The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Raelyn Nelson - WillieDew

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Raelyn Nelson! Raelyn Highlights the Lowlights of her father’s mysterious death, growing up without him, and being the granddaughter of a living legend! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: - Get key nutrients without the B.S.! Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit https://ritual.com/HONEYDEW - Get 15% off your Raycon order at https://BUYRAYCON.com/honeydew. - Go to https://BABBEL.com and use promo code HONEYDEW, and when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription, you’ll get an additional 3 months for FREE.

Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media.

I want to tell you about the Night Pants Nation Tour. It kicks off this weekend, y'all. Phoenix, September 16th through the 18th. All right, and then we're going to keep on rolling. Indy, I'll be seeing y'all September 30th through October 2nd. Baltimore, coming home Saturday, October 23rd. Brea, headlining October 28th. Arlington, Virginia, November 12th and 13th.

Cleveland, Ohio, December 9th through the 11th. La Jolla, Ohio, December 9th through the 11th. La Jolla, California, December 17th through the 19th. I'll be in Austin, Texas, January 6th to the 8th. And Kansas City, January 20th through the 22nd. Look, there's more dates, okay? They're all there. There's a lot more being added. We're coming a lot of places.

Not as many as Tom Segura not quite everywhere but coming some places with Tom Segura too so go check out RyanSickler.com sign up for the newsletter you'll be the first to know all the stuff going on and the YouTube thank you for your support on the Honeydew

thank you for your support of this show if you watch and you love the show and you want to help out do something free subscribe to the show y'all that's you love the show and you want to help out do something free subscribe to the show y'all that's all you got to do and the patreon we are we just talked to a guy again i'm going to keep talking about this this guy solved an 18 year old cold case okay stepped on a stick fucking rock rolls over and it's a skull looking at the dude bullet hole between the eyes bullets still in the goddamn skull.

And they fucking solve an 18-year-old cold case. Ain't no show out there like the Honeydew with y'all right now. All right? So if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to HoneydewPodcast at gmail.com. Subscribe today. You don't need to be a subscriber to submit your story. All right? But if you subscribe and you know you're in for the long

haul i want to help you out you can save over a month of free episodes by signing up for a year you get audio and video you get the entire back catalog and you get the honey do a day early ad free uh at no additional cost all right i do know that that five bucks a month is a lot for some people and you can do better things with it. But if you got it and you want to hear these stories, please subscribe. All right? You know where to get the merch. Everything's at RyanSickler.com.

The ringtones, you guys want to ringtones on my laugh? They're there. Go to RyanSickler.com. We're working on getting them for Android now on the website. All right? Now, that is the information I wanted to tell you. I can't wait for real though. I cannot wait to come out and see you guys on tour.

I've sat here in this little room for the last year and a half with your support. And, uh, we grew a little, we built a small little army and I want to come see you guys and I can't wait. So thank you.

This is a gratitude tour more than anything. Now y'all know what we do here. We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have today's storyteller here with us, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Raelynn Nelson, y'all. Welcome to the Honeydew. Hi, Ryan.

Thanks for having me. You're the best. You're very welcome. You're the most best. I appreciate it. I'm very excited to have you here we we met through comedy which i love yeah me too big fan you are willie nelson's granddaughter yes and you have your own band your own music you got your own thing going on in nashville so why don't you

before we get into anything here just plug it all promote it all okay so how i met you was through music is funny podcast which my guitar player and i started over covid you and jb yeah jb uh also my music partner and um you know we were bored and we when we were on the road before covid we didn't agree on the music that we listened to in the van on road trips. So we would just listen to comedy, podcasts, stand up. We would just pull up specials. So over COVID, we were like, well, let's just see if they'll talk to us. And everybody's starting a podcast, so we might as well. And so we just tried.

And of course, I love that the way you guys got the comics that you like to talk to is just by starting a podcast. It works. Yeah. I've done a lot of podcasts for people that I did one for a kid. I'm doing another one for a 13 year old kid. Like if I'm free, I'll do it. You know what I mean? I love it.

That's how I am. Yeah. I just did one for a couple of kids, too. And it was awesome. They were the hosts of it. Yeah. This kid is, too. Yeah. I did one for a couple of kids too and it was awesome they they were the hosts of it yeah that's this kid is too yeah i did one for a kid to host and then there's a 13 year old kid i'm doing or 14 i'm doing his coming up yeah he's the host and you're working with kids teaching them yeah i teach the um outreach to the arts kids here and then i teach the culver city high school kids

podcasting at the other store here at the santa monica music center santa monica music center owned by l Negrete. I love Lana so much. I know. You've been hanging out with us all weekend. You're like, hey, Ryan. Nice to meet you. We're period sisters.

That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. She made me start my period 13 days early. It was the weirdest fucking thing. We hung out for three days. Never met before. Never met. Your period's sick.

13 days. I'm so glad I'm a dude. Every fucking day, I'm so glad I'm a dude every fucking day. I'm so glad I'm a dude. Ash, I'll tell you by now, our periods definitely would have been synced, bro. Oh, my God. When does this shit end, too? It should be done by now.

We should be able to click something that says, okay, we don't want kids anymore. We're done. Anyway, I love Lana so much. Yeah, and you've had Josh Wolfe on your show. You've had Jason Ellis on your show. I've done your show. Who else have you had? Kathleen Madigan.

Yeah, I love Kathleen Madigan. I do too. She's awesome. We've actually gone out drinking and having a couple beers together. And Jodi, her manager, is awesome. Let's see, who else? Doug Stanhope.

Did we say that? Tom Papa. I mean man You're getting killers Ari Shafir Yeah you're getting killers That's great I just actually got an email

From Ari today Asking if I could hook him up With some weed and shrooms For Bonnaroo And I'm just so happy That he reached out to me To ask He's asking you for weed and shrooms

And I'm like Just please get Willie Nelson To take a picture Of my night pants With a joint please with a joint and in my night pants i'll just take the night i'm gonna make it happen yeah i just oh my god if willie nelson's in night pants nation are you fucking out of i mean jesus i'll shit myself i have to get new night pants girl um what's your social media all all that stuff. I thought you were going to say social security. What's your social security number? One nine six.

Um, okay. So Ray Lynn Nelson band and, um, at music is funny, but I just put everything on Ray Lynn Nelson band cause we have some followers there. Yeah. And, um, my check out my band too you know it's on you can check it on spotify and youtube we have a bunch of music videos that we made that nobody's seen so check them out on our youtube channel i um i just look i want to say thank you and i'm also super flattered this is one of my top fave favorite comedy podcasts i can't believe i'm even friends with you you've i don't even know what you're i believe I'm even friends with you.

This is crazy. I just don't even know what you're talking about. I didn't fangirl out on you yet and we've been hanging out for the past couple of days and you took me to the fucking comedy store. How fun was that? It was so much fun and every single person on the lineup was great.

Thanks, Emily. I didn't get to talk to her very much. She looks so serious. Yeah, she Emily. She let us. I didn't get to talk to her very much. Tour, tour. And she was serious. She looks so serious. Yeah, she is. She's running that shit. Yeah. And no joke.

And she sat up there while you guys, the whole, everyone did the show. Yeah. And I didn't, I didn't see any kind of, you know, what was going on, but she was in it and listening and laughing and into it. Isn't that fucking great to see? Like someone's really invested in you know watching people still and not just putting shit on autopilot and you know and it's interesting that you i know you're an entertainer you're an artist so you see that i love that you picked

that up yeah she sits there i tell everybody like she's the whole time there's no we're throwing a camera up and i'll watch this shit later she's there that's more pressure for sure you know so um but yeah that was a killer fucking show. Seems like she's trying to do it right. But I've always had this thing. So when you said I totally get it because we're the same way. Comics are the same way. Like, let's listen to music.

You know what I mean? Like, we hear all this shit all the same. Right. It's the opposite. this shit all the same right it's the opposite and um i've always like i'm so flattered that you guys listen to my comedy on your bus and shit that there's this you know the jackson brown song um where he's talking about they're out on the road stay it's staying he's talking about we got uh what does he say we got um we got truckers on cbs we got got Richard Pryor on the video. And I've always fucking just loved. It's stuck with me.

It's true. Man, these fucking guys are top musicians in the world. And they're out on the road watching Richard Pryor. And back then, they must have had a laser disc up in that fucking bus. I don't know what. They had a VHS in that bus or something. But I was like man how fucking cool is that so then for you to say that i'm like what a simulation well my grandpa has

always been a big fan of comedy he was friends with richard pryor and you said i forgot he's in the comedy store doc that you were watching yeah yeah uh this it feels like a comedy trip this time because i did i've watched the i found the etrue! True Hollywood story of it on Vimeo, some random Vimeo. And then, yeah, I watched the Comedy Store doc and then Papa Willie shows up there and I guess Sally Fields was there that same day. And I don't know what Princess Diana was, but it kind of seemed like that, but it could have been a different day. But anyway, it seemed like – yeah yeah my grandpa loved richard pryor and my aunt amy and my grandmother or my step grandmother connie who i was named after actually my first name's constance oh you're constance or no yes oh you're constance raylon nelson that's my name i'm sorry you said so she's

friends with who jennifer prryor. Oh, okay. So I've never talked to her, but they talk to her regularly. So I definitely, obviously, we want to hear some of those stories. But let's go back to the beginning for you, because your dad is Willie Nelson's son. Yeah, Willie Nelson Jr., but everyone called him Billy. Okay. And where are they originally from? Like, where did your parents meet and grow up and okay so my dad was on the bus with papa willie and rode through town in nashville my mom was

working at a radio station as one of those promo girls how old was your dad 20 21 and your mom's what same okay so he was probably 23 or 24 because she was 2021 and he's out on the road with fucking willie nelson yeah he he was 16 years old when my grandpa made it big can you imagine being 16 years old and your grandpa's or your dad is the biggest thing on the planet i mean this is what we talked about you gave me this shirt and i wore it straight up out of respect but there's famous and then there's fucking iconic. And there's no one that wouldn't see this and not know that's fucking Willie Nelson.

You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy. So, no, I couldn't imagine being, especially 16. Like, think of you're young and dumb and fucking want to probably put your dick in every fucking thing out there. And you're seeing like a world that isn't even realistic. And I mean, I'm just being honest.

I'm just glad he stuck his dick in my mom, you know. Thanks, mom, for opening up. You did the right thing. Yeah, you did good. So they're on a promotional tour, and your mom— Yeah, and my dad was—he always wore cowboy shit. You know, I think that was in at the time, but he wanted to be a cowboy. Other than comedy, my grandpa loves westerns, so he would throw those up on the TV and the bus, too.

So chaps—my dad was wearing chaps in the summertime. It was just weird. You know, it's so weird. He had to be charismatic and good-looking as fuck to wear chaps my dad was wearing chaps in the summertime just weird you know it's so weird he had to be charismatic and good looking as fuck yeah he was wear chaps and still land a lady i feel like he was handsome my grandma was beautiful she was full-blooded cherokee indian and he took a lot after her um anyway so they met meet they fall in love they get married very quickly and they have me and then they get divorced how how fast i was three when they got divorced are you their only child okay you are yeah that that i that i know right you know but

i don't think we don't think he was well who knows you know but i don't think so so by 23 now your dad's a single dad yeah and i didn't see't see him. And your mom's a single mom, same age. And when he was young, my grandpa was trying to make it in the music business. So he was with his mom and then he'd be with his stepmom, just depending on who the stepmom was at the time. And so he didn't get a lot of time with my grandpa or his dad, you know. Right. So I don't know that he was ever shown how to be a dad. Right. But he don't know that he was ever shown how to be a dad, right?

But he wasn't around much. I know he was really into some, you know, hot drugs at the time, cocaine and a lot of liquor, a lot of uppity stuff, but hard liquor. I think he smoked weed all day long, you know? Did you? My grandpa tried to get him into rehab a couple times, and it never worked. So you're living with mom.

Mostly living with mom, seeing dad when it was safe. Okay, I was going to say mostly when – and so was that when they would come to town or something like that? So we – he lived in Nashville in a town called Ridgetop. Mm-hmm. Okay. And my mom did too, and she did hair, and we just lived in the salon. She still owns that house and rents it out. No, that's awesome.

Yeah, it's cool. And she actually taught me that. I bought real estate really young because she taught me, hey, if you own real estate, it's a pretty good way to make money unless you're a celebrity of some kind. Anyway, so I would see my dad but he was i never i don't ever remember going off with him without her being there and whenever papa willie came through town of course we were there even after my dad my dad's passing my mom always took me so my mom my mom turned into a holy roller about that time.

So wait, your dad, what happened to your dad? Your dad died. How are you? So they get divorced. My mom turns into a holy roller. She's praying for a new husband. She meets. Nuh-uh.

Like out loud? Oh, yeah. Yes. Out loud. Out, yeah. Yes. Out loud. Out loud. Out loud. That's got to be weird to be walking around. A friend of mine was telling me some embarrassing stories about her mom the other day.

And I was like, oh, my God. The only thing I was scared my mom would do is speak in tongues over my friends in high school so i wouldn't let them come around her would she do that i was well i told him like mom i don't want you to speak in tongues over them she's like i wouldn't do that i'm like if you thought god told you to you would and she was like yeah yeah wait no i'm not what made her shift into this holy roller was she always religious or was it a 180 no okay so it was the full opposite no she was walking up and down dickerson road in the playboy bunny outfit trying to get into a club when she was a teenager she was not i love you mom uh but she confessed her sins to our lord and savior jesus christ and he forgives us all you know so and uh she's dedicated her life to ministry

and she does nothing but help people and pray for them and um helps me and has always been there for me and we're super tight and i tease her all the time and okay good she taught me to be a good person you know so and she at that time she was into not lying so she taught me about not lying very early on that time like during that time when she was like she told me santa claus it wasn't real when i was four and a half she was like i feel bad that i've lied to you about this and she had me because okay do you remember the simpsons of course okay well i wasn't allowed to watch the simpsons no i don't know anything about it for you my mom wouldn't let me watch it she was just kind of kept me pretty sheltered okay and so because this was around that holy roller time

and so i remember one christmas waking up and there was that whoever what's the little sisters and baby's name the little baby okay there was that There was that doll there, and I was like, and I look at my mom, I'm like, Santa Claus brought this Simpsons doll. And she was like, I can't believe he did that. Like, acting mad. So I really believed Santa Claus was real, right? And then, like, a month later, she's like, God has laid it on my heart. She's like, God, God has laid it on my heart. Listen, Raelynn, this other imaginary bullshit is telling me to tell you that this other imaginary bullshit I've been telling you about is bullshit.

Amen. Oh, fuck. oh fuck well you know I'm like five four or five years old like this man so happy for a fucking four year old I mean all of it and you know it was me and my mom

you know so I'm like, okay. And she's like, we're not going to lie anymore. There's no Tooth Fairy. There's no Easter Bunny. There's no Santa. Oh, she unloaded all of them. Not one of them. She's just like, yeah.

I wish. Looking back, I should have been like, is there a God? You know? Yeah, right. Hey, hold on. Now, that one's real. That fake one's real. That fake one.

But not Santa, not the Tooth Fairy, not the Easter Bunny. Who else is out there? Who else did y'all have in your childhood? What do you think? Do you believe there's a God? For real? All jokes aside. All jokes aside.

I don't believe in what I've been taught. I believe there's definitely a higher thing going on and a power, energy, love, whatever the fuck you want to call it. But I don't believe in the God I was taught. I don't believe in the God I was taught. I don't believe in the story I was taught. I just believe there definitely is something bigger than us going on here for sure. I'm not sure what the fuck it is. Podcasting has changed my mind from, you know, first it was I grew up Catholic. So it was God, God, God.

And then I had this whole, you everyone's dying and i'm just like i don't know is this well god's got a plan i'm like well he clued me in on the fucking thing like this he just killed two people you know what i mean like did they know were they in all that shit and then i started struggling and then i would feel guilty if i didn't pray for all of my dead relatives and it was a laundry list every fucking night. And then finally I was like, you know what? Fuck this. I don't believe in it anymore.

I don't buy it. And then we had the episode with Steve Cantwell where I went from God struggling with whether this is or isn't to it isn't to then like this salvia trip he talks about in another parallel universe. And I'm like, maybe all of that isn't even right. The yes or no. Maybe it's this whole other fucking thing over here. So all I know is I don't know. Yeah.

But I know what I feel and think. Right. That's it. And then nobody knows. And anybody who claims they know. Yeah, don't listen to those people. Your mom knew. Your mom did she

knows what she feels yeah she knows jesus is real she was getting convicted about uh you know lying and so that was why she went through that but anyway i knew not to tell anyone at school and i was good and i was i was a really good child you know so she meets my stepdad we moved to atlanta do you know uh they were set up through a friend okay mutual friend not walking up and down the sidewalk and bunny outfits no that was when she was a teenager she's gonna kill me for saying that but whatever it's great uh so she's been, uh, forgiven. So that's an old Janet, not the new Janet. She's reborn. She loves her some Jesus. So where were we at?

Okay. So, um, my mom meets my stepdad, they get married and she moves us to Atlanta where he lives. And you're how old at this point? I am six. Okay. You're still very young. Still very young.

Dad's still around here or not here, but in Nashville. And we, you know, looking back on it now, I'm so upset that she took us so far away. It was four hours away, but still far away from my dad. And, um, but I've, i've learned to forgive her now but because i wasn't there i don't know what kind of danger we were in there i know my dad was getting in trouble a lot with drinking and driving and with other people involved with drugs i don't know what he was doing but i know there's stuff i don't know and I'm still asking people and trying to figure that out, actually. Before they all die. Before they all die, yeah. Yeah.

And so, okay, so Christmas, another Christmas story. I wake up on Christmas, and I walk into my mom's room, and my stepdad is, you know, consoling my mom. She's crying uncontrollably. I'm like, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? She wouldn't say what's wrong. I don't know if she couldn't.

My stepdad wasn't saying anything. I just kept saying it. What's wrong, mom? What's wrong? You know you hate it seeing when you're... Well, I hated seeing my mom cry. Hated it. She finally told me what happened.

And I just remember not really understanding. I didn't understand what that meant, that death, that he was gone. Permanent. I literally walked right back out and started playing with the toys that were left out for me from Santa Claus that morning. On Christmas morning, you find out your dad's dead. And you're what? Seven? Six?

Six. Seven. I was seven when he died. God, what a fuck. Is Christmas just shit for you now? Yes. Yes. And he actually died the eve of Christmas Eve.

So it was the... 23rd? Yeah. Or the early morning of the 23rd. So the 23rd sucks. Christmasmas eve so the 23rd sucks the the 24th sucks and the 25th sucks because that's when i found out about it but when i at the time i didn't really understand it how my brain dealt with it was oh my god my mom's gonna die so i did not want to be separated from her right and i'm gonna be alone yep and everyone around me is gonna die and i'm gonna be left alone

which is which makes me tear up because i know that's literally what you went through it is so my biggest fear is actually your life so I'm glad we're friends listen can I tell you something my biggest fear has been my life, too. Just saying. Mine, too. I couldn't go to school.

My mom was trying to tell me that the devil was telling me that. This is a lot going on here. We got Chris. Santa's not. You know what's funny? One, two years you you could have still had santa for two more years you know santa dad's gone everybody's gone no wonder you think everybody's gone i know this sounds crazy but in the bible belt this is does

not sound crazy okay but she i remember going to the school counselor when i'm seven years old in georgia and this lady writing down in a notebook right and i'm looking at her and saying just a picture this little girl you know looking at her i'm thinking of stella right now that age okay this lady well the devil's telling me that that he's gonna kill my mom so i need to be with her all the time in case he tries to kill her and i know he's lying to me and that god will protect my mom but the devil's lying to me and can you imagine a little girl saying that to you like no she probably was like okay and i'm like okay hang on a second somebody come get this pokerpit guy's bitch out of my office exactly exactly and to me i was telling the exact truth because it was what my mom told me you know

the devil's repeating it yeah the devil comes to steal kill and destroy he is telling you lies you know like all of this lucifer's the fallen angel he's here to you you know, all these things. So anyway, so I, I cry a lot. I'm sad. I have migraines. The migraines continue through six. This is going on. Yeah. And migraines continue all the way up through early teenager years, like 15.

I still can't stay on the night somewhere else without freaking out. I have to call my mom every hour it's ridiculous or i have to just go home she would just come get me you know and it all i didn't understand that it stemmed from my dad i did not connect it at the time i just thought a crazy crazy bitch i just you know everybody else was like why do you want to come to this leap over and i'm like oh you know i'll come for a little bit. Then I got to go home with my mom. Just knew she would die if I was away, which makes no sense. I mean, if I was there, she would have died. But then I don't know.

I think maybe because my dad was away when he died and I didn't see him before or after. You know, can we talk about that for a second? Yeah. Do you remember the last time you saw your dad or at least? The last time I remember seeing him was still in Nashville, not Georgia. But she said he did come with a girlfriend to Georgia once to visit and that we went to dinner. But I don't remember that. So in Nashville and I remember him bringing me and I still had it before the fire a little stuffed animal

that said guess who loves you on it I'm sorry you just dropped before the fire we're gonna get to that I guess but he gave me this little stuffed animal that i had for a really long time and it said guess who loves you on it so it was always cool to always have that and it was the last time i saw him and i remember hugging him and in the house and my mom that my mom has in madison tennessee has these steep stairs and mom wouldn't let him come in so we were just standing on the top of the stairs and he went to hug me and he kind of was wobbling i remember my mom like

like grabbing me and pulling me away just because he was probably a little drunk and then he leaves and police off police come so i don't know he was just kind of always in a little trouble i know there was this awesome judge that would get him out of trouble and he's still friends with papa willie he actually helped me with my divorce because my husband and I tried to do helpyourselfdivorce.com. But that doesn't work. That's a website?

Yeah. It doesn't work, though. Don't do it. Especially when you have three kids. What works better? What works better, your marriage or the website? We thought it was a good idea. It was an amicable split. We're like, oh only 200 bucks let's do this and how about we don't hate each other.com yeah that's a nice one

um okay i want to talk more about your dad so last time you see him it's this house is the house by the way i'm asking that uh your mom still owns yeah so that house that your father was in you could still go back in at some point if you wanted to ever just to see it. Yeah, and so my dad lived in this cabin out in Ridgetop, Tennessee, which is close to where I live now. And I just actually moved there last year out in this area. And it's where my grandpa's house was when he lived out in Tennessee too. So it's just an old cabin.

That's where my dad was found. He was found hung. So he was... And there were some strange things around it because he was completely naked, which automatically makes everyone think of autoerotic asphyxiation, which I never thought about until mid-20s or something. Until I learned about it. I didn't even know it was a thing until I saw Oprah or some shit. People were choking themselves out. Yeah. I don't even know it was a thing until I saw like Oprah or some shit. People were choking themselves out. Yeah, I don't under I don't understand it.

You know, I've never been into anything other, you know, just regular thing. But and but that's the thing. My mom said that my dad wasn't either. He was kind of a regular kind of he wasn't trying to do crazy shit. And he was never naked. Possess him in the bedroom. No, no, no. I'm not with her anyway and that he was never naked only in the shower never in bed even i mean like maybe when they

were fucking i guess but not you know he would immediately put some clothes on he wore long sleeve shirts in the summertime jeans so it's strange that he was naked if it wasn't auto erotic asphyxiation it may be some sort of humiliation thing, I guess, because there were some people that he was running with, some sort of motorcycle crowd that nobody really knows quite who they were. And it was a new crowd at the time. And we know that my grandpa had sent a lot of money in for Christmas that year and that was on the table and at one time and then wasn't there and there were liquor bottle bottles shot out at the house at the house yeah it looked like there was a party scene you know um one of his friends the first i went i was 18 i walked down to the willie nelson museum downtown nashville because i wanted to get a new bumper sticker because I had a bumper sticker that said, don't blame me.

I voted for Willie Nelson on it for a long time. That's great. That's great. And I got into a car accident and had another car and wanted to get another one for this car. So I walked down there and this guy who was my dad's friend was there. And he was like, hey, Raylan, hey, you want to know how your dad died? He was hanging up socks in the in the um says it like this yes immediately and i was like wait who are you what you know because i had walked down in there he immediately recognized me i was i didn't not know

who he was and he gave me this kind of weird story about how he um which is true my dad did like to tie nooses i told you he was this cowboy guy, right? And it was the thing back then. And he loved Texas and that kind of look. So he was tying, he loved tying nooses. So his story was that he had tied a noose, put it on his neck. Does this make any, like, it's so stupid. And then he was-

Buck naked, by the way. Oh, yeah. Remember, he's buck naked. So I'm just going to try this try my new knot out real quick. Yeah. And then was trying to hang his socks up in the loft and falls. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And somehow, miraculously, the rope just wraps around and catches and holds a grown man.

Yeah, like that's not happening. Nothing makes sense. Either he went up there and put himself up there or somebody put him up there. That's it. Yeah. There's no accidental fall on a rope is going to snag and catch and choke you naked. Yeah. And I don't I know there was some talk about it, but everything was cleaned up really quickly, you know, because they just thought it was suicide.

So they didn't even consider it being anything else do you or is there any thought from anyone in the family that he was a target because of who he was simply that i don't even bring it up to my family um your grandfather and shit like that i yeah i don't know i mean that sucks you don't even you can't bring it up or don't because that's your dad like forget that that's willie nelson's son and all that that's still whatever all that stripped away that's your father like i you know you have a right to know i will say that my dad's friends have said that my dad would get really low and really really drunk and that it was possible but i just feel like there would have been some sort of closure there if he had a plan to do it. You mean like a note or something?

You think he would have definitely let someone know? Yeah. Was he close to your grandfather? Were they close, like a father-son? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, on the bus and everything, he physically was close. And I don't even bring my dad up to my grandpa. I let my grandpa do that.

Does he? Does he ever talk about it? How does that feel when he talks about it? I mean, because that's – I'm just like – It's so hard. I'm getting emotional now thinking like, oh, my God, if Stella was gone, but I'm just talking to her daughter or son. I'm like, oh, God. Yeah, how do you do that?

That's the thing. Because every time I would see him, I could see pain and sadness in his eyes. And also when I saw him, it made me sad because my dad, he reminds me of my dad, you know? It smells like my dad around him. I bet it does. My dad would play the guitar to me. My dad had a lot of his cadence. A great song you could listen to is My Body's Just a Suitcase for My Soul.

He did this song with my grandpa. Now, the video was done in the 80s, early 90s, I think. He died in 91, so it had to be late 80s. And it's a weird video, he you can tell he has a cadence of him and singing and stuff so you know it's the same thing and i could never really tell him but i did write a song the only sad song that we wrote was daddy's grave and we can't we don't even do it at shows because it makes everyone so sad it makes me sad you know it takes three songs to get people dancing again and you know we're trying to have fun and you know we want people to leave happy not sad let's take a quick break and tell

you about our first sponsor ritual we deserve to know what we're putting in our bodies and why especially when it comes to something that we take every day rituals clean vegan friendly multivitamin is formulated with high quality nutrients and bioavailable forms your body can actually use. And what you won't find are sugars, GMOs, major allergens, synthetic fillers, and artificial colorants. Plus, the fresh taste and delayed-release capsule design makes taking your vitamins easy. Look, I take Ritual every day. I've got them on order. They get delivered right to my mailbox. And while I still can't taste that much, I can absolutely taste the minty freshness in my Ritual daily vitamins. I was looking for something that didn't have sawdust and table salt and everything else in the damn thing.

And Ritual is the best. I'm telling you. It's a multivitamin, and it should contain key nutrients in the form your body can actually use to help fill gaps in the diet there's no shady extras all right rituals delayed release capsule design delivers high quality nutrients including vitamin d3 and just two daily pills rituals made traceable so you always know what nutrients you're taking and where they come from thanks to rituals one of a kind visible supply chain it's now available for women, men, and teens. Ritual multivitamins are scientifically developed to help support different stages in life. Ritual makes healthy habits easy

and your multivitamins are delivered to your door, like I said, every month with free shipping always. You can start, snooze, or cancel your subscription anytime. And if you don't love Ritual within your first month, they'll refund your first order. All right? Get key nutrients without the BS. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first three months. Visit ritual.com slash honeydew to start your ritual today. Our next sponsor is Raycon. No matter how you're feeling about getting back out there, there's no denying it's an adjustment. So when the world gets too loud, something I love to do is create my own soundtrack by popping in my Raycon wireless

earbuds. Sometimes you need some upbeat music to pump you up before you see people or to stay calm with some guided meditation. All right. First of all, you know, I'm listening to the honeydew on my Raycons, but I've been walking a lot of it, walking these parks a lot lately, getting outside, losing weight. And I just hit playlist and I listen to anything that makes me feel good. I'm out there thinking about positivity and how great life is right now, man. And my Raycons take me there, okay? And Raycons are the best way to listen. They've got a bunch of gel tips for your comfort. Unlike some other brands, they don't stick out of your ears. Raycons have a 32-hour battery life, so you can listen to what you want, when you want, for a really long time.

They start at half the price of other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good. And Raycons come with a 45-day happiness guarantee, so you really can't lose. Give them a try. You'll see what I mean. Create your own soundtrack right now with Raycon. Honeydew listeners can get 15% off your Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash honeydew. That's buyraycon.com slash honeydew to save 15% on Raycons. Buyraycon.com slash honeydew.

Our next sponsor is Babbel. When you're traveling to a destination where you don't know the language, it can be challenging to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. All right. I was in Mexico recently. I think it was March, April, somewhere in there. And I took Spanish class in like eighth grade. You know what I mean? And I still remember things like cacahuates. You know, some of the stuff stands out, zapatos, casetines, things like that. But I would hear a word here, a word there, you know, Segura speaks fluent Spanish. My daughter's starting to learn already. And I was like, man, I got to learn this. So I had actually

subscribed to Babbel before Babbel came on board, as a matter of fact, and I am a happy customer. I'm taking my Spanish every day. I really like it. They give you these reviews because once you do it and then you review it, at least for me, it helps you learn more. Thankfully, Babbel is out there. They are the number one selling language learning app. Through Babbel's bite-sized lessons, you'll learn new language skills you can actually use in the real world from greetings, menus, and directions to gaining a deeper understanding of the culture. Babbel is a travel essential, all right? Babbel's 15-minute lessons make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go. Other language learning apps use AI for their lesson plans, but Babbel lessons were created by over 100 language

experts, and their teaching method has been scientifically proven to be effective. With Babbel, you can choose from 14 different languages, including Spanish, French, Italian, and German. Plus, Babbel's speech recognition technology helps you to improve your pronunciation and your accent. There are so many ways to learn with Babbel. In addition to lessons, you can get access to podcasts, games, videos, stories, and even live classes. Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel. All right. Right now, when you purchase a three-month Babbel subscription, you'll get an additional three months for free. That's six months for the price of three. Just go to Babbel.com and use promo code Honeydew. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com, code Honeydew.

Babbel language for life. Now, let's get back to the do. But I was able to write that song and get a lot of things out. That was that brought some healing through the family because I was able to see I did perform it at a show shows for a while and he got to see me do it. And afterwards it came up. He said, I just want you to know your dad would be really proud of you. Man. And that was probably the best moment. Right.

I had a bittersweet moment where I was back in Maryland for just vacation and Tom was coming in to do Baltimore the day I was leaving. He's like, Ryan, you can't leave. And I had Stella and I was like like i dude i got we've been here for i can't remember how many days like i gotta get back he's like you can't you can't miss this i'm doing the fucking modell the lyric is what it was called and um back in the and that's like a bucket list theater if you want to perform in baltimore you know and i was like fuck i go all right 10 things need to line up but if i can can get them done, it's happening. And they all did. And I got to do that theater.

And then one of my best friends from back home, Shannon, came up to me. And he knew my dad and my grandmom so well. And he's like, your dad and grandmom would be so fucking proud. And I was just like, oh. And that's like, I love what I do. But I also hate that the people I love and who are really responsible for me being here don't even get to fucking see it or hear it or feel it or touch it, taste it, none of it. You don't think they're watching somewhere? What do you think?

I mean, it depends on what universe we're in. Or do you think it's reincarnated? What if they're not even my parents? I might be in this universe. I don't know. Do I think that – listen, this is what I think. I think that these people is what I think I think that these people literally died

for me they were the best people in my life and I owe it to them like I can't this podcast they're alive because of my comedy they stay alive in my world like my daughter can go listen to a ton of shit about her grandfather and

great grandmother and all that stuff so I really like the fact that there are these archives. Posterity. Yeah, that are here and stay. I think we make a real difference on this show, I think. I agree. So I believe they're present. You know, I'm a big – 11-11 is a big number for me. And every time I see it, I just,

I mean, I went home to, I was back home doing a show and I, you know, I don't drink a ton, but this one night I just tied one on

and my buddy took me to my grandmom's house and she had, in Baltimore, they have the brick row homes. It's just this little white, like, almost like a paint stripe

and it's got the numbers going up, like 1111. And I'm sitting there just looking at it in front of her house and she had died and we've got kicked out and all this shit. And I, he had a shovel, a little like military shovel in the back of his Jeep.

And I ran up to that fucking house. I don't even know who lived there. And I, I have my feet on that wall and I was prying that shit out of that fucking wall and I got it. And I fucking took it to my place. You were at my place. It's above my front door leave.

And I repainted it and touched it up nice. And that's my little touching on the way into the stadium. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That's little shit I do. So I believe they're here, but I believe they're here because I've kept them alive through my art,

comedy, whatever. So I feel their presence nonstop. So that's why I feel like yes to answer that question yeah you know um my dad i know he hated star fuckers that were just around just because of that right my grand yeah uh gold digging ladies you hated it. He could see them coming from a mile away. He hated it. So I know that had to be hard trying to spend time with your dad. And also, I know he was really proud of Papa Willie.

I know that, you know. Of course. But, yeah, so it's just sad. I guess it was – it's very bad. Your dad's going to live a life that no one else is – you know what I mean? Like very few people live a life like that. I'm sure that's crazy difficult also with all the fucking success and greatness that comes with it is that. The fucking leeches and the scumbags and the thieves and roaches and shit.

And at 16, that's happening to him. I mean, I think about my life at 16. And we're going to ask you about that at the end um but i'm parentless and your dad's the opposite but man what's coming in his way with the drugs and everything all that shit how are you going to keep a 16 year old clean and sober you know that's the age where you want to start fucking drinking, doing all of it. And you got it all right there. Yeah. All of it right there.

God. Yeah. And not much adult supervision. And it was the 80s, too. I mean, late 70s, 80s. You know, that's some hard drugs that were coming out that people didn't understand that they were bad. You know, they just thought it was like weed.

Did you know there was something like called caffeine water? Now? No, no, no. Oh, weed. Did you know there was something called caffeine water? No, no, no. Oh, no. Then, when speed was a big thing, they would put caffeine in water. Apparently, there were just cases of that around the crew, the family and the crew. Richard Pryor's got one of the best jokes about it. He's just one of these quiet ones that's so good, but he's talking about people like a junkie in his family

or an uncle or something he's like man i ain't addicted to cocaine i've been doing this shit for 20 years you know what i mean like what do you mean i know what i do i ain't addicted to it microdose coke yeah i've never done cocaine and i never want to just because i know what my dad you know just some stories that my dad my he there's some cool stories about my dad like because he was willie nelson's son he i remember he wanted to a story goes that he wanted to get a six-pack and the gas station was, so he just drove his truck into it, into the gas station. Like, broke the glass?

Yeah, yeah. Got out, grabbed the six-pack, just the six-pack, laid money down for the six-pack, got in his truck, and left. And just, you know, it was a small town. Everybody knew it was him and knew that probably would pay for it.

Like, what would you do if you were 16 17 and you had that lifestyle you just it's not even real it's not even real yeah i don't understand it i didn't get that my mom kept me very sheltered so i had a semi-normal life you know it was different that i would go see my grandpa you know and was your mom and her family um were they musical musicians at all? No. Not at all. Nobody on my mom's side.

Do you feel obligated to be a musician because of – and was your dad? Your dad, you said played guitar, but did he actually perform and stuff too or was he just musically inclined? Yeah, he tried in Nashville, but they told him no, which my grandpa – they told my grandpa no. Yeah. And then he got out of nashville and i told you this is why i relate to like i love the outlaw country shit i love that nashville told all these guys no and they were like all right well then fuck you and they went and fucking did it themselves their way took a lot longer and i really relate to that shit you know yeah that's why it's called

outlaw country because the you know the people who are running things are saying, this isn't going to work, you know, no. You sound like, to my grandpa, your voice is crap. We like your songs, and you play great, but no. And he was like, well, I'll just go and found some guys in New York, and they did Red-Hatted Stranger then, and they let him do his thing. What's your favorite William Nelson song?

I love Still is Still Movin' to Me. You know that one? I love that one. I like Always on My Mind. Oh, that one just kills me. He didn't write that one though. That's okay. Still, he sings the shit out of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did make it popular and Elvis tried. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know popular. And Elvis tried. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I bet you he's got great stories he must fucking have. Are you going to have him on your podcast?

My grandpa? Yeah. I don't ask him to do anything because he does so much. And I just don't want to bother him. He's 88. Like, shouldn't you just live your life and do what you want? He's going to. Yes, and be left alone.

And I try not to bother him. We shouldn't you just live your life and do what you want? He's going to. Yes, and be left alone. And I try not to bother him. We shouldn't have smoked weed. So, I'm glad we smoked weed. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, I was going to say, you don't do cocaine or anything, but we certainly smoked plenty of weed this weekend. I'll do one hits all day long. I like to microdose weed, but here in California, when you

can just buy... Dog walkers. Dog walkers. Best. I smoke dog walkers all day long. Walk your dog out around the block and just, you know, rip three of them. I call them... Just take a joint, you know what I mean? I don't know why I get joints. I'm smoking three of these motherfuckers.

Call them little doggies. I'm going to get a cup and go walking. Remember I saw the first day and a half I was here, there were two homeless people. I was like, what is this? All you comedians in LA, all on your podcast, oh, the homeless is so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. I saw two.

And I get to your house. I'm like, Ryan, what is this? Why are you all trying to lie to people and say that there's homeless people here and you're like no you just didn't go to the right spot the next day went to the right spot because it's just tent after tent after tent after tent i'm like okay well i guess you're right yeah it's pretty wild it's pretty bad it's fucking bad um what are you to do about that? I'm not going to do anything. We'll talk to Councilwoman Lana Negrete about that shit, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay. We talked about your favorite song. I want to talk a little more about, like, you know, let's talk about getting married. Like, you lost your dad early. So who was, who would you say was your stepfather, a male role model in your life or not really like that? We weren't that tight then, but he's always been good to me, you know, and, uh, good to my mom, which is most important and accepted me as his own. And when he didn't have to, you know,

and accepted me as his own and when he didn't have to you know just because he loved her and he's i i love hanging out with him now he's one of my best friends now and he's at my house in nashville right now fixing our band van you know oh that's awesome so you know i tease about not having a dad but he but also he mellowed out and in the last 10 years before that he was very stressed out about money or just making sure everything was done right. And we went to church and just strict, you know. But all of his kids are grown up and he's very close to retirement age. He's just mellowed out.

I guess that kind of is what happens in your old age. Hopefully. Don't you just want to chill on the way out? Yeah. Yeah. And I guess you learn that it kind of just taking it as it comes is easier than trying to manage, micromanage everything. But also the older you get, you can reflect on your experience and be like, okay, I've been through some horrible shit. This ain't that bad.

We just rear-ended somebody and everybody's okay. Who gives a fuck? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, whatever. I stress about less these days with that kind of shit yeah i get worried that i'm gonna have to pee really bad and then that situation happens and then you're stuck there having to pee and then they come and get you and you're like listen listen i really got i peed after we hit

this this accident didn't make me piss myself i peed after we hit only because i had to go they're like nah she peed herself like poor only because I had to go. They're like, nah. She peed herself. Poor lady hit this guy so hard she pissed herself. I'm like, no, I didn't. I had to go. Every single time I have to pee in traffic, I think I'm like, great, this is the time. I'm going to get stuck in traffic.

Have you peed in your car before? Yeah, a ton of times. I did it five or six times over COVID because everything was shut down. I keep that little potty, like a little portable toilet in the back for Stella. And so she could just sit and pee in a little bag. And I just got the whole hatchback and we just shut it and she just sits in there and pees in it. But there's times where I'm like, I'm driving from here to Pasadena in the old days when it took you an hour and a half. I wouldn't, I'd pull over, I'd climb in the back seat and just pee in the back.

I pee in her pee bag. I can't piss myself before the show. I don't have another pair of pants. You know what I mean? I'm driving to perform. I can't piss or shit myself. You have to pee in her thing. I pee in the pee bag.

I get in the back. I climb in the back. I do it. pee bag. Yeah. And I get in the back. I climb in the back and I do it. And then people see me coming out of the back of the car. And I'm the only one exiting the vehicle. What the fuck does this guy do? I do it a lot. And when do you get rid of the pee? Does it just sit there?

Do you get rid of it right then? I got the little rubber floor mats. I tie it up tight. It doesn't leak. I leave it on the rubber floor mat. And then when I get to a trash can or a dumpster, I deposit it properly. Yeah. Hey, when I was driving

JB to the airport today, this girl threw panties outside on the 110 outside of it. I am not lying. She threw panties out? He goes, what was that? I was like, that was panties. He goes, panties?

Panties? Why, what was that? I was like, that was panties. He goes, panties? Panties? Pete, why would somebody do that? What's the point? I don't know. I mean, maybe they just, maybe they were. How was that getting, there was like little thongs. They couldn't be taking up that much room in there. Did it have to go out? Yeah, like out the window.

What did you get on there that you needed to get it out? Quick. Because it smelled bad? Maybe. Did you shit on it? But I got a feeling like if your panties smell bad, everything else still smells bad. You didn't solve the problem. You just relocated it. Oh, my God. Okay.

California. Let me reset us here because I want to talk. You lob this fucking comment out about a fire. What? Okay. You said I lost everything. I mean, this was just a few years ago. So it was New Year's Day.

So it was not New Year's Eve. So we were Christmas holiday season. Listen, I want you to know for me to my father died during the Thanksgiving time. And so Thanksgiving and Christmas for me is like, I want you to know for me too. My father died during the Thanksgiving time. And so Thanksgiving and Christmas for me is like, I'm glad I have Stella to make Christmas exciting because it's just, you know, you know, that's how it is for me. Yeah. Do you guys have seasons here? Does it change in the fall? Well, I mean, we, you know, they tell us when it's fall.

Okay. Like fall today. Y'all they tell us when it's fall. Okay. Like, fall today. All right. Y'all don't have leaves falling or anything? No, there's no leaves changing and shit here. Well, that happens in Nashville, right? Yeah, it's beautiful. And, well, whenever that starts happening, like as soon as it's overcast for four or five days in a row and then those leaves start changing, that feeling.

I won't say depressed because it's i refuse to be depressed you just you have to just uh what i've learned is consume your life with laughter and make everything funny you know in order to get through this whatever this shit is right but uh soon as fall hits i'll feel that gloom start coming on and i'll just get like a little bit kind of like when you're about to start your period you know just a little bit bitchy and i and i have to remember oh it's fall and this is what happens and i have to reset you know just reset and be like nope this you know why this is this way it's just this poor little girl inside that still like what happened to my dad why didn't he come back you know and this is this way it's just this poor little girl inside that still like what

happened to my dad why didn't he come back you know and not understanding i still don't understand where he is i don't get it i used to i remember sit there thinking like what is this how are we able to do this what is inside of me what is me where did my dad go i don't till it scared me so much that i was like i gotta watch to watch Sesame Street, you know? You're so young. Those are questions some six-year-olds not supposed to be asking. I know, but I remember I would think about it so hard and be like, what is it? It would scare me.

It still kind of scares me. What is this, you know? How are you, you talking to me right now? And you can feel this energy, you know? You can feel energy like, what is that? What is, you know how are you you talking to me right now and and you can feel this energy you know you can feel energy like what is that what is you know and so as a child like that you're getting this anxiety it's just oh yeah uh and it it uh physically came out through headaches and um i would throw up when i would have these migraines and stuff and then finally my mom was like i think you need to talk about what's going on and finally

i would just kind of open up to her and say i'm scared you're gonna die i want to stay right i couldn't say that to her but that's when i finally did we figured it out the headache stopped you know and just okay headache stopped i still didn't want to go spend the night only very few times did i even have to because she would go out of town or something with my stepdad but uh it all got better but so wait how do we get when we're talking about the fire yeah how did we get here i don't know where you went but i'm still waiting here here we go i'm gonna get there i'm still over here my Okay, so this is just four years ago. 2016, and it's New Year's Day.

That's why. That's why. I said that whole Christmas time is shit. And then we went back into when I was a kid. Okay, thank God it was you who did that. It was me. Okay, so 2016, I go to sleep that night. The kids are in bed. So real quick, you have how many children?

Let me back up a little bit so i have twin boys they are 14 now and i have a little girl that is 11 okay so i got married when i was very young because my mom didn't want me living with my boyfriend out of wedlock that's literally why i got married i didn't want her to be my boyfriend out of wedlock. That's literally why I got married. I didn't want her to be disappointed, you know. But got pregnant pretty quickly and not on purpose. It just happened. And then he has 10 sets of identical twins in his family. No way. Yeah.

And we didn't know. 10 fucking sets? And he supposedly didn't know. How the hell do you not know 10 sets? You're supposed to tell somebody that before you get them pregnant uh so anyway uh we got the best ones and um and by the way we co-parent really well and it was an amicable split and his uh wife now is totally awesome i told you i think i prayed for her because she she meets all the things i like, please let him find someone with big boobs, big butt. She loves football.

She likes to cook and stay home. She hates seeing. She doesn't want to be in front of anyone. And she loves my kids. Yeah. And that is her. And your mom prayed for a man and you prayed for a fucking stepmom. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

And you know, him and I have talked about it. We're like, we were just so spiteful to each other that we can't, there's no way we could ever be more than just friends, but we do co-parent our kids together and there's,

it's not perfect, but you know, it's, we try our best. Okay. So he's living, like not even a mile away. I'm living in the house.

I go to sleep. The kids are up with me. And in the middle of the night, I kind of wake up and I can see reflections of fire on my bedroom wall. And I'm like, what? Is that fire? You know? And I get up and I look down the hallway and my daughter's room is in flames. Holy shit. And there's no smoke detectors going off or anything? I had taken them down to paint and my daughter's room is in flames. Holy shit.

And there's no smoke detectors going off or anything? I had taken them down to paint and did not put them back up. No. Oh, my God. How did I wake up? I have no idea. So I run into her room and ran through the fire. I didn't feel any burns on my feet.

The fire. No. Didn't feel anything on my feet until like an hour later okay but ran through the fire burnt my feet uh my daughter's not in there i'm looking around and i scream vivian and she yells at me from my room and i run to my room on the way i stop and yell in the boys room boys get up the house is on fire i'm yelling screaming go get her she's pretty young at the time so this was in 2016 so she was 2009 she was under 10 you know she's like six or seven the boys are like nine and um so I grab her I pick her up grab my lap it's the strangest things you grab in these moments

right grabbed my laptop and run out the boys are right behind me I get them out to the deck I'm like you guys stay right here. My sister is living down in the mother-in-law suite of this house with her roommate. And I'm screaming at them. They're coming. The cats. I could see two cats running. My sister gets the dog.

And I'm like, oh, I need to get my wallet. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever go back into a house that's on fire. Ever. I knew this. But how bad is it now? Is it like. Call it. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever go back into a house that's on fire. Ever. I knew this. How bad is it now? All I could see was that it was not yet. It hadn't filled with smoke yet because I got stuck in that.

So I go back in and all of a sudden, I mean, it wasn't very long. The hallway kind of did this T thing, you know. So I go and all of a sudden I'm running into walls and can't see anything it was just like that and uh i was like oh shit where am i you know and then i remember being a little kid at davidson academy in nashville tennessee and the fireman comes in to tell you about safety and fires and all this and he said if you ever get caught in smoke get low right Right. And I remembered that in that moment. So I got low. I had my phone with me because I was on the phone with the fire department anyway, or the dispatch of 911. So I pull instinctively, pull my phone out,

flip up the iPhone thing, hit my flashlight. Cause you think if you're, if you can't see something, you hit your flashlight on your phone right i do that and pull up and thank god in front of me was my guest bedroom like a spare room i wasn't even going for that by the way i was opposite way and you didn't know you really didn't know that right i was trying to go to my room to get my money because i was like i got to get my money and so uh it's weird these things that you want to i did not think about grabbing my guitar or weed or cigarettes i would just stand there crying

but then yeah i couldn't breathe in there then i realized i couldn't breathe i see the bed bed spread i realized where i was it happened at like 115 so everyone's asleep everyone's asleep yeah i like six months when we moved back like a year later the neighbor who lived next door she was like yeah we saw your house on fire just flames we were like oh no i'm like why the fuck did you not call somebody crazy lady anyway we don't live there anymore you're by the guest bedroom i see that we're in the spare bedroom i i'm like okay i know where i am i can crawl myself and i did i crawled myself and just start coughing like crazy so uh get out we all get out to the van. Luckily, I parked my van in the garage and kept the keys in it. So it was the furthest thing away from where the fire happened.

And we just go and watch it burn and then watch the firemen try to save it. So everything was smoke damage, water damage, or burnt, gone. Yeah, so people don't – you don't realize that even if the fire makes it that water shit they're powering on it's probably gonna ruin your shit anyway no and smoke damage terrible so and a funny thing is a friend of mine had kept her she lost her dad to suicide too and she had kept a lot of her stuff at my house i don't mean to laugh but she lost a lot of that stuff in the fire right i did too by the way i lost all my shit but she was on this netflix show i will not say what it is but in this netflix show she keeps talking about this that she lost

her dad stuff that she lost to a fire and it was like the sympathy getting all the sympathy for me that was my fucking fire you're talking your house my house and by the way oh we lived you know and my kids getting them out and the animals and my dad's stuff too by the way and all of my shit yeah you lost that little stuff bear or was it a bear it was like a mouse it was a pink mouse i don't know where he got that burned up it's probably the dollar store or something yeah everything pretty much burned up. It was probably like the dollar store or something. Yeah, everything pretty much burned up. My mom's wedding dress that I had in there. I was going to say, what do you miss the most?

Right now, if you could have one thing. You know those favorite pair of jeans? It's that, you know? I lost my favorite pair of jeans. It's not the TV and all the other bullshit. Favorite pair of jean shorts, too. I remember those. And the radio station shirt that my mom had from where she met

my dad like little yeah but honestly personal keepsake stuff here's something cool after that happened when a fire happens you know everything's gone but your insurance covers everything and then you get to start again and it was almost this like this was the house that I lived in with my husband. And now I get to pick a whole different house because they just redid it all. And I sold that house and made money on it. And even after it was burned? No, after they fixed it up. Okay. I was like, who the fuck bought a burnt townhouse for over asking price? Willie Nelson's great.

You got a burnt one? You got a burnt one? You got a burnt one? All right. No. But yeah, so anyway, I'm not in there anymore, but that's the fire story. And I actually put out a,

I called iPhone and thanked them for saving my life, for having that flashlight on there. And the lady, customer service lady was like, well, okay. We don't get these kind of customer service lady was like well okay we don't get these kind of calls i was like well is there a what's the best way to do it should i just make

a video and put it on youtube and tag it she was yeah maybe you're gonna write a letter and i was like who's writing letters nobody's writing letters no but yeah writing letters? No. But yeah, so the iPhone, I can owe my life to the iPhone flashlight. You really believe that if you didn't have that flashlight, you're not fine in your way? I wouldn't have seen it. I wouldn't have seen where I was. Wow. Because you thought you were going the other way. I thought I was in the hallway still.

That's scary as fuck. And you got all the animals out, everybody and everything made it. That's awesome. And I learned, you know, material stuff does not matter. It really doesn't. Did you find out what started the fire? A lamp caused the fire. My mom, back to my mom, she had this hot pink 80s lamp that had been in a closet.

And she gave it to my daughter because my daughter loved pink. And that night, I mean, my son even came and asked me, hey, mom, is it okay if I turn on this lamp for Viv? And I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Thanks for asking. And it was left on. And I think she jumped down from bed in the middle of the night because I thought she was in her room. And I think when she ran across the floor to me that it jostled the lamp in some way and it fell over. She might have seen it fall over in the middle of the night, but she was sick. She was Stella's

age, just half asleep because she had gotten in bed with me. Thank goodness. I think that's happened or the cats could have knocked the lamp off. Either way, the lamp falls off. It breaks the light bulb. It's just an old lamp and there was a towel laying right there that led right to the

wood door. I'm just glad I woke up, right? Because the stories you hear. No smoke detectors. All of you could have died. I have a little bit of, and I have all kinds of respect for people who have been in war and have real PTSD. So I'm using that phrase very lightly. I just don't know how better else to say it.

But I feel like I have a little bit of PTSD from that night because I can't go to sleep without listening to a comedy podcast. For real? Every night? Every night. Because I think about that night and any little thing that could have gone wrong. What if the spare bedroom wasn't in front of me? I didn't notice where I was. I would have died. What if I didn't get the boys out or get get fit i mean all any any bad scenario of that night pops into my head or what if the smoke alarm doesn't work tonight you know just so i just have to have my brain on something else to fall asleep and the podcasts are the best way so i'm not watching something necessarily you know and it keeps your brain on something light and fun. So you co-parent well now.

Yes. And does your daughter know she might have burnt the house down? She doesn't. Don't tell her, Ryan. I mean, is she ever going to listen to this? We'll fast forward through this part. Y'all put a little something up on the screen so I know to fast forward. No, she'll be fine.

She'll be fine. Man, that's terrible. But the cool thing is you get to rebuild. I get what you're saying. Like, this wasn't even my shit. And now, boom, you get to restart and rebuild and do it your way. He was a University of Tennessee fan, so the entire rec room was UT Orange. Do you know what UT Orange looks like?

It's so bad. The entire room. This was a 985 square foot room. Neon orange. Is his big titty football fan, new wife, Tennessee fan? You wouldn't believe. She has a Christmas tree dedicated to UT. Is it orange or white?

It's white with orange ornaments. All the ornaments. Yes. She named their dog Neely after Neely Stadium, which is where they play. Nuh-uh. I'm telling you, she's the perfect one for him. Perfect. He always loves big tits and big butts and stuff.

And I was always trying to get skinny, you know? So I'm telling you, they were meant to be. They were meant to be. But anytime we get together, we all have family dinners all together sometimes. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. And the kids really love it when we all get together and hang out. And they like his wife?

They love her, yeah. How did you feel about that at first? Were you okay with that? I loved her. He had a couple of relationships before that they were not nice. One of them actually showed up at one of my shows with a friend, and I don't think she knew I was playing at the five spot. She just happened to be there because it's a trendy spot and then after the show i went up and i was like what do you think and she goes i really liked that rebecca girl that sang

right to my face right to my face and that's when i knew oh you've been fake when we've been talking every time before because i that was the first time i'd seen her out without the kids or scott being right there so then from then on it was just kind of i was just i didn't talk to her and but this one and then the first one didn't really she was my boy said that she not that maybe that that she liked my daughter more than them and that bothered me so she's not okay in my book that was the other one so i started i really did i started praying like i need for me to be okay with all of this i need this perfect woman let her and i just started i want her to have big boobs, big butt.

I want her to be blonde, you know, southern girl. I mean, she is. She's everything. Wants to cook out all the time and do yard work. I'm down for the cookout, but you can have it. I'll cut your grass on a ride and mow over it. That's it. Scott loves yard work.

I don't get it. But, yeah, it's not the life that I necessarily – I wanted to go play music. And I always have wanted to go play music. Anytime I'd bring it up, he'd be like, you know. And the beginning of the end of that was the night that he told me that I couldn't wear a midriff shirt. And I was like, wait a minute. I'm an adult, and I can't – and my dad's dead. I can – And my dad's dead. can't and my dad's i have one dad he's dead you're not allowed to tell me i can't wear a midriff shirt

and uh and i didn't you know because i didn't when i started thinking like i don't want to live my life worried about somebody else's feelings well that's control you know fuck that too like fuck your feelings you're also like i'm not living under your control what are you talking about yeah and i know that he he's probably he doesn't do that to her now i don't think you know but she doesn't want to wear crop tops either well those big titties aren't gonna you know come out of that she don't need crop those titties will pull that shirt up you're gonna see her belly. That's great. I did make him get a vasectomy before we got here.

On accident. On accident. I knew I was on my way out, but he definitely got the vasectomy. You encouraged it? Well, it was the plan. I was already kind of trying.

We were already in therapy and when i went to thank god she didn't throw me under the bus but the therapist i looked i was like i need out of this i need you to help me out of this and uh she said you know when you were 19 hold on i might have just thrown myself under the bus you just threw yourself under the fucking honeysuckle rose, girl. Dude, you know how you go in once and then he goes in and then you go in together? You tried to have it like this. Oh, yeah. I was like, look, let's bro down here.

Connect with me. I do not want to be married anymore. Please help me get out of this. What's the right way? We have kids. I want to be. I didn't because I didn't want any fighting. You know, you're not in there saying he's a piece of shit.

I'm not sure. And she said, when you were 19 and you got married, nobody, you didn't go through counseling for someone to walk you through if you should or not shouldn't get married. But now you have me. So let me walk walk you through should or shouldn't you get divorced and that made sense you know so i was like okay so then i was like i'll listen you know but then we did and i was like i still want out i'm not okay without wearing crop tops yeah i mean and there was more than that but you know i wanted to do music i wanted to do more than just be at home being at home i i couldn't just be at home all the time anymore i just quit nursing the babies you know i was like i can get out a little bit more

yeah but i also homeschool my kids too yeah the whole time you have my boys went to kindergarten and actually went to college for elementary education so it's not you know we're not like just watching sesame street for school but they went to kindergarten and then the next year we started homeschooling we found a program called classical conversations and it basically teaches them through song every subject and we connected with that. And you meet with the community once a week. So it's kind of school, but once a week school, meet with a tutor, learn the stuff, go back.

So I've been able to – basically the kids and I have grown up together is how it's been. And I remember looking – when – It's interesting. Can I say this? Like it's your dad grew up with his dad in a different environment on a bus and sort of like you've kept your kids around you the same way. Do you think that part of your trauma is homeschooling, keeping your kids around because you're scared like you were when you were a mom that they're going to go? Yeah, I don't want them to leave the nest. I'll leave the nest and they stay at the house all the time so I can know that they're safe. You know?

Now my biggest fear is losing them. Of course. I mean, you're a dad, you know. Yes. Yes. You go from nothing to losing. And you're a great dad, by the way. That's nice.

Thank you. I don't even have a dad, so I don't even know. I've seen you and I know you're a good dad. Thank you. That is what a good dad is. That means a lot. Thank you very much. And my stepdad's great.

I just say that to people. And Stella loves you. I got pictures of you guys hanging out together the other night. I know. She asks about you. Good. I'll see her before I leave town again. You'll see her, yeah.

Where were we at? We're just about wrapped up, to be honest, because I want to ask you, going back to everything we've talked about now, what advice you would give your 16-year-old self? Oh, don't get married in three years. That is it. Don't get married. Wait until after you're 35 to get married. Well, I mean, because you can still have babies. It's just we can own property.

I went through this with you the other day. I'm a woman. I can own property. I can vote. I don't need a husband. I don't need a man. I am my own husband. I can do it.

I have YouTube videos that show me how to do shit. You don't need parents. You don't need husbands. You got YouTube. I got YouTube. As long as the internet's working yeah i wish i had youtube when i didn't have parents i did learn how to tie a tie on youtube yeah yeah well i don't have a dad to ask how to tie a tie you know shit like that like i had a friend asked me he's like who taught you how to like have a good steak i was like nobody who taught

you how to i was like you just got to go in and they tell you how you should have it cooked. And then you learn. Oh, this is how people like steak. I was like, nobody. Who taught you how to grill? Nobody. Who taught you how to do it? Nobody.

Just like trial and error. You just did everything on your own. Like everyone else that would learn how to do shit that didn't have somebody show it to them. Like, what do you mean? How did I learn how to do this? Just learn. I mean, if you want, I can i can grill them good at grilling yeah it's you're an amazing person though most people like you should be angry and mean and you know just bitter and i'm listen

i'm not this person all the fucking time i'm not overall an angry bitter person no i'm not i was in my 20s i was uh i wouldn't say I was bitter, but I was definitely fucking angry. Yeah. And I still have a chip on my shoulder. It'll never go away. I won't let it go away. It's it's what's it's what's OK. Your biggest fear in life is my life. That chip on my shoulder has been what's protected me and got me to where I am. So I know that it's not the best thing to have. So I have to find this balance of like, all right, you got to let some shit go and you got to be cool about some shit and you got to change about some shit. But also there's a reason you're here and why you're here

and don't forget where the fuck you come from. You know what I mean? Because look, we, you hear these people talk about like they were poor and then they were rich and then right back down you know what i mean like it life is not one thing and yeah i don't know it's it's been oh that's my that's my time to smoke weed that's my car alarm um thank you thank you for doing this thank you for being here. You're the best. We're going to the comedy store tonight. Yeah. Okay.

Will you, again, plug everything you want to plug, please? Music is Funny podcast, which Ryan is a guest on, so go check that one out. And it's musicians talking to comedians about music and comedy. Check out Raylan Nelson Band. Thanks. Thank you. You're the best. This is awesome. Thank you so much. As always,

Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week. you