The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Sam Tripoli - TripoliDew

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Sam Tripoli! (Tin Foil Hat, Broken Simulation) Sam Highlights the Lowlights of being a single dad to twin girls, and battling addiction. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour July 7 & 8: Appleton, WI August 18 & 19: Tampa, FL September 1 & 2: Springfield, MO September 15 & 16: Tulsa, OK SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Duer -Get 15% off your order at https://www.shopduer.com when you use promo code HONEYDEW

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You know what we're doing over here. We're highlighting the lowlights with you all. And these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Sam Tripoli. Welcome back to the Honeydew, Sam Tripoli. The best. It's good to be here.

I love you, brother. I love you. And that is a great hoodie. Thank you, dude. That's a great hoodie, dude. All my heroes are shadowbanned. Go Tim Follhead, t-shirts.com. Well, before we get into what I wanted to start talking to you about today.

I can't believe you haven't been to Florida in forever. It's the best for comedy, bro. I'm excited to go. I'm going to be doing Miami at some point down there. Miami is a great scene now. We're going to do Miami. It used to be garbage. Now it's the best.

And then you just go down and you hang out on South Beach, and it's like Grand Theft Auto, dog. You may not sell a ticket down there because who wants to go watch a 50-year-old tell jokes when you can go watch Grand Theft Auto, dog? Yeah, of course. And you just sit there and watch pretty people. That's Miami, dude. It's the Latin San Diego. San Diego is the white Miami. That's where

I'm going right now. But you know what I'm saying? So it's like, have fun. And Florida is the best, Tampa. So you got LA. LA is LA. Then Vegas is blue collar LA. And then Tampa is scumbag Vegas. Can't wait to see you, It's the best. It's the best. I'd move there. Well, before we get into everything,

plug and promote everything, please. Thank you, dude. I go to samtripley.com for everything, Sam Tripoli, all my videos,

all my podcasts. If you love storytelling, I got a podcast called Broken Simulation where I just basically talk about my week. And it started during COVID and like all the comedy clubs shut down. So I started a podcast where I could work bits and then it just became a wonderful podcast. And like I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard during COVID and just watching people go nuts. So it's called Broken Simulation. It's about two hours every week. I just talk about my life.

And then I have Tim Fall Hat I'm famous for, and then my show with Brian Callen's called Conspiracy Social Club, and people love it. So go check out samtriplee.com. You'll find it all. Well, I've known you for, I mean, since the 1900s, bro. Dude, long time, dog. for i mean since the 1900s bro the late 90s and um still to this day i always say it the the wheelchair the dead leg stripper in the wheelchair is one of the the absolute best physical acts out act outs i've ever seen man i i used to look around by myself and look at other people like

his legs look dead they're dead they're the fucking so good dude i like, his legs look dead. They're dead. They're the fucking... It was so good, dude. I was like, his fucking legs are dead, dude. Dude, I wrote that bit when I was about 23 years old, man. I'm 50, dude. You can't do that anymore. That bit is old enough to have kids. Just that pulling yourself up on the pole busts your back all up. They're like, dude, I'm stripping a wheelchair.

I'm like, if I go down, I don't come back up. Yeah, you'll be in a wheelchair. You're going to help me, bro. For sure, dude. That's a young man's bit. That is a young man's bro. For sure, dude. That's a young man's bit. That is a young man's bit. That's a young man's bit. Because you would flail. You would hit the ground hard.

Now, what I am thinking about doing is after I do this next special, I'm about to shoot called Weirdo. I'm thinking about doing a Greatest Hits and going back through all of my stuff and just putting together the my favorite bits into one special and i'm gonna do some stuff with that but so that's old stuff you have

recorded all the stuff because there's some jokes i trashed all mine well well that's all my old videotapes all my old everything and i took it to a place and like by the airport where they destroy it why you can watch it on camera. I took my daughter. I was like, let's go watch. Because I know what it is. It's all stuff where I worked on. I ended up releasing it in what I felt was its best version, my albums, my specials.

So after that, gone. Purge it. Get rid of that shit. But I have some albums that probably not a lot of people have listened to i'm not talking about an album i'm talking about sets you know what i mean where i'm working on yeah yeah yeah yeah that's all yeah these kids don't understand they got phones we got cassettes bro they're thick like a book y'all got a vhsc the compact i was so dumb so i did a I did a a sketch comedy show

with Duncan Trussell Brian Jarvis Jason Tebow and myself it was called The Stupid Dummies and I was such an idiot we filmed it

and it was like very advanced it was like one of the first ones to do like kind of this like kind of hipster comedy

at the time it was like very weird unrelatable but super funny and we recorded on a tape MTV's like hey we'd like to hear we'd like to see the stuff I sent them the tape It was like very weird, unrelatable, but super funny. And we recorded on a tape.

MTV's like, hey, we'd like to hear it. We'd like to see the stuff. I sent them the tape. I didn't make any copies of it. I sent them. The only one? The only one. Oh, no.

And I never saw it. Of course not. God, it's somewhere in MTV right now. Or it's trash. Yeah. Like an idiot. I had to make copies. I never did it. Yeah, because you had to have two of those machines to do that or take it somewhere to do that and each copy was like five bucks it was like four these kids have it so easy now so speaking of

kids this is what i wanted to talk about you're a single dad of twins twin girls twin girls two baby girls three years i'm a single dad of a, but my father was a single dad of twins also. We had my younger brother as well, so three total. But I want to talk to you about what that's like because especially in a city like Los Angeles, it's not cheap to live here. You've got two mouths to feed. You've got double everything, diapers, all of it. Yeah. So what was it like when you first heard you were having a baby and did you find out it was twins?

How fast? I found out it was twins when we went to get the sonogram. Okay. You know what's funny? I don't mean to interrupt, but I never once even, I'm a twin. When we went in, I never even considered twins. When the lady said, oh, I only hear one heartbeat, my heart dropped. I was like, oh, I didn't even think about there could have been two or three or something in there. So you know, obviously, at the time you guys are pregnant, you go in for a sonogram. And I don't know there's two kids. I wasn't told there's two kids. I just knew that somebody was pregnant okay somebody's pregnant did somebody know there were

two in there already i don't know you're not i don't know all right i remember going in and then they're doing the sonogram and they're like there's a and there's b and i go there's a b dude i'm like oh my god i going to be dad to two. Oh my God. Like, I can't explain it. It's like zero to a hundred miles an hour. That's what it is.

And in my mind, I had the exact opposite effect. I was like, I'm only going to be a dad to one. I don't even understand it. Cause I just did a show in Baton Rouge and a woman who's a fan of mine. She had triplets. I have no clue what that means. So my opinion is for every one child, you need an extra adult.

So if you have one kid, you need two adults. If you have two kids, you need three adults. And if you have triplets, you need a village to raise these kids. You do. Extended family, friends, all of it. Did you ever wait tables? Yeah. I waited tables and bust. So let me tell you what it's like to have twins.

It's basically your section is slammed 24 hours a day. That's what it is. And you're cleaning your own. Everything, bro. Busting your own shit. Everything, dude. So what was really crazy is we lived in the valley at that time, in Valley Village. And she wanted to give birth at Cedars-Sinai in Beverly Hills.

Yeah. So we're almost died. I'm like, what if we're way over here and the water breaks and we got to get way over there? And I'm like, I have to be Jack Bauer from 24 and I got to get across LA in like 30 minutes. And it better not happen during rush hour. What are we doing here? It better happen at 3 a.m. So I'm always a crazy, I was a crazy person back then.

You know, I'm sober now. I got like tomorrow will be two years and six months, right? But, you know, I was a crazy person and i i admit i was pissing the mom off by being an idiot you know there was a lot of pressure going on right so my whole fear is that i'm gonna have to drive this woman with her water breaks across la to get there in time so i don't have to bring these kids into work i. Dude, I have no clue what I'm doing, right? So we go to – you know how they have that class where you have to – where they teach you how to take care of newborns? Did you go to that? Yeah.

Well, we go to that. At the hospital? Yeah. Yeah, we do one at the hospital. We're at Cedars-Sinai. She's pissed at me because I'm being an idiot, right? She's already pissed at me. She's like, can I see you outside?

I go, oh, man, she's going to lay into me right here at the hospital. So she goes, I think my water broke. I'm like, what? I just got so excited. I go, what? Yo, we're already here, dude. I was so excited. We were already in the hospital. Perfect. She goes into labor right there, dude. Wow. Yep. So we were already at the hospital. I'm like, zippity-doo-dah. Yeah, like it was starting off good. This is the best case scenario for me, right? So she's in the hospital. She's giving birth. And I got really lucky, dude, because they were still allowing fathers in the birth room. Okay.

They were still allowing them in because right after this, COVID hits. Oh, it's right after. And dads can't be in the delivery room. So I get really lucky. Oh, is that right? Yeah, dude. There was a ton of moms giving birth to kids with no- But also a ton of dads that don't get to even be in that room because of COVID and

see their kid born. Yeah. I didn't know it was going down like that. It was crazy, right? It was crazy. So it's coming and like she gets in there pretty quick and we walk in and just like when you're in the delivery room, there's a million people in that room. And then you start going, am I paying for everybody here? Why are there 50 nurses and 10 doctors?

Can we cut this in half? Why are you all punching cards every time you come in this room? Am I paying for everybody here? Am I paying for everybody here? So she's giving birth. She's doing a great job. It's taking a while. And the nurse goes, yeah, it's taking a long time.

It's pretty tight. And I go, exactly, bro, right? Because it's like, that's why I'm here. I'm trying to high five everybody. Yeah, that's why we're here, dude. Tight as hell, bro. Tight as hell. She's like, stop making jokes, bro.

So her biggest fear was that with twins, she was going to have to give Canal birth, and then they were going to have to do the cut open too, the C-section. And then sure as shit, so they're like, the first baby comes, and it's so funny about having kids is that my daughters are their exact personalities that they are right now when they came out the first baby comes out they're like the first one's coming and she just

hits the hole like look at her tucking and running right here earl campbell just high stepping right out of the hole bro boom. Boom, just hits it. You see, it's like Bo Jackson when he hits it. Yeah, yeah. Bang, dude. Put that head down. Yeah, linebackers are flying everywhere. Bang, she's like, I'm here.

Bam, she came out real early. Oh, dude. And that is her personality, and we're getting to all that so the second baby's like i paid rent for the whole month i'm staying got it so she jackknifes in the back she like pushes back it's like in jujitsu shrimp roll like just pushes back dude everybody in that room surrounds her like she just robbed a bank and they got her cornered and they're like you're you better come out now we got is it yeah we got you surrounded she's like i ain't coming out anywhere right so literally like like five asian doctors had their hands up there trying to pull this kid out. Well, while I'm meeting my other daughter, who is like not crying, just hanging out over here,

they're trying to get the baby out. They get the baby out. I look, oh my God, it's my baby. I look back down and I'm looking at my baby. I go back out and they got the baby's mama, and they're like, where does this piece go? It was like Build-A-Bear, right? They had to put it back together again.

Oh. The worst, bro. And she took it like a champ, man. Women, I'm telling you, there's no doubt. No doubt. If you've been in a room, way stronger. Way stronger. I could never have done that.

Ever. Wrap it up, bro. Ever. Wrap it up. Ever, yep. So we have two kids, man, and it's crazy. And you- How long do they let you stay in the hospital with twins?

We were pretty much in and out of there. No, we were in and out. You get like one overnight, and then you're out. We were out. They put them under the lights to make sure everything was okay and we were out you know what i didn't even think about too is um when they came in they said would you and um dad like a rest we can take the baby we'll give her a bath put her under some light well we were like yeah yeah and then like a friend of ours like you let them take the baby you get the wrong one back and stuff i

was like what they started scaring you and shit like that i'm like i didn't even think of that i would just let them take the baby but these are the people you should let take the baby right right and my kids the first baby looks exactly like her mother it's the same face and the second one looks exactly like my mom so we got the right kids and it's so funny because she got so mad at me because she's going into labor and i'm like sleeping on the side. I love that they're like, we're going to give you and the dad a little break. Like you were just, like you just did some work. I just took scissors and cut a billicle cord and held a leg. Did you do anything with the blood that they, like, oh, we'll take the blood? I'll tell you what I saw. I've talked about this on my album where I legit, I didn't think I was partaking.

I was told I was going to be behind her head with the blanket up where I couldn't see anything. I'm seeing what she sees. And they were like, nope, get around here. And they wanted me to hold her leg, and I had to hold her leg. And then I'm seeing it all go down. And it didn't hit me like it did on TV. When it's yours, it just, it wasn't, it wasn't gross. Now you're just in that adrenaline mode of, I want everything to be okay. Is she breathing or all her fingers and toes, you know what I mean?

Is everything happening right here? You know, cause I don't know if that's happening, right? And she comes out and they tell me to cut the umbilical cord. Well, my daughter, I guess she pooped in her mom's womb, and it's called merconium, I think it is. Yes. So they said, we need you to cut that cord immediately because she can't cry. If she cries, she could ingest the poop in her lungs, and that's a big deal. Oh, my God. I'm over there trying to talk about it.

I'm trying to get that cord. You're going so high, man. I thought I was going to get some real medical grade shit. I say it. They brought me joke drawers. You're trying to call Calamari, bro. You're like, give me better scissors. I'm like, get her over here.

Hurry up. Give me a machete, bro. I'm like, are these lefties? Are these lefties? And I fucking gave her over. And then they just basically vacuumed her out real quick. And boom, she was good to go. But that was a little bit.

And then I turned back around. Now, I didn't know about the placenta until sex ed in high school. And I'm not even joking when I tell you, we watched a woman give birth and then the afterbirth comes out. And everyone's in class. We're like, what is that? And they're laughing like that's the afterbirth, that's the placenta, whatever. And we have lunch next.

I'm not joking. We got lunch next. I've never forgot it. Back in the day before phones, I used to read on the toilet all the time. That's how I learned they would put placenta in shampoo. Like if there was nothing to read, yeah, young kids, you'd read the back of toothpaste, anything. And I learned that they put placenta because of the protein, I guess,

and everything in some shampoos. So I'm waiting to see that. I'm waiting to see it. I know it's coming now. You're waiting for them to scoop it into shampoos. So I'm waiting to see that. I'm waiting to see it. I know it's coming now. You're waiting for them to scoop it into shampoos? Yeah, I've been trying to get Johnson & Johnson to make me a deal right there. I'm like, let's go sell.

Herbal Essence, like, dude, we'll give you top dollar. That's when they're doing this in the commercials. They're just placentas flying up all over the place. And I'm holding my daughter and looking at her, and I'm just looking back. I'm waiting to see. I want to see them deliver this placenta, make sure everything's okay. And right before they do, this gush of I don't know what fluid hits this nurse in the chest like, gah! She just takes one, rocks back.

She looks at the other nurse with this look, and I was like, i started to see the point i was like i don't need to look anymore you know what the fuck was that i never wanted to see what was happening i looked hell yeah i looked at it i'm telling you this thing looked like like somebody was in it like just shot her in the chin like knocked her back and she looked at the nurse like it's like she hadn't seen it before you know like what like some saw shit like just blood just just wow just all kinds of like after birth fluid and just uh just poof i never wanted to look at the hole i'm like kind of doing it over the top i wanted to see my baby's first breath and then that's. I didn't want to see what happened to the city. And then after that, here's the city.

Because your lady's bit parts go from like San Diego to San Francisco real quick, right? It's condemned. The whole ride. Used to be pristine real estate. Now it needs some serious work. Yeah, dude. All right. So now you go home as a dad to two girls. It's great.

So what's really funny is like your family starts calling you because you're a girl dad. They start giving you advice. And I talk about this in my act. They start giving you advice on how to take care of girls. And my cousin Lisa is like, do you know how you wipe girl butt? And I go, no, how do you wipe girl butt? She goes, you go vagina back. And then I go, Lisa, how do you think men wipe their asses?

Do you think we're going asshole to nuts? Is that what you think? Shoveling shit onto my nutsack? Like, we're reaching under there and falling off? Like, what do you think we're doing? I'll bet you some dudes do. I'll bet you that's why women are like, that guy's ball stink. I'll bet you there are dudes that fucking wipe back to front and get like all over the back of their nuts.

But there's dudes who don't wash their junk. That's the first thing I watch. And then I shampoo my asshole. That's how I do. I get in there. Yeah. But I've also been getting my shit shaved down, dude. It's the best shit you'll ever take in your life.

When you get your b-hole shaved down when you get waxed and you fart and you're like oh the anal hairs help break the fart up they do you don't realize you're totally right then you got this bubble it's another lie it's another lie. It's a lie. It's the big waxing complex that's convincing you to wax your B-hole. Yeah, your farts are different, man, when you don't have anal hair. Your farts just bubble up and just ride up your crack

and then it goes. It feels really uncomfortable. It's different. It is, man. So you get your kids home and the biggest, craziest thing is that they never tell you about burping. Like, people go, what is the most traumatic part? And it's burping. Burping to me was-

Really? Why? Because, like, they're so tiny, and you don't know if they burped or not. So you're just sitting there, like, hitting this kid at some point. It's like, was that a burp? Was that not a burp? Am I just beating the shit out of this kid right now? This kid's bad.

Cause you can burp forever. It could take forever. That to me was the most traumatizing thing was that it was burping. And like the one thing that was really cool about the whole COVID thing, if there was anything cool, it was like, it forced me to be home with my kids, which was a real great experience. Instead of having to go out and work all the time,

you know, I could work from home and be with my kids and, and we got to spend a lot of time together. So, you know, so I, so I get us a house and like, I remember growing up in my, my, my, my house that I grew up in, in Cortland, New York, and we had one bathroom. And my dad had this amazing ability to know right when I wanted to take a shower, and he would just walk in there and just napalm the entire bathroom. I mean, just drop dirty bombs, paint would peel and all that shit, right? And I would have to go in and shower in my dad's shit fest, right? But I was like, no, this isn't going to happen.

So I was able to find a house with two bedrooms. So we moved them in. It's really great. They got a kid's bedroom. And it's amazing to, like, raise these kids. But, you know, then they start getting a little older. And then they become, you know, they're toddlers or I call them Antifa, right?

Yeah. Because they're domestic terrorists. All they want to do is burn down your entire, they just want to destroy the patriarchy. That's all they want to do. And like they would know when their mom was leaving because the mom would be like, can I just get a nap? I'm like, yeah, go get a nap, take a nap. And then as soon as their mom left, they would just look at me with this devilish look in their eye,

grab something, throw it down, smash it, running around. They like spray painted BLM on my refrigerator. For a second, I was like, wait. Shit's burning. Part of the house is burning. Like, fuck the patriarchy. Yeah. So it was like kind of crazy, man, to have kids.

And like it just changed me. I just became a different person, you know. It's like I quit doing drugs. In what ways? Yeah, tell me. I wanted a girl because I knew it would calm me down. And it gave me a different point of view on things where I knew it would just soften me in a way that i knew i needed and i didn't think anything else was gonna do it it got me sober you know like i really got sober because there was a couple times where i you know

couldn't take the pressure and i i i went out and I felt so low. And I remember just making a decision one day going, these kids didn't pick this. They didn't ask for this. And, you know, I have a goal in my life with my kids. I don't know if it's possible. I just don't want to be the reason they're in therapy. That's my only goal in life is like, I just want to surround them with love, encourage them to be the best,

be the right kind of discipline where it's, it's, they know I'm doing it out of love and just try to get them to 18 where they don't go and go, my dad was a dick and he didn't love me and he didn't do all that's my whole goal in life. And I felt like if I continue down this path, I was going to be the reason they were in therapy. And so I got sober and I remember calling a friend of mine one day, and I'd just gone out, and he was like, okay, Sam, you keep doing this. You're trying to do sobriety. You're trying to build Rome in a day. You got to take it in 24-hour increments. And that's kind of when I work with people in recovery. That's why I say, it's like, don't do this.

Don't try to do everything in a day. It's only about 24 hours. So it gave me this little prayer that I would say when I really start getting like, like, uh, itchy, right. Where I really wanted my, my, whenever I wanted to do drugs, my body would start to like kind of vibrate and start to hum. And I knew like, oh man, I'm, I want to go out. And he gave me this little prayer that just was like, and I tell this newcomers all the time. It's about like, you know, it's ask God, like, God, I don't want to use today. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow I'll use, but not today. Just give me 24 hours and tomorrow if I use, we'll deal with it then. And then I started saying that and I started putting together these days and I got to like,

that, you know, it's like sobriety is like poker the more days you get the more chips you got the less like you're gonna go in a bad hand so I start to raise these kids and we start to um I love them and then we're coming up with names right for the kids we had it before they were born and we're having a real debate on like what the name's gonna be and I And I do joke about this, how there's like, there's rules. Like the first rule is you cannot name your daughters. Like boys are easy to name. It's like, it's after the dad, the grandpa, your favorite black athlete, right?

Yeah. It was a boy. It was Bo Jackson or Patrick Ewing. I'm dying on that hill, right? But girls are different. There's rules. And rule number one is you cannot name your daughters after any woman the mother doesn't like. And that is every woman she's ever met in her life.

Every woman. Sarah, bitch. Right? Tina, cunt. Right? It's like you can't do it. And then guys, you cannot name your daughters after any adult film star you've jerked off to. Those names are off the list too.

All the Russian names are gone. All the Russian names. Okay? So we willed it down. My daughter's names are Ghost and Ninja Tripoli. That's legit. That's their middle name. Okay.

Yeah. But that's what, yeah. But that's what they go by. Ghost and Ninja. All right. Yeah. Ghost and Ninja. Because right. Ghost and Ninja. Because Japanese anime is still on the.

And your daughter's mom is okay with that? No, she calls them by the real name. You said no so fast. Is she okay with you calling them that though? Yeah. She's okay with it. I know right now everyone thinks it's weird, but I know when they get older, they're going to love those names and their names fit them very much. They're two different styles of people. What do your families think of the names? They're fine with it. They think it's funny. They send me shirts with their names on it and they

love it. And it's a blessing. And it's so crazy as you watch, you bring home literally a meat wad. That's what you're bringing home is just a bundle of meat. That's all it is. And then you start to slowly watch this. The most amazing part, the first six months is just crazy, especially with twins. It's go time all the time. And the mom's dealing with everything's going on with her body. The mom did a great job.

She had to deal with me too. So she probably had to deal with three crazy kids, The mom did a great job. She had to deal with me too. So she probably had to deal with three crazy kids, but she did a great job. And you just start to watch them download new operating systems as they go. You watch them start clocking your fingers. It's like such an amazing thing. And it's a love that you will never, you can't understand until you have kids. Agreed. You will never, you can't understand until you have kids. Agreed. You will never understand this one. Let's say you have a puppy and you love this puppy so much.

The minute you have a kid, that puppy's number two. And there's nothing that puppy can do to compete with the love of the child. It's just something you'll never understand. And it's just changed my life. And it makes me want to be a better person, you know, and represent them the best I can. Based on my internet, I don't know how I'm doing with that. They're going to go back and watch some of it. Oh, they're going to go back and watch. I think about that too. Like my daughter's going to go back and hear every drug story I've

ever told, every police story. You know what I mean? Everything, sneaking out of the house, all of it. There's no way I'm going to be able to be any kind of person other than honest and fair. I like fair but firm. But she's going to be able to be like, well, you said you drank. I'm like, just stop listening to the fucking honey doing crappy. Sorry, God damn it.

Yeah, and it's so funny because, like, my mom always gives me advice on how to raise kids and I appreciate it. But I'm like, you could also beat us if you wanted to. That was on the table to smack us around. And when you're growing up, you think you're just going to beat your kids. You're like, I'll just, I mean, you see people acting up at the airport. You'll be like, oh dude, you see a kid acting up with some parent. You're like, should I go over there and help that parent and smack the fuck out of that kid, man?

I got it. I got it. You're welcome. Whap! My work here is done. Hitchhike out of town. Thank you, everybody. Right? But when you're older, you can't do it. And you have your own kids. You can't do it. I'm looking forward to this summer. I'll be hanging out with the kids. The Live and alive tour is off and running. We got some dates coming up all throughout the summer. And when you're on the go, like I'll be, nothing is more important than being comfortable, staying cool and looking good while you do it, which is exactly why I love and wear my doer pants for any occasion. So doer sent me a pair of pants and a shirt. All right. I've worn both. I love them. They're

like soft chinos, man. I, you, if you see me on stage at the comedy store, black pants, that's the doers. I'll be honest. And they gave me a t-shirt that I was like, I don't know at first because I'm just worried that those t-shirts, they don't always look flattering on this body. You know what I mean? Money, money, Dewar. Dewar's stretch performance denim and lifestyle apparel is made for the Dewars. They combine comfort with style and quality for all we do in a day and make it designed to last. The technical fabric is breathable, lightweight, and durable. And not only does Dewar look great, but we can feel good about supporting the brand. Their clothing is made from sustainable materials like wood chips, plants, and recycled plastic bottles.

Get your own pair of Dewar pants to stay cool and comfortable this summer. Check out Dewar's flagship stores in LA and Denver or shop online at shopdewar.com. My listeners will get 15% off site-wide using my special promo code HONEYDew. For 15% off your order, go now to shopdew.com and use my special promo code, honeydew. Shopduer.com, promo code, honeydew. Now, let's get back to the deal. And so my dad used to do something called a wink and a nod. Have I talked about this?

I don't remember if I talked about it. But my dad had something called a wink and a nod. We would never hit us. If my brother acted up, he'd give me a wink and a and a nod and then i got to beat the crap out of my brother bro i told my stepson that if we if he had a little brother and the brother was bugging the shit out of me i would do exactly that just give him the nod he could go fuck him up yeah and then i'd be like dare come on man i'd do that and i'm like i told him we'd have that agreement and then when he found out he's having a sister he got bummed

out i go don't worry you're gonna we're gonna do that to every boyfriend yeah for sure i will give you the moon yeah like yeah take care of this asshole yeah so the kids were shut down forever during uh covid and they weren't able to socialize. So when things started opening up, I used to really love to take them to, I love taking my kids to the kids park. Yeah. And it's so funny because, you know, like whenever you hear people talk about like, you know, people are basically good.

I'm like, you've never been to the kids park. Cause you go to kids park, you realize it's Lord of the flies very quickly. Like if there were no adults there, they would be sacrificing the autistic kid. Trust me on that one. It would just be to Moloch. You know what I'm saying? So, uh, I get there and I love hanging out with the kids. And it's very funny because, like, my one daughter, she's three, but she runs with six-year-olds, which is both cool and scary at the same time, right? And so, like, I'll be hanging out with my one daughter pushing her on the ninja. I'll be pushing ninja on the swing and ghost will be running around and she runs with older kids. And one day I'm just, wow, and these kids are like way older, way bigger. I'm like, I don't know about this. I'm going to keep an eye on it. Of course I don't. I'm

pushing my kids. So I look up and these two Pakistani girls have my kid in the air. Like they're about to sacrifice her to some pagan god right throw her down the thing and now i suddenly understood every single liam nisa movie i've ever watched in my fucking life every movie i've ever watched in my life i got this i got this protector and i'm like no i start screaming right in the middle thing and i run up and they set her down and i'm like are you okay munchkin and suddenly i hear one of them going are you okay the thing, and I run up, and they set her down. And I'm like, are you okay, Munchkin? And suddenly I hear one of them going, are you okay, Munchkin? And then I just go into heckle kill mode, and I just start lighting these kids up.

Suddenly I hear this really yell, large, this guy yelling. And I look over, and this tweaker is walking right next to through the kids right next to the uh to the uh uh fence by the playground and he's tweaking hard and he's and i'm like oh fuck i look over all the moms are looking at me they're like you gotta go go deal with it. I go, what happened to feminism, man? You want that 30 cents on the dollar? Go deal with it. I got the kids.

I got it. You go take care of that. I got the kids. Yeah. So I start to walk up and I start hearing what he's saying. And what the funniest part is, is that my kid is just staring at the guy tweaking and going, hey my daddy does that shit right like my daddy looks fucking weird and i go okay we don't need to say that loud all right so i'm walking i'm watching as i start hearing what he's saying he starts talking about the federal reserve and how everything is based off fractional reserve banking and how that's the

root of all evil and now i got a real problem because I can't shut him down because he's talking about the truth, right? So now... You agree with me. You're over there leading all the fence. I'm like, he's right. He's right. He's right.

I can't... He's fine. He gets it. He gets it. What am I, Facebook? Am I YouTube? Am I going to censor this guy? So I come up with an idea.

I go, I pull out a $20 bill of my money. I go, hey, man, you're scaring everybody but my kid, okay? But my kid. This is my kid's first rodeo, okay? I go, hey, if I give you this money, will you go away? He goes, well, I go, I'll give you 20 bucks. Just go away. He grabs and run off.

I go, you fucking shill. That's fucking Federal Reserve money right there, you fucking liar, right? So then he runs off and he's still walking around. And then the mom, so mom's like, hey, I'm going to go to my car. Can you watch me? Like, I'm supposed to do something. So she walks to his car. she walks to his car she walks to his car her car and i see him eyeing her and start to walk up and he looks at me and i just give him

the fucking you just point out point out not today brother and he walked away and i saved the day and i was a superhero of that fucking day yeah that's how it goes bro that's how it is to be a dad i just end up protecting my kids and what scares you the most what scares me the most that they'll be their dad and they'll go out and do stupid shit i look at like i'm losing so many friends to like fentanyl bro i'm so blessed i got out when i did yeah and it's like super sad and i just don't want them to go through what i'll do all the stupid stuff because if i was running gutting now i probably wouldn't be here you wouldn't and i've lost multiple friends in a week bro in a week from from that stuff that that really scares me. And I just... I've already had to talk

with my daughter about it. She was seven when we started talking about fentanyl because a friend of ours' daughter died from it. And when he visited, you know, he's crying.

I'm crying. She's like, what happened? And I was like, you know what? I'm going to tell you. It's on the back of buses now. And it should be. It's so different than it was. I know it makes you sound like,

oh, our generation. It's so different than it was. I know it makes you sound like, oh, our generation. But this is different. They're poisoning everything out there right now. Yeah, I agree. And it's just super dangerous. And the only reason I like to do coke because just women like to get weird on it. So I was like, let's do it. But what's the point of that if you're going to die?

Die. You're going to die. It's so funny. I was like, let's do it. But like, what's the point of that if you're going to die? Die. You're going to die. I like, I, it's so funny. I was at, I was at a comedy club one time. It was like during one of the holidays and it was a big show and I'm in the back and this chick just starts cutting up Coke. What? Right there in front of everybody.

I go, this is how long I haven't done drugs. I'm like, what is happening so violated back there like i can't even what is going on what is that i go you gotta do coke she's like yeah i go and then i felt like defiant about it too i was like what is this fear factor bro are you gonna do fear factor's like yeah i go and then i felt like defiant about it too i was like what is this fear factor bro are you gonna do fear factor and see if you die from this stuff and go aren't you worried about my aren't you worried about drugs i mean aren't you worried about fentanyl and she's like well i got a bad bitch for a deal i'm like you're a bad bitch gonna give you a bad batch man everyone says the same thing no no i got the guy. And I'm like, okay, I bet you all those people thought they had the guy.

Yeah. I just like, I'm so happy I'm out of it, man. I remember back in the day, I once saw Doug Stanton, but the comedy story, he's doing a show. And I love Doug Stanton. He's like, for as crazy as he is on stage and all the crazy stuff, he's the nicest dude you'll ever meet off stage. He's so lovable. And like, he kicked off the Las Vegas comedy scene. So he kind of started it.

And then I got in there and then I built it up. And now it's like a really great scene. So I know Doug from Vegas. And I remember going backstage with him at the comedy store. And dude, he did a line so long. I mean, dude, when I say it's this long, I'm not lying to you. I'm like, how did, and I was a drug addict at that time. That's crazy.

I'm like, how are you talking on stage? It's crazy, dude. So yeah, man, having kids are great. I take them to a lot of these kids parks. And do you ever go indoor kids park with your kids? Yeah, I, having kids are great. I take them to a lot of these kids' parks. Do you ever go indoor kids' park with your kids? Yeah, I've been there. Well, the Armenians got that shit locked down in the valley. It's all Armos.

Oh, is that right? Oh, my people, they run everything, dude. So I went to this one, the kids' empire, and dude, one day Serena Williams comes in. And she's her, and she has like three handlers per each kid. So she's got a whole village with her with these kids. And I'm telling you, bro, that is the first time I've ever seen a Viking in my life. Dude, she is a fucking Viking, bro.

She's got the biggest peach I've ever seen on a human being in my life tennis butt that tennis butt is the most amazing thing you're like that is some like seven most amazing things in the world it was so big and i just thought like even if i could hook up with her i couldn't even get close enough for her to feel anything. Even if I took a shot at it, there would be nothing on me like, can you feel it? You can't do anything. Even if she gave me a shot at it.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, man. All right, wait. I want to – there's a couple of things I want to talk about because I do want to switch it up a little bit. I wanted to – what's this – so you said something happened with Machine Gun Kelly at the Comedy Store. Okay. I want to hear this story because this was – I saw pictures of him at the store, and so I know it wasn't that long ago. No, it was only a couple months ago.

Was it at your show? Yeah. Okay, so he showed up to see who?ney cummings okay so he showed so he's a big fan of whitney's and he decided to show up and come to the show did you know he was coming no no heads up even right was the show started no okay i think somebody said oh hey machine gun cully's in the back okay right he's at the booth where they all know he's in the back. Okay. Right? He's at the booth where they all sit. No, he's in the back smoking weed with everybody in that back area. Gotcha. Right? So he's smoking weed and he comes in and I just have this bit about when I was in Vegas and how the bit's basically about how on Fremont Street security was tight for Jelly Roll.

And the joke is basically where they, you know, Fremont Street wanted to make sure that the terrorists don't get to our Uyghurs because there's a giant underground battle between Uyghurs and Al-Qaeda. It's like underworld, lycans versus vampires, right? So I have this joke where I talk about wiggers and how wiggers are the original trans, like they're the first ones to transition and have their parents freak out and do all this stuff.

So I'm doing a wigger joke on stage, right? And I get done. It's a weird bit because it crushes, right? So I get done. I get back, and I'm talking to trevor wallace who i love who like i love everything trevor wallace i love this new breed of comics all these guys coming on matt rye trevor wall i love all those guys they're doing great work to take big swings so i'm sitting in the back talking to him, and here comes Machine Gun Kelly. In the green room? No, I'm behind where the curtains are, right?

So he walks to the back, and he just gets him. He's right here. And I'm like, hey, dude, how's it going, man? He goes, oh, man, you got some funny jokes, dude. And I go, okay, this is weird energy, but okay, cool. Okay, what's up? He goes, yeah, you got some weird jokes. You talk a lot of shit. And I go got some weird jokes you talk a lot of shit and i go yeah

i do talk a lot of shit i go oh is he just trying to be funny with the comedians is that what he's doing i but also what are you doing rolling up and just walking backstage at the comedy store yeah what what are you doing because you're you in your world your world. Which this is not. This is not in any way. That's like us walking into the dugout right now and going, hey, what the fuck's up with that, man? I'm down in the dugout. You're not on the team.

Man, you're going down there and Dodgers going, man, you don't like to hustle, huh? You're just going to trot down to first base, man. You don't care? You could have gotten that ball. You're just going to trot down to first place, man? You don't care? You could have gotten that ball. Swagging over the dugout. I remember I went to the World Series on mushrooms. I went and saw the

Dodgers on mushrooms. And Puig just tries to overact like he's going to... He has a simple catch, but he overacts it and drops it. Imagine if I went in the back going, yo, man, why are you putting on theatrics for everybody just grab the ball dog yeah like how quickly would i get punched in the

face by pleak so he's in the back and he goes by himself he comes back no he comes back with one security guard from the comedy store so he comes to the back of one security guard and he comes and he, and I can't tell if he's joking because there's something about at the comedy store and with comedians that, that people want to act like there is funny. Have you ever seen that? Like it almost becomes in the hecklers, right? When you do like, you could break down why men and women each heckle. One of the reasons men heckles because because their girlfriend's laughing really hard and they're not enjoying it.

Or they want to be a comedian, like they're the funny guy in their group and they want to be a comedian. So they think in a weird way they're performing. So I get that a lot where like people talk shit. You're like, okay, I get it. This is your moment. So I thought maybe that was it. But I started to realize it wasn't that and he's literally getting in my face about a joke and i figured it was the wigger joke so

just assume you're just guessing here uh shot in the dark? That's the one he's upset about? So he's in my face. He's like, you look like you talk shit. I go, I talk a ton of fucking shit. And then they break it up. I'm like, so I go right on stage and talk about how Machine Gun Kelly got my face because I talk shit. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to talk about how you look like a Hot Topic scarecrow, right? So I do that joke. He's in the back shit talking me to all my friends and they're like,

and everyone knows he's the GM's guest. So like, I'm a crazy person, dude, but I'm not an asshole. Like I'm crazy, but I will always be respectful. I'm a guy so i know he's the guest the gm and i'm thankful that the comedy store lets me do my show that i really enjoy doing comedy chaos we've been doing it for like eight years it's a blessing i'm gonna show respect okay i'm not gonna clock this motherfucker so he goes in the back they i i. He talks shit on the way out. I let him go. Okay, bro. Okay.

Let him go. It's Richie's friend. He goes in the back. Somebody must have told him that I lit him up on stage. Who's back there ratting? No, his buddies were there. Oh, one of his buddies. Okay.

So now he comes back again. He's doing an encore. Yeah. Now comes back again. He's doing an encore. Now he comes back again. What happens now? He comes in the back. Is he with security this time? No, but now he's got his crew. And it looks like everybody from Savage Garden.

It looks like the guys from savage garden i go this is what your backup is 90s pop rock that's what you're bringing back here so he gets in my face he goes why are you talking shit i go because you're getting in my face and you don't know where you are who are you bro i mean i know who you are but why why do you think you have any kind of cachet here dude you got nothing and that's when my friends start to to to circle everybody starts to circle and and richie's about okay okay and i'm like dude if i would have swung on this guy i I could probably sell 20 more tickets in Baton Rouge. 20 more in Baton Rouge.

I could have sold 20 more tickets. You lose your Cleveland fan base, baby. Can't go back to Cleveland, but I could crush it everywhere else. It is wild. It's wild to think that because you're someone in your lane that you can step out of that lane and go. I'm sure there was a powerful attorney who might have been sitting there. Top doctor, surgeon in the city, didn't get up and come back. Like, do you know who the fuck I am in my world?

And let me tell you, hell no. And he's a beanpole, bro. He's like tall and skinny. And listen, I have nothing but love, dog. I'm a lover, not hell no. And he's a beanpole, bro. No. He's like tall and skinny. And listen, I have nothing but love, dog. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I will fight if we have to. And I don't want to. But man, I was like, dude, if I swing on this guy, I'm a fucking legend.

But then I love the GM. And like, I'll never do anything to disrespect the shores of the comedy store. So he goes back in again. I leave this while I go i'm just gonna i don't want to cause any problems like everyone's having a great time so he's about to leave right and then he walks right up to me again again everybody's getting uncomfortable and the comedy store is like come on let's take a picture let's take a picture i'm like fuck so he starts doing this like flip you off thing and i'm like So he starts doing this flip you off thing.

And I'm like, OK, I'll do the flip you off thing as well. So they take a picture of it. It gets put on the internet. Now all my conspiracy fans hate me because they think I've sold my soul to the dark arts because that's what they think. And now I have to put out this fire. And now I'm putting out that fire. Fires.

I'm like, I don't really have anything against him. He doesn't resonate with me at all. I don't hate him. I don't wish him well. That was right when his wife booted him to the curb, Fox, because she found out he had been cheating. So he's gone through a rough week. If you came up going, hey, dude, I'm having a rough week.

I got ladies problems. Like, sit down. Tell me about it going, hey, dude, I'm having a rough week. I got ladies problems. Like, sit down. Tell me about it, bro. But instead, you're like in my face. So we took this picture and let go, and that's it. And then it was so funny because all these content creators started telling their version of the story, and none of it was real. So I got to listen to people like, and then I met him in the kitchen. I started throwing forks at him.

I got sources everywhere. They say Sam went in blackface and got in. Like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? I can't wait to do your show next week, dude. Oh, dude, it's the best. I can't wait. So I don't do drugs anymore like i said

for two and a half years i've been very blessed i stopped doing drugs um but i have drug tendencies like i'm very afraid of cops still so i still drive down like weird weird places right like i won't take a regular street i'll do side streets where I know cops aren't just so I don't see a cop. I see. Right. So like a lot of times when I left the comedy store, I would go the long way around to get to where I live when I lived in Hollywood. Hand to God, I'm driving down the side street and I stop and I look up and there's a buck naked, and there's a buck naked hot blonde from about one block away. And she's super tall.

But you could tell from where I am, that's an attractive woman. And she is buck naked. And I'm like, what is happening here, right? So I'm like, I got to see what's going on. So I drive up. I drive up. I roll up. And she turns around and her dick just starts flapping i was gonna say are we sure this is a woman here i was about to ask you like

she got this tiny pecker with these long balls right she got these these click clacks bro she got truck nuts. She got truck nuts. She got a little dick and truck nuts. So I'm like, what the fuck? And then I start getting fatherly. You're like, what's your pronoun? No, dude. What the hell is he doing right now?

I rolled down. I started going, oh, somebody's going through something right now. Or running from something or, yeah, anything. So I rolled down my window. I'm like, what are you doing? I start getting fatherly with a naked trans hooker right there on this side street. I go, what are you doing? I go, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this. You're better than this. You're a connection. I start getting spiritual with this naked trans hooker, telling her about how we all have Christ consciousness.

We're all connected. We're all here to do a higher thing. She's like, yeah. I'm like, come on. So I go, how about this? I'll give you 50 bucks if you put your clothes back on. She's like, yeah. I'm like, come on. So I go, how about this? I'll give you 50 bucks if you put your clothes back on. She's like, really? So she runs over, she puts her clothes back on. I'm like, good, you're doing great. Suddenly this fat hooker comes up and she goes, will you give me 50 bucks to put my clothes back on? I go,

get away, demon. Was she naked too? No, she wasn't. But she was chunky. She was threatening enough. She was threatening to take them all. Will you give me 50 to keep my shit on? Here's 200. Please leave. Don't burn my eyes.

What's your Venmo? Let me cash happy. So this trans hooker goes to her tent, puts her clothes back on. I go, here's $50,000. Don't you feel bad? She's like, yeah. And now I start feeling like I'm vibrating on a higher level. That I'm like, I've done something called abundance.

I practice everything. Every day I write down goals. I think it's very important to manifest, right? I journal every day and abundance. I practice everything. Every day I write down goals. I think it's very important to manifest, right? I journal every day and night. Do you? I write down what I'm thankful for. I do it in three, six, nine, which is, you know, the Tesla's numbers of the universe.

So I do nine things I'm thankful for. Sometimes I write down the same shit over and over again, but I do write it down. And then I do nine goals for the day. And then I'll do like, if I have time, I'll do 27 life goals. If I have time. I'll do nine, six intermediate goals and 27 life goals.

And you'd be amazed, man, how many of those things you end up hitting. Like it's mind blowing. It's like just, it's just this thing. It's manifestation. Then the other thing is abundance. So I think we live in this world of scarcity where they try to teach you that there's only so much here.

There's only so many days you're going to live. There's only so much money. You got to save your money. I think you give it away. I think you do. Like if you're in, if you're in fear, you go out, you give 20s to people and it's amazing how money shows up. So I just gave this naked trans hooker 50 bucks to put her clothes back on. I'm like, you know what? I feel good about myself. Suddenly I hear a little voice going, you know, she's buck naked again. I go, no way. I hear a little voice going, you know, she's buck naked again.

I go, no way. We had a deal. She would never violate our deal. We're friends. We're friends. I gave her 50 bucks. She would never do that. The voice goes, oh, you know she's buck naked.

I go, no, she's not. I guarantee you. He goes, why don't you go look? I turn around. I come back. She's in the middle of the street, buck naked, doing fucking naked helicopters right in the middle of the ring just where she's like rolling i roll up on her i go i thought we had a deal she She goes, girls got wild. And that's. I deal with that stuff all the time.

So. Oh, God. Do we have time for. Yeah, I want to hear about this. What are you going to say about the. What you tried to stop. Oh, yeah. So I have two dogs, right?

And, you know, you have a dog in the other room and we love our dogs and but when you live in la you have to get your dog these high-end dog food you can't give them the kibbles in bed you gotta get them like i don't know what makes it high food but you gotta get high-end dog food and the only place that sold the dog food that my dogs would eat is gelsons okay right so which by the way if people don't know gelson's it is like it's the it's the ocd grocery store every label's out it's like it's expensive though you pay for that except where my new one it's ghetto gelson's oh really it is oh man that's not normal at all that is walk in your life in danger yeah not, that's not normal at all. You know, over there, there's like two chicks fighting like it's some Instagram fight, dude.

Security is, by the way, security is just an illusion. Yeah, they're not doing anything. This chick was going off on the employees, and the old security guard was just like, don't do that. Stop it. Nobody's stopping this chick. Anyway, so I have to go to Gelson's i go in i grab my my uh my cans of food i get uh i get my car and i back out because i i'm a human being i'm not one of these narcissist piece of shits who three point turns back into it there's nobody drives me more

nuts than people who reverse back into a parking spot. They make you wait. There's like a special place in hell. It's them and the people who can't wait their turn to get off of the plane. Have you ever seen those people? Ever. Every flight I'm on. It's driving me nuts.

Every flight I'm on. And these days, because of my back, I'm sitting in first class and there's people still running up. They run up. They run up because they know no one's going to fight them or say anything. And they're already at their destination. So what are you going to do? Throw me off first? Great. I'm out first anyway. It's wild to me. There's no rules. It's wild to me. There's no honor anymore. If they just said there is no standing allowed in the aisles, then people would stop. They should do that. They don't do it. it's ridiculous it's crazy so there's a special place in hell for those two people so i i i drive up and uh i i get my car i reverse back in i'm about to take out take off suddenly this cop car flies up and these two cops get out and they grab this green gun

and i go what social justice warrior thing's going on that you got a Nerf gun? You got a Nerf green gun. And of course, I'm a comic, so I have to see what's going on. So I pull up, and this is going on in Franklin. So I pull up, and it's this guy walking back, and this avalanche of cops got guns on him, marching him down Franklin. This is happening. In the middle of the street? In the middle of the street, dude. And it's happening right in front of the Scientology Celebrity Center.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever been to that? I've never been in, but I used to go to Cafe 101 all the time. Yeah, that's where all the weird stuff happens. It's a giant castle, by the way. For people who are trying to convince you that they're not a cult, that's the worst building you could have, by the way. So it's happening right there. And it's literally, when I tell you

it had to be 30 cops with guns marching this dude down. One dude. One dude. Hands up. He has something in his hand. I don't know what it is. So I'm literally like, dude, I gotta stop this. I gotta save this guy from getting shot. Because if he gets shot, I'm not like, dude, I got to stop this. I got to save this guy from getting shot because if he gets shot,

I'm not going to be able to feed my dogs, right? They're going to shut everything down. It's not about the trauma of seeing that guy get shot over and over in your mind forever. It's my dog's got to eat. Yeah. My dog's got to yeah my dog's gotta eat dude

so hand to god i become what every black comics makes fun of white people about where we run to danger hand to god dude i hit the gas i drive around the cops are like hey i drive around the cops. They're like, hey, hey, hey, hey. I drive around, and I get right next to this dude. I get right next to this dude. And I roll down my window, and I'm like, you got to get down, bro. Get down. And suddenly, I hear her from the side. Hey, get out of there. I look over.

Freaking bike cops are coming at me. Like, hey, fake cops, get out of here. When you get a car, come talk to me. Until they get rid of your big wheel, okay? And then I'm like, dude, you got to get down. I look up. He's filming himself, by the way, which is a strike one in my book. I don't know what you did to this.

This is even worse than filming yourself. And then I look up. Now all the guns are pointed to me. And I'm like, okay, now I'm gonna get shot and you don't want to be a white guy who'll get shot you don't want anybody to get shot no you don't want a black person get shot because when a black person gets shot city burns legislation changes white chicks start slinging pussy right but? But when a white guy gets shot, nobody cares. Nobody cares. Also, what a way to go out.

That'd be horrible. Helping people? No, I'm saying just being the actual cause of death, being lit up by 30 angry cops who were just popping off. This guy's like a co-hanger. I'm like, whatever it is, just give it up, bro. And he's like, shut up. And I'm like.

He's telling you to shut up. You're out there helping us. I'm on your side, bro. Put down the co-hanger. I've never seen that many cops in my life. So what did you do then? I took off. And they didn't fire or yell or anything?

No, dude. I kept listening to the news to see if something happened because I was going to go back and be the witness and give out my Instagram handle so everybody could follow me. Follow me. Now's it, dude. Oh, dude. I really enjoy talking to you, man. Thank you for coming and doing this today. I got it, dude.

I appreciate it. I'm proud of you. You're a dad, and you sound like you're a good dad dad and you want to be a good dad. That is the most important thing. I'm a crazy person, but I'm trying. I love my kids. Love your kids. Be there for them. Support the stuff they want you to support. Even if you have to fake it, fake it till you make it. Act like you love it. That's all they care about. I have a saying and that is bills are paid, kids are happy, life is good. Bingo.

That's it. Promote everything one more time, please. I am samtriplee.com. Get all my dates there. You can watch. I have eight podcasts, and I think I set the record. And you can get them all at samtriplee.com. And if you want to hear every week,

I just go out and like, and lay my life on the line to see what the craziest shit I could find is. And I talk about it on broken SIM. And if you'd like some of these stories, this is what I do every week. Go to find broken simulation, Tim Fulha, conspiracy social club,

union of the unwanted. They're all there. And I do hours and hours. And then if you really want I do I have a I have a premium content that I do on rockfin.com that's

rockfin.com and I have three shows on there and I do three episodes a week on the Tim Fall Hat show I do a AMA then I do an AMA. Then we break down old footage, old shows, all that stuff.

And then I do an interview. You get three episodes a week on rockfin.com. There it is. Thank you, brother. I love you, buddy. You're doing so great. I love you so much. You're one of the G's. It's good to see you doing wonderful shit. You too, brother.

I'm looking forward to your show next week as always ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all social media go get your tickets come see me on tour ryan sickler.com we'll talk to y'all next week Thank you.