The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Will Sasso - HoneySasso

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

My Honeydew this week is comedian Will Sasso! (Mad TV, Young Sheldon, Loudermilk) Will Highlights the Lowlights of growing up in a small suburb in British Columbia with parents who immigrated from Naples, Italy before World War 2. We dive into Will’s childhood and his love for fine arts and theater. (Enough love to recruit his football team into their school's production of 'West Side Story') Both Ryan and Will share personal stories of what it can mean to have a teacher really believe in you. Will also opens up about battling with clinical depression throughout life, shedding light on his own personal journey to find what has helped him best. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Mando -Get $5 off a Starter Pack when you use code HONEYDEW at https://www.ShopMando.com Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off your order when you shop better hydration at https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW The Farmer’s Dog -Get 50% off your first box plus free shipping when you go to https://www.TheFarmersDog.com/HONEYDEW

Miami, Florida. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make the dates. I have some stuff I have to take care of, but when we rebook, I will let you know. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios. I am Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I'm going to start this episode like I start all of them by saying thank you. Thank you very much. Whatever you do, however you support anything I do, I appreciate you. All right.

Come see me on tour. If I'm in your town when you're around, tickets are available on my website. And if you got to have more than you got to have the Patreon, listen to me. It's this show. It's the honeydew where I highlight the lowlights with y'all. And every time y'all don't disappoint. I've heard the craziest stuff I've ever heard in my life from people. We just zoomed with a guy who just lost his hand in the hospital without the hand. He still feels it. He still feels the hand. I mean, that's the kind of stories we're getting them all over the place. It's a great show and it's five bucks a month. You get the honeydew a day early,

you get it ad free, no additional costs. It's been five bucks a month for You get the Honeydew a day early, you get it ad free, no additional cost. It's been five bucks a month for years. I've never raised it and we're going to keep it at five bucks. All right. That's it, man. You guys know the biz. You know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and I am very excited to have this guest. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Will Sasso. Welcome to the Honeydew, Will. Thanks for having me. We're all very excited here. You felt the love coming. Cheers. Yes, absolutely. Princess little growl, but then she warmed up. Oh my gosh, the little sweet princess Lily Rose. Your dog is absolutely adorable. Thank you. Super sweet. Very excited

to have you here. Before we get into whatever we're going to talk about, please plug all of it. Oh, okay. Well, I have a pod. I have a pod show. It's called dudes. He, uh, you can find it on YouTube. Do you DSY? It's also on all the podcast platforms. Uh, if you're listening and it's a lot of fun, it's in the weirdness of sort of an AI.

There's, there's a bizarre AI bent to it. That's all I'll say about that. And, uh, after that, I guess, well, it's the end of the last season of a show called Young Sheldon on CBS. I appear on that with the incredible Rachel Bay Jones. We play the parents to Emily Osment and her character Mandy is married to Montana Jordan's character Georgie. And that's ending. And then there's a new thing coming. Please stay tuned. There's a new show happening that's in that universe. Oh, and you know, there's a show that we did with Peter Fairley and a fellow named Bobby

Mort who created this show, Loudermilk. And it's on Netflix right now. It's been streaming and it's, we all love it. Myself, Ron Livingston, and Anya Savchich, and a bunch of people. Check that out, I guess. That's awesome. I'm also on social media. Yes, you are.

Yeah. Mostly Instagram. So I learned a little bit about you. I've been a fan for a long time. Cheers, pal. I go back to my You're Mad TV days. Oh, yeah. Okay. And Kirsten, my producer, was telling me that you're, I guess, your family's from Italy. Are you both your parents from Italy or are they Americans who met in Italy and then came here? Tell me your history, please.

Yeah, no, they're Italian. They both come from large families in Italy, like Italians do. That's our family. That's Sickler's. The only person in our entire family that's not Italian is my dad's dad. Really? His mom is DiMemo and their whole family. My mom's both parents are Italian, DeVito.

DeVito, where in Italy? My mom's people are Sicily. My dad's people are from a town called Abruzzi. Abruzzi? Yeah, that's it. You know what that is? We say it by now, Abruzzi. But what's the matter?

All the families are dead. It's like halfway down on the Eastern side. I know. Yeah. Well, yeah, my folks are from Napoli. Okay. And uh, so they, and they immigrated to Canada. My old man was kind of the patriarch of the family. He was always kind of a traveler and is it Sasso Sasso? It's not shortened to when anyone came here or anything. That's the Italian. No, it's my old man's. That's it.

What's your mom's maiden name? Horanio. Wow. Yeah. And yeah, most of the family is back there. My father, when they decided to make the trek, some of my aunts and uncles came out. And cousins that were older than me, my brother and sister,

were little babies then. And then I was born like 10 years later in Canada. But he was the first of his family to do it. Yeah. He, he was like, let's go to, you know, my, my grandfather, my father's father was a chef and he had worked, he had crossed over and worked in New York and Chicago, but his papers weren't in order. You know, he's getting under the table stuff. So he kind of got pinched for that, it was like not allowed back. And at the same time when my dad was sort of asking my grandfather

about it, my no-no, he said, looking at Canada, because in the early 19, or the sort of whatever, 60s and the 70s, the immigration sort of relaxed. So yeah, they came over in 1966, 67? 66 or 67 to Vancouver. My old man got a lead on a job and ended up at the Hotel Vancouver for a bunch of years. And that was kind of it. And what did your mom do? My mom was your Italian housewife

for the beginning of it in this bizarre adventure where she didn't speak the language. My old man did. Oh, she didn't, but he did. Yeah, it's sort of the immigrant story of like, where sometimes, back then, the guys were in the pants and kind of knows the language and the lay of the land and stuff.

My mom started learning English, of course, and her older sister came over with her husband and my uncle and so, and then my brother, my father's brother and his wife, and then my other uncle and rah rah rah. They learned, you know, they all learned together and found their footing and the old man spoke English. And then years later, my mom worked here and there, worked in a hospital and a senior center.

And did they all sort of like locate around you guys? Did you have extended family from Italy over here, like all sort of around Vancouver area? When they first got to Vancouver, it was like, yeah, Vancouver proper, just outside of downtown. And then slowly it started moving to like other parts of Vancouver and then I by the time when I was born a Couple years previous they had moved out to the suburbs a little town called Ladner or what was a little town

it's like a it's a beautiful place sort of Surrounded by farmland and marshlands and the Fraser River and then freeways and stuff so it's just sort of this little enclave. And they were there. My uncle, my Zionino, my uncle John was there with his family, my aunt Cathy. And then my other uncle, Zio Pashqual and my Zio Maria, they were in Richmond nearby and then, oh, and my Zio Rosin, Zio Pashqual, a lot of Pashquals, they were in Richmond nearby, and then, oh, and my Zia Rose and Zia Pashkwal, a lot of Pashkwal's, they were in Ladner.

Yeah, so it was sort of like that, and they started moving around. Uncle John went to nearby Surrey, and just the whole sort of lower mainland, and that's sort of how it's been for the past, you know, whatever, 40 years since, 50 years since I've been around, but, uh, yeah, anyway. So how many siblings?

Oh, older brother, older sister. Okay. And then you grow up there? Yeah. In Latin high school, everything's all there. And what's that like for you? Are you a good student? What do you like in school? I'm a shitty student. I'm sort of one of the, I would imagine, I don't know. Were you a good student? I was. You were? I only was because my story is different. Like I kind of had to be. My dad died when I was 16. My mom's already out of the family. I'm sorry to hear that. And

two things have to happen. I'm on my own car insurance policy and if I can get a 3.0, just a B. That's why I say good, not great. Okay. 3.0, I get a severe discount on my car insurance. Okay. And I need that. I'm in 16. If you have something like that in your life as a teenager to motivate you, great. If you're like me and you're living at home, it's trauma motivated. Yeah. But the second thing was I was not good in math. I would get a C. It was always my C, but my gym was my A. So my A's cancel out, my C, no problem.

And if I could just be everything else out, I was good. And I did. I did it the whole time. The other thing was back in the day, how old are you? I'm going to be 49 at the end of my- Great, bro. Cheers. Thank you.

It's a lifestyle. You're old enough to remember then. If you got a 3.0, you could go to Pizza Hut back in the day when it was a sit down restaurant and you get a free personal pan with your pork cart. Yeah. So I was 3.0 on it to get that pizza and that insurance. So I was a good, also, this is another big part of it.

I'll be honest, is I was very into and good at sports. And if your grades suffered, you didn't get to play, and there was just no way I was not gonna play sports. So I made sure I was always at least good enough to play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah. You were not. Nah.

Were you a sports guy though? Yeah, I was the only football team and all that stuff, and really wanted to be. My buddies were like a mix guy though? Yeah, I was the only football team and all that stuff and really wanted to be. My buddies were like a mix of, and then the crews came together, but it was like jocks and theater nerds, right? And weirdos, you know. But yeah, I played football growing up and soccer and all the damn sports and was a big football guy and all that shit.

In high school, I was just disinterested in my studies as some people who find their ways into the creative pursuits are. I was super into drama and doing the plays. I was fortunate enough to start acting. Now, can I ask you this? You're a big dude. Back then, I imagine, as well, right? I literally was this size in my senior year of high school.

God damn, were you really? Did you get offers for college and stuff, football? Yeah, I did the whole, like, yeah, and I did not do any of it, but I was a, you know, I was a, you know, whatever, captain of the football team, and went off and did all the football things. But was fortunate enough to have been working as an actor in TV and film at a young age.

Where does that come from? That's what I'm saying. And were you ridiculed as a big dude? Were you like all this fun guy over here, the big dudes coming in, or were you not? Into acting? Or were you scared in the theater? Oh, no, no, no, no.

Our school was really, Delta Senior Secondary was and still has a real, you know, there's a real Like program part of it. interest in fine arts there. And kids are encouraged to do that stuff. There was not that in our school. No? Not much. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, we had this teacher, Eileen Jo, who I credit with a lot of, and she had other students that went off and were in show business. We had this teacher, Eileen Jo, who I credit with a lot of, and she had other students that went off and were in show business. Jason Priestley went to our high school, he's from Vancouver, and he went there. My friend, Anuka Okuma, we ended up on a teen series

in Canada for like five years. She was at the school. And so when I came in, it was eight through 12, and when I got there, I was like, 12, and when I got there I was like, oh I really wanna be in the plays and all that shit. And it was also a place where they really would foster it and grow you into it and all that. It was a scene for the kids.

It was like I looked up to those kids that were doing that shit. And there were a bunch of different backgrounds and stuff. I remember we, I remember it was the 10th grade and Eileen Joe says, we're gonna do West Side Story this spring. And I was like, we don't have the numbers for that. She's like, you'll get the football team. And so we went out and we're talking to the gang,

guys like, our badass middle linebacker who was like a kind of a troubled kid ended up playing Tony in West Side Story. It was just fucking, I swear to God, we were, it was amazing dude, like a bunch of my buddies and kids that were older, like yeah, I'll fucking try out. And it was like the best spring and summer.

And we all hung out into the summer and just fucking around it. But I remember that dude, I used to videotape everything. I was that kid. I got a video camera when I was in the, we got a family video camera when I was in the ninth grade. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna make,

I even made a bunch of stupid stuff with my friends and all that. And I used to shoot everything and then cut it together. And this dude, you know, he, so, you know, whatever. He's an old pal. He goes up on stage and again, he's like the football guy. He sings Bird on a Wire by Aaron Neville. That little falsetto he's hitting.

Flawless, come on. Like a bird on a wire. And we're like. And you never heard him sing before. And he's like, he's one of those like, like 17 year you never heard him sing before. And he's like, he's one of those like, like 17 year olds who's like jacked. He's in his senior year and he's like,

he had like abs and shit and had to shave and literally said at the beginning of it, he was like so nervous and he goes, and it's like, it's one of those things where you would say to the kid next, oh man, if anyone laughs, beat the shit out of us. And he literally goes, if anyone laughs, I'll come out there and beat the shit out of you like literally said that and kids just like and we're like so there was shit

like that where it was like and Eileen Joe was right all these kids you know fucking and a couple and when I say a couple of troubled kids, there's this other dude, I'm not naming any names, but this fucking guy was great. And like, you know, was like, fucking nuts. And you know, anyway, it was, it was wonderful. So high school was like, you know, I played sports and I was the football and-

But sounds like you enjoyed it though, at least those parts of it. Yeah, no, I, I, I, we, it was a, it was a pretty loose ass school. We happened to have gone to a loose as shit school where they, particularly my, my grad class was, they were like, let's just get them out of here, then we'll have some rules. Like, I don't know, dumb stuff, like they built a new wing at a school and so the staff room was over there in the new wing. What are you doing with the old staff room?

Stay out of it, that's what we're doing. And we turned it, that's the, hey, let's make it the grad lounge. And there's like posters of, you know, Jordan, Charles Barkley and shit, and just awful, just, you know, it was interesting. It was kind of like, it was a little like, you know, you watch like these high school movies or something. It was kind of like fast times.

It's like you did have to put your shirt on. You couldn't order a pizza to Mr. Han's class. You would get in shit for something like that, just like Sean Penn did. But yeah, pretty, it was a real middle class town and sort of, I'm not alone in saying this, it always felt like it was sort of 10 years behind. So it sort of like growing up in the late 80s, early 90s, being in high school at that point was kind of it was kind of like the 70s it was sort of like the very beginning of Dazed and Confused I would imagine I guess is that how the

movie starts in high school yeah it was it was all right and you don't do you go to college or do you go you just go right into entertainment from there I did look you know Vancouver was and is a place where there's a great industry happening and it's a half hour bus ride away. So I started crashing auditions and shit and then I ended up with an agent and that was wonderful. And then I, you know what happened was the first thing that I auditioned for, I got it.

So it was one of those things where the, my agent was like, oh, okay, this kid can, you know, so, you know, when you're, as an actor, we know that it's like, most of the time that's not the case. So in the times afterwards, for them, it allowed them to keep me around, because it's like, well, it doesn't matter

if he's within right now, he got that first one. Um, so it was cool. There was, I actually had some, some grace built into the beginning of it. Extremely fortunate to have had my, you know, to audition for the show. Uh, the first time I auditioned with having an agent and then, and there's a show and then I go to, and I'm doing, you know, and I'm going back to my parents like, so I went and the thing and I got the show so I can't go to school and they say, mage gots audition, what do you mean?

Was an audition, what? So my folks didn't really, never really got it, which is, they're the kind of parents that are just very loving and they grew up during World War II. They're not trying to fucking, what? You're acting? Whatever, so long? I say this all the time.

My father, Vietnam, my grandfather, World War II, and then I'm like, I wanna be a clown. And like, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? Yeah, like, it's not that they weren't supportive. They're just like, what? Yeah, what is that? What do you mean you wanna act? You wanna what? Yeah, what is that? What do you mean?

You want to act you want to help make people let what why yeah Why but they but also being from Italy? Why would you want yeah, you know, they're not gonna you know, it's not like you know My old man couldn't say you're gonna work at the law firm for me. There was no before them So they just were encouraging uh to me my brother and sister it seems like to go off and do whatever or not encouraging but like not getting in the fucking way right you know what i mean like they don't have an opinion as far as things so we were sort of left alone to find our identities and and uh

So we were sort of left alone to find our identities and go off and do whatever we ended up doing in the world. Yeah, so that's, so I, it's most of my, it's almost like, you know, it's been alongside my identity since I was a kid and I always wanted to be an actor when I before I was conscious of it, just watching TV and the, you know, my list of greats and rah rah rah and the shows that I romanticized and the movies. And so it's always sort of been like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to be this I'm going to

well, I got to audition for the damn plays like I want I've got that whatever you know, actors have that and people who want to create illusion, which I love just in all sorts of whatever creativity or whatever bullshit I'm up to. And acting is, you know, it was the ground floor for that because it's the ultimate escape as far as putting yourself into something. I really, I think something about me as a kid

gravitated to that, the idea of creating fantasy. And again, I am forever grateful that I, not just had a teacher like Eileen Jo, who when I was a little fucker, I'm like, I'm gonna, dude, I'm like, this weird little shit going, I wanna move to Hollywood and I wanna be an actor. And Eileen Jo will be like, Will's gonna move to, like, whatever, yeah, sure.

I tell her, if everyone, I mean, for fuck's sake. Have you ever reached out to her? Yeah, we still talk, yeah. Hell yeah, okay. It's been a minute now, but occasionally myself and Jason Priestley will email her at the same time. Nah. And my only, Jason's a wonderful guy

and I've worked with him very sparingly, but our connection is that. So, you know, hey, I'll do that when we get out of here. But, you know, having someone like that, I always tell her like, look, if everyone had an educator like you, the world would be a better place. Because to have a teacher believe in you,

you know what I mean? Like, just one. The rest can say you're a fuck up and you're not on your studies. Also my football coach and my guidance counselor. Good folks. So. You're making me think of a story.

I may have never said this before. It's embarrassing, so I'm not gonna say his teacher's name. But I had, good folks. So- You're making me think of a story. I may have never said this before, it's embarrassing. So I'm not gonna say his teacher's name, but I had a good teacher. Yeah. I will call him Mr. R, we'll call him. Okay. And at that time when I remember, so when I come back to school after my father dies,

it was the most uncomfortable feeling ever because everyone's looking at you. You just feel like you're in a fish bowl. No one knows what to say. They all mean well, but they're sort of passing you like, I don't know if I should. And comes now my senior year. Mr. R, I'm walking by his class one day and I had him for a few classes through the years and he coached some sports and stuff and he pulls me aside and he's like, I just want you to know I'm really impressed with you. You know, you could have been an alcoholic, you could have been anything. Here you are graduating, you're a good student, you know, you really, you really stuck it out and did it right.

And I was like, thank you so much. No internet exists back then or whatever. So I don't know how many years ago this is now. I don't know, 10 maybe. I find them online and I reach out to them and I say, hey, you know, I don't know how many years ago this is now. I don't know, 10 maybe I find them online and I reach out to them and I say, hey, you know, I don't know if you even remember who I am, but I just want you to know you made a difference in my life. That's great. I don't know if you hear it enough, but especially at a time when I needed it.

I'll never forget you pulling me aside and saying that. That's cool. You really made a difference in my life. Um, and then he just fucking replied with he gave me, but not three thumbs up, like do, do, do thumbs up return thumbs up return and they were yellow. He he'd even bother to put some flesh zone on and I was like god damn if I just kick him in the teeth I fucking gotta think and then like my ego you know my heart like what if he's like the guy in Breaking Bad and all he can do is hit the keyboard. That's everything he's got is going, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink. Yeah, yeah.

It's not at all. He's crying on the inside. Woo, ding, ding, ding. Um, that's fucking incredible. It was horrible. Of course you're in the back of your mind holding out for who is this, but you don't expect you're gonna get.

That would have been better. But also, he said, just the way you're telling him. They're coming in like this. Yeah. What the fuck? Oh man. But the way you're telling the story, it sounds like a guy who probably isn't like

all over the kids emoting all the time. It probably took him something to go like, I gotta talk, like this is hitting me. This kid just lost his father. So that may have been the only time he's forced himself to be here. Oh my god, make me laugh. This might be a dude that's never told his own kids that he loves them. He may not even have kids. I really don't know.

Right. That might have been his like, hey man, thank you, thank you, thank you. He might have been like, I'm gonna give another one. That's incredible. The message I'm gonna go back and look how far between the three thumbs up. Jesus. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not three yellow thumbs up said separately. Now, you obviously did not write him back after that.

No, man, that was it. But I told friends of mine who also had him in high school, and to this day, like randomly, I'll just get like three thumbs up, yellow ones from like a buddy of mine, like you fucked. The vertical three thumbs up. Three yellow ones. I mean, you-

You did the minimum. You were just sitting there, it was like just write it back. Fuck you. You know, like, I made it up. Go fuck yourself. Jesus Christ. You gave me flash, I made it up. Go fuck yourself. Jesus Christ. He gave you flashbacks.

Oh, that's nuts. That's incredible. She was. Okay, sorry. We got a little off track. No, that's awesome. I know I asked you before, I ask everyone before they come in,

and one of the things that was brought up when we spoke was you said clinical depression. So I've sit across from a lot of people, explain to me what clinical depression was for you and like, when did you notice it? And when, how did you, you know, identify it and then go get help for it? You know, it's funny, my mom used to say that there was a dark cloud sometimes as a kid. But I think that, obviously, even today, it's hard to look at a child and go, oh, you got some depression or whatever,

and everyone has some form of it. Everybody, I mean, even if you're not, even if it's not in your genetics, and it is in my family, that is woven through some of the family. Even if it's not, you know, the things, your experiences and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're all, you know, there's,

I think everyone, I think it's hard to, I don't, you know, I don't know, I don't know how I feel about it. I don't even know if you should be diagnosing children. So I'm not saying that. I think it's like love them, let them, you know. Also parents over correct a lot.

And like their kids like, I'm bored. And like, oh my God, my kid's depressed. Like, no, they're just fucking bored like you were. Just like you were when you were a kid. You gotta go outside and do something or go over there and do something. Well, when we were kids, yeah, it's like get the **** out. Uh so, that I I say that to say, I'm not sure but I had no problems with, you know, my upbringing or any of

that stuff. I always, you know, kept it pretty cheery. I, it it came on in my thirties. It came on in my early thirties. Really interesting. Uh very interesting time. And so my 30s were kind of, I was way more depressed. And I found therapy in my early 30s, really enjoyed it, talk therapy, had never done it before. And I really, I preach it. I think that people should hear big believers okay cool yeah it's it's it's it's amazing and I'm glad I I found that and there was more there was there was still a journey to go down and and yeah

so there's been diagnoses and shit and there's this and that with me and and it's it's you know it's it's, I don't believe there should be a stigma on it because I feel like I'm proof that you can go, okay, well, here are these labels of what you have that are based on the science of it. And it's not about, you know, being tougher than your fucking depression. That ain't happening. But it's not about being tougher than your fucking depression. That ain't happening.

But it's the opposite. Having a very open mind, being graceful towards yourself, merciful towards yourself as much as you can. Because to this day, I get in my own way a lot. I have even things that are not, things that are sort of rooted in depression, like low self-esteem and things like this. And we all have that sort of, I feel like, yeah, we all have that sort of shit.

And I'm sort of stammering around, trying to find a way to say that, yeah, I have, yeah, I got some of the black dog, Winston Churchill, I think called it that. Is that right? Yeah, I think he was bipolar or something. But yeah, I think you can, there are so many tools, especially in a place like LA

where there's nothing but fucking doctors and therapists and holistic practitioners of this and that and the other thing. So long as you are putting yourself in the best place to help yourself. Now, in my 30s, a lot of that time was spent, you know, not wanting to leave the house, being kind of, you know,

I could work, you know what I mean? I loved to work and that was my That was my Respite from anything was I loved being the more I work the better things are but of course as an actor you have months In between some things and blah blah blah You have to busy yourself and with other things and when depression comes and calls your name It's it's real you can't just pop up out of it and you'll lose time to this and that or you'll see some sort of an up and down as far as here's a low time, here's an up time,

and then here's another low time. So yeah, without sounding too fucking preachy or any of that shit, I believe that it's good nowadays to just get it out there because who gives a fuck? Like we shouldn't, I don't know. I feel like even now, right now in this moment, since everyone in the globe's brains have been scrambled by the pandemic to some degree, I feel, I literally feel like, I mean there's evidence out there

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Just go to the farmers dog dot com slash honey do to get 50% off. That's the farmers dog dot com slash honey do. Now let's get back to the do man. Let's a couple of things I'd like to say to that is that I think a lot of people mistakenly think that depression is like a, like winter and goes, meaning it can go forever. Like it's, it's something that's going to be around and you have to deal with it. It's not something you can just, it's gone now. Never again, am I going to have another bad day or be depressed or, and, and I do, look, I, the hardest time I've had talk about this in my standup, like the, when we hit the pandemic, my daughter's five

and she's just learning how to read and I have to go fucking homeschool with her. I gotta go back to, I lost my shit. I, I started taking Lex approach and I always thought, here's what's funny. I don't know why. Maybe it's again, my dumb male ego, but I've always been great with talk therapy, always been great with EMDR. But I just felt like medication was cheating. I don't know why. I can't understand why. I know it sounds so stupid. And it's a weakness and it's a cheat code. And it's like, no, let's put the work in with the therapy into this. And but taking a pill is just a simple salute.

And it wasn't until I started to freak out, like, we got to get up every fucking day and log into this thing. And I got to sit here and go to school with you for a few. Like, I, man, I lost I lost it. Started taking that and I was like, OK, it's not so bad. We get through it. Just a little 10 milligram. Yeah. And I was like, huh? it's not so bad, we get through it. Just a little 10 milligram. Yeah. And I was like, huh, what a difference it makes.

It's true, it's like, I used to feel the same way. I think it's stigmatized in many cultures, but obviously like Italians, we don't know. And Canadians do, like, you know, like sort of the town I'm from, that was not on the fucking table, of course not. So, and I always felt like, no, no, no, no, no, that's for people who really need it and bless them

and they're fucked up. Don't get up out of bed for three days and depressed. But then you don't get up out of bed for three days. And you're like, and you still don't wanna admit. And you're like, fuck, I talked to this one psychiatrist a few years ago, I go, and I was like, I didn't want to admit. And you're like, fuck, I talked to this one psychiatrist a few years ago. I go, and I was like, I didn't want to do it. And I asked her, I go, what do you,

so what do you see happening? I did two, I went and visited a bunch of, so I had this therapist, psychologist was like, would you just go talk to some psychiatrists? I can give you some recommendations, you can look and see, blah, blah, blah. So I went to a few and didn't like them except for this one. And she was wonderful. And then

she said, I said, she goes, would you do you think you she goes, I would like to do another session with you. Would you be open to that? I go, yeah, because I'm not ready to have you after sitting here with me for an hour. Go take this. Right. So the next session, I remember saying to her, like really, you know, just kind of analytically going, what do you see happening if I don't? She goes, well, you can. And at that point I was really, you know, I was doing everything that I could. I'm practicing gratitude. I'm meditating. I'm even, I'm kind of, I go in and out of doing yoga and shit.

Like I was doing- I'm journaling. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting it out. I'm trying. And, uh, and, uh, she goes, and she's like, with this worried look, she goes, well, I think that your functionality might just grind to a halt because it kind of was at that point. So she's like, you can have, you can practice all the gratitude you want, do all the meditation and shit, but if you're sick and you don't take your medicine medicine you might die. We've got some of these advancements nowadays. I'm not speaking for the whole fucking pharmaceutical agency industry because obviously they got to make money too but

if you can find your stuff within that she put me on a little bit of a couple of things. I'm telling you, this is like the first day that I was on it, I was like, the middle of the afternoon I went, I think I have to take a nap. And I'm not a nap guy. Me either. I'm like, I took a nap.

I'm telling you, I was so wound up. My long time manager, whom I love, Danielle, I've been with her for fucking whatever, like close to 30 years now. She goes, you can't keep white knuckling it through life. You know, you can't keep like, I, I, because I'm very diligent when it comes to this is who I am in my professional career. And everyone's got fucking problems and blah, blah, blah. Getting to work working is easy, I love it.

But getting there, if you're not, you know, if you're having some problems with your functionality as a human fucking being, she's like, there's just no reason for it. After that nap, I'm telling you, man, I, and before it, I've literally felt like, I and before it I literally felt like like Literally windows and doors opening to like oh That's like it all it did was open the channels that allowed for the shit that I am doing to work

so If I'm going to be diligent about a positive self-image If I'm going to be diligent about a positive self-image, speaking about things positively, just all manner of not being a fucking dick to myself or the world, none of that shit was really holding through any, past anything like the experience of,

oh, I'm meditating, oh, I had a great day, blah, blah, blah. I'm still gonna wake up in the morning depressed. And that was the first time where I felt like, oh, I'm meditating. Oh, I had a great day, blah, blah, blah. I'm still gonna wake up in the morning depressed. And that was the first time where I felt like, oh, there's channels opening. So I'm a big believer in it. I was, dude, I was watching this comedy show and I went to this thing and this comedian went up and he was, it was all pretty dark

and he was talking about depression, but he was saying, I'm not taking medication. And he kind of, it was more pretty dark and he was talking about, he was talking about depression, but he was saying, I'm not taking medication. And he kind of, it was more for him, I guess, I don't know. He kind of turned the whole fucking audience off. And then Dana Gould was there. I love Dana Gould. And he so, like one of the funniest people ever. And he goes up there and he immediately goes,

like, you know, and he found some hilarious way of getting into it without even talking about the fellow who was just up on the stage. And he ended up saying something like, when it's cold outside, you know, I can gather up all the warm feelings that I can inside of me and say,

I'm a warm this and that and tell myself how warm I am. But I find if I just put on a jacket, and it was like, was like yeah, and then he started talking then he went right into like talking about medication It's like why the fuck wouldn't you want this leg up? that We know that like again, you know, there's there's an abuse of this shit There's psychiatrists who prescribe too much and said there's There's also the upbringing we come from. It's like, don't be a pussy. Don't be a fucking pussy. Walk it off.

Okay. Well now, but I'm not a pussy. Now what? I'm not a pussy and I'm a fucking depressed, non-pussy. How about that? I'm a tough, I'm a tough fucking- I'm the strongest pussy you know laying in bed for three days. Right. Just like you, you fucking strong pussy. Now what? You know? Like what the fuck does that get us? That's it. I'm still here. I'm tough. I'm sad and tough.

You're sad and tough, yeah. What a great comment. Nothing affects me because I'm sad as shit. I hate myself. I'll do it like this. I'll fucking, and I'll do my, I love what I do, fucking A. And I'm sad. So I'll do my job. I love what I do, fucking A. And I'm sad.

So I like that shit. I feel like it's, you know, and if I ever get to the point where I'm off it, I'm still on the same kind of stuff. That lady retired. I have a completely different psychiatrist now. But you're still in the same combination. The same kind of thing.

And it works for you? Yeah, and he was like, yeah, this is working. And the rest is up to me. Well, that's the other thing too. It's not just this magic pill. You also, people don't realize that I'm just gonna take this and I'm good, no, you also have to put in the work as well. Yeah.

You don't just take the pill and you just, everything's wonderful. Absolutely not. Yeah. Yeah. I had a friend this is it's funny, but it's not funny, but it's fucking funny. So he was very depressed at the edge of literally suicide. We're living together. This is what he's telling me. We're living together. We've been friends for a while. And I'm like, you got to get help. You got to go see

somebody. So I help him see someone and whoever that person was put him on medication. And he's on medication. It wasn't, Will, it wasn't two weeks. And he comes home from a haircut. Now he's been telling me how he's gonna commit suicide, how he's gonna do it, the whole nine. Jesus. He had diabetes, over eight, gave it to himself and was gonna just insulin himself out of you.

I'm like, good. I'm calling his mom, going through everything I can to help this guy. Yeah. Two weeks later, he comes home from a haircut and he goes, you know, sometimes a good haircut makes you feel nice. And I turned around and I'm like, I don't know what you're on. Yeah. You should be the fucking spokesperson for whatever fuck you're taking you go from I'm gonna kill myself to sometimes a good haircut makes you feel over a haircut yeah have you ever seen the movie brain candy by the kids in the hall yeah yeah yeah God I forgot about that that movie is so fucking good and it's like it's like that in the hall? The kids in the hall brain can? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, I forgot about that. That movie is so fucking good,

and it's like that in the movie, and then everyone goes catatonic and fucked up and see the movie if you haven't. It's so fucking great. But it is Gleamon X. It makes it feel like it's 72 degrees in your head all the time. It was almost like he was on ecstasy or something.

You know what I mean? He was just like, everything's wonderful. That know what I mean? Like he was just like See that's what I'm saying. I'm like, oh this is really getting shitty just towards and I was in a in a period where it was like It's coming on it's getting worse. There were things in my life happening too. And it's like oh wow this is okay, this is what it's like to like grind to a fucking halt. And, you know, like anything happening was just gonna debilitate me. And it's all because of this fucking depression. It has nothing to do with the reality of my life.

And I wanna point this out too, because I think this is important for people to understand too, like things, I'm assuming during this pocket, they're not necessarily going horrible for you. No, no, no. You've got a career going good. Things are going well. I'll keep it together, yeah.

And you can still be, you don't have to be like alone and desperate on the street. And that's why, you know what I mean? You could have, you could be riding at your highest and still be depressed. Absolutely. There are projects and shit that I can think back on where it was like, oh, we were doing that thing for a while.

I was depressed the entire time we were doing that thing. Then I'll see it, I'll be like, I like what we did there. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's exactly what I wanted to do with it. And, you know, like artistically, you can still do shit and be like, and then also be like, maybe it helped. You know what I mean? Because sometimes artistically, can still do shit and be like, and then also be like, maybe it helped. You know what I mean?

Because sometimes artistically, it does help. In your line of work as a comedian. This stuff helps me. I mean, coming in here and sitting and listening to people's stories also puts your life into perspective as well. Sure. You're like, there are times I leave here

or when I do the Patreon with people and I walk out of here, I'm like, I ain't done so bad. Sometimes a good haircut. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I ain't done so bad. Sometimes a good haircut. Yeah. Yeah. I get that good haircut feeling. And I feel like in, you know, again, like in your line of work with like

comedians, sometimes they feel like, Oh, I'm going to lose that edge. I'm not going to be funny if I can't be dark, which is certainly valid, but I've never, I've actually, and this is what I would say to people who are, I mean it doesn't matter what your pursuit is in life or whatever, we all have to function, we all have to do what we do and bring ourselves to it, to do it and put ourselves into it. To me, in what I do, it never got in the way. Taking, having the medication again is just,

like just opening some doors, allowing who I really am to come through. What I have to come through, good or bad, it's just the channels are opening. And, but I've never felt like, hey, I can't, you know what I mean? Never with the medication that I've been on. So yeah, I totally believe in it.

So do you, as you say, you're how old again? I'll be 49 at the end of May. So you've dealt with this for almost 20 years. Sure. So do you know how to handle it now? Like, can you feel it coming? Can you, you do? Yeah, and yeah, my wife. Is there a trigger that you feel it coming? Can you do? Yeah. And yeah, my wife,

is there a trigger that you're aware of? No, no, it's not seasonal or no, no, no, it's all the time. You know, it's, it's there, but I have gotten used to having, I've been with my wife for a little over five years. We've been married for a year and a half and it's like having a partner that, you know, I care about and want her life to be everything that it should be. And, you know, I want her to have peace and be happy

and we love each other and rah rah rah, it's all good. Showing up for her is more, has allowed me to go, oh, I'm this, I'm feeling this right now. And I'm the luckiest guy in the world. She's incredible. So I am, I can absolutely go, you know what? Feeling a little bit of this thing. She's like, oh, okay, interesting.

And then we'll go on with our fucking day. And if it comes up, she'll know like, yeah, he's thing. But she knows that I'm conscious of it. I'm not just ignoring it. Right. Ignoring it, denying it. Yeah. You're wrong.

Yeah, and it's okay to go like, I feel crummy. You know, I feel like shit. It's okay for anyone to do that. It's okay for her to do that. So if I'm like, you know, oh man, I really feel like, but that is a, it's not a skill, but it is a skill. Like it's, it's something that you practice to continue to, to just like be honest with yourself.

And identify it and be honest. Yeah. It's like, cause it's not, cause believing something shitty about yourself is, is, is only gonna, you know, it's only gonna, it's only gonna make things worse. And it's sort of part of how you were feeling when it was awful anyway. I'm just saying, as a strategy,

as a strategy, be like, I'm gonna confront it, and just, you know, and that's not being a pussy. But it's true, it's like, I'm gonna confront it and say, I feel like a bit of a pussy. But it's true, it's like, I'm gonna confront it and say, I feel like a bit of a thing. And then also just the rules of having a functional happy relationship of like, well, you sound a little bit snappy. You're right, I'm sorry.

It's like just, I don't have any pride with my wife. We want all the same things and I'm so fortunate to have her that it's like, when you're in a, I don't know, when you're in a marriage and stuff, you're kinda in a lot of ways sharing the same soul. That's not your adversary. But we fall into all sorts of adversarial stuff because we are defensive.

We're all just scared pussies. No, we're all just, you know, we are fearful and worried. Even if all of that energy is going towards things being better, you know? We're, you know, we're, you know, we're, you know, we've, you know, we're, Outside of medication and things like that, is there a sure fire thing that gets you out of it?

Yeah, smoking lots of pot. Oh, maybe that's why I'm not depressed. Hey, all right. Let's go smoke some. You know, I, yeah, it's funny. I'm from British Columbia where it's- Vansterdam they used to call it. Yeah.

It's growing along the highways like fucking, but I never got into it because I was always, you know, worried, I was pretty square when it comes to like, no, no, no, I'm gonna, I think I to go down to LA and I'm going to be an actor. And then I get to LA and I was a young dude and I get out here and I was like, y'all only getting me. I don't want to be in an E true Hollywood story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of timid, like a nice, it's like, well, I'm stupid. I'm very stupid, but I'm also

It's like, well, I'm stupid. I'm very stupid, but I'm also like a polite reserved Canadian That's sort of how we we get that's how we represent the country when we get pushed out into the world Sure, we can be fucked up and weird assholes too, but let's pretend and then also the Italian thing of like You're not gonna know what I'm thinking You know what? I mean like kind of allows you to be reserved in a weird wild place like LA and these things kind of come together to just sort of observe it all and go like, I'm not.

So there's no part of the scene in my twenties or anything that I wanted to be a part of. And I also had this belief that like, well, if I was smoking pot, I'd be going through the airport and they'd find a roach in my pocket. It's like, well, you can't come into the States for, I don't know, I'd be going through the airport and they'd find a roach in my pocket. It's like, well, you can't come into the States for, I don't know, six months, five years

ever. It's up to a customs agent. I'm like, so I did not even try it until I become a citizen. Even after that, I waited a while. But So what age is that for you then? The first time I tried it, I was 36 years old. Okay. What age is that for you then? The first time I tried it, I was 36 years old.

I remember we were in Big Bear, bunch of friends, and we like rented a place. And then I had this friend who gave me some because I had expressed an interest in like, well, now you're a citizen. Oh, but I don't know. And so we're in Big Bear. And I said to some other friends, I'm like, I've got weed. With from a lot. Yeah., I'm like, I've got weed. I was for no one. Yeah.

And they're like, so? And so I smoked some pot, and it was not super pleasurable. It was just paranoid-ish. So I didn't do it for a while. And then in my, I guess in my early 40s, I seem to have settled into it nicely. I dig it. I don't drink. I've never been a big drinker. Same. I stopped drinking. I always drank, but just from January of last year, I haven't had a drop. Wow.

But I don't miss it. I do smoke wheat. I smoke a lot of wheat. Good. I smoke a lot of wheat. And it's the thing that I found, like I was the same way. I was very resistant. Like when my father died, my dad, I know he lied to us cause he was in Vietnam and he was like, I never did drugs and never smacked. And we're like, whatever. We know you're fucking, but something in me was like, I don't know. I just didn't want to let them down. I hear you. You know what I mean? I hear you. And my brothers did both of them did all kinds of shit. I stayed, I would drink, but I stayed straight laced off the drugs.

I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn them did all kinds of shit. I stayed. I would drink, but I stayed straight laced off the drugs. I didn't. I tried to take a hit of a bowl at a party when I was 18. It was all ash. There was nothing left. I didn't try it again until I was 21. And the same thing happened to me the first time I fucking got paranoid. I was saying to my brother, like, I'm just, I'm dead. You're just gonna let me sit here dead in this chair and not even take me to the hospital. He's like, you're shut the fuck up, you know? And I was like, oh my God. So then I waited a while too. And then I talked to myself like, it's just a plant. You can't overdose on it. You can't.

And then it was weekends. You shouldn't drive on it. Yeah, then it was weekends for a long time. I didn't get the daily until into my thirties, I would say. Yeah. And now just, yeah. Do you take some form of it daily? Oh, yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah. I got some form. I smoked. The edibles don't work on me. The edibles don't work. Here's the thing. I can take up to 100 milligrams and feel nothing easily.

I've done it. Tom Seguro give them to me, they all give them to me. And I forget I take them. But I also know that I'm not bulletproof. I know that if I take one more, I'm going to fucking probably outer space and I'm not trying. Interesting.

I'm trying, I'm 51. I have not found the magic milligram for myself on the edibles yet. Smoking works. I'm still, after all my health stuff, I'm still seeing oncologists, I'm still seeing pulmonologists, I'm still seeing everybody. So the minute they say you got to stop smoking, I will stop smoking. Right now, they all say that preferably they don't want you to smoke anything, but if you're going to, it's cannabis. No vapes, no tobacco, no cigars, don't dip,

none of that stuff. Wow, interesting. And it helps me. I, it, marijuana helps me focus so much that when I'm going through bad times, I won't smoke it because I'll focus on the negative too much. Interesting. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I hear you. I, yeah, it's very interesting creatively. But yeah, man, that's fucking, wow, that's really great. You know, I see, sometimes I'll watch like a YouTube video, like Edibles in particular. I don't need a lot of, if I do an Edible, it's not a lot and I'll feel it just because I don't do them normally. But then I see when you say like 100 milligrams, you see these videos like, I'll just be watching on YouTube and like fucking Joey Diaz having, I worked with the gentleman years ago, but I'm not speaking as somebody who knows Joey Diaz like having I don't work with the gentleman yeah but I don't I'm not speaking as somebody who knows Joey Diaz I'm just saying are you fucking cock so

I think the fucking stars are fucking yeah yeah and I'm just watching the school whoa and then he has his buddy with him Lee yeah Lee Lee, yeah, Lee Syatt. He's like, I don't know what to say. It's a good Lee Syatt. He's like, I'm going to fly a good chicken parmesan sandwich. It's your favorite chicken parmesan sandwich. And his eyes are just two red holes. And he's like, oh fuck off, you know what I'm saying. They're going to outer space. I just want to relax.

I can't believe it when I'm watching that. And then they had, like, I'll go down a YouTube hole. I'll be like, hey, what's it like? Like, you know, there's a kid who like, oh, he smoked salvia in his car. And then he's like, I'm in outer space. And then his cat's sitting on the hood. And he's like, you know, like shit like that.

I want to watch. Or there's a dude in Tacoma, Washington, called Custom Grow 420. I highly recommend it if you feel the muse. He's just like, hey, what's up? Julie Olie coming at you, Custom Grow 420. And this is literally, and he's like, all right, the Lung Buster Challenge, or the fucking,

we're doing a dozen dads. And he's chronic. Like he looks like, I'm not like that. He looks like, like droopy dog, but with a flat brim fucking hat. Like he's like, Hey guys. And you're like, this guy's fucking awesome. And then he's like, and then even he's like,

and I love that shit, but I can't, we're like the fucking, I mean, now I'm talking, people who like podcasts and shit, they know this stuff, I guess, but on the thing when they're eating the pot and then Owen Benjamin eats a thing and wanders out of the studio and then like move to Michigan. Like, I think that was it. Like, bye.

Yeah. Yeah. Joey said they, they forgot he was out there. They were like, Oh my God. Cause he was, you could see him start to freak out a little bit. You could see him looking around and then he went outside for fresh air. Yeah. And a van full of proud boys. They recruited his ass. But Joey said they were so high. They forgot about it. But they were like, oh my God, go get him,

bring him back in here. And he was gone. And they called him. And Joey said he was like a mile and a half away. And Joey said, we're coming to get you. And he's like, no, I'm fine. And he said that was the last he had heard of him. And then he moved away.

Yeah, yeah. I worked on a television show with him years and years ago. I don't see him returning to television. At any rate, it's good to have some marijuana sometimes. Yeah. If it doesn't put you into a psychosis. Yeah, unless so long as it doesn't put you into it. Yeah.

A two or three decade long... Yeah. Listen, Wills, so thank you for doing this. Cheers for coming here and being open and honest about it. I love that that you that you want to bring down the stigma of it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, man. That stuff. Forget it. So let me ask you this, then, because I have an interesting I'm curious what your answer is.

I told you about advice to your 16 year old self. So what would you say to 16 year old Will? Stop eating. Don't eat it. Don't eat. We all want that warm feeling inside of our belly. You know, and it doesn't need to be food. It can be a good feeling. I'm talking to him now.

It can be a good feeling. Doesn't matter if it doesn't catch on until you're 49 years old. Right? I would, you know, it's funny. I think about this sometimes. I think we all do. It's a good question. I would, well, I would say stop eating. But it's okay if you want to have something to eat. Just eat the right things and maybe not so much.

And look into intermittent fasting. Even as a 16 year old, I think it'd be good for you. No, get to the fucking gym. It doesn't have to all be sports. some month and look into intermittent fasting, even as a 16 year old, I think it'd be good for you. No, get to the gym. It doesn't have to all be sports. If that exists back when we were 16, there was no, there may have been like, like bodybuilders do.

Yeah, like it's been around since the forties, but it wasn't a popular thing. It was Tab, bring Tab. Yeah. Yeah. And then what was the other one? This is Joe Weider for Tab. What was the one that was poisoning the ladies? They were all taking, um, it was like, it was marketed as diet pills.

No, it was a pill and they were taken and it was like causing really bad. Oh, not no does. No, I thought a lot. Yeah. No, I mean, really, I kind of when I think about and young people in general, it's like, I just kind of feel like, you know, the whole, the whole, the whole, there's that saying nowadays, it gets better, you know what I mean? I feel like young people need to hear that, especially nowadays, do they have challenges that we don't have, that we didn't have growing up? They have a completely different

set of challenges. And I think there's a lot of distraction with kids. And I think about that because I had a lot of things that were negatively distracting, that turned into views of myself that were absolutely fucking useless and complete illusions. So I would say to the kid, I would say you're loved and it's going to get better as long as you can love yourself. You know what I mean? And it's such

a pussy ass thing to say. But it's true. It's like, it really is true. If I can be, if I can, you know, if I can be, I use the term, you know, merciful, you want to be merciful to people, You want to realize everyone comes from somewhere. Everyone walking down the street has a story. Everybody's got their something and everyone is the person they are because of their experiences. And if you can be kind to yourself and say, I'm just a bunch of experiences, you know, pushed together and that's become my outlook. You know, you can wade through that and go, these are just things, these are just experiences.

Deep inside me, I have a gut full of chicken tenders. No, well I did. But you know, there's something that's coming out, chicken tenders. So chicken tenders is what I would say to the 16 year old. I would say, yeah, try your best to love yourself. That's great. Cheers.

Plug everything again, please. Oh yeah, so Dudezy is a very bizarre pod show where there's, again, an AI bent to it. Lots of, speaking of not having control over what's happening. It's been good to be in that space. There's a lot of fantasy there and it's very fucking weird and it's a bizarre pod show with myself and Chad Culchin who is a writer of TV shows, movies, and books. I consider him to be a futurist and he's wrong about all this stupid technology shit that he's into. And I'm probably more on the other

side of it, DUDESY, and you can find it on YouTube and all the podcast things. And yeah, watch, stay up late at night and watch me on television because I might just be floating by whatever streaming service you're on. And you go, there he is. Okay. Things on that. He'll be on something. So I'll be on something else when you see that. Thank you. Thank you for doing this.

Cheers. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour. Tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week.