The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Sal Vulcano - HoneySal

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Sal Vulcano! (Hey Babe, Taste Buds, Impractical Jokers) Sal Highlights the Lowlights of his fear of death, losing a best friend, and crippling anxiety. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew   SPONSORS: Coors Light -Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to https://www.CoorsLight.com/HONEYDEW  Freeze Pipe -Visit the https://www.TheFreezePipe.com and use promo code HONEYDEW for 10% off Nutrafol -Get $15 off your first month's subscription and free shipping on every order at https://www.Nutrafol.com/Men and use promo code HONEYDEW Raycon -Get Raycon's Fitness Earbuds for $20 off plus 15% off your Raycon order at https://www.BuyRaycon.com/HONEYDEW and use code HONEYDEW How To Buy A Home Podcast -Find How to Buy a Home on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts for your step-by-step guide for buying your first home!

June shows coming up. June 24th, I'm in Des Moines, Iowa, one night only. June 25th, headed to Omaha, Nebraska, one night only. And back at Brea, California, June 30th, one night only as well. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media.

Look, I want to start this episode again with gratitude. Thank you. Thank every single one of you for your support. Thank you for all that you do, the messages. I'm telling you, you're changing my life as well. I mean that, all right? So if you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe. It helps a lot. It's a free way to support the show, right?

And then if you have to have more honeydew, and who doesn't, you got the Patreon. It's called The Honeydew of the All, all right? We do an episode a week, all right? It's five bucks a month. If you sign up for a year, you get over a month free. You're also getting The Honeydew a day early, ad-free, at no additional cost, all right? If you or someone you know has that story that has to be heard, please submit it to

honeydoopodcast at gmail.com. Currently, every Thursday, we're releasing 10 of our favorite Patreon episodes on the main YouTube so you can get a taste of what it's like. It's one of the 10 episodes I highlighted with Josh Wolfe. And there are 90-some other ones.

I promise you, it is a wild show and worth every bit of it if you can afford it. All right? The Night Pants Nation Tour continues. Guys, thank you for your support. We have sold out a show or more in every single city I've been in. All right?

So thank you. Des Moines, I'm headed your way. June 24th, one night only. Omaha, June 25th, one night only. And Brea, California, I'll be back there. Jason Ellis will be with me. Brenton Biddlecomb will be with me Brenton Biddlecomb will be with me and we'll be there on June 30th all right now you guys know what we do

over here I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers we're going to be highlighting the low lights with a guest who's first time here on the honeydew been waiting a long time for this I'm very excited ladies ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Sal Volcano. Welcome to the Honeydew, Sal. Wow. That's nice. I feel that energy, man. I'm stoked to have you here. All right. Before we get into whatever we're going to talk about, please plug and promote everything you'd like. All right. Yeah, sure. Right on. I do two podcasts, one with Krista Stefano called Hey Babe. I do another one with joe de rosa um called taste buds where we argue intensely over food um both of those can be found on the no press channel on youtube or on spotify itunes and that kind of thing uh i'm touring and my my tour dates can

be found on my website savalcano comedy.com as well as all that other stuff merch and things like that so let me see I will be in Rochester on June 10th Syracuse on June 11th we got I'm joining Bert for a festival on June 16th in South Bend Indiana with a bunch of other comics it's gonna be a lot of fun I say Bert as if everyone knows but I'm sure I know Bert Kreischer yeahune 17th in

milwaukee at the paps theater june 18th in minneapolis at the pantages and then let's just jump around a little bit because i just announced a bunch more uh i'll be at vegas my first ever in vegas july 15th at the theater at the virgin hotel uh phoenix july 16th boulder colorado july 17th and then portland july 20th, Seattle, July 21st, and July 22nd in Vancouver. And then last thing I'll do, because these got postponed and I want people to know this stuff out there. I'm doing Louisville on November 18th and Evansville, Indiana on November 19th, the home of Don Mattingly. The home of Don Mattingly. Yeah. Go see Sal. Go see him. Thanks for listening through all of that. Of course.

anyway yeah go see sal go see him thanks for listening through all of that of course um i just want to say this too before we even begin uh and this is something going way way way back i remember court tv during the daytime and then about halfway through the day or maybe it was the night they would switch to this true tv that had you guys on it. Yeah. This is how many years ago when you started, how many years ago was it that Court TV was still on during the day? I think that when we started, it might have just stopped. Just stopped? Just stopped because I remember when we started, there was three towing shows.

I'm not joking. There was three. Lizard Lick, Miami, there's three towing shows. Three towing shows i'm not joking yeah it was three lizard lick miami three towing shows i still can't get a goddamn show and it was a porn show like like what it was like the original and then they did them and then it was the original storage wars and they did so it was all that kind of television what year is that this is uh we got a deal with them i think in 2010 television what year is that this is uh we got a deal with them i think in 2010 okay so 12 years yeah yeah and to see your fucking rise took a flyer on a comedy show and i think we were the first straight comedy we were the only non-reality show people still refer to us as a reality show

we're not a reality show i mean they think it's just they group us in with unscripted into reality but we're very much we're unscripted in certain ways but we're very much, we're unscripted in certain ways, but we're very much scripted. We have to think all this stuff out. We write a ton of jokes. We improvise in the moment, but we're very much scripted too. But yeah. And then, and then I think it kind of like, we can't believe it, but it kind of altered the, I guess the, the, the MO of the, of the network. And then the whole thing, you got comedy.

Yeah. You were the anchor. I can't even. Yeah. It's crazy. And then to see you. We did the Vegas Festival a few years back. And I was saying to watch you walk through a casino and be stopped every second.

I was like, man, this fucking guy is hell yeah. And then you've just. Good for you, dude. Thanks. Thanks, man. Good for you. Yeah, I'm proud of you. They play the show enough.

It's sickening how much they play. It's everywhere. Who cares? Let them play. Yeah. It's repeatable. So they play the shit out of it sickening how much it's everywhere who cares let them play yeah it's it's always repeatable so they play the shit out of it we end up getting syndicated and so after all this time it's like you could turn on a television and we actually got some statistics and we were on the air 51 of airtime now on all tv a few years ago when we were renegotiating our

deal they were like yeah they're not on on their networks 51 51 of the time you turn on every other show combined so i was like that is a little weird but also like fine i mean it's that's how much that's i think really if they didn't repeat the show like that i mean that really helped a lot yeah yeah but now you're out in theaters you're doing everything. So I asked you to do this. You're like, I don't really know what I wanted to talk about. And just quickly you started crying. Dude, I'm not kidding you. This is about that.

Get ready because I tell everyone all the time, I'll cry at a Pep Boys commercial. I'm not even kidding around. Just give me one moment in the commercial. I actually wonder what's wrong with me that i can cry that quickly that easily a song a movie a thing of that like anything i see a tender moment in the streets i'm crying something happens something happens i'm the same way i'm i'm very um this the saying i heard before was i come in peace ready for war and i am very much pet the puppies

and hello the kids and you know and then i'll go over here and i'll cut your fucking throat out okay all right yeah i don't take shit but i will cry i cry at commercials yeah see man i mean if i hear like if i even hear once move move that bus, I just start crying. I remember it was the Hall of Fame, and it was Chris Carter. He had gotten accepted. Oh, yeah, Vikings? Uh-huh. And he got up, and he was with the Eagles first and had his addiction problems and then came back and really –

That boy catches touchdowns. And I guess – I don't know what his background was, but he kept talking about his older brother who was like a dad to him and who really took care of him, and he just starts bawling. He goes – I can't remember his name. He's like, whatever. Joe Carter, you're going in Hall of Fame too. I started bawling.

I'm by myself. There is no other question. I'm by myself, and I'm yelling out loud, that's so nice. That's so nice. In 1998, I was just a kid. Oh, it was in 98, whenever Titanic came out. I just watched that with my daughter. My first like young, serious girlfriend.

We had broken up for the first time. I think I was like a teenager or something. And I used to love going to the movies. I wanted to be like a filmmaker or a screenwriter back then. So I would go see everything. I remember this is so corny, but I remember going to Titanic and I just was going through a breakup, my first real one. And I remember sitting at a matinee watching the Titanic alone crying for like three hours

straight. But at the end, like when she just lets him go like i was like crying crying i cried at a movie one time it was so intense in hindsight i don't know if it would hold up as that intense but vince vaughn was in it with joaquin phoenix and it's about this uh and anne hayes i don't remember what it was called, right? Paradise. Oh, man, I remember. This is a weird one, wasn't it? So, like, Joaquin Phoenix is in another country backpack, and he's this, like, hippie, peaceful guy.

And he had, like, hash on him. And they threw him in jail. And they ended up, I mean, look, this is a spoiler alert, but this movie's 20 years old. So what do you want from me? They sentence him to death. And, dude, they hang him in the movie at the end and like you don't think that's gonna happen like that's really how movies work you know

and then vince vaughn is there they were they were on this trip together and so when they hang him he's like you you don't know if it's gonna happen or not i remember i haven't seen this movie since the time in the theater never saw it again but i just it's ingrained in my head and it's like about to happen you realize oh shit like they're gonna they're actually gonna do it and i remember like he had to just like make eye contact with vince warren right before it happened and they wouldn't let him go near and he's yelling through the jail cell and he's like i'm with you i'm right here i'm with you and then they fucking hang him and i was bawling in the theater and then somebody it was like a matinee There was like eight other people in the end. And somebody laughed.

And I was like, man, fuck you. I just screamed. I don't do laughing at the movie or me. But I was like, what kind of soulless person are you? I'm bawling right now. And they're laughing. You ever have a moment where you're somewhere, like, this happens to me. I've been before.

I've told this story before. I'll tell it because you'll appreciate it. So it was right before Christmas, like right, 2019, before the pandemic. I go into Ralph's. I'm at the cold cut counter and I'm asking the lady,

you know, I want like a pound of boar's head ham and some cheese and slice it thin or whatever. That's how you do it. And I hear her with the Italian accent. I was like, oh know and she's like i go i'll be right back i'm gonna go grab a couple things and she goes wait here talk to me it's just the two of us right yeah you're east coast right yeah i'm from baltimore yeah so and my whole town my whole family's italian yeah my dad was the mutt that ruined it but but everyone else, my mom's side is all Italian, DeVito.

My grandmom's all DeMemo. Slice it thin. Slice it fucking thin. She's like, stay here and talk to me. She's like, what are you doing for the holidays? I was like, I'm just actually going to do, this year I'm doing it different. I'm not doing turkey and shit. I said, when I grew up as a kid, everywhere I went, and I didn't realize

it till I got older, but when I went to my grandmother's house, if it was Easter, there was ham. If it was Thanksgiving, there was turkey, but there was also lasagna, stuffed shells, baked rigatoni. You know, you had all the options. But then we'd leave her house and go to her sister's house and it's there and it's there. So I didn't realize until I literally started dating girls in high school and i would go to like their event i'd be like where's the big z and they're like what the fuck are you talking about like it's what do you mean it's christmas it's the christmas where are the seven where are the seven fish and they're like what are you talking about

i've never done that you know and i feel like we're gonna get into some stuff and then the hour is gonna be up like in therapy and then i'm just gonna be like crying like all right that's the thing about therapy because i go you know and it's crazy that you look you'll be like right down at the end they're like they're like on top of it you know they're like uh you know you could be in the middle all right so and they just bring out to like the date book they're like uh-huh And when are you good next week? And I'm like, oh, all right. So I guess maybe try Wednesday.

And then I'm out of the room. 30 seconds before I opened that door, I was in the middle of something, some shit. So I'm at this counter, and the lady's talking to me. And I say, you know, my grandmom um she would always have the italian options you know and i'm gonna do that this year but i'm also gonna get crab cakes things like that just make a smorgasbord of shit i like for thanksgiving this is what i'm gonna be thankful for exactly so um we keep talking and she starts telling me about her daughter who's dating someone now and she's gonna be there for the holidays and we're going back and forth and she's the nicest fucking lady we

just straight up bond and then she gives me the cold cuts and i'm like thank you so much i go what's your name by the way and she goes carmella and i go i was just right away it got me i go did you say carmella she goes yeah i go I go, that's my grandma's name. Dude. I fucking start crying at the deli counter, bro. It's like 730 at night. I'm bawling. That's not enough. I named my company after my daughter and my grandmother.

I named it Stella Carmela. So it's on the credit card, right? So I take out the, I'm crying. Look, look, look. I got my grandparents, all their initials, all four of them tattooed on me right now. That's great. Every single one of my LLCs is named after my grandparents. My first two companies were one set of grandparents and the other set of grandparents. No joke.

That's great. It was my grandparents. My first company is my mom's parents parents address that they grew up at and my second my touring company is literally named rosenetti after my grandparents hell yeah yeah it's great and then i'm telling you the weird thing is i don't remember ever seeing that woman before and i looked for her after actively and i never saw her in there again and i was like that is fucking crazy like i wonder if she was just transferred from another store one night to cover a shift you know what i mean i was like that is fucking crazy like i wonder if she was just transferred from another store one night to cover a shift you know what i mean i was like sure i couldn't get i'm

bawling at the deli counter was she taking it back because she wasn't like she's like why she was right there with me no because when i said my grandmother's carmela she got it i was just like and i i mean also seeing a grown man crying over ham you know what i mean like it's probably a little stuck all right so especially if they don't slice it then i get upset right away i'm like this is what you call thin right here no he's like oh you want to break my arm i'm like don't shave it either don't fucking shave it for four years you did yeah growing up do you have a deli slicer at home like a countertop i don't have one at home. I'm getting one. Yeah. I still have the mark on my finger right there where I sliced it on a pepperoni this lady ordered. She got a 12-pack of bun, and she ordered pepperoni. Ah.

Yeah. Like, did you see? Like that? Like, I sliced it, you know, and I sliced my finger right on. I had to go to the hospital. I'll never forget that one. Yeah. She was annoying.

All right. Well, let's talk about you, your background. Because I want to know, where originally are you from? And what was your home life like? Are you one of many? Are you an only child? Tell me about that. Yeah, right on.

So born and raised in Staten Island, New York. My parents got divorced when I was about four. My dad, so my dad and mom, it was my dad's second marriage my dad got married very very young he got married at like 17 damn and he had a daughter uh and then like i guess you know one thing led to another and though his his then wife or whatever it was she took their daughter and moved to california now this is like late 60s early 70s so back then it was hard to find people if that happened it wasn't like now like it's like you gotta look through a phone book if it wasn't listed so she just took the daughter yeah they just didn't get along which is your sister yes well i wasn't born yet right yeah but so i didn't know her growing up um so and then

my parents got married and uh and then i had me and then my younger sister she's three years younger and then my parents were only married for like they might have been married a few years before i was born but they i think by the time i was four so then they split five years six year went something like so your mom has two kids and your dad has three is that right my mom has two kids and my dad has uh four kids a four he had two oh wait so but wait there's more so when they got divorced my dad got married uh i guess i've just a couple years after that still with my stepmom now and i have my youngest sister um who's 36 now but you know what i mean but like from that so i have three sisters

one older who i didn't grow up with and then the two younger ones that i did you know you know grow up with and uh and then i finally met my my sister when when the internet started to be more prevalent like we we searched her out and then i met her when i was like in sixth grade and then what was that like it was pretty cool did she know about you guys she did yeah she did but no one ever connected us and so she came and she she she stayed with the summer for us when she was like 17 and i was like maybe like 12 whatever oh hell yeah okay and we we hit it off and then she wanted to come she liked it so much she wanted to just move back but my as my dad tells me he didn't want to do what happened to him where she just takes her away from the like you know what i mean the family and let her come live

here because he wanted to more than anything but i think then i think that she hadn't like was upset with that and then we lost touch again for for years um and then my youngest sister years later just was like this is this shouldn't be this way so she like communicated with her we got back in touch again and then ever since that i mean this is now 20 plus years we're we're all in each other's lives and i go there and they come here and my sister has two kids and one of them my nephew has three boys now so I have uh my nephew has three boys and then you know her daughter and then my sister uh my sister who's three years younger than me has three kids damn my youngest sister has two kids uh three and a half and two and a half but my so have all these nieces and nephews, but I'm the only one without any kids yet.

Right. Yeah. Who did you live with when your parents split? Was it 50-50 or? No, I lived with my mom. But it was kind of like, okay, because we lived in these garden apartments. I know the garden apartments.

You know what it is. Yeah, I know the garden apartments. And so my dad had like three jobs. He was like a sanitation worker for New York City, but he was also the superintendent of all those apartments okay so he because of that had rent free so then we moved into the building just right next to his okay so he still had him right there and he was around the corner so i would just i would see him but like we would go every sunday to to be with him and then when we got a little older we switched it to every other weekend and we'd stay with him for the weekend.

And then in like 92, my mom got remarried in 90. She was remarried for four years. I didn't really like the guy. And so I moved in with my dad when I was like 16. And what was that like? It was great, you know, just great. And then I lived with him until like I moved out of the house, which was like in my early 20s or whatever.

It is a hectic time of the year. You got graduations, weddings, spring sports, and more. We're all busier than ever right now. And with work, friends, family, a million pressing social issues, it can feel like there's an expectation to be on 24-7. And sometimes we forget to take a second for ourselves. So this season, take a second to enjoy an ice cold Coors Light because you deserve a beer that's made to chill. It is my absolute favorite light beer. It's been my favorite light beer since I was in high school. The mountains on the bottles

and cans even turn blue when your beer is cold. That way you always know when it's time to chill. And when you need to hit reset, just open a Coors Light. It's cold lager, cold filtered, and cold packaged. It's as crisp and refreshing as the Colorado Rockies, perfect for a moment to unwind. When I need to take a second for myself, you know I'm reaching for the beer that's made to chill. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash Honeydew.

Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado, celebrate responsibly. If you're smoking cannabis, there is a way to cough less and enjoy chili smoke with zero chest or throat burn. And the solution is a freeze pipe. Freeze pipe makes a unique line of freezable pipes, bubblers, bongs, and more. And the secret is freezable glycerin chambers on every piece. You pop one of these glycerin chambers in your freezer for about an hour and the smoke passes through the icy chamber. It's instantly chilled for a bigger, colder, and smoother hit. I've been using mine nonstop and I love it. I'm coughing barely at all. I love joints, but the paper makes me cough. That's for real. Freeze pipes founders were tired of overpaying for pipes and bongs at local head shops, and with the state-of-the-art glycerin coils and water filtration freeze pipes pieces,

cool smoke by over 300 degrees. Most people report they cough way less with freeze pipe, but everyone reports it's the nicest cannabis smoking experience they've ever had. If you're tired of burning throats or coughing too much when you light up, visit thefreezepipe.com and use code HONEYDOO for 10% off. That's thefreezepipe.com. Use code HONEYDOO for 10% off and say goodbye to harsh cannabis smoke. You don't have to choose between better hair growth and your health. There's a holistic solution for men that promotes both healthier hair and whole body wellness. Nutrafol is the

number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement clinically shown to improve your hair growth, thickness, and visible scalp coverage. Nutrafol goes beyond genetics to multi-target the root causes of thinning. Physician-formulated using natural medical-grade ingredients, Nutrafol's drug-free, patented technology provides consistent, reliable results without compromising your sexual health. In a clinical study, men showed progressive improvement in hair growth and thickness after three and six months. Nutrafol is also trusted and recommended by more than 3,000 top doctors. You can grow thicker, healthier hair and support the show by going to Nutrafol.com slash men and entering the promo code honeydew to save $15 off your first month subscription.

This is their best offer anywhere, and it's only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus, you're getting free shipping on every order. Get $15 off at Nutrafol.com slash men. That's spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com slash men. Promo code HONEYDOO. Now, let's get back to the dude and you still have a good relationship with both your parents of the best ever yeah my dad is my best my dad was you know my dad he's my best friend you know like my mom to my mom talked to my mom every single day have

you been able to tell your mom you weren't crazy about that dude i told her like i told her i told her at the wedding i was like ding ding ding ding i want to just say a few things he was a tool man and that ended he didn't treat her good he was a he wasn't a good dude uh i mean you know uh you know if he's watching and maybe he is i mean i hope you you've come a long way but um that's not you're so nice dude i hope you've come but yeah so that was like you know my mom my mom's great my mom i've never ever this is nuts it's gonna sound nuts and it's not even in an overbearing way it's just a cool check-in way but i've never had a show even spots where my mom didn't text me at the beginning of the night good luck with your spots and then after like oh the next day be like how were the

spot how was your show last night before and after i'm talking 2000 show whatever whatever we do before and after spots tour anything it's break a leg right before showtime every night and then that night or the next morning how are your shows man you talk about someone who's supportive as fuck yeah i'm trying to think how many time times my mom has done it oh zero it's absolutely like that doesn't really do it he's not good with texts you know still what a mom yeah but sometimes it could be a little too much not that but like you know he's also like how do i work the remote and i'm just like i can't today i can't today yeah you know the remote you know you've been using it for a while. You know, sometimes I'm like, my, you got to figure that out. So we were talking before the show and you said that you have crippling anxiety.

Yeah. Where do you think it comes from? And just describe what anxiety is like for you. Because I know for everyone it's different. Yeah. It's like a mix of anxiety and depression, I guess. I don't know where, I really don't know where it comes from. It's like a mix of anxiety and depression, I guess.

I don't know where, I really don't know where it comes from. So my, not particularly my mom's parents, but my dad's mother, my grandma Rose was a warrior by nature, worried about everything. Wonderful lady. She was like the mayor of our little neighborhood. She'd be like, sit outside, people waved at my grandpa. My mom saw it. My grandma, my dad saw it. We're the mayors of the town.

But she was always worried, worried, worried, worried, worried. And my dad is a worrier and my mom, even though they weren't really worried, she is too. And I always was like, Oh God, it's so much worrying. But I, I think it's inevitable. Like I I'm, I'm a warrior and I, I compared to them. I was always like, look, I see what they, how they are. And I'm not going to necessarily be that way. But then you just start being that way. So I worry a lot too, and I guess I get maybe anxiety from that. What worries you? What do you think about daily?

Like what's getting at you? The number one thing that I go to therapy about and the number one thing that gets to me all the time is death. The thought of death of my loved ones, predominantly my parents, and then, you know, people, my girl I'm in a relationship with, or like, you know, just the day that that comes, or myself, like what that moment's going to be like,

how it's going to happen, when it's going to happen. I'm so tight. My family's tight, you know? I'm so tight, and I just can't imagine, I cannot imagine a world without them. And I just start to sit there and think about like, it's weird. I like, you know, you can choose what to focus on, but I have like diagnosed like ADHD. I know people say that, but I have it like diagnosed and a little bit of OCD. And it is like, uh, I, I lived with it for so long and I didn't understand that.

Like that wasn't normal. The thinking about death. Thinking about everything like obsessiveness. Okay. And, but death is a big one. And, but,

but just the obsessiveness, like, you know, and I, I, I like, I'm not able to focus on anything and I'm not able to complete tasks and I'm not able to remember

anything it's a really weird thing like it scares the shit out of me i'll walk into a room forget why i walked into it i'll start a sentence sometimes especially when i'm overstimulated or i have a lot on my mind and i won't remember what i was going to say or do and i'll like be talking to my girlfriend and i'll be like you know and i'll just be like be like, I forgot. So if anyone, I live and die by this. So if you say to me something right there and I got to remember it, I write it down. I could open up my notes. There's a hundred notes.

Every note is a hundred pages. They're broken down. It's like, I live my life with lists, categories. I have priority lists, secondary lists. I have,

I got a tertiary list. I do share. I got tertiary list. I have like, all right, this person's name, what things I need to speak about this person. Like everything you can think of. And I have to look at it, this person's name, things I need to speak about. This person's name. Like everything you can think of, and I have to look at it,

otherwise I won't remember. And I went and I got tested, and they were like, oh, you have like severe. And they gave me, what's it called? Time released to be hyper aware. No, not Ritalin. Not Ritalin. Oh, shit. Whatever it is.

You know what it is. Yeah, I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, the opposite one. It's like speed, dude. For adults, it's speed. And for kids, it slows them down. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And they gave me that. Adderall. Adderall. Adderall. And I don't really like, I don't really fuck with like, I'm afraid of like prescription stuff and all that stuff. But I said, I don't do this kind of stuff. And he said, I said, I won't do it.

And he goes, just do it on days you feel you need to help. And then days you're overwhelmed. Oh, you can do that. Adderall's a, that's what they told me. So I waited, I waited.

And then, uh, I had the day and it took a while and I, I did took the first time and I guess it was a time release. They gave me the wrong dose and they gave a time release, dude. I was up for 48 hours. It's a stereotype though.

I cleaned the whole house. I was sweating. My heart was pounding. I knew that it was happening Dude, I was up for 48 hours. It's a stereotype, though. I cleaned the whole house. I was sweating. My heart was pounding. I knew that it was happening. I was like, this is like cocaine. I never did coke. I was like, this must be what it's like. My girl went to bed.

I was drenched in sweat, walking around the house, scrubbing stuff, cleaning, doing things. And I guess in that respect, but then I was like, I'm going to crash at some point. I didn't crash that night. I was like, I'm going to crash the next afternoon. I didn't crash that night. I was like, I'm going to crash the next afternoon. I didn't crash. Didn't crash it next night. I went to sleep the following night at like four in the morning. Off that one pill.

Off the one pill. And I woke her up in the middle of the night. I'm like, my heart is beating out of my chest. And that was it. I never did that ever again. And I told my doctor recently, because that was like six, seven years ago. And he was like, man, he goes, they gave you the wrong thing, the wrong dosage. We could work with this, you know? So he was like, we're going to work

with, I said, I have depression, anxiety, and I have this ADHD and they both play into each other because I, I can't get anything done. He's like, we got to treat one at a time. So he's like, which one do you want to treat first? Cause they do play into each other. So we started to treat the anxiety first. So I did go on medication for that. So I went on that like maybe like six, eight months ago, maybe whatever it is now. And it has helped. It has helped. And now, so now that's leveled out and now

I'm going to try to treat the ADHD. But dude, death. I just started thinking of, I focused on such sad shit. I just, because you think about it. Have you never experienced a major death in your family? So I've had, I've had three of my grandparents pass okay and i've had my best friend one of my best

friends in the world pass so those were the big ones for me and then i've had some like really crazy stuff like you know you know although other than that but uh i just like if you think about life it's so sad because when you're on the way out that you know that old it's like you know you revert back to a child that we didn't care of um diapers you know wipe you and if then if you can't get at home care and then all of a sudden you're and that shit is lonely that happened to you know my one grandpa died suddenly from an axe and he hit his head and he was on blood thinners and we didn't know and that was he went before his time oh and that was super tragic he internally bled but when we found him they had to put him on like you know life support and then we had there was nothing no no coming

back his wife my grandma was in 85 smoked her whole life was danced the night away every night then one day she had a mini stroke she went to the hospital and then she was there for a few weeks and it was like in and out, in and out. And then she came to, when we were going to get her home and it happened again. And then we lost her. But like right before that happened, there was nothing. She was imperfect, you know? And then my other grandpa, who was like one of my best friends, I saw him live out the life in a nursing home. And I was a person who would see my grandparents at minimum once a week. I lived with them growing up for a while.

Really, really close with them. We are so similar, yeah. Yeah. You know, so I would go visit him and he would, and I would look at him and just be like, nobody's here right now. Like we could only come in shifts when people have lives and he's laying there bedridden and

I would go see him. And another thing that happens, I hate this, but like you lose, you know, your memory, you know, you start getting this dementia, you start getting all this stuff and I'm seeing it. I have one grandma still alive. She's 90 or 93. We're not sure. Why three?

I get one. Yeah. She's 90 or 93. Well, cause, because she has a birth uh her birth certificate says something different than like photos we found on the back with dates on them and back then you know so and she's still cool she's still with it and everything but she's her short-term memory is gone so i'll and and it's gotten worse over the last year significance i'll talk to her and then she'll forget like something that i asked her and i've seen that happen but it's the saddest thing to me because the thing that we have to take with us is

our memory so i look at my grandma i feel so bad because i love her so much but she doesn't remember anything like she came to see me at the at the beacon theater like a couple weeks ago that's nice and she won't really remember that but at least she was there you know but but it's so depressing you know and then i'm like that's where we're all going that there you know but but it's so depressing you know and then i'm like that's where we're all going that's where i'm going it's like what at the end what do we have even if you were supported and loved and lived this life with all these experiences there's gonna be a day that you're just laying there and people see you in shifts here and there and you just sit in that man and and then you start forgetting stuff and my grandpa we would

go see him and then he'd be like kind of had to remember who you were and that's crushing because he's like my bestie you know and like to then to be like sometimes he would always remember but you know and i would you know he would tell me like i hate this life this is not a life i just want to go i just want to go you know it's so sad to hear and then when i had to leave i would just sit there by his side like i would go at least once a week but he was in another state so i would drive this and I would go at least once a week, but he was in another state. So I would drive this and I would see him like once a week. And I'd just go in there. I'd sit down with him, bring him like his favorite food and stuff. And I would just sit there and like try to talk to him.

I would remind him of all the stories he would tell me, which he didn't remember anymore. And that's crushing because my grandparents were all storytellers. And we would listen for hours. They had a million stories. And I would try to get him to jog his memory, tell him his stories back. That's why I'm glad we have this. Yeah, yeah. I've always told my daughter's mother, if something ever happens to me, you tell her to listen to every episode of The Crab Feast and every episode of The Honeydew.

And she'll know exactly who her father was. I know. And I started to, when I, this has affected me a long time. So I started doing these things where I would set up tripods. And I would like start talking to my grandparents and I started taking down notes about our family tree because I wanted to like go back and figure out where I came from and all that stuff.

And so I started those projects, but I didn't, but now I'm like, no, I'm going to do this thing where I'm going to either write or film myself telling all the stories to a camera so that my kids' kids or their kids and them. And then I just, you know, so all that stuff gets to me so much and I'm like or their kids. And then, and then I just, you know, so all that stuff gets to me so much.

And I'm like, I don't want to see my parents go through that. I don't want to go to that. I focus on that shit. And I, and I'm like, I cannot imagine a day, you know,

until I think I'm having, I think it's more of a midlife kind of thing. And I don't think that the pandemic helped because it, it, for me, I'm already that all day every day and that's it was a it amplified it times 10 i'm sure and i'm thinking oh my god like anything can happen to my parents right this second and i don't have any kids yet and i started thinking oh man i

waited way too long because i want my parents to know my kids you know and and i'm not gonna have that or i might not have a lot of that and and then i'm like wait a minute i i'm not gonna have a long i'm 45 already by the time i have a kid you know if i had a kid at you know 25 i had to be with this kid yeah my children 20 years already and that is the most important thing i've always wanted kids right so now i'm like damn when i'm like i do the math when i you know when i'm like 70 my kid's gonna be you know it's like i'm not gonna be the old dad so i have a little little regret that way, although you can't change anything. But I really, really focus on that stuff, man. And I just like –

Where do you think that comes from? Why? What makes your brain turn to death? I don't know. I had my – Versus work. You know what I mean? A lot of people freak out about their employment or their careers or

whatever what is that always worried me too but i would never really had like i was never had money my parents didn't come from money working class family my dad had multiple jobs my mom was at home with us you know we were on like government assistance here and there even like this so you know but we always had a roof over our heads we always had food we always find they treat us we always had good christmases and you know close with our relatives but i don't know but like i just was a good saver like something about work didn't just bother me i get it i i never had trouble i started working when i was 14 years old you know like but i don't know i just think i have maybe i've never really talked about my parents getting divorced but like i know that I don't really extrapolate. Maybe it's the fact that, I don't know.

I just, I hate change. Do you? Since I was a kid, I have a lot of trouble with change. Well, maybe Sal, something, there's something to the fact that work, you know, these other things you can do something about. Death's undefeated. Yeah. There you go.

Yeah. There's nothing you can do to avoid it. Oh, that's really actually really on point because I have no control. And that's the thing. I'm that type of person that has to have control. I want everyone I know to be taken care of. Healthy, good. Everything.

And I go nuts. And it makes me feel good. But that's who I am. And so you're right. People have said that to me before. It's like you can't control it. Did you do that as a kid with your mom and dad, trying to bounce back and forth, making sure they were always?

Always, man. Like I just always have been like that. So, you know, I start focusing on that and I can't, I cannot turn my mind off of it, dude. And because I have ADHD and stuff, I have these things they call, they call them loops. Like I'll wake up one day and I'll have a song in my head. Now, sometimes the song is whatever, it's any song but it can get very very annoying but i'm telling

you like it'll loop in my head through a through a day or two days or a week the same thing and i have to think you then put it on too no i try to think of something else okay so i can i'll think of another song so that i can just switch songs. You know what I mean? Think about if a song was playing all day. You're like, yo, I'm going to find the artist and kill them. Kill them. But I'll do that with thoughts. And so once I get into a rut like that, I can't get out of it, and I get so sad. And I'm just like, I'm such a happy-go-lucky person.

I laugh. I'm a hearty laugher. I think a lot of people are going to be surprised by hearing this about you. Yeah. Because you are a hearty laugher. Like, when I see you, I smile. When I see my friends, like, I laugh hard. When I go see, when I'm in the back of the room and my friend's on stage, I've heard

their jokes a hundred times. I laugh so hard, but from a real place. Real place. I just love to laugh. Yeah, me too. I'm a laugher, you know? It makes me feel great. Yeah.

And that's how I am. I'm like this, like, God, like, that's, you know. But then I got this, the exact opposite of that is, like, I'm so sad, you know, a lot. So, like. So, you mentioned you lost a best friend. Yeah. So, how does all this worrying about death then end up playing into that? It was unexpected.

Because this is something you saw unexpected. Yeah. Well, he was sick. He beat cancer. And then he had all sorts of trouble, like ulcerative colitis. And he had all these health issues. And then. Already or because of.

It was post the cancer. Okay. Then the cancer came back. And then he did it again, I believe. And then, you know, and then he was just in very, very bad health. And he's a young kid. He passed away like in his late, in his mid 30s. Ugh.

You know, this was 11 years ago. And he was a year older than me. He was one of my biggest supporters. He was able to see the pilot of the television show. All right. He's the first person I showed it to. He came to every show I've ever had. He laughed the loudest.

What was his name? Take your time. Yeah. Doug. So it's hard to lose a support system like that. And he's a buddy who, despite all of his troubles and health, he never complained at all.

And he's the guy that like would text you every, like randomly just want to let you know you know i love you and stuff so he's very giving like that i see him he's always thinking of people always you know did stuff for people so just a wonderful person and um it's tough tough to lose him i had to you know speak at the funeral and stuff to wake and everything and i have this lyrics on my arm that a song reminds of him what is it he used to we used to go out we were young we used to go out and party and stuff like that we we went to all these phases and it was one phase we went out we would go to these like clubs in

the city when we were 20 we'd go out all night and all that stuff and uh he was he was loved music he had you know back when you, when a person with a record collection, the wall in his room, like bigger than this, from the top to the bottom, he had about like, I'm not kidding, like a few thousand CDs. And he would make mixtapes of everyone all the time, records and all this stuff, a wall of records. And so he loved like DJing and stuff.

He wasn't a DJ per se, but this song by Fatboy Slim, Praise You. Yeah. And it's from this old song by Camille Yardbar. It's, there's a, there's a really slow soulful version of that. Is that right? Oh, it's so good. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, but he, he, you know, Fatboy Slim, I was, it was really like he redid it in a way. And it's just the words, it's just the words, you know, that of the chorus is like, you know, come a long way together, the hard times good, celebrate you. And he loved that song and like, it would just make him happy. And so I always thought of it, you know that of the chorus is like you know come a long way together through hard times good celebrate you and he loved that song and like it would just make him happy and so i always thought

of it you know and so when he passed all of us got it all our friends got it and you know and then yeah so but uh you know it was that was really really that was tough to deal with because it was i found that it was like unexpected and i found out via text unfortunately that he was gone yeah oh no so you didn't even get the no i mean i was gonna go like literally i found out like like and a group of people went to go see him and i couldn't and so i didn't and i regret that but um but yeah but it was like it was just i and but i already felt with the death stuff like before that that was just like you've already been yeah that was just a wallop so then it hit you like that yeah yeah i just started and you know what i and then i start like i think it's

because i'm saying i think is a like a midlife thing because you don't think about this stuff right you you you start to like i'm like oh my god i'm the age of my grandparents when i was like you start looking at pictures of like they were were my, but it's like, you're young, right? And it's, you're invincible. I don't ever think of dying when I'm in the back of a pickup truck in a lawn chair going 50 fucking miles an hour. Right, right, exactly.

I never one time worried about, now I'm like. I had my grandparents so late knock on wood, even though I lost before the day, but I didn't, you don't think of it. And then you don't think, I don't think of losing my parents, but then now they just passed into this. Like my dad is 76. My mom is 72. And I think the pandemic, like a couple of things happen.

Like for the first time in my life, I saw myself start to age and some of my friends, like I see us starting to age a little bit. And I see for the first time in my life, my myself start to age and some of my friends, like I see us starting to age a little bit. And I see for the first time in my life, my parents start to age and I never really see that. And so it's kind of like, when I look at them, you just see them becoming a little bit more, you see it, you see the, in their physicality and their demeanor, you know, you just see it and you're like, oh, whoa, whoa. Like I never even put my mind there, even though I do. But like, you know, now it's like, now you're like,. But now you look at it, and it's right there, and you're like, we have moved into another phase.

You know what really sucks? Getting in the zone on the treadmill or pushing to finish that last rep, and then your earbuds fall out of your ears. The music stops. Your pumped-up mood is gone. I've been sitting on the airplane just trying to watch some shows while I'm flying around to see you guys. And boom, they're out, and now I'm reaching back by somebody's bare feet.

That's why Raycon's new fitness earbuds provide a maximum secure fit so you'll never experience that again. Raycon's fitness earbuds help you take your workout to the next level with the power of premium sound and smart tech. That's why they were featured in Esquire Magazine's Best Gadgets of 2021. They were voted Best Earbud of the Year. I've been telling you. They were developed and tested to stay in your ear during the toughest of workouts.

These earbuds deliver maximum comfort, stability, and the most secure fit on the market. Plus, they offer unbeatable battery life, 9 hours of playtime, and 52 hours of battery total, nearly double the battery life of the other brands on the market. Raycon's customers love them. They've given the product over 37,000 five-star reviews. Now is the perfect time to pick up a pair because right now, you can get Raycon's fitness earbuds for $20 off at buyraycon.com. And to make this deal even sweeter,

my viewers get an extra 15% off with my code honeydew. This is a limited time offer. So get in now before it's gone. That's code honeydew at buyraycon.com slash honeydew. You've probably heard the housing market is a mess. Rising mortgage rates, bidding wars, and prices are still at record highs and rising. And first-time homebuyers do not stand a chance by themselves. But the good news, there's a podcast that cares about helping people navigate the entire home buying process. It's called How to Buy a Home.

Host David Sedoni is an industry expert with years of experience who saw the opportunity for first-time homebuyers to take advantage of the crazy market. And since then, the How to Buy a Home podcast has helped listeners close on houses they thought were impossible, even as things went bonkers in 21 and 2022. David has made buying their first home a reality for so many people. And I'm telling you, I know it to be a fact

because when I was on the road at Minnesota, this couple came up to me and they're like, we just bought our first house because of you telling us about the How to Buy a Home podcast. That's for real. And I was like, are you the couple we mentioned in the ad? And they're like, nope, we're another one. So boom, it's happening out there. And David can help you no matter what stage you're in. He can even connect you with the great realtor in your area. So start your path today with the How to Buy a Home podcast and make this the last year you rent. Listen to the How to Buy a Home podcast today. Find How to Buy a home podcast and make this the last year you rent. Listen to the how to buy a home podcast

today. Find how to buy a home on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts. Now let's get back to the do. I want to say I know exactly what you mean because I was at the 50th anniversary at the comedy store and I saw a lot of older comedians and I wouldn't say they're that old, but they're older, trembling i'm just looking i was like man is that the alcohol and the drugs or is that just what this life right of what we do and how we eat and every all this bullshit does to us like how long before we start fucking trembling and everything else and i see guys like i mean i'm a big baltimore oreo fan even still but brooks robinson's birthday was the other day.

And I look at a guy like this old footage of this dude diving and grabbing everything. And now he can barely raise his hand to say hello. And I'm like, I was never in that kind of shape in my 20s. What am I going to be like in my 70s? I know, dude. If I get there. Oh, yeah, forget it. If I get there.

I know. And my parents are in good – my dad's in good shape. am i gonna be like in my 70s i know if i get there i know oh yeah forget it i get there i know and my parents are in good my dad's in good shape you know he's he's he had a couple of he had an open heart but he's young at heart he's going to the gym his whole life he eats healthy he doesn't drink or smoke you know my mom is is is they're still fully you know all good but um i just can't you know like i just i'm like oh i'm not i not never going to be, you're never going to be prepared for this. Never. And you just think of your life and it's weird. You don't, you tend not to go that far ahead.

And now all I'm doing is thinking ahead because the older I get, the faster time has been going. And that's just how it works. I hear my dad saying getting old sucks, this, that, and the other. Now, I really start to think about what that means you think about you mentioned being an older dad and if when you have a kid and that's what they say if you want to know how the passing of time if you really want to understand and have a kid yeah and then you're just like you're five yeah you're like what the fuck you're five? Right. Yeah. So I just, you know, I just, I just, and I can, I just, whenever my mind goes to, it gets so, it's so sad, right? There's going to be a half of my life. It hasn't started yet, but like, I hope it's as long, but there'll be a half of my life that my parents are gone and they don't know what end, end of my story which is such common sense right but

i never think about it that way and then i said oh man i'm gonna have a kid one day and there's gonna be 50 years of their life or 40 years of their life that i will not know about. Like 40 years of the most important person in my life that I won't get to see or know about. And that kind of like broad feeling is what I walk around with. So, you know, it's common sense stuff. But when I stop to think about it, it's so sad. It is. It's like, all right, you know, that's's like all right you know that's fucking life dude but

life is fucking sad it's like i gotta force myself to like think about the positives because for me it can be just doom and gloom sometimes you know and with comics and like yeah i gotta go on tv and like i gotta check that shit we gotta go on stage and check that shit you know and sometimes it's like i'm carrying that with me underneath you know and it's like i mean everyone does but that's what shows like this are for, though. You finally get to fucking talk about it. But it's crazy. People don't think like that.

I haven't thought of that. I feel like I'm crazy. Dude, you just hit such a – my dad died at 42. I was 16. I am 49. 33 years of his son's life he has no idea about. They don't know the story. And I'm thinking over – yeah.

They don't know your story. They don't know the story. And I'm thinking over, yeah. They don't know your story. They don't know what comes of you. Fuck. And I'm looking at my parents out there. If life goes the way it should go, then you're right. We don't know what becomes of our own kids. So it's just,

that's the way it's supposed to go. That's the way it's supposed to go. And every moment of my life, I know, I've had them with me. They've supported me. They know everything about me. Texting you right before. Right, right. You're not going to have that. And life, I know. I've had them with me. They've supported me. They know everything about me. Texting you right before.

Right, right. You're not going to have that. And then who knows how, but then that's it. They're only going to know up to a certain point, and then that's it. And then me and my kids, and I'm just like, dude, how do you not think about that? How do you not think about that? How do you shut that off? I understand.

Be in the moment, and meditate, and fucking the power of now and and you know like monkey taps all this stuff yeah okay okay fine but like i don't know my my i keep going i have to keep course correcting it and have you thought of the night that you won't get the text for the first time ever before you're walking on stage uh does that go like what i don't want to call them fantasies yeah but no i go there i think about i think about when how i always think about what i want to know if i could know or not you know i probably guess not you mean ahead of time yeah like i get you know you know that's fantasy like would you want to know how you're going and i guess no because without that then i could at least have hope, you know what I mean?

Like that. But like, I don't know how to lose like that kind of love. Crazy. I think about it all the time. Well, you don't, it gets taken. You don't lose. You don't lose it. It gets taken.

Yeah, man. So I feel like, you know, I don't know. maybe it's trite what I'm saying, but I just. No. Yeah. So you really struggle with that, huh? Really bad. That's a daily fight for you. Daily.

Yeah. At any time, too. And when I think about it, I get emotional. I'm trying to work on it, but I'm a guy who will be like, you know, walking down the street or talking and I get something, like something that hits me and I'm like, oh, shit. And I got to literally hold back. Do you know what gets me? You know, and it's, I don't know if people like,

I don't know if that happens to people. I don't know. It happens to me. I do meet and greets and the one that gets me the most. Oh, when people tell me their stories now, that gets me. But here's the one that gets me. Because again, my father was my now that gets me but here's the one that gets me because again my father was my best friend i lose him i'm 16 here comes i can't imagine and then a kid that's like i brought my dad tonight and i'm like oh guys let's get a picture you know they're like i'm like i'm so every time it's like hey this is my son we came

together i'm like this you guys came to a comedy show together tonight to see me and they're like yeah and i was like oh shit it gets me i got show together tonight to see me? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, oh, man. It gets me every fucking time. I got a funny story. Just remind me of. I'm a wrestling fan. When I was like, it was like, I want to say at this point, it was maybe almost 20 years ago, 15, 20 years ago. Rowdy Roddy Piper had a book come out.

And he's doing an autograph signing in Times Square. Me and my buddy Brian Quinn from that show. We went to go wait. And we waited on this line to meet him. And he's taking his time with everybody. We waited an hour, took a couple hours, whatever,

and it's rowdy, rowdy pipe, right? Fuck yeah. So he has his son with him and his son is an adult. Son's like 20 years old, whatever he was and he's taking the time.

You see him talking to people. Like he's not rushing it. He's looking at them. He's really like giving people attention. His son's there. He's, his son,

and I was like, wow, something to see and it was cool that his son's there he's son and i was like wow something to see and it was cool that his son was there so i get up there and i i'm like oh i'm such a big you know huge fan you know i said i just you know i was like i you know me and my dad like we you know there were a few things that a few memories i have and a few things we bonded over when i was a little kid that i'll always take away and And one was he brought me to WrestleMania II. And this is when Roddy Piper, it was they split it up into three, like Chicago, National Coliseum, and there was three main events.

And my main event was Roddy Piper boxing Mr. T. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so my dad, we got these nosebleeds, but he said, we're going down. And he put me on his shoulders and we snuck in and we got, we went right up to the front and I had a Polaroid and I'm on his shoulders and I'm taking Polaroids. And it's just a memory. So I was telling him that and I'm like, you know, so like, it's one of my fondest memories of my father is, comes from you.

And he looks at me and he starts crying. Roddy Piper, his eyes filled with tears and he starts crying and he gives me a hug and his son's right there and he hears it. And he looks at his son and he looks at me and i was like oh my god and he starts crying so i was like i got teary-eyed and i start crying like he hugs me and i'm like yeah man you know it's just really nice and he goes i'm so sorry when did you we lose dad he's crying and i'm crying. I go, Oh, my dad's in the car.

My dad's home. My dad's home. It was so awkward. And I felt so weird. I was almost going to be like last year, you know, I almost lied about my dad. Cause I was like, how do I tell him? It was a miscue medication.

And we were crying. So then to tell him, like, oh, it's fine. And we still had the tears going down the face and everything. It was such a funny moment. I should talk about that on stage. I never did. You should. Yeah.

Oh, that's too much. All right. So here's what I want to ask you because I know people want to know. You said you do therapy, medication. Yeah. But what brings you joy then? All right, let me ask you this, this way. For me, whenever I set foot on stage i don't care how

long the set is 10 15 an hour i don't you're somewhere else everywhere every time every fucking time like when i get off stage i'm like i can't believe i didn't think about splitting up with my daughter's mom tonight what the fuck so yeah well that's the exercise we do right because it comes across like to be in the moment every night. Plus we can't do stand up. It's true, but you can't always do stand up to make yourself feel better. So what else do you do? Yeah. I mean, not just family and friends.

I know that sounds like a lame thing, but like it's everything. Do you hang out with them or like cook out? Oh God. Like I, for years I had standing reservations where my nieces would come to my house once a week for a sleepover. Oh, hell yeah. I'm not in tune with it like i helped my my my nieces and nephews are like my children i'm that close like i know a lot of times unfortunately like i realize that not every aunt uncle niece nephew situation is like that but they're like my kids i'm the

godfather to every one of them i like non-god children that's great you know it's and yeah just so so being with my family um and then just like you know just my friends you know like when i'm with buddies and stuff it lifts my like that's one thing my my my girl tells me all the time like when i'm down she's like call you know go into the city you know go see your friends like you know go go do go do a set go hang with a lot of my friends are comics you know like obviously but it's just like, it's just something that being on stage just gets my mind away from it.

And so just that kind of thing. I mean, I started to, I know I'm gonna try, I keep saying this my whole life, but I'm not a gym guy, I'm not an exercise guy per se, as you can clearly see. But I did, for a few projects in here i i would go to the gym

like you know for six months and i had like a trainer and i i felt that natural high that you feel so uh that would really helpful about just walking with some a walk dude taking out you're right just some earbuds in and just don't listen to podcasts no get away from it on foot uh a walk music that makes you feel good yes oh you know the you know what the absolute number one thing is that it's like a natural remedy for my entire like is swimming is just being in a bot and being in water and i are you a pisces i'm not i'm a scorpio but like but my entire life my entire life i i didn't have a pool growing up but my favorite thing to do is to go in a pool like whenever i get a chance to go in a pool i don't have a pool growing up but my favorite thing to do is to go in

a pool like whenever i get a chance to go in a pool i don't come out and i'm not even making a joke like it's my whole my friends and family know this like if i have a pool if i'm in a pool situation i will go in a pool for eight hours and i won't come out i won't come out everyone gets out parties whatever i stay in the pool alone and i it wasn't until recently that i was i was talking to my girlfriend i was like you know what like i think i know what it is like it's something so calming about the being in the body of water it slows everything down for me and it's like that thing like when we're on stage it's like just in the moment it just it slows my mind down this embrace around you you know i wonder if it's not going back to all the way being in the fucking womb and shit.

You know what I mean? Someone told me that recently. I wonder. Someone was like, dude, that is where you came from. And that's what's the most calming thing. They just said that. But it is. It's like my mind's going a mile a minute at all times.

But are you creative in the water? Do you have good ideas? Yeah. You know, it's like meditating. You take long showers? It's like meditating. I take long. My ideas come in the pool In the shower

And maybe like Laying down to go to sleep Dude Driving in the car I don't listen to the radio I let my mind go I want to say I'm definitely creative

In water Showers Driving But But Laying down to go to sleep But I mean It is

And this is the torture of it And that's why I live by this Well going to sleep is bad though too Right before As I'm falling As I'm drifting into sleep, all of a sudden it's like, I'm like, God damn it. But they're good. Oh, so not so, so mine's either way with the sleep. So a lot of times I'll lay down and I think, you know what it is?

When I go to lay down, I know I'm like, all right, I'm about to go to bed. Don't think of anything. Don't think of anything. But now my brain is trained to lay down and go, okay, don't think of anything don't think of anything but now my brain is trained to lay down and go okay don't think of anything and so when you say don't think of anything you immediately think of all the things you don't want to think about and so i'm trained when my head hits the pillow to be like i'm forcing the bad thoughts out and i don't always win so then sometimes i'll be laying there just thinking about bad stuff when i'm trying to go to sleep but like when i am distracted i'm trying to go in the middle of night i'll wake up with

material and write it down you're like that's how your brain just opens up you know what i mean so i think it's like a form of meditation for me so that's like like swimming riding a bike things like that or one form of really good therapy that i i did like last year was i was having a real tough time with the pandemic and everything and i hadn't been i hadn't listened like music really loud and i live in an apartment building so i don't really like can't blast it i got in my car i lowered all the windows i got on the highway and i turned the thing up to like as high as it can go and i drove for like two hours and i just screamed the music and i was literally like literally singing you know i was thinking of certain things

and I just wanted to get those feelings out and I was putting on these like songs because certain songs trigger like things. Will get you. And if they're the ones that get into the loop, that's bad news because they bring me right back to a moment. If I can't get that song in my head,

I can't get the moment out of my head. You walk outside right now and a car rides by, what's the song that would get you? There's so many, dude. There's so, so many. Oh God. I mean, there's so many and some are obvious because they're then by nature that they've said and some aren't but they're just they they were making me bring to that place but like if i listen like

yesterday by right and rachel's version of yesterday or uh oh my god. Yeah. I mean, I just, there's just this, it sounds like I don't have, there's so many though. Let me ask you this. You want to be a dad. So let's be positive. When you're a dad, are there thoughts right now that you want to help, how you could help your kid not be like this? Are you scared you're going to pass the worry gene? I hope not.

Onto your kid kid i'm so excited that's the job my life right the legacy i'm so excited to to have a kid one day and then just be able to make them a good human being you know like i'm gonna try and shield them from that stuff for sure you know but like i just i'm really excited to you know that's gonna be the relationship that's like you know the relationship that's – I had a conversation with my daughter just last night actually, and we were laying in bed, and sometimes she's scared to sleep in her own bed. And I was like, well, you can sleep with me. And she's like, I want to be a big girl.

I want to be like the kids in my class. I'm like, listen, don't – I go, not everybody in your class can swim. You can swim. You know what I mean? I go, don't compare yourself to other people. And being different is good. Trust me. I said, I used to sit there and don't compare yourself to other people. And being different is good. Trust me. I said, I used to sit there and worry about the same thing you're worrying about right now.

And I want to tell you it's all bullshit. Be you. There's only one you. Everybody else is taken. And be the best one of you you can be. Period. That's all you got to be. Yeah.

That's great. Sounds like you had good parents, though. Yeah. I mean, they weren't always that directly expressive. I don't think anybody of our – we are a different generation of men than our dads were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our dads fucked without condoms, didn't give a shit. We're the age generation, bro.

You know what I'm talking about? We were scared of sex. They weren't scared of sex. Right, right, right. They were doing everybody. Yeah, they don't go to therapy they didn't like communicate like that the love was there it was there you know the larger top line lessons were there i think we're the first generation of of fathers to actually say i love

you go to therapy speaking of which have you ever tried mdr very much love you yeah i do do it i did it and it actually i had a friend recommend it to me because I had some trauma to deal with. And I was like, look, I go to regular therapy, but this is, they were like, this is different. I'm telling you, I turned a lot of people onto it. And I said, I'm going to, I looked it up. I found somebody. I went, it worked and it blew me away that it worked. And I couldn't tell, it worked relatively fast.

And I turned other people onto it and it worked relatively fast for them. And some people are like, eh, I'm like, look, you got to go to therapy it's mental exercise it's the gym you got everybody's worried about abs nobody wants to work this shit out as important this stigma is ridiculous with it like it's not even about that it's like if you you have to process it's like just making an appointment for processing that's all it is whether something's bothering you directly or not you have to take a beat to to just get out what's in your brain out loud is you have to hear it because you could think it but when you're thinking it it's not as pointed you have to just say it and you release it you know whether it's something why stand up is so beautiful speaking that out yeah and then you just so i was telling you before um i i mean

as far as anxiety goes i would have what i think anybody would have is basic anxiety and you know i was good and then i have a daughter and she almost gets hit by a car and i'm telling you dude it was like my anxiety i was saying was laying in a hammock just chilling and then it was like i'm up you know and man i got scared to death of flying yeah we have to fly i got i used to feel like a fucking rock star taking off that fucking my biggest fear is death right yeah right but number two like the first way my biggest way is i don't i don't even like to say it out loud and i and i listen that's two things you pray on though i mean they bother you death and control i say it all the time it's not like i can go up and go guys get the fuck out of here let me fly this fucking plane we can't i talked about this two

nights ago on a show yeah yeah and i said they were like oh yeah they did a friend of mine was like you know but it's more dangerous in the i said don't even drive into the airport i said i'm not talking about i said yeah i said but the mortality rate is a fucking hundred percent. I've been in 10 car accidents. It's a hundred percent. And I didn't like flying. I didn't like flying my whole life. And I never flew it. My first plane ride, I was 18.

And then it was like every two years, a vacation or something like that. And every time I would be like, you know, please. And now I'm flying 200 times a year. Yeah. And I can sleep on a plane now. I still work. I could sleep. But like, there's always one point in every plane ride. i flew here i'm flying tomorrow i'm flying there's always

one right just even if it's for like two minutes i go this is nuts this is nuts what am i doing just even if it's two minutes and it's everyone and i just like oh my god and then on the plane you start your mind starts going and you start picturing it and well my text who am i how what am i who am i how am i those wheels don't sound right going up what am i saying what am i doing how am i am i gonna get in touch with anybody like like i like for me that is like the worst possible way the worst possible way because you know it you know going the whole way anytime i hear the being reported a plane crash it ruins my fucking week because i'm thinking those people that is the most insane

torture i'd rather fall off a goddamn cliff i'd rather do anything than hear all those people all had to deal with together it is the it gives me it rips me i dude i it takes me to a knee to think about people that i didn't even tell kirsten this but i i just had this dream where my stepson kirsten and tom segura's tour manager were on a plane together with a pilot and i'm watching the plane take off and then i'm watching it crash but it's not nose diving this dude's doing everything he can it's fight and then boom it slaps down on the ground yeah and i'm freaking out because i'm watching my stepson kirsten and tom's tour manager and whoever this poor pilot is man or woman poor pilot and um tom's manager

calls me and goes i have bad news and i'm like well you're not dead. Right. And now I'm hoping like hell, and this is fucked up, that the person who is, is the poor pilot. Because I don't want. And then I woke up thinking like, I fucking rooted for somebody to fight. That's nuts. But he's got to go. He has to go. It's got to be you, bro. Sorry.

It's got to be. I start doing the exercise. I'm like, well, Slly landed in the water so that's on there and then i if we can get to like a patch of grass something like that i start playing a lot but then i'll be scared but then and then you see like you still see like like you know the people going down the slide i'm like i can still we can still you know and then i'm like how like how when do you know that it's going to be okay and And then I'm like, then I saw this video one time, dude, of a plane and it, a plane, it caught air in a way that I'd never seen.

And it went like this and it went up and it just went like that. And it was, it was like coming to the ground and it went up and like, I've never seen a plane and they just, a commercial flight and went up and it just like twisted and just fell back down. And I was like like it was the most horrifying thing i've ever seen and i just i can't i can't get over the flying and i and i and i'm afraid so when i start thinking about it on a plane i'm like don't what are you doing because you're putting it into the universe like there's that shit like it could happen good if it could

happen good if it could happen good like to have a major i'll put it out into the world the fucking secret it could happen bad maybe and i'm like don't bring this fucking energy i look and i'm like this little baby no god's not gonna let this little baby die on this land how do you fly how do you fly when you have a kid you how do you fly i'm thinking when i have a kid one day like that's the end everything will be by tire everything will be i will drive i'm never gonna see it my child will never see it out of the continent madden over here you're going to see north and south america and that's going to be it because i'm not not going to bring you on a plane i gotta take you out of school for three weeks we're going to florida my dad when i was little

my dad never went anywhere without a weapon what kind of weapon he had everything dude he did he would have a bat and every under seat, there was a bat. And he had everything from a bat to a pipe to the stadium. They give out the mini bats. Yeah, they don't give out anymore. There's bats in all the cars. And then he would always carry brass knuckles in his back pocket or a knife. And I'd see it.

But my dad, it wasn't a thing. It just was like, God forbid anything happens, I want to be able to protect the family and i i never thought anything of it and like now like if we go somewhere and i'll take my parents they're a little older now like or like you know a niece or a nephew or even my if my girlfriend's going to like the crime in new york has been so crazy and this is all this subway shit happening yeah you know the media will fuck you up the media gets in your head sometimes it's worse than it isn't but now i'm just like i went and got them all pepper spray and i'm just like because if i'm not there again it's a control thing you know if i'm not there like i will never be able to live myself like you know what i mean so i i'm starting now i'm like i'll check in you

know like my mom my mom goes to the you know whatever with my girl my girls and i'm like hey checking in checking in like how's everything like just take an uber just take an uber and say you know but i'm like that already now so forget about it when i have like so i am i am them i'm i am becoming them you know what i mean all right so we're gonna wrap this up here because i want to calm you down but so i'm saying like is this people are gonna enjoy this oh this is a great episode you think you're the way to hear the anxiety so it makes people feel better yeah yeah because we all have this is a great episode you think you're the way to hear the anxiety it's so it's so it makes people feel better yeah yeah because we all have this like a guy like you that people see you and they they're like look at this successful dude who is doing and look what's

behind that man for sure yeah still getting up and traveling and doing your shows and you know what i'm saying you're still persevering you're still pushing through it i hope that helps somebody but i think these people are gonna watch it and be like what the fuck is this people who watch this guy for one hour cry about potentially but i'm like i don't i hope this is entertainment i don't know it's i get what you're saying you do good work i get it but i just feel like man i almost also feel like i didn't have anything that specific like i just was like i generally am I almost also feel like I didn't have anything that specific. I just was like, oh, generally, I'm just a sad fellow.

Not at all. And it's an hour of that. You'll be pleasantly surprised. I didn't have anything juicy. You talked about the fear of death is probably the number one fear of, I would say, most human beings. Yeah. It's the thing none of us can avoid. It doesn't matter how – like, I look at Arnold Schwarzenegger now. I watched a video of him the other day posing,

and I was like, Jesus Christ. Like if you go back and look at Arnold Schwarzenegger from the 70s when he's posing, I mean, the dude, I mean, good Lord. And now it happens to everybody. Father time and death are undefeated. Terrible. Okay, so everything we've talked about now. I'll leave you with that.

I think about when my moment is tell me who will be there all right how's it gonna happen you do you think about who's no when when i'm dying like how is it happening who's standing by my side will i have my words about me we like who's who's there what am i saying what's my parting words then i think about my funeral all the time you do all the time who Who's there? Who's saying what? And then another thing is- Who's saying what? I think about, I'm telling you. And then I think about, oh my God, like the girl I'm with now, I'm going to be with forever.

Like we're best friends and everything, right? And I think about, and I'm a little older than her. Not a lot, but a little. And I'm just like, I hope I go first. I hope, you know, but then I'm like, oh my God. Then like, she has to deal with the loss of me. And then I feel bad that she has to deal. I'm gone.

And she's got to deal with that too. So there's no, it's no win on that. There's no win. And that ain't changing. No. So what am I going to do? I got to think about that.

I think about that every moment of the day. This can't be entertaining to people. I don't even know. I will tell you one thing. I'm canceling this week's therapy session. I'm not going to lose 275. You just saved me 275. I like when I go back in the next week.

She's like, what do you want to talk about? I'm like, is it okay if we still talk about the death? I know we've been talking about it for 64 weeks. Oh, shit. All right. After everything we've talked about. So go see me. Hold on.

I'm on tour. I'm a hoot. I'll be in all your cities. I'm crying in the city near you. You will cry laughing. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self? Knowing everything we've just talked about what do you go back and say to 16 year old sal yeah i say and this is harder to do than not but i say cut all the bullshit out do what makes you happy immediately if there's something you like to

do at 16 it doesn't matter you're at 18 you could be drafted. You're an adult. You could have a fucking family. 18, you have the world by the balls. And you hear that, and I heard it, but you don't necessarily put it into practice. You always think there's time, and there kind of is until there isn't. And when there isn't anymore, there fucking isn't. And I started comedy. I started comedy young. I did sketch comedy, improv. I would write and stuff.

And I did a little bit of stand-up out of college, a and then i didn't and then i had an office job and then i bought my i had a business and then i didn't and then i got the show because i was plugging away still writing and still pitching shows and then finally when i was on the air my my schedule was so busy and i was like the only thing i've ever wanted to do Ever Since I'm a child Is be a stand-up comedian I have no time But if I don't dedicate Every single ounce of time

That I have to it right now Right now In spite of all my work Then I won't be that And I'm not gonna not be that Because it's all I ever wanted to be And so I Every free waking moment I've had

In the last like 10 years i've done stand-up and i can't believe that my job is a professional stand-up comedian now like that was all i ever wanted and it happened and i i cannot believe my life that that is my job i was like that's all i want and i do it right now in front of you right now I'm saying it out loud and I blow my own mind that I did that and the only regret I have if you want to call it a regret because I'm so thankful that I did it and I'm here now but I would have started that shit at 16 I would have started it

at 18 boom I wish I'd been doing comedy for 20-30 years already because it's what makes me happy and like you know find a way to make money doing what makes you happy and again you hear it all the time and it'll never work a day in make money doing what makes you happy you hear all the time then you'll never work a day in your life i bust my ass i work but it means something you love what you're doing it means something to me don't just go don't go punch a clock and not everybody has

that liberty but but but figure it out you know like if you got to do this thing to pay the bills just try to put yourself on a path to get to something that you do that makes you just feel good. And don't waste any time, any time at all. That's great advice. Yeah. I mean, it's probably hack advice. It's not hack advice. But it's hack for a reason, I suppose.

Yeah. Well, now let them know where you're gonna be and pull plug and promote everything you want again guys i have never plugged comedy dates after just an hour of crying guys i promise you this is one side there's only one other side which is a side you'll buy a ticket for. At Savalcano. It's so funny to me to plug socials. At Savalcano on all socials. My website is SavalcanoComedy.com.

I don't know if I should say Savalcano Comedy. This is where I'm on tour right now. I got like 20, 30 cities and I'm adding another, another 20 actually by the end of the year, but just, uh, I won't. So in June, I'm in Rochester, Syracuse, South Bend, Indiana, Milwaukee, Minnesota, Hampton beach, and Foxwoods. And, uh, in July I'll be in Vegas, Phoenix, Boulder, Colorado, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Louisville, and Evansville. And I'm announcing like another 20 cities real soon for the end of the year.

So they're all happening in June and July and SavalcanoComedy.com. And then my podcast. Of course. Which is Hey Babe, which is just anything kind of goes and Taste Buds where I argue vehemently with my friend about everything bagel versus cinnamon raisin bagel. I love it. They're both great. Brother, thank you. For real. Thank you for coming on.

Dude, I have not done anything like this. I love hearing that. It was really, really cool to do. I appreciate you. Thank you for your time. First podcast I think I've ever recorded on a Sunday. I'm sorry about that. Don't be.

I saw the window and I just wanted to see you. I can't thank you enough for doing that. So thank you for making it work for us um and as always ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all social media we'll talk to y'all next week thank you guys come see me on tour I'll see you next time.