The Hope Hotline - The Validation Trap: Why Needing Approval is Keeping YOU Stuck!

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

The Hope Hotline | S04-E35 | 06-17-2026

to the Hope Hotline. I even heard you, actually. Holy moly. I'm like, some, some don't feel right. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you're having a great Wednesday. It has been a super chill week. Well, it was super busy yesterday, but I mean, it's still like, man, chill week. Are you going crazy? No, actually, same. I love that when that happens. Like, when something, you know, it's so awesome is when this has been how. This has been how happening recently more so than ever before. Something happens and then you would think you'd be like, but something happens and then something just falls into place.

Life is good. I like that. I love when that happens. Me too. Me too. I think that's faith. I think it is too. Like never let, it's been years since when something's happened.

I get frantic about it. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. for sure. I'm trying to think about the last time something happened and how did I respond? A couple good times. Most of the time if you like you when something happens no matter the scale of what it is, if you're not like frazzled or frantic about it, man, you definitely know that your faith is growing. You know what I think helps with that is fasting. Huge. A lifestyle of fasting because I agree. I just, I don't know. Typically,

when I see people like panic, like they're just like, like as soon as they start talking about a situation, they start panicking. Yeah. I usually ask them like, have you ever fasted? And I'm like, no. Another one is, do you talk to the Lord? Like, do you pray? Yeah. True. Like, yeah, but I know lots of people who are great worshippers and they do have a great prayer life. But they panic? Yeah, because they don't really have a faith walk. Okay. They have a relationship with the Lord. But they don't have. a trust in the Lord. There's a difference. There is. Yeah. I mean, lots of people have relationships with people, but they don't trust them. That's true. And I think a lot of people treat God like that,

you know, like, what am I going to do now? This just happened. And if you're just like, it's not really mine to worry about, okay, it just happened. But God knew it was going to happen. And my steps are ordered. So I'm not going to really freak out about this. I just going to trust and know that it's going to work out. Do I do that all the time? I'm getting really good at it. Yeah. I'm getting way better at it.

But was I? No, I had a relationship with the Lord. Definitely one that was communicative. But, and I had faith probably more than most, but on the whole, I freaked out. Yeah. I would freak out. I wouldn't be anxiety ridden. But I'd be, I'd get freaked out.

If I heard something, I'd be like, holy crap, what are we going to do? You know? And then I'd calm down and be like, oh, I don't have to worry about this. I don't want to even go. I mean, that's better than most to just stay with the freaked out until it gets resolved. It's really nice when you don't get freaked out.

Yeah, because then you sleep well. You could still eat. Like, your lifestyle doesn't have to change. Yeah, man. It's like... And it's even worse when you freak out and then you try to control the situation. Then you make it worse than it has to be.

Because that's like the response. It's like, fix it, fix it. Right. Which just shows you. that you still think that you're the fixer. Right. Exactly. Your ways are better.

Yeah, yeah. That somehow God's not going to take care of it. I mean, that's a dangerous way to think. But I think pretty much everybody, unless they're lying, has lived that lifestyle. I mean, you'd have to lie and say, you know, you had, I mean, I don't think I've ever met somebody who didn't have to like, it's like a muscle. You have to lift weights for that muscle to grow. And well, faith is the same exact thing. Like, it's this, it's the same process.

You have to grow in it. It's taking thoughts captive. Yeah. Because the thoughts will be there. Yeah. You just, you have to make a choice to take them captive and make them obedience to God's word. Yep. Each and every time.

And every time he comes through, for me, I, I love patterns. Like, I pay attention to patterns in my life. And it's like, whenever I encounter like a hard thing or, like, like an emergency or whatever, like I think back, okay, what did God do in this situation for us back then? Like he came through. So why wouldn't he come through now? Oh, yeah. Yep. That's why writing, journaling is super good if you don't, like, if you can't remember the times that God's come through for you, journaling is really important. I mean, we, we, what's so funny is when we have a child, we make sure we journal that whole event.

Only for one child, though. The firstborn. I only have one baby book. Truth. That is so flippin accurate. Unless you're my mother. Oh, really? Actually, my mom did too.

My mom didn't just do all four kids. She did every single grandchild. Oh, my goodness. Every single grandchild. Last way. She is special. She is. And it is like that, what was that?

It was creative memories. Do you guys remember when creative memories was super popular? Yes. That's what everybody has. And multiple. Wow. Multiple. I did a scrapbook for Joseph.

Aw. That's sweet. Not Emma. For Emma. She does have like a little memory box that I just shop things in it. She would have appreciated it too. I know. I know. Maybe I should just go back.

That's what my mom did when she had, when she ended up having free time. when she retired. That's when she did all of them. I think I might do that. Aw. Not me. But I purged, so I don't have anything. Oh, yeah.

Oh, true. That's going to be a problem. You don't have any pictures? I have pictures. I don't have like a ton of pictures because back then that wasn't a thing. You didn't take a ton of pictures. How is that possible? Even I took lots of pictures.

Really? No, I didn't. I was, I don't know. It wasn't your thing. I didn't have. Most people did. Like, people that are older than you took pictures. I know.

I just so. I don't think it was your thing. It's not that it wasn't a thing. It just wasn't your thing. But even until this day, I don't, like, I don't take a ton of pictures. Oh, me neither, girl. I just, in the moment. There's me in the moment.

I'm the worst, too. Me and tell you document everything. Trust me, I know. Normal documents everything. Actually, yes, normal, too. I'm married to somebody who, you, yeah, Jeff documents a lot of everything. It does. Everything. Even his Saturday afternoon in the pool.

His. Now he has these meta glasses so he could like film while he's in action. It's a problem, actually. Oh my gosh. That might be a problem. So if I'm not documenting somebody. Somebody well. Absolutely.

That's where Tom came in real handy because he was the video guy. Okay. And we have so much video of the kids when they were. a little and everything. Like it's, he's the worst though. Like he's like he has more of his feet and looking down or you'll throw up by the time you're done watching the videos because he makes you so freaking nauseous.

Yeah, those are tough. He's not. I mean, he documented, but he documented a lot of nothing too. Because I'm like, how long are we going to be looking at the sky? Like, what were you doing? He's like, I don't know.

I lost track. I forgot to turn it off. I'm like. Oh, my gosh. Please fast forward. It's terrible. That's so funny. But it's better than me.

I had nothing. What did you say? My mom did good with her video. Yeah, some people got it. Some people don't. I can't go back. I need a time machine, guys. Just let it go.

Yeah. The ship has sailed. Let me take it. Those grandbabies, though. Yes, the grand babies. Perfect. That's what happens. People care, you know, care more about the grandkids than they did their own kids.

No. I think you get... Not me, baby. I was so young. I was like 20 in my early 20s. I moved away from everything that was familiar from New York to California, completely on my own with Jeff. I was on survival mode.

I couldn't take pictures. Exactly. I was barely keeping it together. True. That I do believe. Literally. That, my friend, I do believe. It's crazy.

But. Anyways. Anywho. Anyway. So today, I don't know how we got off on all that. I don't know. We never know. Me neither.

But today what I wanted to talk about is what I was going to try and include on Friday, which is people who need to be validated. There's two sides to this coin. People who need validation and those who don't provide. validation to others. There's reasons why you need it or you refuse to give it. There's balance in everything, people. Yes.

There's balance and everything. You know, like I think, you know, I was thinking about this. I was thinking like, I see so many podcasts or, you know, scroll and you see so many podcasts. And it basically, I'll see podcasts that stick to. to the same thing. Like they're always speaking on one specific topic or it's around that genre. And I thought to myself, I'm a schizo. Because I literally can't just stick to one topic.

I know. I can't either. I'm like, what is up? Like, I'd be so bored. It's always fear. It's always getting God's best. It's always the prosperity. it's always faith, you know, and all those things are good.

But how do you become a well-rounded person if you, like for me, I can't stick to those topics and become well-rounded. Yeah. You're a teacher by nature too. Like you're, you know what I mean? Because that's how I feel too. And then there's just some people that I think of like Jair. Like he's like, like has that preacher. And it just like has this thing on his heart and he can't like seem to get off of it because it's just so near and dear to his heart.

where I like to learn new things and then it like comes out because I'm learning it. Yeah. And you're a teacher as well for sure. Yeah, that's that, you know, that's probably why I can't do it. Or why it like bores you because you're ready for the next thing. You know, like, I got it. Now I'm ready for the next. Well, and the crazy thing is, is I don't got it.

Yeah. So I'm ready to move on. Yeah. I fall in that camp. Me too. I'm like, let's do the next thing. Doesn't matter that I'm not doing what I did. That doesn't matter.

Oh, man, that's so accurate. Let's just keep moving on. Let's just keep going. I get it. I get that. I don't know. But that is true because I am a teacher. It always circles back.

It always circles back. To a certain extent, that is true. Like, whatever, like, for even talking about validation, you're going to circle back to, like, why do you not do it? And sometimes, I'm not saying that it is fear-based. that people don't provide validation to things. But a lot of times it's identity, which is, identity is sometimes being fearful, not understanding the promises of God, not knowing that God wants you to have the abundance.

I mean, so yeah, you can go back to those things quite frequently, but I don't know. It's like today before I came here, I've been studying out, like I went right back to the Old Testament. So I've been studying it out differently than I have done previous times when I read it. And I always get, and I do this pretty much, not pretty much, but like consistently when I get to where like the tabernacle is built, the tent of meeting is built. And so I'm always like, you're reading all of the things in the Lord's instructions. And I'm like, I still don't understand what he's saying. Like, how are you supposed to, like, sew all that stuff together? I know.

And how many feet in cubic, sarconias, or whatever? I know. Like, what is the blue and the purple and the, I don't get it? What does that look like when it's all set in ten? Yes. So I literally, before I came here, one of the things was because all of that's so important, And again, as a teacher, understanding certain things helps you when you are communicating, not that specific thing, but when you're teaching something else, it'll end up circling back,

as Jen Saki would say. It brings you back to those. It's super important to understand what the heck you're reading. You know, I don't just want to read it and go, I didn't understand a word I just said, or word I just read. Let's keep moving on. it's not like I'm not doing it I just learned that but that's not

I'm not gonna do it I'm gonna just keep learning something else no but so that's one of the things I was like I gotta like see this in real time yeah I have like like I learn yeah so I read it and then I pulled up a YouTube video and I'm like okay what was this and how was this done? And then it made complete sense to me whereas some people will watch a

video and you'd be like, I still don't understand that. But when they read it, they're like, oh. Yeah, no. No reading instructions. But it's like, but that I think that is a teacher thing too. Because some people would be like, okay, read that. Let's keep going. Yeah.

That's not how they, it's not with it. Interesting. I don't know. I think there's even like a Lego set that you can build of the tabernacle. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I believe it. I bet you there is. Yeah.

Legos making money off of everything they can put their hands on. True. If they think of it, they make money off of it. And which would be for a Christian and a Christian kid, I mean, that's smart. Why wouldn't you do that? Hello. I know. Hello.

Hello. All righty. So validation. You can tell me if you disagree with me or not. Okay. I will. But I'm not a big person to validate or be validated. I'm not into either one of those things.

I don't, I mean, I give compliments, but only if I really mean them. And only if they're true. But I'm not a person. I'm not, I don't really need to be validated. I would say that's a true observation. Yeah, I don't know if that's balanced or not. Because again, everything's got balanced, but I'm like, is that balance to not really need it but to not really give it? I don't know.

I think you're just content. Yeah, but some people need to be validated and like to not give it because there's reasons why people don't do it and it ain't good. It's not good why they don't do it. I sat there and I went, hmm, is that me? Because I'm not big. I mean, there are some people that, you know, there's this new term. It's not that new anymore. I think it's like maybe 10 years old, but a complementarian marriage,

Have you ever heard of those? No. What is that? It's where both couples are one specifically, like a high-maintenance individual, is their marriage is successful when compliments are being given to both parties or to the one that specifically needs. It's a complementarian.

I've never heard of that. Yeah. Like so your marriage is based on complementing one another and always, you know, I'm big on making sure that you say Like you do compliment in your marriage and things like that Instead of like a lot of times people are very negative

And they have a lot of negative things to say Towards one another Instead of focusing on the positive things But I think I throw up If Tom complimented me a lot Do you know what I'm saying? I'd be like, what's up? What's up?

It seems to, like, fake. Yeah. But some people would rather, like, some people need the fake just to feel good about themselves. Also, yeah. Go ahead. It becomes a routine, too. So then it starts losing, it's like, you know, like spark. Like somebody who says, I love you all the time. Yeah, it's just another, I love you.

It's just another, like, you're pretty. I wonder if people who do that are doing it because they want it back. Right. That might, yeah. Their comment are hoping for the person would respond back with a compliment. Well, that could be. 100%. Well, it's like flattery.

There's fake false flattery, which is lying. Yeah. Most people do do. Like, I mean, like most people do say, like, I love you. And then they're waiting. Not most people, but there definitely are people that say, I love you. And they're like waiting for that. They're like, you look really nice today.

What about me? Yeah. Do you think I look nice today? You know, and you can tell. Like, you can tell when people are. saying it because they're looking for that validation back. Yeah. Definitely.

It's true. But for me, I'm like, but your love language is not necessarily words of affirmation either. Like you don't, like, I know you appreciate it. Like if we say you did a really great job, you're like, thank you guys. Like that was really nice. Yeah, I do appreciate it. But you won't take it either way.

Like if we say you did a terrible job, you're like, yeah, probably. If we say you did really good, you're like, yeah, probably. You know what I mean? Like you don't find value in those things where a lot of people, they, they, they do need that word of affirmation. Words of affirmation. That's, yeah, I'm just too. But you know what? I find, like, that can be dangerous. And, and, I mean, I was thinking about all of this, like, this morning and things like, when I was walking, because I, and after, because, you know, you're prepping and everything. But I was thinking about all this while I was walking and praying and

things like that. And even thinking to myself, am I not balance? Like, Lord, is there an unbalance in me because I don't give a lot of compliments and I don't, but I didn't grow up in a household that did that. Right. Yeah. You know, like that was not, like, if you did something excellent and really good, then you got a compliment. Otherwise, you ain't getting squat. Right. You know, like, they didn't, the compliments did not get thrown around in my house. So I think that's part of the reasons why when I was evaluating things, but I think that what happens with people is if they have to have words of affirmation, and I'm not bashing people that that, that is their love language. I'm not saying that when I'm saying is, again, balance. If you have to have the words of affirmation,

and that's where that's where part of your self-esteem comes from, then you, you, you're going to have to also be able to handle the words that you get that are negative. Because a lot of times people always want to read, like, reviews. I'll give you the example. You'll get reviews and those reviews on your performance or, like, the church, or whatever. If you love to read the good reviews and you get your self-esteem from that, then you're going to fall apart when you get the bad reviews because they mean as much. Do you know what I'm saying? The value does not change.

Actually, and it can literally tear you down. That's why I think it's kind of dangerous to be a person that needs to have validation. again, there is balance in everything. But like if that's where you get your countenance from or you are in a complementarian relationship, I mean, you're in potential big trouble because what happens when the compliments stop because life changes and you have kids or...

I don't know. Like it's... You better be able to hang. Yeah. I think, I mean, all that comes down to like if you... Like, for example, I'm not a huge, like, I don't give tons of words of affirmation. And Jair loves words of affirmation.

And so I think them, and I'm very similar to Jeff. I think them in my head. I'm like, oh, that was really, like, I really appreciate that he did that. I don't always verbalize it. So because it's important to him, it's not like end all be all for him, but it's important to him. So I try to do it more often when I think of it. But the end of the day, if you know who you are in Christ, these things are like

cherries on top. Like you getting the compliment, like it just is a way that you receive love. It's not that it's the only source of love. You know that your source is in God, these extra things, like when Jair does something nice for me around the house. Like if, for example, we have like these lights that need to go in the house. Like if I came home when those were done and I didn't have to ask them, like, that would make me feel better than him saying like, you look beautiful today. Like it's just I just don't. I'm like, thank you.

But also, like I love that the lights are up. Like that makes me happy. So it's not like the end all be all source. But if it is, that's where you're saying. That's very dangerous in any love language. Like a physical touch is end all be all. And then like you said, you're in a season where you just had a baby and you're a physical touch. Like, that's, I need physical touch.

Like, you're going to fall apart if that's your source. So that's my rant. No, it's so true, though. It's so true, though. But, I mean, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Again, I always say there's balance and everything. So I don't think it's terrible that you, words of affirmation make you feel good.

But, like, the negative is coming. Right. So, like, what are you going to do with that? That's why I always, like, don't read reviews. Don't read them. Don't read what people say about you. And that's where you get, like, your worth from because a bad one's coming. Yeah.

And you've got to be able to be able to handle, like, I mean, if you think about Jesus, literally. he did everything. And it's one of the things in my notes. But like if you think about Jesus, before he did anything, before he did one miracle, before the Lord told him, you know,

before the Lord, before God said, this is my beloved son, you know, he wasn't looking for validation. That validation came after, I mean, all,

you know, all that stuff came before, you know, all that stuff came after who he knew he was in Christ. True. So he didn't need all of that. He didn't need people's validation. He ended up doing all of those things after he knew who he was.

And that's really where we're at. Like, do you know before anybody says one word about you? Do you know who you are? And no matter what anybody says, because Jesus died alone, he had the crowds of that 5,000 that he fed, and that was just the men. That's not including women and children. And some believe it could have been up to 15,000 people.

He had the crowds that followed him. He did the mighty miracles. And he still died alone. So, like, I think that we need to be people who do bring people up and make them feel good about themselves. But I also think if that, if you are a person, that needs people to give you your worth, you're in big trouble. It is dangerous.

It's not healthy because really only God is the one that should provide that to you just like he did for Jesus. But, okay, so let's go. Why do some people need to be constantly validated? And there are many, many reasons, but I'm going to go with just two that I think are really big reasons why I think people really need it. And a lot of times it's from growing up in a home that's dysfunction junction. I mean, but most people, it's because they've been rejected or criticized. And I think that those two reasons are the biggest reasons why most people feel they need validation.

Now, if you grow up at home and both. Both of those things were communicated to you, you're in big trouble. I mean, a lot of people in homes face rejection. Like, I've known people that grew up in Christian homes, even grew up in pastor's homes, and one child felt rejected and another child felt favored.

Yep. Not in my house. But, I mean, I dated a guy while I dated two guys, both brothers. And they were in a pastor. home. And one of them literally felt like because he wasn't like the other one, which was the athlete, the jock, and he was the artsy fartsy singer, musician. Like his, the athlete was favored. And he was kind of like rejected and dejected, which led him to a homosexual lifestyle.

So it's very damaging. And they have heavily criticized. He was very heavily criticized and felt heavy rejection. So it's damaging. It for sure is damaging. And a lot of times I think it starts in the home. It's parenting. I do too. I mean, you see it with people who have been sexually in their home,

not specifically maybe by their parent, but if a child is grown up in a home and they've been molested, and things like that, they are a heavily, a person that he's have a heavily, he validated heavily. They thrive on compliments because they feel so, I think they feel so dirty at times. Do you know what I'm saying? If they haven't addressed certain things, then they perpetuate themselves. Ladies, add to what I'm saying, if you want to. I mean, or not to.

Yeah, being in youth ministry, that is like we know their home lives. And so typically the ones that are coming from broken homes. And I say, I don't necessarily mean divorced homes, but homes that are like just a lot of addiction and stuff like that. Yeah. Which we're seeing like crazy, man. I know. Because a lot of these kids are coming on their own. Their parents don't even come to church. So a lot of these like teenagers find their way here through friends or whatever. And so it is. A lot of them need a lot of encouragement. And you have to find that balance because like some of them have only been saved a year. and they go home to a very, very, very terrible home.

And so they don't live, they don't live the same way that I do. Like, I don't get to go. Like, I go home to a nice house with peace and joy and patience and gentleness. And they go home to dysfunction. And so, like, they do need more encouragement, but you have to be careful. You don't go too far, too. Because then it becomes performance-based. And get bonded to you in a not very healthy way.

And then, yeah. And then it's like a whole, you're the Holy Spirit. Exactly. It'll wear you out, man. Yeah, of course. And it's not the role for us to play. But yeah. It's so crazy because back in my day, back in my day, back in my day, back in my day when I walked five miles to school in the snow, which I did.

Oh my gosh. But not five miles. But we will, our youth group, my youth group, our parents, it was, I went to both of my youth groups, all the kids in it, their parents went to the church. The parents drove them. It was a Friday, one was on a Friday night, one was on a Saturday night. Okay. And they were heavily and highly successful youth groups, but like the parents came to the church nowadays. Wow.

Like, it's not even close. I know. It is pretty crazy. Yeah. It's like they're looking for something because they don't have it at home. Yes, correct. Exactly. Yep.

And, you know, you think, you think about. kids. I didn't really, I mean, I did think about, I did think like this to a certain extent because my dad was like very hard. He's a kind of a hard man and he would be, because he didn't give you compliments, you kind of had them in, you did have the mindset of I have to succeed. I have to like, I have to do this and it has to be like a plus plus. Not that my grades were, but I'm just saying the things that. that I did, like if I were to try and make something or do something, like you needed to do your best at it. Yes. And if you didn't, you didn't get a compliment. If you did, and most of the time I didn't do A plus plus. So I didn't get a lot of compliments.

But you know, the thing is, is that mentality today is, like I didn't feel like this, because I already felt like I was loved, even though I wasn't getting the compliment. because I was in a two-parent home that didn't have drugs, alcohol, and all this other crapola that comes with it, I was safe. I was safe in that home.

And I didn't feel like I need to succeed to be accepted. But that's not how these kids are today. And that's not how a lot of even your generation feels. Because they do feel like it's a performance mentality of if I am, Well, not even, a lot of people aren't even type A. They don't do things in excellence, but they want to succeed to whatever the degree that is in their mindset to feel like they are accepted by the people that are around them. That is very dangerous. Very, very true.

Because you're not going to succeed all the time and you're not going to do that great all the time. Because like who's subjective? Like who's deciding what the level is? Like some people, you can't please them no matter what you do because they're not even pleased with themselves. So you're like trying to, it's just impossible. So you just have to, you just have to you be you. And you have to just do it for the Lord. And then everything works out.

Because you aren't going to make everybody happy. And your value isn't in making somebody happy. Right. Right. But a lot of times people do feel like that. True. Oh, for sure. I think that's why identity is so huge.

Because if you are being validated by the Lord, you don't need it from anybody else. And that's literally what happened to me. my love language for a long time was words of affirmation and it was because i you know there was felt rejected from my dad and i i i experienced a lot of like loss in my life and so i like crave that those words i craved um that uh being validated yes um and then as i healed and as the lord like showed me who i was in christ like i don't need that now right i really don't like the more the more i know who i in Christ the less I need from people. Yeah. So the public opinion of you

doesn't matter. It really doesn't. And there's a stability in knowing who you are in Christ. Because. And I have a better marriage now because of it. Because you have a balanced thought process. And you find your value in the Lord. He's a terrible savior.

Yeah, I always say that. I always say too. I'm like, I don't want to be people's holy spirits. Yeah, though. Either. First of all, they end up resenting and hating you. Right. Right. Every time.

Your role. And second of all, I want to live life. Right. Yeah. Like, I don't want to have to tell people, I know. This is right. This is wrong. You should do this.

You shouldn't do that. I mean, like, that's the Lord's job. Right. He brings conviction. I will oftentimes make you feel convicted, but then there might be a guilt behind it. And then you're thinking, I've let her down. You're not letting me down.

Right. Yeah. And the Lord down. Like, so, like, please. Something that I've been doing a lot lately with people is if they come to me with those, like, like, questions, I'm like, man, that's a, those are really good questions to ask the Lord. Want to do that together? I usually ask.

Oh, my gosh. Has God told you, like something? Like, what has God told you about that? Because then it's like there's an expectation. Like, I don't know. Like, ask God. Yeah, because it is. It's true that everybody wants the quick, like, well, you just tell me. You talk to God. You tell me. He hasn't told me anything about you. Yeah. So I hear that. Yeah, but that's even scary because like then people who, like, then people who think they hear the voice of the Lord, you will tell you, we'll tell you like something that's not even, which happens to me. I mean, it just happened yesterday. I get this. this freaky comment.

And I'm like, like what they're saying, the Lord's telling them, I'm like, it's not even possible. Yeah. And then, but I'm the bad guy.

And I'm like, whatever. I'll be the bad guy then. But like, you know, admittedly, you haven't even been saved barely a year. And you don't, you're not basing whatever

you're feeling like the Lord's told you on the word. You're wrong. Because the word. doesn't align what you what you're saying that the Holy Spirit's telling you and that I'm the one that like hopefully someday I will learn to listen to the Holy Spirit and I won't base things on rules but on feelings. I know that is literally crazy no you definitely have to like know who to respond that way to right yeah absolutely or if you're going to open up that conversation

you have to be ready to say well is that is that scriptural yeah yeah like you have to able to do that for sure it's just craziness though that is crazy absolutely not but i don't want to be that person's holy spirit either yeah so i don't say anything like you think what you want to think and then hopefully you'll you know you'll read in the scripture where if you're reading the bible hopefully that'll come across your path and then you'll be open enough to say oopsie daisy i might have been wrong about that but maybe not you know maybe not my problem but people just hear what they want to hear, you know, they do whatever they want to do. And a lot of times, like, if you examine this person's life, they are an emotional, unstable, unstable individual.

And it makes sense to me, though. Like, in some ways, like, what they're saying does make sense to me. And I'm not mad at them at all. I'm just, like, 2 plus 2 equals 4. Like you saying this and you doing this adds up. You doing something opposite than this based on where you're at, spiritually speaking, but also where you've come from. I don't know.

I would find it hard to believe that it wouldn't be like it is. I don't know without telling you the story, like what I'm trying to say. But people come from really bad places. And where they're coming from when they're talking to you, from where they've come from, not where they're headed. Does that make sense? Yeah, that does. So when I get that response, I'm like, well, that makes sense to me because all your life,

this is either how you've been treated or this is how you've treated. So like for you not to look at this bivocally speaking, makes complete sense. You've not been saved maybe but a year. Maybe. Maybe. So like it adds up to me. So why take it personal? Right.

Just be like hopefully someday you see it. If you don't, not my problem. But a lot of times you do have to be very careful as to, you know, having somebody listen to what the Holy Spirit tells them, especially when they don't know the word. Absolutely. Sure. Yeah.

Yikes. Yikes. Yankarroonies. Galatians 110 says, obviously I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. And that was Paul. And the reason Paul said that is he was dealing with people. And if you deal with people, if you own a business, if you run a ministry, if you have a church,

if you do anything from a coach of a sports team, whatever it is, if you're in leadership over people in any way, shape, or form, you wanting to have the approval of people, You might throw that right out the window. Throw it right out the window because you're not going to get it. You may here and there, but that's not the goal. The goal is not to have their approval. The goal is to lead. And sometimes you will have the approval and then other times you're going to tick them off.

It's just the way it is. But you have to do what God's telling you to do. Or if you're a coach of a team, I mean, I've seen this with, like my kids have played on different teams, right? I've seen good coaching. I've seen bad coaching. If you've ever played on a team, you know it. Sure.

You'll have some really good coaches and you'll have some really bad coaches. Okay, they're not going to get the approval of everybody. But when they signed up, they knew what they were getting themselves into. Yeah. People will leave you. People will stay. You have to be able to handle both. And I was just talking about this.

Was I talking to you about this yesterday, Tracy, when I, like, I think we were talking about how, like, if you honestly believe people are going to stay with you forever, you're delusional. Literally delusional. You will have, like, narrow is the way, few there be that find it. You will have the small group of individuals that you will be in it for the long call because God has called you. call these people like on the same mission all together going in the same direction, right? So you will have your small group

that God has formed to be a complete team and that team will probably stay together on the whole. That team will probably stay together for a very long period of time. But that doesn't mean they'll stay together forever. Yeah, exactly.

Yep. But all the people outside of that, you should just be, you should just know, like, they're not going to stay. And, you know, I just feel like, you know, like when you were growing up in school, I mean, there's a healthy way to think of things, and there's a very unhealthy way to think of things. And this is validation, guys.

Back in the day when you went to elementary school, how many people did you see come and go when you grew up in elementary school? Like every year when I went to school, there were new people and there were new people in my class and then there were ones that moved away and I never saw again. Like did the school do something terrible to them? Probably not. You know what? Life is life. And people come and they go. And they and automatically everybody thinks it's what did I do or when anybody leaves anything. Like if you are a coach of a sporting team or whatever, could it be that you are a bad coach and they left because you stunk? Yeah, it could be.

Or it could be that there was a team that they wanted to play for that had all their friends on it and you had nothing to do with it. And that's just the way it goes. Like, but you just got to be okay with people come and go and they have their reasons. And that's okay. You cannot get your validation through relationship. Right. Yes. No, I was agreeing with you.

Yeah. I thought you were going to, I thought you were going to give me some. good insight. Not yet. It's brewing. You know what? What happened to me is maybe this is where I'm like delusional is every time I've like gone out of a season.

It's always been for the most part pretty healthy. Obviously there's like a few situations that were out of my control. But even those, every time I'm like somebody's out of my life, I'm replaced with better. Always. You know what I mean? Like a friend groups got better. Churches got better. My spouse got better.

You know what I mean? Like every time I've like kind of lost like friendships. And even though I could still go back and talk to a lot of those people, because it's not like anything bad happened. It's just we had different lives that either moved further away or whatever. But it seems like the ones that were like really important to me in those seasons. Like I value that and I'm thankful for those moments. Oh, yeah.

But like now like the relationships are even deeper and stronger with different people. It's like God. So like when you take care of what God has given you, like when people leave, you know something better is probably coming. You should believe that something better is coming. Because God never takes you unless you're the, unless you have done something specifically. Right. Yeah.

And then you need to fix that, first of all. Yeah. Like there needs to be, there needs to be some repentance going on. Yeah. But if it's just life, well, then how you respond to life, like God will pour out based on that. I always say when stuff happens, it's up to us. and how we respond to this, it will show, like, what the return will be and how we get through it. 100%.

So the more you're faithful and honoring God in situations, God will say, you know what? You're just, like, getting more abundantly blessed because you did what I told you to do. You handled it the way my word says to handle it. You know, but I think that just a lot of times people's emotions and feelings, and it used to be a mind too because I always was very, like, prideful. So I always felt like I had to respond in a prideful way to make sure that whatever the situation was, is it didn't reflect poorly on me. But then the Lord freed me from them because he was like, you know, I'll vindicate you.

so you don't need to, you need to get rid of pride. Yeah. God. That hurts you. Right. Yeah. It is. And as soon as I started like handling things and not worrying about those things and not being so prideful, I realized, man, there's freedom.

Yeah. For sure. That's a very peaceful life. Yes. Very peaceful. That's true. That's true. Yeah.

Being a prideful person is. Exhausting. It's a heavy weight to carry. It's very heavy. Yep. It's a heavy weight to carry. It's like, man. You walk around with a chimp on your shoulder.

Chimp? Chip. You walk around with a chip. Did you know that for the longest time I thought it was chimp? I do believe that. Oh, my gosh. I don't know that you haven't changed it either. I was this many years old today when I found out that it's chip, not chimp.

It doesn't make sense to me. So this day, that does not make sense to me. Of course you'd have a chimp on your shoulder. Why would I have a monkey on my back? not a chimp on my shoulder. I know. That's very confusing. It makes sense in my brain. Well, you know, here's the thing.

It's like the English language. It doesn't make sense. It has, you can have the same word spelled two or three different ways and it means two or three different things, but it all sounds the same. Or read and read are spelled the exact same. Exactly what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. What the heck? What the heck?

People got lazy when they were making Somebody got lazy English language is so hard And annoying It is, I agree Try to homeschool your kid and teach them in Hello You want to kill yourself and them all at the same time

Or you just don't teach them No I'll figure it out Let the chips fall where they may Exactly that's what I'm saying Red my mind I don't know But pride is a pride

But I think pride is a lot of reasons people want to be validated too So that's a whole other thing all by itself You know Wait so did you ever get so that why you think or why people won't validate? Oh I haven't gotten there yet Let's do it Let's just skip Because I want to know what you came up with because now I'm curious

Okay hold on Okay Oh let me just run through this Because I think this, okay, how you know if you are a person that, like, your high maintenance, like you need validation, you need a complementarian relationship, okay? This are signs that will tell you, because a lot of times people don't think they are like this. Okay. but answer this question the answer this honestly and then you'll know whether or not it's you okay

so if does does criticism devastate you she was waiting that's not good yeah you should be honest how do you get better yeah how do you get better how do you get better if you're not honest True, true, true. I mean, seriously, if criticism devastate you, then you need to fix yourself because you should look at criticism and say, and I'm not saying to be like me, okay? Because I know, I take things too far. Okay? I know that I don't have a lot of feelings.

Okay? I get that. But here's the thing. You should be able, when somebody criticizes you, you don't have to like it. I don't like it when people criticize me. But what I will do is I will say to myself, especially like if Tom criticized him, he just criticized me two days ago. He did. And while he's criticizing me, I didn't get mad at him at all.

I was like, all right, well, if he's saying this to me, there's got to be some truth to it. like why would he say these things to me? Because first of all, he's not trying to be hurtful. But he has been speaking truth. I mean, it's truth as to what he sees. And I didn't really like it because I thought I had come a lot further. I thought I was farther along than what apparently he was telling me. But I was like, okay, he wouldn't hurt my feelings on purpose.

So he's telling me things to make. me better about myself and like and it was something like he said to me like he saw something that I said with somebody who I love dearly which is Heather he heard me say something that he didn't think that was he's like he was like you're you say you're this but then you're that and I'm like well what there's truth to that like so you don't have to like it but you don't have to fall apart because somebody criticizes you you look at it. in the light in which who they are. And is it truth?

Yeah, there was truth. Now, I won't say that I agreed 100%, but I would say he's probably 80% correct. So what do you do with that? Like, you just, like, you can't be so devastated because somebody tells you the truth about something. So what do you do with it? When you know that most of it's true,

what do you just say, okay, gotcha. Like, what do you physically do? Like, well, because if you're somebody that easily is like offended or upset when somebody is most likely you don't want to let that person down or they don't know your side of the story, whatever it is. So like how do you process through that? Well, I don't defend myself. Okay. I didn't defend myself with him or anything like that because it wasn't a situation where he was trying to get me to defend myself. Yeah. But I just listened to him and I processed it and then I didn't get mad at him. I was just like, Okay, well, I mean, I can kind of see what you're saying, but I don't know. And then we kind of went on to another conversation. But or another part of another situation or whatever. But sometimes I have defended like my stand to try to help him understand where I was coming from so that he might be able to say like, okay, if that's the case. but you're still wrong here so so that I fully understand where do I have to fix myself because

now you know now you know this side what is where am I still wrong yeah okay okay because there's you're wrong somewhere yeah right like and I am I came from being a very prideful person who still has pride issues but not where I can't see where people are right now sometimes like People make statements and I'm like, whoopsie, I just disconnect to myself. People will make statements, sorry, and they're completely wrong on what they're saying. And I will, not out of pride, but I will speak up and say, I completely disagree with you on that. And here's the reason why I completely disagree with you on that. and that's to make them realize you've got a critical spirit and I'm not always going to be like that with everybody, even the people that I'm very, very close with.

I'm not because I'm going to be true to myself as well, especially when I don't think that they're right. Yeah. Like if they have a, if they're looking at something critically and they're not looking at a picture and realizing, if, if, if, if, If what they're saying is this much, the truth is this much, but there's this much that is good about something, then you might want to just shut up and appreciate this much that is good and not focus on this much of the critical part. And they need to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what's healthy for them. But I also know that because I come from a place of trying to be more humble, I know.

that I'm working on it, but I know I'm not there. So he's trying to help me. But criticism cannot devastate you. Yeah. It cannot because you'll, if you need to be validated, it's not good. And if you view it through that lens, it's easier to like take. Like, especially if you consider the source. If somebody is saying it and they have a critical spirit, you'll know.

You're like, yeah, whatever. That's, I'm not. Well, usually it's usually the same kind of people. And they can still be very, very close with you and still have a critical spirit. Right. That doesn't mean that their whole person is terrible. It's just that's something that they need to work on. I've been very, I have had a critical spirit.

And I have had to like learn to shut up. Right. And not be so critical. Because I am so type A and so many things that I've had to, like, like back off a little bit. Right. And that's not easy. And I always take it with a grain of salt from those type of people because I just know that they're hypercritical and they're just, you know, like they're just saying, saying it from that sense. But like if Jeff, like people that speak into my life, like say something and it is constructive criticism, like I do. I see it

through that lens. How can I make this make me better? I know. I love that because that's like I think For me, I don't, if somebody criticizes me and I don't really, not to be mean, but I don't really care, like what they have to say. It doesn't bother me, but people that I love if they criticize me. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, there's some something. No, Vanessa, you and Hope do this excellent. I'm like, out. Like, that hurts. Really? Yes. So I have. What do you? I do it. I do criticize you? No, no, no. That's what you're saying. I was just trying to understand what you're What are you going to say? You hope and Vanessa receive criticism from people that you know love you and are coming from a good place way better than I do.

When I'm criticized by like for Jer, for example, if he criticized me, hope you criticize me. Like I'm like, ouch. I might not show it on my face, but I'm thinking it in my brain. Like, out, that hurt. But I do the same thing you do hope where I'm like, okay, they're saying this because is there truth to it? Are they frustrated right now? Like I, but that is taken. Like that was not always my first response.

Mine was like, ouch, that hurt. Like, then I wanted to defend myself and say like, because typically when I do something, I'm not doing it ever to hurt somebody or not do my best. And so when I do get to a place where I've not met the mark, even though everything's subjective, it like makes me sad because I'm like, but I tried so hard my whole life.

And now you're saying it's not good enough. So, yeah, so criticism for me was really hard. And you know what Jeff's been doing with me lately, which pray, like, he's so good. Praise the Lord. Like if he wants to like point something out to me, he'll like turn it into like for just for instance, like an example would be like I'm getting behind on the laundry. Like I'm just letting it just pile up. And I my responsibility is to the home first. Yeah. He'll be like Vanessa in the morning, he'll be like Vanessa, if the Lord puts it on your heart to minister to the laundry today. I could receive that. I'm going to need. Could you do that for me? and I'm just like

yeah I received that so much better see I could receive that then you're you're screwing up priorities aren't straight like yeah I don't receive well with that

no like I'll take a slap in the face but like also I'm like oh yeah so he communicates with me because he knows I'm soft I'm feminine I'm like I'm just the girl

that's so funny because like me and Jair like Jare like Jare gets very frustrated with me. I get very frustrated at him because I'm a guy's girl. Right. Yeah, right.

Like, I'm a guy. Yeah. Whereas Tom is like you. Yes. But me and Jarrett, when we communicate sometimes, I literally can feel him when he's going to come through the phone and go, ah. But he loves him so much. But it doesn't bother me a bit.

No, I know. I know. I'm like, I am not, never once am I like, I am so ticked off at him. him. I'm like, I know. I just, we're both frustrated right now. Right. It'll go. It'll pass. We'll be over it. It doesn't matter. But not a lot of people can you do that with. Right. Like, you just have to know your audience. 100%. And if that audience can't handle it, then don't do it with them. And I did not understand that for the longest time. Yeah. Because I thought everybody was like me. Right. Right. And they're not. And that's how you think for me. I'm like, you don't have to be so mean when you could just like, tell, say like, or yeah, say it.

nicely or, you know what, like, because I wouldn't give criticism that way. And so I always find a way to, like, kind of, like, encourage people to, like that. Like, not me. If you ever feel led to minister to the groceries, if you ever feel like, that is not how I talk. I know. And this is new. This is a newer development. That is. And I really like it. I'm, I'm responding to this so well. So he continues to be in this way. He's a smart man. Yeah, because I'm like, I'm on it. Yeah, you literally go right now. That is so dang funny. I might have to take that one. I might have to steal that.

I like it. I do. Actually. That's a really great way. It is. Yeah. I mean, seriously, I might have to use that with certain people. I don't know what way.

Try it. We're a part back. Exactly. Early. We're teaching the newlyweds this early. I like it. That's a great idea. Yeah.

That's a great idea. We're not going to get to the one, but I'm going to finish telling you the list and we'll do the other parts. Those who don't validate. We'll do that on Friday. Okay. But do you over-explain your decisions. I do.

I used to. I still do with certain people. Yeah, no, I'll fall. But I used to all the time. No, like, I don't. You don't at all? I do. If I feel like is this going to crush somebody,

I do over-explain it because I feel so bad sometimes. That's true. You know what? I do that with my kids. No one else. I don't do it with my kids because I don't care. I've never done it with my kids. And I think Tom's been like, you know, you can give them more than because I said so.

Yeah. They might appreciate that. So funny. Not me. But there are times, it's not because I want the person's approval, to be honest with you. It's because they're so, I know that. it's going to crush them. Yeah, you don't want to kill their spirit.

That's important to you. But then if they don't get it, then I'm going in for the jugular. And I don't really care. If you're still not getting, no, I'm not. If you're still not getting, picking up what I'm putting down,

we're going for it. I can't do it. But some people need that. You can't beat around a bush with certain people. So again, knowing your audience, like you said. But I'm still learning this

because I'm not the greatest at this and I'm 59 years old. Do you think I get it by now? But everybody's got their thing. Do you struggle with, do you struggle with disappointing people? I do not. You're a person that needs validation if you struggle with disappointing people. I don't.

Not as a whole, but I don't like disappointing people. That's where I sit. I don't want to disappoint people. You don't want to, but is it going to happen? It's not a struggle for me, though. Yeah, it's going to happen. Like, I'm not going to die over it. Right.

Yeah. As long as I put my best foot forward, that's it right there. Yeah. But then there are some people, it doesn't matter how hard they've tried. If they think for a second that they are going to, they crumble. They can't handle it. Because they need the validation and that approval. And they're not going to get it because they weren't successful.

Yeah. And they care way too much about the. at a boy or that person still believing in them or liking them. And I don't care about that stuff. Right. Yeah. Same. You need reassurance frequently.

Talia, is this you? Do you need to be reassured frequently? Frequently. That you're doing a good job. Do you struggle with disappointing people? Depends on who the person is. It's taught me. Like, I never want, like, I hate him.

He's mad at me. Like, I, like, really upset with myself. Well, okay, but, okay. Talia. Okay, first of all, get over that. The second of all, from his mother. Because it's going to happen. Okay. You can't have fear of man. Right. So you're fearful of not being who you truly are because you don't want that person to reject you. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay. If that person truly loves you, like you always want to please that person, but not to the detriment of yourself.

Right. So make sure that in that relationship specifically, because if that person's your future mate, that has to be healthy. Yeah. So you can't like, I don't like it. And I think Vanessa and Tracy would say the same thing. I don't like it when I disappoint or Tom's upset with me.

Okay. but this two shall pass because you'll you there's like it's going to happen yeah it doesn't happen if you're really conscientious of one another and not trying to let the problem is is a lot of people know buttons to push with one another so they love to push the buttons I don't push buttons I don't play those games I don't like that so that's why Tom and I hardly ever fight or ever like disappoint one another. But if he gets upset with me, I know that he's going to get over it

because you're in the dating phase and you want to marry him. So you're like, I don't have him locked and loaded. Correct? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm also just an emotional person itself. So, like, I cry very easily. Uh-huh.

So, like, that one time, like, I don't go into detail, like, you were upset with me about something. Like, when you left the room, I literally, like, bawled my eyes out. because I don't want to like disappoint you. Right. So I think, but like I'm not doing it out of like, I wouldn't say it's like fear.

It's just like. You love her and you want to let her down. Yeah. Like other people I don't care about. Yeah, but here's the thing. Even with that tell you, you're also 19. Okay.

So that has a lot to do with it too. And I'm not going to tell, I'm not trying to tell you not to be not a crier. Yeah. Even though I'm not a crier. Okay. I think it's important for people to be able to to cry. And even though this is coming from a person who really doesn't cry, I think it's

important to be able to cry. But pick what's really important to cry over. And me being upset with you, this too shall pass. It never would change our relationship. So you're kind of like, well, that's suck the, I disappointed her. But you know what? This ain't worth crying over. That's the truth. Yeah. So like, you'll get past that or I'm going to help you. Actually Tommy stomps me out of it too. Yeah, because it's not worth it. Nobody is like most people in all honesty, truth be told, and I hope this frees people. Most people are not worth tears.

Nothing that you do to them, even if it's done on purpose or not on purpose, whatever, they're not worthy of crying over. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. It's all fixable. And if it's not fixable, it's still not worth crying over. Like it's like picking your battles most most people don't need to fight because it's not really worth the fight They just get so used to fighting that it becomes a habit that's crying too

Being emotional is is is something that people just grow into being But you can stop it yeah I'm definitely gotten better well that's good because it's it makes you a more rounded individual when you you're less emotional. That's what we call stability people. Yeah. And it is. You can still not be happy with not fulfilling whatever it is that made you want to cry, but you don't have to cry because it's all fixable.

Okay. Oh, let's see. You feel anxious when someone seems distant. I used to deal. Oh, man, guys, this one was a killer from me. me. Like 20 years ago. Holy crap.

I would be like so anxious. Like not anxiety-written, but I would be like, I'd have like butterflies in my stomach. I'd be like, what the crap? Depending on the person. I did struggle with that. Me too. Especially if that person really had great value to you. Yeah.

Yeah. For sure. But even that, it's like, what are you going to do? You can't control them. You can't keep them from coming. You can't keep them from going. True. Yeah.

And if you didn't purpose to do something that caused whatever issue, if they're causing, if they're feeling distant, nothing you say or do outside of apologizing for something you should apologize for. Even if you do, that doesn't mean they're going to stay. They're not going to remain distant. Right. Mm-hmm. I mean, there's plenty of times that I've said, I'm sorry to people.

And they are like, thank you. I appreciate that. See ya. it's the way it goes like go to high school that's high school yeah yeah high school life is just like that

people come and go yeah and you have to be okay with it yeah and if somebody's distant with you you try and fix it but if they don't there's nothing you can do about it you can't let people rule your life by

you can't have somebody have that much value in your life that they control your emotions or your feelings. And you probably noticed when you stopped gossiping, you stopped worrying about when people are distant, right? Yeah, you know what? Because you don't have to worry about what you said about them

that they might have found out about. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yep. Stop, if you stop gossiping, you stop worrying. When people, I know a person's a gossip when it doesn't happen that much anymore, but back in the day, if I would call somebody

and they'd be like, what do you want? why are you calling me? And I'm thinking to myself, why are you so worried? Yeah. What have you been saying? What have you been doing? Right.

That you shouldn't be doing. And inevitably, they were talkers. Well, I only know because that's how I felt. Same. I mean, literally, if certain people would call me,

my heart would start pounding. I'm like, oh my gosh. What did they know? Yep. I'm not kidding you. That's exactly how I felt. I'd be so scared. on the inside, they wouldn't know it.

And I would never have said, why are you calling me? Right. But you're wondering. Because I was too prideful. But I was wondering, what do they know? That's so funny. That I shouldn't have been doing. Oh, it's so true.

You spend excessive time worrying about what people think. Nope. I sleep well. That's because you don't need validation. but people who need validation, they spend excessive time worrying about what other people think. I know. There's a lot of people that do that. I know.

A lot of people. Like replaying every conversation after they left a party or whatever, like they go home and they think about everything that was said. The only thing I think about was, did I say something stupid? But we always do. Always. Did I overshare when we always do? See, I gave up on that because I know I said something stupid and I know I probably said more than something. I don't. Oh, yeah. It's too, it's inevitable.

Mentally, like, exhausting for me. I just, I can't. I can't do it. But a lot of people do. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. If you're with me, I'm probably going to say something that I shouldn't have said. Probably going to do something that I shouldn't have done. I'm probably going to say more than I should. True. It's just the way it is. It's the way it goes. I mean. I know. What are you going to do?

Nothing. They're like feathers in the wind. I can't bring them back. Exactly. And I know me. Like that's never. Right. It's never going to change.

And that's what I tell myself, when I catch myself like overthinking, I'm like, there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Like, just let it go. I forget everything. So I'm just assuming people forgot. I'm like, they probably forgot anyways. They didn't. But in your head, they did.

Exactly. I've convinced myself. So funny. Well, we'll in it in the podcast 11 minutes late. But let me just end with this. And this goes back to what you said, Vanessa, because it's so true. It's all about identity.

Yeah. It really is. At the end of the day, needing validation is really either an identity crisis or knowing who you are in Christ. And when you know who you are, when you finally realize, who you are, you'll need

your need for other people to tell you who you are will be far less or non-existent. You will no longer need somebody to tell you. True story. Living proof of it. Until then, you're going to be looking forward to anyone and everyone. And you will be schizophrenic

because as many people will tell you how great you are, there will be the many that tell you how much you should correct who you are. I mean, like, just like, don't read your reviews. Yeah. Don't read the reviews because it's like Tracy said it. It's all through the lens of that individual. Yeah.

Yeah. And, you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Thank you, Jesus. And most people aren't happy with themselves. So they're filtering, they're projecting what they don't like about themselves on to you and not even knowing. So why I even take, yeah, no, absolutely not. Don't even listen.

Don't even listen. Find your identity in him. Yeah. And you will be set. Yes. 100%. We will see you on Friday. Thank you for joining us.

And that is that. Peace out.