The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Shane Gillis - Saturday Night Dew

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Shane Gillis! Shane Highlights the Lowlights of losing his SNL gig, quitting West Point, and disappointing his parents! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: -Go to https://www.LetsDisco.com/HONEYDEW and enter code HONEYDEW at checkout for 30% off your first order. -Get 25% off ANYTHING you order when you go to https://LIQUIDIV.COM and use code HONEYDEW at checkout. -Protect yourself TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/honeydew and you can get an extra three months FREE. -Take action and prevent hair loss go to https://www.Keeps.com/HONEYDEW and receive your first month of treatment free!

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media. Get your tickets to the Night Pants Nation Tour. We got it rolling off here already. Coming at you all.

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We highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have here, first time on the Honeydew, y'all. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Shane Gillis. Welcome to the Honeydew, my man. That's great. It's very nice to have you here. Thank you, man.

In your Notre Dame gear. Yes. Are you a Notre Dame guy? I'm a fan. Fan, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did not go to Notre Dame. I did not.

All right. No. We're going to talk about a lot of shit, though. Fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did not go to Notre Dame. I did not. All right. No. We're going to talk about a lot of shit, though. Sure. But before we do, please plug, promote everything you'd like. Just put out a special on YouTube. Shane Gillis, live in Austin. It's on Gillian Keeve's YouTube channel.

We got sketches on there, all that. And Matt and Shane's secret podcast. All right. Nice. Congrats on the special, by the way. Oh, thank you very much. I know it's getting a lot of love right now it is and that's nice yeah so i want we're going to talk about obviously snl all that stuff but before we get into that like tell me a little bit about you like where are you from originally what's your upbringing like all right uh i'm from mechanicsburg pennsylvania that's just up the street yeah yeah it's close and uh

i went to middle class suburb grew up uh irish catholic family your parents together at the time yeah yeah still together still together okay good yeah and uh yeah went to catholic school after that went to college you have brothers. You have brothers, sisters? I have two older sisters. Two older sisters. Yeah. All right. Where did you go to college?

I went to a bunch. I went to a bunch to get a bachelor's degree in history. It was tough. After high school, I played football, so I went to West Point. You played football in high school first? I played high school football. Did you get recruited? Yeah. All right, you did. Did you get a scholarship? Well, West Point, it's full ride. Oh, you played football in high school first? I played high school football. Did you get recruited? Yeah.

All right, you did. Did you get a scholarship? Well, West Point, it's full ride. Oh, that's right, full ride. No matter what. But yes, I was offered a couple places, chose West Point. And what position are you playing? I played offensive line.

I played tackle in high school. Left or right? I was left tackle in high school. But guard, college was guard. While you're smaller? I was too slow, yeah. Too slow and not tall enough. College, you got to be like 6'8".

Yeah, who's the guy who was playing next to you? You know what's funny? At Army, the dude with the Steelers. Oh, who we just got, actually. The Ravens signed. Villanova. Yeah, Villanova. Ravens signed him.

That's how little I know these guys. I quit. I was at West Point for about three weeks. Wait, you quit the college, too? No, I fucking got out of there. That's not just the football. Dude, it was boot camp. Yeah, three weeks. Wait, you quit the college too? No, I fucking got out of there. That's not just the football. Dude, it was boot camp. Yeah, I guess.

It's military. It was boot camp. And you're trying to do boot camp with football at the same time? Yeah, and it was funny because while you're getting recruited, they're like, all the football players, we get an escape. We get to leave the military stuff and go play football, and it's nice. Turns out college football sucks. It was way worse than boot camp.

I was like, let me go back to fucking walking. All boot camp was at West Point was like walking and standing. Now, that was the first couple weeks. I'm sure it got harder, but I got out of there before it got hard. How do you get out? You just cry. All you have to do is cry. Get this bitch out of here. you're six three three hundred pounds

crying they're like all right you're fucking going home i was like i want to go that was really it yeah and there's no dishonorable discharge or anything like it's just honorable discharge you're just honorable yeah yeah yeah okay because day one you swear it yeah i was a fucking soldier technically yeah and uh i've this before, but it's funny because technically I did join during wartime. If you volunteer during wartime, you get a medal. And I was honorably discharged. So technically I'm a decorated veteran. Do you have a medal?

No, I didn't buy it. You didn't get to buy it? You could order it. I could have ordered it. It would have been fucking insane to order that. I'm a ordered it. It would have been fucking insane to order that. I'm a decorated Valorant. To steal Valor, but technically legally doing it. Yeah.

Yeah. But no, I got there. And it was funny when I quit. Because you get the first day I knew I was in trouble because I was like fucking around. We were like doing the head shave thing, all that. So you're just standing in line. It's me and a bunch of other dudes. We just got our uniforms and shit.

You just get underwear. You get tighty whities. That's your fucking uniform uniform you got to walk all day in tighty whities all day you're sweating it's hot as fuck it was summer uh but while we were standing against the wall everybody's getting their head shaved and shit and i started like fucking around and a drill sergeant heard it and was like who's yelling and the dude next to me was like he ratted like, he fucking ratted me out right away. I was like, dude, what is this? Yeah, I didn't belong there at all. I just wanted, you know, I was in high school.

So I was like, this would be cool. Play like at Notre Dame, at Texas A&M, all these schools. Yeah. And yeah, I was dumb. I was a dumb pussy. The worst way to go into boot camp what a terrible way to enter the military you exited pretty oh i was out dude i got in there and i was like i'm fucking this was a huge mistake well it was funny too because i knew i made a mistake like yeah when when i knew i made a mistake like two months ahead.

So after I committed, I was like, this is – I fucked up. But I was 17 or 18 at the time. So it's new like fucking up like that. I didn't know what to do. And I remember the night before boot camp, I was in a hotel like with my parents because your parents drop you off at like 5 a.m. or 6 a.m. So I was just laying there with them, and I was like, gee, this is in a hotel room. Were they supportive?

Did they think this was a good thing? They were like, hey, we don't have to pay for college. He got a full ride. We're so proud. They were so proud. So that was – yeah, that will come back with the SNL stuff. That was the last time. They've been proud

of me twice at both times catastrophic failures that seemed to last about the same amount of time same amount and uh i mean truly i've had six weeks in my entire life of my parents being proud. But so they – so the night before boot camp, I called my friend Jamal who was playing D2 somewhere else. So I called him and I was like, what's going on? And he was like, I'm just playing Madden. We're going to go to a party. I was like, fuck. I fucked up. Like I'm in a hotel with my parents about to go to boot camp.

I should have went D2. Should have went to another school about to go to boot camp. I should have went D2. Should have went to another school. Could you have? Yeah, I could have played D2. Yeah. Yeah. The other schools I was going to was like 1AA, 1A. Was anyone else, other schools looking at you at the time?

Yeah, for sure. Who else? In hindsight, who would you have picked that was knocking? So I'll tell you, after Army, I transferred to Elon and played one season of college football. So no matter where I went, I was going to quit. I quit after that full season because college football did suck. But, yeah, I should have went 1AA. I should have went to like Duquesne or smaller.

And you think you would have played out there? I don't know. I probably wouldn't have finished the one season I finished at Elon if I hadn't quit West Point already. You can't quit like back to back in like a month. Although I would have, dude. It sucked. So when you hit the realization that you're going to leave,

what bothers you more, like telling your parents about this? That was annoying because they were coached. Because everybody that goes to West Point cries and tries to quit. Everybody does. Basically everybody. Obviously there's dudes that are like patriots that want to be in the military. But everybody that goes there has like a 1600 on their SAT and is kind of like a dork.

So when you get into that competitive, like getting yelled at in the morning, dorks fucking spaz and uh that's funny uh so yeah the parents were coached to say you can't come home got it so when you call your parents like hey i'm quitting they're coached by like drill instructors and recruiters to be like say no say they're literally not allowed to come home so my parents when i called them and i was like i'm coming home i'm fucking quitting they're like you cannot quit and i was like you guys are fucking losers you're so mean dude i was so mean i was like you guys you're a fucking teacher mom shut the fuck up it was it was really regrettable stuff dude it was embarrassing i mean dude imagine crying on the phone with your mom crying waiting

to get on with your mom like shut the fuck up mom you fucking you're a loser and then they finally the next time i called they're like all right of course you can come home we were told to say that uh but yeah they it was funny because when they – this was very funny. So when they drop you off, they drop you off in regular clothes and your parents say goodbye to you. And then at the end of the day, there's a parade of all the new cadets in front of all the parents. And now they see you marching in a uniform, head shaved at the end of the day. So during that parade, I see my mom like waving a flag like one of those mini flags and i walked by her and she was like yes and i was like i'm getting the fuck out of here in one hour

and she literally went like this dude she goes she dropped her flag i'm getting the fuck out of here i was was like, I am fucking out of here. Oh, shit. No, it was a huge – and what was funny is like while you're quitting, I was still getting letters from people back home that were like, we're so proud of you. This is incredible. And I was like, I'm out.

You're already sitting on the couch. I was getting letters from people that were like, we love you. We're proud of you. And I was like, I'm going to community college. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah, so that was a pretty big uh how did you did they ever talk to you about it like did they tell you they were disappointed or you just knew no you could see it yeah yeah i mean my dad who was more disappointed your dad i would imagine my dad was he a military guy no no that was another thing

he said that i was like what if i fucking die like i was talking about it because one day temple recruited me temple was recruiting me an army was recruiting me and i told my mom i committed to temple and she cried and i was like oh you guys like because when army recruits you they get your parents you know what i mean what do you mean they tell your parent because if you're getting recruited to army chances are the other schools you're getting recruited to at the d1 level are shitty you know it's like eastern michigan temple right like normal schools that anybody can get into army is like going to ivy league right uh so when they're recruiting you

they're like drilling it to your parents like your kid's gonna be a fucking loser if he goes to eastern michigan we can make him a senator i see so your parents are like oh you gotta go to army right you have to go to army so when i told my mom i committed to temple she like was sad and i didn't commit to temple i just wanted to see what she would say and she like cried and i was like damn damn. So like they get your parents. So my parents were like, West Point's the best place ever. Yeah, they're like, they're all in. My dad had like army hats. But I remember one time I was talking to my dad about army.

And I was like, what if I fucking die? And he's like, is that so bad? Is that so bad? Dying for your country? And I was like, you're a salesman. Don't tell me that. At the end? Yeah. That's so bad. Yeah. yeah i was like what if i die is that bad to die for your country i was like you didn't fucking serve what the fuck are you talking about yeah

so there was a lot of that so you get out and then you i get out i transfer immediately i go this also sucked because i quit early enough in West points. Uh, bootcamp is early enough that you start in like June. So I technically quit early enough to have time to go make another school's preseason. So I left bootcamp and went straight like a week later to Elon university in North Carolina because their coach at the time was at Lehigh and he was recruiting me there. And, uh, so I get to Elon and that North Carolina because their coach at the time was at Lehigh and he was recruiting me there. And so I get to Elon and that fucking, that sucked. That was harder than bootcamp. I mean, football is, college football is harder than West Point's bootcamp. I'm not

saying like Marines or anything. In what ways? You physically get beat up. Like you're going up against like jacked giant dudes that are physically dominating you for four hours every single day. So that sucks. Just beating you. Oh, man, dude. And I was like – And you're going up against big D tackles and all that shit. Well, even the safeties would like come down.

Dude, guys that were like 180 pounds would just fucking level me. Dude, I sucked. I fucking sucked. Oh, man. Fucking Ronnie Lott over here. It was such a harsh reality because you go from high school where I was 6'3", 290 in high school. I was bigger than everybody. Yeah.

I could literally just walk towards someone and they'd move. And then you get to college and like those dudes are huge. So the reality is like you go from being the best guy on your team to the worst guy in the conference. The conference. I was so bad, dude. My O-line coach at Elon fucking hated me. He hated me.

And when I quit, I was like, I feel like I'm probably like one of the worst guys on the team, right? And he was like, yeah, you're probably. Yeah. When I quit, he was like, yeah, you're fine. You're doing the right thing. Yeah. It was rough, thing yeah it was rough dude that was rough that was my whole identity my whole life i was like i'm a football player i'm a football player then you find out you're not and it's like oh fuck and

then what do you do you pivot to what so i left elon went to harrisburg area community college so this is all in the span of like a year and a half my parents think i'm gonna be like a senator at westwood like a general a general a year a year and a half later i'm like failing at community college sleeping on their couch washing dishes i mean it like, so I've been down before. Like the SNL thing was, it was bad, but it was nothing compared. Like that was bad. That was like, my dad was like, you're a pussy and that hurt. You know what I mean? And he was right at the time I was being a pussy. I was quitting everything. And, uh, yeah, I ended up getting into Westchester university, just studied history. That was it. And you got your bachelor's? Got a

bachelor's in history for no reason. All right. Graduated when I was like 23 or 24. Now, are you into comedy at all during this time? I just started comedy at Westchester. So when I, like, like 22 years old, 21, 22. 22. And what age do you get SNL? Two years ago. So I was 32 or 31. Ten years, nine years. Yeah. You're in. 31. But see, when I started comedy, it was only in the summer because I would do it at home,

not really at school. And then I would take like six months off, a year off, like shit like that. And then sold cars. And then I just left Harrisburg, moved to Philadelphia to do comedy like full time. So I was in Philly for like four years. The first year I moved to New York, that's when I got SNL. Gotcha. Oh, first year in.

Yeah, like right away. Yeah, it was cool. So talk to me about that because as a kid, was SNL always a goal? When I was a young kid, yeah. I was like Chris Farley's the funniest guy of all time. Uh, and then Will Ferrell, I thought was easily the funniest dude. And then, uh, yeah, but once I got into standup, like got into standup, I was like, I'll never get SNL. Like, that's not, I knew who I was. I wasn't, and I knew what they were. So I was like, that'll

never, I'll never get that. And then I got, I got to New York and my agents were like, hey, SNL wants to give you a packet, a writer's packet. I was like, I'm not going to be a writer. I didn't do it. They're like, SNL wants you to audition. I was like, eh. Now, what were they seeing that caught their eye? Oh, JFL.

Okay. I did pretty well at JFL and at Clusterfest. And you just stand up there? Yeah, yeah. Or did you do stand up? Just stand up. Yeah. And then, yeah, they were like, we want you to audition straight to the main stage.

So I was like, yeah, definitely. Wow. And I was still like, I'm not going to get it. Like, I remember being in the waiting room with my friend, Reggie Conquest. He's a comic. He's very funny. We were together waiting for this. And I was like, I'm never going to get this.

Like, this is, like, I didn't care. And what was your audition? What did you prepare? Just five minutes of standup. You didn't have characters? No characters, nothing. Just standup. And this was still to be in front of the camera?

Are they still considering you to write or both? Well, yeah, when you audition, they're not sure. But once I auditioned. But you knew you didn't want to write. Yeah, I knew I didn't want to write. But once you go through the audition and they're like, if they offered you a writer's job, if they would have given me a writer's job. Like I sat down with Lorne and he was like, I'm not sure if you're going to write or be on the cast. If you're a writer, it'll just be to show you the ropes of how things are done here for a year and then cast.

But then he called me and was like, straight, we'll go straight to cast. All right, so let's go back. So you did five minutes. Who's in the room? It's an empty room, which is fucking brutal. Yeah, dude. And also, I was saying how I didn't care. I truly was loose, didn't care.

And then as soon as you walk into the room and see the stage, you're like, oh, fuck. And are you right there on that stage? Yeah, yeah. You're standing dead center on the main stage where they do the monologue and all that. And there's just a camera right in front of you. But yeah, right when I walked out, it all changed. There's no execs in the dark. There is.

There's a table of like Lorne Michaels and the writers, like Michael Che and some of the other executives and all that. There's just a small table to your left of probably like eight people. And there's just a camera probably from like me to you or that wall. There's a guy behind it. It's like three, two, one, go. You just say your name and then do five minutes. And are they laughing at all? My hand was shaking, so I had the mic against my chin.

Nah, these elders. It was crazy. Dude, if those – That's a great joke. You know how they release like those – Yeah, you see them at the end. I've seen guys' auditions. Dude, if my audition gets leaked or is released, it'll be funny.

My hair was truly like. Do you hear them laughing at all in the dark? Yeah, so you're told the whole time they're not going to laugh. It's going to be quiet. But the first thing I said, they laughed. So I was like, oh, shit. I'm doing pretty well. And then I couldn't not.

You're supposed to pretend they're not there, and you're talking to the crowd. But any time they'd laugh, I'd be like, eh. I couldn't not. You're supposed to pretend they're not there. And you're talking to the crowd. But anytime they'd laugh, I'd be like, I couldn't help it. Disco is a clean skincare brand. They're based in Austin, Texas. And the truth is, before they reached out to me, I was already using their product. All right, your boy over here has got the face of an afternoon nap. I want to try to touch up these bags under my eyes. And I'd already had it before they reached out to sponsor.

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you can get 25 off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code honeydew at checkout that's 25 off of anything you order when you get better hydration today using promo code honeydew at liquidiv.com um i get done i was like i think i mean they laughed i was told they weren't gonna laugh but i still i knew i was nervous like i was shaking my arm was fucking shaking so i was like that had to be terrible i run into michael che that night at a show and i was with soda and big j who those were the guys i like latched on to I moved to New York and followed them around. Yeah. And Che was like talking to them and was like, your boy did good. He was funny.

And I was like, oh, man, I thought I, I thought I bombed. Like I was nervous. And he was like, you were the least nervous by far. And that, that's like, and that was the night of the audition. So I was like, oh shit, I might've got this. And then I get a call back and I was like. How soon? Three days. Oh, that's fair.

Four days. That's fair. Yeah. And they're telling you to come back? Yeah, you come back just to meet everybody in the office. You don't have to do the set again? No more sets. It's just me, three other people that are like up for the position or whatever.

And we go around and you go room to room and meet everybody at SNL. And then at the end, you go sit. The four of us sat and waited in Lorne Michaels' office. And he would call people in one by one to meet them. But again, you're waiting. They always make you wait. So like on the audition, you just wait in a green room for like two, three hours. For real?

Before you audition, yeah. It's like a technique to make you nervous to see how you do. I saw an interview with Chris Rock where he talked about how another comedian he knew at the time was like, fuck this, I'm not waiting. And he left. But he stayed there and waited and waited. Yeah. What a dumbass.

I mean, it's SNL. It's not fucking, you know, some fucking cheese that's all dished. Yeah. And so you're sitting in this office.

We're all waiting. I was talking to the other comics and I remember them. It was right when a Chappelle special came out. It was two years ago. Like exactly two years ago today. And they were like shitting on Chappelle's special.

And I was like, oh, man, I'm not like these people. They're like, I think it was kind of transphobic and like all that stuff. And I was like, dude, I'm never getting this job. So they call the first person in. They meet with Lauren. They leave after like a minute. The next person gets called in. They leave. The third guy, they're like,ne. They leave after like a minute. The next person gets called in. They leave.

The third guy, they're like, you don't even have to meet him. You can leave, which that was pretty brutal. Oh, really? They knew they wanted him? They were like, you can leave. He didn't even get to go in to meet Lorne. And then I sat another hour and a half by myself in this room, and I was like, oh, I definitely got it. At that point, I knew I got it

why what are you thinking because the three people there are rapid succession in and out see ya and then it was just me waiting to talk to Lorne yeah and there's girl he has girls that work for him and there's like a separate room of just you and these girls and they were kind of they're like oh you're waiting that's good yeah they And they were kind of like, oh, you're waiting. That's good. Yeah, they were very nice people. Everybody was nice. I mean, you know, everybody was cool. And then, yeah, go in, meet with Lorne.

It was cool. He says, he was like, I'm going to use you. I'm just not sure if it's right in your cast. Okay. And then on 9-11, I got the phone call that says, that was Lauren, and it was like, we're going to put you on the cast. Nice. I was like, oh, shit. On the cast.

And then September 12th, they released the information that I was going to be on the cast. Okay. So they did have about one day to vet me. So I think that's probably where it was difficult. Look, for someone who does weekly content, good luck vetting anyone that's been doing that for 10 years. Good luck finding that. But also, you've got to be looking for it, especially if you're going back that far. Yeah.

So the 11th, you get the call. 12th, it hits the trades. Yeah. Four hours later, I'm getting fucking – Same day? Same day. I didn't realize it was the same day. The day it got announced that I was on SNL, I got like –

everybody I've ever known in my life was calling me and was like, congratulations, proud of you, we love you. And it's funny because I didn't have time to respond to all of them. So like – No. I'll have texts today today like somebody will text me today that i haven't heard from in a while and be like hey congrats on the special and then the last time they messaged me or text me it was like congrats on snl this is incredible and then the

next one's like don't worry buddy we believe in you like three hours later i mean i was getting fucking drilled dude i'll. What is that like? What's – All right, wait. When – How did it come to you? How did you find out about it? So I was – So that night I had shows at the stand.

So I was going to do shows. And I was like, nice. I just got announced on SNL. I'm going to go to the club, get some drinks. It'll be fun. And on the way to the club, I was in a train. and on the way to the club, I was in a train and I got a text from my agent that was like, did you say the word, the C word?

And I was like, no, I would never, I don't say that word. And then she was like, here's a clip of you saying it. It was literally a video of me saying it. And I was like, all right, maybe I said it. Looks like I said it. Yeah. But it was because I was in a train train i was going in and out of service so like i was getting like texts that were like did you say this and then like 20 minutes later be like you need to call me

like and then the whole way and by the time i got to the stand like tmz was there. No. No. Bro, they met you there? They got there before you did? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. It was crazy. Yeah. And so you walk into that situation? Yeah. Dude, I'm going from open mics to literally TMZ the next day.

And comics are like, oh, you're in trouble. And so you got a little bit of a heads up what was happening just because of the shady communication on the train. And you walk into that yeah and do you talk to them right there no i didn't talk to him i just walked in did they come to you and ask hey man what's going on hey you know they're like nice tmz's like nice to you yeah they're like hey man it's tough what's going on you got anything to say they try to like bait you in to be like yeah fuck that yeah you know uh yeah, just that was it. And then I went on stage like while it was all happening and I was like, I think things are bad. Like I was like, I think I'm in trouble.

Yeah. I was like, I don't think this is good. It was funny too because everybody, including Lorne Michaels the whole time was like, you're going to be fine. Don't worry. This happens. Really? Yeah. They were all confident because everybody they've had the last couple years gets this treatment.

They always have one or two, something will come up where they tweeted something a while ago, but it was never a video of them saying a slur. You know what I mean? Right. So the whole time I was like, no, I'm not. This is bad. If they're going through my podcast, this is bad. So I was kind of like, I'm definitely getting fired the whole time. is bad. Uh, so I was kind of like, I'm definitely getting fired the whole time. Um, yeah, that's,

and then that night I'm on the phone with like Lauren and all these people telling me what to do. Like, don't apologize, apologize, say all this shit. What's Lauren telling you? Lauren's. So NBC is saying, here's the statement you need to say. And it's like a written out, like what I said was inexcusable. I've learned from my mistakes, like that, like paragraph, you need to tweet this. And I was like, I'm not going to tweet that. Like, that's, you know, that's crazy. Um, but then Lauren was like, I just need you to give me something. So I was like, all right, that's fair. It's reasonable. And, uh, so yeah, I just had like five minutes. He was like, I need something in the next 10 minutes. So I just sat there all right, that's fair. It's reasonable. And so, yeah, I just had like five minutes. He was like, I need something in the next 10 minutes. So I just sat there and typed something out.

And tweeted it? Yeah. That was it. And that didn't do anything for him? No, fuck no. I mean, I sent it to him first and he was like, all right, yeah, we'll try. Post this, see how it goes. And there's no apologizing.

There's nothing I could have said in that moment where any, Post this. See how it goes. And there's no apologizing. You know? Nobody. There's nothing I could have said in that moment where any. All these people that wanted my job would have been like. Oh. You know what I mean? Yeah. When you tweet an apology there's no. It's not going to do anything.

No. They're going to just rip it apart. They're going to be like he doesn't care. Right. You know? Now it's more fodder to tear apart. Yeah. So then when do you get the actual call that you're not going to be a cast member?

Like four days later. Yeah. Are you just fucking shitting yourself, like dying inside? It was just very surreal. It wasn't like – I mean, don't get me wrong. I was extremely stressed out. Like I'll see a video or interview with me from back then and i'm like oh man i was different like i was fucked up it does fuck you up like getting i

can't getting like canceled or whatever however you want to say it uh but it's more than being canceled it's it's this rise this you know historic show yeah this childhood dream and canceled all in like a week yeah all in a week like there's more than just canceling being canceled and but see here's the thing that i look i'm a student of the game so i know who you are and we have never met before today and i've like watched your um your your fucking sketches right now so You're killing it, dude. Your shit is funnier than the stuff I see on SNL. Oh, thank you.

It's nice to hear, though, that they thought they were going to be all right and they thought you really were going to make it through this. Yeah. Who called you to tell you no? Lorne. He himself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he say?

Because he always talked to somebody first. He was just like, yeah, it's not going to happen. And that's it. And I was like, yeah, yeah. What did he say? Well, at first it was like – because he always talked to somebody first. He was just like, yeah, it's not going to happen. And that's it. And I was like, yeah, I know. I was like, yeah, I had a feeling. But he was – so then you have time to write like a – they offered me I could either resign – I could resign or they could fire me. They offered me that. And I was like, nah, you're going to have to – you guys are going to have to fire me.

This is going to be on you. And did they? Yeah, they fired me that. And I was like, nah, you guys are going to have to fire me. This is going to be on you. And did they? Yeah, they fired me. I mean, is that what they actually, it's put into trades or whatever, that they fired you? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So then I got to, they timed it so that we're going to say we let you go. You can time it so like I put something out at the same time. Like it's all very – it's weird. It's orchestrated. Yeah. And yeah. And they're like, let's see. Can you show us the tweet you're going to put out about getting fired? I was like, yeah, here it is. This is what I'm going to say and they're like alright that's fine yeah and what's it been like seeing like Che and those guys on the scene since then oh I get along with all those guys yeah they didn't fire me I think like I've heard

rumors it's not true I don't know if it's true but like him and like some of the other cast members like tried to keep me yeah so yeah I like those guys so what happens to you personally after this like where do you go emotionally personally this first day after this yeah i don't know i kind of consider quitting do you consider none of that never

never once was like i'm done right um because i mean there was a part of me that was like this is it not cool but like this is crazy like, but, like, this is crazy. Like, this is all, like, I was on CNN and, like, it was crazy. Yeah, you were everywhere. I wouldn't say it was cool, but it was definitely, like, exciting in some sense, you know, to go from zero to that. I was worried, you know, you're worried about like other things coming out or like you just get very paranoid. I was going to say PTSD.

I would imagine like, oh, they're going to go dig through something I said and take it this way and put that out there and just keep piling it on. I put that special out yesterday and all day. I was like, it's the same thing. I did Rogan's podcast and it was the same feeling.

I was like, what are they going to pull out of this? This is going to be something bad. And then I put out that special yesterday and I was like, this is going to be bad. So like it does, I don't want to get too emotional. Yeah. But it does take something from you. Like I don't, I lost a lot of joy in doing things.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And do you find yourself overthinking now to an extent? For sure. Do you think it's a detriment though? Or do you work past it? I don't overthink things in comedy like uh like i'll do something and say something and put it out and then when i'm done then i'm like oh fuck what did i just do what did i put out here's how it's going to be

taken this is bad people and it's it's a it's tough to explain to people because every every fan's like fuck it dude fuck them put it out and it's like i don't it fucked me up you know i can imagine it was yeah good tell me about your parents then you said what happened they were good they were like proud and supportive and even when i got like in trouble they were like we're with you don't worry so that was nice yeah and then my dad did like a fucking interview with like a local paper and i called him i was like listen don't talk to anybody because that's what happens is like as soon as you're in the spotlight like that everybody somehow gets everybody you know's phone number like i was

getting phone calls from everybody my family was getting phone calls really yeah out of nowhere like news quotes and shit they're trying to get you to say something and so i like had to call my dad be like make sure you don't say anything and he was like ah and i was like what he was like i just did an interview i was like don't do any fucking interviews he didn't interview that was like my son did nothing wrong yeah it was nice it was nice it was very sweet that's good but yeah i think they were shell-shocked too you know because they it was kind of like west point where they had like a lot of time to be probably proud and yeah i don't want to say braggadocious but they were you know they're with their friends right our son's going to west point they're like they had a couple

days to be like our son's gonna be on saturday night live yeah and everyone was like oh great and then as soon as you get canceled it's like fucking loser you Now, has that ever happened to anyone on SNL before where they've been cast and then fired? No. Prior to actually getting to the show? No. You're the only one. Your history? Yes.

You made SNL history. I did make SNL history. Without ever setting foot on the stage. No, you set foot on that stage. I did. You auditioned. Technically, I did set foot on the stage. But yeah, I don't know.

It's weird to say because it makes stage but uh yeah i don't know it's weird to say because it makes me look like uh i don't know i don't want to sound like like they're all nice everybody at snl was nice to me there's no real hard i don't have any hard feelings with snl right they tried and i understood why they fired me you know what i mean yeah of course i know what you mean yeah but but i do i loved seeing like, I watched Norm back you. I saw a lot of social. Yeah, it was cool. So tell me about that.

Who from the old cast came forward and supported you? I remember seeing David Spade and Bill Burr and Jim Jefferies did like a clip on his show about it. And that was cool to watch. That was nice. But yeah, like Norm MacDonald. He was very vocal. Who's like one of my, he's my guy. Right. his show about it and that was cool to watch that was nice uh but yeah like norm mcdonald that he was very vocal who's like one of my he's my guy right i mean come on he's incredible in fact i just watched a special last week again it's the best and uh yeah that was cool because he put out a thing like while i was he tweeted something like congratulations yes and it was

like while i was definitely getting fired and he didn't think i was gonna get fired right so he was like oh i didn't think you like it almost seemed like he was being a dick to outside people like tweeting like people are trying to ruin it this is the best day of your life like while i was getting fired um but yeah he called talk to yeah everybody they were all pretty supportive. It was, yeah, it was crazy. It was wild. So what's the, how long did you wait to get back on stage and do stand-up? Oh, that night. I just kept doing it, yeah.

And people like- Did you talk about it on stage that night? Yeah, yeah. Did you? For sure, yeah. There was a night, the night I got fired, I went and did a show, and Ari, it was me and Ari on stage talking about it. And it was pretty cool.

It was fun. But then, of course, there's reporters going to shows, recording everything you say, posting it, posting articles about it. It's like, damn. How long was that happening? That was probably about a month. But it still sticks with you. Coming to F. It still sticks with you.

And on stage, I'd see people talking to each other, because that's what happens in clubs. People talk at the table, and I'd be like'd see people like talking to each other because that's what happens in clubs like people talk at the table and i'd be like are they fucking talking shit like it's just in your head for so long where you're like everybody hates me it's a negative thing a negative thing yeah which is not good to have on stage no to like look out to a crowd of people and be like half them hate me right yeah it's wild but nobody ever nobody said one thing to my face ever. No? Never. You've never had anyone come up to you? No, no one has ever in person come up and been like, fuck you, ever. So that's how it works. Everybody just tweets.

And then when they see you in person, they're like, oh, hey, how are you? These fake fucks. But that was another thing that I like i understand because i have a podcast when i was an open mic in philly trashing everybody every single comedian i'd be like oh they fucking suck i'm fucking better than that like all the time so like when people would do that to me i'd be like all right i get it i understand i know i know the place of like insecurity that comes from to like trash another comic on your podcast it's just you know yeah so like i get it i don't know hard feelings towards any of them either so like creatively and

strategically how has this changed you and because you obviously pivoted and you've moved right forward so what you know do you work a different way now? Do you, so what did it do? Did it motivate you more in the long run? Do you think it's? Yeah, I would, I would assume it motivated, cause I don't know how else I would have been if I did or didn't get it. Would you have done these sketches and stuff that you do now, had it not been for this whole SNL experience? I don't think so. I think if I got, if I didn't even get offered SNL, nobody would have ever looked into my podcast or tried to get me in trouble. Cause that was like one of the few jobs I could have gotten where people were like, look at how shitty this guy is. Um,

so no, I probably would have been doing acting like TV shit and all that. Cause at the time I was, I was getting a lot of auditions and stuff like that. So, yeah, I probably would have just been in shows, you know? But do you find, like, for instance, with your special right now that's out on, what, your YouTube, right? Do you find – do you prefer it that way, that you just – did you even try to shop it around or did you just say, fuck it? No, I didn't. It was funny.

I'm not either. Yeah, my agents were like, let's hold off on this. Let's try to shop this to, like, or netflix i was like they're not gonna fucking buy it right nobody's gonna buy this for and also it's gonna be a year of emails back and forth and bullshit for to get a no then this shit could have been up a year ago yeah yeah of course uh and the goal is just put it out on youtube and hopefully the next special gets picked up right you know right because at this point now i kind of have to prove that I'm good. You know, a lot of times, uh, they just kind of pick you, they tap you.

They're like, all right, this is our guy. We're going to put him on comedy central and HBO. Whereas now I kind of have to make my own stuff and be like, here's a body of work. Now can I be on something? Um, and that's a cool route to go. It is. But even. Now can I be on something? And that's a cool route to go. It is. But even if you can't be on these other things, there are places you can be.

Of course. And YouTube is a viable place to be. Of course. Honestly, you're probably getting more views on your sketches there than SNL is. Certainly. Well, I don't know about views compared to NBC, but. I would say it's probably competitive to be honest i hope that'd be nice but uh it used to be when you pitch shows it was um well we're cable we don't have a lot of money it was all that bullshit and then yeah well i remember being in a meeting

one time and somebody said that and i was like well can you what what uh networks can do your kids know? What network is your kid watching? They're not watching NBC, ABC, CBS, or fucking Fox. They're watching Nickelodeon. They're watching MTV. They're watching all these other things. So get the fuck out of here with that cable. You are where all the money is. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, YouTube's, yeah, it's perfectly viable. I think the views I would get on YouTube versus if I sold my special to a streaming service is definitely better. Definitely better. And in the long term, getting, I don't know how much money, if I would have sold it to a streaming service, you get like 40 grand or something. I have no idea. Did you ever read the fine print that appears when you start browsing in incognito mode? It says that your activity might still be visible to your employer, your school, or your internet service provider. How can they call it incognito? To really stop people from seeing the sites you visit, you need to do what

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And it's direct-to-consumer. Yeah. We are helping one another, and we're putting it right out there for everybody else, right? Yeah, that's pretty cool. You don't have to wait for a Netflix or an HBO or whoever, Amazon, to give you this green light to be put out there. You can go to your friends and do their shows and then put it right out to all the people who love you.

So I love the it's all direct-to-consumer and peer-to-peer. You don't need that bullshit anymore. And what's nice is when you put like the special i put on youtube it's just it's shared by every every comedian everybody's pulling for each other and it's it's pretty nice it's less competitive because i would imagine i've only i've only been this is the first special i ever put out i've only been kind of headlining within this era of comedy i would imagine before when like four guys got a special a year it was pretty fucking cutthroat and comedians would probably be like ah fuck that guy right fuck this now who could who could be mad that i put a youtube special out right no anybody can do it anyone can do it so it's not like i'm taking someone's spot i'm just there was room for

all of us before sure there was yeah there's so much more room for all of us with the internet now. Yeah. I mean, there's so much. And if you don't like it, fucking move on. Yeah. There's plenty more for you to see. Of course. Nice, man.

I really think it's impressive. And you've had to dig out of quite a hole. Yeah. And to keep your focus. Yeah. And to stay positive. Like, what are some of the things you did to stay positive during that time? Nothing.

I'm pretty negative. Literally nothing. Stand up. That's it. But what – see, that's – It's the only thing. Through my hardest times, like, I remember splitting from my daughter's mom and stuff and just freaking out about losing, feeling like I'm going to lose my kid. Oh, man.

And it was stand-up. It was not – I mean, it didn't matter whether I was on that stage for 12 minutes or an hour. For whatever reason, none of my troubles go through my mind. None of them. None. Not one. And I'm like, man, that's the only place i'm 100 free is up there where i don't think about the bullshit in my life that's fucking crazy how do

i how do i get that time to be more yeah either that or drinking you know you just drink right out of that did you drink more during that did you all right so you went you did i didn't like turn to the bottle, but yeah. I mean, well, it was also – it coincided with me moving to New York and doing shows every night. So if you're doing shows every night and you drink, you're going to drink. Yeah. You know. So that – yeah.

And then I finally got a little bit of money because normally up until SNI, zero dollars. Did they pay you anything from that? Yeah. I got like the first season's worth. Oh, okay. So they paid you for a full season? Yeah. They pay you half. that yeah i got like the first season's worth okay so they paid you for a full season yeah uh they pay you what are you allowed to say half a c i got 50 000 oh wow all right but at the time that was i mean it's at least it's something to keep you motivated and dude that was the most money i ever had in my life yeah yeah but it's gonna go quick

in new york if you don't get another gig. Oh, in New York, I got rid of it. I spent it in a month. I bought a Chevy Cruze and paid my student debt. That sucks that you had to give it to fucking student debt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gave it to student debt. I paid the whole thing.

God damn. Should have stayed at West Point. Yeah, that's kind of it. You would have no student debt, bro. No student debt. Yeah, but I might be dead. You probably would be dead. Yeah, I would have been a big fucking target.

You'd be soft. Yeah, they'd be fucking you up out there, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. When did you realize or did you have a moment during that where you're like, oh, this is – it's getting to me more than I thought it was or – I don't know. Because you said it fucks with you, really fucks with you.

But when are the moments that would get to you it's almost like it's almost like when you're depressed like you don't realize it until you're done that's what I'm saying I didn't realize it until like recently how fucked up like and it's still it's still what do you look back and see you mentioned seeing yourself on an episode where you saw like a clip or something yeah where i'm like oh i'm definitely different uh it affects like relationships for sure like all of a sudden the only thing i cared about was stand-up versus other you know it it fucks you up i don't know how else to it's almost impossible to describe to anybody that hasn't experienced yeah but yeah i don't know you know it's it's exactly like being like depressed where you're like while you're in it i was kind of like blocking it out i was like

people would be like are you all right i'd be like i'm fine like the whole time i was like this is nothing i'm fine and then when you get done you're like damn i was fucked up that hurt you know yeah i mean you're literally pushed off the mountaintop yeah bro yeah and people are happy and happy about people are very happy yeah for sure did you have any but you never got confronted you said nobody no nobody ever confronted me no did you ever hear any shit behind your back people on twitter you're like i don't even know this fucking person oh i don't i don't know i mean a bunch of these comics would come out and be like fuck him i met him once he's a piece of shit it's like what the fuck yeah dude i've had several comedians like that line is fucking one lady tweeted she met me for like i knew when she

met me she met me for like 15 minutes she was like yeah fuck him i never liked that guy it's like you're a crazy person we've've met for 15 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. And then of course it's funny cause I have fans now. So like if somebody tweets at me or talk shit now, people are just like, is this you? And it's just a tweet of them saying the N word like two years ago. And it's like,

shut the fuck up. You idiot. Right. Yeah. I don't think people understand how this works. Like if you throw stones like that, if you're like, Hey,

look at what this guy, fuck that guy for saying that people are just like hey look at what this guy fuck that guy for saying that people are just gonna look what you've done yeah let me go back through your social media minutes of you screaming the n-word on a podcast you fucking dunce yeah yeah yeah so i try not to i try not to do that to people i try not to be like hey look at this. But every once in a while, I'll get someone. You know? Do you think it motivated you in a way to do more? Yeah, definitely. I mean, it's hard because I talked to some comics about this.

I talked to Louis about this, Louis C.K., about how I was like, well, now I want to prove myself. I want to prove that people were, were a that they were right to pick me because that was kind of a that was kind of a prevailing theme where people would be like he would have never done well there this was a mistake all that stuff uh so there's a part where you like want to prove them wrong and be good and uh he was like you don't have to don't he's like you don't have to prove anything you do it for yourself so like i've tried to i've tried to adopt that like i'm not trying to prove prove what to who that's you yeah that's kind of all it is yeah and uh yeah do you see yourself if i hate talking seriously about anything as you have this is tough dude that's all right you're doing great i want to know um do you see yourself acting again in other things if the opportunity presents itself?

Are you interested or is it sour to taste for you? I'd like to do that. But I would imagine it's not going to be on a sitcom or a family show. So hopefully it would just be a project that would, again, be with my friends, which is kind of what we're doing. The guys that we do those Gillian Keeb sketches with, that's John McKeever and Tommy Pope and all my friends from back home that we just can make stuff ourselves. And you do a great job. We're perfectly capable of making it ourselves.

And then why not, right? You don't have to listen to any executive notes. There's none of this bullshit. Now, somebody bought one of our shows. Then you've got to put up with the bullshit.. Then you got to put up with the bullshit. Yeah. They're paying you to put up with the bullshit. Yeah.

And we're perfectly capable. Now that we have a Patreon on Matt and Shane's and I'm making money from touring and we make enough money that we can produce pretty high quality stuff. They're very high quality. Yeah. Your shit looks great. Yeah. It's nice. It really does look good. Do any of the SNL people hit you up about your stuff when they see it? They your shit looks great yeah it does it really does look good

do any of the snl people hit you up about your stuff when they see it they do yeah yeah yeah oh that's fun i sent him to lauren that's do you really what's he said he thinks they're good so that's gotta feel good yeah yeah yeah he's just have you heard from him since yeah i talked to him you do yeah i've sent him i've talked to him about those sketches and things like that and he still makes the time or whatever? He does. That's great. Yeah, he goes out of his way to make some time, which is nice.

Yeah. It's the least he could do. It's nice. It's not the least he could do. I mean, literally the least he could have done was just like, yeah, see you. Yeah, they could have fired you and paid you $0. Which is what you would kind of expect. I was surprised to hear you got money.

I think they – I think there was some accountability on their part to be like, sorry about that. We just picked you up and got you killed. You know what I mean? That is kind of like a – if they had a soul, which they might. They're like, all right, that was fucked up. Sorry about that. Good luck with your life.

Good luck over there. Here's a Chevy Cruze. Get back out there. Time to go home and wash dishes again. The car of your dreams. That's it, man. Did you even consider, you never considered doing that or anything, though, did you? Doing SNL?

No, leaving. Or what, quitting? No, no, no. No, I mean, that was, what else would I fucking do? Especially now I got that on my resume. Yeah, what are you going to do? Coming home, if you Google me, that's not good. I'm not getting a fucking job anywhere.

I never Google myself ever. You will not find Ryan Sickler in my Google search. My Google. Fuck that, dude. I search. I still look. Do you? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to do it today. Don't watch out. It's never good. It's not going to be good. I don't want to do it. It's not going to be good. The last time somebody did it, they sent me something that said ryan sickler wife and i've never been married i've been engaged but never married i'm like yeah that's not even real that's

not even real and then all these other my uh someone sent me what i'm worth my net worth who the fuck is this ryan sickler because that is not my ass yeah there's some weird another one when your name gets into that like ether ether whatever that is they there's all these like weird bots that like put up there's there's i don't know how you know how to describe there's one of mine that's like clearly just an indian bot that's like he is very rich he drives several cars several it's like all this you know it's broken english like uh but yeah dude i still I still read the comments. I do all that.

Yeah. What's the one thing that sticks with you the most from it? Like is there a comment that you really stuck at or that you think about? No, not one in particular. I don't know. When you think about this now. All right. So let me ask you this question.

The frequency of the amount of times you think about this incident now. Oh, daily. It's still daily. Oh, of course. It's not any less every other day. It's definitely less. It's definitely less. So it used to be all day long every day.

Oh, yeah. And the time is now less per day? Less per day, certainly. What do you think about? During the day? Like when these thoughts cross your mind. Notre Dame Toledo this week? We got Toledo coming to town.

What do I think about? No, what do you think about this? What do you think about? Huh. I don't know. I'm not sure exactly. Do you have regret? No.

No, definitely no regret. Okay. Because I would have done the podcast no matter what. I regret – no, I guess I don't. Good. I don't think. I mean, I'm not asking you. I'm just curious.

Yeah, I don't think so. That's one thing I – I say good because you're not i don't hear you saying i regret losing snl i regret you haven't you're saying no no i that's one thing i've been kind of proud of myself about is not regretting that stuff like not letting that get to me there's been a cut there was a cut i'll tell you what the first like so i got hired september september 12th and then i think the first episode was like two weeks later oh wow so like right away i remember that night i was home by myself i watched that first

episode uh who was it might have been woody harrelson oh i could be wrong on that and you watch that oh fuck i forget i know who's the girl who sings Bad Guy. I'm a bad. Billie Eilish. She was the musical guy. I remember that. I remember sitting there watching it like, damn. I would have been there.

And like. Do you watch it still? No. It's on. It's usually on like at clubs. Yeah. Like when you're doing standup, you get down there. It's like on in the bar or something.

I'll see it and be like, this shit's fucking garbage. It's wild. It's so bad, dude. It is bad. There are some sketches that are very good. And I know the people that work there that are very, very funny, talented people. But, you know, it's rehearsed. It's on national television.

It's like it's live. So, of course, it's going to be clunky. And they've given – I think they've stopped trying to, I don't know. Lawrence said something interesting where he was like, everybody's favorite is when they were in high school. That's when they're like, that's when it was funny.

And that's always been the case. And now I think recently it's even more so. Cause now it's even, it's even way more political. I believe than it used to be, you know, like it felt like they used to make fun of both sides pretty – Oh, yeah.

Like, they'd have both presidential candidates look like a fucking idiot. Mondale and Reagan, they would bash them up. Yeah, so they had – like, they had Alec Baldwin as Trump, and he was like a fat dickhead idiot. And then they had Jim Carrey come on and be like, yeah, that's right, I'm cool Joe Biden. And it's like, dude, Joe Biden can't talk. Just get a guy who's incoherent to be him if you want to make fun of him.

Make fun of both. Yeah, don't make Jim Carrey cool wearing aviators as Joe Biden. Yeah, and they did. They did. Yeah. Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying. They were like, dude, be funny. Shut up.

But yeah, I don't want to. I try not to trash snl because that you know it looks it looks yeah to me it looks kind of fucking petty yeah like a sore loser like i got fired so you know yeah but i will say like i don't know how many people have really gone through this cancel culture thing and and still stayed where you are kept your head level you seem like you've kept your head above the water. You're moving forward successfully. It's not easy to do that just regularly in this goddamn business. Well, I appreciate it.

Yeah. I got to try to give myself some credit. You do. That's what I want to say. I'm not. Look, I say this all the time. The other day, yesterday, for the first time, and I can't tell you how long, I looked in the mirror and I was like, hey, good job. You're doing good. You lost weight. Doing the right tours about to start. Because I never do that. I always look in the mirror if I do and say, what the fuck are you doing?

You know what I mean? Like, goddamn, dude. Every time. It's never the love. I will say this about the moving forward thing and having gotten canceled. I got canceled. I had nothing before I got canceled. So that's new.

Almost no one has that. That's a good point. Yeah, you're not losing. So obviously I'm going to keep moving forward. Yeah. Everybody else had to give something up. Yeah. And yeah, not many people have been canceled for something they've said.

Most of the time it's you get canceled for something you've done. That's interesting. I'm one of the few guys to get really fired for something they said. It's like me and Kramer. Yeah. His was vicious. You know what, though? His was vicious.

But also, we were just talking. Where was that at? Was that at the lab? So I did a show there last night, and I was like, that was the first time I ever did a show there. I was like, damn, this is where it happened. And you know what? I was just talking to some comics about this the other night, too. That happened a while ago.

That had to be early cell phone video or something, right? Or a camera call. He got drilled on the first camera video. And someone was telling me that when TMZ or whoever, the Hollywood, does their tours, when they stop in front of the Laugh Factory, it's not like, you'll see committee go, this is where Michael Richards had his mouth out. It's funny, too. It's not, this is where you could see blah, blah, blah. When I saw the stage last night for the first time, I was like, hmm, there's the balcony, dude. There it is.

That's it. There it is. That's where Kramer went down. Went nuts. And so he had to go – he went on TV and on Letterman and cried kind of and apologized, which I'm not judging him because I understand the stress of that. But he was already famous. Right. So he had a lot to lose. He did.

And he was losing it. You could watch him lose it. Like with me, I didn't lose anything. So it was a little easier. Like your American Express contract didn't just get torn up. Yeah. I had zero dollars. i had zero dollars i had zero dollars yeah yeah so i wasn't like oh my life's in shambles i was like no i'm still living in a hallway in queens yeah back to i was like wow that was a crazy week you know what i mean yeah what a week in comedy back to where i was

last week last week yeah yeah man and but i'm saying it's impressive that it didn't fucking derail you and yeah well i think i think one thing it could have done is i could have leaned into being like a fucking free speech guy and like i'm i am right wing i am a true like you know what i mean and that could have been very lucrative but yeah yeah, that's not who I am. I wasn't going to become like a, and there's nothing wrong with being free speech because free speech is important, obviously, but like, but it's not going to be your mantra. No, I think, I think it's, I think as soon as you get sucked in to being like, if I, if I like let being canceled, define who I was and like talked about it. I mean, I talk about it on every fucking pocket, but if you let I like let being canceled define who I was and like talked about it I mean I talk about

on every fucking podcast but if you let it like consume who you are and what you're creating that's how you lose you know I mean that's like actually getting canceled meanwhile the only way to not get canceled is to just keep moving and keep doing comedy because that's what my fucking job is that's it like if I let that consume me and I was like every day, I was like, I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

So I didn't tell you this before we started the show, but it's something I ask everybody their first time on the show, especially now after everything we've talked about. And that's advice you would give to your 16-year-old self. And it could be anything you fucking want it to be. Yeah. But I'm curious what sitting here through everything you've been through now, going back to your 16-year-old self, what would you say?

Don't cry at boot camp. Definitely just quit. Don't let everyone watch you cry. I mean, look, I'm happy with where I'm at, career, like in my life. So everything kind of led me to this. Like maybe if I went to a regular D2 school, played football there, I'd be a salesman in Pennsylvania. And that's fine.

There's nothing wrong with that. But I like what I do now. So kind of everything got me here. It goes the way it's supposed to go. Maybe I'd say like everybody in the house knows you're jerking off in the shower. Everyone. Everyone in the family knows. That was revealed to me recently.

What do you mean? My sisters were just like, you know, everyone knew you were jerking off in the shower. And I was like, what? They're telling you that. I was like, how do you guys know? They were like, you were in the shower for an hour every day so i'd let 16 year old my stepson's his mom i'm like he's he's jerking off in there she's like he is not i'm like trust me yes he is he's been in there for 45 minutes and p.s i was 16 with a dick yeah he is definitely in there doing that

right now yeah i'm like how come every time we in, he's taking a shit for 45 minutes, but it never smells like shit? No. Never smells like shit in here. He's cranking one out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. What would you say?

What'd you go with? I'm sure you've had to answer it. My 16-year-old self? Oh, man. I don't know. I don't remember mine, but I know 16 was when my father died. So I would definitely say just, I mean, I know I would say stick this shit out because it gets way fucking better. Sure, sure.

But it's going to suck for about 30 fucking years. Oh, yeah. How did your father pass, if you don't mind me asking? Heart attack. Well, it was ruled a heart attack when he passed, but then – It was COVID. It was COVID. No, this was 89.

Yeah. It was close. No, this was 89. Yeah. So years later, when I turned his same age, 42, six years ago, I fucking started having all these health problems, kidney stones, all this shit. They take me in. They're thinking I have cancer, all this shit. Six months into testing, they find out I have this blood disease in my legs.

It's called factor V light, and it's just my blood's prone to being thicker which makes me susceptible to clots and now going back through everything they're like there's a really good chance that your father's death wasn't a heart attack and it may have actually been this because my mom doesn't have it and neither do my brothers wow so there's a chance 30 some years later i find out that his shit was maybe something else. Yeah. Yeah. So I got to watch my shit.

16-year-old man. Yeah. Maybe invest in Pfizer. Pfizer? Or vaccines. You can make some money. I don't know. People talk about crypto.

I'm like, I still wouldn't give my money. You know what? You know what? If I'm going to do an investment, I would do Duff know duff mckagan from guns and roses the bass player yeah he made more money back in the day investing in starbucks than he did on gnr damn and he got it early on starbucks yeah early good one yeah and then just kaboom because if i was 16 i couldn't be like delete the podcast no No. I'd be 16. I'd be like, what the fuck are you?

What's a podcast? Don't cry at fucking West Point. Don't cry at West Point. That's a great one. Stop crying in front of people, you fucking giant. Did you cry when you got canceled? No, I don't think so. At least in private?

I swear to God. I believe you. I swear to God, I don't remember. I remember times getting like that, like when you know, like when you lose your breath a little. When he goes. I remember, yeah, I remember this is the closest I came. I was drunk with some comics at the stand and we were fighting about it. And I was like.

Yeah, that thought would get you off. I was like, I got to go to the fucking bathroom, dude. I can't cry at the fucking club. I'm going to cry all over again. You got to stop crying. Thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me. for having me yeah please promote everything again yeah just check out uh gillian keeves youtube channel that's my special and then all the sketches me and my friends are making and then uh matt and shane secret podcast all right yeah

check out that special and uh as always ryan sickler on all social media ryan sickler.com we'll talk to you all next week.