The Hope Hotline - The Hope Hotline | S02-E65 | 10-18-2024

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

The Hope Hotline | S02-E65 | 10-18-2024

Hi and welcome to the Hope Hotline. Thank you for joining us on this Friday, which it's October 18th, and we were just talking about how soon as October 31st, and dare I say the word, Halloween, God forbid. I know. Is that a curse word here? It might be. Let's not go into it.

Don't go there. Let's not go into it. Let's not. Don't leave me alone. But as soon as that demonic holiday comes, as soon as it departs, like I kid you not, it's January 1st. Literally.

Like Christmas is done and we're here. And don't add in that there's an election year where there'll probably be, dare I say, fraud. That'll get me kicked off of Facebook. That's an algorithm word. But it's so much before the end of the year. I know. It goes like this.

I know. On November 1st, I'm putting up my Christmas tree. We know this. Allison's going to be so happy. I was already thinking about you. I was already thinking about you. I know. I was too. I was like, oh man, since October's over. I mean, at this point, why not? I should just put it on now. Do it. Why not? Just do it. Why not? Nothing makes sense right now. Right, exactly. At all. But I will say,

what a difference a day makes. Okay. As of yesterday, has the weather not been the best ever? Are you guys, like, loving? I was thinking about this yesterday. I had a girlfriend that I, she's still a good friend of mine. And we lived together. We had our kids at the same time. We got married three months apart. We had kids three months apart. Both of our kids, everything's three months apart. Her son is a

huge, he's a big name on YouTube. He's got a huge following, which is so funny because Inglewood, I know. He's like, he's, I don't, he's not as big as Danny Duncan, but he's pretty big, and his is a whole different thing. So every year, and I thought about this yesterday, we always call each other and say, are your windows open? And inevitably, our windows will be open on the same day. Do you guys ever have anybody that, well, yeah, you do. You have each other. But so I didn't do that this year. was like oh that's weird but it i literally was

thinking this about 20 minutes ago how quickly we go from the pandemonium of helene and milton yep thank you because i forgot that wretched name. And then a week later, we're experiencing the greatest weather of all time. It's just something else. And I know this sounds crazy, but this is how my mind worked. But in life, isn't that how life really is? I mean, if you just wait long enough, things always change. And they always change for the better i mean i think of people who commit suicide i know and they just didn't have the fortitude to get to the other side

because things are cyclical they are always evolving they're always changing even for people people will sit there and go yeah easy for you to say my house is destroyed been there done that tracy's still in the middle of that. But what fortitude do you have? And I will say this, it's rough right now. And I understand that. I'm going through it with the church. I've gone through it personally in my own home.

Over $200,000 worth of damage to my home was rough. It was not the greatest of experiences. But how do you look at it in those times and when you walk through it? And I'm telling you right now, God promised me when you get to the other side, from the church to your personal home, when you get to the other side, you'll be better off than you were before. Amen. And that's exactly what's happened. And that wasn't through cheating, lying, stealing. In fact, the adjuster for my house said he had never met somebody so honest yeah i didn't lie to get ahead right i was honest and transparent and because of that yeah now did i get all the money

i was supposed to no but god still far exceeded the need and made everything work out because that's how he works yes it is you don't have to lie steal steal, cheat, and do everything, you know, to get to the ultimate spot. But I just say, like, literally, I'm sitting there going, golly, last week was nuts. Yeah, it really was. And then yesterday, you wake up and you go, I know. What happened? I know. Where did the humidity go, I know. What happened? I know. Where did the humidity go?

I know. It's like when you labor, like when you're pregnant and you labor, and then all of a sudden you have the baby and you're like, ah, I can do that again. Oh yeah. You forget about it. It is. You just totally forget about it. If you have, which is what the scriptures talk about in Revelation, it talks about it so clearly, to endure.

The word endure is so repeated throughout scripture on purpose. We're to endure to the end. Those who endure to the end will be saved is what it says. So salvation comes through walking through the tough times, seeing the other side and knowing that victory is there and for those of us tracy the church my house is finally done but i walk out and my pool cage has screws lying on the ground my my roof is peeled back oh my god it never ends yeah it's how you look at it right and i'm like right it's okay i don't like it you know but you know what it's okay same with everything else i think of that verse in

james where it says it consider it an opportunity for joy yeah when you face trials and, yeah, it's an opportunity. And that's how we give, like, the enemy a black eye. Yeah. You know? When trials or troubles come our way, if we see it as an opportunity to count it as joy, because we know the end result, God is going to flip it around for our good. Yep. And the reason why people commit suicide is there is no hope. They don't know him.

Right. And because they don't know him, they can't consider it all joy when you face many trials in this lifetime. And that creates perseverance, perseverance, hope, hope, character.

And the scripture goes on and on. When you don't know him, there is no hope. So the victory is not, you forget or you don't realize that it is cyclical and it's going to come around. And I know, you know, there have been times in my life and I'm sure like Tracy and Vanessa can clearly say that they get it. Probably tell you, too, because she's's 18 but there are times in life where money is tight or it's more tight than I mean it doesn't matter how many zeros you have in the bank you still have with the number of zeros you still have lots of bills right yeah and more zeros more bills

right because it takes whatever to create that kind of to generate that kind of income, there's usually a higher level of expense, correct? Yep. So I say that there are times in life where it's a little tighter than what you would always like. But you know God's always going to come through. He's always going to see you through to the other side. But a lot of people, especially if you're paying tithe, if you're not paying tithe, it's a luck of the draw when God comes through for you. And, you

know, I mean, a lot of people will go, they don't pay tithe, or they just give, and they'll see God come through for them, like money will be given to them, or they're in need, and that need will be met through just the kindness of others or whatever. That's God's mercy. Okay. You're faithful, but that's not God's best for you. If you pay tithe, you'll see things like you've never seen before. But a lot of times people are just givers. More people give that. It's so funny to me. Some of the people that think they're the strongest Christians don't pay their tithe. It blows my mind.

I'm like, how can you? And they try and teach other people and act like they got it all going on. You don't got it going on if you're not paying tithe. If you're just a giver, that's one thing. If you're not paying tithe, sorry, you don't got it going on. And a lot of times I don't really want to hear what you have to say because you can't even deal with the basic biblical principle of not being in control of your finances. That means God's not in control of all for you.

You're in control still. So, but I was, but I was saying is you sit there and you go, you know, people who are dealing with money tightly and stuff like that, when that's happened to me, I always automatically go, it's just a matter of time till I get to the other side of this. And I know God's always going to meet the need. Like I, I pay my tithe. I, there is not one doubt in my mind that I am not going to be, the need is not going to be met. And I'm not going to be, the need is not going to be met. And I'm not going to see something on the other side of it. I have that hope.

How do people not, if I didn't pay tithe, I'd be scared. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I know. But I automatically know every single time. There's no worry.

And you know, just like in life, when you have God, there's hope on the other side of it. You know that this is just a moment in time. At least two shall pass. But that's how, when I was like, I know that's a lot from just the weather, but seriously, that's what I was thinking today. I know. Like, just like 20 minutes ago, I was like, the weather is such a great indication of how life truly is. Amen.

It really is. Some people just, they need to be told, just wait 24 hours. Just wake up in the morning. Yeah. You know, and it is, it really like,

joy will come in the morning. This whole suicide thing breaks my heart because it's not something that, like I don't have that struggle where like I have thoughts come in that make me think that like it'd be better if I wasn't here.

Yeah. My family would be better off. Like that is such a foreign thought to me. And it feels so selfish to even go that route. But I know that people struggle with that. if I wasn't here, my family would be better off. Like that is such a foreign thought to me. Um, and it feels so selfish to even go that route, but I know that people struggle with that and they hate it. They don't want it there. So it's just like, just go to bed, wake up in the morning and be thankful for what you have and see what happens. Yeah. And then there are those that I, and I think about that while you're saying that, that, that are in chronic pain and they sit there and go, yeah, that's not my story. I'm in chronic pain, but I would say to you in saying that that that are in chronic pain and they sit there and go yeah that's not my story i'm in chronic pain but i would say to you in that how much are you digging

into the word yeah and about healing right how much time do you spend uh listening to good teaching about what's yours and what your promises right and how how much are you going after it how much of the world do you listen to versus the the word and what it says about your circumstance? So even that makes a huge difference. Makes a huge difference. It really does. It does. Because when you are in pain, it's hard to stay focused.

So just put, like you said, you just put on any healing preacher that, and if you don't know, reach out to us. We'll give you a whole list of people, but just put it on in the background. Just lay there and just try to get your mind focused on god but that those words coming into your mind like it does it's hope it does have hope exactly yeah yeah i don't know life's life's full of twists and turns but that fall breeze is coming people and when it does yeah this is like fake fall like we get like a

little like oh it's so fake like a taste it's a mirage and then all of a sudden you look at the weather coming but if you like the warmth like i do i appreciate this cool me too but i also it's like an indian summer in the winter yes yeah it's we get all these like different levels of like pre-summer post post-summer, like nothing really is ever true. It's just Florida. Oh yeah. There ain't no other place I'd want to live.

And it almost looks like fall here because all of the salt. Everything's dead. The salt that burned the crap out of all the trees and blew all over the place. Yeah. It's almost like giving north, northern. It is. It is. What a nice little treat.

And there are some conspiracies with that. I know. It is. What a nice little treat. And there are some conspiracies with that. I know. I'm in there on that side, kind of. Okay, so I talked to Cindy, who lived in Colorado, and she said because there was no water, like there was no rain, the way that the wind was hitting the leaves, there's no rain. So they got windburn. And she's like, that's very normal in Colorado.

When the wind is going and there's no rain at all, this is what it could look like. So that's the non-conspiracy side. Just throwing another thing out there, because I like conspiracies. I went in the deep end. I did too. I said salt, though.

I heard it was even worse than that. Well, I didn't hear it. I thought it. Okay. I automatically went straight. You've been hanging out with me too much. I've been with my husband who's checked them all out. I know.

I literally was never a conspiracy theorist until Pastor Rodney. I know. Pastor Rodney did me in. No, until 2020. 2020. Because 2020, everything became real. Well, yeah. It's so fun.

Yeah, well, the stink before we met pastor rodney yeah the stench of covid right tom was like something ain't right my spirit hope this ain't right conspiracy theory when it's true yeah it is it really is it is it really a conspiracy we need our hats like on like i need to be able to put my hat on at any given moment i um i bought Tom this shirt that said, I used to be believing conspiracy theories until they all became true. Exactly. And I'm like,

that is the truth. And every friend group needs a conspiracy theorist friend just to keep everyone on their toes. Yeah. On their toes. Yeah.

That's why I keep my dad around. I'm actually married to my conspiracy theorist friend. Oh, yeah. That is true. That's true. keep my dad around. I'm actually married to my conspiracy theorist. Oh, yeah. That is true. That's true. I'm married to mine, but mine isn't as far as Chipper or Tomas. I know.

It's fun. Until it becomes real. Yeah, exactly. I know. But it's usually like. All fun and games. It's usually like, I don't know, 10% real. Because we pray against it. Once I hear a conspiracy and it's not come to pass yet, I'm like, well don't know, 10% real. Because we pray against it.

Once I hear a conspiracy and it's not come to pass yet, I'm like, well, guess what I'm doing now? I'm going to pray against that thing. Because I don't want to. I want to just be here one day and with Jesus one day. That's what I want to happen. You know what, though? Everybody really, really, really needs to be diligent on praying about the elections. Amen.

Please. Because, listen, they're trying. They are. And they're setting the stage. Of course. They are setting the stage, especially in some specific states. The ones that things went down, Pennsylvania and Georgia right now are being set. The stages are being set for that.

We need to pray. Right. Like, nothing that they try and do. It's all thwarted. It's not made possible. In Jesus' name. And God comes. And, you know, itwarted. It's not made possible. Yeah, in Jesus' name. And God comes. And, you know, it's just like every, I mean, the third time they try and kill the man.

Right. It's found out again. Yep. I'm just saying. I know. We've been praying over his hedge of protection over that man. And I don't think that that's by mistake that he keeps, outside of I believe he is God ordained man. But we need to be praying that all the way to the top.

All the way. Yep. Absolutely. That whatever they try and pull out on election day, it is not possible. He wins. No weapon. No weapon.

Yeah. Exactly. And then after that, keep praying, because then they're going to want to make it worse. Oh, they're going to kill him. They're going to try and kill him more. So we don't stop. Once he wins, we don't stop praying for the guy to be diligent and then and then we really

need to be watching over JD Vance okay so my some people that I know that's their family yeah right yeah and that's one of the I know the brother of JD Vance in like we need to be praying And like, we need to be praying for his family. We need to be praying for his immediate family, as well as just like we do for President Trump, his family. We need to be praying for J.D. Vance's family and then their extended family. Because all of them, like he's a pastor.

Like, and he's, we got to like, hedge a protection around everybody. So good people. They're good people. Nobody, it's a tough, hey, listen, We got to hedge our protection around everybody. Good people. They're good people. Hey, listen, if you say I will be your running mate, you know you're putting your life on the line. Oh, my gosh. He is considered the cost.

Yeah. Better be a believer. Right. And he is, actually. Good. So, yeah, he's a believer. So we'll see. We'll see how that goes.

Pretty great. Now that I've wasted 15 minutes or actually it's 17, 18, whatever. We've got to update our people. All right. Let's do the, do your thing really quick. And then we'll get to the first question. Because the first question I'm not answering. It's extremely, what do you call it?. Well I have no. I have a little

experience. You do. But not really. Yeah. Tracy does. Yeah. They're really. Yeah. Relating. So Tracy's going to answer this one because she's been there done that. So go ahead. All right. So before we get going if you are on Facebook Talia is going to drop the link for Rumble in there for you. So you can hop over. Um, but before you do, you can like,

and share and do all this stuff and we'll do our part on Facebook while we're still there. Um, we'll see what happens tomorrow since hope was dropping some Facebook swear words, not really swear words, but words that Facebook doesn't like, um,

trigger words. Yep. And YouTube as well. We'll see what happens. But, um, yeah. So if you're on Facebook, just do your part. Like, share, comment, do the things. Let us know if you're watching.

If you can't go over to Rumble for whatever reason, I talked to one of my friends today, Kellyanne. Shout out to you. She was struggling getting in the live chat. So if you are struggling to get in the live chat, because we see a ton of you watching, and we usually have our trusty, whatever, 10, 12 people that are commenting. If you're struggling and you go to our church, reach out to me, come over and I'll like, look at your phone and see what's going on. Um, I know a lot of you just get like overwhelmed and

you don't even know like the next like thing to go, but we would love for you to be in the chat. Tell you to tell you probably could help me as well. And we could try to figure out what's going on with the problem is. Um, and then if you're not local, just send us an email, put that up on the next slide. But we would love for you to be in the chat and just, you know, give us give us your input and follow along with us while we're talking. And then of course, we have YouTube and Black Robe as well. And then later on, we have our audio podcast. And that will be available in a little bit. So you can this where you can watch this is where you can view again, if you have any issues at all, just let me know. I'll do my part to try to help you out. And you can send your questions in for the actual podcast. And if you do have issues with the rumble

and the live chat and just logging in or anything at all, once you're in, you're probably good. So I just, I don't foresee it being an issue once we get you, you know, whatever is broken, fixed. But you can send it in to askhopeathopehotline.com. Any question at all. I have a couple that I've been asked recently, so I'm going to send those over to Hope and there'll be some really good ones coming in. So keep sending them. We love to hear what you guys, what's on your mind and what you're dealing with and kind of, you know, feel the room, see what's going on with you guys. We have our merch available, of course, our shirt, hat, mug, and spoon. It's also available not only online, but in our store, our merch store at church. So if you're here on Sunday,

you can come pick it up. Otherwise, foundationchurchfl.com, click shop. And this Sunday, we have our baptisms. So if you are here and you want to get baptized, join us. FoundationChurchFL.com. Click events. And it's not too late. I think you can even do it the morning of. Is that correct? You can.

It's just if you're never really attended the church and you want to do it, the likelihood is probably not going to be yes. Okay. Only because we don't know you, and we want to make sure that whoever is actually getting baptized is saved. Right. So we have like a pre-meeting before church starts too, so Heather can kind of go over some stuff with you

and just make sure that you are aware of what's going on. So if you miss this one, there's always another one too. But if you're ready and this is something that's been on your heart for a while to do, this is your opportunity. So just reach out to, there's information on the events page, but you'll reach out to Heather and she'll let you know what's going on. And I think that's it for today. Come on back to us. Not diggity. Yeah. Not diggity. Yeah. Alrighty. So first question. We have some good ones today.

Yeah. I'm happy to say, not that the other ones aren't good. It's just, these are the ones I like. Yeah. Not that I don't like the other ones. I'm getting myself into a hole. That's okay.

You're good. You're good. You're good. No, this one's different. It's, yeah. It is different, but it's... But I think it can relate to people that which leads us right into another question after this. Yeah. Okay. This one leads us to other ones. Yes. It's a trail. Happy trails. Happy trails. I'm struggling over girlfriends who hurt me on purpose. They became vicious over my divorce. They were in Missouri.

I was in Florida. They betrayed me on a level I had never known. This is like Ann Landers. What? You don't know who Ann Landers is? Me? Oh my. I don't either. Okay, good. My age. I'm showing my age.

Back in the day, Ann Landers was a person that people would write in. Like, she was, like, in the cartoon section. So it was, like, not a true, like, a reporter or anything like that. Okay. But she would give advice. Yeah. So what people would do is they would write in their situation

and then they would go, dear Ann. And then they would say, here's my situation. And then they would say, how do I, how do I resolve this? This right here made me think of dear Ann. Ann Landerson. Dear Hope. Can we start over? This is really Dear Tracy. Okay. Let's start over. I'm struggling over... Dear Anne. I'm struggling over girlfriends who hurt me on purpose. They became vicious over my divorce. They were in Missouri.

I was in Florida. And they betrayed me on a level I had never known. They were always envious of my marriage, my home, everything about me, even though I was very humble. I would have given them the shirt off my back, and they knew this. During my divorce, one friend threatened to physically hurt me. I am struggling. Not one has attempted to get back into my good graces, but I struggle if I'd ever take them back.

I'm still wounded i suppose okay now i am i listen i outside of time i've only had one serious relationship and that that was a hot mess like that was cheating on multiple levels multiple times like so for me like that was my first ever true relationship it was terrible yeah so I understand this situation okay but I don't understand this situation because it is very different now Tracy you do understand this situation because with you there's uh with your previous marriage you had mutual friends you had like that's devastating yeah absolutely for me i never lost anything okay whatever i lost i gained right hip hip hooray yeah i'm done yeah but i never lost really like it was walking away from that relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Right. Now you walking out of that relationship was at the time the worst thing that could have happened to you, which is sounds like this woman are. Isn't it a woman? Yeah. She says her girlfriend was extremely traumatic because it wasn't just a loss of a marriage that sounded very successful, but it was a loss of friends that she thought were true blues. So that's like betrayal on two levels. Yeah. Correct. Right. Like I wouldn't even know where to begin with that. That would be very difficult. Yeah. Yeah. Like that would be something. So the only thing I'm going to tell

you is, and then I'm going to give it over to Tracy, is Matthew 6, 14 says, for if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. You don't have an option, sweetie. You got to forgive. And so much you forgive, you are forgiven. And not one of us, I say this all the time,

but not one of us have any, like I want to take nothing with me when I go to heaven. Not one sin, not one thing that would keep me out of heaven. There's not one person on this earth that is worth my salvation. So I would strongly suggest to you, whatever gumption you got inside of you, get it together and have no one have authority over you in any way. Because it's no good

it's you're not going to win you only lose lose here on earth and then lose in heaven you have you you have too much to lose by not forgiving they're not worth not forgiving not worth it it's a great life when you when you live your best life as heather says. You live your best life and you forgive everybody and then you move on. Like they got nothing on you. It's the greatest thing ever. But go ahead. I mean, that's it in a nutshell. It's basically what I'm going to say is you have to be careful what you're focused on.

So number one, I know in the beginning, depends how long. If this was recent, I get it. Like I get like your world's falling around you. You're not only like saying goodbye to friends, but you're saying goodbye to your ex's family. Now you're grieving the loss of like who you thought your mother-in-law was. And like, if you enjoyed his sister or anybody,

like you have to say goodbye to all that stuff. It's gone. It's now, it's like never again will you have a family. Like for example, I went to Tennessee all the time. Like I'd even grieve the loss of like ever going to Tennessee again. And so, yeah, it's almost like a death, but these people still exist. So there is like a heaviness that comes with this. And so I can relate to that. And so if this is new and recent, like just exactly what Hope said, you just have to forgive and you've got to focus on God. You have to let go of things.

And if they were this bad to you, then were they really friends from the beginning? Because for me, I didn't lose any of my friends. I actually encouraged all my friends to reach out to my ex. And like what he did, it was like just beyond my like, I couldn't even believe he did that to me. Yeah, but didn't you do that with your best friend? She was not my best friend. She was a good friend? She was somebody that we, so she was a cop as well. So they were all like, we were all kind of hung out together, but she was part of my Bible study. So she was

coming to it. I didn't care. Like she wasn't one of those people that I was like, I love that girl, but I was fighting for her because her marriage was falling apart. And so I was trying to help her in it. The reason I started the whole woman's group is for her because she didn't want to do an online one because this other girl was there and she was cheating on her spouse. And so it was like very chaotic, but I was doing this to help her marriage. And, um, so that was, you know, obviously that's really disheartening when you find out later, but yeah, but anyway, she was not my best friend at all. So she really, she was an acquaintance.

She really wasn't a friend. Yeah. But I like cared for her. I like, so it was like, she was so new to the circle. So I like, we never even got that close. Okay. But she was around more and more and more. So I like my heart hurt for her because I knew she wanted her marriage. No, I thought she wanted her marriage to survive.

Yeah. And I think she was just a snake. I think she knew what she was doing. She wanted to get in with you. Yeah. To get in, to get to him. And I think she was just a snake. I think she knew what she was doing. She wanted to get in with you. Yeah. To get to him. Yeah, I do. I think there was a lot of that. And I have a lot of other reasons, but I won't even go into that. But there was a lot of stuff that God showed me afterwards that I just felt like it was purposeful at the end. She knew her marriage was falling apart and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, so she wasn't a close friend of mine. And if she was at that point, I would have, I mean, yeah,

it would have hurt that somebody that close to me did that. But at that point, God would have shown me, like, did you see this? Did you miss this red flag? Did you miss this? Because I did. I missed a lot of red flags up to it. Or you just don't want to believe them to be true. So for your friends, and another thing is, like,

when you read the question over, like, if she read that out loud, she would see how much she's focusing on herself. And like, I'm struggling over this. They betrayed me. They were envious over me. I was very humble. I would have given my shirt off my back. It's just when I would have wrote in this, like if I had written to you and wrote this, I would have said, I know that I wasn't always the best friend. Like I would have taken some responsibility for something. Right. And so it could just be how we're very different. But when I read that, when I,

is that what you're trying to say? Yeah. Okay. Not to say that she is a victim mentality person. You're saying examine whether or not you are somewhat having a victim mentality. Amen. Yes. Correct.

That's exactly where I'm trying to go. Okay. And so again, if it's brand new, your mind is like, it is a mess. But if this has been like years, if this has, if examine that too, how long has it been? How long are you still feeling like you're wounded and you've been betrayed? Those are just things to examine. But I'm going to read you a scripture, Joshua 1.8, and this is the message version, because if you know, you know, make sure you carry out the revelation

that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right. So as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for one minute, let the book of Revelation be out of your mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night. Make sure you practice everything written in it and then you'll get where you're going.

Then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength, courage, don't be timid, don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take. So again, if you're focused on this stuff, the betrayal and the location of where your friends were and that they threatened you and this, if you're focused on that, that will be what you magnify. But if you let it go, exactly what Hope said, forgive, and then you focus on what God's doing, you'll see,

like Hope said, that was the best thing that ever happened to her. It was the best thing. Right. At the moment, you don't you're so exactly so hurt right exactly but if you if you really it's like what you said about your her friends were they really your friends yeah yeah did god spare you right from having fake friends right i mean a lot of times that's what you have to think about for me me, I have often when I've lost friends, depending on their, listen, and the truth is in every relationship that dissolves itself, it's not one party.

You cannot look at the other person and go, it's all their fault. That's just not true. Right. Yeah. You, when I've lost relationships, I played a part in it to some level. What level that is, what significance it is, could have been all my fault or like 80-20, 80% mine, 20% theirs. Yeah, sure.

Why not? I mean, like every relationship that is ever not stuck, it was always somebody else's. That's just not true. We, to a certain extent, have some responsibility in a relationship no longer existing. And we have to own that and be honest about that. And the more we grow in our walks with God and the closer we become with him,

the less the margin is that it's really our fault. Right. Because we'll behave more like him versus the other person. Right. So that's what you have to look at. But always look at yourself and say, what part did I play? Where did I go wrong? And how can I not do this again in the future?

Exactly. That's the most important thing. And then always when you're picking friends, go, oh, you know what? That looks like that person. And listen, people are people. Right, of course. Character traits are character traits.

And you stay away from those character traits and somebody else. When I make friends with people people i know this is mean but this is how i choose my friends okay okay i feel like i'm forewarned we're all like when i'm picking friends and this is the god's honest truth it's not that i make a list, but in my head, I make a list. If you're going to be very, very close to me, there are certain things that you must have. There are certain traits that you must have. And then after you have those traits, then what I do is I say, okay, I'm going to take the positives and the negatives of this person. I do the same thing. I make a mental net list of your positives and I make a mental list of your negatives.

And if your positives like don't are not like, are like exorbitant over your negatives and they got to be a lot of positives. Way more positives than negatives. By a lot. Yeah. I'm not messing with you. Yeah. I don't have time. That's wisdom.

So, yeah. Like for me, you got, you got, if your negatives are half of your positives, bye-bye. I'm not messing with you. Your positives, because you know what? I want positivity in my life. I don't want the drama. I don't want the heartache. I don't messing with you. Your positive is big. Because you know what? I want positivity in my life. I don't want the drama. I don't want the heartache. I don't want the headache.

I want life easy. I'm not a person who like ebbs. I don't like this kind of life. People love that. Because it spices up things. I know. No, thank you. Because they're born.

Bland, plain. I want to know every day what it's going to be like yeah i like that yeah i've lived the ups and downs of life yeah they suck yep they're not good and and actually it's not biblical right it says paul said we're to be consistent in everything yeah and we're like not to have the ebbs and the flows we We're just to be like always a straight line. No matter good or bad going on in our life. We are just always consistent. And for me, I don't need that.

So I pick my friends very carefully. Very carefully. And you should too. You don't want to mess with people who are going to like, listen, back in the day, yeah, I did fight. But I don't want to be with people who are going to, like, listen, back in the day, yeah, I did fight. But I don't want to be 57 years old and throwing hands because somebody's threatening me. Okay?

I don't know how old you are. But, I mean, that's ridiculous to have somebody threatening you because of your relationship breakup or whatever. Right. That's childish. Right. I mean, that's just. And like you were saying, take responsibility. Is there a reason they were threatening you? Were you nonstop bothering them? Were you not letting things go? Were you gossiping? Were you posting stuff on social media and being, you know, like saying things without saying things like being passive aggressive?

Because that's typically what happens when you go through a divorce. You can't shut your mouth because you want to save face. And so you go on social media. You want to defend yourself, but without making it look like you're defending yourself. So I know, I know the second somebody is about to get divorced, they start going to the gym, they start posting selfies. And then all of a sudden, all of the script or not scriptures, all of the, all of the positive words start coming out. It's like, I would never let a man do this and if you do like you know you I'm like oh they're going through a divorce and then two seconds later their name changes turns into the middle name the last single and then then it's the relationship status last and

then it's a formula and then they're in a relationship again you know and also you always know a relationship that's that somebody is oh like I can always read, people who are constantly posting about their relationships, like if every other week, if every week, every other week, something like that, they're having to like dote on that person

or put something out about that person. Yeah. I mean, I've literally known people who are posting about themselves. They take their. I do, too. Oh, I do, too. Take their spouses. Yes.

Page. Log in. Yes. Yes. Yes. And post about themselves. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Insane. I know. I know. That's how sick people are. Because they care about man. They care. They want everybody to think.

And their marriage is terrible. Right. And even her thing, like she says everybody was envious of her. I would have said that everybody thought that our marriage was great. And to a degree, I did too. So it's hard for me to read that and be like, everybody was envious of me. Everybody wishes they had. I just would never have said something like that.

So it makes me question, like, are you sure they were envious of you? Or is there something else going on? And maybe they were. Maybe they were envious of you. But just take ownership of what you did and what you got, like you said, your friendships. Galena said it really good. She said, forget the boyfriend or, I guess, best friends and girlfriends and just focus on God. Leave the old friends behind and replace them with new godly friends.

Because nothing good comes from it. It's just yucky. And you probably feel gross. Even just putting that out there. The odds are this person was cheated on. The odds are you've been betrayed. And listen, that's a tough betrayal. It is. I know. Yeah.

Not from Tom. Right. Okay. That man can barely handle me. Okay. Facts. Yeah. And he has absolutely no desire.

None. But a betrayal is horrible. It is. It is. It is horrible. Right. So part of where you're talking or speaking from, I truly believe,

is just from a place of just feeling so heartbroken and so sick over the fact that somebody could potentially, and I'm not saying you were, but I'm just saying a lot of times when you've been betrayed like that, what you imagine the innocence of love right has been destroyed right and so and that and i and i get that because for me i thought love was one way yeah now i know it and that's what that's the hope for you okay and that's where i want to

take you with this is the innocence of what pure love is and what you thought like the happily ever after did not happen for you. And that's crushing. But then the person that you thought you would have it with and you trusted so much in totally destroyed every ounce of trust. What love truly looks like, the innocence and the purity of it. That's a hard pill to swallow. It is.

It really is. And then you think, if I believed in this person, I can believe in no one ever again. Exactly. But that's not true. It's not. Okay, because I met,

like I dated Tom for three years. I would have, I knew he was the one I was supposed to marry my first year because I prayed to God. And that's your hope because you prayed and God told you that Jer was the one for you. And then you prayed, Vanessa prayed,

and when God tells you it is one, and you could say, well, I thought I heard from God on that one. Man has a decision to make. And sometimes we do miss it, though. And I will just tell you that the odds are, if God tells you that it's the right person, the odds are it'll never happen. Because God knows your future, and he won't set you up to fail. I know man has decisions to make, but I'm just saying, whatever he destroyed, God can

restore. Trust me on this. I never thought I would ever trust another human being again. I'm telling you from women to men. I never, but God made me trust in him. God taught me to trust in him. And because I trusted in him and he restored my faith in what true love looks like because I learned to truly love the Lord

that made me be able to really hear his voice clearly maybe be able to have whatever broken heart or damage that had been done the baggage that you take baggage was gone And so my faith in people was restored and then I could learn to love purely again. So that innocence that was taken, God fixed it. Man will never be able to do that for you, sweetie. So if you hope and pray that a man will fix that for you just because he'll show you what true love looks like, he can't do that. He will fail you every time. But if you let the Lord do it, then when the right man comes, God's the only one that can fix all that. Absolutely.

A hundred percent. You got anything else to add? No, that was good. And that's exactly how it should end is if you trust God, then he will lead you to the next thing. And he'll show you things. Yeah, absolutely. And like that, you things. Exactly. Yeah, absolutely.

And like that, unfortunately, that ended. It is what it is. Now move on. And if it's been like a few months or less than a year, like give yourself a year to just focus on God. Don't worry about anything else. If things smell the fruit, if the fruit is stinky and your friends were stinky, just let them go. Stop picking at it. Leave it alone. And then ask God, I need new friends. Oh, you'll get them. Yeah. And you will. And be a good friend. Don't ask for good friends and then not be a good friend. Yeah. I really think like if you give yourself some time to heal and to like fix you, because you will be no good to anybody until you fix yourself and only he can fix you. But if you just take that time with just him and him alone, I can, I told this story, but I remember going to the beach, like moving down here and starting my whole life new.

And I just remember the Lord telling me, cause I just spent like a year totally focused on him. And I remember him telling me one night at the beach, just this is only going to be for a short period of time. Like, just enjoy it being just us because someday I'm going to have to share you. And for that, I was like, I'm just going to, I'm going to learn that when that person comes and I share, you're still number one. That's the important thing. If you fix you, he'll always be number one because you know where your strength comes from. That's the important thing. If you fix you, he'll always be number one because you

know where your strength comes from. That's the important thing. Do you want to add anything? Well, I have a similar story to that. I was engaged prior to Jeff in a four-year relationship and that ended. And I read this book called When God Writes Your Love Story. And it was a great tool because it's all about that it's fall in love with him yeah first like get yourself in a place where all you need is him so that when that person comes like you are able to hear his voice and choose wisely and that was like the huge lesson of that book and I did that I did it and I like walked the steps. I even like they like gave you exercises like I wrote my future husband letters. Oh, my.

Yes, of course. She was so sweet. But I was able to give that to Jeff on our honeymoon. Like it was it was a very Tom would have been bored stiff. OK, it's bedtime. Can you pass me that book that you wrote to me? He entertained it. Jeff, listen, he entertained it.

Tom would have died. You'd be like like are you really expecting me to read this it really was a sweet time of just him and I and I got to like fall in love with you know that that season and so much so that when Jeff did come I denied him three times because I was so content. Yeah. I was just so content. I was just like, I'm good. Like I'm in a really good spot. I really don't, you know,

want to like jump into anything. And then the Holy Spirit was like, no, he's the one. He's actually the one. So give him a shot. You know, and I will say this too,

which I'm sure that you both can agree with this and Talia as well. The more you understand who he is in your life and the importance that he brings to your life and the value that you carry and put him in, you have to put him in that valued spot. Like he values you already, but you have to value him and that relationship, right? So what happens is, is there is absolutely nothing you would do to damage that relationship with him. And that means being intimate with someone. You have no business being intimate, no matter how much you love them. You're like, no way. This is so much more of value to me than you, I will not do anything to hinder or harm my relationship with the Lord. And crossing lines with somebody and doing and saying things that you shouldn't do, you'll not do them because of the value that you hold this in, which means when you do enter into

a marriage and relationship with that person, the purity that goes into that marriage will be so successful. You won't be able to break you up because he's the center. And I can just tell you, I would have never been intimate with Tom or let hands go in bad places or do anything that I would regret just because of my love for him and the value that I carried in that relationship with the Lord. So it was very easy for me for three years not to do one daggum thing because people would be like, how did you do that?

They didn't believe us. And I'm like, I don't care whether you believe me or not. That's what happened. I got pregnant on my honeymoon. Oh my gosh. So people thought you were like especially my like my my family they were like doing the math yeah I'm like dudes take a chill pill I waited I promise oh my god of course that's crazy anything else uh no no I think that's it

I think she's she's got some good stuff to chew on. Yeah, and hey, listen, if you come to this church, there's a bunch of amazing women that want to rally behind you, be your friend, and help you find you, the most successful you that you can be. And that's, you know, a great cheerleading team, good friends can take you a long ways. And they can even help you navigate when it's dating time how to do that.

Okay? Because they value your relationship with them. So they're going to protect you and make you be accountable so no mistakes are made. There's something super important and great about accountability. That's the reason why I moved to Florida because I needed my parents. I needed to be accountable. And I knew that they could propel me to the next level with my walk with God. And I knew if I stayed where I was at, I was going to fall right back into the lifestyle that I had been living. Exactly. And it's easy to fall back to old ways. So if you

have accountability, we could smell out like that. That smells like exactly what you had before. That's why divorce is 60% the second time. Oh yeah. Because usually you pick the exact same person. 100%. And so then you end up in the same bad relationship you never fixed you before you went to the hardest thing ding ding ding ding yeah same old same old like 80 percent of your third yes your third yeah it's almost like forget it yeah i'm not ashamed yeah yeah but you gotta like that's you gotta fix you yeah fix you amen let's do sponsors okay let's do it laura keller and real estate appraisal associates of southwest florida inc has been in business since 2005 and she is a florida state certified residential appraiser and has been for 24 years with three locations like wood ranch port charlotte and tampa she can assist almost anyone anywhere and laura keller and real estate appraisal

associates is one of the most trusted appraisal companies in Southwest Florida. They have done approximately 10,000 appraisals and they are approved by over 300 banks, lenders, and government entities all over the United States. Her company does appraisals for just about everything, residential properties for up to four units. They work with FEMA using the 50% rule, settling estates, probate situations, inherited properties where the heir or heirs are not local and need the appraisal for their attorney step up in basis appraisal for capital gain taxes and they also provide assistance in selling properties if you give her a call and tell her that you heard about her from the hope hotline you will receive a 50 discount and i promise you

if you get an appraisal and you're selling your property, you will sell it that much faster and for the highest and best price. That's just the way it goes. If you are listening, which most people are, and you do not have the screen that has all her information on it, you can call her at 941-743-3700. Again, 941-743-3700. And you can also go to her website, which is www.appraisals.com. So www.southwest, which is SWFL, which represents Florida, appraisals.com. Then our next one is Hanson's Automotive. Hanson's Automotive Services has been in business since 2017 with 20 years experience. They do everything from oil changes to tires to AC work to engine repair and replacement. And they are not just motivated to do their best.

They are auto motivated. Their business lives by Proverbs 16.3. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and he will establish your plans give nick a call at 941 460-3962 again 941-460-3962 and i can promise you with him you will not be disappointed i will be taking my cars to him next week he doesn't know it to get oil changes. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's good. Yeah. Big time. So my next question is very interesting. It goes right along with this one. Okay.

It's how do you know the person you're with is the right one? Which says observe what he does in time of crisis. And I'm going to, like Vanessa, can you, listen, when I, do you have the twins, the Puerto Rican twins? Do you have that video? Oh, that's a great clip. Hold on. I knew I had something in here.

That one's, these girls are something else. Okay, so my buddies, my friends, my compadres. Yeah. I should say not just mine. The peanut gallery over there. Mm-hmm. So this is funny because they just did something about this. And I posted something for like two seconds on Facebook.

Then I took it down because I was like, I don't want to be offensive. But I will tell you this question open the door for me to be able to talk about this subject because this is like it goes not right along with the previous question but when you're ready to date

yeah this is how it goes so are we ready? let's play this. Okay. Because it's perfect. Okay. Person.

Find them. Be a year into your marriage. Find them hovering over your bed at night. Pacific. With a knife wanting to kill themselves. You think I'm lying. You think I'm lying. You've had a psychosis relationship before, so she knows.

I think I'm lying lying people don't listen People don't listen They're playing they play I'm feeling this in my spirit today You're not listening wakes up hovering over your bed the night was your today. You're not listening. When he wakes up hovering over your bed with a knife to your throat, you're going to think about this and how you didn't pay attention and how you didn't like to listen. Crazy. The thing is, what was funny is because it says marriage is no joke yeah yeah but people enter into marriage as if it's not a lifetime it's in the now right and the thing is is what

what magala said at the very first part is you're gonna have a knife and you're gonna kill yourself yeah the first year marriage for people is a lot of times and not mine yeah but a lot of times it's been horrendous for people and then the years after that is horrible and the reason is is because they didn't take it seriously right and this is my pet peeve this is one of my biggest pet peeves about people getting married without. Now, before I say anything, do I think I've known people? OK, so I have known people that when they saw somebody. The Lord told them.

That's the person you're going to marry. They never even talked to that person. They didn't even know that person. When I was growing up, it is wild. It's freaking wild. And listen, but we had it back in the day. And normally I wouldn't say, I would say they're crazy. But I have seen it and I haven't seen it very often.

And I haven't seen it be successful. I mean, only time I've ever known it to be true is when people have literally said, I never even talked to that person. But when I saw them, the Holy Spirit said to me, that's your husband or that's your wife. And when I was growing up, I was maybe 10 and my family had a friend And she, I don't know, I can't remember if she went into a church or whatever. She saw this man. And the Lord said to her, that's your husband. Wow.

She ended up marrying him. We had a youth pastor. I mean, we had a worship leader here. And the girl that ended up marrying him, she said to me, me she said she had no shot in heaven with this guy not not one shot i thought girl i don't think so but but it ended up all right she ended up she said to me she goes i don't like of course who wouldn't want to say that the lord told me to marry this person because he was a great guy right yeah right um she's like but i know this is crazy but the lord told me i don't even know this guy but the lord told me i'm gonna marry him

now they dated a long time okay right and it took a lot of convincing on the other guy's part to be perfectly transparent and honest with you. They're married, though. They've been successfully married now, I think, 10 years. Wow. And yeah, they are fit for each other. And then I've known one other person that I remember she was my nanny. And I remember her seeing this young man.

She was like 16 years old. And he was a kid that came in for the youth group. And she said to me, like it was the next day. So Wednesday night he comes to youth. Then Thursday she comes to work for me. And she's like, I think I saw my husband last night. And I'm like, what what i'm thinking you're crazy she said the lord told me this guy like he came in the church and she said i looked at him

the lord told me i'm gonna marry him and i'm like okay sweetie you're 16 i don't know if you can hear the voice of the lord that well so we we're going to wait this one out. They did. They ended up getting married, but they dated for a while. Okay. Now, obviously, because they're 16 or whatever. Do I think that that can happen? 100%. Do I see it happen that often? No, I don't. And I don't trust most people that tell me that they hear the voice of the Lord. I'll be honest with you. I don't, because I don't think people talk to God enough to even hear his voice. Yeah. Yeah. But most people never pray. Is this the one for me? True. All they are is infatuated, crushing and everything else. And so they don't, they don't date long enough. Like, like you always say date for seasons, right? Date for seasons. And I actually i actually got that um that advice

from the twins which i've always said at least a year yeah yeah but four seasons sounds great too yeah see what happens when the sun isn't out all day you know what i mean like when it's like a gloomy winter when a hurricane comes in like what does he do is he gonna like run away right is he gonna panic is he gonna right is he prepared how does he take care in his eyes how does he take care of you lights go off right how yeah how does he take care of you yeah yeah what's his plan like for me like with tom like tom had a plan right and then spiritually speaking tom had a plan yeah he had the physical and the spiritual going and i knew that i dated him long enough to know okay when situations arrive arise this is how these things are handled right okay you don't date someone long enough you don't know yeah true

and if god told you that person's the one then it doesn't matter because God knows how he'll take care of it. Right, right. But most people, I'm sorry, that is not the norm to know that the Holy Spirit has told. It's not the norm at all. And I don't know anyone. And you should get confirmation on that multiple times. If God tells you that somebody's the one, you need confirmation, not just going by your instinct. Which that's what these people had too, just for the record.

Some of them had the confirmation. But I agree with you. Like in crises, like naming the hurricane is a perfect, we just went through that. Yes. And that's what made me think like the other day, I was like, thank God if I would have married my type, you know what I mean? Because Jess on paper wasn't my type.

He was older, had a questionable past. Loved the Lord, though. And so if I would have married my type and if I would have married who I thought I wanted, my story would be different. But I married, because see, God knows me better than I know myself. That's what people forget. He knows you better than you know yourself. He's my creator.

He knows exactly how I tick. And so he brought the person that I would most need. During the hurricane, during Ion, during this one, like my husband didn't miss a beat. And he made you rise to the occasion. Exactly. And that's what we need. Yes. We need a spouse, especially as women.

Yeah. And if a man is watching right now and your wife is the driving force, I know that Tom says that I'm a better Christian than him and all this other stuff. It's just not true. He's a very humble, modest person. But the truth this other stuff. It's just not true. He's a very humble, modest person. But the truth of the matter is that's just not true. He is, I am always striving after whatever he is doing. I am going, I tell him that all the time.

I'm like, if I'm doing something, he'll say something. And I'm like, oh, the reason I'm doing that is because this is what you do. And I see that and I have to get to that place. I'm always chasing behind him wherever he's going and whatever he's doing. I'm running after it. And husbands, you have to be that for your wives. That's how you want them to love, honor, and respect you. Be the priest of your home. Holy moly, you won't go wrong in many ways. In many won't you won't go wrong in many ways in many ways you won't go wrong and don't let your type be the the the deciding factor of who you marry

like surrender that to the lord let the lord tell you what you want and need yes yeah well because i would have never thought yeah yeah He was not attractive. I would have. Every time. Never gets old. Here's the thing. That's the same thing with that girl that married the worship leader. Yeah. She was not anything physically that he was like.

I mean, gorgeous girl. Yeah. But he just thought, like Tom thought he would marry somebody that was Hispanic. Like he always wanted all of complected dark hair, taller, like more of an ethnic look. I am wholly opposite of that. You are inside. Like I married a black man inside Jeff's black head. That's right.

I do have the ethnic thing going on. I think it annoys him a little bit. But I'm just saying, I wasn't what Tom thought. And this girl wasn't what he thought. But he ended up going, you know what? She was a very pretty girl. Very, I mean, looks go, I mean, very beautiful. But it's just not what he imagined him with,

which I wasn't what Tom imagined him with. If you let all of that go, God knows absolutely yeah and he will turn your affections towards your your partner like I'm obsessed with my my husband in a very godly yes biblical way yeah thank you he's not an idol he's not on but I love him so much and my like i could not imagine my life without him yeah but he was definitely not someone that i was like you know i didn't think he was my he was not on your radar no he was not on my radar what were you gonna say tracy before i interrupted you my apology no no that's okay because what you said at the end is that she was in such a good place with god that she almost missed that door and i think a lot of of women, like I know I have some really good friends that are like heading into their forties

and still haven't found the one. And it's for so long, they were so closed off that I think they might've missed opportunities along the way. So the whole point of surrender at that point too, is that you won't miss it along the way. And it's not your type, or you thought it was going to be when you were 28 and now you're 29. Now, okay, everything's screwed up. Now I'm going to be 30 when I have kids. And you like play all these, and God can change something in one second,

but you have to surrender it. The looks, the whatever, all that stuff. So I thought that was really good earlier. Yeah, but also get to know them. Yeah, absolutely. Because I'm just saying, what you think you know and what you actually know

are two different things. And my thing is, is this. A lot of people think in the first three months that they know somebody and they just, I just,

I mean, this is the best thing. You don't know that person. This is representative, right? Yes. It's his representative. Or she's the representative. You don Yes. It's his representative. Or she's the representative. You don't know them.

Or both. Like even like you. No. You kind of like tone it down a little bit, especially in the first. You don't want the crazy to come out all at once. Not me. I was a little bit too much for Tom. And then, yeah, not me.

But I'm always a bit too much for everybody. That's funny. But most people do tone it down. Most people do. Yeah. I turn it up, apparently. My thing is this, and I will say this. So I say to people who are rushing relationships or I have I have counseled

more people and this is what probably pisses me off and I hate using that word but it's that level for me I I usually, it's beyond angry. Because what happens is, is now when you rush, and listen, I'm not kidding. I've counseled more people, especially women, who dated somebody, got married very quickly because they dated the representative. Now they have children or they brought children into this

relationship. And now it's divorce number whatever, or it's going to be the first divorce or whatever it is. What makes me beyond angry is if you want to screw yourself, go ahead. But when you add children to the mix, you're taking it to the next level for me. You're taking it to the next level for me. And shame on you for the people that encourage these fast relationships to proceed to marriage very quickly. Shame on you. It makes me mad, especially when children are involved. Because you think it's so great and they fit so well. They don't know each other. That's why they fit so well. They don't know each other.

That's why they fit so well. They want something to work. They're committed to commitment, not committed to finding out if they're really meant for each other. And so many people are so happy for people to find one another and for a happily ever after, they never look at the forever

and they never look at the kids that are involved yeah and it i'm i'm just saying and i see it all the time i hear more disaster stories i one of the first questions i ask when i do uh marriage counseling normally it's just with one person when i ask how long did you date the person? Or how long were you? Inevitably, it's not even a year. Inevitably, it always goes bad. And I'm like thinking, what? I literally want to say, what the crap were you thinking? Like, what sounded right about dating somebody

and not really getting to know them? What is the harm in getting to know somebody I know yeah like it's it's like the worst thing on the face of the earth to actually spend some time getting to know somebody to find out if you're a really good fit right you just gotta have it now know what you have to have now is sex that's the truth. It's lust. That's all this is. It's only lust. There's no head thought process. There's no brain science behind this. It's like, what do I want? Well, you, in my opinion is, is what you really should think about, especially if children are involved or you're going to have kids is what's best for my child or children or what's best for my future

children. Would this be a good idea if I have children with somebody I don't know that well? Yeah. I don't know. Call me crazy. But it is my biggest pet peeve because what Adalis and Magalis were talking about is real. Right. I see it. I live it with counseling people. Right. And it makes me mad when we've had children into this because all you're doing is teaching them that marriage is disposable because inevitably people don't stick it out they get divorced one of them cheats are both of them hate each other because they really find out who each other are right mm-hmm hardly ever does it work right unless God

specifically told them they were the ones for each other. And then they know, like, I got to stick this out because this is my person. God told me this is my person, which it shouldn't be sticking it out if God told you this is your person because you should be a perfect match. So if God told you and you guys are like this, did he really tell you? Did he really tell you? Right. Did he really tell you? Or was that your feelings and emotions? So go ahead, Vanessa.

I overstepped because I really wanted you to answer this. No, I feel like you covered it all. How do I even like, you know? I was the angry for her. Yes. Preach. Yeah. But am I wrong?

Because you guys do marriage counseling and you've been in ministry. How many, how often do you know? Most people never dated very long, correct? No, absolutely not. And they are just pursuing like their, their wants for that, that moment, like their type. And I just, I see that very often. Like people pursue that their type. And if they don't like all these boxes that you establish in your flesh, then they're not the one.

And the one is right there standing in front of you, but you don't have eyes to see or ears to hear. He might be a nice guy instead of the bad guy. Everybody wants the bad guy. Why? You know what you do? If you want the bad guy, what you do is you marry the nice

guy, you make him look like Tom, who looks like a bad guy oh that's it right there and there you go that's it that's it who's really a nice guy yeah get a fu manchu or something right right yeah and then in my case i got the bad guy that was reformed there you go who ended up being a really nice guy. A really nice guy. Just misunderstood. I don't know about that. No. Jesus did a work. Only he can do that. Yes.

Absolutely. Exactly. And I'm just saying to you, if you, because there's a lot of people who listen to this podcast. Listen, the best thing you can do is be a friend to somebody who's rushing too quickly. Be their friend and tell them to slow, slow it down. A good friend does that. Slow it down. Make sure that you know that you know that you know that this person is really who they claim to be, really going to be the priest of the home, or you're going to be a godly wife for this person, that they fully understand and know the individual that they're involved with. And normally that takes a good year. And then you

need to fast and pray. Is this person the one for me? Take the time to fast and pray. And you need to, like we are, like why we're not accountable to one another and helping each other, even if it makes your friend mad who wants to just jump in. I remember a girlfriend getting so mad at me because she was involved. She ended up getting pregnant by the guy. And then raising the child by herself. But I told her, I'm like, you don't know this guy. You've been dating him three months.

You don't understand our love. You don't understand it. I'm like, I don't understand your love because they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. I'm like, I dated somebody for three years. Yeah, but your love's not the same as ours. Oh, goodness. I'm like, are you flipping kidding me? Three months, three years.

I kept my hands off of him. And believe me, are you flipping kidding me? Three months, three years. I kept my hands off of him and believe me, no great feat. And no, not, that's not always the easiest thing. I mean, the more you love somebody, the harder it is. But again, the more you're focused on the Lord and he's number one, you understand that you die to your flesh. And so it's like people do not live in the realm of reality. And you have to be a good friend. It made her mad, but the truth was the truth. And she ended up, he ended up ditching her, raising a child by herself, and she has since passed.

Oh, that's so sad. It is very sad. And her daughter is by herself. So it's a very, very sad thing. And I don't know. Be a friend. Be a good friend. Slow the bus down on people.

Again, and I will say this. For people who encourage this, this is one thing that I had to take off of my thing. Because I was like, and those that encourage this behavior. I encourage people to get married too fast. Shame on you. You should be ashamed of yourself and you should be ashamed of yourself because if this marriage doesn't work out or these couples live a wretched life after they get married and it's in turmoil and it's toxic, that's on you. You eat that too. You play a part in that. And if there's kids involved, that's even worse.

So for those that encourage fast marriages, fast engagements, all this other crap, when it goes bad, because the odds are it's going to, I mean, it's high odds, okay? Even in the Christian world, it's high odds. When it goes bad, look in the mirror because you own that you're that's your part in that and I don't want no parts of that no no way so just know you can applaud yourself on that one it's not good especially when kids are involved that's all I got to say on that. Anybody else got it? That's a happy note. Hip hip hooray. No, but it's true. Like, and you can help your friend by looking at patterns. Like

if you see them dating the same people, like you are responsible at that point. If you have no idea and you're like, I don't even know if they should be dating, then bring them in to people that might have an idea. Cause a lot of people are brand new Christians and they don't even know like swearing is not good. And they don't even know that like gossiping is bad. And so if you're seeing your friend rush and you're not really sure, like bring like if you're at our church, bring us in and we can help you guide like through that, too, because it's so hard to watch a friend keep making bad decisions. So if you see patterns, that's the first like red flag. Yes. You know, and just I don't you do you want to be a good friend in the Christian it always listen guys some of you are sitting there going I don't know what she's talking about I'm telling you I don't know how many I've seen in the past two years

maybe three there there's probably between five to ten couples and you go and I'm not saying they're from foundation church I'm not saying that I know of five to ten couples that are have either gotten engaged with knowing each other less than a year or married in less than a year. Five to 10 couples. Yeah. That's insanity. And they're young. They're young. They're not even older people like with wisdom that, you know how when you're older,

I'm not busting on this, but I'm not trying to say that older people have something going on that younger people don't. But they kind of do. They do. They have their frontal lobe.

That's true. Your frontal lobe doesn't develop until you're like 25. 25. 25. Yeah. And that's your decision making. These people are less than 25. Most of them are 25.

Almost all of them are less than 25. Maybe a couple of them, but they're right around 25. Yeah. Okay? That have done this. Right. But what I'm saying is, like older people, like I'm thinking of a girlfriend of mine who just recently got engaged.

She knew the guy just shy of a year. The calisthenics that this man had to go through just to date her was off the charts. And then she had a long list of requirements and do you like the list was astronomical the observations like when you're older you understand traits of individuals and you go i've already seen that before that's that's not gonna work for me. Okay. But older people normally think more clearly. They understand certain things more wisely. And I'm not saying that older people are smarter than younger people.

But they are in a lot of ways. You just don't know it until you hit 30. And then you go, when you hit 30, you sit there and go, I was a freaking idiot. What the crap? And when you hit 25, you're sitting there going, okay, I know I'm dumb. I just don't know how dumb I am. When you're 30, you go, I was really dumb. Thank God I didn't do everything on my own.

I had good parents that helped lead and guide me, you know, but when you're younger, you just don't, you don't know what forever is until you start living forever and you can't leave it. And then you're sitting there going, crap, what did I do? And you did it to yourself and the people that helped you and encouraged you, shame on them. Cause most of the couples that I'm talking about had other people cheering them on and saying, this is going to be great. It's not great. So know that.

But it's happening. I'm seeing it a lot. I'm seeing it a lot. Everyone wants to get married before Jesus comes. That's what I was just going to say. That's it right there. I know. That's it right there.

Listen, I'm just saying, if you talk to Ad right there. I know. That's it right there. Like, listen. I'm just saying, if you talk to Adalas and Mangalas, they have a Bible school. Yeah. And people go to Bible school to hook up and find their mate. MRS degree is what they call it. I'm seeing a lot. And it's dangerous, people. It's very dangerous. It is. It dangerous it is not wise yeah so be very careful

and then those of us that have the opportunity to speak wisdom in people's lives and to slow the roll for them to make sure that they're doing the right thing we have a responsibility to do that what's the rush yeah what's the rush grandbabies like you're not going to be the grandparent so what's the rush right you know what i'm saying they people act legitimately like they're relatives of these people and like there's something in it for them there's nothing in it for you yeah i think people like slow the roll people love the idea of like love and and a wedding you know yeah but there's this whole thing afterwards called marriage that they have to sustain that you probably aren't going to be a part of. So

yeah, there is that. And if, and if you are encouraging it, then you better encourage their marriage, be there for them when they do get married and you better follow up and disciple them because you wanted it to happen so badly. And we've done that for people. We've, we've had seen people get married and then we disciple them after and make sure they're doing okay. And meet a need when they need a need. But most people don't make it. They don't make it.

And what happens is, yeah, you disciple them for a long, just from experience, you disciple them, you help them, and then they turn and get angry with you because you're the one that spoke truth to them. Yeah. Now you know their business. Yep. That's true.

And now they're out. Yep. And they're mad at you because you've said you can't do this. So friendships are ruined, too, because now you feel the need to try and fix things. You can't fix it. And they get mad at you and then they ditch. Yeah. You know, it's not a good thing. That's all I, and it's, like I said,

it is a big pet peeve of mine, but only because in the last couple years, especially I am seeing it in astronomical numbers of people getting married so fricking quickly. Yeah. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. And then the ones that want to sell it like it's good to me, I just want to smack the crap out of you. I literally, I have everything

I can do not to say, you're dumb as a box of rocks. You're dumber than I thought you were. How can this be good? Unless the Lord, like I said, and it does happen, specifically said to them or to, yeah, to them, that's the one. But it doesn't happen that fast most of the time. That's a period of time where the Lord is revealing things. You're more open to hear him. It's just very rare for somebody to automatically look at somebody. What is that?

That's the exception. Like somebody to automatically look at somebody. You know? What is that? That's the exception. Like, that doesn't happen very often. Like, yeah. Out of all my life, I'm 57. Out of all my life, I think I can say maybe four times. Yeah. And I ain't even one of those four. Mm-hmm.

Because when I saw Tom, I was like, eesh. Please, God, no. There wasn't even a thought in my head. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. it never gets old every time i laugh every single time what every time you say how ugly he was oh he's not i laugh every time it never gets old for me if you just if you saw him you'd be like i know i'm still waiting for a photo i totally get it. He had no style whatsoever. Oh, man.

He's a very large man. His black dress shoes are supposed to be like this, right? They were like elf shoes. You can't see my finger, but they were like elf shoes. No, no, no. that's not why vanessa they were so old because he he didn't buy anything new they were such old dress shoes that he was an usher so he'd always have to sit in the back in the last seat and he would push his feet underneath a chair and then his toes would be curled up under the chair that made his shoes, because they were so old,

the tips of them curl up. I'm like, what are you, an elf? Like, what's up with the shoes? He wore the same jacket, shirt, and tie every single Sunday with the same pair of pants. And they were all rayonon except for the white shirt. Every single week. Gray jacket, white shirt,

red tie, black pants. He had his uniform. He looked like Beaver Cleaver. He looked like the beef. And you guys don't know who that is. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I don't.

I do. He looked like the older beef. No. So no. I was not like, don't know who that is yes i do yes i do yes i do i don't i do he looked like the older beef no so no i was not like this guy's talking to me i was like no it was about seven eight months in i was like hello because he had lost all the weight i had changed his attire he was stylish right i fixed a lot of things and then a lot of girls liked him. Of course. Did all the hard work.

Did all the hard work. I laid the groundwork for him to dump me three times. Also doesn't get old. Oh my gosh. See, things turn around people. They do. Don't ever give up. Amen. If God gives you, if God tells you something, you stick to it and you'll be a victor.

I was. I stuck to it. You did it. I prayed it and fasted it through and it came to pass. Amen. And the same will be for you. Amen. And on that note, we are how many minutes over?

22. Holy crap. Holy moly. For those of you who are that are left we'll see you sunday thanks for joining us we love you bye real talk real talk real talk Real Talk.