The Hope Hotline - Fighting in a Marriage

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

The Hope Hotline | S03-E59 | 09-03-2025

Real talk. Real job Hello and welcome to the Hope Hotline. Thank you for joining us today. It is, I would love to say that Labor Day weekend I relaxed. Did you guys relax on Labor Day weekend? Um, yeah, it's a little bit. Monday maybe?

Like I felt like I was running the whole entire. her time. Oh, really? I'm not bad for you. Maybe Monday I didn't run. But man, that thing flew by like a blink of the eye. I agree. And for everybody who's retired, you don't know what the heck we're talking about.

Because every day is a Monday for you. Oh, my gosh, man. So fast. So fast. I missed it. I blinked. I'm still living on the high of the ladies conference. Yeah.

Me too. because I keep hearing things. What do you hear? All kinds of good stories. Or I'm reliving the stories because like we had abide. So like people bring things up again. And there's still like a high from everybody. Like they're staying.

They're keeping the fire going. So like it just, you know. Yeah, that was so good. I keep listening. I can't, I keep going back to the worship. Oh, yeah. I keep listening to the worship. Every night.

I just every night's worship. I'll just put it on. You know, it's all I do is listening to our worship. I don't listen to anybody else's. Is that what you fall asleep to? You know, the funny thing is, is every time I listen to somebody else's worship that sang the same song, and they probably sang it first before us.

But then I listen to theirs, and I'm like, I don't like that. I like ours better. Norma ruins every worship song for me, because every time I hear somebody else sing it, I'm like, doesn't, it doesn't hit the same. That's so sweet. I love Norma's voice. I agree with you, but that's my turn.

I know. I know. Oh my gosh. That is true. Okay, so did you see what I sent you on TikTok? Just recently? I saw something come through. I'm nervous now.

I was updating everything. I've updated everybody's numbers, hope. So I don't think we can replay it, and I don't know if we want to replay it. But I sent Tracy this TikTok. Have you seen this? this one? No, I have not. Oh my gosh. It was so, it's not funny. No, it doesn't, it doesn't read funny. That you know, the stuff that you see on TikTok, and it like, it makes me laugh, but that's not, okay, so I'm

going to tell you what it is because I was wondering. Do you want me to download it? Okay. There's a lot of cussing. Okay. Oh, okay. And there shouldn't be because this person's a Christian. Oh my gosh. This is so bad. Yeah, you're going to have to just tell us about it. I'm going to have to tell you because. Lots of cuss words. Yeah, and the context of this video. Yeah, so on TikTok, this woman goes away for, okay, so for you to understand what I'm talking about, to make it so that it's perfect in your mind,

because if you know, if you know the nature of the person, you'll probably be like when I'm telling you the story, you're going to be like, oh my gosh, this is so dang funny. but this is an African-American woman who like I listen I don't know some of my some of the things that I love the most are that I find the most funny mm-hmm are gay men because they're flipping funny true like I love I don't I don't condone the sin okay right but dang if they ain't funny like some of the people back in my day we're gay and they it was i i laugh so hard same i know you want to win them to the lord okay and i do like if

somebody's gay i obviously make it very well known where my stand is uh not right out the gate but back then i was a sinner so it didn't really matter i was i was sending just as bad as they were but um just in different ways um but um but i mean obviously like who cares? I mean, I don't care if somebody's heterosexual, heterosexual sinning. I would hang out with them or not be close friends with them, but I would hang out with them and I would love them. And then when the door opened, I would tell them that they're living a lifestyle sin, right? Because God will open doors for you. Same thing with somebody who's gay. I mean, who cares? I don't really care. They're gay. It doesn't, I mean, do you guys care? I don't care.

No, not at all. Makes me no difference. I literally get. That's gay. Right. true yeah yeah that might not be a good idea but but usually gay people like they don't really care they're not like not the gay people but back in the day we we they weren't temperamental no i mean i know lesbians or even former lesbians and they they were they were super like they didn't but they're my generation too they're gen Xers okay so or gay in your christmas songs yeah we did And, like, we don't take everything to heart. Right. Like, we don't wear our feelings on our sleeves.

True. We get over things. True. Rather quickly. Yeah. So my people that are gay are usually very funny, but they're not really temperamental. Right. So, but then this African American, like, and listen, I, like, some of my most favorite things that I ever watch are black people.

And they are flipping funny. I don't, you know, like, I mean, whitties are funny too, but we got our own funny. It's different. It's very different. You're right. But, oh, my gosh. So this woman, she is on point. And, like, she nails everything she says in just the right way so that you can, like, you can appreciate the delivery in what she's saying.

Good storyteller. Good storyteller. Great storyteller. Okay. So she tells this story. And you might have to find it. What's the name of, I do not condone the language, just so you know, and she claims to be a Christian.

But if you're a TikToker and you go and listen to this story, so she goes and she's invited to this barbecue this past weekend for Labor Day. And it just so happens to be at a pastor's house that she knows. And she has to drive like an hour, hour and a half. to this barbecue because she doesn't go to this particular church. She goes to church, man at this particular church, and it's her friend's church.

And while she's there, the barbecue that she's going to is at the pastor's house. Okay. She goes and she hangs out for a while, hanging out with her friends, everybody's, you know, they're cooking on the grill and things like that, and she has to use the restroom. So she asks the,

the pastor's wife, who's home they're at, and it's very large, she says. It's like a super big house. She's like, can I use your restroom? Oh, sure, sure, sure. Where is the restroom? And she proceeds to tell her.

But it's a big house. And she doesn't know where she's going. So she just starts opening doors. Finally finds the bathroom, only to find the pastor in the bathroom, with another man doing naughty things. with another man. This is like for real, for real.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's so freaked out and so scared. She shuts the door fast. High tails it out of there. And she's making fast pace back to her car because she's like, I'm getting out of here. I'm not getting in the middle of this. And she's like, well, she's scared

that something's going to happen to her because this is a beloved. Who's going to believe her? This is the pastor. Yeah. Only to find out while she's trying to get out of Dodge, the pastor's wife is asking for her son, Eric, to come and bring the corn so the corn can be put on the grill. And she keeps asking. And eventually, after a short period of time of asking for the son to bring the corn out, the corn on the cob out, only to come to find out.

The other man in the bathroom was the son. Oh. Yeah. no yeah and it was a man and she doesn't know she doesn't know what my daughter goes was it his stepson she's like i don't know if it was his stepson adopts his son all i know is that pastor's wife said my son no and it wasn't a boy he was a man and and she's like i'm out of here i am out of here she got and everybody's calling her where you go oh my gosh she's like i got to find something in my car she's like i was lying i was lying and then she's like she's so freaked out it's the funniest story

but it's a horrible story that is a horrible story that's a horrible that's a horrible so my weekend was way better than hers oh my god that's all i'm saying my labor day weekend was super low-key and and we know what happened to her like she just that's it that's the end of the story no part two I didn't well I only listened I was crying laughing when I sent it to you Tracy I know I saw your emojis I was laughing so dang hard because I was like first of all this is like too hard to believe second of all like she was so dang funny like she should actually do something on TikTok like she'd be huge there's a follow-up story there is a follow-up story but she says you all want to know why I didn't call the police on the pastor and his son and here you go but it's a very

long video, but there is a follow-up. Her name is Ms. Carrie, C-A-R-R-I-E-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-E. Yeah, we'll put in the chat if you want to find out the next step because now I need to know. I need to know. I need to know more. I need to know too. Well, why would you call the police? It's a grown man. Like they're both consenting, well, they were both adults. Maybe that's what she says. Like a follow-up is a reminder that this wasn't a kid. This is an adult. Yes. But what the heck? What the heck, man? Like that would be, she was so, like, people are crazy, people.

People are crazy. And disgusting. That is disgusting. What the heck. Crazy and disgusting. I know. Like, the stuff that's out there is just wild. But then, you know, like, I do like TikTok in some ways because there's some, not because

of that, although that was a wild scene. That was a wild scene. I do like TikTok because, like, some of the stuff, like, I follow some chefs, private chefs, that's super interesting. On boats, on yachts. Like, I didn't even know you could do that. Yeah. People call in private chefs to not cook for parties, but just cook for them for the whole entire week. Yeah.

Didn't know that was possible either. Meal prep. So in that, on the follow-up post in the comments, someone comments, has anyone from the church senior post about the pastor? yeah um and she said yes they have my phone has been ringing off the hook okay this is going to get good follow so oh my gosh i mean literally the guy should not be of course not a pastor right and like what like you have people over like what and like they didn't lock the door that's what i was thinking that's what i was thinking why do you not lock the door because maybe they thought they did maybe they were still caught up in the moment go somewhere like

go hide and on and why when everybody's over because maybe because he doesn't live there guys and so no maybe they thought they locked the door family events are the only time i don't know this is wild that's wild man like i don't even know how that popped up on my thing because i was just looking for tom to share his thing i'm not kidding you i was just looking for tom to spread his gospel spread the cost of all talk is in the comments what is that her tick tock's in the comments only on rumble you're to follow interesting so wow wow is what a way to start this podcast i didn't mean to start i didn't i literally was came in like like a ball of fire you did because um my dog attacked another pig last night, which Tom put on his podcast, but Tom didn't know until we got home or until he got

home was, which we got home at the same time, I was at my mom's, he was at the church, is that the dog somehow got injured from the pig. And I don't know if it was like Tom said the pig was big. That's what I was going to say. I don't know if it was a tooth or tusk. It was something with a tea though and that made a sharp cut like two two and a half inches and um right on his right shoulder so at like 11 o'clock tom and i are texting our neighbor who is currently out of town um who's a vet saying what do we do right and then i called them what do we do thank god that i mean And our neighbor actually attends this church when he's in town or when they're in town. So, and no, I'm not telling you, because no, you're not going to ask him if a daggone question.

But I'm just saying, like, boy, oh, boy, is it great to have a vet in town or in the neighborhood. Oh, my gosh, because my dog hurts itself all the time. Yeah. But I had to, I raised home to fix Thomas lunch. And then they came walking in. I'm like, well, are we going to readdress this sucker? because he had taken the vest off of him so that it could air off.

But that dog, man. That dog. Mm-mm-mm. Like this, I was telling the girls, he should have stitches, but the vet was saying, I mean, he really, like, he could have stitches, but you guys can take care of this.

It's not life-threatening, and he'll be okay. Like, it'll heal up. If you do it the right way, it'll heal up, he'll be fine. So we're like, We're not going to go the stitches way because, and this is my opinion, this would be his third surgery. Yeah. He's three guys. He might be four now.

But he's like, if he's not three, he's four. Three surgeries in, let's just say four years. That's actually crazy. It is crazy. Who is that? Oh, that's my pest control. Okay. Bye.

We're on TikTok live. Don't they know? Aren't they following you? No. No, I'm not talking to you. Yeah. So, I came in like a ball of fire.

Yes, he did. All right. Now that I've, like, unloaded, and I feel a hundred times better. Good. Not that you care. It's important. But you guys, like Tom, says,

you are our venting. Our way to, like. Sounding. let it all go listen yeah just let it go let it go let it go where's Vanessa she is on her way to Utah what yes a root what in the heck is this yep just a couple days I think she comes back Friday what what's in Utah Jeff has a speaking engagement yes well looky here I know Park City I think oh I love Park City never been oh my gosh another bucket list i definitely want to see if you've never gone you've got to go okay let's go

yes yeah exactly i don't know if i think it's three for us i think we've been three times but but i will say great skiing okay and deer valley and the canyons oh they're all part of park city yeah beautiful okay what about not wintertime lots to do okay still lots to do i think i'd like to go then yeah It's really, you're not big skier. I'm not either, but my family is. I hate it. I usually, me and Norma used to go into like pottery, painting pottery and shopping. And hot tubs. Yeah, we would just, we would just do our own thing while the guys went skiing. That's, yeah, I would like that. I would do that. Oh, so nice. For sure. Yeah, it was way nicer. Yeah, I have no desire to. It's exhausting. Like, if you're not in that kind of shape, I used to do snowboarding. And I was in really great shape because I played basketball. ball and I would go and I would be so sore it's different muscles like it's just different and uh if

you're not in great shape if you're not in good shape forget about it I've never I've never been in shape okay and I was hate in life Tom's like come on babe do it and I'm like all right shh out right off I was the slowest skier I had a friend she was slower than me but I skied slow. I thought I was going fast. But apparently I was not. But it, I still was in pain, so it doesn't really matter. No, it doesn't matter if you go slow. And I hate those flipping boots. Those ski boots. I know. That's true. They are not comfortable. Your ankles. Tom and Tommy are really good skiers. Yeah. Really. Tommy has been, I can see that. Oh my gosh. He's been a great skier since he put the, some people are just natural.

Yeah. Since he put those ski boots on, he literally had. straight down the mountain. Crazy. Straight. I'm like, helmet, please. Right. What are you doing?

Tom's like, he'll be all right. Oh my gosh. It's funny. Yeah. Sounds about the same. Yeah. I think on a ski trip

was probably one of the maddest I've ever been at Tom. Oh, no. Like probably hands down the maddest. Wow. Because? I mean,

There was no fighting or arguing anything like that. First of all, I don't like that. Okay. No public displays ever. That's no Bueno. But no, but he knew I was mad. Everybody knew I was mad. I was just quiet about it.

What happened? Is that what you said? Yeah, yeah. What happened? Well, because we went skiing in, I think, Colorado that time. And when we went skiing, normal was pretty small and she hadn't really taken a lesson

she ended up getting private lessons the next day but that time she had just kind of done the bunny slope a few times and Tom thought well she can ski blues that's intermediate people just in case you don't know I'm like how do we go down the bunny slope twice

and be an intermediate intermediate skier are we crazy yes so we get up there and it's like a tornado of wind and I'm not joking the thing is going like this I don't like that okay I don't like that

so we can barely get off the daggum ski lift yes and so I get she's with me she gets off the lift and she just falls like she's never gone up on one of these she just falls and then all of a sudden

you're up there and you look down you look to where you have to go to where you're like kind of flat and it is straight down and she starts crying right and he's like huh and he's like quit your crying nancy get up and i'm like oh my gosh i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna kill you oh my god he didn't say quit your crying nancy but he pretty much did say norma stop it you don't need to cry it's all going to be okay you can do this and i'm like no she can't she Absolutely cannot. Are you carrying her down? Because she cannot. Right. She cried and fell the whole way down. No. And I was maddered on her hornet. I don't think I've ever seen her

actually as she said she's saying that Norma was saying that normal was saying she's never seen me that mad. At my dad at least. Yeah. At Tom at least. Oh yeah. Never. Wait, how old is Norma? Uh, Norma was, I think, eight. Oh, yeah, just a baby. She's a baby. To go down a blue. Yeah, to go down a blue. She was like eight.

Yeah, it was like a blizzard and a tornado all at the same time. Oh, my gosh. I'm not kidding you. The wind, my friend, was blustery that day. Yikes. It was so cold. It was, like, that's not normal for Colorado. Colorado is very, it's a, it's great skiing because it's usually like,

You feel like you're in 70 degree weather. Yeah. And it's powder. But no, it was bad. I've literally never been that mad. And I don't think I've ever, except for in my back in my days when I used to like get in brawls. But like, I mean, I was mad. So, okay, so I think this is a good practical thing.

When you get that mad, like, because you're like, I'm not going to display it in public. So how would you, like, how would you suggest somebody handles it? you are going to get mad in situation. So then how do you handle it? How did you handle it, I should say? Well, I had a one-on-one with him. Like, okay, I don't know what you're going to do, but she can't go down this mountain and either you're going to have to carry her or you're going to have to be behind her holding her up the whole entire time because this is not going to happen. And I'm not usually bossy or a directive person like that, but he did not get it. He literally thought she was going to be like Tommy.

Like just pick it up like that Right I mean he needed He took no lessons guys Right yeah So he just And he's always skied Like so for him

I think he literally thought What's the big deal here Right But when he found out how bad it was How cold it was And how she didn't know Then he started feeling really bad But that was halfway down the mountain

After he had been yelling at her And she was crying like there's no tomorrow and that made me mad because I'm like this is all unnecessary right right this is not even necessary like let's let's think this thing through it and I even question yeah are you sure right like this is a good idea right blues are easy yeah if you're you can fly if you can ski down black diamonds right moguls heck yeah but even that was a little bit right so he felt bad he halfway down he was like this is not good this is not a yeah this is a bad idea so later on later on though we had a nice chat in private but i i basically was like i'm

you need to know i'm really not happy right now i'm like i'm really mad but it's all done in private and it's like not like a scene and then later on we always talk about everything but I will say this, like, Tom and I are, and he preaches this and he means it, but Tom and I are very careful with the words we use towards one another and we protect our relationship. Because we know, like, if Satan gets an en route to that relationship, it will crumble every other relationship. Like, everything that is stable in our family and the lives that are around us will cause instability for all of that. It's a ripple effect in the pond, right? Very, very true. And so for that, like, we've never called each other's names.

Never, I've never said, you're a jerk. I've never even said you're a jerk. I've never said that to him. He has never used one name towards me, nothing. We, like, maybe he's yelled at me twice, maybe three times. And even then, it wasn't even, it wasn't even horrible. and when we fight it's probably we think it's a big deal right because when you don't fight or you don't like our fighting is what somebody would consider arguing but a lot of people like for us

it's a big deal because we don't do it and it's not a life it's not a part of our life so when we talk about it it's like a big deal right but not compared to like what everybody else it's like they would scoff at ours because they'd be like that's nothing yeah you know and but to us it's it's something and I would rather stay like that I rather rather have where I think it's a big deal yeah versus the other way because then it keeps you from but I think I mean the Bible is very clear words matter and so for me I and Tom like we protect our relationship like like like it has a what is what is that that dome that somebody when you have a dome over you it's like a bubble but that protective dome that israel has over them what is that thing you're right the

i don't know what it is but it won't allow any any um any missile or bomb or anything to penetrate it and that's how we basically are with our relationship um we're both very honest with one another and you can be honest with somebody and still be careful with how you say something and respectful in the way in which you say it. And a lot of times he'll say the cold winds are blowing in the lively house. That's because in those times, we choose to not say anything versus feeling like we have to be true to our feelings or true to how we feel or whatever. Okay, that's bullcrap because that's momentary. What's really true is when you speak, when you calm down and you speak to one another in any mature fashion that's what's true yeah that's what's real yeah because

you can actually analyze and think about what your real issues were or was it really nothing and you made a big deal out of it but everybody's got to be true to to their self nowadays and we which you find out is really it's it's like a lot of carnality versus anything else you got to if people would protect their marriages, man, Satan would never get in there and destroy the family. But people don't. They don't because they don't treasure them like they should. I mean, that was a gift from God that somebody gave you your spouse. And you may not feel like it's a gift because you didn't choose wisely. And you kind of like met them at a place you shouldn't have. Or maybe you got married before you were a Christian or whatever. But you are married now. So that person you made a covenant

relationship with you need to treasure that covenant relationship you need to honor that even when it's not being in return honored back and if you do watch and see how god will turn that around for you because he will i mean the bible is clear i think it's in first peter or it's in second peter might be corinthians i feel like it's in peter i can't remember first or second peter where it talks about if you're married to somebody who is not saved, to not talk to them, not to witness to them, not to like nag them about it, but to be the example and hopes that they will come to him.

And that by doing so, you have a better chance of them becoming saved because of your actions, not because of your words. And if people would truly live that lifestyle out, not only in front of their spouse, but in front of their family and their children, like your parents or your siblings

or whomever you're really wanting to get, get saved if you would live that lifestyle you would see them come around because they'd want what you have but a lot of times we look just like the world we have the same problems as the world we respond to everything in the same fashion as the world does we're very materialistic like the world is we only think of ourselves like the world thinks of themselves it's every man for themselves because if i don't look out for me nobody will look out for me i mean we have all the same sayings the same the sameologies and we wonder why no one's getting saved in and around us well because you don't look like you don't look any different and nobody wants what you have

because you're less than you're living less than most of the world so i mean but the word is true and it does not return void and you found that scripture didn't you first peter three one through two in the same way you wives must accept the authority of your husbands then even if some refuse to obey the good news your godly lives will speak to them without any words they will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. There you go. And it's the Iron Dome. It's the Iron Dome.

Yes. Seriously, if you would, like anybody who's within the sound of my voice and you may hate your spouse right now. But all that could change. It really could. All of it can change. And you fell in love with them for something. For some reason, they had something that was way different

and way better than everybody. else what you got to do is go back to whatever that was even if it was sex and I'm not being funny I'm being dead serious

if you fell in love with that person because before you got married you had sex with them and that was the best sex you ever had we'll get to a place where it's back to

it's the best sex you've ever had and then that will spill over into other things it really will true whatever it was find it

and then start nurturing it and then start nurturing them and cultivating that relationship back to where it's a love relationship even if when you first start doing it and it may take months it's not reciprocated keep doing it keep doing it because it will you will see that person I've never not seen it yet where somebody's been consistent with their spouse where they actually did this, that the husband, they may not have gotten saved, or the woman may not have gotten saved, but I've never seen it not yet work

where some kind of change happened in that individual, where it was reciprocated. I mean, I'm thinking of a guy here at the church, you sent me his wife's letter, which was just proving what I'm talking about, right now. We have a guy at our church who has been coming to church. He's such a great guy. Oh, my gosh. Such a great man. And he has been coming to church, I don't know, five plus, no, way more than five years, like seven, eight years by himself. Every Sunday.

Comes to church by himself and has been praying for his wife and has had a certain one of us praying for his wife. He has never nagged. He just would gently every now and then say, hey, do you want to come to church with me? And it would be like for Christmas or something special that was going on. And she really wanted nothing to do with it to speak of. Now, this is a beautiful girl, sweet as pumpkin pie, and never was rude or disrespectful, but very standoffish. And for, we'll say, seven to eight years, he has been done. diligent and being quiet but loving and this at the conference she got she came to the conference and she ended up getting saved like it works guys yeah it works both ways husbands and wives he did not

nag her though he was he gently loved her through the process do you want to say someone about that because you're smiling because you know no I think it's that is it's so good and most people it's just too much work like it's too much work you don't say the fruit of it right away we live in this like microwave society and like well I did I prayed for it's been two months and then you think of this situation and it's been you know whatever six seven years whatever it's been and and who cares how long it takes it's worth the wait it's worth it exactly to see somebody enter into freedom and like just she is she is thriving right now and she's excited to be on the other side and just is in shock still about this and I just think it's

it's just so exciting to watch because it's usually the other way it's usually the wives are believing for their husbands and it's just cool to see this and to know that their family is like all they get their hearts have been stirring for months now and they're all changed yeah it's amazing so never give up but listen be diligent don't be a nag golly please don't please don't nagging is the worst you want to make somebody go in the opposite direction nag them yeah agree A bee comes to honey. True.

So do not nag. But I would say, Iron Dome. Whenever you feel like, whenever you feel like saying something you shouldn't say, whenever you want to get something off your chest that just, you want to flip in that zinger, like maybe they said something to you, so you're so used to giving it right back,

iron dome it. Yeah. Don't respond. And don't respond like with an attitude. Just be like, if they're like, why aren't you like saying anything back and all you need to do and genuinely say just genuinely say I'm done with that I love you you're the most important person in my life why would I want to say anything to tear you down I'm realizing that tearing you down doesn't show the love that I

have for you all that does is show and instigate the opposite of the direction I want us to go in and if people do that it'll radically change inspire one another to be better yeah inspire one another to be better so amen that's that amen you want to do the thing romans 417 god who gives life to the dead and calls into things that were not that be not as though they are exactly and so if you just speak life over your partner your husband your wife whichever even if you're not seeing it but you know that you see it in them and they have the ability to do it Watch what happens when you speak life over people. They can be for your kids too, you know?

Like everybody's negative. Everybody speaks negatively over everybody. Everybody's speaking death. You're sick. You're this. You're that. So to be the one person that actually speaks life into something. Yeah.

You can, like, encourage somebody to do some crazy stuff, like literally start a new business overnight. Like, there is so many things you can do and be the reason that they did something, like, outside of their comfort zone because you believed in them. Oh, yeah. Women have that. Because men's egos are so frail. Women have the ability to, like, totally think a man can do anything that he sets his mind to.

And we really should be that kind of support to our husbands. We really make them believe in themselves. That's our job. But believe in them, too. Like, you fell in love with them for a reason. Right. I know. You used to probably, I mean, some people aren't funny, okay?

So maybe you didn't fall in love with them because they were funny. Maybe you don't need to laugh. So that's not the reason. why. Now, I fell in love with Tom because I thought he was so hilarious. And so if I was dealing with like battling like with even wanting to be, you know, having affection towards him, I would think back on those times. Yeah. And want to get back to those times. It's possible. Absolutely. To go back to where that's all you do is laugh. Yeah. You know, and you do it. I mean, still to this day. sometimes this last week we both when we went like he never goes to bed with me ever last week

two times he went to bed with me at the same time I was like what in the heck is going on here but those two times both times we were crying laughing the whole entire time before before we fall asleep because that's really yeah don't lose the thing that was what started everything yeah like people loved going out to like dinner together going and doing fun adventures or going then they get married and they are they're bored and they aren't having fun anymore and it's like who cares if you have kids take them with you like yeah makes it a little more complicated but that's part of you just creating this lifestyle of now you have kids and you do it yeah but they do they just people stop having fun i mean jara and i have so much fun and we hang out with teenagers

all the time and we're just like we're like laughing all the time and and it's it's good to be around different generations too like different age groups too oh yeah so i just have more friends like even going out with a group of people like just like you so you said like if it's uncomfortable right now and you're just like so mad at each other like I don't there's got to be a way to just like let it go and go do something fun well it's a decision I know the way to make it happen is a decision and it's like I say to to people I make a decision when I get really mad I one of the great things about my dad was is he would get mad over things and then he would like get over so fast yeah get over it so fast and the last one of the things that I think

because I was under his guidance it's helped me but I do I do get past things very fast but I will say to you if I'm really really mad about something like I've said on this podcast before I give myself 30 minutes to stew be mad to process and to you know get to a place where I can let it go you have a decision to make you can hang on to it and let it you know ride a light right alongside of you you carry it on your shoulder like your purse and you let it stay with you or you can say you know it's done there ain't nothing i can do about it i'm moving on it's it i'm done i'm not even going to think about this anymore yeah um and then you go and live your best life right but i'm not saying people can't be mad. I'm saying

is make a decision on how long you're going to allow it to own you. Yeah. And it should be a very short brief period of time. And that's not every time you get mad. Right. Right. That's only when you get really, really mad. Right. Otherwise, get mad

and move on. Right. Right. But people love, like, being irritated. I know. That's what I mean. Like, they thrive on it. I know. Like, that's such a horrible emotion. Like, why would you want that? I know. That's what I'm saying. Like, actually take inventory. Okay, the last time I was really mad, it took me three days to get over it and my car broke down and this, like actually look at like the fruit it produced in your life versus if you just let it go. It's so hard when you're so, like not even so mad, but when you're

mad and you're trying to let it go, it is, there's this carnal reaction to it. But then when you do and then things start looking good and you have three good days versus three terrible days, I don't, once you change that like that thing in your mind. Yeah, you shift. You make a shift. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Once you do that, you don't want to go back because you're like, oh, wait. There's nothing fun. Like, Tom says it all the time. He's like, now what am I going to do? Right.

Exactly. I'm here. Now what am I going to do? Right. Right. I know. Like for me, but people grow so, like, it becomes a part of their lifestyle where they play these games.

It's back and forth, back and forth. I'm mad at you. Now you're mad at me. I'm mad at you now. And then there's this one upman, like, so now the one person has to caltow to the other. Right. It's just this game. Who, who, like, that's high school and most of us are out of it.

So let's stop playing those games. Right. I didn't even play them when I was in high school, but there's a reason for that. Nobody dated me. Oh, my gosh. I can get dated my life depended on it. Oh, my gosh. So.

Okay, wait, I have one more question. So let's say you guys, like, separate and you're, because you're upset and you're mad, so you kind of go into, like, quiet mode. When do you decide, like, how? how do you decide to come back and it doesn't turn into an argument again? Like, what does that look like when you come back together? Do you have the conversation again or is it just when you come back together and you're like, you kind of made a decision we're not talking about it?

Well, you know, like usually we don't stay mad at each other. The cold winds don't blow. We're always nice to one another. Okay. So even if he's mad at me or I'm mad at him about something, we're always very nice to each other. I'm still bringing him his drink. I'm still bringing him his plate. I will still iron his clothes.

I, my, how I live my life isn't contingent upon how he behaves. I made a covenant and a promise to him. And I behave, because love is a commitment. It's not a feeling. It's not a, how you respond is how I'm going to behave. Yeah. That's just not how it works. Very good.

So I'm consistent. He's consistent. Yeah. So when he's mad at me, he still talks to me. it may not be like normally how we are like we're joking around and being goofy okay but we're still nice to one another because ultimately he's the most outside of jesus he's the most important person in my life so i'm going to treat him with honor and respect okay and he does the same for me we're not mean to each other in those moments and eventually you know you just

have a chance like tom's tom is great because when he gets mad one of the first things that he always does and I don't need to do this but he does because everybody has a process right how they reconcile things right one of the things that he does a lot is when he's bothered with someone or something he'll start once he's like not so irritated anymore what he'll do is he'll start thinking about all the things that this person is in his life not what they've done but what they are in his life. And based on who they are in his life, often is, like, relational.

Like, it is sometimes, like, for me, I'll give you an example of me. When he's been bothered with me, a lot of times he'll always, what he'll think about is he says, when I get so mad at you, what I'll think about is the times that, like, I haven't felt well

or I needed, like, he had blown out his back. when he was working for the sheriff's office. He was down for the count for a couple weeks. And that couple weeks, I, like, catered to them the whole entire time. I took care of him the whole entire time. And so, like, is that something that always happened now? Like, nobody blows out their back all the time. I'm just saying he will look at, like, if he was ever sick, I took care of him.

Like, I waited on him hand and foot, and he'll always think of this. those things like he's like who else like a lot of people aren't going to do that for me a lot of women are like going to be like I got to take care of the kids right and like you're going to have to figure this out or he just looks at all these things that I do but also in how I treat him how I honor him and then he starts thinking like that's you know if I if I put things in perspective of this is so small in comparison to all of the great things and who she is. And I think if we would really do that with people, I think like when we're trying to pick friends, like we should, like, we, and I, I do this.

And this is God's honest truth. And I've said this too, but pros and cons with people. When I'm choosing friends and how close they're going to be with me, I do the pros and the cons. And if they have a lot more cons, I'm letting them in. And one of the biggest cons is trust. Yeah. Like, how honest are they?

Are they somebody that's a, you know, there's a lot of people who will, like, I want to say flatter. Okay. But what I mean by flatter is, is they'll, they're never, they're too afraid to tell you like their true feelings about things. so they'll either flatter you or they'll skirt around things. Those are the people that I usually don't allow very close to me because a true friend risks you being mad at them because you're willing to tell them the truth. True.

And you always know where you stand with them because they're willing to risk everything because they care about you that much that they're willing to tell you the truth. So I always do pros and cons with people. And that's really, in my marriage, you should look at all their pros because you married them because they had a heck a lot more pros than they did cons. Hopefully, that's why you did it. Right.

So, but that's one of the reasons. We get over it pretty fast because normally that's what he does. And for me, like, I, again, I don't stay mad very long. So, like, it's really, I blow past it pretty fast. Yeah. I don't need all that stuff. because I'm just like, I don't care. This ain't worth it.

Yeah, I love them. So this ain't worth it. I don't care. But that's how people, they need to get over things fast. So they can get back together. Yeah. The longer you wait, the more detrimental things get. True.

And it's harder to come back together. Right. And it's way more awkward. True. True. So when you guys have an issue and you separate it, When you do come back, is there another conversation or is it just back to normal life? Almost always there's a conversation.

Okay. And does that conversation ever go like in a direction you didn't expect? Okay, so how do you, how do you? I may not, I may not like what I hear. Right. But it's also the, it's also like, so people always like, what people see and what they, what people see, like, I'll give you an example. Like what people see of Tom in the pulpit is nothing like Tom who he really is. I mean, Talia and you have been both at my house.

But more importantly, we've done, we've gone on trips together. Like Talia basically lived at my house and she was 14 years old. Right. So how Tom is in the pulpit is very different than who he is in private. Would you not agree? Absolutely. Totally different. Yeah.

it's two different roles two different roles right one is a coach yeah one is as just a goofy person yeah he's very goofy right so like when he and i talk when we come back together and we have to have the hard conversations and stuff like that it's always very respectful it's always nice and it's always done in a very thought-provoking way so that the person that um that if he's talking about talking to me about this or I'm talking to him, it's not meant to make the other person defensive. It's meant to tell them like, this is what I see. This is what I don't like. And this is a reason why I didn't like it. Can we come to a meeting of the minds here that like when we're in this situation again, can we not do this again? If it's like you're in public and somebody

says something, can you not say that? And it bothered me because of this, which really has never happen but I'm just saying it does happen for lots of people right and so like don't make when you're having those conversations what's the point in making the person you're having the conversation with be defensive all over again right you're trying to come back together so don't attack them again you can easily say what you want to say without making them feel like crap right or making them feel small a lot of times people like that upper hand and that like control thing it's unnecessary. You're both on the same playing field.

You're both on the same team. And you should be always unified. Sometimes it's even disciplining kids that thought a different mentality on how you should discipline kids. At the end of the day, he's the man. And you may not like it. And you may not like how he feels like he should be.

And now I'm talking about it even with blended families. Because if you, And I'm sure you agree with me, Tracy, but a lot of times when you marry into a blended family, what you're now saying to the man that you're marrying is, I love you enough that I trust you with my children and disciplining them. Otherwise, don't marry him. Because if you can't trust him to make good decisions on disciplining your kid, you have no business marrying him at all. Because here's the thing. He's going to answer God to God for that household.

And if you get in the way, and he lets you get in the way, like Adam did with Eve, now both of you are going to pay the price for that. So, like, sometimes you've got to sit back and be quiet and just trust God and trust him. But you don't, like, you're unit. You're, you know, you're on the same team. Like, your partners in crime. And that's how I literally feel like with Tom and I, like, we're in this. We're in it deep and, like, we're locked arm in arm. Like, you ain't going anywhere, I ain't going anywhere.

So, let's, figure it out. Yeah, let's live the best life we can together. Yeah, exactly. And you said something earlier that was, I think, really important is that it's not just about you guys, that, like, if there's an issue with you guys, it doesn't just affect you and Pastor Tom. It actually affects, like, your family unit, and then it goes beyond that. There's a huge ripple effect that if you guys let things fester too long, a little leaven, leaven's the whole lump. it does eventually does spread and you have people are watching you guys and whether you want to be on like a pedestal or not people look to you and look to like your marriage and how you guys deal with things and so it is important to remember like there is other people that would be affected by a bad decision that you guys could make and so even just having that in the back of your mind too is like is this worth staying mad at him for the next you know 48 hours or is this something that we you have a conversation about move forward with

And although people probably aren't at your spot, like where you're pastoring over, you know, a thousand people, basically. They could own a business, though. It's still, yeah, there's still somebody that if your marriage is destroyed by a stupid decision, it's going to ripple effect. Your family, your in-laws, like, I saw it happen in my family. You know, my ex was a part of a police department. And so that, we had friends in that, and they saw our marriage as strong. And then that actually messed with them. Like, they were like, well, how do I know my marriage isn't going to fall apart?

And so the ripple effect from a divorce and from sin is beyond just you two. And if you can think of that and remember that, I think it is a, it's huge. It's a huge thing, yeah. Because a lot of times we do influence people. We do. And we don't even know that we're influencing people. Yeah. Like, I mean, it goes way beyond anything a lot of times we can imagine.

But if you think about it, if you're a business owner or even if you manage and your marriage in any way affects that business. it could be the difference of people's families having jobs. Correct. And people don't even think about that. Yeah. They're like, every man for himself. Right, yeah, exactly. Right.

I would, you know, I hope to God nobody thinks about that for you. Right. Like, I wish you would be able to feel the effects of your, every man for himself kind of theology. You might feel a little differently about that. Yeah. Yep. Um, it's a big deal. I mean, marriage is a big deal.

That's why I'm dogmatic. Yeah. About it. Yeah. I've seen way more marriages in failure than in success mode. I see way more marriages, maybe not in failure mode, but just getting by to get by. Same. And they have kids.

Yeah. And you're teaching your kids to get married and have potentially the same mentality. Right. But they might not have that mentality. because they might just have the failure mentality. Why not show them success? And then they'll only settle for what they've seen, not for less. And that's a big deal.

Yeah. Like, I mean, for me, for me, and I think I can speak for both of my kids, but my kids have literally said to us, like, if I can't, And not in these words, but Tommy less in words, but it does matter. But, like, my daughter is, like, if I can't have what you have, I'll never get married. And Tommy will not get married if he has, if there's certain things in a relationship that are not like Tom and I's. Not that he thinks are, like, Tommy would never, Tommy would never marry anybody like me. He's pretty much told me, I can't marry anybody like you.

He doesn't want to marry somebody like me, but he does. want a great successful marriage. And like just him and his dad are very much alike. But just because he's a lot like his dad doesn't mean that he can marry somebody like me because they are very different. Tommy's still a lot like me. I was going to say he is a lot like you.

He's a lie. So he might kill somebody who was like him. Two of you married together? Yeah. Two hopes. I think it's pretty great marriage. But whatever. I mean, I don't know. I beg to differ. I'm like, exactly. A lot. I'm like, Tommy, hello. Hello. He's like, never in a million years.

Oh, my gosh. Never in a million years. Listen, it's funny. I'm not going to say anything just yet. I'll just keep my mouth quiet because then it'll come back and bite me in the butt. But I'm just saying, I think that what I've told him all his life, if it comes to fruition, if he just let me live his. life for him and it's coming around certain to certain things in certain ways that he just listens to me mother knows best mother knows best in so many ways that's from repunzel i don't think the mother was good no she was not but it's okay because mother knows best no she was not she's evil oh my gosh which reminds me of that emma's wasn't emma's like yes a repunzel yes So cute. I know. That was so fun.

And his birthday party. Okay. We're going to do sponsors really quick because we only have three minutes left. Okay. But I like that conversation. No, I think it's really good. I think it's really good. Because, you know.

And I hope people implement stuff that you said because I hope that nobody gets a victim mentality. And it's like, yeah, well, we're just too far gone because you can have your best marriage and start today. Like, just do something different. Like you were saying, like serve him a dinner, serve him dinner, even if you're mad at them. Like do something you would never do and then just see what happens or be miserable for the rest of your life. Like I'm just telling you, like just bringing your husband a plate of food like before you serve your kids, it lets him know he's number one. Serve your husband first, get his drink. Your kids will live.

Like they're going to live. They're not going to die. They're not number one. He's number one. And if you treat him like he's number one, he will reciprocate that. It may take a while because he may, like, want to see, is this really going to last? Yep. Do it for a month.

And I'm just telling you, after a month, you show him, like, get up early and fix, if he makes his lunch, get up early or the night before, make his lunch. Yeah, I like that. Like, I did all that stuff for Tom, all that stuff. And he truly knew thick and thin who was going to be in the trenches with him. No matter what, he knew I had his back at all times. And really for a man, like, that's really important for them. Yeah. It's really important for them.

Honor and love and cherish that man you married because they deserve it. Yeah. I mean, they really deserve it. I mean, maybe things have changed and maybe you don't feel like do right now, but they can go back. I'm a non-quitter. Yeah. Okay. Don't quit. Don't give up. That's Satan wins when you give up. Don't quit and don't give up because I'm telling you. Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for. Absolutely. And working and grinding. It really is. And God will honor the work of your hands. Yes, he will. Promise you that. Yes, he will. And your reward will

return mightily more than you ever thought yeah absolutely it's a beautiful thing let's go to our sponsors okay real estate appraisal associates the southwest florida ink is owned by laura keller they have been in business since 2005 they provide the most accurate certified home appraisal service in southwest florida and they have upfront pricing with no hidden fees no waiting for a couple weeks for your appraisal they will have it done in two to four days now why do you need an appraisal there are many reasons to get one first when you sell your home it removes any concern that you priced it too low. To eliminate paying high state taxes on a home you inherited, to make sure that you are not paying too much in property taxes because of an inaccurate home valuation. Lastly, so that when

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years experience. They do everything from oil change to tires to AC work to engine repair and replacement. They are not just motivated to do their best. They are auto-motivated, and their business lives by Proverbs 16-3. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Their phone number is 9-41-4-60-3962. Give both of them a call, and you will not be disappointed. Do we have anything that you need to tell anybody about that's coming up? Because I didn't let you do any of the like, share, and comment. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. This. Yes. Okay.

Yes. Very important. This is coming up September 18th through the 20th. Hope will be speaking at the River Church in Fort Myers for their rooted women's conference, Bloom, 2025. I speak Thursday and Saturday. Just so you know. Thursday and Saturday. So this is not at the church. It's at the Crown Plaza, Fort Myers, Gulf Coast. So you definitely want to register and come and check it out. So Thursday night at 7 p.m. admission is free. So you definitely want to go for that. Friday night will be somebody else speaking.

And then Saturday there's a breakfast. It's $60 per person if you want to go. But then Hope we'll be speaking for the lunch session, which is free as well at 1230 p.m. I'll be speaking with Pastor Clover. Okay. Okay. Perfect.

Yep. So definitely want to come another little mini conference, a few Thursday, Friday, Saturday, not the same as ours. And so you'll definitely want to come. And it's going to be a great time. This is a great church. and Pastor Clover is amazing.

Oh my gosh, she's the best. I'm not a great person. Like, a real, real person. Like, genuinely real. And we come from the same stomping grounds, which is D.C., so. Yes. That's something else right there.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you. Yes. The stories. Not good. All right. She was way better than me.

Why is she? Oh, yeah. She's a way better person. Okay. Like, by a lot. That's. That's a good thing, I guess. When is she speaking?

She speaks Friday night. I speak Thursday night. She speaks Friday night. And then we come back together on Saturday. Yeah. And if you go right to riverfortmyers.org, as soon as you get there, there's a pop-up and it says, reserve my spot. So you can do that there. Or you can just go to their events page.

But you definitely want to come and hang out with us. Come support. Come out. It'll be a good time. Appreciate that. I mean, I genuinely and personally inviting you, and it would mean the world. um if you came so yes yes do what you can do and then after that so be it yes so be it and then lastly we have to show this oh 1,263 followers she is creeping up behind me and how you have like

1,300 no I don't I have 1280 you were literally right behind me so but look at all those numbers it's almost 6,500 2,800 5,000 3,500 $2,500. Well, it's really our tick time. It's not me. No, that's true. It's really not me, guys. No, it's true.

She's never going to pass me because I get to add those numbers to my numbers. We are, that tick to, hey, it's hope, is actually mine and hers together. For sure. So, like, you're actually creeping up on yourself. I know. It's true. It's true. But it's fun.

Yeah, they are loving. Name that tune. And then Pastor Tom lastly, he's, we're doing really good there. So if you don't follow him, head over there. We're just putting clips that you, won't see anywhere else. So you definitely want to pop over there and just... That's crazy.

It's only been two weeks. I know. Gosh, man. I wish I would have done that fast. I almost at 100. And we're finally, the thing I love the most and I told you hope is that we're finally getting the people that like like our stuff. Because when you get on TikTok, you kind of get thrown in the algorithm.

And so we're getting people say like really weird stuff. And I'm like, that doesn't even make sense with what he's saying. And then I don't, the context is weird. So we can't even like engage in conversation because it doesn't make sense. And so we're finally getting. people that are like, wow, you're actually saying some truth, man, and we're like, because that's the point is to get it out there and know that there are people that are speaking the truth and preaching a hard message, because there's only a few people that are being highlighted

right now on social media that are doing what Pastor Tom's doing, so we just got to get it out there so that, you know, other pastors will follow in suit. Well, yeah, it'll inspire other people to be, possibly. Yeah, yeah. And it'll inspire people to actually, like, speak the real word of God. And the great thing is, is like, there are the ones that I've seen, which is really only two that I've seen, like, they're, they would be appealing to different walks of life. Like, I love that how God does that because he's not, like, he's trying to hit a target and it's different targets with different people and how they would relate to whomever that person is. yep so you know no snowflake is is the same and so each person that i've seen so far has been

diametrically different but all of them are kind of saying the same thing yep which is the bible guys right we've lost that right and really like in the full like the full gospel like both sides of it it's not just like let's stick to this side because it's comfy or this side because it's really hard and we want to be mean it's like it's just everything it's all encompassing let's just preach the gospel yeah and let it fall where it may exactly so thank you for joining us today is that if tracy are you good you know that's it i just wanted to show those two things thank you so much for that i appreciate that because we're going to get the word out we love you guys we will see you on friday and thank you for tuning in bye real talk real talk real talk real talk

I'm gonnae. I'm sorry. Thank you.