The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Ryan Sickler with Guest Host Daniel Van Kirk - HoneySickler

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Daniel Van Kirk guest hosts The HoneyDew as Ryan Sickler Highlights the Lowlights of his near-death experience and what it was like spending a month in the hospital. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW for 20% off your first order

Hey guys, big announcement. My special Lefty's Son will be dropping Wednesday, April 5th on my YouTube. It's free. Go watch it, support it, like it, subscribe. I shot it here in LA in December at the Dynasty Theater and I'm really proud of it. So go check it out. April 5th, Wednesday, Lefty's Son on my YouTube. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pass Studios. I am Ryan Sickler,

ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the love. Thank you for the support. Thank you for all the love and support of this show. I'm telling you, subscribe. Please, if you're watching, hit it up. It helps us out. And also, keep an eye out for my new special

Lefty Sun coming out, working on it in post right now. Probably be a couple of weeks, but don't worry, I'll be hyping the hell out of it. Just wanted to give you all a heads up now. And if you've got to have more than you got to check out the Patreon, all right? It's called the Honeydew with y'all. And every week I say it, and every week I am literally blown away by the stories I hear, the submissions that come in. It's five bucks a month. You're getting audio, you're getting video, you're getting a honeydew a day early, you're getting it ad-free, all for five bucks a month. Dates, we're going into this easy now. I'm starting to

go back on tour, but not till late May because I got this whole lung situation, which we're about to get into here shortly. May 26th and 27th, I'll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana. June 23rd and 24th, I'll be up in Tacoma, Washington. July 7th and 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin. July 21st and 22nd, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Probably going to swing by Eskimo Joe's, you know what I'm saying? Now, you guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. unfortunately today that's going to be me so i'm going to introduce my guest host ladies and gentlemen please welcome back to the honeydew daniel van kirk welcome back to the honeydew young man i play good to see you good to see you good

to see you literally um all right before we get into everything that we're going to talk about, because you're going to interview me about this whole situation. Everybody's been asking me about it. We're going to just put all the information out there, because there's a lot I don't remember. There's a lot I remember. I remember things you don't need to know. I remember things I don't need to know. Before you begin, please plug and promote everything DVK.

A lot of people know I do a podcast called Dumb People Town. A lot of people need to know I also do a podcast called Pen Pals. Pen Pals is a show with me and Rory scoville and we get letters from listeners about anything could be honeydew moments could be pineapple moments pineapples the inverse of this show i always feel like it's strawberry strawberry too yeah strawberry strong yeah you know uh some strawberry moments it could be anything people send us letters and then the way we write them back is reading their letter on air and then giving our response that drops every single wednesday and that is the pen pals pond with rory scoville myself and then live dates

what i have coming up april 14th in houston texas it's would you rather comedy uh we start out the show by asking the audience like a would you rather just for fun and then uh comics start the night when they come up they may get asked a would you rather i always do one as well it's a great way to do new material and have fun the audience knows that you have no idea what it's going to be about um that's a great show so that's it the secret group secret group htx.com and then at the end of the month the last saturday of april i will be in denver headlining with the growlix boys uh. Yeah. So, Andrew Overdahl, Ben Roy, and Adam Caten Holland. So, that'll be awesome. Everything's at danielvankirk.com.

Well, the reason we're doing this is because there were two people who were, well, three that were predominantly there the entire time I was in the hospital. The Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. But outside those three. Yourself, Michael Duffy, and Roy, right? Those are the three that were there a lot. Good old Roy Marks. Good old Roy Marks.

All your business management needs. And so let me set up why all this happened. So we're going to go all the way back to- This is your Gilligan's Island. This is supposed to be three hours. It's supposed to be a- Yeah, hours. It's supposed to be a... Yeah, bro. It's supposed to be a three-hour tour.

Fuck, it is. You know what's crazy? I said that to you multiple times in the hospital. I made t-shirts. You wore one. Let's go to that thing. I take this off I'm wearing one

You're in the photo I don't remember Adding up at all Oh shit This is gonna be A long episode Sickler's Island That's so good

My three hour tour So But I mean All the way back We go to high school Okay We go to we go to high school okay we go back to liberty fucking high school where this injury starts for myself you know this i know for a fact i mean i i know for a fact because we had a class called weight training okay and weight training in our high school powerless was yep right on the wall 300 bench 500 squat yep and

if you could bench 300 it didn't matter if you bent your fucking back. We're like, ah, you were getting on the wall. We had a machine called the attacker. And you stood in front of it and had handlebars like this or handlebars like this. And you push the weight. I'm sure there's a correct way to do it. But nobody's telling a 16-year-old in Rochelle, Illinois, in the halls of RTHS, a school that was built at the end of the 1800s, how to push this thing.

I mean, yeah. This is what I'm talking about. We're all just hurting ourselves. 500-pound squat. So they're not teaching you form. It's be strong. Don't be smart. That's what they're teaching you.

They don't know how to position your lower back, how far your knees should be apart. If you're like, I have pneumonia, and I don't think I can play today. Like, why are you being gay, man? Like, that's what the 80s were like. You're being gay right now. What? I'm sick. My arms are broken.

I have a friend, played quarterback in high school. He gets concussed so bad. He runs to the sidelines, finds his way there, says, I can't see. I'm not going to say which coach. They said, great. We'll just do a run play a w so because he knows two steps back turn left so he's out here running like lucas the movie without the glasses so yeah that's how little they cared about so you get it that's what they cared as much as they knew they just didn't know enough. Right. Right. So I get injured.

So wait, doing the squats? Yeah, for sure, doing the squats. And you know it was your lower back? Oh, I'll tell you. So I continue like a moron to play sports because I'm young and dumb and full of cum and you can't tell me shit. Live forever. And it finally catches up to me. Which is crazy for people like us because we got people dying all around us and we still literally we're gonna live yeah yeah so i finally go see a physical therapist right like how old are you i'm what injury was like 16 and then i finally wait till

like i can't run anymore my left leg is numb i'm playing soccer my coach is like i can see you galloping like what's going on so they make me go get checked out. I get physical therapy. But I go to this chiropractor first. And that was a mistake because this guy, no joke, his name was Dr. Adolph. When I pulled in, I was like, this is not good. He all swear to God. Hey, man, a lot of them went to Baltimore to hide.

A lot of them went to Baltimore to hide. He also was the Baltimore Colts chiropractor. Okay. So this dude's used to fucking snapping. Yeah, Bubba Smith and shit. Burt Jones. You know what I mean? Johnny Unitas.

Art Donovan. Not my little fucking 16-year-old ass. Remember that James Harrison with the acupuncture? Yeah. Remember that from Hard Knocks? He's got like 600 needles in him. Yeah. So this guy's used to that, that type of man.

Okay. You know? And I go in and he snap, crackles, and pops my ass. And I'm hurt so bad, I crawl up the stairs to go out of there like, oh, God, oh, God. I'm like, oh. So then I go to physical therapy. They're like, yeah, chiropractor's all wrong from you. He actually irritated this.

You have a slipped disc. It's protruding. It's deteriorating. That's what's going on. So I start physical therapy. They're like, yeah, chiropractor's all wrong from you. He actually irritated this. You have a slipped disc. It's protruding. It's deteriorating. That's what's going on. So, I start physical therapy, and they put me in traction, which to this day, I wish I had enough money to buy. I'm going to make it a goal to buy a traction table. Really? Dude. I've never done it. It slowly pulls your body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it feels so good. Really? Like, if you could just hang, you know, those invert yeah. Oh, it feels so good. Really? Like if you could just hang, you know those invert tables? They don't work as well. But if you could hang from something. I have a non-sexual fantasy of being hung like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pulled apart and then twisted like a fucking wash rag.

You can create a little space and then just break up that cartilage a little bit. Dude, that's with you. So that ends up working. That ends up working. I come back my senior year. i play half the year of soccer i get honorable mention all central maryland i go on to play you know my junior college all i go all juco fucking soccer all this shit with this fucking pain still that's at a five six for constant or coming and going constant every fucking day we're like a level six every day of my life right okay so finally after 35 fucking years of this shit

um it starts to catch up to me now i've had well i've had like there'll be there was a whole time where i couldn't i couldn't get out of of bed. I would move what felt like millimeters in my car seat just to sit so I wouldn't cry and could drive to work and not kill people or myself on the road. Like back pain is literally crippling. So I start doing epidurals. And you can't do them a lot. The doctor tells me like, look, man, this is for pain management it's not going to fix your problem it's just going to get you back out there for a while and then each person's individual it might last a year it might last six months you don't know this is the type of shit to

like get you through the day or the second half of a game amen not life so this dude hits me with one in the back the first time he's a guy and he ties my leg, like straps my legs down and all this stuff. You're laying face down? Yeah. I have no idea how epidural works. The only time I've ever heard the word is occasionally in sports and always during pregnancies. Right. For people who choose to use it.

So they hit you with a bunch of numbing needles first because it's a fucking real deal needle. And then they go down and they go right in there where the agitated spot. That dude used to say it's barking. He's like, that thing's barking. And maybe if back then when I was younger, I would have got something like this, it would have calmed it down enough and maybe I wouldn't have damaged it as much

because I'm out there being an idiot and just playing. So he's like, all right, we're done. And I start laughing. He's like, what's so funny? I go, come on, dude, I'm not a kid. Like, just let's get it over with. He goes, I did do it. I go, nah. nah he goes you didn't feel that i go now he goes all right you're gonna need to go home and come back again and see me in a week and i go okay i come back

the next week how long ago is this 2006 oh now. That's when I first started getting the maintenance. And, dude, he hit a nerve. If I think about it, I can still feel it run down my fucking left leg. Like lava hitting a nerve. Like, oh, vibrating. I tore my knee out. I can still. Yeah. So that works.

It works to get me back out there for a while. By back out there, you mean driving your car and walking around. 2006. I'm working out. I'm playing sports. But all in pain. Every day. Pain, pain, pain. out there for a while by back out there you mean driving your car and walking around 2006 i'm working out i'm playing sports but all in pain every day pain pain pain but not a 10 not a i can't sit down not i can't stand up issue that hurts fucking crazy ass pain in my crazy thing about pain is the longer you go with it the more you tolerate that's right Which is bad for you. It's good for survival like in 600, 700, 2,000 years ago. Yeah. So at this point, I have to go get one more before Stella's born.

So that first one lasted me about seven years. Wow. And I get another one when Stella's born. And that lasts me right up until this last one here. And what happened was I finally met with this doctor, the surgeon, who was great. And he said, look, it's surgery. I don't want to operate on you until your quality of life is affected. And I said, all right, well, I'm there. I've done the epidurals, the physical therapy, the Pilates. I've done the massages. So what is this, fall 2022?

Early winter 2022? Last year. End of last year. Okay, so December, November. Right around there. Okay. And I've done the fucking cupping. I've done the this.

I've done it all. Someone's like, you know, you should try. I'm like, yeah, no shit. Really? I should try a massage? No shit. Cairo. I've done it all i got a

crystal in my pocket right now i'm fresh back from sedona girl it's charged up so i um excuse me i tell him i've done these things and he's like okay well then we can talk about i said my legs are numb so so it's both legs now. That's what happened. At the Troubadour, when I headlined the Troubadour last year, it was the first time in my career I had to sit on a stool. I couldn't feel either of my fucking legs. Yeah, because I couldn't feel my legs. Usually, if you watch me, I'll rock back on one leg and I'll sit on my right hip and just keep the weight off of this leg just because it goes numb.

Yeah. As one does. on one leg and I'll sit on like my right hip and just keep the weight off of this leg just because it goes numb. Yeah. As one does. But now I can't do anything and I'm in pain and we're going on vacation. I'm about to take my daughter to Ocean City, Maryland, right? You said vacation. Go. I know.

We're going to see our cousins in Ocean City, right? And the only thing I can do thankfully now comfortably is I can sit. So I can fly fine. I can drive fine. I can sit. I I can fly fine. I can drive fine. I can sit. I can't stand or walk for shit. Damn. So that's going to be a problem.

So the doctor gives me painkillers, and he knows. He knows I hate them. I don't like them. He's like, you need to take these when you need to because you're not going to get fixed until you get back. So I bring them with me. We're out. We're driving. We're fine whatever this is a bit a little fucking this felt good so uh we do these little they have scopes these guys

walk around the beach and they do these pictures and they make you do all these poses and they'll take like 20 of them and then the next day or later that night you go to this place you pick them up buy whatever you want or whatever so the next morning we all go and they're trying to sell you on every picture they took. Well, why don't you get the 10-pack? And then my mom was back there like, well, I could get the disc and go to – I go, you're never going to go to CVS and do this. Okay, so look, here's the money. And now I'm in pain.

And I'm like, I'm going to go sit down. Because it's like the end of the day. And I was like mourning. I'm in just excruciating pain. All I need to do is sit, right? But it's a building where you walk in is the end of the day. And I was like morning. I'm in just excruciating pain. All I need to do is sit. Right. But it's a building where you walk in is the desk and the money. And then you go in the back and that's where everybody can look at the kiosks and their shit.

Right. So I go back and now I'm sitting at the fucking desk like I'm working at the place. But I'm just sitting there to rest my back. And this young kid walks in and he's staring at me and he's like, I'm sorry, dude, you work here? Like, I do not work i can't answer any questions he goes now are you ryan sickler and i'll go yeah i am he goes oh my god dude i'm listening to you on the honeydew right now i was like dude thank you so if i can watch my cousin my mom they're like oh yeah so we leave and my mom uh texts me when she gets in the car

she's like oh my god they gave me all everything we talked about. And I was like, good. There you go. There's your fucking pictures. So now I know I'm coming back and I'm going to wrap up the tour. I shoot the special Lefty Sun coming out on my YouTube channel. And I'm going in for this surgery, right? This surgery, as you said, is supposed to be a simple three-hour outpatient procedure.

It's supposed to go in at 9, surgery at 10. I'm done by 1, a little bit of anesthesia, whatever, bam, I'm out. And then- You got the whole weekend. The therapy is walking. They want you moving, blood flow, blood flow, blood flow. This is on a Friday. This is on a Friday.

I go in, right? So, let's take a look at our first picture here kirsten can we look at the first picture here that's me right there getting all set up for my fucking look at simple three look at it look at the hope in those eyes this dude told me this motherfucker has no idea this is a man who was sold. He's going to spend the better part of a month laying in bed talking to me like he's my Grandpa Joe. I'm trying to win a golden ticket. That's a man who was promised he would enter his 50s pain-free. Oh, yeah.

I said to the Surge, you can't tell a man that's going into his 50s he's going to be pain-free after everything i've felt all these years you're going to be great you know it's crazy too little did you know you're about to lose 15 20 pounds yeah that's it that's it but also even at this point and prior to this in all of my paperwork sure i document that i have a genetic blood disorder called factor V Leiden. Oh, I know. We'll get into that. You don't shut the fuck up about these. That's right. And the reason I did that is because in 2016, I developed kidney stones. My legs end up clotting. They think I have cancer, leukemia.

They don't know at the time. But you weren't bedridden. You didn't have some other deal. I was bedridden from the kidney stones. That's what did it, right? Or brought it to the surface so it takes six months of being in and out of hospitals and being a fucking lab rat to figure out that i've got this this blood disorder called factor five light and now it's genetic so now i'm gonna tell everybody i'd never heard this term at all before 2023 this is the word of the year in my life fucking factor five factor five i i

literally i was like you might get it if i drink every time this motherfucker says factor five you should do that listen back to this so it's genetic and my mother test she doesn't have it my brother test he doesn't have it i have a twin brother different egg but this motherfucker did not get it right my younger brother doesn't get it i'm like well shit i'm the one who got it and obviously i get it from my dad right and then i start thinking about all right well when he died we know now that it wasn't really a heart attack it was these blood clots and everything and we knew he had them from he did have a heart attack but he also left the hospital with clots like i have um and then it just sucks because you think man if he would have

been if they'd have known they'd have put him on blood thinner and he could still be here easily um and then going back to being the person that watched my grandmother collapse and then give her CPR and mouth-to-mouth, all that, I'm like, oh, that's probably the fucking woman who gave this to him who gave this to me. Appropriately named special lefty, son. Keep an eye out for it on my YouTube. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Do you factor five? It's five. It's light. When? Sounds like a healthy protein bar. No, an unhealthy one. It's got 80 grams of sugar in it.

I got an ego, too, because I've been hearing it, factor five, light, and light, and light. I said it to one of the guys on the phone. He goes, you have factor five leading and corrected me like that. I was like, this motherfucker right here. So I started asking people people how do you say it it's light and it's not you test your daughter for it yeah so that's where it gets that's what i was curious it's necessary wait you have to wait because she's young and you know yeah the pediatrician said look until you need to like because pregnancy a bed rest for pregnancy could

kill her if they don't know she has it, right? So could it, God forbid she's in an accident or a health scare or anything, could kill her if she doesn't know she has it. So they know I've already made them aware I have it. So also, we were told that, I didn't know this, but birth control for women makes them prone to clotting. So if you have this, you don't take birth control. So there's all kinds of reasons. She does need to know if she has it, but it's- Eventually. She got time. Yeah. And it's interesting. I don't want to say her name, but she's a friend from high school,

just in case she doesn't want her business out there. But her name's Kathy. What's up, Kathy? And her son, I believe, is 19 and started having clotting issues. And I said, you should have him checked for this shit. And lo and behold he's got it and i was like here's the bad news you gotta get checked now and she's got it now her parents have to get checked and she's got it from both of them wow and that's when it's bad that's how you know they're meant to be if you have two parents it's not good one okay, but she's also had three kids. She's gone through the gauntlet of things that could really fuck her up until we get to old age. You've got to keep that machine moving.

So you go in on Friday and you're telling everybody, hey, I got factor five. It's in my paper. Even the surgeon goes, you're really concerned about that factor five? And I was like, uh-huh, because I clotted before. I thought you were drugs in the i was like he means factor fiction okay so you tell them i had ended up having an incident also how much are you even you're telling them which is good but we're talking three hours man three hours this is and it's something seriously like point zero zero one percent of people have any kind of issues but

i should have walked in to see babylon the same exact time you went into surgery and you'd be out while i'm still watching babylon that's what's supposed to happen i'd already been fluttering my eyes right and i got 15 more minutes he's still in babylon all right i beat him i beat him it's worth it i loved it so the reason i was so worried about this and knew what I was talking about was because I figured out that I had it before. But also I had clotted. And I kept telling them. They're like, no, you're not.

I'm like, man, I'm home. There was a point in 2016 when I laid in my bed and gave myself up. I knew I was going to die. I was crying. I was ready to go. I couldn't. No one would do anything. So finally, I go in search of this oncologist, everything.

My primary care physician is the one that figured it out, and they were like, you need to keep that, dude. No primary care physician figures out somebody's got this. So now I've got it. Now I've got to be aware of it, and I've had no problems. I wear my compression pants on flights. I get up every 90 minutes on a flight. I walk to the back. I stretch out.

I'm that idiot because I have to keep blood flowing. Go ahead. I go in the bathroom so I don't bother anybody. Sure. And I do quad stretches in there. You can hear me banging. I go, God. I go, God.

I'm doing marches in there and shit. I know people think I'm shitting, but I've been there for 10 minutes. That guy, he's in a fight for his life. Yeah, it sounds like I've been there for 10 minutes. That guy, he's in a fight for his life. Yeah, it sounds like I am, dude. For real. I've been there doing all kinds of stretches. I saw him. He ate a lot of Garrett's popcorn before we took off.

It's so fucking stupid. So I tell them everything, right? Yeah. But also, it shouldn't have mattered that much. Three hours. It shouldn't have. But also, it shouldn't have mattered that much. Three hours. It shouldn't have. But, okay, keep going. So, I go into the three-hour outpatient procedure.

And that day, it happens to be one of the days that's pouring down rain out here in LA. And this city is so ill-equipped for precipitation from the fucking sky. And I get there at nine like they say my step son derrick picks me up takes me in and uh 10 a.m is when the surgery is and i'm waiting and 10 comes and goes 11 12 right one i'm fine i'm like what is going on out there and this nurse peeks her head and she's like look i was hoping you'd already be back there before my shift was over, but there's a leak in one of the ORs, and we're cramming everyone into the one. And I'm like, all right, well, why am I? I had a 10 a.m. schedule.

Why am I going later? You'll be going in 30 minutes. I heard that twice. 6 p.m. comes around, and I'm being taken back. I'm the last fucking one being taken back say wheel me back derrick had to go he's long gone and um i fucking wake up and this is the next picture here if you want to take a look at this this is what i see when i wake up okay when i wake up this is my view now that's that's it right everyone's gone yeah it's friday

these lights are out like they're wrapping up right these this this was good cop right here but bad cop was actually this is bad cop good cop was over here talking to me there's two nurses good cop and bad cop yeah good is very rocky for good cop was the american lady this is the russian over here okay she might have been czech but at eastern block over here when i walked in i heard her say if he dies he dies sorry dude you know the other one's like i've seen a lot of changes so i'm waking up this is my view and they tell me hey your stepson can come back here because

everyone's gone there's literally no one here yeah so he comes back and sits there and they're like all right before you leave you have to pee and i'm like okay so i try to pee and i can't pee and i know what's coming and i like, you're not putting a catheter in me. And they're like, if you don't pee, we are. I'm like, you're not. You're not. Like, well, we need to go. And I was like, yeah, but it's not my fault that I went at 6 o'clock.

Like, if I went at 10 a.m., I'd be out by 1. Because how long of a procedure is it? Three hours. That's it. You could have screwed around until five hours. That's what I said. I could have took five, six hours to take this piss. But now you want me to get it done in 45 minutes.

Right. And I need a little more time to recover. You know what they're saying? Your failure to prepare is not my emergency. I like that. Yeah. So, you know, bad cop is threatening to put this thing up my dick hole. And good cop's rooting for me.

She's like, come on, just get in there. She's like, do you want a heating pad? She's giving me hot compresses to put on my dick and balls, cold ones. I'm like, give me a cold one. I'm putting everything I can on my shit. And I feel like it's going to go, but it's not going anywhere. And they're like, okay, you get one more try. And I'm like, no.

No, I don't. So, I get up. Derek's sitting right here. He has no idea hospital gown's open in the back, dude. I just bent over and gave him a little one right in his face. He's like, oh, dude. I was like, you got to be aware where you're sitting at the hospital. He's like, I didn't know they were from the back.

I'm like, yeah, dude. So I go back in, and I'm like, all right, we got to fucking get this done. Because the thing they tell me, too, is if they put a catheter up your dick, you now have to pee on your own in 24 hours or your bladder could explode and you could die, she says. And I said, how long does the anesthesia last? They said 24 hours. I said, it's 9 o'clock. What do you think I'm about to do? I'm about to go home and sleep.

This shit's knocking me out. I'm definitely not going to get up in eight hours and pee on my own. Like, I'm not fucking leaving now that you said that. I'm not doing it. And I go,

finally, I go, what do you want to go home? Is that what it is? Like, you're tired of being here. I'm saying it to the Russian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she fucking, you know how a horse does that? Exaggerated head shake. That's how she said it. And the American lady over there, she's like, no, no. I go, look at her. She's not lying. She. And the American lady over there, she's like,

no, no. I go, look at her. She's not lying. She wants to go. Give me a nurse back here that needs the hours. Give me somebody that fucking got a car payment

or something. Oh, shit. So what happened? So I finally, I go back and I go. This is all before I enter the picture. This is just the procedure bro so i finally i fucking say um all right i'm gonna go in and get this done i can do it i'm doing it

and i fucking go in you know you're talking to yourself i'm like come on motherfucker come on and i just start pushing as hard as i can then i'm scared i'm gonna blow the fucking surgery out because i'm like and i just start fucking pissing everywhere i'm like oh yeah i'm having that moment in there where i'm so had i just like oh god and then i was like is that enough for you i said it to the russian she's like that's plenty so we get out of there now right now she's wheeling me out in the wheelchair this lady who is- Who is? The Russian. Okay. And she is, the doors are extra wide.

Bang, bang. And I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh, bang, bang, bang. In the Russia, we pee on you. Shoves me out in the fucking rain. And I go home.

Derek takes me home. Yeah. And then I'm by myself for the weekend. The surgeon, he's gone, but he had gone around to each person. So I was very excited to hear what happened to me and everything. And now I'm by myself for the weekend. The surgeon, he's gone, but he had gone around to each person. So I was very excited to hear what happened to me and everything.

And now I'm not getting that because he's probably out fucking having dinner. It's weekend. So he calls me on the next day and he's like, man, it was more complicated than we thought. The age of the injury. What's really going on? You got muscular damage spinal stenosis decompression was the surgery and what he tells me is that my my nerves had hardened because it had been so long and they wrapped around my spine and they were squeezing my spine so that's why now

both of my fucking legs are going numb it It's getting there. He said there was leakage. He said the L3, 4, and 5, those bottom ones, the passageway was pretty much gone. He had to reconstruct those. There's some lining around your nerves, whatever, that he had to reinforce. All this shit. He's like, when you get through this, you're going to be a new man. I'm telling you. And I was like, all right so he goes

because of reincarnation yeah you'll be so he's like um sent me pictures of what it looks like and i send him pictures of what it looks like he's like all right so it's not responding the way it should so instead of you walking around. Wait, you sent him pictures on Saturday? Yeah, we're going to show him. But yeah, he called me on Saturday to tell me everything. He was awesome. When did you send photos of your progress? On Saturdays, the first day.

Let's take a look at these pictures right here. So this is what it looks like when I get out of surgery right here. Now, that's not supposed to be. You've got to tell these people what they're about to see. Yeah, you're about to see some surgery pictures. late now that's not terrible it's not terrible it gets gnarlier but it's not it looks like you have an ace of spades tattoo yeah that thing right there that's a cancun story we'll cover that part two what is going on is that just bruising no i think that's like i don't know what it is to be honest i don't know if that's like where they mark me only you would turn your first post-op surgery picture into an under armor ad you believe yeah okay so now it's supposed to be going down looking

like a normal spine but here's where it just starts to swell and then here's one more after that okay that's where he's like all right this thing's not doing what it's supposed to do so now i want you on bed rest and i'm like all right but remember he's like i remember you're supposed to walk you got factor five light and i'm like that's it but and they told you walking is what's good for this that's what's really good now lay down so he wants to see me on tuesday i go in on tuesday and he sees it and he's like all right you're going into surgery today they admit me to cedars-sinai the er room like don't worry we're going to try to give you act you know this is a different place than where you had the

procedure i went to the same place first and they're now sending me to the hospital at cedars-sinai and i go in and um we're in the ER. And it's, again, it's pouring down. It hasn't stopped pouring down rain. So every fucking lunatic is in the ER. All the homeless people, all the crazies. I mean, it's a free-for-all. And I'm in a wheelchair.

And I'm like, hey, I can't sit like this. I need to lay down. Is there a bed now? No. Anything in the hallway? No. And I'm like, yeah, but i can't so i'm showing the nurses like oh we'll try to get you in right away they push me i see them sending me

over to the crazy corner i was like uh-uh don't put me over there no we'll get right here yeah put me in here i see this guy's screaming at everybody he's going around hustling people for loose change for sodas. We see one homeless guy. And again, Derek, my stepson, who's been a rock to all this, driving me. We see this homeless guy strike a security guard. So now they're dragging him out. It's mayhem. And I keep begging them. Two hours goes by, three hours. I'm like, I can't sit. Can I please? I'll lay on the floor over there like you cannot lay on this filthy floor i'm like oh my god so six hours i wait and we finally get admitted now i'm having the surgery bing bang boom i'm out again i wake up and they wheel me into what i call general population that gem pop. And that is when you showed up.

I called you on Wednesday. I talked to you on Wednesday and said, I'm coming tomorrow. Because you were like, don't come today. I don't remember. I know. So on Thursday, I find you. You can't even tell me where you're at. No.

You didn't know you were in North Tower, South Tower. They didn't tell me anything. You didn't know what floor you were on. You didn't know you were in north tower south tower you didn't know what in my defense floor you're on you didn't know what bay you were in i literally had to just find you not that here you are right here look at you showed up at the hospital that's where i was that's jen pop representing rochelle i am that's what's on that mask right there i couldn't fucking find i couldn't fucking find. I didn't know where anything. I didn't know where I was. That's probably right when I walked in. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So I walk in there, and you were telling me stories. Now, when does the, I don't want to step on it. So I'm in an area, just to be clear, that is, like, I know I'm going to be there for a couple days. But again, now it's just supposed to be three days. I'm supposed to be in there just to heal. This isn't a room. I want everybody to understand.

It is a curtain. It's a nurse's station, essentially. And all the beds, and there's like eight of them, I would imagine, are separated by curtains. That's it. That's it. Yeah, here's my view right here. There's my curtain right there. Let me tell you something.

That motherfucking unbutton thing drove me nuts was it you to fix it who fixed it it drove me nuts that well i was like button a lot happens on the other side of that oh it does yeah but see when you're laying flat on your back you don't see anything unless it's high enough into that mesh area now that's this is what it looks like on both sides as well so that's where i am but also this room i have a lady who i met on my right named chandra who had been there for a day or two and was about to get out of there but the person on my left was there for two hours from a thumb surgery this person was there for three hours recovering from a knee so that's they're coming in and out but i'm like a resident yeah and that's when i start to hear well i call the mayor of the floor over here this fucking homeless guy that is he's got that you

know that extreme voice i need my medicine i need my and every day this motherfucker is screaming well he was screaming when i got there on thursday so you'd only been in there a day and he already had his fish picked out that he wanted was that on wednesday or thursday or was it before i got there it was later because it was it finally built on me like i couldn't so you know there's people playing music and shit i'm fucked up yeah i know i can't sleep i can't rest i can't do anything they're cranking hey it's part i'm fucked up. Yeah, I know. I can't sleep. I can't rest. I can't do anything. They're cranking. Hey, it's part.

I'm only here for my thumb. And I'm like, what the fuck? And also, I'm laying there one night, and this poor lady comes in. And I want to say this because one of my sponsors babble. I started taking Spanish lessons a while ago, and I was able to tell that this lady, who on the phone, was telling her family members that she had tested positive for COVID. And I only know that she was crying because they wouldn't do her surgery. And you had to have a negative COVID test to get surgery done. So now she's upset that they're not going to.

I'm putting it all together in Spanish. There's mesh between you and her. It's just curtain. So they start dumping me full of Dilaudid and morphine, too. Start with morphine and stuff. You're soaring. I don't like drugs like that. I'm weed.

I'm shrooms once in a while. That's it. I don't even drink that much. I like to keep myself close to myself. But homeboy down there has been bugging people all night, and he's screaming. If you're here, if I'm Ryan, there's one person to my right then there's one maybe two to the left and then it starts horseshoeing it's our dog like whatever you want to call it so if i'm here this person is he's right over here yeah right on the turn yeah he is

that's exactly where he is and he wants he tilapia. He wants everything he fucking wants. That's right. So this motherfucker is, and all night, 2, 3 in the morning, all night long, he would not stop. Oh, oh, oh, I need the medicine. Oh. And then some of the night people were so sick of it, they gave it to him. Right? Yes. He's your Andy Dufresne. And I'm flat on my fucking back.

I'm flat on my back. I can't do shit's he's your andy dufresne my fucking back i'm flat on my back i can't do maybe you're his andy dufresne so and sickler didn't make a sound that night he cost me two drops of delotta i sat there and took it and took it yeah you're just processing and then that was when he hit him with that last one he's like i want the tilapia and i just said how the fuck do you know we get tilapia like i lost my shit i'm after day five i'm in there now the nurse came in i know that is ridiculous you're tattooing yourself tilapia you know how specific that is was he wrong he was not wrong he got tilapia and i that's when i was saying like i realized that this gets wilder i'm responsible for a life yes i don't know anything

the way a junkie knows the system sure you know i should know parenting the way a junkie knows the system and i don't i don't know anything in life the way a fucking junkie knows the system. And I don't. I don't know anything in life the way a fucking junkie knows the system. This motherfucker gets tilapia. And I can't get over it. And I'm also starting to lose my mind because the Dilaudid is now in my IV. And as I told you, I'm starting to fucking hallucinate. I'm seeing your mask flip on and off. And I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

And then I just start to see chunks of flesh fall off your fucking face, bloody chunks. And I can see the skull behind your face, and I'm like, uh-uh. I'm like, uh-uh. I'm having dreams of guys laser my eyes out, and I can hear the dirt crunch in their suits. Why? If any fucking filmmaker. And all you wanted was tilapia oh he wanted i just wanted i want to be pain free bro yeah wait what were you saying about filmmaker if they

could have got in my head they would have had you were having blockbuster we'll get there but you were having crazy dreams it's frightening blockbuster fucking sci-fi shit event horizon melt me and stuff and i'm hearing yes puppet master of it. Yeah. So I'm in there for a while and I keep saying, don't let me clot, don't let me clot. Finally, after like five or six days, somebody comes in and they ultrasound my legs and they say, you don't have any clots in your legs. Wait, you're jumping five or six days? Don't you want to talk about getting out of there? Don't you want to talk about the tilapia dude?

Yeah. And his girlfriend? Yeah. This is day two. That all happens in there. Was it that early? See, I don't remember want to talk about the tilapia dude yeah and his girlfriend yeah this is day two that all happens in there was it that yes see i don't remember being that early i thought it was later i show up and you are in the gen pop area and you're and i i'm gonna say this to all the dudes and honey do's and don'ts out there he he's on every 30 seconds he's like man i don't even know what you're saying and i'm like we're talking you guys i also show up remember he's on a three-hour tour okay

he also thought when he went back in he wasn't going to be in there by thursdays they said yeah i'm getting out today enough i took enough like i took a pair of fucking i took a charger you're lucky underwear you're lucky we're comics because my backpack just has whatever i need for flights hotels all this shit i gave you chargers eye masks headphones over the ears and stuff like that because you didn't have shit and you also were trying to do the way you are you're like no i'll play i'll get my own stuff i'm like you're not going anywhere and so you telling me about this guy and he's screaming and i'm like okay right all right yeah sure i it's i know i know and you're like oh it's things are going on and then i hear all this commotion

and i look but wait let me say why though because i want to set this up so i brought in three days of my own meds yeah and i learned that you're not allowed to do that at the hospital. They don't care. They want your shit. They'll replace it. Yes. But we're going to inventory it. We'll hold it until you cannot.

They'll give you whatever you need that you have. But they can't just take your word for it that what's ever in these bottles. Right. And this guy's girlfriend shows up. Uh-huh. And she's being a problem. Right. Where you start to realize.

You can already tell. Do you already know her purse has never passed her elbow? It's always kind of around this area. And we keep hearing them say, ma'am, you can't lay on the bed. So now I'm like, oh, these two junkies. That's before I got there. Right. Know the system.

She's basically sharing a bed with him as a visitor, quote unquote, because if not, she's got to go through what I just went through of six hours of this and blah, blah, blah. And she needs this fucking fix, right? So go ahead. So they go through her stuff, right? And they say, we need to take these pills if you're going to be in here. And you told Van, I was like, Ryan, come on. You're like, she didn't like that a bit.

And you go, she just started eating all these pills. Dude. And I'm like like here's the deal you can't see anything no so this is all theater of the mind you're listening to a goddamn drugged out radio play i can't see shit no it's all it's fucking fireside chat and i don't know what part of you i'm supposed to believe and not believe i'm sure i'm sure ryan you're like she started yes take all this stuff. And then.

She was just like, God. And then there's one verse that you made friends with. Yeah. And she would be like, she'd give you the like, I'm with you type of look and stuff like that. And so then we start hearing all this commotion. And I don't know what to believe from you and not to believe. And so I look out over like the mess in the And so I look out over the mess in the photo. I look out over the mess and there are nine cops. Yeah, man.

I'm not shitting you. There are nine cops. I can only see one. Everybody else was too short. There are nine cops. And all you're hearing is like, well, we got to take her fast when we take her. I'm like, what the fuck? What's going on?

I know. I'm just laying there like, I'm telling you that. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I know. I'm just laying there like, I'm telling you that. I'm like, we're at Grey's Anatomy. She took all those pills. And they're talking about how they're going to apprehend her and take her down. And also, to be fair, at least four or five, at least four or five of the cops are like, we don't need nine. Like, even they were like, we don't need.

But it did. It started with the floor security. You don't know what kind of pill. It started with the floor security. You don't know what kind of pill strength you're going to be dealing with. Security came in first. Like, nope. She took them. Now we got, now we got, now it's a crime.

So now we have to call the cops. Oh, my God. And they all rolled in. I'm like, we got to get you out of here. You just got one tear. And you're like, yeah, you got nine mouths right now. I'm like, well, look at all of them. We got to get you out of here.

Because you're waiting for a bed. They keep telling me they're going to put me in my own room. They've been saying that since day one. You can tell me why I'm skipping too much. People, this is Thursday. Ryan is in this place till Sunday. I got there on Tuesday. He has six days I spend in there.

On Sunday, because I come by Sunday night. Oh, my God. Help me. I can't sleep. I can't nothing. I come by on Sunday night. Your lady to your right is gone chandra but the funny thing about her is i finally when i saw the flesh and everything calling when i called the nurse in

i said hey i'm seeing like fucking flesh fall off your face and shit she's like what and chandra through the never saw what she looked like she goes i'm seeing that too. I go, Shandra, you're not speaking up. She's like, oh my God, I'm tripping. I said, yeah, we're tripping. You guys synced up on your trips. We did. We really did. Oh my God. It's like what dreams may come.

Get this shit out of my IV and give me the oral pills. This is what I do. And then I'm like asking you, you know what I need, Dan? And I'm like, what do you need? And you're like, a Diet Coke. And I'm like, okay, that i'm like okay that i can do that i can do so this is that's thursday if whatever i skip you yell at me but on sunday night they go and this is where it starts to get real sad you think already no sunday night they

go we got a we got a room for you and, I mean, I'm leaving in the morning. And I go, I guess I'll spend my life. I go, Ryan, why don't we take you up to bed? I mean, is there any point? And I go, yeah, there's a point. Let's just get you up to bed, even if it's just tonight. Because your bed was broke. It was broke. It was broke.

It was. Your bed couldn't even. Listen, I was getting mad. I'm like, stop moving. And please, that last nurse, he knew how to do it. He got it. Don't touch it. It's like somebody made a crank it had its own thing and it was broke so i go hey even if it puts you in the same room at least you have one night

in a good bed and you're like all right we'll go up there and so then we take you up to uh your other room and that that was even a process getting you into another bed you can i just keep my bed i know it's broke but it's mine well you were like a marine with an m16 this is my bed there are many like it but here's what i remember when they tried to move me out of my bed i know they bent me in half and they said are you all right and i remember saying no do i look all right i'm not okay they were trying were trying. They were trying. They were trying. But that's when you told me that was the beginning of recording things because you said through all your experiences and your mom was a nurse for 40 years

and your grandma was how old when she was in the hospital? Well, most recently. The one where? Yeah, 92. And what happened to her? They dropped her. They dropped. That's what you tell me when they're trying to swing me across this bed.

I said, if they dropped her 92-year-old aunt, they don't give a fuck about me. You roll back to the crab feast with me, and you know I've never had a three-way and people pee on my sandwiches. I consider myself, and I hope one of my best friends would too, a nice person. Yes, you're absolutely a nice person. But if you want to see every single ounce of Midwest, born on a farm, anger man, drop my 92-year-old grandma. Yeah, dude. You will see. I'm like Wyatt Earp in Tombstone.

You tell them hell's coming. Yeah, you looked comfortable when they were bending me in half. Well, that was fine. That was fine. You looked just fine. I knew we were in for the long haul. So, yeah, we get in that room. Now, that's also the night the Ravens are playing, and we're doing good.

And it's like perfect. At halftime, they're moving me. I know. I remember. See? Yeah, that was one of my selling points. Yeah. Do you remember halfway from – oh all these things halfway from gen pop

to your uh solitary cell they they forgot something and you had to like my walker yeah i didn't remember that yeah i was like no i need my walker we're so close stevie k we're so i'm like we'll get there we're in the hallway for like five ten minutes now here's the thing we jumped over this is the problem though and it's not her fault. The nurse or maybe a nurse practitioner or orderly, forgive me for not knowing all the right rules, who took you. She doesn't know you've been given a special walker that they want you to have. I don't know that.

You're on drugs. So, like, sometimes someone literally is doing their job to the best of their ability and things can still go wrong just because of shift changes who told miscommunication all that stuff yeah absolutely so yeah we get you the ravens are jump back real quick for a second i'm on a saturday they tell me that i need to pass this physical fitness test uh because i have a flight of stairs getting in my home maybe gonna leave maybe going to leave Friday. That's it. You were maybe going to leave Saturday. And they were like, you got to do this. And I sit up and they're like, look, you've been laying down for like five or six days.

You haven't gotten up at all. Let's just see if you can sit up and not get dizzy or whatever. And I get wildly dizzy. Wildly. And they're like, you can't do it today. And I'm like, fuck. And I just want to get out of there. So now comes Sunday. And you know know what else and you touched on this and we can't

we can't skip this because it becomes such a huge deal you've got these that i told everybody i had factor five light sorry guys you've got these uh they look like reverse shin guards i've got calf pumps on because you are you are uh worried about your factor five you the amount of times you made me adjust these mother that ain't right then turn it now turn okay unplug it hold it down it's gonna beat twice it's literally i felt like you were walking back i was in speed and you're like's going to be a red wire. You cut the red wire and cut the three. Before you get to three, you need to cut that green wire. So you've got these things, and you're wearing them.

And they're like compression shin guards, but not for your shin. They're for your calves. They're pumps. Yeah. And so these are a whole ordeal. Anytime you move, anytime I need to tuck your sheet for you and all that stuff. And I don't know why you made me keep blowing you but they just wanted to make sure it worked that we were good friends but uh

you you would these you were very conscious of these and you made sure they're always on and not just on on right and working because i was scared to death literally yeah yeah of death so when you do physical therapy on saturday and they tell you you get through this you're gonna be fine you have some sort of physical almost it seemed like respiratory or something something in your chest set back and now that's why you couldn't leave on sunday no so what happened on saturday was yeah i sat up and felt weird and dizzy yes i dropped back i'd lay back they're like we. I lay back. They're like, we're not going to do it. Sunday. Oh, look it.

We can see your. Oh, yeah. There's my calf pumps. Yeah, right there. There they are. Those are on wrong. That picture. Are they?

No, they're. I mean, yeah, they need to be spun. They need to be spun for sure. They're all right, but they need to be spun. Okay. So I fail fail i don't fail that day but i don't i'm not allowed to take the test on on sunday i go to take the walker test again and i'm able to sit up fine and this is all before the ravens game it was the evening game and i get the walker and they just had me literally do a senior citizen circle and i the guy's like

you did great you know That's it for today. And I think he's joking. I'm like, that's it? He's like, yeah, you don't want to overdo it. Trust me, you can overdo it. And he goes, tomorrow, which is Monday, MLK Day, you have to pass your stairs test. You pass your stairs test, you're out of here. I'm like, we're fucking out of this motherfucker.

Thank God. I leave you after the Ravens lose. Yep. So I get transferred into the room and that's right when fucking Tyler Huntley's delivering pizzas over there, handing the ball out and the fucking lineman runs it back. And do you remember? They were taking my blood pressure and it was high. And you go, you might not want to take his blood pressure right now. And I was like, yeah, you just give me a minute for Jesus Christ.

That was also when I brought you Wendy's. Yeah, you did go get wendy's like you had to pick up a restaurant i called you up i go hey you want any food you're like maybe i do want food i go you want some wendy's and you go oh my god i was gonna say wendy's well let's talk about it because real quick let's go to the next pictures here kirsten okay uh it's me in the hospital here going back in. That's my view. Now, we had, this is a real meal that I was served at Cedars-Sinai Hospital right here, okay?

I just want to say, best medical care in the world. Not the greatest food. Right. But homeboys getting tilapia, and this is what I'm getting. This was a real meal. That was sausage, a piece of French toast, syrup, and a garnish. Okay. That was delivered to me. This looks like you've been bad.

Do you know what these are? What? I know. Look how many bites I took. I tried one. That is chicken. That might be your bite. Those are chicken tenders.

It might be, actually. Those are chicken tenders. That's a pile of rice. And that's Jell-O back there. Do you remember what I said? I took a bite. I go, not enough barbecue sauce in the world all right let's see so what'd you do that was so bad they took away your sausage

breakfast i told him i can't have it i was like i don't want to fuck with that sausage okay but i'd ask her to bring me something else did you eat that side salad yeah i'd eat that'd take that bread and I'd just roll it over and I would just dip it. Listen, here's the other thing I want to talk about. And we could go on and on. I'm not going to about our healthcare system. But the reason a lot of people end up in hospitals is because of their diet. And we're going in there and trying to fix that. And they're serving you high fructose corn syrup and everything else in here.

This next one's my favorite one. This right here this right here man this is when i finally got to a chair so that's me finally taking a picture of a meal across the room into my own bed there i don't know if they're a sponsor but this looks like an ad for better help this is i asked for a grilled chicken sandwich. This is the bread. They gave me a Kraft single. This is how you feed yourself. The crazy thing is, by the end, though, you were eating these Kraft singles. Yeah.

Look, here's the thing. I'm not above a Kraft single. I said this on the Kelsey. But let me get it. I'm at the hospital. Don't frisbee a fuck. Whoa, he wanted cheese. I got it.

I got it. I got it. All right. Going off the hook. This motherfucker. No. We joke like that thing might have slid across the floor. Like, it's wrapped. Don't worry about it.

I got to get up there. I just pictured somebody, whether it was that one piece of French toast or this piece of chicken that's like, put something else on that plate. Put something pretty that up just a little bit. Doctor that up a little bit. Okay, so Monday rolls around. Monday rolls me around. Rolls around.

And I'm just going crazy. Believe it or not, this is when things take a turn. This is, I know. We're not even. Monday rolls around. And they dope me up early in the morning. And I'm annoyed because i don't want them to die keep telling them i'm trying to cut back my no you're every time i walk in you're like you

have a tail i'm like okay i never knew what i was walking in too so uh i go the physical therapy nurse comes in that's the other thing too about a hospital. The one thing you really need is rest, and they're coming and checking your vitals every three hours, pain meds every four. There's people coming to clean your room. There's the people coming to take your order for food. There's so many different surgeons coming in, and there's da-da-da-da. You're never getting rest. You're never getting real rest. So I say to this lady, she's there really early.

I go, look, they just gave me a bunch of drugs, and I really want to pass this and go home today. Do you mind coming back in a few hours? She's like, I'll come back around noon. I'm like, perfect. I'll sleep for three, four hours, and then I'll be able to pass this stupid fucking steps test. And she does. She comes back. I have this weird fucking experience where – and this is before they gave me the drugs because I want to be clear about that – where I'm just laying in this bed and there's this black figure at the end. And it doesn't look like a person or whatever.

There's no – not one detail I can make out. It's a silhouette-ish of a person. And it physically grabs my right foot with its left hand it's facing me i'm assuming it is yeah and it wiggles my fucking foot like and then it moves off to its left and it disappears and i'm like what the fuck and i know people like it's the drugs it's the drugs maybe maybe it was sure maybe it was but i was regardless of the thing it's the drugs. Maybe, maybe it was. Sure. Maybe it was. But I was like- Regardless, it's a thing that you experienced. It is. And it comes back to me later. So she comes back in to take the stairs test. And she's like, how do you feel today? And I go, I just feel weird. I can't put my finger on it,

but I feel weird. She goes, do you want to do this today? I go, yeah, I want to get the hell out of here. It's been what now, nine days or whatever. And she goes, all right. So the stairwells are locked. So I brought this little stepstool thing here and we can do this. I'm like, great. So I go up and down the stairs thing a couple times. She goes, all right, now I want you to sidestep up it like you're holding on to a rail in front of you. You can sidestep.

But I do that and I come back down. And she goes, it's like sitcom time. And she's like, well, Mr. Sickler, I can say as your occupational therapist, you have passed the necessary tests to be released today and i fucking fell back on my bed and i said i'm clotting she said what i said were you feeling anything as she was talking yeah i'm starting to feel that pain i felt before in 2016 when no one told me what was going on and i'm like boom on the bed i'm like i'm clotting and she's like what'm like, I'm clotting. And she's like, what? I'm like, I'm clotting. So she calls this doctor in. What does it feel like? That's what he said. I said, it feels like he's like an elephant. I said, three elephants on my chest. It's all the way around there or it's straight on? It's pressure down and it's fire on the inside.

It's everything. And you can't breathe. And he comes in, he checks my blood pressure. And that's when he says, sir, you might be having a heart attack. I said, huh? And he's like, tell me what you're feeling. I said, it's three elephants on my chest. My chest is on fire. And then I go, oh my God, here it comes fucking, here it comes. I said, I feel the pain in my jaw down my left arm. I said, I'm getting a heart attack 101 right now. And he goes, you might be clotting and having a heart attack. I said, what? And then I blacked the fuck out.

But we do need this bed. We're going to put you back in the broken one while you're out. You look over and it's up the door. I black out. Yeah. And when I wake up, there's this nice nurse there. And I say, am I going home? She's like, your discharge has been canceled today, sir. And I was like, there's this nice nurse there, and I say, am I going home? She's like, your discharge has been canceled today, sir.

I was like, fuck. I don't know what's going on. So Duffy's there. They wheel me to the CT scans. And when I get out, they say, all right, you didn't have a heart attack, but you had a – I guess it's a cardiac incident. I don't know. My heart swelled.

And they said that normally your heart pumps two-thirds from the left side, one-third from the right. Yours is pumping 50-50, and it's not supposed to be doing that. And then they said you also have massive pulmonary embolisms covering both of your lungs. Now, again, I thought I had a clot. Right. And they're telling me this, and I was like, huh? I think one of the doctors said when I was in there, you have extensive clots in both lungs.

Yeah. Which is, you had already heard this. You had heard that from the other person. I'm just over there eating that Kraft single again. I know that. We already know that one. So, you know, and I had talked to Roy, too. We had talked before Roy, too.

We had talked before about, like, disability insurance. And I said, you know, insurance companies, we're comedians. They could say, well, he can roll on stage in a wheelchair. He could roll up to that table and podcast. And technically you could maybe if you could. But then one of the doctors comes in and he's like, look, this is serious. And this is MLK Day. And I have four different surgeons come in the room and i believe you were there at least when a couple of them said it like you should have died today yeah if you would have been home when that happened and i think uh this is what ends up becoming a more and more realization for

you of like this is what my dad felt when it was like we don't know what's wrong with you and there's nobody else here and because if you had been home by yourself my dad be like good luck good luck you know how this ends yeah but i'm you know it's uh it's amazing for as much as the you know you had the clots from being in the hospital so long, right? So you can't deny that that complication is probably, if not the sole cause of it. But had you left early, you better hope you're close to your phone. Because if you weren't, I don't know. Even when I said that, I said, you know, one of your surgeons said,

if you had been home, we would be having a different day today. Yeah. Which I think is kind of all you need a surgeon to say. Yeah. And I said to him, you know, it's a lesson too in life. It's okay to fail. I mean, I should know that. That's how we succeed as comedians.

It's all by failure. So I had never been happier to fail a test in my fucking life. Because if I do, like you say, I go home a day early. And I said the same thing to him. Here I am. I said, what I felt today, I definitely would have called 911. He goes, no. That's when he was like, no, you wouldn't have.

It had been. And then I got another one coming in telling me you should have died today. You don't understand. You'd have called 911. Yeah, that's right. That was it. You don't understand that they keep saying, you keep saying, you're lucky you're in a hospital, but this hospital has a particular program for exactly what you're dealing with. And you come in with this fucking genetic blood mutation, so now you've become this very interesting subject to them, and they want to make sure you're okay.

So I get, now, we move off the spine shit, because they're like, fuck your back. Yeah, yeah. Now, we move off the spine shit because they're like, fuck your back. We've got lungs to deal with. We've got blood. We've got heart. And we've got, what the hell was the other one? Because they couldn't even. Oh, the oncologist came.

So they start putting you on heparin through the IV right away. And they also tell you, if this doesn't start clearing up right away, and before you throw in your factor five drink, they say, we do have a procedure. We go up to your leg, and we can essentially blast these. Suck them out with a tube the size of your pinky. Since you have factor five, we can't do that. Because you could brain bleed and be a vegetable. I was like, we're not doing that.

Right. We're not going to do that. Just so everybody fucking knows, that option is off the fucking tape. bleed and be a vegetable i was like we're not doing that right we're not gonna then then just everybody fucking knows that option is off the fucking tape i don't care this was supposed that's the other thing is like you could tell me that's a 98 percent fucking uh positive procedure i just fuck i'm the guy right now that's in the 0.001 category of all of this so don't tell me anything simple like i don't tell me anything simple. Like, I don't want to hear simple.

I don't want to hear shit. We're not putting the tube up my balls. If it's the only option, you'll take a 98% odds. But we also, at this point, are supposed to have been here three hours. That's right. Three hours. And then it became days. And at this point, we are two and a half weeks into, out of, and more often into hospitals.

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dad grass will leave you in a euphoric mood right now dad grass is offering my listeners 20 off your first order when you go to dadgrass.com honeydew go to dadgrass.com honeydew for 20 off your first order that's dadgrass.com honeydew now let's get back to the do. So, that's when they tell me, like, you need to have a real conversations. You know, it's touch and go. You could have a clock break off to your brain. You could have any one of these could take you out. And that's when they say, you know, you could stroke. And I was like, I thought it was weird, but they kept going.

They're like, a guy could come in here with a knife and stab you a few times i felt like they kept going i was like shut the fuck they start listing every way yeah like if you lean against that window and fall out you'll die from that too i was like doctor doctor we don't need to tell him every way dude stroke i was like well then i couldn't fucking do my job if i had a stroke right or ever maybe i don't know who knows yeah what the fuck and you i mean i believe in your resiliency Or ever maybe. I don't know. Who knows? What the fuck? And you. I mean, I believe in your resiliency, but yeah, who wants.

You don't want the question. You don't want the challenge. No. Given the option, you don't want the challenge. And I have to have a real conversation with my daughter's mother about fucking life insurance and wills and all this stuff.

And she's like, what's going on? I'm like, it's not good. Like, don't tell Stella. Just keep it about my back.'s like, what's going on? I'm like, it's not good. Don't tell Stella. Just keep it about my back. But this is what's going on. This is what's happening. I'm calling Roy.

I called Kirsten. I was crying. I was telling her. I was like, if I die, you did a really good job. Just so you know, you killed it. You, Duffy. And she texted me. She was like, you guys all set with pen pals?

I'm just, I gotta be prepared Ryan would respect that I would and I'm also like I can't die on MLK I would be a footnote of a footnote of a footnote

you don't want to be Farrah Fawcett you don't want to be Farrah Fawcett you want to in life but not in death because she died in the morning and Michael Jackson died in the afternoon.

She got this in the corner. And I think somebody else died that day, too. And that's how much we remember that. But I love this about you. I think it makes you a good comic. I think it makes you an even better friend and a great person and a great dad. You are emotional. You're an emotional person.

I'm emotional, too. I don't even like being sick. Like day two, three, I'm just being on a couch and I like can't do, I get emotional from that stuff. So you have that and also what we do for a living. You have to access, how did I feel about that? Now I can talk about it, right? So we're kind of at that edge all the time anyway for the type of people we are, storytellers and comics, creative types, writers.

So you also have that emotion. There's a realistic element to being like, hey, I need to make sure things are in order. But then there's the emotional burden of, I guess I have to make sure things are in order. Now I know what my dad might have felt like in the last few seconds, but I was in a hospital, thank God. And I'm only supposed to be here three hours, and this is what my breakfast looks like. There's not a lot.

Like I was joking earlier about Diet Coke, but there are little things that make you feel better. A little bit. Having that Ravens game on. Bringing sushi to the hospital. Yeah. Had it delivered outside. People running out to get it.

Like, I can't eat this shit anymore. Please help i've been here so long so yeah you're right so much of it was ptsd because going back like my father was let out of the hospital my brothers and i found him dead in his bed in the morning and we'll get to like the the timing of being let out and stuff but um so now i know what i'm with, and it's fucking scary as shit. And I wake up the next day, and then the next day. Can we show this next picture? This is something that's so fucking dumb, but it's this dry erase board right here. And every day I'd watch that lady change that fucking date.

The 16th, I was supposed to die. The 17th, I see her. The 18th, and every day I'm getting more emotional. Like, okay, we're still here. Shit's moving forward. It takes about five to six days, they tell me, before my heart goes back to normal size. Thank God.

They eventually wean me off the IV blood thinner and they're shooting me in the stomach with it before I get out. And then, again, I've got to pass all these tests. And I don't remember some of the things that you're going to talk about, but Roy hits me up and he's like, hey, you're PayPal-ing random people. And I'm like, what are you talking about? No, I'm not. He goes, look at your PayPal app. And I'm sending like $ dollars and 44 cents to this person i paid i don't know who you are

kristin but i paid some lady named kristin 60 to babysit my daughter i said you're a rando and she kept it good for you good for you god damn 60 bucks a 60 bucks yeah Yeah, you were. The last day, I think, was the day you woke up with me in the room. And you were like, hey, you're in here. I go, yeah. Because I told you I was coming over. And then you were just so into and out of things. And then you knew that you wanted to be as clear as you could on the day that you're supposed to get out. But at this point, dude, we've been in here weeks.

Just in this new room that you say we because you were there yeah for real you thought yeah i mean not i dude we have been there for weeks yeah i don't i don't like that was a thing for me too i just kept being like i hate coming here and i there's no way that i feel how ryan feels like you're not and every day of like is today i'm gonna get out and then and also every day there was a there's a huge chunk of this time where it's not even about the back anymore yeah which is wild too right the back is goodbye back we're not even we'll come back to the back yeah yeah i never got above 30 degrees right for a month i'm laying there atrophy the

whole nine but but also the thing that's frustrating me is anytime now I'm being so, they're like, look, you're not leaving this hospital until, there's like 12 surgeons from all different departments until they all say, and I was like, I'm fine with that, please. I don't want to leave until everybody says yes. And every time it's, if you notice something different, please speak up. And I'll notice something different. And then they'll come in, they'll do a blood test. And then that blood test, it'll be different. And then it's, then I learned the system like, fuck, now it's two more days. And it's two more days because they do the blood in the morning. It's 12 hours. They get it at night. Now you got to fast for 12 hours to do it again. So you're on a two day cycle every time

it's a setback. And I'm just getting more and more frustrated and i'm also like i don't know if i'm gonna die i don't know i don't know if i'm gonna see my daughter again like all these things start going through your fucking mind like i you know my kids all this shit am i gonna be able to recover from this you're also not even on the those feelings and then the drugs of like face fallen off you're on steroids steroids like crazy which alter your attitude they can alter your emotional state they can alter your anger levels and they did and they did right i'm like okay i want to say this first.

I probably dealt, let's just say I dealt with 100 people. 96 of them were fan fucking tastic. And that's unbelievable odds. Yeah. It's in our healthcare system. That is beyond excellent. Oh, for sure. Now, there's always some fucking assholes.

And I also say, you know what they call the person who finishes last in med school? Doctor. So it doesn't mean you're good at what you do. And the thing about these nurses and stuff is you never see the same one either. Rarely. They're coming in from Pomona, Montebello. Sure. You know, I'm like, God.

So every time you got to tell your fucking story. But you can hear them getting downloaded out there and their little shift change because they're all doing a crossover out there. You can hear a download when a new nurse comes in. Non-stop. But now they're coming in to take blood and my veins have been tapped. So this one lady comes in and she's hitting me here. I fucking hate this needle here. I have good juicy veins in the main ones.

But these side ones hurt like a motherfucker. How do you know this? Just from their time being in there? No, because I do blood twice a month or twice a year with my regular doctor and have forever. So I know I've got good veins because these nurses are always like, I don't even need to tie you off. But now I'm drying up because – Every time I get blood, I just go like this and then they just do it real quick. That means everything's fine.

Your veins are angry. Your veins are angry. Your veins are angry. They kept saying, because they kept sticking them. You're getting stuck every day, nonstop. You got one in your arm always, the IV. So this lady hits me once and misses it. And I'm just like, all right, we all miss. Hits me twice.

I go, you miss it again? She's like, I did. She's nervous. Don't swing at the first pitch. I go, all right, well, let's not miss it this time. And she misses. I went, you missed it, Ken? She's like, I did. She's nervous. Don't swing at the first pitch. I go, all right, well, let's not miss it this time. And she misses. I went, you missed it, didn't you? And she's like, mm-hmm.

I go, all right, please just go get somebody that knows what they're doing real quick because these hurt. And that was three of them. And I'm not letting you have a fourth shot. And she goes, okay. And she pulls her finger off. I swear to God. Blood shoots out. I go, well, there goes the blood we needed right there.

I go, go. Just go get somebody else. This dude comes in. Now, I say, you see this vein right here on my arm here where the IV is? He's like, yeah. I go, look at this one over here on my right arm. You see how juicy that thing is? He goes, yeah.

I go, please hit that one. Don't hit these small ones. They fucking hurt. He goes, okay. Where do I feel him stick it? Right here. I go, hey hey that's not the vein i just told you can i see an honest question why do you think he why well he answered oh he

said it was easier for me that's what he said it's easier for me and i said i don't give a i go but you just told me you would do it here he goes yep and i go you missed it and you and he goes i did i go wait twice once that first was his first one, but that's four total. Four total. Hits me again, and I go, you missed again, didn't you? He goes, yep. I go, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

You're mad. And go get somebody that knows what the fuck they're doing. 0 for 5? You're mad. 0 for 5. I'm fired up, bro. 0 for 5. Our boss comes in.

Are you guys getting dared? I'm not dared. Is somebody out there daring you guys? She comes in it's are you guys getting dared dare somebody out there daring you guys she comes in and their there's their thing says hematology on it yeah hematologist their job is not to come do my vibe it's just to get the blood yeah and she comes in i go look i'm sorry that's not indicative of who i am i'm that's frustrating. She goes, you don't owe us any apology. She goes, you're 100% right to be pissed. It is their job. They're not here to do anything but get blood. And it's embarrassing for me to have to come in here and go behind them. So I'm sorry. And she, bang, gets them right away. Can you just take two? She goes, I'm way ahead of you. I'm taking two for sure. And she goes, look, I'm just going to tell you, you have to be an advocate

for yourself in here. If you're not, you're a grain of sand on a beach. You know what I mean? They can't get to everybody. Now, I've got this fucking lady next to me who's also a yeller. She's all day. In the rooms? Next to my room.

I don't remember her. She's running out. Yeah, she's running out naked. They're telling me and stuff. I miss this entirely. I didn't see it. I'm on my back. But I just remember her. And she's running out. Yeah, she's running out naked, they're telling me and stuff. I miss this entirely. I didn't see it. I'm on my back, dude. But I just mean I didn't even know about this.

Yeah. So you might remember it when this. So again, now they put me back on the Dilaudid because they're like, fuck your little flesh falling off. You went through some serious shit and you're in pain. You need this. Yeah. And I hear the, oh, right, all day long. Well, I finally have a night of sleep and I hit dreams again.

Yeah. I have this dream that someone throws me into the back of this like old Toyota Corolla and then starts throwing bodies on top of me. And I'm screaming. And I know I'm screaming in my sleep, but I can't wake up. I'm like, oh, oh, I'm paralyzed. Have you ever had sleep paralysis? Yeah, one time. You know, that's a figure.

A lot of people say a figure at the end of the bed, too. We'll get into that later. I'm like, oh, oh, and they're burying me alive in this car, and I dig my way out. My back's killing me. I'm crawling. This is all my dream, obviously. Now I'm outside the hospital, and I'm showing them my wristband. Let me out of here.

Let me out of here. And I'm showing them my wristband. I can't get back in the hospital. I finally wake up. I start buzzing that fucking thing. And this lady runs. She's like, what's the matter? You didn't hear me?

You didn't hear me. I woke myself up yelling. I know I was yelling. She goes, oh, my God. Was that you? I go, yeah. She goes, oh, my God. Was that you? I go, yeah. She goes, we thought it was the lady that's been – so they ignored it. Just ignored it.

I'm in there screaming for my life. And I said, listen, get these drugs out of here and stop. Don't let me deep sleep. Please don't let me deep sleep. But I keep hitting these weird deep sleep dreams about weird people and shit. You're over on Elm Street. It's fucking – it's horrible. I hate that shit

um okay so this is like you're in that room for over two weeks right that room alone yeah i spent almost the whole i spent a month basically in the hospital on my back and this and tell me we had some pretty cool surgeons they would come in oh yeah they would make you. The one guy, he came in crying for me. And I go, what are you doing? You're not supposed to cry for me. Because every day, he's the one checking on me, telling me I'm going home tomorrow. And every day, it's a major – it's not just a little bit. He's like – he came in crying.

That first cardiologist came in, and I recorded it. He spoke to you for – I think it was like 38 minutes. I was going to say easy half hour he did. It was over a half hour. And I'm like, I mean, just a doctor to give you that amount of time. He went over everything with you. And he came in and he goes, your friend, the one who dunked. I go, first of all, how do you know who I am?

That was a different one. Oh, okay. And he goes, just let's say my brother is a big fan of comedy. I go, okay, dude. Whatever you want to say. But you also had the one who was like, smoke weed. Yeah. He was like, hey, if that calms you down.

Instead of taking. Edibles. No, what were they going to give me? It was a pill. It was Xanax. He said, we listen to our patients. And I can't believe he's like, you can already fly. All of them said I can fly and smoke marijuana. No cigarettes, no vapes, no cigars. And I was like,

how? And they're like, look, we don't want you to, but if you're going to, it's not going to make your situation any worse. Yeah, he said, because if we're talking about cigarettes, we'd be having a completely different conversation right now. But weed, rats we would be having a completely different conversation right now but we he's like i don't you're fine yeah you're fine yeah and you know i think the the overriding thing was how much you were not supposed to be in there then how lucky you were that you were still there when things went bad thank god and then the frustration of being there, right, combined with everything you bring to it, because as we get older in life, you get closer and closer to your own mortality and you want things to go right. But you also kind of hope they're going to go on your terms. And nothing about this experience is on your terms.

And every day it's something different happens. And every day I'm more and more frustrated that now I'm here for two more days. Okay, I'm supposed to get out Wednesday. Wednesday, like, it's going to be Friday. Friday, you're probably going to be here the weekend. I'm like, fuck. Fuck. I've got my dog at this lady, Jackie, thank you, this dog trainer, who was supposed to have her for three days.

You know, my daughter's mother's got my daughter the whole time. I'm not even getting to see her and i'm freaking out about that like i'm scared to facetime because i don't want to see me all fucked up with oxygen tubes and all that shit and also you you get to a point where like you know people who sent you stuff to the hospital yes it's very nice but i don't to speak as you for a second you're like i don't want to be in a hospital getting nice things. Get the fuck out of here. I don't want another thing

delivered to this room. And like, there was a time where it got to where with you where you would be like, I'm fine. You don't got to come by. And then of course,

I came by and it was great. But you also don't want to keep being the thing where you're telling people to come by. Like every, the good things feel bad because you don't want them to have to need to happen and the bad things feel bad because you're sick of

fucking doing them it's like you can't it's hard to win it's a hard it's hard to get a win yeah there were so many people to some that visited so many that called and were there for me i know some people may not want their names mentioned i'm not going to just i also don't want to forget anybody so i'm not going to say but there were some mean i had calls from out of the country people out of like it was wild joe coy offered to pay my medical bills yeah he offered to pay my medical bills he's like i got the money i'm like i know i'm watching you go through the fucking 12 trucks and the five buses but i'm all right thank you i love you do the podcast again um but the other doctor was like there's always one patient you would remember. I go, do not tell me I'm about to be.

He's like, you're the one. I'm like, I don't want to be the one. Put me in the top ten, bro. I don't want to be the number one. He's like, you're number one. I go, give me another one, though, that stands out. And he goes, okay. And this is something I dealt with.

So you're on these pain meds, and I haven't shit for 15 days I get up to it and they're like, you got to go. And I'm like, yeah, I want to go. You've been giving me all these fucking stool softeners. It's not working. Give me the fucking little bullet. I'm going to put it up my ass, the suppository. Well, I think nurse is going to do it. She's like, no, you're doing it. I'm like, what? So she lubes this thing up excessively. And I put it up there and I'm thinking, you know, I'm going to get one of these power dumps. And it's disappointing. It's a two-parter. But I finally go.

And he tells me, like, it's good that you went because this one patient, same situation as you, didn't shit for three weeks. We are checking him out that day. And I say, listen, I want you to just go before you hit the road. The guy's driving from L.A. to Fresno, which is a few hours. And he's like, as your surgeon, I'm not comfortable discharging you. And he's like, I'm going. He's like, then you're going on your own because I'm telling you, you should really go just before you get in the car. He said the guy doesn't get farther than walking out of the room into the little corridor, and he collapses.

They call him. He goes, get an ultrasound on his stomach right now they do dude's abs fucking split open because he had shit and now he's back in the hospital with a whole ripped open abdomen that's number one that's gotta be number one dude so anyway the mantra from all these I'm seeing like I said I'm a lab rat this year I gotta go see pulmonologist oncologist cardiologist I gotta go see the spinal specialist I gotta go see all these people but the one guy was talking about uh Tom he's like don't feel bad your friend the one who dunk he did something stupid and i just start dialing he goes you you did nothing wrong he goes he was funny but stupid

you did nothing wrong and he was awesome and they're also they're all young guys yeah and girls ladies i should say excuse me men and women they are young and And I'm like, God damn. And I like that better than the old fucking way of, that's just this, that's just that. These people really want to fucking figure out solutions and stuff. So they're telling me every day if I see something different, I have to say something. You see something, you got to say something. We're finally coming to my last day.

Yeah, this is the day you're supposed to leave. This is the day I'm supposed to leave. I'm there. Yeah, and I do have another incident. There's one day where I have another incident where I think I'm having a heart attack. Oh, yeah. And I'm punching the bed.

I didn't know the beds had alarms on them, but I'm punching the bed. And I've lost my patience at this point because now we're three and a half weeks or whatever in. And I've listened to every motherfucking druggie yell. I've listened to a lady eat pills. I've listened to this lady over here. And've listened to this lady, oh, over here. And now I'm like.

You synced up your trip with another woman. I'm just yelling. Just put me the fuck out. They're like, sir, calm down. I said, if I could fucking calm down, I'd calm down. Like something's happening. Comes all the way. I mean, tilapia.

You get in there a month. I'm like, give me the tilapia. You start screaming for tilapia too and i'm fucking yelling with a purse i got my own pills i finally i asked them for the dilaudid iv i'm like just fucking knock me out this pain is excruciating i'm recording it trying to play it back and and and i got by the way i'm wearing a fucking eye mask i've got ear plugs in plus soundproof headphones over it i got a sound machine on my phone not the miami one either bro just a regular old sound machine right here next

to my head and they come in they kick your bed because you can't even probably said my name 10 times so it's the last day and I finally can shit on my own. Okay. So after a month and I go in and I shit. Hold on. I'm there, right? Yeah. You're there.

This is not just that. Okay. So we're getting close. I have a show that night. There's nothing worse than knowing you have to leave your friend. Because, and I knew it too. I fucking knew it, that it was going to it was gonna work out that you were gonna because your thing was like hey just stay here until i'm good and i and i was pushing the time on it and you can laugh about this now in the moment who you you're and i mean this sincerely your compassion for where

i need to be who fucking cares right you've been in this place for weeks so i don't expect you and i feel guilty being like hey i gotta go do something that you can't do for a while it's gonna be and you're still gonna be here i'm not leaving you at your home i'm leaving you here and so they're saying oh we're gonna bring your medicine and you are at your wits end you're roided out you're you've got you've got drugs still in your system but you don't want to take the new drugs because you want to be as clear-headed as possible for when you leave because if you can't go to the bathroom if you're too out of it they can't let you leave within a certain window of having given you these drugs which also means your pain is up right so everything's kind of like cresting at the

same time. And I am skipping as much pain meds as I can because they are fucking me up. And so this is when I was in there when you woke up. And so then we get to like, I think I had to leave. I had to leave at like 3.30. And then I end up like, I'll wait till 4 with you. And then right around 4, the doctor comes in. So I'm like, well, I'm not leaving now, right?

The doctor's here. And I want to make sure that Ryan has somebody else who understands what they're saying, whether I record it and send that to Duffy or somebody else or Kirsten, whatever it is. And so then he goes, he's like, I'll come back. And I just don't want to leave here not knowing anything. They're going to make sure you can leave when you're comfortable so then um the nurse comes in a new one and says can i rush him i'll give you all your stuff and you're like i'm still coming down for these drugs can you give it to me later and she says yeah

that's fine he's like i just don't want to be and this is how because that is what they do when you also when you wake up in the morning like hey we know you're just waking up fresh at five o'clock here in the morning out of bonkers out of your mind from drugs we're gonna give you some real important information about medications you never heard of and don't know shit about and you also would get mad at me too like i'm like what's that one like eloquence tell them a start and i'm like i don't know this shit i don't know but you also were maxed out like you were saying stuff that would never happen you're like i don't want anybody throwing a brown paper bag at me it's saying take these yeah and i was like i was out and you know i want to be like ryan shut the fuck up they're not gonna do that but you are so kind of like

you know out of it right i'm not taking tilapia pills so like i already take right so she's like yeah we're not gonna do that and even when the doctor came in you were like you were like i need to know he's like yeah well yes we'll do it you know he said i remember this he said what are you worried about i said dying right i know because i know that but what are you worried about after that i go clotting and dying dying. He's like, we got it. You're at the end. The candle's burnt down here. So then you go, hey, DVK. And I'm like, yeah.

And you're like, I'm going to sit up. I go, OK. And I haven't seen you move before. I don't remember any of this at all. And you're like, I need you to do me a favor. And I go, what the fuck does this guy need? And you go, I'm'm gonna have you take a picture of my back for me and i'm like okay i don't know what i'm gonna look at right i hadn't even seen

the photos we saw oh you had no when it was all bubbling out you're a reverse alien by the way that is nothing it got it started to look like an iv bag in my back like that's where it got yeah so uh you're like i'm gonna need you take uh take pictures so i go okay no problem i'm like it's of course right so i take a couple photos for you and then you go all right i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna shit i go there and you're like no in the bathroom i go do i have to go with you? And you're like, no, I can do it. I go, okay. But I want to say this too also.

For a guy, once you have to shit, you forget how much we take for granted the ability to get up quickly and hustle to a toilet. I'm over there in a bed. It's called a log roll. I got a log roll. I got to sit up. I got to wait like 20 or 30 seconds to make sure i don't get dizzy because they told me not to shit on the floor give it a couple of lows right i gotta breathe out i go i'm breathing in this fucking thing like and honestly

if i can just get up and take my walker to the toilet and back that's a fucking huge day for me it's a huge day for me because what you also you experience this later on you'll probably touch on it is how much your muscles have deteriorated it's killing me right now so so then i go okay you're gonna go in there like yeah and i'm like yeah i'm still feeling bad because i gotta leave right and so i go what can i do for you you're like i don't you can put all that stuff together right and uh half of it's mine so i start i start packing everything up ryan you and i have been friends since the moment we met at the bridgetown comedy festival and i think 2013 maybe 2014 at the latest but i bet it was 2013 and uh uh so we're on our 10th year of being friends okay i'm i'm on the far side of the room across from me is your bathroom and in between me is the bed

you are sitting on the bed facing your bathroom and i go do you need anything and you and right as i go over you go nope and I look over and you stand straight up and two little wrecking balls come swinging. I'm just watching your car dice. Just car dice. You look like a goddamn desktop pendulum swing. Click, click, click.

And I'm like, we're friends now. In the rear view mirror of your dick, just these two just swinging. It looks like two old people on a porch. I believe you too, because when I would sit on that toilet, they would definitely dip in the water. They would definitely dip in the water.

Everything's loosened up in that bed. So then he started walking. I'm walkering. Yeah, dragging yourself. And then you go into the bathroom and then the door opens right hey uh where did mr sickler go i'm like he left i'm like he's in the bathroom and uh okay um he's he's he doing all right we her and i are speaking to each other as though you can't hear everything we're saying. Yeah, the room is like an eight by eight room.

It's the size of the studio, right? And I go, he's there in the restroom. Oh, okay. Well, all of his medicine is ready. Are you the one taking him home? And now I know I need to be clear here, right? I go, I am not taking him home. clear here right i go i am not taking him home so all the information you need to give him you should wait until the next friend of ours gets here and she's like okay uh i'll come back then

and now you're still in the restroom right and enough time goes by i packed everything i go right like yeah and i'm like i felt like i was uh brad pitt and uh the bear jew yeah uh i go uh right yeah i go you're good i'm good i'm like okay so then not five minutes goes by not a lot of time a lot of time in a bathroom right uh she walks back in and she goes is he still in the bathroom and i don't want to be mean to anybody but i wanted to be like is he in the bed like am i dancing this is the lady we're dealing with yeah so he goes he's still in the bathroom and and i said uh i said yeah he's still in there and then uh she goes okay well i just wanted to

give him all the stuff. I go, totally. Understand. Trust me. Nobody wants to go home more than Ryan. But as soon as he's out of there, I'll let you know. And then right around this time, you go, oh, my God. I don't want to make it funny, but I don't remember.

It was something like you're like, hold up. And her and I look at each other and you're like well i don't know what's happening now and i'm like what is it right and you're like oh man hold on before you say this what i see yeah i know isn't serious in the medical world. Sure. But I'm told. Let's add everything up. If I see anything I've never seen before, anything's different at all, I am to report it. Right.

But I am having second thoughts about reporting it before I even say hold up because I want to fucking go home. And I'm literally scared again that if i report this it's another two motherfucking everything multiple levels yes you want to go home you also know the last time you went home you ended up coming back here yeah you also know that if you had gone home too early the last time you might not be here in a bathroom and i would have never got to see your little hangers okay yeah so also you know about what happened to your father right and you also know the the number one person who you're trying to stay alive for right all and you want to go home all these things are happening to you plus you're on drugs plus you're in pain

plus you're on roids so even the roids alone takes off you know every cars have governors on them for anybody who doesn't know a governor it may say 150 on your dash but that motherfucker is not going past 115 because it has a governor on it so your governor's off or at least not as effective for emotions this is what happens to people with ptsd which by the way you also are going through traumatic things for yourself right you're seeing shapes when you don't think you're high yes so uh uh you say uh you say you know hold up and yes you do want to leave but i'll let you tell this part of what what happened well in there so I see blood in my stool, right? Yes.

And it's red blood. So I know it's not that big of a deal in the medical world. However, my meds have been changed. There's so much going on. I even said to her at first, like, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a hemorrhoid. Right. But did I push too hard and fuck my back?

Like, I don't know what's going on. So what I would love is a second opinion and preferably from someone, anyone of the multiple people who've been dealing with me. And this lady got upset. Well, she first said. It's not a big deal. Yeah, she tried to downplay it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is not, which I think sitting right. She's not wrong either, by the way. I think sitting here right now at this table, you probably would lean more towards, right? Like, okay, all right. If you really think so, but you'll still check with somebody. But this tone, this attitude I have, I don't know.

Talk to me after that many weeks in the hospital and see if I'm still keeping this timber in my voice, right? Timber, yeah. So then you are lacking, I'm'm gonna tell you as i love you you are lacking the ability to grant her as much grace as you normally would fair enough okay yeah she is lacking the ability to use the right words to make you understand that she is going to do the right thing and once these two ships miss the dock neither one of you could get back it's rocky drago all over again you couldn't get back and so she then what then we also find out i'm now in a room with two stubborn people and you are i have decided you are not here to help me.

So go get me someone who is. Just a second opinion from somebody on my team, please. She has decided I'm going to make this guy understand that I know what I'm talking about. Which she may. She did. Right. But you could no longer hear that. And she could no longer go go like if she had gone

hold on i fucked up i'm not saying i fucked up or did anything wrong i'm just saying i fucked up in the way i made you feel i didn't even need that i just need all i needed was like i'll go get somebody but to be fair to that's it you can't even say right now if that would have worked but i think it would have been a better task if If she would have said, I'll get somebody for you right now, it definitely would have worked because it's all I wanted. So you both keep talking, right? And you go, just stop. Well, hold on, hold on. I also say, I understand what you're saying, but the one thing I'm told is that if I see anything different, I'm to speak up about it.

And this is different. And you, this is your first time I've seen you. Before she did the dig in, you were angry enough. And I love you. But I'm going to do it to that camera right there. I go. You gave that to her? You son of a bitch.

I mean, dude, I come from divorced family. to her like you son of a bitch i mean dude i come from divorced family so i'm used to i'm used to trying to trying to get off first and steal second at the same time i'm like i'm like uh i have a line in my new hour talking about somebody else where i go he gets like this that's what i was like hey hey hey hey so uh so she like cuts me look but then by the end of it i was like okay i have my own trauma from people yelling right so i did not like that but i also knew you were coming from a place of fear and caution fear being the biggest which will which will come in in about 30 seconds in a real way so she leaves right and then she goes and gets the charge nurse and now and this is so crazy is not the right word it's just we're just so close right but we do need to know what this is right so she leaves and you go you go go in there

and look at that shit oh i asked you to look at it i did not that i took a picture oh you think you took a picture i go what do you go go look at you tell me there ain't blood in there oh okay so that i walk in and you go, you see that blood? You're back on the bed now. And I'm like, I also like that you're making, I'm yelling at you.

It's literally that close. It's true. It's right there. It's true. You are like, you see that blood? And I was like, I just need to know,

are you and mom going to stick it out? Is this my fault? What did I do? Do I need to go hide under you and mom going to stick it out? Is this my fault? What did I do? Do I need to go hide under the piano again? So I go, yeah. You go, come here. And I go back in there. You go, take this phone and take pictures of that shit for me.

And I'm like, what? You took the picture. I wanted to be like, no. and i'm like what you took the no i went from i need to go do a show to taking surgical photos watching your balls sway like a tay in the way like nell to now i'm taking pictures of my friend's shit and it's not even for a prank so then i take this i take the photos for you and i'm like we have derailed here we are so close and then uh i'm also by this point so everybody knows i'm standing there with all my stuff like my back every because i gotta go some of I mean, some of mine. And I feel horrible because I also don't want to leave you.

And in your shoes, there's no way I wouldn't feel. You didn't ever say this. You never put this on. You never indicated it at all. But there's no way I wouldn't feel somewhat like you had to go. Like you had to go, Daniel. I know. I know.

But we're both caring people so uh so i stand there charge nurse comes back in she's like so we um i heard we had a little bit of an issue and you go oh we did but then then you you turned and you were like look i've been i was supposed to be here three hours i to be here three hours. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here longer than that. It took forever to do it. I had to come back here. I was supposed to be gone in a day, then two days, then the day after, then the day after, then the day after, and then I got here. Then the day I was supposed to go home and you walked it through and you go, no one wants to leave here more than I do. Okay. I'm sorry for

being upset. I didn't feel like I was being heard with what I was saying. All I want is for somebody to look at it. I appreciate her looking at it so that she can get the right person, but I didn't need to be told what it was or what it wasn't. I just needed somebody on my team who's been dealing with me to come look at it because my dad died died, and I woke up one day, and he wasn't there. And I mean, look, right? I'm watching you, right? And you go, I apologize for being emotional. And that's when you saw you, the anger, which I will put on the drugs and the frustration and the fear and all of it.

put on the the drugs and the frustration and the fear and all yeah all of it that's when that was able to take because in that time you took a few breaths because i wasn't saying much to you because i wanted you to just let it go sometimes people think in these scenarios they should like chime in and sorry like that's the worst thing you can do for sometimes let them get it out just let it get it out and then don't it's like a seizure just move away don't yeah it's a good it's the best time to not yes and. Don't anything. Don't no and either. Just go, I hear you.

I hear you. And that allowed you to then let what was really going on. It is a serious. You do want that looked at. But also what's behind all that and what you felt when you saw it, right? Because you'd be like, motherfucker, right? I'm in there for 30 seconds because I'm like, I know that black stool means there's blood in my stool but this is red i've had this before like right but do i fucking say do i regret not saying something going home and

they're like well did you happen to ship blood when you were here i'm like yeah i did jesus christ but you didn't say right and so that allowed it for you to then come. Here's what it is, miss. And she said, okay, well, I will have somebody on your team. You go, that's all I asked for. And then when she walked out, that's when I looked at you and I said, that was really well said. You said really well done, right? You did good. Yeah.

I was like, thank you. Let's do the countdown. Thank you. Your cheek fell off, Daniel. Put your cheek back on. Right's do the comment. Thank you. Your cheek fell off, Daniel. Put your cheek back on. Right, right. And so then the surgeon showed up. I go, what are you doing here?

He goes, because I heard you were having problems. And he fucking told everybody in that room, Ryan's right. This man was told if he sees something different to report it, he did. I'm here to tell you that I think it's okay. However, it's your your call do you want to stay here again tonight or do you want to go home and i was like i want to fucking go home if you're saying that's all right i want to go home he's like great you can go and you said that to you i know you actually this is one of the things you said in that person to you nobody wants to get out of here more than i do and i know that you guys need this bed because there's probably somebody in the room where i was in they can't

wait to be up here. And I want them to have the opportunity that I had to get the best treatment possible. That's who I am. Yes. Yes. But you had locked back in to that point, right? Which was good and to be expected. And you didn't call anybody any names.

You didn't do anything violent or anything like that. But you had hit your limit. And it was just two ships missed the dock they were supposed to hit at the same time i just gave her a firm stop i gave her one of those and she was like all right i think i'm gonna stop well it's like fucking stop stop yeah um and then they let me out yeah a few hours he takes me home yeah dude when i when i went downstairs and he was waiting to get checked in, the relief, to make it about me, the relief that washed over me that I'm literally, this is a track meet, and I'm literally getting, I don't have to set the baton down and hope my track team member comes and picks it up. I handed it to him right when I go, hey, he's up there.

This is just what he's going through, stuff like, you know, he just found this. They're waiting to find out. And so that felt great, too, to be able to be able to like okay because i hated leaving you and then yeah you got to go home he took me home yeah like nine or ten it was late as shit and i was scared literally to death to go to sleep yeah and he slept over and we watched a little bit of the Comedy Store doc. I remember I got up out of my bed at like 5 in the morning. I was so hungry. He's a poor dude sleeping.

He's got to go to work. I'm microwaving these pizzas that you're not supposed to microwave. It was bricks. I just didn't care anymore. Do you have more photos from any of that other stuff? Yeah, I'll show you some other stuff. But the real PTSD hit me because my father's same situation got out on a wednesday night thursday was thanksgiving we went home for the weekend friday saturday so what i really

didn't tell a lot of people if any more than one is uh that that sunday night was the night i was really scared of because i was like this is the fucking night this is the night he went to bed and we found him dead in the morning. And so that one, I don't think I got to bed till like four or five that day. And then my sleep was all fucked up for a while. But I got out. Yeah, let's look at some of these other pictures. What we got coming up here, Kirsten?

Let's see. Because I want to thank a lot. There's my stepson, this six foot five motherfucker that was a beast and took me everywhere. Yeah. Did everything. That's my daughter right there. She came up and finally they let her come up after some BS went down, let her see me. And she decorated my walker right there.

Kept me comfy right there. That's from YMH. I want to say thank you, Tom, Christina, Nadav, Annie, everybody down there from the YMH crew. There's so many people I'm missing too. That's how you rolled out. That'sab annie everybody down there from the ym ymh crew there's so many people i'm i'm missing to it i'm intentional that's how i rolled out right there i had my night pants the whole time in there and uh there i am when they finally said i could fucking go and then that's my right before my haircut the first time right there but look how much slimmer you are from that first from that friday you know that's the thing too you were like posting on social media like you posted before you went in it was like hey finally happening and then i did it even said hopefully see you on the other side hopefully

and then where's my haircut and i got a haircut look at look at me right here all cleaned up after that one not that one that's next one yeah there we go that's my first haircut and then this is me right here on my walker fresh out of the hospital. They told me I had to walk. That's me going around the pool in my night pants right there. That was a big adjustment for you to realize how hard it was just to do physical things. Man, I thought I'd be able to do two laps around that pool without a walker. That's my second one right there, and I'm using the walker because what you spoke to earlier, the atrophy.

I don't have an ass. My hamstrings are fucking rubber bands my neck hurts so bad from holding my fucking big ass head and when i first came back to the studio to record my show i didn't know what it was i was like what is going on it was my own shoulders like pulling me down and just fucking on the neck so um so many people uh can't tell you how expensive this motherfucker is go support my my special lefty son on YouTube. Come out and see me live. There's a lot of messages you'd have to go back through your phone.

I mean, you're talking about weeks of being there. Listen to me. I remember people reaching out to you and being like, oh, you know who I heard from today? You know who I heard from today? So many people. It was so fucking nice. And again, I don't want to forget someone.

And obviously the love on social media, man. All your how-to's and don'ts. So many names to throw out there. Yeah, I mean, because you posted on, you're like, I remember when you went back after the three-hour debacle, you were like, wasn't supposed to be like this. And then you kind of went silent for weeks. Yeah, I'm not the guy that does all that. No, I know. I probably should be.

Probably help with followers and all, but I don't really want to live life like that. I sat there. It felt very pandemic-y to me in a way where I was stuck at home and I watched everything. I signed up for BET+. I signed up for so much shit to watch, and I watched all of it. And then you start to see, oh, it's everyone's version of true crime, comedy, drama, whatever. But I've always said the one thing I wanted to be that my father never was was an old man. And I'm trying my ass off to get there.

It was also really hard for me, too. I'm a hustler. I'm not used to laying still. I can't. That's been very hard. And the other thing that gives you PTSD, too, is when my died, like there were so many nice people that just bought clothes for us and sent them over. And I just remember feeling like a fucking loser. I felt like –

When you were a kid? Yeah, 16. I felt like this charity case. And I was like, fuck that. I was also so mad that the one parent who really loved us just died. Right. that the one parent who really loved us just died. So even now, like people have brought food over.

People have come over yourself. You came and hung out with me and Stella playing fucking crazy eights, shoots and ladders. I whipped your daughter's ass in shoots and ladders. Yeah, but she got you crazy eights, bro. You watch football with us. But, you know, I don't like asking somebody to get up, can you please get me the ice pack? Can you, you know, go make me a drink? I'm, I'm been on my own since I'm 16.

So I don't know how to do that. And it's very, it's very humbling to have to do that. It's very, and it makes me feel like that charity case. You're saying it was hard for you to make me take pictures of that shit. Yeah. It was hard for me to ask you to do that, dude. So, but no, but it But no, those are experiences. Those are growing experiences. I wanted to end this with, first of all, I love you.

Love you too, brother. Thank you for everything. No, it's not a question. And there's been some fun articles that have been written about this, the one that popped up that made me laugh because it that's a picture of me at my just hit okay no you're good it's loading again it's a picture of me oh there it is from my stepson's graduation i don't know why they i don't know it's on my instagram but it this is why you shouldn't believe shit that you read okay it starts off with american professional

comic author and performer named Ryan Comic Sickler. Went to a close-by grade school for his essential training. Moved on from that point. Afterwards, signed up for a secondary school in his old neighborhood. None of this, none of that's right. Okay, none of it. So this is supposed to be in Baltimore? This is an article about me, what I'm going through health-wise. But from the perspective of being from that area?

Yes. Okay. Ryan began, wait, wait. Starting around – his most memorable video was named Cult Man. They put an L in that motherfucker. Excuse me. So it says Ryan Sickler's back. Now, I also made a joke saying I'm finally going to get a bacchiotomy.

And a bacchiotomy is a joke that Dave Chappelle makes in Half-Baked where he's like, the doctor said I got to get a bacchiotomy. So I just put that out there, okay? Ryan Sickler's back, a medical procedure. Oh, that's the title. Ryan expounded on his second crisis. Blah, blah, blah. Where is it?

Oh, bacchiotomy frequently alludes to a careful procedure expected to change the life structures of a patient they're saying i went in the medical clinic ryan sickler is preparing for his bachiotomy dude these fucking idiots i persevered it says through horrifying torment for a considerable length of time, blah, blah, blah. This was probably written by a 15-year-old trying to get an AI on a project. Yeah, or some bullshit. So they said the same thing.

Not much is really known about his condition now. This is my condition. I just started physical therapy yesterday. I got a long motherfucking year ahead of me. And what I didn't know about blood clots is, you know, I'm on blood thinners for life now, but I didn't know that I live with these clots until your body gets rid of them. I was surprised to hear that. I thought it was kind of dematerialized. I thought the blood thinners would get rid of them, but they said it could be up to a year.

So, yeah, I'm going to take things a little slow. I'm walking 15 minutes a day, and I'm literally doing sidekicks and, and knee raises. A lady came to my home to, to teach me this shit. So, um, how do you feel? I feel great now. I feel like, you know, I'm driving again. I watched my daughter, like the first night I got home and like, she laid in bed with me and it was just like, man, like I would have missed all this. And now we, you know, my daughter has been missing me. Like when she came to see me, she went crazy. Like I surprised, I had Kirsten take me to her school to pick her up and she had no idea I was coming to get her. And she ran up to me,

she's like, dad, you're okay. And like gave me this huge hug. And just on Friday, like the other thing that I love too is like all of us, like I love that I rolled the dice on myself. The other thing that I love too is, like all of us, I love that I rolled the dice on myself. I have a schedule now that I create. I don't have a 9 to 5 where I can't go see my daughter's play or I got to feel guilty about missing work because of this or stay later because I missed this two hour, whatever it is. And they had this creative writing exercise where you could come

and the kids could read to you. And I didn't tell anyone I was coming. Her mom was already working. She wasn't expecting anybody, and I showed up. Man, she fucking ran up to me. She's like, I miss you. I love you. Oh, my God.

We sat down and read it, and I was like, this is what my daughter needs. This is what I fucking need. So right now my focus is health, recovery, because it's going to be a minute before I'm back. Did the surgery take? I realized yesterday when we were talking. I really don't know. I didn't even ask you. Until the pain is gone from physical therapy, I really won't know.

I don't – I mean, it's sore because it's – I haven't rehabbed it, so I don't know. But we're not all swollen out and everything. No, it's flat down now. And that's why they want me to wait one more week, and they might send me to a facility to do physical therapy and work out there. But it's going to be a few times a week of that. And you'll be back on the road this year? I'll be back starting in the end of May. We're going to just start doing like one a month in May and June, and then I think we'll do a couple every two weeks and see how that goes.

Okay, good. But I've got to build a new hour because I've dropped my hour coming up here in a couple weeks. Lefty Sun on my YouTube, and I will get you dates and all that and we'll get ticket links on the website i mean anybody who saw it live saw me crush you did crush i was just setting it up for you can i ask you before we roll i know we went long i have no idea that's okay. But from what you touched on about the fears about being an old man unlike your father or the fears of how close you touched it and this dark figure that you said even came back another time. And also the 16-year-old kid who was really angry and then was forced, and I'm happy to force you to do it, I would force you to do it again as much as you needed to accept

generosity, to accept service, right? Is anything lingering from any of those feelings in a positive way that you feel like I should and I can be? There's a difference between being in a derogatory term a charity case and being somebody who allows people to be there for them. Yeah, to love them. Yeah, I've always said that what I just want is love. And I realized that I don't also know how to accept it. You know what I mean? Like so many people,

that's the other thing too. Like you got to let people be who they are. Some people don't know how to, look, if I wasn't me in that same situation, I don't know what I would have done or said or sent. I would have certainly done something, but each person has to do it in their own way, what they're comfortable with. You don't know what someone else's trauma might be like they might be like look i just can't go to hospitals it's been this thing for me where everybody you know whatever it doesn't make me better than anybody that's not why i say this but like i've lost people in my life to cancer where you watch them go yeah right and and then there's always those like peaks and valleys of like good for a little bit now we're back in here now we're good for, now we're back in here. Now we're good for a little bit, now we're back in here. And that was a hard thing for me, coming back into those hospitals. And it's all taupe and beige and as sterile as it can be while also seeming gross at the same time in certain ways and the food and the cafeteria and all those things but i don't say that to say anything good about myself but you

that is that is something that people can give you in whatever way they can do you know what i mean that is and for some people they can't do that for some people it's hard to do that some people don't think anything about it and as long as everybody comes with what the love that they have to give it doesn't mean it's always the love you need at that moment or the best type of love. But at least it's true and honest. And then it's on you to accept that. You know what I mean?

Because there were a couple times where I was like, he is not telling me. Ryan cannot answer the phone right now because he doesn't want to or he's sick of it or he's he doesn't want to say to me come here when the first time in my life i didn't even know how to do it i had to ask sarah wineshank how to put my phone on silent i turned that motherfucker off for like three days why i just didn't want to hear you know there was so many people also when you have to tell your story every time to somebody else that calls like and

i'm not complaining about it i had so much love i had family call friends call you know loved ones whatever they all were calling or checking or texting or messaging like there's so many people so if you reached out in any way family friend foe i don't give a fuck thank you very much yeah it does make a difference so you know it's just it's interesting too though i hope i don't give a fuck thank you very much yeah yeah it does make a difference so you know it's just it's interesting too though i hope i don't know how to accept love i gotta well i bet you can in certain ways you know they have those five love languages rory and i just didn't yeah i know mine and but i wonder if you're one of your least ones is acts of service and you have a hard time accepting that type of love i do or feeling good about it and you found yourself in a position where i like to be. Or feeling good about it. And you found yourself in a position where.

I like to be the one that does that. Sure. And you found yourself in a position where you needed to get it. And I think you asked for it in the right ways. I think you advocated for yourself. And I think that you did what you needed to do to still be here. And I'm glad you are, buddy. Thank you, bro.

I love you. Thank you, bro. Love you too. Plug and promote everything again please don't people town and then pen pals you can also watch that on YouTube both of those actually and then everything else is Daniel van Kirk calm myself and Irene too is a great comic we have a show that was running here weekly we're're on a bit of a hiatus, so that'll be coming back. And everything's there. I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

But you see me around. Just go to DanielVanKirk.com. I love you, Ryan. Same on Instagram, at DanielVanKirk. As always, Ryan Sickler. And let me say this. We're going to get links up for the tour dates. The special's coming.

We'll be promoting the shit out of it. Don't even worry. As always, Ryan Sickler. On all social media, Ryan specials coming. We'll be promoting the shit out of it. Don't even worry. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.