address but a person started emailing quite a bit it was like anywhere from 60 to 150 times a day claiming a day yeah a day claiming to be papa willie's. So real quick, if you don't mind, how many kids? I mean, he could be Papa Willie's son. I hear you on that.

Right, right. But how many kids does Papa Willie know he has? Lana, Susie, and Billy were from my grandmother. Billy is my dad. And then there's Amy and Paula from Connie. And then Lucas and Micah from Annie. So seven. So there's seven children. But then there's one that came about. A legit one?

Yeah. Okay. But it was, she was actually his first kid because before my. No way. Yeah, this is kind of interesting. So before my grandmother and Papa Willie got together. So, I mean, he was probably 16 or something, right? He had a one night stand with a girl. She got pregnant.

She gave the baby to a couple in a bar. No. Yes. This is like 1940. Let's see. He was born in 33. So I'm not good at math. What is that?

48, 49. You know, this is like 1950 something, you know. So she gives it to a couple in a bar. That couple raises the baby. When Renee was probably 30 years old, she contacted Papa Willie, like called him somewhere in a hotel room, like tracked him down somehow, told him the story. Back then, too.

Yeah. Think how hard that would have fucking been um yeah so that would have been in the 80s right so then she contacts him he's like yeah all that story checks out and she's like well i don't want anything i'm very happy with my family uh but you know just wanted to let you know i was here and he was like okay you know just how old at the time she was probably in her 30s oh wow i wow. I think. I could be a little off on numbers. I'm really bad at numbers. So then, like 12 years ago, she contacts the family and she comes back into our life. Listen, I remember when I said I didn't want any money.

Well. Yeah, listen. How about jewelry? Y'all got any jewelry? I don't need cash. Not quite like that. But my cousin, Noel, her daughter's daughter needed some eye surgery. She was going blind and needed some surgery.

And she wanted some help for the surgery. And Papa Willie, of course, did it. But the first time she came on the bus, the first thing Papa Willie. The honeysuckle rose? Yeah. What's it like being on a honeysuckle? Can we hold on for a second? It's my favorite thing.

Literally, it's one of the only reasons why I want to be a musician. Because Papa Willie's always toured in that. That's all I know as his home, really. I know he has houses. I've been there. But he's always been on a tour bus when I would visit with him. And the bunks were always so much fun to play in. He sits at the table.

He has his spot. Nobody really sits there except for him. There's always a serving. really sits there except for him there's always a um a serving uh do you remember those old serving trays from shoney's that are just kind of like circular yeah yeah with weed on it and ready you know a joint ready to go um anyway so she gets on the bus she gets on the bus and he goes she looks like raylan and she's about 60 at this time because this was only like 15 years ago or so, 12, 15 years ago. And so she looked like an older version of me, obviously.

But they did a DNA test then, and it was true. And, but yeah, that was Aunt Renee. She's passed away now. She had breast cancer. I actually never met her. I only talked to her on the phone. Yeah, only talked to her on,

she sent me a the phone. Yeah. I only talked to her on... She sent me a hat, though. Yeah. So... Go ahead. Sorry. I'm interrupting. So she's dead. So she's gone.

Yeah. But did she get an inheritance or family? Her daughter, Noelle, is still in the family. Of course. She's still a part of the family. Did the surgery go well? The surgery? Oh, the... She was going blind, of course. She's still a part of the family. Did the surgery go well? The surgery? Oh, the –

She was going blind, you said. Wait, are you fucking with me? I can't tell right now. I can't tell if you're fucking with me. The surgery didn't go good. I love that you can't tell. I don't want to lay up with some poor kid who might be blind because it didn't go good. Yeah, it didn't go well.

Was that all bullshit? It wasn't bullshit. Oh, okay. It just didn't go good. Yeah, it didn't go well. It wasn't bullshit. She still just, it just didn't, it didn't do well. It was like right when stem cell surgery was new. You had to go to Thailand

to get it done. Yeah, it was in Thailand. I wouldn't. I mean, maybe if I was going blind, I wouldn't. I want to do stem cell stuff. I think it's pretty miraculous.

Yeah, I want to do it. Not in this case, apparently. No. But also, that's the 80s. Not in this case, apparently. No. But also, that's the 80s. No, this was just like 10 years ago or so. Oh, okay. That's when she came back into our lives. I wasn't even alive in the 80s.

I'm so young. Okay, so the reason we sidetracked is because that is a, as we know, a blood relative. This stalker situation is, I know, I'm good at what I do. You're good at this. Is questionable. At the time, you're saying, I don't know, he could be. Yeah, because my grandpa's a rock star. He's had a lot of sex. A lot of sex.

Yeah. It's true. He could have kids out there that we don't know about. But he just kept sending songs. He was sending batshit crazy stuff i mean he he would go through my social media and just start writing a movie script with people uh that i was doing podcasts with and just talking shit about all these comedians in the movie script like it was part of the emails you're getting long novels of he was just crazy you know uh

so then he's like i'm gonna come to the house i'm gonna come to your house he was based in florida he said he was gonna come to nashville he found my old thank god i moved he found my old house on you know on um wherever you can find where raylan Nelson lives. I think it's oldhouse.com. Yeah. Actually, that might be a fucking C. Just because it's a porn site, too. Hit it. Oldbox.com. But he did.

Ryan, he did. He showed up at my house. He showed up at the old house. Yeah, he did. He showed up at my house. And he showed up at the- The old house. Yeah, the old house. The restaurant that I used to work at down by my old house. I went there and asked the same old ladies who worked there before. It's like a little meat and three. Do you know what a meat and three is?

In the South, we have a lot of them. It basically just means like a meat and three vegetables. So they have like Salisbury steak and country fried steak and then you can pick like green beans mac and cheese whatever so it's one of those restaurants and uh i showed him a picture because he was sending pictures of himself too and they're like yeah he was here uh so anyway how old would you say he is roughly or did he say ever say i don't know. Older, though? He would send pictures of his dad that his mom told him it was. He looked just like him, right? And he'd be like, I don't look anything like him.

And just like him. He's got a mustache, man. I don't have a mustache. And then would send pictures of him and Lucas, my uncle, or him and Papa Willie and claimed to still be it was just ridiculous but so yeah we had to get the fbi involved and the egg went as far as the fbi yeah and is that because of your grandfather and shit too like they want to make sure this guy doesn't go after him also yeah basically damn yeah but it was really good fbi shows up at your house what's that feel or they um they basically call you all the time.

They didn't show up at my house. Oh, they just called? They just called me all the time. How do you know if it's real? And then I have one. Well, he could have showed up at my house. He's only a couple miles away, the detective that was put on the case right near me. But all he had to do was call him and tell him to stop or we were going to press charges.

And we haven't heard nary a while. I've gotten one email from him maybe like two months ago, and it was a song. And I didn't want to alarm anyone. And he hasn't said anything since. But did you have to leave your home and shit like that? The kids wanted to go stay with their dad, obviously. So they were there, and I didn't get. He was literally in town.

Yeah. That's fucking nuts. He claimed that he was going to the Willieie nelson museum which is where we do the podcast so of course i had to alert everyone there and we had to stop you know podcasting for a while damn it sucks and also yeah you don't know when he left right no well he was keeping me luckily he was so crazy he was just emailing you know um so he did tell me when he left but my kids still didn't feel my boys were kind of my boys are 15 in a couple weeks so i wouldn't trust that yeah they they were kind of like i kind of

want to just come back home i'm not worried about it but my daughter was like you know so then um the detective actually talked to my daughter and that is what finally made her feel better and she came back home yeah thank goodness it feels like such a long time ago but it wasn't that long ago i mean you and i were talking through the whole thing just letting you know what was going on and everything my ex-husband went and taught me how to shoot guns yeah yeah yeah that was fun i feel anybody that does that goes through something like that it's nuts to me i was watching what this guy was doing to these girls, too. It's scary shit.

Even when they call you and tell you, like, this happened. I'm like, what? It's fucking. Yeah, they're crazy. That mental illness is scary. Yeah. All right. I want to talk about another creepy person in your past, actually.

Can we talk about this van? Okay. I want to talk about this this van okay i want to talk about this because i have a daughter who's seven and i want to i want to know so many people have sat in that chair and told me terrible fucking stories so so i was about 16 years old and i was going to student life camp at church and what is student life camp it's a camp where you like a non-denominational christian just this was baptist actually oh really this is a baptist church that i went with uh do you know what the difference between what makes baptist baptisting it's stupid shit like versus methodist they don't dance in the worship music it's very it's like hymns

yeah that's what i went to people were speaking in tongues and and like jerking really dancing i was on the dance team oh yeah oh yeah dancing you're doing on that people i remember being seven years old and this lady praying over me to speak in tongues. Like she was trying to like pray this into me. And she's like, and I was just like, that scared the fuck out of you. Yeah. And she was like,

just move your tongue. And I was like, I just repeated what she said, you know, cause I was seven years old and a child. It wasn't like the spirit came over me or anything. Yeah, it was just it was a weird church. But the church that I was talking about, this was a Baptist church.

It was way more laid back than that. This is in my teen years. And I didn't tell anyone about this until I was about 26 years old, I think, which was just last year. Forever 27. Forever 27. Forever 27. So in, you know, those church vans, you know, those white church vans look like pedophile vans anyway. Yeah, with the extension on the back.

Yeah. Actually, that's what my band van is, you know. You might want to paint it. I've thought about it. I've thought about it. We actually do need to paint it. I've thought about it. I've thought about it. We actually do need to paint it because it's all right. Anyway, so just sitting there, and one of the counselors was sitting next to me in the van. It was a couple of seats back.

And all of a sudden, he just stuck his hand. I was wearing shorts. He just stuck his hand up my vagina. Inside you. Yes. And I froze, Ryan. How old was he? He was 19 or 20 and i was 16 i knew i know i was 16 because i had driven to the church and parked my car there and um and i just kind of

froze and couldn't move at all and just like let him do that to me and it sucks because i if i could go back of course, I'd be screaming in that car to everyone else that was in there. All the other 15 people, you know, or 12 people that were in there. He's putting his finger in my vagina. And I don't know why I didn't. I was too scared. I didn't. I don't know why. Can I ask you personal questions?

Yeah. Like, had you had any experience with boys before that? Or is that, like, unfortunately your first experience? Not much at all. That's terrible. No. Like, just, like, innocent making out. Nothing like that.

And I didn't even know what he was doing, you know? Really. You didn't say stop or you just froze? Why didn't I say stop? I have no idea. And I didn't tell anyone except I remember when I got there, I was feeling super uncomfortable about it, so I told some friends who were dating at the time,

a guy and a girl, Justin and Tiffany, and I just said that he tried to hold my hand. I was like, that's as comfortable as i was at saying what happened because you were embarrassed i guess i was embarrassed you know but i don't really know why i was embarrassed but i definitely was and i blocked it out i didn't tell anyone i didn't want my mom to not let me do anything anymore i was barely allowed to do much anyway because I was going to church camp. Come on, you know, for fun. So I knew she wouldn't let me do anything.

But did you think she would blame you? Like you would get in trouble for it somehow? Yeah, I guess so. Is that what your 16-year-old mind is thinking? I guess so, you know. Like why didn't I tell her? I did finally tell her eventually, maybe just a few years ago.

Really? Mm-hmm. And what did she say her eventually, maybe just a few years ago. Really? What did she say? She said it wasn't my fault. Yeah, it's not all me. We just bawled. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. It wasn't that I don't even know why. I think I just didn't want you to ground me from my car.

It's such a stupid reason. stupid reason and i didn't want to you know like what would you do in that situation if your daughter came and told you that oh you know what i would go do going down to that church church yeah and if that was me that caused that you know so can i ask you was your dad gone at that time did your dad oh yeah my dad died when i was seven seven so here you are with no dad this is happening you don't tell your mom you don't tell anybody but what did they oh but you only said held your hand you never said anything to him never did he ever try anything ever again no no did he ever sit next to you again nothing nothing nothing and i stayed away from him do Do you remember his name? Don't say it.

You do? Have you ever tried to look him up? David Kuffman. Wow. Yeah. I'll say his name. He fucking did it. Yeah.

Good for you. All right. He married some girl from the youth group. And he has kids. Yeah. That's not a great situation. In no way were we dating or did he ever, you know. Even ask permission?

Nothing. No. He just sat next to you. We were just in youth group. Jesus Christ. Yeah. We used to see the bus. It was called the Church of the Open Door.

Okay. That was the bus, the van that would ride through our neighborhood. And that was what was creepy too. It would roll through your neighborhood. Yeah. And just stop and be like, do you kids want to come? And it was the same van you're talking about, but it powder blue yeah it was called the church of the open door and some of our neighbors would get on and go and we're like we're not gonna fucking get on that fucking

you could see the faces in that fucking van just looking out like help me we're like we're not getting on that fucking van dude a church in the open door church me open bottle they're gonna do something i'm gonna start church of the clothes vagina so why 10 years and who did you finally tell was it your mom that you finally told first like when you really started talking about this my sister she's had a lot of trauma and you know she's had a lot of she hasn't put herself in the best situations at times, so. And she said that herself, so I'm not saying something she doesn't know. But, yeah, so I opened up to her about it and then she, you know, my mom and stepdad's best friends, they're, I don't even know if I should talk about this, but the husband made advances at my sister. And this was just a few years ago. And then when my sister finally came forward and told my mom and her dad about it, it gave me the courage to i don't know it gave me the courage to talk to my mom about it because that was really hard for her to do geez the dad the husband yeah

i'm not sure if he's a dad or not oh i see what you're saying but they're no longer friends obviously yeah holy shit and my sister wasn't a child but she she was 18, which is 16 and a half. Come on. You don't go after your fucking best friend's children anyway, regardless of the age. Yeah. But especially 18. Sorry, Mom. But it's true.

That all happened. You know, I want to tell you a story that I just thought of. I outed on accident accident found my mom's best friend this was early on i was still married so my ex-husband's sister had a best friend okay your sister-in-law at the time had a best friend and he was a gay man he okay and he found my mom's best friend's husband on the gay sites on myspace this is myspace days so it's like the myspace sister-in-law's husband no so my sister-in-law's best friend is a gay man and he found who okay so my mom's best friend who was a lady, right? Her husband.

Through church, right? So I grew up with these people in church. It's always church. Yeah, always. Biggest freaks are in church. And looking back, he was so obviously gay, but I didn't know that. Nobody told me that the gay qualities were what that meant. I could see there was a difference in them, but nobody i didn't you know nobody ever said that i didn't know that till later and he

was definitely just and he but i told melissa my mom's friend i was like hey your uh your husband's on the thing she divorced him he and now he's living his best life there it is you know because he's with a man you know he's living his best life now um oh church stories my uh pastor from church is uh is now transgender he and did porn out here like yeah his your ex-pastor is a transgender porn star? Yes. A beautiful one. She's beautiful. She's beautiful. She lives probably right down the road. Oh, that is fantastic.

Got far away from Nashville and became a woman. And religion probably, too. And the other one before that had an affair with a lady in the church, you know? Like, this is why. Church is so hypocritical. Oh, yeah. So hypocritical oh yeah so hypocritical yeah that's why i don't want to have anything to do with it because i don't want anyone to think i'm a hypocrite you know they're the most judgmental the most fucked up i say it in my set every night the

the hierarchy of scumbags in this country starts with in this world starts with the Catholic Church. It starts there. And it is not open for discussion. Not at this table. Agreed. But people hide behind this religion thing. They hide behind that. A lot of the fucking – obviously, they're not all bad people, of course. No. But the bad ones use this God and Jesus or these deities to hide behind this.

And you can be forgiven for what you did to that girl in the van you know do you think that guy ever fucking thinks about that do you wonder no i wonder how many other girls he's done that too even if it's his kids yeah you know you never know um oh i just thought of something else. My sister's best friend, when she was 13, told me that her dad was fucking her. Wait. Yeah. Hold on. Her own father?

I'm confused. Your sister's friend's own dad. Incest, we're talking about. What? And her brother. The dad was fucking the brother? brother no the brother was fucking her maybe i'm not trying to make this horrible, but there's a lot of moving parts in this one here.

Holy shit. The dad was fucking the- The dad and the son are having sex with his daughter and her, his sister. The brother, yes. Jesus Christ. Yes. And said that they would, she said that they would put a, like a bag or a pillow over her face yes at the same they're together doing this the son's doing this i don't think they're doing it together jesus christ well

where's the son learning that of course it's his dad it probably is happening to him too and the mom was super pilled out so uh she was just sleeping all the time and didn't you know wasn't She was just sleeping all the time and didn't, you know, wasn't living life, you know. Holy fuck. So, I tell my mom, you know, I'm like, and I'm like 22, not that long ago, of course, but I'm like 22 at the time. You stay consistent on it, I'll tell you that. And my mom was like, hey, Raelynn, you're an adult and a child just told you that her dad's fucking her you're gonna have to call this dhs and say it and i was like what what so she kind of you know walked me through that uh and you did you made the call we did everything we were supposed

to do um unfortunately the once it got to the point where the law got involved, my sister's friend was like, never mind, nothing, I lied, nothing, I know, I know, it's so sad, and then, and it sucks because they were really close, and they weren't allowed to talk anymore, you know, they weren't friends, and they were the type of friends that are for each other not the competitive it's hard to find girlfriends that aren't competitive with you at that age you know at 13 14 years old so it's really sad they're still not friends and they still don't talk and it's you know been a while okay do we know anything about this no she chose to say she was lying and her parents are keeping it hidden, except until I talked about it here.

I hope it comes out. I hope some truth comes out of that. Yeah. God. You guys know we love Liquid IV here. I love it. I start every day with Liquid IV. We have bags of it here at the studio for all our guests

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I know. You know, like I'm, my daughter's seven. And doesn't want to even do a sleepover yet because she's still too scared to sleep in her own damn bed sometimes so good yeah good yeah but i am petrified when she goes to a sleepover at someone else's house like i want to know is there an uncle lives over there who's got guns in the house i want to know every male figure every female figure that's there who's there how many people are there it sounds crazy so it's best just to keep them around you know until they're teenagers and you know when you have to well

you're a single parent my kids go and hang out at their friends they do and they're 15 and stuff now but but um you know when they go to their dad's house the way my daughter goes to her mom's it's it feels like a different planet. You know what I mean? Like they're traveling away somewhere, I feel like. And there's just, you can't keep an eye on them. I know. The way you want to.

FaceTiming all the time though, right? Do you remember that time we were on the phone and you saved Stella's life? Yeah, that was before you did the first episode. Yep. I believe, right? Yeah, I was doing a solo show in Tacoma. I'm four for five. And you called me and I was smoking weed outside the hotel.

And I was like, hey, Ryan, I just lit a joint. And you go, oh, are you toking? And I was like, yeah, I'm smoking a joint. And then you're like, oh, and I hear the phone shake. You're like, God call you back. You said Stella's choking. Yeah, you thought i said token yeah you're like i don't think i've ever said token either no i don't think i ever say that no but you were just like are you choking to stella but i thought you said to me are you token and i'm like yeah i'm just smoking weed and you saved her life you

called me back like within five minutes. She's fine. She just had some meat stuck in her throat. She did. She was choking again. That's the second time I've had to do that for her. First time she got something stuck in her throat, it was me and her mom and her.

We were sitting at the table, and she got up. This was a while ago. She got up. She walked away. I thought she was going to get something to bring it back to the table to show us. And when she turned around and came back, I looked at her face. I was like, oh, my God, you're not breathing. And she was trying to tell us, but she was walking back and forth.

So her mom didn't know what to do. And I gave her the Heimlich and boom, that shit shot right out. Because, you know, you do a smaller one when they're little. You don't double. So then this time. Good job. Thanks. This time she had, I don't know if it was a hot dog

or what the fuck it was pizza was a pizza yeah that's right it was pizza and she had it stuck and she couldn't breathe and she came to me and i did it again it shot out onto the balcony and i took that piece and threw that bitch off but yeah i've had to do that i mean you talk about anxiety i will never forget the time my younger brother choked on, I think it was steak at my grandmom's kitchen table. It was, or dining room table, I should say. It was my dad, her, and me and my two brothers. And he was legit going down. And my dad got up and did the Heimlich and that fucking steak shot out onto the table. My dad got up and did the Heimlich and that fucking steak shot out onto the table. And that's always stuck with me. Like, man. So even if I'm in the back of the house and I hear her cough and I'll run out and she'll point to her water.

Like, it just went down the wrong way. I'm like, are you good? You good? I don't want to be doing this shit. Yeah, yeah. I'm four for five. Rest in peace, Grandma. I remember my mom jerking me out of the back of the car when I got a light.

Remember those little lifesaver holes? I don't even know if you can get those anymore. They were just like the hole of the lifesaver, and they would sell those as a candy. And I got one stuck in my throat. My mom was driving a Trans Am, and I was in the backseat. Oh, hell yeah. Pulls over and jerks me out of the back and throws me upside down. She didn't know nothing. She just threw me upside down like shaking me and

hit me on the back you work like you owed her money yeah oh that is a panic um also when my boys were in the NICU uh I was holding one of them and one of them quit breathing in my arms but I had no idea I just saw all the uh they had they were all hooked up to the machines so I heard alarms off, and the nurse very slowly and easily just walked up to me, and she goes, this baby isn't breathing. And she goes, all you need to do is just rub his chest right here. And she just started rubbing his chest, and then the alarms stopped going off. No way. Yeah.

I mean. I'm like, did my baby just die in my arms, and all I had to do was rub his chest, and I had no idea? Yeah. I mean. I'm like, did my baby just die in my arms and all I had to do was rub his chest and I had no idea? Yeah. How many people probably lost babies like that in the old days, didn't even know it was just a little palm rub on the chest? Well, my boys were born eight weeks early. Yeah, so tell me about that. So they wouldn't even, one started taking over the other one's blood when they were both inside of me. They're fraternal or identical?

So it's weird. They have, so identical twins have one sac and one placenta, right? I know. I got my own zygote. I know. So you had your own sac and your own placenta. Right. And basically means that two sperm hit two eggs because she just happened to release two eggs.

So it's on the mom's side. happen to release two eggs so it's on the mom's side and then if it's identical twins it's one sperm it hits one egg and it splits for some weird reason right and my boys had um one placenta two sacks oh so is this weird is that a name? No, but they look a lot alike, you know? And they have, they're the 10th set of identical twins in their dad's family. Jesus Christ. So, anyway, I'm put on bed rest, like at 29 weeks of pregnancy. It's about 40 weeks. With fraternical twins. Fraternical.

We'll call them fraternicals. Somewhere between fraternical and identical. Yeah, I love it. All right. for turnicles somewhere between for turnicle identical yeah i love it all right um so they're inside of me and then i one day i get a real bad migraine and um i go to the doctor my blood pressure skyrocketed and if your blood pressure skyrockets when you're pregnant they immediately admit you and try to see what's going on and they did an ultrasound and um they they did this like um it sounded like a train horn to the babies on the belly so they on one side they were like right and then to the other baby

test their test their like if they because they can hear right so aiden the baby a at the time like immediately did this big jerk and they did it to brody and he went like just this tiny thing and the doctor said that baby is dying we need to get him out he's gonna they're gonna uh do better if we have him in the NICU now so immediately i mean 30 minutes later they were born it was that fast woke up with a fucking headache and next thing you know they're taking babies out of you because one's killing the other one yeah wow yep um and it and the fun thing was may 22nd um that you know twins are two twos you know i was in room 22 22 i was 22 years old at the time it was like all these twos that i felt like okay i feel like i don't know you just draw

comfort in these weird things in those moments right um so're born, but they had to stay in the NICU for the neonatal intensive care unit for three weeks. And so I just pumped breast milk every two hours and took it down there to them, would freeze it, just cry that I couldn't be with it. I know, what's that like? You can't be with your babies when they're first born. It was just, it was so hard. You know, skin to skin or any, how long again?'re first born. It was just so hard.

How long again? It was worse. It was worse than losing a parent, I think, because there's this overwhelming feeling that you need to be with a baby. And I was there. I was there every single day. I went down and visited them every single day and took the milk because I couldn't bear not to. I was just magnetically drawn. I stayed as long as the hospital would let us, you know, but then when we had to go home,

I just kept going back every day. So you were going home. You weren't at the hospital staying there. Oh, I'm thinking you're walking down a couple floors and you're right there. You got to drive. How far is that each way? I mean, it was 20 minutes, you know, and the neonatal staff there was great, you know, but it was just so hard to leave your babies especially overnight yeah so then they came home they weren't even supposed to

be born yet uh so they came home one month before they were supposed to be born and so they were just little bitty teeny tiny and they would uh they were great you know i got i feel like i got more baby time than most people because they were here a little early but i would never ever wish that upon anyone uh and you know you'd see other babies in there that had been in there for like two years and they were still so tiny just hanging on for life and their parents were coming in every day yeah the songs that were on the radio at that time uh when i hear them now i immediately want to cry again. Like what? Because it just goes through. Like at the time, I remember that Daughtry song.

Do you remember the guy that won the American Idol? That home song that he had. It's like, I'm going home to a place where I belong. Something like that. And every time that song comes on, that that feeling of oh my god i gotta get to my babies and i can't comes over me but then um so then i got into uh i get pregnant again and i get into i want to have a a v-back which means you're going to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean section because my cervix wasn't competent after my twins they wanted me to have a

they wanted me to have another c-section and i was like i want to try natural you know i was into all the natural it's called a v-back it's called a v-back and doctors hate it by the way uh because if they do a c-section it's covered under insurance everything's neat and tidy but it's still major abdominal surgery i mean i can't like i've seen some of the where they put they're putting the shit out on the i'm like oh yeah i saw scott's face when they were open he was like i was like don't do that don't do that but he said they ripped me open like a t-shirt he's like get the fuck out of here and then just like put me back together holy crap so the same doctor that saved my boys he was my doctor for my daughter and he was saying

that she needed to come out that she was overdue and it wasn't true i don't think because when she was born there's these signs on the bottom of their feet that the wrinkles on their feet, if they have them all the way, that that shows that they're 40 weeks and she didn't quite have any there. So that it's more like a 36, 37 week. Either way, she was born too early. She took in a big gulp of amniotic fluid. fluid. So she basically had pneumonia because she had liquid on her lungs and had to stay in the NICU for a month longer than my boys even had to, even though she was technically born at 36, 37 weeks, which is, you know, a lot of times babies are really good. I can't have healthy babies for some reason. And it was really hard. Yeah. Everybody's good now, of course. When she

finally came home, it was the best time ever, you know. And she, I didn't even know I wanted a daughter. I thought I wanted to be a boy mom. You know, I was all into being a boy mom. And then as soon as I saw her in the NICU after, because they immediately took her away, just like the boys. And I saw her and I was like, there she is. She's mine. I want her.

Give her to me, you know. And she's the best. She's literally one of my best friends. It's like, it's literally one of my best friends it's like it's cool you get this you know you're just like creating your own best friend one day as having being a it's so funny dad being a mom magical's daughter is 16 um i think he said she's 6 1 or 6 2 oh and i was asking him what it's like to be you know shorter than your daughter because i would be yeah um he said she's also like you know she's lifts and stuff and she's like a really kick-ass volleyball player and good he said you know up until now he's like you're how old your daughter i go so i saw him at

the comedy store uh the 50th and we were talking in the kitchen he's like um he goes oh my god this is the best time right now he goes he goes it's like right about now until about for me two weeks ago he's like she was my best friend doing everything like dad dad dad and then hits that age where it's like you know but we all get yeah yeah yeah so what is it like i want to you this. I mean, your dad passed when you said seven. I mean, what is it like parenting with, do they ask questions about your dad? Do you talk about your father as much? I know you're only seven, so do you keep him alive, so to speak, in the household?

And if so, what do you do? I think they don't bring him up much because they know it may they don't want to make me sad you know like i'm doing right now so yeah um yeah they don't They don't bring him up much. That being said, we talk about him. There's pictures of him up, you know. And my boys look so much like him. They do.

Yeah. And so I know that just as much if we can look like our people, you know, how much on the inside is like us, you know. Yeah, because you don't know your dad like that after no we're only seven but people tell me i'm like him in certain ways and how is that i haven't been around him yeah little things like that that's that genes that's genes yeah so just like you can look like them You can just kind of be like them. How old was your dad when he died? 33.

Do you ever think about when your kids are 33 how it's going to make you feel, shit like that? Yeah, yeah. You're going to have two of them at the same damn time too. Yeah, I know. I only have just three years left with them before they're just going to be taken off and live in their own life. It makes me not want to be away from them too long. I only want to go do one-offs or a couple shows here and there so I can be back with them because I only have a short amount of time. And they're already doing school all day and then playing piano and then working out. They're into working out these days, and then they want to play with their friends. So, you know, we get dinners together, which, you know, if you instill that,

everybody knows what dinner time or, you know, whatever time the meal is, have at least one meal of the day where everybody gets together and just talks about what's going on, you know? And I always have check-ins with them. I'm like, check-in time. How do you feel about life? What's going on? And, you know, they'll – I feel like we grew up together. I really do. So I feel like we're all just good friends as well as, you know, obviously – like, they never – they haven't been mean to me yet. You know what I mean? Like, we haven't had to deal with – like, don't talk to me like that. I haven't had to do that since like don't talk to me like that i haven't had to do

that since they were very teeny tiny you know like but um i don't know where i was going oh i'm pretty sure it's coming anytime soon my daughter is 13 she just started a period for the first time oh yeah i'm telling everyone and she hates it she's like 13 is that like seventh grade eighth grade yeah sixth grade? Yeah, sixth grade. She's in sixth grade, almost seventh. Oh, sixth grade. Yeah. Okay. She started kind of early, a little earlier than I did.

I just remember in middle school when we would go into the nurse's office for our cuts and injuries, it was this lady with, I mean, a motherfucking mountain of tampons and maxi pads behind her. Like the room was sponsored by him you know what i mean like that's how many were in there i'm like i'm just here for a band-aid just like looking at kotex and shit all the way up it's pads and tampons i don't know the difference i don't know anything yeah have you heard of these free bleeders yeah there, there's these period panties you can wear and then you just let yourself just bleed. And then just toss them out? You wash them.

No. Yes. No, you throw those away. No, you wash them and reuse them. It's called Thanks. You can get them at thanks.com. You throw those away. Promo code the dude.

Free bleeders. Yeah. You throw those away. You don't want. Promo code the dude. Is that right? Free bleeders. Yeah. Did you know people are manifesting things when they're orgasming now? What do you mean? So, yeah, you should try this the next time you have an orgasm. Okay. Okay.

So, you just start manifesting things that you want during the orgasm. And it's like a magic time that you can create, make things happen. Did you charge your crystals? You know I charge my crystals. Okay. We just got back from Sedona. Wait. Are you telling me to take myself out of my orgasm?

No, no, no. And not be present in my orgasm and mentally go to think like. I realize you can't think of those things to get there. But once you're there and you know you're in that. Once lightning is striking. Yeah, and it's like that throbbing feeling. That's the time you should be like, money, money, money.

Or what do you want to manifest? You know, health and happiness for Stella. That's kind of weird. That's way weird. Maybe just go broad, family you know health happy family broad sweeps and you're supposed to yell that out loud too I bet it works better if you do

but I also think maybe you could just think it and it'll work so try that out try the theory let me know if you see me in a house in santa monica in the next 60 months to a year you'll know it does see can it be self-love too or does it have to be with a person no masturbating is better oh is it for self-management so it's just keep it all to yourself yeah it's magical it's magic ryan-management. So just keep it all to yourself. Yeah, it's magical. It's magic, Ryan. Orgasms are magic. They are magic.

Yeah. All right. Okay, now let me go back, switching off to a second of manifesting in my orgasms. Back to you parenting. Do you ever think about what would happen if something happened to you? Having that hindsight of your dad's gone do you ever worry about hey what happens to my kids or that's how i justify praying protection around myself because for them for them i don't want them to lose their mom panties

free bleeders is that what they're really good? Thanks. They're called thanks.com. Seriously, they have thongs. They have boy shorts. They have sleep shorts. Yes. And it's kind of amazing. Like, even if you use a tampon, they're kind of cool to have just in case things go awry. Well, that's different, though. That's different.

I know every chick's got their period panties or whatever. But they kind of work for free bleeding. But I'm saying the full-on go into it. Yeah, people do it. They're created to do it. They have super flows. Is this a sponsor on your podcast? I want that to be.

Super flows, you just said? They have super flow. One wants for thick, heavy flow. They have one for light. I can't believe you don't know about this. Why would I? Oh, yeah, I guess. Why would I?

But maybe Stella will be into it in a few years. Okay, but wait. Now let me go back to you. As a woman. Tell her she's a free bleeder. do you think you'd be comfortable wearing these i do wear them you do yeah but i also wear tampons i can't stomach not wearing the tampon i'm saying only those i mean sometimes yeah if i'm at home if i'm at home would you do i can't do it out in the world that's what i. Would you go out and function and walk around in these? No, because I'm scared. I'm scared. Scared.

I would be too. I would just feel like I had diarrhea in my pants all day and at any moment it's going to drip down my leg. That's what it feels like. That's what I'm guessing it feels like. Yes, that's what I'm guessing. I don't know why. You can totally feel it come out and everything yes yes all right back to uh the serious question for real do you have any do you have anything in place do you have a plan with your

kid's father about other than praying for protection no uh they would obviously go to their dad and stepmom and my mom would definitely be a huge part of their life because she already is. I mean, obviously, I have life insurance in case something happens. And my grandpa, all of my dad's stuff would go there. You drive a lot, you fly a lot. Thanks for bringing it up, Brian. I'm being practical here. What are you doing?

I think about it all the time. You fly a lot, too. I know. What do you think? I had to go get therapy to get on these damn planes. It worked, though, damn it. It worked. I can sleep on a plane now.

Adam Ray caught me on a plane sleeping. Hell, yeah. It worked. I can't believe it worked. I used to fucking love taking off. I felt like a rock star flying, like that fucking plane shooting down the runway, and we're going up in the air to go somewhere. Yeah.

And then I could fucking terrified of every fucking hula every turbulence and shit terrified yeah and i was like i have to do this so i know i gotta beat this and now i'm i mean that's my i still get adrenaline when we're fucking shooting down that damn runway and we're taking off but and landing landing the landing has never bothered me, ever. I feel good about the landings. I'm like, we're here. I've had a couple dicey ones where you feel like, ah, or they're going way long. Why isn't this thing stopping? Yeah. I've had a couple of those.

And then I've had where just turbulence really bad twice where you're like, well, this might be it. And this is how it happens. Because you know when it happens, it starts like that. The turbulence. I've read turbulence can never crash a plane. I've done extensive research on turbulence. But if a plane is crashing, it's going to feel something like that. It's not going to feel smooth.

Right. You're not just lying right into the ground. It starts like that. It's not going to be like you're just eating peanuts. Bam. Yeah. Which would be okay, maybe. It's going to be terror. It's going to be like you're just eating peanuts. Bam. Yeah. Which would be okay, maybe, you know? Yeah, it's going to be terror.

It's going to be terror. And it's going to feel a little bit like that. So that's maybe why. But yeah, you know, and the more we fly, the more likely it is, like you said. I don't know. The more we drive, the more likely it is. Same, yeah. Flying is the safest way to travel. It really is statistically. It doesn't feel great all the it is same flying is the safest way to travel it really is

statistically it doesn't feel great all the time but it is the safest it's that control thing i'm on the ground i have my hands on the wheel i'm in control of this i can't i say it all the time it's not like i can get out of fucking 33c and walk up there and be like move let me fly this you know what i mean you just stuck there you're like God, please do the best y'all can do. Yeah, I know. And what if they just got in a fight with their boyfriend or girlfriend? Yeah, I think about all that shit, yeah. Like, are you focused today?

And they always look 18 now, like 16. Pilot I had last time, I wanted his shaved head here and the hair combed over. I was like, what? You're the pilot? He said, yes. Look at you, man, up there. Never expected to see a pilot with a haircut like that. Yeah.

Like punk rock as shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Okay. So I want to talk to you a little bit more about your dad. All right. Can we?

Yeah. You all right with that? Yeah. Like, what do you, what do you miss the most? I miss that I didn't get to know him as an adult. You know?

I wish I, I know, I wish I could have a conversation with my dad now as a grown man. Yeah. Ask him what they were thinking and all the, anything. Like, you had fucking twins in 1973. Like, what were you doing, dude? Yeah. Yeah. Anything.

And him just coming by the house to watch a game with you or something? Mm-hmm. Or smoke a joint with you? Think he would smoke a joint with you? I think that's a really good question because my dad preached no drugs because he knew we were going to do them eventually, but it was always no, no, no, no, no. But dude was in Vietnam, you know, in the Navy, not in the jungle,

but in the Navy during Vietnam, I should say. And it was always no drugs. So that's the reason I didn't start smoking until I was 21 because I always felt like I was letting my dad down. Yeah. It's the only reason. And I'm glad because all the studies I've read say it really does fuck up your brain up until about 21 if you're pounding it when you're 16, 17. Yeah. So I answered.

It's funny. I said this on Joe Rogan years ago. I know what I would do if I had 24 hours with my father. What would you do if you had 24 hours? I mean, talking about a son up to a son up. Just you and your dad. No, I shouldn't say that because you you want to meet your kids yeah we'd have dinner with the kids what would you do start with the day in the morning sun's up

um well it'd be weird if he was just there so maybe i would just meet up with him but yeah i want to like make coffee for him and smoke a joint with him and be like where the hell have you been all these years? What are you doing? Like, what was he thinking? What was he doing? I would want to find out all the questions. What happened?

You know, all the questions I have, I would want answered. Give me some of the ones you think about a lot. How did you die? Did you take yourself out? Did you even think about me and my mom when you did that? Man. What would you have done differently um what was going on between you and my mom when y'all got divorced tell me everything about papa willie when you were growing up yeah you know i never got to hear stories from him uh i would want to go ride horses with him

he loved riding horses and the cowboy thing so I'd want to go do that and and then I'd want to go see my grandpa I'd want Papa Willie to see him you know so I'd want to go to a show and have dinner with everyone and all

the family be there which never happens you know and he'd happens you know right and he'd want to drink beer and we drink beer together and that'd be cool be drunk with my dad did you ever get drunk with your dad before he kicked nope 16 i mean i'd only gotten drunk maybe a couple times before he died yeah because you're so young young. Yeah. Or not to get drunk, but you know, like. Yeah.

The first time I tasted beer, like he gave me a sip. I was probably in like middle school at 4th of July. I'm like, what are you drinking? He's like, you want a sip?

And I take it. And I was like, oh man, you drink shit. What was it? I don't remember shit. It was probably Natty Bow or some shit like that.

Schlitz. Schlitz. Schlitz. It wasn't Coors Light, I'll tell you that. Coors Light's delicious. Delicious. Okay, why, can I say this? You asked me to ask you some questions you would ask your grandfather. And I wrote those questions down to you and you're like, I cannot ask that. What, have you ever talked to your grandfather about your dad?

Not really, no. You've never asked him what was he like as a son, a child, or nothing? We don't bring him up because it makes him sad. And it sounds like the same thing you said about your kids not bringing your dad up. And if he brings it up uh it's he's like your dad would be proud of you so he'll say things like that but he won't talk about he won't give you a story i think he i think he regrets not being more involved in his life at that minute and uh not really knowing what was going on because there were times that he did get him out of trouble

right before that so he would have helped if he could have you know and um i just feel like he feels bad for not being able to be there when whatever happened you know but you asked me what you thought he would say and i think it's the same thing, which is what happened? Because none of us know what happened. And then I think he would say, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I wish you were in Texas or I wish I was there. I would have done anything to help you. And my dad knows that.

My dad lived like somebody whose dad would take care of him if he did anything. You know? So that's what – what was the other question you asked? Well, I'm basically asking like without – because this is his son. So I'm sure there's guilt there with – Yeah. Of course. We would all have that.

Right. But also – hell yeah. You're're gonna live with that the rest even if you're not having nothing to do with the death we're gonna feel guilty when they die because you're not supposed to die before or you're supposed to die before your kids that's right you're not supposed to outlive your children that's right your kids are supposed to bury you yes that's the natural circle of life yeah yeah so that's you know but why just as a historian of your dad this man has these stories you don't think you'll ever get them do you think you do you think there'll be a chance at some point they'll come out when you know my aunt amy and i are i think I mentioned this last time, we're calling as friends and getting information, getting stories.

So we just have to ask everyone else, you know, that's the best way. I know Papa Willie's super upset, gets super upset and we don't want to upset him, you know. Has he outlived any of his other children? Renee passed away, I remember the first one. Okay. You know, she was only close to our family in the last few years of her life. other children? Renee passed away. I remember the first one. Okay. You know, she was only close to our family in the last few years of her life.

So it's different than my dad. Yeah. It was his first son, Willie Nelson Jr. Yeah. You know. Yeah. You know, it's funny. Stories pop up at the random at some random times my aunt bobby who played piano for my grandpa she just passed away yeah uh and we i just happened to be playing in texas

in austin and or right outside of austin so i flew my band back and i stayed for the burial and it's like she held on for when I was there or something. It's kind of neat. Or not even me. I think it was about my dad. Because when I was there at the burial, we're all there. And everyone's just kind of saying some stuff about Aunt Bobby. And I said that I was young when my dad died.

But my mom always told me that when Aunt Bobby walked into the room, my dad would light up and he would stop and take a minute and go over and hang out with her and talk to her and get her whatever she needed. She was the female star of the Willie Nelson and Family Band, right? And everybody treated her as such. She's queen. So I said that. My mom always said that uh he would light up and so i just picture since he's in heaven and she's over there now that he's just lit up and so happy that he's there that's nice and you know a couple people like yeah there are angels or whatever and then

aunt bobby her son that's living she had three sons and she lost two boys within three months of each other and they were um they were like 37 40 years old when she lost them i mean can you imagine oh so but her son that's living is married to a lady named lisa and lisa goes raylan i'm so sorry to bring this up but since you brought up your dad i have to tell you a story So in front of everyone, my dad kind of jacked the funeral And Lisa tells this story about when her and Freddie were getting married Everybody was up there singing some really lovely songs Playing guitar at the reception And my dad comes marching in in his chaps

Grabs the guitar from the guy that was singing Starts singing this like, you're cheating heart song you know like uh something really shitty and everybody was doing all these love songs and he's doing he starts doing like a you cheated on me and fuck you song and uh and then he gets done everybody's just staring at him and he goes y'all singing about love i'm trying to tell you how it really is and then everybody started clapping and she tells this story everybody laughs at the funeral and i was like holy shit if my dad were alive that is exactly what he would have done here at this funeral this burial everybody's so sad and you know when that grief just hits and you just can't stop crying. Everybody was doing that.

And everybody stopped to laugh at a story about my dad. And I feel like if he was there, he would have done that. So it's neat because you end up hearing stories at weird times. But it almost like it makes him still here. You know, they're still here and they can still affect what's going on oh no doubt no doubt listen i know this wasn't easy for you so you covered a lot yeah um thank you for coming on thank you for gonna go to the comedy store later yeah we can go to the comedy store okay thank you for making me laugh thanks for making me laugh at your for making me laugh. At your trauma. And again,

please plug, promote everything and anything you would like. RaylanNelsonBand.com Did you lock it in for at least a few years? Yeah, yeah. I think I'm just going to keep it.

I was going to, like why? It works. It's fun. Yeah, and then go check out the new single Free on our YouTube channel, Music Is Funny Podcast.

Ryan Sickler, you're the coolest. Thank you, Raelynn Nelson, for real. I really appreciate you coming back. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you you next time.