The Hope Hotline - Live In The Truth | Part Two

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

The Hope Hotline | S04-E26 | 05-06-2026 Subscribe to my podcast: https://rss.com/podcasts/thehopehotline/

Hello and welcome to the Hope Hotline. Thank you for joining us on this beautiful Wednesday. Vanessa is back. Hot diggity doggedy. We missed you. She's back and all snuggled up. Oh my gosh. Did you get highlights in your hair?

I meant to ask you that. I did about a month ago with Kylie. With Kylie. Okay, because I didn't notice them until just now. Yeah. I think when I wear it curly, you can see it. Yeah, I agree. But Kylie did it.

a wonderful job. My girl. Yes, she did. She really did. So everybody have a good weekend before we get into this? Yeah, I've had Monday and Tuesday since then. So the weekend is now gone. Me too. I'm like, what was this weekend? Yeah, I think it was. It went by like that. I know. And in two days, so now we're going to say. I'm looking forward to the next one. Yeah. Man, I was telling Heather, I cannot believe today is. Or no, try. I can't believe we're in May. It's insane. I know.

It's insane. And it's already the sixth. Like, I feel like I was like, oh, it's May. Wow. And now it's already the sixth. Literally, I wish we could slow it down a little bit. Is there like something?

Should I ask chat? Like, how do you slow down time? Is there away? Be miserable. That's true, actually. Mm-hmm. Have you ever worked a job that you hated? And the day went by so slow?

Yeah. That's the trick. What was your job that you hated? That it went so slow. Me? Yeah. Probably when I was younger. Oh, well, I did work for a cemetery and that job.

I felt like that job was really long. Really? Yeah, I was in sales. Oh, okay. Sales were slow. Yeah. Oh. Which is kind of a good thing.

No, nobody's dying. Nobody's dying. I didn't mind it. What do you sell like the plots and all that stuff, right? Plots, cremation. Yeah. Land. Is there a slow season?

Caskets. In that business? well it was for me obviously wasn't a very good salesperson yes you are well it wasn't there that's crazy yeah and you have to wait for them to come to you because you can't approach oh no no no no no i was going to them i was going to them i was to buy like pre like pre spot i was i was having to market and advertise and then bring them in how do you start the conversation yeah hey you're going to die one day Well, we're all terminal.

Yeah. Everybody's going to die. Everybody's expiration date. And are you ready? Are you prepared? Have you taken care of things for your family? Oh, okay. Sign me up.

And the sooner and what you pay today won't be what you'll have to pay tomorrow. Oh, yes. Because it gets more expensive every single year. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So if you buy the land today at what it costs, it will be way more expensive, probably when you're ready to go. Okay.

Sold. Mm-hmm. Well done. See, if I heard that, I'd be like, okay, where do I sign? Yeah. See? Especially when you start hearing the prices of land. How much land costs.

Interesting. I mean, you're buying land when you die. It's crazy. I think I want to be cremated. Mm-hmm. Well, my plan A is going with Jesus. Lots of people have problems. You know, like rapture stuff.

Yeah. Plan A is Jesus. But a lot of people have, a lot of Christians have cremation issues. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because Jesus wasn't cremated. And it's like hell. Your hell's got fire in it. And then you're putting yourself in fire. Oh. Yeah. I didn't even think that. So where do you stand?

I'm getting cremated. Well, here's the thing. You're going to disintegrate and dissolve into dust. Anyway. Correct. Yeah. This just gets you there faster. True.

My mom has very specific requests. Oh. When she gets cremated. Okay. Which is? She wants Jeff to take her ashes to Puerto Rico and throw her ashes at my dad. I like it. I told you.

Like on him? Yeah. Because she wants to haunt him forever. Oh. If you're listening, Mom, I'm sorry. Secrets out. Entertainment purposes only. Now if your dad is watching this, which he probably isn't.

I'm going to clip this and send us to your dad. He sees Jeff coming. He's running the opposite direction. That's crazy. I'm like, no way. Jeff is like, all right, let's do it. No, of course he is. Just already got the ticket booked.

Sign me up. Wow. Gosh, that's like, I don't really care. bury me, burn me. I don't care. I ain't going to be here. You're in glory.

I just think least expensive. It seems crazy to like put me in a big box that costs like thousands. Well, cremations can cost, like, cremations are like $2,500 depending on. They're not even cheap. And then if you die, not in your own state, and they have to. Mov you. Unless you're cremated, then you can.

But you pick the right funeral. Like, the place I work for was called dignity. For reasons. Dignity was like a franchise. So you die in another state. And your cremation stuff, you can get cremated in another state. That's a selling point. That's a selling point.

I like it. Trust me. I used it. Didn't really help. I wasn't a very good same. I was in death. I didn't sell great when it comes to death. Like, did you care enough?

Like, I feel like you. No, I did. You sell, like, when you, like, there's, like, you have a purpose behind it and you have a passion. Were you passionate for the dead? No. Being buried or cremated? Yeah, I mean, well, I'm passionate about it. Pretty much everything put my heart in mind to do.

I was pretty passionate about it. But I was more about, I found myself more like compassionate for them right then where they were at. Yeah. So, yeah, I really did want to make a sale. Okay. But I was looking at more for godly, you know, opportunities. I didn't do it very long. Okay.

I did it for like, I don't know, five months. What age? Oh, okay. Four, five months. What age was it? Like, when was this? Like 20s, 30s? Oh, Norma and Tommy.

Norma, I think, was in the second grade. Okay. So that means she was seven, seven years old. That means Tommy was nine. You were like 30s-ish. Yeah. Yeah. I was in my 30s.

Okay. Interesting. Well, no, if Norman was seven, I had her when I was. No, I was early 40s. I was early 40s. Okay. Yep. That would be like me right now.

I know, going and working. Yeah. But that's one of the times that I can say that when I would say that everything I put my hand to would prosper. That did not have that one. I was not prospering in the old funeral business. But you learned a lot. And because like I said, I know nothing about the funeral business. I know because I was like, that would stress me out.

Like all that. And you're like, no, it's really super simple. Oh, it's super simple. And you weren't even there that long and you feel like you have a really good grasp on it. But they make you partner up. And my partner, like, there it is. I wanted to kill them. That was it.

It was the partner. It was the partner. He was a pastor. He was a nice guy. But like every time we were talking to somebody, he would say amen to them. I'm like, that's it. That was it. That's why she was out.

That's an egg. That's a major egg. I was like, if we were, if we were, we had a group of people that we created a, like, you know, Jeff's done luncheons. Uh-huh. Yeah. You have a luncheon and you're coming in and explaining why they're there. And he's there talking to the crowd. And he's after he's done, after he's done saying a sentence, he'd say, amen.

I was like, dude, listen, we're both Christians. But the amen, it's got to go. It's almost muscle memory, I believe, for him. He's like, I know, I'm sorry. I'm like, and we wonder why we're not selling. Amen. I'm like, you shut up. You shut up.

You should just start saying. I'm like, can I go out on my own? Can I just be my own person? Yeah, because you, like, even though that was, he was a Christian, he was going through, like, marital problems. It was a whole thing, man. He was too nice. Well, he's getting used and abused by his wife. Yeah.

Too nice. I knew it. As soon as you said he was nice, I was like, he was a nice guy. Too nice. But he got on my nerves. That's crazy. Okay. Yeah, that was the job.

So, yeah, you are, you know, you're weak of slink. He's weak. You can't get through the amends and the hallelujahs when you're trying to sell cream. Do you have to talk? Could you have been the seller and him just hold the piece of paper? Why don't you guys just do it that way? I mean, it's not a bad idea.

You sit there and look pretty holding the paper. You smile because he was so nice. No. No. No. No. No. He couldn't, like he literally couldn't help himself. Yeah.

That's so funny. That is. A preacher's got to talk. That's true. You ain't going to shut them down. That's true. Pastors love to talk. Amen.

It was hard, so. Yeah. Enough about that. What are we doing today? What are we doing today? What are we doing? Well, I drank some Pepsi and now I got a burp. Hold on.

Oh, my gosh. excuse me didn't want to do that microphone what we're going to do is we're going to finish up talking about what we were talking about on Friday which is living the truth

and we found it thankfully Vanessa was watching live and she found the verse we were looking for I will never leave you or forsake you it was very important even in California even in Cali

we were panicking live I was just like I know I know I read that I believed you I was like she must have seen it she's determined Yeah. Oh my gosh. You know, and it's so funny because since Friday, I have had, you know, usually, like, I have had experiences where I'm literally dealing with people who do not live in the truth. It's like, how is this possible?

Come on. Yeah. And they know they're not. They have to know they're not. But they'll try and sell that they are. It's like, God. Like this is, in some ways, if it's a lifestyle, this is heaven and hell for people. It's serious business. And I don't get it. I don't get how people can, because they go to church every single Sunday and they dress the part. They honestly believe that they can get away with being dishonest. I know. I don't get it.

And this, like, what I've noticed, like in other churches, because the word isn't preached so hard. It's kind of like, it makes sense because you're like, I could see why they, you know, because God is love and he loves you and he'll meet you where you're at and all these like, you know, very generic, yeah, words. But this church is very confusing to me when people, if they know and they sit there, like I, I don't know how you're on, I don't know how you do it. I just don't know how you do it. And then walk it out and say the opposite of what Pastor Tom said. And love Pastor Tom, like love his preaching, love his style. I know it's crazy.

It is. I know. I just, for me, it's just perplexing to me. I mean, I stopped trying to figure it out because it does start to get like frustrating.

Yeah. And I start getting annoyed and I don't want to be annoyed with people because obviously there's just like a disconnect somewhere. Well, and then, you know, because sometimes when people,

they honestly believe what they're saying. And then there's those, that there is absolutely, no way they could be honestly believing what they're saying. And then they're trying to just sell it like it is gospel or whatever. Whatever truth is to them, they're trying to sell it as gospel. It's just crazy to me.

It is. But I'm like, it's heaven and hell. I mean, it's that big of a deal. Like, what you do and what you say. Because a lot of times people think that truth is, verbal but truth is also action yeah definitely it's both and you say one thing you do another that's not truth um it's just it's just it's just crazy me how like I don't know I've told Tom I'm like for me like I like I said the last podcast on Friday I said you know for me like for me like

me like honesty is so high on my list of walking in and integrity like even this morning i even this morning i was i said something to somebody because they stopped me while i was walking the dog and i said something to the person i was talking to and later on as i was finishing my walk with the dog i retrospectively not where it's you know analysis of self paralysis which is dangerous guys that's another whole thing don't do that but i i started thinking like when i said that to the person was that was that truth or was that like how i want to perceive it but is that truth i mean we we all should really like because there are some things in life that like you want to look at it in that light but that's still not the truth right even in that light it's not the truth so i just like

to myself. Because I don't want to lie. I like try and make sure that if I say something, it is, it is, like, comes from a place of purity and honesty. And so. And that good thing about that is that Pastor Tom says this all the time, a little leaven. Levin's the whole lump. So when you do not want to even look, like, you know, avoid the appearance of evil. So if you, if it even kind of sounded like to yourself that that might have been a liar or the direction that I could keep saying that. But it's not necessarily true. But it's close. Like when you start justifying. That's the little leaven. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, it's super dangerous. Yeah. And a lot of times people think that truth is like like we were talking about culturally speaking, people think like not keeping their word that that's not

not being dishonest. No, that's being dishonest. You gave your word that you were going to do something, and then when you don't do it, that's not truth. When you ghost people, that's not truth. Yeah. I mean, a lot of times people think that honesty is just thou shalt not lie. No, it's like lifestyle.

And they think that telling it a lie is not a big deal, even if it's under the guise of, I'm going to tell this because I don't want to hurt this person's feelings. True. Okay? Whether it be what they consider a white lie or, well, I can't tell them they look bad in that outfit because that will hurt their feelings. Well, they don't say anything at all. Because you're still lying and it is a big deal.

And a lot of people will be like, it's not a big deal because the other is worse. that would hurt their feelings. Herting somebody's feelings is not sin and won't send you to hell. Lying though is and does. And that I do not get, how people do not. It's really bad.

She should know. Well, she's asking you for a reason. Because she's questioning. It's for her benefit. And you can say things in a way that doesn't crush somebody but sends a message that... This would look so much better.

Or like suggest something better. You weren't fat. How about this dress? This dress the way it's cut, like it would look great on you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Like for me. And a lot of times people don't think that, I mean, they literally don't think it's a big deal. Listen, if you tell somebody you're going to do something. Yeah, that's a big one. You do it. Unless you have a really, really, really, really. and not your good reason for it, but a legitimate reason that would justify it to everybody.

You don't just, you don't cancel, you don't overpromise. And a lot of people don't think these things are lying. They are, though. They very much are. You don't say, because here's the thing. And we'll talk about this in their scripture. But if you want God to believe you, then you have to be believable.

You have to stick to your word. If you want your body to believe you. Because it knows whether you mean what you say or if you keep your word. And it knows whether you speak truth or you don't. It will not, your body won't even believe you. Because they know, it knows that you're not a truth teller. Or you don't stick to things, which is a big deal.

If you tell, I mean, a lot of times people will say they're going to do something. They don't do it. They make up a reason for it. And that's not the legitimate reason why. Like, whatever the first reason is, like, I'll give you an example. People will get an invitation to something. And I've known people who've done this. Get an invitation to something.

Don't want to go to that very thing. So they were available to go to it, but they'll make themselves have to. to go and do something so they'll now make an arrangement so they can't do it anymore but the truth was is the first reason why they weren't going is because they didn't want to go but what they'll tell the person or persons is the reason they're going is we already have something to do that's not truth the truth was is you created something to do so you wouldn't have to go to that so you could say that was the reason why what's the real reason why the real reason why you're not doing it is is why because you don't want to. That's what you tell them. Otherwise, is it truth? No, it's not truth. You just made

something happen so you didn't have to tell the truth. Does that make sense, ladies? Yeah, it does. And that's the little leaven. Like, it will follow you into the next thing. Just be honest. Just be honest. You what? What did you say? I just don't get it. You don't get it. It's more worth to do what you just said. That's what I feel like. Then just to be honest. No, no, no, no. It's not more work. It's not more work. No. You have to like go make a home of their plans? No, because here's the thing. It's not more work. Because to people who are not confrontational or feel like they can't, they have a very difficult time telling people things that might cause somebody to be bothered with them, going and making a, What's the difference?

They were going to have to go to this or now they go out to dinner and do something else. This is way easier because either way they were going to have to be out. So how hard is it? It's not hard. And it eliminates having to tell somebody something that you don't have the balls to do. Yeah. It's the truth. You don't have the testicle fortitude to do it.

It's crazy. And you think this is what kills me is you are. honestly believe that if you can't tell somebody you don't want to do something because you don't want to do it, you think it's going to get easier. That's the worst time you're ever going to have to tell somebody that you don't want to do something. That's the worst. That's like the worst case scenario of having to be honest. Right. No, other things are coming are going to be way harder to do than that. And it's like faith, you better be able to do the little so you can increase to do the tough.

But that's not what happens. And so lying just becomes a part of a lifestyle. Yep. If you tell somebody you're going to do something, you do it. And if you can't, if you don't want to do something, you tell them you don't want to do it. And the reason why you don't want to do it. That's honest. Yeah.

It is what's fair. And the whole ghosting thing, ugh, that's, have you ever been ghosted? Yeah. Have I ever been ghosted? I have. before it was a thing. I don't remember. Yeah, I didn't know what it was.

Oh, I have been ghosted. Really? His name was Poppy Shampoo. Oh, I like it. This was before Jeff. Wow. What was his name? Yeah, what?

Huh? Wow. You know how in the hood, everybody has the nickname? But that one's a new one to me. His name is Poppy Shampoo. Like shampoo? Yeah. Because he was a puppy and he was always like nice looking.

Like he always like kept his self. like like smelling good looking good okay so his name was pop me shampoo yeah he named himself that he named himself that wow i think people give you nicknames they do but it's this one sounds like he would have done this one himself yeah i can hear that i can see that so like what happened you like like we were like we were talking oh you were talking we were talking we were just talking back and and forth and all of a sudden he literally ghosted me oh wow reached out crickets wow oh it was really rude that is really rude that is really see And that feels not, that's not nice.

No. Just be honest. Oh yeah. You literally just unlocked a memory. Yeah. Well, because what they've been saying is, is I like you, we do have something. I do want to go out with you. Yeah.

And they don't have the guts to say, sorry, but I have changed my mind. So God is so good because, like, soon after that, I had gotten married and I'm walking out of church. This was back in Brooklyn. I'm walking out of church. and this church had like two services. So the people were lining up for the second service, guess who was in the line? And I'm walking out with my husband. No way.

Poppy shampoo. And then he said hello to me. So I stopped and I was like, oh, hi, let me introduce you to my husband. What did he say? He just looked at me. Oh, gosh. That's stinking funny. I know.

I'm surprised he didn't avoid you. That's actually impressive that he actually was. waved at me, thinking that maybe, I don't know if he saw Jeff or whatever. But still, like, that's so embarrassing. Maybe he was, like, trying to, like, shoot his shot again. Absolutely not. I was like, oh, I'm so glad you're here. Let me introduce you somebody.

I like it. Vengeance. Yes. It was Vanessa. It was the Lord's. I didn't set that up. He literally, like, set that up for me and a silver platter. Oh, my gosh.

I was ghosted, and his name was Tom Leipley. No. Oh, Pastor twice. Um, he literally ghosted you. Yeah. Twice. Oh my gosh.

He got it from his dad. Ouch. And that was for another girl. So that hurt even more. Oh. Yep. I was like, too shay.

Ouch. Oachies. Uh-huh. Man. So what, like, he ghosted you. And then you just waited around because you knew he was coming back. Oh, I didn't know.

He lived your life. I didn't know. He was coming back. I knew what God had told me, but I didn't, like, I went and lived my life. Yeah. I did not, like, I don't know. I don't understand girls that just sweat guys, man, and, like, call them or just are desperate. But desperate, yeah, there it is.

And they want to make sure that that guy knows that they're there, just waiting. When you're ready. I'm like, heck no. I'm still here. I'll find you. Excuse me, no way. No way. Yeah, that's never a healthy way to start a relationship.

Well, plus, I mean, nobody likes, nobody likes desperate. Mm-mm. You know? No. It's not attractive. It's not. And the girls think that if they just, if they just show that they really care about this person and they really love them and that they're the one, then it'll change the guy's mind.

And in all actuality, that is not what, that's a turnoff. And guys would rather have a girl that is a challenge and is like, you don't want me? That's fine. Bye. Right. Yeah. I'll find somebody else. Or I'll go live my life, which I, huh?

That checks out. That checks out. I think Jeff wanted me even more because I rejected him three times. Probably. Yeah. I think I was the only person that has ever done that to him. Right. Right. He's like, oh, she's my wife.

She's the one. She's the one. She's the one. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. Desperation is not attractive. And if he would have met me, like, maybe even like a year before that, I would have been, like, clinging. Literally. But.

But I spent a year. Like really digging into my relationship with the Lord. So by the time he found me, I was like so content. Confident. I was so content. Yeah. You're confident in who you were. Like you're actually a distraction to me.

Thank you. Yeah. It's very like. Yeah. It's very attractive to find a opposite sex of somebody who is like, you know what? You're a bonus to my life. You aren't my life. Right.

Right. Yeah. True. And that's where people think that. That's why a person's never going to satisfy you. Learn to let God be the one that satisfies you. And then the person is just an addition to something that's already great. Get the cherry on top.

Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, you just look desperate. And desperate is not, again, attractive. A lot of times people think it is. But it's not because you think that you're like making them understand how much you value them. When in all actuality, they would prefer not to be that. much value. Well, and if somebody likes that, they might have issues, too, that they feel like

they need to have somebody to take care of. And then that becomes an unhealthy. It's like that codependency thing. It becomes an unhealthy balance. Because usually it's somebody who's high maintenance. Yeah. And then the person that likes to maintenance. Right. And both of a, both is not good. You got it. Because eventually, the one that's maintenanceing, it's going to get old. Right. Yeah. And you would never be able to maintenance enough. Right. Exactly. Ever. Yes. Because you weren't designed to do that. Correct. And then you'll be like never feeling like you can ever measure up that you can ever do enough and you will never because they'll make sure that you know that you still need to do more. Right. It's a it's a vicious cycle. You know what I don't understand.

I literally don't understand like why people date people this is so weird to me. This is a whole side thing not talking about truth, but we'll get back to this. But since we're talking about dating, why, like, like,

first of all, like I broke up with a lot of people that I didn't consider them as boyfriends or anything like that. I've only had two boyfriends in my whole entire life. One of them was Tom. So I never was in

any really serious, relationships because I could never get past certain things that grossed me out. They gave you the ick? Yeah. And like, that's like the modern term or something. Yeah, it is. It is. It is.

Yeah. Which I don't get that. Like, why would you be with somebody who gave you the ick? You don't. You end up like, it's like you like you like you like you like you start seeing things and you're like, oh, that's the ick. Like I can't ever go back anymore. Like I broke up with people as soon as I saw one thing.

Yes, the ick. Like, I'd be like, but no, people, like, people that are high maintenance, this is what I'm going to. Okay. That person, and I'm thinking of a, like a couple, they're married, okay? I'm thinking of a couple that are married. He gives her the ick, okay? He gave her the ick when they were together. Oh, that's silly.

He gives her the ick now and there is nothing that guy can do. No. To even though he doesn't always give her the ick. But now his countenance and his self-esteem is about that big because she's high maintenance and everything gives her. She should have never married him. Like seriously. Yeah. Why would you date somebody that you say gives you the ick?

Great question. gives you the ick true i i haven't heard of anybody that like is still in a relationship and they're like saying they give me the ick like usually it's like i broke up because now i have the ick or yeah those people usually um like need that person because they feel like they can't get someone else wait a minute wait a minute i lost you okay so tell you what are you saying to me i'm saying those people that usually stay with someone even if they have like they see the ick in the person either there's like there's a reason they either like are settling because they don't think they can something else. Which is what I think happened in this marriage relationship because nobody's

going to want this girl. Money. For sure. There's usually a reason. Or money? Like what do you mean or money? Like he has. He has money? Yeah. Yes. Like there's a, there's a bigger factor that is more important to them than the act. Or the egg. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But do you, does that person even care about what they're doing to the person that they keep saying? Do they say that this, like I know that this girl that I'm referring to, she's mean. Like, she says that to his face, I'm sure. Like, maybe she doesn't say, I mean, who says you're giving me the ick to somebody to their face? That's crazy. Like, who does that? I don't know. Okay, if you do that, you're a horrible person. That's mean. It's, yeah, it's mean. No, I'm not, but I, but this girl's not very nice.

So she might say to her husband, you give me the X. So his countenance must be about that big. Nobody who's a quality person says to. somebody that they say they like. That's so mean. I feel bad for this guy. Yeah. Control maybe that she like uses it. Maybe she's projecting.

Maybe she doesn't like herself. No, no. She doesn't like herself. Yeah. That is true. I know. It always is. But what I'm saying is like now that person's...

No, you're right. Confidence is that big. Right. They can't get out of it because they're married. Right. But this person, maybe nobody wanted them either because they're so freaking high maintenance. Probably.

Yeah. yep yeah I think of just Jeff and I in our dynamic like the things that should give me an egg don't I know never I have never yesterday if you got my Snapchat I saw that

we need to be Snapchat buddies hope because I sense a Snapchat yesterday Jeff is literally walking around with a big old hole around his belly button because Coco ate around it for some reason and he's walking around I'm like

Norma says she has it she's going to show me I'm like but it did it no because he's your person I have never I say turned off because I've never like

I'm never really but I'm not in so you guys knowing it is pretty funny but here's the thing like I have never there's never we used to say turned off by something I have never been like there's nothing that Tom, even when he wore the worst shoes and the worst clothes and his hair

was goofy, like he didn't turn me off. I never was like, ew. Right. I never felt like that about him. And if I would have, I would have broke up with him because you don't do that to people. Exactly. But I did know that the shoes couldn't stay. The clothes needed to change. So did the haircut. Yeah, you just want to help. There is something really amazing underneath all of that. Right. But the core was like, and he was even heavy. He was really heavy. And even then I didn't feel like, ugh.

And when you're loved well, you glow up. True. And that's what happened. True. But I think it's so mean. It is. No, that hurts my feelings. I feel bad for this guy.

Yeah. So do I. Let's get this girl in counseling. It's never going to happen. It's never going to help. Send her my way. Oh, and send him to the lions then. Yeah.

Oh, my. It's Daryl. Whip him in shape. It's very sad. It's very sad. I just got to stand up to people like that. I know. Like, man, what kind of person, what literally, what kind of person says mean stuff to the person.

I mean, married couples do it all the time. But if you're dating somebody, like, why would you even be dating them? Like, they had to get, like, I'm sure that wasn't hidden before they got married, right? And they, they had, she had to been doing that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Before they got married. Yeah.

So why would you even ask that girl to marry you other than you have low self-esteem? Right. Like, you have to have low self-esteem to have somebody talk to you like that and you be okay with that. Yeah. Especially as a man. It's personally a man. Yeah. Like, holy crap.

Like, you can do better by yourself than have somebody say you turn me off when you do this or whatever that phrase is. Like, you give me the ick or, is that what you say you give me the ick? Yeah. I told her. probably one time something he did that kind of gave me an ick but it's like a it's like a like we laughed about it like I was like what was it but I still don't I find I get the ick when I watch it on TV it's when men get mad and like slam their helmets into the ground I'm like let's not do that like that's not attractive to me that's like he did it one time during frisbee and I was like

okay let's not do that but we laughed about it and he still does it because he doesn't care he's Tommy and you still love him yeah but here's the find it though isn't it I just more it well but but here's the thing let me ask you this if like do I don't know like maybe you guys don't know the answer to this question because this person would would and probably does change to whatever his wife says is it to him do most people change what they do if the person says like Tommy didn't change And you're not going to change Tommy. Like you can say all you want to.

I mean, he's going to be like, go pound sand or he'll break up with you. It's one of the two. Like, it's going to happen. And we all know this because Tommy could care less about whatever. Yes, he's just, he's just Tommy. He's just Tommy. Tommy's like, you don't like it? Kick rocks.

Exactly. But are a lot of guys like that, they say kick rocks? Or do they like change? Like, do a lot of people? people do a lot of people go through this most things that I've seen it's usually like it's not serious it's like funny like what does that mean like the girl will be like oh my gosh that please don't do that again like what are they thinking like when somebody's skipping yes that looks very feminine and please don't ever do that again that's a make to give the person the nick on purpose it's usually like

it's more healthy relationships don't let it like affect them like it's like but and it's probably something like a one-off kind of thing but there's people like the ones that like you when and what I've seen is that when people say they get an ick from somebody it's already over like like when they break up and then they look back and they're like I like I'm watching them respond to their friends and it gives me such an ick that now I'm like unattracted to them but that's how it was for me too okay so okay so so what Taya is saying is there's two different ways of seeing this one is it's kind of funny yeah yes and not serious like when

Noah skips, Kylie's like, please don't ever do that again. I've never seen Jeff skip. It's the funniest thing. I'm going to ask Noah today at youth. It's actually amazing. Yeah, but they're laughing at him, correct? That's the funny part. Right.

It's not hurtful. And he doesn't typically skip. And he's over dramatic. Like it's funny, but like you look at it and you're like, that's not attractive. Yeah. You know? So, and then there's the ones the opposite. Like yours, you were saying home.

Okay, so Norma just said, can repeat that, Norma? It's not. Yeah, right. Right. Oh, okay. So you can't hear Norma, but Norma said it's not kind when somebody, it's a natural thing that someone does. And then the person tells them that that natural thing is an ick. That's the things I broke over up over. Those are the things like, you're doing this with your hands. Like that'd be like, hope, stop doing that gives me the ick. Like, please don't. Like that's, that's annoying. Don't do that. Like that's unkind. Like that's mean. That's what I think. Right. Okay. Okay. Like she, that girl you're probably talking about, probably talking about. probably like he can't do anything and so she probably does it to make herself feel better like

she doesn't like herself but she has high maintenance like it's definitely like she probably actually doesn't even find that an ick she makes herself think it's an egg because she wants to have a reason to not like him make her pride yeah maybe that's true that's very true I don't know like I don't know like I know there's a thing about being honest but how about you just not marry that person so that you don't have to crush them in and their soul. Yeah. Their spirit. Like, I, I don't know.

Like, I'm... Nothing else. Like, you can't get over. Like, there's, like, a couple icks and you can't get over. Like, there's nothing redeemable in this person. But I'm, well, in a married, when you're married, you better figure it out. Right. But I'll be honest with you.

When, if somebody did turn me off, there was nothing. Like, I was breaking up. That's what Jair said, too. It's not happening. For somebody, I could. I can't go back. I can't. I can't.

There's nothing. All I would be able to do is think about that gross thing or that thing that turned me off. I'd be like, if I do that again, then I can't see myself intimate with them. Right. Gross. Yeah. So I'm not marrying that person because I do want to be intimate. What if they didn't do it until you got married?

No, because I would have never married somebody unless God told me to do it, but I would have never married somebody that I didn't date for at least a year, at least a year. And I would have seen it. You would have seen it. I would have seen it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No way. Yeah. Because outside of God telling me, and even then, God would really let me see. But God tells you, then you're not going to have that gross feeling. Okay. Okay. Like, if it's your person, you're not going to have an ick. I really don't believe that for a second. Like, if it's God, especially after yesterday. Let me see it. Let's see it. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, here we go.

Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. There it is. Oh my. Goodness. Yeah. That's daggone funny.

You know? You know? Just live in his best life. That is funny that Coco did that too. I know. That's so cocoa. Why would she do that? I know.

It must smell. I was there. I was going to say, did he use his shirt as a plate? Is that a plate shirt? And there was food or something there at one time? No, I think it's his belly button. His belly button stinks. Ew.

So the dog just kept licking and licking and licking until it reached the bottom of the, since you roll pop. Yep. Yep. Got to the center. If you did that way he was wearing that? No. Thank God.

Can you imagine? Gross. Gross. That's terrible. Do you have the ick now, hope? No, that doesn't even turn me off because Tom's got stuff like that too. No, I have no problem with that. Like, I'm not kidding you.

Like, if people lived with Tom, they'd be like, same. He's the only one for you. Yeah. Because nobody else would want him. I'm pretty sure of that. Yeah, Talia does. She's been pretty much in my house.

She's seen it all. But I'm just saying, like, they would know. Like, he's only meant for one person. So funny. Oh, man. I just, for me, I'm like, you'll know your person because you won't ever feel like that. You won't ever feel like, ugh.

Right. I hate when they do that. You wouldn't do that. Right. And if you feel that way towards your partner, then maybe they're not the one. Maybe they're not the one. I think there's a level of X too. What is that?

I think there's a level of X too. Like you can, like, Kylie's is like funny. Right, that's funny. You're like, please don't ever do that. I guess. So like if they do, you like, you end up liking it. Right. Right. She would laugh again.

Yeah. Yeah, because it's not a big deal. Right, 100%. It's different if it, like, because it's not a big deal. I've dated guys and even Tom, like, I'd be like, that's gross, okay? But it's not a turnoff. Right. It's just gross.

But then there's gross and it's like, that is a huge turnoff. I would never marry somebody where I was like, like, if they, hmm, I woke up, I broke up with somebody because of flip-flops before. Oh, that's true. You did. Can they help that? No, but that's how I'm a very, like, I'm very much. They can help that. Was it the toes? No, they had fine toes. It was the flip-flops. It's the flip-flops. How dare you wear flip-lops? Right? It was to the beach. How dare you wear a flip-lops? She had the ick. All right. Not flip-lops.

Bare feet. I don't care. Slides? Not, no, probably not. No, not even that. But now I don't care. Like Tom wears, Tom wears them. I'm like, you look good, babe. It doesn't bother me. They bother me with the other person. It's not your person. But I don't know. Like, what is it, like, what, what, like, what is something that somebody would do? What?

Well, I mean, what is something that someone could do that is the way that they, they live or they, the way that they do something that you're just like. Like, oh, they eat, chew gum. Yeah. Like, that's kind of stuff. I would break up over that. 100%. Like how Tommy eats his, freaking whatever he eats.

It's not an ick. We make fun of it. The rocks that he eats, his chicken. No, how he holds his fork or his chicken. Oh, like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like this. Like, yeah, that could turn somebody off, though, I think.

Because it could have turned me off. And I would have broken up with you because I would have thought it was an ick. If somebody laughed. a certain way. I might break up with you. If somebody talks a certain way, like I didn't date a guy because he talked like that. He was hot as crap. Every girl was in love with him until he started talking. And then he talked like that. I'm not dating you. Not dating you. Sorry. I was like all in when he started coming my way and I was like, hello. And then he talked. And I was like,

not happening. Sorry, dude. You could not sound more nasal. And he couldn't help it. Right. It's not his fault. It's not your person. Exactly. Like if, I don't know. Like you said skipping.

I say running. If somebody turned me off and they ran how they ran or whatever. Oh, yeah. But he hates how you run. But does he find it, like, does he find it like a turnoff? Like, I could break up over somebody and how they ran. Yeah. Truth be told.

If somebody ran and. They can't help it. They can't help it. Right? I know, but I'd still break up with them. I'm not kidding you. If somebody had flat feet and they were running and I thought they looked like a duck and I was like, don't run. I wouldn't say don't run. Right. I'd just break up with you. Yeah. Yes. Oh, there you go, Norma. What? Norma said, what if it's your body's intuition as to who is your soulmate? Good point. Good point. because here's the thing. Could Tom have like run like a duck?

Yeah, and you might have not even cared. And I would probably not have cared. You'd be like, you're so cute. I'm like, dude, that's hot. Yeah, good point. Even though this is not the topic at all that we're supposed to talk about today. I should change my cover photo again. Ix.

Ix. Oh, yes, yes. But icks are truth. I mean, even though we're not talking about it because. But it is the truth. It is the truth. I'm going to say Iq aversion. I'm like something like that.

Which really is like I guess you're going to have to say it because for me it's really turnoffs. I'll say that too. No, you don't need to do turnoffs. What turns you off and are you honest about it? And are you honest with yourself about whether or not this person is really your person? Because Taya, if people are staying in Vanessa, if people are staying with people because of something, what did you say people stay with somebody for?

Vanessa said for money, money, which is horrible. What did you say? Yeah, I said money and settling. Settling. Settling. You're like feeling you can't get anything better.

Which is horrible. Yeah. Like being lonely. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can see why somebody, I could see why somebody would stay with somebody who wasn't really their person because you didn't want to be lonely.

I mean, lots of women marry people, so they're not lonely. That aren't even, like, good to them. They're abusive to them. them do you know what I'm saying get a cat get a cat yeah real like you can do bad by yourself like you don't need help right don't like I don't for me it's like there I personally I think it's really great when you can be confident in your own person you know and you don't have to

have somebody else but you know a lot of women not well there are men that are like this too but they they can never be by themselves they have to go from one person to the next person the next person and I'm not talking even some of its relationship but I've had friends that literally they went from one friends to the next friend to the next friend to the next friend they were like it's like people who church hop they're never content right with just being by themselves right you have to learn to like be happy with like yourself Like yourself. Be content with just, if it's just you, then you're fine.

Yeah. Right. You're totally fine because then if you do find somebody and you meet them and they aren't all that you would hope they are, then you can easily walk away. Right. I mean, sometimes even if they turn you off, they can't help it that they turn you off. But you should be able to say that's not going to work for the long. long haul. And I can't ask them not to, I can't ask them to change this. This is who they are.

Like you said, flat feet. Like how are they going to fix that? Yeah. Right. Exactly. And you have to be okay if somebody, if you give somebody the ick. Yes. Well, hello, I've done it plenty. You know what I'm saying? I've, it's probably what happens to poppy shampoo. I gave me an ick. You probably did. Yeah. Like, I'm so sad. I mean, for real, I've never, outside of Tom, never been broken up with, but here's the thing. I dated a lot of guys that never called me back. There was something about me that was like, not my, not my style. And that's okay. Like, thank God, because I literally was saying to the Lord this morning when I was spending my time in prayer, I was like thanking him, you know, for, for everything. And I said to him,

I'm like, you could have never convinced me back in the day that I would live the life that I live today. I would have never, if the Lord told me that this is the life that he would give me, I would have never believed it in a million years. Because it's that good. And I thank God, none of those things happened. Because when you get involved with or you either become friends with the wrong people that lead you astray and take you down really dark, nasty paths or you get involved with somebody that is not your person and you married them like what will you know will you will you be able to be able to say I can't even pin I I want to pinch myself I can't even believe like I live this life yeah pinch me so that you know am I going to

wake up I mean that's that's the magnitude of decisions and and truth and life and living it to its fullest and being honest with yourself, but being honest with others without being hurtful. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't know. It's like, I don't know. I don't, I don't, I have tough conversations with people sometimes,

but I don't have tough conversations to break them down. Right. And hurt them. Right. And I think there are people who really enjoy that. Like they really like, like, some people are really sarcastic people because they don't have the guts to tell people the truth. So they send it through sarcasm. And that sarcasm is okay to a certain extent.

But not when, like, you can be sarcastic usually in your little, in your family. Like if Tracy's girls are sarcastic with one another, her daughters, well, ultimately, they're being sarcastic with one another, but they know each other very, very well, right? And they know that at the end of the day, only they can say that to each other. Right. Because if somebody else said that to them, they beat them to a pulp, right? But when other people start being sarcastic and saying there's places in situations where sarcastic, works and then others and even I say I say even in a family dynamic you got to really be careful with sarcasm because it can even cut deep in that arena and be very harmful and

hurtful. That's true. So sarcasm is very, very tough. Yeah. And a lot of people you have to be good at reading the room and not being if you're somebody that responds out of emotion a lot to You have to be really careful because if you're not good at reading a room when somebody's hurt. And you know what I find is a lot of people who are sarcastic, which is, again, truth, speaking truth, and you don't have the guts to really say the truth. So you usually send it through the message of sarcasm. A lot of sarcastic people I find can dish it out, but they absolutely can ever take it. Have you ever noticed that with people who are very sarcastic?

they hardly ever can receive what they send out. I've noticed that since I moved to Florida up north. Really? Oh yeah, because northerners are way different. So it's just like it's like a love language. Like we all make fun of each other, but nobody gets offended. Nobody takes it personal. And then you come down here and you're like sarcastic. It's like overly aggressive eighth graders.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, it's just, okay, never mind. Never mind. Yeah, because Southern people are not. It's weird. Yeah. Are not, we're, and I grew up in, in, up north. So I was, I was very sarcastic. I pretty much said whatever was in here.

It's a love language of there. It really is. Like, it made me laugh when somebody was sarcastic. But you can tell, like, you can feel when somebody's trying to cut you deep and, and be aggressive, like overly aggressive or passive aggressive. Yes. It's passive aggressive, not just sarcasm. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wait, what? Hello. Yeah. Yeah, because there's a way to do it where it doesn't hurt. And I don't think everybody has that craft. So just be aware.

Be cautious. Yeah, well, and I don't think they really care. They have a motive behind what they're saying or what they're doing. And that motive's not pure. So it's, and I literally just find it so often that sarcastic people are very, very sensitive. Yeah. Very sensitive. Yeah.

it's like whoa wait a minute i thought we were all on the same playing field here yeah i know it catches you off guard and you're then next thing you know they're crying and you're saying you hurt their feelings yeah yes but what you just said to me is not supposed to hurt my feelings right right which it doesn't i mean i don't but i'm like i'm a person that because i don't really have feelings feelings like it doesn't really bother me right and so for me i'm like well we're all let's let's just play but that's not the i've like learned not to be too sarcastic with people because even though i can take it most people cannot and it's i'm like so so so hypocritical it's unbelievable

but so don't just shout what you can't take and And I'm going to finish this on Friday. We're actually going to talk about it. We're actually going to talk about it. Instead of. The if version of living in the truth. But yeah, because I just think that it's not. And my thing too is, I'm going to say this and I mean that sincerely.

You know, I mean, because it's not just young people, I think that I know, like older people say you get turned off by it. So I just, I mean, when did people start? Do you guys use the term ick in your generation, you millennials? No, I think that's a newer term. Yeah, for sure. Okay, because I really, up until like the past couple months, I'd never heard that term in my whole entire life. Like, I've never heard anybody really even use it.

And nobody around me uses it. So I didn't really know existed. But like, what was your term? Gross that, like grossed out. Yeah. Yeah. Grossed me out. That's what I would say.

Turned off grossed me out. Yeah. Or it was. Yeah, that's, for me, like, so whatever the term is for you, like, and I'm talking about friendships and dating and marriage, like, be sensitive to people. And remember, whoever you're saying something to, they have feelings. And they have a countenance. And they have a spirit. And don't destroy it, because God cares about that. He really, really does.

You can build somebody up or you can tear them down. And if you can't build them up, then don't be friends with them, don't date them, and fix your marriage because you're stuck. But just because you can doesn't mean you should. And I think that we find that with people who, you know, have the ability to speak, they feel like because they can speak, they can speak, they can, they, then they should be able to say it. But the problem is, is a lot of times people will say it not in the truth that it should be, but in, or in the guise that it should be, it's usually, it's kind of malicious in some way, fashion or shape.

And I just think, oh, it's like I used to tell my kids, I will take your ability, because it's a privilege to speak away from you if you can't do it correctly. And you need to understand that. Like you may be, like you may not be under some parental guys that determines whether you can say or what you shouldn't say, but the Lord does hear everything we do say. So make sure that what we say is fruitful. It's not going to, like, I don't know if anybody has ever had like their, have you ever dated somebody? Like, okay, Tracy, you'll get this. I get this very, very well.

If you've ever been involved with somebody who has been unfaithful to you, you understand that you can take somebody's confidence and destroy it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, by being unfaithful, you can take somebody who feels very confident in themselves and their self-esteem is one in which God is honored by and loves that they like them. It says, do unto others as you would do unto yourself in order, you love your neighbor as you love yourself. And we are to love ourselves so that we can be better to other people. But when you are not mindful of the words that you say and you take pleasure and destroying someone's self-esteem

or confidence, understand that is not pleasing to the Lord. And understand that. Understand that is not pleasing to the Lord. and understand that when you're finished with them, that person has to rebuild. And that is not a fun, pleasant process. Take it from somebody who's had to do the rebuilding process. It's very tough. It's very, you almost feel like you have to jump up to touch the ground.

You know what I'm saying? This is the ground. This is you because you feel that low about yourself. People have the ability to make people feel like that. Friends can do that to friends. Boyfriends can do that to girlfriends. Girlfriends can do that to boyfriends. And husbands and wives can do it to each other.

Does not please God. We will be held accountable for every idle word that we say. So make sure those words are worth saying and to be held accountable for. And you read what you saw. You do. If you speak to somebody like that, don't be surprised when it comes back around. it's it's it's it's a rough it's a rough thing it's a rough thing so be kind and I don't mean love

the fruit of the spirit kindness not the kind that the world tells you to be right okay the fruit of the spirit kind because that's what really matters at the end of the day that's it people we're not done with truth no but truth is big it's broad it's that you free yes amen on Friday. Bye. Real talk.