The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Steph Tolev - HoneyTolev

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Steph Tolev! (Steph Infection, Slobs) Steph Highlights the Lowlights of being bullied as a kid, her tumultuous relationship with her dad, and being raped. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Coors Light -To check out what Coors Light has going on this summer, visit https://www.CoorsLightSummer.com  Blueland -Get 15% off your first order at https://www.Blueland.com/HONEYDEW  Dad Grass -Get 20% off your first order when you go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW 

Austin, I will see y'all this weekend, September 2nd and 3rd. Get your tickets to those shows at ryansickler.com. Vancouver, I'll be up there September 15th through the 17th. And Edmonton, I'll be there at the end of the month, September 29th through October 1st. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at ryansickler.com. The Honeydew ryan sickler.com the honeydew with ryan sickler welcome back to the honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios i am ryan sickler ryanickler.com,

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August. Going to be in La Jolla August 5th through the 7th. I'm going to be in Philadelphia August 18th through the 20th. And I will be in Austin, actually, Labor Day weekend, September 2nd and 3rd. Get your tickets to the Night Pant Nation tour on my website at ryansickler.com. Now, you guys know what we do over here. I always say we're highlighting the lowlights, and these are the stories behind the storytellers. Today, I'm very excited to have this guest on.

First time here on The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Steph Tolev. Welcome to The Honeydew, Steph. Thank you. Big applause. Feels good. Thank you for being here. Single applause.

Thanks for having me. You're welcome. Before we get into everything, please plug it all right now. Do it. i will be in toronto august 25th okay no wait i'll be i don't know i i will be in toronto opening up for bill burr yeah at the scotia bank arena it's the biggest arena i've ever done in my life i feel crazy august 23rd 24th and then august 25th i'll be doing a double header in toronto um so if you're in toronto come to those and then uh i can't remember the other ones i think you just add me on instagram staff to 11

then you'll see my tour dates and that's that's that it's all there yeah all right and your podcasts and my podcast i have two podcasts i have one that i do on my own called steph infection and it's all about gross body ailments so if you got you gotta do it i'm sure you got some weird fucking body shit i have to think about it. I've been, I've been lucky. You son of a bitch. I've been lucky.

Fuck you. Don't go on my damn podcast. I've been lucky. I have. It's people who have had like horrible ailments and weird fluke acts and stuff like that. And then I have another podcast

with Jessica Michelle Singleton and Laura Bites called Slobs. And you can, both of them are very different. So listen to both. If you like podcasts, I mean, same,

you know, like and listen. I don't know. Well, also you have a special out on Epix. You had an hour special, Very different to listen to both. If you like podcasts, I mean, same, you know, like and listen. Well, also you have a special out on Epix. You had an hour special, which is where I first met you. I probably didn't meet you there, but it's where I really got to know you because I got to sit and interview you for an hour. Yes, it was going to be a very similar interview. It's going to be a very similar thing. It's going to be a very similar interview.

But a lot of that would be cut out of the interview, so we can really dive into it. Yeah, I did half hour don't get carried away you did? I thought you did an hour no I was 30 oh was it oh that's right

the second season was hours sorry half an hour and yeah I just did that Bill Burr Presents Friends Who Kill

on Netflix you can see me on there yeah you're doing great right now yeah it's good it's going well so let's go back to a time when it wasn't so great.

Can we do that? First of all, where are you from originally? You're Toronto? Toronto, Ontario, Canada, yes. So you're Canadian. And you're now here living full time and have been full time. When did you get to the States? Seven years ago.

Okay. So I was in Toronto the whole time. I started comedy when I was 18 years old. And I've been doing it the whole time long time um that's when people like this netflix came up with some people commenting wow she's new i'm like nah bitch i'm i'm old as hell i'm botox is helping i'm old as shit um yeah i started in toronto and then uh moving out here as a nightmare and then getting but you came here for comedy okay yeah um so go back to Toronto.

What's it like? What was growing up? Do you have sisters, brothers? What was your family like? I have, my family was very insane. I'm Bulgarian.

I don't know if you know, not a lot of people know about Bulgarians, very angry people. So my dad's Bulgarian, my mom's like a regular Canadian gal, and my mom, and I have one sister, and my mom is a Highland dancing teacher and started doing that when she was 20 years old so those who don't

know how to dancing it's like scott like scotland like bagpipes kilts you know the whole fucking camera toss yes yes that's one okay okay it is uh so my mom was a teacher so i was forced into it when i was three years old so i can three three years old there's videos of it if no one believes me i have fucking video footage of me three years fucking old i used to like my mom was so obsessed with me becoming like a champion when i was in like fifth grade i used to have to come home at recess and practice because i was like really good when i was nine years old she wanted to be like the tiger oh yeah oh yeah and because she's the teacher she want her daughter to be like yeah you can't be a failure i was shit i was dog shit i had like huge feet i had my dad's

back i'm like why am i fucking no it was a nightmare i was not a dancer look at my body this is not a dancer's body like it was a nightmare but it was like my whole life if you don't say that shit on stage you better i got my dad's back my dad's whole fucking body it's a nightmare yeah so it was like my whole life was literally dancing like getting it three but driving it like that yeah you're if you got 15 minutes your ass better be dancing yep so every i would practice my mom taught your sister as well both of us so we'd go right from school i'd wait for her after school i'd walk her up to the dance studios in It was in the church. So we'd go there four nights a week. Every weekend there was a competition.

So every weekend at fucking 6 a.m. I'm getting up, fucking getting ready. This is your sports. This is my life. This is my sports. This is my, and it's like, you know, it's fun if it is. And also my parents would run the competitions. So I'd have to help.

Like as a kid, I had to help do like the, like lining up the kids and doing like the fucking registration and shit. Like it was a nightmare. So when I got into like high school, I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm out drinking with my friends.

So like 2 a.m. And now I'm like, you did this all the way into high school? All the way until I was 18 years old. 18? 18. No. Yes.

You're a junior in high school out there doing this shit? Yeah. No, I did this for a long fucking time. And I was bad for a lot of it. I was only good when I was nine. So picture peaking at nine and then being dragged out for fucking years dragged like it was a nightmare and we travel we the only thing was that was good was

we traveled a lot so every year we go to scotland and like compete out there because it's like a big world championship so they're not doing well in the states i gotta imagine you're probably no offense you're getting your ass handed to you in scotland oh i wouldn't even place i wouldn't even place i was dog shit in the motherland oh i was literally dog shit and like danced your ass right off that stage oh no i was like the worst thing was too my mom has a student who's like i think to this day still holds the guinness book records for the most consecutive world championships one in a row so this is in scotland there's like a big world series every year so she i think she won 11 years straight and then there's me big-footed clodhopper fucking clown shoes up there like i was i was me and my sister both i'm not saying we're big girls but we're not tiny girls so we were like clowning around up there like we both

were good when we were kids and then we should have stopped we should have stopped as soon as we got to high school so you didn't have your heart into it it's hard to be up there doing some shit like that when you don't want to no we were we were really really shit and then when did you get the courage to finally tell your mom like look i'm fucking enough of this shit i think when you became a legal adult yeah when i could legally like fucking vote in canada um literally it was bad wow that's no it was and we had no way out and because we had to help the competitions it was so fucking bad

yeah how did she you're 18 how did she take it this is the problem she's not good so she wanted me to like to teach

by the way I'm sorry I know I'm interrupting both of you were like fuck it or just you yeah both of us were bad both of us liked drugs and alcohol in high school so we didn't want to do anymore

and we both really got into sports so me and my sister both played lacrosse in high school we were both in't want to do anymore. And we both really got into sports. So me and my sister both played lacrosse in high school. We were both on the track team. We were like super into sports. My dad would like train us to run because my dad used to be a cross country runner.

So he'd help us train to run. So like we were better at sports. We should have done that, but we fucking didn't. It was bad. It was bad. But then my mom wanted me to take over the dancing school. So I taught for her a little bit in high school. So I had like four or five students that I would teach

that come to my parents' house. The basement was like redone with like mirrors and like a little stage and stuff. Did I want to do that? No, I hated it. Out of the house, this is happening. Yeah, so I would teach her the students my mom didn't want to teach.

Out of your house. Yeah, the younger ones. Well, she taught in the studio and I got the little idiots that wouldn't listen. And I wasn't, I had no point that I ever have papers to teach. I was not qualified to do this. And then for a year I played the bagpipes

because you did not I did because my mom wanted me to play them at the competitions because there's a live bagpipe can you play the bagpipes

right now you really couldn't no so you start on a chanter so in like high school I started becoming obsessed thinking every man was a pervert

I got followed once when I was like me and my two friends in like grade eight. We got followed by this creepy guy who like. In a car how? Tell me. Walking. We were walking down. I remember this is my first encounter with a pervert.

I was always like that kid that was like, huh, that guy's weird. Something I, my peripheral vision is crazy. And I can like, I remember every fucking little detail of everything. So we're walking down this like, it was by a Home Depot. So it was like factories. My friend lived at this weird end of the street. So we're walking. It was like grade eight.

I think it was grade seven. Three of us were walking. And I'm like, this guy's weird. He's wearing like a suit. I'm like, who the fuck wears a suit in the middle of the summer by Home Depot? Like this guy's not normal. So I'm like, I think this guy's following. He's like, Steph, stop being so paranoid.

I'm like, no, we're getting fucking followed. So we start walking a bit faster. And then he's like catching up. And I'm like, oh, we're getting fucking followed. So we start running. He starts running after us. I'm like, what is this one man going to do for three girls? So he was like half my size.

Like this small man is going to, what the fuck's going to happen? So we run, her fucking front door is closed. We run, her back doors are banging. She lives in the ravine. He literally walks. Remember, we were peeking over at him. We got in the house out the window.

He walks to the ravine and just walks over. Like it's like a cliff. Her mom drives us to school. She comes back. He's sitting on the front porch. No, of their house? Of their house. And the mom saw this too?

And the mom saw this too. Called the cops. Oh, yeah, yeah. So it was like fucked. Was she just mentally ill? I don't know. Like, because you can't be that much of a pervert. Sitting on the fucking porch.

Like, what were you going to do? Creepy. Creepy. So ever since that, I was like every little piece of anything. So everyone's a pervert to me. It's doing this show, and it's only been a few years. I'm 49 now. So I'd say in the last two years, it's taken a woman to sit across from me and say something like, every man that walks by me, I fear.

Every one of these people could take me. And I was like, man, never, rarely have I ever worried about another dude doing that. But never have I worried about a woman passing me anything. You know what I mean? Like, what a world to have to live in to be like oh don't stop luckily and then to have that kind of fucking crazy shit going but luckily i was in canada so it wasn't like as scary i'd walk home a lot at night but like so the reason i fired my piping teacher so it was a chance you learned on a chanter god damn piping so i was like you had to play and you'd have to play and i'd hold it here so it'd be right with damn piping so i was like you had to play and you'd have to play and

i'd hold it here so it'd be right with my boobs so i was like you know you're growing up your boobs are like i don't when you're younger you know you don't have boobs like you get a weird growth spurt where they're like little triangles and you're super self-conscious anyways i kept thinking i was looking at my tit so i'd wear like three sweaters so i'd be in the middle of summer and i'm like trying to play this fucking thing i'm just dripping sweat so finally my mom and dad splurged they buy this like used bag pipes like so because you have to learn on this first then you attach it whatever so i get the bagpipes and teacher's name won't say his name but you know who you are if you're listening he takes the bagpipes out he goes oh you gotta wet the reed and i'm like oh i'll do

it he goes no i'll do it this man starts sucking my bagpipes like deep throat in them no like like like like go and i'm like oh i remember being like oh my. No. Like, like, like, like go. And I'm like, Oh, I remember being like, Oh my God. No.

And I was like, so I'm like, I think I was like 16 the time. I'm like this obese man just sucking my fucking for way too long, way too long. And I was like,

at all. I was like, I don't think it's how you wet it. He goes, your turn. I'm like, no, your turn.

I go, I don't feel well. I feel sick. So he leaves. My dad comes downstairs. This is me sitting on the couch. he goes your turn I'm like no your turn your turn I go I don't feel well I feel sick so he leaves my dad comes downstairs this is me sitting on the couch I'm like I quit you can't fucking quit

he's probably there he just sucked the pipes like a dick my dad's like yeah my dad's like okay fine you don't have to play anymore that's how you do it

my dad's like no no you quit did he go say something to the guy no no because he was like part of the my mom's dancing school and they were already weird

no no no it was just like swept under the rug see like nowadays you'd say something to the guy? No, no. Cause he was like part of the, my mom's dancing school and they were already weird. No, no, no. It was just like swept under the rug. See, like nowadays you'd say something probably. Fuck yeah. But back then people were, back then I'm acting like I'm, whatever. I was like, no. Fuck is the 1800s. Back then you don't say things like this.

No, it was still like, yeah. It was still kind of frowned upon. Man, hell yeah. If you told me, I'd be like, what? He just did what? I would go right up after that motherfucker. Oh, literally. And this is what you said.

Where was this? At your house? That was at my house. Did that? What the balls of this, man? In your home? With your dad home? My dad was upstairs with his headphones on listening to old Jimmy Page.

That's how fucking people get killed. That is how people get killed. No, this man wasn't well. And I'm like, I'll never play again. Every time I looked at the bagpipes, I just pictured the... It oh i'm getting sick i'm getting sick reliving the memory bad memory um what so that was that in high school was yeah so that was like part of my high school nightmare um i know we talked before we were recording outside and we talked about you were bullied bad when when did the bullying begin

great so grade eight the year i came out of my shell so i was like kind of like i spent most of my time with hanging out with dancing people i didn't have a lot of school friends because i was like i didn't know after school program i'd be dancing on weekends i didn't hang out with them i'd be with my dancing friends i was like i never had any school friends so finally in grade eight you had classmates yeah i had like one good friend in middle school and that was it. Like I had like, yes, one girl, Iris. Shout out to Iris. She's great.

So I came to Michelle in grade eight and then eighth grade for you Americans. And I got, I was weird. I like knew I was weird. I like looked weird. I had like a big nose and a small head. Like I didn't grow into my nose yet. I was like tomboy. Like I had full unibrow.

Like I was, I looked like a boy. I looked like a boy. In grade six like there's photos of me i can give you them for the podcast like if you saw a photo you'd be like that's a boy like it was my hair was like i would wear full adidas tracksuits full unibrow just nose it was a nose and hair like it was a nose and adidas that's all it was i was a nose and two eyes um in a tracksuit so i knew it was ugly and all the boys told me that so in grade 8

in grade 8 it started with this guy Daniel I hope you're listening I don't give a shit even though my manager specifically told me to stop saying people's names

you might have to bleep out the last name there Daniel Bleep Daniel Bleep I remember in grade 8 was like break your fucking nose so you get that thing fixed

it's disgusting and then this I remember this girl a girl antoinette she liked to chime in too so i had like two or three bullies in grade eight that would constantly call me ugly and big nose whatever i'm like okay maybe they'll end in high school so i get to high school and it's three thousand times worse so in grade nine kicked into higher gear it got so bad so i was best friends with the two hottest girls in my grade they were all the guys wanted them and there's me this nose hanging out with them and i was like very outgoing and the guys didn't like it because they would like i guess give me attention not the fucking guys so there was this group of greek guys that fucking hated me i don't know what the fuck happened they accused me of like being in the way of their relationships i'm like my friends were

never gonna fuck you like first of all no one's fucking you. We're in grade nine. You sick pigs. Maybe some people are. I don't know. I lost my virginity late. Anyways, long story short, they like in grade, the end of the year, it was a yearbook signing.

This is like the most vivid memory I have of it. They took my yearbook into the boys' bathroom and they defaced every page saying I'm ugly. I'm never going to be alone. Oh man, are you serious? Yeah, they like literally made a name for me. They still have the yearbook called Egra. I think it meant ugly in Greek and they would write it on every single page i remember crying i'm like keep my yearbook back there's this guy i liked a lot kevin kevin clayton if you're out

there still um and i like i have a huge crush on him and they knew it so they took his page and they scribbled on his face and they wrote he'll never like you you're fucking ugly all this shit and then my friend like my other big friend ashley in high school who took her yearbook and cut out kevin from hers and taped it onto mine. Sweetest thing. I know. I always get upset when I think of that. But yeah, that same day, one of the guys, Nico, I'm going to say his full name.

I don't give a fucking shit. We were outside, like all signing yearbooks. And he came out to me. He goes, take off your Halloween mask, you ugly bitch. So I slapped him across the face. He slapped me back. No. He slapped me back no he slapped me back and all the greek boys pointed and laughed oh yeah i'll never it's like cemented

in my fucking head how could it not it was so yeah i was like tormented they all every i'd walked in the hall i'd be the worst thing was i remember i'd walked on the hall alone the big fucking big nose you fucking flat-chested bitch i'd be like who are you doing this for no one no one else is around like bully me around other people makes sense but they'd bully me like one-on-one i'm like it's so fucking hurtful but by the end of high school i started doing all the plays and i started like yeah i like you know i was in every play i was like the star of every play i was like you know the funniest ever was i was like the highlight of all the fucking shit we did i got on uh student council i was like the social uh functions person and then two of them apologized.

Yeah. Why? Two of them. One of them. I remember Gus. It's like awful. I remember all this, but I wish I did.

What did he say? And how, how did it go? It was in grade 12. I had a party and he showed up like, what the fuck are you doing here? He goes, I honestly just came.

He's like, I know you don't want me here. He's like, I am so sorry. He's like, we are just being childish. It was, it was, I think we were were just we didn't know how to handle how outgoing stuff you were but like you you didn't deserve that and i just want to deeply apologize and i

was like and i forgave him because i was like okay that's a bigger man and another guy mike that i saw a year after high school in um at a bar he was hammered and he used to every day call me fucking dante's peak toucan Sam like every fucking day I was like god damn it he um he's at a bar he's hammered and he's like punch me and he's like I'm like what he's like fucking punch me I was such an asshole do you fucking do and it took every ounce of my soul not to I just went no I'm like you don't fucking deserve it I don't even get the fuck out of my face that was it I never done now I just have crazy resentment towards people still but I was like, it was bad.

Man. It kind of like, it faded out a little bit in grade 10, but not as much. Like they were still like rude as hell. Did you ever get in outside of slapping the one guy? Did you ever get in any other fights over it? No. Was it just boys? Were the girls involved as well?

Just guys. I mean, I did get in a fight with a girl in grade 10 i got arrested for assault what that's tell me that why that was a side note um side note ended up with a record what'd you do yeah um i was dating this yugoslavian guy and uh long story short i think there was like another yugoslavian girl who maybe liked him or was jealous that I was dating a Yugoslavian guy. So we were in gym class. I remember she was like screwing up the games and I kept losing when I was on her team. So I got pissed.

So a lot of cut eyes. Anyway, so one day I'm in the math hallway. Another very vivid memory. And it's her and these two girls. And I walk by and I'm like, what's your fucking problem? What's the fucking cut eye, bitch? Whatever, being like saucy. And then she comes back at me saying some shit. And then her friend that i've never seen in my life shoves me and i'm

like the fuck so i shove her back and then my friend who i won't name because she hates when i fucking tell the story she comes out of nowhere she's like what the fuck shoves this girl off of me she rips the one girl rips off my friend's gold necklace my friend's like well you just got down beat town um so i look over and my friend is just necklace. My friend's like, well, you just got down to beat town. So I look over and my friend is just like punching her. Like they're, they're all in gym class.

No, this is all in the math hallway, but this is all over a fight from gym class. Oh, this is in school. Teacher runs out. We're like,

ah, we all leave the fucking building. We go across to this pizza place and I'm like, we're just like, you know, we're jacked out. We just got in this fucking fight.

We're like, what the fuck? My friend's like, I'm going home. I'm like, I'm going to fifth period. I'm like, I didn't do shit. I'm not getting in trouble. So I go to fifth period. I remember asking, it was my presentation and speaking teacher, Mr. Black. And I'm like, hey, there's cameras in the school, right? And

he's like, yeah. And I go, okay. He's like, why? I go, they record, right? And he's like, yes, Stephanie, why are you asking this? I'm like, it doesn't matter. Because in my head, I'm like, if they see the cameras, they'll see that she initiated the fight. And then we were standing up for ourselves. And I knew, I'm like, whatever, I'm like, if they see the cameras, they'll see that she initiated the fight. And then we were standing up for ourselves. And I knew, I'm like, whatever. I'm like, I'm probably going to get suspended or whatever. So I come to school the next day. Everyone's talking about it.

I feel pretty cool. I'm like, I think it was grade 11, actually. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. We felt pretty hot shots over here once you happened about it. So I'm in now in math class, fifth period. Knock on the door, opens it up. It's like one of the, I don't know, some teacher guy who just helps out. And he's like, can Stephanie please come out and tell her to get all of her stuff and everyone's

like oh and i'm like oh i was like so cocky i would see you in two days motherfuckers so i'm walking down the hallway and he's like you are in more trouble than you know and i'm like i don't do shit he goes when we get to the office don't talk and i'm like okay so i get the office i'm sitting there also i should i should clarify we had uniforms so i'm wearing a little school girl kilt i was a punker so i had like a dog collar on i had pink streaks in my hair i had all these like homemade socks like i was like i thought it was so fucking cool i'm sitting there i have remember i had this big roxy backpack with bling 22 patches all over it this woman comes over to me she goes is this your bag oh yeah she opens it i go hello he has all my bags She goes, is this your bag? I go, yeah. She opens it. I go, hello.

She goes, oh, my bag. She goes, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will. I'm like, excuse me? She goes, you have the right to remain silent. I'm like, who the fuck are you? What is going on right now? She's like, you're getting arrested for putting a girl in the hospital.

And I was like, hmm? And I look over and my friend is like, she sees my face. I immediately start crying. I'm like, I don't know. I'm like losing my mind. We get handcuffed in the school office. They have to clear out the school oh yeah oh yeah we mean clear out the school so they like everyone had to get out so they walked us down oh yeah they walked us down the fucking thing also didn't ask us a single thing i'm like look at the cameras i

kept yelling look at the cameras we get taken out i'm in a cop car in front of the school everyone's looking in i'm sobbing my eyes i remember i was crying so bad he did this in front of all the students oh yeah and the teachers everybody it was a fucking parade and then i'm like crying so bad the cop was like this young hot fucking cop oh god he was hot i'm like i didn't do anything i swear and he was like shoving mcdonald's napkins through the fucking bars and he's like i'm just the driver I was like sobbing. On the way to the police station, my mom's dancers, two of the dancers, pulled up beside me. And they see me. And I go, I didn't die. Yes, I swear to God.

They recognized you in the car. Yeah, in the cop car. And I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, my mom's going to fucking kill me. So the funniest part of this whole thing. So we get taken to the local precinct by our house, whatever. We both get put in these two separate rooms. They weren't like a cell, but it was like an all metal room, whatever.

My friend is laughing. She finds this hilarious because she's like, we didn't do it. What the fuck did we do? And I'm like, I'm dead. I'm murdered. So the principal wasn't there that day when this all happened. So the vice principal calls my dad and my dad has a bunch of prankster buddies. And so the vice principal calls my dad and my dad has a bunch of prankster buddies.

So the principal calls my dad and goes, hello, Mr. Tolove, this is so-and-so from Ice Shore Collegiate. Your daughter's been arrested for assault. So my dad goes, fuck you, Steve, and then hangs up the phone, calls back. Actually, no, this is the vice principal. And my dad's like, oh, shit, like thought it was a prank call. And then, yeah, turns out we got um initially we got expelled so my dad we got expelled and arrested so uh full fingerprints the whole deal so we uh my dad goes back in to like be like what's going on my daughter didn't get her say the story you just literally so what happened was the girl came in

the next morning with her mom opened the yearbook pointed to me and my friend and said, these two, and they said, it's a hate crime. So she tried saying, so she was Yugoslavian. So she tried saying that we beat her up because we hate Europeans. My whole family's Bulgarian. My grandfather does not speak English. He, he's rest in peace, but like he very broken Bulgarian. My friend's whole family is Portuguese. Her nonna never said a word in her life. This is not a hate crime. Our whole family is European. No one speaks English.

I don't know. You can't use this. So my dad was like, you can't use this as an excuse. So my dad went in and her mom went in and they fought and fought and fought and they got us back in the school. So we were expelled for,

I guess suspended, long suspended for a month. And then we got back in because like my parents both graduated from that high school and their grandparents said they needed me to go there. It's this whole fucking thing. Is that all expunged off your shit or if you get in trouble these days,

is that just floating around back there? No, I don't think I can be a cop or... Boo-hoo! My fallback of being a female police officer, a lot of times, no. I think in Canada they can really find it but it's like we were what happened to the girl

I hope that she's been watching me on Netflix I hope she sat down with her mother did she get fucked up she was fine she had like a bruise nothing was wrong with her she just took a good ass she got her ass beat don't be shoving me so at any point do you ever stick up for yourself and it changes

or did you just outlast it and then a couple people apologize i think i yeah i outlasted i think i just i got more popular so people stopped making fun of me and when did the bullying actually stop i'd say grade 10 also after I got like arrested people I think thought I was like a badass that was a fucking

cool thing and I was like I didn't care I came I was like super like yeah I was a big punker so I'd wear wild shit

I'd wear like two different color fishnets with like striped socks I was like you know a dog collar is weird like so I was kind of like

in a weird like the drama crew so nobody was like fucking with that and by that point I think they were weird. So I was kind of like in a weird, like the drama crew. So nobody was like fucking with that. And by that point, I think they were over it. The bullies kind of fucked off. And are you dating at the time at all? You said you lost your virginity late, but are you dating at all in high school or anything after that? There's no punk boys in that circle or anything like that?

Like, no, I was like in love with one of my best friends in high school who led me on for a couple of years and nothing ever happened with that. I was like, oh, that's a nightmare. But you would have liked it too?

Oh, yeah. Oh, you would have. He told me every day that he was going to leave his girlfriend and never did. It was one of those situations. If you're listening,

you know who you are. They're all coming out. I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to get a shot for this. I'm just outing everybody this room is full of ghosts right now oh god

so that was like my start to like you know dating hell and then I ended up having a serious boyfriend from 19 to 24 that I met in college okay

and then that went well where was college? Toronto so I ended up going to I applied to be like I wanted to be an actor. And then that didn't happen because I didn't get into any of the schools.

I applied to four and they're like, no. And we have a comedy writing and performance program, like a two year college program. So I took that. That's cool. Excuse me.

It was more like, you know, getting high every day and I lived with eight guys. So we would just smoke weed and play foosball. And dated none of them? Dated none of those? I dated one of them. One of them. Yeah. So that's, so one of them. That was the guy. getting high every day and I lived with eight guys so we would just smoke weed and play foosball and we have class and dated none of them

dated none of those I dated one of them one of them so that's so one of them that was the guy yeah that was the guy I see

so this is a weird fact so I dated this man Steve he doesn't care if I talk about him great guy love Steve DeVitz it just you know he was the first guy

I ever dated he could have been married and I was like I'm 24 I've never dated anybody else he's the only guy I've had sex with I'm like I can't live like this and I've never dated anybody else he's the only guy I've had sex with I'm like I can't live like this and I turned out to be a raging whore after him but anyways um before that I was I was a little meat girl um Steve became very close to my father when

I was dating him and again let me rephrase I broke up when we were 24 years old I'm now 37 Steve still talks to my dad does he? and I don't mean just like here and there I mean Steve calls my father every Father's Day every birthday

every Christmas sent a screenshot so I'm in a group thread with the guys I used to live with they all find it quite amusing

that Steve is good friends with my father I don't as much find it funny so they two days ago Steve sent a screenshot he talked with my father. I don't as much find it funny. So they, two days ago, Steve's in the screenshot.

He talked to my father for 30 minutes on the phone. Why? What is the bond? I don't know. I find it, he has a wife. He has a wife. He just loves you.

My dad went and did wiring. He's cheating on his wife with your dad. He did not. Yes, my dad has slept over at him and his wife's house.

Yes. She had wiring in the house. It's fucking weird. You need some boundaries. Isn't it crazy? No one believes

you might tell them this. I'm like, it's so odd. A boyfriend from 13 years ago. Yeah. Is like, look, I

can understand every now and then a Merry Christmas or whatever if he's good to him. This is best friends. I can't. It sounds like best friendship. Yeah. Wiring someone's house. It's, yeah. Sleeping over.

Sleeping over. Yeah, apparently Steve just moved to a new house and he asked him to come help him out with the wiring in the garage. It needs to end at some point. I'm like, this is end. Steve invited my mom and dad to his wedding and not me. Is that not fucking twisted? That's psychotic. It's truly unhinged.

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typical like this sort of thing with Steve or? No, no no me and my dad we get along now which is great but we did not get along we were younger we butt heads uh a lot my dad's a very angry man very short tempered is the term i guess i'll use um so it's like zero to i think he has bipolar but it's never been diagnosed because it'll go from like zero to rage in such a way where you're like this doesn't make sense how you got here there's something that i googled recently called rage um induced blackouts i'm not sure if you heard this where when you get so mad you just your brain kind of clicks off and you say shit and you don't remember it after you don't even know so during when i was in high school uh right

after high school uh right after high school first year college we we fought a lot over like nothing small things would annoy him and i got like i got snippy back he'd be where's my dinner i'm like i'm not your fucking maid make your own fucking dinner and then we would like rage out at each other uh and then one day when i was 18 we got in a big fight and i said something i think it was over the fucking kitchen scissors and he's like where the fuck are they i'm like fucking use your eyes and then i feel this chair come flying at my head uh and he threw like this big stool at my head and i was like it hit you hit me in the head and i'm like i like fuck you and then i we got in a fight like i got in a physical fight with my dad and i was

like you got in a physical fight with your dad i was on the couch i remember i was like i was so scared i'm like he's gonna fucking i'm like i can't take my dad no fucking way i can't take me on my fucking dog collar i'm like i can't take shit i'm like yeah put me in my yeah I'm like, he's gonna fucking, I'm like, I can't take my dad. No fucking way, I can't take me on my fucking dog collar. I'm like, I can't take shit. I'm like, yeah, put me on my, I'm like, yeah, put me in a mosh pit, maybe. I'm like, I am fucked. So I remember I kicked him in the balls. Really hard. Steph, you kicked your father in the balls.

So hard, and I ran to my friend's house with no shoes or socks on. I ran. What, did the shoe get stuck in his nuts? I was like, I had to get the fuck out of here and I stayed at my friend's house

for like three days and then I moved I was so scared I'm dead I'm dead I'm going to be fucking murdered like are you kidding me

right now so I literally ran and I stayed there and then I moved out you did I moved out I had $250 in my bank account

and I moved into the house of the guys boom just like that? Oh yeah. And what, at what point do you finally talk to your dad? After I was like, I'm moving out and I'm scared now. But the thing with his like rage where he would get so mad, be mad for a couple days

and then be like normal again. And then not remember what happened. So like in the pandemic, we had a similar situation where we got in a fucking psychotic fight. Cause it's also, I was home for a bit. It too long so you're physically together there together a lot and like something happened i made a comment about something that pissed him off and he snapped and i got so mad i remember stirring my coffee go fight me and at this point i'm like i'm a bit stronger now i'm like he's got some bad feet i'm like i think i could i it could be 62 63 i'm like i could throw a couple

punches in there senior citizen yet it's not a hate crime I'm like, I could throw a couple punches in there. He's not a senior citizen yet. It's not a hate crime. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I could get a couple in there before I get beat the hell up. I'm like, I could outrun him. So I put my coffee down. My mom was just in there like, what the fuck's going on? And I was like, I'm going to fight me. I'm like, go right now.

I'm like, I can't deal with this fucking guy. I'm like, fucking hit me right fucking now. And he's still there for a second. I'm like, I think he's going to. Thank God he didn't. Because I'm like, that would have been bad. But we got in this massive fight. And then I didn't talk to him

for five months whoa yeah this is the longest I've ever gone and I emailed him he kept emailing me like what's going on why aren't we talking

and I'm like and I emailed him with exactly what he said to me I'm like you said this this and then very hurtful things like I'm not funny no guys like me

like things that I already knew about myself that I like you know it's like he found everything in my head that I always thought about myself and just said it back to me and then afterwards I was like you said all this stuff he's like I never said any of that I like, you know, I'm saying like, it's like, he found everything in my head that I always thought about myself and just said it back to me. And then afterwards, I was like,

you said all this stuff. He's like, I never said any of that. I'm like, are you, are you joking? And then I had a very serious conversation. I'm like, are you, do you actually remember saying any of this? He's like, I swear I didn't do remember saying any of that. I'm like, then something's up. And then I Googled it and there's the rage induced like fucking blackouts, which I'm like, it sounds crazy, but I'm like, if you don't remember, cause because it was wild shit he was saying like really insane shit i'm like nobody likes me i'm like okay chill i have a lot of sex um they like me when i'm in bed that okay you better not hear this we have to block him i have to block him on instagram when this comes out so how did you end up patching things up um he agreed to get some help for his anger issues.

Okay. And I think he did some online classes and stuff. And now it's way better now. I talk to my dad every day now. Okay, good. We're super chill. So it made a difference. Yeah, these clips can't make it to Instagram.

But yeah, yeah. Good for an old dog learning new tricks too. I mean, he must love you enough to say, all right. And that's the thing. I know he does love me. And he's so fucking supportive. he's like he wears my merch all the time like my dad has a step-toe shirt that he wore he took to south africa he took to scotland he was he wears to the cottage he's like selling them people the cottage like i know he's like

probably in my sister the most supportive of my comedy but it's like he just has like an anger problem that's that's that's that how's your mom dealt with it all these years? Don't you ever ask her? Yeah, no, she eggs him on. She likes to push, poke the bear, whatever it's called. She likes to push him and then. But you made the difference. Yeah, I think so. Because I'm like, I can't deal with it anymore. But yeah, my mom is very, what's the word?

She likes to brag your mom does not about me but about like her 11 time champion that and like yeah literally dancing's her life dancing's her life so dancing is like my mom's everything is dancing so like me and my sister like you know we my mom would be teaching every weekend or whatever like on trips, judging and stuff. So my dad pretty much raised me and my sister. My mom was never around. So yeah, it's a very interesting relationship we had with her recently. And if I say something, I know she's trying to be nice, but I'll be like, oh, I had a meeting with NBC. And then all of a sudden, two of her friends are facing me and go, NBC signed you?

I'm like, what are you talking about? That is so annoying. It's psychotic. And I said, I have a meeting with like Will Ferrell's coming this week. And she's like, so when's the movie with Will Ferrell? I'm like, what the hell are you on about right now? I never said that. Like, you take one thing, you don't listen to me.

Every time I call her, she's like, on the computer. I'm like, you don't listen to me. She's like, anyways, I'm watching you not listen to what I'm saying right now. Like, you're just in your own world. It's all about dancing. It's just very, I mean, no one's getting along great with their parents. And if they are, you're not a comedian. I don't know what to tell you.

I remember I met my sketch partner, actually, Alison Hogg, very funny comedian in Canada. I remember I met her parents, and they were kissing the whole time at dinner and holding hands. I remember sitting there being like, what the fuck? After dinner, I'm like, I'm sorry, do your parents always do that? And she's like, yeah, don't yours? I'm like, I haven't seen my parents kiss on the lips my whole life.

I'm like, I don't think they know they have hands. I remember seeing my parents hug once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hug once. And that's probably cemented in your head. And I'm like, huh. Oh, yeah. So I was like, that was wild to see that.

I'm like, oh, that's what. Yeah, you don't realize. We talk about this all the time. You don't realize how, what is it, abnormal your life is until you start going to other people's homes. Oh, yeah. I joke about it all the time. Like, you guys get hugs? You know what I mean?

Oh, I see people like cereals and the foods and their habits. I love yous. I'm like, hmm? Yeah, hugs. And one friend could cuss in front of his parents. Our friend Jason Danilovsky. Shout out to Jason Danilovsky. He could cuss everything but fuck, he was allowed to say.

And the first time we're over there, he's like, that's bullshit, Dad. We were all like, I'm about to watch you get your ass beat and they didn't do anything and we were like oh okay he's not gonna do anything like they're gonna beat you until we leave

and he's like no I'm allowed to cuss like nah he's like yeah and this was middle school sixth grade wow that's young

yeah shit I remember I cursed a lot as a kid because they would curse and then they got mad when I did I'm like

what the fuck are you talking about but yeah my mom didn't say she loved me she started saying it like the last four years okay what what happened i don't know i think did she drop it on you yeah because i remember as a kid she'd be like hey good night and we'd be like good night bye bye mom see ya good night hey shut the door on the way out like what the fuck oh fuck? Oh, I'll tuck, I'll get the blanket. Don't worry about that.

I'll get the, like six, I'll get the blanket. Don't worry. I'm just reading myself a story. Just so sad. And goodnight moon. Just crying myself to sleep. My dad said it, but my mom never, I think she was also-

So the angry guy would give you the I love you, huh? The angry guy was still like, as angry he was, he was still very emotional with us. Just didn't know how to process it. He didn't know how to process his anger, but he was very loving. Like I will say, minus the throwing of the chairs.

When he wasn't throwing, he was throwing kisses. No, he was loving, but he was just angry. My mom was just kind of closed off and not loving. So now I think she's trying a bit more but when she says it now she's like she's still saying i'll go what she's like i love you i'm like

oh uh i love you bye because i'm like i'm not used to and i haven't i've been in no relationships that are have been anything in the last like i haven't been in loves and you're watching it i'm gonna say it's gonna sound sad maybe like 10 years is this cause of Steven? no it wasn't Steven are you worried that the boyfriend is gonna be buddies with your dad again? yeah that's why I've been along so long

PTSD post traumatic Steve disorder yeah it feels like when's the last time you're in love you said 10 years i'm gonna say 10 years but the last guy i was in love with uh emotionally fucked me in such a way that i don't know it'll take a long time for me to be in love with somebody again he was very like one day he loved me one day he told me to get the fuck out of his house the next day he was like making out with me in front of everybody the next day we were just friends the next day was like very like very back and forth i actually we also have matching tattoos that i need to get

covered up because it's haunting to look at um how long were you together well technically to him we never were so what yeah what do you mean it was an on and off thing that we had for several years and then years we started fucking when i was 27 and then we fucked until I moved to LA and that was 30. It was a long time, 30, 31, yeah. That's a three, four year relationship. Three, four year. It was like very like,

it was very back and forth. Like at first we weren't together. So he was not in love or he was at one point? He said, he often said he was in love with me and then he wouldn't say it again and then he would,

it was very fucked up and I randomly saw him about in November at a festival in Canada and, The comedian. Mm-hmm. And I'm not gonna say his name because last time

I talked about him on a podcast. You dropped enough fucking names. Oh, and also, last time I mentioned this scenario on a podcast, he made them take it off because it was friends of mine.

I'm like, I'm not taking this off, sorry, you fucked me. He's also, he's a pattern he does it with other women also when you fuck somebody

emotionally this badly like it's a lot when you get a matching tattoo with someone and then you say you were never with them it's confusing you get confused

yeah that's a little confusing but yeah I ended up approaching him and like giving him the rundown and like I like cathartically came out and told him everything and I'm like you did this

and this and this and then I started crying and I was like it felt not like a sad cry but like oh my fucking god this feels good to come out cry told him everything i'm like you did this isn't this is then i started crying and i was like it felt not not like a sad cry but like oh my fucking god this feels good to come out cry so i think i'm like fine i'm obviously over that but how'd he take it apparently shocked i don't know he's like i don't know i'm like okay you're whatever it's i don't want to think about him um but yeah it was um that was a lot so that that was the last like kind of like that's the

last time i probably was in love. And then since then I've had like little, I've had a couple like three monthers here and there. And like, I had a guy, I had a COVID relationship with a guy who there's a pattern with me where men just ghost me. It's just like a fucking,

it doesn't matter how long, like three, four months, five months, nothing. They just talking to you every day. And then, so I had a guy,

yep. I had a guy in Toronto. We were together for like the whole half of a day, four months. And then I came back to LA and I was like, we were still kind of talking. He's like, I can't do this. And then never talked to me again.

I'm like, all right. Not, I met someone or- No, can't do this. Never talked to me again. I had another guy from Vancouver that reached out to me. He was like a fan. We had this weird three month thing. We were like FaceTiming every day.

And he was like, I just want to make you my girlfriend. just want to visit you and then like i told him i was gonna come visit him and then uh he goes to me and then funny enough funny enough i got an email i got an email right after the netflix came out oh did you isn't that funny timing what did that email say it was an attempt at an. At no point did he say he was sorry. He said, I should never have tried to get in an intimate relationship with you. I'm disgusted with my behavior. I should never have ghosted you. No, I'm sorry.

No, I can't believe what I put you through. Nothing I wanted to, like, oh, yeah. Man, I've had women call me out on shit before, and I just have to. You got to eat it and i just i write back you're right i'm sorry i won't contact you again it's that easy like it's also i guarantee you've never ghosted like that i've never ghosted like that on see that's the problem this is the issue the issue is the uncomfortable conversation every time and nine out of ten if it was possible it was a person to person. It was not fucking technology in between.

That's great. Here's the thing. I don't care if you're like – If you're going to let me do all the shit that we're going to do sexually, the least I can do is talk to you in person and say, this isn't working out. Yes. And that's – thank you. Men, men, are you listening to this if they let you see their butthole the least you could do is talk to them face to face when you're saying goodbye or butthole to face if you if you if you're

still into it you know whatever if you're an ass guy it's like also you can't like i don't i'm not talking about the like the one or two week like tinder thing you hook up you don't who cares about that i've never even done that so i'm talking about what we're talking i'm talking about like an actual you're gonna fucking talk to this woman every day you're gonna send fucking all this i had another guy that i met in january that we had like a very we got close i met him when i was in grand rapids and it was like i was like super into him and it was like talking every day and like four months talking talking talking gonna go visit him after the billboard taping and then i do not hear from him for a month and i'm like fuck this so i fucking snapped and wrote this big thing being

like fuck you you don't fucking deserve this you don't deserve to fucking call me every day say you like me all this bullshit it fucks with me i can't be i cannot like anytime i talk to a guy now i'm like you can't ghost me i will go off the rails like I also say to guys which is like so I don't know how they came through their thick fucking heads I get told no I get told I'm every day a no I don't want this I don't want you you didn't book the part every fucking day of my life I get it you saying you don't see me anymore is not going to affect me in the way you think it is I'm gonna be oh no this guy who smokes a thousand cigarettes a day and fucking his dick doesn't get hurt doesn't want to see me anymore I don't give a shit fuck you like i don't

give a fuck i get more upset when they're like no you didn't get a call back for the jen apatow movie i'm like yeah that i'm gonna be upset about this i'm not gonna like it's so insane to not be bought like just just fucking it's it's very frustrating so that's why i'm scared now to even get in a relationship to even like talk to him but i'm talking to somebody now and i can't even tell if he likes me it's very strange i'm like it's a weird time it is you know the the um readiness and availability of penis and vagina is too much it's too much you know absolutely too much back in the old days back in the old days um you probably you met someone local you maybe met him at a bar or at the store or a friend of a friend you know what i mean and

and you held on to a relationship because there weren't 10 000 other opportunities on this fucking app that i can just touch with my finger you know what i mean so i feel like a lot of people devalue relationships these days because it's so easy to hop onto the next dick or put your dick in the next hole you know what i mean yeah that's very um so i think that uh plays a part in it and also i don't know i i don't know if it's a generational thing i don't know but i hear from a lot of my girlfriends that guys do this won't talk to him for three or four days and it's like this is your boyfriend yeah hadn't talked to you for a week won't come over tonight constantly canceling plans like i just that's not a boyfriend no no i don't trust anybody anymore so this guy i'm talking to

now i'm like i don't i think we're just talking he brought actually he brought a friend to my show the night at the comedy store and i was like oh what did you tell your friend like who you going to see he said a girl i'm talking to i'm like okay so talking to me means he's still on the apps he's still probably talking to other women and i'm like all right i guess i'm also talking to other men and like doing whatever because i'm like i'm not in a relationship if you're i'm also haven't heard from him in days so it's like i like what is this i i'm also just like i'm over unless a man is like obsessed with me like i don't mean obsessed but like i mean i know you know i mean like calling me every day checking in like, like, unless someone's doing that, that's what I

want right now. That's what I want. A guy that really, I'm like, I'm not going to force. I have some friends who are like, you know, men and women who are like with people they don't really like. We're like, ah, you know, they're nice enough. I'm like, I don't want that. I want someone that I'm like, I want to fuck you all the time.

I want you to like be around me. I want you to meet my family. I'm going to call you while you're at work and say hi, check in, how's your day going? Get home. I'm always like that. When you get home, call me when you're inside and safe. I want to know you while you're at work and say hi, check in, how's your day going, get home. I'm always like that. When you get home, call me when you're inside and safe. I want to know you're fine and safe. That's it.

It's a nice normal thing to do. You care about someone. Well, it's also not hard to care about somebody you care about. Yeah. And then when you don't feel that, you're like, oh, you just don't care about me. That's exactly it. You know what I mean? That's it.

It's not hard to care about someone you care about or love someone you love yeah so when you don't feel it you're feeling exactly your feeling is accurate yes so this person doesn't give a fuck that's what's all right now i'm like this person doesn't give a fuck i'm like so i have to have a chat when they i have to be like in a couple days be like hey i don't this is not working for me this is not what i want like i want do you have to do that though i guess not yeah i guess i don't need to move on yeah because i'm like this is it's like it's already what you don't want you don't owe that guy that's not telling you and you're being behaving the way you don't want to no no i don't he knows yeah you're right i mean it's an interesting description these days it's a girl i'm talking to huh is that i'm like but i'm

like i also haven't been in a relationship in so long i'm like is that what people say i don't know anymore i'm so confused i'm also just like i don't know if it's about we don't need to know all that it's you got to just connect with that person that the same shit jives for you yeah you know what i mean like you're like that i'm like that yeah you also don't want someone that wants to call you all the time check in on you but that other person's like oh you're suffocating you know that might be that yeah i don't yeah exactly i don't want that i'm like oh i get it i get i don't need you up my ass from the corner. I like a nice, I like a daily check-in. I like a good morning. I like a good night.

And I like to, I'm a planner. I like a plan. Give me a plan. Let me know what's going on. I like to know. I like it. There's not like, there's a day, maybe I'm going to come to the bar. I'll maybe meet you later.

I'm like, it's maybes. I don't do maybes. You're coming or not. Otherwise, I'm going to fuck somebody else. Like, mama's horny. Waiting around. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll find somebody else. Maybe nothing. I'm around maybe I'll maybe find somebody else maybe nothing

I'm annoyed it's too much the dating scene's exhausting out here I'm just like it's been like oh you want to talk about Lowe's we can get real dark here

talk about it when I first moved out here I I was almost raped I was very fucked up in LA in LA in LA

what happened I was this guy who kind of was a comedian, lived in this weird halfway house thing. I'm not really sure what it was. And I went to meet him. And then we were going just to go to a bar. And I was getting there.

And it was all dark. He's like, you can't talk in here. It's quiet. It's bad. I'm like, it's 10 o'clock. What's going on? So I remember sitting there. And this guy comes out of this room.

And he's like, whoa, who's this? I'm like, oh, hi. He's like, who are you? So I'm sitting there and this guy comes out of this room and he's like, whoa, who's this? I'm like, oh, hi, he's like, who are you? And I'm like, ooh, I don't like this guy. This is a bad guy and I don't want to be around him. We go to the bar, he's like, can I come? And I'm like, I hate this man. So we go to the bar, my friend's like, oh, I have to go grab weed. He runs, this is before they're selling weed everywhere here.

He runs off, I'm stuck with this fucking weirdo guy. So I'm like, okay, let's walk back and find him. So we start walking back outside. And he's like, walk in front. I want to watch you walk. I want to watch your legs. And I'm like, hey, man, you're like really creeping me out. I'm like, can you please stop?

Like, I don't feel comfortable right now. Please stop. And I'm like kind of drunk because I've had a couple drinks. I can meet him, whatever. We end up going. I have to go to the bathroom now. So I'm like, can I go back to your house and go pee? I go to the bathroom.

He tries to come to the bathroom. I go, oh, no. He's like, let me come in. I'm like, I'm going to the bathroom. So I'm closing the door. And I'm like trying to find my phone. I'm like, I'm going to the bathroom. So I'm closing the door and I'm like trying to find my phone. I'm like texting my friend. I'm like, where the fuck are you? I'm like, your friend's freaking me out. What the fuck is going on? So I'm texting, texting in the bathroom, come out. He takes me outside, puts me against the wall. And so it's like really kissing

me. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, sorry. I'm like, I think I gave you the wrong idea. I don't want this. He was like, you know, you want it. And I'm like, and he was like really strong. Like he's kind of scrawny. I'm like, God damn, this guy's strong. And I'm like, this is not good. really strong like he's kind of scrawny I'm like god damn this guy's strong and I'm like this is not good

something's gonna happen I can tell him something bad parched my rape story is making me thirsty I'm sorry you gotta laugh sometimes

so I remember we were in Silver Lake and it was like this weird area he's like come see this hill I'm like I don't want to see this hill he was like this weird area. He's like, come, come see this hill.

I'm like, I don't want to see this. I was like, come with me right now. And he like grabbed my hand. I'm like, if I don't do what this guy says, I'm like,

he's freaking me out. I'm like, I'm worried. So we get at the top of the cell and he's dragging my hand, not dragging, but he's holding my hand really tightly. And I'm like, I keep trying to grab my phone.

I'm like, where the fuck is this guy? What the fuck is going on right now? Get to the top of the hill. And there's this like, um, uh, box opened up. Like, like, like I'm i'm like i literally and i out loud i went is this where you bring all your victims and he did not laugh and i was like oh my god this is where he brings

his victims and then he like shoved me to the ground i'm like um oh my god and he like shoved i was wearing shorts and he shoved his finger inside me like so badly i like i'm like stop and i yelled stop and i like pulled his hand And, like, it was so bad. It bled. When I got home the next day, that night, it was bad. I was, like, saying no. So I kept, like, I remember in the moment, I'm like, I've always been that girl where I'm like, if I get raped, I'm going to kick his ass. This guy can't do shit.

You go fucking numb. I lied there. I'm like, I literally in my head went, I'm getting raped. Deal with it in the morning. And I kept, like, it was fucked. And I'm, like, always, I've always, like, hello, I got arrested for assault. Like, I'm, like, if a in my head went, I'm getting raped. Deal with it in the morning. And I kept like, it was fucked. And I'm like, always, I've always like,

hello, I got arrested for assault. Like I'm like, if a guy fucking bugs me, I'll shove him back. Like I'm not. You kicked your dad in the nuts. Yeah,

I kicked my dad in the nuts. I'm like, I'm a tough fucking girl. Like I'm not, I don't take shit. And this was like, oh, I'm about to be raped.

And this is, this is my life now. Can I just ask you, does, does this like wash of disbelief just paralyze you? Like, I can't believe this is... No, no, this isn't real. It's not happening.

Is that what's going on? It's like you can't even like... Process. Process it and your body's fucking frozen. And he's already shoved fingers inside you. I got those out and I just... In my head, I'm like... And now what?

He's shoving you to the ground? So I'm on the ground. He's on top of me and he's holding me down. No, I can't scream. I'm not... You can't even do that. Like you always So I'm on the ground. He's on top of me. And he's holding me down. No, I can't scream. I'm not. I can't even do that. Like you always. It's that nightmare dream where you fucking can't yell.

And I'm like, I'm like in my head. I'm like, there's got to be something you can do to just get him to stop. So I just kept kissing him and I kept distracting him and it kept, I guess he hadn't been kissed in a long time. So he was like getting really into the kissing. So I finally was like, I got up, I like rolled over and I was like, it was fucked. So I get up and I'm like, so we're kissing, kissing. And I'm like, okay. I'm rolled over and i was like it was fucked so i get up and i'm like so we're kissing kissing and i'm like okay i'm like i have to go he's like what

i'm like and then i ran i fucking booked it i booked it and where the fuck i was in silver lake i fucking i turned around he wasn't there i'm like oh my god i get around the corner i was staying at my friend's house at the time i said a massive leak in my apartment in la so i was like i stay in my friend's house i get against the apartment i was headlining this big club in canada for the first time ever so i remember getting to her apartment scrubbing my body like just in the shower just scrubbing everything fucking off my body like his his smell was on me uh and i remember i told his friend i'm like hey your friend tried to rape me what the fuck and he's like no no no he has ptsd from the war you can't i'm like i can't what report him he's like no he's really like he he he's something

happened him in the war he's not well i'm like i don't give report him he's like no he's really like he's something happened to him in the war he's not well I'm like I don't give a fuck what happened in the war your friend tried to fucking rape me like what the hell that guy did nothing

and then weirdly enough that guy came to a show of mine like the last few months the raper? no the not raper the friend and he like took me

he came to the show and I was like I got paralyzed I was like and I got this whole like feeling all over and this anxiety I'm like oh my god

and then I just the playing again in my head and I'm like oh my fucking god and then I took him outside of the show he's like hey sorry to show up like that I'm like yeah man what are you doing here like you can't be here and he like I'm so sorry I should have believed you I was going through my own shit I wasn't listening to you at the time but like I've always regretted not like you know helping you out I'm like yeah I'm like and now I'm like I probably still could report this guy I'm like I don't even I asked him I would still report him if we can get his name and like some idea of his whereabouts.

Like he's probably doing that to other fucking women. Like this is a bad man. Like this is like, yeah, it's a nightmare. Damn stuff. But it's like really like, I just like,

I sympathize with women where it's like, Oh, they get raped. These lie, don't take it. You, you can't plan what you do. You think you can, you think you can like grab and whatever the fuck, but it's like, oh, how'd they get raped? These lied there and take it? You can't plan what you do. You think you can.

You think you can, like, grab and whatever the fuck, but it's like you are completely still, and there's nothing you can do. And I'm like, I've never, like, I've been in so many fights. I've been in, like, me and my friend got kicked out of this nightclub one time. We both started throwing punches. My birthday once, this girl stole my phone. I fought three chicks and a guy.

Like, I am a fucking tough bitch, but it's like some situations your body just doesn't fucking move. Well, tough doesn't always just mean physically either. You were mentally tough in that situation to give yourself up enough to kiss the guy to save yourself. So let me ask you straight up. If you didn't do that, there's no way you were getting. He was strong as shit. He was strong.

And he was. No, I could not happen. He was strong as fuck. And he was like so small. I can't believe how strong he was. And as soon as you kissed him, he let his guard down. He did. strong as fuck. And he was like so small. And as soon as you kissed him, he let his guard down. He did. And you rolled over and then you took off. I got us to standing up and then I bucked down.

Nightmare on Elm Street. It was awful. And I was like, hmm, that's dating in LA. I'm like, it's bad. And I thought of all the other women that have been in that situation. How many women before him have been in the situation with this guy like he looked like Christian Bale with a long beard if anyone anyone knows this guy fucking DM me and we'll talk about it but like yeah it was like it's fucked it's really it's really scary and it's also like now

like all these like if you've watched these like crazy like this guy I don't know this one stupid thing recently was like a guy on tinder takes a girl into the hotel room and then comes out the next day with a couple suitcases. I'm like, what is going on? Like I don't trust anybody anymore. Everyone is not to be trusted, which is scary. I want to trust people, but it's – I don't. Yeah, I mean just being a dad of a daughter who's going to date eventually probably on apps freaks me the fuck out. How old is she?

She's seven now, but who knows what it's going to be like in 11 more years. Oh. And you're going to be on these apps with all these different guys and here and there probably trying to meet Mr. Right. And I'm just going to be fucking shitting myself. No, I'm serious. I'm dead serious. I do.itting myself. No, I'm serious. I'm dead serious. If I have kids, I'll tell you right now,

fucking gay all the way. I want gay kids. I want to be gay. I've tried. I would love nothing more. What do you mean you've tried? I've tried. I've been with several women.

I keep, I go on the app sometimes for women. I'm like, I keep trying to be with a woman because I'm like, I go through these phases where I'm like, do I hate men?

I'm like, I get so mad after shit like that. But at your core, what do you feel? I'm like, I can't, I go through these phases where I'm like, do I, Hey man, I'm like, I get so mad. Like after shit like that and like, but at your core, what do you feel? I'm a core. I like men. Only are you bisexual?

I guess I'm bi. I've eaten out three women. I'm assuming. I guess I'm bi. Well, I mean, I'm like, look,

here's, here's what I always say. And I'm like, this is so offensive, but I'm like, I want to get a shirt made that says I've eaten out more pussy than all the bi women in Los Angeles. Every fucking comic is bi now. I'm like, bitch, prove it.

Prove it. Eat me out. Prove it. Come right here. Like, I'm fucking, I don't identify. I mean, I guess I am bi, but I don't like say I'm bi on stage or like say I'm bi to like can't work. Clearly, I'm like up there jerking off men every time I have. But, you know, I think, I do, I think for me with women it's certain women

it's not like all guys I see I'm like a pervert I'm like checking every guy out but like some women I'm like Jesus Christ what gets you for the ladies I don't know

it's a mix it's just a thing that you see you know when you see it yeah the first time it ever happened to me I was in Amsterdam when I was 24

because I really wanted to move there there was a I don't know why I have a giant windmill tattoo on my back so I was like I went there

do you really oh yeah I'm like obsessed with the how big of a windmill tattoo like this way that's pretty big it's way too big it's absurd to be honest it's way too much um if i was further along in my diet program i would show you right now cheese grater did that no it's a lot um but i met this girl i remember on a bridge when i was with steve actually at the time and my two other friends we were like walking across this bridge and this beautiful blonde woman stopped she i was like saying something she goes your voice and i'm like what she goes oh i love the sound of your voice and i was like and i remember like that's the first time ever i was like and i was like oh i like girls like that was like the first ever little like spark i had but it's only

specific women what was it like for you the first time you went out with a woman? It was right after I broke up with Steve, actually. Okay. Because Steve was like, you know, one guy. I was like, whatever. So right after I broke up with Steve, most of my friends are gay. So we were out in Toronto dancing. And they look over like, I wonder how Steph's handling the breakup.

And there's me and this girl like just fucking hardcore. I'm like, oh, I guess she's doing okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She seems to be doing fine. And then we dated for like three months, but I was not. What's the difference? Is it, do you feel safer? Yes. And it's definitely safer.

And it was just definitely more sensual. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. If you ever kissed a woman, ladies, you should. It's very like just, some guys, too many guys can't kiss. I wish I could do like a class it's just disgusting what are you doing it's repulsive and then some tongues are so hot

when they go in there i'm like i don't know what you're doing before this but there's a lot of like it's gross there's a lot of bad before older older men too because i i dip around i don't have an age group what's the oldest the gap the largest i have no crystalia i i do i do i'm start 27 i went on days 27 too young and i'm 37 27 what about the other way i'm saying other way i've gone up to 65 no have you yeah i didn't date when we had a few dates yeah yeah. I didn't think you dated a 65-year-old man. No, it didn't work. How was it? It didn't work.

It didn't work at all. No, he needed a pill and he was denying it. I'm like, just take the pill. I don't care if you take the pill. I'd like you to take the pill. How old were you when you dated a 65-year-old? That was a couple years ago. That motherfucking watch tells all about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, all right. So outside of that it didn't work, did you have a good time on those dates? Yeah. No, I liked it. Did you really – were you able to talk to them, connect with them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I can. Yeah, I think – I don't have any age restriction except that I check IDs and that I don't hang around high schools. I'm with you on that. You know what? I don't care anymore either. I'm not – I mean, that's way too young. No. But if you're just – just be nice. I don't care anymore either. I'm not, I mean, that's way too young. No. But if you're just fucking, just be nice.

I just want a nice man. I don't care if you're 27. I don't care if you're 67. Just be fucking nice to me. I want a nice man whose penis works. That's all I want. Fair enough. That's all I'm asking for.

I got the working penis. Here's my top three. You're tall, you're nice, and you're funny. What's tall for you? And you find me funny. That's the key three. You're tall, you're nice, and you're funny. What's tall for you? And you find me funny. That's the key. I need you to, because if you don't find me funny, that's a turn on for me. If you don't find your partner funny, forget about comic.

No. In general, your partner's got to make you laugh and have a good time with you. Yes. And funny on stage, I'm like, I want a guy to come see me and die laughing. Yeah. And I know him a lot up there. I'm well aware of what i'm putting out it's not a turn on for most men um tall for me i like i like over six feet

mostly because i'm a larger gal and i don't like feeling every guy i end up being with i'm the same size or small larger i'm like i don't how tall are you five seven okay but i'm white so i'm like i don't want to be i hate get your dad's back I don't want to be a hate. Get your dad's back. I don't want to be fucking, I'm always a big spoon. Like it was a joke at first. I'm like, I'm always the big spoon. I'm sick and tired of it. I don't want to be the one latching onto you. It's like, no, you latch onto me.

I want like a big, strong man. It's hard to find out here, apparently. Los Angeles doesn't exist. Any other city. Yeah, sure. Great. Go to any other city in the goddamn country and find a big, strong man. But here, no.

I know everyone's poly and everyone's flopping around everywhere. It's too much. It's wild out here. It's too much. It's a free-for-all. It is a free-for-all. Every time I match with a guy, they're like, I have six wives. I can't do this.

Everyone's got – I'm also paranoid of STDs. I don't want to have like I can't be going to clinic and reading it tested who are you slopping with who are they slopping with it's too much of a slop 49 years and no STDs never got one

no thank god shit never did but I'm knocking on wood I mean they're out there everywhere they're out there yeah yeah yeah

Steph this has seriously been a great episode good and I know a lot of this was not easy to talk about thank you for coming on thank you for having me before we wrap

up i'm going to ask you after everything we've talked about now this is your first time here so advice you would give to 16 year old steph the biggest thing i think i'd say and i think a lot of women can agree with me i wish i could go back and tell myself that i wasn't fat i that would have made a difference i think it would have i was so hard on my body when i was young growing up and i was fit as hell i was a dancer but i compared myself to my other friends who were very skinny like generally and i made myself sick i i went on crazy diets i used to try to try to be bulimic in high school i was like really fucked over my appearance and i just wish i can go back now but god damn it fucking who cares you're growing

you're changing daily like fucking stop get a grip really good for you I don't think anyone's ever said that

yeah thank you again and please promote everything one more time listen to Steph Infection listen to Slobs add me on Instagram

at Steph Tolev if you're in Toronto come see me open for Bill Burr the 23rd 24th of August 25th Comedy Bar in Toronto. And then I have other dates on my website. All right. Thank you very much.

Thank you. As always, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We will talk to you all next week. Thank you.