The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Tom Papa - PapaDew

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

My Honeydew this week is Tom Papa! You can catch his new special, Homefree on Netflix or his podcast, Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. Tom joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of his Jersey upbringing and a long history of losing his best friends. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Tampa, FL - Dec. 7th Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Cuddly -For every $20 donated through a one-time donation, CUDDLY will gift a soft and snuggly blanket to a rescue animal in need. Go to https://www.cuddly.com/HONEYDEW

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You know, we do here, we highlight the lowlights and always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on today. It's been a minute. Been wanting it for a while, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome Top Pop. Welcome to Money in Top Pop. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here, buddy. Thank you for the coffee and the big cup. You got it. Thank you for making some. I had to help. Yeah. Everyone needs help with that thing out there, dude. Yeah, it's tricky. Well, thank you for being here. And before we get into whatever we're going to talk about,

please right there, plug it all, buddy. Everything. Plug it all. I guess the biggest thing right now is my Netflix special Home Free. Just came out a couple of weeks ago and, uh, it's very funny. It's my third Netflix and it's up and people are loving it. I haven't heard that, but I'm assuming. And, uh, and then my breaking bread with Tom Papa podcast, uh, which you

have to come on, I'd love to break. We'll feed you. Yeah. It'll be good. You get bread when you come. That's what I'm talking about. This body's built on Yeah, this isn't carb light. Yeah, so The podcast and the special and then Tom Papa calm for if you want to see me live. All right Yeah, um, let's dive in because first of all, I want to know your whole history

It's easy to look shit up on the internet But I know I I know not to believe a lot of what I read on the internet. So where originally are you from? Tell me about your parents, your siblings. I grew up in New Jersey. Where? Northern New Jersey, about half hour outside of New York City. Okay.

That's like New York Giants, Yankees. Meadowlands. Area, Meadowlands. Yeah. And my parents grew up right by the Meadowlands in Clifton, New Jersey. They were high school sweethearts. And they got married and had me. And then I lived in East Rutherford, which is the Meadowlands. It was my first apartment when I was a baby, which I have no memory of. And yeah, and then they had me and my two younger sisters.

Okay, so you have three kids, two, now what did your parents do? My father was a salesman. He was, he worked in like early communications, like before, like just as all computer telecommunications stuff was starting, he was like in those companies like GDC and AT&T's of the time, you know. And he was a very successful salesman. And then my mother was a mom and then she went back to school when we were little kids to get her degree. And then she went back to school and we were little kids to get her degree. And then she ran a small ad agency.

Oh, nice. Yeah. And that's also back when you literally had to go back to school. You had to drive. You know what I mean? Yeah. Now, if you want to continue to get your master's, you can absolutely do an online program. You don't have to get in the car, leave the kids.

It's true. Everybody, dinner's in the oven. I'm gone. I'm going to do my classes tonight. No, dropping us off. Do you remember it? Going back. Yeah. Yeah. You remember when she went back?

Yeah. Yeah. It was really pretty cool. She was like, she was going for it and she always had a, even when we were really little, I just, I remember her having a, a little feminist bent to the whole thing, even though she was raising three of us and my dad was on the road and stuff. And she like, you always, something was always bubbling. She was always going to do something. And then I remember her starting to go to school. I remember her graduating. We had a big party when she graduated.

All nights, okay, good. Yeah, yeah, and she did the whole thing. And did your parents stay together the whole time? Were they that couple? Yeah, they're still together. Are they really? 16 years old. 16?

Started at 16 and they're going to be 80 next year. How about, I mean- It's a big one. That's big and awesome. They're going to be 80, so what is that, 64 years of marriage? Yeah. Yeah. 64, 74, yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

64, 74, yeah, holy crap. Yeah, I don't know if they're at 60. But yeah, no, they went the whole way. They met at 16. Met at 16, right. Yeah, then married probably 21 or something. I mean, their marriage is almost a senior citizen. Yeah, it's a long one.

Yeah, it's a good one. It works, they're good. They're pretty solid. They always seem younger than the other kids' parents. Are they still healthy and like take care of each other and stuff? Yeah, it's a weird though. Like they're, they're healthy and they're still mobile and my father still rides his motorcycle. Nah. And they're-

What kind of motorcycles your dad ride? He's got four right now. What? Are there other guys? OK, I'm just blown away. Are there other 80 year old men out there on motorcycles? Is he like a crew? He's got a crew. And you think anybody over like 75 would ride a motorcycle? Well, it's changing.

And it's a funny it's a funny dynamic because a couple of them are moving the trikes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the three wheeled motorcycles, which makes perfect sense. And my father was like, uh-uh. I'm like, dude, just try it, sit on it. I won't do it.

He won't even sit on it. Once that rheumatoid hits, you're gonna have to hit the, I think that's got like the two brake system or something in there. Yeah. You don't have to do the hands. A foot brake. I think they have a foot brake in there. It's a little bit like a car, but you're still out there. It's cheap. Whatever. Yeah.

You're 80. It's still open. You're 80. You're 80. I mean... Your reactions. Yeah. I mean, you know, now, like just even at our age, it's like, you know, stuff's different. He's, you know, 30 years older than I am. I have my motorcycle license. I will not ride anymore.

Out here. I just I was never comfortable on it. I really was. And I had it for a summer. I had a bike for like a summer and a half. I'm from Maryland. So when you were a kid, I'm an adult. I mean, I'm a young man. I'm 20 to 21, 20, 20 was somewhere in there. And, um, I was never that guy though. I'm, I'm the cruise dude.

I don't need to get anywhere fast. I don't care. But there's nothing like being on the beltway and having an 18 wheeler that little, I'll never forget it. You know, the little center hub that floats right here. Yeah. Just this far away where you're going 80 miles an hour. I look over and I'm thinking like, what am I,

what am I doing? I know, it is insane. I don't have a chance. It's insane. And these days with the texting and everything, I would even think it's not a young, it's not an old man's game. I was just following coming here to see you.

I was coming from the beach and there were four guys on electric glides, Harleys, just cruising. And I was behind them and I always take pride because I know give them distance, don't ride up on them, you know, kind of like- Make room for them. Yeah, I feel like I'm part of the pack. I'm still doing it guys, I had a bike once.

And it's definitely when you're doing it, it's different than you looking at it from the car angle. You know what I mean? Like when you're in it, it's a lot like stand up in that when you're doing it all the time, it seems like the most normal thing in the world. You take a year off like we did during the pandemic and you're like, this is a weird thing we're doing.

This is a weird thing. This is a weird thing. That we're not allowed to do either at that time. Yeah, that's weird. We have a job we're not allowed to do. Yeah, so I mean, there is definitely, I stopped doing, I stopped riding. I rode with him and with his crew and stuff

for like a long time. And when I had my first daughter and it was right at the time my career was starting to get some footing and my daughter was born and it was like, and I moved to LA and I was like, I just gave my bikes to my nephews. That's nice. And I haven't been on a bike since.

And I miss it. There's a lot of great things about it, but the hairiest ride he ever had was getting his friend's bike from San Diego and coming up to see me in LA. And my mother and my father got off that bike at my house and they were frazzled. Wait, she was on the back the whole way?

Oh, they've- Oh, fuck. Yeah, they've done like the whole world together on the back the whole way? Oh, they've- Oh, fuck. Yeah, they've done like the whole world together on the back of that. Your mom's like, so your mom's like a professional passenger. They would go to Europe and, yeah. Like she really knows how to ride back there.

Yeah, she has, they'll do small rides now, but yeah, it's, you know, it's, you get older, there's stuff, you know, they pulled into like a town and they just kind of like tipped over like in traffic in like a little New England town. They just kind of like, you know, just not putting your feet. I did that once when my wife and I went cross country on my bike and we were just so tired and we pulled into the days in and she was going to go check us into the hotel and she got off

the bike and went in and I just sat there put my feet on the pegs and then realized no my feet should be on the ground. Boom. And I fell over. You're just tired and you know when you're tired and pushing 80 you know hopefully he'll get a trike. I hope so. Yeah. But he's got four bikes now. He's got an electric glide, a VMAX and a BMW and something else. I mean, I was just so young and dumb and I knew better too. I had an FC 600 Yamaha. It was like a year before they made the FZR.

It was just a fast fucking rocket. Yeah. I'm coming back from Ocean City, Maryland. You probably know it. And I'm going across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, which is voted the scariest bridge in the US. It is. I believe it. And it starts pouring down.

Oh no. And I'm already through the toll. And I'm like, fuck, and I mean, torrential. And I am driving across that bridge and hitting those greats where it's like, rrrr, rrrr. And it's windy. It's windy.

It's super windy. And I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. Never again. I killed a flamingo or like a crane. I was going to see the Grateful Dead when I was in college with my buddies and we're doing the Chesapeake Bay bridge tunnel, bridge tunnel, bridge tunnel.

And we went through the tunnel and we came out to go up to the bridge and there was a crane, like long neck, long legs, caught in the wind. He just could not get its bearings. And I can't go this way and there's cars coming, I can't go that way. So I just got to, we just screamed for the bird and he came and just like hit the windshield

and broke my rear view mirror. And I remember it clear as windshield and broke my rear view mirror. And I remember it clears day looking at my rear view mirror and just seeing this bird like in all different, just aww. And it didn't make you wreck or anything? No, you know, it birds pretty light. It's not like hitting a deer, but it was big. Like it was a six foot long in all directions thing. But that, yeah, that is nasty. Being on a bike, I'm like, forget it, forget it.

I wanna talk about some of your, like growing up, some of your childhood friends, cause you told me something interesting before we talked. And you said that all your, you said best friends, I believe, have died, all of them. We haven't talked to anybody who's ever sat down and said all my best friends have died. And then I said, are you the last one? You said, well, they all necessarily didn't know one another.

You're the common denominator. Yeah, they weren't a crew. So who's the earliest, longest tenured friend before checkout? We were 15, 14 going on to 15, 15. My best friend, Keith, my friend Keith was funny, super funny, big Irish family. And- How do you know from high school, you play sports? No grade school. Oh wow.

We were like third grade. Oh so wait, so you didn't meet him in 15. Third grade, met in third grade. And then we're friends until freshman year of high school. And yeah, and then he passed away in a moped accident. I'm sorry, we're sitting here talking about motorcycles. I know, yeah, exactly. I can't even believe we're talking about it.

That's right. I didn't even connect that. But see, I'm about your age. But remember, that was the pedal start one year. They were hot. I didn't even connect that. But you know, but I remember that was the pedal start one. They were hot. They were hot. And I think you were, yeah. And what we, were you, I think legally maybe 13, you were allowed to like have one. So not a full license, but you could go around on it, right? Am I right about that? You're exactly right. And there was no place on the road for a moped. And no one's wearing helmets. I'm sure there's no place. You're not fast enough

to be like a motorcycle going with traffic. You're on these little New Jersey side roads with no shoulders. And they were fast. They were pretty fast. And you know, kids would drill holes in the baffle and make it louder and have a little more, get a little more horsepower out of it.

And two of my friends had them. And there was just this one stretch of road that didn't have any curbs and it was parking lots and coming and going and some van or truck or something came out of nowhere and that was that. And so that was really pretty, that was heavy. How'd you find out, who told you? Ah, that's a good question.

It must've been my parents. And did they do something for them at school? Do you remember like a thing or? It was, no, it was a funeral at the church and at the nursing, not nursing home, the funeral home. And it was pretty heady because it was the first real death that I had experienced. That's what I wanted to ask.

There were no, like, there was, it was the first one. There was no grandparent. Everyone was still going. Yeah, I mean. And at that young, young age, I learned so much about the whole process. You know, it's devastating. It's it wrecks you. But then all that stuff about people's fake grief at the funeral because it was almost like a happening because it was a kid, you know? So people came in, watching how adults dealt with it,

watching how my parents dealt with it. I was very observant about the whole process. It was really, really heavy. But then I got like, it kind of just put it all in perspective real quick. Like I had at 14, a very clear hyper awareness of what death was. You know what I mean?

Like I know people who didn't lose people till much later and they have a hard time dealing with or understanding loss or understanding the finite nature of all this. But when you're 14 and that happens, like with the like funniest closest kid to you, you grow up that way. I mean, it was a moron in a whole bunch of other ways and still had to grow a ton. But that part of it.

Do you ever think about that now as a parent, how you actually back then were witnessing every also because I, we, a girl who's like my sister, no doubt, she passed away in a car accident with another friend of ours. Some drunk driver hit them, killed both of them. They were buckled in, a whole nine. And I remember witnessing a lot of parents being scared to come talk to her mom or say anything, because that's their worst nightmare.

You ever think about that now as a parent? Like you're looking back, like that's somebody worst nightmare. You ever think about that now as a parent? Like you're looking back, like that's just that's somebody's child in there and other parents are like, we don't want that to happen to our fucking kid. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, it's, you know, when you have kids, it's one of the greatest blessings of your life. And so some of the most terrifying experiences of your life because you have to put out of your mind or quickly, not even put out of your mind, quickly usher out all the invasive thoughts about the worst things that could happen to them

out of your head and just keep, and then order dinner. You know what I mean? Like it's a, and to, you know, and I remember as a kid, like hearing, well, the worst thing you could ever happen to you is lose a child. Like that is the ultimate death, you know, in terms of being painful. And, you know, now that my kids are 22 and 19,

it's like, well, what a blessing that we got those 19, 20 years, you know, without, like we didn't have to do what those parents had to do. You know, who knows what the future holds and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, being a parent definitely, definitely puts it in perspective. The cool thing is I still run into his family. You do? Uh-huh. That's nice.

Randomly, cause of comedy. Yeah, yeah, good. Did they come see you or something like that? Yeah. Like, hey, we're here. I've seen a couple of his sisters have come to shows. I wrote about him in one of my books, my first book, I think. And then got to the mother.

The mother got to read that. I mean, man, how, years later, how about that? This little boy that was friends with my son who died is now a famous comedian, and he also remembers my son in a fond way. He's not on podcasts. He's like, we used to, whatever. Yeah, he's fucking awesome.

Good for you. No, it's great. Yeah, it's definitely kind of trippy that like his spirit has always kind of been circulating. You know what I mean? Like he was very, very funny. He was the funniest person I knew. He was so funny.

He would make adults just, he would just crush. It's always more tragic when they're funny. Oh, gosh. And a big Irish funny family. Everybody thinks's always more tragic when they're funny. Oh, gosh. And a big Irish funny family. Everybody thinks it's more tragic when they're pretty. It's more tragic when they're funny. And he came from a funny family. Like the whole, like there was a lot of them

and they're Irish, it was like the priest would come over and even that guy was funny. And, but to be in that family and be like the funniest one was like, he was funny. So like, I always had thoughts of him when I was starting comedy, you know, and then to be, like you said, like in the journey of comedy

and having them still kind of circulate. And I just pulled a Bible off of my shelf that I had just like kept in, and it's his Bible. It was his Bible from when we were in CCD together into catechism. Yeah, his little name is like written in the thing. I think it was like 1979 or something. And it's his Bible.

So I keep that on my desk. So he was always kind of still is kind of like, it kind of bends time. It's been so long, so long. So the way this went for you is you got the news and then you go to a viewing or a funeral. There was no hospital visit. Like he was gone right away.

He didn't sort of live for a while. Yeah, it was like, no, I do. Yeah, like you're piecing it together. I remember hearing about the accident and then hearing, is he gonna be okay? And then hearing. He's gone. Yeah, I think it talks about that once in my act, that all of a sudden words that I never heard before,

all of a sudden were being heard in the house. Critical condition, life support, services, wake, all of that was like, you know, as a little kid, you're like, what, what, what? Uh, yeah, it was pretty, it was really, really heavy. And, uh, yeah, so that was 14. And so who's the next friend that passes and how old are you then? So then, uh, I have lots of really close friends. I come from a great high school and I'm still

really tight with a lot of them. And I went to college and I had a really close friend, Little Dave. We called him Little Dave because he was a little guy. And the first time we met him, little Dave because he was a little guy. And the first time we met him, he was being, and it's funny, Keith was little too. Keith was really short and he was kind of a wise ass. Like he was really funny. And we kind of, and I was big, I was this size in seventh grade. And Keith was like that. So he would wise off to people and they would come over to kick his ass. And then I would step in like my bodyguard and then I would beat their ass and,

or at least stop him from getting his ass kicked. And that was the routine. And it wasn't like so noble. He was intentionally trying to get us into fights by being an ass to people. But the point is he was this little guy, little troublemaker. And then in college, I meet little Dave one night,

we were in college and some drunk assholes in the dorm across from us are shoving this little kid in a garbage can. Everyone's drunk on a Saturday night in the beginning of school. And I, because I was this size forever, I do have a affection for smaller odd guys. And so I stepped in with another friend of mine

to save this kid who was being stuffed in the garbage can. And we got in a fight with the guys that were doing it. And we befriended Dave who, he was little Dave because my roommate was another Dave who was like six. Yeah. Six. So little Dave and big Dave. And so we became friends with little Dave and little Dave, same thing, small guy,

didn't take shit from anybody, was just really smart, really funny. He was very small, but he had long hair, he was a dead head, and he just, he had just, he just had this chutzpah, he just had this, nobody was gonna, people would see him and like wanna mock him or something, you know, real little hands and big eyes. But he was just like, he stood more proud

and more confident than anyone I ever met. And he just would not take shit from me. And we were back in the situation of, you know, sticking up for a little bit or whatever. But I learned a ton from Dave. Like he was this great individual spirit and he was super, super funny again. And he was just his own person and really cutting.

Like he, as funny as that little description is of him, he was the coolest of us. You know, we were all like these, I was in theater and he was, we were all like into the dead and he was the one that was the arbiter of what was cool. He got the village voice. He said, these are the bands.

He said, this is the music. He said, these are the shows we're gonna go to. He called out your girlfriend if she didn't, wasn't cool enough to hang with all of us. You know what I mean? That guy. Tracy ain't coming. Right.

Dude, what's with her? Yeah. Smoked tons of weed, really great guy and smart. And so we graduate college and my wife and I are living with each other, we were probably boyfriend girlfriend at that time. And we go to meet little Dave and his new wife for lunch on like a Tuesday afternoon in Chelsea

or the meat packing district in New York. Who were sitting in the restaurant waiting for them to come and they never come. And there's no cell phones. This is just before all of it. who were sitting in the restaurant waiting for them to come and they never come. And there's no cell phones. This is just before all of it. And he had a stroke in the middle of the night. He had a heart condition which we didn't know.

21? 21? Married, girlfriend, wife pregnant. Oh. And he just in the middle of the night, got up, didn't feel right, couldn't hear, and went to the hospital. And it was the same thing.

Like I had a girlfriend's father who passed and from a stroke after a heart surgery. And it's so funny, like once those terms hit you, you're just, you're stroke, what's not moving, brain is swelling, can you stop it before it? All those indicators, same story as my friend who lost her father, my girlfriend who lost her father. And by the next day, he was gone.

And how long do you remember? How long you're sitting there and waiting before you decide like something's wrong or they're not coming? At the restaurant? Yeah. Like an can I really? When do you find out you leave and then we leave, you got to go home to call, to call from the phone that's connected to the wall.

And that's when you find out there's no text, there's no almost there. Hey, we're not like, like, you know, last thing, they haven't over the night. Last thing on his wife's mind was lunch plans. It was, let's try and keep Dave alive. And it went quick, it went really quick. Damn. Yeah, terrible.

And there's so many, like even just telling you, like I always say, like all my best friends, but the similarities with Dave and Keith were very, it's pretty profound. It really is pretty, and maybe it was, you know, like sometimes you lose like a, I know people who've lost their father when they were young and you kind of gravitate towards older men,

like to have conversations and stuff. So maybe I was, had an affection for a little day because of Keith in a way, you know. And these are the first two significant deaths in your life and they happen to be back to back and young. We also had this weird thing in our high school where we lost a lot of kids in our class. From what?

Drowning, suicide, car accident. It was like, it became a thing, like where all of us were like, what's going on? Like it was too much. My daughter actually had it with her class. And it's so funny because you, they lost kids like through different accidents

and whatever. They were like, are we cursed and all that? I could tell her I went through the same thing with my class. It doesn't register when you're a young person. No. It doesn't. I know exactly where she's at. I know exactly what they're dealing with.

When you're young, it's just like you don't get it. I'll never forget a teacher told us one time, this is ninth grade. He introduced himself and then he talked to us and he was like, listen, I'm going to tell you right now, I've been teaching a long time. I don't know why he ever said this. And he's like, look around because I promise you by the time you graduate, not everyone's going to be here. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, bro.

Like what a way to start school. And first day, the first death. I mean, my dad died when I was 16. So I dealt with it early. But prior to that, it's a big one. My great-grandmom had died and they live in Tyrone, Pennsylvania. And I'm a kid. I'm probably first, second grade.

And I remember them taking us there. And my grandmom is late, great-grandmom, excuse me, is laid out in the parlor, like the old days, where they, I'm like, this, you know, I'm thinking like, this dead body's in the house? I remember going over and being too scared to touch or doing one of these, you know. This is before your dad?

This is when I'm little, you know, like elementary school. And then before my dad also, ninth grade, we have a kid. I'm gonna say his name because he was such a good kid. His name was Jason Shifflett. He's a great kid, a tennis player, like just one of those good students. Everyone loved him, guys, girls, teachers,

one of those kids. Yeah. And I don't know what happened, so I don't want to speak in detail. But one night, the story is that, you know, he lived in a little neighborhood and an older kid who had his license, we're in ninth grade, so maybe a 10th or 11th grader, is driving down the street. And I don't know if he tried to like, like just sort of scare him a little bit or what. But the kid accidentally hit him with his car. Oh. And it was right in front of his house and it killed the poor kid.

And I'll never forget people telling us that because it's sort of a crime scene in a way where the kid got hit, they fucking put like. Fluorescent orange dashes for how far he had flown and then an X where he hit. And this is in front of their home. So some neighbor went out and painted over that shit right away. Like, fuck your crime scene, accident chip. Like these poor people. Yeah.

And I just remember being like, whoa, and this is probably your Keith, you know, like, or, or who was first? It was Keith. Yeah. Yeah. And I just, it had such an impact because this is like, you know, whoa, one of our classmates is gone and we're all going to this funeral and what the fuck is this? And, and then my friend's sister, Kelly, the one I was telling you about, she passed away and I'm super, her mom was like my mom. And I'm watching these parents like bury a child and like, oh, and they've got their son they have to worry about who's still, we're still best friends. And like, it's just, it's, it's brutal. It's a huge cascading tsunami avalanche of emotion and information.

And it happens to my buddy said to his son, this was just a couple like last year or something. He said it's senior week or you got he said I'm telling you right now. It's very close to graduation. And he goes there's going to be a bunch of parties. There's going to be a senior weeks or whatever you're going to do. And I'm telling you if you're not careful, one of these kids isn't making it to graduation. There's always one that doesn't make it to graduation. And then one of their friends crashed his car drunk or whatever and died. Oh man. This always happens.

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Tom Bob. Just three. And then there's like, you know, there was another good friend of ours where we got out from high school who who was very tight of an in our high school group. But, you know, he wasn't like my best bestie guy. But there was, you know, after those first ones and your dad at 16, it's like, you know,

there is perspective and it's, but it's weird. Like you don't learn, like I, you know, in the interim, there was grandparents and there was an beloved aunt and Other people like in family and stuff who who die and and no disrespect those are expected. They're expected it's a very different thing very it's very different thing, yeah, and Yeah, there's some hope and stuff when they're young when you're you're young also you feel invincible You write it, you know, you'll do the dumb shit, whatever it is, but now one of us is gone.

Guess what? We're not invincible. And man, it breaks that barrier immediately. Yeah. Oh, holy shit, we could die at any moment. Exactly, yeah. All of a sudden, it's all very, very real. But there is that thing too that you,

you don't know which deaths are gonna hit you. Like there have been ones where you'd, I would expect like that one wasn't gonna hit me that hard and it does. And I think a lot has to do with, especially when it's expected, not when these tragedies of young people, but you know, older people and people our age, when you're expected, not when these tragedies of young people, but older people and people our age,

when you're expected to die. But a lot of it has to do with you, where you're at at that moment, what you're going through, what your life is, how you feel like, and then surprises of how attached you were to them. All of a sudden this one random one who you think wouldn't get you,

all of a sudden can take your knees one who you think wouldn't get you all of a sudden can take your knees out. It just kind of is the condition and part of the journey I think. Can I share one with you that you just made me think of? Yeah. I don't even know this girl, but I had a roommate. This was back in Sherman Oaks, I mean early 2000s. And he had a friend that was just passing through town on his way to Mexico. And he was like, Hey, do you mind if my buddy and his girlfriend just stay the night? They're going their way to Mexico. And I was like, Yeah, I don't care. Um, and I just remember this girl. It's just so cliche. Just I

met her. She was young, 20 maybe 21, bright light, blonde hair, pretty smile, just a very, um, infectious spirit. And they spent the one night and then the next day they went to Mexico. And according to her family, um, when they were in Mexico, I guess there's this whole scam where they'll run you off the road and then you crash and they come and they rob your car and shit. And their friends were following behind them. They witnessed someone cross the center line.

They go off the edge, roll, roll, roll. And they're dying in the car. Their friends are watching this. They watch the people run down the hill. They don't help them. They don't call anyone. They take wallets, whatever jewelry. And this girl dies.

I met her for, I mean, maybe three, four hours. We probably talked. And I have never forgotten that. It bothered me so much to think like, this is every parent's nightmare. She just got there. She just got there within days. That's every parent's nightmare.

Like you're gonna go there. And I mean, then it becomes this whole thing that, you know, we're learning like, well, you can't just get the body back from Mexico. You got to go through all these steps to do this and that. Man. And I have never I don't know why. I don't even know who I can't tell you her name. I just remember this really nice spirit floated in one night.

And then the next day being told, hey, that girl you met last night's dead. And I was like, Wow, just wow. It's tragic. It's like those those stories that they you know, they don't make sense. Yeah, they don't make sense. So you keep playing it over and over and over and over and over because it you're trying to make sense of this thing. And it's senseless. Who is your third friend? The third one you knew. I did.

Who was this? Yeah, Greg Giraldo. Oh yeah. I didn't know you guys were tight like that. I worked with him for a weekend. Embraer. And yeah, I loved him. I had already known who he was before

and I was like, oh, I get the feature for Greg Giraldo. This is great. I mean, so smart, so fucking funny. Yeah. He was the first comedian I ever met. Is that right? The first time I ever did stand up. Was he out of New York, New Jersey?

He was New York. It was at the New York Comedy Club on June 12th, 1993. And I walked in and Gary Greenberg was on stage hosting and Greg Giraldo was a young, clean shaven young pup waiting to go on sweating, nervous and me. And the only people in the audience were my six friends that I brought from New Jersey. Five in the afternoon in the summer.

It was still sunny out. Yeah, that's the worst. It was completely thing, but we just hit it off immediately. And he was just so great. And you know, those first days of comedy, you're like, that's like a new brother. Like it's, you're gonna make this ride together

and start doing shows with Gaffigan and Greg and Sandy Marks and some other people in the bottoms of these restaurants and doing all this stuff. And I was still living in Jersey and it was Greg who, then I took a pause because I needed to make some money and he called me every day telling me, you gotta come back, you gotta come back. He did. Every day. And I came back and lived in the city and was with Greg.

And it was, we had motorcycles at the same time in New York. We used to drive. That was probably fun. We used to go from the comic strip to the comedy cell. It was like a, just a horrible ride. It was too far to walk to the train. We were too poor to take a cab. So you just had to like get with your friends or do it,

or have a motorcycle. What'd you have by the way? I had a Yamaha Virago. Okay. And so it was a very, I felt very cool. Cause I'm, you know, I'm the same as I am now. Greg was cool. He had long hair and beard and tatted up.

He had a bike. I had a motorcycle. But it was so cool to like come down to the cellar. We both got passed at the cellar. Like he was there before me, but then I got, but anyway, just to pull in, like from the comic strip, you do your set, get your helmet on, cruise down for free,

back to the cellar. There would be Greg's bike sitting outside the pizza place knowing that he was on stage, then I park my bike and then we go in. It was all, it all felt very, very cool and fun. And he was, yeah, he was the best. And his family and his wife, and they were all, you know, super tight.

That was my comedy best friend, you know, as an adult. And then we know he passed in New Jersey from, he was clean and sober. He struggled like he got in with some stuff and then he was clean and sober. He was kind of like in such a really good space. He had a boat and he had his three boys and- He had three boys, did he?

Yeah, and yeah, I just talked to his son yesterday and his oldest one is Gregory and he's getting into comedy. How old is he? Yeah, he's like 22. Does he look like him? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit.

He's got the same smart. He's got the brain for it. Yeah, yeah. But he was doing really well, and the problem with being like the cool guys is that the cool, douchey people who partied with you last time you were through town, they're excited that you're coming back to town. And that's what happened. He was at a club in New Jersey and these this couple who he had

partied with before came and they had drugs, they had opioids and coke and partied with him. And you know, the problem with opioids is you get high and then you try and come down on this stuff and you can completely, you know, go under. And they, yeah, he was in a hotel room alone. Oh, so they left. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know if they were there and left or gave it to him and never went with him. I don't know what the ugly details are, but that's- Does anyone know that? I think so. Yeah. I think so. When do you find out? I find so. Yeah. I think so.

When do you find out? I find out that day. I'm in New York and I'm in New York. It's like 2010, 2011 and I'm working on a TV show and we get word and so I got in a car and... Do you remember who told you? It was, you know, by the stress factor. He was playing the stress factor.

You ever play there? No, I haven't. Never in New Brunswick? I know where it is, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it was like a road gig for, it was a road gig close to home, you know. It's Chris Rock always says,

don't take the hotel on a local gig. What are you doing? Go home. Yeah, I've never done that either. I've never even asked for one on a local gig. Yeah, you know, it's an hour and 10 minutes, just go home. You don't need the hotel. Climate change, a problem so huge,

how could I ever make a difference? I'm Marco Ciarnoved, climate reporter for the Toronto Star. I meet a lot of smart people doing really inspiring things in this space all the time. Small things that add up to big climate benefits. Small things, big climate, wherever you get your favorite podcasts. The Climate Solutions Podcast is brought to you by SmartFlow from Enbridge Sustain. But yeah, so then raced over to the hospital

and on life support and same scenario. And here comes all the old- All the old terms. Familiar terms that fucking trigger everything you hear. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, yeah, so that was brutal too. The good news is I don't have a best friend right now. I hope you're not shopping for one either.

I'm not, I'm not. If you get one, you gotta give my head up like, listen, just want to give you a warning, bro. No, my wife asked me a little while ago, like, so who's your best friend? I'm like, I got a lot of friends. Friends. Yeah. Let's not put anybody at the top. No one's the best. And I'm not even going to put you as, you know, people do like, well, my wife is my best friend or my dad is my best.

No, I have a lot of friends. And I have a wife and I have a mom and dad and kids and all that stuff. But yeah. How old are your kids now? 22 and 19. Now the day you said that you know what they're talking about,

they're dealing with that sort of, there's a lot of young kids in their life passing away from school and stuff. When they were in high school. Is this because of the, but these days you got fentanyl out there, which is a whole different fucking thing and school shootings. I don't want to forget about that. I mean, Jesus. Yeah.

Throw in global warming. And then I just heard the donkeys kill more people than shark attacks and plane crashes. Donkeys. I thought hippos were the thing to worry about. It's donkeys? Say it again, kill more people than what? Than plane crashes. Or what?

Or shark attacks. Donkeys. That asshole. I'm gonna look that shit up now. That asshole at the end of the farmer's market, who looks like God turned him off. But Princess doesn't need a lion. Is just waiting to kill.

Like as if you didn't have it enough to worry about. That's an interesting, people get behind them too much, they kick or something and boom. Yeah, or maybe they eat us like lions. I don't know. Hilarious. But I, yeah, but you know, you could worry about all of it, you could worry about all of it

or you could worry about none of it. You know? So how do you, what do you tell them and share with them to help them through something like that? Have you gone to a funeral for a child in front of your kids? No.

No, no. But your parents came with you, I'll bet you. Have you ever talked to your parents about that? What it was like to go see Keith or any of these people at a funeral? No, I never talked to him about I remember watching like when I said like when I was observing everything I remember watching Watching my father at the wake. I always remember that part is he was You know, he was like his son too. So he was very chatty.

He was, he was trying to talk. He was trying to not cry and get through the line, keep it busy, but talking. And I was like, no, not now. No, no, no. And he was like, but wanted to like, and I was just, you know, even at that age it was like, he's just dealing with it his way, but it was making me very uncomfortable. And yeah, he, you know, watching that, watching the rock in your life break down was, you know,

that's impossible. But no, I never talk about with them, but they know like that it was like, you know, it's still with me now. Like, you know, it's like. Do your kids know about what you've done with Keith and his memory? Yes, I don't think they've read,

I don't think they've read the essay in the book or. Little Dave get a shout out in anything other than this podcast. All right, little Dave made it. Little Dave was in book three. He got there though, he's in the trilogy. Yeah, that's funny, cause I'm slow into my fourth book. I'm like, what's it gonna be?

What's it gonna be? And it's like, I don't have anyone to shout out. I guess I could put Geraldo in it. You haven't yet? No. That's the guy. Yeah, maybe. It's weird because everyone, not everyone,

but a lot of people know him. You know what I mean? So I keep that one a little morehmm. You know what I mean? So I keep that one a little more private. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even like when there was like other comics like commenting on him and stuff, it was kind of similar to the thing when I was saying in the beginning of like watching as a young kid, watching people just come to the funeral because it was a cool thing to do in high

school. You know, they didn't, weren't really friends with him and pretending to be so sad and learning what that thing was, you know, that kind of thing. It repeats itself all the time. You know, people show up at wakes, I'm sure there's like some ants like she was never friends with him. I'm sure it always kind of happens that way. For sure. With Greg, it was a lot of that too, because it was like, I knew all of his closest friends and in comedy and some were like on shows and like really talking about the great Greg.

And I was like, dude, I know what your relationship was with him, you know? So I tend to keep that one a little bit more private because it, you know, he's public. Did I ask you this one wrap up here? Did he have a good balance of like people from childhood and his youth that showed up like good people he was still connected with? Yeah, Greg. Yeah.

Yeah, I say that because I remember when Brody passed, I went to his thing at the Comedy Store and, you know, his name was Steven Brody Stevens. Right. And they brought up his little league coach and all these kids that had grown up with him first. And they all knew him and referred to him as Steven. And then, you know, it hits me too, like, oh yeah, all of us that know each other, met each other later in life, even though we're this sort of whatever fraternity. Yeah, we met each other later in life. You forget that these people have passed 20 years and they're brothers with them. And they know them better than you do. And it just was really nice to see not that we're not normal people, we're not.

But you know what I mean? Yeah. Friends and family from years gone by say, hey, no, I knew him when he was 10 and this is what he was like. I like that. Yeah, it's a mystery of life in a way that everybody is really their own, their own thing. Everybody's their own, on their own little journey. And as close as you are to, you know, your spouse or your kids, they're really, you really don't know all about them.

You really don't. I remember watching that with my grandmother when she passed, one of my grandmothers. And it was like, we knew her as Nana, and she did this with us, and we knew about her sisters and brothers and some of those peripheral family members. But then I remember watching like,

this group is from the library where she is a volunteer. That one's from her card group that she plays with. She was, she bold? When did she bold? Who are these eight people there? Why are all these priests in love with her? And like, you know, everybody has their own full bag of adventures that nobody else knows about.

As close as you get, and as much as you download everything to your, at the end of the day, it's too much. There's too much going on to really plug someone in, especially when they're doing the same thing and they can only retain them too much. There's too much going on to really plug someone in especially when they're doing the same thing And they can only retain them that much. It's uh, yeah, it's pretty interesting Well now I'm interested in what you're gonna say to this question, but advice You would give to 16 year old Tom Papa now after what we've talked about The advice I would give to 16 year old me would be, you're in it. It's not coming.

You're not going to get there. You're in it. I know you see like bigger people around doing stuff. No, you're doing it. You're in it This is it's your is this is prime time. Don't wait. Don't be patient Do whatever you want to do and do it now because it's all very fleeting and There are people that find their vocation at At six, you know, in centuries before. People had whole careers by 16. And I know the culture is like puts off growing up and stuff, but I would say,

yes, to 16 year old version, no, you're in it now. Get, get to work. That's great. Yeah. Hey, thank you very much. I know this was a heavy topic. Thank you for sharing. That's all right. I've talked about it a lot. Good. Not on podcasts though. Yeah. Hey, thank you very much. I know this was a heavy topic. Thank you for sharing. It's all right.

I've talked about it a lot. Good. Not on podcast though. Yeah. So you're exclusive. But thank you. But yeah, it's fun to talk about it. I mean, it's not fun, but it's rich.

Yeah, it's rich. Well, you know, you made a podcast about it. Please promote everything again you'd like. Just go watch Home Free on Netflix and then I've got two or three other specials on there as well. Digest them all and go get the books. That'd be a good thing.

Some of the stuff we were talking about. You can read those also or listen to them or just put them on yourselves and pretend that you've read them. Thank you, Tom Papa. You're the best. Thank you very much. All right. Thank you, Tom Poppa. You're the best. Thank you very much. All right.

As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on the road. If I'm in your town when you're around, tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Thanks for watching!