The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Shapel Lacey - HoneyShapel

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Shapel Lacey! (Comedy Central) Shapel Highlights the Lowlights of his abusive stepfather and his own anger issues. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail]  SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips  SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187   SPONSORS: Betterhelp - The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW 

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studios. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Happy New Year to everybody out there. I hope you had a great holiday season and I hope this 2023. I hope you kick its fucking ass.

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under the artist control. How's that sound? Um, so if you don't know about the crab feast, man, you got to check it out. It's a seven and a half year library of all your favorite comedians in podcasting with different stories. All right. We're going to keep putting links in the episodes of people who were on the crab feast. You can go ahead and check out an episode and make sure you subscribe to that as well. All right. If you love the honeydew, I promise you're going to love that. And if you're all caught up on the do, you got a hell of a library to go check out. All right. Now you guys know what we do over here. ready to go check out all right now you guys know what we do over here we highlight the low lights all right these are the stories behind the storytellers and i'm very excited to kick the

year off with this guest who's back on the do ladies and gentlemen please welcome chapelle lacy welcome back to the dude thanks for having me back thank you for being here yeah of course man um before we get into everything please plug all of it all uh social medias uh all of them are at chapelle lacy uh i don't do twitter or nothing like that a little crazy right now uh and also uh i'll be in uh sacramento january 5th through the 7th at uh the punchline i've never done that that club before i've never been that's a good spot i don't think i've ever been up to Sacramento actually, but,

uh, yeah, that's pretty much, um, for me and just, yeah. Come see me on the road and stuff. Yeah.

All right. Well, it's good to have you back. Yeah. It's good to be back, man. And, um,

you have, if you haven't heard Chappelle's first episode, you got to go listen to your first episode. So when your first episode we talked about, uh, you were adopted by a white family in your teens. How old? Shouts out to white people.

Shouts out to white people. Well, the ones who adopt white people. Not all white people. There's a lot. The Sandra Bullocks and the Tim McGraws, the blind side. There's the January 6th white people. You don't necessarily want to. Not the January 6th ones.

The blind side ones. Shout out to the blind side white people. And Mr. Drummond, Phil Drummond. Phil Drummond, yeah. Different strokes. Shout out to the blind side white people. And Mr. Drummond. Phil Drummond. Phil Drummond. Different stroke. Shout out, Phil Drummond. Yep.

Top bridges. How old were you when you were adopted by them? Man, that was so – it was like odd because it wasn't like a legal adoption. It was just – But they took you in. They started taking care of me when I was like 15, but 17 was when I had moved in. But before we get into that, I got to say something.

I just wanted to recap. No, no, no. You're good. You're good. I got to say something that I've never really felt before until I did that last episode. You said something. You said, hey, you should go read the

comments. And I was like, oh, no, I'd rather not. You know, I don't really, I don't want to partake in that world, you know. You used to work on different shows. Comments. Comment sections can be wild. Yeah, they

can on some shows. Yeah, they just, some people, like, I've always explained this. There's still every now and then there's still people that throw grenades on mine, too. Yeah. Yeah. And people that listen to podcasts are just so, like, they're just diehard fans. Yeah, they are. So they have a lot to say.

When they listen to something every day, every week, they have a lot to say. So you said that to me. I was like, no, I'd rather not. And you pushed me. You said, you might want to check these out. And so I did. And that was the first time I ever really felt like I don't look for validation ever or reassurance. I don't look for validation ever or reassurance.

It's something that's never needed in my world, mainly because of my stepfather, my abusive stepfather. This is pre-adoption, all that stuff. Growing up with him, everything— So real quick, let me just— Go ahead. Because I want to make sure people understand. Yeah. Your biological dad was locked up prison, attempted murder,

shut out. And then your mom marries another man who was, they actually never married, but they were just together. But that's the man you're talking about now. That's the man I'm talking about right now. Different from the white stepfather who adopted. Different from the white people.

So black people, there we go. I'll do it that way from the white people. All right. So black people. There we go. I'll do it that way. So black family. All right. Yeah. He always told me everything about me was incorrect. And anything I ever did was bad.

I'm not saying I was a great kid all the time but for the most part i just like doing the things that i loved which was skateboarding going to punk and hardcore shows and and uh cheerleading all these things were very positive things to me that kept me out of trouble i didn't sell drugs i didn't you know get locked get locked up i didn't do anything of that i didn't drink a driver anything of that nature that was never never my style but meanwhile um meanwhile he made me feel like everything was incorrect so so i i kind of built this thing into me to where if that's if that's how a person sees me, I don't know. I just thought the rest of the world

also saw me that way because when you're a kid and that's the adult that's in the house, this is supposed to be your parent and they tell you these things, you tend to believe it because that's the person you live with. That's the person you see every day.

You got me on the hook for Jesus. you got me on the hook for god santa the easter bunny the tooth fairy yeah i'm gonna believe this yeah i'm gonna believe it i'm riding with you on everything else everything else exactly so so i think growing up and realizing that early on, I've kind of just forget what people say. I don't care what people say, whether it's good or bad. I just, I just don't, I just didn't, never cared. So the, the kindness of the people in that comment section on that episode was, was insane to me. When I was reading it, it gave me an energy that I just never felt before from people saying really nice things about me, and for that, it being a lot of people.

Because not saying that what my stepfather said was stuck in my head and just ruined me. I think I've just never just cared for what many people really say, like have said about me, you know, cause it just, I don't know. He, I mean, he messed me up pretty damn bad, but for people to say that and say the things that they were saying, I was, it really caught me off guard. And I know at the end of the day, I'm just a, I'm just a guy that's just trying every day to just deliver my best self. That's all you can do.

Yeah. Look, man, I want to say this. I want to give a shout-out to everyone out there. This fan base, I'm very fortunate. They're great people. Like I said, there's a few lunatics on everybody's squad. Everybody's squad. But there's that guy that roots for your team.

You're like, why you got to root for our team, man? This motherfucker over here. Yep. But we'll take your money, though, bro. We'll take your money. We got you at the parking lot. Yeah. But it's like, I don't know, when people fucking ride you like that and you get used to it, it's like you're – I'm with you.

I never looked for validation. It was always like wearing this jacket this jacket of this person's putting on me every day you ain't shit you it is you're you're a fucking loser you'll never be anything like not just killing me today telling me it ain't worth nothing from the rest of your goddamn time every fucking day and then you don't believe it you fight it the thing that helped me was i was good in sports i was good in school and i started to see like well wait a second i'm doing better than these kids who have two parents you have love under the house yeah and i was like okay so talent is different than anything, than being loved. But self-belief, that's where it's fucking at.

Yeah. Believing. The whole time I believed. And then with you, I don't mean to stop. No, no, no. You're good. There have been moments in my life where if you don't look for it, it might take 20 years, but that shit comes around.

And then all of a sudden, you get to take that motherfucking jacket off. Like, I didn't even know this one right here was an option. You put that on. You're like, goddamn, this feels this one right here was an option you put that on you're like god damn this feels good and that comment section fucking dressed you up man it really did because um yeah i've always been really talented at the things that i've done but i've never thought of it as like yeah i'm talented at this i just it's just things that i love to do and i just i just put it out there and so for that kind of positive positive feedback or for just me telling my story what you've overcome what i'm now it's kind of wild it was just wild i just never never felt that

you know and like i said I'm just a guy, you know. Sorry. Don't be. Take your time. I'm just a guy that's like just always trying to deliver my best so but I've always just kept that to myself you know

and just kind of lived in my own world. So for people to really, uh, you know, feel something from words that I'm saying, it's, uh, especially when I know where I come from, you know, uh, it's wild, uh, get a response, uh, like that, you know, I just never think about, I just never think about that. It's crazy. It's crazy. Uh, it's called love, especially, especially in the world today, man.

Like, you're like, what is this? What're like what is this like damn this is what this feels like oh positivity yeah they got me on this uh this full house moment you know it's i do know dude i know i know where i've been i go from picking my fucking yeah dead grandmother's teeth out of the goddamn carpet, crying on my fucking hands and knees. I got nobody in my life I can even ask for a dollar. Yeah. And to get positivity and love from this show, to have people. People tell me they reconnected with family.

They have started therapy. This show saved their life. And I tell every, before I start every stand-up show, I'm like, y'all are doing the same thing for me. You really are. And I don't know that they know that the connection that I feel from that and I'm giving back, I don't know that they feel that either. You know what I mean? I hope they know.

I say it all the fucking time. This is the best fan base in comedy, there's no doubt. Yeah. People tell me that they go on shows that are much bigger than this show, but the reaction that they get from the fan base is way more from this show, and it's positive, than a lot of shows they do. Yeah. Like I said, especially just because of the world we live in today.

We make it very, very tough for ourselves just to exist sometimes. You know? I mean, we go so hard on just us as humans all the time. So, you know, especially on these social media platforms, you know, people like to say some shit. Yeah, they love to say some shit. They love to say some shit. Keyboard cowboys. Yeah, it's like, damn.

you know they love this they love to say some shit keyboard cowboy yeah it's like damn just like hey everybody everybody at the end of the day i think is really trying their best and not everybody that's the thing they're not some people aren't i say all the time too look i'm you remind me a lot of me when i was younger like angry as fuck yeah and but full of love uh bit broey but emotionally displacing my shit, trying to figure it all out and gather it in, and also always giving your best fucking effort. I've said for years, I used to joke, but I meant it, like be the best wherever the fuck you are.

If you're in community college, be the best. Yeah, I was all Juco, man yeah i was all juco man i was all juco i didn't go to division one but i was all juco at community college yeah that's how i feel with val when i was a valet like i was like i want to be the best bellman valet that i could fucking be and meanwhile that's made me that's transitioned into to the world of comedy and you know since i've gone full-time that's time and haven't had to work a nine to five. But yeah. I think a lot of people strive to be the best instead of just the best they can be.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just want to be good at this thing. I want to be good. Whatever this fucking shell and computer is right here, I want to make this machine the best thing it can be. Yeah. Especially since I was so damn angry. is right here. I want to make this machine the best thing it can be. Yeah, especially

just because I was so damn angry. Like I told you before. Yeah, tell me. I've had three different anger management teachers. I have to say right now. At the same time. Not at the same time.

I'm good now. I'm good now. Yeah, yeah. So I want to talk about that because you also told me that you talked to your mom about this last episode as well, right? Yeah. Yeah, my mom and I, this biological mom, black family, back to black family. Got it.

Her and I didn't necessarily have the – my relationship with my mom wasn't hectic, but it wasn't great. There was just no substance to my mom and I at all. And not really realizing that she was going through shit with the dude she was with at the time. We were both going through the same shit, but obviously we just never talked about it. And our relationship now, it's insane we we talk on such a deep level that i'm i'm almost in awe that it that it's happening what started that and when did that start so that that actually

started in 2013 when my brother had passed my my he was on my only full-blooded uh sibling um and what happened to him he died of an overdose an overdose yeah uh accidental overdose he how old was he he was 28 he was 28 and i was 26 at the time and so with my brother he was probably one of the most significant people in my life because we went through hell together as kids, because the thing with our stepfather, we weren't his kids. Right. And he obviously had this, you know, he didn't like, he didn't like our biological father at all. Right. And so I don't know.

I would have to ask him why he did that, but he treated my brother and I completely different. So he did have kids with your mom? Yes. And then how many? Four, four, four. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

But you two were like, nah. The other four were his kids and you two were not. Yes. And he'd make that very clear. He'd make that very clear. Was he abusive to everyone though? Not, you know, like. Was he also abusive to your brother?

My brother that passed? Yeah. Yeah. So you two and your mom basically. We had it the worst for sure. I mean, he just wanted a good dad in general. But yeah, he was aggressive to my brother and I pretty heavy. So losing my brother, and my brother was like my protector every day.

Because we were going through that crazy shit at home. So anybody that would mess with us outside, like there's times I would get in fights. Right. And before I could even swing, he was already there. I go, let me, let me, come on, let me, let me have my turn. Let me, let me, let me get my hits. Like, I get that you're there, you know, but like, I was like, I know how to fight too. Everyone's like, oh, your brother keeps saving you, shit like that.

But shouts out to my brother, rest his soul. But it was beautiful, now that I think about it. And we were just so close. And so to lose him, I didn't know what to do with my world. I got very, very depressed. And I saw the side of my mom. Here's where the reconnecting happens. I saw this side of my mom that I just saw.

It was the first time I really saw her pain. Because meanwhile, growing up, she was just so quiet and reserved. But I never saw her. I don't even think I had seen my mom cry at that time. But she was just very quiet and reserved. And so I actually saw pain in her this time. This is her firstborn. Yeah. She loses him.

And there was just something in my soul that just said, be there for her. And so I just started doing that. I just started being there for her. And so I just started doing that. I just started being there for her. And ever since that, just doing that, giving that much, just eased up a lot of things. And we were able to talk about a lot of things that we never really talked about before.

What sticks out? The biggest thing that sticks out was when my stepfather kicked me out there's still black side uh how old are you kicks you out uh i was 16 or 17 when he had kicked me out yeah yeah or yeah 17 somewhere around there and i remember that was that was a day, but it was the happiest day of my life. I was like, damn, all right, I'm out of here. And I remember my mom had worked the overnight shift at the hospital, and she just had pulled up, and she saw my stepfather standing over my,

you know, because he packed all my clothes and put it in trash bags. And she saw him standing over it and then me going to collect my bags and then leaving. And she was just crying. Is this after your brother died? No, this is before. This is before my brother. Yeah, because I was 17. He died at 28.

And actually, that was the first time I saw her cry was when I got kicked out i'm wondering because i'm thinking like oh my god this guy's kicking out her son after her other son died it was before no it was before that and so yeah that was the first time i ever saw her cry that was yeah and i asked the question yeah yeah yeah it's good thank you thank you and uh what did that make you feel? Because you say it's happy as shit. You're out, like finally. I was out. But also now you're watching your mom cry for the first time. That was that initial emotion.

I didn't even think about my mom crying. I just told her, I said, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I didn't know I was going to be fine. I didn't know what I was going to do. But I was like, I'll be fine. I got this and uh she told then years later fast forward to us reconnecting she told me the day he had kicked me out that's when she

was planning her escape that's when it was a wrap for her when which i didn't know and even though she had four kids with him yep she was she she, she, she was going to get, get, get the rest of them and get out. And, and I didn't, I didn't know that. I didn't know that until she told me that. Well, yeah,

when we were talking one day, like meanwhile, I'm living here. This was like maybe two years ago. She had said that. And I, I never knew that. And that was,

uh, it gave me this other layer of love for my mom. It's like, oh, you felt that way? I didn't know how she felt when he kicked me out. I mean, I saw her crying, but I don't think I locked into that. There's no way in hell I did because I didn't really talk to her after that. Oh, really? Yeah.

I couldn't hold a strong conversation. The most we would talk it'd be like a three-minute conversation where'd you go uh that's when i uh with the white folks okay you went there right away so we're moving on you had a place so we're moving on up to jefferson's okay they're like george and wheezy don't burn on the grill that's what i remember you saying there's steps in this house yeah i used to just live in hallways with i lived in a space Oh, man. So, yeah, that's where I went.

But to hear her say that that's how she felt after that fact, it just made me feel this strong love for her. Just like, damn, that's my mom. How does she feel about your adopted family? Oh, she loves them. Okay. She always asks about them all the time. Yeah, she asks about them all the time. Like I said, they didn't live

too far from each other. It was like 20 minutes down the road. Okay. Yeah, so I could have walked home anytime, but I was just like, I like these stairs. Yeah, hell yeah. I would too. Yeah. Nobody's throwing me down. Yeah, right. I'm walking up and down stairs. Hell yeah.

Thank you, white people. Appreciate that. Thank you for these stairs, man. I never had stairs before. That's nice. Damn. So, I mean, that's the – there's just so much beauty in life that if you just really lock into it and pay attention to it, you – I don't know. You find these things that will just move you forward and help you become at peace with a lot of shit and like i said i had to add three different anger

matches yeah let's talk about that i had to was that a suggested thing or no they put me there but they always they always say oh strong yeah they listen they always this is what i hate about this recommendation this is what makes me mad this shit. That's a recommendation. This is what makes me mad. They're always like, well, you put yourself here. I go, no, no, you walked me in here. All right, so who's they and how old are you the first time? The first time I was 15 when I went to anger management.

All right, so you're still with stepdad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah. What happened? So what I used to get picked on for being the black kid that listened to punk rock and skated and all that stuff. And I remember one time this kid – P.S. The white kids who listened to punk rock and skated got picked on too, by the way.

Yeah, true, true, true, true, true, true. But you were definitely an outlier. I was an outlier. Yes. And so there was this guy. He kept calling me a wankster one day. I was an outlier. And so there was this guy. He kept calling me a wankster one day. I just started high school. I just started high school.

And he was calling me that because he was just, everybody would say something smart about me. And did you still have this size right here? You were stocky build? I wasn't this size. I wasn't like this stocky, but I was like shredded. Strong. Yeah, I was shredded.

And I remember one day I was just like, I'm going to just fight this kid. I swear. And I remember one time he said it again. And then I went after him. I was like, hey, man. Like, it just went crazy. And like, I would go an extra mile just to fight. And I used to do this thing where I would like take my fist and I would go, bam, like that.

On your own head? Yeah, on my own head thing where I would take my fist and I would go, bam, like that. On your own head? Yeah, on my own head right before I would fight. And when he saw that, he was like, okay, I didn't know. He stopped right away? And I couldn't stop. The aggression was just so strong. It was almost blackout, right? And I remember my brother was on the football team.

And so he had all his football friends. They were standing there. They were like, hey, was on the football team. And so he had all his football friends. They were standing there. They were like, hey, come on, like, you know, calm down. When someone started grabbing me, that's when I started freaking out because people were grabbing me. Because I'm like, if you're grabbing me, he has the opportunity to come over and swing. He's going to fuck me up. Well, this was during lunchtime at school. And so the teachers were coming from the teacher's lounge.

And they saw what was going on. They were like, okay, we'll take it from here. And I remember this one teacher reached for me and I swung at him. And he was the sweetest teacher. You said what? It's like you killed his head. I know. He was, shout out to Mr. Green. Mr. Green.

Mr. Green. He was a nice guy, guy history teacher he he uh he listened to reggae every day like he his energy was just pure he smiled like he smiled like he never had any like he treated every student with just greatness and i just decided yo mr green don't you fuck me today and so he backed up and was caught off guard and then another teacher if you listen to hip-hop they would have said this black kid's aggressive because of the hip-hop you listen to punk like this black like, it's the punk rock. Yeah, it's the punk rock. Why is he pressing? Oh, you dare them, you do it. I know, yeah, yeah. Well, fuck Mr. Green, man.

It doesn't matter what side I'm on. Sound like Mr. Green smoked a lot of green, too. And that was the rumor around the school. That was the rumor around the school. And so, yeah, I swung at him. Then another teacher. Did you hit him? Did you make contact?

No, I did not make contact. You know, he was pretty quick. For a dude that listened to reggae. He might not have was pretty quick. For a dude that listened to reggae. He might not have hit it yet. For a dude that listened to reggae a lot. He was pretty damn fast. I was like, whoa. Okay, Mr. Green.

All right. You know? And I wasn't on Mike Tyson when it came to swinging. And then another teacher grabbed at me. Swung at her. Her? Yeah, I know. Oh, no, man.

You were just going. Sorry, Ms. Johnson. My bad. I didn't. Listen, forgive me now. I'm better now because of it. Yeah, swung at her. Then all of a sudden, I got tackled.

We had a buff principal. His name was Dr. Hernandez. Buff dude, right? Principal tackled you? Oh, my God. Tackled me. He slammed me up against the wall so hard that i was like and i tried to like i was like i knew what he did and i knew he was big but also

at the same time i was like i can't let him just i'm like he a he a principal teacher whatever and so i tried to bust back and then he was like and i was like okay i was like hey and I was like, okay. I was like, hey, man, you made it clear. You definitely got 20% more on your tag, man. I'm on. I'll let you. Yeah, I'll let you. And then he was like, hey, son, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want you to calm down.

My brother, like I said, this is a protector. He just started. He walked up because it was a big crowd around campus, like watching this all go down. And on all my brother sees is me pinned against the wall and my hands behind my back and he saw that he just he saw red and he picked up a trash can and he threw it at us and i'm looking at him like at the principal on you all of us because he was trying to get them away from me and i said hey i'm over here too yeah why are you throwing them like don. And I said, hey, I'm over here too.

Yeah. Why are you throwing them? Don't grab a trash can. Just come over here and pull them off me. Yeah, yeah. And then that one flew by everybody. And everyone's just like, whoa. And then he picks up another trash can.

And I'm like, hey. I'm like, Damon, chill. And so that was the thing. They were like, yo, if you calm down and relax, he'll calm down and relax. And I remember the way they got him, like his football buddies had grabbed him, you know, and threw him in a classroom. They like locked him in there to get him to calm down. They're like, if you calm down, your brother will calm down. I was like, okay, okay, I'll calm down.

And then they're like, we got to put your hands behind your back. We got to, you know, cuff you, you know, to walk you to the who was there to cuff you uh we had a security then yeah we had security and i'm ordering we never had any of that they would have to call them oh yeah they were not they had to drive over from a different building that was in the 90s man nobody was shooting the fucking schools up in the 80s they weren't true, yeah. So we had a campus officer and then the security guard, shout out to Marissa. She was a big white lady and she did not play.

Marissa did not. She was, she was a big mama. Okay. And this white lady, probably from somewhere in the Midwest with the biggest calves

in the world, did not fucking play. You see her rolling, riding her bike around campus. That's like working those calves down. Yeah, working those calves down. She looked like Deebo. That's how she rolled around.

Shout out to Marissa. Everybody's talking to the chain. When she would come around. I'm telling you. Marissa did not fucking play. When she threatened to pepper spray me, I was like, hey, come on. Pepper spray?

I said, we got to do all that. We got to do all that. What you want me to do? You want me to calm down? Oh, man. She did not. And she roamed the campus and shit. Oh, she roamed the campus and did it, and she was mean mugging all the time,

like punking kids, man. Yeah, that was Marissa. Shout out to Marissa. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you're at your best, you can do great things, but sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in the way you want to. Therapists are trained to help you figure out the cause of challenging emotions

and learn productive coping skills so you can get closer to the best version of you. We talk about therapy a lot on this show. You know I'm a big believer in therapy. Therapy is great for a lot of reasons. You know, it gives you positive coping skills. It's very good to help set boundaries and empowers you to be the best version of yourself, all right? It's not just for people who've experienced. That's another thing. People love to compare trauma. It's not about comparing trauma. Whatever happened to you, it happened to you, and that's what you need to deal with, all right? If you're thinking of giving therapy a try, BetterHelp's a great option. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. You fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched

with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. But, so anyways, so after all that commotion, schools, like, they stopped suspending me. And so, one school, when they stopped suspending me,

they made me clean up the campus. They're like, you're going to do community service. And I was like, this ain't the community. This is a school. You know? I'm like, what? So I had to clean up the campus. And then this school, so that was I had to clean up the campus.

And then this school. So that was my record of being suspended so much. And so they were like, we're going to put you in anger management. So that's how I got. At 15? Yeah. All right. Okay, that's time number one.

Yeah. All right, now we go to anger management. Where do we go? We go to a church? Where is this meeting held? No, it was on campus. It was one of the counselors. Okay. And is it a Saturday session? No no it was like uh during school or it was during school that's all right didn't penalize you're making do it yeah so i had to do i had to do it uh so it's

like a class yeah so i had to do it during school and uh how many other people were in there it was just me i only had i uh you were the only kid fighting teachers so because of how aggressive i was i had to do the one i had to do one on one sessions i didn't do like group sessions and is an adult with you or is this like a college student like who's coming in to do anger no there was a one of the campus counselors, the guidance counselors that help you choose. Kept it in-house. Yeah, they kept it in-house. But also, I don't think he really knew what he was doing. This seems like they should have subcontracted this one.

I'm like, I see that textbook over there. Yeah, right. Two teachers? Yes. He's just reading the book like, here's right so yeah yeah so i think your problem is you don't know you don't know and uh so i actually stopped going after that because i was just like this all he kept saying was like you're angry i said i know that that's why i'm here you know but the second time i had to go was in junior college.

And I was on the cheer team at the junior college. And I tried to fight one of my teammates. I told him, I said, and this is funny. This should never come out of a cheerleader's mouth. Whatever it is, I can't wait. I said, motherfucker, you say something like that to me again, I'll stomp your chest in. And then I can't wait. I said, motherfucker, you say something like that to me again, I'll stomp your chest in. And then I went after him.

And then I went after him. And then everybody grabbed me because everybody was like, oh my God, like this is like, I mean, like we got. Please tell me you're in uniform and it's during a game. No, it was at practice. It was at practice. So we had the pom-poms around and all this stuff. And it's just

like some cones over there and i'm just sitting here trying to attack this motherfucker and say i say you say something like that i stomp your chest in and i went and when i went on attack i went after him but luckily there was there was another there was another cheerleader on my team that was that was a pretty big dude shout out to homie cedric uh he was a bigger dude so he was upset yeah yeah and so he was able to grab me and he had the strength to like actually hold me he had that mr hernandez strength yeah he had that mr hernandez strength you know and so he uh he uh so when he grabbed me my coach was like they had to like push me out the cheerleaders saying yeah and they had to like push me out cheerleaders saying I'm gonna stomp your chest I know you gotta

stomp your fucking chest well they said be aggressive right be be aggressive yeah they said

be aggressive I said I got that I got that and I don't even what's funny about the whole thing is I don't even I couldn't even tell you

what he said to me that's what I was about to ask what the hell did he say I couldn't even tell you what I was angry about because a lot thing is I don't even, I couldn't even tell you what he said to me. I thought I was about to ask. What the hell did he say? I couldn't even tell you what I was angry about. Cause a lot of times I don't even know what I was angry about, but I just know I just didn't like disrespect. And so. Principle.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. Not the principle. Yeah. The principle of the matter. But I mean,

for probably what he said, it was probably so little. And then my reaction was to stomp his chest in and it was probably something something dumb like ooh you messed up the pyramid today I'm like bitch what

you know what I mean and I just probably reacted but so my coach was like you can't return to practice they'll never have you in the NFL with that attitude yeah yeah yeah and so she was like you can't return to practice until you can never have you in the nfl yeah yeah yeah and so she was like you

can't return to practice until you can't return until you do uh anger management and i was like i was like they tried i was like told them i was like yeah they already tried this shit they already tried it was like what do you mean again so yeah it's hilarious so i so shout so That again is hilarious. So shout out to Ms. Berry. There's so many names. So many names. Shout out to Ms. Berry. So this is the second anger management teacher. And she's at the campus as well.

She's at the campus. Okay. But she was fully trained. All right. Because I remember when I walked in there, I was just like, you know, just looking like that. And I walked in her office and she was just smiling the whole time, right? Never dropped her smile. She was just smiling.

Didn't have that pepper spray. No, no, no. She didn't. She didn't get it right yet. Just waiting on that. She didn't have big Marissa behind her, though. And so she just kept smiling. And I sat down.

I still had this look of like, okay, whatever. And she goes, well, my name is Miss Barry. And I was like, oh, my name's Chappelle. Nice to meet you. And she goes, oh, that's a beautiful name. Tell me a little bit about

yourself. What are some things you like to do? And I was like, what? And I had never been asked that before. Like, what are you things you like? I was like, damn, I don't think anyone's ever asked me what I like. And I was like, well, I'm a cheerleader. And you're what, 19 at this point, Matthew, right? Yeah, yeah.

Someone, not one person has been like, what do you like to do? Yeah, because like I said earlier when I was talking about it, like I've kind of just kept in my own world. And I just go, these are the things I like what do you like yeah because like like i said earlier when i was talking about it like i've kind of just kept in my own world and i've just and i just go these are the things i like to do and i'm really happy doing these things and i just stay there and i kind of just kind of go on a shell so when she asked that and someone wanted to was intrigued by it but intrigued by my interest and the things that I liked, that was kind of cool. And so then the guard came down and said, I'm a cheerleader here on campus. I skateboard. I also play guitar.

She was like, oh, my God, you play guitar. She's like, oh, wow, that's amazing. How long have you been playing? I was like, oh, I've been playing since I was 13. She goes, and what's your favorite style to play? I'm like, oh, oh punk rock and she's like that's that's amazing uh where does your musical background come from are you and i was like oh i'm i'm the only one in my family that that plays instruments and she's like grandparents or

anything like that i was like oh i was like i don't know my grandparents uh too well but i don't think they have like a musical background. And then she was like, oh, none of your siblings or anything played like that? I was like, oh, no, just me. I was kind of like a lone wolf when it comes to that world. And then she goes, oh, wow. So what did your siblings like to do? I was like, Oh, my brother was a football player. My other siblings, they kind of, you know,

play the more traditional sports as well. And then, um, then she goes, Oh wow. What, um, what are your parents like?

And when she, when she did that, I got quiet and, and I was like, Oh yeah, I have my step mom or I have my stepfather and my mom. That's all I did. I just said I just grew up with my stepfather and mom. And then she told me a little bit about them.

What was your home life? If you play guitar, that seems pretty exciting. And then when she said what my home life was like, when she asked that question, that's when I just started swinging. That's it. You ever say something, you ask me a question like that, I'll stomp your chest. I told you what I told that cheerleader.

I'll stomp your chest and ask you a question. Told you, you can't say dad around me. You say the word dad, I swear to God, I'll go crazy. You can't bring up fathers, nothing. You just say adult in the house. Oh, God. That was the first time I ever spoke about what happened to me. That was the first time I ever.

This is, if I'm doing the math right, you're 15, 16 years ago. So 15, and then when you're in college, yeah. And you remember this vividly. Vividly. Because it was. Because someone just gave a shit. Yeah. Someone just simply said, how are you?

Yeah. How's your fucking day? We forget that that really does make a difference in people's lives. I'm guilty of talking at people for a while, too, and not shutting the fuck up and being like, enough about my ass. How are you today? What's going on with you? How's your health? How's this?

How's that? Just the simple. Everything she asked was just very, very simple. It was nothing to it. But I'm seeing the impact it made on you. Yeah, yeah. Like I said, but you got to realize I had a third anger management teacher. I hear you.

I know. I know we're halfway there. I know. But this one was a good start. This one was a complete different – She is amazing. I have nothing but a – Like that first one might as well have been whatever.

I can't even remember his name. Yeah. But Miss Barry, that was one- He remembers your ass, though. He's probably talking to a therapist right now like, this Chappelle kid, I'm telling you, he scared the fuck out of me. He scared the fuck out of me. But no, yeah, she just asked these simple questions. And when I said my home life was hectic, I just started crying.

And she goes like, do you know what happened to you? And I was like, no. And she goes, you were abused. And I said, I was like, and then she goes, you have PTSD. And she broke down PTSD. And I stopped her because I was like, oh, I think that's for the war veterans. I was like, I don't think I can have PTSD. I was like, I think that's for people that are fighting the war.

And then she broke down post-traumatic stress disorder. She goes, the things that happened to you when you were younger are triggering you know how you live today you know or trick or you know making you know you live in a way of this aggression that these things that you haven't necessarily let go and i was like oh wow when she broke it down i was just like that's me. I never thought I was an abused child. Man. You know. Hey, look. Is that all right?

I'm going on a third plan. I was like, you know, where my stepdad at? Where he at now? I'll go get his ass right now. Let's throw these hands down, baby. This is sounding so good. I don't know how we're about to get to the third one, but I can't wait to hear it. No, the third one was actually pretty smooth. Okay, so the third one is easy.

The third one wasn't crazy. But this was a positive. How long did you do this? Is it a semester? I was going to her for a few months, yeah. Okay, and you liked it. Loved it. Great.

I would go all the time. And then I had this psychology teacher named Chip Chilton. What? Chip Chilton. Chilton, not chilling. No, Chilton. Chip Chilton. Shout out to Chip.

I love this dude. It was the only teacher where I just paid attention in class, where I sat there. I didn't say any words, and I was so – the most focus I think I've ever had in the class was Chip's class because he was so cool. And every day before class, I would go in and I'd shake his hand, right? Because he was so cool. And every day before class, I would go in and I'd shake his hand. Right? Just because.

And even if he came in late, before he would start the class, he would go, oh, I got to do something. And he'd walk over to me and he'd come and shake my hand. Right? And I don't know why I was shaking his hand, but it was just because I liked him. And then one day he walked past the session that I was in. And when I saw him the next day, I said, Chip, do you know the lady that I was talking to? And he goes, no, who is that? I go, oh, I was like, damn, I thought you would know because of psychology.

And I was like, that's my anger management teacher. And then he said, anger management? He's like, you're in anger management? I go, yeah, I got crazy anger problems. And then he goes i would have lost a million dollars i go what what do you mean he goes you're angry he goes why don't i make you mad why don't i make you mad and i was like uh i don't know you just stone you're a nice guy he goes why don't i make you mad? And I said, I don't know.

I was like, I mean, you asked this. I don't know. And so he goes, I want you. Chip, you're starting to piss me off, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I don't like that tone, Chip. Hey, ask me again.

I'll stomp their chest out. About to take a chip out of your ass, Chip. Chip, I swear to God, ask me again. Ask me again. Go ahead. Fix your mouth and ask me again, Chip. No. Where the guy, ask me again.

Ask me again. Go ahead. Fix your mouth and ask me again, Chip. No. But he was like, I want you to go home and think about why I don't make you angry. And because I liked him so much, I actually did. I remember I went home that weekend. I came back.

I said, Chip, I do not know why I do not make you angry. He said, you know what? Come by my office around lunchtime. He goes, this ain't going to be teacher to student. It's not going to be doctor to patient. We're just going to become friends. I was like, okay, I can dig that. And so I went to his office and I remember I walked in and big rock and roll geek, loves Jimi Hendrix. He had Eric Clapton, he had all this stuff in his office. I was like, whoa, this is dope. I was like, I never thought a teacher would get down like this. Same questions. Tell me about yourself.

What are the things you like? All right? I started to realize. I was like, oh, this is a traditional. This is how y'all do it. They just memorized that text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, right?

And so I told him, I was like, I said, I'm a cheerleader on campus. I'm a big fan of punk and hardcore music. And he goes, oh, I was like, yo, I said, I'm a cheerleader on campus. I'm a big fan of punk and hardcore music. And he goes, oh, you like punk rock? He goes, what's some of your favorite bands? And I was like, why does it matter? I was like, you're a teacher. You wouldn't know.

He goes, try me. And I said, Black Flag. And not only did he tell me about Black Flag, but he also told me about other bands from that era. And I was like, what? And then I was locked in. And Chip. Was he telling you about like Sex Pistols and Rollins and all these guys? Yeah, and he knows I'm a big Rollins geek. And so he would use a lot of Henry Rollins spoken word,

things from that to help me with my anger. Because he was like, oh, okay. He took my interest and used that to help me with my anger because he was like oh okay he took my interest and used that to help me with my anger that's great and uh that was one person and i haven't seen him since i've always and i've tried to like find him and i hope one day that i do find him because i owe so much to that man because that was the first time someone had had really seen me and didn't think I was an angry person and thought of me as genuine. And I didn't really know that that was fully in me. But he saw it before anyone else really did.

And so when he said I would have lost a million dollars to think that you're angry, I was was something on my chest it was a bug on your microphone i was about to tell you to smack the shit out of it oh stop that bug stop that bug stop that bug i couldn't stop looking at it yeah i'll stop his chest but uh but it was so so me and chip would have these conversations all the time and i remember one thing he said to me where he was like, I said, I don't really have a lot of confidence in myself, you know, self-esteem because of the way my stepdad treated me. And he laughed. He goes, what? He goes, it was never his. He goes, it's self-esteem.

It's yours. He's like, are you with him anymore i said no i haven't lived with him in years he goes yeah it's yours he never had it you know and it's always going to be yours it's never going to be anyone else's and i didn't think i didn't understand that at the time because when he laughed at it i I said, Chip, laugh at my shit again. I'm going to backflip. I'm going to backflip and kick you in the face. Let's get it out. It was wild.

That was wild. And I think about it now, and I know exactly what he's saying. I know exactly what he meant. It still affects me. My self-confidence has always been good in the sense that I believed if this was my job, I could do it and do it well. Okay. If this is what I was supposed to do, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do a good job. And I believe I can do that. My self-esteem beat down, right? Beat down. But it makes sense that your self-confidence is up. Your self-esteem is yours

also, right? So I've always, even still, my self-esteem is not where it should be, but my confidence, self-confidence is. I believe in myself. I've always have. I said this before too, going back to validation. I never looked for validation out there ever yeah i did what i did not to prove anyone wrong but to prove myself right i knew i could yeah i fucking knew i could whatever it was i'm like i know i can do this shit i don't care what you think i'm not doing it to be like i showed you i'm doing it because the validation i want and need is from me yeah yeah it's from me only time i did that was once when my stepdad said i'd never graduate high school i was like bitch i did it yeah well no you listen i'm not saying it shouldn't be the

third thing on the list or even the second but the first thing yeah yeah so So Chip dropped a lot of knowledge my way. And like I said, he's someone that I just owe so much to because that was the person okay, here's what you're going to do. He took the things that I liked, the things that I loved, and just helped guide me through these things to help control my anger. And he also told me something. He said, your anger is never going to leave. He goes, everybody has anger. He goes, that's human nature. It'll never leave.

So don't ever think that you won't have it, that you're just, voila, it's done. You're always going to have this. He goes, but here's what you can do with it. And then once I realized that, I was like, damn. Because he was like, all you know is anger. That's the one thing you, he goes, that's the one emotion you know best. You know it so well. You know exactly where to go to get that anger. He goes,

but here's what you could do with it. There's a lot of positivity you could do with this anger. You could use it as a drive, a drive to help you succeed in these other areas of life. You can use this anger to study how to deliver a better self. And I was like, wow. Yeah, motivate you to move forward, not keep you even in the present, especially not the past. That's what I'm saying. It catches a lot of people off guard that actually went through anger management.

What was the third one? This is sort of this one. So Chip is the third one. He was actually in anger management as well or so he was he was a psychiatrist or whatever whatever they do with the them offices or whatever yeah like he he did that so he's um and and you like that too then you really like working with him i mean and he knew my world so well, like with the punk rock, which was something that I consider like a big part of my blood.

Yeah, and you take that anger and angst and put it into music and art. Yeah, and like I said, I got to give so much. I hope I find him one day. I really do because. Chip. Yeah, Chip, you listen to the podcast? You listen, bro. I haven't stomped anyone's chest out in a minute.

Hit up Chappelle and protect your chest. Yeah, protect your chest. Protect your chest. You better make sure, bro. I know, right? Protect your chest. Protect your chest. Oh, man.

Man, that's funny. I remember one specific thing with Chip that this is why I owe a lot to him. I remember one time I was with my brother, and he still talked to my mom on the regular, but he was old enough to like he lived on his own. to my mom on the regular but he was he was old enough to like he lived on his own i remember he um he was like man our stepdad just keeps because she she she eventually got out but he he wouldn't leave her alone and then um i kept hearing and i was just getting mad and i wasn't even like i said i i don't know know. I was so 50-50 with my mom. I felt bad that like, because I just hated him.

Right. And the fact that he was just doing anything in general, the fact that he existed, I fucking hated. And I remember my brother said, let's go do something about it. I said, I'm with it. And he said, we might get crazy. I said, that's all we do. And I remember, and I felt it because I was like, man, I think me and my brother are about to really do something crazy.

I felt it. And this was, yeah, I was visiting back home. And I called Chip and I hey man i said i just want to thank you for he didn't answer so i left the message and i think and i said i want to thank you for all that you helped me with but uh you know my stepfather is still getting buck. And I said, I'm lacing these boots up right the fuck now. I said, me and my brother, I said, we got to do this. And so it's been like,

it's been a long time coming. I said, we got to take care of this. And we recalled immediately. And I didn't know what he was going to say, but I answered. I didn't know what he was going to say. And I remember me and my brother literally getting ready to leave. We were about to hop in his Jetta, bumping R&B music. I'm like, my brother would blast. We'd be in the car together, just two dudes just bumping Usher.

You hate me. Yeah, with anger. Yeah. Drive, drive. Get ready to go drive. Up in the club. You guys are pissed off. I'm in love with this club.

He would always do that shit. I'm like, why do we always say fire me up right here he would always do shit like that meanwhile he felt the anger but he was just like man Usher's cool

but Chip yeah Chip called and there was something in his voice that I just never heard from Chip

because he was always calm and very spoke well and he was like stuttering and freaking out. And I said, we're just going to kick his ass, you know? And he said, I don't want you to do that.

He goes, I want you to talk to your brother. I want you to sit down with him and talk about why you shouldn't do it, why you should not do this, why you should not go over there and do harm. Because he goes, you're going to harm him, but you're also going to harm yourself. You're going to harm yourself, and your brother's going to harm himself as well. You may not physically do it to each other,

but the repercussions of what you do will happen. You can't let him have this is what he said. That's what he said. He goes, you're giving, you're giving your stepfather something that you, you know, that he can have of yours.

He's going to have this thing of you, and it's not something you want to give him. And I remember thinking that, just, I'm about to give him something, and I didn't want to give him anything. I never wanted to give him anything. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm.

And the fact that I was about to give, even if it was just a beating, I was about to give him that. And meanwhile, things were about to be taken away from me. He's going to, yeah, he was in a sense like, your stepfather's going to take something. The law's going to take something. You're going to get things taken away from you. And I was like, wow, fuck. And he had this rush in his voice where he was, in a sense, just had almost like pleading.

And it hurt my heart to hear Chip's voice like that because I know how he is and I know how a beautiful person he is and such a gentle soul. And to hear that I was, in a sense, freaking him out, I was just like, man, I can't do that. And I told my brother when I got off the phone with Chip, I said, we can't do it. We can't we can't go over there. We got to be better than that. We'll figure it out. Things will work out.

But we can't do harm. We can't hit. We can't do it. And he was like, all right. Just like that. As simple as that. And I think that was the first time I ever – I don't know what my brother felt from me at that point.

And I didn't even say I just talked to my anger management teacher. But I don't know what he felt. He felt something to where he was just like, okay. And I don't know if it was just because he was someone that always just backed whatever like he's supporting you this way too yes right and i think that's what that was and i never got to really ask him about it obviously you know due to his passing there's there's so many things i wish i could have asked but you know due to unfortunate events but i think there was something where yeah he was just like yeah right, we won't do it.

We'll chill. We'll chill, you know? And I just said, you know, because like I said, I was visiting. Like I said, I was visiting home from college or whatever. And so I just said, just be there for mom. Just do that as best as you can. And yeah, we didn't do it. But today, if he did it again, bro.

I'm going to get my fourth anger management t-shirt. Protect your chest, bro. Protect your chest from me, dog. Dude, I'm proud of you, man. You got a long way to go, too. That's what also sucks is like now you're in it, you've accepted it, and then shit's going to be circling back. All kinds of emotions pop up when you least expect it.

Then you maybe become a dad. Then you got feelings about being a dad and your dad and stepdad and this stuff oh man well luckily luckily i am at i've become at peace with uh my stepfather and i and i feel bad because people feel like i should hate them and they want to talk bad about them and i i don't want i don't want people to do that it's just not good energy it's not the energy that I want to put out there. I agree. Like I said, I mean, I have his number.

I'll call him up right now. You know what I mean? I would rather, you know, because at times when I do talk about my stepdad, people are like, you know, fuck him. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want that. I don't want that energy. I don't want to put that towards his way i'd rather him be better i'd rather him you know uh learn about life in a

way that i got the chance to learn i'd rather that i don't want this like yo fuck this dude or anything like that i don't i don't want that energy put out there about him because i'd rather you know especially because i've seen the result of all the things that like I've been able to learn there's there's a beautiful result yeah there is from it and and is this never too late for him you know I think he's 52 now yeah he's 52 because he was he was 17 when I was born yeah I was gonna say yeah he was young a. Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. He was probably just thinking all the time, this is my little brother. Yeah, of course I'll hit him.

You know what I'm saying? Like, he's probably thinking like this. I don't know. I don't know what he's thinking. But how long was he in your life? He's been in my life since. But I mean actually, like present. Like, how long were you under your.

Oh, that motherfucker never left the house. God damn. I was like, bro. But eight years of your life. Oh, no, no, no. All the way until he kicked me out. Okay. But like, I still see him. kicked me out. But I still see him. Yeah.

I still see him. He lives in the same area. Look, man, I appreciate you coming on and talking about this. It's important because there are so many, especially those guys, too, that are angry, pissed off. And then we end up doing something, especially when we're young and dumb and we think we're bulletproof. And then you end up going into this system that doesn't give a fuck about your story. Because what you also don't realize is even though maybe like I knew for me, nobody else in my circle or even proximity was living any story like I was living. But put me into the fucking system.

I'm a dime a dozen. Dime a dozen. Not the suburbs. Yeah. But in the system. In the system. And nobody gives a fuck about you there because you become a number there. So you got to stay out of that.

Be the fucking outlier in the goddamn suburbs. Be that one. Yeah, I'll be that guy. Yeah. You know? But if someone gets booked, you know. They got to get their chest kicked in. Dude, thank you for coming on again. get their chest. Um,

dude, thank you for coming on again. Thanks for having me. Everything again. Yeah. Uh, yeah. January 5th through the 7th. I'll be at punchline Sacramento,

all my social media stuff, uh, at Chappelle Lacey. Uh, I don't do any podcasts and stuff, but I post, you know, clips and all that on my socials.

And I will, nothing more than for people just to see me live. All right. Go see him live. Guys, thank you again for your support. Make sure you subscribe up to that YouTube, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media.

We'll talk to you all next week. you