The Hope Hotline - The Validation Trap: Why Needing Approval is Keeping YOU Stuck! | Part Two

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

The Hope Hotline | S04-E36 | 06-19-2026

and welcome to the Hope Hotline. Thank you for joining us on this very hot Friday afternoon. In the state of Florida, like your armpits are sweating worse than I don't know what. It was a warm one today, but it's nice and chilly in here. Oh my gosh. Fault matters. Like I am dripping. It was very hot outside today.

What though? Like even early. I even went for a walk early this morning and I was like, hello. So did I. I went to, I went for a walk this morning. I was telling somebody I had much with a friend of mine and I told them I might I'm 59 guys I just turned 59 and my what would you say no way shut up 29. Thank you. My nose sweats like some people's like forehead sweat or their above their lip sweats my nose sweats my nose sweats.

My nose has so many zits on it And underneath here and inside my nose From sweating so much Yes You're like a teenager That's what I said What happens when you sweat everywhere You're one big zit

Okay I'm not kidding you I take three showers a day right now Do you really? Yes I am taking three showers a day That's crazy I'm lucky if I get that many in a week Oh my gosh

I'm joking I'm joking Okay four Yeah. No. I can't. Like if I, like, I will be going home and taking a shower. I've already taken one today. That's wild. With sweating, like there's, and I don't like to sweat. I don't spend, yeah, I don't, I don't, I spend a ton of time outside. That's a shock. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But, oh my gosh. You used to walk outside. I know. I got to get back to it. It's been a while.

It's been a while. Hannah. I won't. even like you have that weighted vest I wouldn't even put a weighted vest on and walk in a weighted vest because that thing would be so stinky and I don't I'm not a big sweater no but I am right now it's hot yeah it is a toasty one it's hot and humid and I can't believe how early it is this hot I was talking to Tom about it so yeah but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else same it's where we're at You're not going to get me out of here unless God makes me. I am here to stay. Here to stay. So, anything exciting going on before we get into validation?

Yeah, we just did our last drop. So Foundation Church's drop is out there. That's right. That's one of the reasons why I'm sweating so bad. It's in Port Charlotte today? There's two of them. We have one in Venice. Which is slash Northport.

It's not considered Venice, actually. When you Google it, it says Venice. But Northport says it's not. See, I heard that, but every time I Google it. No, because it has a 34293 zip code. That's a hint. But no, it's considered Northport. It was annexed in into Northport.

Interesting. Well, we made this one very tricky this time, but not really because it literally says where it is. Pretty much. Yeah. You can't, I mean, if you can't find this, you're in big trouble. Yeah. Well, that's not true. Well, if you don't know the area.

The location. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But we just gave you a big hint. Yeah. That one's going on right now. That one dropped at three. Yeah, the hint's out.

The hint is officially posted. So we're going to see what our people do. Because it's so unusual. Somebody might take him a while to find it. This one might be a little tougher. Yeah. But I'm happy about it. Jaden already liked the comment.

So he is probably on his way. Doesn't he work? Oh, yeah. He does work. It's like, I don't think so. I think he's... No, I think he gets out earlier. Today?

He starts early and then gets out early. Well, that's the reason why I think he found it the last time. Yeah. Because he was working and he knew exactly where it was. And that's why he went. No, he wasn't. He was not. He was picking up his sister at Tropical Smoothie at Cocoa Plum.

Oh, and he just so happened to be in the right place at the right time. Yeah. Well, that worked out well. Good. Favorite ain't fair. Yep. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so get out there, people.

We pretty much told you. Venice, Northport. It's really Northport, even though it says Venice. Because it has a 34293. If you go to the post office, you're going to have to put Venice. Yeah. Or if you Google it. But it's actually annexed in.

Listen. That's very confusing. That is. Well, nobody. Sorry. Are you in Port Charlotte? I'm in Northport. Nobody really wants to live in Northport.

poor. Oh. Everybody really wants to live in Venice. That's true. Oh. Same. I've been put to guard ass, so I can't say anything. For the longest time, for the longest time that everybody was like, I don't want to live in Northport.

Now it's become super popular. Yeah. Oh, why? I love where I live. Well, you own the whole condoms. A cul-de-sack. Okay. There might be a reason for that.

I'm so true. You own the whole cul-de-sac. She does. You're not wrong. Hello. Back in the day when I sold in Northport because I worked a model home, I went from doing model homes in Venice to being the person that got moved down to Northport. They left the easier location for the newbie of salesperson and they sent me down to Northport. And it was hard.

There was nothing here. And you literally felt like you were in a foreign country. When you came down here. What year was that? 1998. Wow. Like, yeah. Okay.

There was nothing here. Now, there's so many amenities. It's like who doesn't want to live in Northport. Yeah. Right. I mean, because of, except for me. And Tracy. And it's huge.

It's huge. Well, they annexed in. Yeah. That's a whole story. Right there. One end of Northport's and the other is, what, an hour drive? I can, yeah. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. That's probably true. It's like Port Charlotte. Like it's like you can go all the way down almost Boca and you're technically in Port Charlotte like Gulf. Well, Lee County goes all the way to Boca Grand. Yeah. It does. Like that's way over an hour.

Lee County is well over an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Like certain areas. So it's crazy. It is. But. So I went to lunch today.

and I was wearing this shirt. Mm-hmm. And the waitress, not my or our waitress, but another waitress, saw it, and they were like, yeah, like young adults group. Now, this woman's in her 40s. But she still, she still thinks she's a young adult like I do. I got it.

It warmed my heart. She ain't, though. She might be coming to church on Sunday. Yay. Just from wearing a shirt. I love that. So you want to have people come to church, wear the merch. And this is unusual because most of our merch has our name on it.

This one did not. And this one had. And it worked. Yeah. I'm not a big proponent of not putting the name of the church, not having the name on the church. I know. Because that's the point of it. But every now and then somebody's going to ask you.

But how often. does that happen? Hardly ever, but most people will look at the name and then we'll remember it. That's why it's like marketing is branding. Right. Branding. It's remembering the name. So, if she wasn't hard up and needed to find some friends, she wouldn't ask me. There you go. Thank God. Then the whole entire restaurant started talking about church. Oh, see? It's pretty crazy. I didn't hear it. My friend did that I was with. They're like, she's like, everybody's talking about church now. about their church. Yeah.

My friend Tara has been here for like two weeks and she already is inviting people to church. The same subway I go to all the time. She already has this person coming on Sunday. Oh my gosh. I go there every Sunday. I mean, I go to the subway like all the time for Tutie. And she already brought us coming.

Somebody's coming on Sunday. Somebody really loves Jesus and somebody doesn't. Tell you what. I know. I'm going to check my fruit, man. My hungry Howie's guy is coming to Skyler's his thing. Essentials? Yeah.

He's been twice and he gave me what for for not meeting him the second time he came. He's like, where were you? Like I'm not saved. Where were you?

I'm like, I had something to do and you didn't tell me you were coming. Oh my gosh. He loves Skyler. That is a great class, guys. That is a great class.

He loves that class. And then Skyler and them are off for a while. So just FYI, don't try go to it this Wednesday. Do not go. They'll be back sometime after June 28th, sometime after the beginning of July. What else was I going to say? I don't know. So do your thing, I guess. Okay. All right. Here we go.

Oh my eye. Let her work on our eyeball on Facebook. If you're watching, you can like share and comment, and you can always come over to Rumble for the conversation. Just so you guys know, if you comment after 4 p.m. and it doesn't say live anymore, we're probably not going to be able to communicate back with you because last last podcast on Wednesday, we had somebody commenting a lot, but I couldn't respond because I didn't see it until later because we weren't live anymore. So if you want to continue the conversation, just understand like we're not live. So we won't be there. But if you want to send like, if you have questions and stuff, like please send them in or ask like let me know

that that you want that being taken care of. Because sometimes you're just like in conversation. but if we're not live, we don't see it right away. So anyways, but if you join us live at 3 o'clock every day, we're here on our Wednesdays and Fridays. Okay, that's what I wanted to say there. If you're on YouTube, feel free. You can comment all that kind of stuff too. If you want to stay on YouTube, that's fine. But Rumble is where the chat is going on.

We got Amory hanging out with us today. I'm glad to see you here. And of course, you guys know that the audio podcast is available later. Spotify, Apple, Amazon, anywhere that you can find a podcast. We are there. you just look up the whole pot line and you will find this. We will have a summer schedule. So we will be gone, mostly because I am gone.

We got a lot going on in July and I'm excited to go see my family. And then August 7th, we will return. And we don't know when Natalie's coming back quite yet. So I'm going to hold off on that one, but she will be. So a few questions for her, send them in. We have some ideas what we're going to talk about next time. You guys know we're on Instagram and TikTok. So make sure you're following along.

We got all kinds of fun stuff on there. Hope has hers, me, Vanessa, Talia. We're all on TikTok as well. You can follow along. We got Foundation Church and Foundation Worship on there. And something fun might be coming this Sunday. So keep your eyes peeled. Tonight, Pastor Tom is live on his Instagram and his TikTok.

And he will be speaking on the Bible. Anything that you can think of. He usually has every Friday something that he's attacking. and actually jare was really interested about pastor tom's perspective um on how the catholics view jesus and i'm like you should ask him ask him on his on his bible thing if he gets into it um so yeah he'll answer it regardless of if it's the topic yeah yeah yeah so yeah so come on on a friday if you want to ask pastor tom a question for sure do that and then these are just so you can see um he has two pages so one is his preaching and one is

these questions and they're just random stuff too. It's not this has nothing to do the ones that are posted have nothing to do with his Friday Bible study that you have to actually join live. But he does have these little videos that are shorter and they are on specific topics. So you definitely want to check them out two very different content pages. You definitely want to check them both out. But he will be live on the one that literally says live. So it says Tom Leapley. Nothing extra added to it. So make sure you're following along. And then you can also find them on Instagram, same hands. handle. Very exciting news for the ladies of Foundation Church and anybody else that wants to join us. We are having our beloved ladies conference and it is called Dominion this year. And it will be

August 20th and 21st. And we will get all those details to you very soon. But please save the date for now. This will be a really, really good one. So hope you got anything to say about it. I'm so excited about this one. Me too. I am. It's different than last years, very different than last years. And then, like, we went, Heather and I went shopping and the door prizes are even better. Can't wait.

Than last year's. Yes. Like, the last night, I will say this, the last night, which I tried last year, but they didn't have it. But this year, the, like, grand finale, the, like, grand finale, the Kudei Gras prize is a time and eternity watch that is the faces got diamonds around it. It is so beautiful. That's, yes. It's like the watch I want.

Like, it is gorgeous. It is absolutely beautiful. I heard such good things about it. Oh, my gosh. Well, Tom has two of their watches. and they're a great watch. They really are. But this is so feminine and so beautiful.

Oh my gosh. Have you seen them? I've seen some, but I'm curious with this one. So pull up time and eternity. And you can show everybody. Excuse me. I'm burping. There's this year there's, she got, Heather got a few louis.

she got some coaches she got it Gucci so like and then there's other things besides that but there's plenty of fun stuff like the louis are i'm not a big louis girl but one of them is so awesome like oh my gosh and brunley's got her name all over that of course she does i want that of course she does here i'm going to bring us back okay time and eternity is it do they have their own website or is it through? You could probably go on. Because I'm finding on Instagram, but it keeps asking me to log in. It's like, can't even look at them?

You might, I don't know. I know. Because I've seen them in person. I don't know if I've ever seen or like. No, you can, you can buy them. I've literally. I just don't know where I've seen them. Yeah, getting this Instagram one.

I can pull one up. Yeah, it keeps. making me log in. Okay. You still aren't able to? Mm-mm. I don't think it's not shown a website. AI sees it.

I found it on images. I don't have the... Go to Google Images. And, oh, there it is. Is it shown Instagram? Uh-huh. No, it's, if you go to... It's go to...

Oh, it is Instagram.com. If I don't click on it, I can pull it off. Do you see one that you really like? It's this one. Oopsie. That's the watch right there. Okay, okay, okay. Let me see if I can screenshot it.

Do you want me to send it to you? Let me see if I can, yeah. Are you trying to, how are you trying to screenshot it? I can screenshot if I shut this thing down fast enough. Because I don't know what I'm doing. Take a screenshot. Hold on, download. Let's see.

Let's see. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This one? This one? This one? This one? Yeah. That's it right there. Except for, I think that one is the pink one. Unless that's the opal. We did the opal. We did the white. Okay. So that you could, and you can wear it all the time. Yes. Right. It is so pretty. Oh my gosh. Beautiful. Not a cheap watch. No. No, it's not. But we spare no expense. You guys are worth it.

I mean, it's one weekend. And, like, you guys are worth it. I mean, a lot of women don't, the way I see it is that there's a lot of people who can't afford the nicer things, but they would love to have them right now in life. And, you know, for me, like, God wants to give us those things. Yes. So I always hope that whoever wins it really like either will bless somebody like last year. That's what happened. Somebody got a coach purse or was it the Louis purse?

And they didn't, they were like, I'm going to give it to somebody I know that it would mean a lot to. And they did. And it was very, it was very touching because maybe they didn't really. Yeah. Either they didn't. It's like I saw somebody win a. motorcycle at Pastor Rodney's. And they in turn gave the motorcycle right back to Pastor Rodney.

They were like, I love the motorcycle, but I don't feel like it was supposed to be me. What was funny is it was actually somebody else had believed that it was going to be theirs, and they ended up going to that person, just fluky. And it wasn't Pastor Rodney saying, I don't even know if the next name that was pulled was this person. It was something like that. So the person gave the keys back and said at the very end, they were like, I feel like I'm not supposed to have this.

Wow. And they were a motorcycle rider. So they knew what they had. Yeah. They were like, but I feel like it's supposed to go back. And then I don't know. I can't remember if Pastor Rodney then said, let's pull another name. And that person's name came out because it was something so far off.

If that's not what happened, it was so similar to that. And I was just like, and that person had even said to Pastor Rodney, I'm going to win that. I'm going to win that motorcycle. So when they didn't, Pastor Rodney was like, well, I guess it really wasn't meant for you. And then when that motorcycle came back, he was like, maybe, you know? Wow. So I always feel like we don't do this hardly at all. We don't hardly ever do door prizes or anything like that.

But I always hope that I always want to make them really good. Like who wants to come and win an iron? Like I've gone and seen door prizes and they were pretty They stinky I know And it's You know that people can afford more than that They're just just throwing something out there

And hopes that it sticks But not here So we hope we're going to bless some people And they're going to have a great time while they're here And it is going to be very different It's going to be different than last year So And I'm excited about that

I knew I felt like the Lord was leading me In that direction and I felt like the Lord has been leading me in that direction. But then, you know, sometimes you don't always want it. Personally, you don't always want it to change. And then you're like afterwards, you're like, and when it does, you're like, oh, you know what? I'm kind of excited about this. You know what I'm talking about?

I do. Yeah. Change isn't, I'm not a part. You like change. I do. I don't like change, but I'm not afraid of change. There are some people who don't like. don't like it and won't do it. I will, but I'm not, I'm not really prone to like, do you like

change, Vanessa? Oh, what am I saying? What do you think? God bless it. You thrive on it. Do you have bings again? We're having your bings. Exactly. Where they go. What am I saying? That was a stupid question. I'm probably the least of changing in this whole place. But you like different, though. I do like different. You like different. You like different. I'm not like yeah I'm not married to not changing I just am not really like yeah if it ain't broke why why fix it that don't mean that that's the way it's supposed to be yeah yeah so I don't know I do like different mm-hmm you do all right okay let's go to validation I like it let's do it um so what we're talking about on Wednesday is people who always need validation

They're always looking for it. They always need it because they don't know who they are. So people validating them makes them feel confident. It reinforces them in ways that are superficial and very short. But if you have your identity and know who you are in Christ, that's the long haul of things. That will last you forever. And the more you know who you are in Christ, the less you need to be validated by man. I really I mean I truly believe that that's the case now should people say really great things about other people yeah I think so I was just saying to my friend at lunch that we were both talking about how people don't compliment each other anymore people aren't don't show kindness to people anymore people don't cheer for each other and cheer on each other anymore and I'll get deeper into that because she gave me a great graphic for her

to put up but it's very very true that that's the case but should we need it probably not but we have grown but society is like with social media and everything and promoting a lot of self-promotion I think that lends itself to people needing to be validated all the time how many friends do you do you have how many likes do you have on your you know when you post things like people automatically go to that. I mean, because that validates them. It validates what they put up. I mean, I've seen people be devastated when, well, that's, that's dramatic. Okay. But I've seen people be pretty bummed when they don't get the responses that they want on something they've posted.

I'm like, who cares? Yeah. But people do care. And I see it more. not in my generation because we really didn't have social media. We didn't have phones. We didn't grow up with, even when we took pictures, we had to wait forever for them to get developed. Yeah. And so. What? Yeah.

Yeah. You like dropped it. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. Yeah. Drop the film off to the, to the Photoshop store. They in turn put it in the black room.

And I mean, like the whole thing wasn't instant. There was no instant gratification. But from your generation, millennial, and I would say you guys are older millennials. So a lot of times I, what is that? Elder millennial. We prefer elder. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

That sounds worse than older. I'm super wise. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Whatever validates you. Matt does. It makes you feel good. I, like, your age group is very close to my age group, right?

So you guys didn't have everything that the younger millennials even had. True, true. You know? So even, like, your thought process on things isn't as your younger counterparts. Then you got Gen Ziers and, like, that's all they know. I just think, like, the whole, I mean, Tom talks about it all the time, but phones and computers are great things, but they are also some of the worst things

that have ever happened to us as human beings. Like simplistic lifestyles is out the window. We think that this has made life more simple. It hasn't made life more simple. It's actually made it more crazy, zany, and on a hamster wheel because you're, never off. Right.

And you're consuming information at a pace that we were never been to consume. Exactly. It's just constant. So much anxiety and depression now. And I think it's based on, because there's no downtime mentally, there's no downtime to just let your, for you to decompress. You're literally going from one overload to another overload. And then you're pondering how that affects.

sex shoe. Right. And even what you're consuming, like you'll go from like a really exciting post, like somebody just announced they're getting married and then the next one is like somebody died on a motorcycle. And the next one is like happy again. And I don't, I don't think we're ever supposed to like receive information at that level that fast and then have no emotion attached to it. Like, oh, that's nice. Oh, that's sad. Oh, that's nice. Like, I don't think that's good. No, it's, I don't believe so at all. I think it's extremely detrimental. And I think it's one of the reasons why we have younger generations. I mean, people think like Gen Xers are like, and we are more hardcore, more like less feelings, more matter of fact kind of generation just

because in some ways of the way we were raised. But I think like the Gen Zers are us on steroids, but in a negative way. Because at least we still had parents that came home and played games with us. The biggest entertainment you had was the TV. And you're going to watch happy days. You know, like you're going to bed at 9.30. There's nothing else to do. You know, like you were getting up for school at 6 in the morning.

And you're getting in your car at 6.30. and you're starting school at seven. Like, that's not how, that is not how the younger generation is living. And then on top of that, it's just like you said. It's like one demented or tormenting thing that you can view from war. When I was born, the Vietnam War was going on.

And I remember, like, you'd be crazy, but I remember, Nixon was the president. And I remember all of that, even Nixon getting on the plane or the helicopter going, you know, and like my, because my parents were pretty political, but like I knew what was going on. I knew there was a war. I knew like, but we didn't see it live and in person like we are right now. Everything. That started happening. But even not to the degree that we see it today, which was like desert storm. Yeah. Wow. And so I just think that all of these things create an environment or an atmosphere where people are very temperamental or very fragile and knowing who they are. And I think the older you are, you've experienced life, so it's easier. But the younger you are, the more dramatic it is.

I mean, that makes sense. It's true. Yeah. Yes. I couldn't imagine. And I wouldn't want to grow up in today's world just because of how fast everything moves. Yeah. Like I look back in my teenage years and my childhood.

And I really look back with like fondness probably. Yeah. Because of how we were like we, I grew up in New York City. So we would go outside and sit on the stoop. And, you know, our playground was outside. And in the summertime, we, our, our pool was the fire hydrant. Yeah. And we have all these, like, poor memories that I don't see our children having today

because everyone's connected. I mean, ours wasn't the fire, fire hydrant. Our was a hose. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, we didn't have pools. We didn't have, like, like a lot of northerners don't. But, like, I went out and I lived in the suburbs.

and we did sit on the front steps, but not where there was lines of houses. I mean, not where they were connected. Like, you guys all have like brownstones and things like that or like townhomes, which is what we call and they're all connected and stuff. But I went, my girlfriends live down the street. They would come, they would skate on the roller skates,

up to the house. We would skate for a while, then take our skates off, play football. I mean, that's not what happens today anymore. No, it's not. You're afraid to let your kid go out there because they might get snatched. Part of it. I mean, lots of people live in fear over what could happen to their child if they're not in their view.

Yeah. True. Definitely. So it's not as if, if it was possible, they would still be doing it. Yeah. I mean, there's just so many things that change. There are apps that I do love, though, now. Like, Life 360.

So I can stalk my children. helicopter mom I find that my children helicopter mom me more than I helicopter mom them yes I don't think Tommy but Norma definitely and Talia is not far behind her no definitely not they always know where she knows exactly where you are

yeah that's crazy you'll never get stolen that's for sure or if I do they'll give me back and then you'll know exactly where I'm at nobody's keeping me I can promise that promise you like it's like when I when Tom asked for my hand in marriage For my dad. From my dad, he went to my dad and asked for my hand or his hand, whatever.

And my dad literally said to him, are you sure you want her? I'm like, I've waited three years for this guy to ask me to marry him. That's what you're going to say. Shut up. Shut up. Yeah. Are you sure of your honor? Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. I'm going to kill you. Huh? That's what your dad said to Eli? Are you sure she wants to marry you? No, my dad was saying, yeah, yeah, I'm telling you. I was like, I'm going to kill him. Thank God I didn't know that until after he said yes.

Because Tom's like, your dad asked me if I was sure I wanted you. And I'm like, I'm going to kill him. But I just think, you know, there are so many reasons why people, I literally have thought about this so much. There are so many reasons why people need to be validated. and there's so many reasons why people don't validate. And, and, and, and, and I think some of them are healthy reasons why we don't validate. Mm-hmm.

And then I think there are unhealthy reasons why we don't. I think of Pastor Tom all the time when he's like, if he knows that you need a thank you, he's not going to do it. Right. Because it's not good for you. It's not, it won't, right. He's not going to enable, enable, Yeah, enable bad behavior. And it's so funny to me because there are so many people, not so many, there are people out there that think so much of themselves that they think that they should be getting complimented.

But I'm like, a part of me thinks to myself, when I run into these people, I'm like, you do enough bragging about yourself. that nobody needs to do any bragging to you. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that's where it's a bad scene because it's like, you, and they would say, well, nobody else does it. That's the reason why. Or like, my family doesn't do it. I work so hard.

I'm like, yeah, but how about you just do it and expect nothing and then see if other people do it? And more than just a week. Right. How about you do it for like a year? And then after a year, nobody's complimenting you. Because I have literally seen people or I'm like, you cannot thank them enough. Right. It's true.

I'm like, my goodness. Then you just stop because it's not good for them anymore. And they think everything they do should be complimented. And then they're offended and leave when you don't. And it's like, why are you doing it? Are you doing it for you to get complimented? Are you doing it because that was the right thing to do? Right.

Or as unto the Lord. Because a lot of times people do stuff, even in the church, let alone like their family. Like husbands will go to work every day and the wife will say, but you don't tell me you love me. And his response is, I go to work every day. I provide for you. That should tell you I love you. Now, that's a personality trait. Right? That's not somebody who is going to be out there validating. Maybe you need to really look at that response that he's giving you and saying, there's truth to that. Maybe he isn't a person that's going to constantly shower I love you's on me. And maybe how hard he works and how good he provides for the family should maybe be just enough. And then every now and then I love you will suffice.

That's that complementarian relationship, marriage and stuff. It's very. very, very dangerous. Like, how much can somebody tell you they love you? How much can eventually, if you tell somebody I love you all the time, it loses its flavor, it's savor. It's like, it just becomes words that have emptiness behind them, you know, because they say it so much. I don't like, this is crazy. And people are going to be like, what the crap. And it is true. but this is true story. But Tom did not tell me he loved me and I did not tell Tom that I loved him

until we were two years and... What? Crazy. Six months into our relationship. Oh, my gosh. Yep. That's crazy. It is crazy. Because I love you wasn't something that he threw around

and I love you wasn't something I threw around. And until... I mean, we obviously felt it, but like... Lots of people just say it. And do you really know what it means? I mean, do you understand? But a lot of, I mean, so many couples, so many couples say, I love you, and they've only

been together maybe two months. You don't love that person. You just can't love that person, not to the degree, unless God's told you they're the one. And you might know it by then. But on the whole, it's like you say all the time, Vanessa, you're dating their representative. You don't know them. So how can you really love them? Unless I, the caveat to the whole thing is, is unless you know that that's your person and God has told you, then that takes all of it away because you probably do love them.

He has shown you things about that person to make you know, like they're your forever. And that makes you love them in spite of maybe some things that you're like, God, you're going to have to help me. Because even when it's your forever person, like, nothing's perfect and that person's not perfect. So they're just yours. He's making sure that you stick to them. And put a lot of times, a lot of relationships, I see it, and I see it quite frequently. First of all, they jump in too soon with too much love and affection, and then they jump into a lot of words that they need to hold back on. Should we wait a two years and six months?

No way. I was about to say I was married and I had a kid already. True. Well, he broke up with me twice, but they didn't last three times, but they didn't last for very long. But still, like that will make you not go, I'm not telling this guy. I love him. No, you know what? That's fair. Yeah.

I was like, I'm not telling him until I know that I know, even though I knew he was my person. A year in. Jared told me after 24 hours. I believe it. That is not. Not surprising. But it was pretty early. Yeah.

That would not surprise me. I know. I said it first. That does not surprise me. And you know what his response was? Oh, that I feel the same way. What was his response? I feel the same way.

He didn't even say I love you too. I love you. I was like, what? Did you take it back? He'll like, no, right. Oh my gosh. Do you know who won? Tau?

Yes. Oh my gosh. Go show it. That's what I've been working on. Oh, my. Courtney goes, it was very hot and I was running around with about 20 teenagers looking everywhere for it. Oh, where? There are other people from the church looking for it too?

Oh. So many people? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wait till Christmas. I know. Where was it?

Well in Park. Well in Park. Can you show her? Oh, you probably can't, can you? Yeah, yeah. Let me just add it. Oh my gosh. That's funny.

Yes. I know. I was like over here. Like somebody said he found it. My WhatsApp's going crazy. And then I'm waiting for Courtney to post it. It's like I posted in the Facebook page. Oh my gosh.

Why don't get she's 3 o'clock on a Friday? She was just here. Yes. She left here to go to lunch or get lunch or something. So she must have like found. Did she leave on purpose to try and go find the thing? Oh my gosh. She left on purpose.

purpose to find that sucker. Of course she did. She's a winner. Of course. She's the most competitive person. Oh my gosh. That's pretty daggum wild. That was crazy. And there were lots of people trying to find it. She said. She said there was like 20 teenagers run around. And then on Facebook, people were saying that they were headed there. They were there. They were in the parking lot. Oh my gosh. Okay. So this was where it was. So if you look at the bench. It was right there. It was right there. Down at the foot. Right in that little corner.

Yeah. We made this one super duper hard. Yeah. Because the other ones have been, but still, it's only 340. They still found it within the hour. That's crazy. I know. So, but the next one.

The next go round is at Christmas. And they, you know what? It might not be as easy as it is. It might not be as easy. Might make this a little bit more challenging. Some people have a really, although I would say Courtney would be like, that was hard. She said it was very hot. It'll be cooler next time.

Yeah, it will be. And then the next drop at 5 p.m. That one is also a little bit more challenging than they have been. That's awesome. That one's in Fort Charlotte. That's awesome. I can't remember where that one is. I remember, but I don't remember.

Think about it. We had a couple different options. And then I was like, what about this? And you were like, yes. I was like, yes. I've actually had fun doing this. Yeah. And I don't win.

It's been fun following it. Like seeing all the winners. Yeah. Yep. We're going to keep it up. But next time, go around, we're going to take somebody's advice, which was, can we make it so that the adult one is later and the younger one is earlier? We're going to do that.

That's great advice. Yes. Or Saturday, they said, because everybody's off work. So that could also be an option. That is an option or a nighttime. Or nighttime, yeah. That's a group. Thank you.

This is our first go-round. We always learn. But it was, that was fun. That was fun. It was fun. It was fun. And it's so good to see people. And it's brought people together and.

It's so sweet. I love it. So cute. So much fun. So fun. I love that. But I love to hunt for stuff. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good, like, competitive challenge, especially when you know other people and you have to like problem solves. I love watching people humpherson.

Can you imagine what people that were there? We're like, what the crap is going? Literally. Oh, my God. She would have filmed that part. That's fun. That's true. Maybe that's what we'll ask next time, like film your progress. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. Yeah, her mom, her mom, that was Talia's mother who won. in case people don't know. Like, okay, so what was I going to say? Jair said, I love you. Oh, yeah. That's where we like to shocker.

And then you said, I love you and Jeff said, thanks. Thanks. Yeah. I feel the same way. Wow. I take it back. I know. Do either one of you in your marriages, you told me that Jair is words of

affirmation. I don't need a lot of validation. Uh-uh. And Tom doesn't need it either. Like, he doesn't really thrive on that. Do you, do you? I did at one point. I don't now. I would say my love language now is quality time. Yeah. Yeah. I get that one. I get that one well. And I don't need you to like talk to me. I just want your body, your body in the same room, is me. It's, I feel the same way with my kids, too. Like, we don't have to, like, constantly be like. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. But, like, to be prox, like, in close proxics. Let's be together. Proximity. Thank you. Yeah, me too. I agree. I like that.

And it doesn't have to be every day. Yeah. Can it be? Some days. Oh, no, Tom, it has to be every day. Yeah. I want to see him. That's one of the reasons why we do the, I do the podcast.

He, like, that's like, and he wants me there. But I think that. part of it. And listen, there ain't a whole lot of talking going to the podcast a lot of times because he's totally focused on what he. I don't care. We're together. Yeah. It doesn't matter to me. Like, I'm just, I think that if you are a person that needs to have people shower you, you need to evaluate why that is. And that's not to say you're wrong because you need that validation. it could be that you're taking for granted. Yeah.

Because that does happen. True. That does happen. But find the why behind it for sure. Always. Yeah. Because I've seen both sides really be like too much. Mm-hmm.

For me, the root for my thing was rejection. Like I struggled with rejection big time. And so I constantly needed valid. from Jeff and the people that I loved the most because I was like they're going to leave. Yeah. And I always had to like figure out like how I stood with them. That was really important to me too. Interesting.

And then the Lord literally delivered me from that. And I, I just, that's just not my thing anymore. And when that happened, like it shifted the way that I received love. That's interesting. Now, do you see, like, I am a person that, like, I do everything for Tom. Mm-hmm. Like, from fixing his food to getting his drinks. I mean, he'll get all, I mean, he'll do all of it himself.

He don't care. He's not, like, it's not mandated. Believe me. And if it was, we probably would have a problem because that's not, like, that's not a healthy mindset either. Like, it's. it's a thing of me that me wanting to make sure he knows how much I honor, love, and appreciate him. And then his philosophy is if you do it, like you make me feel that's how you, when you do that, that makes me feel very important to you. But if you didn't do it for me, I still know I'm important and I can go and get all this stuff for myself.

But, and I hear thank you a lot when I do bring it to him. I don't care if I hear a thank you. I, like, serving, I serve not for what I get it in return. I serve because I want to love and honor the person. It's a matter of the heart. But there are people who will do all of those things because of their insecurity so that they do hear those things because they feel like the more I do for somebody, the more value I have to that person, and the more they'll love me.

Right. Which is dangerous, a dangerous mindset as well. And you're not probably going to get the validation you want through that. It's all about the motive of the heart. Everything is like even, I'll say this. Like when you're posting things on social media, what's the motive behind why you are posting whatever you are? Like for, I'll use the church as an example.

We post things for the church. A lot of times we post things for the church. And it's to get people to come in. It's to draw them in. It's to hopefully get them saved. Or if they're not, they don't have a home church, but they are saved. It's to get them to come so that they find home. a place where they can grow and be disciples.

But I've even had to check myself sometimes. I'm like, what is the motive behind me posting this particular, or why do I want this particular thing posted? And if, you know, sometimes you'll check and see like, who's seen this and who's seen that? What's the motive as the reason why you want certain people to see things? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And I don't think a lot of people, and I'm not patting myself on the back because shame on me, because I've been like, I hope people see this. Yeah. Okay. Which was bad. Bad attitude, bad motive.

And God will, like, if you let him, he'll, like, smack you down with that. That motive is completely wrong. I don't post a lot about my family or anything like that. So I don't post about me or Tom. It's, I just, I have many reasons why I don't do it. but in that and one aspect, you can use the church as my thing that relates to. But, I mean, there's other people that could do the same thing. I know a lot of people in ministry, they should do the same thing.

Why am I posting this? What's the reason behind drawing attention to myself or drawing attention to my church? What's the motive behind why I'm doing what I'm doing? As well as, personally speaking, we in this room that I have to eliminate myself, because I really don't post very much about my family. But all of us in this room probably could say, we've had God check us as well and say, what was the reason you posted that?

And why did you care if that person saw it? Yeah, for sure. That's not healthy. But that's the, that's the, that's the era in which we live in. It's really becoming very, because my girlfriend today was talking to me, She's like, why do you think all of that is? And I'm like, because we've become so self-consumed.

We are so self-consumed. We are so selfie-motivated. Everything is about documenting and showing off or proving something or sharing something or wanting people to celebrate us. I mean, it really is gotten to be that extreme and that bad. It's more, it's less innocent. than it is perverse, I think. And I don't mean sexually perverse.

I mean perverted in that your thought process on why you do what you do is not the right way. It's twisted. I mean, do you agree or disagree? No, I totally agree. And you can tell. Like, I can tell when people are just posting to post. I don't know if it's just a sermon.

And I can tell people are posting and there's like something yucky attached to it. like an ulterior like a hidden message. Yeah, there's something's off. Like something's off. I don't know.

For me, like I'm a photographer. And so I have always loved sharing photos. And so for me, like it's never that deep. Yeah. Very rarely I've definitely been. But you're not that deep anyway.

And I don't mean that in a negative way. No, it's okay. I just mean that on the whole. Yeah. You're pretty like. I know. Because I don't,

because I don't look for external validation. really ever. Because like you said, if you take the positive, then you have to take the negative. And I don't, I don't care what people, like, I'll never ask. Like, do you like this shirt on me? Because I don't care. Because I like it. And so I'm wearing it. Like, that's where I'm like not that deep. Yeah. And people ask all the time, like, well, what are you wearing? And like, sometimes it's nice to like, you know, have a theme and stuff like that. But for the most part, like, if I don't like what it looks like on me, I'm not wearing it. And if I like it and somebody looks at me like, I'm like, I like it. Yeah, I don't care. So it's the same with, like, posting. Like, I just post what I like.

And, like, I like my feed looking like a certain thing on Instagram. Like, I actually love going through, like, my photos and, like, looking at all my photos. Like, I love that they're seasonal. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I have the most chaotic feed. You do. You do.

I believe that. You do. It's so chaotic. It is. And I love that. You're chaotic. I love it. Okay.

That's not shocking. I know who views my, my post. I have a lot of teenagers. Yeah. I have a lot of, like, younger women. And so what I try, I try to be like an encourager.

I try to like post things that are like encouraging. Teach. I like to teach. You know, like there are there are definitely motives of why I post. Um, but not in a perverse way like you said, but in like a very intentional way.

Yeah. You're mindful about who's looking at it. Yeah. Yeah. Which I really, for the church, I, I like that we're

very intentional. Yeah. Like, even though there have been times that I was like, on the whole, we don't, and nobody even knew, like, nobody would know that I was like, I hope that person sees that or I hope this goes viral for whatever reason. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But that's just the God's honest truth.

Yeah. Because, I mean, like, there are just times. It's not that you want to stick it, but you want to make it be, it's not that you're wanting to stick it to people, but sometimes it's borderline you want to stick it to people. No, I get that. Because they have such a disdain for you and you are having a tough time, like letting God vengeance being his. And then you have to literally evaluate yourself. What is the motive behind what you do? And like if you are constantly, and I will do things where I don't even know what people are looking at.

or I purposely try and live my life where I don't know what anybody else is doing. And I don't look at what we're doing except for work-based stuff, nothing personal. Because it keeps me from, if you're a competitive person, it keeps you pure. Yeah. No, that's smart. And I don't want to lose my anointing. Yeah. And I literally want to hear the voice of Lord speaking through me.

But I can tell you. I can tell you, it's really, really easy to get to a place. The more you post, the more you care. And it's true. The more you post, the more you care, and the more you feed off of what other people have to say. It's very dangerous. And we're seeing it like crazy.

And the younger generation especially. But you've got to be really, really careful. Even if it's with your business, because a lot of people are driven by reviews and what people have to say for their business, and that's how it gives, that feeds them. The Lord should be the only thing feeding your countenance, your ego, your performance, the whole thing. Yep, definitely. For sure.

Do you think less of me now, girls? Absolutely not. I didn't hear it. Thank you. Do we think last of her? No, I mean, like, truthfully, I don't know anybody, I don't know of anybody who's not like that. Right. No, there's, no, there's always times, but like, yeah, I think at some point, I've been on social

media my whole life and I've basically, it feels like at least, and I've been in social media. It feels like my whole adult life. Like, even when I was at Chico's, like, that's what we did. We did social media. And at some point, it's just like getting a new phone. Like, you're so excited to get the new phone and then it's a new phone after a week. Like same thing with social media.

At some point, once it's like work, it's just, it's just work. Yeah, but even then there are times like, and I'm just saying like true, true transparency, guys, because I'm all about being honest. I know. When we got this building. Yeah. When we got this building and we were putting together that video and stuff like that, I had to make sure that my heart was checked and that like when it went out, I wasn't like,

feeling like, see all of you guys who said all these things. And you are, those are, that's what I'm talking about. That's fair. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. You had, I literally was like, I am, I don't care. You know, I wouldn't have this. Right. God wouldn't have put this and orchestrated this together. It's actually, I got nothing to do with it.

So there's nothing to see here. There's none of that. Yeah. But after COVID and everything that went down and everybody had all these things to say. True. And we had been accused of what is that? The death threats. Oh my gosh.

That's true. That's so true. And like we had had people say every time the church gets money, they spend it. And we were buying candy and it wasn't, you know, their complaint was because we buy candy for VBS. and actually we didn't buy the candy. It was bought from somebody else. All those kinds of people, you're like, we're not spending any money.

And what are you talking about? All those things, you just want to, that's when you want to go, we bought a building. We weren't spending the money. But you have to put all of that in check. And you have to be like, it doesn't matter.

Vengeance isn't mine. Watch yourself. Check yourself. That's what I'm talking about. It's not necessarily like, Like if I post something of Norma singing, I'm not sitting there going, I hope somebody sees that. I don't care about any of that. I'm talking about the down and dirty, mean, nasty comments that you just sometimes have to suppress and you have to be like, it doesn't matter.

Right. All that doesn't matter. And the farther you get away from it, the easier it is. But when it, that was 2022, guys, when we got this building. That was 2020 when all of the stuff happened. COVID. So like that was so raw. And people were so mean. It was like and we lost friends. I know. We did. Like we lost lots of friends. And so it was like you really had to be more or less like who was wrong and who was right. You had you had to fight that feeling, which is that

competitive nature that I'm referring to. It's like that's what I'm like I guess giving an example. But even still, like people will have, their opinions will change on you because I'm transparent like that. But I would say, be honest, do you not do the same thing? I don't post anything personal. But why are you posting everything? Right. Like a lot of people are posting about their marriages. They suck.

They're terrible. But you're wanting to sell it as if it, because you have something to prove to somebody or something, either yourself, to a family member. Like, why are you doing it? Yeah. You need to fix it. What is the motive behind why we're doing what we're doing? And a lot of times is because we feel like we need to be validated for some reason. And really, like I said, the only person you need to seek validation from is God himself.

But the other thing I will say is put that little thing up because I want to touch on this really quick. Is be a person that can celebrate other people. Okay. it's okay to validate people when they are either doing something better than you, they're ahead of you, you're doing something at the same time that they're doing it, and you have that like, like, have you ever done a sales job where like you're both,

like every job I've ever had, there's a sales board. And then every month the sales board changes. And everybody starts out at the same level. And you'll inevitably make friends with the other sales team members. Well, you always want to be at the head. You always want to be the top dog. What's great is when you're not the top dog all the time or maybe ever,

but you're still celebrating the top dog. Right. Okay. That's the way it really should be because that person could teach you something to get you to the next level. You just got to get out of your own way. This was great. My girlfriend gave this to me today. She says, clap for others.

Their win does not cost you yours. And that is truth. Even if somebody, if you don't have a successful marriage and you want one, maybe the person that you can applaud that does have the successful marriage can help you see how to have one. You don't need to be jealous of them. You don't need to be envious of them. You don't even need to look like theirs, but there are things you can take for it. Like, there is no ministry out there that I would. want to replicate, be like, or do like they do. Not one. You know why? Because God makes no

snowflake the same. He doesn't make a fingerprint the same. I don't want to do what other people are doing because that's not what God's called me to do. But I have friends that are doing lots of stuff ministerally wise and they're being truly successful and they're doing great things or winning souls that are slypling believers and they're feeding thousands and thousands of people. Okay, even though I don't want what they have and I wouldn't do it probably the way that they're doing it anyway I should still applaud them because they're doing more than me right right I mean and they're great people on top of that they're great people and like when you can't do that and you can't see that that doesn't mean that you don't see things and say truth about them but you don't have to destroy them either

like you may have a friend who has a successful marriage and it may not be as like what you want and they may have still have problems and you can say okay I I wouldn't want this but this is pretty dang good you're not bashing them because you're saying I don't want this but you are seeing the great things and you still have to speak truth again there's balance to everything and when you sell yourself out wholeheartedly to something then you're you've lost reality yeah and that's not good either I'm just saying that a lot of times people People are so competitive are, like if somebody, if your friend is pregnant and you're having a tough time getting pregnant, you know what the best thing you can do is celebrate your friend's pregnancy. Yeah.

Because then if you're truly believing that God's going to give you a baby, then you should be able to celebrate that person. Because you know your day is coming. Right. Right. I mean, it's 100%. It's all in here. Yeah. All perspective.

All perspective. It is. So even if somebody's where you want to be. Mm-hmm. you can still celebrate it. Well, especially, then you, because if you know somebody can do that, that means you can do it. Like, that's just, for me, if somebody does something that I want to do, I'm like, if they can do it, I can do it. It can be done.

Yeah. Even a person I don't know. Like, I see some people, like, having some major wins. I'm like, if they can do it, I can do it. That's how I always think. I'm like, I literally, I mean, I, it sounds crazy. But even like with this building, I think like George Mueller and some of you guys like, who the heck is that? you need to find out who he is.

But I was like, if George Mueller back in the day could believe and get and do, like, he's no different than me. Right. Like that can happen for me in whatever I'm believing for. Like, God is no respecter of persons. He did something that I haven't done yet. What is that? I'm going to figure it out. So what do I do? I study that person out. And I start doing the things that that person did. And then I start seeing the results that it takes to get. Yep. To get what you want, you know? Exactly.

Want to add anything, ladies? Because I did a lot of talking. That was good. That's good. What was the questions from the people or the persons, do we need to answer any of them for them? They were kind of just talking about, like, love languages. But it sounded like they were, like, kind of going back and forth with us. So I don't know exactly what they were saying in regards to.

Like, I'm not, because they were asking, and then I don't know if. they heard us answer it because it was talking about like love languages and access service and that kind of stuff so not really okay yeah so you didn't it didn't make sense to you not enough to like be able to help them yeah okay but if they want to send an email or like actually post like a question like a follow-up question once they watch this like maybe once you watch it all the way through especially if you're watching like the replay um because we might have already answered it throughout the podcast okay yeah yeah all right that would be helpful I just don't, like when you said there was somebody with questions, I'm like, well, let's see if we can't, like, help them.

Yeah. Yeah. We can try next week. Or not. Or not. They might not reply. Or come to church on Sunday and ask us. Oh, yeah.

Find us. A live stream it, baby. I will leave you with this scripture. It's Proverbs 1430, which says a sound heart is life to the body. But envy is rottenness to the bones. Yep. And I would say to you, like, envy is actually one of the things that say you will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, and envy is one of them. Don't let people change you into something that God never intended you to be because you're counting on human nature to provide for you what only God can do.

Yeah. You'll be miserable. You'll be miserable until you act in the light in which God created you to be. True. You'll just. Very true. No one can fulfill those shoes. No one can make you happy.

Right. And no one can give you enough validation ever. Right. And you can't do it for anybody else either. You cannot be somebody's God. It feels good for a while because, you know, everybody, that person's like, you complete me. Right.

Right. Yeah. But then you're going to find out that there's a little God-shaped void in that person that you cannot fill. Even if you're excellent, you're never good enough. There you go. You'll never be good enough. Well, yeah. But just sets everybody free.

It sets the person that you love that much free and it sets them free. And then God can do what God can do. Yeah, exactly. And man, wouldn't you let God do what God can do? It's so good. It is so good because when you do act outside of what he's created you to be and he like quickens you really quick. You're like, oh, yes. Thank you.

Yeah. That's yucky. Yep. That's gross. I was just going to say like over the years, that's usually what, like if I feel like a yuckiness or like a tinge of envy or whatever it is, I'm like, okay, why do I feel that way? Like I stopped myself. Like, what is this? Like, what's the root of this?

I really get down to like the root of it and then it's like gone. But some people make a nice comfy home for it. Yeah. And then it grows. Yeah. And that's when the problem starts. But like if you can just catch it when it first comes and just take it captive, you won't have, you won't struggle in that area.

You'll, there's so much peace in detachment to all of that. Yeah. I mean. man there's so much peace and just not even being able to see things in the light in which they are is is a beautiful thing without having an affection for it I don't know how to explain it but that's good you just when it doesn't move you one way or the other then you just function in life and see things like in such a way that will not not like destroy your countenance no matter which way it goes.

Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Because really all that matters is God's, God's words that are spoken over you. Like, oh my gosh. When the heavens opened and Jesus was baptized and the dove came down and like, this is my beloved son and I am well pleased with. And he hadn't done anything yet. Not a thing, guys. He's just about. to show up and show off.

Right. Right. And that's what God wants to do with us. Yes. And I just, I want that for everybody. Right. You can walk around and just be content with being who you are and knowing that God is changing you daily to become a better.

Right. And when you see the Lord. As Tracy would say, better you. Yeah. And when you see the Lord through the lens of he is a God that delights in you. Yeah. And it just changes. Make yourself delightable.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Changes everything. It really does. everything. You're happy. Yes.

And don't take the bait. The bait of Satan. Like when he, you know. Which is a great teaching by the way. John Bevere has the bait of Satan. The bait of Satan is like a great teaching. The thought will be there. The weapon will be formed.

But it will shall not prosper. Like just take a captive. He's given us all authority to do so. And you'll be so happy. You won't. need, it's not that you, it's not that, well, it is, you won't need anybody or anything that they can provide. They'll just be an added bonus. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. All right, 50 minutes and the next puck drops. Yeah. For our youth kids. Youth be on the lookout. Yeah. So you can win the last

200 bucks that's out there. And then we're bringing it back. November? I know. Let's do it November. or ride around Christmas. Yeah. Or we'll do it like five or six weeks that time. Okay. So like give some Christmas money out. I buy some presents. It's just like, it'd be just like Vanessa dumping in the dumpster.

Yes. To get. Oh, wait. Free Coles cash. Coles cash. There's some ideas coming right now. Oh, yeah. Can we make these magnetic next time?

Oh, yeah. We'll stick them on things. Oh, my gosh. That's actually a really good idea. Yes, yes. Always thinking, guys. So, keep me around. Because we could stick it anywhere.

You could. Like a dumpster. Like a dumpster. Dumpster diving, baby. All right. We'll see you on Sunday. Yes, you will. Live in person or live stream.

Be here or be square. Peace out. Real talk.